June 23, 2025 • 47 mins
Becca’s late diagnosis sparked a powerful journey of advocacy, identity, and authentic living.
Becca Lory Hector reflects on how her late autism diagnosis at 36 transformed her life and deepened her commitment to advocacy amid today’s challenging political climate. She discusses the pervasive stigma and ableism that create barriers in professional and social spaces, and why inclusive environments are essential for genuine belonging.
Becca shares insights from her Self-Defined Living Course, designed to help autistic individuals reclaim their identities and create fulfilling lives beyond traditional measures of success and quality of life. She emphasizes the importance of community collaboration, leadership development, and prioritizing self-exploration for newly diagnosed neurodivergent people.
This conversation is a vital resource for anyone seeking to embrace differences, overcome systemic bias, and thrive authentically in the autistic community.
Connect With Becca Lory Hector:
Website: https://beccaloryhector.com
DEIB Disability Consulting via Truly Inclusive Leadership: https://www.trulyinclusiveleadership.com/
LinkedIn Top Voice in Disability Advocacy: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beccaloryhector
Grab a Copy of My Book: Always Bring Your Sunglasses https://a.co/d/bYoYLYL
Patreon
https://www.patreon.com/BeccaLoryHector
YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/c/BeccaLoryHector
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/beccaloryhector/
Self-Defined Living Course: A Path to a Quality Autistic Life
https://beccalory.com/downloads/self-defined-living-course-a-path-to-a-quality-autistic-life/
Self-Defined Living Shoppe
https://beccalory.com/selfdefinedshoppe/
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Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Neurodiversity Voices Podcast
02:23 Becca's Journey to Diagnosis
05:45 Impact of Late Diagnosis on Advocacy
08:13 Reflections on Childhood and Self-Discovery
10:04 Stigma and Bias in Professional Settings
14:11 Advice for Navigating Stigmas
14:30 Self-Defined Living Course Overview
19:05 Feedback and Impact of the Course
22:36 Research Insights and Community Engagement
23:55 Survival vs. Thriving: The Autistic Experience
24:57 Quality of Life: Autistic vs. Neurotypical Perspectives
26:44 Creating Inclusive Spaces: The Role of Organizations
29:05 Barriers to Inclusive Leadership
31:03 The Autistic Glass Ceiling: Personal Experiences
34:29 Collaboration in the Autistic Community
36:27 Advice for Newly Diagnosed Autistics
41:15 The Future of Neurodiversity Inclusion
42:33 Challenging Myths: Autistic Leadership
43:40 Embracing Difference: A Key to Fulfillment
Disclaimer:
The content provided in this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have heard on this podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Paul Cruz (00:05):
Hello and welcome to the Neurodiversity Voices
podcast. I'm your host, PaulCruz, and I'm thrilled to have
you join us on this journey ofexploration, advocacy, and
celebration of neurodiversity.
Gino Akbari (00:17):
I'm Gino Akbari, your volunteer co host.
Together, we'll have meaningfulconversations, share inspiring
stories, and challengemisconceptions about
neurodiversity.
Paul Cruz (00:27):
This podcast is for neurodiversity.
Gino Akbari (00:45):
We're so excited to have you with us as we celebrate
the beauty of diverse minds andwork toward a more inclusive
future.
Paul Cruz (00:52):
Sit back, relax, and let's get started. Welcome to
the Neurodiversity Voicespodcast. Welcome to today's
conversation with Becca LaurieHector, an openly autistic
professional, advocate, and aleader in the autism and
neurodiversity community.Diagnosed at the age of 36,
Becca's journey of selfdiscovery has fueled her passion
(01:15):
for advocacy, research, andsystemic change. Through her
work, she addresses thechallenges faced by individuals,
including stigma, ableism, andthe barriers to leadership
opportunities.
Becca is the creator of the SelfDefined Living Course, which
empowers autistic individuals todesign fulfilling lives tailored
(01:38):
to their unique needs andstrengths. Her groundbreaking
research on autistic quality oflife challenges traditional
neurotypical measures andhighlights the importance of
including autistic voices inshaping policies and practices.
As a consultant, Becca workswith organizations to foster
truly inclusive cultures thatembrace neurodiversity and
(02:01):
prioritize belonging. She is afirm believer in the power of
community, collaboration, andvaluing diverse perspectives to
drive societal progress. Today,we'll explore Becca's personal
journey, her insights intoadvocacy and inclusion, and her
vision for a future whereneurodivergent individuals are
(02:21):
celebrated for theirdifferently.
Let's dive into this inspiringconversation. Welcome, Becca, to
the show.
Becca Lory Hector (02:29):
Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.
Paul Cruz (02:30):
Can you share with us and our listeners your journey
of receiving your late autismdiagnosis?
Becca Lory Hector (02:37):
I was somebody who had various
unsundry challenges for most ofmy early life. I was challenged
in school. When I got out ofschool, I was challenged by
work. Somewhere about 33, I wason my fifteenth job in thirteen
years, and I'd really hadenough. And what I did was I
(02:59):
quit my last job.
I went back to the apartmentthat I grew up in, climbed into
the bed that I grew up in, andsaid, I'm not leaving my house.
I became really suicidal,homebound and isolated for the
next three years. And simply bychance, I stumbled across autism
in a journey to find out whatwas going on with my migraine
(03:21):
headaches. And I found autism,and it was like discovering the
missing link in all of thethings we'd kind of gone through
in my entire life. It madeeverything make sense.
And after that, I pursued aformal diagnosis. At the time, I
was not somebody who was verymentally well, and so I did not
trust myself enough to do selfidentification, and I sought out
(03:43):
professional confirmation. Andso that was about, yeah, that
was going on twelve years agonow.
Gino Akbari (03:49):
Thank you, Becca, for sharing that. Can you share
how your late autism diagnosisat 36 shaped how you advocate or
shaped your advocacy?
Becca Lory Hector (03:59):
Absolutely. So for me, the impact of my
diagnosis and my identificationis really the way I prefer to
say it. The impact of myidentification on my life was
almost immediate, and it wasalso like a 180. So I explain it
to a lot of people as likewalking around in the world with
one hand over one of my eyes mywhole life, and then all of a
(04:21):
sudden somebody just took thehand off my other eye, and I had
depth perception, and I hadfocus, and I had all of these
other information that I hadbeen missing out on my whole
life. And that experience wasvery personal, but it was also
very impactful in that itgenuinely saved my life.
I don't know if I would havebeen here much longer. And that
feeling of knowing that I'm andfinding out that I'm one of many
(04:44):
people that is having thisexperience really made me feel
compelled to pay it forward,compelled to go back and give
back to the organization thathelped me, to help other
autistics like myself, because Ijust can't imagine a world in
which people are living decadesof their lives without this self
awareness.
Paul Cruz (05:03):
Why is it important to keep advocating in 02/2025?
Becca Lory Hector (05:08):
I would have had a different answer for you
for this if you had asked methis in 2024. But in 2025, I
feel like, with everythingthat's going on, especially in
The United States politically,it is the most important time
for us to be advocating rightnow. It is time for our voice to
be as strong and as loud as itcan be. It is important that all
(05:30):
of our perspectives be heard andthat when the world is spewing
lies in our direction, it's notthe time to tuck our tails in
and run away and hide. It's timeto dig in, correct the
information, share more data,create more, do more.
And so that's why it's reallyimportant to keep advocating in
2020.
Gino Akbari (05:50):
How is getting a late diagnosis affected you
emotionally and socially? Is it,you find you had more
groundedness now, or would it bebetter if you had that diagnosis
in an earlier age?
Becca Lory Hector (06:03):
It's a catch-twenty two. And I say this
because my identification camein at a point in my life where
it was over for me. I was done.I was out of energy for
anything. And so, it created afork in the road for me where
suddenly I had new informationand there was the potential for
things to be different.
Up until that moment, I couldn'timagine it any other way, except
(06:26):
for this awful way. That latediagnosis for me meant a couple
of things. It meant growing up,I didn't get any of the supports
that I needed. It meant that Ireceived a lot of misinformation
about myself from the outsideworld. We didn't understand
autism, so a lot of my quirksand behaviors were criticized
and critiqued, and my naturalinstinctive way of being, I was
(06:49):
taught to hide it, and I wastaught to not show that part of
myself to people around, youknow, and not be proud of that
part of myself.
And so there's a lot of traumaattached to spending all of
those years knowing that you'redifferent, feeling like you're
the only one by yourself, andfeeling like every single person
around you is out to get you,right? That's a terrible
(07:12):
feeling. However, those of uswho got earlier diagnosis or
earlier intervention, especiallyin this kind of same time
period, were really oversupported. We really kind of did
a number on them, too. Wedecided, Oh, we kept missing
these people, so now we're goingto over support.
We're going to over support. Andwhat we didn't do for those
folks is give them the abilityto be functional adults. And so,
(07:34):
in some ways, my delayeddiagnosis meant that I had to
deal with a lot of challengesand figure out my way through
them without information andwithout support, and those
lessons are not something I'm soquick to throw away. Those
lessons were really important.They made me who I am.
But on the other side of it, Iam a much more regulated person.
(07:55):
I have the ability to say nonow. I know what I like, what I
don't like, what triggers me,what doesn't trigger me. And so
I'm a much healthier person now.And so it's kind of one of those
things.
Can, you know, this was my life.This is the way it went down.
But did it have impact on meemotionally and certainly on my
self esteem? Absolutely.
Paul Cruz (08:13):
How has attaining your late diagnosis changed how
you reflect on your childhood?Are there challenges you faced
in the past undiagnosed that youreflect on now that you have
your late diagnosis and newskills and supports to help
support you.
Becca Lory Hector (08:31):
I don't know how else to say this except to
say who I am right now is wholittle me needed desperately.
And so I've become the grownupthat I would have needed as a
kid. And that, to me, is how Ireflect back on my childhood.
Like, I have grown so much as aperson that I could now, with
confidence, not only do I trustmy future self to take care of
(08:53):
whatever comes my way in thefuture, I also know that I'm
caregiving for my inner childbecause I'm the person right now
I would have needed back thenand didn't have. My first year
out of diagnosis, though, and Ifeel like this is something that
we all tend to have in commonwhen we get a late diagnosis, I
spent a lot of time in grief anda lot of time in reflection,
(09:17):
looking back on where the autismwas all those years.
Was it me or was it the autism?Was it me or was it the autism?
