October 22, 2024 • 43 mins
In this heartwarming episode, Shep and Elise Miller reminisce about their high school days, their shared love of music, and the unexpected journey of faith and doubt that life has taken them on. With personal anecdotes and deep reflections, they explore the power of music to unify and uplift, the challenges of maintaining faith in difficult times, and the importance of being present in the moment. Join us for a candid conversation inspired by the song "Coffee & Beignet" and Psalm 27, that blends humor, nostalgia, and profound insights on spirituality and human connection.
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Episode Transcript
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(01:43):
Music.
(05:40):
So good to see you. So Elise and I went to high school together.
I mostly got in trouble in Spanish class. She did really well.
She's also the captain of our cheerleading team and for the basketball team.
Very important for everyone to know that. I think you were also the business
manager for our yearbook, right?
No, definitely not. Didn't you like have a yearbook role? No?
(06:04):
I was too busy cutting class and going to the city to meet my boyfriend at the time. It was pathetic.
So hardly you were ahead of the curve. I was very rah-rah-liked into being social.
And are you still? I would say by nature I am, but I'm very, I'm a mom now.
So I'm busy working and I'm busy with my kids. And I don't have as much time
(06:28):
as I'd like with the people I love. Like you, Chef.
You and me both. That's exactly right. What are your kids' names?
Let's give them a shout out. Annie and Zee, my 16 and a half year old twins, who I adore.
Mind blowing that that was 16 and a half years ago.
I know. So I don't think I said before that you also the lead singer of my band,
(06:51):
but did the band have a name?
I don't know if we ever named our band, actually.
Did we? We used to talk about it.
I think we talked about it more than we actually made decisions about it.
Yeah, that's probably right.
That's probably why we never got out of Gershon Adams's basement.
It was so much fun, though, right? We had such a great time. Yes, it was.
(07:14):
Yeah, I owe you for that. That's great. And I think I've sent you the recordings.
Yes. Oh, my God. I didn't know there were. And then my 50th,
I guess our friend Alana tracked you down and you tracked Gershwin.
And he had recordings. And out of nowhere, my friends had a blindfold on me.
(07:36):
They took me to karaoke. And I'm thinking, why is there a bad Pat Benatar playing?
And then I realized it was me which just
I was dying of laughter it was it was really a
great moment as you know the songs I'm writing are
songs inspired by the psalmist I tend to refer to the psalmist as David because
(07:57):
that's how we grew up but as we've learned since then it's a bunch of other
people possibly so just as David inspired me I shared my song with you this
is the song coffee and beignet for Psalm 27.
And I want to know, what were you curious about? And what did it inspire in
you? Thinking, feeling, just anything?
(08:19):
As I've told you in the past, I was not always connected to the Psalms and didn't really feel anything.
And I'm a pretty spiritual person seeking out spiritual experiences.
But that didn't speak to me. But you asked me to do this, And I listened to
your song a few times and it was interesting, kind of serendipitous that I chose Psalm 27.
(08:46):
Why did you choose it? I think of the three you sent to me.
I chose it because I related to it in that David or whoever the author is,
believed in God and got comfort from God and then sort of doubted him.
Right. And I think that that's what's kind of unique about Judaism.
(09:08):
There's kind of room for doubt and questioning.
And I just related to that a lot. And then he sort of goes from taking comfort
in God and then doubting him and then once again, believing and getting joy out of it.
So that really speaks to me, because I think for me, I would say happiness for me.
(09:32):
And I think a lot of people who are control freaks, by definition,
is the absence of doubt, right?
You know, when you know something, it's comforting.
And when you're sure of yourself and you're sure of something,
it's like knowledge is power.
And knowing something and having sort of a given in your life brings happiness and joy.
(09:56):
Do you have doubt about God now?
Yeah, very often. I mean, look at the times we're living in.
It's very hard to sort of believe it, but then...
You know, this is going to sound dramatic, but I'll listen to your song and
think, you know, there's God right there.
(10:18):
It's so beautiful. It's true, though. I mean, I don't know. I'm sure you've
had this experience, you know, when you when you go to a concert, right?
This huge concert and the band or the artist is incredible.
And there's this incredible crescendo during the concert. And there's 20,000
people that are completely unified from all different walks of life.
(10:42):
And they're all unified and they're all filled with joy experiencing this common
feeling that the music brings up inside of them.
And nothing matters outside those doors in that time. And I really believe that.
Yeah, I think music is very much tied to reigniting our belief in God and and
(11:08):
anything that you see of beauty.
But there's so much strife right now.
It's very it's very sometimes very hard to believe, you know.
So what do you do when it's hard to believe? I kind of pray and ask for a sign
or ask for me to believe more because I want that connection.
(11:29):
You know, I want to believe that something transcends everything here,
that it's not just this and people suffer and people.
I definitely want to believe that it's not just chaos, but that there's something
that transcends this and that we're supposed to overcome and correct, I guess.
You talked about praying and then you offered two different approaches to prayer.
(11:54):
One was asking for a sign.
What did you mean by that? Not necessarily a sign as much as get me to remember
or experience again something that connected me.
To you and to the, to this commonality and to, you know, my,
my people, I think that doing things that, you know, we were brought up, right.
(12:16):
To do all these different commandments, right.
Some are good, some are easier than others, but as I got older,
I definitely realized that these mitzvot were commandments that you do.
Connect you. You know, we're concretizing something that that sort of connects you.
And I think what was great about your song was sometimes you need to connect
(12:38):
it to real life so that you're enhancing your your religious experience.
And like in your song, I think you're you're bringing sort of God into the car
or wherever you are and appreciating God's world. Or I think that's what you meant.
So it almost sounds like the exercise is you pray to remind yourself of God's
(13:06):
existence rather than praying that God will remind you of God's existence.
Is that right? Yeah, somewhat. It definitely makes me feel more connected. did.
Of course, I asked him for things and I asked for what I, you know,
take care of my kids, then heal the world and let me be successful at work and all that stuff.
(13:30):
But it definitely reminds me to connect.
And also, I try to remind myself during the day,
you know, look for things, Don't just leave it at home and and sort of look
out into the world so that you feel you feel something's more than yourself. Right. Right.
(13:51):
And sort of apply it. Maybe, you know, people meditate to be more present.
So maybe this is that for me.
Do you connect do you connect this impulse back to your that you're such a social
being? because I just want, let me explain why, you know, by being social,
you're already engaging with something outside yourself.
(14:14):
It's not, it's never about you. In my experience, it's always about the other
person. Like, how are you doing? You know, what's going on with your kids?
And then if we press you, you will share what's going on with you.
So you're already expanding your your world by engaging socially.
And I wonder if there's, that's, there's a connection there.
(14:36):
Maybe. I think that you have so many passions, right?
And, and I have to be honest, I, my biggest passion besides music probably would
be connecting and connecting to people. I mean, I love meeting people.
