The Brothers Grail - Episode 7 - Chapters 20 to 22

Hey there, friend! 🌟 Ready for a wild ride through the Bible like you've never experienced before? This episode of "The Brothers Grail" is packed with twists, turns, and a whole lot of laughter. Join Quindog, the Captain, and Kebevan as they unravel the sacred texts with a healthy dose of irreverence and humor. 😄

We'll dive into the story of Abraham, who might just be the original scam artist, deceiving kings and getting rewarded for it! And wait until you hear about the time he almost sacrificed his son Isaac—talk about a dramatic cliffhanger! 😲

Plus, we explore the themes of faith, fertility, and divine manipulation, all while navigating through some of the Bible's most bizarre and intriguing stories. From sibling secrets to divine tests, this episode has it all. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and let's embark on this biblical adventure together. 🚀

Don't miss out on the laughs and the revelations—tune in now! 🎧

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
The Brothers Grail acknowledges the Bindal and Wulgurukaba people of North Queensland
and the Wurundjeri people of Melbourne, the traditional owners of the land we record on today.
We pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.
We also recognise that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders have been custodians

(00:20):
of the land, rivers and seas for at least 65,000 years and were the first storytellers.
In God, you do a lot more work in general for the whole thing.
So if we did some homework, it wouldn't be you pussing out. It would just possibly
be us carrying our own weight.

(00:41):
Agreed. Well, you know, I've actually recorded that, so I'm going to keep that for posterity.
Oh, damn it. Yeah, thank you. All right, we good? Yeah.
Greetings, beloved congregation of the Brothers Grail podcast.
Within these sacred preachings, I, your humble shepherd, Quindog,
embark upon the sacred task of recounting the sacred texts of the Old and New

(01:07):
Testament to my Nimrod brothers, the Captain and Kebevan.
Though we proudly bear the mantle of non-believing heathens,
we courageously embark upon the arduous journey toward enlightenment and understanding.
Join us as we navigate the passages
of faith, mysticism, and the aroma of freshly burnt meat offerings.

(01:27):
Together, we seek not just comprehension, but divine revelation itself!
How was that delivery, boys? Was that a bit better than last week?
I was trying to sort out a cat screaming situation. I didn't say that. You can get that out.
No, everyone. We'll keep it in. But I'm not okay with the cat distracting you from my introduction.

(01:51):
Yeah, your delivery sounded good. I just didn't hear what you said. Thank you.
Thank you. Hello, Captain. That was the Captain chatting. Hello,
Kebevan. How are you doing? Good. How are you doing?
Good. You're so difficult. You don't give me much to work with, Kebevan.
Are we like a seesaw of opposites or

(02:12):
some shit yeah something like that all right well let's
just fucking go i'm gonna i've done the prep
again we'll go really really quickly through
our last episode which was we only got through chapters 18 and 19 but we'll
really quickly recap those so if you can remember uh we met our three investigator

(02:33):
angels who were on their way to Sodom and they had a bit of lunch with their mate Abraham.
And while they were there, they promised Sarah a baby again. Do you remember?
Abraham debated with God about how many righteous people needed to be with the
minimum amount of... We stopped at 10.
Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. He didn't want to argue anymore and he didn't want to just

(02:58):
pick a lower number, which he should have. We agreed.
The angels went to Sodom and met Lot. Lot, we re-met Lot again in Sodom,
and then the angry mob turned up and threatened to go at the angels carnally.
And to avoid that, Lot offered his daughters up instead.
And even though the angels didn't get raped, they still blew up Sodom anyway.

(03:24):
But while Sodom was being blown up, Lot escaped.
They let him go. So he got away with his two waters, but his wife didn't make
it because she looked back and she got turned into a pillar of salt.
Then they moved up into the mountains and his daughters got him drunk and raped
him so that they could have his babies and that's where we got to so i've been
thinking about this yeah,

(03:45):
my knowledge always was that it was because sodom was homosexual yeah but it
never said anything about that it was seemed like the rape was the problem yeah
i thought the same thing Were they trying to rape one of the girls though?
Or was it specifically just the dude they were trying to rape?
Well, it didn't say if the group around them were men. It was just a group.

(04:09):
Yeah, I guess it was implied that they were men. Yeah, and I would say...
In general, throughout human history, if there was going to be a mob of rapists,
probably going to be men. I can't imagine. Sure, there's maybe at least been once.
When I was younger, I worked at a poor man's version of Man Power one night.

(04:31):
I was just serving drinks.
The women, they were a crowd of rapey women. They were touching and feeling everything.
A little bit grabby. Yeah. I have a theory and it's that if you're in a public
place with like young men and middle-aged women and it's a mildly sexual vibe,
the women will get gropey.

(04:52):
That's my theory. The women will get gropey?
The middle-aged women. Oh, yeah. Which I probably shouldn't talk like that now
that that's where I'm at.
Yeah. Talking about my business. Our learning is that we don't understand why
the Sodom thing is specifically attributed to gay men.
I didn't get that either. But we also learned middle-aged women are pretty rapey.

(05:14):
So that's good. Thanks, Captain.
And also sometimes daughters get a bit rapey with their dad.
In the Bible they do, yeah.
It's group mentality, gang mentality.
Yeah, yeah. A minimum of two people being the sisters.
That was actually more than one woman together. starting to do the right.
You're telling facts. You're telling true facts. And ultimately,

(05:36):
maybe it is a group of women back in.
So tonight, or today, or this episode, whatever, no one knows what time it is
because we're in the mystery world of the Bible.
We're going to get through chapters 20, 21, and 22, hopefully.
And so we're going to be hanging out with our boy Abraham again, Abraham Hawkins.

(05:57):
Sarah gets a good run in here. There's a new king that pops in for a chapter.
There's another angel at least one other angel,
And as far as topics that we cover, there's another deja vu in this little bit,
but it's from way, way back.
It's an Abraham deja vu, but it's way, way back. We get a new main character.

(06:17):
Well, this main character sucks, so I'm up for that. How do you know?
Our current main character?
How many good main characters have we had so far?
There was the one that killed his brother. He was going to kill his brother.
Like, which one has been the cool? He was probably like one fucking page. He made a city.
He killed his brother, said, how dare you, God, and then got like blessed.

(06:42):
Yeah. And then made a city. He did. Called Eunuch or something.
Enoch, that's right. Yeah. Yeah, he had a boy named Enoch, and he made a city named Enoch.
That's right. He was a pretty good character, but he- Yeah, no,
probably the best, and he still did a better job.
All right. That's a discussion for another day. We can go through all the main

(07:02):
characters and try to figure out about who was actually a half-okay main character.
We get a little bit of Sarah versus Hagar again.
So brace yourself for that, Captain. I don't want any ranting. I do.
We will get it anyway at some point. And then we're also going to cover a very

(07:23):
special offering. All right?
Yeah. Happy? It's got to be me. Wouldn't it be special if it wasn't me?
It's hard to be me. It's a very
special cut So alright I think I've wet your appetite For this episode It is

(07:46):
very wet Alright We're going to get into the new chapter We're going to get into chapter 20,
Chapter Chapter,
Chapter 20.
We tried. What the fuck was that? We tried. That was good.