Nope, I see it there. Oh, I seeit there. And kind of reliving
my memories through this newperspective, through this new
lens, to understand it all, butalso to be able to forgive
myself and give myself somegrace for all of the
difficulties that I'd kind ofhad and all of the terrible
(09:39):
adjectives that I've had thrownin my direction.
And so that's how I look at it,is that there was that first
year where I did a lot ofgrieving and a lot of growth and
a lot of forgiveness in thatfirst year, and now I go, Yeah,
now I'm the person I would haveneeded. And I have grown into
that person. And I say that withpride because it gives me the
strength and confidence to helpother autistics who aren't so
(10:00):
far along in their journey.
Gino Akbari (10:01):
Tell us a little bit about how the stigma, bias,
and ableism impact autisticindividuals in professional
settings? What can be done toaddress these issues?
Becca Lory Hector (10:11):
Well, our professional settings are rough
ones for us. Professionalsettings have their own set of
social rules that are separatefrom the social rules we live
the rest of our life by. We'renot taught them. We don't
experience them until we're wellinto adulthood. And so, as
autistic people, it hits on allthe buttons that are challenge
areas for us in employment.
(10:33):
We have struggles with executivefunction. We have struggles with
social communication. And it'snot because we're not good at
those things or that those areareas where autistics need to
improve. It's that we do thosethings differently. So, we
communicate sociallydifferently.
Our executive functioning worksa little bit differently. Our
regulation works a littledifferently. Our sensory system
(10:54):
works a little differently. Andif we have any co occurring
conditions, they also showthemselves differently. So, what
that does in the workplacesetting is it makes you stick
out.
And in the workplace setting,that's not always great. We've
built our workplaces around thisidea that a good employee is the
employee that can do the samething as the guy next to him,
(11:16):
that wearing the same clothesand the same amount of hours
during the day, we can allproduce the same amount of work.
And that's not fair. That's nothow humans work. Autistic or
not, it's not how we work.
And so, that's the beginning ofthose biases. Then, over time,
we've kind of collected thesemyths around autistic
professionals. Things like wecan't be leaders, we can't carry
(11:38):
a full workload, we areexpensive, We take up too much
time from our managers. We needspecial treatment. None of which
is true, and certainly all ofthat is never true about one
person.
But that's the bias andstereotypes that when we step
into an interview, we're alreadyfacing, because the interviewer,
chances are, already has biasgoing. And then those systems
(12:00):
that we use to get us into jobsand then function in jobs were
created with the neuro majorityin mind and not with any one
neurodivergent.
Paul Cruz (12:08):
What is your advice to others facing these negative
stigmas and bias?
Becca Lory Hector (12:14):
My biggest piece of advice is don't take it
personally. These areoverarching umbrella biases and
stigmas and all of these things.They are not about you as a
person. These are beliefs thatpeople glean from the world
around them because that's whatthe media shows them. Maybe
that's their personalexperience.
(12:35):
Maybe someone else has told thema story, and they collect these
stigma and biases in their head.Many times, it's unconscious
bias. It's bias that they're noteven aware that they carry. So,
there's really not about blameand intent in there. It's just
happening.
Doesn't make it feel any better,but it's not about you. It's not
about picking on you as a humanbeing. There's nothing wrong
(12:57):
with you. And so, that's my bigadvice, is every time you run
into it, try to remember you'rerunning into someone who has
been miseducated and orundereducated. You're not
running into somebody who'slooking necessarily to offend
you, unless it happens online inthe comments, and then it's
probably a troll.
But if it's happening to youkind of in a real social
scenario, what these moments areare a time to educate. These
(13:20):
moments are littlemicroaggressions that you can
pause, kind of think about, andthen take those moments to
reflect and reflect back withthe person who's using it. Hey,
I heard you say blah, blah,blah. What did you mean by that?
Could you explain it to me alittle bit?
And then they do, and then youget to say something like,
Thanks for sharing that with me.I appreciate knowing where you
(13:41):
came from, but here's how thatfeels on the other side. Blah,
blah, blah, blah. And our hopeis we shift up those stigmas
that they're carrying and thoseunconscious biases, and we start
to lift them through thosemicroeducation moments. However,
if you do not feel you are up tothe task and or you don't like
confrontation and or you've hada really crappy day and you just
(14:02):
don't have the energy to dealwith it, it's okay to walk away
from those people.
Just don't take it with you.That's not yours to carry.
That's their garbage.
Gino Akbari (14:09):
Amongst the ocean of things you've done, you've
also created a course to helpthe community. Could you tell us
a little bit more about, as youcall it, self defined living? Am
I correct?
Becca Lory Hector (14:20):
Absolutely. So really proud of my little
tiny course. I came into thiscommunity, as you heard, and I
really needed help rebuilding mylife. I got this new chunk of
information, and it came into mylife, and I thought, Wow, look
how many things in my life Icould be doing differently or I
could be doing better formyself. Anything from which the
first thing that I did was Istarted online grocery shopping.
(14:43):
I gave myself the reprieve ofhaving to go through the sensory
of the store, having to organizeall of those things, forgetting
something on my list, going backanother day. All of those things
were part of my norm for groceryshopping, and by giving myself
permission to order that stuffonline, and yes, it's a little
more money, but it saves me gas,which brings back some of the
(15:06):
money, and there's ways tojustify it. What it is is
saying, I need to lighten myload of the things that are
exceptionally hard for me sothat I can spend more time doing
the things I enjoy. And that'swhere I started. My problem was
I didn't have any guidance.
There was no guidance out therefrom other autistics before me
to tell me how to do lifestyledesign, essentially. How do I do
(15:29):
that through an autistic lens?So, I started looking at what
the neuro majority has to lookat, and that's personal
development or self help. Therewas lots of information out
there, but I just kept seeingthe patterns and everything
people were teaching. Coloringin the lines with different
language and telling differentstories, the main messages in
all of those books were alwaysthe same, and I thought, This is
(15:51):
what autistics need.
We need the meat. Stop giving meyour potatoes and your
vegetables and everything else.Just give me the meat. Give me
the action statement. That'swhat I, as an autistic person,
need.
So what I did was created anentire lifestyle design course,
personal development course,that's self study, virtual. Once
you get it, you have it forever.You can use it over and over
(16:12):
again. And its entire purpose isto help you incorporate the
information from your diagnosisor identification into the life
that you're living so that itbecomes a thriving, authentic
life, not a life where you'reliving you're supposed to, the
things you should be doing.
Paul Cruz (16:27):
How do the courses you created help autistic
individuals design fulfillinglives?
Becca Lory Hector (16:33):
Well, so one of the things it's a lot of
different things that happen.It's a three unit course. So the
first unit of the course isreally about stepping forward
and about saying, All right, Iam gonna commit to myself. I'm
gonna commit to make changes.I'm done with my own garbage.
It's not working, and I need todo something else different. I
(16:53):
don't like my life and I want itto look different. And there's a
lot of reasons in Unit one whereI talk about how we got there.
How did we get to this placewhere we're doing things other
people want and I'm hangingthings on the wall that I don't
like and going to dinners Idon't want to be at. How did I
get here?
And thinking about what parts ofour lives are comfortable versus
which ones are uncomfortablebecause we want to start with
(17:16):
the squeaky wheel. We want towork on the place in our lives
where we have the mostdiscomfort and try to work
ourselves out of that. So,that's what we kind of do in
Unit one. And then in Unit two,we fortify our focus, and we
really focus in on the area thatwe want to do the work, the area
in our lives that we want to dothe work, and how do we get that
focus? What kind of tools do Ineed to stay aligned, to stay on
(17:40):
track with my goals, to getwhere I wanna go, for it to all
look like that?
And then unit three is all aboutmaintenance. It's all about
managing the life that you'vebuilt. So, you create all these
things, you made all thesedecisions, you're working in
Unit two to make all thesechanges, but we need to keep
working in order to sustain itover the long time. And the
hitches, we're all alwaysevolving and changing. And so,
(18:03):
the things that we need and wantevolve and change, so do the
circumstances in our lives.
We hear about people divorced ormoving states or moving
countries. And when we do thosebig transitions, we need to
rethink all of this again. Weneed to be able to build a
lifestyle that, while solidifiedand comfortable and permanent in
all of those ways, isn't builton a cement foundation but built
(18:25):
on something that's a little bitmore mobile, like the tall
buildings they have in Japan,that can withstand the
earthquakes, because earthquakeshappen, and we have to build
that flexibility in in order forour brains to be comfortable.
And those are the things we kindof work on. There's lots of
individual tools.
I'm gonna be coming out with aseminar series on very specific
topics shortly. And I also havea bunch of downloadable one
(18:47):
pagers that you can use tosupport yourself.
Gino Akbari (18:50):
It's amazing to actually have someone do that
groundwork and sort of like aGPS for them. Obviously, it's
had quite a bit of impact on thecommunity, your course, but have
you gotten feedback from thesecourses? Has anybody told you
how it has impacted them?
Becca Lory Hector (19:09):
I have actually keep in touch with many
of my students. Some of my FIRSTstudents are still doing
amazing. I have a lot of folksover internationally that have
started their own businesses. Ihave two clients that have
decided to move. It's all aboutwhere your life needs to be
impacted.
Other things that have happened,I had, the Comic Relief Grant
(19:29):
was given to Specialist Earn inNorthern Ireland. I taught that
as a group to the people atSpecialist Earn on a grant. And
what it's really done is sort ofpushed me to do the research
that I'm doing because when Icreated this course, there was
no way You know, you want to beable to say to people, You'll
see the difference from when youstarted the course until the
(19:49):
end. You want to give them thattangible proof that it's worth
doing other than thesetestimonials, right? But there's
nothing out there that I canuse.
There's no tools out there byautistics, for autistics, to
measure our quality of life.Nothing. All we have out there
are what the neuro majorityconsiders to be categories of
(20:09):
quality of life, and they aredifferent for autistic. So I
said, I can't really say mycourse works unless I can prove
it. And so I started doing somequality of life research that
I'm working on as well.
Paul Cruz (20:21):
Did you find research difficult to find and attain, or
did you have a couple great gotos for research already?
Becca Lory Hector (20:29):
Well, as somebody without a PhD, getting
into research is incrediblydifficult. One of the ironies, I
think, about research is that itlives within academia, which is
its very own little bubble offunctioning, and academia
doesn't like to function andthink outside of the way it
functions. So, it's verydifficult to be an outsider
who's not a part of academia andwork within academia. That is
(20:52):
hard. The other part is, I don'thave a PhD, but we are
constantly being bombarded aboutcommunity engagement in our
community, right?