I love knowing their lives, meeting them and hearing their life story,
especially if it's interesting and sort of connected.
(15:00):
I mean, they're not always interesting, but you know what I mean?
I just feel like I absolutely am a curious being and always sort of looking to connect.
And at the same time, maybe it's, you're right. Cause I always think of my struggle with,
religion or God is, I want to connect the dots all the time.
(15:22):
And sometimes I can't, you know. What do you mean by connecting the dots?
So I guess, I guess I should say, prior to having children, I just,
you know, my, my struggle was, well, what's it all about?
You know, I always wondered about God and what's the point.
(15:44):
And then, And, you know, you know, my dad died when I was really young and that
just sort of enhanced that feeling of, you know, just set me on a path of searching, actually.
And I think it's weird, you know, the things happen and you kind of have aha
moments, but it still didn't connect the dots and I'm still connecting them.
(16:08):
But I've had moments where I really feel like, OK, this is why we're here.
Like when I had kids I remember being up
in the middle of the night and I had the two twins in the same you know in the
same crib at the time and I'm looking at them and I was like oh that's why I'm
here this is why I'm here like this is why I'm here you know forget all that
(16:28):
that crap and you're something and you're bullshit at least you know that well
I want to say bullshit absolutely.
Anyway, so, yeah, it's all about that.
And I think I just think it is all connected.
Right. Don't they say when the Messiah comes, we'll be singing and dancing.
And that's sort of the way you express your joy.
(16:52):
Yeah. Oh, a thousand percent. And song and dance are are important parts of the Jewish tradition.
You know, when we exited, exited from Egypt, you know, what did we do?
Miriam picked up her tambourine and led a song and then Moshe not seeking because
he's a very competitive guy then he led a song you know so what were you going to say?
(17:18):
I was just going to sort of look at all the musicians that we've seen go on
their journey right the Beatles we all watch them look for higher meaning Leonard Cohen,
he can define his whole career and life by finding meaning in God.
(17:39):
And actually, when you sing this song, you sound eerily like him, Shep.
That's cool. I will take that as a massive compliment.
It's a massive compliment. When I write these songs, I try to have the you,
like the subject of my song, my conversation partner.
(18:01):
Where I say, you light the way for me, right? I seek to have that operate on two levels.
Obviously, you light the way for me, you save me, there's nothing to fear.
Those are almost verbatim from Psalm 27.
Le David, to David, Adonai, Ori vi'ishi, you are my light and my salvation.
(18:23):
And then later on, Mimiafchad, from whom will I fear, right?
Right. So obviously, that's the God piece of this.
But does this song, if I reframe this for you and tell you that I'm writing
it to Shari, who I think is divine, but that's my wife, for those listening.
And does that change for you? Like, does it matter that God is in the mix here
(18:46):
or like, does this work as a song to my wife? I don't think they're mutually exclusive.
OK, fair enough. I mean, no, I mean, it's first of all, it's beautiful.
That it's to your wife but I think
you know you see when you see certain
things and you really love deeply right I
(19:08):
think that's the heart of Judaism and
what God is all about right I I
think so and you know
just like God can save someone you know
your wife and or a spouse can save you
right and your kids and people
that love you you know what would we do without our
(19:30):
you know our little villages right that we create and I think that's what it's
about and I think that song right you're and your song or a song just like a
religion can bring people together And then you put them together.
And I mean, I think as a kid, what brought me, what made me feel best about
(19:57):
religion, I think, was when I was in a place with people I loved and we were singing.
Who was the cantor at your synagogue growing up? It was Kingta Ehrlich,
who I liked, but, but, you know, I went to sleepaway camp and we'd have Friday
night prayer at the lake.
(20:18):
And there'd be this moment where it was just the sun was going down on the lake
and everybody was singing, you know, Adon Olam or whatever it was.
And, and it was just beautiful. And it made me feel safe. And it made me feel warm.
I just had this incredible warmth and, and joy and like feeling very lucky.
(20:39):
That I was privileged.
I actually remember feeling like I'm so lucky that I get to do this,
you know, and that I get to experience this.
And I hope other people do too, because it was just, yeah.
First of all, recognizing luck and privilege at 14, 16, I think we.
(21:01):
We met when we were 15. Is that right? Yeah.
Just recognizing luck at that age is already a sign of deep spirituality and,
you know, emotional health.
So that's awesome. But I think it also triggers this impulse towards wanting to connect to the dots.
Right. Right. Right, because once you recognize the luck aspect of it,
(21:25):
then you place yourself in relationship to the world in a way that acknowledges
that maybe perhaps there is something greater.
And you mentioned Adon Olam, which literally means master of the universe, right?
So you would think that that's a focus on transcendence.
This is big God that you can't connect to because, well, you know,
(21:48):
they're the master of the universe. And if it's the universe,
it's a massive place. They're nowhere near me.
I mean, why would they be near me? But yet the author of this piut,
this prayer, ends by saying, Adonai li v'lo ira.
This is my God. Like, you know, God's sitting next to me.
(22:11):
And that's why I will not fear. I find your mention of that particular prayer,
that particular tefillah, to be evidence of this sense of connection that you have.
Do you feel, so the dialectic there is, you know, transcendence,
master of the universe versus imminence, I-M-M-A.
(22:33):
You know, God is next to me.
Do you experience either of the poles of that dialectic on a daily basis or from time to time?
I wish I did, but no, much like in the song, you know, what is what does he say?
He says, don't hide yourself from me. Don't thrust your servant away in anger.
(22:55):
Don't leave me. Don't abandon me. So he's right. David is saying he's a little afraid.
He's not seeing him as clearly in that.
And then he sort of comes back to a place of I believe him.
But I think that we all struggle. We all have that time where we really believe
and then we're like, there's nothing godly going on in the world right now.
(23:19):
So why don't you reconcile that?
So I think it's maybe like in every relationship, it's something you have to work harder on because.
He's hidden or he's more hidden right now. And by the he, you mean God.
Right. I mean, right. I feel like right now it feels like he's more hidden.
(23:41):
And maybe some people don't feel that way because maybe they're working harder
to connect and busy, you know, working and running home to make dinner for the kids kind of thing.
So I'm not always, but it's, it's, it's, yeah. Yeah. Right.
Well, and that's why I think this connects back to the prayer that you mentioned earlier.
(24:03):
Right. And your prayer is similar, I think, to David's.
Al taster panacham imeni. Don't, and I think you just quoted this,
don't hide your face away from me, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Ho reini Hashem dar kecha. God, show me your ways.
But in traditional Jewish prayer, before you approach God, like you're doing
a lot of winding up, God, you're awesome, God, you're awesome,
(24:24):
God, you're awesome, you know, for a long time, for a lot of verses.
And then, you know, you talk about God loving humanity and, you know,
including the Jewish people and then us loving God.
