October 29, 2024 • 57 mins
It’s opening night! The wonderful Joe Iconis ("Be More Chill," "The Untitled Unauthorized Hunter S. Thompson Musical") joins our very first episode to discuss haunted scripts, Joe’s death in “Waitress,” and Hunter S. Thompson blowin’ things up. Then, lounge singer Analise Ivories stops by to discuss music, martinis, and being trapped on top of a piano. Finally, porn playwright Neil Semen lifts the curtain behind such master(batory)pieces as "The Odd Cumple," "Laughter on the 69th Floor," and more.
00:00:00 What is this podcast?
00:01:19 Broadway news this week
00:23:01 Analise Ivories, lounge singer
00:32:30 Neil Semen, porn playwright
00:44:05 Everybody’s favorite game: ”Be More Chill or Be Less Chill”
Joe Iconis: @mrjoeiconis
HaleyJane Rose: @haleyisfamous
Edward Precht: @pertoltprecht
Zach Raffio: @zachraffio
Follow the Broadway Beat on:
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The Broadway Beat Podcast is created, produced, and hosted by Zach Raffio. It is produced and engineered by HaleyJane Rose, with additional contributions by associate producer Edward Precht. The theme song is composed by JaKe Rose and sung by Patti Lupone.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Welcome to the Broadway Beat Podcast,
the very first episode of the BroadwayBeat Podcast.
My name is Zach Raffio.
I will be your host and your guide throughthis theatrical journey of the years.
On this podcast,you're going to hear, as we like to say,
Real Broadway interviewsby Real Broadway idiots.
(00:22):
We'll be talking tosome of your favorite theater
artists, the innovators who have given yousome lovely nights in the theater.
Some of them are real people,and some of them are also real people.
Nobody is doing a characteror a bit on this show.
If someone tries to tell youthat they are smack them.
So thank you for listening to this.
Instead of watching or listening tomany other things such as the Deaf West
(00:45):
Spring Awakening performance of Touch Me,they did on Seth Meyers a few years ago.
You remember that? It was really good.
So get ready because the curtain is rising
and so is my blood pressure- ay-ay-ay.
And here's the podcast.
*Music* Talking to people,
Talking to guests, when it comes to
(01:06):
podcast ours is the best.
The Broadway Beat Podcast.
It's a laugh! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Before we get to our first guest,we should go over
some of this week's news.
There's been a lot of Broadwayheadlines this week,
and we're going to give yousome snapshots.
Mom calling Janet's daughter does
(01:29):
community theatersix states away from you.
Do you know her?
I'd love to grab a coffeeand pick your brain for a couple
six hours and subsequently Facebookmessage you every day for the first year
I'm in the city, if that's okay.
In political news, womanwith tickets to ragtime post-election.
Unsure if she's going to cryfor the good reason or the bad reason.
(01:49):
If everything goes right,I could be listening to Back to Before.
On the night, Kamala Harris becomesthe first woman to win the presidency.
Plus, one of her campaignslogans is not going back.
I'm ready to ugly cry into my scarf.
And finally,a hard hitting investigative piece.
Adam Driver is in play.
But doesn't he usually in movie?
(02:11):
We investigate.
A lot of goodpeople died to get that scoop.
Our first guestthis week is a composer, lyricist,
writer, performer, Pulitzer Prize winner,and whatever I want.
Please welcome to the show, Mr.Joe Iconis.
Hi, Joe. Hey. Hello. Hello, hello.
Thank you so much for doing this.
It's a Saturday morning.
I guarantee you have better places to be,
(02:34):
but you've taken your timeto to chat with me, a dumb boy. Yes.
I canceled all of my Saturday morningsocial engagements
just to be here with you.
I told LinnI can't get coffee this morning.
I told Pasek and PaulI can't spoon with them this morning.
Oh, man.
Instead, I'm just here talking to you.
(02:56):
Well,hopefully the three of them can link up.
Oh, man. We should play them in threeon three basketball.
Do you have a friend who could join?
No, I have no friends, but.
All right.
Crowdsource.
Joe, you are quite a prolific writerand composer.
What are the chances
you'll start and finish a new musicalby the time this episode's over?
Chances are pretty good.
(03:17):
And my brain is always, always writing,
an underappreciated musical simultaneouslywith every other thing I'm doing.
So. Exactly.
Yeah. We'll see what. We'll seewhat happens by the end of the show.
Yeah.
I mean, we got like roughly55, 65 minutes.
That's a one act. Please!
Yeah. Come on.
We can expand it past that.
(03:37):
What for you is the hardest partof starting a new project?
The hardest part is, I mean, is isis that - starting.
I feel like when I first beganas a writer, I was really, like,
turned on by the possibilitiesof a new piece of work.
Like, I was kind of like,enthused by the blank page.
(03:58):
And now I find, like, the blank page.
Overwhelming and terrifying.
Frustrating.
Yeah.
It's so hard to like to begin.
I love editing, right?
I love, like, once I have somethingon a page working with it.
Like, for me, it's with, like,you know, getting myself to, it can
(04:19):
begin the thing, whether it's a songor an entire musical or whatever.
It just sort of gets harderand harder to start.
But then once I'm in itand once I actually have something
that I can, you know, shape and developand, and collaborate with other people
on, then it's like that,then it becomes exciting to me, right?
(04:40):
So in that vein of like difficultystarting a project,
what are some of the strangest thingsthat have inspired the start of a project?
Oh my goodness.
The strangest things.
You know, like, I mean, I wrotethis musical called Love and Hate Nation.
It's a romancebetween two girls and a juvie
hall for girls and 1962.
(05:02):
And, that one, I was, like,really, really, really inspired by,
like, trashy badgirl movies of the 50s and 60s and 70.
And that was like,that's a show that I think has, has like,
you know, has a big heart and has likesort of lots of, political ideas.
But the, the impulse forit was really based in like, just total
(05:28):
fuckin trash movies.
I'm like a huge lover of,you know, B-movies.
And I'm a huge lover of, like, any kind of art
that feels like, you know, outsider artor like, you know, art that is, is not,
thought of is as, you whatever classy
or elegant or, or highbrow.
(05:50):
And I love sort of, finding like finding the, the,
the needs and those kind of things and,and taking inspiration from it.
Right.
So not classy. Lowbrow.
So not like the Broadway Beat.
Am I right? Yeah. That's right.
Well, like you mentioned,being afraid of kind of the blank page.
(06:10):
Is that because you're afraidthat you're going to, like, blink
and it's going to be a curse onit, like a Latin curse?
wait, say that again.
I think I was pretty clear.
You said that the blank page, yeah.
Scares you.
Is that because you think that, like,Hecate has her hand?
(06:33):
Yes. I'm.
I'm I'm. Yes.
Terrified of of curses.
That's why the blank page scares me.
Got you. Always. Yeah.
It took a long, actually,to sort of get there.
It's. Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
It's like. Well,I actually am always like.
I am always, like,slightly terrified that people in
and the theater, like the people who,
(06:57):
control, you know, the,the like, producers and people
that, you know, who, have the artisticdirector of the theaters.
I am always, like,
slightly worried that they're, they're,they're trying to curse me
or that they have, like, put,you know, put effects on me or something.
Yeah.
I have, like, an Italian,like a superstitious Italian family.
(07:20):
And,
I feel like they're always warning meabout, you know, people like
putting the evil eye on me or something.
And so I have.
I just have that in me.
You know, they say your opening nights.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, on that note, though,like your musicals contain
a lot of rock scoresand rock instrumentations.
Are you afraid that you'reconjuring the devil with these merry tunes?
(07:42):
No, I'm trying to.
I think I think that's the idea.
You know, I, I really like the idea of,musical theater
that can commune with the dark side.
Right?
Because I think I feel like classicallymusical theater is, like, such a nice
art form.
You know, I mean, there'sso many nice people and musical.
That's why there's so many, like, Mormons.
So I feel like the factfrom from being Mormons
(08:04):
and just go right intoseems like there's so many Mormons
in musical theater - formans -like former Mormons.
I feel like half the peoplein the theater, it's like “formans”.
Yeah. Yeah.
If you will.
And it's always,
yeah, it's always the thing of like,you know, like, where are you from?
I'm originally from Utah.
And I go, I know your backstory.
And it's like, I think it's because it'sso nice, like they're so approachable
and it's so much about feelings,and I love that.
(08:26):
I love the like,pureness of musical theater.
And I love that it's so welcomingand so sweet.
But I also like the idea of it,you know, being full of, Satan as well.
So it's like those two things coexistingand I think is really cool.
Did you see Frozen on Broadway?
I miss frozenbecause I didn't want to see it.
Well, I mean, that's a valid reason.
(08:49):
Olaf the snowman.
That was an actual snowman that they justsort of did a little razzle dazzle.
He was.
He was in so much pain.
I heard him
sort of go off into the wings,and he would be like, kill me and kill me.
But they had a have an evening show, so.
Yeah. No, he had to he had to endure.
I hope he's dead in 2022.
(09:10):
You released a 44 song album named album.
Why couldn't you get it to 45?
Was it laziness?
Yeah, I just, I it was it was pure.
It was pure laziness.
The album itself is three and a half.
It's over 3.5 hours long.
And so I write really long songsand so I was pissed
(09:31):
because 44 is a lot of songs for sure.
But if I wrote songsthat were the length of, like most other
writer songs, it would have been like,it's like 60 songs worth of material.
So like 44 sounds kind of puny to me,but it's a lot like, you know,
many of those songs are like, it's like,you know, 2 or 3 songs worth of shit.
Okay, then that's lot better,because again, you see 44 and you're like,
(09:54):
okay, man.
Like, I guess
you didn't have time to, yeah, I know,it's really it's really lazy of me.
I should, yeah, I should try it.
I should try harder.
So, Joe, speaking of branches,Be More Chill was a musical
that excited a lot of young,passionate theatergoers,
(10:15):
but it meant nothing to my grandfather,who died in 1991.
Why do you hate octogenarians?
Because.
Because they have too much wisdom.
They know too much.
Not my grandfather. Fucking idiot.
I know, I actually, I can't even make it.
I even I. Yes.
Your grandmother, your grandmother.
(10:35):
Jesus. Your grandfather famously said.
But I guess you know.
But I but
I can't even make a jokeabout hating octogenarians because I.
I'm so annoyed.
Especially in the worldof musical theater about how,
people get over the age of 60 are treated
both like, on the stageand in the audience.
(10:57):
You know, it's like it's somethingthat, like, bugs me so much.
Like I've writtena lot of young characters.
I've heard a lot of old characters, too.
And, yeah, I just feel like every timeI see an older character
in a musical, they're just, you know,they always have dementia.
And, it just makes me very sad and annoyed.
Right? So I can'tI can't even joke about it.
No, I understand that.
It's like I kind of feelthat way about Joe in Waitress,
(11:19):
which is a very specific, like,mainstream, top of mind thought.
But he's just like this guywho lends his wisdom
in one scene,has no kind of like under life.
Even though he's an 80 yearold business owner.
He's the guy. He's the guy.
Yeah, he's he's like the owner of the pieshop, right?
The owner of the pieshop, he, Al Roker played him,
(11:39):
which our car is so goodat doing the weather.
Probably.
I don't watch that show,but in my head I'm like,
if you could get Al Roker to dothe role, it can't be to me.
Yeah.
For sure. He dies, right? Doesn't he die?
Al Rokerthat I mean, eventually everyone dies.
Yeah, but
but in a way in which he dies.
(12:01):
I think he died. Yeah.
I think Jenna's daughter putsa gun to the back of his head and says.
Where? The owners.
Now it's Lulu's Diner, and she fucking.
And she pulls the triggerso many times, literally.
If I were if I wrote waitress, that'sthat's what that would be.
One of my one of my correctionsto the waitress book only note.
(12:24):
Yeah. Only.
No, but one of them.
That's the other problem with.
And anytime there's a, there's a personover a certain musical, they die.
I just feel like older people, they,I don't know, but
the older people that I know, they have,like, personalities and lives and,
you know,they have, like, desires and wants,
much like, young, young people, I guess.
