Raw SOS Podcast: Episode 4 - Father's Day, Sydney's Swingers! - The Raw SOS Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Music.

(00:18):
Here we are. Welcome back to another episode of the Raw SOS Podcast.
We are the Raw Sos. I'm Wes and this is Adam. What do we have on today's show, Adam?
Today on episode four, we have the Father's Day special, the complaints department,
chuck it in the bucket bucket and a look into Sydney's elite swingers club.

(00:40):
We also have what body part would you give to your brother and our normal internet funny segment.
Plus much more, so stick around for another wild ride with the Rossos! Woo!
Music.
Hey, Adam, what's that? That looks like Toddy from HGL Excavations.

(01:04):
Is that Toddy from HGL Excavations, Hawkesbury's local mini excavation services?
I think it is. Does he do land clearing, general excavation work,
rock wall construction and does he also have 32 years experience certainly does
he's got a post hole digger and a rock breaker plus a hydraulic thumb that can
pick anything from anywhere,
wow this guy's awesome how long say what'd you say how many years

(01:26):
experience does he have 32 years mate he was born with the controls in his hand
so he can't get any more experience than that i think he's only 33 yeah he was
playing with these tonka trucks at first yeah that's it so So if you need any
mini excavation services or any, I think you can get a bigger machine if you had to,
but give him a ring on 0-4-2-8-9-9-5-4-7-1.

(01:49):
That's 0-4-2-8-9-9-5-4-7-1. And tell him. The Rosso Censure. Yeah.
Man, I swear that fucking lava lamp from Kmart is doing some weird shit today.

(02:10):
It's got a bit of attitude, I think.
Look at it. What is it? What is it? It looks like a fucking half a mermaid with a, I don't know.
Yeah. With hemorrhoids. Yeah, it's got something hanging out.
Anyway, I've got the first drink today. This is called Finger in Her Butthole.
Oh, fuck. So we've gone away from the Baileys because it's way too hard on the

(02:34):
Monday because we're doing this Sunday.
It's way too hard with the Baileys, and I think the Baileys has given us a little
bit of – I'll tell you what makes my guts fuck the next day.
Yeah, 100%. So this one's just a little bit of a cocktail I mixed up earlier.
Oh, hold on. You idiot. You didn't shake it. I didn't shake it before I poured
it. Now pass me a glass here, mate.
So this is like what's in this one Wes yeah,

(02:57):
Fucking Galliano liqueur and fucking vodka and a bit of orange juice.
Some people call it the Harvey Warbanger.
But this is good because it's got a bit of vitamin C, so it might make us feel a bit better tomorrow.
Yeah, that's it. I'm looking after our future self right here.
Oh, fuck, that's good. Is it? Oh, yeah, that's good.

(03:19):
Oh, it's refreshing. Yeah. And today we are dressed by our good mates at Lowe's.
I'm in my cocktail outfit, my best cocktail. You told me it was a cocktail party
today, so that's why I've come dressed. Yeah, well, there we go.
We've got our pajamas on. It's good.
Cheers. Cheers, mate. Episode four. Episode four. Let's go down the hatch.

(03:42):
Oh, yeah, it's nice. At least it's not creamy like those last ones that you've got.
Yeah, and it's not quite as chunky as that last one we had.
I've got a question for the people listening to us or following us on Facebook.
Book, throw us your favorite cocktails down so we can try and make them. We'll make them.
We'll feature them. Yeah, I've got plenty of mixes up there,
plenty of spirits there to get into the cocktail work.

(04:04):
So if you want to recommend a drink for next week, let us know in our socials,
Rosso's Podcast, Facebook, and Instagram.
Anyway, so we're going to move into our first segment of the day.
Have you got a transition there, Wes? I do.
Oh, fuck. He's got to get these fucking transitions right, eh? Oh, no. No.

(04:26):
Have a drink. It's a fart button. We made the rules up last week.
Have you got a longer fart? Remember we actually downloaded a longer fart than
that? Yeah, but it had some weird voice in it.
Anyway, on the complaints department, let's go...
He's still trying here. Complaints department, here we go. Yeah.

(04:49):
Now, because we are very new to this and last week was our first episode with
a sponsor, right, I actually fucked up the sponsor's name.
So I promised to HGL Escavations, we have got the name right.
We've already pre-recorded it and we've done it 50 times. So I promise,
Toddy, we'll have your name right this time. So that one's a freebie.

(05:12):
Next time. Good work, Wes. Yeah, fucked it up. So that's my dyslexia kicking in.
But I was like you saying that chat GTP was pronounced wrong. Yeah, GTP, baby.
Yeah, anyway, the other complaints we had is my editing was a bit rough,
but that's hungover editing and I was on a rush.
So we're looking at other avenues to speed up the editing, but maybe not speed

(05:39):
the editing up, just not rush it too much so we can.
Maybe start recording earlier so we have some time on Sunday to edit and then Monday to edit.
And then if we can't get it out Monday afternoon, relax, it'll be out Tuesday.
Yeah, so just stick around for it. We're just, yeah, we're only,
what was that, our third episode?
So there's a lot of teething issues that we've got to. There's a clunky,

(06:00):
a couple of little clunky parts in there, but we had two and a half hours worth
of shit that we recorded and we cut it down to an hour and, what,
five minutes or something. Yeah, it was just too much for...
It was too much for our lawyer to decipher.
Yeah, so the last one was pretty funny, though. We did touch on,
like, the guy that had a thousand kids.

(06:21):
A thousand kids and the seahorse. Yeah, Wes loved that seahorse,
the male seahorse. Oh, yeah, yeah.
We're still yet to redo that video with my commentary over it.
We could do that one day and put it on the socials, but...
Anyway, happy Father's Day out there. We are recording Sunday, Father's Day.
Yeah, happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. Yeah, you're legends. All the good dads, mate.

(06:43):
You know, just keep on going, keep on going.
Those kids love you. All the single dads out there that look after their kids
and the mother's not around for some other reason, keep on trucking,
boys. You're doing a good job.
And to all the dads that didn't get to see their kids on Father's Day today, shout out to you, mate.
They'd still love you. Kids still love you. They need you. You should get there, right?

(07:06):
Yeah, definitely. Cheers, boys. Cheers, fellas. Cheers to them.
So, on that note, we are going to ring our dad and we're going to do yes,
we're going to do it. It's fucking cheesy, but we're going to do it.
Dad jokes with our dad. Bring it on.
Hold on. Before we do that, we're going to hit a transition. Shit. Do that.

(07:29):
Alright, so I've just looked up a a few dad jokes here.
I don't know what they, I haven't even read them, so I'll just see what,
I'll start reading a few out here.
I was making a joke about retirement. It did not work.
The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it,

(07:51):
all the pages were blank.
I have no word to describe how angry I am.
Okay, one more. One more. Please, only one more. Did you hear about the two
sardines that went backpacking around Australia? They ended up in cans.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went and then it dawned on me.

(08:17):
All right. So that's a good start to you. Yeah, that's fucked.
Dad jokes are the best. But anyway, we're going to give our dad a call on air. I'll kill him up, Adam.
Music.

(08:38):
And we have our dad on the line. Happy Father's Day, Dad. Happy Father's Day. Father's Day.
Father's Day. Happy Father's Day, old man. How are you going?
Happy Father's Day to you, too. Yeah, thanks, mate. Thanks, mate.
We rang you up just to wish you Happy Father's Day. You're live on the podcast, by the way.
Well, it's not live. It's pre-recorded. So if you say fuck too many times,

(08:59):
you will get in trouble from your ex-wife. But anyway.
Fuck.
Anyway, so have you got any dad jokes for us? I've got one, sold.
Go for it. It's a dirty one. That's what that'll do. Yeah, bug fell in the mud.
Mm-hmm. You want a clean one? Yeah.

(09:23):
He washed himself. Oh, Dave. Oh, hold on.
Crowd goes wild. Have you got any better ones than that? Come on.
Think about it. Oh, yeah, okay.
Tell me one, and I'll probably click in and tell you one. What about diesel
fitter? No, we haven't got enough room in the memory card for that one.

(09:44):
Tell us the balls, balls, better ball bearings.
Balls, balls, better ball bearings. I can't remember that one yet.
Is that a segment that's going down the Google? What was the punchline?
You can't tell the punchline first. Okay.
Anyway. And so what have you been up to today? Have you got time for a lank break? Oh, yeah, okay.

(10:13):
So what have you been up to today? Well, not a lot. Went over to the shopping
centre and then went to Karen's place and then we're home.
All right. Sounds like lots of
fun. Did take the old surfboard down to the beach and have a surf on it.
You did? The wind blew me back home. Oh, really? Is that windy down there,

(10:33):
is it? When the end here was, it's settled down a bit now.
All right. How about I tell you some fucking dad jokes then?
Well, tell me one. Tell me a good fucking dad joke. My dad quit his job to pursue in archaeology.
His career is now in ruins.
I'm part of it.
This is for you, Dad, because you keep forgetting it. Where do dads keep their jokes? In the database.

(11:00):
In the what? The database. debate.
This segment's going down the gurgler you got
any other fucking funny stories for us funny story yeah have you heard about
the magpie we have heard about the magpie yeah what the is that wacko spring
is around spring is sprung today mate so tell us about the magpie jacko wacko

(11:25):
jacko yeah okay jacko you want to start from the beginning yeah yeah why not
yeah don't and start at the end.
Yeah, well, we used to go across the showground from Mom and Dad's house and
Jeffrey used to come up from where he lived down at Grandmother's place on Curtis Street.
We spent a lot of time in that showground. And every spring we had this one magpie.

(11:49):
It would nest there. Well, there must have been two if they nested.
And they nested in the tree, the pine trees there.
Anyway when they start they let us know where the nest was by swerving us.
And anyway we Geoffrey Geoffrey climbs out on the branch where the nest was,

(12:12):
and next minute he said to me grab a pinecone he said that magpie lands in front
of me throw the pinecone at it so I grabbed the pinecone the magpie landed right
in front of him and he was heading towards it.
Geoffrey's sliding out towards the end of the branch and the magpies in between him and the nest.

(12:34):
And then he said, throw that bloody pinecone at him. I threw the pinecone at Geoffrey.
He grabbed the pinecone off the tree and hit me.
So anyway, he finally got out there and got two little magpies out.
We took them down to grandparents' place and his place and grandmother's place and that.

(12:58):
And they reared them. One of them didn't make it, but Jacko did.
Jacko used to bark at the cows and the kids and the dogs and all that sort of thing.
Anyway, there was one time he was in the kitchen, the grandmother's place there,
and the dog Bubbles, it was a big, fat cockspaniel.

(13:23):
She was laying there and the cat was sucking on her burb and the magpie was
pulling the burbs out of her fur.
There was a picture I don't know what happened to it but anyway the magpie hung
around down there and then it decided to go and get a go and mate,

(13:47):
and he flew out to the other place outside the Timberville,
anyway all the kids that go there is fucking magpie and attacker anyway.
This particular day I'm helping dad and Neville,
with some wood up underneath the pine trees. Anyway, I could hear this bloody

(14:12):
wacko jacker coming across bloody, coming across the paddock.
I could see him coming from a mile.
Anyway, I looked down at my feet and I found this iron bar and I picked it up.
And he's coming at 100 mile an hour.
And he didn't see any iron bar and I fucking killed him. Oh,
that's fucked. Didn't he fly into it?

(14:33):
He flew into it, yeah. You were holding up the protector and it just went whack into it.
But before that, he went missing from the other, from Paris Place.
And I was walking out there along the train line and, anyway,
here's a bloody magpie on the fence going, wacko, jacko. Wacko, jacko.

(14:54):
I walked up to him. I walked up to him. I said, what are you doing out here,
jacko? And he fucking jumped on me and tripped on the train line.
And here he is picking the shit out of me.
He's a bit of a notorious bird. I've got revenge. I'll kill him.
Oh, fucking hell. You didn't mean to kill him. He fucking ran into the iron bar.

(15:15):
Just like, yeah, sometimes I've been swept by maggies.
I hold sticks up in the air above my head just to try and ward them off.
So it's kind of something similar to what you've done by the sounds of it.
Yeah, well, he was coming too fast. He couldn't see.
The wine bar. I'll tell you, like, I live in the mountains.

(15:35):
He fell down at me feet after he hit the wine bar and all he's done he looks
straight up and, oh my God, Jack, I'm just not there.
I've got magpie, we've got heaps of them at home and they're like,
as long as you give it like friendly to them, give them some,
like we give them a few peanuts and some water and they're fine.
Don't trust them. No, but they have them.

(15:56):
As I said, I think I've said it before, those ones won't attack you because
you've been feeding them.
Yeah. But when you walk down the road, they're not going to go to their other
mate and go, go, go, go, go, don't touch him.
The guy with the dreadlocks, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
He's not going to say that. They're going to fucking fuck you up.
So you can trust that one outside your house because that's where he lives.
He goes, oh, yeah, I'm going to get some fucking peanuts tonight.

(16:18):
But the one down the road, gobble, gobble, gobble down the fucking road.
He's not giving you shit. He's going to attack the fucking peck of eyeballs out.
We're definitely going into magpie season now.
Spring has officially sprung today.
And it's fucking hot as fuck in the shed here. Yeah, so it's going to be fun
when we do a 50-degree summer day in this shed. We will not be recording in

(16:40):
summer in this shed. I can do that much.
We'll just move everyone out of the house for a week.
That would be a good way to get a shitload of podcasts done,
you know. Oh, yeah. Imagine after five days straight.
We'd have to go to Rio. So how do you feel you created this bloody pair of lunatics?

(17:02):
Yeah, all right. No comment. No comment.
No comment, no comment. Yeah, Dad. You can't fix up all mistakes.
But you can fucking learn from them. What was your old saying?

(17:23):
You used to say the best part of me ran down your leg.
Sick of Rex,
Oh that's funny That's funny Nah he's a proud dad How could you not be That
was That was one of my Spadins that sang,

(17:48):
We don't have to drop names here Yeah don't drop names dad You know I can get a lawsuit on us,
We're not going to get fucking blood out of a stone from the old man.
I was like, go and see your dad, W. Rawson.
Let's talk about concrete and days, all right? Remember when you get up early

(18:09):
as fuck, go into the concrete, and we're having long necks by 10 a.m. in the morning.
It's a rite of passage. How do you survive? How else would you survive?
Water. You didn't have a long neck.
Fucking water.

(18:30):
He's like ah I'm thirsty give me a long neck I remember I do remember when I
was on a job with you once and it was that time it was like the concrete was
in and was smoothing out so alright someone's got to go get some long necks,
And I just cracked mine. It was a stinking hot day. It was 40 degrees and we were in Castle Hill.
And so we went straight up. Someone went up to the bottle shop.

(18:51):
Everyone got a long neck each.
I cracked mine, sat it down, and I was edging. Next thing you know,
one of the other laborers came over and just sculled my whole long neck in one
ear. Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
Don't say any names. Glug, glug, glug, glug. And I went back over to my long
neck and went, where's my fucking beer gone?
It was completely gone. And then he's just like, ha, ha, ha.
And I fucking threw the bottle at him.