(08:06):
I don't care how bad it is. I don't care how bad it is, it stays.
All right. Here we go, boys. Chapter 20.
Chapter, chapter, chapter, chapter, chapter. Where is he?
And Abraham journeyed from there to the south. So, I think because he was,

(08:28):
you know, wherever he was in his tent, which was the Terebinth or wherever that
was, he was nowhere near Sodom.
He was, oh, wasn't he? I guess he was. He was on the way. On the way to Sodom, yeah. Which direction?
Yeah, he was to the west of Sodom. So, I think he's still in that same place, right?
So, Abraham journeyed from there to the south and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur

(08:50):
and stayed in Gerah, right? So the town he's staying in is Gera.
I'm assuming he's sort of in southern Israel, you know, that sort of area at the moment.
Now, Abram said of Sarah, his wife, she is my sister.
And Abimelech, I can hear some giggles. That's good.

(09:12):
You can tell where this is going again. Wait, are they about to retcon it for them to be siblings?
Or did we already know they were siblings? Well, all right.
Or is it just them talking Bible talk that means nothing? I don't know. I don't know.
Now, Abram said of Sarah, his wife, she is my sister. And Abimelech,
king of Gerah, sent and took Sarah, right?

(09:37):
So Abram's gone to this town called Gerah. The king of Gerah is Abimelech, and Abimelech's gone.
Sarah's pretty hot, even though she's about 100 by now. So she's gone,
and so Abimelech's taken Sarah.
But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night and said to him,
Indeed, you are a dead man because of the woman you have taken, for she is a man's wife.

(10:04):
Right? But Abimelech had not come near her, and he said, Lord,
will you slay a righteous nation also?
Did he not say to me, she is my sister? And she, even she herself said, he is my brother.
In the integrity of my heart and innocence of my hands, I have done this.

(10:29):
And God said to him in a dream, yes, I know that you did this in the integrity of your heart.
For I also withheld you from sinning against me.
Therefore, I did not let you touch her. Yeah, we following?
No, I don't think I, sorry. Sorry, is this a new character that's talking to
God? New character, yeah.
Yeah, and did I mistake it before? I thought they were saying Abraham and Sarah, brother and sister.

(10:55):
Was it these two, the brother and sister? No.
Abraham said of Sarah, his wife, she is my sister. So it is.
Yeah, okay. Back to this one. Yeah, I still don't know it.
All right, so Abraham and Sarah, they moved south to this town called Gerra.
I don't think that's right. Just this Ibrahim or whatever it's named.

(11:15):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Abimelech, he's the king of Gerah, and he's gone,
Sarah's a bit of a hottie.
I'm going to just take her for my own because it's a sister and not a wife.
So this whole thing has happened, like same in Egypt.
And God's basically saying, I stopped you from sleeping with a dude's wife.
Yeah, so God came to Abimelech in a dream and was like, you fucked up, dude.

(11:39):
You're going to die now. And Abimelech's like, dude, I had no idea that she
was, look, she said, she said the sister.
And so, and God just has a little final touch on the end of it has gone,
oh, you didn't really not bang her.
It was me enforcing the non-banging with my superpowers. Did I say that right?

(12:00):
Yeah. No, no, I guess. Yes, you did.
It's the most convoluted story. Yeah, it's stupid. Well, this is one of the
shortest chapters and we're approaching halfway this chapter.
So, now therefore, I'm God again.
Now, therefore, restore the man's wife, for he is a prophet,

(12:21):
and he will pray for you, and you shall live.
But if you do not restore her, know that you shall surely die,
you and all who are yours.
Right? It's fucking Bible shit, hey?
So, Abimelech. He's just going to randomly start talking to.
Like is it secretly everyone's having these

(12:41):
fucked up conversations with him or is is
it just god talking he's like i'm gonna
pick you i'm gonna pick you how does he just he's picked
abraham because he's a prophet i guess i guess that's what the story's saying
yeah and and i i guess as far as we can tell god's only talking to people that
abraham is coming across and he's fucking grifting by the way abraham's just

(13:04):
coming in and just fucking cunts over really he's lying And then they get bent over by God.
Yeah. You know, it's like the big dumb, like the dumb big brother that is just
forever protecting the asshole little shit-staring kid, you know, little brother.
I think it's kind of like one of them scams where they scam the drunk guy into

(13:25):
the hotel room with the lady and then mug him.
That's true. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, I agree.
Something like that. So, Abimelech rose early in the morning,
called all his servants, and told all these things in their hearing.
And the men were very much afraid. So, he just told them about their dream, his dream.
And Abimelech called Abraham and said to him, What have you done to us?

(13:55):
How have I offended you that you have brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? in.
Sorry, we've got dogs running out of the room. They don't want to be in.
They don't want to be out.
You've done deeds to me that ought not to be done.
Then Abimelech said to Abraham, what did you have in view that you have done this thing?

(14:18):
And Abraham said, because I thought surely the fear of God is not in this place
and they will kill me on account of my wife.
So he's telling the same story that he said in... You're right, man. It's a scam.
It's just got the same script. Fuck it up.
But indeed, she is truly my sister. She is the daughter of my father,

(14:40):
but not the daughter of my mother.
And she became my wife.
No fucking way. After all.
So he wasn't lying at all. No, after all that time. He's just been banging his
sister, who luckily couldn't have kids. Yeah. But then had kids.
Well, yeah. Abraham. Yeah.
Fucking hell.

(15:01):
Just look confused, boys. And it's just. It's pretty clear.
It's pretty clear it's all right it
does but no it's not clear it's not clear at all it's weird as fuck
it's it's clear what happened it's just disappointing
yeah so disappointed in abraham
hawkins like oh abraham how
is the least offensive thing to have happened in

(15:23):
a while true that's true the the least
offensive twist but it's like the most righteous
person on the the planet right now who's just
been for years like going around and
stealing from people with his sister who's banging
that's yeah right but it was his mother's
talking to god not his father's daughter steps different you know yeah yeah

(15:49):
he has to be somewhat authentic like i'm going by the bible he's telling the
truth about talking to god so he might be doing some scamming but the god Mine
part is actually truth. Yeah.
He's God's scammer. He's the one. Well, if he's doing it for the right reasons,
maybe it's okay to do a bit of scamming. Well, he's just going to get some free
shit. So hang on, let me go.

(16:10):
What's the old version of the sepsis to getting caught in the dryer?
What? No. Is that a porn thing? It is. Yeah, okay.
Oh, yeah, I've seen that one. Yeah.
And it came to pass, it came to pass when God caused me to, oh,
I think this is Abraham here.
And it came to pass when God caused me to wander from my father's house.

(16:33):
So he's throwing right back to.
It's not my fault. He's throwing right back to, or whatever.
When God caused me to wander from my father's house that I said to her,
this is your kindness that you should do for me.
In every place where we go, say of me, he is my brother.
And Abimelech took sheep, oxen, male and female servants, and gave them to Abraham,

(16:58):
and he restored Sarah his wife to him.
And Abimelech said, See, my land is before you.
Dwell where it pleases you. Then to Sarah he said, Behold, I have given your

(17:21):
brother a thousand pieces of silver. Extra bonus.
Indeed, this vindicates you before all who are with you and before everybody.
Thus she was rebuked. So Abraham prayed to God and God healed Abimelech,
his wife, his female servants, and they bore children.

