Get visible without fear with Dani Wallace

One of the biggest fears of any business owner is putting yourself out there.

Whether it’s on socials or public speaking you must overcome the fear. Your business needs you to.

That’s exactly what the incredible Dani Wallace, my guest in this episode, supports business owners to do. Embrace your uniqueness, overcome the fear and share your greatness with the world.

Dani believes we all have gifts that we need to share. We are here to serve others and there is nothing wrong with making money doing so.

We delve into the themes of self-sabotage, community building, and the challenges we all face in overcoming self-doubt.

 

You can do it.

 

You can embrace who you are and become the beautiful, wonderful business owner you have the potential to be, and share that with the world.

 

“It’s about creating connection and serving people”– Dani

 

You’ll hear about:

 

00:00 - The Importance of Visibility and Connection

03:04 - Building Community and Safe Spaces

05:58 - Overcoming Visibility Challenges

08:57 - The Role of Ego in Business

12:10 - Navigating Public Speaking Fears

18:13 - Creating Safety in Visibility

24:13 - Finding Authenticity in Business

32:28 - Overcoming Self-Sabotage

37:19 - Finding Your Community

41:59 - Embracing Your Weirdness

43:50 - Understanding Introversion and Extroversion

48:53 - Identifying Your Unique Value

56:41 - The Importance of Overcoming Fear

 

Connect with Dani:

 

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamthequeenbee/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thequeenbeedani/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thequeenbeedani

Iatqb Website - https://www.iatqb.com/

 

Get tickets to The BIG Festoon - https://linktr.ee/thebigfestoon

 

Connect with me:

 

My website - https://leaturner.co.uk/

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/lea-turner/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/leaturnerholt

 

Find out about The HoLT:

 

The HoLT - https://www.the-holt.com/

The HoLT on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/company/theholt

The HoLT on Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/theholtcommunity/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/theholtcommunity 

The Vault - https://www.the-holt.com/vault

 

Join The Holt waiting list - https://www.the-holt.com/waitlist

 

This podcast is sponsored by QDos. Use the code LEA10 at the checkout to get your discount when signing up - https://my.qdoscontractor.com/code/10255/115219 

Episode Transcript

Dani Wallace (00:00):
People want to be

(00:01):
seen and heard and when you are
and we go right back to the
beginning. Now to this, you've
got a gift. Who are you not to
share it, that you get to
provide that human need within
somebody of significance. You're
here. You created this business
to help people. And who are you
not to do it? Take your ego out.
Stop thinking it's about you.
It's not it's about your values,

(00:22):
creating that connection and
serving your people. And when
you settle into that, it's so
much easier to be visible,
because it's not about you
anymore.

Lea Turner (00:42):
Hi, Dani Wallace,
welcome to The HoLT Survival
Guide for Small Businesses. I'm
really excited about this
conversation because we've known
each other a couple of years
now, and we'll touch on how our
relationship started, I think.
But before we get into it and
the giggling starts. I know

Unknown (01:03):
I'm really struggling
already. I'm being

Lea Turner (01:05):
really serious as
well. Like, I'm being serious,
professional version of me. I

Unknown (01:09):
mean, you have to be
serious. It's even worse. You
don't have, like, shake it out a
minute.

Lea Turner (01:13):
We don't have to be
serious. I'm fine, and you're
absolutely fine to swear. So
that's fine. We've already got
the parental thing for me, so
it's fine. So before we get into
the good stuff, yeah, I mean,
this is good stuff, but tell us,
tell our listeners, our
watchers, who you are and what
you do.

Unknown (01:32):
So I am Dani Wallace
and I'm the queen bee, which is
a ridiculously audacious
statement to make, and it's
actually much less about me and
much more about the community
that I've created. I'm an
international celebrity public
speaking coach, which sounds
really wonky, but it's true. So
I help people, particularly from
marginalized genders and
backgrounds, take up space,

(01:54):
using their superpower hidden in
plain sight, their voice. So as
part of that, I am very lucky
that I run one of the fastest
growing business and personal
development events here in the
UK, The Big Festoon, where we
help people from lots of
different backgrounds. We create
safe spaces to have
conversations that matter about
life and business. Because as

(02:14):
well, you know, and we talk
about this often when you're an
entrepreneur and when you own a
business, the two are very
inextricably linked, and the
more safe spaces that we have
now more than ever, to have
conversations that are centered
in success and also acknowledge
our lived experience, the better.

Lea Turner (02:31):
Yeah, and I had no
idea who you are. Well, not
because I'm famous, but we move
in different circles in terms of
business, or we did because you
were very much you were very
much. You built your brand on
Facebook and sort of Instagram
as well, whereas I built my
brand on LinkedIn. And until
that point, our paths hadn't
crossed, no but when they did

(02:53):
cross, I remember seeing you. So
we were atomicon, and we were
both speaking on the same stage,
and it was my first ever big
speaking gig, and you knew I was
nervous. You could tell and I
could feel it from you across
the room, I think, like I was
not I'm not good at hiding my
nerves. I'm not good at hiding
my feelings, despite the Botox,

(03:14):
like I still have my feelings
written all over my face. And
you grabbed me and You dragged
me up on that stage, and you
were like, feel what it feels
like. And immediately I was
like, this is a person I need in
my life, because you've got a
real exceptional warmth about
you and an accepting nature of
who people are and the way they

(03:35):
show up in the world. There's
something immediately that you
feel from you when when you meet
you. And I was lucky enough to
go to The Big Festoon in March,
and not gonna lie, I was really
overwhelmed. It's a lot, it's a
lot, but in the nicest way,
everyone was lovely. It was very
like some of the talks, like I
had tears in my eyes. They were

(03:56):
really, really moving, but
everybody just seemed to get
along. And you know, I resonate
with that, because that's the
same with my membership
community. It's all about
including people, but one of the
things that you're exceptionally
good at is helping business
owners to show up in the world
as they are, get visible and get

(04:16):
comfortable with being visible.
Yeah, I am not comfortable with
my visibility, or I've become
more comfortable, but it was a
real struggle for me. And I
think I'm not alone. You're almost

Unknown (04:27):
accidentally visible.
Like, yeah, it's not something
that wasn't the intention when
you set out, right is, oh, I'm
gonna be super famous, so I'm
gonna be and I'm joking when I
say, How dare you not know who I
am. It's a running joke, like in
my community, where, as part of
my growing visibility is, I
would go into rooms where nobody
knew me, and I'd sit next to
somebody. I'd say, Listen, I've
got a favor to ask, like, don't

(04:49):
tell anybody, but I'm really
famous, and if people find out
that I'm here, it's gonna be
diabolical. Well, there's gonna
be the people gonna be queue up.
They're gonna want selfies.
They're gonna want autographs.
Don't tell anyone that I'm here.
And that person would go, what's
your Instagram handle? Go and
start to check me out, follow
me. And then I would walk away
from that conversation. They
would say to them, I've been sat

(05:09):
next to somebody called Dani
Wallace and the famous and then
through the room, that whisper
campaign would and that's kind
of how I built my audience. It
was intentional about about me
becoming more visible, whereas,
kind of conversely, with you is
you were showing up just being
you and doing you during COVID,

Lea Turner (05:27):
hidden behind a
computer screen, when the real
world didn't really exist,
right? Yeah.

