Hennessy and Tears

Episode 27 : In this heartfelt and unfiltered episode London Bambi welcomes three longtime friends Cal, Marcus and Nick for the first ever group conversation on The Hood Debutante. Together, they dive deep into the realities of camaraderie in the gay community, from navigating the highs and lows of the party scene to the complexities of dating in a world where connection is easy but intimacy feels distant.

 

They unpack what it means to feel both seen and judged in LGBTQ+ spaces, how dating apps have changed the landscape of desire, and why chosen family remains sacred. This episode is a vulnerable toast to friendship, love, and the messiness in between served straight, no chaser.

 

Pour up. Lean in. And listen close.

Episode Transcript

(00:13):
Let's roll up is a new high.
Good.
Last is some good vibes is a safe space to talk about on the dope things that's on our mind from world travel to philosophies.
We stay stylish.
Coming.
Rock with me is a good time.
We got the sauce.
Make champagne, which is reality.
We do it for the culture.
Gotta show him what we can't be.
This is the high life.
Yet we also fancy keep it a g cus we are family.

(00:38):
It's the hood debutante with London.
Bambi.
Uh, Yo.
Yo, yo.
What's up? Rock stars.
Welcome to another episode of the Hoot Podcast with.
Me your host, London Van V and today is actually a really special episode because I have my boards with me.

(01:05):
Now you guys know I normally don't do hosts.
I like to have my podcast all about me to tell you guys about self love.
But a part of that journey is meeting people that has made an impact in your life.
And these are friends that I've known for 20 years, so I thought it was very important that they were the first guest on this show.
Before we go for and have any more guests, I'm gonna start off first with Nick.

(01:28):
How are you Nick? I'm good.
What's going on y'all? Alright, the next guest is my friend Marcus.
How are you? Marcus.
Marcus in the building.
Hey.
Yeah.
And then we have Kyle.
Kyle, how are you? I'm doing amazing.
Okay, good.
If you guys want, you could share your Instagram handles.
Uh, some people can know where to find you.
Nick, uh, at Mr.

(01:50):
Marcus, uh, you can find me on all social media platforms under the tag name left on wrist shaking my head left on red.
SMH.
Also, if you wanna do a Google search, you can find me under bad bitch.
Oh, so when they pull up bad bitch, your picture is next to the definition.
Yeah, it's the first one that comes up.

(02:11):
Well, I can't deny that because you really are the baddest bitch and I mean, what am I gonna say? And Kyle.
You can't find me.
You can't find Kyle.
Alright guys, so I'm hype for this conversation because we're diving into not only comradery, we're gonna talk about comradery within the gay community.
What brings us together, what pulls us apart, and everything in between.

(02:31):
We're hitting social scenes, dating the party life and how, let's be real.
The lgbtq IL plus space for me sometimes isn't a safe space as it should be.
Plus we're gonna talk about dating app and how it made it easier for us to connect, but harder to build something real.
Alright, so let's dive into this.

(02:52):
How are you guys doing and how would you define community? Anybody wanna go first? How do you define community? Well, I'm doing a absolutely amazing, this is my wonderful birthday trip to Brazil actually located.
Oh yes, I should have started off with that.
Yes, in Brazil right now.
So this is a really amazing opportunity to be with the baddest hood deton in the world.

(03:14):
Um.
Well, community means, you know, to me community means being able to not only reach out to people, but also being reachable.
Mm-hmm.
I think sometimes people have a tendency to say, oh, they didn't do this for me, but what have you done for that person? That's community? Almost like literally a circle.

(03:35):
So you saying, I'm sorry to cut you off, but you're saying community is pretty much a ping pong? It, it takes, it takes more than one person because, 'cause if you put the load on one person, then that's how a lot of relationships and friendships gets off sided.
So if you're always the one's calling mm-hmm.
Then off balance.
So when someone stops calling, okay, then it comes off balance.
But you have to.

(03:56):
Keep the circle going.
So I'm reaching out to you.
You're reaching out to me.
I'm there for you.
You're there for me.
It's not more so more than one person being there for this specific person, always.
Mm-hmm.
Because that's where the um, um, the balance.
Balance comes in.
The balance.
Oh, I feel that.
What about you, mark? 'cause I remember we had a conversation and you seem to be really community driven.
Yeah.

(04:17):
You know, I feel like not just in the lgbtqia plus space, but just in the world, right? Mm-hmm.
Community.
But we're all humans and community means, to me, connection.
And showing up for one each other, uh, for one another.
Mm-hmm.
We, I feel like the way we are in society, we operate in silos, which means, you know, we're all worried about ourselves.

(04:38):
You know, we want to have the great body, we want to have the great career, we want to go on these fabulous vacations.
But you also want to be able to, you know, have a great support system, which is your community, which could be, you know, the L-G-B-T-Q-A community.
It could be, you know, if you are a person of color, it could be, you know, a group of black friends.
It could be your family, it could be your neighbors.
It could be many different things.

(04:58):
It could be many different, many different faces.
But for me, community means just having each other's backs showing up for each other.
And I feel like in society, we don't have that right now.
Okay.
Alright.
All right.
I'm gonna pick, I'm very interesting that you, I think we do.
I, I, I think we do.
But I do want to piggyback on what he said.
Nick, do you have anything to say about community? No, I think everybody touched.

(05:18):
On what you believe community is? Yeah, community chosen.
Family is community.
Okay.
So my thing with community is I feel like, you know, I'm all for community.
I have a community with you fellas.
Right? You guys are my friends, but you guys also know I'm hyper and dependent.
So I think for me it's finding that hard balance, as you were saying.
And that's my point with community.

(05:39):
That's my point is like most, I'm speaking from an American standpoint.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, like we said at the beginning of the podcast, we're in Brazil, but most Americans are like London.
I myself can be guilty of that.
We operate in silos, we worry about ourselves first.
Mm-hmm.
You know? But let's be very clear, there's nothing wrong with being conscious of self.

(06:01):
Mm-hmm.
'cause in order to be in a community and be show up in a community, 100%, make sure that it's not, I'm not saying it's a negative thing, it's not necessarily negative.
But that's the reason why we have less of a community now because people are more singular people.
We just are, but okay.
So, but well go back to my point.
Okay? That's not necessarily a, a bad thing because in order for me to show up for you, I have to be my best.

(06:25):
Yes.
So you do have to focus on yourself and make sure that you, yourself is good.
But when what you're talking about is people who are centralized in like cer certain situations where you will see someone get their hair blown off and you're like, okay, because you're so stuck in your own world.
That's what I'm talking about.
Exactly.
But we're not, we are, what we're talking about is actual community and what brings us in a community.

(06:48):
We're not talking about those type of people.
'cause those type of people are those type of people.
We're talking about, are we talking about people that go rogue and meaning bad? When you say those type of people about No, just people that just don't give a fuck.
Yes.
What I mean, we're talking about those people because you can't talk about those people and talk about community.
Well, a lot, unfortunately.
A, there is a lot of people like that in our society now, and that's why I feel like our nation, our world is so divided, you know? Oh, we gonna go there.

(07:13):
It's a part of, I mean, no.
Well, okay, so because we going to go in, I don't want us to go Wow.
Too quick.
Okay.
So I just want to kind of zero this in on one, uh, particular community, which is the L-G-B-T-C-I plus community.
I think I left out the A, um, I don't think it's necessarily a safe space.
I feel like that community Wow.