(19:14):
Yeah. Fuck you. You should have made sure you hit him. Yeah, yeah.
And then there was another time where I splashed and I was washing out the wheelbarrow
and I splashed a bit of concrete slurry onto his car.
It was an old shitbox Nissan Navara. It was like a fucking piece of shit.
And he's like, don't you do that. And then he's come and run over to me and
he's like, oh, if I were your dad, I'd just tear your ass.

(19:36):
And I just picked up the fucking shovel and I said, take one more step, mate.
I was going to knock you on the head, man. Man, I swear I was that little cranky
little 14-year-old. Don't fucking come any closer, mate.
Because I splashed a little bit of slurry. And then we had to line up.
Remember that in the way I am. We had to line up in the car wash for an hour.
It was like 15 cars lined up because he's like, nah, it's going to ruin my paint.

(19:58):
It's a 20-year-old car, mate. The paint's fucked already.
I remember, Dad, you told me once when I was like, because I used to come on
the concrete. Come on, it didn't sound good.
Come on the concrete. No, as it comes to the concrete jobs with you,
you take me to work and I was about three years old and you'd just done a job
of an aggregate or something and- No, I wasn't.

(20:21):
No, I wasn't. You said I pissed in it. I pissed in it or something.
Yeah, it was, me and Des were working together and we were doing the,
it was Mission Trek, something here on Carrillo Avenue where they,
you need to pay them out of there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, he was there.
I had the concrete in and screwed it all down and ready and just sort of putting

(20:44):
the finished touches on it sort of thing.
Next moment, here's Adam and his old fella out pissing on it.
I was like, yeah, mate, I'm a concreter now. I got to tell the story about our old mate Tony.
Bless him, he's not with us anymore. But when you were digging,
dug the pee holes and you had to, he was busting it to a shit. Yeah.

(21:06):
That was how they were playing for Dr. Chowdhury. Dr. Chowdhury.
Hello, can you check out my chowdhury?
Anyway, what happened was I was in a partnership with, what was his name? Doesn't matter.
Yeah, partnership with Dickie. Yeah, move on. Don't worry about that. You know, Steve.

(21:27):
Anyway. I am dropping. I said, we've got a few things, a few errands to do.
We'll drop you off here. and when you're finished, just run the pin in the house, right?
And when you dig it down, it's got to go down a certain distance.
And anyway, me and Steve went to the police squad and we won 1,500 bucks.

(21:52):
That's your day's work done. It's time to go home. Oh, shit,
we've got to go back to work now.
Anyway, it was a reasonably hot day. And so we grabbed a couple of bottles of
beer for the boys. There was a couple of boys there that, Tony and his other
bloke that, he's from Mount Druitt, he's a real roguey.

(22:12):
The house husband from Mount Druitt.
So anyway, when we got back, we rung the inspector up to come and check the holes out.
So when we got back, this bloke from Mount Druitt came over and the inspector says, It is.

(22:33):
Poking the hole with a stick. These blokes said to him, Tony had a shit in that
fucking hole over there.
So he did. He was busted for a shit and he went and shit in the pee hole. Yeah, he did, yeah.
Tony had a shit in that fucking hole there. We were holding our fucking breath. Oh.

(23:01):
The inspector must have been holding his breath from fucking Tony's shit.
That's fucked. Hold on, he's not finished yet. What did you say to Tony,
though, when you got back, when you found out that?
When I was telling him, I said, you've got to go and clean that hole up.

(23:21):
He's told him he's got to go and pull the shit out of the hole.
Oh, no. It's a fucking meter deep.
He's going to get down there and take the shit out.
That's fast. It's a meter deep, yeah. Oh, jeez.
And he went to go and do it, didn't he? And you said, dad. Yeah.
What about, there was another funny one that you went to use a portaloo and

(23:45):
someone picked up the portaloo on the bobcat.
They raised you up in the air when you're having a shit. Yeah.
That was, I remember it was like, But then there was another one,
didn't you drop like a, someone dropped a wheelbarrow of concrete in the fucking swimming pool?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's plenty of horror stories.

(24:09):
Oh, fuck. Explosive aggregate in the pool was just filled up.
It was a fiberglass pool.
It was over near Jemison. and anyway, fiberglass pool and Dial,
remember Dial? Yeah, yeah. Julian Dial?

(24:29):
Yeah. Yeah, Dial's person is back in Wilbur next minute.
He sort of got the wobbles up and all down.
He couldn't stop it. It went over and straight into the pool.
Full barrel full of concrete. How did they clean the fucking pool out?
It wasn't fucking funny. It was exposed to aggregate too. Oh,

(24:52):
shit, full of rocks. A nightmare.
Yeah, and anyway, there's like a big cloud of cement going through it.
So they had to drain the pool? No, what happened... And what we'd done.
Ordered another 15 trucks of concrete, just filled the pool up.
Fuck it. You've got a bigger backyard now. No, what happened was we got in the

(25:19):
pool and got all the rocks out.
We didn't get the cement out of it. There was a big cloud in there.
So I went and turned the bloody filter on.
Fuck the filter. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
It was a fairly big filter too, so anyway, we didn't say anything.

(25:42):
Well, if you're listening now, like, I'm just looking up ASW concrete.
They probably fucking need a new filter by now. It's two days old.
Actually, I wasn't ASW concrete then either. What were you called?
Chuck it in the fucking bucket concrete. Roger Roughcut. Hey,
Roger, rough cut fucking concreting.

(26:05):
Poolfillers.com.
Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Fuck that concreting for a joke. Let's go to concretehub.com.
You should have stayed on the rail, Dad.
Should have done the railway. You got some funny stories from when you work
on the railway when you were, what, 15 years old? Yeah. Yeah.

(26:29):
There's another bloke, Errol Bennett, who's roughly the same age as me.
I think mine would be a bit older.
He lived in Woodstock, come from Woodstock. In America? Anyway, no.
It's down the other side of Blaney, between Carrow and Blaney.
Oh, right, yeah. A little place called Woodstock.

(26:50):
Way Angle Dam. Oh, yeah, I've been out there, yeah.
A little suburb out near Way Angle Dam. Anyway, I guess they'd get the mail
train coming in at night time,
and they'd be throwing these boxes out and one of these boxes split open and

(27:11):
it's full of fucking chocolates. Yeah, right.
So anyway, I was told to just grab some tape and put it around the box.
So anyway, we'd done that. We left a little hole in the box.
So put your hands through and pull the fucking chocolates out.

(27:31):
Anyway, Errol said to me, I'll keep a lookout if you go and grab a couple of
chocolates out of that box for the night time, you know.
I said, all right. He said, you make sure you keep a lookout.
He's walking around going, lookout, lookout. Lookout. Lookout.
Oh, that's funny. Adam just ducked off for a piss in that story.

(27:52):
He's about to piss himself.
Because we just had a drink called Finger in the Butthole.
Finger in the Butthole. Yeah, that's what it's called. Used to be known.
You might remember it as a Harvey Warbanger.
Yeah. Vodka and orange juice with a bit of Galliano fucking thing.
But might have to have another one of them soon.

(28:13):
But Adam's decided to kindly fucking rejoin this podcast.
That's good of him. Thanks, mate. Our awesome quality plastic chairs that we
run here at the Rawson Studios.
We need to go for a visit to Vinnie's and go and buy some cool secondhand chairs.
Good secondhand. These are good secondhands. I found these in the council throwout around the corner.

(28:37):
You can't get a better secondhand than that. But hey, there's some stories with that.
Council throwouts. All right, start again. Yeah.
Council throwouts. Have you got any stories about council throwouts?
Yeah, I was at Castle Hillway once, and I picked up a surf ski without the sail,

(29:03):
you know, those surf skis, things, remember the blue board? Yeah,
I remember that. Oh, yeah. That's bad.
And we had the dog, Keg, and we got him down on the river near the bridge there at Windsor.
And we'd call him out and he'd swim out and jump on the board.
Yeah, he'd go for a surf. Yeah, we jumped off and left him on there one day.

(29:27):
He's just floating down the river. Mate, that dog had nine lives.
How funny was that, dog? You know that your sons haven't got much of a chance
when you called your dog fucking keg?
Talking about dad and surfboards, tell us a story about you getting lost out
in the ocean and surfing, Dad. No, that was your fault.

(29:52):
You took the surfboard out and you went for a paddle? Yeah, I took your surfboard
out and I was up at the Mini Minor and I went out paddling on it and all of
a sudden I looked up and I'm fucking halfway out into Rhineland. New Zealand.
I just didn't quite make it past Rhineland just after Rhineland and New Zealand. on.

(30:15):
Fucking, it took me three hours on a plane to get there. You did it in fucking
ten minutes on a surfboard.
Anyway, I'm trying to swim back in and it's better to jump off the surfboard
and just swim back in. I thought, no, I better not do that. Anyway,
there's a few bloody lifeguards or something, whatever, walking on the beach,

(30:36):
they see me struggling, so they come out and they told me to just lay on the
board and hold the nose of the board down.
No, just hold the nose down. So I put my hand over my nose and hold it down.
You're doing the shimmy like you're still on the dance floor.
Yeah, so anyway, they saved me. I was lucky. Yeah, they took you right out,

(31:00):
eh? Like, I've had some pretty crazy surfing experiences.
Like, I tried to surf, but I was more of a concrete surfer on the skateboard.
But, like, I remember wagging school. Like, I think it was a year 8 or something.
We didn't tell anyone where we went. Me and my mate, we went up to Shelly Beach
and I took the surfboard out and I got caught in a rip and I was like,
I was just feeling like, oh, I could try and touch the sand.

(31:22):
I couldn't touch the sand because I was still learning how to surf.
It took me right out and then it was double waves and nearly knocked me off
the board. I managed to hold on and found this massive wave that caught it and took me in.
Actually, before that, I was waving to me, mate. I put my hand up in the air
and said, I'm stuck, I'm stuck, and he's just waving to me. He thought I was
like, you know, I was in distress.
I was like, fuck, I'm going to drown here. and somehow this massive wave came

(31:45):
out of nowhere and brought me back and it was the best wave I've ever caught.
But, yeah, that kind of gave me a bit of a shake-up when it comes to surfing. Fuck.
Yeah, well, here's one for you.
I was with, you know, Kelly. Yeah, yeah.
And Tony.

(32:06):
They're doing a job up in Penrith and I had to do one down at Ingrid Downs somewhere.
We're down that way and it's done a stinking hot day.
And anyway, I'd done my job. I finished in no time and I left the bobcat on
the job and drove my truck down to the beach at Granola.

(32:28):
Anyway, I'm swimming out at the fucking beach and guess who's in the fucking water? The shark?
Andrew Ettinghausen?
Harold Holt? Steve and Tony.
Harold Holt there? No, he didn't drown there. Could have been.

(32:49):
Steve and Tony were out there. Oh, they were out there. No, he's shark shit.
What's that, Cadditch woman? Was she there? Oh, yeah. The one that lost a foot.
You found the other half of that woman's foot, yeah.
Who was there? It was Molly Moore Beach.

(33:09):
Who was in the water? Tony and Steve. Weren't they supposed to be working in Penrith?
What they'd done in Penrith, they'd finished the job in Penrith and they drove
straight to the beach. Fuck, that was the only way to go, to swim.
I didn't expect them to bloody see him there and they didn't expect to see me.
Oh, so you didn't pay him for that day?

(33:31):
No, I didn't.
Happy Father's Day, Dad. I hope you've – Yeah, hope you had a good day.
I just thought of something. What do you get when you cross a concreter and a bricklayer?
A crackhead.
Oh, fucking hell. I've got a funny – another story.

(33:53):
Remember that time that fucking – the creek down where we used to live flooded
and all that timber got washed up down in that creek?
Yeah. And then the kids were all like about 12 years old. we decided to build
a half-pipe, like a skateboarding half-pipe, man.
It was a 13. It was massive, 13 foot. I don't know how the fuck we built this
thing, but like seriously.

(34:14):
I don't know how it fucking stayed standing. I know, but like we used the timber.
I know how it stayed standing. The timber was the shit that washed down from
the bridge when it flooded.
And it was like thick. That was good plywood. Yeah, well, it was thick as. That was marine ply.
Yeah, well, it was marine, all right, because it was floating down a creek.

(34:37):
We fucking dragged that shit back to the
house and then we got you we told you about it and your eyes
lit up because you're like fuck yeah there's heaps of formwork
there so we just loaded the ute up like the ute was loaded to the top to like
and then we got it there and we built that half pipe and we had we had a fucking
great time with that it was stacking it and we it was like lumpy so you get

(34:59):
the skateboard down and you just stack on and fall off you know and oh it was It was hectic,
and, like, there was nails sticking out of it. Yeah, yeah.
Nothing met up. Like, all the boards were jagged, and it was a death trap.
I remember. Didn't the council tell you to fuck off? Yeah, no,
but our neighbour Neil down the road, the young fella, he was the gamest one,
but, yeah, he would drop in. He didn't care.

(35:21):
I've bumped into him a few times since then, but, like, yeah,
fucking hell, and then didn't you get the order, Dad, that the council told you to pull it down?
And he kind of knocked on the door. And they said, what's that thing out the
back? Don't know. It just appeared.
He said, the skateboard ramp out the back there. I said, is it?

(35:47):
Oh, fuck. Now, that's Wayne Dawson's.
He's also got that massive electricity bill and phone bill and everything. That's a poor bastard.
Poor bastard. He can't even get a loan, Wayne Dawson. Wayne Hawson, Lawson, Cawson.
Mate, the other one was the bonfires. Remember those bonfires we used to make?

(36:11):
Yeah, it was mad because it backed right onto the bush there at Wero.
Yeah we'd fucking we'd build these bonfires like just fucking threw everything
their tyres all sorts of shit,
they'd burn for like they'd burn for weeks after that is that your phone going
off Adam I don't know you're going to shout the cart next week oh no I've got
it on mute it's still on vibrate mate oh got to turn that yeah vibrate her off oh I just got the barmaid,

(36:38):
coming thank you no you got a barmaid fuck you get did you win the lottery or
are you not telling us Hello.
He's really getting into his work with the barmaid.
Look at it. Look at the lamp. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

(36:58):
We've got a lava lamp. It's doing some weird shit today. Oh, yeah. It's in a mood.
Can you tell us a story about the rabbits riding your bike down that,
like you know I used to catch rabbits and sell them to the butchers can you
tell us a quick yarn about that okay hey Adam the rabbits weren't riding the

(37:19):
bike I was riding the fucking bike not the rabbits yeah.
Yeah anyway we used I used to go trapping the rabbits,
and uh taking down the um freezer works and so on so you pair them and you cross
the two rabbits in their back legs you sort of,

(37:41):
You cut a piece out of each corner and you push the legs through.
So I've got half a dozen pair of rabbits on the bar of my push bike.
And I'm flying down the fucking street. The next minute, the rabbit got caught
in the front wheel and threw me ass over the head.
It slathered me back. And the woman come running down, she seen all the guts

(38:02):
and that, she thought I was fucking dead.
When dead rabbits attack, that's a new segment. And so what happened?
So were you winded or were you knocked out? What happened? I was winded.
Was there all the rabbit guts all over you All over your clothes and face and
stuff No, there was no guts You had to gut the rabbits But you'd leave the lung in,

(38:28):
So that got caught up in your wheel And that's what splattered all over your
body Did you lose any hair?
They weren't hairs though They weren't hares. They were rabbits.
And what did you do with the dead rabbit? You took him to the greyhound track

(38:50):
and helped your fucking dad's greyhound.
Oh, shit. He's all right. He's not with us anymore, Bob. We can talk about that.
They wouldn't have been any good for the greyhounds race because they were dead.
They were fucking bits and pieces.
Yeah, but didn't you just wrap them up to the lure? Yeah, they run around and chase all the...

