A Mother’s Mission for Change

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with Stephanie Shelton, CEO and Founder of Naire’s House, a faith-based organization providing mental health services to Black women in underserved communities.  Stephanie opens up about her childhood in Brooklyn, the challenges of growing up in an underserved community, and how a lack of resources inspired her mission to provide holistic support to others. She also shares her devastating loss in 2019 when her daughter, Naire, was murdered, and describes the ways in which she has transformed that grief into a mission for change.

We discuss:

 

• Stephanie's journey from growing up in an underserved Brooklyn neighborhood to founding Naire’s House, a mental wellness initiative rooted in cultural sensitivity.
• Transforming personal grief into purpose: how the loss of her daughter, Naire, inspired Stephanie to support others through their own healing.
• The unique services at Naire’s House, including journaling, movement therapy, and expressive arts, which offer alternative paths to traditional mental health support.
• Breaking generational cycles: the importance of addressing trauma and reclaiming self-worth within marginalized communities.
• Building resilience through community and culturally aligned mental wellness practices, and the importance of having safe, supportive spaces for growth and healing.

Connect with Stephanie:  Instagram: @naireshouse https://www.instagram.com/naireshouse/

 

Connect with Angela: Website: www.angelavharris.com Instagram: @coachangelavharris   @theflowpodcastwithangela  LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/angelavharris

 

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Episode Transcript

Angela Harris (00:04):
Welcome to the F.L.O.W. podcast, Fearlessly
Leading Our Way. This podcast isa space dedicated to
spotlighting the unfilteredvoices of black women in their
unique leadership journeys. I amyour host. Angela V Harris. I'm

(00:26):
an award winning coach, speaker,author and champion from black
women. Make sure you like andsubscribe to this podcast to
stay connected to ourconversation, let's get ready to
flow.

(00:52):
Hey, fearless leaders, in thispowerful episode of the flow
podcast, I sit down withStephanie Shelton, founder of
Naire’s House, a faith based,grassroots organization offering
culturally sensitivealternatives to traditional
mental health services,Stephanie shares her deeply

(01:13):
moving journey from growing upin underserved communities to
the tragic loss of her daughterin 2019 we dive into her mission
to heal her community byaddressing the mental wellness
gaps that often exist in blackand underserved communities.
Stephanie's story is one ofresilience, transformation and

(01:34):
turning pain into purposethrough Naira house, which
offers a safe space for women toexplore healing through
journaling, movement, spokenword and community support. This
episode will leave you inspiredby Stephanie's courage and her
dedication to creating safehealing spaces for women.

(01:57):
Welcome to the show, Stephanie,

Stephanie Shelton (01:59):
thank you, Angela, it is my pleasure to be
here. I was looking forward toit.

Angela Harris (02:05):
Me too. Well, thank you again for joining us,
and I just want to start bysharing how the two of us became
connected. I know Instagrambrought us together. We both
follow Rob Lawless, and he's ona mission to meet 10,000 people,
and we are in his list of those10,000 people that he aims to
meet. I know you were number6319 and I was number 6172 and I

(02:32):
like the post when he sharedabout your story, and the rest
is history.

Stephanie Shelton (02:37):
Yes, yes, it is.

Angela Harris (02:41):
Well, Stephanie, to kick us off, I want to hear
your journey. Can you share abit about your childhood in
Brooklyn and how it shaped yourperspectives and aspirations?
Okay,

Stephanie Shelton (02:51):
so I grew up, yes, in Brooklyn, and I grew up
in a underserved communitywhere, you know, mental health
services were practicallyunheard of. Medical services
were not the greatest, andbecause of that, I watched my

(03:12):
community, including myself andmy family, suffer because we
didn't have access to theservices you know, that were
needed. I watched my communityimplode, where people could have
been helped. You know, my familycould have been helped a lot

(03:32):
more. And as I began to, youknow, grow up and finish school,
I just had a passion for, like,how can I make a difference?
Like, what is it that I can do?Because we can all sit around
and talk about what the problemis, but very few of us move into
the solution, and it's notalways because we lack the