And we manifest our love by doing mitzvot, right? The commandments.
And then before we actually approach God, we say.
(24:48):
God, open my lips and then my mouth will sing your praises.
Not i'm going to open my mouth so i could sing your
praise i hope it's effective but god give me the strength
the power right to do that and we have a little bit of that in david's prayer
god show me your ways but but then i i think that the implicit in what you were
(25:15):
saying and i think baked into this Tehillim is the last line.
Kaveh el Adonai chazak v'yametz libecha ve'kaveh el Adonai. How do they translate this? Turn towards God.
Is that, look to the Lord, be strong and of good courage.
Oh, look to the Lord. This is the translation from sefaria.org.
(25:36):
S-E-F as in Frank, A-R-I-A.
And I mention it because I think embedded within that concept is you must make
a choice to look to the Lord.
If you just wait for the Lord to come to you, the Lord may not come,
or if the Lord does come, you may not notice it.
(25:57):
And so this goes to your prayer when you said, God, you know,
you referred to it first as a sign.
You didn't really mean a sign, but help me out here, God.
Way, right. Right? Show me the way, yeah. But you have to want that.
Right. And so what happens when the world is...
(26:18):
Fucked up like it is now, in my opinion, but you want the sign,
yet the world is as bad as you're experiencing. Like, how do you manage that tension?
Difficultly. You know, I really admire people that still, you know,
their fate is just so solid.
I think that it's a tough thing to be, right?
(26:42):
I mean, in times of strife, very hard to
you know i think and and what does he say don't feed me you know it's altish
nanny benefic sarai you know don't feed me to my enemies i guess it's translated
as he's kind of saying you know god this is unfair like this you know i don't
get it right or that's how i read it.
(27:05):
Sometimes you know if you're god why are you doing
something unfair why are you doing something i don't deserve or
so it's always hard to sort of
believe that and then I think I don't
know everybody must go through that and
when I go through a tough time at which I mean
thankfully I've had a very good life but I've been through some pretty tough
(27:29):
dark times and then I think well you know what it's not the holocaust right
it's not it's not it's not cancer but it's they're are tough times nonetheless.
And I feel like it's unfair.
Like, am I not a good person? And it's sort of that childish cause and effect
that you want to have, right?
As a child, you're saying, well, if this happened because this happened,
(27:52):
because I was this way, it's sort of very black and white.
And I think as an adult, it's difficult or it's important to remind yourself
that it's not a cause and effect world.
It's not black and white like that. And you have to work at your your faith.
I guess, at least that's what it's for me. Well, like, what's your process of
(28:14):
working at faith? Do you journal? Do you meditate?
Do you just pray all of the above?
I wish I journaled. I wish I did all those things, all those self-help things.
But I, you know, I never read self-help books, right? You know what I mean? Yes, I do.
Because I know I'm not going to do everything and then I'm going to be more
anxious, like, oh, I'm not doing everything I should do.
(28:34):
So I'm, I'm not, I'm not a self-help person, but I pray and I do try to be present
so that I can see things as clear as I can. You know, I really do try to.
Even walking down the street in the city, I find I'm not even looking and seeing things.
(28:54):
And now I really do try to be more present and pray and look for the stuff that would be a sign.
I think if you live looking for them, you might see them.
Probably signs all the time, but we don't see them because we're not in or we're not present.
It's like, I believe this is a story from the Talmud. it might be a midrash,
(29:16):
but there's the story of the guy who was so interested,
so eager to get to Jerusalem that, you know, he walked down this path and he
walked and he walked and all of a sudden he tripped.
And, you know, then he just got up and moved on because he wanted to go to Jerusalem.
And then somebody else was walking the path. And I might be butchering this, but I think I'm close.
(29:39):
Somebody else is walking the path and they tripped and they looked down and they saw gold, right?
So like the second, the first person was all emotionally, spiritually was in
Jerusalem already and was eager to get his body there.
But the second person was present and took the moments to look around and appreciate
(30:02):
God's world, bringing it in, in that moment.
And whether it was the experience that was gold or actual gold doesn't matter.
It makes the point that you were trying to make.
When we think, so I touched on this earlier, God has many different names and aspects, right?
So there's Elohim, that's the judging God.
(30:24):
There's the Elkanah, the jealous God or acquiring God, depending on which interpretation
you like or how you look at the root of the word kanah.
There's also, of course, you know, Yud-Heh, Vav-Heh, the unpronounceable name
in Hebrew that in English often gets translated as Yahweh,
(30:45):
which is intended to, like, be a feminine version of God, a God of mercy.
But then there's also the Shekhinah, which is also a feminine God.
And the Shekhinah, literally, L'shachayn means to reside.
And so in English, that ends up getting translated as the feminine presence of God.
(31:07):
Right? So if God has an aspect that is always present and omnipresent,
if we are supposed to be imitating God, it is incumbent upon us to try to be
present, as you're saying.
Right? Right. And in a way, the effort to be present is itself a prayer.
Yeah, I guess. When you pray, do you get angry at God?
(31:28):
Not so much, but yes, I've been very angry.
And when my mom, unfortunately, when she passed, she went through three months of, it was terrible.
It was a lot of pain and it was just unbearable to watch.
And it just was relentless, you know, three months of it.
I remember thinking, I don't know how people go through this.
(31:49):
I just I'm pretty strong.
I'm pretty tough. And it just it wrecked me.
It wrecked me. And yeah, I was very angry.
Did you express it? Yes, I was angry. I was I was mad and I was and completely
lost, like completely adrift.
Shift and then when she died it was
(32:11):
it was I know this sounds crazy it was like
I had PTSD from the whole experience of her
suffering and I think
the only thing that did pull me out of it eventually was not
only well I guess I had to process it because I wasn't processing it on my own
I was very stuck for six months I just was my grief wasn't progressing and I
(32:35):
went to a therapist and it definitely helped because she kind of said, you know, you have PTSD.
The only thing that really got me out of it was I started to pray every day
again, whereas I don't pray every day.
I pray on the weekends when I have time, but that really did pull me out. And I do think that,
(32:57):
Yeah. It got me to a place, you know, she's, she's still, she's still living
and, and, and she's, she's in a better place.
She's not suffering. And it's not really about me and my life.
It's about, it was her journey and she was 88, she was 85. It wasn't like she didn't live long.
Yeah. I was extremely angry, actually, extremely like enraged, actually.
(33:23):
I just can't believe I can get enraged, I don't think I've ever seen you angry,
but it's good to know that you can.
Yes. And did you yell at God in your prayers?
Yes. You know, I yelled at everybody. I was, I was, I really said I was,
I was impatient with the world.
I was, I think that might've snapped at my friends more.
(33:46):
I was just completely couldn't take the good in. I was I was so mad that he
made her suffer and made me have to make these choices that I wasn't prepared
to make and question constantly.
And it was really, really tough. And then I guess, you know, I had this moment.