(39:14):
Live baiting. We don't condone live baiting, but it was the 1918s.
Fucking makes us old then. No, he's just a late bloomer.
Do you want to hear about the horse? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, righto.
This old bossy Cunningham, he used to...

(39:35):
He owned the property down the back of Mum and Dad's place, that big little...
All that land down there. Yeah. That run from our place.
Up the golf course. Up the golf course there, right to the roof,
down the golf course, yeah.
I should have married his daughter.

(39:57):
You wouldn't have two dickheads on a podcast right now. It would be two other
dickheads with lots of land in Oberon.
It would be fucking two millionaires right now. Fucking all that land.
Her name wasn't his daughter. It was the granddaughter. Her name's Margaret.
Oh, right. You've got a thing for Margaret's, don't you?

(40:18):
Not really.
Anyway we'll go back to the horse yeah hello yeah we're still here we're still listening anyway,
what happened with the horse the horse was it was a black and white horse and
it was it was called Bud and every time we'd go up a little bit of an embankment it'd shy it'd take off,

(40:43):
normally on the back of this horse behind Geoffrey,
and we're going up past the bloody,
presbytery in front of the hospital there we was on the opposite side of the
road of the hospital the horse took off fucking hell and I'm on the back I didn't
have all I could do was I was holding on to Geoffrey and,
like I think we I think it was it was bareback we didn't have a saddle you and

(41:09):
Geoffrey riding the horse bareback that doesn't sound good,
going in hard that sounds like Brokeback Mountain,
he had the rain and he just pulled the rain and all of a sudden it,
stopped there and his front horse just slid into the grass for about a metre

(41:31):
and then stopped and Geoffrey went out of the top and I landed on top of him
and then you threw a pinecone at him,
that definitely sounds a bit like Brokeback Mountain but he's had a good weekend in a tent.
Anyway anyway whatever we're both laying on the ground and I wasn't too bad

(41:58):
I had to stop both laying on the ground,
and the and the next minute the bloody nurses come running out of the hospital
come over to see how we were and Geoffrey's still a bit winded but I wasn't
too bad once you seen the nurses,
yeah oh yeah yeah anyway the poor old horse he he wasn't real happy and,

(42:26):
Traced him all around town to catch him. Oh, so he ran off. Oh,
get on. Stamped. Fucking Jumanji.
Yeah. All right, Dad, we're going to have to wrap it up, mate.
So love you, and we'll give you a call and talk shit off air.

(42:48):
What do you mean talk shit? That was all true. All right, well, we like to talk shit.
You brought us up. You brought us up to talk shit.
Now we're making millions out of it. Not yet. Not yet. I haven't seen any of
that yet. It's costing me millions.
But anyway. You can't leave those. But anyway. We'll have to wrap it up,

(43:10):
Dad, because we've got to keep going.
But thanks for the chat and hope you've had a good Father's Day and we will catch up with you soon.
Yeah, good to speak to you, old man, and love you, Dad. And, yeah, we'll talk soon.
This is chuck it in the fuck it bucket.
All right, what's been pissing you off lately? Because I'll tell you what,

(43:30):
I've had a few things that pissed me off. Wes, what's your latest piss off?
Fucking washing up the dishes because I don't have a dishwasher.
I tell you what, it's got to be the worst fucking job and also the people next
door because we are recording.
Anyway, first one goes. Chuck it in the fucking bucket. Washing up the dishes.

(43:55):
That sucks if you haven't got a dishwasher.
And also recording in suburbia. Yeah, so we're recording in an old hardy flex fucking shed.
Asbestos. Yeah, it's good. Gives us a little bit of nice, helps us breathe while we're recording.
Opens up the lungs. But no, but chuck asbestos in the fucking bucket. Fucking Ove.

(44:17):
Yeah, so, but yeah, recording in suburbia. Yeah, so the problems that you have,
like, you know, as we're starting out, as everyone knows, the listening tours from all over the world.
And thank you again for everyone that is tuned. South Africa.
We've got one in South Africa.
Well, we're not chucking that in the fucking bucket. But anyway,
yeah, it's hard when you're working from like a homemade studio in suburbia.

(44:40):
Yeah. But anyway, my chuck it in the fucking bucket is fucking being stuck at traffic lights.
What the fuck is the go with traffic lights? Like seriously,
like you're sitting at a set of traffic lights and there's no cars on the road
and they still just sit there.
Whoever is creating those, whoever's programming the traffic lights to be stopped

(45:02):
at that certain time, fucking shit me.
I swear, like because I'm going, why the fuck are these lights stopped here for this long?
Like seriously, this is fucked. So like, you know, I don't know.
Chuck it in the bucket. But I'll tell you what would be mad.
No, imagine if you had like a remote control that like you drive through and
just like fucking green, green, green.

(45:24):
I reckon the fucking emergency services. They do have it.
Like I've seen the like motorcade come through when some president or whatever
of fucking Tasmania came through.
And yeah, there is a president of Tasmania. He has got three heads.
But anyway, he comes straight through and they had all the green lights.
All green lights turned on. I'm sitting there 20 minutes.
Fuck, this is bullshit. shit yeah well like seriously that we're talking about

(45:48):
the like driving roads and shit like in australia we have these roads where
it's like there's school zones on major highways like where the fuck is the
town sorry i just took my beer in the block.
Well seriously where's the fucking town planning come into this right so you're

(46:09):
driving around say where I live in the mountains, it's like 40, then it goes to 60,
then it goes to 70, then it goes to 80, then it drops down to 40, then all the way up.
It's like, what the fuck? I'm putting that in the chuck of a bucket.
Good. Now get rid of it because it's boring.

(46:31):
We've got other shit to chuck in the fucker bucket this week.
What else was that about the edit from episode three?
We wanted to apologize for a few little indiscretions there.
I'm not sure which one was. Was that in the complaints department?
Oh, yeah. That was. I think I'm double aimed. I'm overlaid. You are.
You are. We've already complained.

(46:51):
We've already had those complaints, but that's all right. We can chuck that
in the fucker bucket too.
You know what? I've got to chuck in the fucker bucket, right?
Right, is when you get a fine for doing fucking 13 fucking Ks over the speed
limit, then your green slip goes up every year until you get all those fucking points back.

(47:11):
And then you look at your RMS account, your Service New South Wales account,
and I've got no more points on there, but the insurance companies are different.
So fuck you, insurance companies.
Yes. Yeah. Fucking bugger. Mate, they make so much fucking money out of us and, you know.
Necessary evil. Yes, I know. We need to cover ourselves.

(47:33):
But, yeah, I know. Like the other thing is, is like we did talk about tolls. The tolls are fucked.
Yeah, I'm talking about evil. But car regos and everything else, road taxes.
Can I go back to insurance for a second?
Like how much is your body part worth? Like what sort of body part?
And like if you lost your leg, like how much do you get paid out?

(47:54):
Or he... What about if you lost your kidneys in an ice bath?
Yeah, well, that was a different story in fucking Thailand.
We'll get back to that. But like I did actually watch, we're moving on from
Chuck in the Fucker Bucket, but I did watch a nice story on Ivan Cleary,
the coach from the Penner of Panthers.
He gave his kidney to his brother. His brother needed it. And he's like,

(48:18):
no problem at all. So I was thinking...
How do you, what would you give me, Adam?
Like if I needed it, if I needed a testicle, would you give me a testicle? No.
Yeah, of course. What's off limits? I don't use them anymore.
So if I like had to get rid of my nuts and they were like. I'll give you my

(48:40):
left nut. You give me left, you don't like your right. Your right one's your favorite.
So that's the thing. You do anything for your family, you know,
if you can. Dan, if your body's not too fucked from all the booze,
as you can see here, that we drink.
We don't actually drink this every night, but maybe every second night.

(49:00):
No. But we do have some helpers right here. Can you see those?
Oh, yeah. This is, I don't know. We haven't made them. Sleepy and grumpy.
Yeah, like some gardeners. So you're the sleepier on the grumpy cunt.
Do you remember like back in the day when we took. That's not on.
I'll go back. Sorry, I'm digressing. We still haven't fixed.
You haven't told me what you would give me. I told you I'd give me my left nut.

(49:21):
If I needed a left nut, I wonder if a left nut and a right nut are transferable.
So if you needed a nut transplant, would you be able to use the left for the right?
Like I said, oh, fuck, I've got to lose both me nuts and I need one.
Otherwise, I'm going to turn into a big old fucking woman and I'll be.
Well, you already are a big old woman.
No, I'm just a little fat cunt.

(49:44):
No, he's actually, he's pronounced, he's pronounced, oh, fuck, it's seahorse.
Pronoun Yeah roll that one Pronoun I'm not even What the fuck I'm saying I reckon like If your knees,
I'm probably gonna need New knees soon So do you reckon I reckon Where's all
these things On fucking spare parts right Should be the other way around I'm

(50:05):
the one getting older But I'd probably give you I don't know I'll give you some,
Fucking dreadlocks Yeah what
about an eyeball Would you give an eyeball Yeah I'll give you an eyeball,
I'll give you me left Ring it mate My left ear I've got bad had tinnitus.
You can have that one. You know, yeah. Cause he fucking plays drums too loud. He like,

(50:27):
I took him up. I'm actually going to post this on Instagram fucking tomorrow
or whenever I get this edit done.
But I took him up to the music shop in High Street Music down in Penrith. It's not a paid ad.
No, it's not. But, you know, if he's going to shout us a few guitars and shit
and some drums. It's like a podcast.
Our mate James there goes, oh, yeah, come and check out my drum room.

(50:51):
And so we went upstairs and there's fucking drums galore.
And he gave Wes the sticks and off he went. and he's like, it's like riding
a bike. Bang it, bang it, bang it, bang it, bang it.
I was fucking smashing him. He goes, oh, maybe that's a bit loud,
mate. We've got students in the other room.
Here, have your sticks back, bro. It's been 10 years since I've played.
I said there was no dynamics in my drum. Yeah, it was funny as fuck, man.
It was good to see Wes back on the drums. Maybe he might start playing them again. That'd be good.

(51:16):
Played with a fiddle. Where's your drum beat on here, Wes? On the, here we go.
Oh, did I push it? No. I can never get these fucking – no, this thing wrong.
There it is. That's Wes. I definitely wasn't playing this beat.
It's way too technical for me.
But it was ten times louder and I – anyway. But it was a beautiful kit.

(51:37):
That was nice. Oh, yeah. That was nice. It was nice. What was it?
It was like a brown kind of like – what brand was it?
It was made by Timu.
No, it's called T-Emu. T-Emu. Yeah, T-Emu.
Actually, like after I think it was the first episode or second one that we spoke about,

(52:00):
that company. I've been sort of paid out either, but I bought some stuff off
there and it's been pretty good.
Like I bought a breathalyzer and it was like, that was shit.
Was it? Yeah. It was always told you were drunk. Maybe it was real.
Maybe it was actually really good. No, no. It was like, it said it was massive
and it was like, size is like a key ring thing. Right.
And so I just went and it just got stuck on like the highest range ever.

(52:24):
So once I blew into it. After you drank a whole bottle of red wine and you go,
Oh, it's not fucking working.
No, it was red and whiskey and beers.
You blew it up the first time. But anyways, since it's Father's Day,
like, you know, there's everyone, if you hear anything in the background,
the kids are playing, they're having fun.

(52:45):
So we just have to deal with that. That's the thing. We're working in a,
in, you know, Asbestos shed.
It's called Asbestos Studios.
Yeah, welcome. Welcome to Asbestos Studios. Oh, I actually did.
That wasn't fucking the button.
That was pretty close. It was.

(53:11):
Where are we going from here now, Adam? I don't know. Just look at the – we've
been through the – oh, earthquakes. Fucking hell, man.
Seriously, Australia's been copping a few earthquakes lately,
and that was one just in between your pants.
It came straight out of my ass.
So yeah, there's been a few earthquakes and we're like,

(53:31):
Fucking hell, what's going on with Australia? Like, seriously,
like, they're not that. I didn't think we were on the tectonic plates or anything.
We're not. We do have some, but they're nothing like, say, like Hollywood and
California and all those places that are, like, built on those things.
Imagine the Silicon Jiggle every time they get a fucking earthquake in Hollywood.
No, but the funny thing is the face wouldn't change.

(53:56):
The tits wouldn't move. It would just be the fucking the rest of them.
Yeah, all that. But all the collagen and stuff, you know, like,
but yeah, like fucking hell.
Like seriously, we've had a few earthquakes lately and, you know,
like at least we haven't had any bad ones like what happened back in, I think, 1990 and that.

(54:17):
I remember that one. You guys, you were in the shed.
I think I was about five years old and I was sitting inside with Dad
and then it went, we had a fish tank
and you and your mate were fucking around in the
shed doing something he's always blowing shit up yeah no
we used to like some shit well i remember
one time we fucking found a train one of

(54:39):
our mates dad's worked on the rail and found
a train detonator and we're like let's go blow this thing up man so we just
went under a bridge and we threw fucking rocks at it until it went off and it
fucking shook i swear it put a crack in the bridge hey it was a creek by bridge
of the creek and our ears rang for a fucking a week and a half, no lie about that, man.

(55:02):
Music.
That's an earthquake song so if you felt the earth move under your
feet you weren't wrong yeah well i we

(55:23):
didn't i never feel it was like always fucking miss out
on these earthquakes like i'm either on the driving unless that earth actually
opened up and i fucking drove into a crack i wouldn't even know yes fucking
like like moving but more shaking like you know but But that time back in the
day when we were building,

(55:44):
I actually got a kit,
like it was an experimental science kit and I'm making all these potions up.
And that's when you seen the fish tank moving and shit.
Dad come around and he goes, what are you fucking kids doing? You blow the garage up.
So we walked up the street and everyone said, oh, you and the next one,

(56:07):
Avers, were like doing some experiments It was a fucking science kit and that,
and he just blew the garage up. He said, yeah, yeah, that was us.
I remember lying there, and the whole fish tank wobbled like this.
That was a bad one, though.
And I was like, what's that? Your dad's fucking screaming. What are you, dad?
Fucking blamed you for an earthquake. Man, that was. That was.
That'd be Father's Day, dad. Blamed your son for a fucking earthquake.