(03:56):
desire to move into thesolution. We don't have the
resources. We don't know whereto go. And you know, when I was
coming up, the medical healthfield, the mental health field,
the local pal, all of thosepeople, the adults that were

(04:17):
there to provide services,didn't look like so I didn't
necessarily feel comfortablewith talking to them about what
was going on in my life, becauseI felt like they just would not
be able to understand, like Ididn't feel The connection, you

(04:39):
know, in those situations. So Ijust relied on the level of
information that was within mycommunity, which wasn't always
the most helpful thing. I wasinformed by the misinformed and
lived my life based onmisinformation for. For a number

(05:00):
of years

Angela Harris (05:03):
now, what you said, informed by the missing
form, that just really stood outto me, yeah, and like you said,
it's due to, you know, lack ofaccess to resources.

Stephanie Shelton (05:13):
Yes, yes, the resources were just not
available. And the resourcesthat were available was very
limited and very cookie cutter,you know, like everybody
received the same outcomes, thesame information and the same

(05:34):
routes, how to go about, youknow, getting to a particular
outcome. And we're individuals,

Unknown (05:41):
yeah, yeah.

Stephanie Shelton (05:42):
Like, I didn't find any individual
approach to my situation. Andwhen you are being treated just
like everyone else, it like whatwas important about me? Where
was the interest in Stephanie?Where was the interest in my

(06:05):
community, you know? So I didn'tfeel like I was being served. I
didn't feel like my needs werebeing met. Sounds

Angela Harris (06:15):
like it was just more like a, you know, a
checkbox initiative. Let's justthrow a couple of dollars this
way. And you know, if it works,it works, it doesn't, it
doesn't, you know, we'll justsay we did something and they're
underserved. They don't know anybetter, right?

Stephanie Shelton (06:28):
And I think what happens in those situations
too, when you feel like you'renot being seen and you're not
being heard and and your needsaren't being met, it did. It
does provide for someinconsistencies, for you showing
up for services. So then itbecomes, you know that the age

(06:51):
old adage, they don't wantnothing anyway, and that's not
true, right? Going somewhere. Myneeds aren't being met. I'm not
being seen, I'm not being heard.So why am I showing up? Yeah,
so, so you begin to, you know,the interest begins to wane. We
don't show up. I know I didn'tshow up. And then it becomes,

(07:15):
well, well, she didn't want thisanyway. This community is not
open to what it is that we haveto offer. You're not offering
anything.

Angela Harris (07:24):
Yeah, sounds like a vicious cycle, but like you
said, it's all a result of notbeing seen and not being heard.
Yes?

Stephanie Shelton (07:31):
Mm, hmm.

Angela Harris (07:35):
So what transition I know in 2019 you
faced the unimaginable loss ofyour daughter. Could you walk us
through your journey of mourningduring the pandemic, and how you
turn that loss into action?

Stephanie Shelton (07:48):
Okay, so my middle daughter, Naire was
murdered September 15 of 2019,and she was murdered by her
living boyfriend who committedsuicide. So it was a murder
suicide. So it was horrific, youknow, for my family. And soon

(08:11):
after that, you know, we wentinto the pandemic. So I was
talking to my family on thephone, but we weren't able to
visit with one another. My placeof worship, we were doing
services online, so there was noreal human connection happening
at that time. So I felt like Iwas grieving. I felt like I was

(08:36):
mourning, and I really wasn't.And when things began to open up
again, and I was able to be inat family events, where I saw
family members and the niecesand nephews who my daughter
would have been in that group,her absence became palpable, you

(09:01):
know, just being outside andseeing wonderful days and
different activities happeningthat she would have been
involved in her absence becameso loud that that it was almost
deafening, and I began to thinklike, I'm not the only person

(09:24):
going through this. Not a lot ofpeople lost family members and
loved ones during COVID. And howdo we heal? How do we begin to
make that transition to becomingnot necessarily Whole Again, but

(09:44):
learning how to walk with grief,learning how to not let grief
just impact our daily activitiesand the things that we do on a
daily basis. And you know, Iknow that mental health has a
lot to do with our healing,like, how do we heal? And in my

