When Your Partner Won’t Engage: Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection (Part 2) (Episode #71)

When Your Partner Won’t Engage:

Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection (Part 2)

📝 Episode Summary:

In Part 2 of this powerful series on emotional regulation and effective communication, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaels dive deeper into what happens between partners when conflict escalates—and how to interrupt destructive patterns before more harm is done.

They explore the importance of calling a timeout when either partner is flooded, how to pre-agree on safe ways to pause conversations, and how to return with emotional regulation and self-awareness. The episode highlights key tools like reflective listening, part-based language, and empathy-building through self-inquiry.

From managing physiological signs of stress to tracing emotional triggers back to past wounds, this episode offers a practical roadmap for repairing conflict and building trust—even when conversations are hard. You’ll walk away with language, tools, and hope that deep emotional connection is possible with preparation and practice.

📚 Resources & Tools Mentioned:

• HumanIntimacy.com Resources:

  • Test Your Relationship (Assessment)

  • How to Communicate When You Don’t Know What to Say (Course by Dr. Kevin Skinner)

  • Boundaries and Communication (Course by MaryAnn Michaels)

  • The Communication Course (MaryAnn Michaels)

• Core Concepts Covered:

  • Emotional Flooding: Recognizing signs (e.g., heart rate above 100 BPM) and pausing accordingly.

  • Timeout Agreements: Pre-agreed-upon plans to pause difficult conversations with a set return time.

  • Training Wheels Communication: Using index cards, scripts, or notes to aid vulnerable conversations.

  • Reflective Self-Inquiry: Questions like “Where have I felt this before?” and “What story am I telling myself?”

  • Parts Language: Naming the internal parts that are activated in conflict (“A part of me felt abandoned…”).

  • Empathic Imagination: Asking, “I wonder what my partner was thinking or feeling?”

  • The Zeigarnik Effect: The need to close emotional loops to find peace and resolution.

  • Post-timeout Reflection: Asking, “Did we resolve this?” and celebrating progress made together.