400 - Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av. We pray today in a way where we try to cry and join the pain of the Shechinah because of the lack of the Beis Hamikdash. We are taught in the verse that any time we suffer, Hashem suffers with us. And much more than the pain that we feel, Hashem feels. And therefore all the suffering and pain, although, of course, we understand that Hashem is pulling all the strings and is also the one to have caused that to happen for reasons beyond our understanding, nevertheless, once that pain is there, the Shechinah feels the pain much more than we can even fathom. 

Torah sources teach that one of the messages of the month of Av, and certainly at its climax, Tisha B'Av, is the name of the month itself. Why is it that this sad month, which connotes tears and a broken heart, is called Av, which also means father? Sometimes we relate to Hashem as a king where we show more respect and honor, but a king does not have the same relationship that a father does with a child. In this month, we specifically highlight Hashem is our Av, Hashem is our father. We cry today because of all the suffering the world over and so much pain that is taking place and that we've experienced throughout the years. But ultimately the deepest reason that we are crying for today is not for our pain as an individual nor as a nation. We are crying out of love because this is my father and his house has been destroyed. The Shechinah has been exiled from within our midst.

Perhaps one message that we could take to heart today is that besides for my struggles and our nation's struggles, let me turn that off for a while and think just about my real true father, Hashem, who has been exiled for all these years, who feels more pain than we can imagine; any time we feel pain, any time we sin, any time we are distanced from one another. “Hashem, my dear father, I love you with all my heart. And even though this day is full of sorrow and crying, ultimately it is only because of our deep love that we experience this pain together today. Hashem, I am limited by my human nature, as you know, and most of the time I am caught up with my needs. And even in my prayers to you, most of the time might be invested in what I need and we need. But I want you to know, Hashem, my father, I love you.

And although I might feel like I can't give you anything, because who am I compared to the Creator, nevertheless, you have taught me via your Torah and Torah commentaries that what I do makes a huge difference and I can give to you. I am going to try my best, even when things are going well and smoothly in my life, to not forget about you, not only to reach out to you when I need you, but also when in a sense I feel like I don't really need you. Because it's not about me, it's about you.

Hashem, I want you to know I love you so deeply and I care about you and I beg you, please rebuild your Beis Hamikdash; please forgive us for our sins. In whatever areas that you and I know I can improve, please Hashem, can you help me to improve in these areas, because I know that when I sin, that causes you more pain, and when I do the right thing, that delights you. Hashem, I believe with my full heart that Mashiach can come, even today, if we just want it enough, as we are taught. Please, Hashem, I beg you with all my heart, help me to say these words, to sing them over and to really internalize them: Ani Maamin Beeumunah Sheleimah bevias Hamashiach; Veaf al pi sheyeshmahameha im kol zeh achakeh lo bechol yom sheyavo.”