February 4, 2025 • 54 mins
If you’ve ever felt stuck, uninspired, or like you’re just going through the motions, this episode is your wake-up call! Marni Battista, transformational coach, relationship expert, and author of Your Radical Living Challenge (Available NOW!), is back for round two! You may remember her from Episode 135: Finding Love at Midlife—if you haven’t listened to it yet, go check it out.
Marni’s journey is all about reinvention, resilience, and radical living. After a traumatic ski accident, she completely reset her life, ditched the “shoulds,” and developed 7 life-changing questions that will help you reclaim your power, embrace change, and build a life you truly love.
In this episode, Marni and I go deep into what it really means to live radically, why waiting for one dayis a trap, and how small steps can lead to big transformations. Plus, she shares insights on overcoming fear, testing new possibilities, and learning how to trust yourself.
Get ready for an inspiring, thought-provoking, and fun conversation! 🚀
🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✅ What radical living actually means (and why it’s not just for risk-takers!)
✅ How a ski accident became the catalyst for Marni’s biggest transformation
✅ The 7 essential questions to guide you through reinvention
✅ How to test and scale changes in your life without blowing everything up
✅ Why being radically honest with yourself is the key to fulfillment
✅ The power of resonance vs. dissonance in decision-making
✅ How to stop waiting for one day and start living today
🎧 Tune in now at themidlifemakeovershow.com or wherever you listen to podcasts!
✨ Now go out there and start living your radical life! ✨
👉 Connect with Marni!
https://www.instagram.com/marnibattista/
🧘♀️ Get the FREEDOM Meditations
https://freedommeditations.com
🤩 Join the FREEDOM at Midlife Program
📕 Join the Women Waking Up Waitlist
https://wendyvalentine.com/book
🦸♀️ Take the Superhero Quiz
😊 All the Midlife Goods
🎥 Subscribe to my YouTube channel
http://midlifemakeoveryoutube.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Marni Battista (00:00):
The radical life is like saying fudge. Yeah,
I'm going to go there. I'm just going to hang out because
it's worth it to live a meaningful life,
not stay in like the,
the land of like coping, tolerating,
justifying people, pleasing over
functioning and getting through it until
like, well, one day when this condition changes,
(00:22):
then I'll be. And my
mantra has been like stop waiting for one day. Make today
day one. It is the only one you're
guarantee. So what are you waiting for?
>> Wendy Valentine (00:33):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover
Show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a
vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days? No
matter if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover,
job burnout, or you just have the midlife
blues, I got you. Hey, I'm
Wendy, your hostess of the midlife mostess.
(00:56):
I too was hit by midlife like a freight train.
I too felt stuck in the same dull
chapter. I, wanted the clarity of how to create a
new life beyond divorce and the courage to leave
an unfulfilling career. But I kept telling
myself that I wasn't worthy and it was just easier
to stay in my comfort zone. Until I found a
little secret. The freedom to live my life
(01:19):
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab
your grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and
let's get this midlife party started.
(01:40):
Ladies, are you ready to wake up to your greatness?
If you're feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or
navigating midlife changes like an empty nest,
career shifts, or relationship challenges, then
my book, Women Waking up. Seven Steps to
Midlife Greatness is for you. Women Waking
up is designed to help you break free from limiting
(02:00):
beliefs, reignite your passions, and step
into your next chapter with confidence. This
empowering guide is packed with real life
stories, practical tools, and
actionable steps to help you reclaim your joy
and create a life filled with purpose.
And here's the best part.
When you join the wait list, you'll be the first to know
(02:20):
when pre.
Orders open and you'll unlock a ton of free
bonuses.
So what are you waiting for? Head, to
womenwakingup.com and get on the wait list.
Today, 2025 is your
year to wake up and thrive.
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I'm, your host,
Wendy Valentine. And if you've ever found
(02:40):
yourself at a crossroads wondering
what's next? Today's episode is
for you. Our guest is someone so
good, we just had to have her back for a second
time. You might remember her from episode
135, Finding Love at
Midlife. So if you haven't heard that one
yet, go check it out. Our guest today is
(03:03):
Marnie Bautista, best name ever, by the
way. Transformational coach, entrepreneur,
relationship expert, and podcast host. And
now she's adding author to the mix with her book,
your radical living Challenge coming out
today. Like, right now. Like, go get the book.
After you listen to this episode. This book is all
(03:23):
about rebuilding your life with purpose and
authenticity. Using seven essential
questions that help you navigate change, reclaim
control, and truly live on your
own terms. Marnie knows firsthand what it means
to start over. After 17 years of marriage and
raising three children, she found herself as a
single mom, reinvented her life, built
(03:46):
a successful business, and found love
again. But it was a traumatic
ski accident and a deep personal loss that led her
to throw out the script, sell her
home, and hit the road in an rv,
ultimately discovering the seven questions
that changed everything. Today
(04:08):
we're diving into those questions. How to create a life
that truly fulfills you and why radical
living might be the secret to your next chapter. I
think it is. Get ready for an inspiring and thought
provoking conversation.
Please welcome Marty to the show.
(04:31):
I think that's, like, my favorite part is just reading the intro.
>> Marni Battista (04:34):
I, know I love that you're so great at it. I'm like, forget.
I just want Wendy to introduce me. All over the
world, I used to do them separate.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:42):
Like I would record it like after, you know, the interview,
but I was just like, why not just do it before? It's so much
easier.
>> Marni Battista (04:49):
And then you can. Yeah, I mean, thank you.
Is that me?
>> Wendy Valentine (04:54):
So, Marnie, you and I have so much in common.
>> Marni Battista (04:57):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:57):
Let's see. Three kids, divorce,
death. Let's see. You lost your dad, I
lost, my brother, my ex husband.
We'll throw a drama into the mix of everything that we have in
common. And then, of course, our veen.
>> Marni Battista (05:12):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:13):
We are wild women.
>> Marni Battista (05:15):
We are wild women. We are, we are adventurous
souls.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:19):
Yeah. Radical. Radical living. What is, ah, what does
radical living mean to you?
>> Marni Battista (05:24):
So radical to me means
rerouting m based
on who you really are and then expressing that in
the world. And I was on a coaching call with a bunch of
ladies, and this woman was like, talking about, like,
wanting to, like, run her business from abroad.
She Has French lineage. She, you know, just all this
stuff. And she was like, you know, I'm just so
(05:46):
tired of worrying about what people would think
if I do like something because now it's like, oh my
God, she's crazy.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:54):
Right.
>> Marni Battista (05:55):
Or, you know, like, wow, that's,
you know, that's, that's bold. What? And she
was like. And I said, I just want radical living to be
the norm instead of this like crazy
thing you do because you're like a rebel or.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:09):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (06:10):
You're not conventional.
because I think that those things are associated
with a personality type.
Right. But like, introverts can live a
radical life. People who like security
and stability can lead a radical life. It's
really just rerouting into what you
want and dropping the should life and
(06:32):
then pursuing that in your own way. It's not about being
reckless.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:36):
Yeah. It's about being authentically you being
untethered and unleashed and unhinged
and whatever, without.
>> Marni Battista (06:45):
Blowing up the life that you work so hard to have. Right.
Because we're all grown ups and we have, we
have that security and stability that is
important when you're grown up. So how do you start testing out
what feels radical to you? What is your next big
adventure? What is something that you've always dreamed of
doing in a way that allows you to
(07:05):
enjoy the process of figuring that out and
not having to leap without a parachute?
>> Wendy Valentine (07:11):
Yes. Yeah. How do you do that? How do you
actually, like, for you and I, not like
we're like special or something like that, but just because we
have like been living the radical life, if you will.
>> Marni Battista (07:23):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:24):
For someone that's like, I don't know. Oh my
God. Living in an rv. Oh my gosh. Divorce, you know,
like all of those things that seem so scary. How do you
kind of like dip your toe in the water, if you
will, of radical living?
>> Marni Battista (07:37):
Yeah. So when I. So I had this ski accident
and it was like, like, you know, millimeters away
from being a very different
outcome. And I had all
those things. I built the business. I had the cute,
amazing second husband, my kids, I got them out of
the nest. They were all doing really well. but I
realized that I was terrified of change.
(07:59):
You know, like, it was, it
was the time I could, but I just
really felt terrified. I felt like the world
that I built around me was my stability.
And that if I moved anything on the outside,
then I. It was like a game of Jenga. Like if you
just pull it out wrong, like, everything
(08:20):
goes. And that felt really uncomfortable.
So I started looking at, like, well, how,
what do I want? What would I do? What could I do? And I
couldn't find anything, Wendy, except like, for women
in midlife, it was like, get a hobby,
you know, like join a pickleball league.
or there was a lot of like, you know, you need to
(08:40):
get, you need to let your kids be independent. You
know, how do you like, like untether yourself
from your kids? That's your problem. You're just over
attached to your identity as the mom. Right. And
none of that fit. So when I found the design
thinking model at Stanford University, which is how
products are developed. Yes.
(09:01):
I was like, wait a minute, that's
interesting because they're designing
products. So if the product you want is
your ideal life and then you are the
user of that product, then what if I
walk through that process with a
spiritual framework? that made
perfect sense to me. So I,
(09:23):
I got really invested in
looking at that and then using that as a
very safe,
structured, fun way
of figuring out what would make me happy.
that allowed me to enjoy the journey as well
as being focused on like, well, what is the destination?
Because just being your head, being like, should I move to
(09:46):
Austin or Florida? Like, that is
so limiting. And what I discovered is
through that process, I created a product that I couldn't have
thought of. right. Just by
sitting down with a piece of paper in the Internet.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:00):
The product being your life.
>> Marni Battista (10:03):
Yeah, my ideal life.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:05):
Interesting. I'm still like trying
that on right now. I'm like, huh? yeah, yeah.
>> Marni Battista (10:11):
So, so the answer is like, how do you do that? Right? Like, well, you need
a framework. And I just didn't. There wasn't
a framework. And so now I was like, well, I
found it. Now I'm going to write a book about it. I'm going to share
my journey going through it. Because
it is a spiritual experience in itself. To live
a radical life and to just be fully expressed. So that's what the book
(10:31):
is about. It's walking people through that framework, that step by step
process. And then I share my own story going through
it. So I go through it with you.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:40):
I did get to read the very first part about
your ski accident. Holy moly.
I mean, obviously it, changed you because
hence the book and.
>> Marni Battista (10:51):
All right, it did. It's kind of
interesting. Like, when I look back on it, that moment
was a metaphor for my life in so many ways.
because as I was, it was
a, you know, the setting. If you ski, you can
relate to this. But just imagine anything that you love to do. It
was like, ideal conditions. Like, I had brand new
(11:12):
ski boots. I was like, girls girlfriend, ski
day. and my
friend was, like, come down this path
and I could have gone down the other path. And,
I had a feeling
of don't be a follower.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:29):
Hm.
>> Marni Battista (11:30):
And. But I went anyway.
And it was way too. It was a lot. And so
anyway, I fell and I broke these seven
bones in my sacrum. And then.
And so when I think about it, it's like,
I'm a follower. I'm just doing what
everyone tells me to do. I
don't, don't really think very much for myself.
(11:53):
I trust everyone else, not myself. and then I just
go flying down this thing, like,
like, you know, zooming down this
mountaintop. and that's how I was doing
life. Right? I was just like, hm, doing this,
doing that. What is this person doing? What is that person doing?
