September 20, 2024 • 16 mins
Welcome back to the Puffy Hair Podcast! In this episode, Shar tackles a heartfelt question from listener Angel, who feels self-conscious about wearing a bonnet in front of her soon-to-be husband. Shar offers practical advice and shares her own experiences to normalize the practice and boost confidence.
Shar delves into the cultural significance of bonnets in the Black community, exploring their history, purpose, and how they've been perceived over time. She touches on the controversy sparked by Monique's comments about Black women wearing bonnets in public, presenting different viewpoints and her own stance on the matter.
Join Shar as she educates, empowers, and celebrates textured hair, offering a compassionate space for listeners to share their stories and learn valuable hair care tips. Don't miss this insightful discussion on hair culture, identity, and self-love.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello again, and welcome back to the Puffy Hair Podcast.
I'm going to start off this episode with a question that I received from Angel.
In her note, Angel says to me, Hi Char, I love your show. It has helped me in so many different ways.
I'm half white, half black.
I grew up just me and my single white mom, so I didn't have the opportunity
(00:24):
to learn much about my black culture or positive hair practices. is.
Now I'm getting married to my white fiance, and he has never seen me in a bonnet.
I know that I shouldn't feel ashamed about wearing one in front of him,
but I am feeling so self-conscious and nervous about having him see me for the
(00:44):
first time in a bonnet. Please help.
Angel, thank you so much for this question and for listening to the podcast.
This is a really great question. And it's totally normal to feel this way.
When you grow up without it being normalized or even demonstrated within your
(01:04):
family, it can feel a little bit awkward to expose that side of yourself to
someone for the first time.
So my advice to you would be to educate him. Let him know why you wear it and what it's for.
And then make sure that you give him some space to ask questions and to understand as well.
This won't be the last time that you guys will have to have conversations like this.
(01:28):
There's little things here and there that I'm sure will come up throughout the relationship.
I'm pretty much in the same situation as you are, and there are things that
come up from time to time, and it did take a little while, but now my husband's
completely used to it, and I'm not self-conscious about it anymore.
In fact, my son wears a do-rag to bed
(01:50):
and my daughter wears a bonnet as well so it's
pretty normalized in our family now and so it's just not really like a thing
anymore the important thing to remember is that he loves you and he chose you
and he's gonna think you're amazing and a queen with or without the bonnet on
(02:10):
so put that bonnet on girl.
Put that bonnet on proudly and keep your hair protected so that you look cute for him in the morning.
So as black women, we often wear bonnets to protect our hair and keep our hairstyles looking tip top.
We usually wear them when sleeping or just hanging out to prevent damage to
(02:33):
our hair from friction against the bedding or furniture.
And they come in all different sizes. So if it's any.
You can have them to cover up your braids, your weaves, or if you sport a big ol' afro.
It's a necessity because our hair can just be really fragile.
It's more delicate and vulnerable to damage because of all the twists and turns
that it takes, unlike straight hair.
(02:56):
Although, I keep seeing these ads for white women's bonnets,
which just cracks me up because, of course, they're introducing them like we've never seen them before.
Or like they're invented by white folks, which has me mentally responding,
dang, we just can't have nothing.
But actually, white women used to wear bonnets too, and not that long ago.
(03:19):
I remember my cute little white granny saying that she would need to get her
rain slicker when it was raining, and she would always pair it with one of these
like plastic bonnet things that kept her hair all nice and dry.
And I'm quite certain that in the
50s, women wore bonnets all the time and scarves over top their curlers.
I'm actually really curious, why and when did women, particularly white women, stop wearing them?
(03:48):
Because they seriously make so much sense.
Like getting ready in the morning is so much easier if you wore a bonnet at night.
And if I'm remembering correctly, men used to wear them too.
Nowadays, black men wear do-rags, which is a topic I'll get back to,
but heck, even Scrooge wore a nightcap.
(04:10):
Well, actually, maybe that was because it was like really flipping cold and
they had no central heating.
But anyway, you get my drift. People used to wear them all the time to bed at
home or traveling or whatever.
And then poof, all of a sudden white people just stopped wearing them.
