September 17, 2025 • 30 mins
In this powerful episode, Lisa and Gretchen unpack the complex relationship between social media and suicide prevention. From uplifting connections to harmful comparisons, they explore how our digital spaces can either support or sabotage mental health.
🎥 Watch the Video Podcast on YouTube: A video version of this episode is available here: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
🎙️ This episode is proudly brought to you by Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions Struggling with employee burnout, high turnover, or clunky onboarding processes? Feeling overwhelmed by change or unsure how to support your team’s mental health in the workplace? You’re not alone. Welcome to Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions—your all-in-one partner for building healthier, more resilient organizations. At Schoser Solutions, we blend decades of expertise in talent strategy, employee wellness, and HR technology to help small and mid-sized businesses thrive. We specialize in optimizing UKG Recruiting and Onboarding systems—transforming how you attract, hire, and welcome new talent—while offering custom-built mental wellness programs, stress management toolkits, and change readiness assessments. Whether you're navigating rapid growth or simply want better support for your employees' well-being, we meet you where you are—with practical tools, strategic insight, and a deeply human approach. Because when your systems run smoothly and your people feel supported, everyone wins. 🌐 Visit https://schosersolutions.com today. 💙 Because your mental well-being matters. 💙
🔍 Episode Summary:
In this insightful episode, Lisa and Gretchen take a raw, honest look at the powerful impact of social media on mental health and suicide prevention. They share personal reflections, hard-earned wisdom, and actionable advice on how to curate your feed, build boundaries, and use your digital world to lift yourself—and others—up.
They discuss how social media can offer connection, comfort, and resources for those struggling, while also being a space of misinformation, comparison culture, cyberbullying, and emotional overwhelm. With stories, strategies, and humor, they help listeners navigate the digital landscape with intention and self-compassion.
✨ Lessons Learned:
- You control your feed—mute, unfollow, block, or snooze anything that doesn’t serve your well-being.
- Not everything online is therapy—real support comes from real connection, not chatbots or AI-based advice.
- Boundaries = self-love—setting digital boundaries is one of the most powerful acts of self-care.
- Comparison is a thief of joy—don’t measure your worth by curated highlight reels.
- Hope is contagious—share content that inspires, uplifts, and supports.
0:00 – Intro & Lisa’s Graphic Tee Era 1:00 – Why Social Media Deserves a Mental Health Conversation 3:00 – Compassion Fatigue & Conscious Posting 5:30 – Online Kindness: The Power & Harm of Words 9:30 – Influencers, Comparison Culture, and Teen Vulnerability 13:20 – Finding Comfort in the Feed 14:00 – Safe Virtual Communities for Survivors 16:30 – UKG Recruiting & Onboarding Tools (Schoser Ad Segment) 18:00 – Curate Your Space With Intention 20:30 – Funny Animal Videos: The Joy in Simple Content 22:00 – Boundaries Online and Offline 24:00 – Digital Detox & No-Phone Zones 26:00 – Where You Get Your News Matters 28:00 – Final Thoughts: Post With Purpose, Set One New Boundary 30:00 – Wrap-Up: You Are Enough 💜
📚 Resources for Mental Health & Support
🔹 The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/ 🔹 The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/ 🔹 Schoser Talent and Wellness Solutions – Mental wellness coaching & support – https://schosersolutions.com/ 🔹 Sh!t That Goes On In Our Heads – A raw, award-winning mental health podcast – https://goesoninourheads.net/
📲 Follow & Connect With Us
📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_survivors_podcast 🔗 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/the-survivors-podcast 🎥 YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheSurvivorsPodcastChannel
🎙️ See You Next Week! Stay strong, keep going, and remember: You are enough. 💜
#TheSurvivorsPodcast #EndTheStigma #MentalHealthMatters #SuicidePrevention #Yo
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
The Survivors is brought to you by. Our friends at Schoser Talent and Wellness
Solutions. This podcast mentions suicide, mental illness,
grief and loss and may be triggering for some listeners. So
please take care of your mental. Well being by pausing or skipping any
sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if you or someone you know is
struggling, please call 988 for support.
(00:24):
Hey, how are you? Fine. How are you? I'm great. I didn't
know if you noticed this, but this is my month of the
Music Graphic T shirt. You can't really. You can't see
this at all if you're listening to the audio, but I'm in a Queen T
shirt, and I think last week I was in a Beatles T
shirt, and next week I think I'm going to be in a Fleetwood Mac T
(00:45):
shirt. So I just want it to be acknowledged that this is my graphic
T shirt era.
Excellent. Sounds lovely. You're looking at me like, what
are we talking about? Okay. What we're really talking about
this week on the Survivors is something we actually have not really
touched on at all. And I know. I'm excited to dig into this conversation. We're
(01:08):
talking about the role of social media in suicide
prevention, which I think is a very, very powerful
conversation. And I'm glad that we're having
it, that we're finally having it, because, let's be honest,
social media is a mixed bag. Some
days it's definitely the thing that keeps us connected,
(01:31):
maybe keeps us inspired, keeps us hopeful, all those things. I'm not.
I'm not trashing the goodness that is out there in social
media. Other days, it is a shit
show. Other days it drags us down.
It demoralizes us. It forces us to compare
ourselves and our lives against everybody else
(01:54):
who seems like they're doing it a lot better than we are. So today
I thought it might be a good idea if you and I just
unpacked the role that social media
plays in suicide prevention, because it can really
help and it can really harm.
(02:15):
And what we can
do to make our feeds healthier and safer and more
supportive is up to us. Like, we get to decide
where we focus our attention. You agree? Agree.