(12:45):
I don't know, in a RedditAMA last year, one user.
For you, what advice do you have foran aspiring lyricist?
You responded,obsess over your favorite lyrics
and try to figure out what you likeabout them.
My favorite lyric is by a rapper bust down
her pussyhole, smelled like sour cream and onion.
But once I got started,there was no stopping.
(13:08):
I hit rock bottomand the pussy started farting.
What's there to like about that?
My favorite part
of that is thethe specificity of sour cream and onion.
That's obviouslythe best part of that lyric.
It really is, because the rest are thingslike, we've heard about pussy farting.
We've heard about not stoppingwhen you get into it.
(13:29):
A lot of songs.
Waitress songs, about that.
But, the sour coming onion feels fresh to me.
It feels. Yeah, it feels fresh.
And it's like you.
You think about it.
It's like something where it's likeI immediately,
I immediately, was was painedin a good way
by that track where I was like,what does that literally mean?
(13:50):
It smells like sour cream and onion.
And then I was conjuring and all of it.
And then the.
But the pussy farting thing is like,I don't first of all, I don't love fart
as a word.
I do not like it. I do not like it.
Not for me.And I certainly don't like it in a lyric.
And so it's like, let's, you know, buscome up with something better.
Gotcha.
(14:10):
So we won't workshop our musical with you.
Because it's mostly farts.
Yeah.
I'm not the guy.
Let's start over.
We'll start with a haunted blank page.
You know, you mentioned somesome artists before.
You've worked with so many talentedartists.
Are artists?
(14:31):
Artists?
Yeah. Thank you. Producer Alex.
Whoa. You're in the same place.
Yeah. Oh, isn't that fucked up?
Oh, my God, Edward, take out right now.
Yeah, look at that. That's Edward's.
My hands are.
Great. You.
You can ivors. I have no idea.
We see like an old hand.
(14:52):
None of us recognize. Coming.
Yeah. That's really exciting.
Which artists living your deadwould you love to work with?
Oh my gosh.
John Goodman is the big one.
I love John Goodman so much.
I would love to put him in a musical.
(15:14):
As far as dead people.
Dancing loud.
And I would have loved working with her.
One of the greats, Nell Carter.
She was pretty great.
But there's. I mean, there's so many.
I just I'm really turned on by, goodactors who have a lot of, personality
and who are really charismatic, peoplewho, like, bring personality with them.
(15:36):
So, like, I mean, I'd love to workwith Bridget Everett.
I'd love to work with Amy Sedaris.
I would love to work with,I love Jon Hamm.
I'd love to see JonHamm in a musical. Yeah.
I don't know so many people.
Bridget Everett lives in my neighborhoodand walks her little dog all the time.
Do you want me to put in a good wordwith her or the dog?
Oh my gosh. Yeah, for sure. Both ways.
(15:57):
Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't
yeah for sure.
Like, you kidnap the dogand then you're like being
my musical reading,
you know, being his music reading.
I have very little skin in the game.
Yeah. But, yeah.
Please. Please do. I justI love her so much.
(16:19):
I think she's so great.
I would I would so kill to write somethingthat is worthy of her.
If her incredible talent.
You've workedwith so many talented artists
who are living or dead,would you hate to work with,
Bridget Everett?
No. Never.
Well, you just premiered your musical,the untitled
(16:40):
unauthorized Hunter S Thompson musical.
Now unauthorized.
Are you going to go to prison for this?
I honestly might,I like I'm not even kidding.
I, I've never written anythingabout a person
who, was,you know, a lot like a real person.
And I don't imagine I'll ever do so again,because it is such like a hornet's
(17:01):
nest of, issues when you do it,even if your heart is in the right place.
And even if you're writing like a musicalthat's like a scrap, a musical
that's just about like the power of artand the written word,
which is what my musical is about.
It's just so it's so talentedand, and so.
Yeah. So I might get I might get sued.
I might be punished for just trying towrite, musicals that mean something.
(17:25):
We'll say we'll be protesting outside,saying, Let Joe go.
It rhymes.
So that'll I think your case. Yeah,
yeah.
Her dog. It'll be great.
Yeah. Bad.
It's that.
But, you know, you are writing a musicalabout a real person, as you noted.
What's the most interesting thingyou learned in your research?
(17:47):
Oh my gosh, so much.
100 something that was like,the most fascinating,
wild man of all time.
You know, his his whole life, it was justthese crazy ass stories about him.
And,
you know, the thingthat kind of excited me in the first place
about him when I first started writingthis many years ago was like,
I sort of knew this kind of cartoonversion of him from the Fear
(18:10):
and Loathing in Las Vegas movieand from sort of he was like,
you know, sort of like a pop culture, you know, cartoon, and so,
I started like, reading about, about hima lot after he died in 2005.
And I kept reading all these firsthandaccounts from people who knew him.
And I was so taken with how,
some of the things that people were sayingabout him really made me feel like,
(18:32):
oh, my gosh, you are so much morethan this sort of wild man cartoon.
Like he had such. Yeah.
And he cared so deeply about his writing,and he cared so deeply about,
politics and America, and making a placefor outsiders and outcasts and all that.
And he was a really, really serious artistand other things that I read.
(18:54):
It was like, oh my God, this cartoonversion of him doesn't even hold a candle
to the real life version of him, like thethe actual things that he did.
It was just like,you know, just truly, truly remarkable.
I mean, it's like there's no,he like you.
So you lived in a certain towncalled Owl Farm, and he loved peacocks.
(19:15):
And so there's peacocks runningall over the place.
He, you know, he
he would, like, go
to the local tavern and, just set offfirecrackers
inside, like, he would just run insideand set off firecrackers.
Scale.
I mean,
yeah, it's like all of this, like, it'sall of this, like.
Like, you know, it's this behaviorthat he acted like it was like
(19:37):
this, like, playful behavior, butit was like literal destruction, you know?
Like itwas, like, very dangerous, you know?
Shit.
He also like, loved guns, which was likeanother thing that surprised me
because he's, you know, someoneso much with politics, you're so liberal.
But he also just happened to love guns.
He loved them once.He liked blowing things up.
And so he was just like,you know, he would constantly be like,
(19:59):
you know, just like blowing,blowing things up on his property.
He lived next door to John Denver,who was always complaining,
just like upsetand so unfairly shooting at me.
It was I mean, it's like it's unreal.
The story. It's unreal.
Johnny Depp, like, lived in his basementfor years.
It's it's it's very strange.
(20:20):
The whole connectionwith playing him are like unrelated.
Yeah.
Because they became really closewhen when Johnny Depp got that part.
And then they remained closed for,for Hunter's whole life.
And Johnny Depp actually paidfor Hunter Thompson's funeral.
He had his.
His wish was that, his ashes
be put in fireworksand exploded over his property.
(20:44):
So it was this, this funeralthat he planned,
like, you know, 30 years before he died.
And he wanted the fireworks shot off,
from the statue of a gonzo fest,which was like, sort of his his logo.
It's like this double time,
this clutching the peyote button and,so it was this huge statue.
That was this.
I designed the whole thing, but, like,had no, you know, money to pay for it.
(21:04):
And so Johnny Deppis, like, paid for this insane,
funeral where his ashes were shot offover his property.
Wow. It's interesting,man, with so many facets.
But also a lot of themseem to boil down to blowing things up.
Like, they seem to sort ofget back around to just boom.
Honestly.
Yeah.
I mean, and that's like, you know, thefinale of the show is, is, called kaboom.
(21:29):
And it's like, that's sort ofwhat it you know, what it what it is.
And Hunter S Thompson like, this isn'tthis isn't a spoiler.
But he, you know, he killed himself like,he shot himself.
And, it's his life is just it's
so it's so messy, and so many contradictions.
And his actual story,which actually makes him.
He's a terrible subject for a musicallike all his life, does not fit into the,
(21:53):
like, classic biopic arc at all.
It's, like,impossible to shove it into that.
And so, and so it's,you know, he's like a really
tricky subject for musical,but sound like his life does come down
to, this exploding band,you know, and like and and
and and and and trying to, like,explode the status quo and to, you know,
(22:15):
and and destruction, like so much ofhis life was about destruction for sure.
Yeah.
I the reason I asked if the Johnny Deppliving was related to the movie
is because I imagine a world
where, like years before,he just happens to live in the basement,
and then one day he books that in is like,hey, Hunter, you know, we leave this.
(22:37):
I book you, yeah, that would be very cool.
But no, the movie, the movie was, Ibelieve, the start of their relationship.
Joe, we're going to take a quick breakand then we have another guest to join us.
Can you stick around for that guest? Yeah.Of course.
All righty.
We'll be right back with the BroadwayBeat podcast.
(23:01):
Welcome back to the Broadway Beat podcast.
We're here with Joe iconic Joe.How was your break?
Break was fantastic.
I had some coffee at Mordor,fully hydrated, ready to go to beverages.
I know our next guest is a lounge singer.
Pleasewelcome to the show, Annalise Ivory's.
Oh, hello. Hello, Joe.
(23:22):
Isaac.
Hello, Joe.
No. Hello, Zach.
Well, I don't know you and Joehas Broadway connections.
I could be a a lounge singer on Broadway.
I guess that's true.
Joe, do you have any lounge singerconnections on Broadway specifically?
I don't, but I'm always, I'm always hoping to to make some.
(23:43):
That's my goal.
Oh, that'd be amazing.
Thank you. Drone. Ichabod. Yeah.
It was Annalise.
Thank you for being here.
Oh, you're so welcome.
I know you're a lounge singer,so I imagine that you do
most of your work in the evening.
So this morning recording is convenient.
Is that correct?
Well, nothing's convenient when you're me.
Oh, great.
(24:04):
For I lounge sing and I play across a baby
grand piano, and I sort ofjust stay there.
I never leave, so this is new sunlight.
That's weird.
Oh, interesting.So you lay across a piano?
Yes. You do.
You take breaks throughout your set.
You go to the bathroom.
I sit on the piano.
(24:25):
Oh, go right to shit on the piano.
So sorry.
Interesting.
Well, here's the thing.
When I was a child, I believed there weretwo options for a woman's occupation.
What year was this? 2000. Great,
I thought so.
I just wanted to double check.
Yes, I'm very young.
There were two options.
(24:47):
Lawyer and lounge singer.
And I chose a lounge singer.
And now here's the thing.
I love the attention of men, I love it,
I love going to the loungeand seeing all those eyes upon me.
But I can't leave.
Oh. Ever got you.
I'm understanding the game in this now.
(25:09):
Okay, so let's boil this down, Joe,
have you ever encountered thisin any of your club gigs?
A lounge singer who can't leave a loungesinger who's trapped?
I, I have, I have not,
but I've heard stories.
Well, here's the thing.
I can't exist without men's attention.
So if we start looking at youand talking to you, you would disappear.
(25:32):
Yes. If a tree falls in the forest andno one is around, is it still luxurious?
The age old question.
Okay, let's try it. Let's let's see.
Joe, let's look to our left and rightreal quick,
and we'll look back at the recordingand see if Annalise disappears.
Okay.
On three, one, two, three.
(25:54):
And now we're going to turn back.
I'm turning back.
Oh, I mean,
I guess we'll have to watch the recordingto know if you were in here with me.
Why now?
Yeah, yeah,that's a amazing to find out, though.
I love modern media. Yeah, you sound like.
I mean, you've been a child since 2000,so it's kind of all, you know.
Well, I don't understand what makesyou think I'm from a different era.
(26:16):
It's your voice.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should have mentionedthis is my speech impediment.
Oh, yes, I'm very embarrassed by it.
No. Please don't. It's. It's fine.
Well, I've gone to speech languagepathology lessons for years,
and I still talklike a luxurious woman from the 1940s.
(26:36):
So what are some of
the things they teach you at your, speechpathology classes.
Oh, how to talk like a girl but not old.
Oh, you're doing a shit job.
Well you're okay.
You know how there's like,oh, you make an H sound,
you do it in front of a candle,do you know what she's talking about?
