October 30, 2024 • 16 mins
Episode 14: The Importance of Boundaries
In this episode of The Hood Debutante, host London Bambi dives deep into the art of setting, upholding, and protecting personal boundaries. Whether you're navigating complex relationships, striving to reclaim your time, or learning to honor your energy, this episode is all about creating a life that respects your worth. Join London as He breaks down the different types of boundaries, offers practical tips for defining and communicating them, and shares insight on how to hold firm, even when it's tough.
Tune in for an empowering conversation on why boundaries are essential for self-love and self-respect.
It's time to protect your peace and let the world know what's okay and what's not.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:13):
Let's roll up, it's a new high.
Good laughs and some good vibes.
.999It's a safe space to talk about all the dope things that's on our mind.
From world travel to philosophies, we stay stylish, come and rock with me.
It's a good time, we got the sauce to make champagne, which is reality, uh. 6 00:00:28,390.001 --> 00:00:31,89.999 We do it for the culture, gotta show them what we can be. 7 00:00:31,879.999 --> 00:00:32,749.999 This is the high life.
Yeah, we oh so fancy.
(00:35):
Keep it a G cause we are family.
It's the Hood Debutant with London Bambi, uh.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
.9Yo, what's up rock stars? Welcome back to another episode of the Hood Debutant.
(00:57):
.999podcast with Your host me london bambi coming at you with love a little sass and a whole lot of realness Okay. 14 00:01:09,869.999 --> 00:01:10,239.999 Okay.
.999So today's topic is one. 16 00:01:11,619.999 --> 00:01:14,710 I think we all know All could use a little refresher on from time to time.
It's about personal boundaries.
Let's just get right into it because this episode is all about creating and upholding our personal boundaries.
(01:23):
.999All right.
So here's what we're covered today.
First, first, we're going to dive into what boundaries are, why we need them and the different types of boundaries.
We may not even know Then we'll move on to how to create them.
And let me tell you, if you've ever struggled with saying a word, no, or felt drained after a certain conversation or relationship, this section is for you.
(01:45):
This section is definitely for you.
Finally, we'll talk about the nitty gritty of protecting and enforcing those boundaries once they're in place, because trust me, it's not just about saying I have boundaries.
It's about knowing how to uphold them like the beautiful protective shield.
Okay, okay, so.
(02:07):
This is a part of the podcast where I always tell you guys, if you need to go get something to drink, eat, or just settle and relax, take their time.
.999So your mind could fully be in a game.
Do what you need to do. 31 00:02:18,934.999 --> 00:02:23,935 I'm going to put that little jeopardy music on and yeah, I'll give you a few seconds to do that.
.9995So let's do that before we like dive in. 33 00:02:25,744.9995 --> 00:02:32,814.9 So here we go.
(02:43):
Okay.
I think that is how it is.
I actually was going to download the Jeopardy sound, but then I realized that maybe copywritten and I don't want those type of problems.
I don't want those type of problems.
Alright, now that you guys are settled, you got your drinks or your snacks, let's go in.
Let's start with the basics.
What are boundaries? We hear that word tossed around a lot, but here's the simplest way to think of them.
(03:08):
Boundaries are your personal rules.
They're like a fist around your energy, your time, your emotion, and your physical space.
They define what is and isn't okay for you.
All right, imagine your boundaries as the walls of a house.
Your body, your mind, your heart, they're all inside this house.
And those boundaries are what separates your space from the outside world. 47 00:03:32,309.999 --> 00:03:35,659.999 They're what's protecting you from the unwanted intrusions. 48 00:03:35,839.999 --> 00:03:41,710 Whether those come in the forms of disrespect, manipulation, or just plain overstepping.
(03:41):
All right, so that's what we have to just imagine what boundaries are.
Now let's look a little deeper, OK? There are different types of boundaries, and understanding these types is key to knowing where you might need to do some work.
There are the physical boundaries, which involves your personal space, your comfort with touch, and how close you want people to get.
Then you have your emotional boundaries.
(04:02):
.999These are the limits that you set around sharing your feelings, your emotions, and your availability.
There are also time boundaries.
This This pretty much dictate how much time you're willing to give to others and to activities.
.999And then we have our mental boundaries, which evolves around your personal beliefs, your thoughts, and opinion.
(04:23):
And here's the thing.
.999Without boundaries, we leave ourselves vulnerable, vulnerable to burnout, to feeling taken advantage of, to letting negativity seep into our lives. 59 00:04:33,854.999 --> 00:04:37,984.999 Look, I'm not saying you have to put up walls so high that no one could ever reach you. 60 00:04:38,34.999 --> 00:04:40,764.999 No, but when we don't create even the.
Smallest boundaries.
We risk losing pieces of ourselves.
(04:44):
And if you've been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I want all of my listeners to be their own best friend.
And it, that's why boundaries are important.
And this is why I decided to make this week topic about boundaries.
'cause I'm coming to find out.
.999That a lot of people I'm coming in contact with they don't know how to uphold their boundaries or they don't even have boundaries And you know, I could actually see the life force being sucked out of them.
(05:13):
And I don't know if you If you listen to my podcast or from about two weeks ago when I was talking about art and its role in society Go check that out My Instagram on the hood debutant out.