(56:30):
Yeah, it was devastating, that one, though. We're lucky that,
you know, we haven't had nothing like that since, you know, fucking Newcastle
got demolished, basically.
It's really sad, but yeah, anyway, moving on from that, what's the other funny shit you got, Wes?
You're going to throw me something in here. We're going to try and keep the air not dead.

(56:51):
We can always cut the air out if it's dead. Oh, yeah. Well, I've done a lot
of cutting, so let's talk about editing.
Editing in podcast is fucking hard because if you do a two-and-a-half-hour podcast
and then try to get it out the next day, it is an absolute mission.
It's probably way easier if you're not hungover as fuck.

(57:12):
Oh, no, but I was fucked. Wes got a real bad photo of me the next day.
I'm like waking up and I'm like, I swear, I had a fucking hangover a century.
You were. Yeah, you did. You hit 100. Oh, no, no. We did a good effort on podcast three.
Imagine what we do on podcast 300.
Mate, we have to hire out the MCG.

(57:34):
Speaking about podcasts, actually, I think it would be good if,
you know, There's any local podcasters out there and stuff that are starting
out or that are established and we love to get some tips and tricks off you
and that would be fucking fantastic.
Maybe we should try and organize sort of a Western Sydney.
Meet up or something, you know? Yeah, well, there's the two pissed kents.

(57:56):
Yeah, legend. Shout out to those legends. Yeah, give them a quick shout out
because they've, well, I met
him at the beer and barbecue festival down in Penrith, Langham and Major.
Yeah, they've given us a few tips on our video recording and stuff like that.
So, yeah, shout out to them guys. They're doing good things.
I think they're on about 35th, 38th episode or something now.

(58:16):
Yeah, no, they're legends.
They do their thing and I've got studio envy because we are in asbestos shed
and they've got fucking bars and fucking brews and everything going on.
Yeah, well, I want to invite us on there for a yarn, mate. We'll love it. Yeah, get us on there.
We'll have yous in stitches too. We should get a Western Sydney sort of podcast posse going.

(58:38):
Yeah, fucking oath. Yeah, I reckon that's a good idea, eh? It would be a mad wild time.
We could all just fucking talk shit about Western Sydney and how fucking crap it is.
Yeah no anyway so that no that'd be good so
if anyone's out there that anyone's starting out
or i think but there's different like thinking about we

(58:58):
come from western sydney i'm sorry about but in but you were just sort of feeling
so i thought oh if you could be born anywhere in the world like like australia
is a pretty good place right we're secluded from a lot of the world we have
pretty good for a penal colony penis colony,

(59:19):
we we do have a good we
do have a good way of life we have good living we are but yeah suspensive
as fuck but if you could be born anywhere else other than where we come from
where would it be I reckon I'd like to be born in Antarctica I think it'd be
interesting fucking penguin fucking penguin That's the worst place to be born.

(59:44):
No, it'd be good. You'd wake up. I'd wake up. I'd go fucking snowboarding every day.
Well, there's no people down there, so you'd have to be half penguin, half fucking walrus.
You'd have a limp anyway. No, I think I'd love to like, you know,
I think Greenland or like Italy or more Scotland too. I think Scotland would be nice.

(01:00:06):
There's more Scottish out of Scotland than there is in Scotland.
I know, it was that old diaspora thing that we all do, like all our families have done. I don't know.
I think like – but you go – all right, so I looked at this thing just come up
on the TV today and it was like Seychelles.
It was like the most fucking beautiful spot in the world.
But if you were born there, like that's your thing.

(01:00:29):
You're basically in hospitality.
You're just going to be a servant your whole life. Yeah, you're a servant in
the most beautiful place in the world but –,
Like, would you be happy? I don't know. You probably would. You just say,
I'll just live in that hut.
That'll do. You know, look at like, I like Greece and those places.
I think that would be amazing to live there. And they live.

(01:00:52):
Santorini, motherfucker. And they live a lot longer because they live on like
that Mediterranean diet and stuff, you know.
Like, I think that's something that I try to have every now and then,
but then I see the burger and the chips, I'm like, fuck yeah.
Yeah, no, I eat a kebab every fucking time and it hasn't kept me fit.
I want to shout out to Jason Polos. Thank you, man, for doing that cartoon for us.

(01:01:18):
That's fucking awesome. You can find him on YouTube and Facebook.
Oh, not YouTube, Facebook. And he sells, he's a mad comic artist.
He sells his work on eBay and all that kind of stuff.
Uh but yeah he made a mad photo of like a
mad cartoon i'll shout out to you mate because

(01:01:40):
he made you look fatter than me and that's completely not true oh yeah yeah
like it thanks bro that was good though it looks funny as fuck and i loved it
you know and happy to do a few you know if you do a few more for us man that'd
be so good we'll love to shout out give you a shout out every time so So,
but it's fucking unreal, man.
I loved it. I pissed myself laughing at it. I was like, I think that what made

(01:02:05):
me look fat because I've got a double chin.
So we've both got double chins. Yeah, yeah. So the photo, I didn't send him
the best photo. It was real fucking.
We have more chins than a Chinese phone book. Yeah, I know.
But it's a Scottish, we're inherited, Scottish Irish thing, I think,
that we're inherited with.
It's from too many kebabs.

(01:02:27):
But yeah like even even say like i want to
grow a beard right because if i could grow a beard
i'd hide my double chin but the problem is i can't fucking grow
a beard never been i've got to grow a goatee that's about it my i was like you've
got a baby face man yeah no i've got hair fucking everywhere and it just stops
at my neck line it started at me nuts yeah so your 80s and your nuts right yeah

(01:02:49):
it started at me nuts there's heaps of hair there it's all a hairy fucking chest,
like people that are watching on fucking the camera, a hairy chest,
and then it just stops at me, stops at me chin. Yeah, I don't know.
And it's like, then it turns into like this shitty fucking half-dredged cat
that's just come out of the fucking sewer.

(01:03:10):
Mine's all fucking grey now. It's like, what the fuck? Like, seriously.
That's what happens when you get old. Yeah, I know, but it wasn't just old.
Hold on, my mates at high school and shit, in fucking year eight, had beards and I didn't.
And I was like, where's my fucking beard? I want to become a man.
One of my mates, Greg, he started shaving at about three.

(01:03:33):
Just say his beard now, mate. He's got the best beard in the world.
He's fucking Buffalo Bill, mate.
No, we used to call him Red Dog. Red Dog, yeah, Red Dog. Yeah,
yeah, because he used to come and help the guests. Where's his old band out?
Oh, good fucking band, good rock and roll band.
Are you guys still on the internet? that yeah we're on triple j on earth the

(01:03:56):
guests australia i think but yeah it's you gotta dive deep into the internet
to do that so you probably end up either finding the guests or fucking free
cocaine or something on the black web so that's how deep we are into the internet,
yeah no they're a good hard rock rock and roll band at the day they didn't last
too long so like a lot of bands just you know when you're young you go out have

(01:04:19):
a bit of fun then all of of a sudden life gets in the way and fucking makes it hard, really.
Music.
And welcome back to the Raw Sows podcast.
And we have another guest on the line. And it's our very own Peter Parker,

(01:04:41):
Spider-Man, Spider-Bite survivor.
How are you going, my friend? How are you, mate? mate. Oh, mate,
I'm loving life, gentlemen.
I do use that fucking term very loosely.
You mad, raw-toe rooters.
How are you? How are you going, boys? Yeah, not too bad, mate.
Fucking hell, I heard you had a bit of a funny finger the other,

(01:05:04):
what happened the other week?
Oh, yeah, well, you know, you could call it a near-death experience,
mate. Like, it'd be really wonderful if I can, you know, work it completely.
But, yeah, it was pretty pretty wild mate like you know a funny thing out of
the out of the festival just past Land's End out near Broken Hill and,
yeah back when something got me a little bastard scorpion or um,

(01:05:28):
mate it could have been a scorpion it could have been a brown snake it could
have been fucking you know a white tail funnel web I'm not sure fucking that's
when you're in the when you need swag and it's dark and then you're fucking
you're out there with You didn't get bit by a fanny web, did you?
Mate, I didn't get that far, no, no.

(01:05:51):
I was too busy using my little digit to fucking bond myself with a few goats out there.
But, you know, the doctor said I shouldn't do that anymore because that's fucking off limits.
Don't want to cause any secondary infections.
So you survived it. You got it all sorted out, mate, because I've seen it was

(01:06:12):
pretty dire there. It was pretty bad.
We got your Snapchat on the last episode.
Oh, mate, you were off your face. You were on fucking hillbilly heroin,
mate. Yeah, so you come down with that. Oh, jeez.
I'll tell you what. Look, you know, I've never been in a hospital before, never had endone.
I put a couple of panadine forts in my 20s or something, but fucking never,

(01:06:33):
never been on anything like that.
And, jeez, I'll tell you what, I need to sit there looking at a wall with a smile on your face.
Good solid hour and a half.
Every day just float around. Talk about Panadine Forts in your 20s,
man. They used to give me some sort of weird tablet that looked like Panadine Forts.
Back in the 20s. You used to go to the nightclub on them.

(01:07:00):
Oh, yes, your biscuits.
Don't take drugs, kids. It's bad for you. I'll tell you, Yeah,
my experience in hospital getting fucking morphine, mate, tell you what,
they said, as I was in pain, they said just push that fucking button as many times as you can.
You're not getting that morphine. You're only getting a certain shot because
they come out and it's all locked and it's all timed and stuff.

(01:07:22):
But I remember pushing 150 fucking times. It's like, yeah, man,
I'm loving this shit. I'm fucking loving this.
You know, the most disappointing thing about like, you know,
I shared that with the nurses and all that sort of stuff, But the most disappointing
thing is I didn't get any takeaway packs, you know. They sent me home, you know.

(01:07:42):
So, I mean, look, you know, I've never been on hillbilly heroin and you've been
giving me six tablets a day for the last five days.
Like, come on, like, you know, a man's got to live, you know.
You've got to be able to somehow wean yourself off that shit. Like, you know.
I've never been on the fucking crack and fucking, you know, and it's not a schmack. A schmack.

(01:08:06):
I've never been on the schmack before. So, look, you know, just let me down gently, you fuckers.
It's just giving you a care pack to take home, you reckon? I'm sorry.
Fucking absolutely. I reckon I was going on the feedback form, mate. I'm telling you.
Have you got a complaints department?
You know, you just feel like, you know, being used and abused,

(01:08:28):
you're just thrown back in the community and like, you know,
you've got a manager with, you know, Panadol and Ibuprofen, alcohol and weed.
Like, you know, how do you try and find, you know, there's only so much Dr. Google can do.
Like, you know, you've got to find that balance of what's going to work for you.
Yeah, well, that's it. But yeah, no, look, anyway, I'm still standing after,

(01:08:51):
you know, although you fuckers are late.
Like, I thought this was all kicking off about two o'clock and,
you know, I thought I'd better I'd have a couple of warm-up beers just to get my levels up a little.
It's called Sunday night sessions, mate. It's not Sunday afternoon.
It's Sunday night, mate. It's 6.30, so then I had to have a couple more just to maintain my levels.

(01:09:13):
Here we go. Bring it on, boys. We had a very lumpy Bailey's shot earlier.
Had to chew it to swallow it.
Oh, really? God, I don't know what's going on with the Bailey.
You never, I've never seen you fucking chew before you swallow.
How many times? Oh, fuck. We always had that dirty old uncle.

(01:09:38):
Oh, man. Oh, no, this is going down the fucking rabbit hole now, isn't it?
See, I'm now just pouring a Bailey's. I think it was the mixture.
Yeah, it's the mixture. It doesn't mix well with the peach snaps.
That's the problem. So I'm just going to double check. We're going to call that
fucking like a brain fucking something. I don't know. Brain tumor.

(01:10:01):
Aneurysm.
Yeah, it was lumpy. It was like, holy shit, I did you that.
There's a reason why. They'd love you at the ED department. Turn up with that,
mate. They'd put you straight on the good shit.
Do you want to top up the Bailey? Trust me, the Bailey. Hopefully,
like last week, fucking Wes made these Alaskan duck farts and I'll tell you

(01:10:23):
what, my guts were fucked for about three days after a day. Honestly, it was fucking hell.
Was it made with fresh Alaskan ducks? Yeah.
We squeezed them and it came out their ass.
Yeah, right. It seriously did look like that. It was fucking disgusting.
You got to really wring that.
You got to really wring it out to fucking make sure you get all good shit out. What's the French...

(01:10:50):
Delicacy where they like stuff the duck full of like, oh, Fargois, is it Fargois?
What is this podcast about ducks all the time?
Isn't that a character of Shrek? Oh, that's Lord Fargois. Fargois.
No, but they stuff this, they stuff the baby ducks. That could even be a fucking

(01:11:12):
good little, you know, a sponsor.
But he raw says podcast sponsored by the mighty duck.
I wonder, do we get Emilio Estevez to come and fucking have a sit on the couch
out here? Is he the one in it? No, no, no.
He'll do a cameo. He'll come and do a cameo. Are the Mighty Ducks actually still a thing?

(01:11:36):
I don't follow that American sport. You don't follow any sport.
No, except for the fucking NRL tips where Scotty's fucking leading,
you bastard. Yeah, he's just tipped you. Yeah, I was still tipped.
You only have a couple of points behind.
Yeah, I reckon I would have had an extra at least two to three points on you,
but, like, you know, with me spider bite out there and money,

(01:11:59):
money, I forgot to get my tips in, and I think I only got three out of,
buddy, eight last week, so.
Yeah, well, what about how you got all those points, Scott? You keep missing
putting your tips in, eh? And all the away teams.
Yeah, well, you know, buddy, Wes is a fucking fast clown, like, you know.
So I scored a perfect round, and he's like, well, you didn't get your tips in

(01:12:22):
for the first one, so you got good for and against, and you got the way it's going.
There was a draw, so you really didn't get eight out of eight.
No, he didn't. And I was like, I'm the injunicator. Listen, listen.
Listen here, fucker. I don't make up the rules for the comp,
mate. And if they've given me eight, that's it.
Just because you're the adjudicator and you think you're the boss, you know.

(01:12:46):
You're the boss, but you did say to us you're going to win the 500 and you were
going to put it over the bar.
So which bar is it that you need to come to? Yeah, we're waiting for that.
But then the next time we're having a beer, I said 250, and now I'm down to
I'll buy two beers each. Right.
What a dog. He's dogged us, mate. Yeah, I'll tell you. No, no, no. Okay, Paul.

(01:13:10):
Get me on a good day. Wait, I just need another year, but he'll be a hero,
and you'll be back up to your fucking 250 on the bar.
Do you know what I think of that? I don't know.
You're getting the fart out of me, mate. Don't do a ring seal.
I'll tell you, with the footy comp tips, that's the first time I've done it,

(01:13:32):
and I was like, what the fuck's this little joker thing on the side of little
hats. So I said, oh, I'm going to use that.
And he goes, yeah, use it. Use it up. Yeah, use it first round,
didn't you? I did. I used it first round.
But then you got a perfect round like the second round. Yeah,
and then I ended up staying at the top until a couple of weeks ago.
I'm like, fuck it all. That was pretty good.
Anyway, getting back on track, we have- Oh, that was fucking chunky, man.

