June 5, 2024 • 52 mins
Welcome to "The Forging of Men," a podcast dedicated to equipping fathers to raise their sons into the next great generation of men through faith, fitness, and outdoor adventure. In this episode, we delve into the essence of masculinity, self-mastery, and servant leadership.
Join host Josh and his cousin Nick Blackwell, a teacher at an all-boys school, as they discuss the transformative power of hands-on learning and the importance of fostering confidence in young men. Nick shares insights from his innovative "Toolbox Tuesday" program, which teaches essential life skills such as auto maintenance, cooking, and outdoor survival.
Discover how this program is empowering middle school boys to take ownership of their lives, preparing them not just for academic success, but for the challenges of adulthood. Nick also opens up about his personal journey through grief and the importance of emotional honesty, offering valuable lessons on turning pain into purpose.
Tune in to hear inspiring stories of young men finding their strength, resilience, and sense of brotherhood in a world that often leaves them unprepared. Whether you're a father, educator, or mentor, this episode offers practical advice and heartfelt wisdom on raising confident, capable men.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
This is The Forging of Men, a podcast to equip, enable,
and empower the fathers of sons to raise their sons into the next great generation
of men through faith, fitness, and outdoor adventure.
To be a man, it's not going to be easy, especially in the culture we have now.
(00:21):
Be the storm. Save your family. One of the main pillars of masculinity is self-mastery.
It's not just, let me do it. it's let
me show you how to do it when evil comes evil's
not looking for a fair fight a lot of people
weren't disciplined enough to like make the switch the
lack of a servant leader culture attached to
(00:43):
masculinity is perhaps why there are so
many marriages that fail as well you would think of the word as
relationships as relationships with others no but you can't
have relationship with others until you're comfortable with the relationship with yourself
we're firing up the forge right now
and it's rolling man i'm
so glad that we're finally getting to do this we've been talking about doing this podcast for
(01:04):
four months at least
yeah as soon as you kind of had the idea to do it you were we're talking to
me about it and yeah yeah you you were one of my you were one of my very first
calls to be like hey at some point we need to get you on and talk about this
so why don't for our listeners there who aren't sitting in the room with us
to to know who the the conversations,
(01:25):
but tell us who you are a little bit about yourself and yeah,
we'll go ahead and just hop right into it.
All right. My name is Nick Blackwell and I'm Josh's cousin and I am a teacher in Memphis.
I teach at an all boys school named MUS Memphis University School.
I teach middle school boys.
I have a son myself, five-year-old who is the size of a nine-year-old.
(01:49):
And grew up. I'm an Eagle Scout. I grew up with a very strong father figure and,
was drawn to the boy, all boy education. MUS is an all boy school.
So I was drawn to that and not only teaching boys with that middle school level
where there's such a vital growth point and I'm happy to be here to talk. Yeah. Yeah.
(02:10):
I'm, I'm curious and I've got some other folks on the list to talk to that are
in a similar situation that are teaching at an all boy school,
but that's that part of your education career is relatively new, right?
Like how long have you been there at this school now? So I'm finishing year
four at the all-boys school.
I was at a co-ed school for five years before that.
(02:30):
What do you think is the biggest difference in particular for the development
of boys into young men at a co-ed school versus being at an all-boys school?
I would probably say feeling like they're all on the same level.
One thing I noticed and realized, those students, and it was very clear to me
(02:52):
because some of of the boys that I taught in the fifth grade at a co-ed school,
I got the opportunity to teach in the seventh grade at the all boys school.
And they were kids that were always seen as disorganized, late,
disruptive, talkative.
And then you put them in a room with just people like them, just boys that are
(03:13):
all having the same kind of approach to studying.
And they were on task. task they were on time they were not this look at this
disruptive kid it was look at this kid who's working hard and so especially
at the middle school level where girls do mature.
In that way quicker mentally and with the the approach to organization for the
(03:37):
most part there's some not all the boys feeling like we're all on the same level
and almost this almost all in it together type of approach.
I literally watched from, from boys that I saw in both environments.
I saw the weight come off their shoulders. Oh, wow. That I'm not having to compete
with something that I'm not capable of doing.
(04:00):
It was everything they were now being compared to was on their level and something
that they could actually achieve.
And we, we see it like with, with projects and things. is I do these artistic
projects where if I did an artistic project with the fifth grade boys,
the girls would give me this immaculate work because they put all this effort into it.
(04:21):
And the boys did not even want to try because they knew in comparison that.
It wasn't going to be that where now I'm getting these, I do a project where
they make their own comic book to teach about immune systems and the,
the effort and the work they put in is phenomenal.
Wow. And it's amazing how few I get two or three that are just not into it or
(04:45):
don't think they want to try.
But the level of willingness to try things where in the past I saw boys shut down is incredible.
Well, Well, so that was going to be my next question is you're talking about,
there's not this perception that they're a distraction and that they're loud
and they're disorganized. They're all, they're all loud.
So they're all on the same level. You just teach to that, right? Their need.
(05:09):
So that, that was going to be my question is, is it that they're the same and
the perception is different or is
there some degree of by not feeling like they're in a gender competitive
environment that there's less
pressure to do things like act out and gain attention
(05:29):
is it an either or both and what do you
a little bit of both and especially when you get into that seventh and eighth
grade level because not only is it gender competitive but they don't look like
they don't want to look like the fool in front of the girl there is there becomes
this need to impress and when i taught fifth grade i taught in the co-ed environment
i taught seventh and fifth fifth grade and the fifth grade you didn't quite
(05:51):
see the need to impress yet but the seventh grade.
You you would see the boys not even try so they could look like the oh it doesn't bother me,
and look at me look at me look how cool i am i'm not even gonna let this bother me,
it's just i'm that's i'm too cool for that instead of
now i see the boys i get to draw pictures in class awesome and it's because
(06:14):
they're all doing it they're all talking about man your minion looks weird well
so does your shrek and it's it's instead of this need to bow up and act like
they're too cool because they're afraid they won't be able to be successful,
They're just, they're letting each other build on, they're building off of each
other. They're talking with each other. They're becoming a community.
And I do think it, a lot of it comes from, they don't feel this competitive
(06:38):
nature to be impressive to, they can just be themselves.
And, and I do think there's a place where you need to learn how to handle that environment.
But with so much growth happening in the middle school level,
especially because that's,
that's, that's kind of my specialty is the middle middle school age
is it's it's so
important for them to have confidence and know that they can try things and
(07:03):
they're not being judged for trying and i i have had teachers that all they
wanted to talk about was how disruptive this boy was how disruptive this boy
was look at his work isn't anywhere close to what this one is and i
would look at him and i said so and and it was why why do we have to compare
everything but we do kind of live in a comparative society everything is compared
(07:26):
to everybody else instead of are you proud of what you have are you proud of
what you're doing and that's what i see,
is these boys are proud of the work they're doing there's less of a competitive
there's less of a i need to impress they want to impress the teacher they want
to impress their peers but it's not at the same level yeah if that makes sense
yeah that does make a lot of sense well tell me a little bit But I know that
(07:47):
you started a program on Tuesdays, correct?
Yes. And it was Toolbox Tuesday. Yes. Now, is that an after-school thing,
or has it been integrated into part of the curriculum of the school itself?
It has been integrated into our normal schedule.
So our schedule, and I do have to, I don't even know if I told you the original
name that we had to change.
(08:08):
The original name of the program was going to be Testosterone Tuesdays.
And that got nixed. that got nixed because we teach boys and so testosterone
would very quickly get shortened.
And we would be talking about testy tuesdays and then we thought maybe maybe we're not quite,
not quite at that level you know what that's fair yeah i
(08:30):
don't know i don't know if we can put on the on the the school magazine welcome
to testy tuesday and i don't know if we're gonna do that one i you
know what i you say that i'm
like would they really shorten it for that and i think that even as grown men
if you told them it's like testosterone tuesday i'm
like oh testy testy tuesday yeah it kind
of rolls off the tongue a little bit it kind of makes sense it does there's
(08:52):
like the potential for jokes there's absolutely un unending for adults so i
would imagine for and i'll and i say this coming from last week i just taught
about the reproductive systems to rooms full of boys so very much heard some
some of the testy jokes and right gentlemen they're not They're not balls.
They're testicles. And he said the word.
(09:15):
So, yes, very much was aware of.
What these guys were going to do. So here's a question, and this is a bit of
a rabbit hole, but I mean, my podcast is going to be full of rabbit holes.
It's just the way, this is what happens when somebody with ADD leads the conversation, right?
And the other person has ADD too. Right. Well, and now I forgot what I was going to ask.
(09:37):
ADD strikes again. Oh, is doing teaching human reproduction in a scientific
way easier in a classroom of all boys?
Is or do you think it would be easier in
because you've not had the opportunity to teach that in a co-ed setting
right i have not taught it in a co-ed setting when i
taught the seventh grade i taught math in the
(09:58):
co-ed setting i taught science in the fifth grade and we weren't going to cover
that in the fifth grade no science but i i
do it gives honestly it gives me a comfort because i
i know the perspective that they're coming from and and
the way i approach it and this is how i tell the parents because
i tell the parents from the beginning of the year just so you're aware this conversation
will be happening and my my little
(10:20):
phrase that i use is i'm going to teach them the
parts of the car we're not going to talk about how to drive ah i like that analogy
a lot yeah so we really focus on the the the the mechanisms and because i i've
i teach life science especially so for the seventh graders and my principal
this year had us read a book
(10:42):
called start with why and originally i was reading the book and it was very
much about business and businessmen i was like i'm not really getting this until
they started getting into basically there's three questions about why we about
things that we do it's how what and why.
And often we start with what then we go to how and then the why kind of happens
if it's necessary and this whole book was about starting with why and so when
(11:05):
i started the year i i just said you you know what?
I'm going to start with why I'm going to teach them why we need to learn life science.
And the reason my why basically was to eat, to be, uh,
successful and thoughtful members of a community, we must first understand ourselves.
And, and I feel life science is a way to truly literally understand what makes
(11:30):
you function as a living thing.
Yeah. And so the reproduction I think is important for us to,
for these boys to understand.
Yes, you have these parts. Yes.
You've heard them as jokes for your entire lives. No, they're not jokes.
And in, I start every section when I, when I do this as a guy,
everybody, we're going to say penis and then we're going to giggle.
And then we're going to be done.
Then we go one, two, three, and we all say it. And then we go through all the,
(11:53):
we'd say the guys, we're going to, we're going to come at this like sciences and we're going to talk.
And I do tell them, I was like, if you want to have questions,
ask me if I don't feel comfortable answering. I'll tell you that if I don't
know it, I'll tell you that.