I think it was during Shemona Esrei.
(34:08):
That's the encounter with God, the silence prayer.
Yes. And I and I was actually asking for it's funny that I'm saying this now.
I don't think I really put this together yet.
I was saying a prayer for someone who was sick. There's a special spot in that prayer.
You can do that, that they should just have ease and not be suffering anymore.
(34:29):
And that's what clicked in my head that, you know, maybe she went the way she
went and it was meant to be. And she's in a better place now.
Yeah, look, it's obvious there's no way for us.
Let me rephrase this. There's no way for me to know.
I know people and have met people who claim to be able to know things and can
(34:52):
talk to people who've passed into the next world and can talk to angels.
You know, there's one particular individual I'm thinking of,
and he's always said, your angels are trying to talk to you.
I'm like, if they were trying, they need to try a little harder because I'm
open to it. I want to hear it. I just like that. It's not...
It's not been in a way that I can understand. There might be signs.
(35:16):
I don't know. You know, this is going to sound, this is just a quick story.
My mother used to go to this woman for makeup. And really, she was just going to support this woman.
I mean, or of the same things. I'd say, mom, what are you doing?
But she was helping this woman out.
Anyway, this woman called me about a month ago.
(35:37):
And it's four years since my mom died. and she said, I just,
I just had to share my dream with you because your mother came to me in a dream
and said, you know, it's going to be okay about something.
And, and she was alive in the dream. And she was just so herself.
And so, you know, almost impatient with the negativity.
And she said, and tell Lise to stop worrying about Annie and Zeke. They're fine.
(36:02):
And, and, and I, and literally she started, I'm at work. She's telling me the story.
Tears are coming down. First of all, I'm angry that she's tending the dream
and I don't worry about her. What is that about?
And I said, is that true? Are you telling the truth?
And she said, yes. And it was really the worst day.
Not the worst day, but it was a day where I was especially worried about the kids.
(36:25):
Just especially worried about them. I thought, maybe that is a sign.
You know, maybe that is something.
I was, I'm like you, though. I'm always like, like, how, you know,
what's the sign? But I think it goes back to what we were talking about before.
I was positing that you have to make a choice. You choose to believe,
you know, belief is a choice.
(36:45):
And obviously, as in theory, rational beings, we want to make our belief in
part based on rationality. But it's not always rational.
Sometimes it's like, well, why do you bet on this horse versus that horse?
Why do you choose to make a right at this corner versus that corner?
(37:09):
You might get into an accident on this corner versus that corner.
There is a measure of, maybe it's God's protection.
Maybe it's also just haphazard chaos and luck that you didn't turn at that corner.
You know, I got into a car accident 10, 15 years ago.
And I was debating, am I going to go down Pico or am I going to go down Olympic?
(37:32):
I ended up going down Olympic and I got into an accident.
If I had gone the other way, maybe that's not the case.
Or maybe I would have gotten into an accident anyway, depending on what the theory is.
There's a famous Doctor Who episode called Left Turn about how everything changes
if he had or hadn't made a left turn.
(37:52):
I think it's like that movie Sliding Doors. Yes, exactly right.
Like everything's a choice, right? I mean...
You know, you write this beautiful, if this is about Sherry,
it's like the most incredible love letter I've ever read.
And I think that is what inspires music, right? Or poetry.
(38:12):
Love is what is the common denominator in that.
So do you think that, do you think that you're always making a choice to sort
of renew your love for Sherry?
And that's, I mean, you guys have married a long time.
28 years. well that's that's a choice
a thousand percent you know we've had
(38:33):
some tough moments in our marriage but you know
we chose each time to work through it and since
we've been married i haven't i haven't written a love song that was about a
past love like and i'm uncomfortable writing pop love songs unless they're about
sherry and on some level i don't know how to do that i only know how to do when
(38:57):
it bubbles up out of me that this is what I want to write about.
And in particular, you know, I can't take full credit for the lyrics in this.
The bridge is William Shakespeare.
Can I compare the, can I compare the to a summer's day?
I may, I modernized it a little bit because Psalm 27 is in fact a love song.
(39:19):
And because I wrote a song that was intended to be a love song.
I grabbed pieces of the greatest love poet I could think of.
In fact, I grabbed, I'm looking at it now, I looked at, I grabbed the first
line, shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
I thought are you the one that lit the stars came from Shakespeare,
(39:40):
but I actually think that that's something from the Midrash,
kind of rabbinic commentary on Bible verses.
But I grabbed the last two lines, so long as men can breathe,
her eyes can see, so long lives this and this gives life to thee.
So I can't take credit for that. Inspired you to borrow it for the song. A thousand percent.
To Hillam inspired me to look at the commentary, which made me,
(40:03):
inspired me to look at the notion of love, which inspired me to think about Shakespeare.
And this is one of my favorites of Shakespeare's. And so I kind of jotted down some notes.
And then when it came back to writing the song.
Since I grabbed the light imagery, I was I decided to come back to this.
And what about the coffee and beignet reference?
(40:27):
Is that your happy place when you have the perfect cup of coffee and coffee and beignet?
So, first of all, I'm a big coffee lover, also a coffee snob.
When I want to have a good cup of coffee, I go to one of my favorite haunts,
Supa Coffee on Robertson, just north of Pico or Paper and Plastic on Pico and Genesee.
Aharon's Coffee in Beverly Hills these are
(40:50):
among Verve on 3rd these are
like my places and specifically coffee
and beignet comes to mind because when Shari
and I were going to Boulder a lot when Maya was living there there was a little
woman's Elisa's Creole Cafe or something like that and they had great coffee
(41:11):
with chicory just like you get in New Orleans these ridiculous beignet It was
like a perfect moment, just the two of us without the kids.
So that's a moment that I remember.
Yeah, that's great. In the same way that I remember, you know,
when Shari and I, we commute to Oxnard a lot. We've got a place up there.
So when we're driving up there, you know, sometimes we'll listen to a book,
(41:33):
but, you know, sometimes we'll talk.
And once in a blue moon, we'll listen to comedy.
But more often than not, we're listening to music and one or both of us are
singing and bopping our heads. And, you know, that's that moment,
you know, so when you say bring it, bring it in, right?
It's those moments where I feel the greater than myself because I feel in this
(41:56):
relationship that in turn also makes me feel lucky,
as you put it before in summer camp and puts me in relationship to God when
I might otherwise just be driving to Oxnard. I think that's what it's about, right?
I think it's living with intention or not.
And, and look, some people do it all day long.
(42:17):
I can't say that I do. I wish I did, but I don't, you know, but I definitely
think sort of looking for meaning and, and, and doing things that bring,
connect you to something or someone does that. Yeah.
I, you know, I have this guilty pleasure now, you know, when,
when the kids are with their dad, because, you know, I'm divorced and he gets
(42:39):
them every other weekend.