We're constantly meeting peopleto do the research on, to take
the surveys, to do engagement.And our academic community is
constantly saying, How? How dowe engage? How do we keep long
(21:13):
term engagement? Right?
And one of the ways is to stopgatekeeping this research
business. Because the truth isthat most of the autistic
research about autism startedout anecdotally. We have known a
lot of things in our community,anecdotally, but then the
research went out and proved.So, what we need to do is start
listening more to the anecdotal.And that's kind of the space
(21:34):
that I was coming from.
I'm a disabled person. I do nothave the privilege, financially
or otherwise, to go get afurther degree if I want to
pursue research. That's aprivilege that some folks have,
that they can do that. But whatI did was I saw an opportunity
where folks were willing to fundearly career researchers. And
even though I'm not early in mycareer, I am in my research
(21:56):
career, and not having a PhD ispart of that.
And I saw that as an opportunityto get some funding behind
quality of life research forautistic folks. And that's what
I did. I took a chance. It wasreally basically, I had a fellow
researcher say to me, Adaria,basically. Go ahead, do it.
What are they gonna do? Sell youno? Let them tell you no. And I
did. I pulled out the wholeground, and I was like, let them
do that because then I setprecedent.
(22:18):
And so that's how it began.
Gino Akbari (22:19):
That's brilliant. So during your research, was
there like an moment whereyou've had a significant finding
where it was like, this is goingto change the way I'm thinking
about this?
Becca Lory Hector (22:29):
So many. I mean, I'm truly amazed by my
community so much. My favoritemoment from this very first
phase of research is kind of aweird one, but I think my fellow
autistics will understand. Soone of the things that I was
really curious about in thisearly phase of the research was,
do how do autistics definequality of life? Like, what do
(22:51):
we think that is?
What is our definition of it?And also, kind of what has been
your experience with quality oflife kind of over the course of
your life? And there was alittle piece of me inside that
said to my team at the time, Iguarantee you we're gonna find
out that a ton of autisticpeople have never had the
(23:11):
opportunity to think aboutquality of life, that they've
never even been in survival modeso long and for their entire
life, they've never even had theprivilege to pause and say,
Wait, I don't like this. I don'twant it to be like this. This
part of my life doesn't feelgood.
And that is what we found. We'recontinuously getting, This is
(23:34):
what I think quality of lifemeans, but I've never really
experienced it, or I've neverreally had a chance to talk
about it or think about it oreven work on it in therapy. It's
not something, nothing thatanybody ever told me was
important. And that has been myfavorite takeaway and most
significant takeaway, becausewhat that does is it shows you
(23:54):
how much time and energyautistic folks are putting into
pure survival that they can'teven consider a life that they
might be thriving in. They don'teven have the energy to think
about what that might look like.
They're just trying to getthrough every day, one at a
time. And that, to me, is huge.You want to know where all of
(24:15):
our suicide numbers come from?You want to know where all of
our mental health co occurs comefrom? You want to know where all
the trauma comes from?
If you never get to think aboutyour quality of life and how to
improve it, that's never anautonomous decision for you.
That has been my favorite.
Paul Cruz (24:31):
In your own words, how does the quality of life for
an autistic individual versus aneurotypical individual compare?
Becca Lory Hector (24:40):
It's like, to me, it's comparing apples and
oranges. Literally, the neuromajority processes information
one way, and autistic peopleprocess information another way.
Our actual and real experiencesin the world are totally
different. And on top of that,autistic folks have to deal with
stigma, bias, stereotypes,ableism, all of the other things
(25:01):
that we have that are kind ofbarriers, you know, against us
having a thriving life. And so,if you think about how does the
quality of life for an autisticindividual compare, We have
totally different priorities.
Different things are importantto us in relationships, in our
jobs, how we live our lives,where we live our lives. All of
(25:21):
those things are different forus. And so, if you take us and
compare us to a person in theneuro majority and their quality
of life, it's gonna look insane.First of all, those categories
most of the time don't even makesense to us. We're looking for,
Where's nature?
Where's time with animals? Idon't understand this. We're
looking for those categories. Ican't find myself in here, first
(25:44):
of all, so we don't get a goodreading of quality of life from
what we've currently got. Butalso, we can't compare the
quality of life of somebodywho's privileged to the quality
of life to somebody who's beenmarginalized their entire lives.
They're different things, and sowe have to really be careful.
There's really no way tocompare, and yet, that's exactly
(26:04):
what we've been doing thisentire time. We've been judging
autistics by the neuromajority's standards, and we
have our own standard.
Gino Akbari (26:11):
Amongst many other things, you also help
organizations create, embrace,and prioritize creating a safe
space for all neurodiverseindividuals. Can you tell us a
little bit more about that?
Becca Lory Hector (26:24):
We talked a little bit in the beginning
about difficulties inemployment. Some of the
difficulties, some of the wayswe can lighten the load for
autistic folks out in ourworkplaces are really similar to
the things that we can do in anyof our shared spaces. So, I say
shared spaces, I mean spaceswhere everyone goes,
congregates, the bank, the gasstation, the library. That's the
(26:47):
same thing as our workplaces.Those are all shared spaces that
we should hope, as human beings,the most amount of people get
used out of and the most amountof people feel like they belong.
Those shared spaces. And yet,they weren't built with the most
amount of people in mind. Theywere built for one kind of
person in mind, for one set ofstandards, and that's what's
(27:10):
going on. So what we need to do,really, what would be great to
do, is to knock it all down andstart all over. It would be
fantastic to be able to do that,but we're not gonna be able to
do that.
So, what we need to do is startthinking about the adjustments
we can make in our policies andour systems and the way we
function as a group team,essentially, towards the same
(27:32):
cause in order for it to workfor everyone. So, of expecting
the same work from everybody, wewant everyone to be working on
the thing they're good atbecause that's how we get the
best work from everybody. Makingeveryone show up at 9AM doesn't
make for great workers,especially if someone has to
drop off their kid, or they workin the nighttime and they need
(27:53):
to start later, or whatever.They need any amount of human
flexibility in our lives. Ourworkplaces do not tolerate that.
We do not tolerate difference.We do not tolerate flexibility.
And those are the things thatneed to be built in. We are
seeing that remote work has madea huge impact and lightened the
load of a lot of people. We'veremoved transportation and
(28:13):
overhead costs of businesses andall kinds of things by doing
that.
And similarly, when we add inother flexible arrangements, we
will see that too. The truth isAI is here. It is coming for our
jobs, so we better refigure outhow we're gonna run our
businesses because we don't needsomeone to answer the phones
anymore, and that's the truth.
Paul Cruz (28:33):
Have you faced any struggles in creating inclusive
leadership, And how do you goabout breaking down those
struggles?
Becca Lory Hector (28:41):
Yes. I have faced a ton of I think I faced
only struggle trying to actuallydo this crazy thing and and
convince people that inclusiveleadership is the way to go. But
here's the thing. Again, we havethese myths that get carried
around and are allowed to livein our toxic workplaces around
(29:01):
inclusive leadership. It'sreally not that big a deal.
What we're really saying is giveall the marginalized folks a
chance to get into thatleadership pipeline. Make sure
they're having the same chancesat mentorship, at networking, or
any opportunities to move up,any opportunities for merit
(29:22):
raises, all of those things.That is what is missing for
disabled folks in general, andespecially for autistic and
neurodivergent folks. We arejust not treated as though we
deserve or have a right to moveup in our careers and make more
money and or be responsiblemanagers for other people. And
yet, if we do so undisclosed, wemove up just fine.
(29:46):
And that tells me that the biasand the stigma and the
stereotypes plays a big role inthat. The other things that play
a big role is that lack offlexibility. So, what we're
doing, again, is setting a setof standards that works great
for one kind of person aroundwhat leadership should be, when
really we should be looking forall the different ways you can
do leadership because the moreoptions we have, the better
(30:07):
we'll be successful as a group,as a society, rather than us all
doing it the same. So a lot ofthe struggles have to do with
running into people who arecarrying that unconscious bias,
who believe in the stereotypesand myths, and knowing that they
haven't had an opportunity to beeducated. And so it's my job to
(30:28):
take the brunt of those initialtrigger words and traumas and
then turn that around andeducate so that that doesn't
happen.
Gino Akbari (30:35):
You just pretty much described the autistic
glass ceiling, but have youpersonally come across barriers
that have stopped you fromtaking on leadership roles?
Becca Lory Hector (30:47):
I am somebody who I am not that young anymore,
and soon we'll be facing ageismon top of everything else, on
top of the misogyny, on top ofthe ableism, Now and I'm gonna
get to deal with that. But theautistic glass ceiling is very
real. There's some part, and wehave research showing it, that
the neuro majority genuinely,when they meet autistic people,
(31:07):
do not like autistic people.It's immediate almost because we
do things different. Wesocialize differently.
We introduce ourselvesdifferently. The whole thing. We
function differently and that,for some reason, is received
very negatively. It's processedvery negatively by the other
parties. And immediately, theytake on the biases and that
(31:29):
belief that because you'redifferent, you can't do
leadership.
You'll never be able to sit in afunding meeting and pull that
off. You'll never be able to geta proposal in on time with all
the numbers. You'll never beable to schmooze and network the
way that we need you to, soyou'll never be able to move up.
When the truth is thatautistics, anyone who's been
highly masked most of theirlives, could schmooze the crap
(31:51):
out of anybody because we'repracticed at it. And so what's
happening is people are limitingus by their beliefs of what we
can do and what we are capableof simply by giving them this
one information.
So for me, I've opted to go thiscrazy road of being openly
neurodivergent and aprofessional. It is not an
option for me to not share that.It's everywhere. If you Google
(32:14):
me, that's it. So it's not anoption for me.
And so I face it every singletime. Every time I get a new
client, I have to prove myselfto them, to show them I know how
to invoice. I have to show themthat I will collect my dues. I
have to show them that I cannegotiate and that I can meet
their needs. I have to do it allover again, every single time.
And currently, I'm in a semidecision making role, but
(32:37):
there's, you know, a part of itthat isn't really just a token
role. Is it just a way to say,Yeah, I performed a ballet ship?
Because it's not really aleadership role. And so, yeah,
I'm still running into it. Mycareer may be stalled at this
level for all I know.