And there's. So
there's two sides to the social media thing, too,
(02:37):
is, you know, it's one thing
to post a lot about mental
health and things like that, but, like, when we're posting, we
also need to remember that people
get compassion fatigue. And so, you know,
you have to be very cognizant of
(03:00):
what you are posting. And
you know what if you're going to post something out there just to be mean,
don't post it. It's kind of like going back to what your mom
used to say. You don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at
all. Because people can read into that and they could be having a really
horrible day and all you're doing is making that
(03:23):
day worse for them. I'm really glad that you said
all that because it just brought two things to mind and I want to see
if I can remember both of them because my short term memory's been terrible lately.
So the first thing I think is that
it's very important that we recognize
(03:44):
that there are people out there who feel this false sense of
empowerment behind a screen. I know those people. I
have worked with those people, collaborated with those people, been friends
with those people who are two totally different
kinds of people when they are in person, in front
of your face or maybe on the phone with you,
(04:07):
versus the same person texting you something
or writing an email, which. Who does that anymore? But
post, you know, or someone who posts something,
they're like a Jekyll and Hyde. And I have had a couple of experiences in
my life where I've been close
to someone who I felt like I really knew and
(04:29):
trusted and believed was one type of person. And
then all of a sudden I saw them to be someone
completely different and in some cases passive aggressive and hostile and
unkind. Just unkind. And that can really
do a number on you can be really, really
hard when you're on the receiving end of that.
(04:52):
And it's this, this false sense of empowerment that I think a lot of people
feel. Yeah, it is. And
the way that you post out onto social media,
be cognizant of what you're posting. Are you posting
it to be funny? Are you posting it to be hurtful? Be aware of who
(05:12):
your audience is going to be when you're posting it
because it may just strike a really bad chord
with somebody and that may not have been your intention.
Yeah, it's true. And I think that just speaks to the
fact that people just have to be conscious of
(05:34):
what they're doing and understand that there are actually human beings on the other
side of these screens that we look at or that we hold in our hands.
And I don't think that enough people keep that in mind because
we're doing everything with these inanimate objects that
don't respond back to us. In a lot of cases, we're just putting our
feelings out there. And oftentimes we're doing it
(05:56):
without a filter. So it's this
double edged sword and. It goes back to what we were
talking about a couple weeks ago, like negative self talk.
That's like we say stuff online
that we would never ever, ever, I
mean, ever say to somebody in person.
(06:19):
Yeah, well, that's what I'm talking about. I, I know I would never
expect certain things from certain people in person. And then all of a
sudden I get something from that person over text and I'm like,
who the hell are you? All of a sudden. Yeah, and,
and social media is the same way. So whether you're,
you're posting a meme or a statement or
(06:41):
something, words matter and words can hurt.
And you know, really think long and hard
if that's something that you want to attach your name to.
But also for somebody who used social media to
try and feel better. Yeah, there's a lot of good people you can
(07:03):
follow on Instagram on. Okay,
yes, I went down the TikTok rabbit hole. Didn't do that for a whole long
time. But
find people that you trust and their messages make your heart feel
good. Instead of going out to like
your normal friends and family feed, there are people out there
(07:25):
with really good intentions that
are just trying to help. Yeah, it's true. And
we should be mimicking our
real life in what we do on social
media. Like, I don't connect with
people just for numbers. If I don't have a relationship with you, if I
(07:48):
don't have some kind of
common connection with you or
some reason to be connected with you, I'm not gonna connect with you. I'm not
just looking to boost numbers and
followers and that sort of thing. That's of no interest to me
whatsoever. And if I'm not gonna be
(08:11):
close to you in real life, I'm not gonna be close to you
in an artificial world. And
I think that we have to subscribe to the same school of
thought that Dave and I always used to teach the girls. Find
the people who are going to make you feel good about yourself,
support you, fill you up, bring out the best in you. Well,
(08:34):
when you and I are talking in the context of
social media and how that can help and how that can hurt
when we're seeking people out, we have to
do the same thing with the sites that we spend our time
on and the influencers who we listen to
because they can be really corrupting
(08:58):
and they can be really toxic. I mean, look, it's like I said a minute
ago, social media is definitely A double edged sword. It
can be a lifeline for people who feel isolated. And I think that that
has revolutionized loneliness in a lot of ways. But
it's also given us an isolation and loneliness
epidemic at the same time. Which is weird, but it's true. You know, it
(09:20):
connects people who don't have the means to be connected
to supportive communities and peer groups and
virtual groups and even real time crisis support.
But these same platforms or ones like them
can also expose people to cyberbullying and
misinformation and fraud and there can be
(09:42):
lots of content triggers. So you know, it's a
trick tool, but it's also a risk. It is.
But with some of that risk there is reward. For me,
just my own, my own personal story is
right before everything happened on that Christmas day,
I was trying to find every kind of resource that could just
(10:06):
make me feel a teeny tiny bit better. And like
I did, I found some influencers out there that get did make me
feel better. And I did start to realize that I wasn't alone
in my own like internal battle
of what was going on in my head. But I was still depressed.
And it's not a cure all. That's where therapy
(10:30):
came in. That's where like opening up came like came in.
You can't just depend on that social media aspect
to be your therapist because you still
need to open up your mouth to talk about it. Absolutely.
And I'm glad you mentioned don't trust
it to be a therapist because there is a very, very hot
(10:53):
conversation that's happening right now. There's been a lot going on in the news. I
think it's important that we bring it here to this conversation, even if we
only just touch on it. And that is the
controversy about utilizing AI now
for therapy. Because as we all know, and if you don't
know, you'll know soon enough, AI artificial
(11:16):
intelligence is not always reliable. And there
have been a lot of cases, far too many cases recently in
the news where, and I'm talking more more specifically about
younger people like youth who have
taken their lives because they have
been led on by some artificial
(11:39):
intelligence in ways that
a traditional face to face, in person
therapist would never allow.