I could spend hours and hours and hours just listening to music by myself.
And the day just goes and I'm thinking, oh my God, the whole day's gone.
And it's like, and I should feel guilty, but I don't because it brings me so.
Much pleasure. I feel fuller from it.
(43:34):
Music.
Music.
(05:40):
So good to see you. So Elise and I went to high school together.
I mostly got in trouble in Spanish class. She did really well.
She's also the captain of our cheerleading team and for the basketball team.
Very important for everyone to know that. I think you were also the business
manager for our yearbook, right?
No, definitely not. Didn't you like have a yearbook role? No?
(06:04):
I was too busy cutting class and going to the city to meet my boyfriend at the time. It was pathetic.
So hardly you were ahead of the curve. I was very rah-rah-liked into being social.
And are you still? I would say by nature I am, but I'm very, I'm a mom now.
So I'm busy working and I'm busy with my kids. And I don't have as much time
(06:28):
as I'd like with the people I love. Like you, Chef.
You and me both. That's exactly right. What are your kids' names?
Let's give them a shout out. Annie and Zee, my 16 and a half year old twins, who I adore.
Mind blowing that that was 16 and a half years ago.
I know. So I don't think I said before that you also the lead singer of my band,
(06:51):
but did the band have a name?
I don't know if we ever named our band, actually.
Did we? We used to talk about it.
I think we talked about it more than we actually made decisions about it.
Yeah, that's probably right.
That's probably why we never got out of Gershon Adams's basement.
It was so much fun, though, right? We had such a great time. Yes, it was.
(07:14):
Yeah, I owe you for that. That's great. And I think I've sent you the recordings.
Yes. Oh, my God. I didn't know there were. And then my 50th,
I guess our friend Alana tracked you down and you tracked Gershwin.
And he had recordings. And out of nowhere, my friends had a blindfold on me.
(07:36):
They took me to karaoke. And I'm thinking, why is there a bad Pat Benatar playing?
And then I realized it was me which just
I was dying of laughter it was it was really a
great moment as you know the songs I'm writing are
songs inspired by the psalmist I tend to refer to the psalmist as David because
(07:57):
that's how we grew up but as we've learned since then it's a bunch of other
people possibly so just as David inspired me I shared my song with you this
is the song coffee and beignet for Psalm 27.
And I want to know, what were you curious about? And what did it inspire in
you? Thinking, feeling, just anything?
(08:19):
As I've told you in the past, I was not always connected to the Psalms and didn't really feel anything.
And I'm a pretty spiritual person seeking out spiritual experiences.
But that didn't speak to me. But you asked me to do this, And I listened to
your song a few times and it was interesting, kind of serendipitous that I chose Psalm 27.
(08:46):
Why did you choose it? I think of the three you sent to me.
I chose it because I related to it in that David or whoever the author is,
believed in God and got comfort from God and then sort of doubted him.
Right. And I think that that's what's kind of unique about Judaism.
(09:08):
There's kind of room for doubt and questioning.
And I just related to that a lot. And then he sort of goes from taking comfort
in God and then doubting him and then once again, believing and getting joy out of it.
So that really speaks to me, because I think for me, I would say happiness for me.
(09:32):
And I think a lot of people who are control freaks, by definition,
is the absence of doubt, right?
You know, when you know something, it's comforting.
And when you're sure of yourself and you're sure of something,
it's like knowledge is power.
And knowing something and having sort of a given in your life brings happiness and joy.
(09:56):
Do you have doubt about God now?
Yeah, very often. I mean, look at the times we're living in.
It's very hard to sort of believe it, but then...
You know, this is going to sound dramatic, but I'll listen to your song and
think, you know, there's God right there.
(10:18):
It's so beautiful. It's true, though. I mean, I don't know. I'm sure you've
had this experience, you know, when you when you go to a concert, right?
This huge concert and the band or the artist is incredible.
And there's this incredible crescendo during the concert. And there's 20,000
people that are completely unified from all different walks of life.
(10:42):
And they're all unified and they're all filled with joy experiencing this common
feeling that the music brings up inside of them.
And nothing matters outside those doors in that time. And I really believe that.
Yeah, I think music is very much tied to reigniting our belief in God and and
(11:08):
anything that you see of beauty.
But there's so much strife right now.
It's very it's very sometimes very hard to believe, you know.
So what do you do when it's hard to believe? I kind of pray and ask for a sign
or ask for me to believe more because I want that connection.
(11:29):
You know, I want to believe that something transcends everything here,
that it's not just this and people suffer and people.
I definitely want to believe that it's not just chaos, but that there's something
that transcends this and that we're supposed to overcome and correct, I guess.
You talked about praying and then you offered two different approaches to prayer.
(11:54):
One was asking for a sign.
What did you mean by that? Not necessarily a sign as much as get me to remember
or experience again something that connected me.
To you and to the, to this commonality and to, you know, my,
my people, I think that doing things that, you know, we were brought up, right.
(12:16):
To do all these different commandments, right.
Some are good, some are easier than others, but as I got older,
I definitely realized that these mitzvot were commandments that you do.
Connect you. You know, we're concretizing something that that sort of connects you.
And I think what was great about your song was sometimes you need to connect
(12:38):
it to real life so that you're enhancing your your religious experience.
And like in your song, I think you're you're bringing sort of God into the car
or wherever you are and appreciating God's world. Or I think that's what you meant.
So it almost sounds like the exercise is you pray to remind yourself of God's
(13:06):
existence rather than praying that God will remind you of God's existence.
Is that right? Yeah, somewhat. It definitely makes me feel more connected. did.
Of course, I asked him for things and I asked for what I, you know,
take care of my kids, then heal the world and let me be successful at work and all that stuff.
(13:30):
But it definitely reminds me to connect.
And also, I try to remind myself during the day,
you know, look for things, Don't just leave it at home and and sort of look
out into the world so that you feel you feel something's more than yourself. Right. Right.
(13:51):
And sort of apply it. Maybe, you know, people meditate to be more present.
So maybe this is that for me.
Do you connect do you connect this impulse back to your that you're such a social
being? because I just want, let me explain why, you know, by being social,
you're already engaging with something outside yourself.
(14:14):
It's not, it's never about you. In my experience, it's always about the other
person. Like, how are you doing? You know, what's going on with your kids?
And then if we press you, you will share what's going on with you.
So you're already expanding your your world by engaging socially.
And I wonder if there's, that's, there's a connection there.
(14:36):
Maybe. I think that you have so many passions, right?
And, and I have to be honest, I, my biggest passion besides music probably would
be connecting and connecting to people. I mean, I love meeting people.
I love knowing their lives, meeting them and hearing their life story,
especially if it's interesting and sort of connected.
(15:00):
I mean, they're not always interesting, but you know what I mean?
I just feel like I absolutely am a curious being and always sort of looking to connect.
