July 18, 2025 • 22 mins
This bonus episode marks a major milestone—our very first time recording together in person! We open up about trauma, healing, advocacy, and how one unexpected connection turned into a powerful, life-changing friendship.
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🎥 Watch the Video Podcast on YouTube:A video version of this episode is available here: YouTube: @TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
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🎙️ Episode Sponsored by TheHelpHUB.coThis episode is proudly brought to you by https://www.thehelphub.co
Struggling with your mental health? Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just… alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to TheHelpHUB—your online destination for mental health resources, content, and tools to help you navigate whatever mental health challenges you face.
At TheHelpHUB, we offer individualized resources tailored to your unique needs and community, with over 16 different categories to find exactly the kind of personalized help you need when you need it most.
So, whether you're looking for crisis support, downloadable resources, or an archive of mental health-related articles and videos—we’ve got you.
From episodes of The Survivors Podcast for suicide loss survivors and lived-experience blogs to interactive tools and professional support, The Help Hub meets you where you are—and helps you move forward.
💙Because your mental well-being matters.💙 Visit: https://www.thehelphub.co
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🔍 Episode Summary
Lisa and Gretchen are finally in the same room—and recording this bonus episode from Salem, Massachusetts. Together, they explore the real-life impact of trauma bonding, vulnerability, and the unexpected joy that comes from community and shared survival stories.
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✨ Lessons Learned- Shared trauma can become a bridge to deep, meaningful connection.
- You don’t need a crowd—just one person who truly understands.
- Even in pain, there’s space for joy, laughter, and purpose.
- Advocacy, vulnerability, and storytelling help others heal—and ourselves too.
⏱️ Chapters
- 00:00 – Episode intro & trigger warning
- 00:21 – Meeting in person for the first time
- 01:35 – The gift of friendship after trauma
- 04:36 – How The Survivors Podcast began
- 06:58 – The importance of shared understanding
- 08:10 – Supportive partners and healing through connection
- 10:00 – Why community changes everything
- 13:25 – Vulnerability, grief, and survivor guilt
- 17:51 – Shared pain sparking purpose
- 20:00 – Building something beautiful from something horrible
- 21:31 – Closing reflections & mental health resources
📚 Resources for Mental Health & Support 📲 Follow & Connect With Us
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Survivors is brought to you by our friends at the Help Hub. This
podcast mentions suicide, mental illness, grief and loss and may be
triggering for some listeners. So please take care of your mental well being
by pausing or skipping any sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if
you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for support.
(00:21):
Hey, girl. Hey. Like, we're actually in the same.
We're in the same room for the first time ever.
Hey. We had a sleepover. We did. We had a sleepover. We ate
good food. We've had beautiful weather.
We are here together just north of Boston in
(00:42):
Salem, Massachusetts. This is so weird. I, like, see you here
where I usually see you, but then you're like, right here.
Right here. So we're doing a bonus episode because we're together in the same place,
so why the hell wouldn't we do that? Right? Yeah. Like, who? When will this
ever happen again? I don't know. I. I hope someday. Someday.
But right now, it's happening now, so let's just. We're doing it.
(01:04):
So we wanted to make good use of our time,
so we thought we would talk a little bit about
something that we both can speak to, which is what we always do,
and talk about friendship after trauma and what it's like
to truly be seen and feel like you're
understood and feel like you are part of a community.
(01:27):
And a community could just be you and another person or it could be you
and a group of people. But in our case, we are our
own little survivor community. We are. So we thought we'd
talk about the unexpected gift of friendship through
shared pain, which is a weird way to bond, but it's one
of the strongest. To me. I feel like it's one of the strongest ways
(01:48):
that I've ever bonded with anybody is through this pain. Like trauma
bonding. It's. There's nothing like it. Yeah,
yeah, I know. And God, you're like in my peripheral vision. This is weird.
So how we found each other. For
anyone who has not listened to us before, we
are two different kinds of survivors. I'm a three time survivor of suicide loss
(02:11):
ng. I'm a suicide attempt survivor. Yep. And we found each
other because G has another podcast also in
the mental health space, called Shit that Goes on in Our Heads that's blowing up
in the universe right now with millions and millions of downloads. And I was a
guest on her podcast and we just.
Just clicked like within a minute. Within a minute.