(07:35):
Because we are divided it.
No, you guys showed me that it Right evidence outside of this group.
Outside of this group.
Let's be real.
What does it matter? That, let's be real.
What do we, it matters if we're talking about community as a whole.
Because for a community to like actually flow and thrive, we have to be accepting.
And the L-G-B-T-Q-I, I'm just, I'm sorry guys.
I'm just gonna say the gay community.

(07:55):
But I am including everybody else in, I'm just saying I don't think it is as inclusive as it should be because that's what it was built for.
Well, I'm gonna finish.
Okay, let's talk about it.
You have the body boys, you know, you have like the other boys that do this and they have the, they're sub communities within this community that ostracize.
Yeah.
Other people.
That's true.
And they're really nasty.

(08:16):
Yeah, that's true about it.
And they do, we cut each other.
I know they say hurt people, hurt people.
We're not the nicest.
A lot of times when you go into like these social situations, well, especially if you are so let's say, you know.
Let's say like me, like I'm, I'm not skinny.
I'm not a typical gay looking guy, right? I'm six foot 1, 250 pounds, I've got a big beard, you know? Mm-hmm.

(08:38):
I'm very mass presenting, right? So if I go into a space that is like, you know, fully white and every, nobody has any body hair.
Everybody's got eight pack abs, they look at me mm-hmm.
And they're like, what are you doing here? You know what I'm saying? No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's like, we're all gay, you know? But I feel it, you know, you feel it.
Like it's something that is palpable.
Yeah.
Yeah.

(08:58):
I feel it for for sure.
Yeah.
No, he's been, and this is the exact thing I'm talking about.
Mm-hmm.
And let me let you guys know what kind of triggered this episode and why I wanted this to be the topic.
Yes.
I was watching a TikTok video, I seen two.
One of them was a black boy, and I think the other boy was Latino.
Mm-hmm.
Um, the black boy, he was young.
He reminded me of us and I'm like, yes.
And he came on TikTok and he was like, you know what? it's really sad.

(09:20):
I had a date.
I had a beautiful date, and we decided to go get a drink.
And this happened in Chicago.
Mm-hmm.
He was like, we went out to go get a drink and as, as I'm sitting there having a drink, I look, it's these group of gays who was older, there was probably around our age, and he was like, oh, they had cool outfits on.
Mm-hmm.
So he said, I noticed they kept looking at us, but I, when my date went to the bathroom, I went over there and I went to one of 'em.

(09:41):
I said, oh my God, I really like your shirt.
Mm-hmm.
You know, young guy trying to make friends.
Just as the guy came overnight.
Mm-hmm.
The guy looked at him and he said, I can take your nigga.
The first thing he said to him, that's so interesting.
He said, the I could take and he said, true.
I was like, such a true, what? I definitely think it was true.
The guy was literate.
'cause then I'm gonna talk about the second TikTok and he said this is why he have a hard time making gay friends.

(10:04):
Hold on second.
No, lemme say the second TikTok.
The second TikTok was a guy documenting his life pretty much like I document my stories.
He started out, he was like, oh my god, I never go out on my own.
You know, I'm about to go out on my own.
This is new for me.
He was excited.
So he gets to the club, show himself, walks to the club.
He was like, okay, I just got my first drink.
I'm gonna sit there.
So he had a couple of drinks.
So he built liquid courage as we always have.

(10:26):
And he said, okay, I'm gonna go start talking to, this guy.
I think this guy's good.
The guy looking at me, I'm looking at him.
I think this is go.
He went over to the guy and the guy laughed in his face.
I was like, why would I ever talk to you now? The guy was a little bit bigger.
Hold on one second.
Yeah.
Let's be very clear.
You're going to a random stranger.

(10:46):
Obviously he filmed this, the second one? No, he didn't film the stranger.
He filmed himself crying afterwards.
So he never filmed the, so he said he never filmed the interaction.
So what happened was he said he was drinking, he was filming his night.
He thought it was going to go good, so he never filmed that.
But after the guy, like after the guy berated him, pretty much, it was like, bitch the fuck you talking to me? Fuck.
He was like, I'm not looking at you for that.

(11:07):
He was crying, profuse like the boy was like crying and he said, I couldn't even finish my fucking drink.
He was like, I was so embarrassed.
I ran out and he was like, I literally, he was like, so this is, this is, this is my take, and this is any community I think, or any surroundings that you put yourself in, I think people have to be very careful, especially when they put stories like this on social media, because to me that would have triggered me because I have my own self awareness myself.

(11:36):
Mm-hmm.
Own self confidence.
Mm-hmm.
When someone has a.
One, it's one sided.
So we have seen his, hear their stories, which can be necessarily true.
Mm-hmm.
But we're only hearing their point of view as far as the boys saying he can take his man.
I don't The first story, the first story, I don't understand I don't fucking know, because that just seems like such a weird thing.

(12:02):
It's possible though.
I'm saying, I'm not saying it's not possible what I'm saying, we know people that are like that.
Right.
But I'm though, it's just like possible.
But why? But my thing is I wish he was here to defend I, it is just very interesting that someone would literally.
Record themselves crying about an interaction, but that may have not went their way.

(12:27):
Mm-hmm.
I would never, ever get on a social media platform and sit here and cry about me not being accepted by someone.
I think the most important thing, and that's about in community, that's one of the most important things with, especially with my community, with family.
Mm-hmm.
Is self-assurance of myself.

(12:49):
But you have a family that you love.
Exactly.
That you're tied with.
But that's the thing.
Not everyone has that.
Exactly, but that's the thing.
It's like, then you get on a social media and then you have this narrative, but that's the what I was gonna say, lemme pick it back on.
And it's like, oh, they're mean girls.
But at the end of the day, if you say this to me.
I genuinely do not give a fuck because when I walk away, just the way I walk to you mm-hmm.

(13:14):
I'm walking away that same person.
I would be a bitch to think I'm gonna sit here and allow you to now make me go on to film myself crying.
Well, you know, Calvin, to piggyback off what, to piggyback off what you're saying, I underst I agree with you because I'm the same as you.
You know, like I, you know, we kind of grew up the same.
I kind of have the same values instilled in me, but I also know that people like London build a community through social media.

(13:40):
Thank you.
And I just wanna say that.
And they go, they vent and they, you know, and those are their friends.
Those are, yes.
That's their community.
I have learned that have followed me for years.
Yes.
But then also to piggyback off of, um, thank you guys for following the podcast that you guys going, you are think with, um, with the confidence, right? Like in, when you are a gay man, especially if you're a gay person of color, go on.

(14:02):
You already know how we have.
Grow up being beat down.
Hello.
You know, let's talk about the communities you grew up in.
And it's not even just from, it's not just from the world, right? It's from our own people.
Hello let's, our own people hate us the most.
I'm going to jump into that, what you said.
Yes.
So, so some people, um, don't have as thick as.
Skin is Calvin and I.

(14:23):
Yes.
You know what I'm saying? Yes.
So I could see that, that I could see that happening.
Okay.
And I, I, you know what? I didn't even think about bringing this up as far as community, but let's take it back.
Why? No, no, no.
He does it.
No, he, no, he said, let's take it back to our people.
I don't know if you guys realized the exact moment where you realized being gay.
Mm-hmm.
was not really accepted, especially our community was frowned upon.