I may never get beyond it. Ithink we need more real
information, real authenticinformation. Like, stop making
(33:00):
TV shows about us and makingcharacters that are all
stereotypical and that aren'teven autistic. Stop doing There
are ways that people can dothat, that we can start to make
those changes, because it'sreally The compassion comes
after the education. So thecompassion will get there if we
educate first, But the educationpart is really painful for a lot
(33:22):
of people, because dealing withan uneducated person opens up a
lot of wounds.
Oftentimes, we have to getdefensive or take the blame. And
so, there are a lot of peoplefor whom the education piece
isn't, you know, it's just notsomething that's a strength of
theirs. And that's why we alladvocate differently. People do
all different kinds of advocacy.So if that's not your strength,
again, it's not your job to takeit on for the whole community.
(33:44):
It's your job to take it on foryou, or to find someone else
that you can ask for help totake that stuff on.
Paul Cruz (33:49):
How have you been able to collaborate with other
autistic advocates andresearchers?
Becca Lory Hector (33:55):
My entire career is built on
collaboration. The autisticcommunity wouldn't be here
without collaboration. We wereseparated from each other and
isolated intentionally. Wecontinue to try to be separated
and isolated with the languagethat's coming at us today in
2025, but we refuse to beseparated. We work better
(34:15):
together.
And in fact, for many autistics,there's a preference for working
with other autistics rather thanthe neuro majority. I know many
autistic professionals will notwork with the neuro majority and
only work with other autistics.I really find that the autistic
community is collaborative as awhole. We enjoy working
together. We'd prefer to worktogether.
(34:37):
We seek each other out andreally, you know, I don't know
of any one of us, of all theadvocates I've known for a very
long time, that has ever wantedto be like the voice of the
community. That's not how wefunction. Together, we are the
voice. Everybody counts. And itreally comes from the pain of
how separated we were, howdivided the world has tried to
(34:58):
make our community by separatingus by how much autismness we
have or giving us levels ordeciding someone with profound
autism, as they're calling itthese days, is different from
someone else.
But autism is autism is autism,and I'd rather be in a room with
another autistic than in a roomwith a neuro majority. And so,
yeah, I collaborate on projects.I collaborate by reviewing their
(35:20):
documents. I collaborate bycheering them on and sharing
their stuff on social media. Icollaborate every which way.
Come in on podcasts for people.I do all kinds of stuff because
we need to be lifting each otherup. The fact is there's enough.
We've been sold a bill of goodsthat there's not enough for
everyone. It's a capitalist lie,and there is enough for
everyone, and that means there'splenty of space for us to
collaborate and work together.
Gino Akbari (35:41):
Thank you for emphasizing the importance of
that collaboration. So let meask you, what advice would you
give to someone newly diagnosedas autistic and looking to build
a fulfilling life?
Becca Lory Hector (35:53):
I would say that first year, be selfish.
That is always my first piece ofadvice. Year one is be selfish.
Chances are you've never beenselfish a day in your life.
You've probably always concernedyourself with all the other
people around you and theircomfort.
So you're gonna stop thatimmediately once we have
identification on board, andwe're gonna be selfish for a
year, and we're gonna go do adeep dive, go info dumping into
(36:17):
yourself is what we wanna do. Wewanna become our own special
interest, and go through it.Ride the emotional roller
coaster. Be angry at the adultsthat didn't care for you until
you got your diagnosis. Be sadfor little you who suffered for
such a long time.
Go through, figure out where,you know, relive those memories,
find the autism, find becauseyour early triggers are there.
(36:40):
The early things that you'velong forgotten are there,
including your joys. Your joysare all the way back there too,
before somebody told you noflappy hands and you have a
weird interest. So, they're backthere, and that's what we need
to do in that first year, is goback and reclaim. Reclaim our
memories through a differentlens and give ourselves grace.
Reclaim the things that havehappened to us and understand
them in a new way. And then,reclaim ourselves and our
(37:02):
triggers and the things that wewant out of our life. Once you
get to that space, you're readyto redesign. Once you're like,
Okay, I did the emotional work.I get it.
I'm autistic. And now I'm readyto make some changes in my life
so that it all makes sensetogether, so that I'm not doing
things that make me crazy, thatI'm not overexerting myself. And
taking the time to ask yourself,What is quality of life? What is
(37:25):
my quality of life? Do I want itto get better?
What part of my life do I hatethe most? My relationships, my
work, where I'm living, right?Figuring that stuff out is the
next phase and allowing yourselfthe freedom to think big, to
think, Well, what if? Just whatif? And think really big because
you've never most of us havenever had that privilege.
(37:45):
We're too busy trying to surviveall the time. So, one of the
things that people have to learnis that there are some of us who
will need care for the rest ofour lives. Disabled folks will
always need a support person insome way or another. But that is
our truth for our lives. Thatdoesn't make it the truth for
our siblings, for our parents,all of those things.
(38:08):
There is a time in our liveswhere those people fill that
void, but it does not have to beforever. In other words, if you
want your mom to just be yourmom, and you wanna take away her
caregiving duties and hiresomebody to do those caregiving
duties for you so mom can bejust mom and stop nagging you,
that's a fair thing to do. Also,for parents, right? Autistics
(38:31):
learn the best by doing and byseeing. So, model what you want
us to be learning.
Model it for us. If you don'twant us to need you forever,
stop teaching us to need youforever. You need to start
walking away. You need to startteaching us skills that are the
ones that we'll actually need.So, we're always gonna need
(38:51):
help.
But what we need to learn is howdo you ask for help and who do
you ask for help from? So, thoseare the things that we can be
doing when we're supportingneurodivergent folks. The other
piece, I think, is again, thateducation piece. Get to know
your person. Each person withautism is different because
every human being is different.
We have different personalities,different challenges, all of
those things. If you truly loveand you're not just supporting a
(39:14):
neurodivergent person, but youlove your neurodivergent person,
get to know their specialinterests. Try to get in on it
with them. Try to find a sharedspecial interest, even better.
Get to know what our triggersare.
Get to know what our safe foodsare. That's how you buy us
presents. That's how you get inwith us. You show up to visit me
after a long day with myfavorite iced tea in a can. We
(39:35):
are besties.
I will be your best friendforever. So learn that about
this person. We're the samepeople that show up with a
pretty rock and go, Listen, Isaw this rock and I just take
it. Like, we love it. It's abeautiful rock.
That's what getting a safe foodfrom someone else feels like for
us. When someone says, Oh,that's right. Not only do you
like this, but this is your safefood. I know it's gonna make you
(39:56):
feel better. Those are thethings that make the difference
between having a caregiver andsomeone who loves you.
Gino Akbari (40:02):
That's what somebody told me when I was
raising my daughter, don'tprotect her so much as prepare
her.
Becca Lory Hector (40:08):
Yes, a 100%, because we love we'll learn. We
love to learn. We'll memorizewhat you teach us. We will use
it for the rest of our lives,but we need very direct
instruction.
Gino Akbari (40:17):
What do you think the best future for
neurodiversity inclusion in theworkplace, society, and school
is?
Becca Lory Hector (40:25):
It's bigger than just neurodiversity to
solve this problem, because wecan't solve neurodiversity
without looking at the biggerissue, which is that our entire
world has some issue withdifference. It's very deep
seated. Don't, and are living,because of that, we live through
a lot of lives. So I think ifthere's one thing that could
(40:45):
shift the way the future goesfor anybody marginalized, but
especially for disabled peoplein terms of inclusion, it's
really to understand that ourneeds are real, but they're
different. And so it's not acomparison.
We shouldn't be held to thosesame standards. That's not how
you create equity. That's howyou create equality. But it's
(41:08):
not how you create equity forpeople. We need an even playing
field.
And so we have to figure outwhat is that even playing field.
How do we create these sharedspaces and shared environments
with that equity in mind? So notsome of us can use the library.
All of us can use the library.
Paul Cruz (41:25):
If you could erase one myth or misconception about
neurodiverse people, what wouldit be and what fact would you
replace it with?
Becca Lory Hector (41:34):
There are so many because if I could replace
all the myths, a myth is a lie.And if I could replace the lies
with the truth, I would bethorough. But I think the one
that is my, close to my heartand the one that I am most
passionate about is that myththat autistic people can't be
leaders, that we can't bemanagers, that we can't handle
those roles of responsibilitywhere we are the decision
(41:56):
makers. I don't know where thatcomes from. I'm not sure what
that's about, but I feel like itcame from somebody who's never
met an autistic person because Ithink autistic people are
fantastic leaders.
We are logical thinkers. We tendto be able to separate our
emotions from a practicaldecision that we have to make
while at the same time beingincredibly empathic to the
(42:18):
people that are around us, whichis in fact a perfect combination
for leadership. And so I really,I would like to get rid of that
and let people know thatactually autistic folks are
perfectly suited to leadership.
Paul Cruz (42:31):
What is the one key takeaway you want listeners to
understand about embracingneurodivergence and living a
fulfilling life?
Becca Lory Hector (42:40):
I think I'm gonna stay where I'm at in the
thinking around difference,which I really wish that
autistic folks could reallyunderstand that what people tell
us about ourselves is not thetruth of what we are. So what we
hear a lot is comes frompeople's fear of difference. A
lot of the judgment that wehear, a lot of the stigma, the
stereotypes and bias, it allcomes from literal fear of
(43:04):
difference. People are afraid ofthat. They've been taught to be
afraid of different.
Autistic people need to learn toembrace our difference. It is
what makes us epicallysuccessful. It is what allows us
to thrive. It's what allows usto feel fully human, to
experience our full range ofemotion, to experience joy to
(43:25):
its fullest. And all of thosethings is really learning to
just embrace difference, period.
You will end up surroundingyourself with amazing people who
also embrace difference,autistic or not. Also, you stop
judging yourself so much. It'senough. The world judges us
plenty. We don't need to bejudging ourselves too.
And if we can stop judgingourselves, it's easier to kind
(43:47):
of blow off the things thatother people said because we
know inside that's not thetruth. And nobody can shake you
from your inner truth. And sothat's what I would say. It's
really a message for otherautistic folks out there. We're
just, people are going to try toshake the difference out of you,
and it is your job to hang on tothat difference as, you know,
white enough to hold on to itbecause it is the thing that
(44:10):
sets you apart from everybodyelse.
And we are all meant to bedifferent from the guy next to
us.