And I'm guessing probably because the styles changed and just didn't require bonnets anymore.
(04:33):
Like, honestly, the styles just kind of got lazy and less prim looking,
which is, I mean, I kind of appreciate that to a point,
but I think it should be noted that Black men and women didn't have that luxury
to just drop wearing because our hair has to be babied and well taken care of
to create the styles that are deemed appropriate by our white counterparts.
(04:57):
And thank goodness that that's even gotten a little bit better and more accepting
of different textured styles.
But that really is the reason why Black folks never stopped wearing them.
And I can speculate, and I'm sure you can too, as to why now bonnets are considered
trashy, and especially if you wear them out and about.
(05:20):
Like, we all just conveniently forgot that women used to wear them everywhere.
All women used to wear them everywhere. Hence, which is why I get a little salty
about these new bonnets that the mainstream is pushing.
But what happens when the pushback on this timeless black staple is coming from
(05:44):
another black woman? Hmm.
Well, stick around because you're going to find out right after this.
Hey, curl friends, are you ready to be unapologetically who you were created
to be? Welcome to the Puffy Hair Podcast.
If you've got brown skin, curls, and white parents, then you belong here.
(06:06):
Our upbringing made us kind of
weird, so we're here to talk about it and learn some cool hair tips too.
Hi, I'm Char. I'm adopted, biracial, and raised by Caucasians.
With no representation, I felt a bit insecure about my hair. So I created Puffy Hair.
With compassion and understanding, Puffy Hair educates and empowers individuals
(06:27):
and caregivers with knowledge and joins people of color in celebrating their
textured hair and culture.
Join a diverse community that elevates you and your afros.
Okay, so y'all know Monique. Honestly, I don't even know her last name because
she's just so popular that I just know her as Monique.
But in case you're not familiar, she's an American actress.
(06:50):
She does stand-up comedy and was a talk show host.
In 2009, she won an Academy Award for the Best Supporting Actress for her role in the drama Precious.
Honestly, I haven't liked her since because she played that
part so well and she was just the meanest
the meanest mama and I just haven't been
(07:11):
able to forgive her since I know I know she's like
an amazing actress but I just can't with her anymore so anyway
then in 2018 Netflix offered
her a streaming special for like an
obscene amount of money like 500,000 well it seems
obscene to me 500,000 is like a lot
of money but it had all kinds of drama attached to it
(07:33):
because she like wanted more or something so
she ended up suing for racial bias and whatnot but
sis also has some issues with oprah and like she's got a little bit of drama
to say so like she's a little bit of drama and i tell you all this because it
won't come as a surprise then when i tell you that she stirred up some people in 2021.
(07:57):
When she made a video on Insta that was basically calling out all Black women
for wearing bonnets out in public.
And it must have been a slow month in the media because it made news. It made national news.
So the story goes, she was at an airport and kept seeing all of these women,
(08:19):
these Black women, wearing bonnets and pajamas and felt some kind of way about
it, which led her to making a video that called out women to essentially just
get it together and have respect for themselves.
She was focused on telling them that they needed to look more presentable.
And it sparked so much backlash from people.
(08:42):
And it basically just started like this whole debate amongst bloggers and Americans
about whether or not folks should be wearing bonnets out in public.
Like, I'm serious, this actually made national news.
This is so awesome. So I watched and read a bunch of commentary on this issue
because obviously it piqued my interest.
(09:04):
And I'm going to tell you my opinion on it in a minute. But first,
I'll tell you what other people were saying.
So you had some people that were in agreement.
They sided with Monique and thought it was also trashy.
They felt like Black people should be representing themselves better with more pride.
And many of them said, you never know who you might run into.
(09:28):
So that was like a reason that you just should always look your best.
Then you had the practical people who were like, hey, traveling's kind of gross.
You got people coughing on you and sneezing on you and sitting in public areas and moving around.
So it was more of like defense for wearing it before people saw the necessity
(09:49):
in it to keep their hair protected.
Then the last group that you have was kind of like, whatever.
I'm completely offended. Like,
I'm gonna do me. I feel comfortable and I don't care what y'all think.
