February 3, 2025 • 40 mins
Surviving and Thriving: Rachael Carman on Beating Homeschool Burnout
In this inspiring episode of The Colorado Homeschool Podcast, Kashia Davis welcomes Rachael Carman, a veteran homeschool mom and co-owner of Apologia. Rachael shares her personal journey of reluctance to homeschool, her struggles, and the immense joys that come with persevering through challenging times. Drawing from her own experiences, Rachael provides heartfelt advice on how to manage and overcome homeschool burnout. Here are three main takeaways from the episode:
- Acknowledge and Address Burnout Early: Recognizing the warning signs of burnout is crucial. Rachael emphasizes the importance of identifying feelings of loneliness, being overwhelmed, and exhaustion early on. She encourages homeschool parents to acknowledge these emotions and address them promptly rather than ignoring them, highlighting that doing so can prevent deeper burnout.
- Seek Support and Build Community: Rachael stresses the value of having a support system, whether it’s a homeschool group or a trusted friend. Sharing struggles with others who understand your journey can provide much-needed encouragement and prevent feelings of isolation. Sometimes, the support may also need to come spiritually, turning to God in times of distress when human support isn't available.
- Prioritize Your Relationship with God: Above all self-care routines, maintaining a strong relationship with God should be paramount. Rachael advocates for seeking God first, as nurtured through prayer, scripture study, and praise, to anchor oneself in faith and draw strength. She warns against relying solely on worldly self-care practices, emphasizing that true rejuvenation and resilience come from spiritual nourishment and trust in God's plan.
Tune in to gather more insights and practical tips as Rachael Carman reveals how to not just survive but truly thrive in your homeschooling journey.
Connect with Us:
- Visit CHEC.org for resources, tips, and information on homeschooling in Colorado.
- Subscribe and share this episode with friends to support homeschooling communities.
Guest Info:
- Rachael Carman: Co-owner of Apologia, Podcast Host, Speaker.
- Podcasts: Real Refreshment, Let's Talk Homeschool
The Colorado Homeschool podcast is a ministry of Christian Home Educators of Colorado. We have been motivating parents to disciple the next generation by embracing home discipleship that is Christ centered, parent directed, and free from government control. We invite you to join us in this mission. If you’re looking for support, resources, and inspiration on your homeschooling journey, visit CHEC.org. Don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast and share it with anyone who might benefit from the wisdom shared in this episode!
If you want to support homeschooling in Colorado go to CHEC.org/donate. Thank you! Brought to you by ThePodcastUpload.com Empowering Faith Driven Voices.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
God's got this. He's got you. He's got your kids.
He's got your home school. He's got it. Dare to trust him
with it. Dare to lean into him. Dare to be still and know.
And dare to praise him when you don't know. When you're confused and
overwhelmed and lonely and tired and exhausted.
Dare to just praise him.
(00:26):
Welcome. It's the Colorado Homeschool Podcast.
Interviewing experts, parents, graduates,
all here to help you navigate this incredible journey called
homeschooling. And if you're looking for resources, tips, and help,
go to CHEC.org you'll find what you need. In the meantime,
subscribe, follow along. Well, good morning and
(00:48):
welcome. Thank you for joining us today. I am your host, Kasia
Davis, and we are in for a treat. We have Rachel
Carmen from, from Apologia, and oh, my goodness,
she's going to share so many great things. Rachel and her husband Davis have owned
Apologia for, what did you say, 16 years. That's amazing. They
have seven kids, nine grandkids. She's joining
(01:10):
us remotely from Hilton Head. Woo. Although I heard her
say it's really cold up there, so don't worry, guys. I know we're going to
air this in the winter when it's probably really cold here too. So,
Rachel, thank you so much for joining us. Welcome. We will you
kick us off and just tell us a little bit about your homeschooling story and
how you started being a homeschool mom. Yeah. Oh, thank you so
(01:32):
much for having me today. This is my favorite thing to talk about
and too is homeschool moms. It's my passion of my heart.
So we home educated our seven children for 26
years, graduated all seven. But I think the
real important thing to emphasize is I didn't want to be a homeschool
mom. So I literally made fun of
(01:54):
homeschoolers. So God and his sovereignty. I mean, it's a great story
and I won't get into the details, but God and his sovereignty
had our lives intersect with some homeschool families when I was just
a young mom. Like my, I just had had my first child and
we lived on a street and four of the six
stay at home moms home educated their children.
(02:16):
Oh, wow. I know. And this is in 1990. Like,
nobody was, you know, I mean, very few, much, many fewer were doing it
then. And I was just like, these people are crazy.
I was already looking forward to the yellow school bus because to me I
was gonna, like, do my time at home and then I was gonna
go back and get my life back. I mean, literally, that's what I
(02:39):
was thinking. And I. And I would humbly suggest that that is the
American conservative Christian perspective. I'll do my
time and then I get my life back.
And I totally bought into that. And
then a little later. And again, it's a longer story for another
day. Again, God intersected in my
(03:01):
life. And my oldest son was so excited for him to go to school.
I had two others at home, and they put him on no bus the first
day and the wrong bus the second day. Okay. The Lord is like,
rachel, tap, tap, tap. I know. Are you paying attention? And
even then. Even then, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. We'll do a second mortgage. We will do anything. I
(03:23):
will not. Please do not ask me to do that. I'm only
laughing because this is not an uncommon story. I hear a lot of. I call
them reluctant homeschoolers. Yeah. Yes, that was definitely me.
And. And so I was incredibly reluctant. And I even have said
that I really felt like the first day I could
hear the echo of the slamming of the penitentiary door
(03:46):
behind me. I mean, that's how it felt. I mean,
there's nothing positive about that. But
it's so real. Yes. What God did is
just. I'm so grateful. I am so grateful.
I know that. I'm confident that I would not have had my other
four children and that I wouldn't have had the
(04:08):
opportunity to know all of my children
and know God the way I got to know God.
And so that all of that is why I'm so passionate about this. I don't
homeschool anymore, but, I mean, when you talk about it and when I
talk to other people who are considering it, I just. You have lit a fire.
I. It's my favorite thing. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Oh, I love it. Yeah. My
(04:31):
children are young adults and. Same thing. I get to talk to these homeschool families
who feel exactly like you do. And I kind of remember that as well.
Like, oh, I'm not gonna have any freedom or me time or
whatever. And we're gonna talk about that, actually. And I just
wanna add a few things. Cause I missed this when I was introducing you, but
you have a couple of podcasts. You do the Real Refresh podcast. Is that what
(04:52):
it's called? Real Refreshment or Real Refreshment? Real Refreshment, yeah. Real Refreshment. Oh, it's
a really great Bible study focused podcast. And then you do
Another one with your husband, which I love to see men involved in the
homeschool talk. Let's talk about homeschool. So,
guys, we'll put those links in the show notes so you can find Rachel and
all her platforms. And then the biggest news of all is, at least from our
(05:14):
perspective, is you're coming out to Colorado and you're going to be our keynote speaker
at their Ladies Refresh conference in March. Yes.
It's going to be so good. It sells out every year. So if you've not
signed up, ladies, sign up. It's going to be really fantastic. And as you can
already tell, we're probably going to laugh because maybe we'll cry. I don't know. There's
always some fun nugget that the Lord has. So I'm really, really
(05:35):
excited about that. And we are talking about
that exact topic. Refreshment, burnout,
discouragement, the mommy, me time, that mentality. So
let's get into it and let's talk about burnout. Even though
you and I both know, even if you started as a reluctant homeschooler, you
probably got in. And like you said, there's so many nuggets. Hindsight, It's a
(05:57):
beautiful thing, isn't it? Every person I know who is like, I didn't want to
do this, what is it? Why do you think moms feel that way sometimes?
To start out and go, no, I don't want this? I think,
I mean, I think it's a lot of things. Right. It'd be interesting to parse
that out. But I think part of it is we intuitively know
and some of us are willing to acknowledge what we
(06:20):
intuitively know. The rest of us are just, I don't know, we're denying it
or ignoring it. But I think there's something about us that knows that
to step into home education means death to self.