I'm not going to say much.
Go check that out and you'll kind of get what I'm saying because there's always a thread.
That's always a thread.
All right.
I digress. 74 00:05:32,34.999 --> 00:05:37,365 Now look, I know some of this may sound heavy, but think of boundaries as an act of self love.
(05:37):
.9When we set boundaries, we're sending ourselves the message that our wellbeing matters.
That our time is valuable.
That our emotions deserve protection.
And when we enforce those boundaries, we teach others how to treat us.
.999So if you've been feeling a little loss or like you're spread too thin, maybe boundaries is exactly what you need.
(05:57):
.9995Okay. 81 00:05:57,834.9995 --> 00:06:01,284.9 Because you have to teach people how to treat you.
I always say, say this, you have to teach people how to treat you.
.999All right, let's talk about creating boundaries because while it's nice to think about, actually defining our boundaries is a whole nother ballgame guys, like trust me. 84 00:06:16,114.999 --> 00:06:27,275 Let's start by identifying the areas of your life that you might feel overwhelmed or, or just might, this area just might feel like really overwhelming of you of your life or just uncomfortable or just plain draining.
(06:27):
Pay attention to when you're feeling resentment or frustration.
These are usually clues that a boundary needs to be set.
Take a moment to consider who in your life might be triggering these feelings. 88 00:06:39,134.999 --> 00:06:45,160 Are they a family member? Are they a friend? Are they a co worker? It's okay to acknowledge this.
It's not about blaming anyone.
That's not what we're doing.
(06:48):
.999It's about recognizing your needs.
.999If you notice a particular relationship or situation consistently causes stress, that's a signal that a boundary might be necessary.
That's a clear signal that a boundary is necessary.
All right.
.999Now, let's move into how to verbalize and define these boundaries, and this part is crucial because boundaries needs to be specific and clear. 96 00:07:11,879.999 --> 00:07:23,655 If your boundary is, I need space, that's a good start, but how much space and under what conditions? Let's go through a few examples to get you thinking because you guys know I love examples.
(07:23):
I'm one of those people that like to role play in real life.
.001and I can't do that really, really what you guys do a podcast. 99 00:07:28,595.001 --> 00:07:30,105.001 So I'm just going to give you examples.
.001So let's suppose you have a friend, um, who consistently texts you at all hours and expecting immediate response. 101 00:07:38,845.001 --> 00:07:44,500.001 You could set a time boundary by saying something like, I won't be available to text after 9 p. 102 00:07:44,500.001 --> 00:07:44,780.001 m., 103 00:07:44,820.001 --> 00:07:46,320.001 but I'll reply in the morning. 104 00:07:46,610.001 --> 00:07:55,620 Or, you could do what I do, which I find to be the most simplest, act of protecting my time boundary, is I just put my phone on do not disturb. 105 00:07:55,849.999 --> 00:07:56,579.999 Do not disturb.
(07:56):
If you have an iPhone, it's the little moon emoji that you can like press the tab when you swipe down, and it just kind of cuts off communication from your phone.
Or let's do an example to let's say if you're someone who's always asked to take on extra work at your job, you might set a boundary by saying I'm available to help out when it's urgent, but I need at least a day's notice to add a new project to my schedule.
(08:25):
See how those boundaries are specific? You're defining not only what you need, but the conditions under which you'll interact.
It's just that simple and clear.
.999Now, here's the hardest part for a lot of us.
Saying no.
Okay.
Say no.
I know it's hard and it's uncomfortable for a lot of us.
(08:46):
I can already feel some of you cringing, just thinking about it.
We've all been there. 117 00:08:50,939.999 --> 00:08:52,689.9995 We feel guilty saying no. 118 00:08:52,689.9995 --> 00:08:54,770 We worry about disappointing people.
.999But here's the thing, and you've heard this before as well.
No is a complete sentence.
Okay, no is a complete sentence.
I'm going to say it one more time.
No is a complete sentence.
(09:07):
It doesn't need a thousand explanations.