Unknown (05:31):
And kind of just kind
of being a lighthouse, I think,
is probably the best way I would
describe the way that you are.
You don't it's not your
intention to go out there and
have everybody know who you are,
but what you tend to do is
because you speak so much sense
and so much common sense as
well. Like, it's like, come on,
people, let's just be normal.

(05:52):
Let's stop trying to be somebody
else here, and let's just accept
and embrace who we are. You end
up being a lighthouse by
default, because it gives people
permission, and people start to
instantly. You know, when you
said, like Dani, you've got this
way about you. I think one of
the things that brought us
together as friends is that we
do that in albeit in very
different ways. We do that very

(06:12):
thing for our communities. We
give permission by being
ourselves, by being unapologetic
about who it is that we are, how
we feel, whatever quirks we
have, we give people permission,
just by existing, just by being
ourselves, to do that for
themselves. And that's really
magnetic, really super, yeah,

Lea Turner (06:34):
and I, because I
have hundreds of people in our
in my community that are
business owners. There's often a
lot of resistance to use of
social media, posting selfies,
posting videos. There's a lot of
discomfort because they don't
want to be seen as as trying to

(06:55):
be attention seekers. Yeah, for
you can't be marketing your
business on the internet without
being an attention no one in the
history one in the history of
the internet has ever written on
the internet who hasn't wanted
attention. Seek attention.

Unknown (07:07):
That's the point of
marketing. Is to go and find
attention from your ideal people
and to move them toward you like
like we are, by default, we have
to

Lea Turner (07:15):
be. I always say, if
I didn't want attention, I'd
write in my diary. You would so.
But what I'm trying to get out,
I guess, is, what are the sort
of first steps if someone's
joined starting their own
business and they need to market
themselves online, right? They
don't have a massive budget to
be placing ads in magazines and
things like that. And even if

(07:36):
you do, you need to have your
face. When you are the business,
your face needs to be on it. And
there are people that say, Oh,
well, I don't really like I
don't look good in photos, and
no one wants to hear me speak.
I've got a weird voice. How what
do you say to people that gives
them that kick up the butt to
go? None of that matters. What
matters is because that

(07:56):
confidence to really take that
first step into visibility. So
there's a couple of layers.

Unknown (08:02):
a couple of things at
There's
play. Like, first of all, what
we tend to do, whether we like
it or not, we're very ego driven
beings, right? And our ego is
there to keep us safe. And what
we often misconstrue ego as is,
this, need to be the center of
attention. There's a difference
between wanting to be center of
attention and attracting

(08:22):
attention so that you can help
people. And when we're sitting
in ego like that, where it's
about you actually, you're not
really thinking about the real
thing here, which is helping the
people that you are here to
help. I am very lucky that I
move in circles where the
business owners that are in my
community, same as with your

(08:42):
community, I know very, very few
people that have created a
business who don't want to help
somebody, even if they're in a
product based business, if
they're in a service based
business, if they're in retail,
if they're in hospitality,
they're fixing something for
someone. If you think that
people buy things for five
different reasons, right? So
they buy things because it saves

(09:03):
the money, because it makes the
money, because it saves them
time, it sets them ahead of the
competition, or it creates an
experience for them that
enhances their life in some way,
shape or form. So be that by a
sense of community, be that
luxury, be whatever it is, but
they're really the five reasons
why people buy. And so when we
are a business owner, we're

(09:24):
fixing those problems for
somebody. And I was, I was on
the voice, so I'm a singer, as
well as some other bits and
pieces.

Lea Turner (09:32):
Just an all ramp. I
just

Unknown (09:34):
can't help it. He's
actually really centered in
trauma, you know, like

Lea Turner (09:38):
so I grew up all the
best things about us. The

Unknown (09:42):
trauma's got a lot to
answer for, and it's got a lot
to, you know, kind of not be
grateful if I would never be
grateful for for trauma, per se,
but I'm grateful my ability to,
yeah, to to utilize it to my
advantage now, and one of the so
I grew up in a space where
things. Like addiction and
domestic abuse were rife and
were an inherent part of the

(10:03):
information that I received as I
was growing up, and the
experiences that I had. And I
found that if I was performing,
if I was singing or I was making
people laugh, they weren't
arguing. So

Lea Turner (10:14):
you hear that story
on repeat, don't you from
comedians. If someone says
you're a comedian, you always
hear that, okay, but which one
of your parents was depressed?
Yeah, because it's

Unknown (10:22):
that argument. It's
that, are you okay? You're
funny. Are you all right,

Lea Turner (10:25):
there's something,
something wasn't right, yeah,
that's but that's the thing,
isn't it? That that need to make
people happy, that need to
please people, yeah, but
actually, that lends itself
really well to business. I mean,
we probably have to rein in the
people pleasing, because we end
up, for sure, killing ourselves
doing it. Yeah, but that need to
serve others, that need to help
people, is a good thing. Really,
it is a good thing, and

Unknown (10:46):
when harnessed. And I
think that, you know, as we talk
about becoming more yourself, or
being confident in marketing
yourself, it's an inside job in
the first instance, and having
really firm boundaries, and I'm
sure we'll talk about that later
on, but having really firm
boundaries with yourself is the
ultimate act of self care, and
actually teaches people how to
treat you as well. So, but I

(11:08):
was, I was telling you, you
know, I was a singer, and I was
on the voice in 2014 the TV
show, and don't get excited.
They, they didn't show me.
Travesty, wounded, which I was
really good, but I was the
penultimate performer for the
series in four days of filming.

(11:31):
And they they show or they allow
every single performer to
perform for the coaches. They're
not, we're not allowed to call
them judges, because that's the
expected of the coaches, and at
the time it was Will i am Tom
Jones, Rita Ora and Ricky
Wilson. I got to smell his
aftershave. Everything I could
do not to lick his face, because
that would not have been
consensual. I was like, smell

(11:54):
great. So I've been through this
whole process of going to all
these auditions and going to
interviews and being
psychoanalyzed to make sure that
it was safe. Like the BBC were
really good their welfare
program was really, really good
to make sure that actually
people are well enough to take
part, and they can be resilient
enough to take part. Because
obviously, once you're on TV,

(12:14):
there's a lot of eyes on you.
And one thing about that process
was it was very good with the
welfare side of things, but so
at that time, 2014 I wasn't
working for myself in this
capacity full time. At that
point, I was singing full time.
I was singing in like pubs and
clubs, and from the way that I'd
been brought up and the society

(12:35):
that we were in, that reality TV
was the only way, the only way
that I was going to make it as a
singer. I wasn't classically
trained. I wasn't I didn't go to
the BRIT School or Sylvia
younger, all the places that a
typically performers go. I'd
really cut my teeth on the
streets. I wasn't, like,
typically pretty. So I wasn't
magazine pretty, or, you know,
Instagram pretty, or anything

(12:56):
like that. You know, I was a
portly sized 16, wearing kind of
vintagey stuff, and but I could
sing. I'm good. And so anyway,
the directors and the producers
like bigging you up, like, this
could be your moment, this could
be your J hood moment, and
you're gonna blow them away. And
they kind of pace you up and
down, like they know what
they're doing. They're creating

(13:17):
tension and telly. And anyway,
so I sang for them, and I did a
great job, and nobody turned
around. So I'm still weekly
crying on the like, I thinking
on the TV, and nobody turned
around. And we've got like, Will
i am Rita Ora there, like and
will, particularly, will and Tom

(13:37):
are people that I really respect
in music industry. And and Tom
Jones, when, you know, I got no
criticism for your love like
this. That was a
really shit Welsh. We're not
going, I'm sorry for the Welsh,
but he said, I've got no
criticism for I'm I'm full. I
can't take on any more singers.