I think we know that and I think we're just like,
ooh, really? We often will say, I
just don't think I could spend that much time with my children.
(06:43):
But even that, I think at the core of that is
I think there are parts of me that would become a parent
if I spent that much time with my children that I would have to deal
with, and I don't want to do that.
I think that's what it is. I think there's a brutal
(07:04):
level of what it means to home educate
that we know and we don't want
to do that. Yeah. And
I think it's. Interestingly, I think that's the
hard truth about following Jesus, too. Right.
I think we all jump up and down. We love the idea of an eternity
(07:25):
in a perfect place, but do we really want
to die to ourselves? Right. But
what's so funny is it doesn't. We have this negative
connotation. And even, like we said, hindsight is so beautiful.
We have this weird thing in the back of our mind that says, this is
hard, this is difficult. I don't want to do it. But there's so many great
(07:45):
rewards. Like Jesus says, I came to give you life abundantly, like
above, more than we understand. And it doesn't mean easy, but.
But certainly abundant. It's so good. Yeah. It's
just we know that it's gonna cost along the way. Right.
And I think he gives a lot of ways in his
scripture, in his Word, and lots of examples of how to
(08:08):
navigate those tough places. And we want to be
content to know how to navigate, but not to actually have to
navigate, if that makes any sense. It's like, I wanna
think that I know God, but I
would probably know him more if I dared to step out in faith.
But I'm content to just know what I think I know. I
(08:30):
don't want the knowing that comes from actually going through the valley of the shadow.
I don't want the know that that comes from actually enduring
and persevering. I want the know that. That it's a, you
know, a hundred yards back from that. And he. He's not content
for us to know him that way. I'm convinced he wants us to know
him. And it's the kind of no that requires
(08:53):
the valley and the tough and the real experience. It
is. It is. Okay. Yeah. So let's talk
about that then. When you find yourself in. We're using the term burnout. When
that feeling of discouragement or feeling empty or pressing
on. How would you
identify one? If you're in it or if it's about
(09:15):
to come? Are there warning signs that you think people need
to watch out for? Yeah, I
think the warning signs. Again,
there are many warning signs, but some of them
are far more subtle than others. So I
polled a bunch of moms several years ago when I started my podcast,
(09:38):
because I wanted to know is what I think I know to be true
across the board among moms and all of my speaking across the
country and even around the world, are these patterns that
I think I'm seeing legitimate or is it just
in my head? Right. So I polled totally
unscientific, but just a bunch of bombs and just Ask, you
(10:00):
know, what are your things? How would. If you had to describe where you are
in three words, right? And then they would just hand them in. And so these
are just a conference. So I would leave a conference with a big wad of
like three by five cards. And it was fascinating. But
these three words emerged, okay.
They're lonely, they're
(10:22):
overwhelmed, and they're exhausted.
I would say you don't have to score a three out of three
to already be in burnout. And you may be using
different words, but if those. If asked, how would you
describe where you are today? If you're hitting on one of those words or
a related word, you're already there because
(10:46):
those are so interrelated. The loneliness is interrelated
with the overwhelm. It's interrelated with the exhaustion.
Right? And you know, when you're there
and you have no idea how to alleviate it. You
have no idea where to turn or what to do or what to stop
or what to start. You feel like you're going under.
(11:08):
And the enemy. The enemy loves it when you're
there. So that is something that I think is. Is.
Is worth acknowledging is how much the enemy wants to
get you there and. Keep you there totally.
Because he can just. The loneliness is.
I don't know, it's. It's hard to say that one is worse. But he really
(11:30):
tries to convince us in the whole loneliness thing that nobody
else gets it. And everybody else. So true. You're the only one.
Everybody else has got it going on. You're the own. You're the.
That cannot figure this out. You're the only one that cannot get kids
dressed and breakfast cleaned up and
started school by. Let's do something absurd
(11:53):
by 7am I agree. What? No,
don't do that. But he will take
whatever it is and work overtime to
convince you that you're the only one that's not doing Latin. You're the
only one that's not grinding your own grain. You're the only one
who's not. Fill in the blank. Right?
(12:16):
And in convincing you that you're the only one, he's
making you feel more overwhelmed, right. And
more exhausted. I mean, it's just. It's like the
trifecta. And so again, feeling any one of those
things or just the beginning of those things,
mm, you're already there. I mean, you're. You're vulnerable
(12:37):
at the very least, right? These are three things that I need
to pay attention to if I start to feel lonely, if I'm starting to feel
Overwhelmed. Like, I can't breathe if I'm starting to feel exhausted
perpetually. Whoo. Those are signs that I need to be
aware of, and I need to acknowledge those, and I don't need to
ignore those. I think the temptation is just to ignore it. You know, I'll get
(12:59):
another sleep, an hour of sleep tonight, or I'll. I'll call somebody
or. No, you really need to pay attention to
that. Oh, my gosh. Yes. The trap of catching up on
sleep the next night never happens. You're right. Well, let's
talk about that then. What are some practical ways that you can address those? The
loneliness, the being overwhelmed, and the exhaustion. Do you have practical
(13:20):
tips that you encourage? Yeah, I mean, great question.
And I will say that this was not a conversation that was happening. What
would it have been for me now? So my youngest
graduated, so I started homeschooling
29 years ago. So this was
a topic that I want to be really bold. This is a
(13:43):
topic that, when I started homeschooling
all those years ago, this was taboo. You did
not discuss burnout,
the whole objective when I started. And maybe this was just my experience, but
I really don't think that's true. I think because I speak to a lot of
my peers, the whole objective was to make sure everybody thought that you
(14:04):
were just awesome. Perfect. Everything was perfect,
and everything was spit and polish and everything. And in fact,
the first time I spoke at a homeschool conference, I talked
about this. I talked about burnout, and there
were some older homeschool moms
on the back row of my session. Now, this was a.
(14:29):
This was a packed session. I think the room sat
500, and there were moms lining the walls and
sitting in the aisles. And there was a little bit of panic,
I heard subsequently among the leadership of the conference, because
it was like, who is this person who has 500 people, 500 moms in
her session? What do we know about her? And do we know what she's going
(14:51):
to say? So there was a little bit of panic, and I was a young
whippersnapper given, and I literally
nursed my youngest child and handed her to Davis
and walked into the room. So I was pretty
green at the whole thing, but I knew we had to talk about
this. But you lifted up the ugly covers and said, hey, let's deal with
(15:13):
this underneath. I think that's much more culturally norm to
talk about that. I mean, you have social media where people just put it
all out there, you know? Yeah, yeah. And I do. Sometimes
you can Overdo it. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
So when you did that, what was the reaction? Were they like. Or were they
like, oh, my goodness, I'm not the only one. Like, was there relief? That is
(15:35):
what it was. Yeah. So the moms were just
like, thank you, thank you, thank you a million times. Thank you.
I needed to know that I was not the only one.
Yeah, exactly. And needed to know that this
is real and that these are things that I can
do to not be here. Because here's what I
(15:57):
want a mom out there who's listening to us today in this discussion to
hear. That is not how you have
to function as a homeschool mom. It's
not about surviving exhaustion and loneliness
and overwhelm. It's not about mere survival. That is not what God
has called you to. This is not some big torture test
(16:19):
to see if you can make it through. That is not what this
is. There is so much joy to be
had in this journey. There is so much joy. And
sometimes it's laughter, you know, tears turned into joy. You
know, sometimes it's laughing till you cry. But it's.
There's joy to be known here because of two
(16:41):
things, maybe three. Getting to know God more.
Getting to let go of yourself, which is a glorious
thing. It's a glorious thing to let go of yourself and to die to
yourself. And getting to know these kids that God has sent to your
home. There's so much joy. Yes,
yes. And so when you find yourself in the.
(17:04):
You're asking about practical tips? Yes, I think
so. My number one practical tip.
And don't boo and hiss me on this. My number one
practical tip is don't get there. Okay. Don't
recognize the warning signs. Right. You got to recognize.
