July 14, 2025 • 26 mins
Bubba Startz introduces the episode with guest Reesa Morala, delving into her background and experience. The discussion focuses on the impact of genuine conversations and various therapeutic approaches. Reesa shares insights into the evolution and personalization of therapy modalities, emphasizing how they cater to individual needs. They address parenting challenges in today's rapidly changing world, exploring the effects of judgment and the transformative power of vulnerability. The episode includes guest plugs and expressions of appreciation, wrapping up with a conclusion of the interview and a heartfelt farewell.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:02):
Welcome in to another exciting episode of thescene.
I am your host, Bubba Starts.
And with me today is owner and founder ofRebrace Renewal Therapy and Wellness Collective
and also the host of the Real Family Eatspodcast of which I was just a guest on, Risa
Marala.
Risa, welcome to my show.
Hi.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
(00:23):
I'm excited to have you.
I was thrilled to see your name pop up on thecalendar having just, watched and rewatched our
episode, on The Real Family Eats podcast.
But before we get too far into everything, giveour listeners a little bit of your background,
and then we'll kinda jump into all these thingsthat you're into.
Absolutely.
(00:43):
So I am a mom of two.
I'm also a licensed marriage and familytherapist, and I specialize in, really
supporting parents.
I don't feel like there's enough support outthere for the actual parents.
So I support them from newborns all the waythrough all the life stages to empty nesters
and just providing that support.
(01:03):
And so I do that through my own practice,Embrace Renewal Therapy, where I do workshops,
I do retreats, and educational classes.
And I also host, as you mentioned, the RealFamily Eats, and that was really born out of,
again, that passion to just support parents andand really talk about what really happens
behind closed doors, but I feel like not enoughof our society really talks about the hard
(01:26):
stuff.
And I feel like since we've had thatconversation, like, the whole world is waking
up to, like, oh, we could just talk about realstuff.
Right?
It seems like such a theme in our in ourcontent that we see around us now.
And that it was kind of a collective, you know,awakening for a lot of us that, like, hey.
(01:47):
There are real people out here.
There are real people on the Internet.
We can connect with them.
And even if you don't have millions offollowers, you are affecting people's lives.
And, I kinda shared with you, before before theshow that, you know, my wife was even listening
to the real family eats and listening to ourepisode, and she doesn't really engage with
(02:08):
much of what I do mostly because I'm doing somuch.
Right?
And she's involved with me, but, you know, notnecessarily that she's hearing something for
the first time there, but she's hearing it in adifferent light.
She's not hearing it necessarily from herhusband or her co parent.
She's hearing it from Bubba.
Right?
(02:28):
And and I think that's why and especially, Ilove the format of your show so much that we
get to share a recipe, and it's just a veryinviting atmosphere to the show.
And I imagine that a lot of those same thingsthat I experienced on your podcast is kind of
how your practice is as well.
Is that fair?
(02:49):
I would like to think so.
I think that's one of the areas that for me Ifind is my superpower.
I I can't tell you the number of people whowill sit in my room and go, oh my goodness.
I just met you and I've never told anybodythis, but here it is because they do, feel just
safe, if you will, invited to kind of go inthere and just talk and and and be real.
(03:14):
And I think the questions that you ask and andmaybe it's just the personality, of you, right,
that disarming smile, and and, that puts peopleat ease as well.
But you really ask some poignant questions.
And even I mean, I felt like our our, you know,podcast episode was a therapy session for me in
(03:35):
many ways.
I don't know if all of your episodes turn outlike that.
I'm sure a little bit of just, you know, anyconversation that you have, just because of
your work and how long you've been doing thisthat it's kind of born out of just a natural
curiosity that you have of knowing people andwhy they behave a certain way and, you know,
(03:56):
what is it that that kind of triggered you tobehave this way.
Yeah.
I love that you used the word curiosity becausethat's definitely one of my, like, cores, but I
love to just get curious.
And I think if our world just in general had alittle bit more curiosity instead of just
immediately jumping to assumptions or judgmentsthat, gosh, it would just help so much because
(04:19):
then you get to really learn and understand theperson sitting across from you.
And I don't know that that is a, you know,having never I mean, I've done some, you know,
drug counseling and different things like that,but I've never been in a, you know, a very
typical therapy environment.
(04:39):
Right?
A long term seeing the same person every weekor every month and and building that
relationship with someone.
But I have to imagine that not all therapistsare coming at from a place of of personal
curiosity almost.
Right?
They're they're kind of just going through themotions of a job or a career and don't
necessarily I don't feel like that's how youget to the heart of the issue.
(05:02):
And there has to be so much trust built up withsomeone, to answer all of the questions
honestly.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And, you know, everybody has their own stylesand the the different modalities on the way
that you're approaching.
I mean, you talk about all the way back toFreudian times, so that wasn't necessarily
(05:23):
about curiosity, if you will.
And so, again, it's I think it's a style andfor me, it just it feels authentic to really
just want to to get to know and to empathizeand and understand on a deeper level.
Absolutely.
Do you feel that that's changing in the worldof therapy as a whole?
(05:44):
The curiosity piece of it?
Well, and just the the modalities.
Right?
We are not we're not really doing Freudiantherapy and coming at it from that angle
anymore, you know, and especially with thetransfer of information now.
I think with the Internet and being able tocommunicate with people that are across the
(06:06):
country or around the world, you're getting amuch different you're getting a much different
experience now in life than you were beforewhere everything was more localized, you know,
of fifty even fifty years ago.
Right?
