280 💫 Awaken the Satisfied Woman: Feminine Power, Myth & Midlife with Dr. Alanna Kaivalya

Episode Transcript
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>> Alanna Kaivalya (00:00):
Feminine women are going to feel most

(00:02):
relaxed and at home in themselves when they're
in their femininity more of the time.
And so we need to curate our lives, our
relationships, our places, our spaces,
everything around us in our immediate vicinity as
individuals to make sure that we have the
space to be in the feminine. Because that's where the greatest
magic is going to come from.

>> Wendy Valentine (00:24):
Us. Hey there,
beautiful. I'm Wendy Valentine, your host of the
Midlife Makeover show, where it's never too late
to wake up to your best life. Whether you're navigating
a career change, empty nesting,
menopause, or wondering what's next, you're in
the right place. Every week, I'll bring you real
talk, laughs and inspiring conversations

(00:46):
with experts and extraordinary women who have
transformed their lives from self care and
relationships to starting over and finding freedom.
This is your time to reinvent,
rediscover, and reignite the woman you were
always meant to be. So hit that subscribe
button button and let's rewrite the rules of midlife.
Your new adventure starts now.

(01:19):
I don't know if you've noticed it, but there's a shift
happening in the world right now. Women
are rising. Women are roaring. Women
are no longer waiting for permission to
live out loud. Glennon
Doyle, giving voice to truth and liberation.
Mel Robbins, empowering millions to take action.
Davina McCall, reshaping the conversation around

(01:42):
menopause. And then there's me,
Wendy Valentine. I wrote a book called
Women Waking up, the Midlife Manifesto
for Passion, Purpose and Play. I
didn't write it for fame or followers. I wrote it
for the woman sitting in her car
crying because she doesn't recognize her life
anymore. I wrote it for the woman staring

(02:04):
in the mirror, wondering, where did I go?
I wrote it because that woman
was me. And I had to wake
up. I had to wake up to my own potential,
break through the fears, release decades of
trauma, and become the woman I always
knew I could be. And here's the

(02:25):
beautiful part. When one woman wakes
up, she gives others permission to wake up,
too. That's why I'm inviting you to be
part of something so much bigger than a book.
This is a movement, and you can be
a part of it. It's called the Women Waking
Up Team. So what is the

(02:45):
Women Waking Up Team? It's a powerful group
of midlife women, just like you,
who are rising up, using their voices and
becoming part of something bigger than a book
launch. We're waking up the world one
woman at a time. When you join the
Team. Here's how it works. First,

(03:05):
you'll get early access to the book. In
mid July, you'll receive the advanced
PDF copy of Women Waking up
before anyone else in the whole wide
world.

You.

Yep, even before it hits the shelves.
Then, on launch day, September 9th,
you'll leave a review on Amazon to help
other women discover the book and feel seen,
inspired and free. And here's the,
thing. Your voice truly
matters. Your voice has power.

(03:38):
When you share your review, you're not just helping
a book, you're helping a woman. A
woman who needs to feel seen. A woman who needs to know
it's not too late. A woman who is desperate to
believe she can still change her
life. Amazon reviews play a
massive role invisibility. And the more

(03:59):
we have, the more women we can reach.
This is your chance to be part of something
sacred and powerful. A sisterhood of
women. Waking up the world. Together
we rise. Together we wake the
world. And yes, you will be
showered in love and bonuses too.
You will receive a live Q A with

(04:21):
me in August. So bring your questions,
your heart, and let's connect. You'll
also have a, VIP invite to the online
launch party in September with
giveaways behind the scenes, all the fun,
of course. And you'll have an entry to win
two free tickets to my Freedom at Midlife coaching
program in 2026,

(04:43):
valued at $599 each,
plus one more. You'll get the
$500 in pre order bonus bundles,
which includes the Women Waking Up Playbook,
Freedom Meditations, Vision Board template,
Goal setting workshop, a $200 voucher for
the Freedom at Midlife program, and my

(05:04):
fave, the Empowering Spotify playlist.
All you have to do is, number one, pre order
Women Waking up on Amazon. Number
two, go to
WakeUpTeam.com that's
WakeUpTeam.com and
sign up by June 18th.
Number three, receive the advanced

(05:25):
PDF copy of the book in mid July.
Number four, read Women Waking up and
experience the the transformation before it
even hits the shells. Number five,
leave your Amazon review on launch day.
That's it. Five simple steps to help
change a life, including your own.

(05:46):
All the details are listed@wakeup
team.com and if
you've already pre ordered the book, first of all, thank
you, thank you, thank you so much. You can still
join the team and get the advanced reader
copy and just go to wakeup
team.com I'm honored,
I'm grateful and I'm ready to rise with you.

