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August 21, 2025 17 mins

In keeping with the ancient corporate rite of pretending time is a measurable thing, The Multiverse Employee Handbook presents its inaugural performance review — a dignified audit conducted over quantum tea and biscuits that are, frankly, not keeping their quantum states to themselves.

We sift through a year in which reality once again outperformed the imagination department, featuring interstellar drop-ins, cosmic interns with questionable CVs, and office equipment that might be spying for another galaxy. Along the way we ponder Gemini 5, the Ontological Productivity Quotient, and whether the Moon is overdue for its first workplace injury claim. It’s everything you’d expect from a birthday party, except the cake is an unsettling dataset and the candles have been replaced by inexplicable truths.

https://multiverseemployeehandbook.com

AI Transparency: In a universe of AI-generated content, we believe in being transparent about what's human and what's not. Your time is valuable, and you deserve to know what you're experiencing. The narrator, David, is a professional voice actor who has digitized his voice through ElevenLabs' voice cloning technology and is fairly compensated for his vocal performance. Thumbnails are created with OpenAI, and music/sound effects come from Pixabay (which are generated by human artists - not AI). Everything else-the writing, jokes, research, sound editing, and interdimensional coffee consumption, is 100% human-made by a human.

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