March 12, 2025 • 49 mins
How sweet can life really be?
Finding balance between masculine and feminine energy is key to deeper self-trust, healing, and alignment—while being radically authentic about what you want.
In this episode of Unapologetically Yours, host Ashley Logan welcomes Marianna (Mari) Hegyi, a transformative group facilitator, gentle reiki practitioner, compassionate breathwork guide, and attuned sound healer who is passionate about celebrating others in their truest expressions and living a life of love.
Together, Ashley and Marianna explore the journey of self-integration, healing, and creating balance between structure and flow. Marianna opens up about her recent transformational experience, sharing how she navigated deep inner work, reclaimed her personal power, and developed a stronger connection with both herself and others.
In this episode, you’ll hear about:
- Mari’s journey of deep self-integration—how she navigated a transformative three-month container of personal growth and inner healing.
- The power of balancing structure and flow—why both discipline and surrender are essential for living in alignment.
- Releasing shame and embracing self-love—how honoring your truth and trusting yourself can lead to deeper relationships and a more expansive life.
- Masculine & feminine energy in action—how integrating both has helped Mari create more clarity, confidence, and connection.
- Spiritual insights on trust, transformation, and divine guidance—how leaning into faith and intuition can open new doors for growth.
✨ Plus, Ashley and Marianna reflect on the beauty of being witnessed in your truth and the freedom that comes from living unapologetically.
This conversation is full of wisdom, playfulness, and deep truths that will leave you feeling inspired to create space for your own self-discovery. 💫
Connect with Mari Hegyi:
Instagram @marigodmother
Website https://www.marigodmother.com
Connect with Ashley Logan:
Instagram @ashleydlogan
Website https://ashleydlogan.com/
Resources mentioned:
Gillian Pothier https://www.gillianpothier.com/
Alison Armstrong https://www.alisonarmstrong.com/
Have a topic or guest you’d love to see featured on the Unapologetically Yours podcast? Send us an email: podcast@unapologeticallyyours.com
Keywords
spirituality, self-discovery, healing, relationships, breathwork, inner union, masculine and feminine, community, vulnerability, self-love, bliss, connection, masculine energy, feminine energy, truth, relationships, boundaries, self-love, forgiveness, intimacy
Chapters
00:00 Embracing the Feminine and Masculine Energies
09:58 The Journey of Inner Union and Self-Discovery
19:47 Creating from Inspiration and Community
29:46 The Power of Truth and Vulnerability
40:03 Living Unapologetically and Self-Love
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
I am very comfortable in flowing in the feminine.
I love being, like I just am there.
But the masculine is where I typically struggle.
And so it was like this three month container is to be in devotion to yourself.
Hello and welcome to the Unapologetically Yours podcast.
(00:21):
I'm your host Ashley Logan and on this podcast, we go deep on everything from spiritualityto relationships and connection to business and belief systems because in a world where
we've been taught to play by the rules, it's time to live just a wee bit moreunapologetically.
I am so happy because over the last couple of years as I have
(00:44):
dove headfirst into more connection with self and the healing realm.
I've encountered some incredible, beautiful, smart, compassionate, playful people.
And today I'm delighted to say that I am joined by one of the cutest, most fun, smartestpeople that brings out the play in me and so much more.
(01:10):
Welcome to the show, Mariana Hagee.
Realm Bender, Healer, Woman Who Embody's Love, Light, and Joy, My Mary, My Bogie.
She's a Transformation Group Facilitator, Gentle Reiki Practitioner, Breathwork Guide,Attuned Sound Healer, and so much more.
(01:30):
Thank you so much for being here, my dear.
Ashley, thank you for having me.
That was the sweetest intro and welcome.
Thank you.
You do bring this out in me, by the way, like you have such a playful, joyful energy andlike being around you makes me it's like it lightens, just lights me up.
(01:52):
It makes me want to laugh, makes me want to play, makes me want to dance and people likethat are so important.
You got to pay attention to how you feel when you're around certain people and you make mefeel just
absolutely tootin' good.
I love it.
What does it mean to be a realm bender?
(02:15):
Oh, yeah, it's funny.
So this came somewhat, I get, you know, as we all do, we get reflections from ourcommunity and people we cross paths with.
And I've been shared, you know, many, many names for me and like reflections are like, oh,you're this or you're that.
And recently, it was maybe like six months ago, this woman told my friend she was likewatching me and she was like,
(02:39):
Mary's a realm bender.
And she was like, my friend immediately was like, totally.
And also, I don't know what that is, like logically, but she like knew what it was in hersoul.
And so when she told me that I had the same feeling where I was like, wow, I felt so seen.
And I also was like, what does that mean?
So you can leave it up to your interpretation, but how I interpret it is I can play inmany, many, many spaces.
(03:08):
I can kind of bring in different realities and aspects into different experiences andenvironments.
For example, you know, all those beautiful credentials that you listed earlier on top ofthat, I'm also in corporate world in HR, which is hilarious because like on the weekends I
(03:30):
am
in like at Tantra events and I'm doing all sorts of kinky things and then also MNHR and inthat space getting to bring so much compassion and love and presence and even bringing in
like sound healing into corporate.
I'm actually going to start leading a once a week sound healing journey for my office,which is pretty special.
(03:56):
I feel very grateful.
very honored and blessed to be able to bring that to a space where that is not alwayspresent.
yeah, find myself, yeah, being someone that can connect with many, feel comfortable andlike I belong in many different spaces and just kind of, yeah, bringing elements in into
(04:18):
spaces that maybe they aren't normally there and just letting it, giving it permission tobreathe and be in.
So that's how I interpret it.
love it.
And I, this resonates with me for a couple of different reasons.
One, I've had the chance to experience your breath work before on more than one occasionand can speak to the way that you integrate sound and rhythm and music into your journeys
(04:46):
and really transport people into a space of healing.
And for those of you listening who haven't experienced breath work,
I'm also a breathwork facilitator and what leaning into the breath use our music and spaceof comfort and with a great guide can release some of the traumas or stuck emotions or
(05:11):
limiting beliefs that we hold within our body.
it's such a tool, but you lead in such a gentle and accessible way that makes you go feelso supported and held.
And I love that.
and just being around you as such a beautiful person.
And it's so interesting to me.
I love that you brought up corporate and as someone who works so deeply in the healingspace, that your identity also is to bring those elements into the corporate world.
(05:40):
And you're so multi-dimensional with the energy work that you're doing, the healing workthat you're doing.
And then also bringing some of that into the corporate world.
I think that is a way of, you know, bending
realms and it's dumb.
So this resonates.
love it.
Thank you.
So tell me a little bit about who you are, who you are today.
(06:07):
who are you today in this, in this moment?
Thank you for that question.
And I, one of the things I am is a dog mom and I can
hear my little gal outside barking at either a squirrel or the pool guy.
So it's one of those things.
(06:31):
Yeah.
So today I love this question.
What a thing to sit with.
Yeah.
Today I am a creator.
I am a lover, a partner, a sister.
I am vulnerable.
and on such a path of unraveling and reclaiming and becoming.
(06:53):
Yeah, I recently did an inner union ceremony.
have, yeah, this is a whole thing.
This is gonna be a roundabout, we're gonna go on a journey, but we'll always come back.
We're gonna come back to this question.
I'm with you, I can't not wait.
Okay.
So in the beginning of September,
(07:16):
My partner and I broke up and this partnership is like an epic love story in and of itselfthat could be its own whole episode.
But we broke up while we were like deep in the honeymoon phase.
So no, there were no issues other than, you know, readiness.
(07:36):
Like we started as lovers.
I felt this like readiness to be in like deep life partnership.
And he was
not there yet and had a lot of questioning still and is such a stand for me and havingeverything I want.
And so while he was like, I don't want to let you go.
(07:57):
I love you so much.
And I like want you to have everything in the world and you deserve that more than anyoneI know.
I'm unselfishly going to essentially say, like remove myself from, from the situation.
And when that happened, I
completely trusted it and accepted it and honored him in his truth.
(08:21):
And yeah, I just respect him so deeply and told him that.
And I said, this feels wrong to me and I accept it and I trust you and I love you.
And I walked into my house and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, I will notabandon you in this heartbreak and we're gonna make this a fun breakup.
(08:47):
someone who is so worthy of absolute, absolute love, because you the body love anexpression and all of those things.
So, okay, tell me more.
thank you for that.
Yeah.
And he also feels that so much.
And I've always felt the truth in his, his expression of that.
(09:07):
So then about a week into the breakup, I got very clear guidance from higher power.
You know, I referred to God,
guides, spirit, whatever resonates for folks.
But when I was in a meditative space, just this very clear guidance of entering into athree month container with myself, focused on actually bringing my masculine online.