You know, you weren't twenty years ago, youweren't able to see a therapist with things
like BetterHelp and and these on air apps.
(06:26):
And I don't know the efficacy of a lot of thesethings, but I know that you and I have had some
really poignant and interesting conversationseach time that we've gotten together over Zoom.
So I have to imagine that it would be just aseffective in the in the broader world.
Right?
So I guess what I'm getting at is that is isthe whole world of therapy kind of changing,
(06:50):
and has it changed to bring us to this point towhere someone like you and that curiosity is
driving more of the, of the whole culture oftherapy, I guess?
Yeah.
I definitely think it has changed.
It has evolved.
What's really neat is there's so many differentmodalities out there, which I think is really
(07:11):
helpful because when we're dealing withindividuals and humans, we're all unique.
And so the way that our brain processes thingsis different from each person to the next.
And so if we're trying to kind of fit onestandard modality and expect it to help
everybody, I feel like that's just anunrealistic ask.
That's a lot to ask from just one, person'sresearch, if you will.
(07:36):
And so what's really neat, I find, is thatthere are different modalities.
Yes.
Maybe they have some similar roots or, addresssome similar things, but it's done in different
ways just like they're trying to change, youknow, and and teach our kids now different ways
to do math.
I think it's the same idea of can we getcreative on the ways that we're really kind of
(07:57):
addressing, each person so that it's reallytailored to help them get the most efficacy, in
their treatment and in the outcomes as well.
It's it's really fun to kinda watch it evolve,and we're watching it evolve in real time
throughout our lives.
I believe that we're close to the same age andraising young children and and having parents
(08:19):
that came from a completely different world.
Right?
Our our parents are all born pre Internet andjust from a totally different almost a
different planet.
Right?
Like, the whole world has changed so much,especially these last twenty years, longer than
that, really.
I was thinking, oh, jeez.
I wasn't even in high school twenty years agonow.
(08:39):
That's when did this happen?
Just love it.
And I had a a great time, you know, being withyou on your show and kinda talking about some
of the things that, that I've dealt withbecause I've never had I've never had a real
conversation about this with someone who's notpersonally invested in it.
(09:00):
Right?
Like, my family knows the story.
My wife knows the stories, but they're they allhave a personal affectation, good or bad,
right, towards towards the situation.
So it was nice to kinda just share everythingthat I've been through and have someone go, oh,
wow.
That was really tough, or, oh, I'm I'm I'mcurious about this part, you know, and how did
(09:23):
that affect you.
And and I think that there's not a person onthe planet that wouldn't benefit from therapy
in some in some modality, right, of some formand talking with someone and able to work
through our feelings.
I think it's so important in today's world.
Absolutely.
And I think what you mentioned there is justhave someone to kind of dialogue with.
(09:45):
Many of these items, you know, we encounterthings in life that we've never encountered
before.
And so to expect us to know what to do or howto kind of take a pause and to zoom out and
look at the stadium view and kind of processsome of those things.
That's not necessarily something they teach inschool.
And so I think naturally to have someone therewho maybe, has a little bit more of that
(10:10):
training to be able to just say, hey.
Let's slow down a little bit.
Let's let's do now.
Or, like, hey.
Like, how do you think your brain is processingthis or how is it making sense of these things?
Can just be really helpful.
It doesn't mean that something is quote,unquote wrong.
It's just you're getting some extra support.
And, gosh, who doesn't need a little bit ofextra support?
Because I know I do.
(10:32):
Well, and especially parents.
Right?
Being a parent yourself and me as well is,like, you you're always running into stuff that
you've never seen before.
You every single day is a new challenge, and itit's hard to slow down when everything is
moving so fast.
We just finished baseball season yesterday, andI'm almost like, well, what do I do with my
(10:54):
hands now?
Like, where where do I go?
All of a sudden, we have had somewhere to befor two solid months on Tuesdays and Thursday
and Monday, and why did it every single day wasplanned out for you.
And then it's almost like, you know, for me,I'll I'll relate it to prison.
It's almost like stepping out of the gate andevery like, well, what do we do now?
You know?
Like, we didn't make any plan for after thatbecause it was like, well, because of playoffs
(11:19):
and things, you don't know when it's ever gonnabe over.
Right?
And and as parents, you know, I think even ifyou have, you know, you know, teenagers
especially, but, you know, my son's 12.
He'll be turning a teenager this year, and it'slike, man, you don't really like, I need to
really start training you how to live withoutme now.
Right?
And it and it's less about, like, hey.
(11:40):
I'm trying to keep you alive and and teach youright from wrong.
And now as you're, like, moving these kids, andI don't know how old your kids are, but where
I'm looking at him, was like, man, you got fiveyears to figure life out, and then you're on
your own.
You know?
And it's not it's and it's not that.
Right?
But I I kinda wanna, like, scare him a littlebit because, you know, even I was like, hey,
(12:02):
man.
How did we get how did we get here?
Right?
Like, we were in the car altogether.
What turns did we make?
And there was only, like, three.
How did we get here?
And watching his brain just go blank where he'slike, I have no idea.
I was like, okay.
Well, we're gonna have to start working onwe're gonna start working on a little, spatial
awareness and some environmental, awareness.
(12:24):
Right?
Like, knowing where you're at in the world andand being able to navigate that life, I think,
starts with, like, how to read a map.
Matt, you try to tell these kids nowadays, youknow, those old things that you would put in
the glove compartment.
Yeah.
It's it's quite a skill.
Absolutely.