(26:57):
You have no idea. None of you have.
That is both speech and languagepathology.
That that is the ultimate, ghost shit
right theresaying H is in front of a candle.
You're not going to trick me.
Yeah, now that I'm probably aspirating.
God, you know, nothing.
(27:17):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't mean to yell at you,Jeremy. Igloo.
I want to make a connection with you.
I understand I used to ask youjust like all our guests.
Can you get you something to drink?Something to eat?
Oh, yes, a dirty martini.
Oh, that's all I drink.
Andy, you eat the martini?
Well, there's olives in a darling.
(27:37):
All right.
Okay.
Salad, we call it.
Yes, yes,I have an intense vitamin D deficiency.
It sounds like it gets interesting.
Okay, so you're looking to make loungesinger connections,
specifically on Broadway?
Well, I think that's the biggest loungethere is.
Broadway, I mean. Right, right. Jodi,
(28:01):
am I getting your name wrong?
You seem upset with me.
You. No. It's okay, I like it.
I appreciate the variety.
I'm, like, very much about, like, whateveryou feel is what you should do and say.
It's like just whateveryou think my name is. That's what it is.
You're a jazz cat. You vibe. It's off.
Don't try.
Yeah. Improv.
You're scared.
(28:23):
I am scat.
Yeah.
What's your lower body strength like?
Oh, atrophy honey, it's atrophy.
Poor.
I can't leave the top of the babygrand piano.
Otherwise men will stop perceiving meand I cease to exist.
Gotcha.
Okay, so in theory,you'd like to leave the lounge,
(28:46):
but if you do, there might not beany place for you to leave too.
I'm afraid the other.
Only the only other option for a ladyis lawyer.
And I'm not going to law school.
I feel I'm becoming southern.
Yeah.
You and me both.
I am a questionwhen you say you want to make lounge
your connection is on Broadway.
(29:07):
I guess I don't fully understandwhat that means.
Do you mean you want to? Like you want to.
You want to connect with other loungesingers who are on Broadway or you
yourself want to be on Broadway.
As a lounge singer, I want to be onBroadway as a lounge singer, darling.
Okay, that's the thing, I assume.
Yeah, it's sort of like, you know, parade,
(29:29):
like the most recent revivaland and invitation.
I love parades.
Okay, not the same.
Ben Platt sort of stayed on stageduring intermission.
I think that you want to be come on stagein intermission and do a lounge number.
Intermission is.
And that's the only time you see me.
(29:49):
All right?
If you go on a time where you wouldn'tbe alive.
I'm thinking okay,
some ideasas far as like shows currently running,
what I'm hearing isthis feels like a cabaret at the club.
And a switch. Right.
Like I feel like you can, you know,you can be a a ghost who exists in.
(30:13):
Yeah.
As in people, they're in the theater
because there's like always loungeacts happening.
Right.
Is that appealing to you.
I'm appealed.
I'm definitely appealed.
I, I do have a question, boys. Yes.
You have to understand,I'm constantly in the dark, literally.
So I don't understand what you'retalking about.
(30:35):
Is Broadway just not a big lounge stage?
Oh, no. It's like a business,
like lawyer.
I explain this,
it's like not. No.
Yeah, I guess they're lawyers.
They're.
Oh, I'm going to be a two trick pony,I guess so.
(30:57):
Okay, so what's your next step?
Okay.
You're going to be a lawyer and loungesinger on Broadway.
Today what are you doing to achieve this?
I do a squat to build leg strength.
I think that's a good first step.
I don't know Joe. Any any advice.
Pass the squat.
The single squatI think maybe getting some, some new rep
(31:21):
might be helpful.
Yeah. What.
Who are you with? Like,what do you saying?
I'm with the old bird lounge.
Okay.You're going to have to get a new rep.
Yeah,
I actually meant
I meant song, like new repertoire,you know, like, maybe some new.
Some more, like Broadway,current Broadway, pieces.
(31:44):
Current Broadway.
That's here. Yeah.
To add to your book, beforeI, became eternally
trapped in the dark ofthe bird lounge, I saw Annie.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
How is that?
Yeah, that's a great one,because you are in the dark.
It's helpful, it's helpful.
That's helpful.
(32:05):
Well, unless it's been,it's been super weird talking to you.
We have to get to our next guest.
Can you stick around?Do you want to meet him?
He might have some connections.
Oh, I can't leave until someone moves me.
Gotcha. Perfect.
Okay, we'll be right backwith more Annalise Ivory's more Joe icon
is here on the Broadway Beat podcast.
(32:27):
You. Just had a lovely break. Joe.
How you doing? You hanging in there?
Yeah, I'm having a great time.
Perfect.
Annalise Ivory's,just to recap, you're a lounge singer
who can't leave the lounge, and doesn'texist if she's not perceived by men.
(32:48):
How are you other than that?
Oh, well,I've got three men looking at me now.
I'm feeling good.
Perfect. Okay. You're feeling very alive.
I'm feeling super alive.
Speaking of the third man,we have another guest joining the show.
He is,
I guess I misread it when we booked.
This can't be right.
He's porn playwright Neil Simon.
(33:11):
Hello?
Hello. Hold your applause.Thank you, thank you.
Just finding my voice very quickly.
Hey. This sick.
Hello. In a lease.
Hello, Joe.
Louis, you said Joe in kind of a scary
way was we're old friends.
Okay. Play playwrights, know each other.
(33:33):
Even if one playwrights.
Okay,so let's let's dissect that a little bit.
Because I'm in the yearI thought I booked, playwright
Neil Simon, which I am realizingnow is wrong because he's dead.
He did?
I've never heard of foreign playwriting.
What is that?
It's kind of simple.
Have you heard of Fiona Griffy?
(33:56):
I'm sorry.
Pornography? Oh, man or woman?
No, no. Or whatever.
Kiss. Not so.
Have you ever been to speech languagepathology?
They often make you blow a candle.
Yeah, I've heard of it.
You do the h sound. So, Kendall.
Okay, so we're kin. Great.
Okay. I guess this is just foreign to us.
This is just a Long Island accent.
(34:16):
What are you talking about?
I can't wait to see how consistent it is.
The absence.
So foreign playwriting? Yes.
I've heard of pornography.Have you heard of playwriting?
I have, yes,
I, I don't know what else you need.
Okay, so this is your profession?
I'm still not fully getting it.
(34:37):
Can you name some other foreignplaywrights? Are there other one?
Let's see.
There's, Régis Joseph.
Great.
Terrence Mcnasty.
Susan Laurie pert.
It's like perky breasts. Yes, yes.
Thank you.
He's, Edward.
All B's baby.
(34:59):
The B's being his,
titties like a B cup.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. And, Claire.
Baron. Normal.
Claire. Barry.
Great. Okay.
And these arethese are sort of your, like, colleagues.
These are other people in your field.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,we all hang out.
(35:20):
Okay. So what are some of.
And again, I apologize.
I really did a lot of my NeilSimon research.
Neil Simon, what are some of your mostwell known works?
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
Of course I've got the odd column, Paul,that we all know and love.
Laughter on the 69th floor.
Bare butt in the park.
(35:41):
Great.
The sunshine, but.
And that's it.
Oh, my gosh,it takes so long to write these plays.
Oh, yeah, I imagine.
I mean, how long does it usually takeyou to, to, to start to finish,
draft a new piece?
You know, it takes longer than you'd thinkbecause I got gotta write it with
(36:04):
one hand.
I did like that.
It's.
By the way, Joe, have you heard of porn?
Playwriting? Just.
I don't want to assume you haven't.
I know I have very muchso I went to, grad school
for musical theater writing,so I know all the playwriting.
Gotcha. So do you.
Are you familiar with Neil's work?
(36:26):
Yeah. Of course.
Oh, wow. Okay.
Oh. Have you seen some of my work?
Yeah, yeah, I saw,
Bear Butt in the park.That was a great one.
And it was at the Atlantic.
It ran for 30 weeks.
Oh, wow.
A legendary 30 weeks.
And it was great.
Yeah.
And that laughter on the 69 but.
(36:48):
Oh all of them, they're all great.
I've seen I've seen them allnot all in their original productions.
I've seen someand I saw community theater production
of Temple and I,
I've read the ones that I haven't seen,but I, I loved them all there.
Yeah.
I'm surprised that we got, Jon Hamm for the community theater,
(37:11):
which is very easy because it's justa two, two hander and one nasty couch.
So I'm just going to sort of ripthe Band-Aid off with this question
as someone who doesn't know this field,and I'm sorry if this is offensive.
It sounds like you're kind of lazily
just changing the titles of well-knownplays to be like, a little sexual.
(37:35):
For anyone listening who doesn't knowthis world, do you have, like, an excerpt
or some things that we can geta better idea?
Yeah, of course.
First off, very offensive.
I'm not a fan. Yeah,I didn't know how to ask.
You're going to pay for my bustrip back home, I guess I was home,
Locust Valley, Long Island.
(37:56):
Oh. Bus stops.
While you're giving out
free money, are you going tobuy me seven more martinis?
We kind of made the one in houseI can make you.
I'm so hungry.
Okay. Well, right after this interview.
Well, we'll get you seven more.
Mark, do you just want the olives?
(38:17):
No. Okay.
Seven more martinis.
Sorry, Neil. No.
Of course, of course.
And, Joe,because you're so familiar with my week,
let's do a thing from the odd combo.
So it's.
Let's do the Odd Couple right now.
I'll show you the base one,and then we'll do the pawn version.
(38:39):
Joe, is that okay?Do you mind sort of unrehearsed happening?
I would not I would I would love to. Yeah.Thank goodness.
I can think of nothing. I'm honored.
Joe. All I need you to say rightnow is like,
I'm the clean one.
Great. I'm the clean one.
Oh, and I'm the dirty one. And seen.
And that's what the, the couple is.
(39:01):
That was good.
So now we're going to do that, combo.
So, Joe,if you could give me that same line again,
I am the clean one
and I'm done fucking 31.
I'm for fucking sex, baby.
I didn't like that.
I didn't like that one bit.
I mean, I love to hear. Wow.
(39:24):
Very moving, very moving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am sensing sort of a character grapplingwith being the fucking dirty one
because he doesn't sound like he's.
Well, that's what makes it sort of a playmore than a porn,
because it's, he'sgot this internal conflict where he's just
sort of fighting,being a dirty, nasty fucking boy,
(39:47):
or being a human man.
Right. Is any of this legal?
No. Great. No no no no no no.
That's why the we don't haveestablished theaters of our own.
We just sort of move from spaceto space up
to a maximum of 30 weeks,of course, at the Atlantic.
Right.
But we just got to make sure the copsand the lawyers do not come to see
(40:11):
the shows. Right.
When you were Atlantic, it was sort oflike an inverse of the subscription model.
Like they had to subscribe to a certainlevel to not have to not see the play.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
It's much more expensivethan the normal subscription.
Okay. It's smart though.
Okay.
Anything else in the pipeline?
Any new works you're working on?
(40:31):
Anything you maybe want to like?
I mean, I know, and Alice has askedJoe for some favors already, but, Joe,
I don't know if you have any connectionsfor Neil. Anything you want to bring in?
I actually do have, an idea for you, Joe,that I'm hoping that we could.
Maybe.
Yeah, it's it's called be more code. And,
(40:51):
I think you can guess what it is.
It's just be more chill.
But, instead of a pill he takes, it'sa pill he takes, and it's Viagra.
So I'm thinking I take pillssometimes, you know, every time I turn
to look at you, you just sort of appeara split second before I turn my head.
(41:12):
That's very, very sad.
So. Yeah.Yeah, it's a Neil Simon sort of.
Joe, you penis,collaboration up the up the pipeline.
Yeah. No, I like it.
I like it a lot.
So he takes the bhangra, right?
Yeah. And then. Then what happened?
If youever take them, they aggregate you.
(41:34):
Yeah.
What are the side effects of Viagra?
Let me tell you, he's got,
drink some Mountain Dew to get back down.
Maybe, I don't know,he could have some of my martini. The.