(10:10):
community, in the underservedcommunity, there's the whole
stigma about mental health, justin general, if you say to a
person, have you thought aboutseeing somebody? If you mention
the term mental health, I'm notcrazy. Which, which, what you
trying to do? Say that I'mcrazy. And no, that's not what

(10:32):
I'm saying. And then again,because we don't see
representation when we show upto heal and to receive services
we don't necessarily want to go.We don't know how to trust
healthcare, because I go in andtalk to you about how my

(10:54):
children get on my nerves, and Ihad to pop little Papa on his
butt and and you call an ACS,and I'm just trying to express
to you what my frustrations are.That's it. You know, if I come
into the office and say, youknow, I'm just having a really

(11:16):
bad day, you know, like,sometimes I wish that I could
just go to sleep and not wakeup. Oh, they're calling 988,
suicidal ideations. This personneeds to go to the hospital. And
then that turns into, you know,I'm in New York, so NYPD shows
up. Who doesn't have a clue?Doesn't have a clue, does not

(11:41):
have the training, is notequipped to deal with these
crisis situations, so somebody'sgoing to wind up getting hurt.
So what do we do? We do nothing.Mm, I'm not going to talk to
anybody because I don't want mychildren taken away, because I
don't have the parenting skillsthat I need, provide the

(12:04):
parenting skills provide theservices that is going to help
this woman parent her childrenin a healthy fashion and accept
that sometimes this is how weparent our children be
culturally competent, exercisesome cultural humility, or stay

(12:28):
out of our community, because itbecomes more harmful than
helpful. And the same thing withpeople having mental health
issues. If you don't haveinsurance, you may have a
diagnosis, but can you affordthe medication? You know that

(12:48):
you're in an underservedcommunity, so what about low
cost medications? What aboutpartnering with some of these
medication delivers to see ifthey can commit to a percentage
of their medications being atlow cost like this is the

(13:13):
community that we're serving. Sowhy not make it available for
all you know, so these are thethings that I try to highlight
with an iares house. You know,Nairs house is a faith based,
grassroots, culturally sensitivealternative to traditional

(13:38):
mental health services. We youknow, I did, most people in
underserved communities grow upwith the concept of what happens
in this house, stays in thishouse. So it's not easy for us
to go in and receive serviceswhere we're talking about the

(14:00):
things that have transpired inour lives, the things that have
happened in our household, thethings that are still happening
in our household. It's not easy,right? So sometimes we don't
even have the language. We don'teven know how to express what it
is that we're going through andnine years, house provides those

(14:25):
alternative services, you know,like journaling, spoken word and
poetry movement, which issomatic therapy, yeah, like the,
you know, there's that book TheBody Keeps the Score.

Angela Harris (14:39):
I need to read that because you were, like the
fifth person to mention that

Stephanie Shelton (14:43):
book for me, yes, because we store trauma in
our bodies. That is where, youknow, in our communities, high
blood pressure, because we'renot talking about anything,
we're holding on to that stress.We're holding on to anxiety. Mm.
You know, women walk around withtheir shoulders up like this all

(15:05):
the time, until we can get tojust relax and just fall back
and movement helps us to releasethat tension, to release that
stress and anxiety in a way thatis culturally relevant to us. We
dance, we move, we always have,and it's something that we can

(15:30):
identify with, and it is thecatalyst towards having a woman
recognize that you know it. Imay need something more than
this, but because I've been withthis group of women and have
been able to share my storywithout being shamed, without

(15:52):
feeling guilt, without feelingless than it gives me the
courage to go and speak tosomeone else and not have that
shame and guilt and feel likesomeone was disappointed with
me, it's the baby step forwardto get you to where it is that

(16:13):
you need to go, instead of justgoing full force into
traditional individual therapy.

Angela Harris (16:24):
Well, you certainly said a lot with that.
But first, I just want to offermy condolences regarding Georgia
and just acknowledge the factthat, like you said, you learn
how to walk through the grief soyou are, you know, channeling
that into something positive.

Stephanie Shelton (16:38):
Yes, yes, that's what my year's house is
about. Do I just sit down in thegrief and let the grief
overwhelm me, or do I continuemy daughter's legacy, she's
owed, that she deserves, thatshe's worthy? Yes, of that.