And, and I do tell them, I said, but trust me, boys, I understand.
I know when you're asking a question for entertainment factor and we'll have
(12:14):
a conversation about that later. But I said, ask me any question you have, ask me any question.
And if I can answer it and I feel comfortable answering it, I will answer it.
And, and I feel like that helps them settle because honestly,
they all want to know about this stuff, but it's got the such taboo thing that
even most parents don't even want to talk about the function and the parts.
(12:34):
Yeah. And so I feel like it's something important and the boys,
they, they really dig into it.
They, they, they feel, I feel like they leave,
like they understand themselves a little bit bit better um and it's
like maybe a part of them that's always been
kind of considered a joke maybe it's not something it's like i understand myself
a little bit better now yeah and and we do talk about the female reproductive
(12:55):
system as well and we talk about the menstrual cycle
and we talk about all this stuff and and then we even get into child development
and pregnancy we have we talk about some hard stuff we talk about some stuff
that they some words that they've heard that maybe they don't know what they
are and and i try to give them the context to understand yeah well and i think
too I knew that that offer at the beginning of.
(13:17):
You know, we're going to come at this as scientist. You ask me whatever you
want to ask me and I will honestly answer as well as I can. If I don't know the answer, I'll own it.
And, you know, we'll get a word in and get a giggle out on the front end and
then we'll pivot and we'll get serious about this.
Absolutely. I can't imagine trying to do that effectively in a co-ed setting.
(13:39):
I think I would feel not the way I approach it. Yeah.
And I think the way that you're approaching and it sounds like
for middle school boys is kind of
the way to approach it i do want to ask so
i get the same question asked every single class that i ever teach us and i
teach this three times a semester so six times a year i teach this lesson i'm
(14:02):
gonna see if maybe you can ask think about the one question that i get every
single class from all boys i I,
I genuinely can't think of what it would be.
Why does it hurt so bad to get hit down there? That tracks.
And we have an actual, we just learned about the endocrine system and the nervous
(14:22):
system. We talk about how the testes are big balls of nerves.
And of course, every once in a while, kids are like, he said balls,
but big, big balls of nerves, big balls of nerves.
And I tell them, I said, and they're the only endocrine, they're the only glands
in any human body, male or female, that are outside the body cavity.
And I tell them, if someone were able to punch you directly in the pancreas,
(14:45):
it would hurt just as bad.
How interesting. But it is the only glands that don't have the protection.
And to hear them go, oh, it actually makes sense.
Yeah, like you say that a lot, and that's my immediate reaction.
I was like, yeah, yeah, like if my kidney was unprotected and it got sucker
punched, I'd probably double over on the ground as well.
And then they ask, well, why does it go up your stomach? And I tell them it's
(15:06):
because your nervous system is like, what on earth just happened?
Let's have a systems check. Are everything still there?
And it's really helpful, like watching the faces of that makes so much sense.
And then i always follow it up with i do want to give y'all a piece of information
from a man to young man never tell a woman it's worse than childbirth yeah because you're wrong yeah,
(15:31):
i say take that pain multiply it times 10 and then do it for 20 hours yeah yeah
they don't know try to live i try to give them the try to live a little bit
a little bit of wisdom with the with the knowledge yeah yeah i think i don't
know if we've talked about it on a previous episode here, or if I'm thinking
of something from our men's group,
but wisdom is the life application of knowledge.
(15:55):
So for you to give that to me, like, all right, I'm going to give you this knowledge.
It's on you to make it wisdom things to not say to your wife. Absolutely.
But anyway, so let's back up out of that rabbit hole.
So toolbox Tuesday, which was original, originally testosterone testosterone
Tuesday and that got dialed back.
So, so what was, what was the original concept for toolbox Tuesday?
(16:19):
What was the purpose behind it? So, so the way this whole thing started is I,
I helped lead the summer camp program at the school as well.
And I, I might, like I said before, I'm an Eagle scout.
And when we were, my buddy and I were trying to decide what we wanted to teach
in the summer camp, I said, I want to, let's do some outdoor skills.
Let's teach them some stuff.
And so these are third graders through seventh graders, rising third 3rd through
(16:41):
7th. And I was like, you know what? We're going to start fires.
And we took them out and we taught them flint and steel. We're starting fires.
And it's like, we're going to roast some marshmallows up on the fires we started.
And then we got in and we taught them how to tie some knots,
how to build some shelters and taught them how to cook a beautiful cobbler in
a Dutch oven. Like every boy scout knows how to do.
And, and I, I had some extra cobbler and I took it into.
(17:05):
My principal at the time who not only one of the best administrators I've ever worked for,
but one of the best men i've known and a name to match his name is loyal murphy
wow fantastic name fantastic man and i brought him in some cobbler because he
was working during the summer,
and i said and he he ate it he was like how'd you make this i was out in the
(17:25):
dutch oven but he's like you're teaching all that stuff and he came out the
next day and was kind of taking a part of of watching what we were doing and
getting in there because it's kind of he goes and every summer he goes to horse
ranches and that's just the kind of guy he is and he says to me just kind of
a passing comment. He said.
Our boys need to know this. This is stuff our boys need to know.
(17:45):
And it was when he said it, he and I both looked at each other and it was just
that light bulb moment of you are right.
They need to know this and they're not getting it. And, and because the school
that I'm at is all the boys are very much involved.
They're in all kinds of sports. They're in all kinds of clubs and there are
(18:06):
a few in scouting, but not as many as there.
I wish there were. and so there's a lot of them not getting this type of information
and so it kind of spiraled into.
Okay let's teach some of these skills these soft skills these skills that,
used to be just ingrained in the life of a child and are not anymore and how
(18:30):
can we do it so we started looking at first of all is it possible can we fit
it in our schedule in our schedule we We had basically four assemblies in a
week and we say, you know what? We can lose a couple of those.
We got a lot of this going on. And so we were looking, okay, how could we do it?
And we found out Tuesdays and the first idea was manhood Mondays. That was the original.
And then we couldn't quite get it on Mondays. So then we moved it to Tuesdays
(18:54):
and, and we came up again, Nick's the first name and went with toolbox,
trying to put toolbox tools in the toolbox of life.
(19:16):
Mm-hmm.
And so is loyal, by the way, he was an alum from MUS and he's been there for
over 30 years now and just phenomenal man.
And we were starting, I was like, okay, cool.
Outdoor stuff. Cool. And then we started thinking, you know what?
They know how to change a tire.
Yeah. They're not learning that. You know, we, I work at a school that's,
that's has a lot of wealthier families and, and a lot of these families,
(19:39):
they don't even have the idea.
Let me turn, change a tire. It's let me call someone. and and
it's like that's great if you have those means but what happens no cell
service what happens if you're on the side of a mountain or
like you're just stuck and so it's okay well
they're not learning that okay what else oh well sewing they
don't know how to like these are skills that things are just done for them and
(20:00):
so we started making this list of what are some life skills that if they left
our school not only are they going to be prepared for college in the classroom
but they're going to be prepared for life on their own life in the college setting.
In many other ways yeah and we kind
of decided we narrowed it down to six basic categories and
(20:24):
that was home skills etiquette cooking outdoor skills auto maintenance and home
improvement and those were kind of our six categories then we kind of like all
right what does that mean,
what can we break it down even further and so Home Improvement they go to our
(20:46):
theater and they go to our theater shop who our theater shop is run by an Eagle Scout who,
spends his entire summers every year at Philmont.
And we said, okay, what do boys need to know?
What are some things in home improvement that are just basic that they need
to know that we can't assume they know because we've learned they don't.
(21:06):
And it's how do you operate a drill? Yeah. How do you change bits?
How do you put a screw drill hole, put in a screw and how to use a socket set? Yeah.
And we got these boys on the stage and they bring in older theater students
and they come in and these theater students,
these old, again, all boys that have come to this program and teach
(21:27):
them those those older students teach them how to do
it and they all get a drill in their hand and they put these boards apart take
them apart put them back together drill a bigger hole put
a bolt in it all this stuff over and they get 20 and the
crazy part is they're only doing this 20 minutes at a
time 20 minutes every two
weeks is what our program is because again we have
(21:47):
such a full schedule it's hard to do too much but we
have found that that is getting them it's not
everything it's not perfect but it does allow every single one of
them to put their hands on everything do you
find that that 20 minutes every two weeks because like
you said it's getting a lot in but it's not getting everything do
you feel like it what's their appetite to do a
(22:08):
little self-learning on their own to figure out some of the next steps
yeah absolutely and and that's one of the
things that we're kind of working on now is how do we kind of help
provide them the next step and and so we're working on that now and and we've
added in some more stuff so last this is my my set we're finishing up our second
year of the program my first year we did this only with our eighth grade students
(22:29):
again it was more about finding it a manageable way to do it by also.
Not needing too much teacher involvement because teachers
were they're so it's so they're so busy and there's do
so many important things that it's hard
to ask them to do too much more and so i wanted to find a
way that we could do this to maximize and
(22:52):
be efficient enough with teacher involvement that nobody is getting overstressed
nobody's getting burnt out and so we started small and then this year we actually
added we changed it up a little bit and we started adding in some programming
with our seventh graders including some financial planning talks and And etiquette,
how to act on a date, how to act at a restaurant, type talks,
how to dress, talks, tying ties, things like that.
(23:17):
It's, it's, yeah, we only get 20 minutes with them, but they are so engaged in those 20 minutes.
It's, it's really impressive because it's obvious they are desperate to learn these things.
They're desperate to, to better themselves and they, and they understand why they're learning it.
And, and I think that's so important in, and to watch these kids in the kind
(23:38):
of culture that we have of this.
If it's not a technology, I don't care type thing. And watching these kids get
a flint and steel in their hand.
And strike a fire and watch them there is not an
app for that there is not if you're out in the
middle of nowhere and you got to start a fire there's not
an app you can pull up on your phone that's going to start a fire for you absolutely
(23:59):
and then there's not yeah i mean you might be able to order food but i so the
the group that i lead personally is cooking and and we we cook for two weeks
the first day we learn how to cook an omelet cheese omelet and the next day
next one we We made cacio e pepe,
and that's a little simple pasta dish. Very simple, but it can be impressive.
(24:20):
So basically, it's the idea of if you can make an omelet, you can survive.
If you can make pasta, you can press a date.
I've had so many times this year, hey, my mom's birthday. I made dinner for my mom.
Made grilled chicken, chopped it up, made pasta. We made pasta.
Or, hey, I made my family breakfast this morning.
