September 3, 2025 • 30 mins
In this candid episode, Lisa and Gretchen reunite to mark National Suicide Prevention Month with an unfiltered conversation about the realities of mental health struggles. Together, they explore the power of connection, the critical importance of vulnerability, and how small acts, like a text, a call, or asking “How are you really?”—can literally save a life.
Episode Description: In honor of Suicide Prevention Month, Lisa and Gretchen dig into what it really means to take action—not just spread awareness—when it comes to saving lives. With compassion, lived experience, and hard-won wisdom, they explore how empathy, connection, and vulnerability can change the course of someone’s tomorrow.
Watch the Video Podcast on YouTube: A video version of this episode is available here: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
This episode is proudly brought to you by Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions Struggling with employee burnout, high turnover, or clunky onboarding processes? Feeling overwhelmed by change or unsure how to support your team’s mental health in the workplace? You’re not alone. Welcome to Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions—your all-in-one partner for building healthier, more resilient organizations. 👉 Visit: https://schosersolutions.com
Episode Lessons & Key Takeaways:
- Awareness is not enough—action saves lives.
- Connection is protection. A text, call, or check-in can be life-changing.
- Take off the mask. Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it's healing.
- Reframe the narrative. Practice positive self-talk and challenge shame.
- You are not alone. The 988 Lifeline and countless resources are here for you.
- Baby steps count. Healing doesn’t happen overnight—but it starts with one brave step.
Chapters:
0:00 – Intro & Sponsor: Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions 1:06 – Why Suicide Prevention Month Matters 3:44 – Powerful Stats that Demand Action 5:24 – Gretchen’s Story: The Call that Changed Her Life 7:06 – Connection as a Lifeline 10:32 – How to Support Others (and Ourselves) 14:41 – Break the Cycle: Speak Up, Share, Support 18:25 – Positive Self Talk & Therapy Tools 22:08 – Prioritizing Yourself Without Guilt 25:26 – The Call to Action: Reach Out, Check In 27:39 – Final Words: Baby Steps, Always Forward 30:20 – Outro: You Are Enough 💜
📚 Resources for Mental Health & Support
🔹 The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/ 🔹 The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/ 🔹 Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions – Mental wellness coaching & support – https://schosersolutions.com/ 🔹 Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads – A raw, award-winning mental health podcast – https://goesoninourheads.net/
📲 Follow & Connect With Us
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_survivors_podcast 🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-survivors-podcast 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
🎙️ See You Next Week! Stay strong, keep going, and remember: You are enough. 💜
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Survivors is brought to you by. Our friends at Schoser Talent and Wellness
Solutions. This podcast mentions suicide, mental illness,
grief and loss and may be triggering for some listeners. So please
take care of your mental well being by pausing or skipping any sections
that feel uncomfortable to you. And if you or someone you know is struggling, please
call 988 for support.
(00:24):
You and I have been apart for a while. A while.
Yep. Yep. Because I went off the grid for a little bit
because my daughter was here from out of the country.
And we just kind of huddled together as a little family, hugging
each other for two weeks. And I didn't get on my phone. I
didn't do anything. And it was the very best thing in the
(00:46):
world for my mental health. But now we're back, and I literally have not seen
your face live. That was the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other.
I know. It's kind of scary, right? I know, right? But we just slid right
back in like an old sneaker. So here we are. And, you
know, do you know what it is right this minute? I don't know. Tell
me. It's actually September.
(01:08):
And that means it's National Suicide Prevention Month. And we
are here to share that together and to talk about
all the things that need to be talked about
this month and all the other months. And it's that
time just to stop and just to pay attention
for a minute a little bit deeper than we usually do, and to
(01:32):
commit to being part of the solution. That's how I feel.
And I know that's how you feel it is. Because
when you think about all of it, all these awareness months, and
there are so many of them, and I do appreciate all of them,
especially this one. Awareness is important. But what I'm
learning is that awareness without any action to support
(01:55):
it, does not really accomplish a
lot. And in this case, it doesn't really save
people's lives. So I thought today
we could talk about how preventing
suicide goes deeper, way
deeper than just knowing all the
(02:16):
statistics. Like you and I talk about statistics all the time. But it's so much
more than that. It's about building a
culture, or in our case, a community, which is what you and I have been
doing now for a long time, where
compassion and care for each other and for what we're
all going through is at the center of that. So does that sound
(02:37):
like a conversation that you'd like to have? It would be a great conversation
to have because there's so much that plays into that.
Yeah, I mean, awareness itself
Is like, the tip of it all. And
when you think about it, like, okay, now I am going to talk statistics for
a second because it is relevant in the case of
(02:58):
suicide prevention month.
50,000 people like, these statistics blow me away every time I hear them, and I
talk about them all the time. 50, 50,000 people die
by suicide in the US every year,
roughly. That's one person
every 11 minutes. That's one of the stats
(03:20):
that really hits me. And I know that we've talked about the global
statistic a lot over the last couple of seasons, which is that
over 700,000 people die by suicide
every year around the world, or
one every 40 seconds, which, again, it's like, you know, I'm not a mathematically
oriented person, but there are certain things that. God, they just
(03:43):
hit me. That one hits me.
Yeah. I've been following a group on
Facebook, and they talk a lot about suicide
awareness and people that are grieving from suicide loss
and. And just the connection
and the community and really helping to try and prevent
(04:06):
more suicides. I feel like sometimes our messages fall
on deaf ears, but I want people to
realize that, you know, you are loved, wanted, and needed in this world, and the
world's a better place because you're here. And no matter how crappy
today feels, tomorrow could be way better.