(06:08):
Now let's get on to today's show.
Welcome to the Midlife Makeover Show. I'm Wendy
Valentine. Today's guest is here to guide
us deep into the heart of myth, meaning
and midlife empowerment. Dr. Alana
Kavala is a best selling author, spiritual
teacher, and a powerhouse of wisdom
when it comes to mythology, science, psychology and

(06:31):
women's transformation. With a, PhD in
mythological studies and depth psychology,
Alana blends ancient truths with modern
insight to help women find fulfillment, power
and purpose, especially during the
pivotal midlife years. You may know her from
her best selling book, like the Way of the Satisfied

(06:51):
Woman or from O, look at that, I love the COVID
Or from her hit podcast, the
Satisfied Woman. In
today's episode, we're diving into how the myths we've
been told and the ones we tell ourselves, most
importantly, can shape our journey as women.
We'll talk about breaking free from outdated

(07:11):
archetypes, reclaiming satisfaction in our
lives, and how midlife is actually the perfect
time for reinvention.

I totally agree.

Whether you're feeling stuck or seeking deeper meaning,
this conversation will awaken the goddess
within you. So grab your headphones and get ready for
some serious soul Talk.
Please welcome Dr. Alana to the show.

It's such a pleasure to be here, Wendy. Thank you so much for having me on
the podcast. I. I'm really excited about our chat today.

Me too. And I, I hope, you guys are viewing
on YouTube because. Hello. Can we look at the
curlies and the wonderful
glasses? I mean, are we in our feminine
power?

We're totally turned up today.

God. I know, right? It is so great to have you
here. And I must say, you are a New World
Library author. I am.

I know. I love that sisterhood. It's such
a powerful group of people that they curate
for their authors. And everyone that I've ever met
who's a New World Library author is just such top quality.
they are such a wonderful publisher and I'm so grateful to be with
them.

They're so amazing. especially Kim. I must say
that I, you know, I did go skipping with her in Sedona.

No, you did not. Are you serious?

We did a little skipping because that's what we do.

I worked with her, on my first New World Library book
back in 2015, and she was
skipping even back then. And so the girl
has not given it up. And I remember I told her, you know, did
you know that skipping is the most efficient form of
locomotion on the moon?

Stop it.

Are you serious? If ever you should end Up.
Landing on the moon, your best form of forward
propulsion will be skipping. And she was blown
away by that fact. And I was like, yeah, you know, now you can. You can keep
it. That's yours.

Use that lunar, power, you know.

Yep.

How did you get into this beautiful
niche of femininity and this
women's empowerment?

Well, you know, there's a lot of answers to that, but the most
cheeky one is the fact that I was blessed by being born
a woman. Oh, yeah. That kind of
automatically put me in the niche of figuring out what it means
to be a woman in this world and how to really,
embrace and embody what we have today
as women, which is more power, choice and

(09:32):
agency than we have ever had in the history
of the world. And I know that things are tough and weird right
now for women, and we're still on our way to
getting everything we want, which is part of the work that I
do. But we, are better positioned to do
it. And I didn't fall
into the work. I've been actively pursuing it for a couple

(09:53):
of decades. But I was in a different career path and
studying other things, things. I came from, a yoga and spirituality
background. And one of the things that really lit me up
about that area of study was
this dichotomy or duality of the
masculine, feminine polarity. There's a lot of talk about
it in Eastern mysticism,

(10:14):
in mythology around the world, really. And it's got
its foundations in depth psychology as well.
So all of the study and work I was doing
facilitated that, that interest
for me. Because, frankly, I think, you
know, as women, we're always trying to figure this out, like, why is
it so hard? And why are we
always disempowered? And why. Why is everything,

(10:36):
you know, two steps, one step forward and two steps back
for us? And it's this constant sense of frustration and,
you know, challenges. The mother of all invention,
essentially. So I was trying to figure it
out and. And it was something that I started talking about with my audience
in the past. But a couple of years ago,
you know, Wendy, I think it was just.

(10:58):
There was something in me, and it was almost like. I don't know if it was a
reckoning or a moment or a shift.
I ended up getting into the right relationship and
realizing the empowerment of being fully
in my feminine. And it was the first time in my life that I'd ever
felt that supported and that free. And
something really shifted in me, and I decided to go

(11:18):
whole hog and into this. I Sold my old
business and wrote this book
and started this business, the Satisfied Woman. Because I
was like, women need to know this. They
need this support. They have to have it. And
I felt so called about it. And it just
so happened that I started this probably about

(11:39):
two years ago, really leaning into this, selling my business, writing
the book. And the book came out in November of
last year, election month.
And that was not planned or timed. I didn't
write it in response to that, but I thought to myself, you know, the
universe is really affirming that this could
not be a better moment for us

(12:01):
to really lean into and rise up as
satisfied women.

