Words That Shape Us: Rethinking the Language We Use in Relationships (Episode #69)

 

Words That Shape Us: Rethinking the Language We Use in Relationships

In this thought-provoking episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore the powerful impact of the words we use in our relationships. From misunderstood terms like gaslighting, addiction, and defensiveness to therapeutic concepts like parts work, triggers, and intimacy, they unpack what these words really mean and why clarity matters.

Drawing from decades of clinical experience, Dr. Skinner explains how language—used consciously or not—can either create emotional safety or reinforce shame and confusion. MaryAnn adds vivid examples of how common phrases and labels can trigger strong emotional responses, especially when they’ve been used harmfully in the past.

The episode invites listeners to be more intentional about their communication—pausing to clarify meanings, owning emotional experiences instead of blaming others, and understanding the deeper messages behind the words. Listeners will come away with a richer appreciation of how language shapes healing, self-awareness, and human connection.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

• Richard C. Schwartz, Internal Family Systems Therapy — foundational model for understanding "parts" of the self

• Brené Brown — referenced for her work on shame and how addiction is often about numbing and disconnection

  • Key books: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly

• Malcolm Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking — explains unconscious decision-making and rapid intuitive responses

• Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear — explores how intuition and implicit memory keep us safe

• Joseph LeDoux — neuroscientist referenced for research on the brain’s fear pathways and emotional processing (notably how we feel before we think)

• Dr. Kevin Skinner

  • Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal

  • PTSD Assessment for Betrayed Partners

  • Denial and Blame Scale (early scale now recognized as assessing gaslighting behaviors)

  • Seven Types of Intimacy course — mentioned in the discussion on redefining intimacy beyond sex

  • Podcast Episode: Making Love and Other Non-Sexual Activities (December 2024 / January 2025)