Okay, so what camp are you in?
What do you think about bonnets? Do you wear one to bed? Do you wear one out and about?
(10:14):
Can you guess which camp I'm in? If you guessed the last one, you'd be right.
I personally think that when it comes down to it, if you feel confident wearing
one out and about, then you should wear it out and about.
I personally like wearing slaps, which are satin line caps that have a lot of
(10:34):
the same benefits as a bonnet, but I like them because they look like a normal
cap, but they still protect the hair.
And then that way I don't have to deal with people's ignorance,
which includes stares and really stupid questions.
So when I'm just trying to mind my own, that's what I go to is a slap.
(10:55):
So that's where I personally stand.
But I definitely can see where people are coming from when they're just like,
you know, you should just have some pride in yourself and try to represent yourself well.
So I definitely see that point of view, but I'm kind of like.
I don't know. You just do what makes you feel good, right? So I remember one
(11:16):
time my son asked, so my son's 15.
So this was like a couple years ago and he asked me for a do-rag because I had
just cut his hair and it had gone from kind of being longer and now it was really
short and he's going to start wearing waves.
So for those of you that are unfamiliar with it, it's like a really short haircut
(11:37):
and you use one of those boar bristle brushes and you just comb the hair in
the direction that it naturally grows in and then it forms these waves.
But to achieve this look, you really need a do-rag, like you need the right
kind of product and then you have to keep it laid.
So he's going for this wave look.
And so I picked him up a do-rag and taught him how to use it, how to put it in,
(12:00):
how to secure it, how to make it not look like
he was wearing a do-rag because you know sometimes then they leave that
line like like you've been wearing it
too tight and then it leaves a line on the forehead so I was like showing
him how to do all this and so he mastered it and came out of his room and my
unknowing white husband I love him but he was immediately like you look too
(12:24):
straight and I heard it and I could just feel like my whole body gets it so hot.
It just went up my neck.
If I could see myself, I was probably super red, which is saying a lot because
I'm brown, so I have to get pretty pissed to be that shade of red.
Oh, buddy, did he get an education from me after I heard him say that?
(12:49):
Let's just say he's not going to make that mistake again, and he learned.
He learned. But this is exactly the reason why I get so irritated when people
make assumptions about particular headpieces or just any other fashion designs
that are associated with a group of people because...
(13:11):
Just like bonnets, do rags serve a purpose for Black folks? And it's to protect the hair.
And only racist people in their ignorance have made it something that it's not.
And associated necessary garments for Afro-textured people with violence and crime.
Duh. Like, that would be like me saying that Carhartts are trashy and are associated
(13:36):
with killers because the bachelor from season 19 was a farmer and was involved in a hit and run.
It sounds dumb because it is.
So anyway, overall, wearing a bonnet or do-rag is commonplace amongst Black,
and I should include Latinx men and women.
(13:57):
That's right, I don't want to forget about our puffy-haired Latin friends because
if you haven't seen Bruno Mars' Funk You Up video, you need to do that immediately,
and then just pay special attention to the scarf wrapped around his head with the hat on top.
You'll know what I'm talking about. So after the beauty salon scene, anyway, it's common.
(14:17):
It's a common way to take care of the hair and maintain desired styles.
And if you are not already wearing one, you really should because they are amazing.
And they make styling your hair are so much easier and
they keep your hair in good shape and
you can just thank me later okay so okay okay
(14:37):
that's the show for today guys and as usual I'll
be posting this episode on the Facebook page for the puffy hair community and
just feel free to reach out to me with any of your questions thoughts comments
go to thepuffyhair.com that's thepuffyhair.com I've so enjoyed sharing this
episode with you, and I really hope that you've enjoyed it too.
(15:00):
So just let me know your side. I really want to know, are you a bonnet in public person or is that a no?
Okay, loves, have a great week and we will see you next Friday.
Music.
All right, beautiful. I hope today's episode was everything you thought it would be and more.
And if it was, could you be a doll and leave me a review?
(15:22):
Also, go ahead and share this with a friend that you know really needs this
community. Remember, sharing is caring.