(24:41):
It's one of the best things. things here in these groups because you hear in
the media we talk about all these kids they're all they're so unengaged they
don't want to do this and to hear a kid come up to an adult,
and brag about the cooking they did or into brag, Mr.
Blackwell, my mom got a flat tire and I fixed it. I changed her tire for, and, and all this stuff.
And just the, the ownership that it's almost like they're getting ownership of their lives.
(25:05):
And it's like ownership of their environment and, and the, the pride they feel is so cool.
You know, you bring up a really good point there. And I, I don't know if I've
never thought about this before, but I think part of the problem that we're
seeing in our society right now is we're not giving the opportunity for young
men to take ownership of their lives soon enough.
I think there's a lot of guys that don't take ownership of their life until
(25:30):
they're 18, 19, 20 years old.
And at that point, that learning curve is so steep.
Because now you're not just figuring out how to make an omelet or change a tire.
On top of all those things, you're also trying to figure out how to pay bills.
Like it's hard to go to a grocery store and do
(25:52):
effective shopping if you don't know how to do
effective cooking right and and if you
don't know how to go to a grocery store and do effective
shopping because you don't know how to be an effective cook then
how are you ever going to have an effective budget and all of
a sudden you've got a whole generation of dudes that are
uber eating their way through their 20s and then
(26:14):
they get married and they become a husband and a a dad
and they're like i don't know what i'm doing yep
how it's it's interesting there's so many
things that came to mind and again my add brain and not
writing any of this down i'll try to keep up with it let's go all the way back
to boy scouts yep because i'm an eagle scout just like you were or are oh yeah
(26:35):
okay kind of like the marines right yeah once you're i was a boy scout i am
an eagle scout oh yeah so i'm the same way i was i was an eagle scout am an eagle scout out,
was very involved in scouting all the way through until actually the year that
I got married because I worked out west every summer guiding backpacking trips.
What has happened to the scouting program that it no longer is filling that void of training men?
(27:01):
And I don't know that this is true for all troops, but it does seem like that
as an organization, the Boy Scouts of America or scouting or whatever it's branded
as now has lost some degree of masculine authority.
Am I am I incorrect there? Do you think that that's true of the current?
The idea what i what i have thought about something i've thought about before
(27:21):
because like i said i have a son and my idea is do
i originally when early on as
a scout and an eagle when i got my eagle i
it was a done deal my kids doing scouting and
that whenever i have i have a son if i'm blessed with a son he's
going to be a scout yep and and i said even
if he doesn't finish it the stuff you learn in that program and
(27:42):
i was talking talking to your your kids this afternoon noon
about it the number one thing i learned in boy scouts and
everyone's like oh not tying fire science like nope interviewing really
learned how to interview those board of reviews those those
scout count those scout leader conferences you're 100
right i never even thought about that i absolutely
that is the number one thing that i learned from scouting and
(28:05):
i i am so grateful to that because it has allowed me to be confident in interviews
in those type of situations and and even in a situation like this where we're
we're we're having a conversation open and i one of the first times i ever did
that was with a scoutmaster in a in a scoutmaster conference.
(28:25):
And and so everybody's like oh yeah but do you really need to learn how to be
an outdoorsman do you really need to know but you learn so much more from the
program and yeah and the issue i see,
now because i i don't know if i i'm definitely not as gung-ho about it and i
don't even know if I want, but it's this idea of,
And honestly, I think it can be said by a lot of things. They care way too much
(28:46):
what everybody else is thinking.
And they care too much about what do I look like instead of what am I.
The scouting program is now more focused on looking good instead of being good.
And there have been some organizations and places of work that I've been at
that once I figured out that that's what their philosophy was, I left. Yeah.
(29:12):
And if you are good, you look good. But I think there are groups,
and I think scouting is one of them, that cares too much about looking good
and less about being good.
You know, we've got, I've got a guy named Eric that's going to be on the podcast
here in a few weeks. And as soon as that one launches, I'll let you know.
Because Eric is the gentleman that has started the thing at our church called Troops of St.
(29:37):
George. Mm But if you look at the requirements within Troops of St.
George, it resonates very deeply with what you and I are talking about and things
(29:58):
that I go, I sort of learned that ancillarily through Boy Scouts,
but not directly like this.
Like one of the requirements for my youngest son's grade.
Ninth grade or ninth grade nine years
old is be able to
identify the different types of drill bits and
what they are used for i did not know that in third grade that's pretty stinking
(30:22):
cool for i got i got lucky i i my grandfather was a master craftsman so i i
did know that but i know that i i recognized that that was rare yeah and that's
that's a great thing to learn and yeah and And to be taught.
And it's one of those that I think as men...
We can't assume that the boys around us are being taught things because they're
(30:43):
not. Yeah. And I think that's what people get sucked into.
It's well, I was taught it. So they must be, they must know it.
So, so I think that that's an interesting assumption because I assume the exact same thing.
And, and I think that, for example, my men's group that I'm a part of on Thursday
nights, I talk to them about on this podcast all the time because they're just
amazing dudes and they've helped craft me into the better version of myself than I am now.
(31:06):
But we're all cut
not from the same cloth but from at least similar kinds
of cloth like some of the guys are more capable in
the world of construction some of the guys are more capable in
the world of arts some of the guys are more capable in
the worlds of combat like
several of the guys that are there were either are or were professional like
(31:31):
carry they carried firearms arms occupationally whether it was military law
enforcement or whatever it's a broad spectrum of stuff but we all have had somewhat
similar outdoor experiences growing up and becoming young men.
And i made a
huge assumption that most men my age had
(31:52):
similar experiences growing up and felt capable to
pass that on as a legacy to their sons and it's just
not true it's just not true i had a a conversation with a
guy and i won't say who because i don't want
to embarrass him but we were talking about this whole like masculinity
thing and catching up and he
said you know i want to take my kids to go
(32:13):
do some of the things like you do with your boys but i don't know
how he's like josh i've never been camping before yeah and he's he's my age
he's mid 40s and he's never been camping before much less taking your kids camping
and i so i think that the beauty of what you're doing is that you're equipping
boys in middle school to not only be better boys now,
(32:35):
but better men in the future and better fathers to be, have this legacy to pass
on generation to generation to generation.
Cause right now that cycle is in at least some degree of brokenness.
Absolutely. And, and yeah, I know it sounds like, Oh, 20 minutes,
how much can you do in 20 minutes?
But 20 minutes is enough to light a spark and no, it doesn't work for all of
(32:55):
them, but the amount of them that come back, it's like, when are we doing toolbox
Tuesday again? When are we doing that?
I cook breakfast for the family. I did this. And it's, it's sparking an interest.
It's showing them you are capable of doing this.
You are capable of holding a pan and scraping it with a spatula and making food come out of it.
You, you are actually capable of providing sustenance for yourself.
(33:17):
And, and, and I do think that is something that, you know, you,
if you were in a classroom with me and you,
hear me use the word confidence all the time half of the issues that our students
have is confidence and it's confidence driven it's it's trust yourself i say
trust yourself all the time because.
(33:39):
Having the audacity to put yourself out there and take a risk isn't part of our society anymore.
No, it is not. And that is heartbreaking.
And that is something that I tell my boys all the time.
The only true failure is a failure to try. I will never one time get mad at
you for getting a question wrong as long as you try.
(34:01):
Let me tell you the greatest vote of confidence that scouting ever got in my world.
And it came from an unexpected source from
somebody that didn't even know they were complimenting scouting or
me but it's one it's it's funny i'm at
an age now where i realized the the memories that are etched into
my mind are etched there for a reason and so i didn't pay attention to this
(34:22):
memory until just a couple of years ago i was a sophomore in high school i was
not a super confident dude for most of high school if i'm honest but i knew
what my my own abilities were outside of high school.
Like I knew how to sharpen a knife, how to tie knot, how to do the camping thing.
(34:44):
At that point, I'd already been to Philmont once or twice.
So I knew that I could go out into the back country for six,
seven, eight days at a time. And with a little bit of support, be able to be okay.
But it was just one of those small things. And so here's the scenario is there,
the cheerleaders from the school are decorating for a dance and And they're
(35:04):
trying to get a banner to go up into one of those hanging ceilings that's got the floating tiles.
And it's just not working. Like it's either not holding in place correctly or
it's not, it's not, it doesn't have the right like arch or like aesthetically
it was weird and stuff like that.
(35:27):
And what helped the situation for me is that the girl that was trying to tie
this thing up was relatively short.
Even, even as a sophomore, I was a tall dude at like six foot and I was walking
by. She was like, Josh, can you do this?
I was like, yeah, what are you trying to do? And she explained,
well, we want this to go this way and do that, but it needs to have this arch
and we can't get it right. And he keeps falling down and all that.
(35:49):
And I kind of looked at what they were doing.
And so I took the paper clip that they were trying to use to hang this thing
up, bend bent it around like a hook, hung it, tied a taut line hitch to make
it adjustable and slid it until it looked right and turned around.
And I said, how's that?
And it took me maybe 20 seconds to
(36:11):
assess the situation and come up with a solution that fixed the problem.
And her response was, Josh, you are going to make a really good husband someday. Okay.
Now I didn't feel particularly validated by that as a sophomore in high school,
because I was like, that's great.
Can't get a date, but I have a waiting list of people that are like,
(36:32):
Hey, if we're not married by the time we're 40, let's get married.
It's like getting in line, hon. There's like 10 people ahead of you.
But I do think it is a testament to that generation.
You're in my generation of scouting skills that these things,
even though they may not be necessary for day to today's survival. Like they're handy.
In the, in the confidence that it brings you, you know, I go back.
(36:55):
So I don't know how far much, you know, I've even talked about this.
I was bullied severely in middle school. Mm hmm.
The point i i changed schools i was bullied severely
and had some dark dark moments dark
thoughts and this was during my scouting time and
i also played sports but scouting and the
successes that i was having in scouting gave me
(37:18):
the confidence to know that i am who i am i'm a good dude i'm i'm who i am and
that other people are putting me down not for who i am but for who who they
are because i know who i i started figuring out who i was through scouting and that.
To be honest with you i'm kind of scared to think about if
(37:39):
i didn't have that confidence through scouting where i would
be you know because there was some really dark
feelings that was going on and the confidence that
i was developing in scouting that i could go and
start a fire faster than anybody else in my
troop and i could do life saving and carry
a dude by myself up a mountain and beat
(38:00):
a team of guys racing and i
could go down and do lifeguard and carry a bowling
ball down across the bottom of a lake and back up oh
wow it allowed me to to trust who i was and be confident who i was and not and
i learned the ability to turn off caring about what people said if i didn't
(38:21):
want to yeah and that wouldn't have been possible without starting to figure
out who I was through scouting and, and the successes and the, those,
those kinds of ordeals that we go through in scouting.