I'm not good enough as this person. Why? You know, and, and
(12:13):
that, and so that, that decision was
like the universe going, let me show you
the growth areas and then I'm going to make you
sit for nine weeks or lay,
and not move. Not be able to do any of those things. No
zooming around. and then you could figure out what's going to
happen in the rest of your life. And so the
(12:34):
universe did not whisper. It
screamed. Because I was too busy to listen to the whispers. And there were
many.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:41):
Yeah, yeah. That's so wild.
I mean, that. And you
could, like, you, you could, you could have taken an accident and do
one or the other. You could have laid there, be like, what was me,
this is my life. And.
Or you could, like, done nothing at all, done nothing different,
but instead you radically changed
(13:03):
your life.
>> Marni Battista (13:03):
The thing is, and I talk about this in the book, and
every overachiever listening will relate. So
I, I've never been like a. Oh, poor
me person too much. I'm more of like
a I'll show you kind of a person.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:18):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (13:19):
So I was like, okay, fine. I'm gonna make the
biggest, fastest, best recovery. I'm going to
blow everyone's mind. I'm
going to get over this faster than everyone
expects. And, in the book, I talk
about, how I was lying to myself and
others about my
recovery process. And then I was pissed
(13:40):
that I wasn't better and I was supposed
to be. And I couldn't figure
out why, because I went to the, the
doctor, the spine doctor, you know, whatever. 12 weeks
later. And they're like, nope, everything is healed. I'm
like, well, why can't I walk without pain? He was like, I
don't know, but you're healed. See you later. You know, like, your
(14:00):
bones are fine.
and then I was like, what is wrong?
Like, why is this happening to me? And I talk about
that. Like, the questions I was asking were not the
questions that were giving the answer to healing.
They were the very much the like, fix this shit,
let's move on, let's get it done. I don't have time for
this. Which is how I think when, when
(14:22):
things don't go our way, we just tend
to, like, try and power through,
you know, playing in bed at night. Like, what's the answer? What's the
answer? Maybe it's this. Maybe, you know, and then your social.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:33):
Media trying to, Trying to force it. Trying, like, trying to force.
Yes. Yeah. Try to force your spirit into
like, oh, this is what we're doing. Like, no,
actually, no, maybe we're not.
>> Marni Battista (14:44):
Yeah. So that was, I think that really was the part of where
I was like, I surrender. Like, what the hell
is actually going on?
>> Wendy Valentine (14:51):
The seven questions I love. where. Let
me go down here. Let's see. Number. The first
one is, did you seek wisdom?
Were you, you. Were
you radically honest with yourself? Did
you busy yourself with creation?
Did you make time for your spiritual life?
(15:13):
Were you hopeful? And did you
recognize the blessing which is
the one that like, really
made the biggest shift for you?
>> Marni Battista (15:25):
Oh my gosh. I mean, what's crazy about these questions is
they're very much synergistic and come
together. But the first, the first one was, did
you seek wisdom? because the
conventional questions I was asking about my
healing were not giving me
answers. I was trying everything like I
was. And of course, you know, the phone
(15:48):
was giving me, like, solutions.
Try this supplement. You know, I was googling,
like, chronic, blah, blah, blah.
You know, like buying. I mean, buying 97,
like, hip, you know, whatever. I mean, I was
just. I was going to
gurus and quacks and healers and just all
this kind of stuff. because.
(16:10):
And you will totally get this, Wendy. So I was.
I remember crying and laying in bed at night saying to my
husband, if I don't fix this, I won't be able to
go to a little village in Europe and walk down the
street and go into shops. because I couldn't walk. Like, I
couldn't walk without pain. Like debilitating
pain. And I thought, how can I live My life, What
am I going to do? I mean, I wasn't even
(16:33):
thinking about being active or working out. I was just like, how am
I going to walk down the street or sit in an
airplane or whatever it is? So
I decided to, start asking different kind
of questions. And I call them wisdom seeking questions.
And they're actually questions designed to get to the
unconscious truth to answer your most
(16:54):
difficult challenges in life. And in the book, there's
120 of them in the appendix.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:59):
Oh, nice.
>> Marni Battista (17:00):
Yeah. So, because people for years have been saying
like, how do. I don't know, what do you
ask? And I'm like, well, let me give
you some great ones. and they're, they're
opening up your consciousness. And so in
that process, what I discovered
was that,
I. Well, first of all, there's like, it's kind of
(17:22):
crazy. I broke seven
places in my sacrum, which is the foundation of
yourself, your physical self. It's the, your
foundation. and what
I realized is that I found these seven
questions because I had to rebuild
the foundation on which I had built my life.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:42):
Because it's like the seven chakras.
>> Marni Battista (17:45):
Yes, exactly. And I had
built my life on a
completely different,
set of, of metrics around what
would make a successful life. And I kept. I
was never going to get there. Like, and every time I got there, it
wasn't enough. And I never felt
satiated, I never felt happy.
(18:08):
and so in asking
this question, like, what is this pain here
to really teach and show me, it was that
I had built my whole life from the neck up,
going, doing, achieving,
striving, the ladder to nowhere. And what
would it look like if I started to live my life from
my heart and my soul and really
(18:31):
redirect so that my life is
an expression of that on my own terms
and stop being follower. And
so once I started asking wisdom seeking
questions, like, it was like breadcrumbs. And then
everything just, you know, like.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:48):
It'S like the universe just rolled out the red carpet for
you. Like, here you go.
>> Marni Battista (18:52):
Well, I wouldn't say it rolled out the red carpet.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:56):
Well, I mean, once it kind of like starts to like,
revealed to you.
>> Marni Battista (18:59):
It'S like, yes, I, it was, it became really clear.
Right. Like, that's what I wanted. I was like, what is
the, the path? And so, yeah,
asking these questions really just
unfolded so many things that unfolded.
the idea that I had for the book, like, that came
from this process, like so many things.
Right. That I couldn't Think of. And that's really my
(19:22):
message for people who are listening. Like I've been
sitting in front of the computer like all of you, you know,
10 best places to retire in 2025. What's
a great career for? Da da da da. what do I need
to like make more get better at sale? What do I need to get
a promotion? Like, those are all knowledge based
questions. And so I'm here to tell you that if you
(19:43):
feel stuck, but like the start off with
the what is this stuckness here to teach me there's some
spiritual lesson that I'm avoiding or something in my
life that I'm tolerating
and, and the problem you think you have isn't
really the problem, there's a deeper one. And
so in the book I teach you how to figure out what is that essential
problem through these questions. And that felt
(20:05):
like a relief to know.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:07):
Yeah, I mean, let's be real, like we have a ton of
information like at our fingertips.
It's not the information we need, it's the
transformation that we need. It's yes,
we need knowledge, but it's really the wisdom. I'm like, I think like
that word just kind of taken for granted. Like,
wisdom. Like, well, what is wisdom? It's like, what is radical
(20:27):
living? What is wisdom? Like wisdom to
me, like that is, it's in your
heart and in your soul and no one can give it
to you. No, the only way you
become wise in your
own life is by
experience is by asking those
questions and going, why is this here? Why
(20:50):
is this showing up? Why do I have this pain?
How can I? You know, it's not searching, it's
not having chat.
GPT give you your life
answer.
>> Marni Battista (21:00):
Yeah, wouldn't that be great?
Here's the other thing about wisdom that I really love
is that wisdom we have is
the cumulative insight
and intuition from our lived experience so
far and in our,
in our soul's journey,
(21:21):
right? And so, so many people, that I talk to who
want to reinvent their life have like come to me with so much
regret. I should have done that. I wish I would have
done that. You know, it's too late for me to do that.
I wasted all those years with him, you
know, and I'm like, wait a minute,
your soul went on this journey and there's all
(21:41):
this wisdom, right? And
it's here for you and the rest of your life
is here for you. So when we
don't take the time to really reflect
on that and use that as
our superpower, we're, we're missing out
on it. So like life changes when you go,
(22:01):
wait a minute, I got all these gifts. Some of them were
pain, some of them were a struggle. But like
I became more of who I am because of that.
So like I should tap in. I could, I could
totally like look at, look at that.
I did this exercise with a bunch of clients at a retreat recently.
This like looking at your soul story and what
(22:22):
it was here to teach you and what their
people superpower was and how it can be also
their nemesis. And people
are like holy. Like this superpower
has been here in my whole life and I,
I can use this in the rest of my life and really
focus on that and use it to good, and create from
(22:42):
that space. And then that's when life feels super fun.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:45):
What's, what's your soul's superpower?
>> Marni Battista (22:48):
Oh my gosh. So
my superpower is two words. Creating
possibility.
Like if I look back at all the amazing things
I've done and my resilience and my
creativity and that whole like, you know, I
just get done. I create possibility.
(23:08):
But the dark side or my
shadow side, in the book I call it like the
alligator like little voice in your head that's
like you. Mine says
like create a possibility,
like fix that. Solve this problem for this
person over function for this. never be
satisfied. Not be great at making decisions. Have
(23:30):
self doubt like, like just don't be
patient. Find something else. Right. And so,
so I now am very aware
of when I am the shadow side of my
superpower is emerging and
when the powerful
soul expression of my. Of my
superpowers expressing. And
(23:52):
when I walked through and I teach this process in the book about
what is your soul map? Like what is your
soul actually? What are you doing? How
are you doing it? What are the core motivations?
It's so crystal clear. Oh, that's me being
in like an expression of my soul. This is
being an expression of my fear.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:12):
I think the key is awareness. Knowing
who. Who are you listening to and who is. It's like the
tale of the two. The two wolves. Right? Which.
>> Marni Battista (24:20):
Yeah, whichever one.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:21):
Yeah, exactly. Whichever one you feed is the one that
wins. Right? Are you gonna feed your superhero or your
super shero? No.
>> Marni Battista (24:30):
Yeah. And that. And that is
And that is a really powerful
choice.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:37):
We can.
Yes.
>> Marni Battista (24:38):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:39):
You get to choose it. Yes. Like I think it's like once you
realize like wait a second, I'm the one who is in
control of what is going on in my head and in
my heart and in my soul. Like I, I'm
the one. I have agency over this. Like
I can choose. It's so funny because just
I think it was last week I had I posted this
(25:00):
reel. This is me driving the rv.
And the whole purpose of it was like, who was driving your
life? Right? Is it, is it your body
with all of its physical pain and its limits?
Is it your mind with limiting beliefs and doubts and
etc. Is it your soul? Like, I
mean, I mean who. It's like we. It was like that whole like with the
(25:20):
I think it's Buddha or whatever. There's that analogy of
the drive the chariot and it's the
horses. Like it's. Is it your ego that's driving your life?
Like who is really driving your life?
Is it the people around you or like you know, following
the one, your friend down the, down the hill
is who's driving the show here? So
(25:41):
it's kind of interesting when you really start to look at your
life and most importantly just yourself
within your life. Almost as if you're, you know, like
you. A zoom out approach. What do they call it? Oh, the drone. Like if you were
to. Yeah, the drone above you and it's following
you, what would you see? How are you actually
behaving in your day to day life? Like who
(26:01):
is making the choices here? Like what's it
based upon? As you
know, midlife is a bustling time. We manage
households, nurture relationships, advance
careers and raise children. These
responsibilities, while fulfilling, can
sometimes drain your energy and diminish your personal
strengths. To help you reawaken those
(26:23):
dormant powers and embrace the superhero that you
truly are, I created the superhero
quiz at my superhero Quiz.
