Forty Days and Forty Nights Part 1

This recording from Feb 1997 describes my arrest for kidnapping two little girls. I was compared to the "Polly Klass Killer".  My weekly livestream on Podbeam and Youtube is usually at 7PM EDT on Saturdays.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello, my name is Alfred Murphy, and it's now February 6, 1997, and I'm finally starting

(00:12):
to record this.
This is my effort to remember my thoughts, feelings, to give spiritual insights into
the events of April 28, 1994.

(00:33):
That was when I was arrested in Morro Bay, California, for trying to kidnap, rape, and
murder two little children, two little girls, ages eight and nine at the time, two little

(00:54):
Hispanic girls.
I spent 40 days and 40 nights, precisely, in the San Luis Obispo County Jail.
The bail was $200,000.

(01:16):
I was arrested on camera, TV camera, in front of where I worked then and where I still work,
at the coast electronics radio shack in Morro Bay.
April 28 was a routine day, very routine actually.

(01:40):
For two weeks previous to that day, I had been taking my wife every morning.
At the time, we only had one somewhat working car, I say somewhat working because it was
working enough to go around Morro Bay, but I remember like the previous day, April 27,

(02:00):
I didn't consider it fit to drive into San Luis Obispo, 12 miles away.
I decided that I would ride in with our good friend, Charlene Gerber, to do some business
that day, but it was good enough to drive my wife to church, and that had been my routine
because she had been giving the SATs, the Scholastic Achievement Test, to the schoolchildren

(02:28):
of Coast Christian School, or actually the Home Study Group, that was really the last
remnant of Coast Christian School, the Home Study Group, and giving them the SATs.
She was about finishing it, as I recall, but I had set up a routine of driving her to work
at 8 o'clock or so each morning, so I threw on my clothes, in fact I threw on probably

(02:56):
the same sweater I'm wearing now, or one very much like it, I have another one just like
it, I'm not sure if it's this one or the other one, a green sweatshirt, I threw that over,
grabbed my black trousers, black jeans, they were black jeans, and shoes, and went downstairs

(03:22):
and drove her to work and came back, and hung my clothes back up and went back to bed because
I didn't work at Radio Shack until 11 o'clock, and it would be my routine to sleep as much
as possible, I didn't get up until 9.15 or so, that would be my routine, I was a creature

(03:44):
of habit then, still a creature of habit now.
As I was cooking the malta meal, I remember that morning I had two, we were running out
of malta meal, I had part of the vanilla malta meal and part of the chocolate malta meal,
none enough to use either one, I blended them together and created a mix of the two, I was

(04:10):
cooking it that morning at maybe 9.30 or so, and I remember seeing a police car going up
and down the street, and I said to Sarah, isn't that odd, there's a police car going
very very slow, I thought, are you looking for an animal, a little dog or something,

(04:33):
wild animal perhaps, maybe a rat, you know, maybe a possum, and Sarah had mentioned to
me that she'd seen it too, yeah, that they'd been out there for some time.
So I noticed the police car, every 10 minutes, 15 minutes, would reverse direction and come

(04:55):
back down the other side of the street, so there I was, you know, just kind of watching
this while I was eating breakfast, and maybe that brought us to about 10.15.
I got to, didn't think much of it, you know, why should I, and I proceeded again in my
routine to take my shower and get dressed and load the repairs that I had accumulated

(05:23):
into my, into the Fiat, the red Fiat was again the only car that we had working at the time,
somewhat working.
If I had not had the repairs, I would have just taken my bicycle, I had a white girl's
bicycle, just, you know, one, three-spade, it was a three-spade, and it still worked,

(05:51):
I had used it a lot in fact over the last few years driving the Radio Shack on it, I
had become quite a, quite a regular presence on the bike, I guess I was known as a bicycle
person in Morro Bay, even at that time, and I would have taken the repairs, I would not

(06:13):
have taken the car, it had not been for the repairs, the car was in the garage, now that's
interesting, because on the previous mornings, you know, driving my wife to work, I had also
gotten into a habit of leaving the car out in the driveway, but that morning I put the

(06:34):
car in the garage, the red car, the red Fiat went in the garage, and I closed the door,
interesting.
I got to work, nothing, you know, everything routine there, and it was perhaps 20 or 25

(06:59):
minutes after 10, sorry, after 11, that, as I recall, two gentlemen wearing suits, you
know, nondescript to me, even at this point, I have no recollection of them, came into
the store, and asked if I owned the red Fiat out back, I was parked in the same place,