And people's lives have been
compromised because they are seeking
out professional mental
(12:02):
health therapy using a chatbot
and someone who doesn't know them, someone who is artificial.
And in some cases it has
created chaos because a lot of kids have done bad things to themselves
or in some cases ended their lives. And so in
(12:23):
that way it's A very, very dangerous
tool. Social media is a very dangerous tool in that way.
And you really have to know what you're saying and what you're doing
to really ensure that you're staying safe.
Definitely. And
(12:43):
while AI is still there, like,
don't depend on that answer. Don't. It's like going to school and
using the Encyclopedia Britannica. Check your
resources, check in with a helpline,
check in with friends. Look to make
sure that that is the answer that you're looking for. I will tell
(13:05):
you, doing the Google search on mental health or
suicide awareness, you get a ton of information that is
not helpful. But do your research
and follow people that make your heart
feel. Feel good, because that's what I did. It made my
heart feel better. Maybe not my head feel better, but it made my heart feel
(13:27):
better knowing that I wasn't going through my own
horrible journey by myself. Yeah,
it's important as a form of connection. It can be an
incredible tool. I moderate, and I've talked about it many times
on the podcast. I moderate a group
for survivors of suicide loss. I facilitate this group through
(13:49):
Samaritans here in Boston called Safe Place. And
it gives people a virtual opportunity to gather
in a group with other people who have experienced a very specific kind
of loss. And I know that there are thousands and thousands
of these types of groups for people who are
survivors of loss, who are dealing with generalized
(14:12):
grief, who have dealt with
attempts on their own life, who are dealing with
depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, you
name it. There is really a group for
anyone. And you can find it virtually in so many cases.
And that's, again, that falls in the
(14:34):
wow, social media can be such a powerful tool category.
But then you go to the other side. We haven't even. We haven't even
scratched at the whole comparison culture
idea yet. So let's just scratch that right now.
Scratch that itch. Yep. So there
is this constant. And I'm a parent. I have two daughters who are now
(14:57):
grown adult women living their lives out in the
workforce. But they were right there in the
epicenter of the birth of
TikTok and Instagram and stories and everybody's bat
mitzvah being plastered all over Facebook and social media.
And, oh, how come I didn't get the invitation to that one? And, oh, how
(15:17):
come that one did that better? And how come that one did? They're bigger and
oh, my God, comparison culture. As the mother of two daughters who were living in
that generation, with social media just emerging. Oh, my
God, it was. That was a time. I can
tell you. I almost wish Dave was here for this conversation because he would say
the same thing. Like, that was a brutal time because
(15:40):
there is just this constant inundation and
exposure to incredibly curated. And I want to
focus on the word curated because that's what it is. Curated,
manipulated highlight reel content.
And it is the tiniest little
percentage of what someone's actual real life is like. And
(16:02):
yet everybody thinks it's your whole life. And for somebody
who's struggling with mental illness, like, oh, I don't know, a teen whose brain isn't
developed yet, who's in like middle school, which is the worst time of life,
and they're already struggling, seeing
endless images of perfect lives with all the kids all around you
or in school sitting next to you all day can just
(16:24):
deepen your feelings of inadequacy or shame or despair or
hopelessness or whatever you're feeling. And this is just as true for teens and
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(17:09):
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(17:31):
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Let's build a healthier, more productive future one workplace at a
time. It is,
you know, it's like trying to keep
up with the Joneses. Yes. Like don't.
(17:53):
Like, live your own life. Live your own unique,
beautiful life. You don't have to
be a Kim Kardashian. Just be a good person,
making sure that you're taking care of you and
the people around you. But take care of you first. Because you
can't take care of anybody else unless you're taking care of you first.
(18:18):
Well, I think a big part of doing that, especially
in the online culture that we are living in,
where social media is literally everywhere, the one thing in
the world that nobody is leaving behind is their phone and
if you're on your phone, you're on social media, and you're
on the platforms, and you're being inundated
(18:41):
24 hours a day by all the news and all the feeds
and all the influencers. So ways to protect
yourself are remembering. One of the biggest ways is just to
remember that you reserve the right
to curate your own space. You
have more control than you realize. We all have way more control.
(19:04):
Parents have more control over their kids because they can use filters and
controls and things like that. That didn't exist when my kids were young, but they
do now. So you. You can kind of help to
protect your kids. But if we're talking about grown
adults, we can pick and choose what
we spend our time listening to and watching. And I'll tell you, there is
(19:25):
a lot of power in muting or unfollowing or blocking
content that's harmful or that doesn't serve you and just replacing
it with, I know you, and I know how much you love
your little penguins dancing videos and kitty cats and
flying squirrels and raccoons and all those things. Yeah. But they're like, they make you
happy. Like, my family thinks that I'm ridiculous because I'll be sitting
(19:47):
there on the couch with everybody, and I'll take two seconds and I'll watch a
funny video, and I have to have everybody see the funny compilation of cats
sliding all over the floor. But it makes me so unbelievably happy. So I
watch that. And that's a good part of social media because it makes me happy.
Yeah. Like with me, I start my day with
20 minutes of funny videos. Right now, it's raccoon
(20:10):
videos, but it makes me feel better. And it's content.