(09:30):
So for me, what that means is getting more disciplined and more action oriented, moreboundaried.
I needed to get like my finances in order, a routine established, all that good stuff.
I am very comfortable in flowing in the feminine.
love being like I just am there.
But the masculine is where I typically struggle.
(09:51):
And so it was like this three month container is to be in devotion to yourself.
Do not make commitments to other people.
If you're going to
enter into any commitment, it needs to be aligned to your intention and what you want.
Because historically, especially living here in Austin, Texas, there's just so muchincredible stuff happening all the time.
And I found myself responding and reacting to a lot of other invitations.
(10:15):
So the energy was very like, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, know, moving fun, but it wasn't likemoving me forward.
I wasn't really focused on what do I want to deepen in?
What do I want to learn, grow, et cetera.
and then I'm gonna seek out things to help me with that.
So that's what came through.
And then later for the three months, it got really clear actually that there was specificthemes for each of the months.
(10:40):
So theme one, month one was called daddy's home.
Yeah.
I love it.
Go on.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
Mary.
Okay.
So daddy's home.
So that was me getting my masculine online.
I did this huge overhaul of my finances.
I recognize where I haven't been in my power.
(11:03):
I joined a 12 step program called Under Earners Anonymous.
For anyone that wants to more about that, happy to share information and resources, butit's essentially all a time management and money management program.
And then month two,
was Inner Union.
So Inner Union was like, that I have my masculine online, now we need to kind of startmending the relationship between my masculine and feminine.
(11:29):
So during that, did, you know, like a lot of deep journaling, I did a few differentworkshops and something that was very profound that a tool I would love to share with
people is something called aspecting.
So essentially what this is, is it's just you, you are there on your
with yourself and you get yourself into a meditative state and you think about what arethe aspects in which you want to have a conversation between.
(11:57):
So you can do this with parts of yourself.
So let's say you want to do your current self and your inner child.
Let's say you want to do my HR persona with my sound tailor persona.
So you can do these different parts of yourself or you can actually do it with otherpeople.
So it's
(12:17):
I maybe, let's say I want to do some healing or repairing with my dad.
So like I bring in the energy of my dad.
And what you do is you sit, it's typically good to have like two different cushions.
You sit on a cushion that represents like one aspect and then the other cushion representsthe other aspect.
So what I did in this month, and now I actually do it once a month, I have a date withmyself to do aspecting with my masculine and my feminine.
(12:44):
And so essentially you,
you get into this like meditative state, I started in my feminine, and then you speak tothe other aspect.
So for me, I was speaking to my masculine, and you just speak until you feel a naturalclosing, then you get up, you sit on the other cushion, and then you embody the other
aspect.
And you're not trying to think about what to say, you're just letting whatever flows flowsthrough.
(13:09):
And then once that
speak is completed, then you get up and you sit back to the other cushion and you caneither set a timer for yourself or you can just do it until you feel like complete.
especially if you're doing this with, let's say, say I'm doing it with my dad and there ispotentially conflict, the goal is not to resolve that conflict.
(13:29):
The goal is not necessarily to, you know, get to a quote unquote, like happy ending.
It's really just to have space to have these different expressions.
So anyway, I did aspecting between my masculine and my feminine and it was so healing, sopowerful, so beautiful.
And then the third month was all about creation.
(13:50):
So I get to these places where I'm someone that gets inspired a lot.
I get a lot of ideas, just life inspires me so often and these ideas would come into myhead.
I get all this excitement around it and then it would just peter out.
I almost felt like it was a dream I never let myself hold onto.
(14:13):
I really want to, and currently, so this is getting to your question, I'm really committedto moving through my edges in order to express the inspiration that strikes me.
So.
not stopping myself.
And it's been really interesting actually to experience that in this container of where Istop myself.
(14:35):
And so for the conclusion of this container, during my month of inner union and creation,this vision came in of having an inner union ceremony.
So almost like a wedding for myself.
And I had this whole vision.
It was like very ritualistic.
It was like candlelit.
(14:55):
I had a friend who like immediately I knew exactly who it was.
I saw her like officiating it.
And what was interesting is I even saw my previous partner there in this vision, eventhough he and I had not spoken.
And shortly after that, or like right around that time, he actually reached out to me.
(15:15):
We had a no contact container, but he reached out and was saying, want to honor andrespect the no contact, but I also have this feeling we're going to see each other and I
want to do a check-in before if you're open to it.
We ended up doing a check-in and we're just like so in love.
So then we were like, okay.
(15:36):
And he essentially was like, is there any way we can make this work?
And I'm like, yeah, there is.
That's I've felt that the whole time.
Yeah, and then so we started, you know, exploratory conversations of getting backtogether, but I couldn't commit to him yet because I was in my container.
So I was like, we can have these conversations and like spend time together, but I can'tlike devote to you or commit to you until this container is over.
(16:02):
And then the day the container ended, we got back together.
Yeah, so in this ceremony, like the ceremony in of itself was like such a culmination ofthese three months and the things I'm like really focused on right now, which is having
more discipline and really creating the structure and the frame in order to let theinspiration actually manifest into reality.
(16:27):
And for this inner union ceremony, the amount of
Oh my gosh, discomfort to move through the feelings that were coming up, the voices in myhead coming up around like, this is so embarrassing.
Like my friend was like, do you want men there?
I feel like men should be there to like hold the masculine anchor in this.
(16:49):
And when I was envisioning men being there, all of this like shame started coming up orlike, oh, they're gonna pity me or they're gonna, this is such a waste of time or yeah,
like feel sorry for me.
Like all of these just-
judgments, criticisms are coming up and then just the feeling too of like, my God, well,it's not my birthday yet.
(17:09):
My birthday is on Monday, but it's not my birthday yet.
you.
And it's not my birthday.
It's not my actual wedding.
Like how could I even ask for people to expend their time doing this?
Is this so selfish?
Like, and I just, yeah, all this anxiety and fear.
I finally moved through that to get to the inviting people.
And then like when it got to the time for it to come, then I got all apathetic.
(17:34):
I was like, I don't even want to do this anymore.
I zero excitement to do it.
Like I, I'm just going to cancel it.
So it was just really interesting to track myself in these spaces when I'm getting to anedge, when something is super edgy and uncomfortable.
And then even like my ego had this story of like, well, if you do this in a unionceremony,
(17:55):
then maybe you're going to block yourself energetically from like having a true marriagebecause you're, know, like I said, all of these things.
Yeah.
And then it's like, thank God I have like an epic community and incredible friends whojust like loved me through it, talked to me through it, encouraged me.
(18:15):
One friend actually was like, you know, when I listened to you, I was tuning into spiritand the voice that came in said, do you underestimate God?
Like, do you really think God who knows you so deeply and sees you in everything wouldview this inter-union ceremony as something that would take you away from partnership?
(18:36):
And so I just, again, so blessed, so thankful for the people in my life to remind me oftruth.
And so in this inter-union ceremony, what was so mind blowing and incredible, one, it wasso fun.
It was deep, sexy, playful.
Yeah, it's so beautiful.
And my partner was there and ended up being the one to like bind my hands together at theend to like seal it in, which was just like so poetic and beautiful based on our breakup
(19:06):
being like the catalyst of this container.
my.
I know it's so beautiful, but what really struck me was all of the men.
at the ceremony at some point cried who were at the ceremony.
And I had like an aspect of the ceremony that was really focused on the community and allof us together.
(19:28):
And people had shares and in the shares how many people said how deeply inspired they wereby this.
They're like, this is inspiring me for like an intention of how I'm wanting to show up forthis next like cycle of life.
And it just really showed me how to move through the fear and the edges, how
it is actually and what a service it is to create when you are inspired.
(19:52):
Because I think when you get that soul inspiration when something like really lights youup and it kind of hits you like a lightning bolt, I think it's because it's meant to serve
more than you.
It's not just about you.
It's about others too.
And like it's meant to be like one plus one equals three and just keep booming out.
And so that really helps me get out of my...
(20:15):
my own ego and my own head to let myself delight in creating and playing and doingsomething different and then to be in service to this inspiration that's coming through.
That's like chosen my vessel or your vessel or whose ever vessel to come through.
It's really for our own expansion but for us to also give and be in service of others.
(20:38):
So that's what's really alive for me right now is to be in creation and to maintain
the structure that enables me to do that.
And also really to receive love, like to let myself keep opening to love that's availableto me and feel worthy of it has been an ongoing journey and process for me.
(21:02):
So yeah.
I'm sitting here, I'm in tears, but for so many reasons.
And I just want to respond to this, like everything that you just shared, first of all,
Thank you.
When we first started the study, you were feeling vulnerable.
And I think that there's so much to be learned by taking grief and taking it into a momentof reflection.