Paul Cruz (44:16):
Thank you for joining us for this insightful
conversation with Becca LaurieHector. From her late autism
diagnosis at age 36 to herimpactful advocacy work, Becca
has shared invaluableperspectives on neurodiversity,
inclusion, and the importance ofamplifying autistic voices. Her
(44:37):
dedication to breaking downbarriers, fostering community,
and empowering individualsthrough her self defined living
course is truly inspiring. Ifyou'd like to learn more about
Becca's work, connect with her,or explore her resources, you
can visit her website atwwwbeccalori.com You can also
(44:59):
follow her on social mediaplatforms like LinkedIn,
Instagram, and Facebook whereshe actively engages with the
neurodivergent community. Wewill provide all of them in our
showroom.
That's all for today's episodeof the Neurodiversity Voices
podcast. Thank you so much fortuning in and being part of this
important conversation. We hopeyou found today's discussion
(45:23):
insightful and inspiring.Remember, every voice matters.
And together, we can create amore
Gino Akbari (45:29):
inclusive and understanding world for
neurodivergent individuals.
Paul Cruz (45:33):
Enjoy this episode. Please leave a rating and a
review and share it with yourfriends, family or anyone who
might benefit from theseconversations. If you have any
questions, ideas or storiesyou'd like
Gino Akbari (45:47):
to share, feel free to contact us. Our website is
www.neurodiversityvoices.com.Please fill out our listeners
feedback and survey form. We'dlove to hear from you.
Paul Cruz (46:00):
Until next time, take care, stay curious, and keep
celebrating the beauty ofDiverseMind.
Hello and welcome to the Neurodiversity Voices
podcast. I'm your host, PaulCruz, and I'm thrilled to have
you join us on this journey ofexploration, advocacy, and
celebration of neurodiversity.
Gino Akbari (00:17):
I'm Gino Akbari, your volunteer co host.
Together, we'll have meaningfulconversations, share inspiring
stories, and challengemisconceptions about
neurodiversity.
Paul Cruz (00:27):
This podcast is for neurodiversity.
Gino Akbari (00:45):
We're so excited to have you with us as we celebrate
the beauty of diverse minds andwork toward a more inclusive
future.
Paul Cruz (00:52):
Sit back, relax, and let's get started. Welcome to
the Neurodiversity Voicespodcast. Welcome to today's
conversation with Becca LaurieHector, an openly autistic
professional, advocate, and aleader in the autism and
neurodiversity community.Diagnosed at the age of 36,
Becca's journey of selfdiscovery has fueled her passion
(01:15):
for advocacy, research, andsystemic change. Through her
work, she addresses thechallenges faced by individuals,
including stigma, ableism, andthe barriers to leadership
opportunities.
Becca is the creator of the SelfDefined Living Course, which
empowers autistic individuals todesign fulfilling lives tailored
(01:38):
to their unique needs andstrengths. Her groundbreaking
research on autistic quality oflife challenges traditional
neurotypical measures andhighlights the importance of
including autistic voices inshaping policies and practices.
As a consultant, Becca workswith organizations to foster
truly inclusive cultures thatembrace neurodiversity and
(02:01):
prioritize belonging. She is afirm believer in the power of
community, collaboration, andvaluing diverse perspectives to
drive societal progress. Today,we'll explore Becca's personal
journey, her insights intoadvocacy and inclusion, and her
vision for a future whereneurodivergent individuals are
(02:21):
celebrated for theirdifferently.
Let's dive into this inspiringconversation. Welcome, Becca, to
the show.
Becca Lory Hector (02:29):
Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.
Paul Cruz (02:30):
Can you share with us and our listeners your journey
of receiving your late autismdiagnosis?
Becca Lory Hector (02:37):
I was somebody who had various
unsundry challenges for most ofmy early life. I was challenged
in school. When I got out ofschool, I was challenged by
work. Somewhere about 33, I wason my fifteenth job in thirteen
years, and I'd really hadenough. And what I did was I
(02:59):
quit my last job.
I went back to the apartmentthat I grew up in, climbed into
the bed that I grew up in, andsaid, I'm not leaving my house.
I became really suicidal,homebound and isolated for the
next three years. And simply bychance, I stumbled across autism
in a journey to find out whatwas going on with my migraine
(03:21):
headaches. And I found autism,and it was like discovering the
missing link in all of thethings we'd kind of gone through
in my entire life. It madeeverything make sense.
And after that, I pursued aformal diagnosis. At the time, I
was not somebody who was verymentally well, and so I did not
trust myself enough to do selfidentification, and I sought out
(03:43):
professional confirmation. Andso that was about, yeah, that
was going on twelve years agonow.
Gino Akbari (03:49):
Thank you, Becca, for sharing that. Can you share
how your late autism diagnosisat 36 shaped how you advocate or
shaped your advocacy?
Becca Lory Hector (03:59):
Absolutely. So for me, the impact of my
diagnosis and my identificationis really the way I prefer to
say it. The impact of myidentification on my life was
almost immediate, and it wasalso like a 180. So I explain it
to a lot of people as likewalking around in the world with
one hand over one of my eyes mywhole life, and then all of a
(04:21):
sudden somebody just took thehand off my other eye, and I had
depth perception, and I hadfocus, and I had all of these
other information that I hadbeen missing out on my whole
life. And that experience wasvery personal, but it was also
very impactful in that itgenuinely saved my life.
I don't know if I would havebeen here much longer. And that
feeling of knowing that I'm andfinding out that I'm one of many
(04:44):
people that is having thisexperience really made me feel
compelled to pay it forward,compelled to go back and give
back to the organization thathelped me, to help other
autistics like myself, because Ijust can't imagine a world in
which people are living decadesof their lives without this self
awareness.
Paul Cruz (05:03):
Why is it important to keep advocating in 02/2025?
Becca Lory Hector (05:08):
I would have had a different answer for you
for this if you had asked methis in 2024. But in 2025, I
feel like, with everythingthat's going on, especially in
The United States politically,it is the most important time
for us to be advocating rightnow. It is time for our voice to
be as strong and as loud as itcan be. It is important that all
(05:30):
of our perspectives be heard andthat when the world is spewing
lies in our direction, it's notthe time to tuck our tails in
and run away and hide. It's timeto dig in, correct the
information, share more data,create more, do more.
And so that's why it's reallyimportant to keep advocating in
2020.
Gino Akbari (05:50):
How is getting a late diagnosis affected you
emotionally and socially? Is it,you find you had more
groundedness now, or would it bebetter if you had that diagnosis
in an earlier age?
Becca Lory Hector (06:03):
It's a catch-twenty two. And I say this
because my identification camein at a point in my life where
it was over for me. I was done.I was out of energy for
anything. And so, it created afork in the road for me where
suddenly I had new informationand there was the potential for
things to be different.
Up until that moment, I couldn'timagine it any other way, except
(06:26):
for this awful way. That latediagnosis for me meant a couple
of things. It meant growing up,I didn't get any of the supports
that I needed. It meant that Ireceived a lot of misinformation
about myself from the outsideworld. We didn't understand
autism, so a lot of my quirksand behaviors were criticized
and critiqued, and my naturalinstinctive way of being, I was
(06:49):
taught to hide it, and I wastaught to not show that part of
myself to people around, youknow, and not be proud of that
part of myself.
And so there's a lot of traumaattached to spending all of
those years knowing that you'redifferent, feeling like you're
the only one by yourself, andfeeling like every single person
around you is out to get you,right? That's a terrible
(07:12):
feeling. However, those of uswho got earlier diagnosis or
earlier intervention, especiallyin this kind of same time
period, were really oversupported. We really kind of did
a number on them, too. Wedecided, Oh, we kept missing
these people, so now we're goingto over support.
We're going to over support. Andwhat we didn't do for those
folks is give them the abilityto be functional adults. And so,
(07:34):
in some ways, my delayeddiagnosis meant that I had to
deal with a lot of challengesand figure out my way through
them without information andwithout support, and those
lessons are not something I'm soquick to throw away. Those
lessons were really important.They made me who I am.
But on the other side of it, Iam a much more regulated person.
(07:55):
I have the ability to say nonow. I know what I like, what I
don't like, what triggers me,what doesn't trigger me. And so
I'm a much healthier person now.And so it's kind of one of those
things.
Can, you know, this was my life.This is the way it went down.
But did it have impact on meemotionally and certainly on my
self esteem? Absolutely.
Paul Cruz (08:13):
How has attaining your late diagnosis changed how
you reflect on your childhood?Are there challenges you faced
in the past undiagnosed that youreflect on now that you have
your late diagnosis and newskills and supports to help
support you.
Becca Lory Hector (08:31):
I don't know how else to say this except to
say who I am right now is wholittle me needed desperately.
And so I've become the grownupthat I would have needed as a
kid. And that, to me, is how Ireflect back on my childhood.
Like, I have grown so much as aperson that I could now, with
confidence, not only do I trustmy future self to take care of
(08:53):
whatever comes my way in thefuture, I also know that I'm
caregiving for my inner childbecause I'm the person right now
I would have needed back thenand didn't have. My first year
out of diagnosis, though, and Ifeel like this is something that
we all tend to have in commonwhen we get a late diagnosis, I
spent a lot of time in grief anda lot of time in reflection,
(09:17):
looking back on where the autismwas all those years.
Was it me or was it the autism?Was it me or was it the autism?
Nope, I see it there. Oh, I seeit there. And kind of reliving
my memories through this newperspective, through this new
lens, to understand it all, butalso to be able to forgive
myself and give myself somegrace for all of the
difficulties that I'd kind ofhad and all of the terrible
(09:39):
adjectives that I've had thrownin my direction.
And so that's how I look at it,is that there was that first
year where I did a lot ofgrieving and a lot of growth and
a lot of forgiveness in thatfirst year, and now I go, Yeah,
now I'm the person I would haveneeded. And I have grown into
that person. And I say that withpride because it gives me the
strength and confidence to helpother autistics who aren't so
(10:00):
far along in their journey.
Gino Akbari (10:01):
Tell us a little bit about how the stigma, bias,
and ableism impact autisticindividuals in professional
settings? What can be done toaddress these issues?
Becca Lory Hector (10:11):
Well, our professional settings are rough
ones for us. Professionalsettings have their own set of
social rules that are separatefrom the social rules we live
the rest of our life by. We'renot taught them. We don't
experience them until we're wellinto adulthood. And so, as
autistic people, it hits on allthe buttons that are challenge
areas for us in employment.
(10:33):
We have struggles with executivefunction. We have struggles with
social communication. And it'snot because we're not good at
those things or that those areareas where autistics need to
improve. It's that we do thosethings differently. So, we
communicate sociallydifferently.