(07:25):
you know, the same exact place at Radio Shack, same place I park my car today usually, by
the way, I haven't changed that, and they asked if I owned the red Fiat, and I said,
yeah, something happened too, did somebody hit it, and I, and I excitingly ran out the
door, and ran down the sidewalk about 20 feet to the edge of the building so I could

(07:47):
see the car, and I was relieved to see, hey, it was okay, you know, it wasn't hit or anything,
and then I guess it was, yeah, it was right there on the sidewalk where it turns out it
was Sergeant Sawyer, but I don't recall that, that's simply what I, what I surmise reading

(08:11):
all the police reports and everything, and Sergeant Sawyer asked me, where was I at 8
o'clock this morning, so I told him, I was driving my wife to work, in the red car, yes,
in that car, and what were you wearing, and I said, well, I was wearing my gray and white

(08:36):
jacket, which was over the green sweatshirt, and I was wearing a red ski cap, and at that point,
the officer simply said, you're under arrest, and he put the handcuffs on me, and of course,

(09:05):
I didn't know why, I didn't know why, except I thought, I guess maybe the first thought is,
this is, this is how it's going to happen, and what I was, what I'm referring to is,
well, back in February of 93, I remember it was a Saturday night, it was right, right before

(09:35):
that, my first Sunday preaching at the Pacific Air restaurant, I had never done that before,
I was kind of excited about it, so I remember the occasion, and there was a meeting of the
worship team at Pastor Roger Evie's home, it was a prayer meeting, and we just got through praying,

(10:02):
and this woman to the right of me, I think her name was Jackie, I didn't know who she was,
and she simply said, I have a word for the young man to my left here, and of course,

(10:22):
immediately I liked her right away, I mean, after all, I was, at the time I was 42, I believe, no,
40, 41, 41, not quite 42, and you know, I liked her, you know, and she said, I have a word for him,
as this, that, you know, you're not living up to your potential, that you're much like a 25 watt

(10:57):
light bulb, but very soon, you become as bright as a 200 watt light bulb, and that you'll be making
a quantum leap in who you are, and that many people will not recognize you any longer,

(11:26):
okay, and that, I guess that was the extent of the prophecy, but I've been wondering how it was
going to be accomplished, you know, how to make a quantum leap, you know, more specifically,
and I wondered how I was ever going to get out of Radio Shack, because I felt like I was a prisoner

(11:49):
there, I suppose, I mean, stuck there, and when the cuffs went on my hands outside of Radio Shack,
I thought, well, this is how I get out of Radio Shack, you know, I'm being let off, one second,
but I also had a peculiar feeling of being chosen, I mean, I didn't know what was going on,

(12:16):
I mean, there was a crowd assembled around me, I don't think I saw the news camera that was running
at the time, but there was something very spectacular happening here, but I mean, I had

(12:36):
the sense, again, of being chosen. The other thing is that I had a very strong peace, peace of God,
that came over me at the time. I felt very quiet and very tranquil. I didn't say anything
from the time I was arrested until the interrogation, which was recorded, the interrogation

(13:04):
at the police station was recorded by the police without my knowledge, but I mean, the only thing
I said in the police car, I mean, I was handcuffed, and the cuffs were behind me,
and I was sitting in the car on the way over to Moravay police station, and the only thing I said,
well, I guess I wanted to balance my checkbook, you know, my checkbook was in my back pocket,

(13:28):
and I'm sure I was going to call the bank and, you know, check to see what checks had cleared,
to try to figure out a trial balance on the checkbook, and I knew, well, I don't have to
worry about that, you know, and I didn't have to worry about anything, because it was all out of
my hands, you know, everything was out of my hands, and I just felt this tremendous peace from God,

(14:01):
and I was enjoying it immensely.
I was put into a holding cell at the jail, and of course I surrendered my belt buckle and wallet
and checkbook and watch, my wedding ring, you know, all that was put into a bag, and I was

(14:23):
put into a cell. I wasn't dressed or anything in other clothes, but this little holding cell
at the Moravay police station, and I felt very happy. I mean, I felt very content, you know,

(14:49):
and I started to sing, and the song I sang was a song that the Lord had given me,
and four months, five months before, right before Christmas,

(15:10):
the song was, Lift Up the Name of Jesus, and I'll sing it for you in a second. I got the
inspiration for it walking home from the church to my home, because I guess the car wasn't working
at that moment, and you know, I guess I come from being with my wife, who's church secretary there,