(13:57):
I can't take on any more
performers for my other you
know, had you been early on in
the process, I'd have been able
to have said yes and, and I
can't. I can't say no. I can't
say yes to you today. And Rita
Oro is like, I have space, but I
don't really, I don't think that
your particular genre is
something that I would be able
to coach you well enough in for

(14:18):
us to get success in the in the
process. And Ricky was like, I
don't like the song that you
sang. What would you gonna lick
my face? I'm scared for my
safety. No, he was very safe,
but he didn't like the song, and
I didn't have a say in the song.
The producers kind of pieced
together all of that sort of
stuff so far that was kind of
out on my hands. I sung it as

(14:40):
best as I could. And will
actually, Will I Am? Will we're
friends, we're not. We've had a
conversation, which means I can
name drop forever. Said, Daniela
called me about my Sunday name,
because the fabulous Miss G at
the time is how I was marketing
myself, like Daniela, why are
you crying? Because you can
imagine, this is my shot,
stoically crying. And I was

(15:01):
like. Will this is, this feels
like my only shot. I don't want
to go on other programs, really.
This is the one that I have the
most respect for. This is the
the one where the, you know, the
coaches here, are people that I
would want to work with if I was
given an open to mine. Yeah,
elsewhere, and yeah. And he was
like, whoa. I need you to know

(15:21):
something that I got a feeling
was the Black Eyed Peas song. We
knocked on doors for years with
that song, and for years and
years and years, people said no,
they don't think that that's a
good song for us to release. And
we released songs before we
actually released this song, and
there are seven and a half at
the time, seven and a half
billion people in the world.

(15:43):
Dani and only four said no.
Today, out of seven and a half
billion people in the world, not
one of these people sat next to
me have said that you don't have
a gift. You've got a gift, and
the challenge to you now is, who
are you not to share it? Like if
you've got this gift, who are
you not to share this gift that
you have with the world? And

(16:03):
that actually translated a lot
into the work that I do now, and
a lot of what I say, and now,
I've said this to you in the
times when you felt like a
little bit dark about stuff and
about being more visible, is
that it's not about you. And one
of the things I adore about you
is that, you know, the whole and
everything that you've created.
It's, yes, you're the person of

(16:24):
influence within it, because
you've created it, the creator
of it, but you're actually a
conduit. It's not about you.
It's about the community. For
me, my stages aren't about me.
Am I a great performer? Yeah. Do
people enjoy watching me
perform? But I'm not setting up
the Dani Show. I've created The
Big Festoon for my community. I
help people speak so that I can

(16:46):
give them the microphone

Lea Turner (16:47):
and so that they can
all connect with each other,
because, and that's something
that I guess we've sort of
segued into talking more about
community, but I think it's a
really important point that a
lot of people get wrong with
communities, because they're
sort of there as the as the top,
the top person, and everybody's
there to be around that person,
and so it's always on that

(17:08):
person or their team to pro, to
answer all the questions. Very

Unknown (17:11):
strange idol worship
within that as well, a very
strange celebrity that comes,

Lea Turner (17:15):
yeah, and I don't, I
don't resonate with that version
of community. For me, it's much
more about bringing in the
people that support one another,
because you get these and I
don't think they're communities.
I call them more memberships,
and there's one person at the
top, and everybody's vying for
their attention and their
answers and all that. That's
great, but that's a membership,
a community is where you're
fostering and encouraging

(17:37):
relationships between the
members, and that's something
that is really important for me,
within hosting a community,
because I think that's where the
true value is. There's only so
much of me that can go around.
Yeah, I am only one person, and
I have my community managers who
are who are exceptional and do a
brilliant job. But it's the
stuff I don't even know about.

(17:57):
It's the it's the relationships
between the members, the
WhatsApp group chats that go on
that I don't know about, I've
just witnessed the tip of this
iceberg. And it won't be until
I'm having conversations with
people that they go, Oh, well,
I'm actually working with this
person and me and this person of
mount for coffee. And I'm like,
Wow. I have no idea that the
breadth of this community,

(18:19):
mutual relationships that are
going on, and I love to find out
about that. But going back to
talking about, like, the
visibility issues, what do you
think is the main fear that
people, that business owners,
have that, do you think it's,
what are people going to say
about them? Is it about like,

(18:40):
what? What's going to come?
Like, are they going to get
negativity? Like, where do you
think that? And you know best,
because you work with these
people, I think where's that

Unknown (18:48):
fear from? I think it's
broad. So here's what happens,
right when you are so let's just
talk public speaking. Like, just
as a one discipline, this

Lea Turner (18:56):
is the one thing
that terrifies me. Yeah, yeah.
So

Unknown (18:59):
there is, there is
biology at play here when we're
experiencing fear, if we think
about fear, is actually a
hormonal reaction to danger,
right? So the physical aspects,
and also some of the kind of the
thought aspects of fear there
is, there's biology at play, as
well as intrinsic psychology we

(19:20):
are as a species, not built for
our rapid our rapidly changing
social construct, right? We're
not built for it. We are really
still meant to be living in
forests. If we think about
evolution and the way that
evolution happens, and the
period of time in which
evolution happens, the things
that we've created are faster

(19:41):
moving than our physical ability
to keep up with it, right? And
that really throws us off
kilter, right? So you think
people are experiencing health
issues, psychological issues, so
on and so forth. The reason is,
we are not built for the world
we have created, whether we like
it or not, and that's a pretty
stark thing. To say because
we're trying to navigate it and

(20:01):
be in it and be successful and
good people within it, but we're
not built for it. And this is
what happens when we are
positioning ourselves as an
alpha, which is what we're doing
when we're public speaking, is
we are taking a an evolutionary
behavior and putting it into a
false construct. I know this is
like, like, stay with me. I'm

(20:23):
with you. So what happens is,
when you position yourself as an
alpha, there are three potential
things that happen now in the
animal world. So one is that the
tribe that you are positioning
yourself in front of will cast
you out, and you will starve to
death in the wild on your own
right. And the construct around
us would pretty much have it the
most people have a Tesco or a

(20:43):
Sainsburys or a spa shop on each
corner, and you can go and buy a
chocolate bar for 60 p or A Fred
or no longer for 10 p more. I
think they are like 1620 p now,
very expensive fredos and but
you can, you can, for very
little, keep yourself sustained
if you are cast out once you've
positioned yourself as alpha in
a particular group, what we're
doing as business owners or

(21:05):
public speakers or whoever's
kind of marketing themselves, we
are positioning on ourselves
essentially as an alpha in our
particular industry or field. So
if one of the outcomes is that
we be cast out and left to die,
the bit of our brain that is
still essentially an animal. The
limbic part of our brain that
gives us these stress responses