I totally agree. I love all of this.
I have so many things I want to say. I want to start
with as far as it being the perfect time. Just
even, like, I've thought about that too. Like, even with my book, you know,
women waking up and. And it is a
weird time right now, but it's a beautiful
thing. And I'll tell you why. It's. It's kind of
like with a butterfly when they're in the. The

(12:28):
chrysalis, right?

Yeah.

And if. If I was holding a chrysalis right here
and I cut the top of it off
and I pulled the butterfly out, the butterfly
would die.

Yeah.

And so the butterfly actually has
to struggle to get out of that
chrysalis in order to fly
and be free. And so I feel like
that's where we as women are right
now in the world. And it's such a. Like,
it's like, oh, my God, like, I have goosebumps.

I do, too, actually.

Like, I feel. And like, even, You know,
Oprah, she. She just did a thing, I think, last week
on a, menopause summit, or. I don't know what
it was. I didn't get to watch it yet. and there's the new how to
menopause book. But menopause aside,
like, not that we can put the ever aside, because it's part of
us. Right. Embracing that, in.
In learning how to maneuver. Learning

(13:27):
how to not just survive
anymore, but, like, truly. Truly thrive
as a woman and
allowing. Giving ourselves and
each other the support and the
permission to fully
embrace our femininity and
the love for ourselves and the love for each other.

(13:49):
It's pretty, like, powerful. It's
amazing.

it's incredibly amazing. And, you know, I.
This is, I'm not, like, I can't overstate
the fact that this is the first time in history we have
this ability. Twenty years ago, we
didn't have this ability. Women couldn't even have their own
checking account without a male co signer until
1988.

Are you serious?

I am completely serious.

Oh, my God, that is insane.

As challenged as we still are, we
have the challenge. We have the chance and opportunity now.
And I think the biggest, you know,
words were roadblock, confusion.
you know, the sense of not knowing what to do is because we've never had this
before. And so there isn't a really clearly laid out
pathway. You know, we don't have a legacy,

(14:39):
a history of satisfied women to look at and be like,
oh, that's how you do it. Which is why I wrote the book, which is
why I'm talking about this, which is why I've started this, this business,
which is why I do the podcast. Because we need to give
women some structure and some
ways to move forward with these opportunities,
even though it is still hard. And this butterfly
metaphor, oh, my gosh. I, you know,

(15:01):
I used to be. I used
to be so resentful of it, honestly.
Like, can't we just help that poor little butterfly? Like,
I know they have to squeeze that fluid out
of their legs into their wings in order for their wings to
fluff up to fly. And I talk
about this quite a bit, that as women, you know, we

(15:23):
hold such a powerful post in our world. We are the
emotional regulators of our families and our
spaces and our communities, which means that a lot of
the emotional labor is on us. you know, we are the ones
who recognize when things are out of balance around us. So
we have to say and speak up and use our powerful
voices to course correct whatever is wrong. Which means

(15:43):
we have to be brave, but it also means we have to be heard.
I mean, there's so much on our
laps, and it would be great to have help, but, you know, help
comes in the form, hopefully, of healthy, supportive, masculine
counterparts and, and also in the
form of other women who are there to help
us. And, you know, I'm. I fancy myself a
cowgirl. And one of my good friends says, like, as. As ladies, we have to

(16:06):
fix each other's cowgirl hats. You know, we have to straighten each
other's hats up and make sure the brims are not knock them
off, not remove them. And women
have been taught for a long time that, that the other are, you
know, we're competition for each other.

Yes. Oh, gosh, yes.

We can't do that anymore.

I had interviewed, a lady last week, and she, she
made this statement and just. It has Stuck with me. But
she. She was telling her story how, you
know, her thought process as she was looking for a man.
And, like. And that was the thing. I'm gonna look for a man. And she even
said that the man is the plan. That she thought back
then. Like, that. Yeah, I know. I was like, right.

(16:45):
I know. It's genius. The man is the
plan. And when. When she said that, I
thought back, you know, since childhood and
teenage years, and, like, that's the pro. That's the thought
process. The man is the plan. You find
the man and then that. There's your life,
there's your gateway. Yeah.

Yeah.

That combined, I'll have to say, too, this. I mean, not
a bitch session, but this.
This. Something stuck with me when, I
was married at the time. And, I
was, This lady said to me,
she says, how does it feel to ride
your husband's coattails?
And I was like, wait, was it. Did she just

(17:28):
insult me? And then I thought I was like,
damn. She's literally saying,
I'm only successful because he's
successful because his name,
Dr. So and so is on the window.
Then therefore, you know, I'm like, behind
the scenes, and I'm not. And I'm not

(17:48):
seen.

Right?