(14:44):
One of my first experiences was a place that was supposed to be community, which was the church.
And I'll never forget.
No, no, no.
I'm starting jumping into church.
Church.
I remember one of the sermons, my pastor, or not my pastor, the, the church's pastor.
'cause he is not my pastor.
I think he's one of the most homophobic pastors in Chicago.

(15:04):
but like I remember one of his sermons was God May, Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
And he would preach this, I felt like at least once a month.
And he was like, I don't got no sugar in my tank.
And I remember the church will go up in the roar.
Ah.
Now mind you, when you gay, you recognize other people.
I'm looking at the choir and we seen, I'm looking at people.

(15:24):
The same thing that happened to Eddie, um, Bishop Eddie Long.
What happened to Bishop Eddie Long was with the mans.
Oh yes.
So like, and he was preaching those same sermons.
Yeah.
And it was like, it's extremely homophobic and it's extremely violent.
Yeah.
And when you're young, imagine hearing that and you identify my first side, like yourself as gay.

(15:45):
I've always known I was gay as, as, as far as my memory goes back to maybe three years old, I've always known that I was gay.
Always.
Right.
And so, like, I grew up in the church and the first time I've ever heard that it was actually wrong to, like another boy was in church.
Mm-hmm.
And it was a very uncomfortable situation, you know what I'm saying? Because I didn't necessarily know.

(16:08):
I wasn't necessarily at sexually attracted to boys.
Mm-hmm.
But I knew I liked them.
Right, right, right, right.
You know, like I knew I, I wanted to be around the boys.
Well, you were young.
Yeah.
I was six years old.
So you didn't, had no sexual, nothing sexual.
Like, and then to hear the preachers saying things like, boys shouldn't be jumping rope.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Boys shouldn't be doing this and boys shouldn't be doing y'all in all activities.

(16:31):
Y'all raising all these sissies.
Yes.
And the church, you know, and that, and I was six years old and it stuck with me.
So then that's why a lot of us.
Grow up to be dl.
Mm-hmm.
Because you are literally afraid.
You are afraid that you're going to lose, lose your family, your family, your community, all your communities, not just your family.
You're afraid you're gonna lose your family, your friends, because you're not out.
You're gonna, you're afraid you're gonna lose your church family.

(16:53):
Yeah.
Your work family, because you can't be out at work, especially if you're black.
Now, if you're white and gay, it might be a little bit easier.
Okay.
I'm not saying So you think, you think that they, that's not talking about the perspective of a white guy because? Because we don't know.
We dunno.
But you just say from your perspective, you think it's a little bit easier for some of them I think because I know for all of them it's not I know, but let, I know for the Italians it's not.

(17:14):
But let me just tell you this.
When we talk about the gay community, the L-G-B-T-Q-I-P-P-P-P and the alphabet.
The alphabet mafia.
Yes.
Where to say the alphabet mafia.
When we talk about those things, I know that some people may have not been communal.

(17:35):
And have a community, and we've had our outside friends.
But I will say this, I've been very blessed, which I've been very blessed within all of my life.
Mm-hmm.
Is I've been blessed with friends like you guys, because I, even though we get into our little tips, but it's, our tips are like brothers tips.
Mm-hmm.
It's not like, yes, we built the brotherhood.

(17:56):
I'm not trying to cut you.
Fuck man.
We, because I gotta, hold on one second.
That's how you open.
Hold on one second.
Hold on one second.
We talk about we never had that.
No, no, no.
We, this, I got a story about that later.
Because this, I think we need to get outta that concept as well as thinking that's the only way that you can cuss someone is sleeping with someone's man.

(18:18):
The thing about the matter is that I know for a fact, no matter how we argue, whatever, I know you're not gonna cut me off at the knees.
You're not gonna cut me off at the knees, you're not gonna cut me off the knees.
You, and if we do have a, if there's something that's awry.
If we argue we're gonna have a actual conversation about whatever, I don't have to worry about y'all.

(18:41):
Exactly.
And I think your point of view is very skewed because you've been in a community mm-hmm.
Within this community that has kind of protected, and I, I'm the same too, but if you know a lot, especially when we're up, you know, we're in our forties upwards.
Mm-hmm.
And we hear about the messiness and all this stuff and all this stuff.

(19:03):
We have a privilege that we never really had to experience that within our circle.
Mm-hmm.
And that's when you can now be like the LGBT when you do experience, like that's fucked up.
Mm-hmm.
But in reality, there's many groups like our group.
No, I'm Okay.
So let me say, I know we not a monolith.

(19:24):
Okay.
So I'm not saying that all is, but I'm saying when you look at us from a larger scope, it is.
I told you I just went out.
Yeah.
I just went out.
A couple of weeks ago with a group of gentlemen that I've been friends with for a few years.
Mm-hmm.
In another group.
And I told you what happened, I was out with this gentleman, but that's mean no, but the thing is it wasn't friendship behavior.

(19:46):
The person came to me as a friend saying, oh, I love you.
Okay.
So guys, the story is, I was out just to cut it out.
Really, really? Um, quick.
Yeah.
Can you gimme one drink? Yeah, me too.
Bitch.
I'm not the bartender.
I am actually a bartender.
Tequila.
Just get one while I tell his story.
Guys, this is unscripted.
So, yeah, I normally don't do unscripted, but yeah, so story time.

(20:10):
I went out a couple weeks ago with another one of my good friends whom is not here, and we was out with, a couple of gentlemen we've known for a couple of years now.
Mind you, I've never really had an issue with these guys.
They've always been nice and, you know, it's been fun.
I just happened to be, I don't know what was up with me this night.
I just happened to be getting a lot of attention and two men wanted me this night.

(20:33):
The first guy that came up on me, he came up on me.
We were like lovey-dovey.
We made out, okay, I am just gonna put it out there.
I was like, two shoots to the wind.
We made out one guy that was in this group and you know what I am, 'cause I don't want to ruin something you got going on.
he came over to me, seeing the guy make up to me.
He was like, oh my God, I don't want you to hurt him.

(20:55):
Don't hurt London.
I want y'all to work, right.
And so I'm like, okay.
He just kept saying, oh, I love you, I love you, I love you.
So me and the guy is like, okay, cool.
We go out, we talk.
Somebody else intercept When the guy went to the bathroom and this other guy was trying to talk to me, and I guess the guy looked over and he felt some type of way.
And so as the guy felt some type of way, he I guess was like, okay, this, he's on bullshit.

(21:19):
And so later he found out that I wasn't, because I told the other guy like, Hey, I am kind of talking to him.
And then I went to the guy and the guy was upset and he was like, yo, why are you, you're talking to him? And I was like, look, I'm not gonna be rude.
I'm just not a rude person.
If somebody tried to come to talk to me, I'm gonna be sweet.
I'm going to try to let you down kindly.
Again, I was two sheets to the wind.
I didn't make out with this guy.

(21:40):
I was only making out with that one guy.
Long story short, once the guy found out that, okay, I wasn't on bullshit, he told me the guy that was on me all night, that was supposed to be my friend who also was twerking in front of him.
I thought that was odd.
'cause he's in a relationship.
I'm just gonna say that.
He told me, he was like, fuck.
I kissed him.