(21:26):
in order to keep us surviving
will start to fire off. There's
another potential outcome. Is
one that that particular group
of people will so vehemently not
agree with your challenge to
alpha, is they will turn on you
and kill you. All of a sudden,
we're in our minds putting
ourselves in mortal danger,
right? Yeah, and so no wonder so
many of us are having this

(21:46):
visceral mortal danger response
to putting ourselves in front of
or in the limelight in front of
people, or positioning ourselves
as alpha, because actually, our
every bit of our body that is
trying to keep us safe and our
brain is firing off our
adrenals, firing off cortisol,
triggering a fight or flight or
freeze or phone response. And so

(22:07):
these fears will manifest itself
themselves in lots of different
ways. They'll they'll manifest
themselves in flight, like I
don't want to do this, like I'm
gonna get the fuck out of here,
so I do right or freeze, like
I'm just gonna be here, but I
don't know what to do whilst I'm
here, so I'm here, so I'm just
going to stand really still and
hope nobody notices me also do
that or fight like I'm going to

(22:28):
be so aggressive in this space
that actually it's going to turn
people off me, because I am
like, I don't know how to be, so
I'm going the other way. I'm
like, be. I don't know if you
ever been in a position where
somebody's kind of hyper Alpha
themselves in a situation
instead of just settling and
being and it's a big turn off.

(22:49):
You can see the person who's
Dick swinging in the room like
that, you'd laugh, I'm okay for
you. Thank you very much. You
aren't actually the most
powerful person in the room.
You're not like the most
targeted

Lea Turner (22:58):
people, right? They
feel like they have to, kind of,
it will be the men whose
shoulders go back and their
chest more often than not, like
men cocking, yeah. I mean, it's
not, it's not solely men, but in
my experience, shit, it's the
men that sort of, yeah, they
want to almost intimidate you,

Unknown (23:15):
yeah? And that's a
normal stress response. It's a
very normal stress response. And
the idea or fawn, which is
conversely, what a lot of women
do, which is over, give over
play. Kate, over Yes, things
over commit. And then what we do
is we end up sabotaging our own
success and our own visibility
because we've not been aware

(23:36):
that this is actually what's put
play. I'm freezing because of
this. I'm fighting because of
this, I'm fawning because of
this, or I'm getting the hell
out. And

Lea Turner (23:43):
actually, the thing
that, like you said at the
start, is to be magnetic to
people. It's fighting against
all of those instincts, to to
posture, to fawn, to run away.
Yeah, to fight, you need to let
go of all of that, yeah, and

(24:04):
breathe and just find how to be
yourself in a relaxed state. And
as we both have come to do, and
it's not come without a struggle
for me, and I know naturally,
you are a performer. You've been
a performer most of you. I
struggled with it most of my
life, too, but that's the thing,
people get it wrong because I'm
constantly mistaken as someone

(24:24):
who's an extrovert, because I
have a lot of followers on the
internet that I gained during
COVID From my utility room in my
cold, introversion, in my
dressing gown and my slippers.
And I was like, I was like, Oh,
wow, people are paying
attention. But it wasn't real at
that point for me, it wasn't
real. It was I was in lockdown.
I didn't go out of the house. I
had a child. Physically
experienced

Unknown (24:44):
that as well. And I
think that's the thing you
struggle with, the physical
experience of that kind of
visibility, is, yeah, because I
started content,

Lea Turner (24:51):
I started going out
of the house, and, you know, the
world opened up, and I was being
invited to events, and I would
show up at events, and people
would know me, right? And they
would come up to me, and I was
like, and it was that, what's
the word parasocial
relationship, where people feel
they know me but I don't know
them. And I was really like, my
fight or flight went in because

(25:11):
I felt unsafe. I was like, these
people know my name and they
know about my life, but I don't
even know who

Unknown (25:15):
they are. This is a
perfect example of the
constructs that we've created,
us being animals, being at odds
with that, that's going to
create dissonance with you. It's
going to, it has to, because
it's not parasocial.
Relationships aren't natural,
like they feel it, but they're
not like if we think about who
we are and what we are,

Lea Turner (25:35):
if, back in tribal
times, people from other tribes
didn't know existed, because you
just happen across each other in

Unknown (25:40):
the wild, right? Small
circles as well. Like 150 Max in
like, like per tribe, and then
you'd have break off tribes. And
yes, they know each other, and
they converse with each other.
But your day to day wouldn't be
125,000 people or 150,000
people. It would be the people
in your immediate family, in
your direct supports, your
village. Our villages are huge
now, especially when we're when

(26:01):
we're growing and, you know,
we're allowing ourselves to grow
in that way, and that can be the
scary thing. So what do we do?
Is the question, so now we know
this is we can get really
intentional about generating
safety around it. And for you,
it's choosing not to do certain
things. For me, it's reconciling
myself with actually, this is an
inane talent of mine that I've

(26:21):
turned into more of a skill,
because when you get intentional
about your talents and turn them
into skills, you can start to do
great things with them. And what
you and I have done is on both
ends of the spectrum, is turn
your talent of connecting people
and being that conduit into a
skill of creating your
community. And for me, it's
taking that talent of being a
performer in a lighthouse
leading with all of my values,

(26:42):
understanding that really no
one's no one's intentionally not
rooting for me. And I think that
causes a lot of fear, is that
people are waiting for me to
trip up, and that stories that
you will have, that you'll be
telling yourself from, from way
back when, from maybe a teacher
at school, or a boy that you've
come across, or an ex intimate
partner or something like that.
There are conversations that are

(27:03):
at play when you're trying to be
visible now that don't exist
anymore.

Lea Turner (27:09):
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to the conversation, and I've

(28:11):
heard that so many times,
especially from people who've
come become business owners,
from coming from, like,
corporate there's a lot that
happens in the corporate world
to to reduce who you are, yes,
and I think in school, you know,
we go to school. My son asked me
this morning. He's like, why is
it in America that the kids wear
their own clothes to school? And

(28:32):
in England, we wear uniforms.
And I sort of tried to explain
it, but, but it's from a very
young age, we're told to be like
everybody else. Yeah, so
whatever the whatever the true
reasons behind us having
uniforms. And to be fair, it's a
lot easier for me not having to
argue with them about what he
wears in the morning. It's just
a uniform. So as a parent,

(28:53):
despite the ridiculous cost,
it's easy for a parent, it's
much easier, but it is that be
like everybody else, and you
can't have your hair crazy
colors, and don't have any
piercings, and boys aren't
allowed to have long hair, and
all these things that say this
is how you have to be in the
world. And we grow up learning that

Unknown (29:13):
revolution, yeah, and
you want work houses and
factories and right? And
essentially our corporates now
are the factories of today. It's
mass employment and sort of that

Lea Turner (29:21):
you must wear a
skirt suit. You must. I mean, I
know that it's not quite as bad
as it used to be, yeah, but
you've still got people coming
out of corporate careers into
owning a business, and they're
like, how do I be now? I've
spent so long being told the way
I should be to fit in to make it
to progress in my job, and I
have to suck up to this person,

(29:42):
and I have to not say things
like that, because I'll be
hauled into Rachel. And you have
to edit yourself. And I put it
in a newsletter recently, you
are literally proofreading your
personality before it goes out
to the world. And then you are

Unknown (29:55):
within that. Who am I
that? And that's a big question.