(17:41):
For the Lord had closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech because of Sarah, Abraham's wife.
Fucking hell. What in the world? Yeah. That is so strange.
Yeah. So they go into a city, they lie, then people sin without knowing that they're sinning. Yeah.

(18:04):
And then they have to repent by giving them everything they fucking have.
Yes. And then they're the heroes for healing.
The people? Yeah, you got it. That's it. And they've done it twice now.
This is the same scam as they did in Egypt. And another thing,
didn't God promise him all this land?
So far, he's just gone to other people's land and scammed them. Where's his land?

(18:27):
No, well, he doesn't have it yet. When does this happen? Yeah.
If it becomes important, it'll be important for a page or two, and then we'll move on.
At the very end, it'll go, and he had lots of land, and then move on. Yeah. Yes.
All right, we good? Genuine question, because obviously Bible's split into the

(18:48):
Jesus part and the not Jesus part, and we're in the not Jesus part.
I think that's a very, very simplified version of yes, yeah.
But I bet you it's accurate.
What's the point? Because I don't know how this part ends. You know what I mean?
I've heard bits and pieces of stories, and so far pretty much all of it has
had parts in what I knew kind of was in there.

(19:11):
Like the adam and eve the solomon
gomorrah the fucking noah the name abraham yeah
well and to be
honest captain if we knew anything more about abraham than his fucking name
yeah how could we possibly have gone this is a good dude yeah i i don't know
how you could but i also feel i was about to say before it almost feels like

(19:35):
there's a different writer from that adam and of shit. So many different writing.
Even up to the arc, correct, but there's like a vibe.
It's always like, you know, like if a different writing team takes over season
two of a show and then the vibe is just totally different.
There's like a very different vibe, even up until they get off the arc kind of vibes.

(19:56):
Because the arc still like, he's vengeful and brutal, but it's,
we're not up to raping yet. You know, we've had like violence.
But then it's like post-arc, it becomes really
like there's a breed of any cost yeah
there's a war immediately after the arc yeah it's like
it's growing it's growing up in a dark way come

(20:18):
back yeah i think it's a judge like this thing must have been written over hundreds
of years or thousands of years and lots of different people and they're learning
how to write and record their stories and it's just it's got to be a garble
of shit but yeah i reckon you're right though i think that the entire thing,
is heaps of people's short stories about their take on.

(20:40):
The religion. I think so. Anyway, we're happy?
Well, maybe. We're happy to move on.
We're going to move on to chapter one. So chapter 20 was a bit of a fizzle.
Wasn't much going on there. We're going to go to chapter 21.
No, we got a pretty big Game of Thrones revelation, mate. Oh, I guess so. Oh, yeah.

(21:01):
I don't know if it'll have any consequence. But anyway, sorry. Alright, ready?
Chapter, chapter, chapter Chapter,
21, alright I might have to Oh, 21 Jump Street, what's the 21 Jump Anyway,
I might have to cut that A little bit and add my own little We were just talking

(21:24):
about Game of Thrones And you know who goes What's the fucking song.
So I was going for chapter and I was going to make a song with this shit My
question was did you know what the chapter was or were you waiting for someone
to answer that question I was hoping I wasn't joined in with the 21,

(21:47):
Chapter 20 Alright,
But we digress Alright,
chapter 21 Chapter 21, chapter 21, chapter 21, chapter 21, chapter 21, chapter 21, chapter 21.

(22:08):
The Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as he had spoken.
He banged her? Well, maybe. For Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his
old age at the set time of which God had spoken to him.
So God didn't wait to do the banging. we wait till we can and then they procreate immediately,

(22:34):
like the whole time it's been like she's barren she's barren she's barren then
it's their brother and sister now they make a baby.
Wait until everyone knew that maybe that's why she was barren she was just shamed
the whole time but she felt like it was a weight it was a weight off her shoulders
that everyone officially knew Then God has been like, I bless your union.

(22:58):
You've admitted this brother-sister action. Now it's time to bring babies in. Unclog the seed tunnel.
Well, did it say in the last bit there, saying about like,
sealing the wombs of the women yeah but that was a bimelech which was a weird thing because,
but i don't know why that was an issue because hadn't abraham

(23:21):
only been there for i don't know a week or something so how did
everyone know within a week that it's already when we've accidentally
yeah we need to go back chapter one right genuine question because the The vibe
I got from that was that it was like Abraham swept through and then God took
away the ability of this kingdom or whatever to make babies is kind of how it came to us.

(23:47):
Yes, 100%. And that's how they earned their silver and their farm.
That is evil.
That's like what the good guys are meant to fight against is the evil force
going through, taking all the wealth.
Making them all infertile and then continuing on.
What the fuck is that shit? We better have misinterpreted it.

(24:10):
Well, how do we cut it? We didn't misinterpret. I know. We've been dubbed sometimes.
So Abraham is an evil main character. Is that what we've concluded there?
I think he's like the apocalypse kind of neutral.
A lawful. No, he's unlawful.
Well, he didn't break the law. He just lied about his system.
He just mated them all up, I suppose. and god is technically

(24:31):
the one that did the infertility not him that just happened not
his power it's just a bystander went into town with his sister didn't tell anyone
they were married and then tricked him into trying to have sex with her and
then sorry guys we're married we're married pay out give me all your all your
cows and your goats and your servants we've possibly discussed And you can cut this out afterwards.

(24:55):
But we're talking about him being a scammer in Ibelex, whatever the fuck his name is, house.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But back in Egypt...
He told the truth, but he just, didn't he say it was his sister when they went
there? That was like the lie. But he still did lie.
It's my sister. It was the exact same thing. They never found out it was his sister. Yeah.

(25:20):
And it went longer. But he did lie because she was also his wife.
Yeah. So he still did lie.
He could have gone, she's my sister wife, but he didn't. And he still scammed
her. But he held the truth.
He didn't say it. But I am like, it was the opposite though, right?
It was, he said sister instead of wife, but then in other places he said wife.

(25:43):
But if you remember back to that, he was going, tell them you're my sister,
otherwise they'll kill me. Yeah.
But it just worked out nicely for him because then they did take her and then
they found out that it was his wife and then he got all free shit and servants,
which by the way, oh, Hagar.

(26:03):
Came from that is my, is my, cause she's an Egyptian server.
And I never picked up on that until I was listening back. Hey.
He collects servants as he goes. Yeah. Yeah. And so I never picked up on that
until last time. She's an Egyptian servant.
So unless he picked her up elsewhere, which I guess is possible. I reckon.
Unlikely though. I reckon you're right. Yeah. I reckon he picked her up in that first scam.

(26:27):
That's when he discovered the scam and went, this is great. Yeah. He was an accidental.
I'm going to start chapter 21 again. Yeah, we were one sentence in.
And the Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah as he had spoken.
For Sarah conceived and bore Abraham a son in his old age at the set time of
which God had spoken to him.