(02:33):
Yeah. Of our first little pre call, that. Pre call that was
supposed to be 25 minutes. Ended up being two hours. Oh, it's more than two
hours. Yeah, easily more than two hours. And so we both
found each other through our advocacy work. And I. What I. What I hope
we talk about a little bit today is
the unexpected benefit, silver lining,
(02:56):
joy, whatever you want to call it, that comes from doing something like advocacy
work, like getting embedded in a new community, even if the reason why you're there
is a sucky reason. Yes. So
we had these shared experiences and we found out we had
just this connection and we had gone through
so many of the same things in terms of suicide, and
(03:19):
it was this ability to have these conversations without
even having like the whole parts of the conversation. Right. We finished each other's
sentences. I should have just done that right then. That would have been perfect.
Please don't. No, I'm sorry, I won't. I'm just gonna keep touching you sometimes.
Touch me. Okay, so we. If you also have not listened
until today, we are now into
(03:42):
season. Obviously you're listening to season two of our podcast.
We began this in March. We first met each other, had our
first call in October of. Right.
24. Of 2024. And then I think I
recorded with shit that goes on in our heads. In November
or December. Yes, in November. Right. And then it was released in January.
(04:04):
In January. Right. So. And then after that, you and I had, during that period,
actually we had been kind of cultivating idea like we want to do something
and we want it to be around advocacy and around
trauma survival and all those things. And what do we do? And oh, let's do
another podcast. Because she doesn't already have enough to do with one big podcast.
So here we are and we, we have
(04:26):
been recording now for two full seasons and
our podcast is blowing, I think us both away because
of the kind of feedback that we're getting in. The world and 100%.
And this is the first time we've met each other in person. Yes, yes, yes.
Y all been over the Internet. Yeah. So we, we met a
couple of nights ago and you and your wife drove in from
(04:48):
New York and again we're here in Boston and we
saw each other walking toward each other and it was like such a weird sensation
to have this one dimensional picture walking with real
body parts and legs and things. And so we've just been
just deep conversations and
planning and laughing and I. Think I've
(05:11):
gained £200. We'll walk a lot today. Yeah, we'll walk this afternoon.
So how does trauma change the way
we Trust and bond. How do you think,
as a question, what is it like letting someone in?
You and I. Trauma vomited on each other
immediately. And I know how it made me feel.
(05:33):
How did it make you feel? Was like a warm hug.
Because when I came out with my own story, I lost a
lot of friends. Yeah. They didn't want to hear about it. They want to
keep their head in the sand and just live their merry life. But,
like, when I met you and I met other people in the community that really
want to talk about it, it changes the perspective, it changes the
(05:56):
narrative around how we talk about these topics. And it's really
important that we talk about it. And there's a freedom there. Yeah. Like,
there was this unspokenness. It's like, granted, we have. Again, we have
two different perspectives. Like, you've lost people to suicide. I have.
And obviously I've lost many people to suicide. You
have the advocate and the survivor of a loss
(06:18):
piece. So you have that survivor of an attempt perspective,
and I have the loss perspective. But there's so
much in that that is shared, and there was so much that you and I
didn't even really have to say because we understood where we
came from. And the point of all of this that we're trying to say is
that there is so much power to be found in the thing that we
(06:40):
always talk about, which is sharing your stories, but finding
community who understands the story that you're sharing.
Because that's like an instant bond.
And that's what it was for the two of us.
And I just. It was so freeing to me. It
was so empowering to me to be with somebody who
(07:03):
just understood if I was having a grief attack or understood if I was off
or vice versa. And the thing is, like, we feed
off of each other. We can just take
any topic out and just start talking about it. We
make it really easy to talk about the really hard stuff,
but the more we talk about the really hard stuff, that brings our bond even
(07:26):
closer. And not everybody wants to
talk about it. And I get it. And that's okay. And I'm not placing blame
on anybody. There's a time and a place to. Who talk about
suicide and mental health and. But, like, having
friends that can help you get through those really hard
days. It's everything. Yeah. It can be a game
(07:48):
changer. It can be the difference, completely. The difference between
just surviving. Right. And thriving. I'm just
gonna say, like, for us, we're really fortunate because both of our partners,
our spouses, are super supportive and Having
that support system around us
helps us thrive for sure. So
(08:13):
how has this friendship for you
helped you heal or be more
creative or move forward in different ways,
would you say? I'm going to say our friendship has made me
realize again that, you know, I'm not alone on my own journey. You know,
certain parts of my story kind of emulate
(08:36):
certain parts of your story, and that together
we're out there helping to change the world, change that narrative.
