Emotional Ownership: Understanding and Responding to Your Inner World (Podcast #96)

 

Emotional Ownership: Understanding and Responding to Your Inner World Summary

In this timely episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most essential—and most avoided—skills in relationships: emotional ownership. As the holiday season intensifies stress, loneliness, old family wounds, and relational tension, the ability to understand and take responsibility for our internal world becomes even more vital.

Together, they break down what emotional ownership looks like and what it does not look like. Using real-life examples, including a vulnerable story from Dr. Skinner, the conversation highlights how quickly couples slip into blame, shame spirals, and reactive “hot” responses. MaryAnn emphasizes the role of tone, kindness, and Gottman’s concept of positive sentiment override, while Dr. Skinner demonstrates how owning one’s emotional experience opens the door to connection rather than conflict.

Listeners will learn:

• Why people often don’t know what they feel—and why that’s okay

• How holiday dynamics intensify emotional triggers

• The difference between owning an emotion and shifting responsibility

• How tone and delivery change everything in difficult conversations

• How shame, avoidance, and catastrophizing block intimacy

• Why slowing down your internal experience leads to deeper connection

• How emotional ownership becomes the foundation of relational safety, trust, and maturity

The episode ends with practical guidance on taking responsibility for your own emotions, choosing kindness, and knowing when deeper therapeutic work is needed. Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn invite listeners to reflect honestly on their emotional patterns and make conscious choices that lead to healthier, more intimate relationships.

Resources Mentioned Books & Authors

• Desmond Tutu & Mpho Tutu — The Book of Forgiving Explores the fourfold path to forgiveness, including moving through anger, grief, and acceptance.

• John Gottman — Research on Bids for Connection & Positive Sentiment Override Essential relationship frameworks explaining how couples build or deplete emotional trust.

• Dr. Kevin Skinner — Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal A clinical guide to understanding trauma responses, emotional dysregulation, and healing after betrayal.

Concepts & Clinical Frameworks

• Emotional Ownership vs. Emotional Shifting Taking responsibility for internal experience rather than blaming or projecting.

• Tone & Delivery in Conflict How softening your approach changes relational outcomes.

• Fight–Flight–Freeze–Fawn Responses Understanding physiological reactions to emotional threat.

• Shame Spirals Patterns where individuals turn against themselves in moments of relational stress.

• Betrayal Trauma Responses & Trigger Cycles Why certain relational moments evoke intense reactions.

Therapeutic Support

• Individual Therapy When emotions feel overwhelming, confusing, or out of control.

• Couples Therapy For recurring patterns of blame, avoidance, or emotional disconnection.

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