I come from the Sesame Street era. 126 00:09:12,89.999 --> 00:09:15,659.9995 And I remember they had a whole segment on the word no. 127 00:09:15,889.9995 --> 00:09:18,680.0005 And it was a song that stuck with me since I was a kid. 128 00:09:18,780.0005 --> 00:09:24,770.0005 All right, now I can't sing, but I'm going to, I'm going to sing the song And I may be imagining this, but it could have been Felicia or something. 129 00:09:27,115.0005 --> 00:09:47,85.0005 But they're gonna be in the figment of my imagination just put placing her in this but the song one like this and The word is no no no no no no no no and the word is no no no no no no no No, no, you know what I'm gonna see if I can find that song hold on Okay, guys, I found it. 130 00:09:47,85.0005 --> 00:10:32,594.9005 I just have to go on YouTube really quickly because I'm like, yo, maybe they have it on YouTube So here it is Alright, I'm only going to play a little of it, but you get the gist and now that I'm looking at the video, it was not Phylicia Rashad. 131 00:10:32,595.0005 --> 00:10:39,784.9005 It was a black girl and a white girl, but, um, the black girl kind of looked like Phylicia Rashad. 132 00:10:39,785.0005 --> 00:10:40,775.0005 as you can see. 133 00:10:41,575.0005 --> 00:10:43,785.0005 No is an important word. 134 00:10:44,95.0005 --> 00:10:46,685.0005 And again, it is a complete sentence. 135 00:10:46,695.0005 --> 00:10:48,385.0005 So don't feel guilty about it. 136 00:10:48,395.0005 --> 00:10:54,95.0005 If a friend asks for a favor, you don't have the time or energy for a simple, I can't this time. 137 00:10:54,95.0005 --> 00:10:55,335.0005 It's all you need. 138 00:10:55,515.0005 --> 00:11:00,655.0005 Over explaining often open the door for people to push back or try to convince you. 139 00:11:00,655.0005 --> 00:11:06,305.0005 Otherwise, instead keep it simple and let yourself feel the power of a guilt free. 140 00:11:06,435.0005 --> 00:11:06,835.0005 No. 141 00:11:06,855.0005 --> 00:11:07,285.0005 All right. 142 00:11:07,325.0005 --> 00:11:11,595.0005 If they tell you this on Sesame street, you know, it means something that holds some weight. 143 00:11:11,815.0005 --> 00:11:13,305.0005 So the word is no. 144 00:11:13,365.0005 --> 00:11:13,975.0005 All right. 145 00:11:14,375.0005 --> 00:11:14,825.0005 Now. 146 00:11:15,440.0005 --> 00:11:18,750.0005 Creating boundaries is one thing, it's liberating even. 147 00:11:18,850.0005 --> 00:11:24,60.0005 But upholding and protecting these boundaries, that's a whole nother real challenge. 148 00:11:24,60.0005 --> 00:11:25,420.0005 So let's get into that. 149 00:11:25,969.9995 --> 00:11:33,510.0005 Alright, you've done the hard work, you've created boundaries, now comes the even harder part, standing on them. 150 00:11:33,750.0005 --> 00:11:38,320.0005 Or as the young people say nowadays, on business about them. 151 00:11:38,380.0005 --> 00:11:38,600.0005 All right. 152 00:11:39,910.0005 --> 00:11:41,110.0005 Like you all know, okay. 153 00:11:41,200.0005 --> 00:11:45,240.0005 I know some of you might've heard, but people are now saying I stand on business. 154 00:11:45,249.9995 --> 00:11:48,179.9995 So we're going to stand on business about our boundaries. 155 00:11:48,180.0005 --> 00:11:49,849.9995 That's what this podcast is about. 156 00:11:50,470.0005 --> 00:11:53,934.9005 Let me tell you something, protecting your boundaries and require you to be considerate. 157 00:11:55,445.0005 --> 00:12:02,955.0005 This means that if you set a boundary and someone crosses it, you need to address it no matter how uncomfortable that might feel. 158 00:12:03,114.9995 --> 00:12:08,414.9995 It's about respecting yourself and holding firm to the limits you've set. 159 00:12:08,795.0005 --> 00:12:11,740.0005 Okay? Example time, example time. 160 00:12:11,770.0005 --> 00:12:13,720.0005 Now y'all know I love examples. 161 00:12:13,720.0005 --> 00:12:15,10.0005 I'm gonna say it again. 162 00:12:15,90.0005 --> 00:12:17,990.0005 I always gotta give you an example to try to back up what I'm saying. 163 00:12:18,330.0005 --> 00:12:23,960.0005 Alright, let's say that you've set a boundary with a friend who's always wants, who always wants to gossip. 164 00:12:24,249.9995 --> 00:12:28,100.0005 And you made it clear to that friend that you don't want to engage in that. 165 00:12:28,130.0015 --> 00:12:30,310.0005 But one day they start gossiping again. 166 00:12:30,760.0005 --> 00:12:34,70.0005 What do you do? Here's a gentle way to handle that situation. 167 00:12:34,80.0005 --> 00:12:52,834.9995 You could say, hey, remember when I mentioned that I'm trying to avoid talking about others? Let's talk about something else this way you're reminding them of your boundaries without creating conflict that part You're holding the boundary, but you're also being kind All right, and this is what I always tell people being kind means a lot. 168 00:12:53,44.9995 --> 00:12:54,365.0005 I even say about myself. 169 00:12:54,455.0005 --> 00:13:07,95.0005 I may not be nice But I am kind I am kind and I used to be nice But there wasn't really giving me nowhere and I'm not mean either I just simply am, but I'm kind, if anything. 170 00:13:07,615.0005 --> 00:13:08,5.0005 All right. 171 00:13:08,85.0005 --> 00:13:10,509.9005 But sometimes I get that, you know. 172 00:13:11,260.0005 --> 00:13:13,710.0005 Setting that boundary is not simple. 