Also on that topic, I want you to know that I really do care about you and I
do want to connect with you.
So please reach out to me via email at puffyhaireducation.com.
I cannot wait to meet you and hear your personal stories about your puffy hair.
(15:45):
Remember, the higher the hair, the closer to God.
So wear that hair loud and proud, y'all. And I will meet you back here next
Friday for another episode of the the Puffy Hair Podcast.
Music.
Hello again, and welcome back to the Puffy Hair Podcast.
I'm going to start off this episode with a question that I received from Angel.
In her note, Angel says to me, Hi Char, I love your show. It has helped me in so many different ways.
I'm half white, half black.
I grew up just me and my single white mom, so I didn't have the opportunity
(00:24):
to learn much about my black culture or positive hair practices. is.
Now I'm getting married to my white fiance, and he has never seen me in a bonnet.
I know that I shouldn't feel ashamed about wearing one in front of him,
but I am feeling so self-conscious and nervous about having him see me for the
(00:44):
first time in a bonnet. Please help.
Angel, thank you so much for this question and for listening to the podcast.
This is a really great question. And it's totally normal to feel this way.
When you grow up without it being normalized or even demonstrated within your
(01:04):
family, it can feel a little bit awkward to expose that side of yourself to
someone for the first time.
So my advice to you would be to educate him. Let him know why you wear it and what it's for.
And then make sure that you give him some space to ask questions and to understand as well.
This won't be the last time that you guys will have to have conversations like this.
(01:28):
There's little things here and there that I'm sure will come up throughout the relationship.
I'm pretty much in the same situation as you are, and there are things that
come up from time to time, and it did take a little while, but now my husband's
completely used to it, and I'm not self-conscious about it anymore.
In fact, my son wears a do-rag to bed
(01:50):
and my daughter wears a bonnet as well so it's
pretty normalized in our family now and so it's just not really like a thing
anymore the important thing to remember is that he loves you and he chose you
and he's gonna think you're amazing and a queen with or without the bonnet on
(02:10):
so put that bonnet on girl.
Put that bonnet on proudly and keep your hair protected so that you look cute for him in the morning.
So as black women, we often wear bonnets to protect our hair and keep our hairstyles looking tip top.
We usually wear them when sleeping or just hanging out to prevent damage to
(02:33):
our hair from friction against the bedding or furniture.
And they come in all different sizes. So if it's any.
You can have them to cover up your braids, your weaves, or if you sport a big ol' afro.
It's a necessity because our hair can just be really fragile.
It's more delicate and vulnerable to damage because of all the twists and turns
that it takes, unlike straight hair.
(02:56):
Although, I keep seeing these ads for white women's bonnets,
which just cracks me up because, of course, they're introducing them like we've never seen them before.
Or like they're invented by white folks, which has me mentally responding,
dang, we just can't have nothing.
But actually, white women used to wear bonnets too, and not that long ago.
(03:19):
I remember my cute little white granny saying that she would need to get her
rain slicker when it was raining, and she would always pair it with one of these
like plastic bonnet things that kept her hair all nice and dry.
And I'm quite certain that in the
50s, women wore bonnets all the time and scarves over top their curlers.
I'm actually really curious, why and when did women, particularly white women, stop wearing them?
(03:48):
Because they seriously make so much sense.
Like getting ready in the morning is so much easier if you wore a bonnet at night.
And if I'm remembering correctly, men used to wear them too.
Nowadays, black men wear do-rags, which is a topic I'll get back to,
but heck, even Scrooge wore a nightcap.
(04:10):
Well, actually, maybe that was because it was like really flipping cold and
they had no central heating.
But anyway, you get my drift. People used to wear them all the time to bed at
home or traveling or whatever.
And then poof, all of a sudden white people just stopped wearing them.
And I'm guessing probably because the styles changed and just didn't require bonnets anymore.
(04:33):
Like, honestly, the styles just kind of got lazy and less prim looking,
which is, I mean, I kind of appreciate that to a point,
but I think it should be noted that Black men and women didn't have that luxury
to just drop wearing because our hair has to be babied and well taken care of
to create the styles that are deemed appropriate by our white counterparts.