Our executive functioning worksa little bit differently. Our
regulation works a littledifferently. Our sensory system
(10:54):
works a little differently. Andif we have any co occurring
conditions, they also showthemselves differently. So, what
that does in the workplacesetting is it makes you stick
out.
And in the workplace setting,that's not always great. We've
built our workplaces around thisidea that a good employee is the
employee that can do the samething as the guy next to him,
(11:16):
that wearing the same clothesand the same amount of hours
during the day, we can allproduce the same amount of work.
And that's not fair. That's nothow humans work. Autistic or
not, it's not how we work.
And so, that's the beginning ofthose biases. Then, over time,
we've kind of collected thesemyths around autistic
professionals. Things like wecan't be leaders, we can't carry
(11:38):
a full workload, we areexpensive, We take up too much
time from our managers. We needspecial treatment. None of which
is true, and certainly all ofthat is never true about one
person.
But that's the bias andstereotypes that when we step
into an interview, we're alreadyfacing, because the interviewer,
chances are, already has biasgoing. And then those systems
(12:00):
that we use to get us into jobsand then function in jobs were
created with the neuro majorityin mind and not with any one
neurodivergent.
Paul Cruz (12:08):
What is your advice to others facing these negative
stigmas and bias?
Becca Lory Hector (12:14):
My biggest piece of advice is don't take it
personally. These areoverarching umbrella biases and
stigmas and all of these things.They are not about you as a
person. These are beliefs thatpeople glean from the world
around them because that's whatthe media shows them. Maybe
that's their personalexperience.
(12:35):
Maybe someone else has told thema story, and they collect these
stigma and biases in their head.Many times, it's unconscious
bias. It's bias that they're noteven aware that they carry. So,
there's really not about blameand intent in there. It's just
happening.
Doesn't make it feel any better,but it's not about you. It's not
about picking on you as a humanbeing. There's nothing wrong
(12:57):
with you. And so, that's my bigadvice, is every time you run
into it, try to remember you'rerunning into someone who has
been miseducated and orundereducated. You're not
running into somebody who'slooking necessarily to offend
you, unless it happens online inthe comments, and then it's
probably a troll.
But if it's happening to youkind of in a real social
scenario, what these moments areare a time to educate. These
(13:20):
moments are littlemicroaggressions that you can
pause, kind of think about, andthen take those moments to
reflect and reflect back withthe person who's using it. Hey,
I heard you say blah, blah,blah. What did you mean by that?
Could you explain it to me alittle bit?
And then they do, and then youget to say something like,
Thanks for sharing that with me.I appreciate knowing where you
(13:41):
came from, but here's how thatfeels on the other side. Blah,
blah, blah, blah. And our hopeis we shift up those stigmas
that they're carrying and thoseunconscious biases, and we start
to lift them through thosemicroeducation moments. However,
if you do not feel you are up tothe task and or you don't like
confrontation and or you've hada really crappy day and you just
(14:02):
don't have the energy to dealwith it, it's okay to walk away
from those people.
Just don't take it with you.That's not yours to carry.
That's their garbage.
Gino Akbari (14:09):
Amongst the ocean of things you've done, you've
also created a course to helpthe community. Could you tell us
a little bit more about, as youcall it, self defined living? Am
I correct?
Becca Lory Hector (14:20):
Absolutely. So really proud of my little
tiny course. I came into thiscommunity, as you heard, and I
really needed help rebuilding mylife. I got this new chunk of
information, and it came into mylife, and I thought, Wow, look
how many things in my life Icould be doing differently or I
could be doing better formyself. Anything from which the
first thing that I did was Istarted online grocery shopping.
(14:43):
I gave myself the reprieve ofhaving to go through the sensory
of the store, having to organizeall of those things, forgetting
something on my list, going backanother day. All of those things
were part of my norm for groceryshopping, and by giving myself
permission to order that stuffonline, and yes, it's a little
more money, but it saves me gas,which brings back some of the
(15:06):
money, and there's ways tojustify it. What it is is
saying, I need to lighten myload of the things that are
exceptionally hard for me sothat I can spend more time doing
the things I enjoy. And that'swhere I started. My problem was
I didn't have any guidance.
There was no guidance out therefrom other autistics before me
to tell me how to do lifestyledesign, essentially. How do I do
(15:29):
that through an autistic lens?So, I started looking at what
the neuro majority has to lookat, and that's personal
development or self help. Therewas lots of information out
there, but I just kept seeingthe patterns and everything
people were teaching. Coloringin the lines with different
language and telling differentstories, the main messages in
all of those books were alwaysthe same, and I thought, This is
(15:51):
what autistics need.
We need the meat. Stop giving meyour potatoes and your
vegetables and everything else.Just give me the meat. Give me
the action statement. That'swhat I, as an autistic person,
need.
So what I did was created anentire lifestyle design course,
personal development course,that's self study, virtual. Once
you get it, you have it forever.You can use it over and over
(16:12):
again. And its entire purpose isto help you incorporate the
information from your diagnosisor identification into the life
that you're living so that itbecomes a thriving, authentic
life, not a life where you'reliving you're supposed to, the
things you should be doing.
Paul Cruz (16:27):
How do the courses you created help autistic
individuals design fulfillinglives?
Becca Lory Hector (16:33):
Well, so one of the things it's a lot of
different things that happen.It's a three unit course. So the
first unit of the course isreally about stepping forward
and about saying, All right, Iam gonna commit to myself. I'm
gonna commit to make changes.I'm done with my own garbage.
It's not working, and I need todo something else different. I
(16:53):
don't like my life and I want itto look different. And there's a
lot of reasons in Unit one whereI talk about how we got there.
How did we get to this placewhere we're doing things other
people want and I'm hangingthings on the wall that I don't
like and going to dinners Idon't want to be at. How did I
get here?
And thinking about what parts ofour lives are comfortable versus
which ones are uncomfortablebecause we want to start with
(17:16):
the squeaky wheel. We want towork on the place in our lives
where we have the mostdiscomfort and try to work
ourselves out of that. So,that's what we kind of do in
Unit one. And then in Unit two,we fortify our focus, and we
really focus in on the area thatwe want to do the work, the area
in our lives that we want to dothe work, and how do we get that
focus? What kind of tools do Ineed to stay aligned, to stay on
(17:40):
track with my goals, to getwhere I wanna go, for it to all
look like that?
And then unit three is all aboutmaintenance. It's all about
managing the life that you'vebuilt. So, you create all these
things, you made all thesedecisions, you're working in
Unit two to make all thesechanges, but we need to keep
working in order to sustain itover the long time. And the
hitches, we're all alwaysevolving and changing. And so,
(18:03):
the things that we need and wantevolve and change, so do the
circumstances in our lives.
We hear about people divorced ormoving states or moving
countries. And when we do thosebig transitions, we need to
rethink all of this again. Weneed to be able to build a
lifestyle that, while solidifiedand comfortable and permanent in
all of those ways, isn't builton a cement foundation but built
(18:25):
on something that's a little bitmore mobile, like the tall
buildings they have in Japan,that can withstand the
earthquakes, because earthquakeshappen, and we have to build
that flexibility in in order forour brains to be comfortable.
And those are the things we kindof work on. There's lots of
individual tools.
I'm gonna be coming out with aseminar series on very specific
topics shortly. And I also havea bunch of downloadable one
(18:47):
pagers that you can use tosupport yourself.
Gino Akbari (18:50):
It's amazing to actually have someone do that
groundwork and sort of like aGPS for them. Obviously, it's
had quite a bit of impact on thecommunity, your course, but have
you gotten feedback from thesecourses? Has anybody told you
how it has impacted them?
Becca Lory Hector (19:09):
I have actually keep in touch with many
of my students. Some of my FIRSTstudents are still doing
amazing. I have a lot of folksover internationally that have
started their own businesses. Ihave two clients that have
decided to move. It's all aboutwhere your life needs to be
impacted.
Other things that have happened,I had, the Comic Relief Grant
(19:29):
was given to Specialist Earn inNorthern Ireland. I taught that
as a group to the people atSpecialist Earn on a grant. And
what it's really done is sort ofpushed me to do the research
that I'm doing because when Icreated this course, there was
no way You know, you want to beable to say to people, You'll
see the difference from when youstarted the course until the
(19:49):
end. You want to give them thattangible proof that it's worth
doing other than thesetestimonials, right? But there's
nothing out there that I canuse.
There's no tools out there byautistics, for autistics, to
measure our quality of life.Nothing. All we have out there
are what the neuro majorityconsiders to be categories of
(20:09):
quality of life, and they aredifferent for autistic. So I
said, I can't really say mycourse works unless I can prove
it. And so I started doing somequality of life research that
I'm working on as well.
Paul Cruz (20:21):
Did you find research difficult to find and attain, or
did you have a couple great gotos for research already?
Becca Lory Hector (20:29):
Well, as somebody without a PhD, getting
into research is incrediblydifficult. One of the ironies, I
think, about research is that itlives within academia, which is
its very own little bubble offunctioning, and academia
doesn't like to function andthink outside of the way it
functions. So, it's verydifficult to be an outsider
who's not a part of academia andwork within academia. That is
(20:52):
hard. The other part is, I don'thave a PhD, but we are
constantly being bombarded aboutcommunity engagement in our
community, right?
We're constantly meeting peopleto do the research on, to take
the surveys, to do engagement.And our academic community is
constantly saying, How? How dowe engage? How do we keep long
(21:13):
term engagement? Right?
And one of the ways is to stopgatekeeping this research
business. Because the truth isthat most of the autistic
research about autism startedout anecdotally. We have known a
lot of things in our community,anecdotally, but then the
research went out and proved.So, what we need to do is start
listening more to the anecdotal.And that's kind of the space
(21:34):
that I was coming from.
I'm a disabled person. I do nothave the privilege, financially
or otherwise, to go get afurther degree if I want to
pursue research. That's aprivilege that some folks have,
that they can do that. But whatI did was I saw an opportunity
where folks were willing to fundearly career researchers. And
even though I'm not early in mycareer, I am in my research
(21:56):
career, and not having a PhD ispart of that.
And I saw that as an opportunityto get some funding behind
quality of life research forautistic folks. And that's what
I did. I took a chance. It wasreally basically, I had a fellow
researcher say to me, Adaria,basically. Go ahead, do it.
What are they gonna do? Sell youno? Let them tell you no. And I
did. I pulled out the wholeground, and I was like, let them
do that because then I setprecedent.
(22:18):
And so that's how it began.