Lea Turner (29:57):
You do it for such a
chunk of your life. If that it's
like, I no longer know which
part of me, and it's very much
similar to like when you get an
ADHD diagnosis and you realize
so much of your personality has

Unknown (30:08):
a mask. How much am I?
This is a symptom.

Lea Turner (30:12):
Which bits are real,
yeah, which bits aren't real?
Now I feel quite lucky that I
very I miss that part of my
childhood where you start
internalizing other people's
opinions. I was in the middle of
grieving for my recently
deceased father at age 10, and
that part of my brain that

(30:32):
starts looking at how everybody
else is doing things and trying
to be like them, I missed I
skipped it because of grief and
trauma. And so throughout my
teens, I was just this weird
little goth that gave absolutely
no fucks what anybody else
thought of me. I was still going
through all of my stuff that I
just didn't have the I think

(30:53):
school,

Unknown (30:53):
you know, we would have
encouraged each other little
weirdos gravitated because

Lea Turner (31:00):
that's exactly what
I hear. My friends used to
pierce each other's ears with
studs while drinking white
lightning in a park somewhere,
but it was like I missed all of
that so I never really
internalized other people's
judgments of me. I just didn't
care, yeah, and I didn't care to
be popular. I didn't care if
boys fancy me. I didn't. I
didn't care until later in life,

(31:21):
when men looking at me made me
feel unsafe, and people were
like, I couldn't get a job
because of the way I looked, and
I started feeling like, oh,
well, actually, this is in there
are things about me now that are
impeding me. And everyone said,
Well, you never get a job with
all those tattoos. You never do
this, you never do that. And I
just went, Okay, well, I won't
and I'll just accept that Yeah,

(31:42):
and I will learn to be content
with a life that feels safe,
immediate, mediocre, but it's
all right. And I never pushed
for anything more, until I was
around other people that showed
me that it was okay to be me,
and I started realizing people
liked me for me, and that was a
weird thing, but I was, like,

(32:02):
never really cared if people
liked me or not. But I've
started to realize, when I
started writing online, that
other people were really
relating to my words and were
saying positive things and
saying it would help them, and
it spurred me on. And I imagine
that's similar with your
journey, right? And it's maybe
that's the thing is, with
business owners, is you've got
to find a few of your own

(32:23):
weirdos that make it okay to be
that weird, and then you start
impeding those layers.

Unknown (32:28):
Yeah, I have this. I
have a talk that speaks to self
sabotage, right, and overcoming
self sabotage. And I would
describe myself as a serial self
saboteur. I will like throughout
my life. One of the things that
I found is that I'll get so far
and then something will happen,
and I'll get so far, like the
voice is a perfect example,
right? That story around the
voice, I would get so far in my

(32:48):
corporate life, and something
would happen, or I me, I used to
happen to it because I wasn't
really being as me as I possibly
could be, and I wasn't
following, you know, people talk
really glibly about, you know,
if you're, if you're doing
something that you love, you'll
never work a day in your life,
right? I mean, that's, I'm doing

Lea Turner (33:08):
something I love,
but it's,

Unknown (33:11):
but essentially, it's
easier to get out of bed to do
it than it is in a space where,
where you're not. So I have this
story, or this story that I tell
as part of a talk that speaks to
overcoming self sabotage, and I
talk about crabs in a bucket.

Lea Turner (33:28):
Oh, yeah, I've
heard, seen this one. Yeah,
right. So you're fantastic.
There's

Unknown (33:33):
been crabbing down
like, I live near Blackpool,
right? So like, going crabbing
down the pier was something that
we're doing in a summer. We'll
have a little bit of stick with
a string on it, bit of bacon,
and go like fishing for crabs,
right? And fill up, fill a
bucket up. And actually, there,
there were studies that were
done on crab behavior within a
confined environment such as a

(33:54):
bucket, and what they would find
is that these crabs would climb
over themselves and over
themselves. Then you get this
one crab who would try and climb
up the side of the bucket in
order to escape, like explore
what was out of the outside of
the bottom of the bucket. Then
what would happen is that there
would be this one crab that
would be climbing out, and then
the other crabs would climb over
that crab in a bid to either

(34:15):
climb over the crab to get out
or pull the crab back down.
However you want to look at the
analogy. The idea is that when
you are surrounded by people who
are super comfortable where they
are, it's very difficult to see
outside of it, and when you do
surround yourself with people
who you aspire to be like or who
are doing the thing that you
want to do, and that's something
that from sort of my mid 20s,

(34:38):
late 20s, started to do because
I found myself homeless. I'd
experienced intimate partner
abuse. I was homeless with my
two kids under the age of three,
and I was like, this is not
working for me. And so what I
did is I started to seek out the
people that were doing the thing
that I wanted to do, that were
motivational speakers, that were
being paid well for it, that had
communities and and I started to

(34:58):
share things. And this, this.
Success leaves clues. Thing
isn't just directly relating to
how we make our money or how we
build our businesses, but who we
are as people like find your
weirdos like that won't just
elicit your financial success.
That will that will be a real
indicator of where your mental

(35:19):
health is at or how you work
through things, when things
happen, it's

Lea Turner (35:22):
something that, I
mean, that was the basis for my
talk atomic on and it surprised
people that I was encouraging
people to be their weird selves
on LinkedIn, because LinkedIn
is, it's notoriously a dry
platform. But if you're in
moving in the wrong circles, it
will be a very dry platform, and
the algorithm is only going to
show you boring barriers and not
like these bright, Technicolor,

(35:44):
amusing, intelligent weirdos
that I am surrounded by on
LinkedIn. And I love, I love the
platform for that, because the
algorithms learned what I like,
and it's, you know, dog peoples
and dog people and Technicolor
people and diverse people and
and outspoken women. And I love
that, because those are my my
people, but it was encouraging

(36:05):
people. So many people were just
like, I just needed someone to
stand on a stage and give me
permission to stop trying to
impress people that I don't care
about. And it's it's such
something we're so guilty of as
business owners, is especially
at the beginning, before we put
those boundaries in place,
before we really get to learn
what we want from the clients
that we're serving. Who are

(36:26):
those people who do I love
working with, who lights me up
when I get the opportunity to
work with them? We want everyone
to want to work with us, and we
want everyone to think we're
smart and appeal to everybody.
And actually, you realize quite
fairly quickly that that doesn't
work. It doesn't

Unknown (36:46):
work. And then you
realize that you don't actually
want to work with everybody,
because there are people in this
world who you won't like and who
won't like you, and that's okay,
because they're not your people,

Lea Turner (36:56):
right? There's like,
8 billion people in the world I
don't want to like even a
people, even if 1% only 1% of
those people like you, that is
still more people than you will
ever meet in your whole life,
for sure. Like, okay, that's
fine, the probability is one in
eight is gonna maybe like me at
that point. That's okay. I can
piss off seven people and one

(37:16):
person's still gonna become my
client. So that's, that's pretty
good odds, yeah. Like, there's a
very good chance of odds at
that. You have to be a real knob
of a person to not appeal to
seven out of eight people,
right? So I always spin it on
that, and I think, well, if I
only need a fraction of a
percent of people to be able to