Yeah. And in my case, that's what it was.
(04:29):
It's as hard as everything was on that Christmas Day,
life got so much better after I
finally got myself into therapy and started really realizing
what was important. Yeah. And that's the
thing that you can't see when you're in that
(04:49):
state of mind. And you would know this better having
been on the survivor side in terms of having those
ideations and wanting to end your life and
going so far as to look up how you were gonna do this
thing. You would know better than anyone
(05:10):
how you were feeling, how desperate you felt, and how
alone you probably felt with your wife downstairs.
Yeah. In the same place. Yeah. And it's gotta
be an awful feeling. And it was,
because here's what was going on in my head is I
couldn't fix what was going on, and I'm a
(05:33):
fixer. I couldn't make those feelings go
away, no matter what. I tried and I tried everything,
but once I made that phone call to
988, everything started to make sense.
I will say it again and again, the lady that answered that call that day
was the most compassionate person I've ever spoken to, and
(05:55):
she helped me see what was going on. But for people out there that
have never had those kinds of feelings before. Yeah, it's terrifying.
I was terrified. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay, so
you saying what you just said makes me think
of a point that I think is so important to make this
month and in general when we're talking about suicide awareness
(06:17):
and prevention is that connection.
I'm thinking about your call to 988. And then after that,
I know the story. You reached out, you talked to your wife. You
slowly started talking to other people in your
community and in your family and so on, and there was a
ripple effect, but it was. It was connection. You made connection.
(06:42):
And that connection is a form of protection.
That's what I think. So many people don't necessarily understand
why. It's why you and I keep talking over and over and over again
about. Share your story. And. Okay, maybe you're just not
someone who wants to share your story. You don't want to write it. You don't
want to go on a podcast. You don't want to talk about it. You don't
(07:02):
want to post about it. Okay. That's your prerogative. You. You don't have to do
that. What you owe it to yourself to do
and what you owe it to the people who are close to you to do
is to reach out and connect with people. Because. And
here's the thing. Here's the reason why people who feel
that sense of belonging or that that connection are
(07:24):
significantly less likely to attempt
suicide. It's that isolation. It's that
loneliness. It's that. That are the greatest risk
factors and prevention. And you know this because
you do this all the time. Like you and I text each other all the
time and. And have open, honest conversations. You just
(07:45):
sending a simple text. I know every week you. You do that
with your people just to just. Just to check in, just
to give somebody a lifeline. And what we don't often realize is that those connections
that we have with people, even if it's a hello, that might be the only
connection somebody gets in a day. But it matters.
It does. You know, communication is huge. And
(08:09):
for the people out there that are extroverts and we all like to throw on
our masks and pretend everything's okay, maybe take your mask
off. I did.
Nothing horrible happened out of it. Actually, I ended up getting better
because I. I decided to say screw it with the
shame and the stigma and feeling weak because I couldn't fix
(08:31):
myself. And I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling.
And so my challenge to everyone out there is
Take that mask off and let people see you for who you are.
As hard as it is, people
still want to be able to talk to you. They still want to be able
to hug you. They still want to be able to text you.
(08:54):
Do it for you. Don't do it for anybody else. Do it for you.
Because the worst thing in life is
walking around feeling as depressed as I did.
Yeah, well, that's what keeps people silent. It's that stigma.
You just talked about it. It's the stigma that keeps people isolated in
their own heads. And it's only, I
(09:16):
think, in my own experience, when we replace
that feeling of judgment with a little bit of empathy,
that's when we create spaces where people feel safe enough
to come out, safe enough to take off the mask, safe enough to have the
conversation, safe enough to be vulnerable. And that's what so much of
(09:37):
this is. It's. It's like, I definitely do not want to oversimplify this, especially for
somebody who may be listening, who is in that really,
really, really bad, isolated headspace, because I'm
sure that at this stage of the game, you
and I are hopefully reaching a really wide cross
section of people who have either lost people or grieving people or trying to
(10:00):
help people are struggling themselves. So
if you're listening and you're not
okay, two things that you need
to be doing are, number one, reach out to someone,
whether it be 988, whether it be a family member, a friend,
a coworker, someone somewhere that you trust.
(10:22):
And also be vulnerable even when it
hurts, because the alternative is not okay.
The alternative means you're not okay. Yes,
100%. And we
need.
(10:42):
It's hard to say this because I've been there. It's hard
to come up for air when your head won't
stop with other craziness going on.
But know that you're okay. Know that it's okay to let people know what's
going on, because we're not mind readers. Your friends, your family,
(11:03):
your co workers, nobody knows what's really going on unless you
allow them to come in. Allow people to come in.
Because your true friends and your family,
they're going to see you for where you're at and
they'll meet you there for people that are on the other side
(11:23):
and you're seeing the downward spiral.
Just let them know you're there. Let them know that you know you're
there as a friend, you're there as a caregiver, as a
coworker, whoever you are. Just let them Know that you
will. You're there to, you know, help them out in whatever capacity
they might need. And a lot of times I'm going to tell you, we don't
(11:45):
know what we need because it's all kind of new to us.
And that's important. That's important to acknowledge that when you're
not okay, it impacts everything.
It impacts your relationships, it impacts,
in a lot of cases, your job. It impacts, of course, your
mental wellness, your physical wellness. I mean, depression is a
(12:08):
heavy, heavy thing that in and of itself
can keep you from getting out of bed every day, can keep you from
making the connections that you usually make every day.