(22:01):
I was like, what you mean? He was like, he was like, you know what? I kissed him in a bathroom.
I feel fucking horrible.
Now he did that because he thought I was snaking him with the other dude.
I get it.
This guy don't owe me anything.
He wasn't my boyfriend.
we had just met that night, but I told him, I was like, okay, thank you for telling, letting me know this so I could disappear from this guy's life.

(22:22):
I would've never thought this was coming from this guy.
And for the continuation of that night when this guy seen me with him, he kept saying, I love you.
I love you.
Don't hurt him.
Don't hurt him.
But then you're making out with him in the bathroom and kissing him behind me.
That's some snake bitch shit.
Like you coming into my face telling me, oh, I'm your friend.
I want y'all to work out, but then you going to kiss the guy that you know you seen me making out with.

(22:46):
Now Calvin already explained to me that he felt like, okay, he wants to see if he could pull somebody that was talking to London Bapi, which, okay, that could've very much been the case.
But I'm saying it also let me know that there's no type of loyalty in building this friendship.
So there go, we was on about three years of friendship, four years of friendship, and it's down the drain because I don't hang out with snake bitches now.

(23:06):
It's not even about the guy.
It's not, it is more about, no, it's more about you coming to my face and telling me I love you and telling me I want y'all to get married and, uh, don't hurt him, but then you pull him in a bathroom and make out with him.
That's really, that's really some snake shit.
Well, I think see, but it's kind of circumstantial.
Right.
You know, and like we have to, so going back to kind of like everything we've been talking about from the beginning about, you know, community and experiences, you know, within the community, what sometimes the core of, and the root of a lot of things is our trauma, right? Mm-hmm.

(23:40):
For black gay men, it is trauma on a lot of different levels.
100%.
It's generational trauma.
It is systemic trauma.
It.
You know, trauma within our communities is trauma deep within our communities as gay men as well too.
Mm-hmm.
You know? So I think the key is to be able to identify that, you know, because some of the stories you were saying earlier about like the, you know, the kid they got on, you know, on there talking about his experience with people and stuff like that.

(24:05):
And to Calvin's point, you also have to, you have to have confidence.
Mm-hmm.
You have to have confidence in this.
But what about the people that don't? Not everybody have confidence.
We're lucky enough, but I'm saying, yeah, I'm understand We're lucky enough life, but life sometimes has to prepare you for that.
Because, 'cause what'll happen is that you'll keep, you'll hold onto that trauma so fucking tightly to the point that that's gonna be experienced with everybody.

(24:27):
Everybody.
So you go into every room Ooh.
Thinking that the girls are trying to get at you.
And that's not what it is.
Don't get me wrong.
There are mean girls out.
Mean girls.
Thank you.
That's all I'm saying.
But mean girls is just, but you can't just say that.
You can't just say that's mean girls.
And then, so for example, you're, we don't know that backstory.
Mm-hmm.
So we don't know that trigger.
But my point is you get now, you got on the internet and then that's just the narrative about.

(24:51):
But the reason I would say this, that's why I saying a black person, you only even experienced maybe one black person in your life, and then you just think they all, no, but creating an unnecessary propaganda.
But I don't know if it's unnecessary because I see it more often than not.
Let so, let make No you, but are you, but are you a part of that? No.
Hold on one second.
I'm lucky enough not to be though.
I've already identified, said yourself that you don't fuck with the girls.

(25:12):
I don't.
So let, so how you gonna say such a thing? Okay, we'll talk about that later.
Marcus want to talk? And then I'll tell you.
Oh, now you want, so Marcus talk first.
So let me, so let me, so you know, bitch, I'm gonna be real.
I have these friends, right? I have this group of friends and we're all black gay men.
We're all around the same age.
Right? But when I was growing up, I had multiple groups of friends that I would go into their spaces and I was a part of their spaces.

(25:36):
Mm-hmm.
At least I thought I was right.
Mm-hmm.
So to give an example to, you know, kind of give an example of what that boy was going through.
Mm-hmm.
That the stuff that I went through, there was no social media.
Okay.
Okay.
For me to go on and vent to anybody.
So for example, when I first came out, I literally didn't know that there was a black gay thing.
I thought it was just white gays and Hispanic gays because I grew up in, in Chicago.

(26:00):
That's really interesting.
And my first gay friend was, uh, a Mexican guy.
We were the same age.
We kinda had the same interest and he would, he was showing me the gay life.
And in every room that I walked in, I was the only person that was like me.
Mm-hmm.
And they made me feel it.
Only person like you is as far as black.
Not just black like me, like you know, mass presenting.

(26:23):
Right.
Mask presenting.
Yes.
Massing, heavyset.
Um, also because I'm black right? Uhhuh, so I was going to, you know, a lot of Hispanic.
Spaces and a lot of white spaces.
And they made me feel it.
They did.
They made you feel it.
And in the gay community I felt it for sure.
So I could see that, you know that happening.
Yes.
And sometimes it did hurt my feelings.

(26:44):
Thank you.
But I'm tough real.
But I'm tough.
And I will go in their spaces and be like, I'm in here bitch.
And I will shake my ass and pull your, your man in your face.
If you're gonna be nasty to me, I'm going to show you.
And that's the confidence.
Why you trying to try to pull, why Trying, man.
And that's the confidence.
That's what the boys said, said, well, and that's well because they lighted me first.
Right.
And that's the confidence that I'm talking about.

(27:06):
Yes.
Most people, that's not a confidence.
Hurt people hurt you.
Most people would not go back in those spaces.
Right, right, right.
If you go into a space and you're not, and you don't feel welcome, you wouldn't go back, bitch.
I was there every week.
Mm-hmm.
Until they loved me.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
They, they saw my dance moves, they saw my style, they saw I was a nice person.
Then they were like, they're beautiful.
On top of that, they were like, who the fuck is this bitch? You know? Then they love you.

(27:28):
But in the beginning they were like, Ew, but they were nasty and that, and that's the point.
The thing what Marcus is saying is I'm saying, be careful on saying nasty and standoffish.
You not accept to new people.
No, no.
So no one ever came up to me and, okay, so let's, because Calvin, one pointing a finger back at me.
I want you to, and you want me to dive into me.
So what we're talking about is this, this the, okay, so to Calvin Point, I'm not always open to meeting new people because I know how shady people are.

(27:56):
I am from Chicago.
I just told you a situation with somebody I've known for three years.
If this dude, hypothetically, let's say I was dating this dude, the guy I introduced to my friends.
So let's say I, I was dating him, right? If I dated him and he kissed him, I would've been heartbroken, okay? This dude was telling me he loved me, he wanted us to get married.
But then you go back there and you.

(28:16):
You know, you making out with somebody I just made out with, I would never make out with a man that my friend made out with.
That is nasty.
You hear me? Like, I literally just kissed a guy about fucking 30 minutes ago and now you in a bathroom, you're in a poly relationship.
I'm, I don't do that because I don't do poly relationships because I, if I see you riding my man, I Polly beat your ass.

(28:37):
But let, that's why I don't do that.
But Desha, let me ask you this, right, Jesus.
But lemme ask you, so in this situation where you said you made out with the, this guy that you was in love with, right? Mm-hmm.
30 minutes bitch.
I wasn't in love with him.
It was the principle we were talking.
But listen, and we're building something to what you're saying.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, because I want, I just, I want you to peep something Ooh.