And it makes me feel good that I'm actually able to give back to the
world. And I've given back my entire life, but, like, now
I get to give back in a different mode. And people
all over the world are actually hearing our voices and hearing that friendship.
(09:00):
And having a tight friendship like that is super important. But
even, like, casual conversations, like when I. Whenever I'm out
and about, I always carry business cards for my podcast. You were
so funny. We went to breakfast in my
hometown, which is just north of Boston, and
G's meeting someone and had to pat on for her other podcast,
(09:22):
shit that goes on in our Heads. And someone made a comment about it and
she's like, oh, this is the name of my podcast. And so, oh, that sounds
interesting. And she whips out this business card and
gives it to this dude on the street. But you know what?
That's how you make connections, right? That's how you build community. That's how you build
community. And the mental health community is growing
(09:43):
leaps and bounds, especially this year, because everything
is on fire and people just need an outlet.
And for some people, maybe our podcast is that only outlet they have.
Yeah. But it also helps us build community, builds community in
LinkedIn, builds community. And Instagram. I mean, the whole
point of all of this is that sometimes
(10:05):
you only need that one person. Sometimes you only need that
one connection, that one bit of validation,
that one opportunity to sit with someone face to face or
even on the phone or through a screen or whatever it is, and be like,
hey, I went through this really hard, awful thing,
and nobody in my life really understands it the way you
(10:27):
do. So now it next levels up the connection
that you have. That's why last night was it. Last night at dinner, you said
something. You just looked at me and you're like, I feel like we've known each
other for 25 years. It feels like that. Yeah. Because we. We
just feed off each other. Struggling with your
mental health, Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just
(10:48):
alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to the Help Hub,
your online destination for mental health resources, content and
Tools to help you navigate whatever mental health challenges you are facing in
the moment. At the Help Hub, we offer individualized
resources tailored to your unique needs and community, with
over 16 different categories to find exactly the kind of
(11:10):
personalized help you need when you need it most.
Because even though we all deal with many of the same challenges, we don't always
experience those challenges the same way. So whether you're looking for
crisis support, downloadable resources, or an
extensive archive of mental health related articles and videos, we've got
you. From episodes of the Survivors podcast for suicide, loss
(11:32):
survivors, lived experience, blogs, to interactive
tools and professional connections, the Help Hub meets you where you
are and helps you move forward with strength and support.
Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Visit
thehelphub.co today.
Last week, when I hit that mental brick wall, you knew
(11:56):
I just had to take a pause. I had to take a pause, walk away,
do the things I needed to do for myself, listen to my own podcast.
Yeah, right, Physician. Heal myself. I need to heal
myself. But we can just talk. And we talk about
everything. Not just about suicide and mental health, but we talk about day to
day stuff too. And it's just that connection. It.
(12:19):
Trauma bonding is. It's a real thing. Is a real thing.
And until like you've gone through anything
that either of us have gone through, you don't really understand it.
But like people on the outside looking in can see that bond.
And I think it's just. Yeah, that's why it's phenomenal. Yeah. Yeah,
that's why so many people who made comments knowing
(12:42):
that you were coming this weekend to Boston
were like, we can't believe that you guys have never actually
met. Like, I'm touching her now for almost like this has only been the second
day. I'm like her little pet. You are pet. My little
garden. I'm as tall as one. So
just to kind of echo some of the things that we've been saying in terms
(13:05):
of especially vulnerability, because
obviously when you're bonding over trauma, and we're not necessarily
just excluding this, you know, to just
suicide, if we're talking about any. I mean, look, you've lost someone,
that's a trauma. You've had a breakup or you've lost a
house or lost your job. Yep. You know, lost
(13:26):
a best friend, lost an animal. Any type
of trauma in your life, if you can be vulnerable about it
and talk to somebody, it's absolutely freeing. Because
leaving that all bottled in is not good for you.
I can tell you firsthand it is not Good for you. And
this is not to say that, oh, talking about it with your best friend or
(13:48):
talking about it with your therapist, your partner, or whatever outlet
you have isn't beneficial. We're just saying
that in the context of whatever it is you're struggling with,
it's almost always, at least in our experience, it's almost always
more beneficial, a deeper understanding,
a stronger connection when that person you're talking to
(14:12):
or sharing with has gone through the thing. Yeah, there's,
that's just common sense. I mean that, that is why you and I
were saying I love you after our second phone call.