This fast, free and fun quiz will help you
discover which superhero mirrors your strengths
and personality. Plus you'll receive
a detailed guide tailored to your superhero
(26:44):
profile, helping you to harness your strengths
and soar to new heights.
Just head over to
mysuperheroquiz.com and
embrace the superhero within you.
>> Marni Battista (26:55):
Yeah. And I think just so many people are
afraid. And that's why I think having. For a
type A personality, I think it's very appropriate to
have asked for a structure and a framework.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:06):
Yeah, exactly.
>> Marni Battista (27:08):
So how can we make change in our life and
really get to know who we are and what we really want at a soul
level, in a way that's fun without blowing up the life that
we have and that how grown ups are
radical Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:21):
I mean, and you're so right. It's not like you have to completely blow
up the life that you have. Doesn't mean you can't.
You. You kind of chip away the things that aren't working.
You keep the things that are working and. And you
add to it.
>> Marni Battista (27:35):
Yeah. I mean, even before we decided to sell the house and, like,
live in the RV and all of that stuff, like, we went through
a process to experiment. You know, first, because we thought
van life was cool. You know, like, we are watching
videos. Like, that's amazing. Van life.
And then we rented a van for, like, two weeks, and we were
like, no, we cannot live and work in
(27:55):
a van. Even though it's super cool to, like,
just go off road and park and that would be great for a
vacation. and then we were like, okay, well,
let's try something bigger. Ah, for
longer. Right. Because there were criteria, right. Like, I
have to be able to work. I want to be able to work out m. Like,
how can I stay in touch with my kid? Like, my kids. Right.
Like, there were a lot of parameters of what I
(28:18):
need for my soul, to be expressed. That blows my hair
back. So then we did that experiment for six weeks, and
we learned a whole lot of that. And that was super fun
also. So by the time I was like, all right, let's
sell our house and live in an RV
and all of that, that took like a year.
and I had a blast doing it, and I felt really good
(28:38):
about that decision. And so
experiments are. Which, in the design
thinking model, they call it prototyping, are really
important because you do them. They're big
ideas. Scale down and you get to
test, and then it's an iterative feedback
loop. And you go, what I liked about it was this.
What I didn't like was this.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:59):
What?
>> Marni Battista (29:00):
Hm. Could be a good next step. And because our brains are
so binary and we're usually, I liked it or I didn't like
it. That doesn't help us move forward.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:08):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (29:09):
So asking. Having experiments that have
questions that you're actually testing
allows you to take the data and
then continue to assess and
adjust so that when you get to the making the
decision, you're like,
cool, I'm, gonna do that. Right. Like,
I had a client who. Who's in one industry. She's been
(29:31):
in this industry forever. She has, like, an mba. She worked
at, like, a top corporation doing this thing. But
she has this passion for, like, wellness. And
before she sort of started working with me, she was Like,
I think I'm gonna chuck it all and become a wellness
coach. this is what I care about.
And so one of her experience experiments was she took, a
class at Inn, Right. And after,
(29:54):
like, eight weeks, she was like, I like
this and it's fun and I'm interested
in it, but there is absolutely no way
I want to do this. Like, I don't want to
pivot my career. And she was like, oh,
that's so what a relief. I've been
thinking, maybe I should do this, maybe I should do that. What would it take to do
that? She didn't know that actually it was her hobby or
(30:16):
it was interesting, but it wasn't a job that she really
wanted to have. and that in her case, it was that
she needed to redesign her actual work
life. She needed to do work that she loved. And
stopped taking on roles in consulting projects with
clients she didn't enjoy. It allowed her to
also understand that there is no
escape. Wherever you go, there you are.
(30:39):
So while she was having fun taking this class, we also looked at,
like, the truth of what was going on in business that she had.
We're able to make some of those adjustments to where she's
like, wait, this actually meets my
lifestyle? And she also felt guilty because she
created this freedom lifestyle by having her own business and
leaving corporate. She felt guilty when she wasn't
working. She wasn't enjoying what she created. So
(31:02):
there were a lot of limiting beliefs in there that got
revealed that we got to sort through. So this
whole process impacts all of your current
life. And most of the time, people are
able to make these changes that allow them
to be more satisfied while they're figuring out what
else.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:20):
Yeah, I mean, it always seems like the grass is greener on the other
side. Like, oh, yes, I could totally do that. And in
some ways, like you said, took the words out of my mouth, like,
escaping, like, okay, oh, my gosh, I could just start this
new job or new. This new career, and that's going to solve everything. When
really was that the issue? You know, like, you
have to really ask the questions to
(31:41):
yourself, like, what is. What's underneath it?
Because usually we always think like, okay, this is the issue,
but, no, why am I feeling this way about this and get
underneath it and ask again and again and again until
really it's like, usually it's something you just don't even expect.
Expect.
>> Marni Battista (31:56):
Absolutely. And that's why the question about, were you radically honest?
Is so important.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:00):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (32:01):
Right. Hand in hand with what we're talking about,
because I think that we understand,
you know, like, in the Ten Commandments, it
says, like, you know, you should not lie.
And I think for the most
part, for most good listeners,
you know, we don't go around lying. Right, right.
(32:21):
But we do go around lying to ourselves all the
time. All the time.
And when I think about, you
know, the end of my life, you know, and I
think this is a really important thing, like, if
you found out you had a day, one more day
here, not what would you do, but what
would you regret?
>> Wendy Valentine (32:42):
Yes.
>> Marni Battista (32:43):
And I think that a lot of people
are tolerating and
honest. Right. And so that radical
honesty is
important. So. Because the whole premise of these seven questions
is you're asked them at the gates of heaven. That's the story.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:59):
Right.
>> Marni Battista (33:00):
They come from the ancient Talmudic text,
and this is how you define a meaningful life. And so,
you know, were you really honest with yourself?
Were you radically honest? And that you're like,
yeah, you know what? Clean slate.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:13):
Yep. Isn't that interesting, though? We're more
likely to be honest with others, but not with
ourselves.
>> Marni Battista (33:21):
Yeah. Role. Yeah. Because it's
easy to, give con a checklist. I'm gonna talk
to someone yesterday on my podcast. She's like, it's so easy to
set conditions for someone else and give them a
checklist of tasks. But
we don't do that for ourselves.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:37):
No. Because think about it. If. If we were
really honest with ourselves, we know that we would
need to do something about it. We would have to make some
changes. And sometimes change can be
really scary for a lot of people.
>> Marni Battista (33:51):
Exactly. Exactly. Which is why the test and
scale is so good. Because you can start
out small.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:57):
It's just like, Marianne Williamson's quote, our deepest fear is
not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fears, that we're powerful
beyond measure. It is our light, not. Not our
darkness that most frightens us.
>> Marni Battista (34:08):
absolutely. And. And, that's one
of my big lessons that I've really learned in my radical
living is how capable I am beyond what I could
have imagined in so many areas.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:20):
Yeah. It's so true. Like, really stepping
into your light, really being who you are.
And it. I mean, it is scary at first,
but then I. I don't know about you, but I feel
like after you've done it and, like, if you
feel like, oh, really feel like
myself that you can't imagine not being
(34:40):
yourself, like, you look back at your life like, how did
I. How did I act that way? For so long.
>> Marni Battista (34:46):
Yeah, well, that's what's pretty. So one of the things that I
talk about in the book is I call it resonance and
dissonance. And we all know like something that just
like locks in. You're like, that feels
resonant, you know, and then we all know the things that
are dissonant, but we ignore them. Right.
So once you really get a very
felt sense of resonance, it
(35:08):
becomes very clear. It's easier to make
decisions, it's easier to say, set boundaries
and it's easier to understand what is working
for me and what isn't. It's like you become in
tune with yourself and in
tune intuition right into me. I see
and all of that stuff. And so that
resonance then becomes like a beacon
(35:31):
of like how you live your
life. and when you get rid of all those dissonant
choices, those are the shoulds. And more often
than not, you're in a resonance in your life.
That's when life feels, even amidst the
chaos, even though there are challenges going on
in the world and around us, we can still
(35:52):
find joy because that really
is the courageous piece is finding
joy with, from within. no
matter what is going on in the outside. And I, and
I'm not going to say I do it like every day. It's more
often than not. Can I tune in and find resonance
and find that joy?
>> Wendy Valentine (36:11):
Yes. When you're in alignment with your heart and
soul.
>> Marni Battista (36:14):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:15):
I kind of think of it like the old fashioned radios.
Remember those? Yeah. You know, but you remember how
you like you're turning the dial and you're trying to
get your radio station and even just a tiny bit off,
it'd be like. And then you'd have to move
the dial a bit more. It's almost like that like when
you're, when you're in tune, like you said, when
(36:36):
you're on your radio station
and you hear the music, it's
clear and it's, it's bright and it's
beautiful. And then when you're off a little bit, which is
okay, we all fall off, we all get off a little
bit. We all like, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm
out of, I'm not in alignment here. You'll
(36:56):
know you, you sense it more. You'll, you'll
wake up days, you're like, I don't, I don't really feel like me
right now.
Which is like, brings me to like your second question. Were you
you? It's like, were you you like, y
ou like the true you, you
Meaning your soul, your
spirit. I mean really, if you think about it, I
(37:16):
was, I always think about like our bodies are. It's like a
candy wrapper. It's just. Is keeping my
soul in here for me. But underneath
that candy wrapper is me.
And underneath your candy wrapper is you.
>> Marni Battista (37:31):
Yeah. You know, it's kind of interesting. When my dad died
in 2019, I, was. I felt very
blessed, you know, to like be there with him when he passed.
And that was, if anyone's listening ever been through
that, like, in that moment when he
passed, like I could feel and
see like his soul, like leave,
(37:51):
you know? it was, it
was to me, I was like, this is real shit,
right? Like, we are just a container and our
souls are animating energy that is divine. And
like it is. And also it helped me
understand as a side note, like, why it was like
a blessing for him to pass because his container couldn't hold
(38:12):
his soul anymore. Like, it just wasn't,
it wasn't suitable for his expression.
but I was like, holy crap. Like this is
real. We have this animated energy inside of
us. We cannot take it for granted. How can
we do this? Living at the
soul level, so that it gets to be
expressed. Because each of us has only. There's only
(38:35):
one, right? And it's our gift. And
so the world needs you to be you, whatever
that looks like, and to not hide,
and be guarded and armored and afraid.
Even when experience has told you you're not safe. Like,
there's a possibility to
unarmor. And, and just the
(38:56):
whole act of doing that is radical, right? Of saying
like, yes, this happened to me.
Yes, these things were hard. And also like,
what is possibility?
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:08):
And it's hard. We make it, we make it hard for
ourselves by trying to,
to be something that we're not and
living a life that isn't really what we
want. We're harming ourselves
for sure.
>> Marni Battista (39:23):
You know, someone. So I have all these early readers that were reading
the book. And so, one of my, people
in my life who's pretty young, she's like 26, read the
book. She's very like,
anxious state kind of a person.