It and like you said, it's different for havingto teach our kids nowadays versus maybe our
(12:49):
parents and their parents before them becauseit is an evolving world.
Kind of because it is evolving, you never knowwhat their experience is gonna be like.
And so it is just constantly kinda flying bythe seat of your pants and and hope and pray
that you're doing you're doing the right thing,and you you can just support them and love them
through it.
(13:10):
Right.
Yeah.
And you touched on something so key there is,like, we don't know what's coming.
So, like, how do I prepare my child for what'scoming in their lifetimes where I'm like, look.
I'm gonna give you all the information that Ihave.
I'm gonna give you everything.
I don't know if it's gonna help you or not.
I I don't know what world it's gonna be intwenty more years.
Right?
Because things are are accelerating so quicklynow, especially with, you know, artificial
(13:35):
intelligence just dominating the landscape now.
It's everywhere that you look.
Right?
And even two years ago, that that wasn't evenreally on most people's radar.
Right?
So Yeah.
How how do we how do we prepare our kids forthat?
And and I think it starts with, you know,honest conversations, maybe over a meal where
(13:56):
real families should eat.
Right?
It's huge in our family.
We are we're around the table every singlenight, and, I'm sure you are as often as
possible as well and sharing those moments.
And and, yeah, just just being a family.
It's so hard to be disconnected.
And, you know, I was with, an aunt and uncle ofmine recently and kinda, like, you know, stayed
(14:19):
at their house overnight, and it was reallyjust like everybody's in their own spaces and
on their phones and, like, in their own worldsinside of the house.
And it's like, wow.
That's so much different than, like, ourrelationship with our kids because we don't
have them on tablets.
I mean, our kids are eight and nine, so it'syou know, I'm not trying to put them on that
(14:40):
stuff constantly, but growing up where we'relooking I'm looking ahead.
Right?
I'm looking ahead and like, well, eventually,these kids are gonna have phones in their hands
and things.
And, like, how do we maintain that physicalrelationship with them when they're introduced
to that digital world?
And it's a little scary.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
(15:00):
You know, I I can't tell you the number oftimes that even my nine year old is like, well,
when can I get a phone?
It's like, no.
And I I heard somebody once say, oh, you canget a phone at the same age that I got a phone.
It's like, oh, I like that idea.
Right?
Yeah.
So I've been joking with them of reason.
(15:21):
I was like, yeah.
You can get a phone to the same agent I gotone, which was in, like, you know, right before
I went to college.
When you needed it.
Right?
When you were finally gonna be far enough awayfrom home that they felt like they needed to,
which I feel like that kinda leads us intoanother interesting conversation.
Do you feel and because you work with parents,do you feel like there is more helicopter
(15:45):
parenting going on now than decades previouslybecause of the phones and the access to you
know, we have the GPS trackers on everyone andall of these things.
Right?
Like, do you feel like it's changed parentsalmost more than it's changed the kids?
I think yes.
(16:06):
And I think the accessibility that we have withthe technology certainly just helps kind of
exacerbate the situation, but I think it'sactually even beyond that.
I think there was definitely a shift because Idon't know about kind of your the way that you
were raised, but I know I hear a lot fromparents these days that, you know, they were
they were maybe raised with a lot of hands offand just like, go and figure out your life,
(16:30):
feed yourself your meals.
And so as a response, I feel like many parentsnow are like, well, I wanna be involved.
And so they're wanting to do thingsdifferently, but then we almost kinda swing the
pendulum all the way to the other side.
And instead of kinda finding that balance,we're like, I wanna be involved in everything.
And so if that means I need to put an Apple tagon you so I could find you at all times, you
(16:53):
know, I'm gonna do that.
And so I think that's part of where some ofthat comes from, at least what I've seen.
Right.
We are the pendulum swinging.
All of us latchkey kids.
Right?
Yeah.
Or now, like, hey.
We're not we're not raising our children likethat because look how screwed up most of us
turned out.
It's why I have a job.
Right?
(17:14):
Probably.
It's why you're gonna stay employed for for avery long time, and I think you've got a great
practice.
I I I love, what you bring to the table as a asa licensed therapist and and and the
communities that you're helping.
Right?
You you touched off it right off the top, like,where's the support for parents?
And because of a lot of the things we've beentalking about in between times, like, people
(17:38):
used to get together.
You you used to have support with otherparents.
And now because, I think, because of thetechnology and we've all kind of pulled away
from our physical communities, it opens thedoor for practices like yours because we no
longer have that in society, unnecessarily ofadult friends.
(17:58):
Right?
Adult friend groups and having sounding boardswith other parents and and feeling like you
weren't gonna be judged.
You know?
I I think maybe a little bit more in your areaof the world, you know, being in a little bit
more liberal state of California, maybe so thanSouth Dakota is.
But, you know, it's it's just such a wild timeto be alive, isn't it?
(18:24):
It really is.
Absolutely.
And I think what you mentioned there, thatjudgment piece is absolutely key.
In fact, I just I just did a talk about justreally the the plea and the need that we have
to shift our society from that judgment ofparents because it's so easy for us to, you
know, go to the grocery store, go on anairplane, and you you see the crying baby and I
(18:47):
feel like most people's instincts are to like,oh, you need to manage your child better or
hey, quiet your child, you know, we're going tothat place of judgment versus how can I support
you?
How can I help you?
And because of that, I think it just reallyperpetuates this isolation.
Like you said, not only are we doing theisolation because of the technology, we're all,
(19:07):
you know, we're all buried in our screens.
But just because then you go out and you getsome of the judgment, so then naturally, you
want to kind of pull inward.