And it, and that's something that's, I mean, it's one of the reasons why middle
school became my degree is in middle school education.
And, and is there, I don't know that I knew that it was that specific that you
(38:42):
were that dialed in on it.
And that, that specificity came from your maturing as a young man via scouting
in those middle school years. And, and seeing that.
Now I did have those teachers that were there for me and how much they were,
how big they were, especially the male teachers I had.
I had great female teachers as well, but there was just something about a male
(39:05):
teacher who can see your perspective in that moment when you're trying to figure out who you are. Yeah.
And scouting really, truly, and I talk about confidence, but scouting did bring that confidence.
Yeah. Like, let me know who that confidence was because I, even when I switched
schools, I I stayed kind of the introvert and, and, and I'd tell people all
the time that if you described who I am now to anyone at my high school,
(39:26):
they would not guess me in a hundred guesses.
Same. I am the, I was an absolute introvert. I did not talk and Josh knows me
well enough. I don't, I don't like to stop talking.
I taught, I'll talk everybody's ears off. And that was not who I was in high school.
And, and, but I got to the point that I didn't care. I didn't need other people
(39:46):
to make me feel better about myself because I knew who I was.
You know, I'm, I'm not a small fella. And what a lot of my, the people around
me didn't know is, is I was one of the strongest people to ever walk through
that school, but would also help me. I didn't have to gloat about that.
Yeah. I didn't have to puff up my chest and act like a bully and act like a big, bad, strong guy.
(40:13):
Cause I, I knew who I was and that identity come, a lot of it came from scouting
and learning to be confident in myself. Yeah.
Especially since we're, we're not doing video podcasts at this point,
I think it's important to do a brief description, right?
So like for, for frame of reference, I'm like right at
six feet tall and I'm probably 195
(40:36):
195 pounds right now which actually i've i've
picked up 10 pounds from i've
shifted my my lifting to heavier weights and
lower reps about a month and a half ago and i picked up 10
pounds so that to me right now
is six foot 195 pounds and you are i
i am six three around three about three to about 350 and and a lot of that it's
(41:04):
i'm not as strong as i once was but i used to be a 600 pound squatter 450 bencher
you could squat six you could bench 450 yeah good lord dude.
You could i i'm in my i'm doing
the math real quick in my head i think that you could bench all of my
children at once yeah at that point that's madness
(41:24):
it was one of those things i got to college i had a buddy who who when we just
put it this way drove when he shouldn't have driven and parked where he shouldn't
have parked and and would have gotten a ticket if not worse if i had not moved
his car i picked up the rear end of his car and moved it so he was in his parking spot,
there's a small car it's a ford aspire but but it's still a car.
(41:49):
It's still a, it's still a vehicle with four wheels that has doors and a roof.
It's like you moved his motorcycle for him. Exactly. But that's the thing.
What I say that is nobody in my high school knew that except for the two or
three guys who worked out with me with a football team.
And I didn't, because I didn't care about it. You know, that's,
(42:09):
that's the thing you think, you think of a high school boy, man,
if he gets 600, the entire world will know about, especially today is social media world.
Old you'll see three different tiktoks about it if someone
hits 600 pounds nobody knew that
i could do that because i didn't need them to yeah and
i think that's something that's missing in our society today is why does it
matter what everybody thinks yeah i mean if you know who you are you you're
(42:33):
not reliant on everybody else you know and i think that's a big deal it's it's
it's it's something that saved me
like i said in middle school and it's something that i hold on to now Now,
cause I've, I've, I get doubts and anxieties all the time.
You know, you know, my, my father passed away, grandfathers passed away.
And I had a moment where I was, I started questioning who I was and,
(42:55):
and one of the programs that kind of got me back into it was leading those summer
camps and getting back into and showing these kids how to start a fire and these
things that I did as a kid.
And it kind of helped recenter me. Yeah. One of the phrases that I've been chewing on for a while now,
(43:15):
and I think that I may actually, I recently announced that we're actually probably
next summer going to be doing a forging of men retreat because I can try to
equip young men all day long.
But if I equip the fathers to equip the young men, then the sphere of influences grows drastically.
(43:35):
But one one of the phrases that came to mind was turning pain into purpose.
And, and there's another episode I'll release here soon that,
that a friend of mine addressed that pretty directly where it was just like,
part of, part of being a man is knowing how to pick up heavy things and put them back down again.
(43:59):
And I would like to add also, I think part of being a man is if you can't pick up that heavy thing,
being okay saying i need help yes
and i think that's a part that sometimes gets glazed over and it's okay to ask
for help yeah it's not making it's not an unmanly thing it's i know who i am
(44:22):
and i'm not going to hurt myself and put myself at risk for my family to be.
Try to be something i'm not yeah i love
toolbox tuesday i i think i think the concept
is brilliant i also think that it's really cool that it's become integrated
into part of the regular school schedule because teachers are
busy students are busy i think the
(44:43):
setting of it being in a an all.
Boys school helps but do you think that if
there was a co-ed middle school that wanted to adopt a
toolbox tuesday program that it would transfer into that
environment well the the all-girls school that we're right.
Next to has already approached me about trying to start a.
Program or or how could they start a program.
(45:03):
Like ours and it's and it's because it's
yeah we it's young men and we want them but it's it's young
people young people need to be able to have the confidence to
do these things and well you know
we actually have i got a trailer donated to
the program or so these boys are actually putting taking a tire
iron and taking a lug nut off and taking a tire off and
(45:25):
then putting it back and the first thing i hear was taking a
lug off off is hard like yeah yeah
it is yeah and and then they're like
i thought i could just just kind of twist it off it's like i was
like i had to kick the thing i had to stand on it to
get it's like yeah you're tricked congratulations it's
one it's one of the questions on the man card and you're filling that
(45:47):
that application out is you're parked on the side of the road trying to remove
a flat tire and you're having trouble getting the lug nut off what do
you do it brings me it makes me think of the big bang theory episode
they they take richard feinman's van
and it's all these physicists get stuck with
a flat tire and they're doing everything from a lever
to compel shocking hitting with
(46:08):
a hammer and shock and then they they decide oh
you can't be you can't be stuck if you're liquid and then they catch the van
on fire but it's doing all these being willing to try something else instead
of but but what i was so impressed when that boy said that to me is like you
didn't give up yeah like no i needed i had to get the tire off i was like yeah you're right.
(46:32):
And and there's so many of them that we've been like i couldn't do it so i didn't
yeah and but it was like no you're in a race because they race them they like
hey who can get off the tire are the fastest.
And as soon as you say race to these boys, it's, oh, right.
Yeah. Whatever you need, let's do it. And it's impressive in the watch and.
(46:54):
It's a lot of fun. And I do want to add something that you said about turning
pain into, what was it? Pain into?
Pain into purpose. Pain into purpose. And so one of the reasons I decided I
wanted to teach at an all-boys school was my father.
My father went to an all-boys school, and he talked forever about the brotherhood of an all-boys school.
(47:16):
School and and i know for a fact if if uh where i grew up had an all-boys school
no matter what denomination it was that's where i would have been yeah and and
i lost my father in 2018 and,
i'm going to try not to get emotional i apologize but my father my dad was very
important to you and me and both but i started trying to figure out who i was
(47:38):
for a couple years and i started realizing it kind of kept coming up that this
this brotherhood idea the giving back to boys and And being able to pass on,
cause, cause I lost my father, both my grandfathers, and then,
uh, another male role model.
That was the first, first football coach who hired me as a football coach all
passed in about a two and a half year span, right.
(47:58):
When I was having a son and it kind of become this thing where,
where that was one of the first times in my life of all the things that happened
since I was in middle school, that my confidence got shaken.
And, and it was, and I started kind of questioning, it was doing the right thing.
Am I doing, am I the one that's supposed to be doing this? Am I capable of this?
And it finally got in my head about this opportunity to boy school and they
(48:21):
had an opening and I, and I went after it.
And my first year there, I, it got to my dad's birthday and anniversary was passing.
And I said, okay, do I just hide it and pretend like everything's fine?
Or am I open with these boys?
And I, and I, or am I tell them, Hey, I don't know what's going to happen.
Happen you know it was the the second year of the second birthday that my dad of a dad had been gone,
(48:47):
and i looked my boys in the eyes and said i have no
clue how i will be and i said i am
not excited about this day i am sad i am probably gonna cry and if i walk out
of this room for a minute just be patient i'll be back and i said i also i might
be okay but i don't know and and i was very open with them and telling them
(49:08):
that this is how it is. I'm sad.
I'm anxious. I'm terrified. And that's all okay.
And a young man came up to me and said, Mr. Blackwell, I don't know if you knew
this. My father died three months ago.
The first adult that ever told me it was okay to be
sad wow and man
(49:28):
and it was that that click of a moment of i
am who i am i am where i'm supposed to be all of this all of this lack of confidence
all of the shakiness all of this anxiety which i still feel was for a reason
and if if i just helped that one he was like you were the first adult to ever
tell me it was okay to be sad
(49:50):
he said everybody tells me i'll get oh you'll get better it'll get better it'll get better,
he's like you're the first one to say i'm still i am sad it's terrible and i'll get over it.
I'm okay it's okay to be sad and he came to me and then the same thing when
it was the anniversary of the day he passed i again i told him the guys i don't
know i don't know what i'm gonna be like,
(50:11):
sometimes i'm fine there's honestly times that one photo pops up on facebook
and i'm eating lunch or something and i texted co-worker i was like hey can
you get class started for me because i am crying yeah i'm having a fit right
and i come in and i tell the boys guys i'm sorry i'm late.
I i got i got really overwhelmed by a picture of
missing my dad and i couldn't come up here i apologize and
(50:33):
then i've decided that trying that
you know and i hadn't heard the phrase you use the turning pain into purpose
but i feel like that's what i was trying to do is i'm i'm feeling
this pain and i feel like it's my purpose
that to help these boys and these men understand yes
you can be masculine you can also be
emotional yeah and i think it's hard to be masculine
(50:55):
without trusting your emotions and feeling your emotions
but we live in a society where that really is
one or the other well and it's it's such a deeply polarizing
thing right like the idea of somebody that does both
well i'm a big fan of john level
who's a he's got a really interesting story i
think you would like him a lot because he was an army ranger
(51:17):
and then when he left the army and he was one of those guys that wasn't in for
super long but he was in at a time where he did a lot yeah and uh and then he
graduated college where he met his wife and right after they got married he
was an international missionary for several years like all of his kids were
actually born overseas,
but he created a society and it's called the Warrior Poet Society.