And at the same time, maybe it's, you're right. Cause I always think of my struggle with,
religion or God is, I want to connect the dots all the time.
(15:22):
And sometimes I can't, you know. What do you mean by connecting the dots?
So I guess, I guess I should say, prior to having children, I just,
you know, my, my struggle was, well, what's it all about?
You know, I always wondered about God and what's the point.
(15:44):
And then, And, you know, you know, my dad died when I was really young and that
just sort of enhanced that feeling of, you know, just set me on a path of searching, actually.
And I think it's weird, you know, the things happen and you kind of have aha
moments, but it still didn't connect the dots and I'm still connecting them.
(16:08):
But I've had moments where I really feel like, OK, this is why we're here.
Like when I had kids I remember being up
in the middle of the night and I had the two twins in the same you know in the
same crib at the time and I'm looking at them and I was like oh that's why I'm
here this is why I'm here like this is why I'm here you know forget all that
(16:28):
that crap and you're something and you're bullshit at least you know that well
I want to say bullshit absolutely.
Anyway, so, yeah, it's all about that.
And I think I just think it is all connected.
Right. Don't they say when the Messiah comes, we'll be singing and dancing.
And that's sort of the way you express your joy.
(16:52):
Yeah. Oh, a thousand percent. And song and dance are are important parts of the Jewish tradition.
You know, when we exited, exited from Egypt, you know, what did we do?
Miriam picked up her tambourine and led a song and then Moshe not seeking because
he's a very competitive guy then he led a song you know so what were you going to say?
(17:18):
I was just going to sort of look at all the musicians that we've seen go on
their journey right the Beatles we all watch them look for higher meaning Leonard Cohen,
he can define his whole career and life by finding meaning in God.
(17:39):
And actually, when you sing this song, you sound eerily like him, Shep.
That's cool. I will take that as a massive compliment.
It's a massive compliment. When I write these songs, I try to have the you,
like the subject of my song, my conversation partner.
(18:01):
Where I say, you light the way for me, right? I seek to have that operate on two levels.
Obviously, you light the way for me, you save me, there's nothing to fear.
Those are almost verbatim from Psalm 27.
Le David, to David, Adonai, Ori vi'ishi, you are my light and my salvation.
(18:23):
And then later on, Mimiafchad, from whom will I fear, right?
Right. So obviously, that's the God piece of this.
But does this song, if I reframe this for you and tell you that I'm writing
it to Shari, who I think is divine, but that's my wife, for those listening.
And does that change for you? Like, does it matter that God is in the mix here
(18:46):
or like, does this work as a song to my wife? I don't think they're mutually exclusive.
OK, fair enough. I mean, no, I mean, it's first of all, it's beautiful.
That it's to your wife but I think
you know you see when you see certain
things and you really love deeply right I
(19:08):
think that's the heart of Judaism and
what God is all about right I I
think so and you know
just like God can save someone you know
your wife and or a spouse can save you
right and your kids and people
that love you you know what would we do without our
(19:30):
you know our little villages right that we create and I think that's what it's
about and I think that song right you're and your song or a song just like a
religion can bring people together And then you put them together.
And I mean, I think as a kid, what brought me, what made me feel best about
(19:57):
religion, I think, was when I was in a place with people I loved and we were singing.
Who was the cantor at your synagogue growing up? It was Kingta Ehrlich,
who I liked, but, but, you know, I went to sleepaway camp and we'd have Friday
night prayer at the lake.
(20:18):
And there'd be this moment where it was just the sun was going down on the lake
and everybody was singing, you know, Adon Olam or whatever it was.
And, and it was just beautiful. And it made me feel safe. And it made me feel warm.
I just had this incredible warmth and, and joy and like feeling very lucky.
(20:39):
That I was privileged.
I actually remember feeling like I'm so lucky that I get to do this,
you know, and that I get to experience this.
And I hope other people do too, because it was just, yeah.
First of all, recognizing luck and privilege at 14, 16, I think we.
(21:01):
We met when we were 15. Is that right? Yeah.
Just recognizing luck at that age is already a sign of deep spirituality and,
you know, emotional health.
So that's awesome. But I think it also triggers this impulse towards wanting to connect to the dots.
Right. Right. Right, because once you recognize the luck aspect of it,
(21:25):
then you place yourself in relationship to the world in a way that acknowledges
that maybe perhaps there is something greater.
And you mentioned Adon Olam, which literally means master of the universe, right?
So you would think that that's a focus on transcendence.
This is big God that you can't connect to because, well, you know,
(21:48):
they're the master of the universe. And if it's the universe,
it's a massive place. They're nowhere near me.
I mean, why would they be near me? But yet the author of this piut,
this prayer, ends by saying, Adonai li v'lo ira.
This is my God. Like, you know, God's sitting next to me.
(22:11):
And that's why I will not fear. I find your mention of that particular prayer,
that particular tefillah, to be evidence of this sense of connection that you have.
Do you feel, so the dialectic there is, you know, transcendence,
master of the universe versus imminence, I-M-M-A.
(22:33):
You know, God is next to me.
Do you experience either of the poles of that dialectic on a daily basis or from time to time?
I wish I did, but no, much like in the song, you know, what is what does he say?
He says, don't hide yourself from me. Don't thrust your servant away in anger.
(22:55):
Don't leave me. Don't abandon me. So he's right. David is saying he's a little afraid.
He's not seeing him as clearly in that.
And then he sort of comes back to a place of I believe him.
But I think that we all struggle. We all have that time where we really believe
and then we're like, there's nothing godly going on in the world right now.
(23:19):
So why don't you reconcile that?
So I think it's maybe like in every relationship, it's something you have to work harder on because.
He's hidden or he's more hidden right now. And by the he, you mean God.
Right. I mean, right. I feel like right now it feels like he's more hidden.
(23:41):
And maybe some people don't feel that way because maybe they're working harder
to connect and busy, you know, working and running home to make dinner for the kids kind of thing.
So I'm not always, but it's, it's, it's, yeah. Yeah. Right.
Well, and that's why I think this connects back to the prayer that you mentioned earlier.
(24:03):
Right. And your prayer is similar, I think, to David's.
Al taster panacham imeni. Don't, and I think you just quoted this,
don't hide your face away from me, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Ho reini Hashem dar kecha. God, show me your ways.
But in traditional Jewish prayer, before you approach God, like you're doing
a lot of winding up, God, you're awesome, God, you're awesome,
(24:24):
God, you're awesome, you know, for a long time, for a lot of verses.
And then, you know, you talk about God loving humanity and, you know,
including the Jewish people and then us loving God.
And we manifest our love by doing mitzvot, right? The commandments.
And then before we actually approach God, we say.
(24:48):
God, open my lips and then my mouth will sing your praises.