(01:13:54):
Oh, seriously? Yeah, the last bit. It's like, obviously, it's been in the sun
or something. No, I bought it last week.
Oh, come on, Adam. You're used to swell one too.
Once again, the dirty uncle comes back into play. That might be my nickname, my boy.
Anyway, have you got anything you want to chuck in the fuck it bucket this week, mate?

(01:14:17):
Fuck it bucket? Well, I'm sure I fucking do.
There's a moral of the story. The moral of the story is don't get bitten by
a spider out and fucking land in.
Yeah, chuck that in the fuck it bucket. Fuck that.
Chuck that in the bucket. yeah and that's it yeah oh look you know cause yes

(01:14:37):
like you know it's a new it's another world out there it's a it's a beautiful,
yeah it's another world yeah,
hello world.
Is that John Lord hello world I'm back,
but anyway yeah but I'm like I feel I was supposed to do other things and you

(01:14:59):
know obviously big shout out to you know nurses and, you know,
all the services they provide.
Yeah, mate, they're legends, eh? Did they end up giving you the sponge bath?
Well, I'm not really sure because, you know, I was pretty out of it. Yeah.
It may or may not happen. It may or may not be me just fucking playing myself. So I'm just dreaming.

(01:15:26):
It was a positive experience.
Do you actually recall what you said, man, when you sent that Snapchat to Wes last week?
No, not really. No, I was just being optimistic.
But he did listen back to the podcast last week. He's, oh, I made an appearance.
So I thought we'd better just check in on him and see how you're going, mate.

(01:15:48):
Oh, that's it. Have you got any superpowers now that you've been bitten by the spider?
Well, now you're setting up your Raw Sows podcast. Like, you know,
you need to know about, like, informed consent.
You know, you'll be fine. My problem is fucking off me fucking chops.
Like, no, I'm delirious and don't know what I'm saying. And then you're broadcast.
Yeah, we're broadcast to the world, mate. We're worried about you.

(01:16:12):
We're sending out to all our – It's almost unethical. I feel violated.
You are the sole creator of a very special service called what?
What the fuck? Unethical. No, unethical services. Spottedman.com.
Unethical services. Mate, that could be another little podcast.

(01:16:34):
You never know down the track. There's a whole segment in unethical services.
So you basically, it's dial Scotty for anything you want. to be done. That's it.
Anything. 100%. You know, you want an injury, I'll fucking push you down the stairs.

(01:16:58):
There's vans floating around Sydney fucking 24-7 with a whole range of all your
fetish needs, you know, and that's what we're going to talk about as well.
We've got trained specialists,
If you're an ethical service, go somewhere else.
But if you want someone that's going to really fuck you over,

(01:17:20):
where are you fucking the people you come to?
And you know how it's – Like Ghostbusters. They say NGA, not government – what is it?
Not for profit. No, non-government. No, no, no.
We're all about – we're completely all about profit.
There's nothing not for when you come and see unethical serving.

(01:17:43):
That's exactly right. So if you want to like if like just give us a little bit
of a story on your last job that you did for that lady down in Batemans Bay.
She wanted you to sort out something for nephew and how'd you go with that?

(01:18:04):
Oh nephew. Yeah the nephew one. Oh Steve.
You have to remind me more you had to push him down the stairs oh,
yeah look I just get the job done and then I try and just move on like I don't
like to yeah because that would be ethical if you thought about it after,

(01:18:26):
you'd have to have a conscience to do this sort of work.
Sorry if you have no conscience then you can do this sort of work so anyway
Scotty What's, um, we were just, we're on another topic here.
Cue it up, Wes. Hit some fucking noise.
Oh.

(01:18:46):
That's not the one.
That's head noise. All right.
So this segment is bad Tinder dates. So, Scotty, we've heard you've had a few.
I mean, look, you know, there's one that comes to mind.
Yeah. I think it's stuck in my head forever. Like, you know.

(01:19:07):
What happened? Slowly, Scott.
Well, champs are this lovely lady, you know. and, yeah, we're going to go and
have a coffee and have a little walk down the water and stuff.
Anyway, she said, oh, no, just come over to my place.
Come over to the place. Do you want a cup of tea? I'm having a Jack.

(01:19:28):
So I went, oh, well, I'll have a Jack.
And then straight away it's a shot of the old cowboys.
So, you know, went for it. I thought I was going for a coffee.
Straight next minute, I made her play three drinking Jack Daniels and shots every drink.

(01:19:50):
Shit, man. Cranked the music. You would have been pissed. Oh, mate.
Well, you know, I think I got there at like 3 o'clock and I think I got kicked
out about 3. There's a bit of a story between that as well.
Yeah. We got a bit – got rather wounded. Last drinks.
I went and made up another drink, which I've been doing all night.

(01:20:13):
And then I brought her back and she's like, you spiked this.
Oh, no way. I just poured this, you know, I just poured her a Jack Daniels in the cup.
It probably had some of that peach snaps in the bottom of it. So she's fucking.
She's accused you of spiking the drink. Yeah, kicked me out 3 o'clock in the morning.

(01:20:35):
Fucking, yeah, what a fucking ride, mate.
Didn't you drink the drink in front of her?
I drank the drink in front of her. Yeah, oh, she said, oh, no,
that's fucked. And then I went, no, it's not. I fucking know how to scold it.
And I was like, there's nothing in it. Then you passed out on the floor. She's like, told you.

(01:20:56):
Oh, then I fucking had to just like just bloody sleep in my car.
Fucking, you know, she went to work. I realized I'd lost my phone and my fucking
stereo fucking in there.
And then I said, can I grab this? And she's like, yeah, no worries. It's out the front.
All good. I said, oh, cool. All right. So thanks for that. Hey,
we're good. She's like, fuck, no. I'm going to the police. You know.

(01:21:19):
Oh, wow. I took a sample of that drink before I gave it to you.
You know, you're getting fucked, mate. You're, you know, going down.
You drank the drink and she still didn't believe you?
Man. Oh, what the fuck, man. Wasn't she drinking a whole bottle of Jack Daniels a day anyway?

(01:21:40):
Sorry? Oh, no, she was pissed. she was she was you
told me she was drinking a whole bottle of Jack a day anyway oh yeah yeah we
went we went through a litre bottle and another half of and I gave her the money
you know gave her 50 bucks I know that paid for the grog and stuff but yeah nah oh you know and then,

(01:22:03):
so yeah it's quite quite the experience mate oh well I think maybe shout out
to PLF Yeah, get off fucking Tinder, mate.
But the other one I was thinking about is like fucking being banged up abroad.
I know Wes has got a few stories of them we'll probably talk about,
but what about your experience? I heard you got lost in Thailand there a while back.

(01:22:28):
Yeah, so that was another fucking journey.
You went over to get your teeth brushed, didn't you? Well, I was hoping to get
something else brushed.
Yeah, but I did get some dental work done as well, mate.
What, your hair? Your hairbrush? It was a categorical win all around, mate. Yeah.

(01:22:55):
No, well, yeah. So, yeah, I'm having a few fucking drinks as you do in fucking
Bangla Road, fucking Phuket. I can share that with Thailand and their drug world. Oh, right. Yeah.
Oh, fucking, yeah, some kid came dancing, danced with me at Illusion's nightclub

(01:23:15):
and fucking went out and got a feed and got a couple of tallies set on the beach
and then she took me to this little Thai,
exclusive, only Thai people, like a little,
we had some bands and stuff like that and they all had those turkey thongs and
stuff like that flying around.
Oh, fuck. No, that's the shisha. It's tobacco.
It's like strawberry-flavored fucking tobacco things. yeah

(01:23:39):
so then then basically I know
we she told me it was her 30th birthday so they brought out this big bowl with
like a did you know did you know that every tired chick it's always her birthday
every day it's her birthday every time she meets a fucking Aussie boy with plenty
of cash in his pocket hello happy birthday,

(01:24:02):
ah well yeah so they brought out this you know like 750 years of,
you know, the Thai rum, cans of Coke and stuff like that and wish them a happy birthday.
Anyway, next minute, you've done, you know, a couple more drinks and I've been
on the piss with the mate and gone out to the islands and stuff like that all day.

(01:24:22):
I was drinking a tall way in the tuk-tuk at like 9.30, 10 o'clock in the morning.
This is like – Yeah, you met up with Garfy. You met up with Garfy on the island,
eh? And you were drinking from – Oh, yeah, Garfy.
Yeah, well, Garfy. Yeah, Garth is our good mate.
Yeah, Garth is our good mate. He played in a band with Wes for years, but, yeah, anyway.

(01:24:45):
Yeah, and I teed you guys up. I said, oh, Garth's over there because you're
going to get your teeth done and you're going over there. I said,
oh, meet up with Garth. He's actually going to be there.
And then he ended up being your saviour, didn't he?
Yeah, pretty well because, you know, I was out on the piss with him all day.
He'd never even seen my hotel room or where I was staying or anything like that like,

(01:25:08):
anyways fucking yeah I got wounded with this chick fucking she went to the toilet
I fell asleep fucking in this fucking little club next minute I wake up I've got no fucking no phone,
no wallet I'm in my hotel room but I'm butt naked on the fucking bathroom floor like,
isn't there a song is that Shaggy oh butt naked Chicken lying on the bathroom

(01:25:32):
floor. We'll have to cue that one in there.
So if I can, I've sort of got up and, you know, at first I just checked my ass
to make sure I hadn't been violated.
You know, so have a quick look around and make sure there's no stitches.
You didn't wake up in a bath full of ice, did you?

(01:25:53):
Oh, no, not that time. That's a different story. Yeah.
That's another podcast, mate. That's a whole episode.
Anyway so I fucking sort of come to and figured out I was in a whole world of shit,
and fucking next minute there's a knock on the door and it's fucking Garth and

(01:26:16):
I'm like he just looked at me looked at me I think I might have had clothes
on by this stage you thought you might have and uh and he's just like alright
fucking come with us we gotta go and meet this chick and I'm like,
fucking I don't even know what the fuck he's talking about so I fucking say
yeah we went and met this girl I got me wallet and my phone back I had to go

(01:26:37):
to the ADM and go and give her, I think, 3,000 bahts or like 120 bucks.
And fucking happy days, mate. You dust yourself off when you get on with the job.
You know what? I'll tell you what we're going to do. Get the other side of the
story. We're going to have to get Garthy on here next week.
Because we want to hear his story. But I know there was a part that he lost
you and he couldn't find you for fucking – he went everywhere looking for you.

(01:27:01):
He couldn't find you. And he spent all day – The only directions he had was,
yeah, my hotel's down that way. And it was like a long street.
He went to the pub that's like one block down from Bangalore,
right? And I said, oh, my hotel's right.
So he had a beer there. So he had a proximity. He could probably narrow it down
to like 20 hotels or something like that.
Seriously sounds like an episode of The Hangover, right? Oh,

(01:27:24):
isn't it? Oh, it's like...
It was one of my finest moments. The best bit was the only reason that Garth
found out about trying to find me and that I'd got myself in a shit was because
this Thai chick had a phone call from my daughter.
So by the time I woke up, my wife, my kids, half the family all knew that I was in.

(01:27:51):
Yeah. I even got a message, man. I got a message from my – I've already even
woken up. Yeah, my auntie messaged me, do you know where Scotty is?
He's over in Thailand. Could you like chase Garf down?
Yeah. I had no idea you were over there.
Yeah. That's pretty funny. That's the beauty of the story is that,
you know, there was 20 people in Australia that knew what had gone wrong with

(01:28:14):
me before I'd even known.
Before you even woke up. I'll tell you a funny story. Where's in Vietnam?
No, we stay in Thailand. We did the Thailand one. Well, it's close enough.
Yeah. He doesn't want to talk about it. Still Southeast Asia, right?
So we went over for a wedding and I brought my mate as my plus one to this wedding, right? Anyway.

(01:28:40):
Did you swallow a bite? No. No, I normally spit it out.
It was my plus one. Anyway, first night we went out, he picked up and I didn't
see him Until three or four days later, anyway.
So the first night we both went out and we're dancing away.

(01:29:00):
Oh, no, we were actually at the, you know, you put your feet and the fish eat
all the dead skin off your feet.
And so you put, yeah, the day spa. Anyway, he's talking.
He can tell a good story or two. So he's talking to these two Thai birds and,
oh, he's American. Where are you going today? Where are we going?
I said, oh, well, they're going to go to the club.

(01:29:23):
I said, all right, we'll meet you back here at 7 o'clock. So he's doing all
that while these fish are eating me toes and stuff.
Anyway, so we met up with him and took him out for a few drinks,
blah, blah, dancing and carrying on and just drinking, like going nuts.
Anyway, I thought she's like really liked me. Like I thought, oh, yeah, she's into me.

(01:29:44):
I was a single man at the time. I was living the dream. I'm in love.
Oh, yeah. And she's like, oh, yeah, she was good sort. Anyway,
come home. We went back to our hotel, which is like 400 kilometers away from
where the action was in Bangalore Road at its resort there.

(01:30:05):
And mate's got his bird. I've got
my bird. It's all that. There's a lot of bonking going on in that room.
Anyway, Adam, he was- You were working on stuff for your OnlyFans, mate.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, OnlyFans wasn't invented back then. This is that long
ago. They'll do a full gangbang in that bedroom.
Yeah, but anyway, so.

(01:30:27):
That's for Patreon. Yeah. I put, like, wake up in the morning and she's still
sitting there and she's like, all right, okay.
And then my mate, my American mate anyway, probably won't use his name in this one.
He's still having a crack. I'm like, fuck, he's got some stamina, this fella.

(01:30:48):
Anyway, I've walked out with my bird and she says, you'll pay me now?
I said, for what? I did all the work.
She said, no, you'll pay me. I said, no, I paid you. I bought you drinks all night.
I thought it was just, this is a date sort of situation.
She said, no, you'll pay me or I'm going to tie your ass.

(01:31:10):
That's exactly what she said. I'm going to tie your ass. And I'll tell you what
the funny thing was, right? We were in the other side of the world, right?
We're on the other side of the world, right, and the whole entourage was there for a wedding.
Even our mother was there. We're walking down the street and we see Wes handing
over the money to the prostitute.

(01:31:33):
A full shame job. Yeah. And it was like about ten of us walking down.
We're just pointing and laughing at him.
Because I thought she was just a local that liked me, right?
I didn't realize that she was in it for money, right?
I just thought, oh, yeah, we're having a good time and she's going to be my
little chaperone for the next week and a half. Anyway.

(01:31:56):
Straight out of the, mum and everyone else went into town. I said,
oh, we'll get the bus. I said, oh, don't worry. We'll, that's right.
Mate, still in the room there. And mum walks in the room.
My girl, though, as I was with her, she had a towel wrapped around her.
And I said, oh, because you knocked on the, you came around the backside of the door.
And like, we were, like, because we had a balcony sort of thing.