Never met anybody who matches my energy
level. Like, but like she's up here, like at the
88th level. We, we talk about things, all the
(14:35):
things. And there are certain things I'll share with Lisa that
I won't share with my therapist and there's certain things I share with my therapist
that I won't share with Lisa or I won't share with my wife. Like, those
are private things. And just being a good friend and listening,
that's everything. A lot of times we don't need you to say anything,
just listen to us. Yeah, right. And that's a good point because even
(14:57):
if you're talking like, let's talk in the context of suicide, which is what we're
obviously talking about here, even if you have someone in your
life who has gone through that, maybe they've lost someone,
it's not even about having that back and forth conversation
necessarily. It's about being able to share what's in your heart or
on your mind with a human being who understands what those
(15:20):
feelings feel like. It isn't even always about, like, what you're going to get back
in the conversation from that person. It's just, you know, that you're sharing it with
someone who understands what that kind of loss feels like. Or when you're talking
about survivor guilt, they know what that feels like or they know
what you know, it feels like to like, God, the things I should have, I
should, I should have asked or why did I miss that? Like, that person
(15:43):
knows that, doesn't need to say anything about it because they know it.
So this is all just a big 16 minute way
of saying that those conversations,
those friendships, those bonds are so unbelievably
valuable. So if you don't have them, if you haven't
accessed them, find them if you're struggling with something and yeah,
(16:05):
obviously do all the things that we always say, which is call 988the
Crisis Lifeline if you need to talk and need immediate support,
call a therapist. If you don't have one, find a therapist. Talk to friends,
family, coworkers, people you trust. But it's
also find the people. If you know there are people in your life who get
what you've gone through, find them. Find your
(16:28):
community. And if you don't want to do personal, go
out onto Instagram. There's a thousand posters out there that are
talking about mental health and have these cool little sayings. Yes,
I still. I still do that. Facebook groups.
Yeah. And there's so many free resources out there. So if you
are afraid that it's going to cost you money, there's a ton of free stuff
(16:50):
out there. Yeah, there's a ton of free stuff on there
all over the Internet. And there are also free
groups. I mean, I moderate through Samaritan south coast here in Boston. I moderate
a group every. Every other Monday and
Wednesday. It's a group for survivors of suicide,
loss. And it's. It's free and it's virtual. And you can be in Alaska
(17:13):
and join. So, like, you know how you have your sports communities
and you have your school communities, you can also
have your mental health community, because those mental health communities
will help you get from that next minute to that next
day. So I know we. We are doing this
completely impromptu. I was just like, hey, look, I set up a little mini studio,
(17:35):
and I have a chair for you. Come in here. We're recording an episode. So
the last. The last point that I. I personally think is
worth mentioning, you get to decide what your last point is, but is this
notion of shared pain, sparking purpose,
creating purpose. And look, this is not to say that every
person who has gone through adversity needs to write a book,
(17:57):
needs to start a podcast, needs to do some incredible, powerful
body of work. That is not what it's all about. People can
find their purpose in many different ways. But
this is to say, because obviously we're sitting here and we have done
that in a lot of different ways. I've written a book that's coming out. Gee's
written a book that's coming out. We're doing different things, but we're just
(18:20):
two examples of things that people can do. And it
proves the point that I want to make, which is that out of
unimaginable, traumatic loss,
it's possible to find meaning, it's possible to find
purpose, and it's possible to find people who
remind you that you're not
(18:40):
broken, that you're. You're Just healing and that you can
still find joy. Right? Right. Joy is
so important. Even on your worst days, you can
still find joy. And if you can connect with that one person
or those five people and just laugh, laughter
is truly the best medicine, is the best
(19:03):
icebreaker. And just kind of put yourself out there. I did.
I'm an extrovert, and I really put myself out
there. Yeah, you did. But I.
I'm happy that I did that because I have a new friend.
And you know what? We created this family. Yeah. And
we are not like every other podcast out there. Right. We're not
(19:26):
clinical, but so not clinical. It's all about friendship
and shared pain and our shared truths and trying
to help people so that they do not take their life by suicide
or that they know what it's. That we know
what it feels like, what they're going through, and they're not alone. You're
never alone, ever. And take a leap of faith. Take
(19:49):
a leap of faith. Like I. We completely took a leap. Yeah. We,
like, We. We just, like, dove head
first into the faith pool. Are we like Selma and Louise?