(37:38):
like me and want to work with me
to make me enough money to live
comfortably. That's not really
that hard a job, is it? Yeah, so
then I'm not worried if other
people don't resonate, they
don't like my posts, they don't
want to work with me. I'm like,
that's okay, because I don't
have time to work with you all
anyway. So if we put

Unknown (37:53):
that into the context
of, let's think about things
that we can intentionally think
about so that we can be more
visible, right? Once you realize
that it's as important when
you're building out a client
base, people that you want to
connect with, people that you
want to help, it's as important
to turn people off as well as to
turn people and that's not about

(38:13):
you being divisive. You don't
have to go out there and say
really controversial things.
Like, I don't necessarily say
that much that's controversial.
I say a lot of things in
kindness. I believe that's our
superpower. We all do well. When
we all do well, it's very few
people that wouldn't agree with
that. But to turn people off is
as important. To turn people
off, what we do is we attach.
Let's go back to thinking about

(38:34):
ourselves as these biological
beings, these animals that our
brains aren't looking for
positivity. We enjoy it, and we,
you know, we elicit dopamine
from it, but our brains are
instinctively looking for danger
in order to keep us alive.
Dangerous people aren't the
people that like us. Dangerous
people are the people that don't

(38:55):
like us. And so we could, and
this is this happens when we get
feedback, right? I run an event.
We could get out of 800
delegates, two people that say I
didn't like the food, and 798
people have just kind of had the
most incredible experience of my
life, and I'm going, oh shit, we
need to work on the food. Like,
like, yeah, and we'll keep

(39:17):
ourselves up at night for that
one piece of feedback. And
feedback is the breakfast of
champions. Like, we need it,
right? But we also need to
realize that it's a Buffy table
that we can choose from. We can
sit and go. Does that make
sense? Is that relevant? Is that
going to improve mine and my
delegates and customers
experience? And if the answer is
yeah, and it makes sense to it,
fine. If someone goes, I didn't
like that. You wore a pursuit.

(39:38):
I'm sorry you're not at the
right event, mate. Like, for
anyone that doesn't know, my
costumes are a thing.

Lea Turner (39:44):
I mean, the first
time I saw you speak on stage at
atomicon, you were throwing poo
shaped cushions out to the
audience, doing my knees, who
had to throw them back, and you
caught them in a little bag or
something. And I was like, This
is my kind of weirdo. She is
excited. Dream weird. I love it.
And see and watching you be that

(40:04):
weird on stage and so
outrageous, and you came on
singing a queen song, yeah,
don't tell Don't stop me now.
Don't stop me now. And I was
just like, oh my god, this is
not like any talk I've ever been
to. I mean, atomicon is an
unreal event for these kinds of
people and things that are
unexpected in an amazing
community, and I can't wait for
this year's, but it's, it's one

(40:25):
of those, like, I just saw you
and you were a lighthouse to me.
I was like, I thought I was
weird, but I am not that weird,
good and normal. It made me
realize that as weird and as odd
and as as you didn't ever. I
never felt like I would fit in
in the business world, ever. And

(40:45):
I still don't feel like I fit
in, but now I'm surrounded by
other people who also don't feel
like they fit in. Our whole
tagline for the cup, for the
business, for the community, is
where square pegs fit perfectly,
because we are all square pegs,
like and actually, square pegs
are far more interesting

Unknown (41:03):
and interestingly, when
we look at the wider
entrepreneurial space and the
business ownership space, it's
often because people have found
that they're not unemployable,
like they can't hold down a job,
but they don't fit in that
space. And it may be because
they've experienced trauma. It
could be that they are in some
way, shape or form,
neurodivergent. It could be
they're othered in some way,

(41:24):
shape or form. Yeah. And then
when you find a community of
people go your otherness is
actually the bit I celebrate
about you. The otherness is
actually the bit that makes you
really interesting. Your lack of
conformity, or necessity to
conform, means that we can have
an interesting relationship
about your lived experience. And
let's see how you know we can

(41:45):
celebrate each other that
becomes really joyful, and that
becomes the thing that is the
most attractive. And when
anybody's building out, like a
client base or an audience, or
whatever it is that you want to
call it, when you're marketing
yourself, there's there's, we
look at different things, right?
Introversion and extroversion,
and we talk about that, people
mistake me for an extrovert. And
actually, I save up all of my

(42:06):
energy Hadoop in it now on an
event, or wherever it is that I
am, and then I go after, wrap
myself up like a burrito and
recover and top back up again.
Or, you know, we'll go for a
walk up Rivington pike with the
dogs. Or, you know, I'll have a
sit and have a coffee with a
friend, or, you know, call my
best friend and, like, debrief
and fill that battery back up.
Yeah, they come back down again.

(42:27):
So understanding that there is a
we really don't understand, or
we or we don't give enough to
introversion and extroversion,
we give to almost too much to
it. We can still market
ourselves and be introverts. We
can still market ourselves and
be extroverts. The most
confident people I know, in some
ways, are introverted people,

(42:48):
and the most not confident
people are people who are pseudo
extroverts. When we realize that
that's just where you get your
energy. You just get your energy
from being around people. If
you're an extrovert, actually my
my COO and me. People get us
wrong. Get us twisted the wrong
way around. Extrovert. She's the
extrovert, but she's happy
quietly in a group of people,

(43:09):
watching the room, absorbing the
energy of the room. She's not
the loudest person in the room,
but she gets her most
fulfillment two o'clock sober as
a judge in the morning at Albert
Schloss, raving and misbehave.
Well, not even misbehaving, just
raving and enjoying being around
that. Enjoying being around that
abundant energy is something
that I don't particularly enjoy.
I don't mind when I'm on the
stage, and that's my job in that

(43:30):
moment, soon as I hand that
microphone back over, I'm sat
with you in a corner somewhere,
like on the floor, or, you know,
looking for where the dogs are
and all of that sort of stuff.
So understanding that that's
nothing to do with confidence
for a start off. So
understanding yourself when
you're kind of marketing
yourself and being more visible,
being an introvert or extrovert
shouldn't be the decider. It's

(43:50):
just

Lea Turner (43:51):
you need to where
you need to figure out what it
is that that fills you up and
what drains you. Yeah, because
whether you're an introvert or
an extrovert, once you can
identify what are the things
that that fill you up, and what
are the things that drain you?
You can tailor your outlook and
your approach and your process
as well. Yeah, because I know
that I love being in small

(44:11):
social groups and where I know
people, and we can have really
great conversations. I don't do
well in big crowds with big
groups of people. I can I can
fake it. I can save up my energy
and do it for a night. And I got
beforehand, though and take a
run. But if you suddenly and I
wasn't in the right space when I
came to the big festival, I was
not I and I was really excited

(44:33):
about it, but I arrived, I was
like, wow, this is a lot bigger
and a lot louder and a lot more
sparkly. And it was, it was the
the the tunnel, oh,

Unknown (44:42):
stride of pride, a
group

Lea Turner (44:44):
of people that were
sort of inside which I could see
people absolutely loved. And I
walked in and they all cheered,
and I was supposed to walk down
this gauntlet of people, and I
think I just, like, swerved and
went round. It was like, just,
it just totally surprised me,
and I wasn't expecting to be
recognized there, because it was
your community. Team, you're,
yeah, you're a World on
Facebook. And I didn't, I didn't
realize it naively, that there
was so much crossover. And I