(28:59):
That you don't see.
Okay.
Tell me.
So you making out with him and shit, y'all vibing, whatever the case may be and then somebody intercepted.
Don't forget that part, but, but let me, lemme finish.
But then.
He made up with that guy 30 minutes later? Did he? No.
No.
So the guy that he seen me did Okay.
No, listen.
The guy that seen him making out with me, which I thought was a friend, came to us once he seen it and told him, you better not hurt him.

(29:21):
He said, I love him.
He was like, you know I'd do anything for you London.
He was like, I love him.
He looked at him, he was like, you better not hurt him.
But when he looked at him, he was like, damn.
I guess so.
But it don't, but the thing is, look, lemme tell you, hey, he told me he fine.
Look, I'm hard up.
I'm not having a good time in my relationship right now.
I know that you kissed him.
Do you mind as a friend? I would've like, of course.

(29:43):
I thought, what do you, do you mind if he, if he kissed him? No, I would've just backed off because I'm not making out with him no more.
I would've like switched the gear.
The whole thing is this.
I wouldn't even get mad at the, the boy.
I get mad at the fucking nigga.
No, it don't matter.
'cause the dude is the one that told me, and I told him this.
I told, well, why did he kiss him? The dude, because he was trying to get back at me because he thought I was snaking him for the other dude to talk to me.

(30:05):
It sound like he was in a party full of snakes.
Get these stakes off this motherfucking place.
It sound like get these, it sound like you need to find a new place to party, babe.
No, no.
It don't matter.
But no, no, but no, no, no.
That not I'll party.
No, but I'm taking it back to what Calvin said, why I am closed off.

(30:28):
That was me making an attempt to make somebody a friend.
You know it take a while to be a friend.
I've been hanging out with this same group for three years and I thought, okay, this is my separate group that this, that gonna grow.
Like you've been to that boy's house? Who? This said friend.
You been to his house? No, he ain't been in my house either.
But the thing is, we in New York, that's not your friend Bitch.
Bitch, lemme tell you like this.

(30:48):
I work a lot New York.
I do understand.
For me to, that's an associate and I, I, I would never call a bitch.
You ain't been, you ain't broken no bread with me in my oxygen home.
I ain't broken no bread with you.
You're not a friend, you don't, I think friendships could come on different levels.
What? I think friendship.
I'm not gonna say his last name over here, but I do know his last name.
Oh, you do? I do know his last name.
I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna say no.
Well, I like, because it, the situation, it gets a lot thicker and I don't want to, I told you I'm not being old me.

(31:14):
I don't wanna be as messy as I could be maybe.
But I did feel some type of way and that's why I'm being vulnerable now because it's somebody, he, when you coming to me saying, oh, I love you, this, this, whatever did man, did I want to, it was my man for the night.
Okay.
It's my, it was my man for the night.
It, it wasn't necessarily about the guy because again, the guy I had just met that night, it was more so about a friend of mine whispering how they were my friend of my ride or die all night, but in the same breath went in a bathroom and was making out with a guy that they said they want me to marry.

(31:48):
Do you get what I'm saying? I do get, I do, and I, it doesn't happen often because I don't step outside of my group.
I, I'm blessed.
I don't to step outside my group.
I, I do understand that, but I feel like if that was, you're quote unquote, if he was sitting here putting on you that you were Sam marry, you would marry him.
'cause the energies were aligned.
It would, even if he kissed this boy.

(32:09):
Y'all energies will lock up into No.
'cause I would never marry somebody that like literally kissed my friend the same night.
And I told him that, why not? I told him, look, I after he felt bad and he told me he was, there's no ties.
Y'all don't have no ties.
Look, I don't believe I own anybody, but with me it's a certain decor I have.
It's a certain respect I had.
Even when you mayor, you don't have no ownership of nobody.

(32:30):
I don't have no ownership, but I have ownership of myself.
And the thing is, my boundaries should be respected.
And once I explained that to him exactly, but you don't own.
And so if your person wants to do whatever they want to do, I think we be like, and that's why people be in the street rolling around on the ground because you think you have ownership over a dick.
I don't think it, I don't think it's about ownership over a dick.
I think it's about understanding.

(32:51):
If you are with somebody, now again, we're not talking about this guy you are in, but if I'm with some, let's say I'm in a relationship and we agree to be monogamous, monogamy is a definition.
My thing is if even if they agree.
You need to, obviously this, you have broke into the contract, you need to go ahead and move on.
Oh, and that's what I'm saying.
I moved on, I dropped a nigga too and a friend or the person I thought was my friend.

(33:13):
Bitch you ain't, wasn't in nobody in the contract with neither one of them.
I was a was a one.
This ain't your friend and that wasn't your man.
Okay.
So one thing about this group is we let somebody know who ain't who friend.
I should never brought another friend example.
It ain't ain't about that, but bitch, you ain't never been to this house.
I don't think that means anything because it is like literally I don't have to go to the house.
So how do you know how you live? Okay, this person I believe live with their parents.

(33:39):
So that's why I haven't been in the house.
I asked how he know how you live.
You ain't invited this man.
If this is your friend, why you ain't never invited him to your home? Because I haven't home multiple times.
We known each other.
We not naming names, this we're talking about off the pocket.
But you don't know this group.
It's a whole separate group.
That's what I'm saying about, it's a whole separate group.
You know I had like, you know like, you don't know this group.

(33:59):
Nobody knew it was a group.
I was building this relationship outside my original group.
'cause everybody say if you talking about three years in and you ain't never said, Hey, come over for dinner.
What the tea? Because bitch, y'all don't cook dinner.
You gotta understand my lifestyle.
I don't cook.
You know, it's just one of those things.
I haven't hosted a party.
That's why like if I hosted, if I hosted a party is no.

(34:21):
And the funny thing is, I was getting there.
I was saying, Hey, I said you.
Yes.
'cause I was like, Hey, we're gonna invite, I was gonna invite Nick.
Yeah.
Because it takes that long for me to say, you gonna be a friend.
But my point is, is let's say he is not, even, if you wanna say he is not even a friend, why come to me and say, okay, I want you guys to work.
I want you guys to, you know, he can't say that.
No type of shit like that.

(34:42):
You just met the boy in the club that night.
It mean, and honestly, it, to sum it up, to sum it up, it sounds like y'all had been drinking.
Yes, we were.
Yes.
I'm just, okay.
You guys not getting this.
The action, it's the action.
Like I said, the boy, I'm not hurt.
I'm not, I'm more hurt about the, no, I'm not gonna say I felt some type of way about the guy I thought was my friend.
The guy that literally, he let me know what his mo, his motive was.

(35:05):
Of course he felt that, you know, I was snaking him.
So he wanted to snake me before I could snake him.
And once I told him, he had the decency to say this, but the thing that, the thing that you missing is you don't know if, if he's saying that he did this to snake you, you don't know his motives for telling you.
'cause why would he tell you such a thing after? Because lemme tell, you know, I read energy and the one thing you gotta understand is I know when he told me that, and I told him I wasn't gonna be his friend no more, this guy looked hurt and he said, fuck, I wish I didn't say anything.

(35:35):
That's, and we had a conversation that's, that's fucking a lie.
No, no noun.
You, la la la, you, la la la la la.
Because why would he wanted, he wanted to hurt you.
He was going anyway was now he stabbed you in your back.
And now he done told you about some friend because he probably was the one who went and kissed the friend, blah la blah.
But the thing is, shouldn't have friend had came to me first.