173 00:13:13,720.0005 --> 00:13:15,190.0005 We all know that, like, I get it. 174 00:13:15,240.0005 --> 00:13:15,710.0005 I get it. 175 00:13:15,720.0005 --> 00:13:20,980.0005 Sometimes, you know, you can say, I said this, I set this boundary, but people keep on stepping all over it. 176 00:13:21,340.0005 --> 00:13:22,270.0005 It's not simple. 177 00:13:22,310.0005 --> 00:13:23,680.0005 It is not that simple. 178 00:13:24,80.0005 --> 00:13:28,139.9995 Sometimes people won't respect your boundaries, no matter how many times you remind them. 179 00:13:28,170.0005 --> 00:13:35,820.0005 And in those cases, you may have to take a more drastic step, friend, like reducing contact or even ending relationships with what I've done before. 180 00:13:35,820.0005 --> 00:13:37,849.9995 And let me make this clear. 181 00:13:38,75.0005 --> 00:13:40,45.0005 This is not a failure on your part. 182 00:13:40,55.0005 --> 00:13:43,185.0005 Sometimes protecting your peace means walking away. 183 00:13:43,265.0005 --> 00:13:44,365.0005 I've had to do it. 184 00:13:44,945.0005 --> 00:13:52,425.0005 One of the most hardest things I had to do was walk away from somebody while I was still in love with them. 185 00:13:52,735.0005 --> 00:13:55,54.9995 And that was me protecting boundaries. 186 00:13:55,215.0005 --> 00:13:56,35.0005 And it was simple. 187 00:13:56,35.0005 --> 00:13:57,544.9995 You have to protect your boundaries. 188 00:13:57,545.0005 --> 00:14:01,695.0005 If a person don't want to respect them, sometimes you have to leave them where they are. 189 00:14:02,395.0005 --> 00:14:05,400.0005 And that's like, That's one hard lesson. 190 00:14:05,470.0005 --> 00:14:06,490.0005 Like, it really is. 191 00:14:06,500.0005 --> 00:14:10,940.0005 That's one of the hardest lessons of setting boundaries and protecting them. 192 00:14:10,950.0005 --> 00:14:12,970.0005 You can't control how people react to them. 193 00:14:13,279.9995 --> 00:14:16,150.0005 You can only control how you uphold them. 194 00:14:16,560.0005 --> 00:14:19,110 It might feel painful, yes, I get it.
(14:19):
.0005It might feel like you're letting someone down. 196 00:14:21,940.0005 --> 00:14:25,660.0005 But if someone truly cares about you, they will respect your boundaries. 197 00:14:25,980.0005 --> 00:14:29,740.0005 Trust me, like there's no if, ands, or buts about it. 198 00:14:30,500.0005 --> 00:14:41,860.0005 So today's podcast is going to be a kind of quick one because I want it to be clear, again, and concise as I'm trying to be with each episode to just get to the point because you know I would drag on. 199 00:14:42,179.9995 --> 00:14:48,260.0005 So we're going to wrap this up with some closing thoughts because boundaries really are a journey and it's not a destination. 200 00:14:48,680.0005 --> 00:14:50,50.0005 I want you to remember this. 201 00:14:50,510.0005 --> 00:14:52,410.0005 Boundaries are not walls. 202 00:14:52,960.0005 --> 00:14:56,360.0005 They're not about keeping everyone out or building barriers. 203 00:14:56,390.0005 --> 00:15:02,540.0005 Boundaries are about defining who you are, what your needs are, and how you deserve to be treated. 204 00:15:02,850.0005 --> 00:15:06,920.0005 They are about honoring yourself and showing others how to honor you too. 205 00:15:07,300.0005 --> 00:15:09,790.0005 And one more thing, boundaries aren't static. 206 00:15:10,265.0005 --> 00:15:11,205.0005 You need to know that. 207 00:15:11,215.0005 --> 00:15:12,195.0005 They can change. 208 00:15:12,475.0005 --> 00:15:14,925.0005 As you grow and evolve, so will your boundaries. 209 00:15:15,165.0005 --> 00:15:18,925.0005 Don't be afraid to check in with yourself and adjust them as needed. 210 00:15:18,984.9995 --> 00:15:26,305.0005 Okay, now my beautiful souls, that's it for today's podcast episode. 211 00:15:26,305.0005 --> 00:15:28,214.9995 I told you it's a quick, short one. 212 00:15:28,525.0005 --> 00:15:28,954.9995 All right. 213 00:15:29,35.0005 --> 00:15:35,145.0005 I hope you're walking away from this with a clear sense of how to create and uphold and protect your personal boundaries. 214 00:15:35,145.0005 --> 00:15:39,255.0005 Remember, this is an act of self respect and self love. 215 00:15:39,265.0005 --> 00:15:40,585.0005 Don't be afraid to honor yourself. 216 00:15:40,600.0005 --> 00:15:41,860.0005 Self and the space you need. 217 00:15:42,920.0005 --> 00:15:44,740.0005 Thank you guys again for listening. 218 00:15:44,800.0005 --> 00:15:47,820.0005 Thank you for being here with me and giving me the permission to grow. 219 00:15:48,130.0005 --> 00:15:51,739.9995 I'll catch you in the next episode of The Hood debutante. 220 00:15:51,770.0005 --> 00:16:00,779.9005 Until then guys, I need you to take care of yourself, love on yourself, and build your boundaries, and we shall talk later. 221 00:16:00,850.0005 --> 00:16:03,790.0005 Next Wednesday, like usual. 222 00:16:03,830.0005 --> 00:16:15,790.0005 And again, if you haven't listened to the previous episode before today's episode, I really highly encourage you to go back and listen to other episodes of the W taunt podcast. 223 00:16:16,220.0005 --> 00:16:16,600.0005 Okay. 224 00:16:16,650.0005 --> 00:16:18,929.9995 I love you guys so much. 225 00:16:18,940.0005 --> 00:16:19,680.0005 Respect. 226 00:16:20,140.0005 --> 00:16:22,660.0005 And yeah, bye.