You've got to have the courage to say,
(17:26):
this is what I'm feeling, and to acknowledge it. So we all know from
aa, right? You gotta admit you got a
problem before you can face the problem. And there's nothing
gained to be in denial and say, no, no,
I've got it. And so acknowledging it is
really the first step. And if you have a friend that you can
(17:48):
acknowledge it to, that is awesome. But I think just
acknowledging this is where I am. If you can acknowledge that with your husband,
just say your husband. You know, I know we just started school a month ago,
but you got to know, I am feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling. I
didn't get to go to this support group meeting last week because all the kids
were sick. I'm feeling really lonely or, you know, the
(18:09):
baby's been up the last four nights in a row and I am just
exhausted. It really does begin with
acknowledging where you are. I feel that strongly. So
I agree with you. I do. But how? And I'm just thinking back to
my homeschool life. I remember especially early on, I was the
one who was more emphatic, we're going to homeschool. And then I'd have a bad
(18:31):
day and I'd say to my husband, you know, whatever, xyz, I'm
overwhelmed and frustrated. And he'd go, whoa, do you want to put the kids back
in school? And I always was like, no, no, no, don't.
You've gotta be. You gotta support me, honey. So I needed to. We had to
have that come to Jesus conversation where it was like, babe,
just maybe just listen right now. And we still. I mean, that's so funny. My
(18:52):
husband and I, we've been married 30 years now, and we still have that conversation
where I go, babe, just listen. No advice this time.
Don't need you to solve this one. No, you're making an excellent point
and I'm glad you brought this up. We have to know who are our
safe people? That's what I wanted you to go to. Thank you.
It's very. You need to know who your safe people are. And your safe people
(19:15):
aren't going to say, put them on the bus.
Duh, you did this to yourself. Put them on the bus.
Right. So you need to know who are your go to
people that you can actually call SOB on the phone
or whoever that is. But here's the clincher.
Sometimes you don't get those people with skin on.
(19:37):
Oh, that's your amen.
Sometimes God allows in
his sovereignty and for his glory and
for our growth, he allows himself to be
our only go to. And it's
usually just for a season and some. And 24 hours can be too
(19:58):
long, if you ask me. But sometimes that season is
short and sometimes that season is long. But
you can go to him and you can cry out to him. This
is one of the reasons I love the Psalms. I love how raw the Psalms
are. And we get David at his most
angry, most bitter, most broken.
(20:20):
We get all of that in the book of Psalms. We get him shaking his
fist to heaven, going, how long? I mean, really.
We get him going, let me go. Take him out. Right? We get
him. Darkness is my only companion. I mean,
we get the whole breadth of emotion with David. No
plastic face. You're right, exactly. And what
(20:42):
I get from that is not only
the gift of God that scripture is to us. But it's an
invitation. It's like, look, David did this. He's called a man after God's own heart.
And he did not deny or run from where he was.
And God was big enough for that. And so you and
I need to remember that God's big enough for that. And
(21:04):
I have gone to God and gone. How long am I not going to have
somebody I can call? How long is there not going to be a support
group? I mean, really, how long?
And I've gone to him going, how long is it going to be before I
get a good night's sleep? Well, apparently that was a really long time. How
long am I going to feel this overwhelmed? Whatever. You can take
(21:26):
that to God. For me, it's. It was journaling.
It was in the example of King
Hezekiah. I believe it's in Second Kings when he just lays it
out before the Lord. I found it very cathartic
to just write out my prayers and my
frustrations and my loneliness and my overwhelm. And there
(21:49):
was something actually, physically,
emotionally that helped me getting it out. There was
something about actually acknowledging and getting it out of my head
that relieved a lot of it. Sometimes that's all we need is
just somebody. Like I said to my husband, just hear it, help me
process this, and. And I'll be. I'll be better, right? Like
(22:10):
just taking it to the Lord. So I love that. And I would
write dear God, and I would just bleh, you know, just
put it all out there. And then I could just say, and. And
like the Psalms. So if you read any of those psalms that we were just
talking about, where David is just really raw, I love how he ties
it up. But I will wait on the Lord. It comes back. Exactly. He
(22:32):
takes those thoughts captive. Yeah, exactly. And so we
have the opportunity at the end of our bleh
to come back and go, but I trust you. You are sovereign,
you are good. You've got this. I trust that you will hold
me, that you will strengthen me, that you will grant me. We have the
opportunity to come right back. And that's the beauty of
(22:55):
it. That's the beauty of the example is God's big enough to take our
blow up or our blowout, but he invites
us not to stay there. And I think that that's the
example that we get from David is, yeah, God's big enough for you to
go and go, I don't like this. I don't like them, whatever,
right? But he doesn't want you to stay there. He
(23:17):
wants you to dare to give it to him and to move forward
and knock it. Yeah, I love that. I think those
are key. Go to him. Lay it out before him.
If God gives you someone with skin on that you can trust
a safe person, go to them. But with this
caveat, I think it's in Proverbs 10, because we just read that this
(23:40):
morning. Where words are many, sin is not
absent. So even if you're
going to share it with a safe person, make sure you don't ruminate and.
And just wallow together in
it. Make sure that it's actual prayer time
for each other. And it may need to stay in the
(24:02):
realm of unspoken in order for the prayer to happen, because
sometimes when we lay out the details. Oh, right. We're distracted and
it's. But make
sure that the person isn't only safe, meaning they're not going to point you
to the school bus, but they're also going to point you to him.
That's a real key. You know, when you
(24:24):
listed those three things that overwhelm. When I talk to new homeschoolers,
and I feel like a broken record. So people, if they've heard me, they know
I say this. The first and most important thing is to write your vision, your
why. Why are you homeschooling? What is it that the Lord has asked you to
do and that helps you filter? And I find the moms who
are overwhelmed, often I go, well, are. What are you. What
(24:44):
activities are you doing? Are the things that are not part of the mission
that you can cut. Because I am a goodness in Mary and
Martha, I relate to Martha. I am just a doer. I jump in and I'm
like, let's get it done. And as a matter of fact, we have company at
my house. And last night we went to go pray before eating dinner.
And this is so terrible to admit out loud, but we're.
(25:05):
They're praying and I'm putting dishes away. No, I get
it. We've all done that, right? Because there's something to be done.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You can't sit still. You got to keep going.
But, yeah, so. And community matters. Your
people matter. The right kind of people matter. That will encourage
and exhort you. Even my husband, who he got the fire for
(25:27):
homeschooling, at first he was just like, okay, you want to do this? He thought
it was a little weird. He was supportive. But then as we started to
see much more from it, it was like, well, this is not Just teaching my
children to read and science and math which all those things happened.
Obviously it was relational in time and discipling and so
much richness of life which we loved. So.
(25:49):
Oh, I love that. Okay, well let's talk
about how the world views self care and taking care
of yourself versus maybe what the Lord would say about that and
what are some practical ways to not get. So maybe,
I don't know what, what are your thoughts on that? Everything in me
is just. Could there be a more worldly
(26:12):
perspective on how we look at taking
care of ourselves than the ideal self care? I mean it's up there with selfie
and all of those self centered things. Right?
I'm not a fan. I think I get
what they're getting at but I think that we've
overplayed that. I think the best self care
(26:35):
is taking care of our relationship with God. That's
got to be first seek ye first is a thing.
And if we, if we're not going to dare to seek
him first. There is not a single self care
method. I don't care how far and wide you
reach, I don't care the different variety. I don't care
(26:58):
how much money or how much time you spend chasing after any
other self care method that the world
offers. If it is not after
taking care of your relationship with God you will
always come up wanting burnout,
always, always. Nothing else. There is
(27:19):
no other. And believe me, I have seen some lists if you want to take
care of yourself, you know it has all these different things you can do to
take care of yourself. And of course the Google lists are never going to include
God because Google has become the new God,
right? He's the new substitute for God. People don't go to God, they go to
Google. And so if you Google self care, how do I
(27:40):
take care of myself? They're going to throw up all of these lists
and going to God and seeking God and being still
and knowing and resting in Him. They are never going to make that
list. And that's got to be our go to.