I look for content that will make me feel better. And I'm all
about blocking, snoozing. If
it doesn't fit me at that point in time in my life, you're going to
get snoozed. And I don't feel bad about it anymore. I used to feel
bad about it, but I don't because now I'm protecting my mental
(20:33):
health, which to me is the most important thing. Oh,
agreed, agreed, agreed. And it's funny in terms
of boundaries. You and I have talked both online and offline a lot
about boundaries and how each of us has
kind of reset our boundaries in different ways. And I know myself
personally. If my therapist were here right now,
(20:55):
she would probably agree, and so would my family. That the most work that I've
done on myself in the past couple of years has to do with creating
and maintaining boundaries for myself. And an extension of that has recently
become what you just talked about, which is to
snooze or unfollow or unfriend people who
I either am no longer close to or maybe
(21:18):
in the world that we live in right now that is so politically divided, I
just don't want to be forced to see and
hear and watch and listen to and read
content that upsets me or doesn't align with my personal
values. Like, look, anybody on any side of the aisle
(21:38):
reserves the right to say what they feel they
need to say and post what they are going to post. But I, on
my side of the aisle, whatever side that may be, reserve the right to not
have to listen to you and not have to
consider what you have to say because I find it to be offensive or hurtful
or whatever the case may be. And so I have done. My kids
(22:01):
are shocked that I've. I've actually
unfollowed a lot of people, and I have never done that before.
And I will not apologize for that. Because
if I'm not a fan of
what you believe in, I am choosing to
react to that in a. In the way of, okay, well, I'm, I'm just,
(22:24):
I. I'm not, I'm not going to be close to you. Like, we don't align
anymore. So I'm not going to be close to you because what you say and
do really hurts me deeply. So you can go ahead and say and do it,
but you're going to do without me. So. And I'm making a reflection of that
now. My virtual life, too. Like,
it's carrying over into my virtual life. And I got to tell you, it's super
liberating. Yeah, it's like the ultimate act of
(22:47):
self love. Yes, it is the ultimate act.
And you know, part of the whole social media
thing too, is get off your phone, go enjoy a little
bit of nature. I am going to tell you, the phone will still be
there. But like, in my case, my days
of being able to go outside and enjoy the weather are
(23:09):
numbered because snow is coming. I know.
Look at your. I love the fact that you're talking about snow. And
it's, you know, it's. It's barely fall and you're
already fixating on it. I am. You want to know why? Because I'm
trying to get as much time outside without
having to put on 17 layers of clothes. Okay. I respect
(23:31):
that and enjoy some fresh air.
No, I agree. And I love that for you and I completely support what
you're saying because look, you can't
argue all of the studies that have been done
that link heavy social media use. And I'm not just talking about
with kids, I'm talking about with humans. It links
(23:54):
social media use, screen time to increased
anxiety, increased depression, heightened
emotional reactions to things, sleeplessness. There
are so many different ways that screen time has an
impact on us. So when we're creating
boundaries, not just within the spaces
(24:16):
that we feel we are in on social
media, but when we're also creating other boundaries, like
limiting our screen time altogether and maybe having like a
no phone zone, I know we did that when our kids were
young and social media was really emerging. We would
say to them, you will not take your phone out
(24:38):
at a restaurant, you will not take your phone out at, at the
dinner table unless it's like an emergency and someone's literally on fire. And we
really stuck to that. But people don't do that as much anymore. People aren't
doing the digital detoxes like they were
a while ago, years ago, because everything got turned upside
down during the pandemic and nobody's come out of it yet. I think in that
(25:01):
way people are still glued to their devices.
I, you know, what I did find though is
after January 20th, I started
putting my phone down more because I don't need to hear the rhetoric.
I, I don't need that in my, my life. And that's
just not only social media, but that's just also new news
(25:24):
sources and, and everything. Yeah, there's some important stuff going on
in the world today, but you don't need to be looking at it
24 7. It's true. It's very true. And
I've also been very, very intentional about where I get my news and more
importantly, how I get my news. I
try now to get my news more one dimensionally and read my
(25:46):
news rather than listening to it because it sets off a whole bunch
of visceral chain reactions. And I feel
all of that when I'm watching certain things or listening to certain things.
And I don't feel it in the same way
when I'm just reading. Like I, for instance,
subscribe to a news outlet called the Skim. Have we
(26:09):
talked about this before? Yeah, you and I have, but not with her
audience. Right, right. So the Skim is a news
outlet that is
absolutely hysterically funny. It's kind of like Jon
Stewart on paper. Like it's funny and it's super, super, super accurate,
but it distills Everything down into
(26:31):
very manageable little bite sized nuggets that
you get to consume and it keeps things somewhat
light that the things that can be kept light. But I find that
I get what I need to get there and I get it in a way
that it is not toxic and it is very accurate and I
move on with my day and my nervous system really appreciates me for
(26:54):
that. Which is you bring up
an interesting topic of like getting where you get your news from.
If you see something posted on, on social media and you
are not completely sure the truthfulness behind that,
do your research. Absolutely. Because
sometimes that, that information can be super,
(27:17):
super hurtful, especially if it's not true
and you don't want people to be coming back to you and saying, hey,
this wasn't really true. Be cognizant of like what
you post, just be, be a little
bit more careful. Yeah, well, I think it's everybody's responsibility to do our
due diligence. We can't just assume that any one outlet
(27:40):
or any one influencer is the end all, be all.
Even if they appear to be the most well
regarded source of information, they
are still only one source of information, regardless of
how important or how
credible they may seem to be. So I agree with
(28:03):
you in every way that people need to do their due diligence and consider
exactly what they're getting from these sources
and at the same time
make sure that you're giving yourself more than one
outlet. I like to try and listen to or watch or read
(28:23):
news from all the outlets. So that's just me.
I've never been more of a news junkie than I am now in these last
several years. And obviously that's, I think,
been the case for a lot of people who never really paid attention to things
like politics. They do now. And so I try to make
sure that I get a representation that's accurate from
everywhere. But at the end of the day it's like you have to do what
(28:46):
feels right. At the end of the day we all get to audit our
own feeds. Like we have a responsibility to ourselves
to audit our own feeds and influencers
and identify, pick and choose
what lifts us up and what brings us
down. We have to be looking at those things equally, I think. And
(29:08):
curate with intention, I think is an
important message to keep in mind.