Let's roll up, it's a new high.
Good laughs and some good vibes.
.999It's a safe space to talk about all the dope things that's on our mind.
From world travel to philosophies, we stay stylish, come and rock with me.
It's a good time, we got the sauce to make champagne, which is reality, uh. 6 00:00:28,390.001 --> 00:00:31,89.999 We do it for the culture, gotta show them what we can be. 7 00:00:31,879.999 --> 00:00:32,749.999 This is the high life.
Yeah, we oh so fancy.
(00:35):
Keep it a G cause we are family.
It's the Hood Debutant with London Bambi, uh.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
.9Yo, what's up rock stars? Welcome back to another episode of the Hood Debutant.
(00:57):
.999podcast with Your host me london bambi coming at you with love a little sass and a whole lot of realness Okay. 14 00:01:09,869.999 --> 00:01:10,239.999 Okay.
.999So today's topic is one. 16 00:01:11,619.999 --> 00:01:14,710 I think we all know All could use a little refresher on from time to time.
It's about personal boundaries.
Let's just get right into it because this episode is all about creating and upholding our personal boundaries.
(01:23):
.999All right.
So here's what we're covered today.
First, first, we're going to dive into what boundaries are, why we need them and the different types of boundaries.
We may not even know Then we'll move on to how to create them.
And let me tell you, if you've ever struggled with saying a word, no, or felt drained after a certain conversation or relationship, this section is for you.
(01:45):
This section is definitely for you.
Finally, we'll talk about the nitty gritty of protecting and enforcing those boundaries once they're in place, because trust me, it's not just about saying I have boundaries.
It's about knowing how to uphold them like the beautiful protective shield.
Okay, okay, so.
(02:07):
This is a part of the podcast where I always tell you guys, if you need to go get something to drink, eat, or just settle and relax, take their time.
.999So your mind could fully be in a game.
Do what you need to do. 31 00:02:18,934.999 --> 00:02:23,935 I'm going to put that little jeopardy music on and yeah, I'll give you a few seconds to do that.
.9995So let's do that before we like dive in. 33 00:02:25,744.9995 --> 00:02:32,814.9 So here we go.
(02:43):
Okay.
I think that is how it is.
I actually was going to download the Jeopardy sound, but then I realized that maybe copywritten and I don't want those type of problems.
I don't want those type of problems.
Alright, now that you guys are settled, you got your drinks or your snacks, let's go in.
Let's start with the basics.
What are boundaries? We hear that word tossed around a lot, but here's the simplest way to think of them.
(03:08):
Boundaries are your personal rules.
They're like a fist around your energy, your time, your emotion, and your physical space.
They define what is and isn't okay for you.
All right, imagine your boundaries as the walls of a house.
Your body, your mind, your heart, they're all inside this house.
And those boundaries are what separates your space from the outside world. 47 00:03:32,309.999 --> 00:03:35,659.999 They're what's protecting you from the unwanted intrusions. 48 00:03:35,839.999 --> 00:03:41,710 Whether those come in the forms of disrespect, manipulation, or just plain overstepping.
(03:41):
All right, so that's what we have to just imagine what boundaries are.
Now let's look a little deeper, OK? There are different types of boundaries, and understanding these types is key to knowing where you might need to do some work.
There are the physical boundaries, which involves your personal space, your comfort with touch, and how close you want people to get.
Then you have your emotional boundaries.
(04:02):
.999These are the limits that you set around sharing your feelings, your emotions, and your availability.
There are also time boundaries.
This This pretty much dictate how much time you're willing to give to others and to activities.
.999And then we have our mental boundaries, which evolves around your personal beliefs, your thoughts, and opinion.
(04:23):
And here's the thing.
.999Without boundaries, we leave ourselves vulnerable, vulnerable to burnout, to feeling taken advantage of, to letting negativity seep into our lives. 59 00:04:33,854.999 --> 00:04:37,984.999 Look, I'm not saying you have to put up walls so high that no one could ever reach you. 60 00:04:38,34.999 --> 00:04:40,764.999 No, but when we don't create even the.
Smallest boundaries.
We risk losing pieces of ourselves.
(04:44):
And if you've been listening to my podcast for a while, you know that I want all of my listeners to be their own best friend.
And it, that's why boundaries are important.
And this is why I decided to make this week topic about boundaries.
'cause I'm coming to find out.
.999That a lot of people I'm coming in contact with they don't know how to uphold their boundaries or they don't even have boundaries And you know, I could actually see the life force being sucked out of them.
(05:13):
And I don't know if you If you listen to my podcast or from about two weeks ago when I was talking about art and its role in society Go check that out My Instagram on the hood debutant out.
I'm not going to say much.
Go check that out and you'll kind of get what I'm saying because there's always a thread.
That's always a thread.
All right.
I digress. 74 00:05:32,34.999 --> 00:05:37,365 Now look, I know some of this may sound heavy, but think of boundaries as an act of self love.