In a lot of ways, yeah. We had never, ever recorded together, except
for me being a guest on her podcast, which is a, you know, different dynamic,
two different hosts, all of that. It was easy for me to come on and
(20:10):
be a guest, but we didn't. We were talking about this last night. We didn't
have a cadence. We had never recorded. We didn't have an intro
planned or a style or anything. And we were just like, let's
go. Hit record. And here we. And we found our way, and we figured it
out, and we're still figuring it out, but it has really
enabled us to create something
(20:31):
special out of something that was horrible.
Horrible. Yeah. So it's a perfect blend
of joy and
sadness or pain, being able to coexist in
the same space. And that's life, friends. That is. That is life.
And we are just here to give one simple example
(20:54):
of, you know, what something like friendship and
community can do for you after trauma. Amen.
So what do I always say to you before we end every episode? That you
love me. I do. But now I get to say I love you. You get
to give up. Bye, friends. Thanks for
joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things feel,
(21:15):
you are enough. And the world needs you just the way you are. You're
not alone in this journey. There's a community here, and every step forward
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen. And we hope you'll
take one day at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
Thanks for being here, friends. Just remember, help is out there in
so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
(21:38):
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
mental health resources, tools and
content@thehelphub.co. just remember that help
is always just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week.
In the meantime, keep surviving.
The Survivors is brought to you by our friends at the Help Hub. This
podcast mentions suicide, mental illness, grief and loss and may be
triggering for some listeners. So please take care of your mental well being
by pausing or skipping any sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if
you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for support.
(00:21):
Hey, girl. Hey. Like, we're actually in the same.
We're in the same room for the first time ever.
Hey. We had a sleepover. We did. We had a sleepover. We ate
good food. We've had beautiful weather.
We are here together just north of Boston in
(00:42):
Salem, Massachusetts. This is so weird. I, like, see you here
where I usually see you, but then you're like, right here.
Right here. So we're doing a bonus episode because we're together in the same place,
so why the hell wouldn't we do that? Right? Yeah. Like, who? When will this
ever happen again? I don't know. I. I hope someday. Someday.
But right now, it's happening now, so let's just. We're doing it.
(01:04):
So we wanted to make good use of our time,
so we thought we would talk a little bit about
something that we both can speak to, which is what we always do,
and talk about friendship after trauma and what it's like
to truly be seen and feel like you're
understood and feel like you are part of a community.
(01:27):
And a community could just be you and another person or it could be you
and a group of people. But in our case, we are our
own little survivor community. We are. So we thought we'd
talk about the unexpected gift of friendship through
shared pain, which is a weird way to bond, but it's one
of the strongest. To me. I feel like it's one of the strongest ways
(01:48):
that I've ever bonded with anybody is through this pain. Like trauma
bonding. It's. There's nothing like it. Yeah,
yeah, I know. And God, you're like in my peripheral vision. This is weird.
So how we found each other. For
anyone who has not listened to us before, we
are two different kinds of survivors. I'm a three time survivor of suicide loss
(02:11):
ng. I'm a suicide attempt survivor. Yep. And we found each
other because G has another podcast also in
the mental health space, called Shit that Goes on in Our Heads that's blowing up
in the universe right now with millions and millions of downloads. And I was a
guest on her podcast and we just.
Just clicked like within a minute. Within a minute.
(02:33):
Yeah. Of our first little pre call, that. Pre call that was
supposed to be 25 minutes. Ended up being two hours. Oh, it's more than two
hours. Yeah, easily more than two hours. And so we both
found each other through our advocacy work. And I. What I. What I hope
we talk about a little bit today is
the unexpected benefit, silver lining,
(02:56):
joy, whatever you want to call it, that comes from doing something like advocacy
work, like getting embedded in a new community, even if the reason why you're there
is a sucky reason. Yes. So
we had these shared experiences and we found out we had
just this connection and we had gone through
so many of the same things in terms of suicide, and
(03:19):
it was this ability to have these conversations without
even having like the whole parts of the conversation. Right. We finished each other's
sentences. I should have just done that right then. That would have been perfect.
Please don't. No, I'm sorry, I won't. I'm just gonna keep touching you sometimes.
Touch me. Okay, so we. If you also have not listened
until today, we are now into
(03:42):
season. Obviously you're listening to season two of our podcast.
We began this in March. We first met each other, had our
first call in October of. Right.
24. Of 2024. And then I think I
recorded with shit that goes on in our heads. In November
or December. Yes, in November. Right. And then it was released in January.
(04:04):
In January. Right. So. And then after that, you and I had, during that period,
actually we had been kind of cultivating idea like we want to do something
and we want it to be around advocacy and around
trauma survival and all those things. And what do we do? And oh, let's do
another podcast. Because she doesn't already have enough to do with one big podcast.