(01:32:17):
And you're like, oh, have you got birds in there? He's like, yeah, they're in there.
And then he's obviously gone back to her mum. Mum's knocked on the door.
And then the chick that I was with, she opens the door, she says,
is this your mama? Hello, mama.
And I was walking behind her. Meanwhile. And Wes was sitting on the bed going, who's your daddy?

(01:32:42):
Meanwhile, the American mate over there, he's still copping a fucking gobby from business.
And mum's like, okay, I've seen enough.
I'm walking out. You guys can get your own way into town.
So then we left, like they left, and then we were just like,
all right, they'd finished up.
I was still waiting outside, waiting for fucking Mark, old mate American to sort himself out.

(01:33:06):
And then we finally jumped on our own bus, and then that's when she's like, okay, where's my money?
I'm like, fuck. So then I had to go to the ATM and pay her the 3,000.
3,000 baht it was. I was like, you're kidding me.
And then my mate didn't have to pay nothing. He was just like,
oh no, he got one that's like, she, no, she.

(01:33:27):
Mate, I got my wallet and my phone back for that.
But anyway, so yeah, that was when the whole time when I'm pulling the money
out of the ATM and there's like 15 people just walking towards me as I'm handing
this cash over at the perfect time.
15 people, your family and friends. from the wedding, a whole wedding party. Everyone was there.

(01:33:49):
And then, like, I'm just on this walk of shame going, fuck, it's me and my mum and everyone's there.
We're all pointing. We're all pointing. We're all pointing and laughing.
I'm like, I thought she actually liked me.
Meanwhile, Wes's American friend. Oh, I was in love.
Meanwhile, Wes's American friend, he hooks up with this lovely lady and goes

(01:34:14):
and has Thai barbecue, stays at their house. We never seen him again the whole trip.
Yeah, no, he did make it for the wedding, but then went back again.
But then again, when he left, he went back. He came back because he was living in Aus then.
She was on the phone to him saying, oh, I need money. Like it was like,
can you send me money over? And he's like, no, I'm not doing that. You can go away.

(01:34:35):
So, yeah, that's Thailand for you, mate. London joint.
There's plenty of other stories, but we won't go down those roads.
Oh, there's one. So I was walking, one more. I was walking across the road.
It was very late. This is a couple of days later with another friend.
As we're walking across the road, I was like, because I was in like that Vietnam

(01:34:56):
mode. Vietnam, they go around you. Thailand, they're going to run over you.
Right. Vietnam, the motorbikes go around you. This one was doing.
It's every man in themselves. No, it was raining.
And she's going pretty quick on this little scooter. Anyway,
we're just crossing the road.
And then I'm like, all right, go. I sort of hesitated and then this person,
this chick on a motorbike, she sort of hesitated and then went,

(01:35:19):
and then like crashed. She stacked it.
Bang. Hit her face in the ground. She had an open-faced helmet.
I was like, I ran over to her and I was like, helped her up.
So she was like screaming and she was like, oh, it was horrible.
Anyway, the tourist police came running over to me and said, we will help her out.

(01:35:39):
You need to run away. now. You need to go.
And I'm like, what? No, I'm, I'm helping around. You will go to jail for this
because this is your fault.
And I said, look, I've, he goes, go now.
And so me and his other friend I was with, we just ran, ran, ran away.
Like I was like trying to help her out, trying to be, you know,

(01:35:59):
I was probably my fault because I was crossing the road and I'm Australian.
And if I wasn't there, it wouldn't have happened.
But yeah, she, she was okay. Like, but yeah, Yeah, she was screaming and her
face was all fucked up. It was pretty bad.
But shout out to the tourist police in Thailand. If you're ever in trouble, go and see them first.
But yeah, he come running over to me. If he wasn't there, I would have went to jail for it.

(01:36:23):
It would have cost me thousands and thousands of dollars. Two grand to get out of jail.
I thought it was 200 bucks. Oh, no, maybe 2,000. On Monopoly, it's 2,000 baht.
No, but it would have been way
more than that. And if that Thai person in Thailand is listening, sorry.
I didn't mean it. I was just crossing the road. I was drunk. I'm really sorry.

(01:36:45):
But no, yeah, I tried to do the right thing, but the tourist police saved me.
Let's go back to what you said, everyone's birthdays, birthdays
like the thailand's birthdays they have fake birthdays actually wes had a fake
birthday and we were we were at like we went we went out and wes was dressed

(01:37:06):
in some kind of safari pajama suit or something yeah i don't know that was random
wasn't it yeah we went out to like sushi,
and and and then our cousin just ian he decided to uh set it up to say that it's uh wes's birthday
and so these ladies like oh happy birthday happy
birthday and it was in my birthday in january yeah

(01:37:27):
i have a furry birthday party wes's birthday is
in may right so they they ran over to the shop next door and bought candles
and all this put a cake on for me and everything sung happy birthday and shit
we're like we had our kids there and everyone's just like laughing and looking
and going what let's say to the kids just just play along just play along with it,

(01:37:47):
So it's not only the Thai chicks that do fake birthdays.
Did you learn that from Thailand, Wes? I learned a lot of things in Thailand, Simon.
I just had to. I had that note. I wanted to make sure that we brought that conversation
up because have anyone out there ever faked their birthday?
I want to hear about it. So just put it in our messages and on our socials.

(01:38:11):
I've had a lot of women fake a lot of other things around me.
No are you always good for three you're always good for three
minutes man yeah this is a fucking you cook
noodles in two minutes okay let's see has this is
another question so where's the site he's saying oh has women got
women and fake orgasms all right has a man as

(01:38:34):
men any men out there have you've ever faked an orgasm i
know i have you've faked an organ yeah really how
can you do that it's easy you just go oh
i'm done yeah no yeah you can do it like
as long as the lights are off you know uh yeah
he is going but um yeah no because like sometimes i know when you're younger

(01:38:56):
like your stamina is fucking you know and then he's like i'm like way much more
stamina when i was younger oh that's better you're good for four and a half
minutes of that man four and a half hours,
yeah oh there's the fucker bucket chucking the fucker bucket segments finished
right so what are we moving on to oh okay have you had any bad uber drivers

(01:39:21):
or bad taxi drivers scotty.
Oh, I've had ones that have got a bag and a fucking cart and smokes and everything
else before I got off the airport. But no, I don't think it was bad.
All right. We did have one when we come back from the Podcast Royale.
We're sitting in the back of that Uber. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. We almost died because he fell asleep.

(01:39:45):
Yeah, he fell asleep behind the wheel. And we're sitting there going,
I was like, because you were sitting behind him, I was sitting on the left-hand
side. and I could see him in the review mirror. I was pretty busy. I was licking windows.
After that podcast, that was unreal. But yeah, the podcast number two is coming
up. So we're going to head up for that one.

(01:40:05):
It's the same weekend in April, but we'll see how we go.
I'll talk about some funny experiences. No, finish this Uber story first, right? Okay, okay.
So he literally fell asleep, right? and I'm like looking at him like,
I was like, you all right, mate? Yeah.
And he's just nodding off, nodding off.

(01:40:28):
I'm like, and next thing you know, he's fallen asleep and he's like,
he's doing 60 and he's ready to go.
I can hit this car and I'm like, wah, wah. And then the car's even going,
beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's got that crash avoidance fucking thing on it.
And I'm like, if I didn't say anything, man, we would have been smashed into
him. and then I gave him, fucking slammed the door when we got to the airport,

(01:40:51):
slammed the door. I was wounded too.
You gave him some curry.
I did. I said, fucking go and get some sleep, you fucking asshole.
Yeah, that's good. You should have more. Go and get some sleep in the CUN, in the NT.
You should have gave him a bit more than that. Oh, mate. Yeah,

(01:41:11):
he needed a snooze. Fucking hell.
Adam's got a funny story I've got a funny story like way before Uber Uber's
fucking came out and stuff it was like when I was 16 I used to go out fucking to the
nightclubs and shit and you know mum would just drop me off at the station where
you going son I'm going up to the mountains to the nightclub because I can sneak in,

(01:41:36):
so you know doctor the old license and stuff so it made me look older and I
was dressed up in all my vanilla ice gear and all that kind of stuff I'm ready
for a fucking dance, dance, dance-a-thon.
And, and so fucking, anyway, we get up, we get up there and,
you know, we'll go up with my mate and, you know, and so we're up dancing,

(01:41:58):
having a good night. Anyway, something happened.
The security guard kind of realized that my mate's ID was wrong or something happened.
I don't know what happened, but anyway, he got chucked out and he got pushed down the stairs.
And so we ended up leaving and we're like, fuck, we were like sort of,
we're still at high school.
We're like, okay, we need to get some, we got a little bit of money.
So we went out and went out to, not March, and we were like,

(01:42:23):
oh, fuck, it's freezing cold because we're in Katoomba in winter.
It was fucking cold, man.
And so we ended up seeing, found a taxi and we said, oh, we got 50 bucks,
man. Can you get us to Pender?
So from Katoomba to Pender, it's like 45 kilometers.
And it's a bit you know these days it'll be 100 200 bucks
or something but we said to him 50 bucks and he's

(01:42:46):
like no worries i'll turn the meter off and um
he goes you boys like fucking rage against machine he's only like in his 20s
this fella and that and we're like yeah fucking if we love it so he's put killing
in the name of and he said look i've got some fucking wacky tobacco do you want
some and you can have some but we need to get some tally so we pulled up the servo fucking

(01:43:07):
rolled up some fucking wacky tobacco with smoke and weed with a taxi driving
all the way down listening to fucking rage against the machine and dropped his home.
Smoking joints with a taxi driver
for 50 bucks, which should have cost you probably more than a hundred.
And he gave you some weed. Yeah, like it was going to be $200 at least today
to get down there, but I think it would be even more if you got that benefit, you know.

(01:43:31):
Yeah, yeah. Maybe like Uber drivers should offer, you know, extras. Yeah, that's it.
But, yeah, that was just some fucking funny shit. Killing in the name of.
Have a smoke with my taxi driver.
Pass the dutchie to the taxi man pass the

(01:43:54):
dutchie to the taxi we're not getting into cheese
under your swamp so how
far can we go down the rabbit hole with this podcast hey we're on number three
but it's trying to say we're kind of doing like the whole anarchy in the uk
sex pistols thing so how the fuck we can how far we can go before we get booted
off i thought you get to at least at least episode number five before you brought in the extra cheese.

(01:44:23):
Yeah. Shout out to our sponsors. Yeah. We've got one. We've got one sponsor. Coon. Yeah.
Coon. Cheese. No, it's called Cheer now. It's Cheer. It's not Coon.
It's like what, you know, all those cool things that we had like growing up,
like gollywogs, man. Like they've changed them now. What are they called?
Scallywags. Scallywags. I don't even know if they sell them anymore. I reckon they're gone.

(01:44:46):
Yeah, well, like, because we used to have, like, remember the grog log?
Grog log cake, yeah. You'd put the cream in between the two gollywogs.
I've heard of them before. I've only heard of grog bog.
I had one over at 4 o'clock this morning. I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you, it took me a while after having Wes's fucking Alaskan duck fart the other week.

(01:45:11):
It took me about three days to have a grog bog after that. But,
like, seriously, that thing, I think it was fucked. Did you hear about the...
The blind circumcision, circumciser, he got the sack.

(01:45:31):
He got the sack, yeah. Fuck that.
But anyway, mate, thanks for interjecting into our podcast tonight and there
will be plenty more coming from our old mate Scotty down there,
Peter Parker and his pinky finger.

(01:45:53):
Into a different topic. We're going to have a – hold on. Before we do that,
we're going to have another one of these fucking finger in your buttholes, all right?
I'll just pull that first. I'll just pull that right now. It's in the shaker.
Oh, shit. Hold on. Fuck, do you remember the Midori shaker? Did you ever get
the Midori shakers at Piafers back in the day?
I needed more. Oh, yeah, Midori. Fucking hell, that's a nightmare, that shit.

(01:46:15):
But you get the shaker and, like, they'd sell you. You get to keep the shaker and take them home.
You come home with fucking three or four shakers in the night.
You're like, fuck, why am I got this shit in me? Oh, yeah, no.
Like every time I go to the pub, right, like it's a bit harder these days.
It's pubs and, you know, where you like say city, pet or whatever.

(01:46:35):
But I still get away from the mountains. Like I'll just go, all right,
fuck, just walk out with my schooner.
And I remember it was snowing a couple of years ago. we had snow and I was like
I was living up in like Kutuba no not that kind of state but like,

(01:46:55):
Fucking, we went up and had a... Sorry, I just had to get more ice.
Yeah, I walked in the snow. It was fucking coming down like full on. It was amazing.
And went to the pub and had the fireplace on.
And it's called a mulled wine. So I had a red wine and they put all the herbs

(01:47:18):
and spices, drank all that kind of stuff.
And then we just sort of chilled out there for a bit. and then I wanted to go
because it was getting heavier and I wanted to make sure I wasn't like walking
through the snow, like, you know, ankle deep. I wanted to get home before it did that.
And so I said, well, can I take my schooner home? He's like, yeah, no worries.

(01:47:38):
And so that was just a friendly long relationship with the pub because I just
take my schooners home all the time.
And then we moved out just, you know, about six weeks ago and I'm like, holy fuck,
there's been a very friendly relationship with this pub because there's fucking

(01:47:59):
schooner glass up the schooner glass up the schooner glass.
I swear I had enough schooner glasses to start my own pub.
It was fucking just like, okay, and I don't know where they were all gone.
I think the missus chucked them out when we moved.
It's actually funny you mention that because these two glasses,
you hold them up to the camera there, we actually got these from Royal Caribbean.

(01:48:20):
Man well they fucking they need you need to get them from them but the way at
the mountain they charged you for those fucking cruise oh it was ridiculous
like if you don't get the drinks package if you go on a cruise right,
they actually charge you a fortune. So basically you need to get a couple of,
and they're bloody good cocktail glasses. Oh no, it's a fucking good cocktail.

(01:48:40):
We're still with finger in the butthole. So finger in the butthole.
Now that, that sounds like you're going for one of those, you've gone to the
doctors and you're getting a bit of discovery.
Yeah. I'm sure you've got plenty of stories to talk about that when you, um, yeah.
Oh, you know, that's, that's definitely, We have talked on that over a few podcasts.

(01:49:06):
Yes, but you haven't really delved into the whole hemorrhoid situation.
Oh, no, it's not a good thing. So, you know, make sure that you don't get a finger in the butthole.
No, actually do. Go to the doctor if you're a male.
Look, it's not pleasant, but pick the hottest doctor, whether it's a female

(01:49:27):
or a male, whatever you're into, and get them to put it up there.
Yeah, it's a cheap service.
So, yeah, if you've got problems down there, just go and check.
Yeah, well, you've got to, like, as you get older, you've got to get your prostate
checked out. You've got to check the hemorrhoids. But they don't do that anymore.
I don't think they do the finger up the butthole for the prostate check anymore.