Every time I look at you, you just appear.
I guess we can just workshop it.
I don't want you to have to give an answerright now, Joe.
(41:57):
I also think what Neil's doing
is very dark and might not be legal.
So, you know, but, hey,he's he's got that illegal musical.
That's true.
So maybe if we did the titledauthorized Hunter
S Thompson porn.
Oh. Yeah.
(42:17):
Yeah, that's that could be right.
That could be the waythat could be the way to do it.
I think that's the way to not get foodis the idea the Hunter
s Thompson story with more, dicks and common pussies and shit.
Yeah yeah yeah that's what it was missingthe original, thing.
Sour cream and onion.
Yeah.
Neil. Yeah.
(42:37):
If you don't mind, can I just rattle offsome names of, you know, other shows?
And I'm thinking, I wonderif there are porn versions of them.
You just let me know. Like,maybe what they're called.
I can find them.
Let's say maybe, like the hillsof California, that new play,
Hills, California parentheses.
The hills are boobs.
The hills of Bruce. Okay, great.
(42:58):
So it's the blues of California.Yeah. Gotcha.
You know,we mentioned water for elephants earlier.
Is there a porn version?
Piss for elephants.
Joe, any shows you're curious about?
Stuff's stuff's.
It's.
I'm proud of that.
We can tell you.
Yeah, I like that one. Yeah.
(43:19):
What about, So,
you know, substance about ladies? No.
Yeah. She lives on.
I haven't left in so long.
Okay. It's about ladies.
This stuff's.
It's about men
I love when men look at me.
It sounds like a show up your alley.Annalise.
(43:40):
Any shows you want to know about?
I don't know.
Any shows. Any.
There is no porn version of cool.
Probably for the best. That makes sense.That makes sense.
Great.
Well, Neil, this has been differentthan I expected, and a lot worse.
We got one more segment coming up.
We're going to take a quick break,
then we're back with Joe economistsAnnalise Ivory's and Neil Simon.
(44:02):
We'll be right back with the BroadwayBeat podcast.
Welcome back to the Broadway Beat podcast.
We're here with Joe Icons.
Joe, you still hanging in there? Yeah.Of course.
It's great.
Thank you for being here.
Annalise. Ivory's, how are you?
I'm so good.
Did I ever tell youmy name isn't a stage name?
But it's kind of a stage name.
(44:22):
No. Ivory tickle the ivories.
Yeah, no, I understand
anyway, I'm here.
Thank you for being here, Annalise.
I know you have probably a busy night.
It's a Saturday,so you have a lot a lot of gigs.
Well, I got to sing all night.
I'm going to sing.
I'm going to go up with dope.
What's your 11:00 number like?
(44:43):
Your big finale?
I do a very slow downversion of that song with the sour cream.
Oh, by, bus down
a bus down her pussyhole smell like sour cream and onion.
Oh. That's good.
Wow. I mean, you get to play nice. Thank you.
And, Neil, how are you doing?
(45:05):
Damp.
God. You okay?
That's what that smell is.
We're on to our last segment.
As you all know,we like to end these episodes with a game.
There's no prize.
That's life.
It's time to play everyone'sfavorite game.
Be more chill or be less chill.
Now I'm going to name something.
(45:26):
And between the three of you, you have tocome up with a collective answer.
You have to tell me
if that thing could affordto be more chill or to be less chill.
Now there is a right answer.
This is based off the 2023 census.
So let's make sure that we're holdingthat.
Taking that into account,be more chill or be less chill
(45:48):
chicken that you're waiting to defrost.
Be less chill. I don't eat food.
I think less less single out warmer.
Yeah. Less is the answer.
Yeah, yeah, that's great work.
Yes. The chicken yeah.
Could stand to be less chill becauseyou want to be room temperature 20 points.
Yep. No no no points, no prizes.
20 points.
Your teacher, Mr.
(46:12):
Zen Broski, when he's frickin writing youabout your essay, be more chill.
He could chill out a little bit.
He could stand chill. Correct.
Mr. Andrus,he could stand to be more chill.
Ten points.
I was going to be zero.
Rosé you bought from the shelf,not the fridge.
(46:32):
It must be more.
Well, I hate a hot martini, so I imaginea hot rosé would be disgusting.
And you'd be correct.
That rosé could stand to be more chill.Be in the fridge now.
Do you guys know the the trick to chillyour wine quickly?
You wet a paper towel,wrap it around the bottle.
15 minutes you got chilled.
I mean, put it in the fridge,but 15 minutes you.
(46:53):
God, I was gonna say if you just.
You can just be a wet one. Yeah. Was.
You know, the fridge is important, but,Yeah, this doesn't really apply to you.
Annalise. No.Everybody buys drinks for me.
Exactly.You'll never have to get your own.
Moving on.
You guys are doing great, by the way.You're three for three. Wow.
I have to say, like, I thoughtwhen you said this, the game was stupid.
(47:15):
I didn't think it would be this stupid.
Yeah, actually, it's like this.
Thank you.
Yeah, we we like to exceed expectations,no matter how low.
Yeah.
This is this is producer Haley.
No, we did play a game with, Andrew Koberwhere,
he was mad at how it was.
(47:37):
Yeah, there was a point where he was like,I don't think I can do this anymore.
No, I think it's.
I think it's great.
I'm just really, pleasantly surprised.
Thank you.
You delivered.
You delivered on the promise of stupidity.
Good.
You take that as a pull quote for,or EPK for maybe
(47:57):
that's the first review.
Moving on.
Linda Cardellini from Scooby-Doo
two Monsters Unleashed.
I think, maybe it'd be maybe be more.
Oh, I've never I haven't seen the film,but I'm going to assume
that Linda Cardellini was,like, playing it to the hilt
(48:17):
and, and super,
you know, super, like, give me, like,a ten plus kind of performance,
and maybe you could have, like,chilled out a little bit.
For Velma.
But that's my that's my review
and assessment of her performance,literally, without ever having seen it.
Right.
I agree, because I want a job on BroadwayLounge.
(48:38):
Right. Okay.
So you're sort of just going alongwith whatever, whatever he says.
And I've seen the horn version obviously.
So it's moreI would say more chill. Okay.
So what's what's the point version.
What's it called.
It's called Scooby Doo two.
Oh no. He's in Monsters Unleashed.
And by monster I do mean my penis.
(49:00):
Oh, you guys are right. Though.
She could stand to be more chill.
Velma. Relax, girl.
Congress.
Oh, that's a tough one.
Annalise. Who's the president right now?
Oh, that's got to be, Nixon.
Yes. Correct. You were born in
the late 90s.
Early thousands, right? Yes.
(49:22):
Listen, I'm not a lawyer.
I didn't choose that path.
You're right.
We are.
We are being. We're being rude. Congress.
I don't like to get political,but let's show
we're on the precipice of that.
The answer is correct.
Let's show.
Get some stuff done, boys.
Patti LuPone, Patti LuPone,
(49:45):
lounge singer galore.
It's Patti LuPone.
Is she considered like a godamong your people?
Oh, I worship the ground she walks on.
I can't even answer those questions.
You can't even walk on the ground.
Yeah, let's do.
What do you think?
I think I actually thinkshe's the appropriate level.
(50:06):
Chill, I, I, I love, love her.
I think she's great.
It's just right.
The water's fine for me.
Yeah. It's fine.
Boys, come in for a swim.
What's the answer?
The actual answer is less chill.
I want to see her.Give us the business. A little bit.
Neil.What is that? Is what is. What is Patty's,
(50:27):
quarantine name?
Yeah. Of course.
It's, Patton.
Low patent. Those ponies.
I thought it would be Patty La Bone.
I thought it'd be patty load porn.
Joe, you got anything?
Patty? Patty. Loophole.
I will open the art of pole dancing.
Also an exotic night art.
(50:47):
Not that.
Maybe not the type of pole. I don't know,
I was thinking, like penis pole, penis.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
There's
bugs in the pool.
Oh, more.
I hate a bug in my martini,which I imagine is a really small pool.
That's a nice way to think about it.
(51:07):
If I went in a pool,I would not want a bug there.
That's the correct answer.
I hate bugs in the pool.
Moving on. Bad
people interested in
writing Great Gatsby musicals.
More chill.
Stop that.
I agree, just everyone just stop it.
(51:28):
So many out there.
Stop it.
Everyone quit.
That is the correct more chill.
Take a breath. Take a walk.
There will be something elseto write about.
Boys.
Neil, is there a porn stageversion of The Great Gatsby?
You bet there is.
The Great Gatsby.
Oh, okay.
(51:49):
And the other oneis The Great Gatsby. Yes.
There's two of those. Two of them.There's two of them.
Gotcha. Directed by Rachel Chacon.
All right.
And the last one, people,when they hear this podcast.
Well, we don't want Santa to relax.
We don't want them in a in a fugue state.
(52:11):
I don't want that for anyone.
So let's.
Yeah.
Get him static, get emphatic or get out.
Get excited about things.
Get passionate about the whole podcastor don't listen at all.
You take to the streets exactly.
Free Joe iconicand then listen to our podcast let Joe go.
(52:33):
What.
No. No, Joe.
The correct answer is lessif you're listening to this.
Okay? Tell your friends. Tell your family.
We got to get the numbers up sowe can get on Jake Paul's podcast network.
Like The Hawk to a girl.
Do you guys know she has a podcast?
Do you know what it's called?
It's called talk to her.
And I'm not going to pretendthat's not really funny.
(52:55):
That is good.
Will that be relevantwhen the episode comes out?
Definitely. She's a star.
She's not going anywhere.
She is forever. It's time with.
Yeah.
If we can get Hawk to air on the podcast
now, this is theater like Hawk to
you ask her about like, cost of living.
(53:20):
Well, Joe.
Yeah?
This has been light.
Thank you again for doing this.We're such big fans.
You've been really wonderful to talk to.
Is there anything you'd like to like?
Plug. Where can people find you?
What do you want people to know about?
Yeah. For sure.
So you can find meon, you know, all the places, Mr.
Joe, I kind of, and, somethingthat I do want people to know about
(53:41):
is there's this restaurant
and performance space in New York Citycalled the West Bank cafe,
and there's a theater inside ofit called Laurie Beachfront Theater.
And I have been, on a team
that is trying to save this place,because it is in danger of closing.
And so if you're someone who giveseven the slightest bit
about, New York City and businessesin New York City
(54:02):
that are not like Applebee's and the Olivegarden, you should, number one,
go donate to the Go Fund Me page,for, West Bank cafe, West Bank forever.
And, then you should go thereand you should have some food
and have some drinksand go see a show at the beach.
Man, I'm playing, a Halloween show thereon Halloween night and the night after,
(54:23):
and there's some amazing eventshappening there over the next few months.
And, it's a place that,that needs your business,
but also, it's likenot it's not doing charity by going there.
It's like a really fun spot.
A lot of theater people go there.
It's a great like,it's a happy hangout for,
New York City artist typesand the people who love them.
So please, please give some business tothat giant, because I love it very much.
(54:48):
You heard Joe go to the Laurie Beach man.
Annalise.
What would you like to plug?Can the people find you?
Oh, good luck, darling,but you know who you can follow.
It's my good friend HaleyJane Rose
@haleyisfamous
She's in a band. She does, comedy.
And you might see her on theBroadwaybeat.com, which I assume is the website.
(55:11):
Bingo.
I've never set foot in an internet cafe.
They don't have baby grand pianos.
Neil, where can people find you?
What do you got going on?
Generally,I am behind the dumpster at a Walmart,
but if, Which Walmart? Yep.
I would sincerely also like toto plug the West Bank cafe.
(55:33):
It's a really great place.
I don't want to do it in this nasty voice,but I have to,
The bartender's really niceevery time I come in.
It's a it's a great, location.
Please. Please go. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
You could also follow at
@pertoltprecht, on Instagram.
You also don't have to. Yeah.
(55:55):
That's, my good friend Edward Precht.
He sucks.
Right.
So if you want to followsomeone who sucks.
Haha.