You don't wanna go outside.
You don't I mean, parenting is a vulnerableexperience.
And so when you're getting people just judgingthe crap out of everything that you're doing,
it's like, well, then, okay.
(19:28):
I'm gonna stay indoors where nobody can seewhat's happening because they're just gonna
judge me and tell me how wrong I'm doing it orhow I should do it.
And, really, gosh, that's gotta stop becauseparenting is hard enough.
We don't need all, you know, the judge dutiescoming in telling us what we should be doing
differently.
(19:48):
No.
That exposure of the vulnerability, right, issuch a terrifying thing.
And, you know, I think thirty, forty years ago,it was just the mother in law's judgment.
Right?
Right.
It's just and now it's everyone's mother-in-lawand and everyone else, right, that that you're
kinda putting it out there.
And not everyone's built, you know, the same.
(20:09):
Right?
I'm I'm fairly impervious to judgment, justfrom the life that I've lived and, like, look,
you can't what are you are you gonna sentenceme to a decade in prison like that judge did?
Right?
I've been judged.
Right?
Mhmm.
Physically.
Right.
So so I'm not necessarily susceptible to that,but my wife didn't live that experience.
So she is very raw to a lot of these thingsand, you know, not necessarily being the not
(20:34):
being the biological mother of my two children,but having been their mom for the last seven
years.
Right?
Like, she's extremely vulnerable to thosethings because it always feels like somebody's
gonna try to take them away.
Right?
And and in this day and age, I think allparents are a little scared of, you know, of
government overreach and and having someone,you know, threaten to take your children away.
(20:58):
I can't think of anything scarier than that.
So no wonder parents are, you know, goinginward and not sharing as much about the
struggles that they're facing because it's easyto feel like you're the only one dealing with
that.
And I think that brings me to kinda wrap thiswhole thing up.
It's why your podcast is so important, not justto, like, you and your practice, but to our
(21:22):
society, to our world.
I I hope that other, therapists that have apractice similar to yours see this, and and
maybe totally outside of the same realm thatyou're in, see that what they can be to the
greater world and not just to a small list ofclients.
Right?
Just getting on and having conversations can beso powerful to the world that that you know, I
(21:46):
say it a lot, and I probably said it on ourshow that this is how God is changing the
world.
Right?
This is how us sharing ourselves in a spacewhere we feel comfortable.
Right?
We feel comfortable here, but then we're ableto put that vulnerability out into the world
and to have kind of a a a barrier between thethe the judgment, right, to to put up that
(22:10):
barrier because you're on a a different programand that you're able to kinda put a little
buffer in there.
And and that's why I think your program, theReal Family Eats podcast, is so important and
why I was so happy to have a chance to come onand share a little bit of my story, with the
world.
Yeah.
I appreciate you saying that because reallythat's my hope is just to to make it feel a
(22:33):
little less lonely because it is just it can beso isolating.
And like you said, because we're notnecessarily sharing because it doesn't feel
like a safe space, it just really compoundsthat loneliness, especially when you're in a
parenting milestone or transition.
That's really hard.
(22:53):
And, when you don't know what to do and you'rejust trying to do your best and and hope and
pray that, you know, you're setting them up forsuccess because, again, at the end of the day,
I don't think I've ever really met a parenttruly who's, like, sitting there and how can I,
like, ruin my child's life?
Like, I don't believe that that's what we'retrying to do.
And so, really, the hope and the goal is is notonly to to hear a story that helps you feel a
(23:19):
little less alone, helps you maybe feel seenand normalized that this is really hard, but
also give you maybe a little bit of hope hopethat, hey, there are others there.
There are ways that we could get out of it, andand hear some of that vulnerability and give
them a little bit more confidence to kind ofshare their own, and and do a little reaching
out.
(23:39):
And at the same time, you know, I feel like themental load of what are we gonna eat for dinner
or what are we gonna feed the kids, right,especially those picky kids.
So then you can come and not only hear, a storythat maybe helps warm your soul, but then you
get a a lovely recipe like yours, which, myfamily loves, by the way.
(24:00):
That warms the belly, so that's that's my hope.
I can't wait till the cookbook comes out.
I hope you're saving all these recipes.
I do have a list of them all.
Yeah.
But I had to, you know, credit everybody.
Make sure that we all get in there.
There you go.
Hey.
You you used all of us to write your book.
(24:20):
Well done, Risa.
Well done.
Yep.
Just just as, like, genius, you know, plottingover here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just like we all are on how we can ruin ourkids' lives.
Right?
Oh my goodness.
Yes.
Well, Risa, it's such a pleasure to have you onour program and always great to catch up with
(24:40):
you.
Go ahead and plug all your stuff for ourlisteners one time before I let you go.
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for having me.
Best way to find me is on my website which isembracerenewaltherapy.com.
And you can find on there, I've got workshopdates and those are all virtual, so those are
accessible to anybody that has an Internetconnection.
(25:03):
I have workshops that are for couples and justmaking sure that you and your partner have got
some tools under your belt to make sure thatyour connection isn't going by the wayside.
I have workshops on parenting and some of thosebig parenting challenges as well.
And if you wanna come for a a retreat and dosome intensive works, I'm in Southern
(25:25):
California, so I'm right outside of, winecountry.
Southern Southern California wine country.
And so, I do offer intensive, retreats as wellthat you can come to a little, r and r and get
some really good deep work done as well ifyou're needing some of that support.