She's hilarious. She's got the biggest heart. She's
beautiful inside out, but not very woo woo, you
(39:44):
know. And m. She messaged me and she was
like, oh my God, I think I know
what my essential self is. And that's what I call your soul
self. And she's like, it's me.
Like the third time I watched
Wicked singing out loud,
she was like, that's me being in my central self. And I was
(40:06):
like, yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:07):
Right?
>> Marni Battista (40:08):
So, like, having a moment where you're like, oh, my
God, this is it. So. So it's very
simplistic. So then in this book, I'm like,
okay, great. So now you've. That's you. So what would
your life look like if you got to, be
that in most
areas of your life, more often than not.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:29):
Right.
>> Marni Battista (40:30):
Wow. Life could be pretty freaking
epic. Right? Like, if it feels
like I'm in the third viewing of Wicked, singing
Defy Gravity, like the top of my lungs. Like,
if that's your jam, you know? And what's crazy
is I've known her for her whole life, and I'm like, that is
your essential self. So the gift of figuring that
(40:50):
out, and. And having
that awareness and then being like, well, wow, I
want to just get more of this. That's
a meaningful life. It's really. Even though we've been taught it's
more money, more houses, more cars,
more status, more M. Followers. More, more,
more, more, more. That, like,
(41:10):
and. And you talk to every.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:12):
You.
>> Marni Battista (41:12):
You hear stories of people that have the top of the moors, the
celebrities, the, whatever, and they're not fulfilled and they're
not right. And so we want that
moment to be how we reorient ourselves.
And so finding that and then doing that in a
way that you can do in a practical, real
world life is like nirvana to
me.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:34):
Yeah.
I would say, like, yeah. I mean, it requires some, like,
serious soul surfing, if you will. I never say
soul searching. I'm like, you don't have to search. It's always there, your
soul.
But, yeah, like, surfing through and
in asking those questions and figuring that out
and when a challenge arises,
(41:54):
it's a great.
I know we always say this. It's a great opportunity for
healing, but it really is.
>> Marni Battista (42:00):
It really, really.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:02):
It really is. Like, when something
happens, it's like,
What's. What's here? Like, there's something
here.
>> Marni Battista (42:10):
Yes. Well, one of the things. So when I was doing my
rv Experience. Experience, and, you know, I gave
up a lot. You know, that safety, that security. It was kind of
like a quote, unquote, easy life. And RVing as, you
know, like, is not always as glamorous as it looks on
YouTube. and there's a lot of.
A lot of work involved. Yeah. And
(42:31):
you are free, but in some ways you're not, because you need to find
a Place to park it and you need to find you. You can't just
whip over to the gas station and stop. And
it was a lot. And I went on, I talk about
this, what I call the newfound gap. And that is
the truth of that messy middle where you're in
that struggle and you're doing
(42:51):
healing work.
it is challenging. Right. And what I realized for
myself is that my
attachments were in the way. And
so like I was climbing up this part of
the Appalachian Trail, in
Tennessee. And you get to this one point, they call
(43:11):
it the newfound gap. And on one side of the
view is Tennessee and I think the other one is like one of the
Carolinas. And you're like in the
middle, right. And I, it just hit me in that
moment like, this is my problem. I'm still
attached to the old way and I
can't be in the now or the possibility of the new
way with my attachments to the old and
(43:34):
that it's hard sitting on a fence
and hurts your girl
parts. So,
I was like, okay, like for me
to really get through this struggle because people ask me all the time,
like, oh, the mess. It's so hard. This liminal space, you
know, the space between what was and what is
becoming. Well, one of the, the things that
(43:56):
was in my way was that I was still attached to the old way,
like emotionally,
spiritually. Right. Like, I was still like, did
regret, you know, questioning my.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:05):
Yeah, yeah, you had like one foot over here. One foot over here.
>> Marni Battista (44:08):
So once, once I like realized, like, okay, I don't want to be in
this newfound gap. I'm going to commit
to the unlived possibility
of my life and like, what I could create.
Yes.
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:23):
Funny thing is I've. I have been in that
actual place, both of those right there on the
Appalachian Trail and in that mental emotional
place. And for me, I remember it
was that kind of that feeling of giving
myself permission. Like, Wendy, I give
you permission to move
forward. You do not have to stay. Yeah,
(44:45):
you do not have to stay stuck back there. And
really, I mean, yeah, my
first. I mean, RV life can really teach
you.
>> Marni Battista (44:54):
It, I mean, it is, I mean, just
my.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:57):
When I took off in the rv, my first place
I, went to is in New Mexico and I did a
ketamine treatment because
I. There was something I felt for me that I
just had not quite unlocked to be able to
move forward. And I. The
biggest freaking aha moment
(45:18):
I got out of that was it
sounds so crazy and Cuckoo. And I'm totally okay with
this. But during the ketamine journey, I had,
I had a little chit chat with my soul.
>> Marni Battista (45:28):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:29):
And my soul told me, wendy, if you would
just get out of the way. I got this
shit. I was like, oh, oh.
So I don't have like I can relax like. And you got it
like, okay, cool. And I like, I
left there like, man, that was
great. I got out, I felt so much
lighter and just. And I
(45:51):
surrendered. I was like, oh, you know,
I'm like, why am I hanging on to? actually I think
on your. Wait, I have it right here in front of me on your website. It says,
are you more committed to your bullshit or your
vision? Right?
We are so like. And sometimes we are
so proud of our bullshit.
>> Marni Battista (46:09):
Oh my God.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:11):
Oh my God. Like, look at this. I have this and this going
on. Like what?
Why no one
cares.
>> Marni Battista (46:20):
Just because it feel. Because the
pain and the unconscious gain
of the familiar feels better than the
pain required to get to your vision.
Right? And there is no expression express bus
from boohoo. Why me to like,
yeah baby. Living my best life. It's just.
No, I mean if there is, can someone tell me where that
(46:42):
goes? Because I jump on that bus.
But usually it's like,
first you're gonna have to be uncomfortable. You're gonna
learn some shit, you're gonna have to have some hard conversations,
you're gonna make some big decisions. That's just the way
it is. And so like the radical life
is like saying, fuck yeah, I'm going to go
there. I'm just going to hang out because it's worth it
(47:05):
to live a meaningful life. Not stay
in like the, the, the land
of like coping, tolerating, justifying
people, pleasing over functioning and
getting through it until like, well one day when this
condition changes, then I'll be.
And my mantra has been like, stop waiting for
(47:25):
one day. Make today day one the only one
you're guaranteed.
so what are you waiting for?
>> Wendy Valentine (47:32):
Yep, so true. I know. I mean I've said
this before too. I think even on the show it's like
when I think like, should I do this? This is kind of scary.
Should I do it? And my ex husband died at the age of
26. And I always think if he
was here he'd be like, fuck yeah, go and do it. Why
wouldn't you? You're still breathing, like you still have a
(47:52):
chance. Why wouldn't you go do that?
Because like we, I mean if we all live till a Hundred. Like,
that's great. But still, a hundred years is
like little blink of time in eternity.
So. Yeah. What are you waiting for? It's never too late. Never
too late.
>> Marni Battista (48:08):
Yeah. Arguing for your limitations. And
that's what people do. They argue. They, like, want to defend.
They want to be right about why they're. I call it
terminal uniqueness.
And if I could tell you how many people I've talked to who are like, you
just don't understand. And I'm like,
literally play the tape. Like,
yes. You're so unoriginal that, like, you're
(48:31):
literally saying the same thing that all the other people who feel like
they're terminally unique are saying. So you're not.
Get over it.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:38):
Yep. Yeah. And you know, like, what you were
saying earlier, like, there's not an easy way. I
mean, sometimes to get to the light of your soul, you do have
to go through a dark night of this.
>> Marni Battista (48:49):
Oh, you definitely do. I mean.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:50):
I mean, I don't. Yeah. I wish I could have jumped
over the dark night, but. And actually, no, I don't. I take
that back, because it. Yeah,
I would. I wouldn't be where I'm at today if I hadn't. I've had
a few dark nights of the soul, but, It was so worth
it. It was so worth it just to break free and
get out of it. It's like, oh, God, I feel so much
better. Just.
>> Marni Battista (49:12):
Yeah. So, like. Yeah.
what if we think about our challenges for everyone who's listening?
Like, it's either you're in a transformation right
now, or you're being prepared for a transformation.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:21):
Yes.
>> Marni Battista (49:22):
Right. It's like what your soul was saying to you. Right.
Like, I've got this. I know it doesn't look like I have
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:28):
Yep.
>> Marni Battista (49:30):
But that's. This is being human, but I have
it. And shit's going on, like, in
for you. You just can't see it. So be
pre. Be president with it. Be with it. Do
something with it. Do something about it.
Get out of the way.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:46):
Yep. Yeah. I mean, we think, like, waving the
white flag is a sign of weakness, but it's not.
It's a sign of strength. Like, just m. Rendered.
Surrender. Meaning, like, detach, Let go.
>> Marni Battista (49:58):
Yeah. A hundred percent.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:59):
Yeah. Where can we get
this radical book?
>> Marni Battista (50:05):
You, can get this radical book, on
Amazon and Barnes and Noble. You can go to
marniebautista.com and
get it. it's everywhere.
Books are sold, and someone messaged me
and said, is it audible? And it is on
audible, narrated by me. So
(50:25):
if you're a listener, you can also get it on audible, and
it will tell you the story of
radical living and my journey in the
RV with my husband and my two
cats.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:40):
Yeah. And it literally. Let's see, today, Tuesday,
February 4th. And that. You know what? I don't know if
you realize that you probably do, but your ski accident
was in February 2020.
>> Marni Battista (50:52):
It was.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:53):
It was so 60 months ago. Look at
you now, girl.
>> Marni Battista (50:57):
I know. I'm skiing. I'm living my
best life in Colorado, a place I never could
have thought of when I was. I literally have in my journal, like,
Jeremy, like, where do you want to retire? We're like, Palm
Springs. Like, you know, we're just writing the things
that other people do from la, like, where they
go. It's like if you live in New York,
you go to Florida.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:18):
Yep. Yep.
>> Marni Battista (51:19):
You go to, Arizona. Like, there are these rules. Right.
And so I could have never thought of this ever in my whole
life. So, I'm so grateful that I went through this design
thinking framework. I have these spiritual questions so that my
soul could lead me to the exact right place in time for
me.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:34):
Yes. I love it. I love it, I love it, love it. The
other thing I'm going to do today, and I encourage everyone else to do the
same, I'm going to leave a review for you on
Amazon because.
>> Marni Battista (51:44):
Yes, I appreciate it. Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:46):
Makes a big difference. Thank you, Marnie.
>> Marni Battista (51:48):
Thank you for having me and celebrating my publication
day. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:53):
And Marty Batista. It's, coolest last name. B, A, T,
T, I, S, T, A. Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (51:58):
And Marty is.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:00):
Oh, yes. Keep it. But I love it.
I love it.
>> Marni Battista (52:04):
I like that last name. Thank you, Bob.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:06):
Thank you. Thank you, Bob Batista.
>> Marni Battista (52:09):
Exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:11):
And that's even cooler. I know my
name is Bob Batista.
>> Marni Battista (52:18):
Yep. Great guy, honestly.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:20):
All right, thank you, everyone. Go. Live a radical
life.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
(52:41):
episode and share it on a social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be you.