I know I do!
Well for all ofus here at the Broadway Beat.
You know what we say?
Get us on, Jake, Paul, Jake,
(56:15):
Podcast and let Joe go let
Joe, go! Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I've been Zach, thank you so much.
By the Broadway Beat podcast is created,produced and hosted by Zach Raffio.
It's produced and engineered by HaleyJane
Rose, with additional contributionsby associate producer Edward Precht
(56:35):
The theme song is composed by JakeRose and sung by Patti LuPone.
Follow The Broadway Beat on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @bwaybeatnews
and on TikTok @thebroadwaybeat Bye!
Welcome to the Broadway Beat Podcast,
the very first episode of the BroadwayBeat Podcast.
My name is Zach Raffio.
I will be your host and your guide throughthis theatrical journey of the years.
On this podcast,you're going to hear, as we like to say,
Real Broadway interviewsby Real Broadway idiots.
(00:22):
We'll be talking tosome of your favorite theater
artists, the innovators who have given yousome lovely nights in the theater.
Some of them are real people,and some of them are also real people.
Nobody is doing a characteror a bit on this show.
If someone tries to tell youthat they are smack them.
So thank you for listening to this.
Instead of watching or listening tomany other things such as the Deaf West
(00:45):
Spring Awakening performance of Touch Me,they did on Seth Meyers a few years ago.
You remember that? It was really good.
So get ready because the curtain is rising
and so is my blood pressure- ay-ay-ay.
And here's the podcast.
*Music* Talking to people,
Talking to guests, when it comes to
(01:06):
podcast ours is the best.
The Broadway Beat Podcast.
It's a laugh! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Before we get to our first guest,we should go over
some of this week's news.
There's been a lot of Broadwayheadlines this week,
and we're going to give yousome snapshots.
Mom calling Janet's daughter does
(01:29):
community theatersix states away from you.
Do you know her?
I'd love to grab a coffeeand pick your brain for a couple
six hours and subsequently Facebookmessage you every day for the first year
I'm in the city, if that's okay.
In political news, womanwith tickets to ragtime post-election.
Unsure if she's going to cryfor the good reason or the bad reason.
(01:49):
If everything goes right,I could be listening to Back to Before.
On the night, Kamala Harris becomesthe first woman to win the presidency.
Plus, one of her campaignslogans is not going back.
I'm ready to ugly cry into my scarf.
And finally,a hard hitting investigative piece.
Adam Driver is in play.
But doesn't he usually in movie?
(02:11):
We investigate.
A lot of goodpeople died to get that scoop.
Our first guestthis week is a composer, lyricist,
writer, performer, Pulitzer Prize winner,and whatever I want.
Please welcome to the show, Mr.Joe Iconis.
Hi, Joe. Hey. Hello. Hello, hello.
Thank you so much for doing this.
It's a Saturday morning.
I guarantee you have better places to be,
(02:34):
but you've taken your timeto to chat with me, a dumb boy. Yes.
I canceled all of my Saturday morningsocial engagements
just to be here with you.
I told LinnI can't get coffee this morning.
I told Pasek and PaulI can't spoon with them this morning.
Oh, man.
Instead, I'm just here talking to you.
(02:56):
Well,hopefully the three of them can link up.
Oh, man. We should play them in threeon three basketball.
Do you have a friend who could join?
No, I have no friends, but.
All right.
Crowdsource.
Joe, you are quite a prolific writerand composer.
What are the chances
you'll start and finish a new musicalby the time this episode's over?
Chances are pretty good.
(03:17):
And my brain is always, always writing,
an underappreciated musical simultaneouslywith every other thing I'm doing.
So. Exactly.
Yeah. We'll see what. We'll seewhat happens by the end of the show.
Yeah.
I mean, we got like roughly55, 65 minutes.
That's a one act. Please!
Yeah. Come on.
We can expand it past that.
(03:37):
What for you is the hardest partof starting a new project?
The hardest part is, I mean, is isis that - starting.
I feel like when I first beganas a writer, I was really, like,
turned on by the possibilitiesof a new piece of work.
Like, I was kind of like,enthused by the blank page.
(03:58):
And now I find, like, the blank page.
Overwhelming and terrifying.
Frustrating.
Yeah.
It's so hard to like to begin.
I love editing, right?
I love, like, once I have somethingon a page working with it.
Like, for me, it's with, like,you know, getting myself to, it can
(04:19):
begin the thing, whether it's a songor an entire musical or whatever.
It just sort of gets harderand harder to start.
But then once I'm in itand once I actually have something
that I can, you know, shape and developand, and collaborate with other people
on, then it's like that,then it becomes exciting to me, right?
(04:40):
So in that vein of like difficultystarting a project,
what are some of the strangest thingsthat have inspired the start of a project?
Oh my goodness.
The strangest things.
You know, like, I mean, I wrotethis musical called Love and Hate Nation.
It's a romancebetween two girls and a juvie
hall for girls and 1962.
(05:02):
And, that one, I was, like,really, really, really inspired by,
like, trashy badgirl movies of the 50s and 60s and 70.
And that was like,that's a show that I think has, has like,
you know, has a big heart and has likesort of lots of, political ideas.
But the, the impulse forit was really based in like, just total
(05:28):
fuckin trash movies.
I'm like a huge lover of,you know, B-movies.
And I'm a huge lover of, like, any kind of art
that feels like, you know, outsider artor like, you know, art that is, is not,
thought of is as, you whatever classy
or elegant or, or highbrow.
(05:50):
And I love sort of, finding like finding the, the,
the needs and those kind of things and,and taking inspiration from it.
Right.
So not classy. Lowbrow.
So not like the Broadway Beat.
Am I right? Yeah. That's right.
Well, like you mentioned,being afraid of kind of the blank page.
(06:10):
Is that because you're afraidthat you're going to, like, blink
and it's going to be a curse onit, like a Latin curse?
wait, say that again.
I think I was pretty clear.
You said that the blank page, yeah.
Scares you.
Is that because you think that, like,Hecate has her hand?
(06:33):
Yes. I'm.
I'm I'm. Yes.
Terrified of of curses.
That's why the blank page scares me.
Got you. Always. Yeah.
It took a long, actually,to sort of get there.
It's. Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
It's like. Well,I actually am always like.
I am always, like,slightly terrified that people in
and the theater, like the people who,
(06:57):
control, you know, the,the like, producers and people
that, you know, who, have the artisticdirector of the theaters.
I am always, like,
slightly worried that they're, they're,they're trying to curse me
or that they have, like, put,you know, put effects on me or something.
Yeah.
I have, like, an Italian,like a superstitious Italian family.
(07:20):
And,
I feel like they're always warning meabout, you know, people like
putting the evil eye on me or something.
And so I have.
I just have that in me.
You know, they say your opening nights.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, on that note, though,like your musicals contain
a lot of rock scoresand rock instrumentations.
Are you afraid that you'reconjuring the devil with these merry tunes?
(07:42):
No, I'm trying to.
I think I think that's the idea.
You know, I, I really like the idea of,musical theater
that can commune with the dark side.
Right?
Because I think I feel like classicallymusical theater is, like, such a nice
art form.
You know, I mean, there'sso many nice people and musical.
That's why there's so many, like, Mormons.
So I feel like the factfrom from being Mormons
(08:04):
and just go right intoseems like there's so many Mormons
in musical theater - formans -like former Mormons.
I feel like half the peoplein the theater, it's like “formans”.
Yeah. Yeah.
If you will.
And it's always,
yeah, it's always the thing of like,you know, like, where are you from?
I'm originally from Utah.
And I go, I know your backstory.
And it's like, I think it's because it'sso nice, like they're so approachable
and it's so much about feelings,and I love that.
(08:26):
I love the like,pureness of musical theater.
And I love that it's so welcomingand so sweet.
But I also like the idea of it,you know, being full of, Satan as well.
So it's like those two things coexistingand I think is really cool.
Did you see Frozen on Broadway?
I miss frozenbecause I didn't want to see it.
Well, I mean, that's a valid reason.
(08:49):
Olaf the snowman.
That was an actual snowman that they justsort of did a little razzle dazzle.
He was.
He was in so much pain.
I heard him
sort of go off into the wings,and he would be like, kill me and kill me.
But they had a have an evening show, so.
Yeah. No, he had to he had to endure.
I hope he's dead in 2022.
(09:10):
You released a 44 song album named album.
Why couldn't you get it to 45?
Was it laziness?
Yeah, I just, I it was it was pure.
It was pure laziness.
The album itself is three and a half.
It's over 3.5 hours long.
And so I write really long songsand so I was pissed
(09:31):
because 44 is a lot of songs for sure.
But if I wrote songsthat were the length of, like most other
writer songs, it would have been like,it's like 60 songs worth of material.
So like 44 sounds kind of puny to me,but it's a lot like, you know,
many of those songs are like, it's like,you know, 2 or 3 songs worth of shit.
Okay, then that's lot better,because again, you see 44 and you're like,
(09:54):
okay, man.
Like, I guess
you didn't have time to, yeah, I know,it's really it's really lazy of me.
I should, yeah, I should try it.
I should try harder.
So, Joe, speaking of branches,Be More Chill was a musical
that excited a lot of young,passionate theatergoers,
(10:15):
but it meant nothing to my grandfather,who died in 1991.
Why do you hate octogenarians?
Because.
Because they have too much wisdom.
They know too much.
Not my grandfather. Fucking idiot.
I know, I actually, I can't even make it.
I even I. Yes.
Your grandmother, your grandmother.
(10:35):
Jesus. Your grandfather famously said.
But I guess you know.
But I but
I can't even make a jokeabout hating octogenarians because I.
I'm so annoyed.
Especially in the worldof musical theater about how,
people get over the age of 60 are treated
both like, on the stageand in the audience.
(10:57):
You know, it's like it's somethingthat, like, bugs me so much.
Like I've writtena lot of young characters.
I've heard a lot of old characters, too.
And, yeah, I just feel like every timeI see an older character
in a musical, they're just, you know,they always have dementia.
And, it just makes me very sad and annoyed.
Right? So I can'tI can't even joke about it.
No, I understand that.
It's like I kind of feelthat way about Joe in Waitress,
(11:19):
which is a very specific, like,mainstream, top of mind thought.
But he's just like this guywho lends his wisdom
in one scene,has no kind of like under life.
Even though he's an 80 yearold business owner.
He's the guy. He's the guy.
Yeah, he's he's like the owner of the pieshop, right?
The owner of the pieshop, he, Al Roker played him,
(11:39):
which our car is so goodat doing the weather.
Probably.
I don't watch that show,but in my head I'm like,
if you could get Al Roker to dothe role, it can't be to me.
Yeah.
For sure. He dies, right? Doesn't he die?
Al Rokerthat I mean, eventually everyone dies.
Yeah, but
but in a way in which he dies.
(12:01):
I think he died. Yeah.
I think Jenna's daughter putsa gun to the back of his head and says.
Where? The owners.
Now it's Lulu's Diner, and she fucking.
And she pulls the triggerso many times, literally.
If I were if I wrote waitress, that'sthat's what that would be.
One of my one of my correctionsto the waitress book only note.
(12:24):
Yeah. Only.
No, but one of them.
That's the other problem with.
And anytime there's a, there's a personover a certain musical, they die.
I just feel like older people, they,I don't know, but
the older people that I know, they have,like, personalities and lives and,
you know,they have, like, desires and wants,
much like, young, young people, I guess.
(12:45):
I don't know, in a RedditAMA last year, one user.
For you, what advice do you have foran aspiring lyricist?
You responded,obsess over your favorite lyrics
and try to figure out what you likeabout them.
My favorite lyric is by a rapper bust down
her pussyhole, smelled like sour cream and onion.
But once I got started,there was no stopping.
(13:08):
I hit rock bottomand the pussy started farting.
What's there to like about that?
My favorite part
of that is thethe specificity of sour cream and onion.
That's obviouslythe best part of that lyric.
It really is, because the rest are thingslike, we've heard about pussy farting.
We've heard about not stoppingwhen you get into it.