(17:01):
Yeah, you know all of that thisNaire’s house is because Nair
was, you know, that's the beautyin that, you know. And just
keep, you know, moving this,this forward, you know that like
Come here, come to Nair's house,and begin to heal no matter the

(17:21):
situation. Mm, hmm,

Angela Harris (17:26):
wow. And it really goes back to what you
said earlier about, you know,lack of resources and lack of
representation. And that howwhen women see other women, you
know, sharing their stories ortalking about journaling or the
dance or the other modalitiesthat you embrace, it makes them
comfortable, like you said, itgives them the courage. It's
like, Hey, I know my family'salways done this, but it doesn't

(17:49):
have to be that way. I canexpress myself in other ways,

Stephanie Shelton (17:53):
yes, yes, because one of the things that
we talk about with Naire’shouse, and I'll get to the
support group, you know, later,but we talk about, you know,
parenting, and like, how we wereraised, and where you raised,

(18:14):
very strict, very controlling,was, did your parents raise you
with fairness, where you wereallowed to kind of, like, be
yourself and express yourself,or was the parenting you
received very permissive, like,do whatever, just watch the TV
you want to, you know, that sortof thing. And we tend to parent

(18:39):
ourselves like that, absolutely,absolutely, you know, like I was
parented in a very strict andreligious home, and I'm grateful
for my parents. You know, myparents did a good job. They
used the information that theyhad, they did the best that they
knew how. But I know that in myown life, I'm very strict with

(19:02):
myself, you know, I have to doeverything, you know, like this,
which can be so tiring.

Angela Harris (19:10):
I'm the same way it goes. To my upbringing. I had
a very strict father. He was amilitary veteran, very
regimented. So I'm veryregimented now, but I will say
I'm unlearning some of thosehabits,

Stephanie Shelton (19:22):
so am I, and that's what nayas house is
about, because we talk aboutthose things and begin to
unlearn those behavioralpatterns that we were taught,
that we continue to continue tojust hold on to, Yeah, yeah. And
if we were raised verypermissively, where there was no

(19:44):
rules, no guidelines oranything, we have the
opportunity to now do that forourselves, you know, and become
who it is that we've always youknow, wanted to be. You know,
so. Those are the things that wetalk about, because you have to
go backwards sometimes in orderto go forward. Our past is what

(20:10):
informs our present. You know,the experiences that we've had,
you know, the trauma that we'veexperienced, and trauma is not
just based in something horriblehappened directly to me. It's
things that we witnessed. I grewup in a community that was
extremely violent, and thethings that I was exposed to

(20:34):
just going to school, cominghome from school, you know,
playing in the park, the thingsthat children would normally do,
there were other thingshappening in those areas also
that was very traumatic for me,and in some instances, made me
very fearful. Made me veryfearful of life, made me fearful

(20:57):
of interacting, you know, withother people and in groups, and
I had to unlearn all of that. Ihad to slowly begin to release
that so that I could function inlife and enjoy my life and have
a full life. These are thethings that I aspired to, and

(21:18):
these are the things that arehappening for me today as I
continue to heal. Yeah, I

Angela Harris (21:25):
like what you said about sometimes the trauma
isn't specific to us directly. Ijust want to acknowledge the
fact that in the blackcommunity, we also deal with
generational trauma that'spassed down from, you know,
families to families ancestorstrauma. We're still dealing with
that today, absolutely,

Stephanie Shelton (21:43):
and I definitely experienced that in
my household, and I'm going tosay primarily with my mother. My
mother grew up in the South,where it was still very
segregated, you know, and thetrauma that that leads to. And I

(22:05):
remember when we were youngerand we would go down south for
the summer and stay with mygrandmother, and I remember one
day, a gentleman came to mygrandmother and said that he
needed to speak to her about hergrandchildren. Now, we're from

(22:25):
the city, you know? We grew upin New York, in Brooklyn, and
his angst was that we passed himon the road and looked him in
the eye. We had no understandingof that we did. We didn't know
that when we passed certainpeople you had to, kind of like,