(15:35):
and I walked past the Lanier's home, Tony and Chris, and Tony had made this pretty big illuminated
sign, J-E-S-U-S, you know, and Jesus, and he put it on top of his house,
and he went home, and within a half hour, I had, the Lord had given me this song,

(16:02):
and I always played in the key of G. I don't know how I'm going to sing it. G's a little high,
G's a little high, but it goes, lift up, lift up the name of Jesus, lift up his name to the sky,

(16:23):
lift up the name of Jesus, and you will never die.
Death is the last great enemy,

(16:49):
he stalks the very soul,
but Jesus will never leave or forsake you, the sting of death is unknown,
lift up, lift up the name of Jesus, lift up his name to the sky,

(17:27):
lift up the name of Jesus, and you will never die.
Kings and kingdoms will come and go,

(17:50):
heaven and earth will pass away,
but the precious name of Jesus with him will always stay.
Lift up, lift up the name of Jesus, lift up his name to the sky,

(18:24):
lift up the name of Jesus, and you will never die.
Well, I sang that song. I don't know if I sang any others. I don't distinctly remember.

(18:53):
But I know I sang that song, and what's interesting about it is that exactly 40 days later,
after I, you know, on the last day that I was in the in the county jail, I was transferred
to the 600 cells. That's the new, in the new jail, okay, and I spent just the afternoon there,

(19:19):
because, in fact, that's later on in the story, but right before, I mean, you know, we were in
lockdown about, well, I guess it was late, I guess it was, maybe it was after dinner, you know,
it was after dinner, lockdown, after six o'clock, I suppose, and I was singing that song again.

(19:42):
I was in my little cell. It was the first time I'd really been alone, you know, that day was the
first time I'd been alone in, you know, I mean, except for brief periods of time,
and I was enjoying it. It was a nice place. It was kind of like the new, the new jail,
very different from the old jail. It was kind of like the Motel 6.
A little sparred down, but like the Motel 6. That's what it reminded me of, and

(20:09):
so I was in my cell, and I was locked in, and I was singing that song, and on the wall,
there was an intercom, and halfway through the song, or so, somewhere, I'm not sure how far into
the song it was, there was interruption, and it said, and the voice over the intercom said,

(20:30):
I'm sorry to bother you, interrupt you, Mr. Murphy, but it's time for you to go,
and minutes later, I started to process out of the jail, and my pastor, Roger Evie, was there to
greet me in the waiting area after getting out, and that was almost to the minute, 40 days and

(21:00):
49s from the time I entered the jail. So, the rest of the story, you know, we have, you know,
they recorded what happened next. I was taken in to be, to be interrogated at the Moore Bay

(21:25):
police station. That's all on tape, and there's a transcription of it too, so I'm not going to
repeat that, but it was only then, during the interrogation, that I found out what this thing
was about. I had no idea, no idea, of course, what the arrest was for, but I knew they were going to

(21:50):
tell me. Yeah, I figured they'd get around it, and I knew that nothing I could say would stop it,
nothing would matter. I had been sharing my testimony with individuals in the months before,

(22:12):
before the arrest. When it happened, four months to the day before the arrest,
God had done an extraordinary thing in New York City. So, New York, it was my parents' home back
in, back in New York, and they live in Somers. I was back in New York, visiting my, visiting,
I knew, what I knew would be my father, the last time I would ever see my father alive.

(22:36):
My father was still well, and he still played a pretty good game of pool, and we, that's about
all we did. I mean, we talked about the only adventure, the only thing my dad had the energy
for would be to go to the recreation center a mile away, you know, and he loved to play pool,

(22:58):
and he played some ping pong, too, but he wasn't that good at the ping pong, but pool was something
that he had always been good at, as he would say, evidence of a misspent youth, and I enjoyed very
much playing with him then. I beat him, but not by much, and it was a good, it was a good game,

(23:20):
it was a good game. We played a couple of, two or three games of pool, but
it was an extraordinary time.
Um,
December 28th
was the last time that I ever masturbated.

(23:45):
What, and I, you know, I read that, I just looked at something in the New York Times,
a swimsuit or something, a lingerie, I think, and, you know, in the New York Times,
I went into my parents' bathroom, you know, and my parents' bathroom was where it all started when
I was 11 years old, but I did this, you know, during, during, I mean, I was, I count myself

(24:09):
as being born again in December of 92. What happened in December 92 is that, for the very
first time, I started to read the Bible, and loved to read the Bible, and that had never happened
before. It was always something I grudgingly did, and my heart was never in it, but that all

(24:33):
changed, and the Word of God started, it started to change me at, in December 92, and one of the
first things it instructed me to do, I came across Psalm 32 about confessing your sins and not staying
in the silence with your sins. That was very big in my thoughts.