(05:37):
.9When we set boundaries, we're sending ourselves the message that our wellbeing matters.
That our time is valuable.
That our emotions deserve protection.
And when we enforce those boundaries, we teach others how to treat us.
.999So if you've been feeling a little loss or like you're spread too thin, maybe boundaries is exactly what you need.
(05:57):
.9995Okay. 81 00:05:57,834.9995 --> 00:06:01,284.9 Because you have to teach people how to treat you.
I always say, say this, you have to teach people how to treat you.
.999All right, let's talk about creating boundaries because while it's nice to think about, actually defining our boundaries is a whole nother ballgame guys, like trust me. 84 00:06:16,114.999 --> 00:06:27,275 Let's start by identifying the areas of your life that you might feel overwhelmed or, or just might, this area just might feel like really overwhelming of you of your life or just uncomfortable or just plain draining.
(06:27):
Pay attention to when you're feeling resentment or frustration.
These are usually clues that a boundary needs to be set.
Take a moment to consider who in your life might be triggering these feelings. 88 00:06:39,134.999 --> 00:06:45,160 Are they a family member? Are they a friend? Are they a co worker? It's okay to acknowledge this.
It's not about blaming anyone.
That's not what we're doing.
(06:48):
.999It's about recognizing your needs.
.999If you notice a particular relationship or situation consistently causes stress, that's a signal that a boundary might be necessary.
That's a clear signal that a boundary is necessary.
All right.
.999Now, let's move into how to verbalize and define these boundaries, and this part is crucial because boundaries needs to be specific and clear. 96 00:07:11,879.999 --> 00:07:23,655 If your boundary is, I need space, that's a good start, but how much space and under what conditions? Let's go through a few examples to get you thinking because you guys know I love examples.
(07:23):
I'm one of those people that like to role play in real life.
.001and I can't do that really, really what you guys do a podcast. 99 00:07:28,595.001 --> 00:07:30,105.001 So I'm just going to give you examples.
.001So let's suppose you have a friend, um, who consistently texts you at all hours and expecting immediate response. 101 00:07:38,845.001 --> 00:07:44,500.001 You could set a time boundary by saying something like, I won't be available to text after 9 p. 102 00:07:44,500.001 --> 00:07:44,780.001 m., 103 00:07:44,820.001 --> 00:07:46,320.001 but I'll reply in the morning. 104 00:07:46,610.001 --> 00:07:55,620 Or, you could do what I do, which I find to be the most simplest, act of protecting my time boundary, is I just put my phone on do not disturb. 105 00:07:55,849.999 --> 00:07:56,579.999 Do not disturb.
(07:56):
If you have an iPhone, it's the little moon emoji that you can like press the tab when you swipe down, and it just kind of cuts off communication from your phone.
Or let's do an example to let's say if you're someone who's always asked to take on extra work at your job, you might set a boundary by saying I'm available to help out when it's urgent, but I need at least a day's notice to add a new project to my schedule.
(08:25):
See how those boundaries are specific? You're defining not only what you need, but the conditions under which you'll interact.
It's just that simple and clear.
.999Now, here's the hardest part for a lot of us.
Saying no.
Okay.
Say no.
I know it's hard and it's uncomfortable for a lot of us.
(08:46):
I can already feel some of you cringing, just thinking about it.
We've all been there. 117 00:08:50,939.999 --> 00:08:52,689.9995 We feel guilty saying no. 118 00:08:52,689.9995 --> 00:08:54,770 We worry about disappointing people.
.999But here's the thing, and you've heard this before as well.
No is a complete sentence.
Okay, no is a complete sentence.
I'm going to say it one more time.
No is a complete sentence.
(09:07):
It doesn't need a thousand explanations.