(51:41):
And it's the idea that in order to be a good man and a good father and a good
leader, you do have to be capable of being the warrior, but you also have to
be capable of being the poet.
And I feel like that we live in a society right now where if you're the warrior,
you're labeled as toxic.
(52:01):
And if you're the poet, you're labeled as a sissy and maybe you need to identify as a girl instead.
And the most well-rounded people I know are men that do both.
Music.
This is The Forging of Men, a podcast to equip, enable,
and empower the fathers of sons to raise their sons into the next great generation
of men through faith, fitness, and outdoor adventure.
To be a man, it's not going to be easy, especially in the culture we have now.
(00:21):
Be the storm. Save your family. One of the main pillars of masculinity is self-mastery.
It's not just, let me do it. it's let
me show you how to do it when evil comes evil's
not looking for a fair fight a lot of people
weren't disciplined enough to like make the switch the
lack of a servant leader culture attached to
(00:43):
masculinity is perhaps why there are so
many marriages that fail as well you would think of the word as
relationships as relationships with others no but you can't
have relationship with others until you're comfortable with the relationship with yourself
we're firing up the forge right now
and it's rolling man i'm
so glad that we're finally getting to do this we've been talking about doing this podcast for
(01:04):
four months at least
yeah as soon as you kind of had the idea to do it you were we're talking to
me about it and yeah yeah you you were one of my you were one of my very first
calls to be like hey at some point we need to get you on and talk about this
so why don't for our listeners there who aren't sitting in the room with us
to to know who the the conversations,
(01:25):
but tell us who you are a little bit about yourself and yeah,
we'll go ahead and just hop right into it.
All right. My name is Nick Blackwell and I'm Josh's cousin and I am a teacher in Memphis.
I teach at an all boys school named MUS Memphis University School.
I teach middle school boys.
I have a son myself, five-year-old who is the size of a nine-year-old.
(01:49):
And grew up. I'm an Eagle Scout. I grew up with a very strong father figure and,
was drawn to the boy, all boy education. MUS is an all boy school.
So I was drawn to that and not only teaching boys with that middle school level
where there's such a vital growth point and I'm happy to be here to talk. Yeah. Yeah.
(02:10):
I'm, I'm curious and I've got some other folks on the list to talk to that are
in a similar situation that are teaching at an all boy school,
but that's that part of your education career is relatively new, right?
Like how long have you been there at this school now? So I'm finishing year
four at the all-boys school.
I was at a co-ed school for five years before that.
(02:30):
What do you think is the biggest difference in particular for the development
of boys into young men at a co-ed school versus being at an all-boys school?
I would probably say feeling like they're all on the same level.
One thing I noticed and realized, those students, and it was very clear to me
(02:52):
because some of of the boys that I taught in the fifth grade at a co-ed school,
I got the opportunity to teach in the seventh grade at the all boys school.
And they were kids that were always seen as disorganized, late,
disruptive, talkative.
And then you put them in a room with just people like them, just boys that are
(03:13):
all having the same kind of approach to studying.
And they were on task. task they were on time they were not this look at this
disruptive kid it was look at this kid who's working hard and so especially
at the middle school level where girls do mature.
In that way quicker mentally and with the the approach to organization for the
(03:37):
most part there's some not all the boys feeling like we're all on the same level
and almost this almost all in it together type of approach.
I literally watched from, from boys that I saw in both environments.
I saw the weight come off their shoulders. Oh, wow. That I'm not having to compete
with something that I'm not capable of doing.
(04:00):
It was everything they were now being compared to was on their level and something
that they could actually achieve.
And we, we see it like with, with projects and things. is I do these artistic
projects where if I did an artistic project with the fifth grade boys,
the girls would give me this immaculate work because they put all this effort into it.
(04:21):
And the boys did not even want to try because they knew in comparison that.
It wasn't going to be that where now I'm getting these, I do a project where
they make their own comic book to teach about immune systems and the,
the effort and the work they put in is phenomenal.
Wow. And it's amazing how few I get two or three that are just not into it or
(04:45):
don't think they want to try.
But the level of willingness to try things where in the past I saw boys shut down is incredible.
Well, Well, so that was going to be my next question is you're talking about,
there's not this perception that they're a distraction and that they're loud
and they're disorganized. They're all, they're all loud.
So they're all on the same level. You just teach to that, right? Their need.
(05:09):
So that, that was going to be my question is, is it that they're the same and
the perception is different or is
there some degree of by not feeling like they're in a gender competitive
environment that there's less
pressure to do things like act out and gain attention
(05:29):
is it an either or both and what do you
a little bit of both and especially when you get into that seventh and eighth
grade level because not only is it gender competitive but they don't look like
they don't want to look like the fool in front of the girl there is there becomes
this need to impress and when i taught fifth grade i taught in the co-ed environment
i taught seventh and fifth fifth grade and the fifth grade you didn't quite
(05:51):
see the need to impress yet but the seventh grade.
You you would see the boys not even try so they could look like the oh it doesn't bother me,
and look at me look at me look how cool i am i'm not even gonna let this bother me,
it's just i'm that's i'm too cool for that instead of
now i see the boys i get to draw pictures in class awesome and it's because
(06:14):
they're all doing it they're all talking about man your minion looks weird well
so does your shrek and it's it's instead of this need to bow up and act like
they're too cool because they're afraid they won't be able to be successful,
They're just, they're letting each other build on, they're building off of each
other. They're talking with each other. They're becoming a community.
And I do think it, a lot of it comes from, they don't feel this competitive
(06:38):
nature to be impressive to, they can just be themselves.
And, and I do think there's a place where you need to learn how to handle that environment.
But with so much growth happening in the middle school level,
especially because that's,
that's, that's kind of my specialty is the middle middle school age
is it's it's so
important for them to have confidence and know that they can try things and
(07:03):
they're not being judged for trying and i i have had teachers that all they
wanted to talk about was how disruptive this boy was how disruptive this boy
was look at his work isn't anywhere close to what this one is and i
would look at him and i said so and and it was why why do we have to compare
everything but we do kind of live in a comparative society everything is compared
(07:26):
to everybody else instead of are you proud of what you have are you proud of
what you're doing and that's what i see,
is these boys are proud of the work they're doing there's less of a competitive
there's less of a i need to impress they want to impress the teacher they want
to impress their peers but it's not at the same level yeah if that makes sense
yeah that does make a lot of sense well tell me a little bit But I know that
(07:47):
you started a program on Tuesdays, correct?
Yes. And it was Toolbox Tuesday. Yes. Now, is that an after-school thing,
or has it been integrated into part of the curriculum of the school itself?
It has been integrated into our normal schedule.
So our schedule, and I do have to, I don't even know if I told you the original
name that we had to change.
(08:08):
The original name of the program was going to be Testosterone Tuesdays.
And that got nixed. that got nixed because we teach boys and so testosterone
would very quickly get shortened.
And we would be talking about testy tuesdays and then we thought maybe maybe we're not quite,
not quite at that level you know what that's fair yeah i
(08:30):
don't know i don't know if we can put on the on the the school magazine welcome
to testy tuesday and i don't know if we're gonna do that one i you
know what i you say that i'm
like would they really shorten it for that and i think that even as grown men
if you told them it's like testosterone tuesday i'm
like oh testy testy tuesday yeah it kind
of rolls off the tongue a little bit it kind of makes sense it does there's
(08:52):
like the potential for jokes there's absolutely un unending for adults so i
would imagine for and i'll and i say this coming from last week i just taught
about the reproductive systems to rooms full of boys so very much heard some
some of the testy jokes and right gentlemen they're not They're not balls.
They're testicles. And he said the word.
(09:15):
So, yes, very much was aware of.
What these guys were going to do. So here's a question, and this is a bit of
a rabbit hole, but I mean, my podcast is going to be full of rabbit holes.
It's just the way, this is what happens when somebody with ADD leads the conversation, right?
And the other person has ADD too. Right. Well, and now I forgot what I was going to ask.
(09:37):
ADD strikes again. Oh, is doing teaching human reproduction in a scientific
way easier in a classroom of all boys?
Is or do you think it would be easier in
because you've not had the opportunity to teach that in a co-ed setting
right i have not taught it in a co-ed setting when i
taught the seventh grade i taught math in the
(09:58):
co-ed setting i taught science in the fifth grade and we weren't going to cover
that in the fifth grade no science but i i
do it gives honestly it gives me a comfort because i
i know the perspective that they're coming from and and
the way i approach it and this is how i tell the parents because
i tell the parents from the beginning of the year just so you're aware this conversation
will be happening and my my little
(10:20):
phrase that i use is i'm going to teach them the
parts of the car we're not going to talk about how to drive ah i like that analogy
a lot yeah so we really focus on the the the the mechanisms and because i i've
i teach life science especially so for the seventh graders and my principal
this year had us read a book
(10:42):
called start with why and originally i was reading the book and it was very
much about business and businessmen i was like i'm not really getting this until
they started getting into basically there's three questions about why we about
things that we do it's how what and why.
And often we start with what then we go to how and then the why kind of happens
if it's necessary and this whole book was about starting with why and so when
(11:05):
i started the year i i just said you you know what?
I'm going to start with why I'm going to teach them why we need to learn life science.
And the reason my why basically was to eat, to be, uh,
successful and thoughtful members of a community, we must first understand ourselves.
And, and I feel life science is a way to truly literally understand what makes
(11:30):
you function as a living thing.
Yeah. And so the reproduction I think is important for us to,
for these boys to understand.
Yes, you have these parts. Yes.
You've heard them as jokes for your entire lives. No, they're not jokes.
And in, I start every section when I, when I do this as a guy,
everybody, we're going to say penis and then we're going to giggle.
And then we're going to be done.
Then we go one, two, three, and we all say it. And then we go through all the,
(11:53):
we'd say the guys, we're going to, we're going to come at this like sciences and we're going to talk.
And I do tell them, I was like, if you want to have questions,
ask me if I don't feel comfortable answering. I'll tell you that if I don't
know it, I'll tell you that.
And, and I do tell them, I said, but trust me, boys, I understand.
I know when you're asking a question for entertainment factor and we'll have
(12:14):
a conversation about that later. But I said, ask me any question you have, ask me any question.
And if I can answer it and I feel comfortable answering it, I will answer it.
And, and I feel like that helps them settle because honestly,
they all want to know about this stuff, but it's got the such taboo thing that
even most parents don't even want to talk about the function and the parts.