(53:08):
Sat
M.
The radical life is like saying fudge. Yeah,
I'm going to go there. I'm just going to hang out because
it's worth it to live a meaningful life,
not stay in like the,
the land of like coping, tolerating,
justifying people, pleasing over
functioning and getting through it until
like, well, one day when this condition changes,
(00:22):
then I'll be. And my
mantra has been like stop waiting for one day. Make today
day one. It is the only one you're
guarantee. So what are you waiting for?
>> Wendy Valentine (00:33):
Hey, midlifers. Welcome to the Midlife Makeover
Show. Are you ready to break free from your
mundane midlife? Are you feeling trapped in a
vicious cycle of rinse and repeat days? No
matter if you're experiencing a divorce, hangover,
job burnout, or you just have the midlife
blues, I got you. Hey, I'm
Wendy, your hostess of the midlife mostess.
(00:56):
I too was hit by midlife like a freight train.
I too felt stuck in the same dull
chapter. I, wanted the clarity of how to create a
new life beyond divorce and the courage to leave
an unfulfilling career. But I kept telling
myself that I wasn't worthy and it was just easier
to stay in my comfort zone. Until I found a
little secret. The freedom to live my life
(01:19):
my way. In this podcast, you will
learn how to achieve a vibrant midlife mind and
body, how to create solid relationships through
love and loss, and how to create an
awesome second half of life. Grab
your grande latte, pop in your earbuds, and
let's get this midlife party started.
(01:40):
Ladies, are you ready to wake up to your greatness?
If you're feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or
navigating midlife changes like an empty nest,
career shifts, or relationship challenges, then
my book, Women Waking up. Seven Steps to
Midlife Greatness is for you. Women Waking
up is designed to help you break free from limiting
(02:00):
beliefs, reignite your passions, and step
into your next chapter with confidence. This
empowering guide is packed with real life
stories, practical tools, and
actionable steps to help you reclaim your joy
and create a life filled with purpose.
And here's the best part.
When you join the wait list, you'll be the first to know
(02:20):
when pre.
Orders open and you'll unlock a ton of free
bonuses.
So what are you waiting for? Head, to
womenwakingup.com and get on the wait list.
Today, 2025 is your
year to wake up and thrive.
Welcome back to the Midlife Makeover Show. I'm, your host,
Wendy Valentine. And if you've ever found
(02:40):
yourself at a crossroads wondering
what's next? Today's episode is
for you. Our guest is someone so
good, we just had to have her back for a second
time. You might remember her from episode
135, Finding Love at
Midlife. So if you haven't heard that one
yet, go check it out. Our guest today is
(03:03):
Marnie Bautista, best name ever, by the
way. Transformational coach, entrepreneur,
relationship expert, and podcast host. And
now she's adding author to the mix with her book,
your radical living Challenge coming out
today. Like, right now. Like, go get the book.
After you listen to this episode. This book is all
(03:23):
about rebuilding your life with purpose and
authenticity. Using seven essential
questions that help you navigate change, reclaim
control, and truly live on your
own terms. Marnie knows firsthand what it means
to start over. After 17 years of marriage and
raising three children, she found herself as a
single mom, reinvented her life, built
(03:46):
a successful business, and found love
again. But it was a traumatic
ski accident and a deep personal loss that led her
to throw out the script, sell her
home, and hit the road in an rv,
ultimately discovering the seven questions
that changed everything. Today
(04:08):
we're diving into those questions. How to create a life
that truly fulfills you and why radical
living might be the secret to your next chapter. I
think it is. Get ready for an inspiring and thought
provoking conversation.
Please welcome Marty to the show.
(04:31):
I think that's, like, my favorite part is just reading the intro.
>> Marni Battista (04:34):
I, know I love that you're so great at it. I'm like, forget.
I just want Wendy to introduce me. All over the
world, I used to do them separate.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:42):
Like I would record it like after, you know, the interview,
but I was just like, why not just do it before? It's so much
easier.
>> Marni Battista (04:49):
And then you can. Yeah, I mean, thank you.
Is that me?
>> Wendy Valentine (04:54):
So, Marnie, you and I have so much in common.
>> Marni Battista (04:57):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (04:57):
Let's see. Three kids, divorce,
death. Let's see. You lost your dad, I
lost, my brother, my ex husband.
We'll throw a drama into the mix of everything that we have in
common. And then, of course, our veen.
>> Marni Battista (05:12):
Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:13):
We are wild women.
>> Marni Battista (05:15):
We are wild women. We are, we are adventurous
souls.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:19):
Yeah. Radical. Radical living. What is, ah, what does
radical living mean to you?
>> Marni Battista (05:24):
So radical to me means
rerouting m based
on who you really are and then expressing that in
the world. And I was on a coaching call with a bunch of
ladies, and this woman was like, talking about, like,
wanting to, like, run her business from abroad.
She Has French lineage. She, you know, just all this
stuff. And she was like, you know, I'm just so
(05:46):
tired of worrying about what people would think
if I do like something because now it's like, oh my
God, she's crazy.
>> Wendy Valentine (05:54):
Right.
>> Marni Battista (05:55):
Or, you know, like, wow, that's,
you know, that's, that's bold. What? And she
was like. And I said, I just want radical living to be
the norm instead of this like crazy
thing you do because you're like a rebel or.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:09):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (06:10):
You're not conventional.
because I think that those things are associated
with a personality type.
Right. But like, introverts can live a
radical life. People who like security
and stability can lead a radical life. It's
really just rerouting into what you
want and dropping the should life and
(06:32):
then pursuing that in your own way. It's not about being
reckless.
>> Wendy Valentine (06:36):
Yeah. It's about being authentically you being
untethered and unleashed and unhinged
and whatever, without.
>> Marni Battista (06:45):
Blowing up the life that you work so hard to have. Right.
Because we're all grown ups and we have, we
have that security and stability that is
important when you're grown up. So how do you start testing out
what feels radical to you? What is your next big
adventure? What is something that you've always dreamed of
doing in a way that allows you to
(07:05):
enjoy the process of figuring that out and
not having to leap without a parachute?
>> Wendy Valentine (07:11):
Yes. Yeah. How do you do that? How do you
actually, like, for you and I, not like
we're like special or something like that, but just because we
have like been living the radical life, if you will.
>> Marni Battista (07:23):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (07:24):
For someone that's like, I don't know. Oh my
God. Living in an rv. Oh my gosh. Divorce, you know,
like all of those things that seem so scary. How do you
kind of like dip your toe in the water, if you
will, of radical living?
>> Marni Battista (07:37):
Yeah. So when I. So I had this ski accident
and it was like, like, you know, millimeters away
from being a very different
outcome. And I had all
those things. I built the business. I had the cute,
amazing second husband, my kids, I got them out of
the nest. They were all doing really well. but I
realized that I was terrified of change.
(07:59):
You know, like, it was, it
was the time I could, but I just
really felt terrified. I felt like the world
that I built around me was my stability.
And that if I moved anything on the outside,
then I. It was like a game of Jenga. Like if you
just pull it out wrong, like, everything
(08:20):
goes. And that felt really uncomfortable.
So I started looking at, like, well, how,
what do I want? What would I do? What could I do? And I
couldn't find anything, Wendy, except like, for women
in midlife, it was like, get a hobby,
you know, like join a pickleball league.
or there was a lot of like, you know, you need to
(08:40):
get, you need to let your kids be independent. You
know, how do you like, like untether yourself
from your kids? That's your problem. You're just over
attached to your identity as the mom. Right. And
none of that fit. So when I found the design
thinking model at Stanford University, which is how
products are developed. Yes.
(09:01):
I was like, wait a minute, that's
interesting because they're designing
products. So if the product you want is
your ideal life and then you are the
user of that product, then what if I
walk through that process with a
spiritual framework? that made
perfect sense to me. So I,
(09:23):
I got really invested in
looking at that and then using that as a
very safe,
structured, fun way
of figuring out what would make me happy.
that allowed me to enjoy the journey as well
as being focused on like, well, what is the destination?
Because just being your head, being like, should I move to
(09:46):
Austin or Florida? Like, that is
so limiting. And what I discovered is
through that process, I created a product that I couldn't have
thought of. right. Just by
sitting down with a piece of paper in the Internet.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:00):
The product being your life.
>> Marni Battista (10:03):
Yeah, my ideal life.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:05):
Interesting. I'm still like trying
that on right now. I'm like, huh? yeah, yeah.
>> Marni Battista (10:11):
So, so the answer is like, how do you do that? Right? Like, well, you need
a framework. And I just didn't. There wasn't
a framework. And so now I was like, well, I
found it. Now I'm going to write a book about it. I'm going to share
my journey going through it. Because
it is a spiritual experience in itself. To live
a radical life and to just be fully expressed. So that's what the book
(10:31):
is about. It's walking people through that framework, that step by step
process. And then I share my own story going through
it. So I go through it with you.
>> Wendy Valentine (10:40):
I did get to read the very first part about
your ski accident. Holy moly.
I mean, obviously it, changed you because
hence the book and.
>> Marni Battista (10:51):
All right, it did. It's kind of
interesting. Like, when I look back on it, that moment
was a metaphor for my life in so many ways.
because as I was, it was
a, you know, the setting. If you ski, you can
relate to this. But just imagine anything that you love to do. It
was like, ideal conditions. Like, I had brand new
(11:12):
ski boots. I was like, girls girlfriend, ski
day. and my
friend was, like, come down this path
and I could have gone down the other path. And,
I had a feeling
of don't be a follower.
>> Wendy Valentine (11:29):
Hm.
>> Marni Battista (11:30):
And. But I went anyway.
And it was way too. It was a lot. And so
anyway, I fell and I broke these seven
bones in my sacrum. And then.
And so when I think about it, it's like,
I'm a follower. I'm just doing what
everyone tells me to do. I
don't, don't really think very much for myself.
(11:53):
I trust everyone else, not myself. and then I just
go flying down this thing, like,
like, you know, zooming down this
mountaintop. and that's how I was doing
life. Right? I was just like, hm, doing this,
doing that. What is this person doing? What is that person doing?
I'm not good enough as this person. Why? You know, and, and
(12:13):
that, and so that, that decision was
like the universe going, let me show you
the growth areas and then I'm going to make you
sit for nine weeks or lay,
and not move. Not be able to do any of those things. No
zooming around. and then you could figure out what's going to
happen in the rest of your life. And so the
(12:34):
universe did not whisper. It
screamed. Because I was too busy to listen to the whispers. And there were
many.
>> Wendy Valentine (12:41):
Yeah, yeah. That's so wild.
I mean, that. And you
could, like, you, you could, you could have taken an accident and do
one or the other. You could have laid there, be like, what was me,
this is my life. And.
Or you could, like, done nothing at all, done nothing different,
but instead you radically changed
(13:03):
your life.
>> Marni Battista (13:03):
The thing is, and I talk about this in the book, and
every overachiever listening will relate. So
I, I've never been like a. Oh, poor
me person too much. I'm more of like
a I'll show you kind of a person.