Not i'm going to open my mouth so i could sing your
praise i hope it's effective but god give me the strength
the power right to do that and we have a little bit of that in david's prayer
god show me your ways but but then i i think that the implicit in what you were
(25:15):
saying and i think baked into this Tehillim is the last line.
Kaveh el Adonai chazak v'yametz libecha ve'kaveh el Adonai. How do they translate this? Turn towards God.
Is that, look to the Lord, be strong and of good courage.
Oh, look to the Lord. This is the translation from sefaria.org.
(25:36):
S-E-F as in Frank, A-R-I-A.
And I mention it because I think embedded within that concept is you must make
a choice to look to the Lord.
If you just wait for the Lord to come to you, the Lord may not come,
or if the Lord does come, you may not notice it.
(25:57):
And so this goes to your prayer when you said, God, you know,
you referred to it first as a sign.
You didn't really mean a sign, but help me out here, God.
Way, right. Right? Show me the way, yeah. But you have to want that.
Right. And so what happens when the world is...
(26:18):
Fucked up like it is now, in my opinion, but you want the sign,
yet the world is as bad as you're experiencing. Like, how do you manage that tension?
Difficultly. You know, I really admire people that still, you know,
their fate is just so solid.
I think that it's a tough thing to be, right?
(26:42):
I mean, in times of strife, very hard to
you know i think and and what does he say don't feed me you know it's altish
nanny benefic sarai you know don't feed me to my enemies i guess it's translated
as he's kind of saying you know god this is unfair like this you know i don't
get it right or that's how i read it.
(27:05):
Sometimes you know if you're god why are you doing
something unfair why are you doing something i don't deserve or
so it's always hard to sort of
believe that and then I think I don't
know everybody must go through that and
when I go through a tough time at which I mean
thankfully I've had a very good life but I've been through some pretty tough
(27:29):
dark times and then I think well you know what it's not the holocaust right
it's not it's not it's not cancer but it's they're are tough times nonetheless.
And I feel like it's unfair.
Like, am I not a good person? And it's sort of that childish cause and effect
that you want to have, right?
As a child, you're saying, well, if this happened because this happened,
(27:52):
because I was this way, it's sort of very black and white.
And I think as an adult, it's difficult or it's important to remind yourself
that it's not a cause and effect world.
It's not black and white like that. And you have to work at your your faith.
I guess, at least that's what it's for me. Well, like, what's your process of
(28:14):
working at faith? Do you journal? Do you meditate?
Do you just pray all of the above?
I wish I journaled. I wish I did all those things, all those self-help things.
But I, you know, I never read self-help books, right? You know what I mean? Yes, I do.
Because I know I'm not going to do everything and then I'm going to be more
anxious, like, oh, I'm not doing everything I should do.
(28:34):
So I'm, I'm not, I'm not a self-help person, but I pray and I do try to be present
so that I can see things as clear as I can. You know, I really do try to.
Even walking down the street in the city, I find I'm not even looking and seeing things.
(28:54):
And now I really do try to be more present and pray and look for the stuff that would be a sign.
I think if you live looking for them, you might see them.
Probably signs all the time, but we don't see them because we're not in or we're not present.
It's like, I believe this is a story from the Talmud. it might be a midrash,
(29:16):
but there's the story of the guy who was so interested,
so eager to get to Jerusalem that, you know, he walked down this path and he
walked and he walked and all of a sudden he tripped.
And, you know, then he just got up and moved on because he wanted to go to Jerusalem.
And then somebody else was walking the path. And I might be butchering this, but I think I'm close.
(29:39):
Somebody else is walking the path and they tripped and they looked down and they saw gold, right?
So like the second, the first person was all emotionally, spiritually was in
Jerusalem already and was eager to get his body there.
But the second person was present and took the moments to look around and appreciate
(30:02):
God's world, bringing it in, in that moment.
And whether it was the experience that was gold or actual gold doesn't matter.
It makes the point that you were trying to make.
When we think, so I touched on this earlier, God has many different names and aspects, right?
So there's Elohim, that's the judging God.
(30:24):
There's the Elkanah, the jealous God or acquiring God, depending on which interpretation
you like or how you look at the root of the word kanah.
There's also, of course, you know, Yud-Heh, Vav-Heh, the unpronounceable name
in Hebrew that in English often gets translated as Yahweh,
(30:45):
which is intended to, like, be a feminine version of God, a God of mercy.
But then there's also the Shekhinah, which is also a feminine God.
And the Shekhinah, literally, L'shachayn means to reside.
And so in English, that ends up getting translated as the feminine presence of God.
(31:07):
Right? So if God has an aspect that is always present and omnipresent,
if we are supposed to be imitating God, it is incumbent upon us to try to be
present, as you're saying.
Right? Right. And in a way, the effort to be present is itself a prayer.
Yeah, I guess. When you pray, do you get angry at God?
(31:28):
Not so much, but yes, I've been very angry.
And when my mom, unfortunately, when she passed, she went through three months of, it was terrible.
It was a lot of pain and it was just unbearable to watch.
And it just was relentless, you know, three months of it.
I remember thinking, I don't know how people go through this.
(31:49):
I just I'm pretty strong.
I'm pretty tough. And it just it wrecked me.
It wrecked me. And yeah, I was very angry.
Did you express it? Yes, I was angry. I was I was mad and I was and completely
lost, like completely adrift.
Shift and then when she died it was
(32:11):
it was I know this sounds crazy it was like
I had PTSD from the whole experience of her
suffering and I think
the only thing that did pull me out of it eventually was not
only well I guess I had to process it because I wasn't processing it on my own
I was very stuck for six months I just was my grief wasn't progressing and I
(32:35):
went to a therapist and it definitely helped because she kind of said, you know, you have PTSD.
The only thing that really got me out of it was I started to pray every day
again, whereas I don't pray every day.
I pray on the weekends when I have time, but that really did pull me out. And I do think that,
(32:57):
Yeah. It got me to a place, you know, she's, she's still, she's still living
and, and, and she's, she's in a better place.
She's not suffering. And it's not really about me and my life.
It's about, it was her journey and she was 88, she was 85. It wasn't like she didn't live long.
Yeah. I was extremely angry, actually, extremely like enraged, actually.
(33:23):
I just can't believe I can get enraged, I don't think I've ever seen you angry,
but it's good to know that you can.
Yes. And did you yell at God in your prayers?
Yes. You know, I yelled at everybody. I was, I was, I really said I was,
I was impatient with the world.
I was, I think that might've snapped at my friends more.
(33:46):
I was just completely couldn't take the good in. I was I was so mad that he
made her suffer and made me have to make these choices that I wasn't prepared
to make and question constantly.
And it was really, really tough. And then I guess, you know, I had this moment.
I think it was during Shemona Esrei.
(34:08):
That's the encounter with God, the silence prayer.
Yes. And I and I was actually asking for it's funny that I'm saying this now.
I don't think I really put this together yet.
I was saying a prayer for someone who was sick. There's a special spot in that prayer.