So here we are and we, we have
(04:26):
been recording now for two full seasons and
our podcast is blowing, I think us both away because
of the kind of feedback that we're getting in. The world and 100%.
And this is the first time we've met each other in person. Yes, yes, yes.
Y all been over the Internet. Yeah. So we, we met a
couple of nights ago and you and your wife drove in from
(04:48):
New York and again we're here in Boston and we
saw each other walking toward each other and it was like such a weird sensation
to have this one dimensional picture walking with real
body parts and legs and things. And so we've just been
just deep conversations and
planning and laughing and I. Think I've
(05:11):
gained £200. We'll walk a lot today. Yeah, we'll walk this afternoon.
So how does trauma change the way
we Trust and bond. How do you think,
as a question, what is it like letting someone in?
You and I. Trauma vomited on each other
immediately. And I know how it made me feel.
(05:33):
How did it make you feel? Was like a warm hug.
Because when I came out with my own story, I lost a
lot of friends. Yeah. They didn't want to hear about it. They want to
keep their head in the sand and just live their merry life. But,
like, when I met you and I met other people in the community that really
want to talk about it, it changes the perspective, it changes the
(05:56):
narrative around how we talk about these topics. And it's really
important that we talk about it. And there's a freedom there. Yeah. Like,
there was this unspokenness. It's like, granted, we have. Again, we have
two different perspectives. Like, you've lost people to suicide. I have.
And obviously I've lost many people to suicide. You
have the advocate and the survivor of a loss
(06:18):
piece. So you have that survivor of an attempt perspective,
and I have the loss perspective. But there's so
much in that that is shared, and there was so much that you and I
didn't even really have to say because we understood where we
came from. And the point of all of this that we're trying to say is
that there is so much power to be found in the thing that we
(06:40):
always talk about, which is sharing your stories, but finding
community who understands the story that you're sharing.
Because that's like an instant bond.
And that's what it was for the two of us.
And I just. It was so freeing to me. It
was so empowering to me to be with somebody who
(07:03):
just understood if I was having a grief attack or understood if I was off
or vice versa. And the thing is, like, we feed
off of each other. We can just take
any topic out and just start talking about it. We
make it really easy to talk about the really hard stuff,
but the more we talk about the really hard stuff, that brings our bond even
(07:26):
closer. And not everybody wants to
talk about it. And I get it. And that's okay. And I'm not placing blame
on anybody. There's a time and a place to. Who talk about
suicide and mental health and. But, like, having
friends that can help you get through those really hard
days. It's everything. Yeah. It can be a game
(07:48):
changer. It can be the difference, completely. The difference between
just surviving. Right. And thriving. I'm just
gonna say, like, for us, we're really fortunate because both of our partners,
our spouses, are super supportive and Having
that support system around us
helps us thrive for sure. So
(08:13):
how has this friendship for you
helped you heal or be more
creative or move forward in different ways,
would you say? I'm going to say our friendship has made me
realize again that, you know, I'm not alone on my own journey. You know,
certain parts of my story kind of emulate
(08:36):
certain parts of your story, and that together
we're out there helping to change the world, change that narrative.
And it makes me feel good that I'm actually able to give back to the
world. And I've given back my entire life, but, like, now
I get to give back in a different mode. And people
all over the world are actually hearing our voices and hearing that friendship.
(09:00):
And having a tight friendship like that is super important. But
even, like, casual conversations, like when I. Whenever I'm out
and about, I always carry business cards for my podcast. You were
so funny. We went to breakfast in my
hometown, which is just north of Boston, and
G's meeting someone and had to pat on for her other podcast,
(09:22):
shit that goes on in our Heads. And someone made a comment about it and
she's like, oh, this is the name of my podcast. And so, oh, that sounds
interesting. And she whips out this business card and
gives it to this dude on the street. But you know what?
That's how you make connections, right? That's how you build community. That's how you build
community. And the mental health community is growing
(09:43):
leaps and bounds, especially this year, because everything
is on fire and people just need an outlet.
And for some people, maybe our podcast is that only outlet they have.