(04:57):
And thank goodness that that's even gotten a little bit better and more accepting
of different textured styles.
But that really is the reason why Black folks never stopped wearing them.
And I can speculate, and I'm sure you can too, as to why now bonnets are considered
trashy, and especially if you wear them out and about.
(05:20):
Like, we all just conveniently forgot that women used to wear them everywhere.
All women used to wear them everywhere. Hence, which is why I get a little salty
about these new bonnets that the mainstream is pushing.
But what happens when the pushback on this timeless black staple is coming from
(05:44):
another black woman? Hmm.
Well, stick around because you're going to find out right after this.
Hey, curl friends, are you ready to be unapologetically who you were created
to be? Welcome to the Puffy Hair Podcast.
If you've got brown skin, curls, and white parents, then you belong here.
(06:06):
Our upbringing made us kind of
weird, so we're here to talk about it and learn some cool hair tips too.
Hi, I'm Char. I'm adopted, biracial, and raised by Caucasians.
With no representation, I felt a bit insecure about my hair. So I created Puffy Hair.
With compassion and understanding, Puffy Hair educates and empowers individuals
(06:27):
and caregivers with knowledge and joins people of color in celebrating their
textured hair and culture.
Join a diverse community that elevates you and your afros.
Okay, so y'all know Monique. Honestly, I don't even know her last name because
she's just so popular that I just know her as Monique.
But in case you're not familiar, she's an American actress.
(06:50):
She does stand-up comedy and was a talk show host.
In 2009, she won an Academy Award for the Best Supporting Actress for her role in the drama Precious.
Honestly, I haven't liked her since because she played that
part so well and she was just the meanest
the meanest mama and I just haven't been
(07:11):
able to forgive her since I know I know she's like
an amazing actress but I just can't with her anymore so anyway
then in 2018 Netflix offered
her a streaming special for like an
obscene amount of money like 500,000 well it seems
obscene to me 500,000 is like a lot
of money but it had all kinds of drama attached to it
(07:33):
because she like wanted more or something so
she ended up suing for racial bias and whatnot but
sis also has some issues with oprah and like she's got a little bit of drama
to say so like she's a little bit of drama and i tell you all this because it
won't come as a surprise then when i tell you that she stirred up some people in 2021.
(07:57):
When she made a video on Insta that was basically calling out all Black women
for wearing bonnets out in public.
And it must have been a slow month in the media because it made news. It made national news.
So the story goes, she was at an airport and kept seeing all of these women,
(08:19):
these Black women, wearing bonnets and pajamas and felt some kind of way about
it, which led her to making a video that called out women to essentially just
get it together and have respect for themselves.
She was focused on telling them that they needed to look more presentable.
And it sparked so much backlash from people.
(08:42):
And it basically just started like this whole debate amongst bloggers and Americans
about whether or not folks should be wearing bonnets out in public.
Like, I'm serious, this actually made national news.
This is so awesome. So I watched and read a bunch of commentary on this issue
because obviously it piqued my interest.
(09:04):
And I'm going to tell you my opinion on it in a minute. But first,
I'll tell you what other people were saying.
So you had some people that were in agreement.
They sided with Monique and thought it was also trashy.
They felt like Black people should be representing themselves better with more pride.
And many of them said, you never know who you might run into.
(09:28):
So that was like a reason that you just should always look your best.
Then you had the practical people who were like, hey, traveling's kind of gross.
You got people coughing on you and sneezing on you and sitting in public areas and moving around.
So it was more of like defense for wearing it before people saw the necessity
(09:49):
in it to keep their hair protected.
Then the last group that you have was kind of like, whatever.
I'm completely offended. Like,
I'm gonna do me. I feel comfortable and I don't care what y'all think.
Okay, so what camp are you in?
What do you think about bonnets? Do you wear one to bed? Do you wear one out and about?
(10:14):
Can you guess which camp I'm in? If you guessed the last one, you'd be right.
I personally think that when it comes down to it, if you feel confident wearing
one out and about, then you should wear it out and about.
