June 7, 2024 • 11 mins
In this episode, Dr. De Hicks walks through 10 common experiences all leaders eventually face and lays out what to do about them so that you're not swamped by the storm of anxiety they can create.
Music Credits: Two Step Daisy Duke by Mr. Smith is licensed under a Attribution 4.0 International License from FMA
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, I'm doing as good as I could be for someone who's trapped inside of my own personality.
That was her response. And her voice sounded almost exactly like that after
years of smoking cigarettes, I think, maybe cigars as well, and maybe screaming at football games.
(00:20):
When I asked my friend, how are you doing? That was her response.
Music.
(00:49):
Hi, I'm Dee Hicks, and welcome to the School of Leadership, Leverage Lessons
from High-Impact Leaders.
For the past 35 years, I've researched the disciplines, habits,
mental models, and assumptions of the most effective leaders in dozens of locations.
This podcast takes what I've learned from over 2,000 of these remarkable people
(01:11):
and distills it into practical tools and tips that you can use immediately.
So let's get started.
Music.
(01:33):
Congratulations. You're a leader. Good for you. You've probably been a leader
in some way for a long time.
Every time you turn around, someone looks to you when they don't know what to
do or how to do it or why they should be doing it. They turn and look to you. So congratulations.
You're a leader. Leadership isn't everything, but it's the first thing.
And sometimes we make our leadership a little harder than it needs to be.
(01:54):
One of the ways we do that is we do not understand the idea of leadership anxiety
and the anxiety we can create in other people and the anxiety that those people
together with us can create in groups.
We're always going to need to manage anxiety. Part of that is because we float
in a sea that has now been polluted with anxiety, if you want to think about it that way.
(02:18):
Everyone's anxious around us, unless they are highly medicated and completely, utterly distracted.
As soon as you pay attention, anxiety begins to rise.
So it's part of the sea in which we swim, part of the environment in which we
swim. But we are also responsible for creating our own little weather systems
in the worlds that we walk around in, in our own lives, and in the teams and
in the groups we get to serve through our leadership.
(02:40):
So we're always going to have to manage anxiety.
It's going to be hard, but it's not like we expect it. The hardest part about
our leadership or our managing or our supervision or our influencing, as I mentioned, is us.
It's overcoming our own psychology or growing through and around our own psychology.
(03:01):
All the leaders I know, myself included, have had these common 10 experiences.
And if you're in the saddle for more than a couple of years,
and if you're a part of something that's worthy, you will have some or all of these experiences too.
We all do. If I've been in some form of leadership for over 40 years,
and I've learned a few things because I've seen a few things,
(03:24):
like the insurance commercial, well, here are some of the common experiences that we have as leaders.
And if we expect to have these experiences and give them their proper meaning
and anticipate and even plan our response to them, instead of becoming highly
reactive when they occur,
we're going to be able to manage our anxiety a little bit better and then also
(03:48):
lead people to manage their anxiety better.
These are 10 very common experiences that we have.
We are rarely, if ever, prepared to step up to leadership when we need to.
The second experience that we will all have is we will be burned.
(04:10):
We will come to love our team. We will come to love our enterprise and the organization
and the work we're doing especially.
And we will be burned, even wounded by it. Here's the third. We will change.
We'll need to change more than our organization changes, more than our entity
(04:31):
changes or our team, or our company, however you want to think about that.
We're going to need to change more than anyone.
What got us here as leaders will not get us there.
We're going to wonder if we can do it again and again and again.
The next one, our strengths, which we've worked very hard to adapt and get better
(04:53):
and better at and improve on, will work against us.
Our strengths, or at at least the shadow side of that strength can also be our weakness.
Some examples, are you really good at analysis? Are you very analytical and
you're accurate and you love it?
Well, the dark side of that is you may not move without all the details.
(05:14):
Are you a high drive person? That's a strength of yours. Well,
you may be very impatient with low drive people. Are you creative?