So it becomes so important, especially
in the world that we're living in now where there is so much turmoil
and there's so much collective stress. All we ever have to do is turn
(12:31):
on the news and everyone is impacted by what we
see and what's happening to us. Whether it's politics or whether it's
a religious crisis somewhere, or whether
it's just navigating the plain
old day to day of life that is heavy
just by nature in so many cases. Like, we all carry a
(12:53):
lot. And when you layer on top of all the other stuff, being
emotionally unwell, well, that just is more than enough
to send somebody into a spiral. And then here's the thing.
When someone is in that headspace alone,
and I'm making the argument now for why it's so important to say what's going
on in your head when someone is alone with all of that
(13:16):
heaviness and those thoughts and, and they're swimming, swimming around
in that, that pool of heaviness,
that's the only thing they're experiencing. There is nothing to disrupt that
cycle. There is nothing to change that narrative.
And it's. When you talk to people, how many times, how many times in your
life, God, how many times you and I have been on the phone, we've been
(13:38):
talking, and you'll tell me something and you've got something in your head, or I'll
tell you something, I have something in my head and I feel like it's
so much bigger or you feel like it's so much bigger until you share it
with me or until I share it with you, and then we're both like, oh,
well, that's not really that big of a deal, is it? You know, it's. And
the point I'm making is that it's when we
(14:00):
verbalize a lot of the things that are going on in our heads that just
keep replaying on these endless little loops. That's when
we recognize like, okay, let's get a little perspective here. Maybe
we have somebody else's input here. Maybe we recognize that thing, things
are fixable or doable or manageable
in a way we didn't when we were locked inside our own head with our
(14:23):
thoughts. And so that's why like this month, today, in this
episode, the rest of this season, into eternity, you and I are
going to be saying, talk about how you feel with
people because that is the first step
in getting help for yourself or someone else.
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(15:29):
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(15:52):
It is, and believe me, I know how hard it is.
It took a call to 988 in order for me to open up,
but I'm thankful because I'm alive today and I, I get to
see like a lot of my dreams and hopes coming true. And
offer yourself patience and grace. Okay, like we're all
(16:14):
dealing with something. Like,
just because you're not feeling good in your own
headspace, don't do the negative self talk because it's. Because it really
doesn't help. It just exasperates the what's going
on. And if you're standing
around someone and they are, you know, saying bad stuff
(16:37):
about themselves, like reframe that. So reframe
it back to them, but in a more positive tone.
Yeah, that's a great suggestion and that's, that's powerful.
It's like this is a totally different example, but it's
like how you can almost trick
yourself into going to the gym, for instance. You think,
(16:59):
oh, it's gonna be such a slog. I don't wanna get out of bed, it's
too early, it's too cold, it's too dark, blah, blah, blah. We can
give ourselves a thousand different reasons to not
do the thing, but it's when we spin it and say,
I get to do this. I get to do this for
myself. I get to have this quiet time. I get to fuel my body,
(17:20):
I get to fuel my brain. You know what I'm saying? Does
that, does that make sense? It's just more like positive self talk can
be that X factor
in making something that was not okay in our brains okay.
It is. And the more
you do a positive self talk, the better you
(17:43):
feel. Right. Um, something that my therapist taught me is
every time I get ready to say something mean
to myself, take a second and
reframe that as saying something good. It takes
a lot of brain power to do that. But it also
makes you take a pause. It does. And
(18:07):
really think about what you want to say to yourself.
And instead of using you statements, use I
statements. I did this today.
I'm grateful of this. Don't stand in the mirror and say,
you suck. Okay. Okay. Because you don't suck.
You're going through a really hard time in your life,
(18:29):
probably trying to just make it to that next minute. And I get
it. Life. Life gets really lifey. Sometimes.
It does. And in thinking about what you're saying about how
we talk to ourselves, I'll take it one step further
and say when you're in those moments where
you want to be critical of yourself or you want to bash
(18:52):
yourself for something, stop and think, would
I ever say this to somebody I care about? You
would never say the things to
someone else that you would say to yourself. I'm guilty of that. I am for
sure guilty of that. It's so easy to look at ourselves
and be critical and find fault. And I think with
(19:14):
a lot of us, that's where so many of our insecurities and our issues
start. Because we're not compassionate with ourselves when we need
to be the most. Yeah. Like when
we talk bad to ourselves, it's like sending an angry text.
Because those are the conversations that you would never have face to face with
somebody, but you have no problem sending them a text.
(19:37):
Like, don't. Just don't do it. Be kind. Rewind.
Yeah. Yeah. Like rethink it. Yeah.
And I think a lot of what we're talking about
feels like we're giving suggestions for how to break
cycles here, which I know is what I'm secretly trying
to do. And I think you're probably secretly trying to do that too. Like, okay,
(20:01):
don't do this thing that we're always used to doing, like disrupt,
disrupt the thought process, disrupt
the actions, disrupt the narrative. And,
and the way that we do that is
often in very, very small, innocuous ways.
(20:22):
And like we already said, one of those ways is by being
gentler to ourselves or
maybe prioritizing something that we need
because we need it, versus giving all of our energy and
attention to the people around us. I know I was guilty of
that for the longest time and it had me in a terrible terr
(20:45):
headspace because I kept putting myself dead last. And
I think that that's where so many people
run into problems because all of a sudden now it isn't about you
anymore. You've made it about everybody else but you. So
what's important to you is no longer a priority. What you need
is no longer considered. And people just
(21:07):
get caught in this downward spiral because
we don't think about ourselves anymore in the ways that we should.