>> Wendy Valentine (13:18):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (13:19):
So I was like, okay, fine. I'm gonna make the
biggest, fastest, best recovery. I'm going to
blow everyone's mind. I'm
going to get over this faster than everyone
expects. And, in the book, I talk
about, how I was lying to myself and
others about my
recovery process. And then I was pissed
(13:40):
that I wasn't better and I was supposed
to be. And I couldn't figure
out why, because I went to the, the
doctor, the spine doctor, you know, whatever. 12 weeks
later. And they're like, nope, everything is healed. I'm
like, well, why can't I walk without pain? He was like, I
don't know, but you're healed. See you later. You know, like, your
(14:00):
bones are fine.
and then I was like, what is wrong?
Like, why is this happening to me? And I talk about
that. Like, the questions I was asking were not the
questions that were giving the answer to healing.
They were the very much the like, fix this shit,
let's move on, let's get it done. I don't have time for
this. Which is how I think when, when
(14:22):
things don't go our way, we just tend
to, like, try and power through,
you know, playing in bed at night. Like, what's the answer? What's the
answer? Maybe it's this. Maybe, you know, and then your social.
>> Wendy Valentine (14:33):
Media trying to, Trying to force it. Trying, like, trying to force.
Yes. Yeah. Try to force your spirit into
like, oh, this is what we're doing. Like, no,
actually, no, maybe we're not.
>> Marni Battista (14:44):
Yeah. So that was, I think that really was the part of where
I was like, I surrender. Like, what the hell
is actually going on?
>> Wendy Valentine (14:51):
The seven questions I love. where. Let
me go down here. Let's see. Number. The first
one is, did you seek wisdom?
Were you, you. Were
you radically honest with yourself? Did
you busy yourself with creation?
Did you make time for your spiritual life?
(15:13):
Were you hopeful? And did you
recognize the blessing which is
the one that like, really
made the biggest shift for you?
>> Marni Battista (15:25):
Oh my gosh. I mean, what's crazy about these questions is
they're very much synergistic and come
together. But the first, the first one was, did
you seek wisdom? because the
conventional questions I was asking about my
healing were not giving me
answers. I was trying everything like I
was. And of course, you know, the phone
(15:48):
was giving me, like, solutions.
Try this supplement. You know, I was googling,
like, chronic, blah, blah, blah.
You know, like buying. I mean, buying 97,
like, hip, you know, whatever. I mean, I was
just. I was going to
gurus and quacks and healers and just all
this kind of stuff. because.
(16:10):
And you will totally get this, Wendy. So I was.
I remember crying and laying in bed at night saying to my
husband, if I don't fix this, I won't be able to
go to a little village in Europe and walk down the
street and go into shops. because I couldn't walk. Like, I
couldn't walk without pain. Like debilitating
pain. And I thought, how can I live My life, What
am I going to do? I mean, I wasn't even
(16:33):
thinking about being active or working out. I was just like, how am
I going to walk down the street or sit in an
airplane or whatever it is? So
I decided to, start asking different kind
of questions. And I call them wisdom seeking questions.
And they're actually questions designed to get to the
unconscious truth to answer your most
(16:54):
difficult challenges in life. And in the book, there's
120 of them in the appendix.
>> Wendy Valentine (16:59):
Oh, nice.
>> Marni Battista (17:00):
Yeah. So, because people for years have been saying
like, how do. I don't know, what do you
ask? And I'm like, well, let me give
you some great ones. and they're, they're
opening up your consciousness. And so in
that process, what I discovered
was that,
I. Well, first of all, there's like, it's kind of
(17:22):
crazy. I broke seven
places in my sacrum, which is the foundation of
yourself, your physical self. It's the, your
foundation. and what
I realized is that I found these seven
questions because I had to rebuild
the foundation on which I had built my life.
>> Wendy Valentine (17:42):
Because it's like the seven chakras.
>> Marni Battista (17:45):
Yes, exactly. And I had
built my life on a
completely different,
set of, of metrics around what
would make a successful life. And I kept. I
was never going to get there. Like, and every time I got there, it
wasn't enough. And I never felt
satiated, I never felt happy.
(18:08):
and so in asking
this question, like, what is this pain here
to really teach and show me, it was that
I had built my whole life from the neck up,
going, doing, achieving,
striving, the ladder to nowhere. And what
would it look like if I started to live my life from
my heart and my soul and really
(18:31):
redirect so that my life is
an expression of that on my own terms
and stop being follower. And
so once I started asking wisdom seeking
questions, like, it was like breadcrumbs. And then
everything just, you know, like.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:48):
It'S like the universe just rolled out the red carpet for
you. Like, here you go.
>> Marni Battista (18:52):
Well, I wouldn't say it rolled out the red carpet.
>> Wendy Valentine (18:56):
Well, I mean, once it kind of like starts to like,
revealed to you.
>> Marni Battista (18:59):
It'S like, yes, I, it was, it became really clear.
Right. Like, that's what I wanted. I was like, what is
the, the path? And so, yeah,
asking these questions really just
unfolded so many things that unfolded.
the idea that I had for the book, like, that came
from this process, like so many things.
Right. That I couldn't Think of. And that's really my
(19:22):
message for people who are listening. Like I've been
sitting in front of the computer like all of you, you know,
10 best places to retire in 2025. What's
a great career for? Da da da da. what do I need
to like make more get better at sale? What do I need to get
a promotion? Like, those are all knowledge based
questions. And so I'm here to tell you that if you
(19:43):
feel stuck, but like the start off with
the what is this stuckness here to teach me there's some
spiritual lesson that I'm avoiding or something in my
life that I'm tolerating
and, and the problem you think you have isn't
really the problem, there's a deeper one. And
so in the book I teach you how to figure out what is that essential
problem through these questions. And that felt
(20:05):
like a relief to know.
>> Wendy Valentine (20:07):
Yeah, I mean, let's be real, like we have a ton of
information like at our fingertips.
It's not the information we need, it's the
transformation that we need. It's yes,
we need knowledge, but it's really the wisdom. I'm like, I think like
that word just kind of taken for granted. Like,
wisdom. Like, well, what is wisdom? It's like, what is radical
(20:27):
living? What is wisdom? Like wisdom to
me, like that is, it's in your
heart and in your soul and no one can give it
to you. No, the only way you
become wise in your
own life is by
experience is by asking those
questions and going, why is this here? Why
(20:50):
is this showing up? Why do I have this pain?
How can I? You know, it's not searching, it's
not having chat.
GPT give you your life
answer.
>> Marni Battista (21:00):
Yeah, wouldn't that be great?
Here's the other thing about wisdom that I really love
is that wisdom we have is
the cumulative insight
and intuition from our lived experience so
far and in our,
in our soul's journey,
(21:21):
right? And so, so many people, that I talk to who
want to reinvent their life have like come to me with so much
regret. I should have done that. I wish I would have
done that. You know, it's too late for me to do that.
I wasted all those years with him, you
know, and I'm like, wait a minute,
your soul went on this journey and there's all
(21:41):
this wisdom, right? And
it's here for you and the rest of your life
is here for you. So when we
don't take the time to really reflect
on that and use that as
our superpower, we're, we're missing out
on it. So like life changes when you go,
(22:01):
wait a minute, I got all these gifts. Some of them were
pain, some of them were a struggle. But like
I became more of who I am because of that.
So like I should tap in. I could, I could
totally like look at, look at that.
I did this exercise with a bunch of clients at a retreat recently.
This like looking at your soul story and what
(22:22):
it was here to teach you and what their
people superpower was and how it can be also
their nemesis. And people
are like holy. Like this superpower
has been here in my whole life and I,
I can use this in the rest of my life and really
focus on that and use it to good, and create from
(22:42):
that space. And then that's when life feels super fun.
>> Wendy Valentine (22:45):
What's, what's your soul's superpower?
>> Marni Battista (22:48):
Oh my gosh. So
my superpower is two words. Creating
possibility.
Like if I look back at all the amazing things
I've done and my resilience and my
creativity and that whole like, you know, I
just get done. I create possibility.
(23:08):
But the dark side or my
shadow side, in the book I call it like the
alligator like little voice in your head that's
like you. Mine says
like create a possibility,
like fix that. Solve this problem for this
person over function for this. never be
satisfied. Not be great at making decisions. Have
(23:30):
self doubt like, like just don't be
patient. Find something else. Right. And so,
so I now am very aware
of when I am the shadow side of my
superpower is emerging and
when the powerful
soul expression of my. Of my
superpowers expressing. And
(23:52):
when I walked through and I teach this process in the book about
what is your soul map? Like what is your
soul actually? What are you doing? How
are you doing it? What are the core motivations?
It's so crystal clear. Oh, that's me being
in like an expression of my soul. This is
being an expression of my fear.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:12):
I think the key is awareness. Knowing
who. Who are you listening to and who is. It's like the
tale of the two. The two wolves. Right? Which.
>> Marni Battista (24:20):
Yeah, whichever one.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:21):
Yeah, exactly. Whichever one you feed is the one that
wins. Right? Are you gonna feed your superhero or your
super shero? No.
>> Marni Battista (24:30):
Yeah. And that. And that is
And that is a really powerful
choice.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:37):
We can.
Yes.
>> Marni Battista (24:38):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (24:39):
You get to choose it. Yes. Like I think it's like once you
realize like wait a second, I'm the one who is in
control of what is going on in my head and in
my heart and in my soul. Like I, I'm
the one. I have agency over this. Like
I can choose. It's so funny because just
I think it was last week I had I posted this
(25:00):
reel. This is me driving the rv.
And the whole purpose of it was like, who was driving your
life? Right? Is it, is it your body
with all of its physical pain and its limits?
Is it your mind with limiting beliefs and doubts and
etc. Is it your soul? Like, I
mean, I mean who. It's like we. It was like that whole like with the
(25:20):
I think it's Buddha or whatever. There's that analogy of
the drive the chariot and it's the
horses. Like it's. Is it your ego that's driving your life?
Like who is really driving your life?
Is it the people around you or like you know, following
the one, your friend down the, down the hill
is who's driving the show here? So
(25:41):
it's kind of interesting when you really start to look at your
life and most importantly just yourself
within your life. Almost as if you're, you know, like
you. A zoom out approach. What do they call it? Oh, the drone. Like if you were
to. Yeah, the drone above you and it's following
you, what would you see? How are you actually
behaving in your day to day life? Like who
(26:01):
is making the choices here? Like what's it
based upon? As you
know, midlife is a bustling time. We manage
households, nurture relationships, advance
careers and raise children. These
responsibilities, while fulfilling, can
sometimes drain your energy and diminish your personal
strengths. To help you reawaken those
(26:23):
dormant powers and embrace the superhero that you
truly are, I created the superhero
quiz at my superhero Quiz.
This fast, free and fun quiz will help you
discover which superhero mirrors your strengths
and personality. Plus you'll receive
a detailed guide tailored to your superhero
(26:44):
profile, helping you to harness your strengths
and soar to new heights.
Just head over to
mysuperheroquiz.com and
embrace the superhero within you.
>> Marni Battista (26:55):
Yeah. And I think just so many people are
afraid. And that's why I think having. For a
type A personality, I think it's very appropriate to
have asked for a structure and a framework.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:06):
Yeah, exactly.
>> Marni Battista (27:08):
So how can we make change in our life and
really get to know who we are and what we really want at a soul
level, in a way that's fun without blowing up the life that
we have and that how grown ups are
radical Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (27:21):
I mean, and you're so right. It's not like you have to completely blow
up the life that you have. Doesn't mean you can't.