(35:56):
If he did that, he probably drunk.
He'd probably like, I don't say there's no excuse.
Okay, that is, it's all la la la, la.
All right, so we're gonna move on because, so what, to answer your question, yes, I am closed off a little.
I am open to good energy.
I read good energy, and if a bitch I feel like is, you know, showing that they vibe, then yes.

(36:18):
So, but you're part of the community, so if someone comes to you.
How would you treat this person? I go out right now, I'm now putting myself in those in environments.
Hold on.
So if someone was to come to you and be like, Hey, I like your outfit.
I, I would absolutely.
I love you.
We seeing it on the camera last night? Make sure you get the, like, I literally, I like, no, I love you.
I'm gonna show, if you show me love, I'm showing you love.

(36:40):
Okay.
But I'm just a, like, going back to you saying like me being closed off to people.
I'm saying this is why I could shoot the keys with you.
I could Kiki with you.
We could be like, whatever.
I'm going to dance with you.
I've been out with several of Nick friends and I dance with them.
You know, we have a good time.
And I'm like, oh my God, you know, whatever.
I would be your fucking best friend for the night.
I could be your associate.

(37:01):
I'm going to show you love if you show me love.
They want What if they want you past tonight? What you mean? What? You had a good time.
They reach out to you, be like, Hey, it starts with like, it has to happen naturally like this, but I have to feel it.
I'm just saying this is, I'm skeptical.
I'm very selective.
So you don't think anybody else in the community? I think right now it's getting increasingly difficult because most of us, to Nick's point and he hit it on the head, he was like, a lot of gay men, especially black gay men, is dealing with trauma.

(37:30):
A lot of them are not, you know, going through therapy or looking at themselves to figure out why they have this trauma and what he said was very valid.
It is more than, it's, it's a lot, it's a lot of men out there.
I see it and they're operating like they look like they're normal and they're going out here and they're, I, I say misbehaving.
They don't know how to be a good friend.

(37:51):
They don't know how to turn down temptation.
They don't know, like if he was a good friend to me, if he loved me, like he said he loved me.
Regardless if was the night, if he really thought, if, lemme tell you, if he thought we was going to be fucking married, whatever, like if the guy was hitting on him, he would've said.
Yo, whatever, then he would've came to me as a friend.
Like any one of you probably would've say, yo, this nigga pushed up on me in the bathroom.

(38:14):
But guess who let me know, confirmed it.
My good bitch I was with that night when I told him what happened, my bitch was like, ah, it makes sense 'cause this is what happened.
This is when it happened.
And I thought it was a fluke 'cause I seen him tap him and say, follow me to the bathroom.
And he was like, I seen him tap him when I was at the bar, get him my drink.
My girl was like, I'm at the bar.
Get him my drink.
He follow.

(38:34):
And he was like, you follow? And that's what he told me.
He said, he told me and he was like, he went there, I think it was a, um, what they call a, um, circumstance of opportunity.
I feel like the, it was, well they, one second they got they second ass opportunity out my life and it's fine.
So, but Thatall, that's the whole point.
You, you now, you about, so when you see this person, 'cause obviously he gonna still be upset.

(38:57):
I'm not gonna see him.
No, I'm going to.
I'm not, I'm just gonna ignore them.
They're done.
I don't even have to talk to him ever again.
We're not talking about the boy, we're talking about your friend.
Oh, he's not my friend.
He's done.
He won't be getting a text message, responded.
If he text me too much, I would block, he's, he will be blocked.
I don't have to talk to him ever again.
I would never run into him, ever.

(39:18):
So you don't wanna have a conversation with no point of view what was, what is PV? But we, I just feel like we could wrap this up because I do want to go onto something else.
Lemme just make, uh, let me just make a point before we wrap it up.
But also don't, you know, going back to the whole trauma thing, like yes, there are people who have those behaviors and all of that shit, but also being the energy of like, look for the good because there are amazing friends out there always.

(39:43):
They're amazing.
I'm looking at 'em, partners and collaborators.
I'm looking at them now in our community like, so.
Like, I think the key is like you're going to, as we go navigate through life, we're gonna always deal with that shit.
Right? Yeah, I agree.
But it's like you gotta look for the good.
Hold onto that and understand that, you know, there relationships that come up and then sometimes tho those relationships change.

(40:04):
Mm-hmm.
You know what I'm saying? Like the person that was your op in the beginning, you know, may end up becoming your friend.
It sometimes it's just, it's a mix.
Like a And your friend made become your No.
What? I mean, that's life.
It is like a snake scared.
She, the skin change is inevitable, but be open.
That's, that's my word to you.
No, the thing is I'm open, but I'm selected.

(40:25):
You're smart, but be open because you, you also say you're open, but then there is, there's a glass brick wall up so people can see.
Not a glass brick wall.
No, I know they Okay, Nick.
Okay, well that comes, that's, that's my segue.
My segue is okay, and I'll receive what you guys are saying, but again, I literally just want to wrap it up.

(40:46):
That is why, um, my ettes, I love you guys.
Those who are listening to me now, you my friend, we are family.
I built this community over years.
So, and I have my community here, so I really don't have to fuck with these bitches.
I'm gonna be real with you.
Oh boy, Jesus.
And that's what it is.
So that's how we wrapping it up.
And I'm not trying to say I'm a part, I may be a part of the problem.
Yes.
Now we're going to talk about why I feel like on a romantic tip.

(41:09):
Why it's hard to connect because I feel like nowadays it's almost harder to connect on a romantic level with guys as if, because back in the day it was easier.
I think the apps has made it easier for us to connect physically, but it pushes us emotionally distant, you know what I mean? Cey has a step out of this one 'cause he don't know shit about this so, well, you don't know nothing about this.

(41:32):
I don't have nothing about, I mean, do you think it's easier, Nick, of the, the date now or do you think it's harder? Do you think that connections is organically made now? Or do you think the apps, 'cause I feel like the internet has changed the game.
I think that yes, the apps and, and the way we communicate has changed the, the climate of dating.
But I also feel like it is down to us as people.

(41:54):
You know what I mean? Like our willingness to like, when you see that person out.
Mm.
Let me highlight like, you know what I'm saying? Like all of those, those things that we kind of like hold us back.
Right? You mean the vulnerability is what you're talking about? Just when we're in person, like I feel like we as a society, we're challenged with that.
Like some people can, you know, they know how to be personable and they can pull up to you.
But otherwise, when you talk to most gay people, it's like they'll stare at you all night and that's not everybody again.

(42:19):
Oh, but on top.
Yes, bitch.
What that boils down to is that we, that's true.
We've been kind of like conditioned to communicate and to go after things in a certain type of way.
So when we're in these physical spaces, we don't know what to do anymore.
So I think for me, I've been making it a, a.
Like a point to when I'm out, try not to be on my phone.
I'm trying to be more engaging.

(42:39):
Like I've made a purpose.
A couple years ago I got off the apps.
Mm-hmm.
Because I just wasn't interested in that anymore.
I, I think that was good.
Wasn interested in that was great.
Great.
I just wanted more of an organic, I wanna, I wanna feel your energy when I'm next.
Okay.
What I'm saying.
No, but I'm saying now when you do see these guys, because let's be real, the majority is on the apps.
Do you think it makes them hard to have deep communication? Because I come to find out, a lot of guys, even on the apps, even in person, don't know how to get beyond WYD.