All of that, as as I mentioned, can be found,on the website as well as the link to, the
(25:46):
podcast and see all the episodes just like theone that, Bubba and I had alluded to many times
here on on the Real Family Eats.
Oh, Risa, thank you so much for all the workthat you're doing with parents out there, and
thank you for being part of the scene.
Thank you.
Welcome in to another exciting episode of thescene.
I am your host, Bubba Starts.
And with me today is owner and founder ofRebrace Renewal Therapy and Wellness Collective
and also the host of the Real Family Eatspodcast of which I was just a guest on, Risa
Marala.
Risa, welcome to my show.
Hi.
Thank you for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
(00:23):
I'm excited to have you.
I was thrilled to see your name pop up on thecalendar having just, watched and rewatched our
episode, on The Real Family Eats podcast.
But before we get too far into everything, giveour listeners a little bit of your background,
and then we'll kinda jump into all these thingsthat you're into.
Absolutely.
(00:43):
So I am a mom of two.
I'm also a licensed marriage and familytherapist, and I specialize in, really
supporting parents.
I don't feel like there's enough support outthere for the actual parents.
So I support them from newborns all the waythrough all the life stages to empty nesters
and just providing that support.
(01:03):
And so I do that through my own practice,Embrace Renewal Therapy, where I do workshops,
I do retreats, and educational classes.
And I also host, as you mentioned, the RealFamily Eats, and that was really born out of,
again, that passion to just support parents andand really talk about what really happens
behind closed doors, but I feel like not enoughof our society really talks about the hard
(01:26):
stuff.
And I feel like since we've had thatconversation, like, the whole world is waking
up to, like, oh, we could just talk about realstuff.
Right?
It seems like such a theme in our in ourcontent that we see around us now.
And that it was kind of a collective, you know,awakening for a lot of us that, like, hey.
(01:47):
There are real people out here.
There are real people on the Internet.
We can connect with them.
And even if you don't have millions offollowers, you are affecting people's lives.
And, I kinda shared with you, before before theshow that, you know, my wife was even listening
to the real family eats and listening to ourepisode, and she doesn't really engage with
(02:08):
much of what I do mostly because I'm doing somuch.
Right?
And she's involved with me, but, you know, notnecessarily that she's hearing something for
the first time there, but she's hearing it in adifferent light.
She's not hearing it necessarily from herhusband or her co parent.
She's hearing it from Bubba.
Right?
(02:28):
And and I think that's why and especially, Ilove the format of your show so much that we
get to share a recipe, and it's just a veryinviting atmosphere to the show.
And I imagine that a lot of those same thingsthat I experienced on your podcast is kind of
how your practice is as well.
Is that fair?
(02:49):
I would like to think so.
I think that's one of the areas that for me Ifind is my superpower.
I I can't tell you the number of people whowill sit in my room and go, oh my goodness.
I just met you and I've never told anybodythis, but here it is because they do, feel just
safe, if you will, invited to kind of go inthere and just talk and and and be real.
(03:14):
And I think the questions that you ask and andmaybe it's just the personality, of you, right,
that disarming smile, and and, that puts peopleat ease as well.
But you really ask some poignant questions.
And even I mean, I felt like our our, you know,podcast episode was a therapy session for me in
(03:35):
many ways.
I don't know if all of your episodes turn outlike that.
I'm sure a little bit of just, you know, anyconversation that you have, just because of
your work and how long you've been doing thisthat it's kind of born out of just a natural
curiosity that you have of knowing people andwhy they behave a certain way and, you know,
(03:56):
what is it that that kind of triggered you tobehave this way.
Yeah.
I love that you used the word curiosity becausethat's definitely one of my, like, cores, but I
love to just get curious.
And I think if our world just in general had alittle bit more curiosity instead of just
immediately jumping to assumptions or judgmentsthat, gosh, it would just help so much because
(04:19):
then you get to really learn and understand theperson sitting across from you.
And I don't know that that is a, you know,having never I mean, I've done some, you know,
drug counseling and different things like that,but I've never been in a, you know, a very
typical therapy environment.
(04:39):
Right?
A long term seeing the same person every weekor every month and and building that
relationship with someone.
But I have to imagine that not all therapistsare coming at from a place of of personal
curiosity almost.
Right?
They're they're kind of just going through themotions of a job or a career and don't
necessarily I don't feel like that's how youget to the heart of the issue.
(05:02):
And there has to be so much trust built up withsomeone, to answer all of the questions
honestly.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And, you know, everybody has their own stylesand the the different modalities on the way
that you're approaching.
I mean, you talk about all the way back toFreudian times, so that wasn't necessarily
(05:23):
about curiosity, if you will.
And so, again, it's I think it's a style andfor me, it just it feels authentic to really
just want to to get to know and to empathizeand and understand on a deeper level.
Absolutely.
Do you feel that that's changing in the worldof therapy as a whole?
(05:44):
The curiosity piece of it?
Well, and just the the modalities.
Right?
We are not we're not really doing Freudiantherapy and coming at it from that angle
anymore, you know, and especially with thetransfer of information now.
I think with the Internet and being able tocommunicate with people that are across the
(06:06):
country or around the world, you're getting amuch different you're getting a much different
experience now in life than you were beforewhere everything was more localized, you know,
of fifty even fifty years ago.
Right?
You know, you weren't twenty years ago, youweren't able to see a therapist with things
like BetterHelp and and these on air apps.
(06:26):
And I don't know the efficacy of a lot of thesethings, but I know that you and I have had some
really poignant and interesting conversationseach time that we've gotten together over Zoom.