Well, well, you may not value the old tried and true approach.
Are you a perfectionist? You'll definitely find yourself not even trying when
perfection can't be achieved.
(05:35):
Here's the fifth of our common experiences.
My time isn't my time. Our time as leaders belongs to other people.
Here's the sixth experience. We're going to be selfish. You and I will wrestle with selfishness.
No one takes care of me. We'll have that tone that'll come out of our noses. What about me?
(06:00):
We're going to wrestle with that selfishness.
Sometimes we're going to lose that match.
The next one, we're going to be wrong.
We're all at some point going to be wrong. In fact, the more we lean in to accomplish
really important things with people, the more opportunity we have to be wrong.
(06:23):
We're going to be wrong. The next one, we will be lonely.
We will fight with loneliness and we'll often make that loneliness worse by
believing we're the only one.
And we'll retreat from people because they don't think exactly the way we do.
They don't feel what we feel or because our relationships at work or outside
(06:43):
of work are not all that rewarding when we're under pressure.
And so we'll just pull back and retreat and live in our own little cave.
We're going to be lonely.
Doesn't have to be that way, though. Here's the ninth of our 10 experiences. We will be abandoned.
We're going to have experiences where people will literally abandon us.
(07:04):
Or if they don't, they will certainly feel like we've been abandoned.
People we care about may not like us right now. They may not like what we have done.
They may not approve of us, and they may turn their backs on us while we do
the right thing. We won't have their approval.
Here's the last one. We're going to want to quit. We will want to quit, but we won't.
(07:28):
And then maybe we'll feel trapped in what we're doing from time to time.
So if you're getting better at managing your own anxiety and stress,
these experiences won't swap your boat.
The one thing that leaders do that results in their work being harder than it
needs to be is to accept the loneliness and the isolation and the challenge
(07:50):
that leadership brings and believe that it is a constant state,
that it's the new baseline or the new default. fault.
They don't invest in relationships with a small number of people who themselves
are leaders, who really know them or can get to know them.
Then when these 10 challenges arise, surfing on a wave of anxiety,
(08:10):
the impact of those challenges is much greater than it needs to be because you
let yourself live alone.
You let yourself be alone and believe the myth that leadership only plays.
So do you have anyone who deeply knows you, who is deeply for you,
who cares more about you than your feelings?
(08:32):
If not, reach out now and start building those relationships because you're going to need them.
Just saying, those are some thoughts about leadership, anxiety,
yours, theirs, and ours.
I want you to think about that stuff a little bit. Have some fun while you're doing it.
Maybe even enjoy a glass of bourbon while you're doing it. I'm sipping on 1792
(08:56):
right now. This is a small batch.
Come to find out, whenever a distillery uses the phrase small batch on their
title, it just means it's smaller than a billion bottles. I don't know.
A small distillery could have a couple thousand bottles and call it small batch.
A large distillery like this one that 1792 comes out of could have had 30 or
(09:17):
40,000 of these bottles and call it a small batch.
So small is a relative term.
Anyway, this is great stuff. I really enjoy it. I think I'm down to the last shot of that.
Not all consumed during the preparation for this podcast, but consumed over
the last year and a half, perhaps.
Anyway, it's great stuff. I really enjoy it. If you were here,
I would definitely share the last shot and a half that I have with you.
(09:42):
Anyway, you got great work in front of you, good work to do.
Lean in, navigate through it, and have a great afternoon. Talk to you soon.
Music.
Thanks for joining me in today's School of Leadership.
I know your time is valuable and I appreciate the opportunity to spend a little bit of it with you.
(10:06):
If this podcast has been helpful, perhaps you could consider sharing it with a friend.
And maybe you want to check out the dozens of videos that we've created for
you on our YouTube channel.
Just look for Hilt Academy, H-I-L-T Academy. Academy and HILT stands for High
Impact Leadership Training.
(10:28):
And if you want to check out our in-depth leadership management and supervisory
courses, head on over to hiltacademyatthinkific.com and see what we have to offer there.
