Ultimate Segment
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment.
Episodes
It's the season finale, and good tidings we bring (to you and your kin(g)). We talk about how there's an underbelly to things, how Sonic's spikes are "big chunky monkeys", we establish that parts of any place could be Hog Heaven, we get prematurely amped up for Chrisso, discuss the Hausmannisation of Paris, and how cool NHR was on episode 16. Tim reads a beautiful poem and we learn all about coffee cooling gradients.
In this "nano-episode", Tim tells us a little story about Episode 18 and what that might be like.
'I want to talk about my fear of aliens, stop bringing up Proust.' Are yoyos having a blast, or are they more of a "silent witness"? Tim has a thing for women in the Navy and Tristan's cat Postie is dubbed an enfant terrible.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Stand up comedian Nathan Hugh Robért (NHR) tells us all about how he broke up with his first girlfriend three times. We talk about the time Tristan and a friendlicked a businessman on the way home during their first year at uni. NHR recites a beautiful ham poem about a particular type of ham he's been buying from a local butcher. It features the line 'If the ham was an actor, it would be Ashton Kutcher'.
When were you born when you first learned about 'about face'? This week we allude to the podcast, Tim explains New Caledonia, the fact that Piglet wears a pink jumper is pointed out lest anyone mistake that for part of his raw body, and we encounter a robot voice issue around 31 minutes in. I'm Lovin' It! Subway.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Freddie Arthur (stand up comedian, Raw National Finalist 2025) tells us some very interesting things about various legal cases from the olden days involving pigs, a donkey, chickens, and a swarm of insects. We're all entities here.
'When they caught up to him [some man], he was a goat.' Did they really catch up to him then? (I don't think so.)
We discuss whether Sonic the Hedgehog is a fox, talk about going in the cupboard, and hav...
We like to find the ultimate segment around here. We finalise the Shoutout Pantheon, Tim's language nerd comes out yet again and we begin to construct a new language. Sah ranch bipbipbip, sah ranch bapbapbap. (You throw around bird, you throw around dog.) No one's holding a gun to your head, get in the goldilocks zone!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim describes a series of crimes he committed as an extremely young boy and then we get to work. Sea-based guns, stopped clocks, a portal between the Gilmore Girls and Sopranos universes—all of these things come up for discussion in this episode if I'm honest. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
or, Playing Chicken with the Guys. We talk about the time they tried to make a Sonic movie but he looked like a little freak. Also coming in for the Ultimate Segment treatment are lamb jarmalade, Lambothy Charlemagne, and how a mouse in need is a mouse indeed. All before entering The Microcosm. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Comedian Bea Barbeau-Scurla joins us to talk running without breathing, not explaining your behaviour, crushing vs. merging in mobile games, and whether Sonic is ham-related. Tim and I interrupt Bea frequently with puns and she becomes rude to us toward the end of the episode. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
We talk about the time of "8 midnight", how Sonic dyes himself blue, sparkling water bombs, the Modern Navy, and a cafe called Aye Aye Captain on a naval base. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Tim is in a Melbourne Comedy Festival lineup show on Friday April 4, Lord Give Us Laughs, featuring comics from religious backgrounds.
I don't understand what is going on with the show anymore. Tim seems distracted. We introduce a new segment, something about toast. There's a technical hitch. Enjoy!
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
After a more private affair in the form of Episode 6, the boys return to public life with a bang. Trying to stop us now would be like trying to put mouse cream back in the tube. We discuss how our predator is a tiger, the song 'I Believe I Can Fly', Earl Grey and much much more.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
The boys really get into their work on this episode. Tim is on the spreadsheet. Wildebeest and electromagnetism come in for discussion.
Rate, subscribe, and write into the show with segment suggestions and drivel ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Cabanossi Primary, Tristan's MICF show running April 10 - 12
Your hosts are at sea, constructing a vessel which may lead to a vessel bound for the Ultimate Segment. Tristan downloads a composition from heaven, emotions run high at the end, and Sonic the Hedgehog fans take note: you're going to want to listen to this one.
Rate and subscribe on your favourite podcast. Write into the show with any drivel you like ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment. We get into The Sex Festival, carry out some meta-admin, indulge in some egg chat, and classify Pluto.
Write into the show with anything you think might be germane to the quest: ultimatesegment@gmail.com
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment. Tune in for the perfunctory introductory banter, stay for a delirious USB-socket-plug-conversion anecdote.
Festival show tickets:
Melbourne-based comedians Timothy Knight and Tristan Haze embark on a quest to find the ultimate podcast segment.
Festival show tickets:
Absolute Drip Drop - Tristan solo show @ Adelaide (Feb 24)
Cabanossi Primary - Tristan at MICF (Apr 10 - 12)
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