(13:29):
A lot of songs.
Waitress songs, about that.
But, the sour coming onion feels fresh to me.
It feels. Yeah, it feels fresh.
And it's like you.
You think about it.
It's like something where it's likeI immediately,
I immediately, was was painedin a good way
by that track where I was like,what does that literally mean?
(13:50):
It smells like sour cream and onion.
And then I was conjuring and all of it.
And then the.
But the pussy farting thing is like,I don't first of all, I don't love fart
as a word.
I do not like it. I do not like it.
Not for me.And I certainly don't like it in a lyric.
And so it's like, let's, you know, buscome up with something better.
Gotcha.
(14:10):
So we won't workshop our musical with you.
Because it's mostly farts.
Yeah.
I'm not the guy.
Let's start over.
We'll start with a haunted blank page.
You know, you mentioned somesome artists before.
You've worked with so many talentedartists.
Are artists?
(14:31):
Artists?
Yeah. Thank you. Producer Alex.
Whoa. You're in the same place.
Yeah. Oh, isn't that fucked up?
Oh, my God, Edward, take out right now.
Yeah, look at that. That's Edward's.
My hands are.
Great. You.
You can ivors. I have no idea.
We see like an old hand.
(14:52):
None of us recognize. Coming.
Yeah. That's really exciting.
Which artists living your deadwould you love to work with?
Oh my gosh.
John Goodman is the big one.
I love John Goodman so much.
I would love to put him in a musical.
(15:14):
As far as dead people.
Dancing loud.
And I would have loved working with her.
One of the greats, Nell Carter.
She was pretty great.
But there's. I mean, there's so many.
I just I'm really turned on by, goodactors who have a lot of, personality
and who are really charismatic, peoplewho, like, bring personality with them.
(15:36):
So, like, I mean, I'd love to workwith Bridget Everett.
I'd love to work with Amy Sedaris.
I would love to work with,I love Jon Hamm.
I'd love to see JonHamm in a musical. Yeah.
I don't know so many people.
Bridget Everett lives in my neighborhoodand walks her little dog all the time.
Do you want me to put in a good wordwith her or the dog?
Oh my gosh. Yeah, for sure. Both ways.
(15:57):
Yeah, I wouldn't I wouldn't
yeah for sure.
Like, you kidnap the dogand then you're like being
my musical reading,
you know, being his music reading.
I have very little skin in the game.
Yeah. But, yeah.
Please. Please do. I justI love her so much.
(16:19):
I think she's so great.
I would I would so kill to write somethingthat is worthy of her.
If her incredible talent.
You've workedwith so many talented artists
who are living or dead,would you hate to work with,
Bridget Everett?
No. Never.
Well, you just premiered your musical,the untitled
(16:40):
unauthorized Hunter S Thompson musical.
Now unauthorized.
Are you going to go to prison for this?
I honestly might,I like I'm not even kidding.
I, I've never written anythingabout a person
who, was,you know, a lot like a real person.
And I don't imagine I'll ever do so again,because it is such like a hornet's
(17:01):
nest of, issues when you do it,even if your heart is in the right place.
And even if you're writing like a musicalthat's like a scrap, a musical
that's just about like the power of artand the written word,
which is what my musical is about.
It's just so it's so talentedand, and so.
Yeah. So I might get I might get sued.
I might be punished for just trying towrite, musicals that mean something.
(17:25):
We'll say we'll be protesting outside,saying, Let Joe go.
It rhymes.
So that'll I think your case. Yeah,
yeah.
Her dog. It'll be great.
Yeah. Bad.
It's that.
But, you know, you are writing a musicalabout a real person, as you noted.
What's the most interesting thingyou learned in your research?
(17:47):
Oh my gosh, so much.
100 something that was like,the most fascinating,
wild man of all time.
You know, his his whole life, it was justthese crazy ass stories about him.
And,
you know, the thingthat kind of excited me in the first place
about him when I first started writingthis many years ago was like,
I sort of knew this kind of cartoonversion of him from the Fear
(18:10):
and Loathing in Las Vegas movieand from sort of he was like,
you know, sort of like a pop culture, you know, cartoon, and so,
I started like, reading about, about hima lot after he died in 2005.
And I kept reading all these firsthandaccounts from people who knew him.
And I was so taken with how,
some of the things that people were sayingabout him really made me feel like,
(18:32):
oh, my gosh, you are so much morethan this sort of wild man cartoon.
Like he had such. Yeah.
And he cared so deeply about his writing,and he cared so deeply about,
politics and America, and making a placefor outsiders and outcasts and all that.
And he was a really, really serious artistand other things that I read.
(18:54):
It was like, oh my God, this cartoonversion of him doesn't even hold a candle
to the real life version of him, like thethe actual things that he did.
It was just like,you know, just truly, truly remarkable.
I mean, it's like there's no,he like you.
So you lived in a certain towncalled Owl Farm, and he loved peacocks.
(19:15):
And so there's peacocks runningall over the place.
He, you know, he
he would, like, go
to the local tavern and, just set offfirecrackers
inside, like, he would just run insideand set off firecrackers.
Scale.
I mean,
yeah, it's like all of this, like, it'sall of this, like.
Like, you know, it's this behaviorthat he acted like it was like
(19:37):
this, like, playful behavior, butit was like literal destruction, you know?
Like itwas, like, very dangerous, you know?
Shit.
He also like, loved guns, which was likeanother thing that surprised me
because he's, you know, someoneso much with politics, you're so liberal.
But he also just happened to love guns.
He loved them once.He liked blowing things up.
And so he was just like,you know, he would constantly be like,
(19:59):
you know, just like blowing,blowing things up on his property.
He lived next door to John Denver,who was always complaining,
just like upsetand so unfairly shooting at me.
It was I mean, it's like it's unreal.
The story. It's unreal.
Johnny Depp, like, lived in his basementfor years.
It's it's it's very strange.
(20:20):
The whole connectionwith playing him are like unrelated.
Yeah.
Because they became really closewhen when Johnny Depp got that part.
And then they remained closed for,for Hunter's whole life.
And Johnny Depp actually paidfor Hunter Thompson's funeral.
He had his.
His wish was that, his ashes
be put in fireworksand exploded over his property.
(20:44):
So it was this, this funeralthat he planned,
like, you know, 30 years before he died.
And he wanted the fireworks shot off,
from the statue of a gonzo fest,which was like, sort of his his logo.
It's like this double time,
this clutching the peyote button and,so it was this huge statue.
That was this.
I designed the whole thing, but, like,had no, you know, money to pay for it.
(21:04):
And so Johnny Deppis, like, paid for this insane,
funeral where his ashes were shot offover his property.
Wow. It's interesting,man, with so many facets.
But also a lot of themseem to boil down to blowing things up.
Like, they seem to sort ofget back around to just boom.
Honestly.
Yeah.
I mean, and that's like, you know, thefinale of the show is, is, called kaboom.
(21:29):
And it's like, that's sort ofwhat it you know, what it what it is.
And Hunter S Thompson like, this isn'tthis isn't a spoiler.
But he, you know, he killed himself like,he shot himself.
And, it's his life is just it's
so it's so messy, and so many contradictions.
And his actual story,which actually makes him.
He's a terrible subject for a musicallike all his life, does not fit into the,
(21:53):
like, classic biopic arc at all.
It's, like,impossible to shove it into that.
And so, and so it's,you know, he's like a really
tricky subject for musical,but sound like his life does come down
to, this exploding band,you know, and like and and
and and and and trying to, like,explode the status quo and to, you know,
(22:15):
and and destruction, like so much ofhis life was about destruction for sure.
Yeah.
I the reason I asked if the Johnny Deppliving was related to the movie
is because I imagine a world
where, like years before,he just happens to live in the basement,
and then one day he books that in is like,hey, Hunter, you know, we leave this.
(22:37):
I book you, yeah, that would be very cool.
But no, the movie, the movie was, Ibelieve, the start of their relationship.
Joe, we're going to take a quick breakand then we have another guest to join us.
Can you stick around for that guest? Yeah.Of course.
All righty.
We'll be right back with the BroadwayBeat podcast.
(23:01):
Welcome back to the Broadway Beat podcast.
We're here with Joe iconic Joe.How was your break?
Break was fantastic.
I had some coffee at Mordor,fully hydrated, ready to go to beverages.
I know our next guest is a lounge singer.
Pleasewelcome to the show, Annalise Ivory's.
Oh, hello. Hello, Joe.
(23:22):
Isaac.
Hello, Joe.
No. Hello, Zach.
Well, I don't know you and Joehas Broadway connections.
I could be a a lounge singer on Broadway.
I guess that's true.
Joe, do you have any lounge singerconnections on Broadway specifically?
I don't, but I'm always, I'm always hoping to to make some.
(23:43):
That's my goal.
Oh, that'd be amazing.
Thank you. Drone. Ichabod. Yeah.
It was Annalise.
Thank you for being here.
Oh, you're so welcome.
I know you're a lounge singer,so I imagine that you do
most of your work in the evening.
So this morning recording is convenient.
Is that correct?
Well, nothing's convenient when you're me.
Oh, great.
(24:04):
For I lounge sing and I play across a baby
grand piano, and I sort ofjust stay there.
I never leave, so this is new sunlight.
That's weird.
Oh, interesting.So you lay across a piano?
Yes. You do.
You take breaks throughout your set.
You go to the bathroom.
I sit on the piano.
(24:25):
Oh, go right to shit on the piano.
So sorry.
Interesting.
Well, here's the thing.
When I was a child, I believed there weretwo options for a woman's occupation.
What year was this? 2000. Great,
I thought so.
I just wanted to double check.
Yes, I'm very young.
There were two options.
(24:47):
Lawyer and lounge singer.
And I chose a lounge singer.
And now here's the thing.
I love the attention of men, I love it,
I love going to the loungeand seeing all those eyes upon me.
But I can't leave.
Oh. Ever got you.
I'm understanding the game in this now.
(25:09):
Okay, so let's boil this down, Joe,
have you ever encountered thisin any of your club gigs?
A lounge singer who can't leave a loungesinger who's trapped?
I, I have, I have not,
but I've heard stories.
Well, here's the thing.
I can't exist without men's attention.
So if we start looking at youand talking to you, you would disappear.
(25:32):
Yes. If a tree falls in the forest andno one is around, is it still luxurious?
The age old question.
Okay, let's try it. Let's let's see.
Joe, let's look to our left and rightreal quick,
and we'll look back at the recordingand see if Annalise disappears.
Okay.
On three, one, two, three.
(25:54):
And now we're going to turn back.
I'm turning back.
Oh, I mean,
I guess we'll have to watch the recordingto know if you were in here with me.
Why now?
Yeah, yeah,that's a amazing to find out, though.
I love modern media. Yeah, you sound like.
I mean, you've been a child since 2000,so it's kind of all, you know.
Well, I don't understand what makesyou think I'm from a different era.
(26:16):
It's your voice.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should have mentionedthis is my speech impediment.
Oh, yes, I'm very embarrassed by it.
No. Please don't. It's. It's fine.
Well, I've gone to speech languagepathology lessons for years,
and I still talklike a luxurious woman from the 1940s.
(26:36):
So what are some of
the things they teach you at your, speechpathology classes.
Oh, how to talk like a girl but not old.
Oh, you're doing a shit job.
Well you're okay.
You know how there's like,oh, you make an H sound,
you do it in front of a candle,do you know what she's talking about?
(26:57):
You have no idea. None of you have.
That is both speech and languagepathology.
That that is the ultimate, ghost shit
right theresaying H is in front of a candle.
You're not going to trick me.
Yeah, now that I'm probably aspirating.
God, you know, nothing.
(27:17):
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I don't mean to yell at you,Jeremy. Igloo.
I want to make a connection with you.
I understand I used to ask youjust like all our guests.
Can you get you something to drink?Something to eat?
Oh, yes, a dirty martini.
Oh, that's all I drink.
Andy, you eat the martini?
Well, there's olives in a darling.
(27:37):
All right.
Okay.