Gino Akbari (22:19):
That's brilliant. So during your research, was
there like an moment whereyou've had a significant finding
where it was like, this is goingto change the way I'm thinking
about this?
Becca Lory Hector (22:29):
So many. I mean, I'm truly amazed by my
community so much. My favoritemoment from this very first
phase of research is kind of aweird one, but I think my fellow
autistics will understand. Soone of the things that I was
really curious about in thisearly phase of the research was,
do how do autistics definequality of life? Like, what do
(22:51):
we think that is?
What is our definition of it?And also, kind of what has been
your experience with quality oflife kind of over the course of
your life? And there was alittle piece of me inside that
said to my team at the time, Iguarantee you we're gonna find
out that a ton of autisticpeople have never had the
(23:11):
opportunity to think aboutquality of life, that they've
never even been in survival modeso long and for their entire
life, they've never even had theprivilege to pause and say,
Wait, I don't like this. I don'twant it to be like this. This
part of my life doesn't feelgood.
And that is what we found. We'recontinuously getting, This is
(23:34):
what I think quality of lifemeans, but I've never really
experienced it, or I've neverreally had a chance to talk
about it or think about it oreven work on it in therapy. It's
not something, nothing thatanybody ever told me was
important. And that has been myfavorite takeaway and most
significant takeaway, becausewhat that does is it shows you
(23:54):
how much time and energyautistic folks are putting into
pure survival that they can'teven consider a life that they
might be thriving in. They don'teven have the energy to think
about what that might look like.
They're just trying to getthrough every day, one at a
time. And that, to me, is huge.You want to know where all of
(24:15):
our suicide numbers come from?You want to know where all of
our mental health co occurs comefrom? You want to know where all
the trauma comes from?
If you never get to think aboutyour quality of life and how to
improve it, that's never anautonomous decision for you.
That has been my favorite.
Paul Cruz (24:31):
In your own words, how does the quality of life for
an autistic individual versus aneurotypical individual compare?
Becca Lory Hector (24:40):
It's like, to me, it's comparing apples and
oranges. Literally, the neuromajority processes information
one way, and autistic peopleprocess information another way.
Our actual and real experiencesin the world are totally
different. And on top of that,autistic folks have to deal with
stigma, bias, stereotypes,ableism, all of the other things
(25:01):
that we have that are kind ofbarriers, you know, against us
having a thriving life. And so,if you think about how does the
quality of life for an autisticindividual compare, We have
totally different priorities.
Different things are importantto us in relationships, in our
jobs, how we live our lives,where we live our lives. All of
(25:21):
those things are different forus. And so, if you take us and
compare us to a person in theneuro majority and their quality
of life, it's gonna look insane.First of all, those categories
most of the time don't even makesense to us. We're looking for,
Where's nature?
Where's time with animals? Idon't understand this. We're
looking for those categories. Ican't find myself in here, first
(25:44):
of all, so we don't get a goodreading of quality of life from
what we've currently got. Butalso, we can't compare the
quality of life of somebodywho's privileged to the quality
of life to somebody who's beenmarginalized their entire lives.
They're different things, and sowe have to really be careful.
There's really no way tocompare, and yet, that's exactly
(26:04):
what we've been doing thisentire time. We've been judging
autistics by the neuromajority's standards, and we
have our own standard.
Gino Akbari (26:11):
Amongst many other things, you also help
organizations create, embrace,and prioritize creating a safe
space for all neurodiverseindividuals. Can you tell us a
little bit more about that?
Becca Lory Hector (26:24):
We talked a little bit in the beginning
about difficulties inemployment. Some of the
difficulties, some of the wayswe can lighten the load for
autistic folks out in ourworkplaces are really similar to
the things that we can do in anyof our shared spaces. So, I say
shared spaces, I mean spaceswhere everyone goes,
congregates, the bank, the gasstation, the library. That's the
(26:47):
same thing as our workplaces.Those are all shared spaces that
we should hope, as human beings,the most amount of people get
used out of and the most amountof people feel like they belong.
Those shared spaces. And yet,they weren't built with the most
amount of people in mind. Theywere built for one kind of
person in mind, for one set ofstandards, and that's what's
(27:10):
going on. So what we need to do,really, what would be great to
do, is to knock it all down andstart all over. It would be
fantastic to be able to do that,but we're not gonna be able to
do that.
So, what we need to do is startthinking about the adjustments
we can make in our policies andour systems and the way we
function as a group team,essentially, towards the same
(27:32):
cause in order for it to workfor everyone. So, of expecting
the same work from everybody, wewant everyone to be working on
the thing they're good atbecause that's how we get the
best work from everybody. Makingeveryone show up at 9AM doesn't
make for great workers,especially if someone has to
drop off their kid, or they workin the nighttime and they need
(27:53):
to start later, or whatever.They need any amount of human
flexibility in our lives. Ourworkplaces do not tolerate that.
We do not tolerate difference.We do not tolerate flexibility.
And those are the things thatneed to be built in. We are
seeing that remote work has madea huge impact and lightened the
load of a lot of people. We'veremoved transportation and
(28:13):
overhead costs of businesses andall kinds of things by doing
that.
And similarly, when we add inother flexible arrangements, we
will see that too. The truth isAI is here. It is coming for our
jobs, so we better refigure outhow we're gonna run our
businesses because we don't needsomeone to answer the phones
anymore, and that's the truth.
Paul Cruz (28:33):
Have you faced any struggles in creating inclusive
leadership, And how do you goabout breaking down those
struggles?
Becca Lory Hector (28:41):
Yes. I have faced a ton of I think I faced
only struggle trying to actuallydo this crazy thing and and
convince people that inclusiveleadership is the way to go. But
here's the thing. Again, we havethese myths that get carried
around and are allowed to livein our toxic workplaces around
(29:01):
inclusive leadership. It'sreally not that big a deal.
What we're really saying is giveall the marginalized folks a
chance to get into thatleadership pipeline. Make sure
they're having the same chancesat mentorship, at networking, or
any opportunities to move up,any opportunities for merit
(29:22):
raises, all of those things.That is what is missing for
disabled folks in general, andespecially for autistic and
neurodivergent folks. We arejust not treated as though we
deserve or have a right to moveup in our careers and make more
money and or be responsiblemanagers for other people. And
yet, if we do so undisclosed, wemove up just fine.
(29:46):
And that tells me that the biasand the stigma and the
stereotypes plays a big role inthat. The other things that play
a big role is that lack offlexibility. So, what we're
doing, again, is setting a setof standards that works great
for one kind of person aroundwhat leadership should be, when
really we should be looking forall the different ways you can
do leadership because the moreoptions we have, the better
(30:07):
we'll be successful as a group,as a society, rather than us all
doing it the same. So a lot ofthe struggles have to do with
running into people who arecarrying that unconscious bias,
who believe in the stereotypesand myths, and knowing that they
haven't had an opportunity to beeducated. And so it's my job to
(30:28):
take the brunt of those initialtrigger words and traumas and
then turn that around andeducate so that that doesn't
happen.
Gino Akbari (30:35):
You just pretty much described the autistic
glass ceiling, but have youpersonally come across barriers
that have stopped you fromtaking on leadership roles?
Becca Lory Hector (30:47):
I am somebody who I am not that young anymore,
and soon we'll be facing ageismon top of everything else, on
top of the misogyny, on top ofthe ableism, Now and I'm gonna
get to deal with that. But theautistic glass ceiling is very
real. There's some part, and wehave research showing it, that
the neuro majority genuinely,when they meet autistic people,
(31:07):
do not like autistic people.It's immediate almost because we
do things different. Wesocialize differently.
We introduce ourselvesdifferently. The whole thing. We
function differently and that,for some reason, is received
very negatively. It's processedvery negatively by the other
parties. And immediately, theytake on the biases and that
(31:29):
belief that because you'redifferent, you can't do
leadership.
You'll never be able to sit in afunding meeting and pull that
off. You'll never be able to geta proposal in on time with all
the numbers. You'll never beable to schmooze and network the
way that we need you to, soyou'll never be able to move up.
When the truth is thatautistics, anyone who's been
highly masked most of theirlives, could schmooze the crap
(31:51):
out of anybody because we'repracticed at it. And so what's
happening is people are limitingus by their beliefs of what we
can do and what we are capableof simply by giving them this
one information.
So for me, I've opted to go thiscrazy road of being openly
neurodivergent and aprofessional. It is not an
option for me to not share that.It's everywhere. If you Google
(32:14):
me, that's it. So it's not anoption for me.
And so I face it every singletime. Every time I get a new
client, I have to prove myselfto them, to show them I know how
to invoice. I have to show themthat I will collect my dues. I
have to show them that I cannegotiate and that I can meet
their needs. I have to do it allover again, every single time.
And currently, I'm in a semidecision making role, but
(32:37):
there's, you know, a part of itthat isn't really just a token
role. Is it just a way to say,Yeah, I performed a ballet ship?
Because it's not really aleadership role. And so, yeah,
I'm still running into it. Mycareer may be stalled at this
level for all I know.
I may never get beyond it. Ithink we need more real
information, real authenticinformation. Like, stop making
(33:00):
TV shows about us and makingcharacters that are all
stereotypical and that aren'teven autistic. Stop doing There
are ways that people can dothat, that we can start to make
those changes, because it'sreally The compassion comes
after the education. So thecompassion will get there if we
educate first, But the educationpart is really painful for a lot
(33:22):
of people, because dealing withan uneducated person opens up a
lot of wounds.
Oftentimes, we have to getdefensive or take the blame. And
so, there are a lot of peoplefor whom the education piece
isn't, you know, it's just notsomething that's a strength of
theirs. And that's why we alladvocate differently. People do
all different kinds of advocacy.So if that's not your strength,
again, it's not your job to takeit on for the whole community.
(33:44):
It's your job to take it on foryou, or to find someone else
that you can ask for help totake that stuff on.
Paul Cruz (33:49):
How have you been able to collaborate with other
autistic advocates andresearchers?
Becca Lory Hector (33:55):
My entire career is built on
collaboration. The autisticcommunity wouldn't be here
without collaboration. We wereseparated from each other and
isolated intentionally. Wecontinue to try to be separated
and isolated with the languagethat's coming at us today in
2025, but we refuse to beseparated. We work better
(34:15):
together.
And in fact, for many autistics,there's a preference for working
with other autistics rather thanthe neuro majority. I know many
autistic professionals will notwork with the neuro majority and
only work with other autistics.I really find that the autistic
community is collaborative as awhole. We enjoy working
together. We'd prefer to worktogether.