And that. Never mind that I managed, you know,
three or four of the practices and raised
three kids, two dogs, two cats, and a household, and
blah, blah, blah. I was like. Even
as a woman, I thought, what in the world?
Where is this
coming from? You know?

And here. Here's the thing. When It's a catch 22, right? So as a
married woman, you're only seen in
perspective of the man's success. And clearly, it's not about
you. I had a similar story kind of on the
flip side. It was back in, I think, 2012. I
had already written my first book. I was traveling
internationally, teaching workshops, teacher trainings. I had
a website, I had a podcast at the time that had

(18:30):
2 million downloads. By all accounts, I was
successful, but I wasn't making any money. And I had a
good friend of mine who was a business owner. He and I got together,
looked at all my assets, everything that I had, all of
the, you know, credentials and work and
everything, in order to try to figure out what my business model could be
for me to be successful and make money. And

(18:51):
he had this PowerPoint presentation. He brought me into the office
at 7, p.m. at night. He was really excited to show me everything that he developed
and his big idea and you know what his big idea was?
He goes Alana, the best thing you can do is marry a rich
man.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, that hurts.

And I said, well, nope.
So you know what I did? I went out, did it anyway, and
created a seven figure business on my own.
Yeah. So.

Ah, awesome.

Yeah. I mean, you know, because why
not? Because I could. And yes, it was probably a lot harder
for me to do because women in business
behave and act and are motivated by different things.
Except that the world of business and
commerce and success has been structured and
formatted by the masculine and with

(19:41):
masculine values. So it's like we're always kind of fighting this
uphill battle and doing all this extra work. But again, it's the butterfly
metaphor. We're ultimately going to fly.

Yeah, exactly. You know, it was after
my divorce, which was about seven years
ago, when I really started learning about
the masculine and feminine energies.

Yeah.

And when I, when I
started learning about that, I realized
I had been using so much of
my masculine energy. Yes. In
my marriage, in, with. As a mother,
in the career that I hated all of it.
Like, I, and I was like, where is my. Where

(20:24):
is little feminine. Wendy, come. Like, where is,
where's this little goddess? And I literally
hired a goddess coach
after. Yes. And I always say, like, I got a
divorce and I married myself and.

It was a great. Yeah.

And it was the greatest gift I gave to myself.
And I tell you, I didn't, I didn't leap
out there and start dating right away. Like, it's always so
tempting, kind of. And
like, kind of. But I, you know, I spent that
time really learning about
my, the, like you said, the duality, the

(20:59):
dichotomy of the, the energies and learning
to tap back in to that femininity.
And I, I missed her. I missed her so
much. And I was like, I felt bad for her. I was like, girl, it's
time to play and kick some ass and have some
fun our way, you know?

Well, you know, Wendy, first of all, let me affirm that
because women everywhere are feeling that I do a lot of
one on one coaching with women in, in this
literal capacity. Because I appreciate you
said I missed her and I wanted her back. Many women haven't
even had the chance to let her out. We
are raised in this patriarchal culture

(21:36):
and you know, for like, let me just name it. The patriarchal
culture centers masculine values, but not even that.
Well, it's not like it's centering good masculine
values. It's not even doing a service to masculinity. So this
is not in any way to vilify
masculinity or men. I love men. I love the
healthy masculine. The problem is the patriarchy. We're all

(21:56):
stuck in it. And with this centering of masculine
values, women have to do what I call donning
the mask of the masculine. Because, number one,
we're taught that the only way to move around life is
through those masculine values and traits.
Number two, success can only come on masculine
terms. And our
femininity is so diminished and devalued.

(22:19):
We're trained that our greatest value as
a woman is to constantly give and
give and give and give ourselves away.
So our femininity is depleted. We're even
afraid of it. We are like a bottomless well that's
always dry.
It's. I mean, the only word I can think of is
it's disgusting.

I know.

Like, I'm literally disgusted by it. Like, hang on a second. If
women could actually drop the mask of the masculine, lean into
their feminine values, we create more balance in this system.
And then you and I get to be
empowered, receptive,
abundant ass kicking. Game
changers.

M. There's nothing I was thinking about this morning. There's
nothing more beautiful than a,
a satisfied woman. A happy.
Right.

A effing men girl. Yes.

What is. What does satisfied woman mean to you?

Oh, I'm so glad you asked.
So, I was very
intentional with every inch of this
book, I promise you. I thought
so long and hard about how to bring this work to
woman, women in a way that would resonate with them and really feel
powerful. And about 30 years

(23:35):
ago, there was a seminal work, in the field of men's
work, actually. Men are doing this work. They're doing great.

Yeah. That's awesome.