You. You kind of chip away the things that aren't working.
You keep the things that are working and. And you
add to it.
>> Marni Battista (27:35):
Yeah. I mean, even before we decided to sell the house and, like,
live in the RV and all of that stuff, like, we went through
a process to experiment. You know, first, because we thought
van life was cool. You know, like, we are watching
videos. Like, that's amazing. Van life.
And then we rented a van for, like, two weeks, and we were
like, no, we cannot live and work in
(27:55):
a van. Even though it's super cool to, like,
just go off road and park and that would be great for a
vacation. and then we were like, okay, well,
let's try something bigger. Ah, for
longer. Right. Because there were criteria, right. Like, I
have to be able to work. I want to be able to work out m. Like,
how can I stay in touch with my kid? Like, my kids. Right.
Like, there were a lot of parameters of what I
(28:18):
need for my soul, to be expressed. That blows my hair
back. So then we did that experiment for six weeks, and
we learned a whole lot of that. And that was super fun
also. So by the time I was like, all right, let's
sell our house and live in an RV
and all of that, that took like a year.
and I had a blast doing it, and I felt really good
(28:38):
about that decision. And so
experiments are. Which, in the design
thinking model, they call it prototyping, are really
important because you do them. They're big
ideas. Scale down and you get to
test, and then it's an iterative feedback
loop. And you go, what I liked about it was this.
What I didn't like was this.
>> Wendy Valentine (28:59):
What?
>> Marni Battista (29:00):
Hm. Could be a good next step. And because our brains are
so binary and we're usually, I liked it or I didn't like
it. That doesn't help us move forward.
>> Wendy Valentine (29:08):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (29:09):
So asking. Having experiments that have
questions that you're actually testing
allows you to take the data and
then continue to assess and
adjust so that when you get to the making the
decision, you're like,
cool, I'm, gonna do that. Right. Like,
I had a client who. Who's in one industry. She's been
(29:31):
in this industry forever. She has, like, an mba. She worked
at, like, a top corporation doing this thing. But
she has this passion for, like, wellness. And
before she sort of started working with me, she was Like,
I think I'm gonna chuck it all and become a wellness
coach. this is what I care about.
And so one of her experience experiments was she took, a
class at Inn, Right. And after,
(29:54):
like, eight weeks, she was like, I like
this and it's fun and I'm interested
in it, but there is absolutely no way
I want to do this. Like, I don't want to
pivot my career. And she was like, oh,
that's so what a relief. I've been
thinking, maybe I should do this, maybe I should do that. What would it take to do
that? She didn't know that actually it was her hobby or
(30:16):
it was interesting, but it wasn't a job that she really
wanted to have. and that in her case, it was that
she needed to redesign her actual work
life. She needed to do work that she loved. And
stopped taking on roles in consulting projects with
clients she didn't enjoy. It allowed her to
also understand that there is no
escape. Wherever you go, there you are.
(30:39):
So while she was having fun taking this class, we also looked at,
like, the truth of what was going on in business that she had.
We're able to make some of those adjustments to where she's
like, wait, this actually meets my
lifestyle? And she also felt guilty because she
created this freedom lifestyle by having her own business and
leaving corporate. She felt guilty when she wasn't
working. She wasn't enjoying what she created. So
(31:02):
there were a lot of limiting beliefs in there that got
revealed that we got to sort through. So this
whole process impacts all of your current
life. And most of the time, people are
able to make these changes that allow them
to be more satisfied while they're figuring out what
else.
>> Wendy Valentine (31:20):
Yeah, I mean, it always seems like the grass is greener on the other
side. Like, oh, yes, I could totally do that. And in
some ways, like you said, took the words out of my mouth, like,
escaping, like, okay, oh, my gosh, I could just start this
new job or new. This new career, and that's going to solve everything. When
really was that the issue? You know, like, you
have to really ask the questions to
(31:41):
yourself, like, what is. What's underneath it?
Because usually we always think like, okay, this is the issue,
but, no, why am I feeling this way about this and get
underneath it and ask again and again and again until
really it's like, usually it's something you just don't even expect.
Expect.
>> Marni Battista (31:56):
Absolutely. And that's why the question about, were you radically honest?
Is so important.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:00):
Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (32:01):
Right. Hand in hand with what we're talking about,
because I think that we understand,
you know, like, in the Ten Commandments, it
says, like, you know, you should not lie.
And I think for the most
part, for most good listeners,
you know, we don't go around lying. Right, right.
(32:21):
But we do go around lying to ourselves all the
time. All the time.
And when I think about, you
know, the end of my life, you know, and I
think this is a really important thing, like, if
you found out you had a day, one more day
here, not what would you do, but what
would you regret?
>> Wendy Valentine (32:42):
Yes.
>> Marni Battista (32:43):
And I think that a lot of people
are tolerating and
honest. Right. And so that radical
honesty is
important. So. Because the whole premise of these seven questions
is you're asked them at the gates of heaven. That's the story.
>> Wendy Valentine (32:59):
Right.
>> Marni Battista (33:00):
They come from the ancient Talmudic text,
and this is how you define a meaningful life. And so,
you know, were you really honest with yourself?
Were you radically honest? And that you're like,
yeah, you know what? Clean slate.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:13):
Yep. Isn't that interesting, though? We're more
likely to be honest with others, but not with
ourselves.
>> Marni Battista (33:21):
Yeah. Role. Yeah. Because it's
easy to, give con a checklist. I'm gonna talk
to someone yesterday on my podcast. She's like, it's so easy to
set conditions for someone else and give them a
checklist of tasks. But
we don't do that for ourselves.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:37):
No. Because think about it. If. If we were
really honest with ourselves, we know that we would
need to do something about it. We would have to make some
changes. And sometimes change can be
really scary for a lot of people.
>> Marni Battista (33:51):
Exactly. Exactly. Which is why the test and
scale is so good. Because you can start
out small.
>> Wendy Valentine (33:57):
It's just like, Marianne Williamson's quote, our deepest fear is
not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fears, that we're powerful
beyond measure. It is our light, not. Not our
darkness that most frightens us.
>> Marni Battista (34:08):
absolutely. And. And, that's one
of my big lessons that I've really learned in my radical
living is how capable I am beyond what I could
have imagined in so many areas.
>> Wendy Valentine (34:20):
Yeah. It's so true. Like, really stepping
into your light, really being who you are.
And it. I mean, it is scary at first,
but then I. I don't know about you, but I feel
like after you've done it and, like, if you
feel like, oh, really feel like
myself that you can't imagine not being
(34:40):
yourself, like, you look back at your life like, how did
I. How did I act that way? For so long.
>> Marni Battista (34:46):
Yeah, well, that's what's pretty. So one of the things that I
talk about in the book is I call it resonance and
dissonance. And we all know like something that just
like locks in. You're like, that feels
resonant, you know, and then we all know the things that
are dissonant, but we ignore them. Right.
So once you really get a very
felt sense of resonance, it
(35:08):
becomes very clear. It's easier to make
decisions, it's easier to say, set boundaries
and it's easier to understand what is working
for me and what isn't. It's like you become in
tune with yourself and in
tune intuition right into me. I see
and all of that stuff. And so that
resonance then becomes like a beacon
(35:31):
of like how you live your
life. and when you get rid of all those dissonant
choices, those are the shoulds. And more often
than not, you're in a resonance in your life.
That's when life feels, even amidst the
chaos, even though there are challenges going on
in the world and around us, we can still
(35:52):
find joy because that really
is the courageous piece is finding
joy with, from within. no
matter what is going on in the outside. And I, and
I'm not going to say I do it like every day. It's more
often than not. Can I tune in and find resonance
and find that joy?
>> Wendy Valentine (36:11):
Yes. When you're in alignment with your heart and
soul.
>> Marni Battista (36:14):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (36:15):
I kind of think of it like the old fashioned radios.
Remember those? Yeah. You know, but you remember how
you like you're turning the dial and you're trying to
get your radio station and even just a tiny bit off,
it'd be like. And then you'd have to move
the dial a bit more. It's almost like that like when
you're, when you're in tune, like you said, when
(36:36):
you're on your radio station
and you hear the music, it's
clear and it's, it's bright and it's
beautiful. And then when you're off a little bit, which is
okay, we all fall off, we all get off a little
bit. We all like, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm
out of, I'm not in alignment here. You'll
(36:56):
know you, you sense it more. You'll, you'll
wake up days, you're like, I don't, I don't really feel like me
right now.
Which is like, brings me to like your second question. Were you
you? It's like, were you you like, y
ou like the true you, you
Meaning your soul, your
spirit. I mean really, if you think about it, I
(37:16):
was, I always think about like our bodies are. It's like a
candy wrapper. It's just. Is keeping my
soul in here for me. But underneath
that candy wrapper is me.
And underneath your candy wrapper is you.
>> Marni Battista (37:31):
Yeah. You know, it's kind of interesting. When my dad died
in 2019, I, was. I felt very
blessed, you know, to like be there with him when he passed.
And that was, if anyone's listening ever been through
that, like, in that moment when he
passed, like I could feel and
see like his soul, like leave,
(37:51):
you know? it was, it
was to me, I was like, this is real shit,
right? Like, we are just a container and our
souls are animating energy that is divine. And
like it is. And also it helped me
understand as a side note, like, why it was like
a blessing for him to pass because his container couldn't hold
(38:12):
his soul anymore. Like, it just wasn't,
it wasn't suitable for his expression.
but I was like, holy crap. Like this is
real. We have this animated energy inside of
us. We cannot take it for granted. How can
we do this? Living at the
soul level, so that it gets to be
expressed. Because each of us has only. There's only
(38:35):
one, right? And it's our gift. And
so the world needs you to be you, whatever
that looks like, and to not hide,
and be guarded and armored and afraid.
Even when experience has told you you're not safe. Like,
there's a possibility to
unarmor. And, and just the
(38:56):
whole act of doing that is radical, right? Of saying
like, yes, this happened to me.
Yes, these things were hard. And also like,
what is possibility?
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (39:08):
And it's hard. We make it, we make it hard for
ourselves by trying to,
to be something that we're not and
living a life that isn't really what we
want. We're harming ourselves
for sure.
>> Marni Battista (39:23):
You know, someone. So I have all these early readers that were reading
the book. And so, one of my, people
in my life who's pretty young, she's like 26, read the
book. She's very like,
anxious state kind of a person.
She's hilarious. She's got the biggest heart. She's
beautiful inside out, but not very woo woo, you
(39:44):
know. And m. She messaged me and she was
like, oh my God, I think I know
what my essential self is. And that's what I call your soul
self. And she's like, it's me.
Like the third time I watched
Wicked singing out loud,
she was like, that's me being in my central self. And I was
(40:06):
like, yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:07):
Right?
>> Marni Battista (40:08):
So, like, having a moment where you're like, oh, my
God, this is it. So. So it's very
simplistic. So then in this book, I'm like,
okay, great. So now you've. That's you. So what would
your life look like if you got to, be
that in most
areas of your life, more often than not.
>> Wendy Valentine (40:29):
Right.