(26:48):
And Abraham called the name of his son who was born to him, whom Sarah bore him, Isaac.
Which is what God told her, like, five, six, seven chapters ago.
Then Abraham circumcised his son Isaac when he was eight days old,
as God had commanded him.
Now, Abraham... There's going to be a time there, mate. Why not do it on the sixth day?

(27:11):
I think he's not very keen to... Eighth day was what they decided.
Yeah, was it specifically it had to happen on the eighth day or prior to the
eighth day? I thought it was just prior to.
I think it was prior to the eighth day. Well, I have zero idea.
As long as he did it, that's all that matters. He cut his toy's dick off.
Now, Abraham was 100 years old when his son Isaac was born to him.

(27:33):
And Sarah said... Have I ever spoken for Sarah before?
Yeah, I'd say so. When she got shitty at Hagar. God has made me laugh.
I can't concentrate to what you're saying. I was trying to do a march.

(27:57):
God has made me laugh.
Laugh and all who hear will laugh
with me she also said who
would have said to abraham that sarah would nurse children for i had born him

(28:17):
a son in his old age i think i went through about three different things in
one sentence that last one was the best just me just my voice talking She also said,
who would have said, no, I said the word.
So the child grew and was weaned, and Abraham made a great feast on the day
that Isaac was weaned, and Sarah saw the son of Hagar, the Egyptian.

(28:42):
See? That's also Abram's kid? Yes.
Yeah, yeah. The wild man. The wild, yes. The wild man. Wow.
The child grew and was weaned. Abraham made a great season of days when Sarah
saw the son of Hagar, the Egyptian whom she had born, to Abraham scoffing.

(29:02):
Therefore she said to Abraham, cast out this bondwoman and her son,
for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, namely with Isaac.
And the matter was very displeasing in Abraham's sight because of his son.
But in classic bitchy Abraham He negotiated to 10 meters away.

(29:24):
No, he didn't negotiate.
He just, well, but God said to Abraham, do not let it be displeasing in your
sight because of the lad or because of your bondwoman.
Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice, for in Isaac your seed shall be called.

(29:48):
So I think that might be the first time God backed a woman up.
Yeah. So he's like, cast him out. Fuck the dogs.
Yeah. But he told Abraham to do it.
No, he told Hagar that the kid would be doomed. He said, you will make me.
He said to go take, be in your slave or something, didn't he?

(30:12):
He said, or the angels, the evil angels said that, what was his name?
Name, Ishmael? What's his name?
The son. The Hagar's son. Yeah, they said he will be a wild man.
He will be a leader of a great nation.
So he's going to... No, they said... Didn't God tell Abraham?
No, negative. They said, your son will be the leader.

(30:33):
He's going to be a wild man. He's going to put his hand against a lot of people,
but he will be a great man and have a nation or something.
No, what I'm saying is didn't God tell Abram to bang Hagar?
Yeah. And now. It was that right here as well. But yeah. So it was definitely a lie. Yeah.
They get rid of her. So the thing I'm remembering. Why would God do that?

(30:57):
Because God changes his mind. Yeah. Every month. Poor Hagar.
Yeah. I remember it being fucking Sarah beat the shit out of Hagar. Yeah.
Hagar ran away and the angels were like, hey, motherfucker, you need to go back
and be with that man. and the child you're making is going to be shit.

(31:20):
I remember being like, he's going to have a bad- They said he was going to be
wild and piss everyone off, essentially.
Yeah. So maybe I missed the point you were saying there, Eric.
That's supposed to happen later.
Queen dog interjection. So
I'm going to pause right now in the pretend world. I'm going to go back.
Music.

(31:45):
Founded by a spring of water, and said, Hey guys, Sarah's maid,
where have you come from and where are you going? She said, I'm running away.
The angel said, Return to your mistress.
Then the angel of the Lord said to her, I will multiply your descendants exceedingly,
so that they shall not be counted for multitude.
And the angel said, Blah, blah, blah. Behold, you are with child.

(32:06):
You shall bear a son. You shall name his name.
Ishmael is his name. Oh, look down there. Oh, you do?
I didn't know Ishmael. Quinn got called Ishmael. I didn't know that shit no
no but you said this is the right time and everything oh yeah nice work nice
work brother good job T yeah he shall be a wild man his hand shall be against
every man every man's hand against him,

(32:27):
call names and then some town was named after him or sorry the spring or whatever,
and Abraham was how many years old so yeah you were 100% right I was just remembering that.
All over it good to good um during recording

(32:49):
corrections yeah whatever
you call that segment that i've already forgotten oh interjection interjection
yeah very i like the progressive like
yeah good good though kevin to be
fair i have listened to this all of these
way fucking more than i really ever should and no one
ever should and i've read this thing three or

(33:11):
four times which which is good so i'm starting to really lock a few
things in my brain well that's why i said i believe you for some reason i just
don't for some reason yeah i believe you in my head i'm like i know i visualize
it i remember it fucking happening so i do like.

(33:32):
I thought you were going to know better than me. You call me quindog in one
fucking sentence and you give me zero respect in the next. Get fucked.
All right. So God had just said to Abram, do not let it be displeasing in your
sight because of the lad or because of your bondwoman.
Whatever Sarah has said to you, listen to her voice for in Isaac your seed shall be cool.

(33:52):
Yet I will also make a nation of the son of the bondwoman because he is your seed.
So Abraham rose early in the morning and took bread and a skin of water,
and putting it on her shoulder, he gave it and the boy to Hagar and sent her away.
Hang on. What was it? Bread and water.

(34:14):
Yeah, bread. He's a giver. Was it a slice of bread or a full loaf, at least?
It doesn't say, Captain. It just said bread.
What do you mean? I mean, the way I pictured it was like slurping a bit of slice
of bread over the shoulder and pouring water on it.
Like, just chuck the bread in the water.

(34:37):
I don't know why that's the image that came to mind.
That's a good visual. So three angels come into camp, cook a giant big feast with meat.
You're like son and mistress. Wash your feet.
Yeah, they did everything, didn't they? but here's a jar of water and bread.
Yes, a skin of water. A skin of water and a non-determinant amount of bread.

(35:04):
Could be one slice, could be a pallet, could be a bag of bread. So...
And sent her away. Then she departed and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.
I've got to revisit my map to show you where all this is happening.
Can I ask one question before we keep going? Yeah. How old's the kid?

(35:26):
I don't know. It's however old to be weaned, whatever that means.
So is that where you get them off the tip?
Oh, yeah, probably. Off the tip? I was curious about weaned before, but that makes sense.
Yeah, definitely off the tip. But hang on, that was Isaac that was old enough to be queen.
So Hagar must, sorry, Ishmael must be older again by, we'd have to do the sums.

(35:48):
Maybe he's a teenager. I bet you it says his age round about that.
It actually, sorry, it's an infant because we're going to get to this in a minute.
Yeah, well, that's not a good thing to do, is it? No, no.
But that baby, you guys are parents. At what age would you try and make a baby's diet bread and water?
When do you reckon that would be just like enough food?

(36:08):
Or like a suitable meal for a child? That's a question for my helper. I don't fucking know.
Is that? Yeah. I don't know what we feed our kids.
Yeah. Like, I don't know. When they're still months old, you can give them,
but you still need the milk, but you can give them solid foods?