I come from the Sesame Street era. 126 00:09:12,89.999 --> 00:09:15,659.9995 And I remember they had a whole segment on the word no. 127 00:09:15,889.9995 --> 00:09:18,680.0005 And it was a song that stuck with me since I was a kid. 128 00:09:18,780.0005 --> 00:09:24,770.0005 All right, now I can't sing, but I'm going to, I'm going to sing the song And I may be imagining this, but it could have been Felicia or something. 129 00:09:27,115.0005 --> 00:09:47,85.0005 But they're gonna be in the figment of my imagination just put placing her in this but the song one like this and The word is no no no no no no no no and the word is no no no no no no no No, no, you know what I'm gonna see if I can find that song hold on Okay, guys, I found it. 130 00:09:47,85.0005 --> 00:10:32,594.9005 I just have to go on YouTube really quickly because I'm like, yo, maybe they have it on YouTube So here it is Alright, I'm only going to play a little of it, but you get the gist and now that I'm looking at the video, it was not Phylicia Rashad. 131 00:10:32,595.0005 --> 00:10:39,784.9005 It was a black girl and a white girl, but, um, the black girl kind of looked like Phylicia Rashad. 132 00:10:39,785.0005 --> 00:10:40,775.0005 as you can see. 133 00:10:41,575.0005 --> 00:10:43,785.0005 No is an important word. 134 00:10:44,95.0005 --> 00:10:46,685.0005 And again, it is a complete sentence. 135 00:10:46,695.0005 --> 00:10:48,385.0005 So don't feel guilty about it. 136 00:10:48,395.0005 --> 00:10:54,95.0005 If a friend asks for a favor, you don't have the time or energy for a simple, I can't this time. 137 00:10:54,95.0005 --> 00:10:55,335.0005 It's all you need. 138 00:10:55,515.0005 --> 00:11:00,655.0005 Over explaining often open the door for people to push back or try to convince you. 139 00:11:00,655.0005 --> 00:11:06,305.0005 Otherwise, instead keep it simple and let yourself feel the power of a guilt free. 140 00:11:06,435.0005 --> 00:11:06,835.0005 No. 141 00:11:06,855.0005 --> 00:11:07,285.0005 All right. 142 00:11:07,325.0005 --> 00:11:11,595.0005 If they tell you this on Sesame street, you know, it means something that holds some weight. 143 00:11:11,815.0005 --> 00:11:13,305.0005 So the word is no. 144 00:11:13,365.0005 --> 00:11:13,975.0005 All right. 145 00:11:14,375.0005 --> 00:11:14,825.0005 Now. 146 00:11:15,440.0005 --> 00:11:18,750.0005 Creating boundaries is one thing, it's liberating even. 147 00:11:18,850.0005 --> 00:11:24,60.0005 But upholding and protecting these boundaries, that's a whole nother real challenge. 148 00:11:24,60.0005 --> 00:11:25,420.0005 So let's get into that. 149 00:11:25,969.9995 --> 00:11:33,510.0005 Alright, you've done the hard work, you've created boundaries, now comes the even harder part, standing on them. 150 00:11:33,750.0005 --> 00:11:38,320.0005 Or as the young people say nowadays, on business about them. 151 00:11:38,380.0005 --> 00:11:38,600.0005 All right. 152 00:11:39,910.0005 --> 00:11:41,110.0005 Like you all know, okay. 153 00:11:41,200.0005 --> 00:11:45,240.0005 I know some of you might've heard, but people are now saying I stand on business. 154 00:11:45,249.9995 --> 00:11:48,179.9995 So we're going to stand on business about our boundaries. 155 00:11:48,180.0005 --> 00:11:49,849.9995 That's what this podcast is about. 156 00:11:50,470.0005 --> 00:11:53,934.9005 Let me tell you something, protecting your boundaries and require you to be considerate. 157 00:11:55,445.0005 --> 00:12:02,955.0005 This means that if you set a boundary and someone crosses it, you need to address it no matter how uncomfortable that might feel. 158 00:12:03,114.9995 --> 00:12:08,414.9995 It's about respecting yourself and holding firm to the limits you've set. 159 00:12:08,795.0005 --> 00:12:11,740.0005 Okay? Example time, example time. 160 00:12:11,770.0005 --> 00:12:13,720.0005 Now y'all know I love examples. 161 00:12:13,720.0005 --> 00:12:15,10.0005 I'm gonna say it again. 162 00:12:15,90.0005 --> 00:12:17,990.0005 I always gotta give you an example to try to back up what I'm saying. 163 00:12:18,330.0005 --> 00:12:23,960.0005 Alright, let's say that you've set a boundary with a friend who's always wants, who always wants to gossip. 164 00:12:24,249.9995 --> 00:12:28,100.0005 And you made it clear to that friend that you don't want to engage in that. 165 00:12:28,130.0015 --> 00:12:30,310.0005 But one day they start gossiping again. 166 00:12:30,760.0005 --> 00:12:34,70.0005 What do you do? Here's a gentle way to handle that situation. 167 00:12:34,80.0005 --> 00:12:52,834.9995 You could say, hey, remember when I mentioned that I'm trying to avoid talking about others? Let's talk about something else this way you're reminding them of your boundaries without creating conflict that part You're holding the boundary, but you're also being kind All right, and this is what I always tell people being kind means a lot. 168 00:12:53,44.9995 --> 00:12:54,365.0005 I even say about myself. 169 00:12:54,455.0005 --> 00:13:07,95.0005 I may not be nice But I am kind I am kind and I used to be nice But there wasn't really giving me nowhere and I'm not mean either I just simply am, but I'm kind, if anything. 170 00:13:07,615.0005 --> 00:13:08,5.0005 All right. 171 00:13:08,85.0005 --> 00:13:10,509.9005 But sometimes I get that, you know. 172 00:13:11,260.0005 --> 00:13:13,710.0005 Setting that boundary is not simple. 173 00:13:13,720.0005 --> 00:13:15,190.0005 We all know that, like, I get it. 174 00:13:15,240.0005 --> 00:13:15,710.0005 I get it. 175 00:13:15,720.0005 --> 00:13:20,980.0005 Sometimes, you know, you can say, I said this, I set this boundary, but people keep on stepping all over it. 176 00:13:21,340.0005 --> 00:13:22,270.0005 It's not simple. 177 00:13:22,310.0005 --> 00:13:23,680.0005 It is not that simple. 178 00:13:24,80.0005 --> 00:13:28,139.9995 Sometimes people won't respect your boundaries, no matter how many times you remind them. 179 00:13:28,170.0005 --> 00:13:35,820.0005 And in those cases, you may have to take a more drastic step, friend, like reducing contact or even ending relationships with what I've done before. 180 00:13:35,820.0005 --> 00:13:37,849.9995 And let me make this clear. 181 00:13:38,75.0005 --> 00:13:40,45.0005 This is not a failure on your part. 182 00:13:40,55.0005 --> 00:13:43,185.0005 Sometimes protecting your peace means walking away. 183 00:13:43,265.0005 --> 00:13:44,365.0005 I've had to do it. 184 00:13:44,945.0005 --> 00:13:52,425.0005 One of the most hardest things I had to do was walk away from somebody while I was still in love with them. 185 00:13:52,735.0005 --> 00:13:55,54.9995 And that was me protecting boundaries. 186 00:13:55,215.0005 --> 00:13:56,35.0005 And it was simple. 187 00:13:56,35.0005 --> 00:13:57,544.9995 You have to protect your boundaries. 188 00:13:57,545.0005 --> 00:14:01,695.0005 If a person don't want to respect them, sometimes you have to leave them where they are. 189 00:14:02,395.0005 --> 00:14:05,400.0005 And that's like, That's one hard lesson. 190 00:14:05,470.0005 --> 00:14:06,490.0005 Like, it really is. 191 00:14:06,500.0005 --> 00:14:10,940.0005 That's one of the hardest lessons of setting boundaries and protecting them. 192 00:14:10,950.0005 --> 00:14:12,970.0005 You can't control how people react to them. 193 00:14:13,279.9995 --> 00:14:16,150.0005 You can only control how you uphold them. 194 00:14:16,560.0005 --> 00:14:19,110 It might feel painful, yes, I get it.