>> Marni Battista (40:30):
Wow. Life could be pretty freaking
epic. Right? Like, if it feels
like I'm in the third viewing of Wicked, singing
Defy Gravity, like the top of my lungs. Like,
if that's your jam, you know? And what's crazy
is I've known her for her whole life, and I'm like, that is
your essential self. So the gift of figuring that
(40:50):
out, and. And having
that awareness and then being like, well, wow, I
want to just get more of this. That's
a meaningful life. It's really. Even though we've been taught it's
more money, more houses, more cars,
more status, more M. Followers. More, more,
more, more, more. That, like,
(41:10):
and. And you talk to every.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:12):
You.
>> Marni Battista (41:12):
You hear stories of people that have the top of the moors, the
celebrities, the, whatever, and they're not fulfilled and they're
not right. And so we want that
moment to be how we reorient ourselves.
And so finding that and then doing that in a
way that you can do in a practical, real
world life is like nirvana to
me.
>> Wendy Valentine (41:34):
Yeah.
I would say, like, yeah. I mean, it requires some, like,
serious soul surfing, if you will. I never say
soul searching. I'm like, you don't have to search. It's always there, your
soul.
But, yeah, like, surfing through and
in asking those questions and figuring that out
and when a challenge arises,
(41:54):
it's a great.
I know we always say this. It's a great opportunity for
healing, but it really is.
>> Marni Battista (42:00):
It really, really.
>> Wendy Valentine (42:02):
It really is. Like, when something
happens, it's like,
What's. What's here? Like, there's something
here.
>> Marni Battista (42:10):
Yes. Well, one of the things. So when I was doing my
rv Experience. Experience, and, you know, I gave
up a lot. You know, that safety, that security. It was kind of
like a quote, unquote, easy life. And RVing as, you
know, like, is not always as glamorous as it looks on
YouTube. and there's a lot of.
A lot of work involved. Yeah. And
(42:31):
you are free, but in some ways you're not, because you need to find
a Place to park it and you need to find you. You can't just
whip over to the gas station and stop. And
it was a lot. And I went on, I talk about
this, what I call the newfound gap. And that is
the truth of that messy middle where you're in
that struggle and you're doing
(42:51):
healing work.
it is challenging. Right. And what I realized for
myself is that my
attachments were in the way. And
so like I was climbing up this part of
the Appalachian Trail, in
Tennessee. And you get to this one point, they call
(43:11):
it the newfound gap. And on one side of the
view is Tennessee and I think the other one is like one of the
Carolinas. And you're like in the
middle, right. And I, it just hit me in that
moment like, this is my problem. I'm still
attached to the old way and I
can't be in the now or the possibility of the new
way with my attachments to the old and
(43:34):
that it's hard sitting on a fence
and hurts your girl
parts. So,
I was like, okay, like for me
to really get through this struggle because people ask me all the time,
like, oh, the mess. It's so hard. This liminal space, you
know, the space between what was and what is
becoming. Well, one of the, the things that
(43:56):
was in my way was that I was still attached to the old way,
like emotionally,
spiritually. Right. Like, I was still like, did
regret, you know, questioning my.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:05):
Yeah, yeah, you had like one foot over here. One foot over here.
>> Marni Battista (44:08):
So once, once I like realized, like, okay, I don't want to be in
this newfound gap. I'm going to commit
to the unlived possibility
of my life and like, what I could create.
Yes.
Right.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:23):
Funny thing is I've. I have been in that
actual place, both of those right there on the
Appalachian Trail and in that mental emotional
place. And for me, I remember it
was that kind of that feeling of giving
myself permission. Like, Wendy, I give
you permission to move
forward. You do not have to stay. Yeah,
(44:45):
you do not have to stay stuck back there. And
really, I mean, yeah, my
first. I mean, RV life can really teach
you.
>> Marni Battista (44:54):
It, I mean, it is, I mean, just
my.
>> Wendy Valentine (44:57):
When I took off in the rv, my first place
I, went to is in New Mexico and I did a
ketamine treatment because
I. There was something I felt for me that I
just had not quite unlocked to be able to
move forward. And I. The
biggest freaking aha moment
(45:18):
I got out of that was it
sounds so crazy and Cuckoo. And I'm totally okay with
this. But during the ketamine journey, I had,
I had a little chit chat with my soul.
>> Marni Battista (45:28):
Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (45:29):
And my soul told me, wendy, if you would
just get out of the way. I got this
shit. I was like, oh, oh.
So I don't have like I can relax like. And you got it
like, okay, cool. And I like, I
left there like, man, that was
great. I got out, I felt so much
lighter and just. And I
(45:51):
surrendered. I was like, oh, you know,
I'm like, why am I hanging on to? actually I think
on your. Wait, I have it right here in front of me on your website. It says,
are you more committed to your bullshit or your
vision? Right?
We are so like. And sometimes we are
so proud of our bullshit.
>> Marni Battista (46:09):
Oh my God.
>> Wendy Valentine (46:11):
Oh my God. Like, look at this. I have this and this going
on. Like what?
Why no one
cares.
>> Marni Battista (46:20):
Just because it feel. Because the
pain and the unconscious gain
of the familiar feels better than the
pain required to get to your vision.
Right? And there is no expression express bus
from boohoo. Why me to like,
yeah baby. Living my best life. It's just.
No, I mean if there is, can someone tell me where that
(46:42):
goes? Because I jump on that bus.
But usually it's like,
first you're gonna have to be uncomfortable. You're gonna
learn some shit, you're gonna have to have some hard conversations,
you're gonna make some big decisions. That's just the way
it is. And so like the radical life
is like saying, fuck yeah, I'm going to go
there. I'm just going to hang out because it's worth it
(47:05):
to live a meaningful life. Not stay
in like the, the, the land
of like coping, tolerating, justifying
people, pleasing over functioning and
getting through it until like, well one day when this
condition changes, then I'll be.
And my mantra has been like, stop waiting for
(47:25):
one day. Make today day one the only one
you're guaranteed.
so what are you waiting for?
>> Wendy Valentine (47:32):
Yep, so true. I know. I mean I've said
this before too. I think even on the show it's like
when I think like, should I do this? This is kind of scary.
Should I do it? And my ex husband died at the age of
26. And I always think if he
was here he'd be like, fuck yeah, go and do it. Why
wouldn't you? You're still breathing, like you still have a
(47:52):
chance. Why wouldn't you go do that?
Because like we, I mean if we all live till a Hundred. Like,
that's great. But still, a hundred years is
like little blink of time in eternity.
So. Yeah. What are you waiting for? It's never too late. Never
too late.
>> Marni Battista (48:08):
Yeah. Arguing for your limitations. And
that's what people do. They argue. They, like, want to defend.
They want to be right about why they're. I call it
terminal uniqueness.
And if I could tell you how many people I've talked to who are like, you
just don't understand. And I'm like,
literally play the tape. Like,
yes. You're so unoriginal that, like, you're
(48:31):
literally saying the same thing that all the other people who feel like
they're terminally unique are saying. So you're not.
Get over it.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:38):
Yep. Yeah. And you know, like, what you were
saying earlier, like, there's not an easy way. I
mean, sometimes to get to the light of your soul, you do have
to go through a dark night of this.
>> Marni Battista (48:49):
Oh, you definitely do. I mean.
>> Wendy Valentine (48:50):
I mean, I don't. Yeah. I wish I could have jumped
over the dark night, but. And actually, no, I don't. I take
that back, because it. Yeah,
I would. I wouldn't be where I'm at today if I hadn't. I've had
a few dark nights of the soul, but, It was so worth
it. It was so worth it just to break free and
get out of it. It's like, oh, God, I feel so much
better. Just.
>> Marni Battista (49:12):
Yeah. So, like. Yeah.
what if we think about our challenges for everyone who's listening?
Like, it's either you're in a transformation right
now, or you're being prepared for a transformation.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:21):
Yes.
>> Marni Battista (49:22):
Right. It's like what your soul was saying to you. Right.
Like, I've got this. I know it doesn't look like I have
it.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:28):
Yep.
>> Marni Battista (49:30):
But that's. This is being human, but I have
it. And shit's going on, like, in
for you. You just can't see it. So be
pre. Be president with it. Be with it. Do
something with it. Do something about it.
Get out of the way.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:46):
Yep. Yeah. I mean, we think, like, waving the
white flag is a sign of weakness, but it's not.
It's a sign of strength. Like, just m. Rendered.
Surrender. Meaning, like, detach, Let go.
>> Marni Battista (49:58):
Yeah. A hundred percent.
>> Wendy Valentine (49:59):
Yeah. Where can we get
this radical book?
>> Marni Battista (50:05):
You, can get this radical book, on
Amazon and Barnes and Noble. You can go to
marniebautista.com and
get it. it's everywhere.
Books are sold, and someone messaged me
and said, is it audible? And it is on
audible, narrated by me. So
(50:25):
if you're a listener, you can also get it on audible, and
it will tell you the story of
radical living and my journey in the
RV with my husband and my two
cats.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:40):
Yeah. And it literally. Let's see, today, Tuesday,
February 4th. And that. You know what? I don't know if
you realize that you probably do, but your ski accident
was in February 2020.
>> Marni Battista (50:52):
It was.
>> Wendy Valentine (50:53):
It was so 60 months ago. Look at
you now, girl.
>> Marni Battista (50:57):
I know. I'm skiing. I'm living my
best life in Colorado, a place I never could
have thought of when I was. I literally have in my journal, like,
Jeremy, like, where do you want to retire? We're like, Palm
Springs. Like, you know, we're just writing the things
that other people do from la, like, where they
go. It's like if you live in New York,
you go to Florida.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:18):
Yep. Yep.
>> Marni Battista (51:19):
You go to, Arizona. Like, there are these rules. Right.
And so I could have never thought of this ever in my whole
life. So, I'm so grateful that I went through this design
thinking framework. I have these spiritual questions so that my
soul could lead me to the exact right place in time for
me.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:34):
Yes. I love it. I love it, I love it, love it. The
other thing I'm going to do today, and I encourage everyone else to do the
same, I'm going to leave a review for you on
Amazon because.
>> Marni Battista (51:44):
Yes, I appreciate it. Yes.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:46):
Makes a big difference. Thank you, Marnie.
>> Marni Battista (51:48):
Thank you for having me and celebrating my publication
day. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Wendy Valentine (51:53):
And Marty Batista. It's, coolest last name. B, A, T,
T, I, S, T, A. Yeah.
>> Marni Battista (51:58):
And Marty is.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:00):
Oh, yes. Keep it. But I love it.
I love it.
>> Marni Battista (52:04):
I like that last name. Thank you, Bob.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:06):
Thank you. Thank you, Bob Batista.
>> Marni Battista (52:09):
Exactly.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:11):
And that's even cooler. I know my
name is Bob Batista.
>> Marni Battista (52:18):
Yep. Great guy, honestly.
>> Wendy Valentine (52:20):
All right, thank you, everyone. Go. Live a radical
life.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge
you? Trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee
laughing? Good. Then there are three ways you
can thank me. Number one, you can leave a written
review of this podcast on Apple iTunes.
Number two, you can take a screenshot of the
(52:41):
episode and share it on a social media and tag
me Wendy Valentine. Number three,
share it with another midlifer that needs a makeover.
You know who I'm talking about. Thank you so much
for listening to the show. Get out there and be
bold. Be free. Be you.
(53:08):
Sat
M.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com