(12:34):
Yeah. And so I feel like it's something important and the boys,
they, they really dig into it.
They, they, they feel, I feel like they leave,
like they understand themselves a little bit bit better um and it's
like maybe a part of them that's always been
kind of considered a joke maybe it's not something it's like i understand myself
a little bit better now yeah and and we do talk about the female reproductive
(12:55):
system as well and we talk about the menstrual cycle
and we talk about all this stuff and and then we even get into child development
and pregnancy we have we talk about some hard stuff we talk about some stuff
that they some words that they've heard that maybe they don't know what they
are and and i try to give them the context to understand yeah well and i think
too I knew that that offer at the beginning of.
(13:17):
You know, we're going to come at this as scientist. You ask me whatever you
want to ask me and I will honestly answer as well as I can. If I don't know the answer, I'll own it.
And, you know, we'll get a word in and get a giggle out on the front end and
then we'll pivot and we'll get serious about this.
Absolutely. I can't imagine trying to do that effectively in a co-ed setting.
(13:39):
I think I would feel not the way I approach it. Yeah.
And I think the way that you're approaching and it sounds like
for middle school boys is kind of
the way to approach it i do want to ask so
i get the same question asked every single class that i ever teach us and i
teach this three times a semester so six times a year i teach this lesson i'm
(14:02):
gonna see if maybe you can ask think about the one question that i get every
single class from all boys i I,
I genuinely can't think of what it would be.
Why does it hurt so bad to get hit down there? That tracks.
And we have an actual, we just learned about the endocrine system and the nervous
(14:22):
system. We talk about how the testes are big balls of nerves.
And of course, every once in a while, kids are like, he said balls,
but big, big balls of nerves, big balls of nerves.
And I tell them, I said, and they're the only endocrine, they're the only glands
in any human body, male or female, that are outside the body cavity.
And I tell them, if someone were able to punch you directly in the pancreas,
(14:45):
it would hurt just as bad.
How interesting. But it is the only glands that don't have the protection.
And to hear them go, oh, it actually makes sense.
Yeah, like you say that a lot, and that's my immediate reaction.
I was like, yeah, yeah, like if my kidney was unprotected and it got sucker
punched, I'd probably double over on the ground as well.
And then they ask, well, why does it go up your stomach? And I tell them it's
(15:06):
because your nervous system is like, what on earth just happened?
Let's have a systems check. Are everything still there?
And it's really helpful, like watching the faces of that makes so much sense.
And then i always follow it up with i do want to give y'all a piece of information
from a man to young man never tell a woman it's worse than childbirth yeah because you're wrong yeah,
(15:31):
i say take that pain multiply it times 10 and then do it for 20 hours yeah yeah
they don't know try to live i try to give them the try to live a little bit
a little bit of wisdom with the with the knowledge yeah yeah i think i don't
know if we've talked about it on a previous episode here, or if I'm thinking
of something from our men's group,
but wisdom is the life application of knowledge.
(15:55):
So for you to give that to me, like, all right, I'm going to give you this knowledge.
It's on you to make it wisdom things to not say to your wife. Absolutely.
But anyway, so let's back up out of that rabbit hole.
So toolbox Tuesday, which was original, originally testosterone testosterone
Tuesday and that got dialed back.
So, so what was, what was the original concept for toolbox Tuesday?
(16:19):
What was the purpose behind it? So, so the way this whole thing started is I,
I helped lead the summer camp program at the school as well.
And I, I might, like I said before, I'm an Eagle scout.
And when we were, my buddy and I were trying to decide what we wanted to teach
in the summer camp, I said, I want to, let's do some outdoor skills.
Let's teach them some stuff.
And so these are third graders through seventh graders, rising third 3rd through
(16:41):
7th. And I was like, you know what? We're going to start fires.
And we took them out and we taught them flint and steel. We're starting fires.
And it's like, we're going to roast some marshmallows up on the fires we started.
And then we got in and we taught them how to tie some knots,
how to build some shelters and taught them how to cook a beautiful cobbler in
a Dutch oven. Like every boy scout knows how to do.
And, and I, I had some extra cobbler and I took it into.
(17:05):
My principal at the time who not only one of the best administrators I've ever worked for,
but one of the best men i've known and a name to match his name is loyal murphy
wow fantastic name fantastic man and i brought him in some cobbler because he
was working during the summer,
and i said and he he ate it he was like how'd you make this i was out in the
(17:25):
dutch oven but he's like you're teaching all that stuff and he came out the
next day and was kind of taking a part of of watching what we were doing and
getting in there because it's kind of he goes and every summer he goes to horse
ranches and that's just the kind of guy he is and he says to me just kind of
a passing comment. He said.
Our boys need to know this. This is stuff our boys need to know.
(17:45):
And it was when he said it, he and I both looked at each other and it was just
that light bulb moment of you are right.
They need to know this and they're not getting it. And, and because the school
that I'm at is all the boys are very much involved.
They're in all kinds of sports. They're in all kinds of clubs and there are
(18:06):
a few in scouting, but not as many as there.
I wish there were. and so there's a lot of them not getting this type of information
and so it kind of spiraled into.
Okay let's teach some of these skills these soft skills these skills that,
used to be just ingrained in the life of a child and are not anymore and how
(18:30):
can we do it so we started looking at first of all is it possible can we fit
it in our schedule in our schedule we We had basically four assemblies in a
week and we say, you know what? We can lose a couple of those.
We got a lot of this going on. And so we were looking, okay, how could we do it?
And we found out Tuesdays and the first idea was manhood Mondays. That was the original.
And then we couldn't quite get it on Mondays. So then we moved it to Tuesdays
(18:54):
and, and we came up again, Nick's the first name and went with toolbox,
trying to put toolbox tools in the toolbox of life.
(19:16):
Mm-hmm.
And so is loyal, by the way, he was an alum from MUS and he's been there for
over 30 years now and just phenomenal man.
And we were starting, I was like, okay, cool.
Outdoor stuff. Cool. And then we started thinking, you know what?
They know how to change a tire.
Yeah. They're not learning that. You know, we, I work at a school that's,
that's has a lot of wealthier families and, and a lot of these families,
(19:39):
they don't even have the idea.
Let me turn, change a tire. It's let me call someone. and and
it's like that's great if you have those means but what happens no cell
service what happens if you're on the side of a mountain or
like you're just stuck and so it's okay well
they're not learning that okay what else oh well sewing they
don't know how to like these are skills that things are just done for them and
(20:00):
so we started making this list of what are some life skills that if they left
our school not only are they going to be prepared for college in the classroom
but they're going to be prepared for life on their own life in the college setting.
In many other ways yeah and we kind
of decided we narrowed it down to six basic categories and
(20:24):
that was home skills etiquette cooking outdoor skills auto maintenance and home
improvement and those were kind of our six categories then we kind of like all
right what does that mean,
what can we break it down even further and so Home Improvement they go to our
(20:46):
theater and they go to our theater shop who our theater shop is run by an Eagle Scout who,
spends his entire summers every year at Philmont.
And we said, okay, what do boys need to know?
What are some things in home improvement that are just basic that they need
to know that we can't assume they know because we've learned they don't.
(21:06):
And it's how do you operate a drill? Yeah. How do you change bits?
How do you put a screw drill hole, put in a screw and how to use a socket set? Yeah.
And we got these boys on the stage and they bring in older theater students
and they come in and these theater students,
these old, again, all boys that have come to this program and teach
(21:27):
them those those older students teach them how to do
it and they all get a drill in their hand and they put these boards apart take
them apart put them back together drill a bigger hole put
a bolt in it all this stuff over and they get 20 and the
crazy part is they're only doing this 20 minutes at a
time 20 minutes every two
weeks is what our program is because again we have
(21:47):
such a full schedule it's hard to do too much but we
have found that that is getting them it's not
everything it's not perfect but it does allow every single one of
them to put their hands on everything do you
find that that 20 minutes every two weeks because like
you said it's getting a lot in but it's not getting everything do
you feel like it what's their appetite to do a
(22:08):
little self-learning on their own to figure out some of the next steps
yeah absolutely and and that's one of the
things that we're kind of working on now is how do we kind of help
provide them the next step and and so we're working on that now and and we've
added in some more stuff so last this is my my set we're finishing up our second
year of the program my first year we did this only with our eighth grade students
(22:29):
again it was more about finding it a manageable way to do it by also.
Not needing too much teacher involvement because teachers
were they're so it's so they're so busy and there's do
so many important things that it's hard
to ask them to do too much more and so i wanted to find a
way that we could do this to maximize and
(22:52):
be efficient enough with teacher involvement that nobody is getting overstressed
nobody's getting burnt out and so we started small and then this year we actually
added we changed it up a little bit and we started adding in some programming
with our seventh graders including some financial planning talks and And etiquette,
how to act on a date, how to act at a restaurant, type talks,
how to dress, talks, tying ties, things like that.
(23:17):
It's, it's, yeah, we only get 20 minutes with them, but they are so engaged in those 20 minutes.
It's, it's really impressive because it's obvious they are desperate to learn these things.
They're desperate to, to better themselves and they, and they understand why they're learning it.
And, and I think that's so important in, and to watch these kids in the kind
(23:38):
of culture that we have of this.
If it's not a technology, I don't care type thing. And watching these kids get
a flint and steel in their hand.
And strike a fire and watch them there is not an
app for that there is not if you're out in the
middle of nowhere and you got to start a fire there's not
an app you can pull up on your phone that's going to start a fire for you absolutely
(23:59):
and then there's not yeah i mean you might be able to order food but i so the
the group that i lead personally is cooking and and we we cook for two weeks
the first day we learn how to cook an omelet cheese omelet and the next day
next one we We made cacio e pepe,
and that's a little simple pasta dish. Very simple, but it can be impressive.
(24:20):
So basically, it's the idea of if you can make an omelet, you can survive.
If you can make pasta, you can press a date.
I've had so many times this year, hey, my mom's birthday. I made dinner for my mom.
Made grilled chicken, chopped it up, made pasta. We made pasta.
Or, hey, I made my family breakfast this morning.
(24:41):
It's one of the best things. things here in these groups because you hear in
the media we talk about all these kids they're all they're so unengaged they
don't want to do this and to hear a kid come up to an adult,
and brag about the cooking they did or into brag, Mr.
Blackwell, my mom got a flat tire and I fixed it. I changed her tire for, and, and all this stuff.
And just the, the ownership that it's almost like they're getting ownership of their lives.
(25:05):
And it's like ownership of their environment and, and the, the pride they feel is so cool.