When it comes to self care the best thing you can do is go to
him and acknowledge it to him and lay it before him before you
(28:02):
try to chase after anything the world offers. Because
self care is looking into yourself. The
world tells us that the answer is within us. The
Bible tells me that the problem is within me.
The answer is in God. And so I've got to
make sure that I keep those things straight and
(28:25):
I cannot fall for the distraction
and all of the stuff that the world's trying to
substitute for God because it's never going to work. It will never,
ever, ever work. Yeah, I totally agree. And yet
there are some practical things that you can do. It's just
in the right perspective and right order. Right. But
(28:47):
order matters, you know, I really think order matters. I
think that's why it says seek ye first the kingdom of
God. And I think seeking him first
is really key. So one of my sons is going to.
Well, our last two sons are still in college, so one
of them will graduate in May and we'll only have one in college
(29:10):
for a whole nother year, which is just after seven. That's kind of
crazy. But one of the things that the university
president says to their students there where he's attending
is no, no Bible, no breakfast.
And what he's. That's, that's, that's one of
his personal mottos that he is suggesting to the
(29:33):
kids. In other words, he's advocating for
seek ye first in the morning, get up, spend time with God.
That needs to be your go to. And I do not
believe, and I know the president of this institution, I don't believe he's being
legalistic. I think he's just trying to get, try to say it in
a way that the kids, the students can relate to. And
(29:55):
I do think it's so easy for us now to get up and look
at our screens, the first thing, and to scroll first thing
instead of going to scripture first thing. And I think the invitation
is to seek him first, to do that first.
Because I have things for my self care. Right.
That would fall into the category of self care as the world
(30:18):
defines it. I, I love a bubble bath. I love my
Ghirardelli 72% chocolate. I have a
square of chocolate every afternoon at 2. Anybody who knows, really.
Oh, I love that. That's so fun. Just a
square, you know, the 72% comes in the purple little
thing. And every afternoon at 2, I'm a very early
(30:40):
bird just by nature. And I, you know, I,
I get up and I do what I need to do for the day and
then that's my little square of reward. Every
afternoon. I would suggest too,
I think when we get it in the right order, when we tend our relationship
with God. And I would say there's the three things there.
(31:02):
Studying his word, praying
and praising Him. I think
praise is prayer. Right. I think nurturing those
three components of our relationship with him, when we get that
first right, I think it takes less
of what the world offers.
(31:24):
Interestingly, I don't need the whole bar of
Ghirardelli. I don't need a week
at a spa. I remember when
the kids were all really little in Charlotte, there was
a thriving support group community.
And they met once a month at a local.
(31:47):
One of the board members was in a neighborhood that had like a
little. Community, like a clubhouse. Yeah,
clubhouse. I'm here to tell you,
I would have walked on broken glass to get there.
Yeah. Your people matter, right? Oh, my goodness.
That was. That was it for me. I mean, Sunday mornings
(32:10):
were a thing, but getting to that support group meeting,
just sitting there with other people who got it, that I didn't have to
explain while I was doing this stupid, crazy thing because the whole world
was telling me that, right? Everybody even listen. It would be
easier. Yeah, exactly. Even pastors were telling me
that for a while. My own parents were telling me that. So
(32:32):
I had enough people telling me that it was my own fault I had
done this to myself. But I could go to that meeting and every
person, all of those other mothers understood.
And I remember sometimes just getting in the
car so, you know, I would put Full Confession,
Kraft macaroni and cheese and little
(32:55):
smokies, because the kids love that. And maybe some
pop, popping fresh crescent rolls in the oven,
Right? And the kids were thrilled. And I am putting on something
that doesn't have spit up on the shoulder, Right? And I might even
wear. I don't have them on today. I might even wear dangle earrings, because you
don't dare do that with a little kid, Right? And I might even put
(33:17):
some perfume on. And I'm like. Or I might not. I might put on a
ball cap just to get out of the house. And I would leave the house,
and sometimes I'm not out of my driveway and I'm already crying
because I'm just so tired. Just so.
And at the end of my route, my rope, right. Because it's
just October and I was so excited about the curriculum that I
(33:39):
just bought. I just bought it, and it was going to be great. And
it's not working right. Or all of
these. I mean, this is real life. That is a real, real
situation. Yeah. And I would just. I'm already crying before I get there.
And then I'm checking my mascara in the rear view mirror once I drive up
and I'm sitting there and I've got my. You know, I went to some grocery
(34:01):
store because I was supposed to bring some sort of something to share. And I
don't even know what it was that I Got. And I bring it in and
a plastic container, and I sit down and. I mean,
there were times I just sat and cried through the whole thing, and I needed
that. I needed a place where I could be with other
moms that got it, and I could just fall apart. I
needed that. And I needed someone just to give me a hug
(34:24):
and to say it was gonna be okay and it was gonna work. And I'll
see you next month. Yeah. And this math lesson will click
at some point or whatever it was. Yeah. They're not gonna.
They're gonna read before they graduate, and they're gonna be potty trained before they
graduate. You know, and all these little things. I needed that.
I needed my people. And I just will
(34:46):
say that is worth its weight in gold to have
some other people that get you and get the choices that you've
made. And it is worth fighting for, and
it's worth going even when you don't feel like it because you need it,
and God knows you need it, and it is just invaluable.
And if you're my age. Your age now
(35:08):
we get to give that back to the younger ones coming behind. Yes.
Yeah. I know it's weird to be the older woman, but. Yeah.
To just encourage them. I know. How did that happen? I don't know,
but I love it. So before as we wrap up, I just
want to. You started by saying, you know, I. I was a reluctant homeschooler in
the whole story, and you just knew the prison doors were clanking, and we're
(35:31):
talking about burnout. We're talking about those hard days. So I don't want
to leave anybody with the impression that homeschooling is only
difficult. I mean, I think a burnout is normal. There's seasons of it,
and you have to be prepared for it so that you know how to overcome
it. It's not going to define it. So would
you. Could you. You. You sort of hinted at it in the
(35:52):
beginning where you said, I wouldn't have had more children. I wouldn't have known my
children. Can you just share some of those joys and rewards that came
from being able to endure when you did want to leave the house
crying? Yeah. I really, really
think for me, and I think for most people, and as I've talked
to thousands of homeschool mothers over the years, and
(36:14):
again, I've had the privilege of speaking across the United States
and even across around the world. I've spoken in several countries to
homeschool moms in Japan and the Philippines and
Russia And Germany. And so
I've. This is a cross cultural perspective.
I really think the most glorious thing that home
(36:36):
educating your kids offer is death to yourself, is getting over
yourself, is learning to let go of things that really
don't matter. And because you let go of those things, you
can sit and snuggle on the sofa and read books all afternoon
and you can laugh and you can cook in the kitchen together
and you can make memories and you can have conversations that you would have known,
(36:58):
never had. I can't tell you how many conversations
I've had with my kids. And I'm sitting there in the middle of the conversation
and this is the thought I have. I'm so glad that I'm having this
conversation with my child and not stranger.
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And now that they're launched,
let me tell you about Joy. Now that they're launched,
(37:20):
the phone calls that I get and the
conversations we continue to have. We just had the most
amazing holiday season with our two youngest sons at home. Oh,
the conversations that we had. And I really believe
we would not have the richness of those conversations
if we had not built into those snuggle times on the
(37:42):
sofa and fighting it through with adding and subtracting fractions
and figuring out the spelling rules and
actually doing Latin. If we hadn't fought through those
things, right, if we hadn't decided that we were going
to hold hands and we were going to work together and we were going to
fight the enemy and we were going to honor God, we wouldn't have had that.
(38:04):
And the joy and the laughter, it's just. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
So if that's where you are, if you're in the heat of the battle.
Hold on. No, here's the thing that I wish somebody had
told me sooner, and maybe they did, and I just couldn't hear it. But maybe
you need to hear this today. God's got this.
God's got this. He's got you, he's got your kids,
(38:27):
he's got your home school. He's got it. Dare to trust
him with it. Dare to lean into him, Dare to be still and
know. And dare to praise him when you don't know, when you're confused and
overwhelmed and lonely and tired and exhausted,
dare to just praise him and just trust him with all of
it, because he's got it. Amen. I mean, I
(38:49):
feel like the message was today pretty simple, pretty direct.