I love the men's work. There's a few different leaders out there
that I really love and respect. Like, they're. They're doing it.
Women are not yet really doing this.
Women are stuck in kind of the self help, how to
find a man, mode. When I was
researching the book, you know, you have to, you know about this. When you're
researching a book and pitching it, you have to say, like, what else is out there

(24:04):
in the market? Like, what kind of competition do you have? I
couldn't find anything. all I could find
was books telling women essentially that they're crazy and here's
how not to be crazy, or here's how to. Here's how to call
in your right man.

Yeah. And here's how to tone it down.

Yeah. We're not doing Any of that. This is a whole different
movement. But anyway, this seminal book about 30 years ago was
written by a guy named David Data, and it was called the Way of the
Superior Man. And I was
like, all right, we need to refresh that whole idea. And
I'm not here to be superior to anybody, but what would be the
counterpoint to that? And so I came up with the Way of
the Satisfied Woman. And when I looked up the definition of

(24:41):
satisfaction. Are you ready for this? Because. Yeah,
every time I say it, the definition of satisfaction
is the pleasure
derived from the fulfillment
of your wishes and needs.

Interesting.

Let me unpack that for a second, because that is
entirely feminine. Now, every
human on the planet has to have their needs met. And I'm not talking
about just a roof over your head and food in your belly. I mean any of your
core needs, anything that makes you feel most full and
complete as a human on this planet, you have to have your needs met.
So that's what gives us a sense of safety and security.
Now, the fulfillment of wishes. Wishes

(25:19):
creates meaning. Life has no
meaning except that which we bring to it, said the great Joseph
Campbell. You bring meaning to your life through
the fulfillment of your wishes. The things that you create in this life, the
things that you manifest. And who creates
and manifests better than the feminine?
Nobody.

Yep.

Fulfillment is not an end goal.
Fulfillment is not linear. Success is
linear. Right. We are all chasing after
success. But that's very directed. it's very.
At all costs, it's often to the detriment of
others. There's an end goal or a finish line. And
when we get there, we often feel unfulfilled or we just move the
goalpost further. Women don't do things that way.

(26:01):
We want to take a detour. We want to hang
out. We want. We want the pathway to be circular.
And women are not happy unless everyone around them is
also happy and benefiting.
For a woman to be satisfied, everyone around her
also has to be in a state of joy.

Okay.

It's that old adage, if mama ain't happy.

I know.

Research shows that's actually true.
That when women are happy and fulfilled, it
actually resonates with their family, their
community. So that sense of fulfillment, it's
holistic, it's ongoing. You wake up
every day. It's a feeling. It's a
feeling. Is, am I okay today? Am
I happy today? And for women, that barometer is

(26:48):
always shifting and we're always leaning into more
happiness, more fulfillment, more comfort in any way
we can and the feminine does pleasure.
If satisfaction is the pleasure derived from the
fulfillment of wishes and needs, when women feel
pleasure, they run it through their bodies. It is literally our life
force energy, lighting us up from the inside.

(27:08):
Women are the harbingers of life force
energy. It is ours. We create life whether we're
mothers or not.

Right, right.

Create things from almost nothing. And everybody wants that
life force. Well, if you want that life force, you better
light your woman up with pleasure.

Exactly.

Sexual pleasure. I mean, emotional
pleasure, relational pleasure, career
pleasure, communal pleasure. You name it, I want it
all.

Yeah.

That's the satisfied woman.

That's a satisfied woman. And it's funny when, when I had asked
you that question in my mind, I was like, yeah, what is the satisfied
woman? And I was like, but you know what? I. I know a
satisfied woman. It's me. Because I feel that way.
And I know when. When that's off a
little bit and I don't like it. But I've learned to try to
be like, okay, we're a little off. That's okay.

(28:00):
But I know how it feels to
be satisfied, to truly like.
And it wasn't until I was
50 years old. I'm 52 now. It wasn't
until I was 50 years old that I finally
learned. Until I fell in love with myself.
Yeah. Really. Until I became that satisfied

(28:20):
woman.

Imagine that, Wendy. Imagine
50 years in a state of
dissatisfaction. And I will. I
will tell you. There are women who have never felt satisfied.
There are women who have never felt safe, who have never felt secure, who
have never had. Who have never had the trust and
ability to honor their own emotion and
intuitions. So emotion and intuition are

(28:43):
the feminine superpowers. They are not logic and
reason. When our patriarchy says, oh, you've got to be more
logical, tone down those emotions. You're crazy.
That's a little more BS Belief system
on the part of the patriarchy trying to keep us down.
Our emotions and intuition are how we
calibrate our satisfaction. And until

(29:04):
we learn to really listen to and honor our emotions and
intuition, satisfaction can't happen. We have to
center them every day. Every day we have to
center them and let all of our decisions
and our movement be based on them.