(43:05):
They even abbreviate it.
What is this? What you doing? Or, oh, WYD or Suck.
It is like, when it comes to four sentences, they don't even bother to put the energy into it.
Oh, I'm not talking.
Um, it's more of a physical, most likely.
If you cannot, if you cannot just write, just say good morning.

(43:25):
You say gm? Yeah, gm.
They, GM is Notori or gm.
That's one about like, it's like it's a pet peeve.
I just feel like I, but I'm weird too in a, in a sense of like, give me a complete sentence in text, which is not a normal thing to give a complete sentence, but like, when I write a text message, I try to put a, a comma.

(43:50):
Mm-hmm.
A period, those type of things.
You try to put a full thought behind it.
I try to like give you a full sentence, you know? Mm-hmm.
And sometimes my sentence may be run on if you guys know what that means, but it's text message.
But like, it doesn't matter.
But, but to me it does.
'cause it's like my, your intellect.
I need your intellect with me to be all the way through.

(44:10):
So that's from texting me, meeting in person.
I need to see how you work with your intellectuals.
Like, I need one thing for sure.
Book smarts is, uh, extremely important.
Let's be very clear.
So you want somebody, but I need someone who has common sense.
So common sense is a common.
And it is not.

(44:30):
But the thing about the matter is, I need you to know like day-to-day things.
I need you to know those type of things.
Like that would be the first.
But one of the things I'm talking about is the difficulties of finding somebody that knows the day-to-day things.
They're not out there.
I'm saying that, and me as somebody who date, who is living the Carrie Bradshaw life, you know, the black gay Carrie Bradshaw, the sex in the city.

(44:53):
I, I always have dates.
The one thing I will say that I'm blessed in that aspect.
There's definitely a bitch that's gonna want to have a drink or take me out to dinner.
But I come to find out when I'm sitting across from a lot of guys, I'm the one that's talking about things.
So yeah.
I'm gonna tell you about chakras.
Let's talk about astrology.
Let's talk about, you know what CN said, alien exists, gentleman, today at the beach.

(45:15):
Okay, so, so we're here in Brazil and unfortunately on my last night, unfortunately, I will say I did meet somebody on my last, fortunately, but I, we didn't get to hang, I didn't get really get, really get to hang with him.
But he was amazing.
Like, I'm not gonna lie.
So he was once in a blue moon, he came over, he sat next to us.

(45:36):
He was a fucking vibe.
We had a beautiful conversation.
He's really extremely intelligent.
The man was gorgeous.
Let's talk about that body for fucking days.
Oh my God.
Like he was absolutely beautiful and he was smart, but we don't know if he gay girl, he could be straight and, but the thing that's the crazy thing about it, it was like he probably was a straight man.

(45:59):
Most likely with my luck, he'll be straight.
but I'm just saying in our community, a lot of times the apps have made it hard, harder for us to build something deeper.
Like when I tell a guy like, oh, we need to go on a date, you know, what their ideal of a date is.
What, let me just come over and we're gonna smoke.
Well, lemme tell you this.
I think, you know, with these type of situations, I have met people off dating apps.

(46:25):
Mm-hmm.
But I feel like it has to be a consensual understand that it is, that are we gonna push through our, if our energy is gonna push through? 'cause you people have met their husbands off of these apps and people have met their person off these apps.
But you have to really push forward and building a connection.

(46:51):
There are, in situations in life, there are certain connections that happens literally when you lock your eyes with the person also.
Yeah, they're kinetic.
There's also, but there's also connections that you actually have to work and build.
But even if you did see that person, you connected, you have to put in the work.

(47:12):
I'm always about balance.
I cannot be the only one calling you.
You cannot be the only one calling me.
The balance is off.
So if you yourself, you can, first of all, apps only just makes it like it cuts away from the what McCall.
Mm-hmm.
You could still build a genuine connection off a app, but you have to do the work.

(47:37):
Just like if you met a person.
Mm-hmm.
That night you have to do the work.
Most people do not want to do the work.
They're expecting someone else to do the work.
I agree with you a hundred percent.
That is a lot of the problem.
It's not the apps, it's people saying, oh, I met him on the app One.
People most likely are ashamed to say, you met your husband on the, and that's crazy.

(47:59):
'cause I would never be, but why? But, but the thing about the I wouldn't be, but that goes into it's You met him off the app.
No, the connection.
You built your connection with your person matter.
You meet them in the grocery store, at the gas station or on a app or in a club, or at a bath house, whatever the case may be, you're building a connection with someone else.

(48:23):
I agree.
I think people agree.
Fail to realize is that you, when you meet someone, no matter where you met them, the territory doesn't matter, but the connection matter.
The the connection, but also putting forth the connection.
I hear a lot of times it's like, oh, he, but that's the issue.
He, hold on.
He didn't call me, but did you call him? Okay, but let's be real, if we're gonna talk about that is nowadays, if you call somebody too much, it's called thirsty.

(48:50):
That's the thing.
You can't really, let's be real, you can't be calling a guy.
That's, that goes into point.
If you always the one calling, then it looks like thirsty.
So, yeah, can happen, but nobody wanna reciprocate that.
A lot of times if you're, if you're calling, calling, calling to stop, calling, calling, calling.
That's obviously, that's, and I'm saying that, so it should be, I called you.
You call me, you call me, I'll call you.

(49:16):
It's a a, a flow.
People realize it's a flow of energy.
It's a ebb and flow that makes people that literally connect and be like, you're my person.
Okay? No.
Once you, once it start getting too heavy on one side, then look, let me tell you this, I don't think anybody start off as your person.
I'm gonna be, I'm gonna start off with that.
I believe you walk into love.

(49:36):
I don't believe you fall into love.
I think the way in my eyes, the way it happened is I see you, you see me? We going to date? The first date is good.
Alright, let's see each other again.
Then we going to second date.
The second date is good.
Okay, let me see again.
Then we go on the third date, we're going to museums.
And then, you know of the physical attraction, of course is, is there, okay? And the physical attraction there.
And we build from that.

(49:57):
And then that's what trust come into, okay, what do you do? This is what you start to go, no, listen.
And this is how relationships start for me, after maybe I would say.
For me, three to like six months, you start planting a seed and then you start to build roots in each other lives.
That is what's going to anchor a relationship, um, for me.

(50:19):
Uh, and so I just don't think a lot of people have the capacity to even get to the first, like, seed is more so we look at each other as meat.
I look at you, I'm like, damn, he hot, he's sexy.
Mm-hmm.
And I can't even lie.
We all have what we call post nut clarity.
It's like you see a guy, he's hot, you fuck him.

(50:39):
Once you come, you look at him as like, speak for yourself.
Well, I'm not gonna lie, I also this sometimes clarity, this is another thing.
I don't believe in building trust.
That's a lot of what people, 'cause if you are in my space, I trust you until you show me otherwise.
In your space, like how your personal home, your presence, personal, yes.

(51:01):
I would invite a stranger to my own.
I trust if I, if I had the energy, if I feel your energy enough to come to my home, then I will trust you.
I don't have Marcus, you don't have the build trust for me.
Now, can you take away trust with me? Yes.
But I think trust immediately when I'm what you call with you, I trust you.

(51:22):
I trust that you would not hire me in this moment.
So you give them the trust in the beginning.
And I feel like that, and that, that, that happens to me.
I feel like, you know, when I do give trust and when it's betrayed, I, I take it deeply.
I that deeply.
I, my thing about the matter is that is relative as well because it's like, did, did I die? No you didn't.

