A Tiny Little Dot

Dropping your child off at college? Grappling with change and those bittersweet, proud parent moments? In this heartfelt reflection, Rabbi Pam Silk connects the milestone of sending a child off to school with this week’s Torah portion, Parashat Re’eh. Explore the journey from day-to-day parenting to long-distance love, the mixed emotions of letting go, and the wisdom the Torah offers when facing major life transitions. Learn how Moses’ farewell to the Israelites and the age-old struggle of choosing blessing over curse can guide us through our own big moments of change. Whether you’re a parent, a student beginning a new adventure, or anyone encountering transition, this message will leave you inspired to seek blessings, notice life’s grey areas, and move forward with meaning and heart.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
A tiny little dot. Sometimes it's blinking and glowing green around it, sometimes not.
Sometimes it's moving, sometimes not. And I have been spending a lot of time watching that dot.

(00:22):
The Find My feature on my iPhone has been the most active app in the past weeks as I zoom
in to see where that little dot is at any given time. That dot is my son JJ’s phone.
Two weeks ago, the Silk family hit a huge milestone, taking our eldest child to college.

(00:43):
The weeks leading up to college drop-off were full. We had lots of stops at favorite area
restaurants, stores, and visits with friends. We engaged in full contact procurement,
getting all the things, or at least ordering all the things that one needs for a dorm room.
There were calls and logistics, FaceTime and Zoom meetings with JJ and his roommate and suitemates,

(01:09):
and some kind introductory texts between the parents. And in those weeks, lots of people,
lots of you in fact, checked in on me, and asked how I was doing. And with a big smile, I reported,
I am excited and thrilled for him. This is what he wants, and we are so happy for him. And, I meant

(01:34):
it. And in the quiet moments, I wondered, have we done enough, have we told him all the things,
does he know what he needs to know to go away and be happy, healthy, and successful?
I will tell you that two weeks ago, as we got in the car to go to the airport,
my minivan loaded with blue bags and duffels, and we backed out of the driveway,

(01:57):
only one parent cried, yes, while we were still in the driveway, and it wasn’t me!
Taking JJ to Tuscaloosa was a surreal feeling.
So much pride and excitement and happiness and sadness. Our travel went seamlessly and

(02:18):
move-in was like a dream. While I cannot speak to other colleges and universities,
I can tell you that the University of Alabama has move-in down to a science, and it is impressively
smooth. We got the dorm room set up to his liking and unpacked, had some great meals,
met the roommate’s parents, did some final shopping, and then it was time to say goodbye.

(02:44):
I had thought about that moment and what words to leave him with. Certainly, he already knew I
loved him and that we are always here for him. Certainly, he already knew I was proud of him.
Certainly, he already knew that we expected him to work hard and study. And so I said,

(03:05):
take care of your body, mind, and spirit. Make new friends, be open to new things.
Share yourself with great generosity and, please, make good choices. And with that,
Jeff and I made our way out of his room, and it was then (and now) that I cried. Just a few tears,

(03:31):
happy tears mostly, but there is sad, and it's all mixed together.
That little boy who used to run around this building like he owned it, sneaking into the
choir loft, ruling the playground, and praying in our sacred spaces with fervent devotion is
grown up now and he is charting his own course in a place that he will certainly make his own, apart

(03:52):
from us. And though part of that does feel sad is that the gift and blessings of having a front
row seat to his everyday life is now over. A large amount of what I know about my kid has
come from proximity, from being physically close to him, to seeing and hearing all the

(04:12):
things. And he has been a big sharer, so I’ve seen and heard a lot. He is a joy,
truly. He is fun and playful, sensitive and curious, warm and affectionate. And now,
the part that feels sad, is that with the proximity piece gone, I will see and hear

(04:33):
so much less of him, and I fear know less about him and his life. Oh, how grateful
I am for the innumerable gifts and blessings we have shared, and now, it feels different.
And I wonder if these are some of the same sentiments that are
actually at play in this week’s Torah portion.

(04:56):
We are in the book of Deuteronomy, and Moses is giving a set of farewell speeches to the ancient
Israelites as they prepare to enter the Promised Land. Moses knows he will not enter with them,
they must go on without him, and God has a pretty substantial list of expectations for the people.
Moses spends a lot of time reminding our ancestors of important formative events

(05:20):
in their history and emphasizing the crucial things the people must do and must not do,
to be successful on the other side of the Jordan.

Deuteronomy Chapter 11, verse 26 states: See, this day I set before you blessing and curse: (05:31):
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blessing, if you obey the commandments of the ETERNAL your God that I enjoin upon you;
and curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the ETERNAL your God,
but turn away from the path that I enjoin upon you this day.

(05:53):
Rabbi Sari Laufer of Stephen Wise Temple in Los Angeles writes:
There is much to be said about this decision allegedly placed before the Israelites,
about the idea that there is always a clear distinction between a blessing and a curse.
I could make the argument that most of Jewish tradition, or certainly rabbinic writing,

(06:16):
is precisely about probing the space between, about defining the grey areas and living in them.
The Torah frames these instructions as very clear-cut, as simple: obeying commands good,
disobeying bad. We know from our lives, it ain’t that easy. Being human means to grapple with the

(06:42):
complexity and nuance, balancing self-interest and the needs of others, sometimes sacrificing
individualism for the sake of community. It is not often clear how to choose blessings.
Rabbi Alan Lew, of blessed memory, a teacher and author of "This Is Real
and You Are Completely Unprepared," which is a must-read for the High Holy Day season, says:

(07:08):
"Look. Pay attention to your life. Every moment in it is
profoundly mixed. Every moment contains a blessing and a curse.
Everything depends on our seeing our lives with clear eyes, seeing the potential blessing in

(07:30):
every moment as well as the potential curse, choosing the former, forswearing the latter."
What Alan Lew is saying, and what I think we can hold as the essence of this verse,
is that blessing or curse is in our control.It is in our eyes to see, our ears to hear,

(07:52):
our hearts to feel, and our minds to know, each and every one of us,
for ourselves. And we come to make this choice by living and experiencing the fullness of life.
I imagine Moses was familiar with the feelings I have had over these last couple weeks,
the feelings that any of us have had facing big transitions. And that like Moses we do

(08:16):
all the things to prepare, and then we wait and see. Like the Torah portion tells us,
we must see, all the blessings and all of the curses, and we make our way forward bit by bit,
step by step, hopefully choosing blessings by way of our words and our deeds in a

(08:39):
new landscape.Shabbat Shalom