You know, you bring up a really good point there. And I, I don't know if I've
never thought about this before, but I think part of the problem that we're
seeing in our society right now is we're not giving the opportunity for young
men to take ownership of their lives soon enough.
I think there's a lot of guys that don't take ownership of their life until
(25:30):
they're 18, 19, 20 years old.
And at that point, that learning curve is so steep.
Because now you're not just figuring out how to make an omelet or change a tire.
On top of all those things, you're also trying to figure out how to pay bills.
Like it's hard to go to a grocery store and do
(25:52):
effective shopping if you don't know how to do
effective cooking right and and if you
don't know how to go to a grocery store and do effective
shopping because you don't know how to be an effective cook then
how are you ever going to have an effective budget and all of
a sudden you've got a whole generation of dudes that are
uber eating their way through their 20s and then
(26:14):
they get married and they become a husband and a a dad
and they're like i don't know what i'm doing yep
how it's it's interesting there's so many
things that came to mind and again my add brain and not
writing any of this down i'll try to keep up with it let's go all the way back
to boy scouts yep because i'm an eagle scout just like you were or are oh yeah
(26:35):
okay kind of like the marines right yeah once you're i was a boy scout i am
an eagle scout oh yeah so i'm the same way i was i was an eagle scout am an eagle scout out,
was very involved in scouting all the way through until actually the year that
I got married because I worked out west every summer guiding backpacking trips.
What has happened to the scouting program that it no longer is filling that void of training men?
(27:01):
And I don't know that this is true for all troops, but it does seem like that
as an organization, the Boy Scouts of America or scouting or whatever it's branded
as now has lost some degree of masculine authority.
Am I am I incorrect there? Do you think that that's true of the current?
The idea what i what i have thought about something i've thought about before
(27:21):
because like i said i have a son and my idea is do
i originally when early on as
a scout and an eagle when i got my eagle i
it was a done deal my kids doing scouting and
that whenever i have i have a son if i'm blessed with a son he's
going to be a scout yep and and i said even
if he doesn't finish it the stuff you learn in that program and
(27:42):
i was talking talking to your your kids this afternoon noon
about it the number one thing i learned in boy scouts and
everyone's like oh not tying fire science like nope interviewing really
learned how to interview those board of reviews those those
scout count those scout leader conferences you're 100
right i never even thought about that i absolutely
that is the number one thing that i learned from scouting and
(28:05):
i i am so grateful to that because it has allowed me to be confident in interviews
in those type of situations and and even in a situation like this where we're
we're we're having a conversation open and i one of the first times i ever did
that was with a scoutmaster in a in a scoutmaster conference.
(28:25):
And and so everybody's like oh yeah but do you really need to learn how to be
an outdoorsman do you really need to know but you learn so much more from the
program and yeah and the issue i see,
now because i i don't know if i i'm definitely not as gung-ho about it and i
don't even know if I want, but it's this idea of,
And honestly, I think it can be said by a lot of things. They care way too much
(28:46):
what everybody else is thinking.
And they care too much about what do I look like instead of what am I.
The scouting program is now more focused on looking good instead of being good.
And there have been some organizations and places of work that I've been at
that once I figured out that that's what their philosophy was, I left. Yeah.
(29:12):
And if you are good, you look good. But I think there are groups,
and I think scouting is one of them, that cares too much about looking good
and less about being good.
You know, we've got, I've got a guy named Eric that's going to be on the podcast
here in a few weeks. And as soon as that one launches, I'll let you know.
Because Eric is the gentleman that has started the thing at our church called Troops of St.
(29:37):
George. Mm But if you look at the requirements within Troops of St.
George, it resonates very deeply with what you and I are talking about and things
(29:58):
that I go, I sort of learned that ancillarily through Boy Scouts,
but not directly like this.
Like one of the requirements for my youngest son's grade.
Ninth grade or ninth grade nine years
old is be able to
identify the different types of drill bits and
what they are used for i did not know that in third grade that's pretty stinking
(30:22):
cool for i got i got lucky i i my grandfather was a master craftsman so i i
did know that but i know that i i recognized that that was rare yeah and that's
that's a great thing to learn and yeah and And to be taught.
And it's one of those that I think as men...
We can't assume that the boys around us are being taught things because they're
(30:43):
not. Yeah. And I think that's what people get sucked into.
It's well, I was taught it. So they must be, they must know it.
So, so I think that that's an interesting assumption because I assume the exact same thing.
And, and I think that, for example, my men's group that I'm a part of on Thursday
nights, I talk to them about on this podcast all the time because they're just
amazing dudes and they've helped craft me into the better version of myself than I am now.
(31:06):
But we're all cut
not from the same cloth but from at least similar kinds
of cloth like some of the guys are more capable in
the world of construction some of the guys are more capable in
the world of arts some of the guys are more capable in
the worlds of combat like
several of the guys that are there were either are or were professional like
(31:31):
carry they carried firearms arms occupationally whether it was military law
enforcement or whatever it's a broad spectrum of stuff but we all have had somewhat
similar outdoor experiences growing up and becoming young men.
And i made a
huge assumption that most men my age had
(31:52):
similar experiences growing up and felt capable to
pass that on as a legacy to their sons and it's just
not true it's just not true i had a a conversation with a
guy and i won't say who because i don't want
to embarrass him but we were talking about this whole like masculinity
thing and catching up and he
said you know i want to take my kids to go
(32:13):
do some of the things like you do with your boys but i don't know
how he's like josh i've never been camping before yeah and he's he's my age
he's mid 40s and he's never been camping before much less taking your kids camping
and i so i think that the beauty of what you're doing is that you're equipping
boys in middle school to not only be better boys now,
(32:35):
but better men in the future and better fathers to be, have this legacy to pass
on generation to generation to generation.
Cause right now that cycle is in at least some degree of brokenness.
Absolutely. And, and yeah, I know it sounds like, Oh, 20 minutes,
how much can you do in 20 minutes?
But 20 minutes is enough to light a spark and no, it doesn't work for all of
(32:55):
them, but the amount of them that come back, it's like, when are we doing toolbox
Tuesday again? When are we doing that?
I cook breakfast for the family. I did this. And it's, it's sparking an interest.
It's showing them you are capable of doing this.
You are capable of holding a pan and scraping it with a spatula and making food come out of it.
You, you are actually capable of providing sustenance for yourself.
(33:17):
And, and, and I do think that is something that, you know, you,
if you were in a classroom with me and you,
hear me use the word confidence all the time half of the issues that our students
have is confidence and it's confidence driven it's it's trust yourself i say
trust yourself all the time because.
(33:39):
Having the audacity to put yourself out there and take a risk isn't part of our society anymore.
No, it is not. And that is heartbreaking.
And that is something that I tell my boys all the time.
The only true failure is a failure to try. I will never one time get mad at
you for getting a question wrong as long as you try.
(34:01):
Let me tell you the greatest vote of confidence that scouting ever got in my world.
And it came from an unexpected source from
somebody that didn't even know they were complimenting scouting or
me but it's one it's it's funny i'm at
an age now where i realized the the memories that are etched into
my mind are etched there for a reason and so i didn't pay attention to this
(34:22):
memory until just a couple of years ago i was a sophomore in high school i was
not a super confident dude for most of high school if i'm honest but i knew
what my my own abilities were outside of high school.
Like I knew how to sharpen a knife, how to tie knot, how to do the camping thing.
(34:44):
At that point, I'd already been to Philmont once or twice.
So I knew that I could go out into the back country for six,
seven, eight days at a time. And with a little bit of support, be able to be okay.
But it was just one of those small things. And so here's the scenario is there,
the cheerleaders from the school are decorating for a dance and And they're
(35:04):
trying to get a banner to go up into one of those hanging ceilings that's got the floating tiles.
And it's just not working. Like it's either not holding in place correctly or
it's not, it's not, it doesn't have the right like arch or like aesthetically
it was weird and stuff like that.
(35:27):
And what helped the situation for me is that the girl that was trying to tie
this thing up was relatively short.
Even, even as a sophomore, I was a tall dude at like six foot and I was walking
by. She was like, Josh, can you do this?
I was like, yeah, what are you trying to do? And she explained,
well, we want this to go this way and do that, but it needs to have this arch
and we can't get it right. And he keeps falling down and all that.
(35:49):
And I kind of looked at what they were doing.
And so I took the paper clip that they were trying to use to hang this thing
up, bend bent it around like a hook, hung it, tied a taut line hitch to make
it adjustable and slid it until it looked right and turned around.
And I said, how's that?
And it took me maybe 20 seconds to
(36:11):
assess the situation and come up with a solution that fixed the problem.
And her response was, Josh, you are going to make a really good husband someday. Okay.
Now I didn't feel particularly validated by that as a sophomore in high school,
because I was like, that's great.
Can't get a date, but I have a waiting list of people that are like,
(36:32):
Hey, if we're not married by the time we're 40, let's get married.
It's like getting in line, hon. There's like 10 people ahead of you.
But I do think it is a testament to that generation.
You're in my generation of scouting skills that these things,
even though they may not be necessary for day to today's survival. Like they're handy.
In the, in the confidence that it brings you, you know, I go back.
(36:55):
So I don't know how far much, you know, I've even talked about this.
I was bullied severely in middle school. Mm hmm.
The point i i changed schools i was bullied severely
and had some dark dark moments dark
thoughts and this was during my scouting time and
i also played sports but scouting and the
successes that i was having in scouting gave me
(37:18):
the confidence to know that i am who i am i'm a good dude i'm i'm who i am and
that other people are putting me down not for who i am but for who who they
are because i know who i i started figuring out who i was through scouting and that.
To be honest with you i'm kind of scared to think about if
(37:39):
i didn't have that confidence through scouting where i would
be you know because there was some really dark
feelings that was going on and the confidence that
i was developing in scouting that i could go and
start a fire faster than anybody else in my
troop and i could do life saving and carry
a dude by myself up a mountain and beat
(38:00):
a team of guys racing and i
could go down and do lifeguard and carry a bowling
ball down across the bottom of a lake and back up oh
wow it allowed me to to trust who i was and be confident who i was and not and
i learned the ability to turn off caring about what people said if i didn't
(38:21):
want to yeah and that wouldn't have been possible without starting to figure
out who I was through scouting and, and the successes and the, those,
those kinds of ordeals that we go through in scouting.
And it, and that's something that's, I mean, it's one of the reasons why middle
school became my degree is in middle school education.
And, and is there, I don't know that I knew that it was that specific that you
(38:42):
were that dialed in on it.
And that, that specificity came from your maturing as a young man via scouting
in those middle school years. And, and seeing that.
Now I did have those teachers that were there for me and how much they were,
how big they were, especially the male teachers I had.