(36:29):
I don't fucking know. I don't care. My helper did all that shit.
I have no idea. Yeah, that baby's not going to have a good time.
If only I had enough foresight just to provide a fucking sloppy bit of bread
for my helper and sent her on the way, I would have saved her.
Yeah, I could have lived it up. That'd be a bit of money.
So, it's for money. It's a beer shiver.
And the water in the skin was used up, and she placed the boy under one of the

(36:53):
shrubs. So, obviously, a little bit of time has passed.
So, she wandered in the wilderness, water of skin dried up, and she placed the
boy under one of the shrubs. Then she went and sat down across from him at a
distance of about a bow shot.
For she said to herself, let me not see the death of the boy.
So Abraham has only given her, I don't know, what?

(37:17):
Three days water or one day, half a day of water? What's he done?
Enough bread and water that a woman traveling alone with a baby didn't carry. Yeah. Yeah, yes, yeah.
She did just acknowledge the baby could die. It's like a serious baby death situation.
It's a drastic situation right now.

(37:39):
Thanks, Abraham. It is really fucking funny, but it's also just really bad.
He's not a Porkins, isn't he? He can't be a Porkins. Oh, that's the main character,
Ham Porkins. Oh, yeah. That's the actual character.
I've been meaning to go back because Ham and Shem and Japheth, they all got nations.

(37:59):
So I've got to go back and remember which one Ham got because that's my new favorite foreigners.
Whoever they are, that's my favorite people. I want to visit there one day.
Hopefully it's a cool country in the modern world. Yeah. Hopefully, yeah.
At a distance of about a bow shot, for she said to herself, let me not see the death of the boy.
So she sat opposite him and lifted her voice and wept. and God heard the voice of the lad.

(38:24):
Then the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven and said to her, What ails you, Hagar?
I was surprised. What the fuck do you mean? It makes me. They know.
God's like, send her out. Go on, get rid of her. And then he's shocked. This went wrong? What?

(38:45):
Yes. How could my plan fail?
There was a forced her to go back so he could banish her she was running away,
yeah she could have been born ages ago,
what the fuck she could have gone somewhere well I don't know how pregnant she
was maybe she was in early stages and she was like mostly still.

(39:09):
Able to do her normal activities i think we've got
to refrain we've got to refrain from applying any logic
yeah yeah well mine was just
more about how evil god is yeah yeah and
then playing and then playing dumb so pregnant lady runs away
no no you can't run away get back and then let's say four years later let's

(39:30):
just argue no infant it's got to be less yeah it's less so a year later i change
them and fuck it out and then it just didn't work but you had a skin of water what ails you?
You're a bridge that is some dog ass thing to say if you're gone,

(39:50):
like God should be there like hey mate, you were doing so fucking well,
I knew you could achieve this goal and that's why I banished you,
because I knew you would succeed.
Oh whoops But to be fair, it's not God.
It's an angel of God. So maybe the angel wasn't up like he's a second or third

(40:12):
tier angel. It wasn't at the meeting.
Maybe, I don't know. Do we ever get to hear about the meetings?
Because I'd be interested to know about the dynamic between God and his angels.
If the angels are going down and just like...
Passing on these shit messages to Hagar, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Are they actually passing on God's literal words?

(40:33):
I just want to know how in step the angels are with God directly.
Is that they're just like plausible deniability kind of technique?
It's just like, look, the angels were a man.
You can't like – I have a new theory.
It's a full manipulation technique where he's like puts them in peril and then

(40:53):
saves them so they're in his debt forever.
So he's like, good idea, banish her. And then when she's about to watch her
baby die, he's like, jump in, mate. We got this.
Mayor, let's see. Let's see what happens. Let's see if he does the saviour act.
What ails you, Hagar? And I must really quickly jump in.
I tried to stand and fail to do like a vampire accent. Like elegant.

(41:17):
Because I decided that angels, I think they're pretty vampire-ish.
I feel that vibe. Actually, I don't think, I think Kebevan said it in the last one.
I think you called them a vampire. I was like, yes, I think they're assholes
like vampires. Anyway, so I did it. No one noticed. So I did a really bad job.
What ails you, Hagar?

(41:41):
Fear not, for God has heard the voice of the lad where he is.
Arise, lift up the lad and hold him with your hand, for I will We'll make him a great nation.
You're like old school Transylvanian. That's not what I was ready for.
Then God opened his eyes. Sorry. Then God opened her eyes and she saw a well

(42:07):
of water, which was there all along.
No, they're magic. Delirious magic. The water up.
Did the God or the angel? Someone did. And she went and filled the skin with
water and gave the ladder drink.
So God was with the lad, and he grew and dwelt in the wilderness and became an archer.

(42:27):
He's a wild man, archer.
That's why she was a bow shot away. Oh, yeah. She was scared of his archery.
She could smell it in him. She knew there was an archer in there somewhere.
Something I forgot to mention before is it said that Abraham was 100 years old

(42:48):
and implied he was elderly.
Yeah, I'm pretty confident. Oh, as in the ages are reducing type.
Yeah, yeah. That was just something I thought of before.
Yeah, I like that. They were saying it as in old for having a kid.
Oh, yeah. That's it. Yeah. But like, so currently like 40, 50 is old to have
a kid, but we'll live to 100.

(43:09):
Yeah, for a man, we can probably.
Old men can pump out babies still. That is true.
Yeah. Yeah. So, like, again, he could live for another 20, 30,
40, 50 years or whatever, but he's considered elderly.
Yeah, we will find out. I'm pretty confident that we will.
So, remember that, though, because we will find out at some point when he dies.

(43:33):
Oh, I can't wait for that.
So, dwelt with him in the wilderness and he became an archer.
He dwelt in the wilderness of Paran. I've got to look these places up so I can show you, boys.
And his mother took a wife for him from the land of Egypt.
She might have been a bit racist, maybe.
You know, got to go back and – No, Hagar's a hero. I'm not besmirching Hagar.

(43:56):
She's up there for me, I reckon.
She's had a rough time. Yeah, she doesn't deserve my snarkiness.
Like, she's a survivor.
Like, you know what I mean? Like, maybe some baby. It's an Ishmael.
She's a bit of a hero. But not a hero.
Yeah. No, I'm on Hagar's team. She's been quite the victim of God and Abraham now, too.
And Sarah. And characters. Characters. And angels. He's been touched by some powerful people.

(44:21):
Inappropriately, like unintended. Yes. Took a wife from him from the land of Egypt.
And it came to pass at that time that Abimelech and Picol, so Abimelech was that king?
And Picol, or let's call him Ficol, because it's a PH.
Ficol, the commander of his army, spoke to Abraham saying...

(44:42):
God is with you. I can't remember. God is with you in all that you do.
Now, therefore, swear to me by God that you will not deal falsely with me,
with my offspring or with my posterity, but that according to the kindness that
I've done to you, you will do to me and to the land in which you have dwelt.
Right? So I think Abel is going, don't you scam me again, maybe?

(45:06):
But also at the same time saying, I'm all in on your God shit.
I genuinely believe. Oh, yeah. He's like, I've given you all this shit,
so God better fucking sort me out. That's the vibe I've got.
Yeah, I can see that. So he's been inducted into the cult. Yeah,
doing it a bit threateningly, possibly.
Oh, yeah. Do it. But he obviously believes in it.