You know, we're always so busy asking everybody else, like, how are you?
How are you? And that, what do you need? What's going on with you? And
those are great things. And I am a big believer that we
(21:28):
need to be more of a collectivist society in, in
every way, but in, especially in this way where we
look after each other's wellness. I think it's our
obligation. Definitely it's our obligation. And I know that you agree with that
because we've had offline conversations about that. But
how often do we ask ourselves, how are we really doing and how
(21:50):
impactful would that be if we really did that
on the regular and stopped sitting with everybody else's pain and kind of
sat with our own and said, oh, I am really not okay right now and
here's why, and here's what I need. And then you go do the
thing that you need. Wouldn't that be something? Huh? I think that's easy for people
to do that aren't empaths. But if you're an
(22:13):
empath, you need to learn to put that shield up
and deflect because your well being is
just as important as everybody else's well being.
Check in with yourself on a regular basis. I do it at least
twice a day. I check in in the morning, I check in at night.
I should probably try and check in during the middle of the day, but I'm
(22:35):
usually a little busy and forget about it. But
you're worth having in this world and your
Mental health matters. And you may think, like, I can't
afford to go see a therapist, I don't know what to do. There are numbers
you can call. You can call the 988 suicide and crisis hotline.
You can go and find a support group,
(22:59):
like minded people that are going through something similar to what
you're going through. It helps, but just know that
as a community, we can help lift
people up instead of keep bashing them down so that they
can make it to that next minute, next hour, next day.
But it starts with us and how we talk to ourselves
(23:22):
and how we treat ourselves and how we consider ourselves.
And it's the oxygen mask in the airplane
again, all over again, over and over again. We cannot
be helpful to anyone else if we
are not helpful to ourselves and taking care of
ourselves. So all of this
(23:45):
is to say that
we need to be better and at doing two things.
Number one, considering ourselves and
taking care of ourselves. Those things go hand in hand. And
number two, also keeping our eyes out on the people around us.
(24:06):
It's important. It's what we need to be doing.
Yes, obviously it's Suicide Prevention Month,
so we all are a little bit extra this month, but we
shouldn't be extra this month, we should be extra all the months. So
I do hope that we can just continue this conversation over and over and over
again. And I know that you and I will, and I hope everybody else out
(24:28):
there will. And so here are some takeaways as we
start to wind this conversation down. Take a step.
Take one step. If you're listening to this right now
and you're not okay, or you're listening to this and
you're close to someone who's not okay and you want to help
them, either you yourself or encourage
(24:52):
your friend, reach out to someone you care about
this week. Do it this week.
Either check in with yourself and do that inventory and
see how you're really doing or reach out to the person you're worried
about. How are they really doing? What do they
really need from you? How can you best support yourself
(25:14):
or support a friend who might need help?
Because if we don't ask the questions, we
won't know how to help.
And you know, it's all about, we're all in this
together and I would much rather
have somebody reach out to me. That is not a good headspace.
(25:38):
Then be kind of left wondering. So
yeah, it's true. And look, here are some more takeaways
as we kick off Suicide Prevention
Month. It is again our obligation
to look after the people around us. And
(26:01):
we do that in lots of different ways nowadays. We can do it with a
text, we can do it with a phone call. We can do it by saying,
hey, let's go for a walk, let's get coffee, let's get dinner, let's do a
thing together. But there are so many other ways that the
world we live in allows us to kind of
globally do our part in a very easy way. Post about the
988 crisis lifeline. If you have any
(26:25):
kind of social media whatsoever, just post
the number and say, if you're struggling, call
988. Period. Hit post. That's all you need to do.
Go to resources
like national alliance on Mental Illness or the American foundation for
Suicide Prevention or Samaritans. You can go to my
(26:47):
platform, the Help Hub. Go to thehelphub.co to
find a humongous directory
of crisis support tools and hotlines
and resources and share that.
Share all of those platforms and organizations, because you
never know who will see it at exactly
(27:09):
the right time and need one of the resources that
you're sharing. And last thing, last
kind of call to action. Make it personal. If you're
struggling, take one step. Look what G did.
G was struggling. Ji took one step.
She picked up the phone, called 988. And maybe you need to call
(27:31):
a friend or a family member or a different
helpline or you need to call a therapist for the first time.
Make it personal and take a step for
yourself. I'm telling you,
your life will be much better with that step. I was afraid
when I made that call. My hand was shaking so bad, but at
(27:54):
the same time, I was really tired of feeling the way I was feeling.
Yeah. And when you think about it, I mean, I don't know if I've ever
asked you how long that phone call was, because I know they range
a. Little over an hour and a half. Okay, all right. So
an hour and a half you invested in yourself.
(28:16):
An hour and a half changed the course of the rest of your life.
Not overnight, not in a day or a week, or maybe even a
month. No, more like two years. But still.
But it shifted, right? That was
the moment. That was the thing. So maybe it's a single
conversation with a friend. Maybe it's a single conversation on a lifeline. Maybe it's a
(28:38):
single post that you see some random person on
Instagram or TikTok post that has
information that resonates with you, that
most often can be the catalyst, that can be the thing
that changes things. And so here's
the message and my final thoughts.