(01:49:51):
So it's actually just a blood test.
Just go to the doctors and get your finger, get them to put a finger up.
No, it's just a blood test. Can I still get the finger up the ass?
It's cheaper than going to the brothel. Anyway, going back to the cruise, right?
Going back to the cruise, right? So I got these glasses from the cruise,
but we were watching a few things before on YouTube before we went on the cruise

(01:50:15):
about do's and don'ts and blah, blah, blah.
Next thing I know, they said there's a swingers club on most cruises,
right? So you get into...
If you've got a pineapple that's upside down, so most people have like a pineapple
necklace or a pineapple magnet on the door.
This tastes a bit like pineapple. What are you getting into it with? No.

(01:50:36):
So that's the swingers club. So if it's an upside down pineapple,
that means they're swingers. Have you heard about that before?
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I had the upside down pineapple sticker on my door at
home. Did you? How'd you go? No good. No good?
You're still at the back in the swing set. I didn't realize it was like that.
I just like the, I like pineapples. It tastes good.

(01:50:59):
Yeah, but when they're upside down, you're going to get fucked.
Yeah, that's, well, it's an interesting world out there.
I mean, like, there's actually, I've seen it.
It was really funny because there's a company called My Secret Spot,
which is on, they actually went on Channel 7.

(01:51:21):
And they're Australia's number one swingers club and like they've got a podcast
out there and fucking hell, man. Oh, really?
Yeah. Go on. Like you learn a lot of shit from this one here, right? Yeah, right.
I find it interesting. I like listening to their stories and yeah,
I watched Sam on the morning show on Channel 7.

(01:51:43):
I was like, what the fuck? I'm going to Google that shit.
So I did and I'm like, so I've been following their podcast And so if you want
to get down into that side of things, just go and have a listen to some of their
stories. Oh, well, we should bring it up.
Let's see. Is there anything interesting that you can remember?
Oh, I can Google it. Yeah, we'll have a look now.

(01:52:04):
What's the best swinger story you got? So if anyone out there that's listening
has got some good swinging stories, we'd love to hear them.
Record your voice and send it to us on our and send it
to us on insta and we'd love to
hear that sort of stuff but yeah the cruise
upside down pineapples that's basically all you need and then you can go and

(01:52:29):
get fucked really like that's the whole point of it but i don't know if i'm
into that i swapping well i don't know it's like everyone's like you know it's
2024 mate like Fucking people do that too. Really?
I thought it was 2025 already. Fuck, it's gone quick this year.
Fucking hell, I'm just enjoying this.
Finger in the butt. Oh. It's called a they drink. No, it's called,

(01:52:54):
I'm fucking drinking it.
See who it is? See? Australia's hottest Swedish club. There you go. Oh, hello.
Let's get into this. Okay. So, hello and welcome to our secret spot.
You've come to the right place. Have you got a VPN, by the way? No. No?
All right, so I don't care. Our vision is to be a twisted emporium of fantasy-fueled

(01:53:19):
desires for couples and singles to explore and reveal.
Wow. I don't know if I said that right. So, did you just go in there and just
go walking with your missus?
No, you have a full... Let's have a snake peek. Snake peek, what's that?
Talking about, you know, we're looking at a science club, but we can't get the
fucking website that we're they'd be, what's a fucking go when you turn Pornhub on, right?

(01:53:44):
And it throws out all these other videos. It's like, are you lonely tonight or today?
Well, obviously you are because unless you're watching it with your missus,
I don't know how many people sit there and watch porn with your missus. Like, is that a thing?
Do you sit there and practice?
But then again, if they did that, would they be watching it with their missus?

(01:54:09):
Triple cap, like fucking cameras just trying to research.
Imagine them. So the same people that watch porn and fuck to porn,
do they do trampolining and watch that in the Olympics?
Let's go out and bounce. But anyway, we were talking about the swingers club,
but I've got it here, I think.
No, the video is not working, but anyway, it's cool.

(01:54:32):
Thirsty Thursday, 29th of August. We've missed that. Fuck, September.
Lingerie delight. lot newbie night let's click on newbie night what happened
on newbie night it's working here,
$86 to $165. I'll pay the $86. Who's going for the cheap Newby night, right?
Annandale Ticket Tots, all right? So just scrolling through here.

(01:54:55):
Welcome to a Newby night. Come early.
Oh, well, that's definitely going to happen with me.
And meet our owners. We will help you understand we're at someone's club. So I'll help you come.
Introductory talk. Club opens at 8. Interaction talks at 9.
Let your hair down. Hopefully there's not that much hair. Make sure you have a shave before you go.

(01:55:17):
Are we allowed to do this for like content for our podcast? So we can go and
check out the secret spot?
Yeah, why not? Why don't we just go down there and have a bit of a look?
Have a look. We're not going to like join up. Oh, you never know.
I wonder if it's like karate. Do they give you like your white belt so you walk
in there naked? Do you just got a white belt around you?

(01:55:39):
Once you've like come up a few ranks, you've come up a few ranky cunts.
Well, they've got Adult Choice Awards 2023 Best Adult Entertainment Venue.
Our secrets. Yeah, right.
So there's a whole world out there that you don't know about.
Yeah, I know. It's crazy. You will hear it first on the Raw Sows podcast.

(01:56:00):
It's like you said, the upside down pineapples, and there is actually a venue
for that. There is a venue for that.
I wonder, like seriously, you know, everything in Australia,
we have the big banana, you know, the big prawn. We have the big pineapple,
but why do they have a big upside-down pineapple on their fucking venue?
That would be so cool. They should, but this is the problem I've got, right?

(01:56:23):
So the club opens at 8 p.m., and there's a whole hour before the introduction
talk begins if you're a newbie.
So you're going in there at 8 p.m. I'm fucking done.
I'm done by definitely 9.
9 past 8, right? Right. So then I'm like, okay, now what do I do?

(01:56:45):
I still have to hang around.
So are they fucking doing all their shit?
Like have you already picked?
It's like a – No, you go to the bar I hear. Like they do a – you guys hang out at the bar.
You don't have to go and do all the stuff. Like you can just go and watch.
It's like, you know, you can be – I haven't been to it, but I've been listening

(01:57:05):
to their podcast for a while.
It was cool. I was sitting on Channel 7 on the morning show.
This was on there. Yeah, they were talking about it. They got interviewed on there.
It was like, well, that's how I found it. I was like, okay, well, fuck, it's 2024.
It's a different world we live in right now. We strongly recommend booking tickets

(01:57:26):
in advance to avoid disappointment or just fucking Wes.
You will be strongly disappointed. But no, door sales are rarely available,
so you need to get tickets in there. This is not a paid advertisement,
but we're just having a look at it.
Yeah, no, it's a very interesting kind of place. Like I listen to all heaps of podcasts.

(01:57:50):
Everything's all kind of different stuff.
But, yeah, they say they kind of interview people that come in.
Come in where? Yeah, well, they interview people online and stuff before they
are allowed and there's only a certain amount of people that can actually go to these events.
Oh, right. So you've got to basically audition for it. Yeah,

(01:58:11):
yeah. So drop your pants.
Check out the size of your car. You're not getting in. It's like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, but it's interesting. It's interesting and good. I'm having a bit of fun and living your life.
If you're into that stuff, that's cool. Yeah, we're not here to fucking shame
anyone and what they want to do, but it would be truly memorable as it says

(01:58:36):
on the fucking website. Oh, yeah.
Sexy, safe, and truly memorable. anyway so moving from the swingers club.
Anyway so moving from the swingers club we'll move into,
fucking bananas bananas fucking

(01:58:57):
hell do you know we share the same
dna as a banana what it's
true man do you want me to look it up nice i do because
that seems interesting disgusting we have nearly
the same i have a problem with fucking
bananas right not fucking them but i have a
problem i have a problem that's a cheaper

(01:59:20):
version of a butt you go into the shops you buy
them green right i buy so if i'm buying 10 bananas right i'll buy five green
ones five yellow ones and that's it right by the time i get to the fucking yellow
ones they're black I took one to work the other day and it completely went black

(01:59:41):
before I could fuck off to eat it.
And I'm not a massive fan of the black banana. I reckon it's a shit taste.
No, it's a shit taste. The thing with the darker banana, right,
is that- You've got 10 minutes to fucking eat it, otherwise it's gone off.
No, but it actually goes, it's more sweeter.
It's got more sugar in it. Yeah, because the sugar ferments inside the fucking

(02:00:02):
banana. Yeah, so, like, that reminds me of something funny, right? Like, we were...
I remember going up to Mullumbimby, right, and there's all these parrots up there.
And they're fucking nuts, man. Like they're like, you know what parrots are like.
You hear them like we've got the sulfur crested cockatoo is up where I live in there.
And they're nuts too. But the parrots, they've fallen out of the trees and stuff.

(02:00:26):
And what happens is the berries on these trees that they're eating ferment and they eat them all.
And then I think your GoPro's going flat. So anyway. Anyway,
so the berries, they eat these berries and they get drunk and they fall out of the trees.
And they had a massive problem in Mullumbimby a few years ago.

(02:00:48):
I don't know if that's still happening, but if it is, let us know.
I'd love to hear some funny stories about that stuff. While you've been saying
that, I've just looked it up. Drunk birds.
So they actually get inebriated. So what do they eat?
They're just eating the berries out of the trees that are fermented.
And it ferments. Yeah, they're just like humans, you know.
We ferment berries and we get pissed off at it. So same thing, you know.

(02:01:12):
It's funny because, yes, us humans like to have a few drinks and stuff and whatever else.
We like to drink fermented fruits.
So does the rest of the animal population. I wonder if ants get pissed.
Or bees. I wonder if bees get pissed. Why do we have ants?

(02:01:33):
Because they eat up all this shit that we leave lying on, like,
I don't know. No, why do we have cockroaches?
Cockroaches are fucking cake and go and fuck themselves.
Seriously, they've got really, like, whoever invented all these little fucking
things in the world, you go and just put that cockroach. Yeah, that'll do.
Nuclear bomb goes off. The only thing that survives is the fuck cockroach.

(02:01:56):
What the fuck's in mortine, by the way?
Break a cockroach, it'll die. But you drop a nuclear bomb on them,
they won't die. They'll still live.
I know, but that's the thing with cockroaches, right?
They have survived fucking nuclear warfare.
They've survived the fucking comet on the fucking earth.

(02:02:19):
And them and crocodiles. I was just about to say, they must be related to crocodiles.
I'm like, fuck no. Isn't a chicken, chicken's a dinosaur.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? The crocodile.
The crocodile came inside the chicken, which made the little egg,
and then made these fucking really astro weird chickens, which fucking we need to get into.

(02:02:43):
Have you seen that astro weird chicken? Oh, actually, no, but I found a fucking song I was looking for.
Now the internet's working. Here we go. Listen to this.
There's the magpie. I'm scared. There's the magpie, right?
John and Vera Allen of Wallington near Geelong have found a companionship in
birds that has brought them much joy.
They're swingers. I just found a random thing off the internet.

(02:03:04):
They're swingers. ...living on their 10-acre property by feeding them regularly.
The daily meal has become a ritual for John Allen, a train controller with the
Victorian Railways for 25 years until he retired.
So this is what happens. So with magpies, I know you can't see the visual.

(02:03:27):
The magpie is noted for its boldness and its singing.
Its melodious call is as Australian as Bo Yanks and Billy T. Billy T.
Come on, really, mate. John Allen has long played the harmonica for relaxation,
and after he discovered how remarkably the magpies responded to human contact,
he decided to join the black and white singers.

(02:03:49):
The result? Most unusual musical harmony.
Fuck I love old videos. I know. 1977. Yeah, pause it for a second.
I'll explain them. How's their voice? And they have cotton, and they've been
fairly good, and they do this and it's like.

(02:04:09):
Oh, no, but so this is like another conversation.
This is our random rants section of the podcast.
Which is just going to be the podcast from now on. Yeah, it's random rants.
But, like, I'm not going to go and edit this.
Like, I know we were talking about the birds before, but we can go back to birds
and bees and stuff because we actually did.

(02:04:30):
We spoke about bees, you know, like bees and ants and shit.
We're talking about all random things right now. but
like seriously how fucking crazy has austral australian language changed like
i looked i looked at a video myself back in like when i was 20 i'm like yeah
man like how you going bro like fucking around and now now i'm talking like

(02:04:54):
this you know like i don't and i think.
Australia, like we stole a lot of our language from, well, our language came
from English and all the descendants coming here and mixing it and we were against
the English and whatever else.
So we made our own slang and it's changed.

(02:05:15):
I've noticed it from listening from like the early videos to now.
Has anyone else noticed that?
Well, Wes certainly. Wes still thinks he's in the fucking 1900s.
Hey, mate, give me a tip and a phone.
No, but that was very – you watch as we are in the western suburbs of Sydney
with this fucking dickhead with his V8.
You hear it, wait for it, wait for it. Oh, yeah.

(02:05:38):
Don't get an FB, brother. But it's me.
I wonder how much petrol he just used. Yeah, 98 bucks worth.
Like seriously, who would fucking own a V8 these days unless you had a shitload
of money just to waste on petrol Yeah, but going back to the way our Aussie slang has changed.

(02:06:01):
You go back and look up Donald Bradman and the way they used to talk. Oh, Sir Donald Bradman.
Sir Donald Bradman, the best cricketer in Australian history,
the way they used to talk back then because they had really high ink and they
really, really, really fast.
I don't know whether it's like got to do with the footage and the way the microphones

(02:06:21):
and stuff are, but it's very strange.
I know. I just find it interesting that how we – Just talking about Donald Bradman's voice or something.
Yeah, I'll go with voice. I'll know. But, yeah, it's interesting how Australian
slang has changed over the years. Yeah, go get a dog out of here.

(02:06:43):
Like, I don't know, maybe is it outside influences and stuff like that?
It's funny because our daughters are the same age and they start saying stuff like diaper.
I'm like, no, it's a fucking nappy. Or they say all sorts of different weird
shit that they hear on YouTube.
It's a YouTube generation. We weren't the YouTube generation.

(02:07:05):
It's at record speed. Not a pay ad. Not a pay ad there. It was kind of a clap
that. At record speed. Nobody mentioned anything.
But imagine that. Here we go. Here we go. Listen to the voice.
Then a special cheer on the field. So Donald Bredman's definitely the greatest
player of all time, statistically.
There's no one even close. You look at his average. And then you hear their

(02:07:29):
voices. Yeah, and we're going to find some of their, hold on, internet.
Donald Bredman, Donald Bredman, for the rest of his time.
Where is it? You know, like, fucking hell, this is like a full-on documentary.
But anyway, all I want to hear is the voices, right? Yeah.
It's because sometimes they just had to get out of the way. See,

(02:07:50):
it's awkward as fuck. Yeah.
Donald Bradman's voice is what we wanted. Yeah, I did write that in there,
but we'll just have another look.
Do you reckon it's part of the actual recording process of why they're so high-pitched?
Because how we talk like this.
Yeah, well, you know, recording techniques have changed a lot,

(02:08:12):
as you know, like since today. But, like, fuck, man.
I think it's more than that. I think it's that we've, as Australia's,
Australian country is developing, you know, we've only been in Australia about 240 years or something.
2024, mate. Yeah, well, there's all the, you know, slow colonisation.