Once again, thanks for taking a little bit of time and spend it with me. Have a great day.
Music.
Well, I'm doing as good as I could be for someone who's trapped inside of my own personality.
That was her response. And her voice sounded almost exactly like that after
years of smoking cigarettes, I think, maybe cigars as well, and maybe screaming at football games.
(00:20):
When I asked my friend, how are you doing? That was her response.
Music.
(00:49):
Hi, I'm Dee Hicks, and welcome to the School of Leadership, Leverage Lessons
from High-Impact Leaders.
For the past 35 years, I've researched the disciplines, habits,
mental models, and assumptions of the most effective leaders in dozens of locations.
This podcast takes what I've learned from over 2,000 of these remarkable people
(01:11):
and distills it into practical tools and tips that you can use immediately.
So let's get started.
Music.
(01:33):
Congratulations. You're a leader. Good for you. You've probably been a leader
in some way for a long time.
Every time you turn around, someone looks to you when they don't know what to
do or how to do it or why they should be doing it. They turn and look to you. So congratulations.
You're a leader. Leadership isn't everything, but it's the first thing.
And sometimes we make our leadership a little harder than it needs to be.
(01:54):
One of the ways we do that is we do not understand the idea of leadership anxiety
and the anxiety we can create in other people and the anxiety that those people
together with us can create in groups.
We're always going to need to manage anxiety. Part of that is because we float
in a sea that has now been polluted with anxiety, if you want to think about it that way.
(02:18):
Everyone's anxious around us, unless they are highly medicated and completely, utterly distracted.
As soon as you pay attention, anxiety begins to rise.
So it's part of the sea in which we swim, part of the environment in which we
swim. But we are also responsible for creating our own little weather systems
in the worlds that we walk around in, in our own lives, and in the teams and
in the groups we get to serve through our leadership.
(02:40):
So we're always going to have to manage anxiety.
It's going to be hard, but it's not like we expect it. The hardest part about
our leadership or our managing or our supervision or our influencing, as I mentioned, is us.
It's overcoming our own psychology or growing through and around our own psychology.
(03:01):
All the leaders I know, myself included, have had these common 10 experiences.
And if you're in the saddle for more than a couple of years,
and if you're a part of something that's worthy, you will have some or all of these experiences too.
We all do. If I've been in some form of leadership for over 40 years,
and I've learned a few things because I've seen a few things,
(03:24):
like the insurance commercial, well, here are some of the common experiences that we have as leaders.
And if we expect to have these experiences and give them their proper meaning
and anticipate and even plan our response to them, instead of becoming highly
reactive when they occur,
we're going to be able to manage our anxiety a little bit better and then also
(03:48):
lead people to manage their anxiety better.
These are 10 very common experiences that we have.
We are rarely, if ever, prepared to step up to leadership when we need to.
The second experience that we will all have is we will be burned.
(04:10):
We will come to love our team. We will come to love our enterprise and the organization
and the work we're doing especially.
And we will be burned, even wounded by it. Here's the third. We will change.
We'll need to change more than our organization changes, more than our entity
(04:31):
changes or our team, or our company, however you want to think about that.
We're going to need to change more than anyone.
What got us here as leaders will not get us there.
We're going to wonder if we can do it again and again and again.
The next one, our strengths, which we've worked very hard to adapt and get better
(04:53):
and better at and improve on, will work against us.
Our strengths, or at at least the shadow side of that strength can also be our weakness.
Some examples, are you really good at analysis? Are you very analytical and
you're accurate and you love it?
Well, the dark side of that is you may not move without all the details.
(05:14):
Are you a high drive person? That's a strength of yours. Well,
you may be very impatient with low drive people. Are you creative?
Well, well, you may not value the old tried and true approach.
Are you a perfectionist? You'll definitely find yourself not even trying when
perfection can't be achieved.