The same time that I was learning about the
masculine feminine energies, I was learning about quantum
physics too. And. Yeah. Which I love.
It's so fascinating and Right. And then
learning we're. We are energy. Right. And atom
is 99.9999 energy.
Which leaves only 0.00001% matter.

(29:39):
Why does that matter? It's because we are more energy
than matter. And when you can tap into that, most
importantly. Right. Tapping into that fear. Feminine energy.
Watch out like it is.
And, and, and you know what, too? I always feel like
there's this misperception that to be feminine
means to be soft or weak.

I know. No, the feminine is wild
and fierce and untamable.
The feminine is, powerful,
incredibly energetic. The feminine
gets done. The feminine is.
No, I mean, think about the feminine as like
a storm. Okay. Or I'm a sailor, so I like sailing
metaphors. Feminine is that ocean. You know, the, the

(30:23):
wind. You can't control the wind. You can't contain the wind. You
can't control the sea, but you can move on it. Uh-huh. You
know, you set your sails right, you can move on it. And boy, oh boy, is
that movement powerful. You know,
there, there are mythologies around the world that, that
speak of femininity in this really wild and fierce way.
And, you know, one of them is, Indian mythology or
Hindu mythology where they talk about feminine as the power

(30:46):
of creation. Like this universe gets here because of us.

Yep.

And that's true. You know, so there's this. There's an
incredible lie in our western
culture that the feminine needs to be meek, needs to
be mild, needs to smile, to be pretty. And
again, it's. These are all very deft
strategies. Yes. To keep the
feminine small and disempowered. Because
when we're small and disempowered, we can be controlled.

(31:12):
And when the patriarchy controls the feminine, they
control families, reproduction,
ownership, everything. And that's
incredibly important for them because all they want is power
and control. They. I don't know who they are, by the way. I'm not blaming
anybody in particular, but you know, the patriarchy,
them.

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bonuses and pre order the book by heading to
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beautiful. Yeah, exactly. You know,
I was just thinking, well, you've got the, the sailing, analogy.
I will use an RV analogy.

Yes.

With a. With a kerosene lamp, actually.
So I've always thought about that, like, we, we have this, you know,
like, even on my little kerosene lamp, it's got this little light.

Yeah. And.

And one thing I had realized during my little kind
of break, midlife, meltdown to
midlife awakening, if that I
have control of that dial
and I can turn up the flame, I can turn
up my light. And you know, my,
My favorite quote, probably of all times,
Marianne Williamson. Our deepest fear is not that we

(33:45):
are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond
measure. It is our light,
not our darkness, that most frightens us.
And I, I kept, for some reason, and I didn't
even know why, kept clinging on to this quote for
years. And I was like, why do I like this quot what is it trying
to tell me? And I realized, I was like, oh.

(34:06):
And I asked myself this question. Okay, Wendy, what
if you fully stepped into your
light?

and I was like, oh, cry, Wendy.

Oh, I know, right? Like, that means you gotta.
You might have to get out of relationship. You might have to quit your
job. You might actually have to
really put yourself out there in the world. But.
Right. Is it not freaking worth it? Is it
not, like, worth, like, pushing the blood through
your veins and busting out of that damn cocoon? Right.

(34:35):
It is so fudgeing worth it.

I would actually go further and say that it's not that it's. Of
course it's worth it, but I don't know that we have a choice.
Yes, I think we have to. I think that it's
critical and necessary. And if we
don't, we have unlived lives
and unrealized potential,
and that's just not an option. I'm sorry. It's just

(34:57):
not an option. And you know that I
think the first Time I heard that quote was probably at least 20 years
ago. And I remember holding onto that so tightly. And it's been a while
since that's been spoken aloud.
But one of the things that I've
discovered in my research and my work
here with the satisfied woman is yes, all

(35:18):
of that is true. Right? We have our kerosene lamp, we can turn
up the light. Our light is the thing that scares us the most. We are
powerful beyond measure. And all that is. Yes. But the thing that I
want to really point out and
lean into that I don't think gets enough
air time these days because we live in this
culture that really relies on doing it yourself,

(35:38):
that prizes the individual, that says,
you don't need anyone else, you can do it alone, of course.
It's your light, it's your power. It's yours, yours,
yours. Unfortunately, that's not a hundred
percent true. I wish it was, trust me. I wish
I could just turn up my own light and be done with it. I wish I
could just love myself and everything's okay because I love

(35:59):
myself. I'm great. You know, like, that's not the
issue. We actually have to live on this planet with
other people. And our evolution has actually been
dependent on being in relationship to
others. We thrive in relationship
with others. We can't isolate ourselves. It's
impossible. So there is this
counterpoint, and I just want to put it out there for

(36:21):
everyone out there who loves a woman. Whether you're a
woman yourself, whether you identify as anything else.
Please let me tell you, here's your public service. Now that you have a duty,
you have a duty to support that woman in Shining because it
will help her and in turn it will help you.
And this relationality, I think, is really
the future, that we're not isolating ourselves anymore

(36:43):
because that's a state of disempowerment. Isolation is one of the ways the
patriarchy has used to keep women
disempowered and alone. Anytime
a person is alone, they're more easily controlled.
So it's, in our relationality, it's in our
relationships that we will become
most empowered, most realized.
I mean, think about the MeToo movement of 2017.