(21:27):
Because I know you and how deeply worthy you are of love and how magically you are andwhat you bring to each room.
And that you could take a second and honor this three month
period of time to one, reflect and get in balance with your masculine and feminine.
(21:50):
And that you could then say, I have a choice right now to love myself.
Do that because at the end of the day, that's who we have.
Like, yes, there's one person you're stuck with for the rest of your life and that's youbaby.
Totally.
And might as well absolutely love the shit and at least know the shit.
(22:13):
out of this person.
And then knowing that, you know, that partnership was waiting for you and still honoringyour own container and the spirit of creation, because I truly believe as a creative,
where you and I are really similar, is multi-passionate people in energy work and inspiredby a million things.
(22:38):
I love being in my feminine, which makes play so much fun and all of those things.
but then knowing too when to say, okay, I have rolled around in the earth enough.
Now it's time to view those imprints as a pathway for a river, for a container, for me toflow in with structure and safety.
(23:03):
And because what we're carving in our own lives in the past that we're creating are thebanks of a river that someone else can follow and flow through.
And when you are a light worker, when you are a healer, when you are someone who is sovulnerable to the messages, not vulnerable to the messages of the divine, but creation
(23:25):
coming through you and all those things, you are a leader.
And there's a responsibility in some ways to act on it and to trust it.
And it feels like this last 90 days for you was like, absolutely you stepping into anotherlevel.
where you can create safely, be in balance, have self-reflection and know that that lovefor yourself is what comes, first, but should be really, really, really honored because
(23:56):
you've got the- Yeah.
mean, it's the thank you, such beautiful reflections.
And yeah, I mean, it's really the foundation to all of your other relationships is yourrelationship with self and it is the well you source from for everything.
Yeah, and for me personally, like the only way it's really possible for me is because ofmy relationship with God and spirit and nature and all of these things that ground me back
(24:24):
in when my, you know, human psyche self wants to keep me safe in its way that it thinks,which is like sometimes to criticize the shit out of myself or tear me down.
And if it wasn't for just the knowing of how
whole and loved we are, but that for me is sourced from God and Spirit.
(24:47):
I would not be able to do it on my own.
So I'm just so grateful for that.
And I really have seen and experienced so deeply how much this relationship with myselfallows me to love so much better.
It allows me to be loved better because I can actually receive it.
You know, it's really hard to receive love when you don't think you're lovable or worthy.
(25:10):
like historically unknowingly was trying to prove my unlovability, was trying to prove myunworthiness.
And so that came through in like self-sabotage or not receiving.
And now to actually get to open is so incredible and scary.
It's terrifying.
And yeah, I had this moment at the end of the ceremony where I was just crying, likefeeling all of it.
(25:35):
And I asked, can life like really be this sweet?
And I got this message back saying, yes.
And I said, can I really receive this much love?
And this voice said, no, you can receive so much more.
And it's like so overwhelmed by that.
It's, yeah, it's so beautiful and so overwhelming.
(25:57):
And especially just growing up the way that I did, it feels like I am living on adifferent planet, like truly from what frame I lived in when I was little.
It just wasn't this.
So.
So interesting to me because, well, first of all, you were born in Hungary.
In Germany, but my family's Hungarian.
(26:18):
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
So grew up fully Hungarian.
Yeah.
And culturally, ethnically, I'm Hungarian.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then when we think about access to
God, access to nature, access to source energy.
There's such a big part of Western civilization that has God as this ascension point, asthis thing to live up to.
(26:45):
there's so much shame associated with organized religion and so much shame associatedwith, you know, asking for forgiveness and not being good enough and that we are sinners
and all of those things and to unbind.
those things and focus on like the connection to self, this source energy that comes fromnature and the flowers blooming and water flowing and the singing of the birds and all of
(27:12):
the beautiful majestic elements that the earth provides for us.
My observation is that so many of us are disconnected from God and source because we'vebeen taught to have God be this ascension point.
rather than accessible within us through unconditional love.
(27:35):
As you're navigating that, what do you think that people have to learn and what's waitingfor them on the other side of this painful, hard, vulnerable exploration?
Yeah, I mean, there's so many incredible teachers on answering this exact question, but Iwould say the things coming up that we have to learn
(27:59):
is you're not alone.
I would say that's a really big thing.
When we feel alone in something and like focused on ourselves, we completely disconnectfrom the truth that we are all, it's one, we are all connected.
We disconnect from creation when we go into like I'm alone in something, it's typicallywe're in a victim state and we become very self-focused.
(28:25):
And when we're in that, it takes us out of a creational mindset, which is abundant and allthings are possible and connects us to life.
Like we are creators.
Like that is what we are as humans.
So I think recognizing that the quickest way to get to feeling open and supported isrecognizing that you're not alone.
(28:51):
For me, the very first time this was a huge realization was actually in 2020, 2021.
I was going through a really depressed time in a very dark space.
And I was on the couch one day just crying and really feeling super low.
(29:12):
And something popped in me.
And I was like, oh my god.
There's so many other people in the world right now that are feeling the exact same wayI'm feeling.
And for me, this was like an acute depressive period.
And I was thinking about the people who feel this way all the time and who live with this.
And my heart like broke.
(29:34):
Then I just started sobbing for like every single person who has felt this.
And through that heartbreak, it broke me into compassion.
and it broke me into connection and oneness and it pulled me out of just myself and mademe focus in on all of us and the togetherness and this feeling of I don't want anyone to
(29:57):
feel this way.
So then how I do that for myself and I do it for others and how much that requires lettingpeople in, how much it requires like being let in.
And also what's incredible is when you have felt things like that, you learn
empathy in a different way.
You learn compassion in a different way where you can really sit with someone eye to eye,heart to heart.
(30:23):
And to me, like compassion is we all human.
We all have these same experiences.
I'm not better than you.
I'm not worse than you.
When you're in a challenging place, I'm not trying to push you from behind or pull youfrom in front.
I'm going to walk side by side with you.
And compassion is really empathy plus action.
So it's you're going through something.
(30:43):
I'm going to hold your hands.
I'm gonna hold you, I'm gonna look at you.
I'm gonna go to the appointment with you.
I'm gonna do whatever it is and I'm just gonna love you.
I'm gonna love you as hard as I can.
Yeah, so I think getting out of just ourselves is so important and it opens us tocreation, it opens us to possibility.
I think it's also important to learn that it's like as cheesy as it is, like you are soworthy, you are so lovable.
(31:12):
You really, really, really are.
and anything that tells you otherwise is not true.
It's interesting because these things, you can hear them hundreds and thousands of timesand it just kind of rolls over.
But then you'll have a moment where you're like, shit, wow, I really get it now.
I really am that I didn't realize this was just like a story I was telling myself.
(31:37):
And that, mean, once you hit a core wound, once you like get to your core wounds, that'swhere so much transformation can start because that's where you start rewiring,
reprogramming things.
And on the other side is just bliss.
it's like, it's absolute bliss.
And it's not like for me personally, I'm not in a constant state of bliss all the time.
(32:02):
Like, of course I have super challenging days and
yeah, pain and sometimes like self-critical thoughts.
it's, mean, from where I used to be to where I'm now is insane.
And I can just attest to the fact that when you are practicing gratitude and like, I mean,gratitude is an ultimate, ultimate tool.
Forgiveness and gratitude, ultimate tools and expressing gratitude for yourself.
(32:26):
And every night I will, during my prayers, I list out all the things I forgive myself for.
that I had judged myself for during the day.
And then when I wake up in the morning, I say all the things I'm grateful for and ask tobe a conduit of truth and love and maybe generous and all these things.
But yeah, I really think those tools are super helpful.
(32:50):
but the bliss, it is bliss.
Like when you can get there to like really bask in the gratitude, like I think of myfriends and.
the community and the experiences I have and to just be like, holy shit, is this life?
Like, can this really be life?
It's so beautiful.
Well, it's so interesting.
So have you read the Mary Magdalene revealed book that we have not?
(33:13):
Okay, I have it but I'm wearing a Mary Magdalene.
So so am I.
Yeah, I noticed that I was like, I wonder that's Mary Magdalene.
Yeah.
Which is so interesting.
I love this.
But Mary Magdalene is
for those of you who don't know, a figure in the Bible that has been called a whore andreally dismissed as someone who was actually Jesus's partner and a priestess and a conduit
(33:39):
for a type of love and connection with source that she and Jesus preached together.
And because of the way that the Bible was constructed, her book was left out.
And in fact, every copy of the book had the same eight pages or so ripped out of it.
(34:00):
And this was only found in the eighties.
And for me, as someone who was raised in the church and feels a very strong connection toGod, I always felt that deep, deep absence of the feminine energy and was sort of
floundering and like, where do women, where is our place?
Where do I my feminine energy?
Where do I put my sexual energy?