(22:47):
look away or put your head down.And this is the environment that
my mother grew up in. So when mymother came to New York and
started having her own children.She always wanted her daughters
to be certified. You know, thatwas the thing. She raised her

(23:09):
daughters to clean house well,to cook well, because we were
going to marry well. My motherdid not focus on education or
having a career, your career wasyou was going to be somebody's
life, you know, and that that'straumatic when you have your own

(23:30):
desires, yeah, when you haveyour own goals, when you can lay
in your bed at night andenvision yourself being and
doing something else, but, but,you know, those dreams and those
desires get pushed down becausethat is not the goal, that that

(23:53):
is not how my mother saw it. Shejust saw comply, comply, comply,
you know, and and all of mymother was very dark skinned,
beautiful, but very darkskinned. And she was traumatized

(24:13):
because of that, you know, thenames that she was called, the
opportunities that she did notget not only because she was a
black woman, but she was ablack, black woman, which, you
know, and it's unfortunate tosay that we still deal with

(24:35):
colorism today, yes, yearslater. And it's sad, it's sad.
We're all wonderful. We're allbeautiful. You know, light skin,
dark skin. You know that wholething, we're still living those
generational traumas outabsolutely in 2024 i. Uh, which

(25:01):
it should not be, you know, so Icontinue to strive to make
headway and try to break downthose barriers that we continue
to create, you know, withinourselves, and that is why I try

(25:25):
and provide services, primarilyfor black women, so that we can
have a safe space, so that wecan get together and heal, so
that we can perfect or getbetter with communicating, you
know, with ourselves, justamongst ourselves, without any

(25:49):
outside interference, withoutany systems trying to pit us
against one another. We can be acommunity. You know, we can be a
collective. There is power inus, standing together and moving
forward together. I believe thatwe would be unstoppable. Mm,

(26:13):
unstoppable, you know, and withmy ears house i i always
mentioned that we are faithbased. You know that there's a
foundation in Nair's house, andI am not necessarily caught up
in what your faith is. You know,like in Nair's house, in the

(26:38):
movement, there are Muslimwomen, there are Christian women
and believe something like, Ibelieve in something greater
than you. Because there will bedays that you feel like you
can't do it, that you can't getthrough, that you don't have the

(27:00):
strength, you don't have thefortitude, then what you fall
apart, you give up. I'm gratefulthat I have a provider that that
I have a God that is is going tokeep me no matter what the
situation is, that I can alwaysturn to him. I don't ever feel

(27:22):
alone. I know that God has myback. I know that he is there
and available for me, and onmost days, that is what gets me
through. It's not based on myown wit. It's not based on my
own knowledge or my ability tonavigate life, it is because I

(27:46):
know that I am not in thisalone, and I trust God to
provide the support systems, thetribe of women that I need that
is going to be available to meand is going to support me, the
women that I know, that I cancount on, and he hasn't failed
me. You know that that's that'smy reference point. This

(28:11):
happened, that happened, and theother thing happened, and I got
through it, all you know, andnot just surviving through it,
but thriving because of it. Youknow, I've gotten to it all.

Angela Harris (28:27):
You're still standing Yes,

Stephanie Shelton (28:30):
and we'll continue to stand, you know,
because my community isimportant to me, and we can't
just talk about it. We have tobe about it. You know, we have
to be the change that it is thatwe want to see in our
communities. And again, I'mgoing to repeat, we can't stay
focused on the problem. We haveto, at some point, move into a

(28:52):
solution.

Angela Harris (28:58):
Wow, you were doing all of that. Mm, hmm. I
want to go back to somethingthat you said about the concepts
of unlearning. And I know someof us are, we're all on
different journeys. So I guess,like, how do you embrace a woman
that's still a little maybestuck in her ways and unwilling
to, you know, start the pathtowards unlearning?