(45:06):
walked in and progress
ownership, because I hadn't
prepared myself for the fact
that I was going to have to be
LinkedIn. Leah, not like, not
just come to my thing, yeah,
yeah. And that's the mindset I
had in. And I wasn't prepared.
So I really struggled with it,
and ended up leaving early,
which I was gutted about,
because I really enjoyed
necessarily a process, and it
helped me to learn very clearly

(45:28):
what I could and couldn't cope
with. And I need to do a bit
more research before I just go
to events, because I really I
just hadn't prepared myself for
it, and had I done the research
first, I would have been in a
better position for

Unknown (45:40):
it, and so and now you
know that say, you know when we
do The Big Festoon again, and
you're always welcome, you know
to be prepared for it. And I
think that again, for for things
like speaking, showing up on
social media, for as you become
more well known, and that's a
fear for people, like it's a
double edged sword. It's a
double edged sword for you. It's
a double edged sword for me,
that I at my events, I have to

(46:01):
be flanked. I have to, like to
get to get to the toilet, or to
get to my dressing room. I have
to have people either side of me
to get me, oh,
my God, I feel like such a diva.
I mean, it's great because I'm
famous, you know, but also, at
the same time, it's a very it's
very strange. I actually, um,
I've had experience of that
since I was 19, and not because

(46:21):
I was famous, I used to work in
holiday like holiday resorts,
right? Yeah, so people and I was
in entertainment in holiday
resorts. And people would come
on holiday and for those two
weeks, you were the celebrity.
You were the person that knew
what was going on you
entertainment of an evening, and
people would come and ask for
autographs and photos and then
never hear from them again, like

(46:42):
you'd have this massive impact
for this short amount of time,
and then never hit. So actually,
what I've managed to do is
reconcile myself with it's not
real from a very, very young
age, so I don't take it
seriously. Yeah, so, and for
you, it's quite an affront that
that's not something that you'd
experienced a lot like prior to
COVID now coming out into the

(47:03):
real world that it is, course
it's daunting. I've got 20 odd
years experience of this
understanding, if not
experiencing fame in the way
that we would all understand
fame, but understanding
parasocial relationships very,
very early on means that I can
deal with it really well. It's
easy for me to it's weird as
well,

Lea Turner (47:22):
because it's in
like, these, these little
chunks, because, you know, you
joke, really famous. Obviously,
I'm, I'm not really famous. I am
well known in a very small
corner we can't

Unknown (47:33):
hear abroad. And
they'll be recognized, though

Lea Turner (47:36):
it's happened a
couple of times. But again,
like, it's not like walking down
the street and there are crowds
of people following my
paparazzi. It's very
occasionally someone goes, Oh,
you're such and such and but I
never know when it's coming. And
then it's that weird thing of,
what if I do something that,
like, what if I'm accidentally
rude to someone, or what if I
snap or what if I am yelling at

(47:56):
my son because he's absolutely
overstepped, and someone knows
me and sees it, and I'm like,
that's not the version of me
that I want people to see. And
it's always that, like feeling
just You just never know. Yeah,
and are they? Are they staring
at me across the airport because
they recognize me, or are they
staring at me because they fancy
me, or are they staring at me
because I've got toilet paper

(48:17):
stuck to my shoes, because I'm
such an awkward introvert. In my
head, it's all of them, yeah,
and they're going to run over
and either punch me because they
hate me and I'm just the most
dreadful person ever, or they're
going to say something weird,
and I'm I'm so awkward and an
overthinker that I just create
those so just to wind this up,

(48:38):
if someone's a business owner,
they're a new business owner or
an established business owner,
and they're feeling like they
don't know what it is, what is
the thing that makes them
different, that can be part of
the lighthouse they create that
how do you help people, or what
advice can you give people to
kind of identify that thing that
is going to stand out for other

(48:59):
people, to draw them in. So

Unknown (49:02):
it's really important
when I first start working with
people, is to understand or help
them and hold space for them to
work out what their values are.
I think because when you're very
clear on your values, it's much
easier to talk about your values
when you're first starting out
than it is to talk about your
proposition. Yeah, so first of
all, let's get really confident
on what your values are. So you

(49:22):
know, we have a shared value of
creating community and and
regardless of the polarity of
the way that we do it, it's
actually the same, because it
isn't about me and it's not
about you. That's

Lea Turner (49:31):
why I'm bringing 10
of my community to your event.
Like it didn't put me off. I
literally bought a table as soon
as they went for you. Yeah? But
I know I'm know what to expect
this year, yeah? So I would be
mentally prepared for it this
year. So it's fine. So

Unknown (49:43):
understand, so be
getting so holding space to
really understand what your
values are. So once you get
really comfortable talking about
your values, it's easy to then
direct people. You start
magnetizing people towards you.
Then because other people who
have similar values will start
to gravitate towards you, you're
turning the right people on and.
Write people off, then you can
start to move them towards your
proposition, right? It's easier

(50:04):
when you've got a core set of
values. So for us, it's we all
do well. When we all do well,
we're enthusiastically
inclusive, like we're joyfully
curious if we don't understand
something or someone, we want to
understand their experience.
That's brought into that way of
thinking, in order for us to
either welcome them in or allow
themselves to weed themselves
out from the conversation. We
you know, we do the things that
we say we're going to do.

(50:25):
Kindness is our superpower, like
we eat, live and breathe and
make every single decision in
our business against those set
of values. So getting super
clear on that first and then
understanding there are six
basic human needs that you need
to fill in order for people to
feel safe with you. So
understanding that people want

(50:45):
certainty, so consistency, if
you know your values and you
know your proposition, it
becomes easier, yeah, because it
becomes less about the thing
that you're selling and more of
the feeling that you're creating
the transformation and the
reason why you care. People want
connection first, then value. So
generating that with your
values, then being able to

(51:05):
provide basic human needs for
people like, we're not talking
about Maslow's hierarchy of
needs, and that being like
safety, security, Wi Fi. Now, to
be fun working, I'm safe, but,
but actually the basic human
needs are certainty. So
consistency of you turning up,
you know, you provide such
certainty for your community as

(51:27):
do I like if you go onto my
social

Lea Turner (51:29):
I've been showing up
on LinkedIn consistently, almost
daily for five years, and in
their email, inboxes, on
Instagram, on threads, on
Facebook, like, not for five
years for all of them, but I'm
there. Yeah, I'm in their
eyeline. We can find you
somewhere. Every week they will
see me. The chances are
absolutely sorry. So no, we've
got

Unknown (51:48):
that's not sorry for
the people who love that. Yeah,
it means that they have
certainty from you. You're not
going to drop them in it or
leave them, or you're going to
turn up. If you can check my
phone every week, I know I've
got some sort of viable value
there from Leah. I can check in
either, you know, parasocially
or even like you okay, like that
consistency. But we also need
inconsistency, which is like

(52:11):
again, like do we? Yes, we do.
We need chaos. We need
excitement. We need so if we
think about again as us as
animals, we need something to
keep us on our toes. We need
something to be able to come
into what's coming next. So if
people come to me, go, what the
fuck she wearing now? What's
gonna come out of her mouth
next? What is she up to now?