(34:21):
Where do I put all of these things?
But one of the practices that Mary Magdalene reveals in this sort of pathway, and this hascome to me in a couple of different fashions, both by reading this book, but then also
through independent journeys and meditation.
actually, like when we were in, I think I was breathing with you, your breath work sessionin Costa Rica, where Mary and Jesus together came to me in a vision about what it means to
(34:52):
live
in unconditional love and love is just the first step.
So love is a first step.
Then it's speaking truth and being totally truthful about all aspects.
That means even like your inner voice, is this true?
through truth and speaking truth builds trust and trust key creates safety.
(35:18):
And only through safety and trust can you then create pleasure.
And true pleasure creates bliss.
so love is just the beginning.
is the main, it's the main thing, but it's just the beginning.
And that bliss and this journey that you've gone on is so incredible because by pushingyour edges, by being truthful with yourself about...
(35:49):
what's true in the inner critic and battling the ego, because ego is such a fuckery forwhat's and what's not for all of us.
And measures people against each other and this person is better and what you said about,no, I'm not pushing you from behind.
I'm not leaving.
I'm not pulling you along.
(36:10):
I'm walking beside you.
And if all of us has that approach to humanity, it creates this playground of
of a pathway towards bliss and connection and true love and connection with source andconnection with God that lives within us.
So we all can access by going down this path.
(36:32):
So well said.
Wow.
It's incredible.
I'm going to have to write that down and reach out to you afterward to get this fiveagain, make sure I remember them correctly.
Wow.
So perfect.
Yeah.
Wow.
I've had a laughing to myself too, because I'm in this state of like in my own life rightnow where I have been kind of in like, I went like brat girl summer mode, kind of like,
(36:57):
it's just like I needed to be totally in my feminine, because I had spent so much time inmy masculine through business, like just like super structured growing my marketing
business and having three kids and all of this and just being
like go, go, 24 hour cycle, total masculine energy.
(37:17):
And then once I broke that, was like, totally flipped over into feminine and feminine flowand freedom and all of those things.
And now I've kind of realized that like that phase is over.
It's time to integrate more structure.
It's time to, so you've just inspired me so much on that.
would you call it the ascent where you have the- Inner union ceremony.
(37:40):
Not that, but you like have the two, conversations between- Aspecting.
Aspecting, aspecting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
But like having those conversations with the different parts of you come in balance andrecognizing that like both of those energies are worthy of love and then bringing them
together.
Yeah.
(38:01):
And it's always such a surprise what comes out.
That's what I love.
Cause you don't pre-plan anything.
You're not like writing a script for it.
It's just whatever is alive.
And every time I've done aspecting, get blown away by things that come through where I'mlike, wow, I didn't even know that was in there.
Or like, that's how I felt or, you know, whatever it was.
yeah, it's really good.
That's so interesting.
(38:22):
So one of the things that I think is a challenge for women specifically is accessing thatfeminine energy, accessing that truth, accessing that trust when so much of the feminine
is rooted in shame.
and around sexuality, around creativity, around judgments.
(38:42):
And as someone who has really been so comfortable in your feminine flow, how did you getto that point of being comfortable in your feminine and what obstacles did you have to
overcome?
That's a big question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also like, also an ongoing journey.
All of these things, like we're never at the end point, you know, these are, we're alwayson the path.
(39:04):
So.
Yeah, within my feminine, gosh, yeah.
So I would say I'm grateful and thankful that I've always been like a fairly whimsicalperson, which is very much like within like the light feminine realms of things have
always been pretty playful, loving kind of, yeah, dancing.
(39:25):
I love dancing and moving and being in my body.
So like those things are great, like access points for the feminine.
It's really like.
feeling.
I would say what's really helped me, I'm so grateful to have learned from some incredibleteachers.
One I will call out specifically, name's Jillian Pothier.
(39:46):
She is, wow, like blew my socks off.
And I had been seeking and looking for a teacher to help with healing my relationship tothe masculine actually, because I realized how much resentment I was holding against.
the masculine and men specifically, how much pain and anger and fear was in my body and inmy psyche.
(40:14):
And her work really tremendously helped me with that.
And in that work, I also learned so much about the power of the feminine and also whatthat looks like and feels like and sounds like.
And also like Alison Armstrong too, she is, if you haven't like read her books, she isincredible too.
(40:34):
Who put all of these in the show notes?
Yeah, these, will, yeah, they're all like dream team.
But I would say it's needing to release the need to be right and instead embody what istrue.
So being the feminine,
(40:55):
to me is like you are life itself.
Like you are life in its unpredictability and its beauty.
Like nature doesn't lie.
Nature is true in its truest form.
And so what that looks like is deeply feeling and allowing yourself to be felt, allowingyourself to be witnessed in the feeling and revealing that.
(41:23):
in a way that is true and that's not weaponized.
I think historically for me, I can speak for me personally, I've also observed this inwomen as we can weaponize our feelings.
Like I can weaponize my anger, I can weaponize my sadness, I can use it to manipulate, tocontrol, to punish, know, instead of just feeling the feeling and letting myself be
(41:48):
witnessed in the purity of what I'm feeling.
letting myself be witnessed in the purity of my joy, in my excitement, in my pleasure, inmy anger, in my pain.
You know, with my partner, there's been times where I've been in such intense pain, like Iwas really hurt by something.
(42:09):
And just letting myself be angry in front of him without being angry at him is such adifference.
to really be like, this thing really upset me.
I'm feeling fire in my body and then needing to move, breathe, like not caring howridiculous I look in that moment, letting myself feel shame, like being in shame in front
(42:31):
of someone.
These things are such a gift to the masculine and is really where our power is to feelwhat is true and express it and not withhold it.
this to me right now is this feels so deeply true that that is our gift.
(42:58):
I think a lot about how society has gotten to this sort of laissez-faire superself-conscious place and where a lot of the patriarchy, lot of toxic masculinity is
present.
And there's a lot of toxic femininity as well that some of this is coming from a lack of
(43:18):
got checking one another with our feelings.
And so to instead of, you know, hiding our shame, hiding our anger, being mad aboutsomething instead of expressing it, going and calling your best friend and be like, what
the fuck happened?
Blah, Instead of just being with it and allowing it to be witnessed and allowing it to beseen and not being attached to how someone else receives it.
(43:47):
that's the thing.
This, yes, that's the thing.
Yeah.
That's the medicine is like to simply, I mean, because the moment you start attaching tohow someone's going to receive it, you're not in truth anymore.
Right.
Because you're going to start to shift how you are to see how it lands for them.
(44:08):
And so with this, like within the feminine, it's the willingness to ruin the moment, thewillingness to say what's true, even if it
even if it ruins the relationship, even if it ends the relationship, even if it causes youto not go to the fancy dinner, even if it means you spend the night apart, even like
whatever it is, it's saying what is true when it is in integrity, when it is from heart,when it's sourced in truth versus sourced in wanting to control power, like whatever it
(44:43):
is.
and completely surrendering to what happens when that truth is expressed.
Wow.
And this goes back to this theme.
It starts with love.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When you speak truth, that's how you build trust.
Yes.
think that there's so much of a breakdown in trust within people because we're speakingtruth.
(45:07):
Right.
Yeah.
And sometimes it's hard to even know.
Like I found in my own journey, like,
heart like what is true for me I had to know so much like was this taught to me was thisis this something that I inherited is this something that I actually believe and going
really deep on pulling back the layers of being like body testing it being like is thistrue body my body's like fucking no yeah totally no and then totally yeah it's starting to
(45:39):
really like I feel like I spent a whole lot of the early
the 2020, 2021, this similar time, Zana, as you'd be like, is this true?
And starting to figure out like my truth versus what was what somebody else's and beingable to communicate this and sometimes saying it out loud is healing.
And anyway, it's I feel like this is what you're saying is really resonating.
(46:06):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm so glad.
it's
Yeah, and it's hard.
It's so intense because it can feel the things I've expressed to my partner that I'venever expressed to someone to even say, I'm feeling insecure.
Here's where I'm feeling insecure and how I'm feeling insecure and letting myself cry andfeel that is so vulnerable and all the defenses that want to remain as the cool girl who's
(46:36):
super confident or whatever, that it's like you just have to let her go.
Right.
still where I am withholding truth, like still where I am uncomfortable or like, no, butwhat if this, you know, it's weird and sometimes it's like locked.
It's I've experienced this especially in like intimate experiences or moments where maybesomething doesn't feel as good as it could feel or is maybe hurting or whatever.
(47:02):
And where I freeze and I like don't say it until afterward.
And so it's also like having so much compassion and like gentleness with ourselves oflike, it's good to know what our North star is, is that we're revealing and being in truth
and integrity and in love as much as we can.
And also it can be two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, five steps back.