Salad, we call it.
Yes, yes,I have an intense vitamin D deficiency.
It sounds like it gets interesting.
Okay, so you're looking to make loungesinger connections,
specifically on Broadway?
Well, I think that's the biggest loungethere is.
Broadway, I mean. Right, right. Jodi,
(28:01):
am I getting your name wrong?
You seem upset with me.
You. No. It's okay, I like it.
I appreciate the variety.
I'm, like, very much about, like, whateveryou feel is what you should do and say.
It's like just whateveryou think my name is. That's what it is.
You're a jazz cat. You vibe. It's off.
Don't try.
Yeah. Improv.
You're scared.
(28:23):
I am scat.
Yeah.
What's your lower body strength like?
Oh, atrophy honey, it's atrophy.
Poor.
I can't leave the top of the babygrand piano.
Otherwise men will stop perceiving meand I cease to exist.
Gotcha.
Okay, so in theory,you'd like to leave the lounge,
(28:46):
but if you do, there might not beany place for you to leave too.
I'm afraid the other.
Only the only other option for a ladyis lawyer.
And I'm not going to law school.
I feel I'm becoming southern.
Yeah.
You and me both.
I am a questionwhen you say you want to make lounge
your connection is on Broadway.
(29:07):
I guess I don't fully understandwhat that means.
Do you mean you want to? Like you want to.
You want to connect with other loungesingers who are on Broadway or you
yourself want to be on Broadway.
As a lounge singer, I want to be onBroadway as a lounge singer, darling.
Okay, that's the thing, I assume.
Yeah, it's sort of like, you know, parade,
(29:29):
like the most recent revivaland and invitation.
I love parades.
Okay, not the same.
Ben Platt sort of stayed on stageduring intermission.
I think that you want to be come on stagein intermission and do a lounge number.
Intermission is.
And that's the only time you see me.
(29:49):
All right?
If you go on a time where you wouldn'tbe alive.
I'm thinking okay,
some ideasas far as like shows currently running,
what I'm hearing isthis feels like a cabaret at the club.
And a switch. Right.
Like I feel like you can, you know,you can be a a ghost who exists in.
(30:13):
Yeah.
As in people, they're in the theater
because there's like always loungeacts happening.
Right.
Is that appealing to you.
I'm appealed.
I'm definitely appealed.
I, I do have a question, boys. Yes.
You have to understand,I'm constantly in the dark, literally.
So I don't understand what you'retalking about.
(30:35):
Is Broadway just not a big lounge stage?
Oh, no. It's like a business,
like lawyer.
I explain this,
it's like not. No.
Yeah, I guess they're lawyers.
They're.
Oh, I'm going to be a two trick pony,I guess so.
(30:57):
Okay, so what's your next step?
Okay.
You're going to be a lawyer and loungesinger on Broadway.
Today what are you doing to achieve this?
I do a squat to build leg strength.
I think that's a good first step.
I don't know Joe. Any any advice.
Pass the squat.
The single squatI think maybe getting some, some new rep
(31:21):
might be helpful.
Yeah. What.
Who are you with? Like,what do you saying?
I'm with the old bird lounge.
Okay.You're going to have to get a new rep.
Yeah,
I actually meant
I meant song, like new repertoire,you know, like, maybe some new.
Some more, like Broadway,current Broadway, pieces.
(31:44):
Current Broadway.
That's here. Yeah.
To add to your book, beforeI, became eternally
trapped in the dark ofthe bird lounge, I saw Annie.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
How is that?
Yeah, that's a great one,because you are in the dark.
It's helpful, it's helpful.
That's helpful.
(32:05):
Well, unless it's been,it's been super weird talking to you.
We have to get to our next guest.
Can you stick around?Do you want to meet him?
He might have some connections.
Oh, I can't leave until someone moves me.
Gotcha. Perfect.
Okay, we'll be right backwith more Annalise Ivory's more Joe icon
is here on the Broadway Beat podcast.
(32:27):
You. Just had a lovely break. Joe.
How you doing? You hanging in there?
Yeah, I'm having a great time.
Perfect.
Annalise Ivory's,just to recap, you're a lounge singer
who can't leave the lounge, and doesn'texist if she's not perceived by men.
(32:48):
How are you other than that?
Oh, well,I've got three men looking at me now.
I'm feeling good.
Perfect. Okay. You're feeling very alive.
I'm feeling super alive.
Speaking of the third man,we have another guest joining the show.
He is,
I guess I misread it when we booked.
This can't be right.
He's porn playwright Neil Simon.
(33:11):
Hello?
Hello. Hold your applause.Thank you, thank you.
Just finding my voice very quickly.
Hey. This sick.
Hello. In a lease.
Hello, Joe.
Louis, you said Joe in kind of a scary
way was we're old friends.
Okay. Play playwrights, know each other.
(33:33):
Even if one playwrights.
Okay,so let's let's dissect that a little bit.
Because I'm in the yearI thought I booked, playwright
Neil Simon, which I am realizingnow is wrong because he's dead.
He did?
I've never heard of foreign playwriting.
What is that?
It's kind of simple.
Have you heard of Fiona Griffy?
(33:56):
I'm sorry.
Pornography? Oh, man or woman?
No, no. Or whatever.
Kiss. Not so.
Have you ever been to speech languagepathology?
They often make you blow a candle.
Yeah, I've heard of it.
You do the h sound. So, Kendall.
Okay, so we're kin. Great.
Okay. I guess this is just foreign to us.
This is just a Long Island accent.
(34:16):
What are you talking about?
I can't wait to see how consistent it is.
The absence.
So foreign playwriting? Yes.
I've heard of pornography.Have you heard of playwriting?
I have, yes,
I, I don't know what else you need.
Okay, so this is your profession?
I'm still not fully getting it.
(34:37):
Can you name some other foreignplaywrights? Are there other one?
Let's see.
There's, Régis Joseph.
Great.
Terrence Mcnasty.
Susan Laurie pert.
It's like perky breasts. Yes, yes.
Thank you.
He's, Edward.
All B's baby.
(34:59):
The B's being his,
titties like a B cup.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay. And, Claire.
Baron. Normal.
Claire. Barry.
Great. Okay.
And these arethese are sort of your, like, colleagues.
These are other people in your field.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,we all hang out.
(35:20):
Okay. So what are some of.
And again, I apologize.
I really did a lot of my NeilSimon research.
Neil Simon, what are some of your mostwell known works?
Yeah, yeah. Of course.
Of course I've got the odd column, Paul,that we all know and love.
Laughter on the 69th floor.
Bare butt in the park.
(35:41):
Great.
The sunshine, but.
And that's it.
Oh, my gosh,it takes so long to write these plays.
Oh, yeah, I imagine.
I mean, how long does it usually takeyou to, to, to start to finish,
draft a new piece?
You know, it takes longer than you'd thinkbecause I got gotta write it with
(36:04):
one hand.
I did like that.
It's.
By the way, Joe, have you heard of porn?
Playwriting? Just.
I don't want to assume you haven't.
I know I have very muchso I went to, grad school
for musical theater writing,so I know all the playwriting.
Gotcha. So do you.
Are you familiar with Neil's work?
(36:26):
Yeah. Of course.
Oh, wow. Okay.
Oh. Have you seen some of my work?
Yeah, yeah, I saw,
Bear Butt in the park.That was a great one.
And it was at the Atlantic.
It ran for 30 weeks.
Oh, wow.
A legendary 30 weeks.
And it was great.
Yeah.
And that laughter on the 69 but.
(36:48):
Oh all of them, they're all great.
I've seen I've seen them allnot all in their original productions.
I've seen someand I saw community theater production
of Temple and I,
I've read the ones that I haven't seen,but I, I loved them all there.
Yeah.
I'm surprised that we got, Jon Hamm for the community theater,
(37:11):
which is very easy because it's justa two, two hander and one nasty couch.
So I'm just going to sort of ripthe Band-Aid off with this question
as someone who doesn't know this field,and I'm sorry if this is offensive.
It sounds like you're kind of lazily
just changing the titles of well-knownplays to be like, a little sexual.
(37:35):
For anyone listening who doesn't knowthis world, do you have, like, an excerpt
or some things that we can geta better idea?
Yeah, of course.
First off, very offensive.
I'm not a fan. Yeah,I didn't know how to ask.
You're going to pay for my bustrip back home, I guess I was home,
Locust Valley, Long Island.
(37:56):
Oh. Bus stops.
While you're giving out
free money, are you going tobuy me seven more martinis?
We kind of made the one in houseI can make you.
I'm so hungry.
Okay. Well, right after this interview.
Well, we'll get you seven more.
Mark, do you just want the olives?
(38:17):
No. Okay.
Seven more martinis.
Sorry, Neil. No.
Of course, of course.
And, Joe,because you're so familiar with my week,
let's do a thing from the odd combo.
So it's.
Let's do the Odd Couple right now.
I'll show you the base one,and then we'll do the pawn version.
(38:39):
Joe, is that okay?Do you mind sort of unrehearsed happening?
I would not I would I would love to. Yeah.Thank goodness.
I can think of nothing. I'm honored.
Joe. All I need you to say rightnow is like,
I'm the clean one.
Great. I'm the clean one.
Oh, and I'm the dirty one. And seen.
And that's what the, the couple is.
(39:01):
That was good.
So now we're going to do that, combo.
So, Joe,if you could give me that same line again,
I am the clean one
and I'm done fucking 31.
I'm for fucking sex, baby.
I didn't like that.
I didn't like that one bit.
I mean, I love to hear. Wow.
(39:24):
Very moving, very moving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am sensing sort of a character grapplingwith being the fucking dirty one
because he doesn't sound like he's.
Well, that's what makes it sort of a playmore than a porn,
because it's, he'sgot this internal conflict where he's just
sort of fighting,being a dirty, nasty fucking boy,
(39:47):
or being a human man.
Right. Is any of this legal?
No. Great. No no no no no no.
That's why the we don't haveestablished theaters of our own.
We just sort of move from spaceto space up
to a maximum of 30 weeks,of course, at the Atlantic.
Right.
But we just got to make sure the copsand the lawyers do not come to see
(40:11):
the shows. Right.
When you were Atlantic, it was sort oflike an inverse of the subscription model.
Like they had to subscribe to a certainlevel to not have to not see the play.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
It's much more expensivethan the normal subscription.
Okay. It's smart though.
Okay.
Anything else in the pipeline?
Any new works you're working on?
(40:31):
Anything you maybe want to like?
I mean, I know, and Alice has askedJoe for some favors already, but, Joe,
I don't know if you have any connectionsfor Neil. Anything you want to bring in?
I actually do have, an idea for you, Joe,that I'm hoping that we could.
Maybe.
Yeah, it's it's called be more code. And,
(40:51):
I think you can guess what it is.
It's just be more chill.
But, instead of a pill he takes, it'sa pill he takes, and it's Viagra.
So I'm thinking I take pillssometimes, you know, every time I turn
to look at you, you just sort of appeara split second before I turn my head.
(41:12):
That's very, very sad.
So. Yeah.Yeah, it's a Neil Simon sort of.
Joe, you penis,collaboration up the up the pipeline.
Yeah. No, I like it.
I like it a lot.
So he takes the bhangra, right?
Yeah. And then. Then what happened?
If youever take them, they aggregate you.
(41:34):
Yeah.
What are the side effects of Viagra?
Let me tell you, he's got,
drink some Mountain Dew to get back down.
Maybe, I don't know,he could have some of my martini. The.
Every time I look at you, you just appear.
I guess we can just workshop it.
I don't want you to have to give an answerright now, Joe.
(41:57):
I also think what Neil's doing
is very dark and might not be legal.
So, you know, but, hey,he's he's got that illegal musical.
That's true.
So maybe if we did the titledauthorized Hunter
S Thompson porn.
Oh. Yeah.
(42:17):
Yeah, that's that could be right.
That could be the waythat could be the way to do it.
I think that's the way to not get foodis the idea the Hunter
s Thompson story with more, dicks and common pussies and shit.