(52:32):
Like, what you know, what
continent is she speaking in
this week? Or what event is she
at now? She's at the Television
Awards here, or she's in LA
here, but the consistency with
which I show up and the value
that I give, plus the
uncertainty of what the fuck I'm
gonna do next, generates that
keeps it interesting. Yeah, that
fills that need growth. So
allowing space for people to

(52:53):
grow, either their finances or
their community or their
knowledge or whatever. But we
are, you know, service providers
in that, you know, come to the
halt, you know, you're going to
get a whole stack of not just
your experience, but everybody
who's within your provision,
they're they're going to get
incredible growth from that. And
that's of human need. And the
other conversely, is
contribution. So a space where

(53:15):
they can go and contribute and
go be a part of it, and they can
either contribute through
sponsorship financially, or they
can contribute through their
lived experience and add to the
mosaic, and not a melting pot of
the communities that we're
building. And that's an
important thing as well. Like, I
don't want everyone to be more
like me. I want everyone to be
more like them. And instead of
being a melting pot where

(53:36):
everyone becomes this like
primordial soup of something,
they we're a mosaic, this
beautiful mosaic of different
lived experiences, and we can
share those and that, that that
helps with the growth. So
contribution begets growth. So
you create, look how well you do
this, like how well I do that,
and for people that are building
audiences that want to be more
visible, how can you do that?
How can you get people to
contribute to what it is that

(53:57):
you're doing? How do your team
contribute? So the other two are
love and connection, which is a
given, so we're connected by
this shared sense of values. And
then the last one is
significance. So your clients,
your potential clients, want to
be seen and want to be heard.
And when you within your

(54:18):
messaging, can see and hear
people, if not individually, as
a group like the known, like the
no knobs situation, I have a no
no beds clause. Like we didn't
know this about each other
before we even met, is that we
have a no no beds clause. And if
you have to, I literally just
found that out just as you said
that, so I didn't know we do.
Yeah and, and the whole thing
is, is that, if you have to ask
yourself, Am I a nob Ed, chances

(54:39):
are you're probably not. You've
got a bit of self awareness test
that if you kind of, I couldn't
possibly be a nob Ed. You
probably are, because you don't
have that level of self
awareness about

Lea Turner (54:49):
or if you're a knob
head, it's fine if you join, as
long as you're not a knob head.
To my people, yeah, you can't be
a knob so I can't control what
people like, people behavior be
out beyond the community and
business. Yes, but if I find out
that they're being knob EDS in
business to other members, yes,
there's

Unknown (55:06):
a quick eject, and
that's on purpose, yeah. But
what that means is, is that
there is, there is significance,
there is people want to be seen
and heard, and when you are, and
we go right back to the
beginning. Now to this, you've
got a gift. Who are you not to
share it, that you get to
provide that human need within
somebody of significance. You're

(55:27):
here. You created this business.
And you know your listeners that
are here, and people that are in
the hall, people that are in my
community, have created
businesses to help people. And
who are you not to do it? Take
your ego out. Stop thinking it's
about you. It's not it's about
your values, creating that
connection and serving your
people. And when you settle into
that, it's so much easier to be

(55:48):
visible, because it's not about
you anymore. The

Lea Turner (55:50):
thing is, there are
so many things that we are
willing to overcome fear for,
like our kids. You know, we
would run into a burning
building to save our pets, our
children, our friends, and yet
we when we can save someone, or
we can do something amazing for
someone, we have a gift that
needs, that the world can
benefit from people with certain
people within the world can

(56:11):
benefit from that sort of you've
got to think of it like this
burning building, and these
people are your children in that
burning building. You can run
in. You can save those people.
You can do the thing that helps
them to get a better life, in
whatever way that looks like.
Yeah, and we'll, we'll overcome
fear for so many different
things, but like building your
business, providing for your

(56:32):
family, that's this fear is your
burning building. That is
survival. On the other side of
it is running in towards that
fear is is something you really
want that's going to make yours
and your family's life better,
and that's it for me. Like
getting up on that stage, I was
absolutely terrified, but I was
like, Do you know what I'd want
my son to be? Brave Enough? I

(56:53):
want to set an example to him,
and I want to over, I want to
try and overcome this fear. It
might be not for me, which
turned out it wasn't but at
least I gave it a go with every
little thing, like confidence,
you don't just start life
confident. You know, you learn
confidence by doing scary things
and surviving, and even if you
don't repeat them, you know, I'm
not going to be jumping out

(57:14):
playing again anytime soon. I
did it at a go. It was fun. It
was terrifying. Not keen to
repeat it. You don't have to
keep doing them, but, but you
will get better as a person. You
will grow as a person every time
you try and do something scary.
And if you try and and overcome
it, and it helps someone, well,
it's worth it

Unknown (57:34):
absolutely. But all of
those human needs it then what
you're providing for the people
you're actually creating for
yourself? Oh, yeah,

Lea Turner (57:40):
there's always a
selfish benefit, yeah. And

Unknown (57:43):
why not, like, why not
have your needs met? Why not,
you know, through the work that
you do and and as long as you
know it's done with good
intention, and as long as it's
done with, you know, we was
talking earlier on, sort of
offline, about you can help
people and make money, the two
are not mutually exclusive. It's
okay and it's okay to make money
with the things that give you

(58:03):
joy. And yes, it's hard work,
and it's all of these things,
and everyone will be doing it.
It's easy, it's simple, but it's
not easy, right? And we get to
choose our difficult for me,
working in corporate every
single day, doing the least
amount of work for the most
amount of money, was more
difficult than me trying to fill
an arena with 5000 people. Yeah,

Lea Turner (58:22):
it drained me as
well. Like working with
corporates as as as lucrative as
it was, I hated it. And on that
note, it's been such a fun talk.
I know we've gone on and it's
probably going to be the longest
episode. No, no, don't, because
I've enjoyed it. And like even
this one's decided. But it's
been so much fun. And like all
of the topics and all of you

(58:43):
know, I feel filled when I've
had a conversation with you, I
think, but you have that effect
on I think, everybody you meet.
And it amazes me that you, that
you have such capacity to give.
And I completely understand why
you need to burrito yourself in
your in your blankets, you just
give endless amounts of energy
to everybody that you meet, you

(59:04):
pour into the people around you.
And it's, it's you're probably
one of the my favorite people
that I've that my business has
led me to, because it's hard
when you're constantly put on a
pedestal to to find those people
that are ahead of you, that you
look to as your lighthouse, as
your beacon, and you definitely
showed up in a big way and

(59:25):
became one of mine. So it's been
great to have you on the
podcast. Thank you so much.
Thank you for having me. I love
you. And more. Walks up
Rivington pike or somewhere
that's a bit flatter, maybe a
bit flatter. Supporting small
business owners is my biggest
passion, and that's what my
membership community The HoLT is
all about. Inside The HoLT are

(59:46):
more than 150 master classes
from experts in every business
skill you could ever want, and
we add more every single month.
There are also sales clinics,
tech clinics, well being support
and advice and discounts on a
huge. Huge range of software and
services, but it's so much more
than just trainings and
resources. Everyone inside the

(01:00:07):
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this and much more at an
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(01:00:28):
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everyone knows that working
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