(45:28):
Yeah. It's not like Abraham was threatening him, from what I can tell.
He just gave him free shit.
Well, I guess it's just an imminent threat because he's got God on his side.
Anyway, and Abraham said, I will swear that Abraham rebuked Abimelech because
of a well of water, which Abimelech's servant had seized.

(45:51):
So I read this really quickly earlier and I don't understand what's happening
because I thought Abraham was in Abimelech's place.
No, he went past there because he left all barren when he left.
Oh, okay. So he built these things and all the people behind him were barren.
Oh, right. Okay. So now they're in some common or some unclaimed territory.

(46:13):
Nearby. Obviously not too far away. And then so Abimelech has come and stolen
or seized a well of water.
Abimelech's like, hang on, I forgot to tell him something. He just chased after
him. Wait, I forgot to have this one.
Out in the desert. Hey, I'll get you. Yeah. And Abimelech said,
I do not know who has done this thing.

(46:36):
You did not tell me. I mean,
did not tell me, nor had I heard of it until today. So Abraham's daubed about
the well, and Abimelech's like, I never told my servant to do that,
so he threw his servant under the bus. Is that sounds about right?
So Abraham took sheep and oxen and gave them to Abimelech, and the two of them

(46:57):
made a covenant. So they're just swapping.
They're scamming each other! Was that an Abimelech scam?
Maybe they needed the right amount of meat for a sacrifice. But anyway.
I've had too many ox. You had a bit of that. We'll level it out so we can do
the appropriate dog sacrifice.
So he can have his dirty wank in a new way.

(47:21):
And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves.
Then Abimelech asked Abraham, what is the meaning of these seven ewe lambs which
you have set by themselves?
And he said, you will take these seven ewe lambs from my hand,
that they may be my witness that I have dug this well.
I promise on that. That was me. I promise I've dug this well.

(47:44):
I'm not lying. I'm not scamming you again.
Therefore, he called that place Beersheba because the two of them swore an oath there.
Thus, they made a covenant at Beersheba. So Abimelech rose with Phicol,
the commander of his army, and they returned to the land of the Philistines.
Then Abraham planted a tamarisk tree in Beersheba and there called on the name

(48:06):
of the Lord, the everlasting God. That's a new one.
And Abraham stayed in the land of the Philistines many days.
Chapter 21 done.
I have a thought on maybe what that last part was about.
Yep. I could be wrong, but I think it's like he's kind of reached the edge of

(48:28):
the area that God isn't giving him, and that's Abimelech.
And now this is the first time he's like planting trees
like it's it sounds like he's building
something and he's like building a border
friend with abimelech or whatever his name is oh maybe well yeah yeah maybe
you're right and then he's like because it is the well in like this new land

(48:53):
and he's called the be shiva is this the first place he's named as well i don't
know well yeah Yeah, so that's the problem.
What's coming to me is what the seeds they were spraying, you know?
Let's just run with that. I like it.
This is where he's setting – we're going to die on this hill.
This is where he's setting up his city, his great city. Or land or nation, whatever the fuck.

(49:18):
We'll find out soon. All right, we're going to move on to chapter 22.
Now, this one's a long chapter.
It might be a bit the same as the last. It doesn't matter. It's quite long.
So you're welcome to rant, Captain, but I'll just yell at you if you rant for too long.
No, I'm moved on. I'm not about ranting anymore. I'm about...

(49:39):
This thing's good tonight.
Now it came to pass after these things that god tested abraham and said to him,
it said that with a exclamation mark and he said here i am,

(50:00):
Then he said, take now your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love,
and go to the land of Moriah, Carrie,
and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.
Hang on. Did he just say he used his son as an offering? Correct.
Yeah, and his deviancy has grown from the flesh of animals to babies now.

(50:27):
That's what does it for him. It always grows with serial killers, doesn't it?
Hang on. Sorry. Get him off. He made sure to say your only son as well. Yeah.
Well, he said the only son that you love.
Oh, yeah. Oh. Is that really the wording? Sorry. I missed. So you're pointing
out correctly, Kabevan, that what's his name? Ishmael.

(50:51):
What's the wild man? Let's just call him wild man.
He also has the wild man. But he doesn't like. Yeah, right. I forgot about that,
dude. So does it legit say only son you love?
Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love.
Yeah, he's not like you love. It's not interpreted that way.

(51:11):
He's ditching Hagar and Wildman. It's well established he actually has at least two sons.
So I think the only way you can take it is that it's the love that makes it
important, which I guess it's true.
Okay. I guess our main character to not love is...
An abandoned child again. He loves himself. He loves his own self and his own

(51:35):
voice. He loves scheming and tricking stuff.
Think of all the schemes he could do with a kid, though.
He could come up with some more elaborate ruses and trick people into giving
things because they did something to the kid. With the kid now.
Conscript the kid into the scam. And now he's going to get rid of that by burning it.

(51:55):
Just so he can satisfy his God. If he can trick people into thinking burning
a baby is like what God's about, then he can pretty much dominate those people.
This is how every cult goes, isn't it? They start like charismatic and then
they're like, you know what, guys? Let's burn the baby.

(52:15):
Oh, whoops. She died. Oh, crap. Sexual assault and like mass death are very much tactical.
Yeah. So this is tracking.
So, Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey and took two of
his... So, he didn't fight this at all? No, he's just on board. Rattle.

(52:37):
I'm assuming the very next morning. I'm assuming.
I don't think he's ever fought it. Personal opinion. Doesn't love either of them? No.
He's burning the money line, that's a bit... So, he rose in the morning,
saddled his donkey, and he took two of his young men with him and Isaac, his son.
And he split the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place

(53:01):
of which God had told him.
Then on the third day, so he must be traveling.
Then on the third day, Abraham lifted his eyes and saw the place afar off.
And Abraham said to his young men, stay here with the donkey. Okay.
Loud and I will go yonder. Is he a fucking redneck? He'd go yonder?
That must be an old biblical word. I thought it was a redneck word.

(53:25):
I don't know. Yawl and yonder? Anyway, I bet I digress.
We will go yonder and worship and we will come back to you.
So Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac, his son.
And he took the fire in his hand and a knife and And the two of them went together.

(53:47):
So when I first read that, I was assuming he just already had Isaac laying on
the ground and he laid a heap of wood on him.
Yeah. Is that what you imagined too? Yes. I think he just like,
imagine, yeah, put your hands out like a forklift and he just laid the wood
on him. I think that's what he's done.
Is Isaac walking at this point? Is he still back? Oh, yeah, yeah. Isaac's a kid. Right.

(54:09):
He's not a baby anymore? No, I don't think so. So he's like,
we're going to go for a walk. Yeah. You carry everything.
You carry everything. And I'll walk behind. And poor Eliza doesn't even know what he's walking to.
To a horrific death by this.
He's essentially getting someone to dig their own grave. Yes.
Yes, he is. The son. The only son that he loves.
He gets the enjoyment of looking over in the corner and seeing God happen away.