(24:55):
Other scriptures, and I felt the Lord telling me to confess my previous numerous adulteries
to my wife. This is, of course, since we've been married, and I had become addicted, is the word,

(25:16):
and I had become addicted, is the word, to Japanese massage parlors in Los Angeles.
I had owned my own business for 15 years, Telex Company. I was the owner, the originator of it.
I was proud of that, and it got, it brought in a lot of money. I had, I had, I had a lot of money,

(25:42):
cash, anything, you know. I had as much money as I needed to do whatever I wanted,
and that included flying. I spent 15-20 thousand dollars, you know, learning how to fly, and flying
little airplanes around, and that gratified my ego. I probably spent more money than that, though,

(26:04):
on particularly Japanese massage parlors. I think I'd been to every
oriental massage parlor in Los Angeles County at one time or another,
and it wasn't, I didn't go there for the massages, okay, although they were good at that, too.

(26:26):
And, well, and of course, there was also, there was also pornography. I didn't read Playboy,
though. That was much, much too tame. You know, but the tamest I ever went was Hustler magazine,
but usually it was hardcore pornography, and usually I was pretty selective about that,

(26:48):
you know, trying to find stuff that was nasty enough for me to get into.
But that, that was years previous. I mean, I had not, when the business failed in 1988,

(27:10):
that brought it into massage parlors and pornography in the Los Angeles office.
I was, I was, I was a heavy chain smoker. I smoked camel cigarettes, but I only smoked in the office.
It was unimaginable for me to go into my Los Angeles office without cigarettes, and I smoked

(27:33):
continually, one after another, all day long into the night. I never smoked outside the office,
and my wife has never seen me with a cigarette in my mouth, and I've never smoked in this county,
in San Luis Obispo County. You know, it was like, I left my, I was, I was a person with two different
lives. I had the, my life in Los Angeles, which was whatever I wanted it to be, and then I had a

(28:02):
relatively good life here in, you know, in San Luis Obispo. So I was possibly the world's biggest
hypocrite. To be sure, I was double-minded, unstable in all my ways. Good description from James.

(28:26):
I deceived myself more than anything. It's not that I was an out-and-out liar, but deception.
You know, lying was, lying was crass to me. It was, it was, my upbringing wouldn't allow it. I
almost never told an outright lie, but withholding information, manipulating information,

(28:49):
creating a false impression, misleading people, these were art forms.
And I started off with deceiving myself, because I guess early on I realized that if I didn't
believe the story, I would never be able to convey that to, to other, you know, other people.
And I deceived my wife to a great extent, because she wanted to believe, believe me that I

(29:15):
wanted to believe, believe me that I was an honorable husband. But my children, my older
step-sons were, were never deceived. You know, children are much harder to deceive than, than
adults. They knew. They knew that I was a hypocrite. They saw it clearly. Their response to this was

(29:36):
out-and-out rebellion, which is a whole other story. But, you know, I have personal responsibility
in their rejection of Jesus Christ, and of their embracing out-and-out paganism.
And, you know, there are consequences. I mean, I sowed those seeds of disbelief.

(29:58):
Their reactions to Christians, their reactions to me were only honest reactions.
Um, back to December 28th, 1993. The next day, after, after the final masturbation, I, I

(30:19):
had just been reading the Bible for the first time in my life, and as it happens, I came to
2 Timothy chapter 2, and down at verse 20, it talks about there being vessels of honor and vessels of dishonor.
And what the Lord told me after reading that was that he couldn't use a port-a-potty to, to carry

(30:45):
the things he wanted to give me. He wanted to work great, great things for me. He wanted to
he wanted to work great, great things through my life,
power and wonder, but he couldn't use me as a dirty, dirty vessel. In verse 22, right after
it talks about that in, in 2 Timothy 2, it says, flee youthful lusts. You know, and I was so struck

(31:13):
by the coincidence, you know, that that verse would follow, talking about the port-a-potties
in verse 21. And I, I knew for sure that, that this, that this scripture was talking, talking to me.
And I wanted to get on with my life. I, you know, I knew my life was, was, was wasting away, and

(31:36):
therefore I made a covenant with God
never, never to commit this sin again. Not that my, my covenant was very specific. It only involved
masturbation. Every other, you know, it was a pinpointed attack, you know, against the kingdom

(31:57):
of Satan. And I realized that I could only take on so much, you know, I couldn't say I'll never sin
again in any area. It was too much to, to say to the Lord that I'll never sin again in any, any area
of my life. I, I chose to, to be specific and to spearhead the attack in just this one area.