(14:19):
.0005It might feel like you're letting someone down. 196 00:14:21,940.0005 --> 00:14:25,660.0005 But if someone truly cares about you, they will respect your boundaries. 197 00:14:25,980.0005 --> 00:14:29,740.0005 Trust me, like there's no if, ands, or buts about it. 198 00:14:30,500.0005 --> 00:14:41,860.0005 So today's podcast is going to be a kind of quick one because I want it to be clear, again, and concise as I'm trying to be with each episode to just get to the point because you know I would drag on. 199 00:14:42,179.9995 --> 00:14:48,260.0005 So we're going to wrap this up with some closing thoughts because boundaries really are a journey and it's not a destination. 200 00:14:48,680.0005 --> 00:14:50,50.0005 I want you to remember this. 201 00:14:50,510.0005 --> 00:14:52,410.0005 Boundaries are not walls. 202 00:14:52,960.0005 --> 00:14:56,360.0005 They're not about keeping everyone out or building barriers. 203 00:14:56,390.0005 --> 00:15:02,540.0005 Boundaries are about defining who you are, what your needs are, and how you deserve to be treated. 204 00:15:02,850.0005 --> 00:15:06,920.0005 They are about honoring yourself and showing others how to honor you too. 205 00:15:07,300.0005 --> 00:15:09,790.0005 And one more thing, boundaries aren't static. 206 00:15:10,265.0005 --> 00:15:11,205.0005 You need to know that. 207 00:15:11,215.0005 --> 00:15:12,195.0005 They can change. 208 00:15:12,475.0005 --> 00:15:14,925.0005 As you grow and evolve, so will your boundaries. 209 00:15:15,165.0005 --> 00:15:18,925.0005 Don't be afraid to check in with yourself and adjust them as needed. 210 00:15:18,984.9995 --> 00:15:26,305.0005 Okay, now my beautiful souls, that's it for today's podcast episode. 211 00:15:26,305.0005 --> 00:15:28,214.9995 I told you it's a quick, short one. 212 00:15:28,525.0005 --> 00:15:28,954.9995 All right. 213 00:15:29,35.0005 --> 00:15:35,145.0005 I hope you're walking away from this with a clear sense of how to create and uphold and protect your personal boundaries. 214 00:15:35,145.0005 --> 00:15:39,255.0005 Remember, this is an act of self respect and self love. 215 00:15:39,265.0005 --> 00:15:40,585.0005 Don't be afraid to honor yourself. 216 00:15:40,600.0005 --> 00:15:41,860.0005 Self and the space you need. 217 00:15:42,920.0005 --> 00:15:44,740.0005 Thank you guys again for listening. 218 00:15:44,800.0005 --> 00:15:47,820.0005 Thank you for being here with me and giving me the permission to grow. 219 00:15:48,130.0005 --> 00:15:51,739.9995 I'll catch you in the next episode of The Hood debutante. 220 00:15:51,770.0005 --> 00:16:00,779.9005 Until then guys, I need you to take care of yourself, love on yourself, and build your boundaries, and we shall talk later. 221 00:16:00,850.0005 --> 00:16:03,790.0005 Next Wednesday, like usual. 222 00:16:03,830.0005 --> 00:16:15,790.0005 And again, if you haven't listened to the previous episode before today's episode, I really highly encourage you to go back and listen to other episodes of the W taunt podcast. 223 00:16:16,220.0005 --> 00:16:16,600.0005 Okay. 224 00:16:16,650.0005 --> 00:16:18,929.9995 I love you guys so much. 225 00:16:18,940.0005 --> 00:16:19,680.0005 Respect. 226 00:16:20,140.0005 --> 00:16:22,660.0005 And yeah, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.