I had great female teachers as well, but there was just something about a male
(39:05):
teacher who can see your perspective in that moment when you're trying to figure out who you are. Yeah.
And scouting really, truly, and I talk about confidence, but scouting did bring that confidence.
Yeah. Like, let me know who that confidence was because I, even when I switched
schools, I I stayed kind of the introvert and, and, and I'd tell people all
the time that if you described who I am now to anyone at my high school,
(39:26):
they would not guess me in a hundred guesses.
Same. I am the, I was an absolute introvert. I did not talk and Josh knows me
well enough. I don't, I don't like to stop talking.
I taught, I'll talk everybody's ears off. And that was not who I was in high school.
And, and, but I got to the point that I didn't care. I didn't need other people
(39:46):
to make me feel better about myself because I knew who I was.
You know, I'm, I'm not a small fella. And what a lot of my, the people around
me didn't know is, is I was one of the strongest people to ever walk through
that school, but would also help me. I didn't have to gloat about that.
Yeah. I didn't have to puff up my chest and act like a bully and act like a big, bad, strong guy.
(40:13):
Cause I, I knew who I was and that identity come, a lot of it came from scouting
and learning to be confident in myself. Yeah.
Especially since we're, we're not doing video podcasts at this point,
I think it's important to do a brief description, right?
So like for, for frame of reference, I'm like right at
six feet tall and I'm probably 195
(40:36):
195 pounds right now which actually i've i've
picked up 10 pounds from i've
shifted my my lifting to heavier weights and
lower reps about a month and a half ago and i picked up 10
pounds so that to me right now
is six foot 195 pounds and you are i
i am six three around three about three to about 350 and and a lot of that it's
(41:04):
i'm not as strong as i once was but i used to be a 600 pound squatter 450 bencher
you could squat six you could bench 450 yeah good lord dude.
You could i i'm in my i'm doing
the math real quick in my head i think that you could bench all of my
children at once yeah at that point that's madness
(41:24):
it was one of those things i got to college i had a buddy who who when we just
put it this way drove when he shouldn't have driven and parked where he shouldn't
have parked and and would have gotten a ticket if not worse if i had not moved
his car i picked up the rear end of his car and moved it so he was in his parking spot,
there's a small car it's a ford aspire but but it's still a car.
(41:49):
It's still a, it's still a vehicle with four wheels that has doors and a roof.
It's like you moved his motorcycle for him. Exactly. But that's the thing.
What I say that is nobody in my high school knew that except for the two or
three guys who worked out with me with a football team.
And I didn't, because I didn't care about it. You know, that's,
(42:09):
that's the thing you think, you think of a high school boy, man,
if he gets 600, the entire world will know about, especially today is social media world.
Old you'll see three different tiktoks about it if someone
hits 600 pounds nobody knew that
i could do that because i didn't need them to yeah and
i think that's something that's missing in our society today is why does it
matter what everybody thinks yeah i mean if you know who you are you you're
(42:33):
not reliant on everybody else you know and i think that's a big deal it's it's
it's it's something that saved me
like i said in middle school and it's something that i hold on to now Now,
cause I've, I've, I get doubts and anxieties all the time.
You know, you know, my, my father passed away, grandfathers passed away.
And I had a moment where I was, I started questioning who I was and,
(42:55):
and one of the programs that kind of got me back into it was leading those summer
camps and getting back into and showing these kids how to start a fire and these
things that I did as a kid.
And it kind of helped recenter me. Yeah. One of the phrases that I've been chewing on for a while now,
(43:15):
and I think that I may actually, I recently announced that we're actually probably
next summer going to be doing a forging of men retreat because I can try to
equip young men all day long.
But if I equip the fathers to equip the young men, then the sphere of influences grows drastically.
(43:35):
But one one of the phrases that came to mind was turning pain into purpose.
And, and there's another episode I'll release here soon that,
that a friend of mine addressed that pretty directly where it was just like,
part of, part of being a man is knowing how to pick up heavy things and put them back down again.
(43:59):
And I would like to add also, I think part of being a man is if you can't pick up that heavy thing,
being okay saying i need help yes
and i think that's a part that sometimes gets glazed over and it's okay to ask
for help yeah it's not making it's not an unmanly thing it's i know who i am
(44:22):
and i'm not going to hurt myself and put myself at risk for my family to be.
Try to be something i'm not yeah i love
toolbox tuesday i i think i think the concept
is brilliant i also think that it's really cool that it's become integrated
into part of the regular school schedule because teachers are
busy students are busy i think the
(44:43):
setting of it being in a an all.
Boys school helps but do you think that if
there was a co-ed middle school that wanted to adopt a
toolbox tuesday program that it would transfer into that
environment well the the all-girls school that we're right.
Next to has already approached me about trying to start a.
Program or or how could they start a program.
(45:03):
Like ours and it's and it's because it's
yeah we it's young men and we want them but it's it's young
people young people need to be able to have the confidence to
do these things and well you know
we actually have i got a trailer donated to
the program or so these boys are actually putting taking a tire
iron and taking a lug nut off and taking a tire off and
(45:25):
then putting it back and the first thing i hear was taking a
lug off off is hard like yeah yeah
it is yeah and and then they're like
i thought i could just just kind of twist it off it's like i was
like i had to kick the thing i had to stand on it to
get it's like yeah you're tricked congratulations it's
one it's one of the questions on the man card and you're filling that
(45:47):
that application out is you're parked on the side of the road trying to remove
a flat tire and you're having trouble getting the lug nut off what do
you do it brings me it makes me think of the big bang theory episode
they they take richard feinman's van
and it's all these physicists get stuck with
a flat tire and they're doing everything from a lever
to compel shocking hitting with
(46:08):
a hammer and shock and then they they decide oh
you can't be you can't be stuck if you're liquid and then they catch the van
on fire but it's doing all these being willing to try something else instead
of but but what i was so impressed when that boy said that to me is like you
didn't give up yeah like no i needed i had to get the tire off i was like yeah you're right.
(46:32):
And and there's so many of them that we've been like i couldn't do it so i didn't
yeah and but it was like no you're in a race because they race them they like
hey who can get off the tire are the fastest.
And as soon as you say race to these boys, it's, oh, right.
Yeah. Whatever you need, let's do it. And it's impressive in the watch and.
(46:54):
It's a lot of fun. And I do want to add something that you said about turning
pain into, what was it? Pain into?
Pain into purpose. Pain into purpose. And so one of the reasons I decided I
wanted to teach at an all-boys school was my father.
My father went to an all-boys school, and he talked forever about the brotherhood of an all-boys school.
(47:16):
School and and i know for a fact if if uh where i grew up had an all-boys school
no matter what denomination it was that's where i would have been yeah and and
i lost my father in 2018 and,
i'm going to try not to get emotional i apologize but my father my dad was very
important to you and me and both but i started trying to figure out who i was
(47:38):
for a couple years and i started realizing it kind of kept coming up that this
this brotherhood idea the giving back to boys and And being able to pass on,
cause, cause I lost my father, both my grandfathers, and then,
uh, another male role model.
That was the first, first football coach who hired me as a football coach all
passed in about a two and a half year span, right.
(47:58):
When I was having a son and it kind of become this thing where,
where that was one of the first times in my life of all the things that happened
since I was in middle school, that my confidence got shaken.
And, and it was, and I started kind of questioning, it was doing the right thing.
Am I doing, am I the one that's supposed to be doing this? Am I capable of this?
And it finally got in my head about this opportunity to boy school and they
(48:21):
had an opening and I, and I went after it.
And my first year there, I, it got to my dad's birthday and anniversary was passing.
And I said, okay, do I just hide it and pretend like everything's fine?
Or am I open with these boys?
And I, and I, or am I tell them, Hey, I don't know what's going to happen.
Happen you know it was the the second year of the second birthday that my dad of a dad had been gone,
(48:47):
and i looked my boys in the eyes and said i have no
clue how i will be and i said i am
not excited about this day i am sad i am probably gonna cry and if i walk out
of this room for a minute just be patient i'll be back and i said i also i might
be okay but i don't know and and i was very open with them and telling them
(49:08):
that this is how it is. I'm sad.
I'm anxious. I'm terrified. And that's all okay.
And a young man came up to me and said, Mr. Blackwell, I don't know if you knew
this. My father died three months ago.
The first adult that ever told me it was okay to be
sad wow and man
(49:28):
and it was that that click of a moment of i
am who i am i am where i'm supposed to be all of this all of this lack of confidence
all of the shakiness all of this anxiety which i still feel was for a reason
and if if i just helped that one he was like you were the first adult to ever
tell me it was okay to be sad
(49:50):
he said everybody tells me i'll get oh you'll get better it'll get better it'll get better,
he's like you're the first one to say i'm still i am sad it's terrible and i'll get over it.
I'm okay it's okay to be sad and he came to me and then the same thing when
it was the anniversary of the day he passed i again i told him the guys i don't
know i don't know what i'm gonna be like,
(50:11):
sometimes i'm fine there's honestly times that one photo pops up on facebook
and i'm eating lunch or something and i texted co-worker i was like hey can
you get class started for me because i am crying yeah i'm having a fit right
and i come in and i tell the boys guys i'm sorry i'm late.
I i got i got really overwhelmed by a picture of
missing my dad and i couldn't come up here i apologize and
(50:33):
then i've decided that trying that
you know and i hadn't heard the phrase you use the turning pain into purpose
but i feel like that's what i was trying to do is i'm i'm feeling
this pain and i feel like it's my purpose
that to help these boys and these men understand yes
you can be masculine you can also be
emotional yeah and i think it's hard to be masculine
(50:55):
without trusting your emotions and feeling your emotions
but we live in a society where that really is
one or the other well and it's it's such a deeply polarizing
thing right like the idea of somebody that does both
well i'm a big fan of john level
who's a he's got a really interesting story i
think you would like him a lot because he was an army ranger
(51:17):
and then when he left the army and he was one of those guys that wasn't in for
super long but he was in at a time where he did a lot yeah and uh and then he
graduated college where he met his wife and right after they got married he
was an international missionary for several years like all of his kids were
actually born overseas,
but he created a society and it's called the Warrior Poet Society.
(51:41):
And it's the idea that in order to be a good man and a good father and a good
leader, you do have to be capable of being the warrior, but you also have to
be capable of being the poet.
And I feel like that we live in a society right now where if you're the warrior,
you're labeled as toxic.
(52:01):
And if you're the poet, you're labeled as a sissy and maybe you need to identify as a girl instead.
And the most well-rounded people I know are men that do both.
Music.
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