So I have to imagine that it would be just aseffective in the in the broader world.
Right?
So I guess what I'm getting at is that is isthe whole world of therapy kind of changing,
(06:50):
and has it changed to bring us to this point towhere someone like you and that curiosity is
driving more of the, of the whole culture oftherapy, I guess?
Yeah.
I definitely think it has changed.
It has evolved.
What's really neat is there's so many differentmodalities out there, which I think is really
(07:11):
helpful because when we're dealing withindividuals and humans, we're all unique.
And so the way that our brain processes thingsis different from each person to the next.
And so if we're trying to kind of fit onestandard modality and expect it to help
everybody, I feel like that's just anunrealistic ask.
That's a lot to ask from just one, person'sresearch, if you will.
(07:36):
And so what's really neat, I find, is thatthere are different modalities.
Yes.
Maybe they have some similar roots or, addresssome similar things, but it's done in different
ways just like they're trying to change, youknow, and and teach our kids now different ways
to do math.
I think it's the same idea of can we getcreative on the ways that we're really kind of
(07:57):
addressing, each person so that it's reallytailored to help them get the most efficacy, in
their treatment and in the outcomes as well.
It's it's really fun to kinda watch it evolve,and we're watching it evolve in real time
throughout our lives.
I believe that we're close to the same age andraising young children and and having parents
(08:19):
that came from a completely different world.
Right?
Our our parents are all born pre Internet andjust from a totally different almost a
different planet.
Right?
Like, the whole world has changed so much,especially these last twenty years, longer than
that, really.
I was thinking, oh, jeez.
I wasn't even in high school twenty years agonow.
(08:39):
That's when did this happen?
Just love it.
And I had a a great time, you know, being withyou on your show and kinda talking about some
of the things that, that I've dealt withbecause I've never had I've never had a real
conversation about this with someone who's notpersonally invested in it.
(09:00):
Right?
Like, my family knows the story.
My wife knows the stories, but they're they allhave a personal affectation, good or bad,
right, towards towards the situation.
So it was nice to kinda just share everythingthat I've been through and have someone go, oh,
wow.
That was really tough, or, oh, I'm I'm I'mcurious about this part, you know, and how did
(09:23):
that affect you.
And and I think that there's not a person onthe planet that wouldn't benefit from therapy
in some in some modality, right, of some formand talking with someone and able to work
through our feelings.
I think it's so important in today's world.
Absolutely.
And I think what you mentioned there is justhave someone to kind of dialogue with.
(09:45):
Many of these items, you know, we encounterthings in life that we've never encountered
before.
And so to expect us to know what to do or howto kind of take a pause and to zoom out and
look at the stadium view and kind of processsome of those things.
That's not necessarily something they teach inschool.
And so I think naturally to have someone therewho maybe, has a little bit more of that
(10:10):
training to be able to just say, hey.
Let's slow down a little bit.
Let's let's do now.
Or, like, hey.
Like, how do you think your brain is processingthis or how is it making sense of these things?
Can just be really helpful.
It doesn't mean that something is quote,unquote wrong.
It's just you're getting some extra support.
And, gosh, who doesn't need a little bit ofextra support?
Because I know I do.
(10:32):
Well, and especially parents.
Right?
Being a parent yourself and me as well is,like, you you're always running into stuff that
you've never seen before.
You every single day is a new challenge, and itit's hard to slow down when everything is
moving so fast.
We just finished baseball season yesterday, andI'm almost like, well, what do I do with my
(10:54):
hands now?
Like, where where do I go?
All of a sudden, we have had somewhere to befor two solid months on Tuesdays and Thursday
and Monday, and why did it every single day wasplanned out for you.
And then it's almost like, you know, for me,I'll I'll relate it to prison.
It's almost like stepping out of the gate andevery like, well, what do we do now?
You know?
Like, we didn't make any plan for after thatbecause it was like, well, because of playoffs
(11:19):
and things, you don't know when it's ever gonnabe over.
Right?
And and as parents, you know, I think even ifyou have, you know, you know, teenagers
especially, but, you know, my son's 12.
He'll be turning a teenager this year, and it'slike, man, you don't really like, I need to
really start training you how to live withoutme now.
Right?
And it and it's less about, like, hey.
(11:40):
I'm trying to keep you alive and and teach youright from wrong.
And now as you're, like, moving these kids, andI don't know how old your kids are, but where
I'm looking at him, was like, man, you got fiveyears to figure life out, and then you're on
your own.
You know?
And it's not it's and it's not that.
Right?
But I I kinda wanna, like, scare him a littlebit because, you know, even I was like, hey,
(12:02):
man.
How did we get how did we get here?
Right?
Like, we were in the car altogether.
What turns did we make?
And there was only, like, three.
How did we get here?
And watching his brain just go blank where he'slike, I have no idea.
I was like, okay.
Well, we're gonna have to start working onwe're gonna start working on a little, spatial
awareness and some environmental, awareness.
(12:24):
Right?
Like, knowing where you're at in the world andand being able to navigate that life, I think,
starts with, like, how to read a map.
Matt, you try to tell these kids nowadays, youknow, those old things that you would put in
the glove compartment.
Yeah.
It's it's quite a skill.
Absolutely.
It and like you said, it's different for havingto teach our kids nowadays versus maybe our
(12:49):
parents and their parents before them becauseit is an evolving world.
Kind of because it is evolving, you never knowwhat their experience is gonna be like.
And so it is just constantly kinda flying bythe seat of your pants and and hope and pray
that you're doing you're doing the right thing,and you you can just support them and love them
through it.
