Is Your Spouse Remote Control Broken? Secrets to Inner Repair

Have you ever felt disappointed and sorry for yourself when your life partner is absorbed in their own hobbies and seems to "forget" about you? Are we perhaps expecting them to play the right role in a "love script" written by ourselves? In this Inner Sanctuary podcast episode, host BAC will explore with you the roots of expectation and attachment in love. Instead of merging into each other, we'll learn to become two brilliant, free worlds, staying together to admire and respect each other. Listen along to find peace by building happiness from your own inner garden.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome back to the "Inner Sanctuary" podcast channel.

(00:04):
I'm BAC.
People say love is about sharing.
But sometimes, the most wonderful sharing you receive from your life partner is.
absolute silence.
Because they're wearing headphones,eyes glued to the screen,
completely immersed in another world where you don't have an entry ticket.

(00:27):
Quite a romantic scene, isn't it?

Recently,a friend confided in me with a very brief statement (00:30):
"My wife only does what she likes,
and it makes me sad.
" This statement, I suspect, is familiar to quite a few of us.
You're at home,hoping for a cozy shared meal,but they have plans to go mountain climbing with friends.

(00:52):
You want to spend the weekend hand-in-hand taking walks,
but they're busy with a pottery class they just enrolled in.
And that small feeling of disappointment and self-pity starts creeping in.
Today, we'll explore this very familiar feeling of being "sidelined.
" Is it a sign of selfish love from the other party,

(01:16):
or,to put it more bluntly,is it a sign that we ourselves are being a bit "dependent"?
Let's be honest with each other—isn't each of us a silent director when we love?
We write a perfect "love script" in our heads.

This script usually has very classic scenes (01:32):
Scene 1 - After a tiring day at work,
both will cook dinner together,sharing about everything.
Scene 2 - On weekends, they'll prioritize time for us, exploring a new coffee shop together.
Scene 3 - They'll always intuitively guess our thoughts without us having to say them out loud.

(01:57):
A role that truly demands talent.
The only problem with this movie is that we forgot to send the script to the lead actor—our life partner.
So "off-track" situations start happening.

Example 1 (02:12):
The opponent named "Hobbies.
" He can spend 4 hours assembling a model airplane, meticulous down to the smallest detail.
Meanwhile,you sit in the living room,scrolling your phone,
feeling your existence is even dimmer than that instruction manual.

(02:32):
You feel "abandoned" right in your own home.

Example 2 (02:36):
"Unwritten rules.
" She has plans with her close friends every Friday night.
That's the "rule" now.
And you're at home, after a week of work, just hoping for a quiet evening together.

You don't want to appear controlling,but there's still a heart-piercing question (02:52):
"Wait,
where am I on her priority list?
" This discomfort doesn't explode like a war.
It's like a slightly tight shoe.
You can walk all day fine,but when you take it off at night,
you realize it's made your foot swell with blisters.

(03:16):
It's a silent torture.

The truth is (03:18):
Our sadness isn't due to their actions.
It comes from the expectation that they must play their role correctly in the "love script" we've written.

We've unconsciously given them a job they never applied for (03:30):
"Full-time happiness specialist for me.
" When they don't meet the KPIs, our expectant mind feels disappointed, and we suffer.
So what's the solution?
Force them to give up their hobbies?
Or should we also find a friend group to hang out with every Friday night for "fairness"?

(03:55):
Perhaps there's another way, a bit more elegant.
It turns out,mature love isn't about two people abandoning their individual interests to "merge" into each other.
It's about two people,each remaining a brilliant world,
and they choose to stay together to admire each other's world,

(04:17):
not to possess it.
Imagine mature love not as two rivers merging into one, losing their individual colors.
Imagine it as two beautiful trees growing side by side.
They don't strangle each other by intertwining.
Their roots dig deep into their own soil to find nourishment,

(04:39):
but their branches can reach out to shelter each other under the sun.
So how do you become a sturdy tree yourself?

First (04:47):
Build your own "garden.
" This isn't a stopgap solution, but a long-term strategy.
Instead of sitting and waiting for them to water you, create your own source of joy.
What is your "garden"?
It could be a guitar class you've loved for a long time,

(05:07):
a book club,a weekend volunteer project,or simply the joy of caring for some potted plants on the balcony.
Invest your time and passion into it.
When you're passionate about your own world, you won't have time to "monitor" their world anymore.

Second (05:25):
Have a conversation with "self-pity.
" When that feeling of disappointment and self-pity rises,
don't rush to chase it away or send a sulky text.
Try sitting still with it for a moment.

Put your hand on your chest and acknowledge (05:41):
"Ah, here it is, the familiar expectant mind.
It wants attention.
" Just recognize it as a cloud passing through the sky,
rather than identifying yourself with the storm.
You'll be surprised at how quickly it dissolves on its own.

(06:03):
I've tried it.
The first time felt quite silly, sitting there talking to my own self-pity.
But it was much more effective than sending a sulky message and receiving awkward silence in return.
When you're happy with your own world,the other person's freedom is no longer a threat,

(06:23):
but something worthy of respect and admiration.
Finally, a solid love isn't built from anyone sacrificing their interests.
It's built from respecting each other's personal space.
True connection doesn't come from always having to be next to each other,
but from living fully in our own worlds,then returning with fascinating stories to tell each other.

(06:50):
When your happiness is cultivated by yourself,then the other person's love becomes a gift,
an added joy,not an obligation they must fulfill.
Thank you for listening to today's Inner Sanctuary podcast episode.
I'm BAC.
Is your "love script" encountering an "uncooperative actor"?

(07:13):
Share your story in the comments.
If you found this podcast helpful,please share it with someone who also needs a little personal space in love.
Don't forget to follow "Inner Sanctuary" so you won't miss upcoming episodes.
Once again, thank you.
Wishing you a peaceful day.