(29:03):
Suicide prevention. That's what we're talking about. Suicide prevention is not
just about a single day or a month or a
campaign. It's about all of these choices
that we make every single solitary day to
connect to people who we need
to connect with or who need us to care about other
(29:26):
people, to be compassionate. Because every
single one of us has the responsibility to be part of the solution.
And we can fix it. We can. Baby steps.
Just remember, baby steps. Nothing got changed in a day. Right?
Baby steps and baby steps. Forward motion is still forward
motion. It is indeed.
(29:49):
Indeed it is. I'm really glad we had this conversation. I'm grateful that we
are in a position to be able to talk about these things
in a place where hopefully others will listen and others
will feel what we feel when we talk about it.
So I really hope that the people who need to hear this are hearing it.
(30:10):
And I'll see you next week. I'll see you next week. And I'll love you
just as much next week as I do right now. Yes, ma'. Am. Have a
good one. I will. I'll see you soon.
Thanks for joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
feel, you are enough and the world needs you just the way you are.
You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here and every step forward
(30:32):
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen and we hope you'll
take one day at a time. Just know that there's always more light ahead.
Thanks for being here. Friends, just remember, help is out there.
In so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
(30:55):
mental health resources, tools and content at
thehelphub.co. just remember that help is always
just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week. In the
meantime, keep surviving.
The Survivors is brought to you by. Our friends at Schoser Talent and Wellness
Solutions. This podcast mentions suicide, mental illness,
grief and loss and may be triggering for some listeners. So please
take care of your mental well being by pausing or skipping any sections
that feel uncomfortable to you. And if you or someone you know is struggling, please
call 988 for support.
(00:24):
You and I have been apart for a while. A while.
Yep. Yep. Because I went off the grid for a little bit
because my daughter was here from out of the country.
And we just kind of huddled together as a little family, hugging
each other for two weeks. And I didn't get on my phone. I
didn't do anything. And it was the very best thing in the
(00:46):
world for my mental health. But now we're back, and I literally have not seen
your face live. That was the longest we've ever gone without seeing each other.
I know. It's kind of scary, right? I know, right? But we just slid right
back in like an old sneaker. So here we are. And, you
know, do you know what it is right this minute? I don't know. Tell
me. It's actually September.
(01:08):
And that means it's National Suicide Prevention Month. And we
are here to share that together and to talk about
all the things that need to be talked about
this month and all the other months. And it's that
time just to stop and just to pay attention
for a minute a little bit deeper than we usually do, and to
(01:32):
commit to being part of the solution. That's how I feel.
And I know that's how you feel it is. Because
when you think about all of it, all these awareness months, and
there are so many of them, and I do appreciate all of them,
especially this one. Awareness is important. But what I'm
learning is that awareness without any action to support
(01:55):
it, does not really accomplish a
lot. And in this case, it doesn't really save
people's lives. So I thought today
we could talk about how preventing
suicide goes deeper, way
deeper than just knowing all the
(02:16):
statistics. Like you and I talk about statistics all the time. But it's so much
more than that. It's about building a
culture, or in our case, a community, which is what you and I have been
doing now for a long time, where
compassion and care for each other and for what we're
all going through is at the center of that. So does that sound
(02:37):
like a conversation that you'd like to have? It would be a great conversation
to have because there's so much that plays into that.
Yeah, I mean, awareness itself
Is like, the tip of it all. And
when you think about it, like, okay, now I am going to talk statistics for
a second because it is relevant in the case of
(02:58):
suicide prevention month.
50,000 people like, these statistics blow me away every time I hear them, and I
talk about them all the time. 50, 50,000 people die
by suicide in the US every year,
roughly. That's one person
every 11 minutes. That's one of the stats
(03:20):
that really hits me. And I know that we've talked about the global
statistic a lot over the last couple of seasons, which is that
over 700,000 people die by suicide
every year around the world, or
one every 40 seconds, which, again, it's like, you know, I'm not a mathematically
oriented person, but there are certain things that. God, they just
(03:43):
hit me. That one hits me.
Yeah. I've been following a group on
Facebook, and they talk a lot about suicide
awareness and people that are grieving from suicide loss
and. And just the connection
and the community and really helping to try and prevent
(04:06):
more suicides. I feel like sometimes our messages fall
on deaf ears, but I want people to
realize that, you know, you are loved, wanted, and needed in this world, and the
world's a better place because you're here. And no matter how crappy
today feels, tomorrow could be way better.
Yeah. And in my case, that's what it was.
(04:29):
It's as hard as everything was on that Christmas Day,
life got so much better after I
finally got myself into therapy and started really realizing
what was important. Yeah. And that's the
thing that you can't see when you're in that
(04:49):
state of mind. And you would know this better having
been on the survivor side in terms of having those
ideations and wanting to end your life and
going so far as to look up how you were gonna do this
thing. You would know better than anyone
(05:10):
how you were feeling, how desperate you felt, and how
alone you probably felt with your wife downstairs.
Yeah. In the same place. Yeah. And it's gotta
be an awful feeling. And it was,
because here's what was going on in my head is I
couldn't fix what was going on, and I'm a
(05:33):
fixer. I couldn't make those feelings go
away, no matter what. I tried and I tried everything,
but once I made that phone call to
988, everything started to make sense.
I will say it again and again, the lady that answered that call that day
was the most compassionate person I've ever spoken to, and
(05:55):
she helped me see what was going on. But for people out there that
have never had those kinds of feelings before. Yeah, it's terrifying.