(37:05):
I was in New York City at the time.

Yeah.

And a million women marching down
fifth Avenue in pink pussy hats.
I'm sorry, that has more impact than me doing it by myself.

That's true. You might be a little weird,
like, why?

Oh no, I would be happy to do it.

I'd still walk up and fix your hat.

Though, you know, thank you.

I think it's a little tilted, Alana. You might want to
straighten that out. Straighten out your vajayjay.
Okay. I know. Yes, you're so right,
though. I mean, we can't deny the masculine
energy, whether it's within ourselves, within the universe, within our
relationships and, and especially even the other
feminine. I would say it's not because it's all. It's all merged
into one or like in this little bowl of soup of, masculine and

(37:52):
feminine energy. Right. And it's kind of back
to your sailing, you know, metaphor. It's the same
thing of learning to, to kind of flow with
it. And, and yeah, I mean, I had
to change my relationships in order for my
femininity to, to breathe and
to. To be out into the world. I had to.
That's what I was scared of. I knew if

(38:15):
Wendy was fully windy and
everything that I wanted Wendy to be, that shit
was gonna have to change.

And.

But I was willing. I was willing to go through that
and. But what ends up happening? I
feel that when you step into that and you're putting
that out there and that, that your
kerosene lamp is shining, you will end up
attracting more. I mean, look, I attracted you. I mean,
it's freaking awesome, right?

I mean.

Yeah. And it's like, oh my gosh. And then
you. We become this parade
of, of women that. And we just have to
keep going and going like that. We just cannot. We're not,
we're ain't stopping, girl.

We're not stopping at all. We're not stopping at all. And I love that you brought up that
energy of attraction because that's deeply feminine. We.
We are here to receive. Let me just tell your listeners.
Listen, listen up. We're receive. We're not here
to continue to over give. We're not here to overachieve.
We're not here to overdo the time of women
continuing to give ourselves away and
overdo everything. It's done. Let's just

(39:18):
call it over. When we are in that receptive
energy and receive, not only are we in
abundance energy, right? But we're in the
energy of calling those around us into
their highest selves. And they
either will or they won't step up. Now, I'm a huge fan
of heavy curation. I. I often
encourage women to heavily curate their lives. Like, if

(39:41):
that relationship isn't serving your highest needs and
keeping you elevated, maybe it's not the right one. If
that career isn't keeping you elevated, maybe it's not the right one.
Now, that said, we were all
raised in this hot mess of a culture.
Like, let's give each other a little bit of grace. Nobody was
pulled aside in grade school and taught, like, here's

(40:01):
how the best of expression of the feminine looks like. Here's what the best
expression of the masculine looks like. Like, give people a little
bit of a chance and an opportunity, you know, give. You'll
have to do a little emotional labor. Have them, you
know, but if they love you,
if they love you, if they desire
that you live and express your best self in this life,

(40:22):
they're going to try and full, full credit for
effort. But if they're not trying, if that love
isn't there, if they're unwilling to shift their position in any
way into a more healthy version of either masculine or
feminine, Cut that cord.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't have the energy to give anymore.

No. And that's. I. I feel like the receiving part, I can
relate to that. I've. And I still struggle with it.

Yeah, yeah.

And I. But in comparison with
years ago, years ago, I'm much better at
receiving.

Nice.

Because, you know, it was like, oh, me, strong woman, I can do
everything. I don't, you know,
I mean, that's how I was raised. That's what I was. And in some
ways, it's great. It's great to have, you know, that
masculine energy, to be able to, like, step on stage in
front of a thousand people or, you know, like,
there's certain things you need that masculine energy for,

(41:16):
but then, ah, bring it down and like this. Nice. Like,
so it's like kind of. It's this beautiful. The yin and
yang.

Right. You need to be able to drop it because that masculine
armor is so heavy. You know, the
mask of the masculine is inauthentic for us if it's
permanently on. And you're right, there are definitely moments,
especially as a single woman, where you do need to pick up some
masculine energy to do something specific for sure. But
then we need the space to drop it and down shift.
Otherwise, this is the kind of thing that leads to

(41:45):
exhaustion, overwhelm, burnout, high stress,
high cortisol levels, which then leads to heart disease,
inflammation. All of the bad things. All the
bad things. Women, feminine women are
going to feel most relaxed and at home in
themselves when they're in their femininity more of the time.
And so we need to curate our lives, our

(42:06):
relationships, our places, our spaces, everything
around us in our immediate vicinity as
individuals to make sure. That we have the
space to be in the feminine, because that's where the greatest
magic is going to come from. Us.