Trust God. Seek ye first the kingdom of God. And all these things will be
added. But there is truth in that. And that endurance doesn't come from our
own strength. It comes from pressing into him. So, Rachel,
thank you so much for joining us today. I think, I hope people are
encouraged and again, they can come see you in person at the Refresh conference
(39:11):
and we'll put the links to your podcast and, and all the great ways
that people can connect with you, too. So thank you for being here. Thank you.
Thanks for having me today. I look forward to seeing everybody in a few months.
Yes. Really? One month. Oh, right, right. Oh,
wow. One month. I'll see you then. I was looking at my notes this morning.
I'm very, very excited. Oh, nice. Awesome. Thank
(39:32):
you so much for joining us today. The Colorado Homeschool
Podcast is a ministry of Christian Home Educators of Colorado. We,
we have been motivating parents to disciple the next generation by
embracing home discipleship that is Christ centered, parent directed,
and free from government control. We invite you to join us in this mission.
If you want to support homeschooling in Colorado, go to
(39:53):
CHEC.org donate in the meantime, share this with
your friends and make sure you subscribe. That really helps us. Thank
you.
Brought to you by the podcastupload.com empowering
faith driven voices.
God's got this. He's got you. He's got your kids.
He's got your home school. He's got it. Dare to trust him
with it. Dare to lean into him. Dare to be still and know.
And dare to praise him when you don't know. When you're confused and
overwhelmed and lonely and tired and exhausted.
Dare to just praise him.
(00:26):
Welcome. It's the Colorado Homeschool Podcast.
Interviewing experts, parents, graduates,
all here to help you navigate this incredible journey called
homeschooling. And if you're looking for resources, tips, and help,
go to CHEC.org you'll find what you need. In the meantime,
subscribe, follow along. Well, good morning and
(00:48):
welcome. Thank you for joining us today. I am your host, Kasia
Davis, and we are in for a treat. We have Rachel
Carmen from, from Apologia, and oh, my goodness,
she's going to share so many great things. Rachel and her husband Davis have owned
Apologia for, what did you say, 16 years. That's amazing. They
have seven kids, nine grandkids. She's joining
(01:10):
us remotely from Hilton Head. Woo. Although I heard her
say it's really cold up there, so don't worry, guys. I know we're going to
air this in the winter when it's probably really cold here too. So,
Rachel, thank you so much for joining us. Welcome. We will you
kick us off and just tell us a little bit about your homeschooling story and
how you started being a homeschool mom. Yeah. Oh, thank you so
(01:32):
much for having me today. This is my favorite thing to talk about
and too is homeschool moms. It's my passion of my heart.
So we home educated our seven children for 26
years, graduated all seven. But I think the
real important thing to emphasize is I didn't want to be a homeschool
mom. So I literally made fun of
(01:54):
homeschoolers. So God and his sovereignty. I mean, it's a great story
and I won't get into the details, but God and his sovereignty
had our lives intersect with some homeschool families when I was just
a young mom. Like my, I just had had my first child and
we lived on a street and four of the six
stay at home moms home educated their children.
(02:16):
Oh, wow. I know. And this is in 1990. Like,
nobody was, you know, I mean, very few, much, many fewer were doing it
then. And I was just like, these people are crazy.
I was already looking forward to the yellow school bus because to me I
was gonna, like, do my time at home and then I was gonna
go back and get my life back. I mean, literally, that's what I
(02:39):
was thinking. And I. And I would humbly suggest that that is the
American conservative Christian perspective. I'll do my
time and then I get my life back.
And I totally bought into that. And
then a little later. And again, it's a longer story for another
day. Again, God intersected in my
(03:01):
life. And my oldest son was so excited for him to go to school.
I had two others at home, and they put him on no bus the first
day and the wrong bus the second day. Okay. The Lord is like,
rachel, tap, tap, tap. I know. Are you paying attention? And
even then. Even then, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no. We'll do a second mortgage. We will do anything. I
(03:23):
will not. Please do not ask me to do that. I'm only
laughing because this is not an uncommon story. I hear a lot of. I call
them reluctant homeschoolers. Yeah. Yes, that was definitely me.
And. And so I was incredibly reluctant. And I even have said
that I really felt like the first day I could
hear the echo of the slamming of the penitentiary door
(03:46):
behind me. I mean, that's how it felt. I mean,
there's nothing positive about that. But
it's so real. Yes. What God did is
just. I'm so grateful. I am so grateful.
I know that. I'm confident that I would not have had my other
four children and that I wouldn't have had the
(04:08):
opportunity to know all of my children
and know God the way I got to know God.
And so that all of that is why I'm so passionate about this. I don't
homeschool anymore, but, I mean, when you talk about it and when I
talk to other people who are considering it, I just. You have lit a fire.
I. It's my favorite thing. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Oh, I love it. Yeah. My
(04:31):
children are young adults and. Same thing. I get to talk to these homeschool families
who feel exactly like you do. And I kind of remember that as well.
Like, oh, I'm not gonna have any freedom or me time or
whatever. And we're gonna talk about that, actually. And I just
wanna add a few things. Cause I missed this when I was introducing you, but
you have a couple of podcasts. You do the Real Refresh podcast. Is that what
(04:52):
it's called? Real Refreshment or Real Refreshment? Real Refreshment, yeah. Real Refreshment. Oh, it's
a really great Bible study focused podcast. And then you do
Another one with your husband, which I love to see men involved in the
homeschool talk. Let's talk about homeschool. So,
guys, we'll put those links in the show notes so you can find Rachel and
all her platforms. And then the biggest news of all is, at least from our
(05:14):
perspective, is you're coming out to Colorado and you're going to be our keynote speaker
at their Ladies Refresh conference in March. Yes.
It's going to be so good. It sells out every year. So if you've not
signed up, ladies, sign up. It's going to be really fantastic. And as you can
already tell, we're probably going to laugh because maybe we'll cry. I don't know. There's
always some fun nugget that the Lord has. So I'm really, really
(05:35):
excited about that. And we are talking about
that exact topic. Refreshment, burnout,
discouragement, the mommy, me time, that mentality. So
let's get into it and let's talk about burnout. Even though
you and I both know, even if you started as a reluctant homeschooler, you
probably got in. And like you said, there's so many nuggets. Hindsight, It's a
(05:57):
beautiful thing, isn't it? Every person I know who is like, I didn't want to
do this, what is it? Why do you think moms feel that way sometimes?
To start out and go, no, I don't want this? I think,
I mean, I think it's a lot of things. Right. It'd be interesting to parse
that out. But I think part of it is we intuitively know
and some of us are willing to acknowledge what we
(06:20):
intuitively know. The rest of us are just, I don't know, we're denying it
or ignoring it. But I think there's something about us that knows that
to step into home education means death to self.
I think we know that and I think we're just like,
ooh, really? We often will say, I
just don't think I could spend that much time with my children.
(06:43):
But even that, I think at the core of that is
I think there are parts of me that would become a parent
if I spent that much time with my children that I would have to deal
with, and I don't want to do that.
I think that's what it is. I think there's a brutal
(07:04):
level of what it means to home educate
that we know and we don't want
to do that. Yeah. And
I think it's. Interestingly, I think that's the
hard truth about following Jesus, too. Right.
I think we all jump up and down. We love the idea of an eternity
(07:25):
in a perfect place, but do we really want
to die to ourselves? Right. But
what's so funny is it doesn't. We have this negative
connotation. And even, like we said, hindsight is so beautiful.
We have this weird thing in the back of our mind that says, this is
hard, this is difficult. I don't want to do it. But there's so many great
(07:45):
rewards. Like Jesus says, I came to give you life abundantly, like
above, more than we understand. And it doesn't mean easy, but.
But certainly abundant. It's so good. Yeah. It's
just we know that it's gonna cost along the way. Right.
And I think he gives a lot of ways in his
scripture, in his Word, and lots of examples of how to
(08:08):
navigate those tough places. And we want to be
content to know how to navigate, but not to actually have to
navigate, if that makes any sense. It's like, I wanna
think that I know God, but I
would probably know him more if I dared to step out in faith.