I was terrified. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay, so
you saying what you just said makes me think
of a point that I think is so important to make this
month and in general when we're talking about suicide awareness
(06:17):
and prevention is that connection.
I'm thinking about your call to 988. And then after that,
I know the story. You reached out, you talked to your wife. You
slowly started talking to other people in your
community and in your family and so on, and there was a
ripple effect, but it was. It was connection. You made connection.
(06:42):
And that connection is a form of protection.
That's what I think. So many people don't necessarily understand
why. It's why you and I keep talking over and over and over again
about. Share your story. And. Okay, maybe you're just not
someone who wants to share your story. You don't want to write it. You don't
want to go on a podcast. You don't want to talk about it. You don't
(07:02):
want to post about it. Okay. That's your prerogative. You. You don't have to do
that. What you owe it to yourself to do
and what you owe it to the people who are close to you to do
is to reach out and connect with people. Because. And
here's the thing. Here's the reason why people who feel
that sense of belonging or that that connection are
(07:24):
significantly less likely to attempt
suicide. It's that isolation. It's that
loneliness. It's that. That are the greatest risk
factors and prevention. And you know this because
you do this all the time. Like you and I text each other all the
time and. And have open, honest conversations. You just
(07:45):
sending a simple text. I know every week you. You do that
with your people just to just. Just to check in, just
to give somebody a lifeline. And what we don't often realize is that those connections
that we have with people, even if it's a hello, that might be the only
connection somebody gets in a day. But it matters.
It does. You know, communication is huge. And
(08:09):
for the people out there that are extroverts and we all like to throw on
our masks and pretend everything's okay, maybe take your mask
off. I did.
Nothing horrible happened out of it. Actually, I ended up getting better
because I. I decided to say screw it with the
shame and the stigma and feeling weak because I couldn't fix
(08:31):
myself. And I was tired of feeling the way I was feeling.
And so my challenge to everyone out there is
Take that mask off and let people see you for who you are.
As hard as it is, people
still want to be able to talk to you. They still want to be able
to hug you. They still want to be able to text you.
(08:54):
Do it for you. Don't do it for anybody else. Do it for you.
Because the worst thing in life is
walking around feeling as depressed as I did.
Yeah, well, that's what keeps people silent. It's that stigma.
You just talked about it. It's the stigma that keeps people isolated in
their own heads. And it's only, I
(09:16):
think, in my own experience, when we replace
that feeling of judgment with a little bit of empathy,
that's when we create spaces where people feel safe enough
to come out, safe enough to take off the mask, safe enough to have the
conversation, safe enough to be vulnerable. And that's what so much of
(09:37):
this is. It's. It's like, I definitely do not want to oversimplify this, especially for
somebody who may be listening, who is in that really,
really, really bad, isolated headspace, because I'm
sure that at this stage of the game, you
and I are hopefully reaching a really wide cross
section of people who have either lost people or grieving people or trying to
(10:00):
help people are struggling themselves. So
if you're listening and you're not
okay, two things that you need
to be doing are, number one, reach out to someone,
whether it be 988, whether it be a family member, a friend,
a coworker, someone somewhere that you trust.
(10:22):
And also be vulnerable even when it
hurts, because the alternative is not okay.
The alternative means you're not okay. Yes,
100%. And we
need.
(10:42):
It's hard to say this because I've been there. It's hard
to come up for air when your head won't
stop with other craziness going on.
But know that you're okay. Know that it's okay to let people know what's
going on, because we're not mind readers. Your friends, your family,
(11:03):
your co workers, nobody knows what's really going on unless you
allow them to come in. Allow people to come in.
Because your true friends and your family,
they're going to see you for where you're at and
they'll meet you there for people that are on the other side
(11:23):
and you're seeing the downward spiral.
Just let them know you're there. Let them know that you know you're
there as a friend, you're there as a caregiver, as a
coworker, whoever you are. Just let them Know that you
will. You're there to, you know, help them out in whatever capacity
they might need. And a lot of times I'm going to tell you, we don't
(11:45):
know what we need because it's all kind of new to us.
And that's important. That's important to acknowledge that when you're
not okay, it impacts everything.
It impacts your relationships, it impacts,
in a lot of cases, your job. It impacts, of course, your
mental wellness, your physical wellness. I mean, depression is a
(12:08):
heavy, heavy thing that in and of itself
can keep you from getting out of bed every day, can keep you from
making the connections that you usually make every day.
So it becomes so important, especially
in the world that we're living in now where there is so much turmoil
and there's so much collective stress. All we ever have to do is turn
(12:31):
on the news and everyone is impacted by what we
see and what's happening to us. Whether it's politics or whether it's
a religious crisis somewhere, or whether
it's just navigating the plain
old day to day of life that is heavy
just by nature in so many cases. Like, we all carry a
(12:53):
lot. And when you layer on top of all the other stuff, being
emotionally unwell, well, that just is more than enough
to send somebody into a spiral. And then here's the thing.
When someone is in that headspace alone,
and I'm making the argument now for why it's so important to say what's going
on in your head when someone is alone with all of that
(13:16):
heaviness and those thoughts and, and they're swimming, swimming around
in that, that pool of heaviness,
that's the only thing they're experiencing. There is nothing to disrupt that
cycle. There is nothing to change that narrative.