(54:34):
He gets to get a glimpse of the waking light.
Has anyone actually seen that? Did he give the knife to Isaac as well?
Because you said loaded him up with wood and a thought and a knife.
I reckon Isaac might try to fight back.
Abram took the wood of the earth, and laid it on Isaac, his son.
And he took the fire in his hand and a knife.

(54:56):
Oh, so he must be carrying a torch and a knife.
So, yeah, don't give the weapon to the... Yeah, he might fight back.
Cheap the flame and the stabby device. Because Abraham's not that tough. He needs the stuff.
He doesn't even have one of his well-trained servants with him at this point.

(55:16):
And the two of them went together. But Isaac spoke to Abraham,
his father, and said, My father?
And he said, Here I am. Oh, sorry. Here I am, my son.
Then he said.
I don't know who's speaking right now. Look, the fire and the wood,
but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?

(55:37):
So this is the kid saying. So the kid. Yeah, the kid. He needs to tell a few
people in Greek before that. He needs to be involved.
He's like, you shouldn't even bring a lamb for this. Where's the lamb?
It's that whole, what's that Ralph Wiggum meme where it's like, I'm in danger.
Yes. I don't get that, but I laughed anyway.

(55:58):
Yeah. In that movie, you just realize, oh, fuck, I'm in the worst possible situation.
Yeah. And a cup of bourbon. Yeah.
That's genuine. That's pretty sad. It's a sad image.
Where is the lamb for a burnt offering?
And Abram said, my son, God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering.

(56:21):
So the two of them went together.
So he's just lying straight up. But is this like the Lamb of God kind of reference?
Is he the Lamb of God by being offered as a sacrifice?
It might be. That might be what we got. Bevan just showed me the meme.

(56:41):
I'm a manger. I'm a danger. Yeah, that's good. That is a good.
Ralph Wiggum, that is good.
The other thing I just want to point out is it kind of casually mentioned that
the kid sees these sacrifices as being kind of normal.
So it seems to be like a regular like it's like going to church and saying come
on guys we're going for a we're going to bring the lamb bring the lamb.

(57:04):
Which way we cut them today dad always perfect half in the middle oh that's
why he has the knife he's got to cut the kid in half.
There could have been something other than a knife or at least described as
a knife might be a massive or I suppose it's not a sword so the two of them
went together Then they came to the place of which God had told him.

(57:27):
And Abraham built an altar there and placed the wood in order.
And he bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar upon the wood.
You're laughing. This is fucking grim.
And this is the guy who fought for righteous people and just stopped killing Sodom.

(57:48):
He's like, righteous people like me.
I'm just going to go tie my son up and light him on fire.
And he didn't twig when God was like, I just want to kill 50 righteous people.
Are you sure you want to kill 50?
Not 50. Let's get down to 10. Yeah, and he didn't twig with any of that.
He's like, all right. God gets off on them.

(58:08):
Fucked up shit. What phase is God at in his wake session right there?
Is this watching the preparations going on?
Is he in the bushes already?
He's following around. Well, he doesn't want to be known yet.
I think he wants to see him in there in the voyeuristic way, not in a known way.
He's in the slow stroke. The slow stroke zone?

(58:30):
At least a semi. He's got no.
Undergarments on by the stage. He's got his tunic off. Is that what,
anyway. Hand lotion's ready. Hand lotion's ready to go.
The wet bit of bread. He's just using the wet bit of bread.

(58:51):
And Abraham stretched out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.
This is absurd. And I knew this kind of shit was in there, But,
like, it being there and how it's presented is pretty important.
Yeah. It amazes me that they haven't tried to rewrite this.

(59:13):
No one's gone, you know what, this is a shit phone. They can't know.
And I'm pretty certain God's going to be like, ha-ha, it was a joke.
Well, but an angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, Abra, Abra.
You misunderstood God's message.
So he said, here I am.

(59:34):
I like how he always goes, here I am.
It's like Adam way back at the start. I think God was like, where are you?
And Adam's like, here I am. I'm over here. I'm over here.
Where are they? I don't know if we said that or whether Adam said that.
My memory might be a little bit off on that one. That was after they ate the fruit.

(59:55):
And he's like, where are you? And they covered themselves.
Where are you? I'm over here. I'm over here. And he said, do not lay your hand
on that lad, the lad, or do anything to him.
For now I know that you fear God.
What? Since you have not withheld your son, your only son from me.

(01:00:18):
Then Abraham lifted his eyes and looked and there behind him was a ram caught
in a thicket by its horns. What?
What the f- twist. God was the scammer all along.
We're in now with the- Hang on, hang on. God was gonna follow through,
but the angel stopped him, so he had to turn into a ram and pretend to be stuck.

(01:00:38):
Because he was hiding in the bushes like- He was in the thicket.
He's the ram in the bushes. Yeah, he was- He was getting thicket. The thicket.
And then he's like- Fuck! Change into a ram and pretend to be stuck,
man. I put that angel over on that job over in – he's not supposed to be here in Mariah.

(01:00:59):
What the fuck are you doing here? What are you doing in Mariah?
I thought I'd booked yous all out around the place. This is my bush.
Aaron, the kid would have gone through in this circumstance.
He's still tied to the whoop. While this chat's going on, he's still tied down.
And, sorry, also, in the whole telling of it, It didn't give me the impression

(01:01:21):
that Abraham was scared.
Just compliant. Is it? I think he was just being compliant. Yeah,
not one doubt. There was no doubt. It's not a lot.
Sorry. And he's like, I've waited 100 years to have my kid.
All right, stab. Yes. I'll burn him. There's no time where he argued back against
God. He did not argue back.

(01:01:42):
Yeah. God hasn't really punished him for anything he's done at any point.
Punished Hagar a fair bit. it but when bevan just or bevan just then said he's
waited 100 years for a son and then immediately it's kind of stabbing it reminded
me a bit of noah where noah built the ark yeah saved all these animals got through
the flood got off and then murdered fucking a heap of them immediately did he

(01:02:04):
murder him he burnt offering a heap of animals.
People for sex after people this is the second time after all this hard work
and effort and time and care and everything, you get to the end of it and you've
just fucking got to stay the same.
And could you imagine, like, for someone that's trying to get you to follow them, like...

(01:02:26):
That's not the way to go about it, you know, tricking them into thinking they had to murder their kid.
I reckon that's the key. Now he feels in too deep that he's got to do that,
and he's just realised he's nearly killed his son. He's like,
well, I'm fighting this.
In too deep. That's fucking exactly right.
It cannot go back, because he's a human arsehole, and humans don't like to go,

(01:02:46):
oh, I'm fucked up. I'm an idiot.
So it was little by little, just do this task for me. Do this for him.
And all of a sudden, you can't say no.
Oh, God. What a cold fucking master. God is a legend.
He's gone, I guess. So God went, sorry, sorry. Abraham went and took the ram.
Oh, it was caught in the thicket, the ram. So Abraham went and took the ram

(01:03:09):
and offered it up for a burnt offering instead of his son.
God's like, damn it. Yeah. I'm offering to myself.
Maybe, oh, actually, maybe God. Just like angels. officials uh god leveled up
his wank session and he was actually using that ram he was in the thicket with
the ram and then abraham has spun around and spotted the ram and god's like oh,

(01:03:35):
disappears it's like how else do rams get caught come on man yeah it doesn't
happen god put that ram in there so it wouldn't get away yeah all right cool
and abraham called the name of the place the Lord will provide,
as in that's the name of the place now, the Lord will provide,

(01:03:55):
as it is said to this day in the Mount of,
The mount of the Lord. He was mounting that. In the mount of the Lord.
What did the Lord provide?
The ram. So I think the logic here is he was about to burn offering his son,
and the angel's like, don't do the burnt offering.
And he's like, oh, fuck, I've got to burn something.