Yep, this is such a great conversation
and just so timely it was. And I'm not done. I have two more things
I want to say because they're on my brain and it'll. I, I already think
I forgot to say something earlier. I was gonna say two things and I only
(29:30):
said one, so I, I feel like I need to make up for it. I.
I think that in terms of social media and what we were talking about earlier
in terms of posting and, and being a little too free with our opinions
and our comments and, and our feedback, I think that we need to post with
intention, I think share a hopeful
message. Maybe it's a resource, maybe it's a reflection,
(29:51):
but try to put something out into the world that's not only
accurate, but try to put something out into the world that's, that's
got some kind of hopefulness to it, especially in the world that
we're living in now. And the only other thing is
just set one new boundary for yourself
(30:11):
in terms of social media because there are boundaries to be set no matter how
well we interact with social media. So pick a
habit like no phones before bed, which I need to do more
of, or limit your screen time or have an entirely
social media free day or weekend
do that. Because social media can drain the life
(30:34):
out of us. So the difference comes down to how we use it.
And when we're intentional, we can transform our feeds into
lifelines. So that was all I wanted to say. Thank you for letting me say
it. Beautiful. What? Like I said, beautiful conversation.
Glad we had it. I am too. I'm really, I'm really glad too. And I
would love to come back and do it again with you next week. Can we
do that? We can. Oh, my God. This is great. I love you.
(30:58):
Love you. Bye. Bye.
Thanks for joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
feel, you are enough and the world needs you just the way you are.
You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here and every step forward
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen and we hope you'll
take one day at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
(31:22):
Thanks for being here, friends. Just remember, help is out there
in. So many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
please call, call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will. Be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
mental health resources, tools. And content at
thehelphub.co. Just remember that help is always
(31:43):
just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week. In the
meantime, keep surviving.
The Survivors is brought to you by. Our friends at Schoser Talent and Wellness
Solutions. This podcast mentions suicide, mental illness,
grief and loss and may be triggering for some listeners. So
please take care of your mental. Well being by pausing or skipping any
sections that feel uncomfortable to you. And if you or someone you know is
struggling, please call 988 for support.
(00:24):
Hey, how are you? Fine. How are you? I'm great. I didn't
know if you noticed this, but this is my month of the
Music Graphic T shirt. You can't really. You can't see
this at all if you're listening to the audio, but I'm in a Queen T
shirt, and I think last week I was in a Beatles T
shirt, and next week I think I'm going to be in a Fleetwood Mac T
(00:45):
shirt. So I just want it to be acknowledged that this is my graphic
T shirt era.
Excellent. Sounds lovely. You're looking at me like, what
are we talking about? Okay. What we're really talking about
this week on the Survivors is something we actually have not really
touched on at all. And I know. I'm excited to dig into this conversation. We're
(01:08):
talking about the role of social media in suicide
prevention, which I think is a very, very powerful
conversation. And I'm glad that we're having
it, that we're finally having it, because, let's be honest,
social media is a mixed bag. Some
days it's definitely the thing that keeps us connected,
(01:31):
maybe keeps us inspired, keeps us hopeful, all those things. I'm not.
I'm not trashing the goodness that is out there in social
media. Other days, it is a shit
show. Other days it drags us down.
It demoralizes us. It forces us to compare
ourselves and our lives against everybody else
(01:54):
who seems like they're doing it a lot better than we are. So today
I thought it might be a good idea if you and I just
unpacked the role that social media
plays in suicide prevention, because it can really
help and it can really harm.
(02:15):
And what we can
do to make our feeds healthier and safer and more
supportive is up to us. Like, we get to decide
where we focus our attention. You agree? Agree.
And there's. So
there's two sides to the social media thing, too,
(02:37):
is, you know, it's one thing
to post a lot about mental
health and things like that, but, like, when we're posting, we
also need to remember that people
get compassion fatigue. And so, you know,
you have to be very cognizant of
(03:00):
what you are posting. And
you know what if you're going to post something out there just to be mean,
don't post it. It's kind of like going back to what your mom
used to say. You don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at
all. Because people can read into that and they could be having a really
horrible day and all you're doing is making that
(03:23):
day worse for them. I'm really glad that you said
all that because it just brought two things to mind and I want to see
if I can remember both of them because my short term memory's been terrible lately.
So the first thing I think is that
it's very important that we recognize
(03:44):
that there are people out there who feel this false sense of
empowerment behind a screen. I know those people. I
have worked with those people, collaborated with those people, been friends
with those people who are two totally different
kinds of people when they are in person, in front
of your face or maybe on the phone with you,
(04:07):
versus the same person texting you something
or writing an email, which. Who does that anymore? But
post, you know, or someone who posts something,
they're like a Jekyll and Hyde. And I have had a couple of experiences in
my life where I've been close
to someone who I felt like I really knew and
(04:29):
trusted and believed was one type of person. And
then all of a sudden I saw them to be someone
completely different and in some cases passive aggressive and hostile and
unkind. Just unkind. And that can really
do a number on you can be really, really
hard when you're on the receiving end of that.
(04:52):
And it's this, this false sense of empowerment that I think a lot of people
feel. Yeah, it is. And
the way that you post out onto social media,
be cognizant of what you're posting. Are you posting
it to be funny? Are you posting it to be hurtful? Be aware of who
(05:12):
your audience is going to be when you're posting it
because it may just strike a really bad chord
with somebody and that may not have been your intention.
Yeah, it's true. And I think that just speaks to the
fact that people just have to be conscious of
(05:34):
what they're doing and understand that there are actually human beings on the other
side of these screens that we look at or that we hold in our hands.
And I don't think that enough people keep that in mind because
we're doing everything with these inanimate objects that
don't respond back to us. In a lot of cases, we're just putting our
feelings out there. And oftentimes we're doing it
(05:56):
without a filter. So it's this
double edged sword and. It goes back to what we were
talking about a couple weeks ago, like negative self talk.
