The Disclosure Process: When Honesty Opens the Door to Healing (Episode #72)

The Disclosure Process:

When Honesty Opens the Door to Healing

 

Episode Summary:

In this deeply compassionate and informative episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaels explore one of the most difficult but essential stages in healing from betrayal trauma—the disclosure process. Beginning with the devastation of discovery (D-Day), they walk listeners through the emotional aftermath, the common patterns of staggered and trickle disclosure, and the powerful, structured process of a formal therapeutic disclosure. They explain how this process—consisting of a disclosure statement, an impact letter, and an emotional restitution letter—can move couples toward clarity, trust, and reconnection when handled with care and preparation.

Dr. Skinner shares research insights from Jennifer Schneider and Peggy Vaughan, emphasizing the high percentage of couples who found healing and stability after going through a formal disclosure. The conversation also highlights when disclosure is not appropriate—particularly when divorce is imminent or used for legal leverage.

Whether you’re navigating betrayal trauma or supporting someone who is, this episode offers validation, hope, and practical guidance for one of the hardest conversations a couple can have.

Resources Mentioned:

• Formal Therapeutic Disclosure Process

  • Step 1: Full behavioral disclosure facilitated by therapists

  • Step 2: Impact Letter from the betrayed partner

  • Step 3: Emotional Restitution Letter from the partner who acted out

• Research Cited:

  • Dr. Jennifer Schneider – Found 90–93% of participants who completed a disclosure were glad they did

  • Dr. Peggy Vaughan – Found 86% of couples who discussed the details of infidelity were still together, compared to 55% who did not

• Key Terms Defined:

  • Staggered Disclosure

  • Trickle Disclosure

  • Shock vs. Stealth Discovery

  • Safety Seeking Behavior

  • Locus of Control

  • Zeigarnik Effect (the mind’s tendency to fixate on incomplete stories)

• Related Courses by Dr. Skinner at Human Intimacy:

  • Building Boundaries After Betrayal

  • Couple Communication and Reflective Listening

  • How to Communicate When You Don’t Know What to Say