(32:23):
I felt it was a key, a key to my life.
If I could be faithful in this one thing, there would, there was hope for me. There, there would
be hope for my, for my, my marriage. I didn't know how that was going to be, but I knew that
it was somehow related. I had been born again for a year. Truly born again and serving God.

(32:48):
And I was preaching many Sundays over in the rest home and
doing other things. But
until, until this time in New York, I had been not convinced that, that masturbation was even a sin.
Or I had unconvinced myself that it was a sin. When I was a child, of course,

(33:12):
brought up in the Catholic faith, there was no, no, no question about it. But
in talking to the, you know, other Christians about this matter, you know, there, there,
there, there, there's a lack of, of commitment to truth.

(33:34):
Even, even Jack Hayford, a church on the way, who I mentally respect,
I, I, I've heard on the radio, not, not directly through him, but through others
that have said that, that it's not a sin unto death.
But for me, it would be a sin unto death. And that became very clear to me in jail. When I was in

(33:58):
jail, I realized that, that if I went back on this covenant, my life would be over.
I mean, that was, you know, that jail sealed my covenant in this area.
And what I discovered was that to be faithful in a little thing, you know,

(34:18):
the scripture talks about a little leaven, leavens the whole loaf, okay, a little bit of sin
wrecks the whole, the whole deal. But, you know, it's equally true that a little bit of virtue
virtues the whole loaf. That virtue, since I was going to hold on this one area, if nothing else,

(34:39):
what I found is that the faithfulness in this one area spread to every other area of my life.
Certainly, the issue of integrity, being truthful and, and, and honest and transparent,
you know, became, became of great importance. And in the sexual area, in the sexual area,

(35:06):
in the sexual area, eventually my mind, you know, for the next year, during 1994 and even into 95,
I mean, I still had sexual fantasies that I, that I, that I enjoyed, you know, that I, you know,

(35:27):
I didn't, I didn't, I didn't fight them. But, but I found that deprived of the act of fulfillment,
release, that, that even sexual fantasies diminished in their frequency and intensity.
And sexual fantasies at this point in my life, I'm glad to report is not a problem. I find that

(35:55):
incredible to understand and believe, but it's, but it's, and maybe tomorrow there will be a
problem, but it's not a problem now. And I give God, God the credit for it. I, you know, I consider
this whole thing to be, be miracles in my life. I discovered fasting for the first time right after

(36:15):
December 28th, 93. I fasted for the first time for my brother, my, you know, and that's a whole
other story. I have a twin, fraternal twin brother who believes in nothing actually,
who has turned his back on his family. And the last time I saw him, I was fasting beforehand,

(36:42):
beforehand. And that was the first time in my adult life or any other life I've ever
fasted. I always resented denying myself. I resented the aspect of, of Christians having
to not deny themselves. I had denial, self denial was something I thought I was really down on.
But I discovered more of the scripture, Isaiah 58, you know, this is the fast I have chosen to

(37:06):
break the bonds of wickedness. And fasting was a crucial element in succeeding in my covenant.
In January of 94, it got to a point, you know, because my body started to go through withdrawal.
Now I, because I had confessed my transgressions, my, my adulteries to my wife a year earlier,

(37:32):
there wasn't any sex with her at all from that time. In fact, from that time until,
until our great awakening, September 4th of 95, you know, there was, there was no sex with my
wife or anybody else from December, from, from December 28th, 93 to, to September 4th, 95,

(37:59):
there was no sex with myself either. Okay. I was a celibate man for the first time in my life,
a chaste man. I knew this was an essential thing that I had to experience. I had to know
if it were possible for a man to be pure, if it was possible for a man to follow the steps of Jesus,
because Jesus did not masturbate.

(38:22):
Contrary to what my second grade high school theology teacher, whether my second year in high
school, Father Wilson at Stepanak High School, you know, I created great problems when he,
when he told the class that Jesus did masturbate. But, but of course I never really believed that.
This is just blasphemy and well, that's another story. But, um,

(38:46):
so I started going through withdrawal, you know, I mean, my, my body craved
physical release and I thought it was going to explode and I didn't know how it was really

(39:07):
possible to, to be faithful to this covenant. But fasting made the difference. Okay. Because
it was very inconsistent to fast and, and, and, and, you know, food and, and, and to indulge my
flesh in sexual ways. And I was a discipline. And I know at one point I remember telling my body,

(39:29):
you know, if you don't come in line, if you don't submit to the authority of the spirit,
I'm never going to feed you again. And, um, you know, the flesh is really a wimp, you know,
compared to the power of the spirit. It's a wimp. It has no, no courage, no, uh, no stamina.

