368 - Chamber of Free Gifts

The Torah records how Moshe Rabbeinu was prohibited from entering the Land of Eretz Yisrael, and having such a burning desire to have the privilege to enter the Holy Land, he poured out his heart in prayer to Hashem, begging Him to override the decree prohibiting him from entering the Holy Land. We are taught that when Moshe Rabbeinu prayed to Hashem to have this privilege, he chose to verbalize and direct his prayer in a particular manner. Although Moshe Rabbeinu is considered to have been the most righteous man of all time, and perhaps he could have said to Hashem, “Hashem, look at all my righteous deeds, look how I've always led the Jewish people in such an incredible way”, and whatever else he might have thought of to try convince Hashem to give him the privilege to enter the Land of Eretz Yisrael, nevertheless, the Gemara teaches us that when Moshe Rabbeinu prayed, he did not make mention whatsoever at any of his accomplishments that might have brought him merit in order to make his prayer and request successful. 

We are taught that when Moshe Rabbeinu prayed, he prayed asking for a matnat chinam, a free gift from Hashem, saying, Hashem, not because of my actions am I requesting to go into the Land, but rather just because You are my loving Father, and I'm asking You, please, Hashem, give me this free gift, I have a burning desire to be able to go into the Land. And in the same vein, we are taught by Torah sources that based on one's request of what they are praying for, one's prayer is directed to different chambers in the heavenly worlds. And there are many considerations and factors which make a prayer successful or at times prevent a prayer from making its way into the chamber which will bring about one's desired request. Sometimes a person might not be worthy for their prayer to be answered because they might be performing sins in other areas of their lives. It could be also that this prayer was not said with enough concentration and intention and meaning to be answered, and there could be many factors beyond our comprehension why a prayer might not be answered in the way we would like it to be.

And in the same way, what if I don't have any merits, or at least related to this prayer, the area that I'm asking for, what if I have sinned and messed up in this particular area many times, and in a sense, how could I have the audacity to ask Hashem to help me in this particular area? Or let's take an individual who might not have any merits. Do they then not have a right to pray? And if they do, how do we expect their prayer to make it through the many barriers at the entrance of the heavenly chambers? And we are taught that there is one chamber called the otzar matnas chinam, the heavenly chamber of free gifts, that even though I am not worthy to have my prayer answered based on my acts and my merits, nevertheless, the way the prayer is verbalized and directed is by saying:

“Hashem my Father, I have a burning desire to become a mother of a child. For whatever reason, in your calculations, Hashem, you have made it difficult for me to be able to have children. And Hashem, I know that anything and everything that you do can only be for the best, because ultimately, you created me only because you wanted to give to me. And whatever you do in my existence for sure will be for my best. However, at the same time, you, Hashem, have taught us that we have the opportunity and ability to be able to talk to you about anything and everything that we desire. And Hashem, I am begging you with all my heart, I really would love to become a mother and be able to parent a child. Even if the doctors have said it is something with very low possibility, I know that you are completely beyond any of the doctor's predictions and calculations. Hashem, I am not asking you because of my merits or the good deeds that I have done. I am asking you, please bless me with a child just because you are you and you love me. Please, Ha