That's like we say stuff online
that we would never ever, ever, I
mean, ever say to somebody in person.
(06:19):
Yeah, well, that's what I'm talking about. I, I know I would never
expect certain things from certain people in person. And then all of a
sudden I get something from that person over text and I'm like,
who the hell are you? All of a sudden. Yeah, and,
and social media is the same way. So whether you're,
you're posting a meme or a statement or
(06:41):
something, words matter and words can hurt.
And you know, really think long and hard
if that's something that you want to attach your name to.
But also for somebody who used social media to
try and feel better. Yeah, there's a lot of good people you can
(07:03):
follow on Instagram on. Okay,
yes, I went down the TikTok rabbit hole. Didn't do that for a whole long
time. But
find people that you trust and their messages make your heart feel
good. Instead of going out to like
your normal friends and family feed, there are people out there
(07:25):
with really good intentions that
are just trying to help. Yeah, it's true. And
we should be mimicking our
real life in what we do on social
media. Like, I don't connect with
people just for numbers. If I don't have a relationship with you, if I
(07:48):
don't have some kind of
common connection with you or
some reason to be connected with you, I'm not gonna connect with you. I'm not
just looking to boost numbers and
followers and that sort of thing. That's of no interest to me
whatsoever. And if I'm not gonna be
(08:11):
close to you in real life, I'm not gonna be close to you
in an artificial world. And
I think that we have to subscribe to the same school of
thought that Dave and I always used to teach the girls. Find
the people who are going to make you feel good about yourself,
support you, fill you up, bring out the best in you. Well,
(08:34):
when you and I are talking in the context of
social media and how that can help and how that can hurt
when we're seeking people out, we have to
do the same thing with the sites that we spend our time
on and the influencers who we listen to
because they can be really corrupting
(08:58):
and they can be really toxic. I mean, look, it's like I said a minute
ago, social media is definitely A double edged sword. It
can be a lifeline for people who feel isolated. And I think that that
has revolutionized loneliness in a lot of ways. But
it's also given us an isolation and loneliness
epidemic at the same time. Which is weird, but it's true. You know, it
(09:20):
connects people who don't have the means to be connected
to supportive communities and peer groups and
virtual groups and even real time crisis support.
But these same platforms or ones like them
can also expose people to cyberbullying and
misinformation and fraud and there can be
(09:42):
lots of content triggers. So you know, it's a
trick tool, but it's also a risk. It is.
But with some of that risk there is reward. For me,
just my own, my own personal story is
right before everything happened on that Christmas day,
I was trying to find every kind of resource that could just
(10:06):
make me feel a teeny tiny bit better. And like
I did, I found some influencers out there that get did make me
feel better. And I did start to realize that I wasn't alone
in my own like internal battle
of what was going on in my head. But I was still depressed.
And it's not a cure all. That's where therapy
(10:30):
came in. That's where like opening up came like came in.
You can't just depend on that social media aspect
to be your therapist because you still
need to open up your mouth to talk about it. Absolutely.
And I'm glad you mentioned don't trust
it to be a therapist because there is a very, very hot
(10:53):
conversation that's happening right now. There's been a lot going on in the news. I
think it's important that we bring it here to this conversation, even if we
only just touch on it. And that is the
controversy about utilizing AI now
for therapy. Because as we all know, and if you don't
know, you'll know soon enough, AI artificial
(11:16):
intelligence is not always reliable. And there
have been a lot of cases, far too many cases recently in
the news where, and I'm talking more more specifically about
younger people like youth who have
taken their lives because they have
been led on by some artificial
(11:39):
intelligence in ways that
a traditional face to face, in person
therapist would never allow.
And people's lives have been
compromised because they are seeking
out professional mental
(12:02):
health therapy using a chatbot
and someone who doesn't know them, someone who is artificial.
And in some cases it has
created chaos because a lot of kids have done bad things to themselves
or in some cases ended their lives. And so in
(12:23):
that way it's A very, very dangerous
tool. Social media is a very dangerous tool in that way.
And you really have to know what you're saying and what you're doing
to really ensure that you're staying safe.
Definitely. And
(12:43):
while AI is still there, like,
don't depend on that answer. Don't. It's like going to school and
using the Encyclopedia Britannica. Check your
resources, check in with a helpline,
check in with friends. Look to make
sure that that is the answer that you're looking for. I will tell
(13:05):
you, doing the Google search on mental health or
suicide awareness, you get a ton of information that is
not helpful. But do your research
and follow people that make your heart
feel. Feel good, because that's what I did. It made my
heart feel better. Maybe not my head feel better, but it made my heart feel
(13:27):
better knowing that I wasn't going through my own
horrible journey by myself. Yeah,
it's important as a form of connection. It can be an
incredible tool. I moderate, and I've talked about it many times
on the podcast. I moderate a group
for survivors of suicide loss. I facilitate this group through
(13:49):
Samaritans here in Boston called Safe Place. And
it gives people a virtual opportunity to gather
in a group with other people who have experienced a very specific kind
of loss. And I know that there are thousands and thousands
of these types of groups for people who are
survivors of loss, who are dealing with generalized
(14:12):
grief, who have dealt with
attempts on their own life, who are dealing with
depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, you
name it. There is really a group for
anyone. And you can find it virtually in so many cases.
And that's, again, that falls in the
(14:34):
wow, social media can be such a powerful tool category.
But then you go to the other side. We haven't even. We haven't even
scratched at the whole comparison culture
idea yet. So let's just scratch that right now.