(39:51):
It's, it's, it's a pushover. Okay. The flesh is really very weak. And that's, in this instance,
that, that's strength. I mean, understanding that your flesh is weak, you know, and, and, um,
and bringing it under, under, under submission of your spirit. So the fasting made, made the
fasting made the difference.

(40:14):
At the end of, at the end of January, as it happens, Ted Roberts was coming to San Louis
Obispo. Ted Roberts is a four-square pastor out of Oregon who has a ministry of helping people,
helping men with sexual addiction problems. And it's very funny, you know, I, I, I knew, I felt

(40:38):
I felt led at a lorry to go to that seminar, but I didn't know what it was going to be about. I
thought it was going to be about, you know, God. And, you know, I had no idea that it was about
the subject. Neither did the other shocked members of our congregation who, uh, went to the seminar
dealing with male sexual addiction. It was very funny, actually, all these, you know, unlikely
people at this, at this seminar. And, and, um, and most, and most of the people in the church

(41:07):
hated it. And they particularly hated the idea of accountability groups and, uh, people confessing
their sins to one to another, even though that, that is, that is in the gospel of James 5 16.
Um, but this wasn't coincidence. Uh, the Ted, Ted Roberts to me coming to town and talking about male

(41:31):
sexual addiction in January of 94 was, was, was a confirmation that what the Lord has spoken to me
in New York of a month before was from God. So, uh, I don't believe in coincidence.
You know, here I am, you know, on April 28th, arrested for, uh, for these, uh, for the sexual

(41:59):
crimes, you know. And I believe in the spirit world that the demons of hell were mad as hell at me
for breaking my long-standing agreement with them to, uh, I mean, after all, I mean, here I am. I've
been, you know, masturbating since I was 11 years old, um, regular part of my life. And here I,

(42:20):
here I am telling the, telling the demons, that's it, forget it, no more. This is, this is, this is
evil. And, um, it's not a coincidence that these accusations from hell would, would be of the, uh,
subject matter that they were. Um, one thing significant about the Ted Roberts is that I

(42:46):
listen to his tapes quite frequently in, uh, in the, in the months before, um, before the arrest.
There's one tape in particular that I liked, uh, dealing with, uh, courage, okay, having courage.
And the essence of the text, uh, of scriptural support for having courage in the Christian

(43:12):
context, according to Ted Roberts, is from Matthew 10 verse 26, which says, Don't fear them,
for there is nothing, nothing covered that will not be revealed, and hidden that will not be
become known. And, you know, it's always been, what if they find out about me, you know,

(43:36):
that, that, uh, that robbed me of, of, of courage in my years before. You know, I mean, I,
in 1988, I had stopped being an adulterer and it stopped the heavier sins, uh, sexual sins.
It was five years, you know, five years, um, um, until I was born again.

(43:56):
And I thought I could just live those sins down. I thought that if I just let time pass,
that they would fade away. And what the Lord told me is, of course, that that will never happen,
that I needed to confess my sins. And that changed my life. And on April 28th, this verse

(44:21):
about everything becoming un, you know, unhidden, everything would become revealed. It was a promise
to me, okay? It was a promise from God that the secrets of men would, would come to light.
That was his promise. But it started with me. And it was clear to me that I, I had to tell the truth

(44:50):
at all times, particularly on April 28th, and not to hide anything.
So it needs to be understood. This, this was in my heart when I went to the interrogation at the,
at the police station. And of even greater importance when I went through the four and

(45:12):
a half hours of the polygraph examination later that day. I told the officers everything that
I'd mentioned to you so far in this tape and much, much more. When Larry Hopson of the district
attorney's office, he's their investigator, their polygraph expert, asked me, what is the most

(45:35):
shameful thing that you've ever done in your life?
I told him the truth. I told him the truth.
And I'll spare you at this moment what that truth is.

(45:58):
But if anybody wants to know, I'll be glad to tell them. Because there's no,
there are no secrets in my life anymore. Not at all. My life is an open book.
There are no secrets. So I have nothing to fear from anybody.

(46:20):
I have nothing to fear. There's,
my, my sins are, are, are in the open. And I've repented of them. And they're, they're dead.
They're dead. And that's, and that's my stand.