Stephanie Shelton (29:19):
Well, I usually ask the ask the woman,
what is the benefit for you tohold on to this mindset, to hold
on to this behavior, and whatwould your life look like if you
let it go? You know? So therehas to be some challenge that is

(29:42):
presented if, if you continue tobelieve that being aggressive,
being hostile, you know,everything is my way or the
highway, what do yourrelationships look. Like, how
long do you last in theworkplace? You know, how are

(30:07):
your children, childrenresponding to you based on this
mindset and this behavior, andwould you like to change that
you know is this hurtful foryou? Do you see the harm in it.
And a lot of times, I find thatwith talking with women who are

(30:28):
willing to hold on to thesebehaviors that don't serve them,
it's really a defense mechanism.Yes, they've defined themselves
by I don't take nothing fromnobody, and everybody knows
that, and I'm not going to givemy heart to anybody and and I'm

(30:49):
not trusting and this is justhow I'm going to be. It's based
in because to let that go, wehave to be vulnerable. And who
wants to be vulnerable whenyou've used these behaviors to
protect who you really are forso many years. It's just a form

(31:09):
of being able to protectyourself. It's a defense
mechanism. And if I let this go,Who am I because I've defined
myself by these behaviors for somany years. So if I let this go,
that means that I have to acceptwho it is that's there. I have

(31:33):
to recreate and redevelop who itis that I want to be and not
sure of how to go about that. Sowith Nairs house, we begin to
create that safe space, providethe coping skills, the coping
strategies, even just helping aperson to define their feelings

(31:57):
and what their emotions are.Because, you know, a lot of
times you ask the person, well,how are you feeling? What are
you feeling? Well, I just feelmessed up. Who can fix messed
up? If you say I'm feelingstress, I'm feeling anxiety, I'm
feeling afraid, then that can bespoken to, that can be

(32:21):
addressed. So sometimes it's amatter of helping a person to
define what it is that they'refeeling. You know what their
experience is, and that's why Ipromote journaling, because you
can write whatever you want inyour journey, and you can write
it anyway that you want. Itdoesn't have to be perfect, but

(32:44):
you are able to get that out andput it on paper and begin to
look at it, and you will beginto see for yourself the patterns
that exist. So I find that to bevery help, helpful. And
remember, nine years housespeaks to mental wellness. We're

(33:10):
not necessarily talking about doyou have bipolar disorder? Do
you have schizophrenia? Do youhave a schizoaffective disorder?
What we are trying to do is makethe introduction that there is
another side, that there thatmental wellness is possible, and

(33:33):
this is how we are going to goabout it. Now, if a person needs
more, we have the resourcesavailable for a person to get
assessed, for us to look intowhat does your insurance cover?
Which agencies take yourparticular insurance? We're able
to take that next step. But forright now, we want you to feel

(33:56):
safe, and we want you to knowthat there is hope, that change
is available, that there aresteps and measures that you can
take before you enter into themore traditional forms of
therapy. So, you know, like, Idon't consider myself. I'm a

(34:19):
mental health advocate. I'm nota mental health coach. I believe
in mental wellness, yes, yeah.And you know, if this is the
starting point within thecommunity, to just come and
begin to feel relaxed incommunity, to learn how to

(34:40):
express yourself and to do itthrough means that you are
familiar with, so that you'renot afraid then, yeah, women are
like, really good with spokenword and getting that out and
writing poems, you know, and.And you know, in freeing

(35:02):
themselves to those methods, youknow, is very helpful. And then
the light bulb begins to go off,you know, I can do this. I am
worthy. You know, these thingsare helpful, you know, for me,
and even, like with the selfcare process, you know, I hear
some people, you know, bash, youknow, or self care is more than

(35:27):
aromatherapy and getting thepedicure and the manicure and
getting your hair done. Here itis. But for a person that has
never been exposed or even hadthe thought that I can heal,
that I can get better. If thisis your starting point, go at

Angela Harris (35:46):
it right, right. Like you said, unworthiness, or
I am worthy of treating myselfto a pedicure, or having an hour
of time to myself. I am worthyof this.

Stephanie Shelton (35:56):
Yes, yes, you know. So you know all of those
practices is what is, is what weintroduce and allow people to
get connected with women.