(34:37):
We seek each other out andreally, you know, I don't know
of any one of us, of all theadvocates I've known for a very
long time, that has ever wantedto be like the voice of the
community. That's not how wefunction. Together, we are the
voice. Everybody counts. And itreally comes from the pain of
how separated we were, howdivided the world has tried to
(34:58):
make our community by separatingus by how much autismness we
have or giving us levels ordeciding someone with profound
autism, as they're calling itthese days, is different from
someone else.
But autism is autism is autism,and I'd rather be in a room with
another autistic than in a roomwith a neuro majority. And so,
yeah, I collaborate on projects.I collaborate by reviewing their
(35:20):
documents. I collaborate bycheering them on and sharing
their stuff on social media. Icollaborate every which way.
Come in on podcasts for people.I do all kinds of stuff because
we need to be lifting each otherup. The fact is there's enough.
We've been sold a bill of goodsthat there's not enough for
everyone. It's a capitalist lie,and there is enough for
everyone, and that means there'splenty of space for us to
collaborate and work together.
Gino Akbari (35:41):
Thank you for emphasizing the importance of
that collaboration. So let meask you, what advice would you
give to someone newly diagnosedas autistic and looking to build
a fulfilling life?
Becca Lory Hector (35:53):
I would say that first year, be selfish.
That is always my first piece ofadvice. Year one is be selfish.
Chances are you've never beenselfish a day in your life.
You've probably always concernedyourself with all the other
people around you and theircomfort.
So you're gonna stop thatimmediately once we have
identification on board, andwe're gonna be selfish for a
year, and we're gonna go do adeep dive, go info dumping into
(36:17):
yourself is what we wanna do. Wewanna become our own special
interest, and go through it.Ride the emotional roller
coaster. Be angry at the adultsthat didn't care for you until
you got your diagnosis. Be sadfor little you who suffered for
such a long time.
Go through, figure out where,you know, relive those memories,
find the autism, find becauseyour early triggers are there.
(36:40):
The early things that you'velong forgotten are there,
including your joys. Your joysare all the way back there too,
before somebody told you noflappy hands and you have a
weird interest. So, they're backthere, and that's what we need
to do in that first year, is goback and reclaim. Reclaim our
memories through a differentlens and give ourselves grace.
Reclaim the things that havehappened to us and understand
them in a new way. And then,reclaim ourselves and our
(37:02):
triggers and the things that wewant out of our life. Once you
get to that space, you're readyto redesign. Once you're like,
Okay, I did the emotional work.I get it.
I'm autistic. And now I'm readyto make some changes in my life
so that it all makes sensetogether, so that I'm not doing
things that make me crazy, thatI'm not overexerting myself. And
taking the time to ask yourself,What is quality of life? What is
(37:25):
my quality of life? Do I want itto get better?
What part of my life do I hatethe most? My relationships, my
work, where I'm living, right?Figuring that stuff out is the
next phase and allowing yourselfthe freedom to think big, to
think, Well, what if? Just whatif? And think really big because
you've never most of us havenever had that privilege.
(37:45):
We're too busy trying to surviveall the time. So, one of the
things that people have to learnis that there are some of us who
will need care for the rest ofour lives. Disabled folks will
always need a support person insome way or another. But that is
our truth for our lives. Thatdoesn't make it the truth for
our siblings, for our parents,all of those things.
(38:08):
There is a time in our liveswhere those people fill that
void, but it does not have to beforever. In other words, if you
want your mom to just be yourmom, and you wanna take away her
caregiving duties and hiresomebody to do those caregiving
duties for you so mom can bejust mom and stop nagging you,
that's a fair thing to do. Also,for parents, right? Autistics
(38:31):
learn the best by doing and byseeing. So, model what you want
us to be learning.
Model it for us. If you don'twant us to need you forever,
stop teaching us to need youforever. You need to start
walking away. You need to startteaching us skills that are the
ones that we'll actually need.So, we're always gonna need
(38:51):
help.
But what we need to learn is howdo you ask for help and who do
you ask for help from? So, thoseare the things that we can be
doing when we're supportingneurodivergent folks. The other
piece, I think, is again, thateducation piece. Get to know
your person. Each person withautism is different because
every human being is different.
We have different personalities,different challenges, all of
those things. If you truly loveand you're not just supporting a
(39:14):
neurodivergent person, but youlove your neurodivergent person,
get to know their specialinterests. Try to get in on it
with them. Try to find a sharedspecial interest, even better.
Get to know what our triggersare.
Get to know what our safe foodsare. That's how you buy us
presents. That's how you get inwith us. You show up to visit me
after a long day with myfavorite iced tea in a can. We
(39:35):
are besties.
I will be your best friendforever. So learn that about
this person. We're the samepeople that show up with a
pretty rock and go, Listen, Isaw this rock and I just take
it. Like, we love it. It's abeautiful rock.
That's what getting a safe foodfrom someone else feels like for
us. When someone says, Oh,that's right. Not only do you
like this, but this is your safefood. I know it's gonna make you
(39:56):
feel better. Those are thethings that make the difference
between having a caregiver andsomeone who loves you.
Gino Akbari (40:02):
That's what somebody told me when I was
raising my daughter, don'tprotect her so much as prepare
her.
Becca Lory Hector (40:08):
Yes, a 100%, because we love we'll learn. We
love to learn. We'll memorizewhat you teach us. We will use
it for the rest of our lives,but we need very direct
instruction.
Gino Akbari (40:17):
What do you think the best future for
neurodiversity inclusion in theworkplace, society, and school
is?
Becca Lory Hector (40:25):
It's bigger than just neurodiversity to
solve this problem, because wecan't solve neurodiversity
without looking at the biggerissue, which is that our entire
world has some issue withdifference. It's very deep
seated. Don't, and are living,because of that, we live through
a lot of lives. So I think ifthere's one thing that could
(40:45):
shift the way the future goesfor anybody marginalized, but
especially for disabled peoplein terms of inclusion, it's
really to understand that ourneeds are real, but they're
different. And so it's not acomparison.
We shouldn't be held to thosesame standards. That's not how
you create equity. That's howyou create equality. But it's
(41:08):
not how you create equity forpeople. We need an even playing
field.
And so we have to figure outwhat is that even playing field.
How do we create these sharedspaces and shared environments
with that equity in mind? So notsome of us can use the library.
All of us can use the library.
Paul Cruz (41:25):
If you could erase one myth or misconception about
neurodiverse people, what wouldit be and what fact would you
replace it with?
Becca Lory Hector (41:34):
There are so many because if I could replace
all the myths, a myth is a lie.And if I could replace the lies
with the truth, I would bethorough. But I think the one
that is my, close to my heartand the one that I am most
passionate about is that myththat autistic people can't be
leaders, that we can't bemanagers, that we can't handle
those roles of responsibilitywhere we are the decision
(41:56):
makers. I don't know where thatcomes from. I'm not sure what
that's about, but I feel like itcame from somebody who's never
met an autistic person because Ithink autistic people are
fantastic leaders.
We are logical thinkers. We tendto be able to separate our
emotions from a practicaldecision that we have to make
while at the same time beingincredibly empathic to the
(42:18):
people that are around us, whichis in fact a perfect combination
for leadership. And so I really,I would like to get rid of that
and let people know thatactually autistic folks are
perfectly suited to leadership.
Paul Cruz (42:31):
What is the one key takeaway you want listeners to
understand about embracingneurodivergence and living a
fulfilling life?
Becca Lory Hector (42:40):
I think I'm gonna stay where I'm at in the
thinking around difference,which I really wish that
autistic folks could reallyunderstand that what people tell
us about ourselves is not thetruth of what we are. So what we
hear a lot is comes frompeople's fear of difference. A
lot of the judgment that wehear, a lot of the stigma, the
stereotypes and bias, it allcomes from literal fear of
(43:04):
difference. People are afraid ofthat. They've been taught to be
afraid of different.
Autistic people need to learn toembrace our difference. It is
what makes us epicallysuccessful. It is what allows us
to thrive. It's what allows usto feel fully human, to
experience our full range ofemotion, to experience joy to
(43:25):
its fullest. And all of thosethings is really learning to
just embrace difference, period.
You will end up surroundingyourself with amazing people who
also embrace difference,autistic or not. Also, you stop
judging yourself so much. It'senough. The world judges us
plenty. We don't need to bejudging ourselves too.
And if we can stop judgingourselves, it's easier to kind
(43:47):
of blow off the things thatother people said because we
know inside that's not thetruth. And nobody can shake you
from your inner truth. And sothat's what I would say. It's
really a message for otherautistic folks out there. We're
just, people are going to try toshake the difference out of you,
and it is your job to hang on tothat difference as, you know,
white enough to hold on to itbecause it is the thing that
(44:10):
sets you apart from everybodyelse.
And we are all meant to bedifferent from the guy next to
us.
Paul Cruz (44:16):
Thank you for joining us for this insightful
conversation with Becca LaurieHector. From her late autism
diagnosis at age 36 to herimpactful advocacy work, Becca
has shared invaluableperspectives on neurodiversity,
inclusion, and the importance ofamplifying autistic voices. Her
(44:37):
dedication to breaking downbarriers, fostering community,
and empowering individualsthrough her self defined living
course is truly inspiring. Ifyou'd like to learn more about
Becca's work, connect with her,or explore her resources, you
can visit her website atwwwbeccalori.com You can also
(44:59):
follow her on social mediaplatforms like LinkedIn,
Instagram, and Facebook whereshe actively engages with the
neurodivergent community. Wewill provide all of them in our
showroom.
That's all for today's episodeof the Neurodiversity Voices
podcast. Thank you so much fortuning in and being part of this
important conversation. We hopeyou found today's discussion
(45:23):
insightful and inspiring.Remember, every voice matters.
And together, we can create amore
Gino Akbari (45:29):
inclusive and understanding world for
neurodivergent individuals.
Paul Cruz (45:33):
Enjoy this episode. Please leave a rating and a
review and share it with yourfriends, family or anyone who
might benefit from theseconversations. If you have any
questions, ideas or storiesyou'd like
Gino Akbari (45:47):
to share, feel free to contact us. Our website is
www.neurodiversityvoices.com.Please fill out our listeners
feedback and survey form. We'dlove to hear from you.
Paul Cruz (46:00):
Until next time, take care, stay curious, and keep
celebrating the beauty ofDiverseMind.
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