But I'm content to just know what I think I know. I
(08:30):
don't want the knowing that comes from actually going through the valley of the shadow.
I don't want the know that that comes from actually enduring
and persevering. I want the know that. That it's a, you
know, a hundred yards back from that. And he. He's not content
for us to know him that way. I'm convinced he wants us to know
him. And it's the kind of no that requires
(08:53):
the valley and the tough and the real experience. It
is. It is. Okay. Yeah. So let's talk
about that then. When you find yourself in. We're using the term burnout. When
that feeling of discouragement or feeling empty or pressing
on. How would you
identify one? If you're in it or if it's about
(09:15):
to come? Are there warning signs that you think people need
to watch out for? Yeah, I
think the warning signs. Again,
there are many warning signs, but some of them
are far more subtle than others. So I
polled a bunch of moms several years ago when I started my podcast,
(09:38):
because I wanted to know is what I think I know to be true
across the board among moms and all of my speaking across the
country and even around the world, are these patterns that
I think I'm seeing legitimate or is it just
in my head? Right. So I polled totally
unscientific, but just a bunch of bombs and just Ask, you
(10:00):
know, what are your things? How would. If you had to describe where you are
in three words, right? And then they would just hand them in. And so these
are just a conference. So I would leave a conference with a big wad of
like three by five cards. And it was fascinating. But
these three words emerged, okay.
They're lonely, they're
(10:22):
overwhelmed, and they're exhausted.
I would say you don't have to score a three out of three
to already be in burnout. And you may be using
different words, but if those. If asked, how would you
describe where you are today? If you're hitting on one of those words or
a related word, you're already there because
(10:46):
those are so interrelated. The loneliness is interrelated
with the overwhelm. It's interrelated with the exhaustion.
Right? And you know, when you're there
and you have no idea how to alleviate it. You
have no idea where to turn or what to do or what to stop
or what to start. You feel like you're going under.
(11:08):
And the enemy. The enemy loves it when you're
there. So that is something that I think is. Is.
Is worth acknowledging is how much the enemy wants to
get you there and. Keep you there totally.
Because he can just. The loneliness is.
I don't know, it's. It's hard to say that one is worse. But he really
(11:30):
tries to convince us in the whole loneliness thing that nobody
else gets it. And everybody else. So true. You're the only one.
Everybody else has got it going on. You're the own. You're the.
That cannot figure this out. You're the only one that cannot get kids
dressed and breakfast cleaned up and
started school by. Let's do something absurd
(11:53):
by 7am I agree. What? No,
don't do that. But he will take
whatever it is and work overtime to
convince you that you're the only one that's not doing Latin. You're the
only one that's not grinding your own grain. You're the only one
who's not. Fill in the blank. Right?
(12:16):
And in convincing you that you're the only one, he's
making you feel more overwhelmed, right. And
more exhausted. I mean, it's just. It's like the
trifecta. And so again, feeling any one of those
things or just the beginning of those things,
mm, you're already there. I mean, you're. You're vulnerable
(12:37):
at the very least, right? These are three things that I need
to pay attention to if I start to feel lonely, if I'm starting to feel
Overwhelmed. Like, I can't breathe if I'm starting to feel exhausted
perpetually. Whoo. Those are signs that I need to be
aware of, and I need to acknowledge those, and I don't need to
ignore those. I think the temptation is just to ignore it. You know, I'll get
(12:59):
another sleep, an hour of sleep tonight, or I'll. I'll call somebody
or. No, you really need to pay attention to
that. Oh, my gosh. Yes. The trap of catching up on
sleep the next night never happens. You're right. Well, let's
talk about that then. What are some practical ways that you can address those? The
loneliness, the being overwhelmed, and the exhaustion. Do you have practical
(13:20):
tips that you encourage? Yeah, I mean, great question.
And I will say that this was not a conversation that was happening. What
would it have been for me now? So my youngest
graduated, so I started homeschooling
29 years ago. So this was
a topic that I want to be really bold. This is a
(13:43):
topic that, when I started homeschooling
all those years ago, this was taboo. You did
not discuss burnout,
the whole objective when I started. And maybe this was just my experience, but
I really don't think that's true. I think because I speak to a lot of
my peers, the whole objective was to make sure everybody thought that you
(14:04):
were just awesome. Perfect. Everything was perfect,
and everything was spit and polish and everything. And in fact,
the first time I spoke at a homeschool conference, I talked
about this. I talked about burnout, and there
were some older homeschool moms
on the back row of my session. Now, this was a.
(14:29):
This was a packed session. I think the room sat
500, and there were moms lining the walls and
sitting in the aisles. And there was a little bit of panic,
I heard subsequently among the leadership of the conference, because
it was like, who is this person who has 500 people, 500 moms in
her session? What do we know about her? And do we know what she's going
(14:51):
to say? So there was a little bit of panic, and I was a young
whippersnapper given, and I literally
nursed my youngest child and handed her to Davis
and walked into the room. So I was pretty
green at the whole thing, but I knew we had to talk about
this. But you lifted up the ugly covers and said, hey, let's deal with
(15:13):
this underneath. I think that's much more culturally norm to
talk about that. I mean, you have social media where people just put it
all out there, you know? Yeah, yeah. And I do. Sometimes
you can Overdo it. Yeah. You know? Yeah.
So when you did that, what was the reaction? Were they like. Or were they
like, oh, my goodness, I'm not the only one. Like, was there relief? That is
(15:35):
what it was. Yeah. So the moms were just
like, thank you, thank you, thank you a million times. Thank you.
I needed to know that I was not the only one.
Yeah, exactly. And needed to know that this
is real and that these are things that I can
do to not be here. Because here's what I
(15:57):
want a mom out there who's listening to us today in this discussion to
hear. That is not how you have
to function as a homeschool mom. It's
not about surviving exhaustion and loneliness
and overwhelm. It's not about mere survival. That is not what God
has called you to. This is not some big torture test
(16:19):
to see if you can make it through. That is not what this
is. There is so much joy to be
had in this journey. There is so much joy. And
sometimes it's laughter, you know, tears turned into joy. You
know, sometimes it's laughing till you cry. But it's.
There's joy to be known here because of two
(16:41):
things, maybe three. Getting to know God more.
Getting to let go of yourself, which is a glorious
thing. It's a glorious thing to let go of yourself and to die to
yourself. And getting to know these kids that God has sent to your
home. There's so much joy. Yes,
yes. And so when you find yourself in the.
(17:04):
You're asking about practical tips? Yes, I think
so. My number one practical tip.
And don't boo and hiss me on this. My number one
practical tip is don't get there. Okay. Don't
recognize the warning signs. Right. You got to recognize.
You've got to have the courage to say,
(17:26):
this is what I'm feeling, and to acknowledge it. So we all know from
aa, right? You gotta admit you got a
problem before you can face the problem. And there's nothing
gained to be in denial and say, no, no,
I've got it. And so acknowledging it is
really the first step. And if you have a friend that you can
(17:48):
acknowledge it to, that is awesome. But I think just
acknowledging this is where I am. If you can acknowledge that with your husband,
just say your husband. You know, I know we just started school a month ago,
but you got to know, I am feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling. I
didn't get to go to this support group meeting last week because all the kids
were sick. I'm feeling really lonely or, you know, the
(18:09):
baby's been up the last four nights in a row and I am just
exhausted. It really does begin with
acknowledging where you are. I feel that strongly. So
I agree with you. I do. But how? And I'm just thinking back to
my homeschool life. I remember especially early on, I was the
one who was more emphatic, we're going to homeschool. And then I'd have a bad
(18:31):
day and I'd say to my husband, you know, whatever, xyz, I'm
overwhelmed and frustrated. And he'd go, whoa, do you want to put the kids back
in school? And I always was like, no, no, no, don't.
You've gotta be. You gotta support me, honey. So I needed to. We had to
have that come to Jesus conversation where it was like, babe,
just maybe just listen right now. And we still. I mean, that's so funny. My
(18:52):
husband and I, we've been married 30 years now, and we still have that conversation
where I go, babe, just listen. No advice this time.