(02:08:38):
That's wrong. Yeah, it's wrong.
Don't come here for statistics. No, but like the English and whatever and then,
you know, Indigenous, we're here for 40,000 years or more.
But, like, we are still a developing country, like, in the fact that,

(02:08:59):
you know, the English colonized Australia.
So we still have – we're basically a country full of criminals because they
just dumped us here, right? They just dumped us here.
They were, fuck yous, like, you guys are criminals. was you stole a fucking loaf of bread.
Off you go. This is your house now. And they gave everyone a bit of land.

(02:09:23):
But then now the generation after generation, we can't even get a fucking piece
of land because everything's so fucking expensive. You can't afford a loaf of bread.
That was good, though.
Good luck to you anyway. But, yeah, it's funny how generations change over the
years and the next generation is coming through as the connected generation

(02:09:47):
with all the technology and internet and all that shit that they have,
and they're already being Americanized because there's so much content on the internet from America.
So here we are at the Raw Says podcast.
We're going to start telling you how to be Australian. Hold on.
I think I found a Sir Donald. This is how you be Australian, right?

(02:10:11):
Will he talk? The last of the towering Australian figures of the 20th century,
Don Bradman took pride in fostering
international goodwill through what he called the medium of cricket.
There you go. That'll do. I just got the pipe up.
Saddam Hussein. This is not how you be Australian.

(02:10:31):
Don't be Saddam Hussein. What the fuck happened there? I don't know.
Pause that for a second, all right? and look up Aussie fucking slang,
right? So we're going to go straight into Aussie slang.
So anyway, that was a bit of a rough segment, but that's all right.
We're not even editing that at all. No, we'll keep that as it is.
So we're going into Aussie slang, right? So do you know you're fucking Aussie, right?

(02:10:55):
I'm not fucking an Aussie. No. Where's she from?
Where's he from? Where are they from? But Aussie slang. So, do you know any
Aussie slang words, right?
So, go get a dog's eye. What's that?
That's a pie. That's a pie. Dry as a dead dingo's donger.

(02:11:15):
It's dry. It's fucking, there's no water in it. Thirsty. Fucking, yeah.
So, what does this mean, Adam? I'm fucking starving.
I need, oh, sorry, cut that edit again. Yeah.
No, that's staying in there. I'm fucking starving and I need a durry,
mate. I need a fucking durry, mate.

(02:11:38):
I'm fucking starving. There's no food and I need a fucking durry.
Yeah, I could go a fucking dog's eye on a skewy.
You need a meat pie and a schooner of fucking two of these new.
Fuck that. You have a Foster's.
Foster's is shit.
Actually, Foster's is not Australian. It was made by two Americans that traveled

(02:11:59):
to Australia and lived in Australia and wanted an American beer.
We talked about that last time, didn't we? No, no. Yeah.
You need to start listening back to the shit we talk about. Well,
we've got a lot to talk about. We just don't fucking know what we're talking about.
Anyway, all right, let's move on from fucking Aussie slang because that's not fucking working.

(02:12:24):
No, it was pretty good, mate. I don't think it was all right.
Anyway, so go get a Sheila up. you get a dog's eye fuck go get starving if you
don't it's fucking starving you can fuck a pole fucking you can be rocked mate
don't matter I'll tell you what one of the funny things some of the shit that's
on the internet man like seriously,
like alright we'll segue straight into our web funnies.

(02:12:50):
Gotta fuck this drum beat off,
well that's up to you in the end I'm gonna put a fucking bass line in there
All right, where's my phone?
Well, so Wes has just lost his phone. Yeah, and I had all this shit.
I'll tell you one of the things, like, it's, like, do you feel like when you

(02:13:12):
have your phone, it's, like, it's part of you?
It's, like, it's fucking, I don't know, when you lose it, it feels like you
lose a fucking limb, hey, seriously.
You know, you get so fucking connected to it, it's like, oh,
there's my life, it's gone. I know.
I actually went to work a couple of weeks ago. Oh, yeah, a couple of weeks ago anyway.

(02:13:34):
I went to work. I knew how to drive there. My phone wasn't working.
What the fuck's going on here?
So then I started Googling on my phone. When I got there, I picked up all this stuff.
And I'm like, I've got to go to the customer's house. Phone's not working.
What the fuck is going on here?
Anyway, I sort of started driving over the bridge back.

(02:13:55):
Iron Cove Bridge was in Balmain. I said, all right.
So I pulled up the side street. All right, the phone's still not working.
And I'm like, what is going on with my phone?
And I couldn't ring anyone. It was completely blocked.
Fuck, I forgot to pay the bill. Oh, yeah. That should also be added to the fucking bucket, right?
Yeah, I didn't forget to pay the bill. The fact that I was on the cruise before

(02:14:20):
and they took out like three and a half grand out of my account and I only spent two.
Oh, man. And then it took like five weeks for them to give me the refund back on my account.
Out so i was like oh what's going on here and anyway
so i was like the only telstra shop
that i knew was in pannerist i drove all the way back from bow main to pannerist
and they said oh no i was just you could have just clicked this button and paid

(02:14:42):
it on the app and i was like fuck i had the money there to pay it but
then i was like oh you're fucking kidding me oh no
man it is just so fucked like the way
the world's going like i know i've talked about it probably first episode
and stuff as well it's like you know the
cost of living all that kind of stuff but like everything's being digitalized so
you can't keep track of shit like you know

(02:15:04):
it's good when you take a bit of cash out always i reckon
everyone just take a bit of fucking cash out have it in there because like the problem
is we just tap our cars at the pub having a few fucking skewies or whatever
else yeah and a few whiskeys and whatever floats your boat but i know i i do
believe like have a bit of cash cash and then you know we don't need the fucking

(02:15:26):
banks to track everything we do,
fucking, you know, take a bit of cash out. Well, that's the thing, right?
So you go for a car loan and they said you take cash out of the bank.
They think you're gambling. No, if you take cash out at a licensed venue,
they think you're gambling. Yeah, right.
That's so fucked, eh? Yeah. No, I'm just drinking me fucking ass away.
No, we're allowed to have a fucking beer. That's what we do.

(02:15:50):
Anyway, there's this guy on fucking Facebook, man. This is our web site.
Web funny fucking areas. Hold on. And we... Well, fuck the helicopter off.
That's not a fucking segue.
Oh, yeah. No, it is. That's part of it. It's like living in the fucking Kingswood country, mate.
Kingswood country, mate. Or Penrith country, wherever you like.

(02:16:12):
There's more crackheads than fucking nurses around here. You don't want that.
I said I was cleaning my butt up. I just sold my butt a couple of weeks ago.
And this fucking crackhead walked past the house. and she's like,
the boat, I cleaned it, fucking put it all down, put the cover over the top
of it and she's like, oh, fuck.

(02:16:34):
And she stood there. She said, that's a nice boat, eh?
And I'm like, it's a tarp over the top of it.
How the fuck do you know what's underneath it? It could have been.
It was a meth lab. It could have been a meth lab.
Yeah, that's right. A meth lab on wheels. That's where I cooked my meth up under
that boat tarp. Yeah, that's a beautiful boat tarp.

(02:16:56):
And she just sort of like walked off. I'm like, all right, I need to move it
back up there. Parked a couple of cars in front of it.
Not that she could fucking pull it away on her fucking shopping trolley.
She could pull it away on her shopping trolley.
What night of the week don't you have the fucking, the pole air flying over you?
Normally Monday. There's no pole air Monday because they're fucking,

(02:17:20):
they're pretty cooked. But they're all in the fucking slammer boat.
I love just sitting up at the traffic lights.
Don't talk about traffic lights. The Kingswood pub there. You just sit there
for, I don't know how long you sit there for at the traffic lights.
That's the best set of traffic lights to sit at.
Oh, for people watching. There's always something going on, man.

(02:17:41):
The other day I was like, there's this dude, he's just like strutting across the road.
He's yelling at this chick like on the court, Like, they're on complete opposite corners, right?
And she's like, and he's like, and then she's, like, going up to the back of the chicken shop.
She's like, and I was just like, what the fuck is going on here, man?

(02:18:06):
Mate, they just got out of the fucking mental institution just around the corner.
Oh, no, they're going for their methadone shots and stuff.
Yeah, they're having a go. Oh, it's all right. If you need meth,
that's fine. It's up to you. But like, you know, some people use medication.
But anyway, I think. They're not listening to this podcast, Adam.
So fuck them. Yeah, I know.
I think this guy here, right. If they are, shout out to you.

(02:18:27):
Get off it, you fucking grub.
Mate, this guy that I'm going to put up because it's like this is the internet
fucking funny part, right, that we're rolling into.
If I hit the fart button. Mm.
This guy takes the fucking... Oh, this guy's hilarious.
Here we go. Is this going to work on here? Or is it just going to wait for it to light up?
But, like, seriously, what's his name? Peter Pulpitson.

(02:18:52):
Yeah, he's the old dude. Beef ball challenge.
Yes, this is a cow's back, and yes, I am going to eat it.
I do believe this is just one back. I don't know what happened to the other
one, but there's definitely a bull going around somewhere doing very high-pitched
moves. It is very popular right around the world.
In America, they're called Rocky Mountain oysters.

(02:19:13):
Rocky Mountain oysters. It actually looks like my scrotum, but with jaundice.
Sniff test. Oh, with jaundice.
He's sniff testing a cow's balls.
Oh, that's fucked. I've got to do it. It's what I do.

(02:19:34):
It still must be like 60 Why didn't you touch my lips yet?
We're not there yet He's 70 in the shade this guy It just smells like a dirty,
Lick test Lick test He's doing it I've never actually had a In my mouth In my
mouth Despite what you might think Although I have tried to get my own in before
now Because they are incredibly stretchy He's trying,

(02:19:57):
Well.
I tested it and I licked it.
Now, I've got lingering on my tongue.
Now, when these are eaten, they're often dipped in egg whites and then,
you know, panko bread comes, get in air fryer or grill them or fry them or whatever,

(02:20:18):
and then sliced. Well, I'm not going to be doing that.
Right, sick veins there. Yeah, by Christ, I bet it had some pumping power. Bite her.
Oh, he's biting a fucking bull's nut. And oh, you're mother of England.

(02:20:38):
Right, this. Oh, he's falling, yeah. Give my pan, please. Oh, now he's cooking.
Hello, granddad. What have you been doing today? Oh, I've been eating.
It's really tough. It's tougher than mine, they'll tell you that.
Let's see if I can bite into it.

(02:21:00):
I didn't expect it to go through so easy. What's inside? Back stuff.
That's fucked. All right, so any guests that are coming down,
we're going to give you a balls test.
Go back to the... Everything's juicy.
Why, when it comes to swallowing, some mechanism here just stops me.

(02:21:28):
I know there's lots of people watching now who eat these regularly and they're
screaming at the screen telling me to get it down my throat I am trying,
Look at it You said to look to it Well why did you?
I don't know Round two If I can chew this and swallow it it's a win Come on
you big spooky He's going for the whole lot I can't swallow it,

(02:21:58):
it's psychological and I can't help it,
it's getting worse as it goes.
That sauce stuck to me teeth I did it I did it I've got that skin stuck in me teeth,
yes I struggled but I'm calling that a chuffing win Weird Fools 11 Peter Foyer

(02:22:23):
are you still here yeah it's over.
He's hilarious man I've seen so much so much shit but that goes into what we
were talking about before like I don't know,
weird shit that you found in your food. Yeah, oh, yeah, weird.

(02:22:46):
Oh, man, like, fucking tell us your story, Wes. What was that like?
So I was eating a chicken burger. Chicken burger.
This new restaurant I just opened up in Penrith a few years ago.
And as I'm eating it, like, this whole chunk of wire, which probably would have
been about 150 mil long, fell out the ass end of it.

(02:23:08):
And I was like, I took it up to him and said, dude, that's not supposed to be in there.
And he's like, that's a bit strange. I don't know why. So obviously the grilled
chicken, they're wiping the grill down with the fucking grill brush and the
grill's left on there. It's stuck on the chicken.
Anyway, I took it back to him and he goes, oh, you're fucking,

(02:23:29):
sorry about that, mate, and gave me a free mousse, a cup of mousse. No, like no refund.
No, no refund. I had the same thing fucking at a venue and I was eating just a bowl of vegetables.
I love me fucking mash, man. Like mash from the fucking clubs is the best,

(02:23:50):
right? You've been hanging out at the nursing home again.
Yeah, I know. But this was a while ago and I'm like fucking munching away.
Like I eat, you know, the last episode I swallowed a fucking stick and a fucking,
you know, I had a fucking piece of wire.
I pulled out. I'm like, fucking hell, man. Man, like seriously,
chefs, like you're putting people's lives in their hands.

(02:24:11):
If that had been like a young kid and stuff, that would be fucked,
like them finding that, you know.
The other thing I've found lately is –.
Where I live, it's called fucking cancer-linked forever chemicals,
PFAS, and they've closed a fucking dam down up at the mountains because they're
worried that this chemical that's come in, it's like, man, seriously?

(02:24:34):
Oh, no. And then the person that's looking in charge of it, she's going,
oh, yeah, no, I'm still drinking the water. I'm like, yeah, as if you fucking are.
Like they've closed the dam at Medlow Bath off.
That's fucked. so you look there it's right there like
and it's in in warragamba but
it's not much in because it's a big dam but like you know so what's what does

(02:24:57):
pfas do so the pfas right is it's a chemical that they use in fire retardant
and everything of course it's going to be found in the mountains all that all
the big bushfires that happen like they've just sprayed it everywhere all over the
fucking all over the mountains and stuff, and it doesn't break down.
This chemical does not break down. It's also in our nonstick frying pans and

(02:25:22):
everything else. So it causes cancer.
It's been linked to it. And they're saying the levels that are in our dams are
higher than they are in America's regulation, and ours are fucking way higher than that.
So what are you saying? The Warragamba slam is no good no more?
Well we're fucked all right it doesn't it

(02:25:44):
doesn't matter about drinking it they reckon it seeps into our
skin as well like it's fucking just insane but um
anyway moving on from like fucking really
sad topics and oh no but yeah it's fucking it's good good bit of news i want
to find a few things that i've sent to you on um instagram as i think it'll
be fucking cool like we've got some funny Funny fucking videos we've found in

(02:26:09):
the last few weeks that are just hilarious.
Enjoy your week, guys, and happy fucking Monday to everyone.
We're going to record a Sunday night, but we will see you all next week.
And I hope you've enjoyed this fucking episode.

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Raw SOS Podcast: Episode 4 - Father's Day, Sydney's Swingers!

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Raw SOS Podcast: Episode 4 - Father's Day, Sydney's Swingers!