Angela Harris (36:13):
I think it's great that your approach is
culturally competent, becauseyou're able to hold up the
mirror you you talked about theexample of the woman who might
be viewed as aggressive or, youknow, combative, but you know
that that was a defensemechanism, whereas another
provider may just write thatperson off as defensive or
aggressive. I don't want to workwith this person, but you know

(36:34):
that there's underlying issuesthere. You know how to work
through those issues, versusjust pushing the person off and
putting the label with

Stephanie Shelton (36:41):
that, because what gets written down is
resistant to treatment, right?And that's not true. The person
is not resistant. Mm, hmm, yeah.

Angela Harris (36:56):
I want to shift gears. I know that you return to
school as an adult learner, andyou obtained your degrees, and
he graduated with honors. Whatmotivated you to go back to
school?

Stephanie Shelton (37:08):
Well, I have worked in the field of substance
use for a number of years, so Iwas credentialed in that area,
and it's just, you know, it'ssimilar to which came first the
chicken or the egg? So whichcame first the mental health
issues or the substance use?Because I found that in

(37:30):
substance use, most people itwas a co morbid situation where
there was substance use and amental health issue. And I went
back to school because I wantedto focus on mental health,
because I think everybody canconnect with mental wellness,

(37:55):
and everybody is not a substanceuser. So I wanted to address
that, and even with therelationship that my daughter
Nair was in, I think that if shesaw herself as more worthy and
really understood the value ofwho She was, she might not have

(38:21):
even entered into thatrelationship. So I thought about
that like how we view ourselvesand dictates what we will accept
absolutely, you know, so if aperson can enter into and
embrace mental wellness. Likeyou said, there's a worthiness

(38:45):
that we begin to believe aboutourselves. There are things that
we begin to affirm aboutourselves that will make it less
likely for us to accept that lowpaying job when we know that we
could do better, to not when wesee the red flags in a
relationship, to feel worthyenough to step away from that

(39:09):
and not feel like, Oh, I justwant to be in a relationship so
bad that I'm going to stay inthis relationship, we began to
say no to the things that weknow that we are better than,
and we are better for, thatthere is something greater for
us. And I think mental wellnesshelps us to get there. It gives

(39:34):
us the boundaries that we need.We'll have emotional boundaries
where I'm not going there,because I know that I'm not
treated fairly there. I knowthat, you know, I'm going going
to be gaslighted there. Thereare certain things that are
going to happen. So I'm not evengoing to put myself in that

(39:55):
predicament. And we just beginto set boundaries about
ourselves, what we're going to.Accept and what we're not going
to accept, and with the claritythat rules are what we set for
other people, boundaries arewhat we set for ourselves.
They're put in place to protectme from continuing to cause

(40:15):
myself harm. And mentalwellness, you know, gives us the
wherewithal to do these thingslike a lot of us don't even know
about vouchers. We think that wejust have to accept whatever,
and we don't. That's all

Angela Harris (40:29):
we see that that's exactly that's how it is.
It's always going to be thatway. Yes,

Stephanie Shelton (40:34):
you know, so mental wellness helps us to
begin to take a look at who weare, what our needs are, okay,
and how do we meet these needs?And there are skills that that
we learn in the process that isgoing to help us to not only
obtain a level of mentalwellness, but be able to sustain

(40:58):
it. You know, throughout

Angela Harris (41:04):
what has been your most rewarding part of your
journey with nine years house,

Stephanie Shelton (41:10):
being able to witness somebody's life in the
process of change that has beenso invaluable to me, and to
watch how the connection betweenone woman, seeking support,

(41:34):
seeking help, and begin to Growhelps me to grow so so the
better I get, the better youget, the better you get, the
better I get. So that has beenrewarding for me to see women
just come full circle and toknow that I have something of

(41:58):
value. I have something to give,because for a lot of years, I
didn't feel like I did. Yeah, soyou know, as much as I am a
giver in the situation that I'ma receiver, also, you know, it
is interchangeable, and to watchjust watch women benefit from

(42:25):
it, and to know that my daughteris still alive in the world,
still connected and still doingher thing. Because this is what
this is about. So I think thatthis has been, this is what has
been the most rewarding, andjust from the biannual

(42:50):
interactive workshops, otherthings have grown from, from out
of that. So lets me know thatit's viable, that I can pivot
and change and add and take awaythat this, this is limitless,
that this is a legacy that canbe left to my grandchildren like

(43:13):
this is, yeah, yeah. This iswhat I see happening.