And it's. When you talk to people, how many times, how many times in your
life, God, how many times you and I have been on the phone, we've been
(13:38):
talking, and you'll tell me something and you've got something in your head, or I'll
tell you something, I have something in my head and I feel like it's
so much bigger or you feel like it's so much bigger until you share it
with me or until I share it with you, and then we're both like, oh,
well, that's not really that big of a deal, is it? You know, it's. And
the point I'm making is that it's when we
(14:00):
verbalize a lot of the things that are going on in our heads that just
keep replaying on these endless little loops. That's when
we recognize like, okay, let's get a little perspective here. Maybe
we have somebody else's input here. Maybe we recognize that thing, things
are fixable or doable or manageable
in a way we didn't when we were locked inside our own head with our
(14:23):
thoughts. And so that's why like this month, today, in this
episode, the rest of this season, into eternity, you and I are
going to be saying, talk about how you feel with
people because that is the first step
in getting help for yourself or someone else.
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(15:06):
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(15:29):
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(15:52):
It is, and believe me, I know how hard it is.
It took a call to 988 in order for me to open up,
but I'm thankful because I'm alive today and I, I get to
see like a lot of my dreams and hopes coming true. And
offer yourself patience and grace. Okay, like we're all
(16:14):
dealing with something. Like,
just because you're not feeling good in your own
headspace, don't do the negative self talk because it's. Because it really
doesn't help. It just exasperates the what's going
on. And if you're standing
around someone and they are, you know, saying bad stuff
(16:37):
about themselves, like reframe that. So reframe
it back to them, but in a more positive tone.
Yeah, that's a great suggestion and that's, that's powerful.
It's like this is a totally different example, but it's
like how you can almost trick
yourself into going to the gym, for instance. You think,
(16:59):
oh, it's gonna be such a slog. I don't wanna get out of bed, it's
too early, it's too cold, it's too dark, blah, blah, blah. We can
give ourselves a thousand different reasons to not
do the thing, but it's when we spin it and say,
I get to do this. I get to do this for
myself. I get to have this quiet time. I get to fuel my body,
(17:20):
I get to fuel my brain. You know what I'm saying? Does
that, does that make sense? It's just more like positive self talk can
be that X factor
in making something that was not okay in our brains okay.
It is. And the more
you do a positive self talk, the better you
(17:43):
feel. Right. Um, something that my therapist taught me is
every time I get ready to say something mean
to myself, take a second and
reframe that as saying something good. It takes
a lot of brain power to do that. But it also
makes you take a pause. It does. And
(18:07):
really think about what you want to say to yourself.
And instead of using you statements, use I
statements. I did this today.
I'm grateful of this. Don't stand in the mirror and say,
you suck. Okay. Okay. Because you don't suck.
You're going through a really hard time in your life,
(18:29):
probably trying to just make it to that next minute. And I get
it. Life. Life gets really lifey. Sometimes.
It does. And in thinking about what you're saying about how
we talk to ourselves, I'll take it one step further
and say when you're in those moments where
you want to be critical of yourself or you want to bash
(18:52):
yourself for something, stop and think, would
I ever say this to somebody I care about? You
would never say the things to
someone else that you would say to yourself. I'm guilty of that. I am for
sure guilty of that. It's so easy to look at ourselves
and be critical and find fault. And I think with
(19:14):
a lot of us, that's where so many of our insecurities and our issues
start. Because we're not compassionate with ourselves when we need
to be the most. Yeah. Like when
we talk bad to ourselves, it's like sending an angry text.
Because those are the conversations that you would never have face to face with
somebody, but you have no problem sending them a text.
(19:37):
Like, don't. Just don't do it. Be kind. Rewind.
Yeah. Yeah. Like rethink it. Yeah.
And I think a lot of what we're talking about
feels like we're giving suggestions for how to break
cycles here, which I know is what I'm secretly trying
to do. And I think you're probably secretly trying to do that too. Like, okay,
(20:01):
don't do this thing that we're always used to doing, like disrupt,
disrupt the thought process, disrupt
the actions, disrupt the narrative. And,
and the way that we do that is
often in very, very small, innocuous ways.
(20:22):
And like we already said, one of those ways is by being
gentler to ourselves or
maybe prioritizing something that we need
because we need it, versus giving all of our energy and
attention to the people around us. I know I was guilty of
that for the longest time and it had me in a terrible terr
(20:45):
headspace because I kept putting myself dead last. And
I think that that's where so many people
run into problems because all of a sudden now it isn't about you
anymore. You've made it about everybody else but you. So
what's important to you is no longer a priority. What you need
is no longer considered. And people just
(21:07):
get caught in this downward spiral because
we don't think about ourselves anymore in the ways that we should.
You know, we're always so busy asking everybody else, like, how are you?
How are you? And that, what do you need? What's going on with you? And
those are great things. And I am a big believer that we
(21:28):
need to be more of a collectivist society in, in
every way, but in, especially in this way where we
look after each other's wellness. I think it's our
obligation. Definitely it's our obligation. And I know that you agree with that
because we've had offline conversations about that. But
how often do we ask ourselves, how are we really doing and how
(21:50):
impactful would that be if we really did that
on the regular and stopped sitting with everybody else's pain and kind of
sat with our own and said, oh, I am really not okay right now and
here's why, and here's what I need. And then you go do the
thing that you need. Wouldn't that be something? Huh? I think that's easy for people
to do that aren't empaths. But if you're an
(22:13):
empath, you need to learn to put that shield up
and deflect because your well being is
just as important as everybody else's well being.
Check in with yourself on a regular basis. I do it at least
twice a day. I check in in the morning, I check in at night.