(13:10):
Right.
Yeah.
And you touched on something so key there is,like, we don't know what's coming.
So, like, how do I prepare my child for what'scoming in their lifetimes where I'm like, look.
I'm gonna give you all the information that Ihave.
I'm gonna give you everything.
I don't know if it's gonna help you or not.
I I don't know what world it's gonna be intwenty more years.
Right?
Because things are are accelerating so quicklynow, especially with, you know, artificial
(13:35):
intelligence just dominating the landscape now.
It's everywhere that you look.
Right?
And even two years ago, that that wasn't evenreally on most people's radar.
Right?
So Yeah.
How how do we how do we prepare our kids forthat?
And and I think it starts with, you know,honest conversations, maybe over a meal where
(13:56):
real families should eat.
Right?
It's huge in our family.
We are we're around the table every singlenight, and, I'm sure you are as often as
possible as well and sharing those moments.
And and, yeah, just just being a family.
It's so hard to be disconnected.
And, you know, I was with, an aunt and uncle ofmine recently and kinda, like, you know, stayed
(14:19):
at their house overnight, and it was reallyjust like everybody's in their own spaces and
on their phones and, like, in their own worldsinside of the house.
And it's like, wow.
That's so much different than, like, ourrelationship with our kids because we don't
have them on tablets.
I mean, our kids are eight and nine, so it'syou know, I'm not trying to put them on that
(14:40):
stuff constantly, but growing up where we'relooking I'm looking ahead.
Right?
I'm looking ahead and like, well, eventually,these kids are gonna have phones in their hands
and things.
And, like, how do we maintain that physicalrelationship with them when they're introduced
to that digital world?
And it's a little scary.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
(15:00):
You know, I I can't tell you the number oftimes that even my nine year old is like, well,
when can I get a phone?
It's like, no.
And I I heard somebody once say, oh, you canget a phone at the same age that I got a phone.
It's like, oh, I like that idea.
Right?
Yeah.
So I've been joking with them of reason.
(15:21):
I was like, yeah.
You can get a phone to the same agent I gotone, which was in, like, you know, right before
I went to college.
When you needed it.
Right?
When you were finally gonna be far enough awayfrom home that they felt like they needed to,
which I feel like that kinda leads us intoanother interesting conversation.
Do you feel and because you work with parents,do you feel like there is more helicopter
(15:45):
parenting going on now than decades previouslybecause of the phones and the access to you
know, we have the GPS trackers on everyone andall of these things.
Right?
Like, do you feel like it's changed parentsalmost more than it's changed the kids?
I think yes.
(16:06):
And I think the accessibility that we have withthe technology certainly just helps kind of
exacerbate the situation, but I think it'sactually even beyond that.
I think there was definitely a shift because Idon't know about kind of your the way that you
were raised, but I know I hear a lot fromparents these days that, you know, they were
they were maybe raised with a lot of hands offand just like, go and figure out your life,
(16:30):
feed yourself your meals.
And so as a response, I feel like many parentsnow are like, well, I wanna be involved.
And so they're wanting to do thingsdifferently, but then we almost kinda swing the
pendulum all the way to the other side.
And instead of kinda finding that balance,we're like, I wanna be involved in everything.
And so if that means I need to put an Apple tagon you so I could find you at all times, you
(16:53):
know, I'm gonna do that.
And so I think that's part of where some ofthat comes from, at least what I've seen.
Right.
We are the pendulum swinging.
All of us latchkey kids.
Right?
Yeah.
Or now, like, hey.
We're not we're not raising our children likethat because look how screwed up most of us
turned out.
It's why I have a job.
Right?
(17:14):
Probably.
It's why you're gonna stay employed for for avery long time, and I think you've got a great
practice.
I I I love, what you bring to the table as a asa licensed therapist and and and the
communities that you're helping.
Right?
You you touched off it right off the top, like,where's the support for parents?
And because of a lot of the things we've beentalking about in between times, like, people
(17:38):
used to get together.
You you used to have support with otherparents.
And now because, I think, because of thetechnology and we've all kind of pulled away
from our physical communities, it opens thedoor for practices like yours because we no
longer have that in society, unnecessarily ofadult friends.
(17:58):
Right?
Adult friend groups and having sounding boardswith other parents and and feeling like you
weren't gonna be judged.
You know?
I I think maybe a little bit more in your areaof the world, you know, being in a little bit
more liberal state of California, maybe so thanSouth Dakota is.
But, you know, it's it's just such a wild timeto be alive, isn't it?
(18:24):
It really is.
Absolutely.
And I think what you mentioned there, thatjudgment piece is absolutely key.
In fact, I just I just did a talk about justreally the the plea and the need that we have
to shift our society from that judgment ofparents because it's so easy for us to, you
know, go to the grocery store, go on anairplane, and you you see the crying baby and I
(18:47):
feel like most people's instincts are to like,oh, you need to manage your child better or
hey, quiet your child, you know, we're going tothat place of judgment versus how can I support
you?
How can I help you?
And because of that, I think it just reallyperpetuates this isolation.
Like you said, not only are we doing theisolation because of the technology, we're all,
(19:07):
you know, we're all buried in our screens.
But just because then you go out and you getsome of the judgment, so then naturally, you
want to kind of pull inward.
You don't wanna go outside.
You don't I mean, parenting is a vulnerableexperience.
And so when you're getting people just judgingthe crap out of everything that you're doing,
it's like, well, then, okay.