(05:35):
Here's the fifth of our common experiences.
My time isn't my time. Our time as leaders belongs to other people.
Here's the sixth experience. We're going to be selfish. You and I will wrestle with selfishness.
No one takes care of me. We'll have that tone that'll come out of our noses. What about me?
(06:00):
We're going to wrestle with that selfishness.
Sometimes we're going to lose that match.
The next one, we're going to be wrong.
We're all at some point going to be wrong. In fact, the more we lean in to accomplish
really important things with people, the more opportunity we have to be wrong.
(06:23):
We're going to be wrong. The next one, we will be lonely.
We will fight with loneliness and we'll often make that loneliness worse by
believing we're the only one.
And we'll retreat from people because they don't think exactly the way we do.
They don't feel what we feel or because our relationships at work or outside
(06:43):
of work are not all that rewarding when we're under pressure.
And so we'll just pull back and retreat and live in our own little cave.
We're going to be lonely.
Doesn't have to be that way, though. Here's the ninth of our 10 experiences. We will be abandoned.
We're going to have experiences where people will literally abandon us.
(07:04):
Or if they don't, they will certainly feel like we've been abandoned.
People we care about may not like us right now. They may not like what we have done.
They may not approve of us, and they may turn their backs on us while we do
the right thing. We won't have their approval.
Here's the last one. We're going to want to quit. We will want to quit, but we won't.
(07:28):
And then maybe we'll feel trapped in what we're doing from time to time.
So if you're getting better at managing your own anxiety and stress,
these experiences won't swap your boat.
The one thing that leaders do that results in their work being harder than it
needs to be is to accept the loneliness and the isolation and the challenge
(07:50):
that leadership brings and believe that it is a constant state,
that it's the new baseline or the new default. fault.
They don't invest in relationships with a small number of people who themselves
are leaders, who really know them or can get to know them.
Then when these 10 challenges arise, surfing on a wave of anxiety,
(08:10):
the impact of those challenges is much greater than it needs to be because you
let yourself live alone.
You let yourself be alone and believe the myth that leadership only plays.
So do you have anyone who deeply knows you, who is deeply for you,
who cares more about you than your feelings?
(08:32):
If not, reach out now and start building those relationships because you're going to need them.
Just saying, those are some thoughts about leadership, anxiety,
yours, theirs, and ours.
I want you to think about that stuff a little bit. Have some fun while you're doing it.
Maybe even enjoy a glass of bourbon while you're doing it. I'm sipping on 1792
(08:56):
right now. This is a small batch.
Come to find out, whenever a distillery uses the phrase small batch on their
title, it just means it's smaller than a billion bottles. I don't know.
A small distillery could have a couple thousand bottles and call it small batch.
A large distillery like this one that 1792 comes out of could have had 30 or
(09:17):
40,000 of these bottles and call it a small batch.
So small is a relative term.
Anyway, this is great stuff. I really enjoy it. I think I'm down to the last shot of that.
Not all consumed during the preparation for this podcast, but consumed over
the last year and a half, perhaps.
Anyway, it's great stuff. I really enjoy it. If you were here,
I would definitely share the last shot and a half that I have with you.
(09:42):
Anyway, you got great work in front of you, good work to do.
Lean in, navigate through it, and have a great afternoon. Talk to you soon.
Music.
Thanks for joining me in today's School of Leadership.
I know your time is valuable and I appreciate the opportunity to spend a little bit of it with you.
(10:06):
If this podcast has been helpful, perhaps you could consider sharing it with a friend.
And maybe you want to check out the dozens of videos that we've created for
you on our YouTube channel.
Just look for Hilt Academy, H-I-L-T Academy. Academy and HILT stands for High
Impact Leadership Training.
(10:28):
And if you want to check out our in-depth leadership management and supervisory
courses, head on over to hiltacademyatthinkific.com and see what we have to offer there.
Once again, thanks for taking a little bit of time and spend it with me. Have a great day.
Music.
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