(47:26):
Like it's a path and a journey in and of itself, but such a worthwhile one.
And yeah, one that I'm, constantly learning and evolving in.
So.
Yeah.
So Mary, this has been so incredible.
And I know that you and I could talk for hours and hours and hours and all the things thatI've got one last question for you.
(47:48):
And I feel like you already shared so much about this.
But what are you doing to live unapologetically?
What aren't you?
What am I doing?
to live unapologetically, giving myself permission and forgiving myself and loving myself.
(48:12):
I love that.
I'm still holding a very special vision for you in my heart.
And I adore you.
How can people stay in touch with you?
Yeah.
So you can reach out to me on my website, marygodmother.com.
And it's Mary with an I or
(48:33):
at Mary Godmother on Instagram.
Yeah, if you have any questions about anything, we'd love to connect.
I'd love this.
Thank you so much.
If you guys haven't already follow Unapologetically Yours podcast on Instagram or followme directly at Ashley D.
Logan.
Please subscribe, download.
(48:56):
And please leave a rating too, because we'd love to hear from you what you're liking andwhat you want more of.
We're just grateful that you tuned in.
Now, go out, make some mischief in the world.
And until then, we are unapologetically yours.
I am very comfortable in flowing in the feminine.
I love being, like I just am there.
But the masculine is where I typically struggle.
And so it was like this three month container is to be in devotion to yourself.
Hello and welcome to the Unapologetically Yours podcast.
(00:21):
I'm your host Ashley Logan and on this podcast, we go deep on everything from spiritualityto relationships and connection to business and belief systems because in a world where
we've been taught to play by the rules, it's time to live just a wee bit moreunapologetically.
I am so happy because over the last couple of years as I have
(00:44):
dove headfirst into more connection with self and the healing realm.
I've encountered some incredible, beautiful, smart, compassionate, playful people.
And today I'm delighted to say that I am joined by one of the cutest, most fun, smartestpeople that brings out the play in me and so much more.
(01:10):
Welcome to the show, Mariana Hagee.
Realm Bender, Healer, Woman Who Embody's Love, Light, and Joy, My Mary, My Bogie.
She's a Transformation Group Facilitator, Gentle Reiki Practitioner, Breathwork Guide,Attuned Sound Healer, and so much more.
(01:30):
Thank you so much for being here, my dear.
Ashley, thank you for having me.
That was the sweetest intro and welcome.
Thank you.
You do bring this out in me, by the way, like you have such a playful, joyful energy andlike being around you makes me it's like it lightens, just lights me up.
(01:52):
It makes me want to laugh, makes me want to play, makes me want to dance and people likethat are so important.
You got to pay attention to how you feel when you're around certain people and you make mefeel just
absolutely tootin' good.
I love it.
What does it mean to be a realm bender?
(02:15):
Oh, yeah, it's funny.
So this came somewhat, I get, you know, as we all do, we get reflections from ourcommunity and people we cross paths with.
And I've been shared, you know, many, many names for me and like reflections are like, oh,you're this or you're that.
And recently, it was maybe like six months ago, this woman told my friend she was likewatching me and she was like,
(02:39):
Mary's a realm bender.
And she was like, my friend immediately was like, totally.
And also, I don't know what that is, like logically, but she like knew what it was in hersoul.
And so when she told me that I had the same feeling where I was like, wow, I felt so seen.
And I also was like, what does that mean?
So you can leave it up to your interpretation, but how I interpret it is I can play inmany, many, many spaces.
(03:08):
I can kind of bring in different realities and aspects into different experiences andenvironments.
For example, you know, all those beautiful credentials that you listed earlier on top ofthat, I'm also in corporate world in HR, which is hilarious because like on the weekends I
(03:30):
am
in like at Tantra events and I'm doing all sorts of kinky things and then also MNHR and inthat space getting to bring so much compassion and love and presence and even bringing in
like sound healing into corporate.
I'm actually going to start leading a once a week sound healing journey for my office,which is pretty special.
(03:56):
I feel very grateful.
very honored and blessed to be able to bring that to a space where that is not alwayspresent.
yeah, find myself, yeah, being someone that can connect with many, feel comfortable andlike I belong in many different spaces and just kind of, yeah, bringing elements in into
(04:18):
spaces that maybe they aren't normally there and just letting it, giving it permission tobreathe and be in.
So that's how I interpret it.
love it.
And I, this resonates with me for a couple of different reasons.
One, I've had the chance to experience your breath work before on more than one occasionand can speak to the way that you integrate sound and rhythm and music into your journeys
(04:46):
and really transport people into a space of healing.
And for those of you listening who haven't experienced breath work,
I'm also a breathwork facilitator and what leaning into the breath use our music and spaceof comfort and with a great guide can release some of the traumas or stuck emotions or
(05:11):
limiting beliefs that we hold within our body.
it's such a tool, but you lead in such a gentle and accessible way that makes you go feelso supported and held.
And I love that.
and just being around you as such a beautiful person.
And it's so interesting to me.
I love that you brought up corporate and as someone who works so deeply in the healingspace, that your identity also is to bring those elements into the corporate world.
(05:40):
And you're so multi-dimensional with the energy work that you're doing, the healing workthat you're doing.
And then also bringing some of that into the corporate world.
I think that is a way of, you know, bending
realms and it's dumb.
So this resonates.
love it.
Thank you.
So tell me a little bit about who you are, who you are today.
(06:07):
who are you today in this, in this moment?
Thank you for that question.
And I, one of the things I am is a dog mom and I can
hear my little gal outside barking at either a squirrel or the pool guy.
So it's one of those things.
(06:31):
Yeah.
So today I love this question.
What a thing to sit with.
Yeah.
Today I am a creator.
I am a lover, a partner, a sister.
I am vulnerable.
and on such a path of unraveling and reclaiming and becoming.
(06:53):
Yeah, I recently did an inner union ceremony.
have, yeah, this is a whole thing.
This is gonna be a roundabout, we're gonna go on a journey, but we'll always come back.
We're gonna come back to this question.
I'm with you, I can't not wait.
Okay.
So in the beginning of September,
(07:16):
My partner and I broke up and this partnership is like an epic love story in and of itselfthat could be its own whole episode.
But we broke up while we were like deep in the honeymoon phase.
So no, there were no issues other than, you know, readiness.
(07:36):
Like we started as lovers.
I felt this like readiness to be in like deep life partnership.
And he was
not there yet and had a lot of questioning still and is such a stand for me and havingeverything I want.
And so while he was like, I don't want to let you go.
(07:57):
I love you so much.
And I like want you to have everything in the world and you deserve that more than anyoneI know.
I'm unselfishly going to essentially say, like remove myself from, from the situation.
And when that happened, I
completely trusted it and accepted it and honored him in his truth.
(08:21):
And yeah, I just respect him so deeply and told him that.
And I said, this feels wrong to me and I accept it and I trust you and I love you.
And I walked into my house and I looked at myself in the mirror and I said, I will notabandon you in this heartbreak and we're gonna make this a fun breakup.
(08:47):
someone who is so worthy of absolute, absolute love, because you the body love anexpression and all of those things.
So, okay, tell me more.
thank you for that.
Yeah.
And he also feels that so much.
And I've always felt the truth in his, his expression of that.
(09:07):
So then about a week into the breakup, I got very clear guidance from higher power.
You know, I referred to God,
guides, spirit, whatever resonates for folks.
But when I was in a meditative space, just this very clear guidance of entering into athree month container with myself, focused on actually bringing my masculine online.
(09:30):
So for me, what that means is getting more disciplined and more action oriented, moreboundaried.
I needed to get like my finances in order, a routine established, all that good stuff.
I am very comfortable in flowing in the feminine.
love being like I just am there.
But the masculine is where I typically struggle.
(09:51):
And so it was like this three month container is to be in devotion to yourself.
Do not make commitments to other people.
If you're going to
enter into any commitment, it needs to be aligned to your intention and what you want.
Because historically, especially living here in Austin, Texas, there's just so muchincredible stuff happening all the time.
And I found myself responding and reacting to a lot of other invitations.
(10:15):
So the energy was very like, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, know, moving fun, but it wasn't likemoving me forward.
I wasn't really focused on what do I want to deepen in?
What do I want to learn, grow, et cetera.
and then I'm gonna seek out things to help me with that.
So that's what came through.
And then later for the three months, it got really clear actually that there was specificthemes for each of the months.
(10:40):
So theme one, month one was called daddy's home.
Yeah.
I love it.
Go on.
I'm on the edge of my seat.
Mary.
Okay.
So daddy's home.
So that was me getting my masculine online.
I did this huge overhaul of my finances.
I recognize where I haven't been in my power.
(11:03):
I joined a 12 step program called Under Earners Anonymous.