(01:04:17):
And then magically a ram appeared, which we know now that God was fucking just pounding from behind.
So that was – so the God just immediately offered – It was like a coincidence.
Like, oh, I've got to burn something.
And then the ram magically appeared. I think that's what it was.
You're kind of suggesting there that the angels and God are almost two.

(01:04:41):
They're doing completely separate things, which I kind of like the idea of.
It does sound like it. They're like in a battle war for meat.
They're on the same page.
And at what point did, because the angel said not to stabby stabby the kin, but God never said that.
No. No, well, but aren't, isn't
the implication that the angels are always speaking on behalf of God?

(01:05:01):
Isn't that what the thing is? But one time God just does the talking too, though.
It's very confusing, hey? It is.
If he can telepathically talk to people, why on earth would he need an angel?
Because he's busy having a wank.
He's not just got Abraham doing the meat sacrifice, mate.

(01:05:24):
So much actually it's like that human race is like the internet of porn for
him and he's just got sacrifice over there oh that one's got a stepsister in it.

(01:05:46):
Oh man i don't think we're being as offensive as the bible by the way No,
no, I think that'd be reasonably, yeah, this is a reasonable offense.
Then the angel of the Lord called to Abram a second time out of heaven and said,
By myself I have sworn, says the Lord, because you have done this thing and

(01:06:09):
have not withheld your son, your only son.
Blessing, I will bless you, and multiplying, I will multiply your descendants
as the stars of the... I don't know what I'm doing now.
I don't know what's going on here. I'm kind of enjoying it still.
Will multiply your descendants as the stars of the heaven and as the sand which

(01:06:33):
is on the seashore, and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies.
So he's like, you were going to murder your son without question,
therefore, I'm now going to give you lots and lots of descendants.
But remember, he promised him the descendants three or four times already, hey?
As many as there were stars, I believe. Yeah, quite a few times.
I've been trying to think of like what's the the theme

(01:06:56):
of Abraham's section of the Bible like
I kind of like I think better mention
it earlier it's like it almost feels like they're tales that are
meant to have morals attached to them and if you
put the whole journey in place what is
the theme yeah and the closer
and it's not even a theme I don't think but i've decided it's

(01:07:18):
basically that god's power is controlling fertility that's certainly up there
isn't it all he offers is like a fucking reward and he's talking about a fear
be fearful a minute ago he's talking about we went through the fucking kingdom
and made the king's women all barren so.
That's what he uses to control people yeah it's

(01:07:39):
fucking weird i reckon the theme has been
in spreading and descendants like
growth yeah well similar yeah maybe not
that but like the part i would attach to it is god's
doing it like that's the fear part is if you don't do what i'm fucking saying
need don't spread like that's the fear part and you die as a pointless footnote

(01:08:04):
to history and you're a nobody forever and yeah and like i guess maybe that's
part of why like the baby sack all the child sacrifices like now you've done what i said.
Because there must be other people in his kingdom that are making babies because
it keeps promising him babies.
So he must – maybe he only has other daughters.
He's been promised a lot of seed. He can't only have two. No,

(01:08:27):
he's got two kids. That's it.
That's all he's had. He hasn't talked about any other kids. But the secret with
descendants is as long as your line keeps going, you're going to keep having descendants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he only has to have three babies and he can have as many
as the stars. Yeah, exactly.
That's the faith though. So it's like, if you kill your only son and all I'm
promising you are future babies, that means more babies have to come.

(01:08:51):
So it's like, I just have to keep doing what God says or else it doesn't come.
Yeah, isn't it just like, don't even think about it. You'll have more.
I think this whole post, maybe it's pre-arc as well, but I feel like post Noah's
arc, it's all just about God threatening to take away the ability of spreading your seed.

(01:09:13):
Even though he's wording it as spreading your seed. Because anyone can fuck.
Like, it has to be the barrenness that he's controlling to allow people to do shit.
Yeah, that's my rant. Sorry, you said we're ranting. I did? Yeah,
well said, Captain. Yeah. I'll continue.
They'll possess the gand of your enemies. I think I'm still the vampire.

(01:09:34):
In the seat of all the nations and the earth shall be blessed because you have obeyed my voice.
So, Abraham returned to his young men and they rose and went together to Beersheba.
And Abraham dwelt in Beersheba. Now, it came to pass after these things that

(01:09:54):
it was told, Abraham saying.
Indeed, Milcah, all son has born children to your brother Nahor.
Remember Milcah? I remember Nahor. I don't remember Milcah.
But no, we made Milcah jokes here. Yeah, you made a Milcah joke.
I don't remember a lot of that episode, to be fair. Yeah.
No, I don't think that was a drunk episode. I think it was just a long time ago.

(01:10:18):
Yeah, I'm just ignoring it. So the rest of this chapter is just some genealogy stuff.
So Milka, also born children to your brother, Nahor.
Haz, his firstborn. Buzz, his brother.
Kemuel, the father of Aram. Chesed, Hazo, Pildash, Jidlaf. laugh and there's

(01:10:39):
some pokemon fucking ass names in that shit.
They're doing that genealogy thing the same way they did before,
but now they're trying to make someone say it.
Well, it's not quite the same as before. It's just tossed in at the end here.
You see the conversation. I don't really understand why it's in here,
because it just then goes, Bethuel begot Rebekah, first normal name for a while.

(01:11:03):
Oh, sorry, new normal to us.
These eight milker bore to Nahor, Abraham's brother, his concubine,
whose name was Ramuah, also born Teba, Gaham.
It's all tied to ham.

(01:11:26):
That was Finesse and Markup. So that was on gay ham. That was a good way to
finish that. So that was chapter 22.
When they said one of them was called Buzz, did anyone think of Home Alone?
Yes. Yes, 100%. The big brother, yeah. Yeah.
Yes. Buzz's girlfriend.

(01:11:47):
So, well, Brothers Grail, we fucking did it. Without too much,
no one had to lift the fridge.
No one went on fucking 20 minute drunken rants. He ended his own rant tonight.
Oh, that's, that's. That's impressive.
Yeah. Was a successful rant.

(01:12:07):
You've, you've leveled. I think you deserve your new name.
What's that? I've just got to add him. I think we decided last time.
So I'm not sure exactly where.
I've just got to add him, Captain Ham. I'll just do Gay Ham.
Gay Ham now. You're the Gay Ham. Captain Gay Ham.

(01:12:30):
So, all right. Job done. Brothers Grail. So that was chapters up to 22.
Nailed it. Congratulations. Brothers out. Bye, Captain. Peace.
My name's Gaiam.