Angela Harris (43:21):
You are changing lives, one person at a time.
Yes, one

Stephanie Shelton (43:25):
person at a time. And

Angela Harris (43:29):
it's so important that you are creating that
community. Just going back tothe topic of worthiness, like
sometimes we may not see thingsin ourselves that other people
see in us and being in thatcommunity, they're going to hold
that mirror up and show that toyou, so it's definitely going to
increase your confidence andincrease your self worth and
help you work on thoseboundaries and hold you

(43:51):
accountable for keeping thoseboundaries.

Stephanie Shelton (43:53):
Yes, and you know community support, what it
what is ingrained within thecommunity. Support is
accountability. Yes, you saidthat you were going to do X, Y
and Z, you know, and just havingsomebody to follow up and to
check in, you know, did you doit? You didn't do it, you know.
Why not? How can I support you?Is there anything further that

(44:17):
you need? Because we can come upwith, you know, all of the
things that we say that we'regoing to do, but we need an
accountability partner also, andthe group you know together
holds each person accountablefor living out the things that
they said that they wanted todo.

Angela Harris (44:38):
And they say, I am my sister's keeper. Yes,
absolutely,

Stephanie Shelton (44:43):
absolutely.

Angela Harris (44:47):
Well, Stephanie, before we wrap up, I have one
final question for you. Okay, Iknow you're a giver and you're
making all this impact in theworld, but what do you do to
recharge when you aren'tfearlessly leading?

Stephanie Shelton (44:58):
Okay? I. Uh, I journal. I love to dance. You
know, at least two to threeweekends out of the month I go
dancing. I enjoy that. I have asupport group of my own, like my

(45:20):
support, you know, network and Ihave my faith in God. You know
those are, are the things thatcontinue to sustain me. You
know, journaling and reflectingabout me. You know that that's
my personal space. This is, thisis who I am. Dance helps me to

(45:45):
connect with the things that Istill might not be able to put
words to. You know, I like to doexpressive dancing, and then I'm
able to reflect on that, even ifin the moment that this is what
I'm feeling, this is what I amexperiencing, and it relaxes me.

(46:09):
You know, I enjoy watchingmysteries. I love a mystery. And
you know, like I said, I have anetwork of women that we support
one another, and that is helpfulfor me and my faith. And this is
how I recharge. This is how Irestore. This is how I am able

(46:35):
to move on to the next thing.You can't pour from an empty
vessel. I've never seen it done,you know, so my vessel has to be
full in order for me to pour.

Angela Harris (46:50):
And also, you're practicing what you preach in
our years house, all the thingsthat you do within our years
house, it sounds like you'redoing that within your personal
life as

Stephanie Shelton (46:57):
well. Yes, and that's why, and that's how I
know that it works because Ipartake in these things myself.
Yes, Mm, hmm.

Angela Harris (47:10):
How can our listeners stay in touch with you
and follow your work?

Stephanie Shelton (47:14):
Okay, so I'm on Instagram at @naireshouse. I
am on Facebook at myNaireshouse, and I am on
LinkedIn. Stephanie Shelton,okay. On LinkedIn, yeah, Mm,

Angela Harris (47:34):
hmm, alright. Well, make sure I include your
contact information in the shownotes. Okay? And to our
listeners, thank you so much fortuning in to the flow Podcast.
Today, new episodes are releasedbi weekly on Wednesdays, and the
podcast is available on allmajor podcast platforms until

(47:55):
next time, take care. Hey,fearless leaders, it's the
fourth quarter of 2024 Are youready to finish the year strong?
Whether you're looking to land anew job, set clear goals, or
take your career to the nextlevel, now is the time to make
it happen. As an executiveleadership coach, I specialize

(48:17):
in helping professionals likeyou break barriers, build
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(48:38):
discovery call today visitangelavharris.com to book your
call. Thank you for listening tothe flow podcast as we wrap up
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(48:59):
your leadership matter. If youloved what you heard, subscribe
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(49:22):
visit me on the web atangelavharris.com Until next
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