For anyone that wants to more about that, happy to share information and resources, butit's essentially all a time management and money management program.
And then month two,
was Inner Union.
So Inner Union was like, that I have my masculine online, now we need to kind of startmending the relationship between my masculine and feminine.
(11:29):
So during that, did, you know, like a lot of deep journaling, I did a few differentworkshops and something that was very profound that a tool I would love to share with
people is something called aspecting.
So essentially what this is, is it's just you, you are there on your
with yourself and you get yourself into a meditative state and you think about what arethe aspects in which you want to have a conversation between.
(11:57):
So you can do this with parts of yourself.
So let's say you want to do your current self and your inner child.
Let's say you want to do my HR persona with my sound tailor persona.
So you can do these different parts of yourself or you can actually do it with otherpeople.
So it's
(12:17):
I maybe, let's say I want to do some healing or repairing with my dad.
So like I bring in the energy of my dad.
And what you do is you sit, it's typically good to have like two different cushions.
You sit on a cushion that represents like one aspect and then the other cushion representsthe other aspect.
So what I did in this month, and now I actually do it once a month, I have a date withmyself to do aspecting with my masculine and my feminine.
(12:44):
And so essentially you,
you get into this like meditative state, I started in my feminine, and then you speak tothe other aspect.
So for me, I was speaking to my masculine, and you just speak until you feel a naturalclosing, then you get up, you sit on the other cushion, and then you embody the other
aspect.
And you're not trying to think about what to say, you're just letting whatever flows flowsthrough.
(13:09):
And then once that
speak is completed, then you get up and you sit back to the other cushion and you caneither set a timer for yourself or you can just do it until you feel like complete.
especially if you're doing this with, let's say, say I'm doing it with my dad and there ispotentially conflict, the goal is not to resolve that conflict.
(13:29):
The goal is not necessarily to, you know, get to a quote unquote, like happy ending.
It's really just to have space to have these different expressions.
So anyway, I did aspecting between my masculine and my feminine and it was so healing, sopowerful, so beautiful.
And then the third month was all about creation.
(13:50):
So I get to these places where I'm someone that gets inspired a lot.
I get a lot of ideas, just life inspires me so often and these ideas would come into myhead.
I get all this excitement around it and then it would just peter out.
I almost felt like it was a dream I never let myself hold onto.
(14:13):
I really want to, and currently, so this is getting to your question, I'm really committedto moving through my edges in order to express the inspiration that strikes me.
So.
not stopping myself.
And it's been really interesting actually to experience that in this container of where Istop myself.
(14:35):
And so for the conclusion of this container, during my month of inner union and creation,this vision came in of having an inner union ceremony.
So almost like a wedding for myself.
And I had this whole vision.
It was like very ritualistic.
It was like candlelit.
(14:55):
I had a friend who like immediately I knew exactly who it was.
I saw her like officiating it.
And what was interesting is I even saw my previous partner there in this vision, eventhough he and I had not spoken.
And shortly after that, or like right around that time, he actually reached out to me.
(15:15):
We had a no contact container, but he reached out and was saying, want to honor andrespect the no contact, but I also have this feeling we're going to see each other and I
want to do a check-in before if you're open to it.
We ended up doing a check-in and we're just like so in love.
So then we were like, okay.
(15:36):
And he essentially was like, is there any way we can make this work?
And I'm like, yeah, there is.
That's I've felt that the whole time.
Yeah, and then so we started, you know, exploratory conversations of getting backtogether, but I couldn't commit to him yet because I was in my container.
So I was like, we can have these conversations and like spend time together, but I can'tlike devote to you or commit to you until this container is over.
(16:02):
And then the day the container ended, we got back together.
Yeah, so in this ceremony, like the ceremony in of itself was like such a culmination ofthese three months and the things I'm like really focused on right now, which is having
more discipline and really creating the structure and the frame in order to let theinspiration actually manifest into reality.
(16:27):
And for this inner union ceremony, the amount of
Oh my gosh, discomfort to move through the feelings that were coming up, the voices in myhead coming up around like, this is so embarrassing.
Like my friend was like, do you want men there?
I feel like men should be there to like hold the masculine anchor in this.
(16:49):
And when I was envisioning men being there, all of this like shame started coming up orlike, oh, they're gonna pity me or they're gonna, this is such a waste of time or yeah,
like feel sorry for me.
Like all of these just-
judgments, criticisms are coming up and then just the feeling too of like, my God, well,it's not my birthday yet.
(17:09):
My birthday is on Monday, but it's not my birthday yet.
you.
And it's not my birthday.
It's not my actual wedding.
Like how could I even ask for people to expend their time doing this?
Is this so selfish?
Like, and I just, yeah, all this anxiety and fear.
I finally moved through that to get to the inviting people.
And then like when it got to the time for it to come, then I got all apathetic.
(17:34):
I was like, I don't even want to do this anymore.
I zero excitement to do it.
Like I, I'm just going to cancel it.
So it was just really interesting to track myself in these spaces when I'm getting to anedge, when something is super edgy and uncomfortable.
And then even like my ego had this story of like, well, if you do this in a unionceremony,
(17:55):
then maybe you're going to block yourself energetically from like having a true marriagebecause you're, know, like I said, all of these things.
Yeah.
And then it's like, thank God I have like an epic community and incredible friends whojust like loved me through it, talked to me through it, encouraged me.
(18:15):
One friend actually was like, you know, when I listened to you, I was tuning into spiritand the voice that came in said, do you underestimate God?
Like, do you really think God who knows you so deeply and sees you in everything wouldview this inter-union ceremony as something that would take you away from partnership?
(18:36):
And so I just, again, so blessed, so thankful for the people in my life to remind me oftruth.
And so in this inter-union ceremony, what was so mind blowing and incredible, one, it wasso fun.
It was deep, sexy, playful.
Yeah, it's so beautiful.
And my partner was there and ended up being the one to like bind my hands together at theend to like seal it in, which was just like so poetic and beautiful based on our breakup
(19:06):
being like the catalyst of this container.
my.
I know it's so beautiful, but what really struck me was all of the men.
at the ceremony at some point cried who were at the ceremony.
And I had like an aspect of the ceremony that was really focused on the community and allof us together.
(19:28):
And people had shares and in the shares how many people said how deeply inspired they wereby this.
They're like, this is inspiring me for like an intention of how I'm wanting to show up forthis next like cycle of life.
And it just really showed me how to move through the fear and the edges, how
it is actually and what a service it is to create when you are inspired.
(19:52):
Because I think when you get that soul inspiration when something like really lights youup and it kind of hits you like a lightning bolt, I think it's because it's meant to serve
more than you.
It's not just about you.
It's about others too.
And like it's meant to be like one plus one equals three and just keep booming out.
And so that really helps me get out of my...
(20:15):
my own ego and my own head to let myself delight in creating and playing and doingsomething different and then to be in service to this inspiration that's coming through.
That's like chosen my vessel or your vessel or whose ever vessel to come through.
It's really for our own expansion but for us to also give and be in service of others.
(20:38):
So that's what's really alive for me right now is to be in creation and to maintain
the structure that enables me to do that.
And also really to receive love, like to let myself keep opening to love that's availableto me and feel worthy of it has been an ongoing journey and process for me.
(21:02):
So yeah.
I'm sitting here, I'm in tears, but for so many reasons.
And I just want to respond to this, like everything that you just shared, first of all,
Thank you.
When we first started the study, you were feeling vulnerable.
And I think that there's so much to be learned by taking grief and taking it into a momentof reflection.
(21:27):
Because I know you and how deeply worthy you are of love and how magically you are andwhat you bring to each room.
And that you could take a second and honor this three month
period of time to one, reflect and get in balance with your masculine and feminine.
(21:50):
And that you could then say, I have a choice right now to love myself.
Do that because at the end of the day, that's who we have.
Like, yes, there's one person you're stuck with for the rest of your life and that's youbaby.
Totally.
And might as well absolutely love the shit and at least know the shit.
(22:13):
out of this person.
And then knowing that, you know, that partnership was waiting for you and still honoringyour own container and the spirit of creation, because I truly believe as a creative,
where you and I are really similar, is multi-passionate people in energy work and inspiredby a million things.
(22:38):
I love being in my feminine, which makes play so much fun and all of those things.
but then knowing too when to say, okay, I have rolled around in the earth enough.
Now it's time to view those imprints as a pathway for a river, for a container, for me toflow in with structure and safety.
(23:03):
And because what we're carving in our own lives in the past that we're creating are thebanks of a river that someone else can follow and flow through.
And when you are a light worker, when you are a healer, when you are someone who is sovulnerable to the messages, not vulnerable to the messages of the divine, but creation
(23:25):
coming through you and all those things, you are a leader.