(51:43):
But let's be real.
I think a lot of times we make the mistake of acting like we don't have feelings and we don't get hurt.
But did I die? I'm the type of person, no.
I'm the type of person that if I feel uncomfortable, if something you did make me feel some type of way, I'm gonna articulate it.
And it is not that I die.
It is like, this is how I felt.
And that's communicating.
And not a lot of us is not comfortable enough in our own skin, or a lot of guys is not comfortable enough in their own skin to accept it.

(52:11):
They still want to project, oh, well that's just you.
instead of hearing you out or like, or taking accountability and look, that's fine.
But sometimes it is you.
No, I could, it could be you.
So you, but be able to have that conversation.
I would, what I would personally do is I take a step back and be like, you think about it.

(52:36):
Alright, so I want to segue this into what I'm noticing now is a drug issue within our community.
What I talking apparently a lot of these girls is so stuff.
Hold on one second.
Tina baby.
We'll scratch this for the record.
'cause drugs has been prevalent in this community for years.
Oh really? We not about to be on this f we not about to be on this podcast.

(52:58):
Acting like you don't know drugs has been No, I'm talking about particularly like, particularly drugs have been a huge factor in this community before you born.
Do you think it's, do you think it's an issue? No.
And do you think people, do you think, okay, so do you think people, because it's always been part of it's, it is the girls that do it and the girls that don't.

(53:19):
Do you think a lot of people do it to numb themselves? For the pain that they're dealing with.
Listen, like we just, like Nick said, like Nick said, we have Nick, let me be very clear, I ain't never done no hard drugs.
I wanna put that out there.
I don't judge.
None of these girls said do.
Mm-hmm.
Do hard drugs, whatever you feel.
And I've lived in New York way before any of these girls, 2008 to be exact.

(53:42):
And when the people was, when they would invite you to a stall and that's was saying, that was their worry of saying hello.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Drugs has always been prevalent in this community.
I feel like I'm just saying it was a part of the community, but now it has gotten like bad, like Tina, like, you know, bitches doing crack.

(54:02):
Um, I think that the heavier the drug mean, I mean that's all the heavier the drug is, the more pain I feel like a person is dealing with.
And you know, so bitches ain't never had drugs.
Like I talked this one guy.
This one guy told me like, he was like, yeah, 'cause you know, every time I meet somebody, they're on that stuff.
And I found out about a new drug last night.

(54:22):
I didn't know about like liquid G.
And what should for your, people that don't know the drug bro, what is Tina? 'cause everyone, I don't know.
I think Tina is crystal meth.
That's, you can't think, I believe it is.
You can't get on the what thing? So I Google it yourself.
But I believe Tina is crystal meth and it is the pandemic.
A lot of guys, my friend and I was walking down the street and this guy walked us after we had just left, guy Yuku.

(54:44):
It's this amazing Japanese restaurant.
You guys should try it.
And this guy, this beautiful, y'all cute guy, he came to us.
He was like, you know, I could get Tina.
I said, oh, no baby.
Matter of fact, no.
I said, oh no baby.
That's Hugo Luo.
Tina, Nick, we ain't got time for that.
Yes we do.
No, it's, it's crystal meth.

(55:05):
It's crystal meth.
Okay, so we got a plan to get on.
This is the section of the thing is the.
But this is taking time baby.
Let's get to the points.
Okay.
Nick is ready.
Ready to go.
Marcus is fucking washing holes.
Now this shows you No go.
No, come here.
We need on this subject.
I definitely agree with Calvin Drugs.
Unfortunately, the gay community have been very prevalent for a very long time.

(55:30):
But that's not to say that it is a, a positive thing.
Those kind of drugs that the gays take will take you out.
Yeah.
And we personally know people who have died 100%.
I personally don't.
It's K people who have died from using those drugs.
So ain't like just you taking some fucking weed or something.
It's serious.
No, and I, and that's what I'm saying, we've seen overdoses, we've known people who has, you know, no longer are with us because it made them expire and it is.

(56:01):
I think it comes back to what we were talking about, the trauma.
I just think, you know, think also it's cultural where you think it's cultural.
With the gay community, I feel like if you were hang out with a certain type of gays, it is cultural.
Like I had a, you know, a friend, everybody to my birthday parties, that bitch, I'm gonna be high on Coke the whole time and that's his life.

(56:26):
Okay.
But you know, it is what it is.
Okay.
So I have to catch a plane and this has been good.
It is been interesting.
Um, this is what unscripted look like for me.
You guys see why I have to have a scripted podcast? Because we go, no, this is why you don't have a scripted because you need to go off of your actual feeling emotion.

(56:46):
I do, I do.
I write my feelings out before I get on this.
No, because you need to be in the moment.
This recording.
No, but I love it.
I love it because again, we talked about the LGB, the Alphabet mafia, and I got to have my first guest on, so now I can move forward.
Yes.
Well, um, this is Callie signing out, and thank you guys for allowing us to have this space.
Um, you know, London is one of the most amazing unicorns in the, you know, life.

(57:11):
And we do truly appreciate him.
Hopefully you guys continue to support him on his journey of yes, being one of originals.
Support our brother, support our brother.
He's been in the game.
Most of you guys don't know 20 over 20 years where he's been, he's been doing this since the inception of YouTube.
He's one of the first people to be be doing this.
So y'all support him.
Listen, follow him on all his, uh, social media platforms.

(57:34):
Once again, you can follow me and share, share, share, and share.
I'm on social media platforms at left on red.
Shaking my head yes, but shaking my head.
S mh.
Thank you guys.
You trying to close.
Thank you so much London for, uh, hosting us.
Oh, thank you Nick.
You know, um, let me let you let you guys know.
S back to tie back up to community.

(57:55):
You guys have been my community for years and I really do love you guys and I appreciate each and every last one of you.
I'm so happy you guys are my first guest on this podcast.
It means so much to me that you guys participated in this.
We are in Brazil.
Guys also know that we haven't really taken a trip with the four of us in 20 years, and this has been a most beautiful experience.

(58:16):
We made some amazing memories and I am lucky, I am one of the blessed ones.
So when I say the LG alphabet mafia space isn't a safe space, I'm not talking about really from personal experience, but I'm talking about from my little brothers that I've seen out there struggling.
And then when they talk to me and we talk about these things, I say, Hey, I see it.
I see you guys.
I hear you guys, and I feel you and I'm with you and what I hope.

(58:40):
This podcast, does it shed light on how we could possibly be better.
I want to be able to be a little bit more open going forward, because I'm not saying I'm not a part of the problem, um, but I do want to see more groups of friends being built.
Also, I want the ageism to stop.
I want the, you know, fatphobia to stop.
I want the fucking, we no facts, no fms, the, the hate against films to stop the hate against the transgenders to stop.

(59:04):
I feel like if we're gonna be a safe space, we have to be all inclusive.
Not saying you can't have your type, but do not hate.
Okay, this is London Bambi, the Hood debutante.
You guys have been amazing.
Obviously you guys know where to follow me at London Bambi at the hood Debutante at Black Balloon.
Check out my business, get my book, blood in my Mouth, you know, the chakra code, the guy from beginners, and yeah, I'm signing off.

(59:31):
Peace.