(19:28):
I'm gonna stay indoors where nobody can seewhat's happening because they're just gonna
judge me and tell me how wrong I'm doing it orhow I should do it.
And, really, gosh, that's gotta stop becauseparenting is hard enough.
We don't need all, you know, the judge dutiescoming in telling us what we should be doing
differently.
(19:48):
No.
That exposure of the vulnerability, right, issuch a terrifying thing.
And, you know, I think thirty, forty years ago,it was just the mother in law's judgment.
Right?
Right.
It's just and now it's everyone's mother-in-lawand and everyone else, right, that that you're
kinda putting it out there.
And not everyone's built, you know, the same.
(20:09):
Right?
I'm I'm fairly impervious to judgment, justfrom the life that I've lived and, like, look,
you can't what are you are you gonna sentenceme to a decade in prison like that judge did?
Right?
I've been judged.
Right?
Mhmm.
Physically.
Right.
So so I'm not necessarily susceptible to that,but my wife didn't live that experience.
So she is very raw to a lot of these thingsand, you know, not necessarily being the not
(20:34):
being the biological mother of my two children,but having been their mom for the last seven
years.
Right?
Like, she's extremely vulnerable to thosethings because it always feels like somebody's
gonna try to take them away.
Right?
And and in this day and age, I think allparents are a little scared of, you know, of
government overreach and and having someone,you know, threaten to take your children away.
(20:58):
I can't think of anything scarier than that.
So no wonder parents are, you know, goinginward and not sharing as much about the
struggles that they're facing because it's easyto feel like you're the only one dealing with
that.
And I think that brings me to kinda wrap thiswhole thing up.
It's why your podcast is so important, not justto, like, you and your practice, but to our
(21:22):
society, to our world.
I I hope that other, therapists that have apractice similar to yours see this, and and
maybe totally outside of the same realm thatyou're in, see that what they can be to the
greater world and not just to a small list ofclients.
Right?
Just getting on and having conversations can beso powerful to the world that that you know, I
(21:46):
say it a lot, and I probably said it on ourshow that this is how God is changing the
world.
Right?
This is how us sharing ourselves in a spacewhere we feel comfortable.
Right?
We feel comfortable here, but then we're ableto put that vulnerability out into the world
and to have kind of a a a barrier between thethe the judgment, right, to to put up that
(22:10):
barrier because you're on a a different programand that you're able to kinda put a little
buffer in there.
And and that's why I think your program, theReal Family Eats podcast, is so important and
why I was so happy to have a chance to come onand share a little bit of my story, with the
world.
Yeah.
I appreciate you saying that because reallythat's my hope is just to to make it feel a
(22:33):
little less lonely because it is just it can beso isolating.
And like you said, because we're notnecessarily sharing because it doesn't feel
like a safe space, it just really compoundsthat loneliness, especially when you're in a
parenting milestone or transition.
That's really hard.
(22:53):
And, when you don't know what to do and you'rejust trying to do your best and and hope and
pray that, you know, you're setting them up forsuccess because, again, at the end of the day,
I don't think I've ever really met a parenttruly who's, like, sitting there and how can I,
like, ruin my child's life?
Like, I don't believe that that's what we'retrying to do.
And so, really, the hope and the goal is is notonly to to hear a story that helps you feel a
(23:19):
little less alone, helps you maybe feel seenand normalized that this is really hard, but
also give you maybe a little bit of hope hopethat, hey, there are others there.
There are ways that we could get out of it, andand hear some of that vulnerability and give
them a little bit more confidence to kind ofshare their own, and and do a little reaching
out.
(23:39):
And at the same time, you know, I feel like themental load of what are we gonna eat for dinner
or what are we gonna feed the kids, right,especially those picky kids.
So then you can come and not only hear, a storythat maybe helps warm your soul, but then you
get a a lovely recipe like yours, which, myfamily loves, by the way.
(24:00):
That warms the belly, so that's that's my hope.
I can't wait till the cookbook comes out.
I hope you're saving all these recipes.
I do have a list of them all.
Yeah.
But I had to, you know, credit everybody.
Make sure that we all get in there.
There you go.
Hey.
You you used all of us to write your book.
(24:20):
Well done, Risa.
Well done.
Yep.
Just just as, like, genius, you know, plottingover here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just like we all are on how we can ruin ourkids' lives.
Right?
Oh my goodness.
Yes.
Well, Risa, it's such a pleasure to have you onour program and always great to catch up with
(24:40):
you.
Go ahead and plug all your stuff for ourlisteners one time before I let you go.
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for having me.
Best way to find me is on my website which isembracerenewaltherapy.com.
And you can find on there, I've got workshopdates and those are all virtual, so those are
accessible to anybody that has an Internetconnection.
(25:03):
I have workshops that are for couples and justmaking sure that you and your partner have got
some tools under your belt to make sure thatyour connection isn't going by the wayside.
I have workshops on parenting and some of thosebig parenting challenges as well.
And if you wanna come for a a retreat and dosome intensive works, I'm in Southern
(25:25):
California, so I'm right outside of, winecountry.
Southern Southern California wine country.
And so, I do offer intensive, retreats as wellthat you can come to a little, r and r and get
some really good deep work done as well ifyou're needing some of that support.
All of that, as as I mentioned, can be found,on the website as well as the link to, the
(25:46):
podcast and see all the episodes just like theone that, Bubba and I had alluded to many times
here on on the Real Family Eats.
Oh, Risa, thank you so much for all the workthat you're doing with parents out there, and
thank you for being part of the scene.
Thank you.
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