And there's a responsibility in some ways to act on it and to trust it.
And it feels like this last 90 days for you was like, absolutely you stepping into anotherlevel.
where you can create safely, be in balance, have self-reflection and know that that lovefor yourself is what comes, first, but should be really, really, really honored because
(23:56):
you've got the- Yeah.
mean, it's the thank you, such beautiful reflections.
And yeah, I mean, it's really the foundation to all of your other relationships is yourrelationship with self and it is the well you source from for everything.
Yeah, and for me personally, like the only way it's really possible for me is because ofmy relationship with God and spirit and nature and all of these things that ground me back
(24:24):
in when my, you know, human psyche self wants to keep me safe in its way that it thinks,which is like sometimes to criticize the shit out of myself or tear me down.
And if it wasn't for just the knowing of how
whole and loved we are, but that for me is sourced from God and Spirit.
(24:47):
I would not be able to do it on my own.
So I'm just so grateful for that.
And I really have seen and experienced so deeply how much this relationship with myselfallows me to love so much better.
It allows me to be loved better because I can actually receive it.
You know, it's really hard to receive love when you don't think you're lovable or worthy.
(25:10):
like historically unknowingly was trying to prove my unlovability, was trying to prove myunworthiness.
And so that came through in like self-sabotage or not receiving.
And now to actually get to open is so incredible and scary.
It's terrifying.
And yeah, I had this moment at the end of the ceremony where I was just crying, likefeeling all of it.
(25:35):
And I asked, can life like really be this sweet?
And I got this message back saying, yes.
And I said, can I really receive this much love?
And this voice said, no, you can receive so much more.
And it's like so overwhelmed by that.
It's, yeah, it's so beautiful and so overwhelming.
(25:57):
And especially just growing up the way that I did, it feels like I am living on adifferent planet, like truly from what frame I lived in when I was little.
It just wasn't this.
So.
So interesting to me because, well, first of all, you were born in Hungary.
In Germany, but my family's Hungarian.
(26:18):
Yes.
Yes.
Yeah.
So grew up fully Hungarian.
Yeah.
And culturally, ethnically, I'm Hungarian.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then when we think about access to
God, access to nature, access to source energy.
There's such a big part of Western civilization that has God as this ascension point, asthis thing to live up to.
(26:45):
there's so much shame associated with organized religion and so much shame associatedwith, you know, asking for forgiveness and not being good enough and that we are sinners
and all of those things and to unbind.
those things and focus on like the connection to self, this source energy that comes fromnature and the flowers blooming and water flowing and the singing of the birds and all of
(27:12):
the beautiful majestic elements that the earth provides for us.
My observation is that so many of us are disconnected from God and source because we'vebeen taught to have God be this ascension point.
rather than accessible within us through unconditional love.
(27:35):
As you're navigating that, what do you think that people have to learn and what's waitingfor them on the other side of this painful, hard, vulnerable exploration?
Yeah, I mean, there's so many incredible teachers on answering this exact question, but Iwould say the things coming up that we have to learn
(27:59):
is you're not alone.
I would say that's a really big thing.
When we feel alone in something and like focused on ourselves, we completely disconnectfrom the truth that we are all, it's one, we are all connected.
We disconnect from creation when we go into like I'm alone in something, it's typicallywe're in a victim state and we become very self-focused.
(28:25):
And when we're in that, it takes us out of a creational mindset, which is abundant and allthings are possible and connects us to life.
Like we are creators.
Like that is what we are as humans.
So I think recognizing that the quickest way to get to feeling open and supported isrecognizing that you're not alone.
(28:51):
For me, the very first time this was a huge realization was actually in 2020, 2021.
I was going through a really depressed time in a very dark space.
And I was on the couch one day just crying and really feeling super low.
(29:12):
And something popped in me.
And I was like, oh my god.
There's so many other people in the world right now that are feeling the exact same wayI'm feeling.
And for me, this was like an acute depressive period.
And I was thinking about the people who feel this way all the time and who live with this.
And my heart like broke.
(29:34):
Then I just started sobbing for like every single person who has felt this.
And through that heartbreak, it broke me into compassion.
and it broke me into connection and oneness and it pulled me out of just myself and mademe focus in on all of us and the togetherness and this feeling of I don't want anyone to
(29:57):
feel this way.
So then how I do that for myself and I do it for others and how much that requires lettingpeople in, how much it requires like being let in.
And also what's incredible is when you have felt things like that, you learn
empathy in a different way.
You learn compassion in a different way where you can really sit with someone eye to eye,heart to heart.
(30:23):
And to me, like compassion is we all human.
We all have these same experiences.
I'm not better than you.
I'm not worse than you.
When you're in a challenging place, I'm not trying to push you from behind or pull youfrom in front.
I'm going to walk side by side with you.
And compassion is really empathy plus action.
So it's you're going through something.
(30:43):
I'm going to hold your hands.
I'm gonna hold you, I'm gonna look at you.
I'm gonna go to the appointment with you.
I'm gonna do whatever it is and I'm just gonna love you.
I'm gonna love you as hard as I can.
Yeah, so I think getting out of just ourselves is so important and it opens us tocreation, it opens us to possibility.
I think it's also important to learn that it's like as cheesy as it is, like you are soworthy, you are so lovable.
(31:12):
You really, really, really are.
and anything that tells you otherwise is not true.
It's interesting because these things, you can hear them hundreds and thousands of timesand it just kind of rolls over.
But then you'll have a moment where you're like, shit, wow, I really get it now.
I really am that I didn't realize this was just like a story I was telling myself.
(31:37):
And that, mean, once you hit a core wound, once you like get to your core wounds, that'swhere so much transformation can start because that's where you start rewiring,
reprogramming things.
And on the other side is just bliss.
it's like, it's absolute bliss.
And it's not like for me personally, I'm not in a constant state of bliss all the time.
(32:02):
Like, of course I have super challenging days and
yeah, pain and sometimes like self-critical thoughts.
it's, mean, from where I used to be to where I'm now is insane.
And I can just attest to the fact that when you are practicing gratitude and like, I mean,gratitude is an ultimate, ultimate tool.
Forgiveness and gratitude, ultimate tools and expressing gratitude for yourself.
(32:26):
And every night I will, during my prayers, I list out all the things I forgive myself for.
that I had judged myself for during the day.
And then when I wake up in the morning, I say all the things I'm grateful for and ask tobe a conduit of truth and love and maybe generous and all these things.
But yeah, I really think those tools are super helpful.
(32:50):
but the bliss, it is bliss.
Like when you can get there to like really bask in the gratitude, like I think of myfriends and.
the community and the experiences I have and to just be like, holy shit, is this life?
Like, can this really be life?
It's so beautiful.
Well, it's so interesting.
So have you read the Mary Magdalene revealed book that we have not?
(33:13):
Okay, I have it but I'm wearing a Mary Magdalene.
So so am I.
Yeah, I noticed that I was like, I wonder that's Mary Magdalene.
Yeah.
Which is so interesting.
I love this.
But Mary Magdalene is
for those of you who don't know, a figure in the Bible that has been called a whore andreally dismissed as someone who was actually Jesus's partner and a priestess and a conduit
(33:39):
for a type of love and connection with source that she and Jesus preached together.
And because of the way that the Bible was constructed, her book was left out.
And in fact, every copy of the book had the same eight pages or so ripped out of it.
(34:00):
And this was only found in the eighties.
And for me, as someone who was raised in the church and feels a very strong connection toGod, I always felt that deep, deep absence of the feminine energy and was sort of
floundering and like, where do women, where is our place?
Where do I my feminine energy?
Where do I put my sexual energy?
(34:21):
Where do I put all of these things?
But one of the practices that Mary Magdalene reveals in this sort of pathway, and this hascome to me in a couple of different fashions, both by reading this book, but then also
through independent journeys and meditation.
actually, like when we were in, I think I was breathing with you, your breath work sessionin Costa Rica, where Mary and Jesus together came to me in a vision about what it means to
(34:52):
live
in unconditional love and love is just the first step.
So love is a first step.
Then it's speaking truth and being totally truthful about all aspects.
That means even like your inner voice, is this true?
through truth and speaking truth builds trust and trust key creates safety.
(35:18):
And only through safety and trust can you then create pleasure.
And true pleasure creates bliss.
so love is just the beginning.
is the main, it's the main thing, but it's just the beginning.
And that bliss and this journey that you've gone on is so incredible because by pushingyour edges, by being truthful with yourself about...
(35:49):
what's true in the inner critic and battling the ego, because ego is such a fuckery forwhat's and what's not for all of us.
And measures people against each other and this person is better and what you said about,no, I'm not pushing you from behind.
I'm not leaving.
I'm not pulling you along.
(36:10):
I'm walking beside you.