Don't need you to solve this one. No, you're making an excellent point
and I'm glad you brought this up. We have to know who are our
safe people? That's what I wanted you to go to. Thank you.
It's very. You need to know who your safe people are. And your safe people
(19:15):
aren't going to say, put them on the bus.
Duh, you did this to yourself. Put them on the bus.
Right. So you need to know who are your go to
people that you can actually call SOB on the phone
or whoever that is. But here's the clincher.
Sometimes you don't get those people with skin on.
(19:37):
Oh, that's your amen.
Sometimes God allows in
his sovereignty and for his glory and
for our growth, he allows himself to be
our only go to. And it's
usually just for a season and some. And 24 hours can be too
(19:58):
long, if you ask me. But sometimes that season is
short and sometimes that season is long. But
you can go to him and you can cry out to him. This
is one of the reasons I love the Psalms. I love how raw the Psalms
are. And we get David at his most
angry, most bitter, most broken.
(20:20):
We get all of that in the book of Psalms. We get him shaking his
fist to heaven, going, how long? I mean, really.
We get him going, let me go. Take him out. Right? We get
him. Darkness is my only companion. I mean,
we get the whole breadth of emotion with David. No
plastic face. You're right, exactly. And what
(20:42):
I get from that is not only
the gift of God that scripture is to us. But it's an
invitation. It's like, look, David did this. He's called a man after God's own heart.
And he did not deny or run from where he was.
And God was big enough for that. And so you and
I need to remember that God's big enough for that. And
(21:04):
I have gone to God and gone. How long am I not going to have
somebody I can call? How long is there not going to be a support
group? I mean, really, how long?
And I've gone to him going, how long is it going to be before I
get a good night's sleep? Well, apparently that was a really long time. How
long am I going to feel this overwhelmed? Whatever. You can take
(21:26):
that to God. For me, it's. It was journaling.
It was in the example of King
Hezekiah. I believe it's in Second Kings when he just lays it
out before the Lord. I found it very cathartic
to just write out my prayers and my
frustrations and my loneliness and my overwhelm. And there
(21:49):
was something actually, physically,
emotionally that helped me getting it out. There was
something about actually acknowledging and getting it out of my head
that relieved a lot of it. Sometimes that's all we need is
just somebody. Like I said to my husband, just hear it, help me
process this, and. And I'll be. I'll be better, right? Like
(22:10):
just taking it to the Lord. So I love that. And I would
write dear God, and I would just bleh, you know, just
put it all out there. And then I could just say, and. And
like the Psalms. So if you read any of those psalms that we were just
talking about, where David is just really raw, I love how he ties
it up. But I will wait on the Lord. It comes back. Exactly. He
(22:32):
takes those thoughts captive. Yeah, exactly. And so we
have the opportunity at the end of our bleh
to come back and go, but I trust you. You are sovereign,
you are good. You've got this. I trust that you will hold
me, that you will strengthen me, that you will grant me. We have the
opportunity to come right back. And that's the beauty of
(22:55):
it. That's the beauty of the example is God's big enough to take our
blow up or our blowout, but he invites
us not to stay there. And I think that that's the
example that we get from David is, yeah, God's big enough for you to
go and go, I don't like this. I don't like them, whatever,
right? But he doesn't want you to stay there. He
(23:17):
wants you to dare to give it to him and to move forward
and knock it. Yeah, I love that. I think those
are key. Go to him. Lay it out before him.
If God gives you someone with skin on that you can trust
a safe person, go to them. But with this
caveat, I think it's in Proverbs 10, because we just read that this
(23:40):
morning. Where words are many, sin is not
absent. So even if you're
going to share it with a safe person, make sure you don't ruminate and.
And just wallow together in
it. Make sure that it's actual prayer time
for each other. And it may need to stay in the
(24:02):
realm of unspoken in order for the prayer to happen, because
sometimes when we lay out the details. Oh, right. We're distracted and
it's. But make
sure that the person isn't only safe, meaning they're not going to point you
to the school bus, but they're also going to point you to him.
That's a real key. You know, when you
(24:24):
listed those three things that overwhelm. When I talk to new homeschoolers,
and I feel like a broken record. So people, if they've heard me, they know
I say this. The first and most important thing is to write your vision, your
why. Why are you homeschooling? What is it that the Lord has asked you to
do and that helps you filter? And I find the moms who
are overwhelmed, often I go, well, are. What are you. What
(24:44):
activities are you doing? Are the things that are not part of the mission
that you can cut. Because I am a goodness in Mary and
Martha, I relate to Martha. I am just a doer. I jump in and I'm
like, let's get it done. And as a matter of fact, we have company at
my house. And last night we went to go pray before eating dinner.
And this is so terrible to admit out loud, but we're.
(25:05):
They're praying and I'm putting dishes away. No, I get
it. We've all done that, right? Because there's something to be done.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You can't sit still. You got to keep going.
But, yeah, so. And community matters. Your
people matter. The right kind of people matter. That will encourage
and exhort you. Even my husband, who he got the fire for
(25:27):
homeschooling, at first he was just like, okay, you want to do this? He thought
it was a little weird. He was supportive. But then as we started to
see much more from it, it was like, well, this is not Just teaching my
children to read and science and math which all those things happened.
Obviously it was relational in time and discipling and so
much richness of life which we loved. So.
(25:49):
Oh, I love that. Okay, well let's talk
about how the world views self care and taking care
of yourself versus maybe what the Lord would say about that and
what are some practical ways to not get. So maybe,
I don't know what, what are your thoughts on that? Everything in me
is just. Could there be a more worldly
(26:12):
perspective on how we look at taking
care of ourselves than the ideal self care? I mean it's up there with selfie
and all of those self centered things. Right?
I'm not a fan. I think I get
what they're getting at but I think that we've
overplayed that. I think the best self care
(26:35):
is taking care of our relationship with God. That's
got to be first seek ye first is a thing.
And if we, if we're not going to dare to seek
him first. There is not a single self care
method. I don't care how far and wide you
reach, I don't care the different variety. I don't care
(26:58):
how much money or how much time you spend chasing after any
other self care method that the world
offers. If it is not after
taking care of your relationship with God you will
always come up wanting burnout,
always, always. Nothing else. There is
(27:19):
no other. And believe me, I have seen some lists if you want to take
care of yourself, you know it has all these different things you can do to
take care of yourself. And of course the Google lists are never going to include
God because Google has become the new God,
right? He's the new substitute for God. People don't go to God, they go to
Google. And so if you Google self care, how do I
(27:40):
take care of myself? They're going to throw up all of these lists
and going to God and seeking God and being still
and knowing and resting in Him. They are never going to make that
list. And that's got to be our go to.
When it comes to self care the best thing you can do is go to
him and acknowledge it to him and lay it before him before you
(28:02):
try to chase after anything the world offers. Because
self care is looking into yourself. The
world tells us that the answer is within us. The
Bible tells me that the problem is within me.
The answer is in God. And so I've got to
make sure that I keep those things straight and
(28:25):
I cannot fall for the distraction
and all of the stuff that the world's trying to
substitute for God because it's never going to work. It will never,
ever, ever work. Yeah, I totally agree. And yet
there are some practical things that you can do. It's just
in the right perspective and right order. Right. But
(28:47):
order matters, you know, I really think order matters. I
think that's why it says seek ye first the kingdom of
God. And I think seeking him first
is really key. So one of my sons is going to.
Well, our last two sons are still in college, so one
of them will graduate in May and we'll only have one in college
(29:10):
for a whole nother year, which is just after seven. That's kind of
crazy. But one of the things that the university
president says to their students there where he's attending
is no, no Bible, no breakfast.
And what he's. That's, that's, that's one of
his personal mottos that he is suggesting to the
(29:33):
kids. In other words, he's advocating for
seek ye first in the morning, get up, spend time with God.