Yeah. But it also helps us build community, builds community in
LinkedIn, builds community. And Instagram. I mean, the whole
point of all of this is that sometimes
(10:05):
you only need that one person. Sometimes you only need that
one connection, that one bit of validation,
that one opportunity to sit with someone face to face or
even on the phone or through a screen or whatever it is, and be like,
hey, I went through this really hard, awful thing,
and nobody in my life really understands it the way you
(10:27):
do. So now it next levels up the connection
that you have. That's why last night was it. Last night at dinner, you said
something. You just looked at me and you're like, I feel like we've known each
other for 25 years. It feels like that. Yeah. Because we. We
just feed off each other. Struggling with your
mental health, Feeling lost, overwhelmed, or just
(10:48):
alone? Well, you're not. Welcome to the Help Hub,
your online destination for mental health resources, content and
Tools to help you navigate whatever mental health challenges you are facing in
the moment. At the Help Hub, we offer individualized
resources tailored to your unique needs and community, with
over 16 different categories to find exactly the kind of
(11:10):
personalized help you need when you need it most.
Because even though we all deal with many of the same challenges, we don't always
experience those challenges the same way. So whether you're looking for
crisis support, downloadable resources, or an
extensive archive of mental health related articles and videos, we've got
you. From episodes of the Survivors podcast for suicide, loss
(11:32):
survivors, lived experience, blogs, to interactive
tools and professional connections, the Help Hub meets you where you
are and helps you move forward with strength and support.
Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Visit
thehelphub.co today.
Last week, when I hit that mental brick wall, you knew
(11:56):
I just had to take a pause. I had to take a pause, walk away,
do the things I needed to do for myself, listen to my own podcast.
Yeah, right, Physician. Heal myself. I need to heal
myself. But we can just talk. And we talk about
everything. Not just about suicide and mental health, but we talk about day to
day stuff too. And it's just that connection. It.
(12:19):
Trauma bonding is. It's a real thing. Is a real thing.
And until like you've gone through anything
that either of us have gone through, you don't really understand it.
But like people on the outside looking in can see that bond.
And I think it's just. Yeah, that's why it's phenomenal. Yeah. Yeah,
that's why so many people who made comments knowing
(12:42):
that you were coming this weekend to Boston
were like, we can't believe that you guys have never actually
met. Like, I'm touching her now for almost like this has only been the second
day. I'm like her little pet. You are pet. My little
garden. I'm as tall as one. So
just to kind of echo some of the things that we've been saying in terms
(13:05):
of especially vulnerability, because
obviously when you're bonding over trauma, and we're not necessarily
just excluding this, you know, to just
suicide, if we're talking about any. I mean, look, you've lost someone,
that's a trauma. You've had a breakup or you've lost a
house or lost your job. Yep. You know, lost
(13:26):
a best friend, lost an animal. Any type
of trauma in your life, if you can be vulnerable about it
and talk to somebody, it's absolutely freeing. Because
leaving that all bottled in is not good for you.
I can tell you firsthand it is not Good for you. And
this is not to say that, oh, talking about it with your best friend or
(13:48):
talking about it with your therapist, your partner, or whatever outlet
you have isn't beneficial. We're just saying
that in the context of whatever it is you're struggling with,
it's almost always, at least in our experience, it's almost always
more beneficial, a deeper understanding,
a stronger connection when that person you're talking to
(14:12):
or sharing with has gone through the thing. Yeah, there's,
that's just common sense. I mean that, that is why you and I
were saying I love you after our second phone call.
Never met anybody who matches my energy
level. Like, but like she's up here, like at the
88th level. We, we talk about things, all the
(14:35):
things. And there are certain things I'll share with Lisa that
I won't share with my therapist and there's certain things I share with my therapist
that I won't share with Lisa or I won't share with my wife. Like, those
are private things. And just being a good friend and listening,
that's everything. A lot of times we don't need you to say anything,
just listen to us. Yeah, right. And that's a good point because even
(14:57):
if you're talking like, let's talk in the context of suicide, which is what we're
obviously talking about here, even if you have someone in your
life who has gone through that, maybe they've lost someone,
it's not even about having that back and forth conversation
necessarily. It's about being able to share what's in your heart or
on your mind with a human being who understands what those
(15:20):
feelings feel like. It isn't even always about, like, what you're going to get back
in the conversation from that person. It's just, you know, that you're sharing it with
someone who understands what that kind of loss feels like. Or when you're talking
about survivor guilt, they know what that feels like or they know
what you know, it feels like to like, God, the things I should have, I
should, I should have asked or why did I miss that? Like, that person
(15:43):
knows that, doesn't need to say anything about it because they know it.