You can do that, that they should just have ease and not be suffering anymore.
(34:29):
And that's what clicked in my head that, you know, maybe she went the way she
went and it was meant to be. And she's in a better place now.
Yeah, look, it's obvious there's no way for us.
Let me rephrase this. There's no way for me to know.
I know people and have met people who claim to be able to know things and can
(34:52):
talk to people who've passed into the next world and can talk to angels.
You know, there's one particular individual I'm thinking of,
and he's always said, your angels are trying to talk to you.
I'm like, if they were trying, they need to try a little harder because I'm
open to it. I want to hear it. I just like that. It's not...
It's not been in a way that I can understand. There might be signs.
(35:16):
I don't know. You know, this is going to sound, this is just a quick story.
My mother used to go to this woman for makeup. And really, she was just going to support this woman.
I mean, or of the same things. I'd say, mom, what are you doing?
But she was helping this woman out.
Anyway, this woman called me about a month ago.
(35:37):
And it's four years since my mom died. and she said, I just,
I just had to share my dream with you because your mother came to me in a dream
and said, you know, it's going to be okay about something.
And, and she was alive in the dream. And she was just so herself.
And so, you know, almost impatient with the negativity.
And she said, and tell Lise to stop worrying about Annie and Zeke. They're fine.
(36:02):
And, and, and I, and literally she started, I'm at work. She's telling me the story.
Tears are coming down. First of all, I'm angry that she's tending the dream
and I don't worry about her. What is that about?
And I said, is that true? Are you telling the truth?
And she said, yes. And it was really the worst day.
Not the worst day, but it was a day where I was especially worried about the kids.
(36:25):
Just especially worried about them. I thought, maybe that is a sign.
You know, maybe that is something.
I was, I'm like you, though. I'm always like, like, how, you know,
what's the sign? But I think it goes back to what we were talking about before.
I was positing that you have to make a choice. You choose to believe,
you know, belief is a choice.
(36:45):
And obviously, as in theory, rational beings, we want to make our belief in
part based on rationality. But it's not always rational.
Sometimes it's like, well, why do you bet on this horse versus that horse?
Why do you choose to make a right at this corner versus that corner?
(37:09):
You might get into an accident on this corner versus that corner.
There is a measure of, maybe it's God's protection.
Maybe it's also just haphazard chaos and luck that you didn't turn at that corner.
You know, I got into a car accident 10, 15 years ago.
And I was debating, am I going to go down Pico or am I going to go down Olympic?
(37:32):
I ended up going down Olympic and I got into an accident.
If I had gone the other way, maybe that's not the case.
Or maybe I would have gotten into an accident anyway, depending on what the theory is.
There's a famous Doctor Who episode called Left Turn about how everything changes
if he had or hadn't made a left turn.
(37:52):
I think it's like that movie Sliding Doors. Yes, exactly right.
Like everything's a choice, right? I mean...
You know, you write this beautiful, if this is about Sherry,
it's like the most incredible love letter I've ever read.
And I think that is what inspires music, right? Or poetry.
(38:12):
Love is what is the common denominator in that.
So do you think that, do you think that you're always making a choice to sort
of renew your love for Sherry?
And that's, I mean, you guys have married a long time.
28 years. well that's that's a choice
a thousand percent you know we've had
(38:33):
some tough moments in our marriage but you know
we chose each time to work through it and since
we've been married i haven't i haven't written a love song that was about a
past love like and i'm uncomfortable writing pop love songs unless they're about
sherry and on some level i don't know how to do that i only know how to do when
(38:57):
it bubbles up out of me that this is what I want to write about.
And in particular, you know, I can't take full credit for the lyrics in this.
The bridge is William Shakespeare.
Can I compare the, can I compare the to a summer's day?
I may, I modernized it a little bit because Psalm 27 is in fact a love song.
(39:19):
And because I wrote a song that was intended to be a love song.
I grabbed pieces of the greatest love poet I could think of.
In fact, I grabbed, I'm looking at it now, I looked at, I grabbed the first
line, shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
I thought are you the one that lit the stars came from Shakespeare,
(39:40):
but I actually think that that's something from the Midrash,
kind of rabbinic commentary on Bible verses.
But I grabbed the last two lines, so long as men can breathe,
her eyes can see, so long lives this and this gives life to thee.
So I can't take credit for that. Inspired you to borrow it for the song. A thousand percent.
To Hillam inspired me to look at the commentary, which made me,
(40:03):
inspired me to look at the notion of love, which inspired me to think about Shakespeare.
And this is one of my favorites of Shakespeare's. And so I kind of jotted down some notes.
And then when it came back to writing the song.
Since I grabbed the light imagery, I was I decided to come back to this.
And what about the coffee and beignet reference?
(40:27):
Is that your happy place when you have the perfect cup of coffee and coffee and beignet?
So, first of all, I'm a big coffee lover, also a coffee snob.
When I want to have a good cup of coffee, I go to one of my favorite haunts,
Supa Coffee on Robertson, just north of Pico or Paper and Plastic on Pico and Genesee.
Aharon's Coffee in Beverly Hills these are
(40:50):
among Verve on 3rd these are
like my places and specifically coffee
and beignet comes to mind because when Shari
and I were going to Boulder a lot when Maya was living there there was a little
woman's Elisa's Creole Cafe or something like that and they had great coffee
(41:11):
with chicory just like you get in New Orleans these ridiculous beignet It was
like a perfect moment, just the two of us without the kids.
So that's a moment that I remember.
Yeah, that's great. In the same way that I remember, you know,
when Shari and I, we commute to Oxnard a lot. We've got a place up there.
So when we're driving up there, you know, sometimes we'll listen to a book,
(41:33):
but, you know, sometimes we'll talk.
And once in a blue moon, we'll listen to comedy.
But more often than not, we're listening to music and one or both of us are
singing and bopping our heads. And, you know, that's that moment,
you know, so when you say bring it, bring it in, right?
It's those moments where I feel the greater than myself because I feel in this
(41:56):
relationship that in turn also makes me feel lucky,
as you put it before in summer camp and puts me in relationship to God when
I might otherwise just be driving to Oxnard. I think that's what it's about, right?
I think it's living with intention or not.
And, and look, some people do it all day long.
(42:17):
I can't say that I do. I wish I did, but I don't, you know, but I definitely
think sort of looking for meaning and, and, and doing things that bring,
connect you to something or someone does that. Yeah.
I, you know, I have this guilty pleasure now, you know, when,
when the kids are with their dad, because, you know, I'm divorced and he gets
(42:39):
them every other weekend.
I could spend hours and hours and hours just listening to music by myself.
And the day just goes and I'm thinking, oh my God, the whole day's gone.
And it's like, and I should feel guilty, but I don't because it brings me so.
Much pleasure. I feel fuller from it.
(43:34):
Music.
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