Yeah yeah yeah that's what it was missingthe original, thing.
Sour cream and onion.
Yeah.
Neil. Yeah.
(42:37):
If you don't mind, can I just rattle offsome names of, you know, other shows?
And I'm thinking, I wonderif there are porn versions of them.
You just let me know. Like,maybe what they're called.
I can find them.
Let's say maybe, like the hillsof California, that new play,
Hills, California parentheses.
The hills are boobs.
The hills of Bruce. Okay, great.
(42:58):
So it's the blues of California.Yeah. Gotcha.
You know,we mentioned water for elephants earlier.
Is there a porn version?
Piss for elephants.
Joe, any shows you're curious about?
Stuff's stuff's.
It's.
I'm proud of that.
We can tell you.
Yeah, I like that one. Yeah.
(43:19):
What about, So,
you know, substance about ladies? No.
Yeah. She lives on.
I haven't left in so long.
Okay. It's about ladies.
This stuff's.
It's about men
I love when men look at me.
It sounds like a show up your alley.Annalise.
(43:40):
Any shows you want to know about?
I don't know.
Any shows. Any.
There is no porn version of cool.
Probably for the best. That makes sense.That makes sense.
Great.
Well, Neil, this has been differentthan I expected, and a lot worse.
We got one more segment coming up.
We're going to take a quick break,
then we're back with Joe economistsAnnalise Ivory's and Neil Simon.
(44:02):
We'll be right back with the BroadwayBeat podcast.
Welcome back to the Broadway Beat podcast.
We're here with Joe Icons.
Joe, you still hanging in there? Yeah.Of course.
It's great.
Thank you for being here.
Annalise. Ivory's, how are you?
I'm so good.
Did I ever tell youmy name isn't a stage name?
But it's kind of a stage name.
(44:22):
No. Ivory tickle the ivories.
Yeah, no, I understand
anyway, I'm here.
Thank you for being here, Annalise.
I know you have probably a busy night.
It's a Saturday,so you have a lot a lot of gigs.
Well, I got to sing all night.
I'm going to sing.
I'm going to go up with dope.
What's your 11:00 number like?
(44:43):
Your big finale?
I do a very slow downversion of that song with the sour cream.
Oh, by, bus down
a bus down her pussyhole smell like sour cream and onion.
Oh. That's good.
Wow. I mean, you get to play nice. Thank you.
And, Neil, how are you doing?
(45:05):
Damp.
God. You okay?
That's what that smell is.
We're on to our last segment.
As you all know,we like to end these episodes with a game.
There's no prize.
That's life.
It's time to play everyone'sfavorite game.
Be more chill or be less chill.
Now I'm going to name something.
(45:26):
And between the three of you, you have tocome up with a collective answer.
You have to tell me
if that thing could affordto be more chill or to be less chill.
Now there is a right answer.
This is based off the 2023 census.
So let's make sure that we're holdingthat.
Taking that into account,be more chill or be less chill
(45:48):
chicken that you're waiting to defrost.
Be less chill. I don't eat food.
I think less less single out warmer.
Yeah. Less is the answer.
Yeah, yeah, that's great work.
Yes. The chicken yeah.
Could stand to be less chill becauseyou want to be room temperature 20 points.
Yep. No no no points, no prizes.
20 points.
Your teacher, Mr.
(46:12):
Zen Broski, when he's frickin writing youabout your essay, be more chill.
He could chill out a little bit.
He could stand chill. Correct.
Mr. Andrus,he could stand to be more chill.
Ten points.
I was going to be zero.
Rosé you bought from the shelf,not the fridge.
(46:32):
It must be more.
Well, I hate a hot martini, so I imaginea hot rosé would be disgusting.
And you'd be correct.
That rosé could stand to be more chill.Be in the fridge now.
Do you guys know the the trick to chillyour wine quickly?
You wet a paper towel,wrap it around the bottle.
15 minutes you got chilled.
I mean, put it in the fridge,but 15 minutes you.
(46:53):
God, I was gonna say if you just.
You can just be a wet one. Yeah. Was.
You know, the fridge is important, but,Yeah, this doesn't really apply to you.
Annalise. No.Everybody buys drinks for me.
Exactly.You'll never have to get your own.
Moving on.
You guys are doing great, by the way.You're three for three. Wow.
I have to say, like, I thoughtwhen you said this, the game was stupid.
(47:15):
I didn't think it would be this stupid.
Yeah, actually, it's like this.
Thank you.
Yeah, we we like to exceed expectations,no matter how low.
Yeah.
This is this is producer Haley.
No, we did play a game with, Andrew Koberwhere,
he was mad at how it was.
(47:37):
Yeah, there was a point where he was like,I don't think I can do this anymore.
No, I think it's.
I think it's great.
I'm just really, pleasantly surprised.
Thank you.
You delivered.
You delivered on the promise of stupidity.
Good.
You take that as a pull quote for,or EPK for maybe
(47:57):
that's the first review.
Moving on.
Linda Cardellini from Scooby-Doo
two Monsters Unleashed.
I think, maybe it'd be maybe be more.
Oh, I've never I haven't seen the film,but I'm going to assume
that Linda Cardellini was,like, playing it to the hilt
(48:17):
and, and super,
you know, super, like, give me, like,a ten plus kind of performance,
and maybe you could have, like,chilled out a little bit.
For Velma.
But that's my that's my review
and assessment of her performance,literally, without ever having seen it.
Right.
I agree, because I want a job on BroadwayLounge.
(48:38):
Right. Okay.
So you're sort of just going alongwith whatever, whatever he says.
And I've seen the horn version obviously.
So it's moreI would say more chill. Okay.
So what's what's the point version.
What's it called.
It's called Scooby Doo two.
Oh no. He's in Monsters Unleashed.
And by monster I do mean my penis.
(49:00):
Oh, you guys are right. Though.
She could stand to be more chill.
Velma. Relax, girl.
Congress.
Oh, that's a tough one.
Annalise. Who's the president right now?
Oh, that's got to be, Nixon.
Yes. Correct. You were born in
the late 90s.
Early thousands, right? Yes.
(49:22):
Listen, I'm not a lawyer.
I didn't choose that path.
You're right.
We are.
We are being. We're being rude. Congress.
I don't like to get political,but let's show
we're on the precipice of that.
The answer is correct.
Let's show.
Get some stuff done, boys.
Patti LuPone, Patti LuPone,
(49:45):
lounge singer galore.
It's Patti LuPone.
Is she considered like a godamong your people?
Oh, I worship the ground she walks on.
I can't even answer those questions.
You can't even walk on the ground.
Yeah, let's do.
What do you think?
I think I actually thinkshe's the appropriate level.
(50:06):
Chill, I, I, I love, love her.
I think she's great.
It's just right.
The water's fine for me.
Yeah. It's fine.
Boys, come in for a swim.
What's the answer?
The actual answer is less chill.
I want to see her.Give us the business. A little bit.
Neil.What is that? Is what is. What is Patty's,
(50:27):
quarantine name?
Yeah. Of course.
It's, Patton.
Low patent. Those ponies.
I thought it would be Patty La Bone.
I thought it'd be patty load porn.
Joe, you got anything?
Patty? Patty. Loophole.
I will open the art of pole dancing.
Also an exotic night art.
(50:47):
Not that.
Maybe not the type of pole. I don't know,
I was thinking, like penis pole, penis.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
There's
bugs in the pool.
Oh, more.
I hate a bug in my martini,which I imagine is a really small pool.
That's a nice way to think about it.
(51:07):
If I went in a pool,I would not want a bug there.
That's the correct answer.
I hate bugs in the pool.
Moving on. Bad
people interested in
writing Great Gatsby musicals.
More chill.
Stop that.
I agree, just everyone just stop it.
(51:28):
So many out there.
Stop it.
Everyone quit.
That is the correct more chill.
Take a breath. Take a walk.
There will be something elseto write about.
Boys.
Neil, is there a porn stageversion of The Great Gatsby?
You bet there is.
The Great Gatsby.
Oh, okay.
(51:49):
And the other oneis The Great Gatsby. Yes.
There's two of those. Two of them.There's two of them.
Gotcha. Directed by Rachel Chacon.
All right.
And the last one, people,when they hear this podcast.
Well, we don't want Santa to relax.
We don't want them in a in a fugue state.
(52:11):
I don't want that for anyone.
So let's.
Yeah.
Get him static, get emphatic or get out.
Get excited about things.
Get passionate about the whole podcastor don't listen at all.
You take to the streets exactly.
Free Joe iconicand then listen to our podcast let Joe go.
(52:33):
What.
No. No, Joe.
The correct answer is lessif you're listening to this.
Okay? Tell your friends. Tell your family.
We got to get the numbers up sowe can get on Jake Paul's podcast network.
Like The Hawk to a girl.
Do you guys know she has a podcast?
Do you know what it's called?
It's called talk to her.
And I'm not going to pretendthat's not really funny.
(52:55):
That is good.
Will that be relevantwhen the episode comes out?
Definitely. She's a star.
She's not going anywhere.
She is forever. It's time with.
Yeah.
If we can get Hawk to air on the podcast
now, this is theater like Hawk to
you ask her about like, cost of living.
(53:20):
Well, Joe.
Yeah?
This has been light.
Thank you again for doing this.We're such big fans.
You've been really wonderful to talk to.
Is there anything you'd like to like?
Plug. Where can people find you?
What do you want people to know about?
Yeah. For sure.
So you can find meon, you know, all the places, Mr.
Joe, I kind of, and, somethingthat I do want people to know about
(53:41):
is there's this restaurant
and performance space in New York Citycalled the West Bank cafe,
and there's a theater inside ofit called Laurie Beachfront Theater.
And I have been, on a team
that is trying to save this place,because it is in danger of closing.
And so if you're someone who giveseven the slightest bit
about, New York City and businessesin New York City
(54:02):
that are not like Applebee's and the Olivegarden, you should, number one,
go donate to the Go Fund Me page,for, West Bank cafe, West Bank forever.
And, then you should go thereand you should have some food
and have some drinksand go see a show at the beach.
Man, I'm playing, a Halloween show thereon Halloween night and the night after,
(54:23):
and there's some amazing eventshappening there over the next few months.
And, it's a place that,that needs your business,
but also, it's likenot it's not doing charity by going there.
It's like a really fun spot.
A lot of theater people go there.
It's a great like,it's a happy hangout for,
New York City artist typesand the people who love them.
So please, please give some business tothat giant, because I love it very much.
(54:48):
You heard Joe go to the Laurie Beach man.
Annalise.
What would you like to plug?Can the people find you?
Oh, good luck, darling,but you know who you can follow.
It's my good friend HaleyJane Rose
@haleyisfamous
She's in a band. She does, comedy.
And you might see her on theBroadwaybeat.com, which I assume is the website.
(55:11):
Bingo.
I've never set foot in an internet cafe.
They don't have baby grand pianos.
Neil, where can people find you?
What do you got going on?
Generally,I am behind the dumpster at a Walmart,
but if, Which Walmart? Yep.
I would sincerely also like toto plug the West Bank cafe.
(55:33):
It's a really great place.
I don't want to do it in this nasty voice,but I have to,
The bartender's really niceevery time I come in.
It's a it's a great, location.
Please. Please go. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
You could also follow at
@pertoltprecht, on Instagram.
You also don't have to. Yeah.
(55:55):
That's, my good friend Edward Precht.
He sucks.
Right.
So if you want to followsomeone who sucks.
Haha.
I know I do!
Well for all ofus here at the Broadway Beat.
You know what we say?
Get us on, Jake, Paul, Jake,
(56:15):
Podcast and let Joe go let
Joe, go! Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I've been Zach, thank you so much.
By the Broadway Beat podcast is created,produced and hosted by Zach Raffio.
It's produced and engineered by HaleyJane
Rose, with additional contributionsby associate producer Edward Precht
(56:35):
The theme song is composed by JakeRose and sung by Patti LuPone.
Follow The Broadway Beat on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @bwaybeatnews
and on TikTok @thebroadwaybeat Bye!
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