Permission to Feel: Creating Safety for Emotional Intimacy (Podcast #90)

Permission to Feel: Creating Safety for Emotional Intimacy Episode Summary

In this powerful episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore one of the most important — and misunderstood — aspects of healing after betrayal: emotional experience and expression.

Many of us have been conditioned to suppress emotions, especially those that feel scary, overwhelming, or “unacceptable” — such as anger, fear, grief, or shame. Often, our logic steps in and says, “You shouldn’t feel that,”creating an internal shut-down that prevents emotional processing and healing.

Drawing on neuroscience, attachment theory, and therapeutic insights, Dr. Skinner and MaryAnn discuss:

• Why we feel before we think — and what that means for trauma responses

• The cultural discomfort with strong emotions and how this affects relationships

• How betrayal trauma conditions many partners to distrust their internal emotional cues

• The science of tears — and how crying releases different emotional chemicals

• Jill Bolte Taylor’s “Brain Huddle” — an integrated approach to emotional awareness

• How emotional safety enables true relational intimacy

• Why our job is not to fix emotions, but to be with the person experiencing them

• What prevents couples from sharing emotions — and how to rebuild that trust

Listeners are invited to approach their inner world with curiosity instead of judgment, give themselves permission to feel, and begin courageous conversations about how emotions are shared within their relationship.

📝 Listener Assignment

Ask your partner (or journal independently if the conversation does not feel safe yet):

• “When I share emotion with you, what is it like for you?”

• “When you share emotion with me, here’s what it’s like for me…”

The goal isn't to fix — but to begin understanding, witnessing, and honoring each other’s emotional worlds.

📚 References & Resources

Books & Theoretical Models

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. Bantam Books.

• Johnson, S. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.

• Taylor, J. B. (2021). Whole Brain Living: The Anatomy of Choice and the Four Characters That Drive Our Life.Hay House.

• LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life. Simon & Schuster.

• van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

Neuroscience Articles

• LeDoux, J. (2000). Emotion circuits in the brain. Annual Review of Neuroscience, 23, 155–184.

• Trimble, M. R., & Pryce, C. R. (2022). Biology of tears and emotional expression. CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutics, 28(12), 1779–1789.

Related Human Intimacy Resources

• Rise: Hope & Healing from Sexual Betrayal Podcast

• Reclaim Podcast

• The free Human Intimacy Companionship Course (includes worksheets for episodes 80–90)