I should probably try and check in during the middle of the day, but I'm
(22:35):
usually a little busy and forget about it. But
you're worth having in this world and your
Mental health matters. And you may think, like, I can't
afford to go see a therapist, I don't know what to do. There are numbers
you can call. You can call the 988 suicide and crisis hotline.
You can go and find a support group,
(22:59):
like minded people that are going through something similar to what
you're going through. It helps, but just know that
as a community, we can help lift
people up instead of keep bashing them down so that they
can make it to that next minute, next hour, next day.
But it starts with us and how we talk to ourselves
(23:22):
and how we treat ourselves and how we consider ourselves.
And it's the oxygen mask in the airplane
again, all over again, over and over again. We cannot
be helpful to anyone else if we
are not helpful to ourselves and taking care of
ourselves. So all of this
(23:45):
is to say that
we need to be better and at doing two things.
Number one, considering ourselves and
taking care of ourselves. Those things go hand in hand. And
number two, also keeping our eyes out on the people around us.
(24:06):
It's important. It's what we need to be doing.
Yes, obviously it's Suicide Prevention Month,
so we all are a little bit extra this month, but we
shouldn't be extra this month, we should be extra all the months. So
I do hope that we can just continue this conversation over and over and over
again. And I know that you and I will, and I hope everybody else out
(24:28):
there will. And so here are some takeaways as we
start to wind this conversation down. Take a step.
Take one step. If you're listening to this right now
and you're not okay, or you're listening to this and
you're close to someone who's not okay and you want to help
them, either you yourself or encourage
(24:52):
your friend, reach out to someone you care about
this week. Do it this week.
Either check in with yourself and do that inventory and
see how you're really doing or reach out to the person you're worried
about. How are they really doing? What do they
really need from you? How can you best support yourself
(25:14):
or support a friend who might need help?
Because if we don't ask the questions, we
won't know how to help.
And you know, it's all about, we're all in this
together and I would much rather
have somebody reach out to me. That is not a good headspace.
(25:38):
Then be kind of left wondering. So
yeah, it's true. And look, here are some more takeaways
as we kick off Suicide Prevention
Month. It is again our obligation
to look after the people around us. And
(26:01):
we do that in lots of different ways nowadays. We can do it with a
text, we can do it with a phone call. We can do it by saying,
hey, let's go for a walk, let's get coffee, let's get dinner, let's do a
thing together. But there are so many other ways that the
world we live in allows us to kind of
globally do our part in a very easy way. Post about the
988 crisis lifeline. If you have any
(26:25):
kind of social media whatsoever, just post
the number and say, if you're struggling, call
988. Period. Hit post. That's all you need to do.
Go to resources
like national alliance on Mental Illness or the American foundation for
Suicide Prevention or Samaritans. You can go to my
(26:47):
platform, the Help Hub. Go to thehelphub.co to
find a humongous directory
of crisis support tools and hotlines
and resources and share that.
Share all of those platforms and organizations, because you
never know who will see it at exactly
(27:09):
the right time and need one of the resources that
you're sharing. And last thing, last
kind of call to action. Make it personal. If you're
struggling, take one step. Look what G did.
G was struggling. Ji took one step.
She picked up the phone, called 988. And maybe you need to call
(27:31):
a friend or a family member or a different
helpline or you need to call a therapist for the first time.
Make it personal and take a step for
yourself. I'm telling you,
your life will be much better with that step. I was afraid
when I made that call. My hand was shaking so bad, but at
(27:54):
the same time, I was really tired of feeling the way I was feeling.
Yeah. And when you think about it, I mean, I don't know if I've ever
asked you how long that phone call was, because I know they range
a. Little over an hour and a half. Okay, all right. So
an hour and a half you invested in yourself.
(28:16):
An hour and a half changed the course of the rest of your life.
Not overnight, not in a day or a week, or maybe even a
month. No, more like two years. But still.
But it shifted, right? That was
the moment. That was the thing. So maybe it's a single
conversation with a friend. Maybe it's a single conversation on a lifeline. Maybe it's a
(28:38):
single post that you see some random person on
Instagram or TikTok post that has
information that resonates with you, that
most often can be the catalyst, that can be the thing
that changes things. And so here's
the message and my final thoughts.
(29:03):
Suicide prevention. That's what we're talking about. Suicide prevention is not
just about a single day or a month or a
campaign. It's about all of these choices
that we make every single solitary day to
connect to people who we need
to connect with or who need us to care about other
(29:26):
people, to be compassionate. Because every
single one of us has the responsibility to be part of the solution.
And we can fix it. We can. Baby steps.
Just remember, baby steps. Nothing got changed in a day. Right?
Baby steps and baby steps. Forward motion is still forward
motion. It is indeed.
(29:49):
Indeed it is. I'm really glad we had this conversation. I'm grateful that we
are in a position to be able to talk about these things
in a place where hopefully others will listen and others
will feel what we feel when we talk about it.
So I really hope that the people who need to hear this are hearing it.
(30:10):
And I'll see you next week. I'll see you next week. And I'll love you
just as much next week as I do right now. Yes, ma'. Am. Have a
good one. I will. I'll see you soon.
Thanks for joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
feel, you are enough and the world needs you just the way you are.
You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here and every step forward
(30:32):
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen and we hope you'll
take one day at a time. Just know that there's always more light ahead.
Thanks for being here. Friends, just remember, help is out there.
In so many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
please call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
(30:55):
mental health resources, tools and content at
thehelphub.co. just remember that help is always
just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week. In the
meantime, keep surviving.
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