That needs to be your go to. And I do not
believe, and I know the president of this institution, I don't believe he's being
legalistic. I think he's just trying to get, try to say it in
a way that the kids, the students can relate to. And
(29:55):
I do think it's so easy for us now to get up and look
at our screens, the first thing, and to scroll first thing
instead of going to scripture first thing. And I think the invitation
is to seek him first, to do that first.
Because I have things for my self care. Right.
That would fall into the category of self care as the world
(30:18):
defines it. I, I love a bubble bath. I love my
Ghirardelli 72% chocolate. I have a
square of chocolate every afternoon at 2. Anybody who knows, really.
Oh, I love that. That's so fun. Just a
square, you know, the 72% comes in the purple little
thing. And every afternoon at 2, I'm a very early
(30:40):
bird just by nature. And I, you know, I,
I get up and I do what I need to do for the day and
then that's my little square of reward. Every
afternoon. I would suggest too,
I think when we get it in the right order, when we tend our relationship
with God. And I would say there's the three things there.
(31:02):
Studying his word, praying
and praising Him. I think
praise is prayer. Right. I think nurturing those
three components of our relationship with him, when we get that
first right, I think it takes less
of what the world offers.
(31:24):
Interestingly, I don't need the whole bar of
Ghirardelli. I don't need a week
at a spa. I remember when
the kids were all really little in Charlotte, there was
a thriving support group community.
And they met once a month at a local.
(31:47):
One of the board members was in a neighborhood that had like a
little. Community, like a clubhouse. Yeah,
clubhouse. I'm here to tell you,
I would have walked on broken glass to get there.
Yeah. Your people matter, right? Oh, my goodness.
That was. That was it for me. I mean, Sunday mornings
(32:10):
were a thing, but getting to that support group meeting,
just sitting there with other people who got it, that I didn't have to
explain while I was doing this stupid, crazy thing because the whole world
was telling me that, right? Everybody even listen. It would be
easier. Yeah, exactly. Even pastors were telling me
that for a while. My own parents were telling me that. So
(32:32):
I had enough people telling me that it was my own fault I had
done this to myself. But I could go to that meeting and every
person, all of those other mothers understood.
And I remember sometimes just getting in the
car so, you know, I would put Full Confession,
Kraft macaroni and cheese and little
(32:55):
smokies, because the kids love that. And maybe some
pop, popping fresh crescent rolls in the oven,
Right? And the kids were thrilled. And I am putting on something
that doesn't have spit up on the shoulder, Right? And I might even
wear. I don't have them on today. I might even wear dangle earrings, because you
don't dare do that with a little kid, Right? And I might even put
(33:17):
some perfume on. And I'm like. Or I might not. I might put on a
ball cap just to get out of the house. And I would leave the house,
and sometimes I'm not out of my driveway and I'm already crying
because I'm just so tired. Just so.
And at the end of my route, my rope, right. Because it's
just October and I was so excited about the curriculum that I
(33:39):
just bought. I just bought it, and it was going to be great. And
it's not working right. Or all of
these. I mean, this is real life. That is a real, real
situation. Yeah. And I would just. I'm already crying before I get there.
And then I'm checking my mascara in the rear view mirror once I drive up
and I'm sitting there and I've got my. You know, I went to some grocery
(34:01):
store because I was supposed to bring some sort of something to share. And I
don't even know what it was that I Got. And I bring it in and
a plastic container, and I sit down and. I mean,
there were times I just sat and cried through the whole thing, and I needed
that. I needed a place where I could be with other
moms that got it, and I could just fall apart. I
needed that. And I needed someone just to give me a hug
(34:24):
and to say it was gonna be okay and it was gonna work. And I'll
see you next month. Yeah. And this math lesson will click
at some point or whatever it was. Yeah. They're not gonna.
They're gonna read before they graduate, and they're gonna be potty trained before they
graduate. You know, and all these little things. I needed that.
I needed my people. And I just will
(34:46):
say that is worth its weight in gold to have
some other people that get you and get the choices that you've
made. And it is worth fighting for, and
it's worth going even when you don't feel like it because you need it,
and God knows you need it, and it is just invaluable.
And if you're my age. Your age now
(35:08):
we get to give that back to the younger ones coming behind. Yes.
Yeah. I know it's weird to be the older woman, but. Yeah.
To just encourage them. I know. How did that happen? I don't know,
but I love it. So before as we wrap up, I just
want to. You started by saying, you know, I. I was a reluctant homeschooler in
the whole story, and you just knew the prison doors were clanking, and we're
(35:31):
talking about burnout. We're talking about those hard days. So I don't want
to leave anybody with the impression that homeschooling is only
difficult. I mean, I think a burnout is normal. There's seasons of it,
and you have to be prepared for it so that you know how to overcome
it. It's not going to define it. So would
you. Could you. You. You sort of hinted at it in the
(35:52):
beginning where you said, I wouldn't have had more children. I wouldn't have known my
children. Can you just share some of those joys and rewards that came
from being able to endure when you did want to leave the house
crying? Yeah. I really, really
think for me, and I think for most people, and as I've talked
to thousands of homeschool mothers over the years, and
(36:14):
again, I've had the privilege of speaking across the United States
and even across around the world. I've spoken in several countries to
homeschool moms in Japan and the Philippines and
Russia And Germany. And so
I've. This is a cross cultural perspective.
I really think the most glorious thing that home
(36:36):
educating your kids offer is death to yourself, is getting over
yourself, is learning to let go of things that really
don't matter. And because you let go of those things, you
can sit and snuggle on the sofa and read books all afternoon
and you can laugh and you can cook in the kitchen together
and you can make memories and you can have conversations that you would have known,
(36:58):
never had. I can't tell you how many conversations
I've had with my kids. And I'm sitting there in the middle of the conversation
and this is the thought I have. I'm so glad that I'm having this
conversation with my child and not stranger.
Yes, exactly. Yeah. And now that they're launched,
let me tell you about Joy. Now that they're launched,
(37:20):
the phone calls that I get and the
conversations we continue to have. We just had the most
amazing holiday season with our two youngest sons at home. Oh,
the conversations that we had. And I really believe
we would not have the richness of those conversations
if we had not built into those snuggle times on the
(37:42):
sofa and fighting it through with adding and subtracting fractions
and figuring out the spelling rules and
actually doing Latin. If we hadn't fought through those
things, right, if we hadn't decided that we were going
to hold hands and we were going to work together and we were going to
fight the enemy and we were going to honor God, we wouldn't have had that.
(38:04):
And the joy and the laughter, it's just. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
So if that's where you are, if you're in the heat of the battle.
Hold on. No, here's the thing that I wish somebody had
told me sooner, and maybe they did, and I just couldn't hear it. But maybe
you need to hear this today. God's got this.
God's got this. He's got you, he's got your kids,
(38:27):
he's got your home school. He's got it. Dare to trust
him with it. Dare to lean into him, Dare to be still and
know. And dare to praise him when you don't know, when you're confused and
overwhelmed and lonely and tired and exhausted,
dare to just praise him and just trust him with all of
it, because he's got it. Amen. I mean, I
(38:49):
feel like the message was today pretty simple, pretty direct.
Trust God. Seek ye first the kingdom of God. And all these things will be
added. But there is truth in that. And that endurance doesn't come from our
own strength. It comes from pressing into him. So, Rachel,
thank you so much for joining us today. I think, I hope people are
encouraged and again, they can come see you in person at the Refresh conference
(39:11):
and we'll put the links to your podcast and, and all the great ways
that people can connect with you, too. So thank you for being here. Thank you.
Thanks for having me today. I look forward to seeing everybody in a few months.
Yes. Really? One month. Oh, right, right. Oh,
wow. One month. I'll see you then. I was looking at my notes this morning.
I'm very, very excited. Oh, nice. Awesome. Thank
(39:32):
you so much for joining us today. The Colorado Homeschool
Podcast is a ministry of Christian Home Educators of Colorado. We,
we have been motivating parents to disciple the next generation by
embracing home discipleship that is Christ centered, parent directed,
and free from government control. We invite you to join us in this mission.
If you want to support homeschooling in Colorado, go to
(39:53):
CHEC.org donate in the meantime, share this with
your friends and make sure you subscribe. That really helps us. Thank
you.
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