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure for you and I both
just writing our books, that creativity.

Yeah.

I mean. Oh. Fully stepping into your feminine
power is. It was such a
beautiful ride.

I love that it's actually impossible to do
anything creative unless you're fully in your feminine.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.

I can't wait to read your book.

Thank you.

And I love the COVID I mean.

Oh, isn't it beautiful?

I know. Look at that.

It's so stunning. I think they did such a knockout
job on this book. And, you know, I have. I have
a few other books that have been published, and every time they send
a cover over for the first time, I'm always like, oh, no, that is.
No, no. This one came over for the first time,
and I was like, absolutely. Yes. This
is exactly the.

The font, the everything. It's like, oh, it's
perfect. Yeah, I know. New World Library.
Awesome. My,
my cover's the same. Yeah, it was the very first one they sent
over. I was like, okay, nailed it through. Because
that's, like, awesome.

Yeah, totally.

So good.
by the way, I started listening to one of your podcast
episodes. It was on Conflict. I didn't get to finish it, but
I'm gonna go back to it, because that's a good
one. Really tap
into. Because I, mean, we always have conflict. Right.
But learning like that.

Yes, we always have conflict. And, you know, I wanted to
offer a different perspective on how to move through it,
because conflict isn't a bad thing, actually. Conflict
helps us to get clearer on our needs and to get them
met. And research shows that it's not about,
having no conflict in intimate relationship.
You can actually have a lot of conflict. It's about how you move through it

(44:02):
and whether you can get to the other side knowing that your partner
always has your back, no matter what, and that it is going to end
well.

Right.

Even it can be a mess in the middle. So I wanted to offer some.
It's. I think it's one of my most popular podcast episodes, actually.
Some perspective on how a woman can stay in
her feminine through conflict with
a masculine partner. Because it actually. That alignment
of energy is so
facilitative of. Is that a word? I just make a word.

(44:30):
Yeah, I think I did.

We'll make it a word.

We're going to go for it. It's facilitated.

I like it. It sounds.

I have a PhD. I just made Up a word,
you know, to get through that conflict. Because I don't want
women to any longer be off of their center.
I don't want them slipping on that masculine armor,
thinking it's the way to get through things. It's not.
So just really laying it out there on how to resolve conflict in
a real feminine way so that you get your needs met.

Yeah, I'm gonna listen to that one. I need that one.
Ah, where can we find you? How do we buy your
awesome, beautiful book and listen to your podcast?

Yeah, podcasts everywhere. Podcasts are
listened to and available, the book anywhere books are
sold. the Way of the Satisfied Woman is the official
title. And then all of that everything, all things
me is the satisfied woman dot
com. And for all the podcast listeners out there, I've
put together a special starter kit for
you@thesatisfiedwoman.com

(45:27):
Empower me. And when you go to the
satisfiedwoman.com Empower me, you'll get a free
chapter. My favorite chapter, actually. Free chapter of my book.
a quiz to let you know whether you're on the
feminine polarity, which I'm guessing you are, but you'll find out anyway.
And, what's the third thing? Oh, I have a talk. I have a little video
lecture about femininity and how

(45:48):
to slide into it a little more fully. So you'll get all those
things for free. And then I have my own private community of
just women. It's a safe space for us to work on these things.
I'm actually going live in there here in a few minutes to talk
about the feminine art of receiving. So
I'm on the ground. I'm doing the work. And I do a lot of coaching with
women, actually, as well, to hear their stories and to get them

(46:08):
realigned and recalibrated as the feminine woman.
Ah.

I love it. You're awesome.

Thank you.

You are definitely out. Out of the chrysalis and
flying free.

I think I'm still squeezing a bit, but, yeah, I'm doing
my best.

Thank you so much.

thank you, Wendy. It's a pleasure to be here and keep up the good work you're
doing as well.

Yes. Thank you. You too.
Did this podcast inspire you? Challenge you,
trigger you to make a change or spit out your coffee laughing?
Good. Then there are three ways you can thank me.
Number one, you can leave a written review of this
podcast on Apple iTunes. Number two,
you can take a screenshot of the episode and share it

(46:49):
on social media and tag me Wendy
Valentine number three. Share it with
another midlifer that needs a makeover. You know who
I'm talking about. Thank you so much for listening to
the show. Get out there and be bold. Be
free. Be you.

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280 💫 Awaken the Satisfied Woman: Feminine Power, Myth & Midlife with Dr. Alanna Kaivalya

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