So this is all just a big 16 minute way
of saying that those conversations,
those friendships, those bonds are so unbelievably
valuable. So if you don't have them, if you haven't
accessed them, find them if you're struggling with something and yeah,
(16:05):
obviously do all the things that we always say, which is call 988the
Crisis Lifeline if you need to talk and need immediate support,
call a therapist. If you don't have one, find a therapist. Talk to friends,
family, coworkers, people you trust. But it's
also find the people. If you know there are people in your life who get
what you've gone through, find them. Find your
(16:28):
community. And if you don't want to do personal, go
out onto Instagram. There's a thousand posters out there that are
talking about mental health and have these cool little sayings. Yes,
I still. I still do that. Facebook groups.
Yeah. And there's so many free resources out there. So if you
are afraid that it's going to cost you money, there's a ton of free stuff
(16:50):
out there. Yeah, there's a ton of free stuff on there
all over the Internet. And there are also free
groups. I mean, I moderate through Samaritan south coast here in Boston. I moderate
a group every. Every other Monday and
Wednesday. It's a group for survivors of suicide,
loss. And it's. It's free and it's virtual. And you can be in Alaska
(17:13):
and join. So, like, you know how you have your sports communities
and you have your school communities, you can also
have your mental health community, because those mental health communities
will help you get from that next minute to that next
day. So I know we. We are doing this
completely impromptu. I was just like, hey, look, I set up a little mini studio,
(17:35):
and I have a chair for you. Come in here. We're recording an episode. So
the last. The last point that I. I personally think is
worth mentioning, you get to decide what your last point is, but is this
notion of shared pain, sparking purpose,
creating purpose. And look, this is not to say that every
person who has gone through adversity needs to write a book,
(17:57):
needs to start a podcast, needs to do some incredible, powerful
body of work. That is not what it's all about. People can
find their purpose in many different ways. But
this is to say, because obviously we're sitting here and we have done
that in a lot of different ways. I've written a book that's coming out. Gee's
written a book that's coming out. We're doing different things, but we're just
(18:20):
two examples of things that people can do. And it
proves the point that I want to make, which is that out of
unimaginable, traumatic loss,
it's possible to find meaning, it's possible to find
purpose, and it's possible to find people who
remind you that you're not
(18:40):
broken, that you're. You're Just healing and that you can
still find joy. Right? Right. Joy is
so important. Even on your worst days, you can
still find joy. And if you can connect with that one person
or those five people and just laugh, laughter
is truly the best medicine, is the best
(19:03):
icebreaker. And just kind of put yourself out there. I did.
I'm an extrovert, and I really put myself out
there. Yeah, you did. But I.
I'm happy that I did that because I have a new friend.
And you know what? We created this family. Yeah. And
we are not like every other podcast out there. Right. We're not
(19:26):
clinical, but so not clinical. It's all about friendship
and shared pain and our shared truths and trying
to help people so that they do not take their life by suicide
or that they know what it's. That we know
what it feels like, what they're going through, and they're not alone. You're
never alone, ever. And take a leap of faith. Take
(19:49):
a leap of faith. Like I. We completely took a leap. Yeah. We,
like, We. We just, like, dove head
first into the faith pool. Are we like Selma and Louise?
In a lot of ways, yeah. We had never, ever recorded together, except
for me being a guest on her podcast, which is a, you know, different dynamic,
two different hosts, all of that. It was easy for me to come on and
(20:10):
be a guest, but we didn't. We were talking about this last night. We didn't
have a cadence. We had never recorded. We didn't have an intro
planned or a style or anything. And we were just like, let's
go. Hit record. And here we. And we found our way, and we figured it
out, and we're still figuring it out, but it has really
enabled us to create something
(20:31):
special out of something that was horrible.
Horrible. Yeah. So it's a perfect blend
of joy and
sadness or pain, being able to coexist in
the same space. And that's life, friends. That is. That is life.
And we are just here to give one simple example
(20:54):
of, you know, what something like friendship and
community can do for you after trauma. Amen.
So what do I always say to you before we end every episode? That you
love me. I do. But now I get to say I love you. You get
to give up. Bye, friends. Thanks for
joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things feel,
(21:15):
you are enough. And the world needs you just the way you are. You're
not alone in this journey. There's a community here, and every step forward
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen. And we hope you'll
take one day at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
Thanks for being here, friends. Just remember, help is out there in
so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
(21:38):
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
mental health resources, tools and
content@thehelphub.co. just remember that help
is always just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week.
In the meantime, keep surviving.
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