Scratch that itch. Yep. So there
is this constant. And I'm a parent. I have two daughters who are now
(14:57):
grown adult women living their lives out in the
workforce. But they were right there in the
epicenter of the birth of
TikTok and Instagram and stories and everybody's bat
mitzvah being plastered all over Facebook and social media.
And, oh, how come I didn't get the invitation to that one? And, oh, how
(15:17):
come that one did that better? And how come that one did? They're bigger and
oh, my God, comparison culture. As the mother of two daughters who were living in
that generation, with social media just emerging. Oh, my
God, it was. That was a time. I can
tell you. I almost wish Dave was here for this conversation because he would say
the same thing. Like, that was a brutal time because
(15:40):
there is just this constant inundation and
exposure to incredibly curated. And I want to
focus on the word curated because that's what it is. Curated,
manipulated highlight reel content.
And it is the tiniest little
percentage of what someone's actual real life is like. And
(16:02):
yet everybody thinks it's your whole life. And for somebody
who's struggling with mental illness, like, oh, I don't know, a teen whose brain isn't
developed yet, who's in like middle school, which is the worst time of life,
and they're already struggling, seeing
endless images of perfect lives with all the kids all around you
or in school sitting next to you all day can just
(16:24):
deepen your feelings of inadequacy or shame or despair or
hopelessness or whatever you're feeling. And this is just as true for teens and
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time. It is,
you know, it's like trying to keep
up with the Joneses. Yes. Like don't.
(17:53):
Like, live your own life. Live your own unique,
beautiful life. You don't have to
be a Kim Kardashian. Just be a good person,
making sure that you're taking care of you and
the people around you. But take care of you first. Because you
can't take care of anybody else unless you're taking care of you first.
(18:18):
Well, I think a big part of doing that, especially
in the online culture that we are living in,
where social media is literally everywhere, the one thing in
the world that nobody is leaving behind is their phone and
if you're on your phone, you're on social media, and you're
on the platforms, and you're being inundated
(18:41):
24 hours a day by all the news and all the feeds
and all the influencers. So ways to protect
yourself are remembering. One of the biggest ways is just to
remember that you reserve the right
to curate your own space. You
have more control than you realize. We all have way more control.
(19:04):
Parents have more control over their kids because they can use filters and
controls and things like that. That didn't exist when my kids were young, but they
do now. So you. You can kind of help to
protect your kids. But if we're talking about grown
adults, we can pick and choose what
we spend our time listening to and watching. And I'll tell you, there is
(19:25):
a lot of power in muting or unfollowing or blocking
content that's harmful or that doesn't serve you and just replacing
it with, I know you, and I know how much you love
your little penguins dancing videos and kitty cats and
flying squirrels and raccoons and all those things. Yeah. But they're like, they make you
happy. Like, my family thinks that I'm ridiculous because I'll be sitting
(19:47):
there on the couch with everybody, and I'll take two seconds and I'll watch a
funny video, and I have to have everybody see the funny compilation of cats
sliding all over the floor. But it makes me so unbelievably happy. So I
watch that. And that's a good part of social media because it makes me happy.
Yeah. Like with me, I start my day with
20 minutes of funny videos. Right now, it's raccoon
(20:10):
videos, but it makes me feel better. And it's content.
I look for content that will make me feel better. And I'm all
about blocking, snoozing. If
it doesn't fit me at that point in time in my life, you're going to
get snoozed. And I don't feel bad about it anymore. I used to feel
bad about it, but I don't because now I'm protecting my mental
(20:33):
health, which to me is the most important thing. Oh,
agreed, agreed, agreed. And it's funny in terms
of boundaries. You and I have talked both online and offline a lot
about boundaries and how each of us has
kind of reset our boundaries in different ways. And I know myself
personally. If my therapist were here right now,
(20:55):
she would probably agree, and so would my family. That the most work that I've
done on myself in the past couple of years has to do with creating
and maintaining boundaries for myself. And an extension of that has recently
become what you just talked about, which is to
snooze or unfollow or unfriend people who
I either am no longer close to or maybe
(21:18):
in the world that we live in right now that is so politically divided, I
just don't want to be forced to see and
hear and watch and listen to and read
content that upsets me or doesn't align with my personal
values. Like, look, anybody on any side of the aisle
(21:38):
reserves the right to say what they feel they
need to say and post what they are going to post. But I, on
my side of the aisle, whatever side that may be, reserve the right to not
have to listen to you and not have to
consider what you have to say because I find it to be offensive or hurtful
or whatever the case may be. And so I have done. My kids
(22:01):
are shocked that I've. I've actually
unfollowed a lot of people, and I have never done that before.
And I will not apologize for that. Because
if I'm not a fan of
what you believe in, I am choosing to
react to that in a. In the way of, okay, well, I'm, I'm just,
(22:24):
I. I'm not, I'm not going to be close to you. Like, we don't align
anymore. So I'm not going to be close to you because what you say and
do really hurts me deeply. So you can go ahead and say and do it,
but you're going to do without me. So. And I'm making a reflection of that
now. My virtual life, too. Like,
it's carrying over into my virtual life. And I got to tell you, it's super
liberating. Yeah, it's like the ultimate act of
(22:47):
self love. Yes, it is the ultimate act.
And you know, part of the whole social media
thing too, is get off your phone, go enjoy a little
bit of nature. I am going to tell you, the phone will still be
there. But like, in my case, my days
of being able to go outside and enjoy the weather are
(23:09):
numbered because snow is coming. I know.
Look at your. I love the fact that you're talking about snow. And
it's, you know, it's. It's barely fall and you're
already fixating on it. I am. You want to know why? Because I'm
trying to get as much time outside without
having to put on 17 layers of clothes. Okay. I respect
(23:31):
that and enjoy some fresh air.