I personally like wearing slaps, which are satin line caps that have a lot of
(10:34):
the same benefits as a bonnet, but I like them because they look like a normal
cap, but they still protect the hair.
And then that way I don't have to deal with people's ignorance,
which includes stares and really stupid questions.
So when I'm just trying to mind my own, that's what I go to is a slap.
(10:55):
So that's where I personally stand.
But I definitely can see where people are coming from when they're just like,
you know, you should just have some pride in yourself and try to represent yourself well.
So I definitely see that point of view, but I'm kind of like.
I don't know. You just do what makes you feel good, right? So I remember one
(11:16):
time my son asked, so my son's 15.
So this was like a couple years ago and he asked me for a do-rag because I had
just cut his hair and it had gone from kind of being longer and now it was really
short and he's going to start wearing waves.
So for those of you that are unfamiliar with it, it's like a really short haircut
(11:37):
and you use one of those boar bristle brushes and you just comb the hair in
the direction that it naturally grows in and then it forms these waves.
But to achieve this look, you really need a do-rag, like you need the right
kind of product and then you have to keep it laid.
So he's going for this wave look.
And so I picked him up a do-rag and taught him how to use it, how to put it in,
(12:00):
how to secure it, how to make it not look like
he was wearing a do-rag because you know sometimes then they leave that
line like like you've been wearing it
too tight and then it leaves a line on the forehead so I was like showing
him how to do all this and so he mastered it and came out of his room and my
unknowing white husband I love him but he was immediately like you look too
(12:24):
straight and I heard it and I could just feel like my whole body gets it so hot.
It just went up my neck.
If I could see myself, I was probably super red, which is saying a lot because
I'm brown, so I have to get pretty pissed to be that shade of red.
Oh, buddy, did he get an education from me after I heard him say that?
(12:49):
Let's just say he's not going to make that mistake again, and he learned.
He learned. But this is exactly the reason why I get so irritated when people
make assumptions about particular headpieces or just any other fashion designs
that are associated with a group of people because...
(13:11):
Just like bonnets, do rags serve a purpose for Black folks? And it's to protect the hair.
And only racist people in their ignorance have made it something that it's not.
And associated necessary garments for Afro-textured people with violence and crime.
Duh. Like, that would be like me saying that Carhartts are trashy and are associated
(13:36):
with killers because the bachelor from season 19 was a farmer and was involved in a hit and run.
It sounds dumb because it is.
So anyway, overall, wearing a bonnet or do-rag is commonplace amongst Black,
and I should include Latinx men and women.
(13:57):
That's right, I don't want to forget about our puffy-haired Latin friends because
if you haven't seen Bruno Mars' Funk You Up video, you need to do that immediately,
and then just pay special attention to the scarf wrapped around his head with the hat on top.
You'll know what I'm talking about. So after the beauty salon scene, anyway, it's common.
(14:17):
It's a common way to take care of the hair and maintain desired styles.
And if you are not already wearing one, you really should because they are amazing.
And they make styling your hair are so much easier and
they keep your hair in good shape and
you can just thank me later okay so okay okay
(14:37):
that's the show for today guys and as usual I'll
be posting this episode on the Facebook page for the puffy hair community and
just feel free to reach out to me with any of your questions thoughts comments
go to thepuffyhair.com that's thepuffyhair.com I've so enjoyed sharing this
episode with you, and I really hope that you've enjoyed it too.
(15:00):
So just let me know your side. I really want to know, are you a bonnet in public person or is that a no?
Okay, loves, have a great week and we will see you next Friday.
Music.
All right, beautiful. I hope today's episode was everything you thought it would be and more.
And if it was, could you be a doll and leave me a review?
(15:22):
Also, go ahead and share this with a friend that you know really needs this
community. Remember, sharing is caring.
Also on that topic, I want you to know that I really do care about you and I
do want to connect with you.
So please reach out to me via email at puffyhaireducation.com.
I cannot wait to meet you and hear your personal stories about your puffy hair.
(15:45):
Remember, the higher the hair, the closer to God.
So wear that hair loud and proud, y'all. And I will meet you back here next
Friday for another episode of the the Puffy Hair Podcast.
Music.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.