No, I agree. And I love that for you and I completely support what
you're saying because look, you can't
argue all of the studies that have been done
that link heavy social media use. And I'm not just talking about
with kids, I'm talking about with humans. It links
(23:54):
social media use, screen time to increased
anxiety, increased depression, heightened
emotional reactions to things, sleeplessness. There
are so many different ways that screen time has an
impact on us. So when we're creating
boundaries, not just within the spaces
(24:16):
that we feel we are in on social
media, but when we're also creating other boundaries, like
limiting our screen time altogether and maybe having like a
no phone zone, I know we did that when our kids were
young and social media was really emerging. We would
say to them, you will not take your phone out
(24:38):
at a restaurant, you will not take your phone out at, at the
dinner table unless it's like an emergency and someone's literally on fire. And we
really stuck to that. But people don't do that as much anymore. People aren't
doing the digital detoxes like they were
a while ago, years ago, because everything got turned upside
down during the pandemic and nobody's come out of it yet. I think in that
(25:01):
way people are still glued to their devices.
I, you know, what I did find though is
after January 20th, I started
putting my phone down more because I don't need to hear the rhetoric.
I, I don't need that in my, my life. And that's
just not only social media, but that's just also new news
(25:24):
sources and, and everything. Yeah, there's some important stuff going on
in the world today, but you don't need to be looking at it
24 7. It's true. It's very true. And
I've also been very, very intentional about where I get my news and more
importantly, how I get my news. I
try now to get my news more one dimensionally and read my
(25:46):
news rather than listening to it because it sets off a whole bunch
of visceral chain reactions. And I feel
all of that when I'm watching certain things or listening to certain things.
And I don't feel it in the same way
when I'm just reading. Like I, for instance,
subscribe to a news outlet called the Skim. Have we
(26:09):
talked about this before? Yeah, you and I have, but not with her
audience. Right, right. So the Skim is a news
outlet that is
absolutely hysterically funny. It's kind of like Jon
Stewart on paper. Like it's funny and it's super, super, super accurate,
but it distills Everything down into
(26:31):
very manageable little bite sized nuggets that
you get to consume and it keeps things somewhat
light that the things that can be kept light. But I find that
I get what I need to get there and I get it in a way
that it is not toxic and it is very accurate and I
move on with my day and my nervous system really appreciates me for
(26:54):
that. Which is you bring up
an interesting topic of like getting where you get your news from.
If you see something posted on, on social media and you
are not completely sure the truthfulness behind that,
do your research. Absolutely. Because
sometimes that, that information can be super,
(27:17):
super hurtful, especially if it's not true
and you don't want people to be coming back to you and saying, hey,
this wasn't really true. Be cognizant of like what
you post, just be, be a little
bit more careful. Yeah, well, I think it's everybody's responsibility to do our
due diligence. We can't just assume that any one outlet
(27:40):
or any one influencer is the end all, be all.
Even if they appear to be the most well
regarded source of information, they
are still only one source of information, regardless of
how important or how
credible they may seem to be. So I agree with
(28:03):
you in every way that people need to do their due diligence and consider
exactly what they're getting from these sources
and at the same time
make sure that you're giving yourself more than one
outlet. I like to try and listen to or watch or read
(28:23):
news from all the outlets. So that's just me.
I've never been more of a news junkie than I am now in these last
several years. And obviously that's, I think,
been the case for a lot of people who never really paid attention to things
like politics. They do now. And so I try to make
sure that I get a representation that's accurate from
everywhere. But at the end of the day it's like you have to do what
(28:46):
feels right. At the end of the day we all get to audit our
own feeds. Like we have a responsibility to ourselves
to audit our own feeds and influencers
and identify, pick and choose
what lifts us up and what brings us
down. We have to be looking at those things equally, I think. And
(29:08):
curate with intention, I think is an
important message to keep in mind.
Yep, this is such a great conversation
and just so timely it was. And I'm not done. I have two more things
I want to say because they're on my brain and it'll. I, I already think
I forgot to say something earlier. I was gonna say two things and I only
(29:30):
said one, so I, I feel like I need to make up for it. I.
I think that in terms of social media and what we were talking about earlier
in terms of posting and, and being a little too free with our opinions
and our comments and, and our feedback, I think that we need to post with
intention, I think share a hopeful
message. Maybe it's a resource, maybe it's a reflection,
(29:51):
but try to put something out into the world that's not only
accurate, but try to put something out into the world that's, that's
got some kind of hopefulness to it, especially in the world that
we're living in now. And the only other thing is
just set one new boundary for yourself
(30:11):
in terms of social media because there are boundaries to be set no matter how
well we interact with social media. So pick a
habit like no phones before bed, which I need to do more
of, or limit your screen time or have an entirely
social media free day or weekend
do that. Because social media can drain the life
(30:34):
out of us. So the difference comes down to how we use it.
And when we're intentional, we can transform our feeds into
lifelines. So that was all I wanted to say. Thank you for letting me say
it. Beautiful. What? Like I said, beautiful conversation.
Glad we had it. I am too. I'm really, I'm really glad too. And I
would love to come back and do it again with you next week. Can we
do that? We can. Oh, my God. This is great. I love you.
(30:58):
Love you. Bye. Bye.
Thanks for joining us on the Survivors. Remember, no matter how tough things
feel, you are enough and the world needs you just the way you are.
You're not alone in this journey. There's a community here and every step forward
counts. We're so grateful you took the time to listen and we hope you'll
take one day at a time. Just know there's always more light ahead.
(31:22):
Thanks for being here, friends. Just remember, help is out there
in. So many different places. So if you or someone you know is struggling,
please call, call 988 and a trained crisis counselor like me will. Be
there to help. You can also find an inclusive and comprehensive directory of
mental health resources, tools. And content at
thehelphub.co. Just remember that help is always
(31:43):
just a call or a click away. We'll catch you next week. In the
meantime, keep surviving.
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