And if all of us has that approach to humanity, it creates this playground of
of a pathway towards bliss and connection and true love and connection with source andconnection with God that lives within us.
So we all can access by going down this path.
(36:32):
So well said.
Wow.
It's incredible.
I'm going to have to write that down and reach out to you afterward to get this fiveagain, make sure I remember them correctly.
Wow.
So perfect.
Yeah.
Wow.
I've had a laughing to myself too, because I'm in this state of like in my own life rightnow where I have been kind of in like, I went like brat girl summer mode, kind of like,
(36:57):
it's just like I needed to be totally in my feminine, because I had spent so much time inmy masculine through business, like just like super structured growing my marketing
business and having three kids and all of this and just being
like go, go, 24 hour cycle, total masculine energy.
(37:17):
And then once I broke that, was like, totally flipped over into feminine and feminine flowand freedom and all of those things.
And now I've kind of realized that like that phase is over.
It's time to integrate more structure.
It's time to, so you've just inspired me so much on that.
would you call it the ascent where you have the- Inner union ceremony.
(37:40):
Not that, but you like have the two, conversations between- Aspecting.
Aspecting, aspecting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I like that.
But like having those conversations with the different parts of you come in balance andrecognizing that like both of those energies are worthy of love and then bringing them
together.
Yeah.
(38:01):
And it's always such a surprise what comes out.
That's what I love.
Cause you don't pre-plan anything.
You're not like writing a script for it.
It's just whatever is alive.
And every time I've done aspecting, get blown away by things that come through where I'mlike, wow, I didn't even know that was in there.
Or like, that's how I felt or, you know, whatever it was.
yeah, it's really good.
That's so interesting.
(38:22):
So one of the things that I think is a challenge for women specifically is accessing thatfeminine energy, accessing that truth, accessing that trust when so much of the feminine
is rooted in shame.
and around sexuality, around creativity, around judgments.
(38:42):
And as someone who has really been so comfortable in your feminine flow, how did you getto that point of being comfortable in your feminine and what obstacles did you have to
overcome?
That's a big question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And also like, also an ongoing journey.
All of these things, like we're never at the end point, you know, these are, we're alwayson the path.
(39:04):
So.
Yeah, within my feminine, gosh, yeah.
So I would say I'm grateful and thankful that I've always been like a fairly whimsicalperson, which is very much like within like the light feminine realms of things have
always been pretty playful, loving kind of, yeah, dancing.
(39:25):
I love dancing and moving and being in my body.
So like those things are great, like access points for the feminine.
It's really like.
feeling.
I would say what's really helped me, I'm so grateful to have learned from some incredibleteachers.
One I will call out specifically, name's Jillian Pothier.
(39:46):
She is, wow, like blew my socks off.
And I had been seeking and looking for a teacher to help with healing my relationship tothe masculine actually, because I realized how much resentment I was holding against.
the masculine and men specifically, how much pain and anger and fear was in my body and inmy psyche.
(40:14):
And her work really tremendously helped me with that.
And in that work, I also learned so much about the power of the feminine and also whatthat looks like and feels like and sounds like.
And also like Alison Armstrong too, she is, if you haven't like read her books, she isincredible too.
(40:34):
Who put all of these in the show notes?
Yeah, these, will, yeah, they're all like dream team.
But I would say it's needing to release the need to be right and instead embody what istrue.
So being the feminine,
(40:55):
to me is like you are life itself.
Like you are life in its unpredictability and its beauty.
Like nature doesn't lie.
Nature is true in its truest form.
And so what that looks like is deeply feeling and allowing yourself to be felt, allowingyourself to be witnessed in the feeling and revealing that.
(41:23):
in a way that is true and that's not weaponized.
I think historically for me, I can speak for me personally, I've also observed this inwomen as we can weaponize our feelings.
Like I can weaponize my anger, I can weaponize my sadness, I can use it to manipulate, tocontrol, to punish, know, instead of just feeling the feeling and letting myself be
(41:48):
witnessed in the purity of what I'm feeling.
letting myself be witnessed in the purity of my joy, in my excitement, in my pleasure, inmy anger, in my pain.
You know, with my partner, there's been times where I've been in such intense pain, like Iwas really hurt by something.
(42:09):
And just letting myself be angry in front of him without being angry at him is such adifference.
to really be like, this thing really upset me.
I'm feeling fire in my body and then needing to move, breathe, like not caring howridiculous I look in that moment, letting myself feel shame, like being in shame in front
(42:31):
of someone.
These things are such a gift to the masculine and is really where our power is to feelwhat is true and express it and not withhold it.
this to me right now is this feels so deeply true that that is our gift.
(42:58):
I think a lot about how society has gotten to this sort of laissez-faire superself-conscious place and where a lot of the patriarchy, lot of toxic masculinity is
present.
And there's a lot of toxic femininity as well that some of this is coming from a lack of
(43:18):
got checking one another with our feelings.
And so to instead of, you know, hiding our shame, hiding our anger, being mad aboutsomething instead of expressing it, going and calling your best friend and be like, what
the fuck happened?
Blah, Instead of just being with it and allowing it to be witnessed and allowing it to beseen and not being attached to how someone else receives it.
(43:47):
that's the thing.
This, yes, that's the thing.
Yeah.
That's the medicine is like to simply, I mean, because the moment you start attaching tohow someone's going to receive it, you're not in truth anymore.
Right.
Because you're going to start to shift how you are to see how it lands for them.
(44:08):
And so with this, like within the feminine, it's the willingness to ruin the moment, thewillingness to say what's true, even if it
even if it ruins the relationship, even if it ends the relationship, even if it causes youto not go to the fancy dinner, even if it means you spend the night apart, even like
whatever it is, it's saying what is true when it is in integrity, when it is from heart,when it's sourced in truth versus sourced in wanting to control power, like whatever it
(44:43):
is.
and completely surrendering to what happens when that truth is expressed.
Wow.
And this goes back to this theme.
It starts with love.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When you speak truth, that's how you build trust.
Yes.
think that there's so much of a breakdown in trust within people because we're speakingtruth.
(45:07):
Right.
Yeah.
And sometimes it's hard to even know.
Like I found in my own journey, like,
heart like what is true for me I had to know so much like was this taught to me was thisis this something that I inherited is this something that I actually believe and going
really deep on pulling back the layers of being like body testing it being like is thistrue body my body's like fucking no yeah totally no and then totally yeah it's starting to
(45:39):
really like I feel like I spent a whole lot of the early
the 2020, 2021, this similar time, Zana, as you'd be like, is this true?
And starting to figure out like my truth versus what was what somebody else's and beingable to communicate this and sometimes saying it out loud is healing.
And anyway, it's I feel like this is what you're saying is really resonating.
(46:06):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm so glad.
it's
Yeah, and it's hard.
It's so intense because it can feel the things I've expressed to my partner that I'venever expressed to someone to even say, I'm feeling insecure.
Here's where I'm feeling insecure and how I'm feeling insecure and letting myself cry andfeel that is so vulnerable and all the defenses that want to remain as the cool girl who's
(46:36):
super confident or whatever, that it's like you just have to let her go.
Right.
still where I am withholding truth, like still where I am uncomfortable or like, no, butwhat if this, you know, it's weird and sometimes it's like locked.
It's I've experienced this especially in like intimate experiences or moments where maybesomething doesn't feel as good as it could feel or is maybe hurting or whatever.
(47:02):
And where I freeze and I like don't say it until afterward.
And so it's also like having so much compassion and like gentleness with ourselves oflike, it's good to know what our North star is, is that we're revealing and being in truth
and integrity and in love as much as we can.
And also it can be two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, five steps back.
(47:26):
Like it's a path and a journey in and of itself, but such a worthwhile one.
And yeah, one that I'm, constantly learning and evolving in.
So.
Yeah.
So Mary, this has been so incredible.
And I know that you and I could talk for hours and hours and hours and all the things thatI've got one last question for you.
(47:48):
And I feel like you already shared so much about this.
But what are you doing to live unapologetically?
What aren't you?
What am I doing?
to live unapologetically, giving myself permission and forgiving myself and loving myself.
(48:12):
I love that.
I'm still holding a very special vision for you in my heart.
And I adore you.
How can people stay in touch with you?
Yeah.
So you can reach out to me on my website, marygodmother.com.
And it's Mary with an I or
(48:33):
at Mary Godmother on Instagram.
Yeah, if you have any questions about anything, we'd love to connect.
I'd love this.
Thank you so much.
If you guys haven't already follow Unapologetically Yours podcast on Instagram or followme directly at Ashley D.
Logan.
Please subscribe, download.
(48:56):
And please leave a rating too, because we'd love to hear from you what you're liking andwhat you want more of.
We're just grateful that you tuned in.
Now, go out, make some mischief in the world.
And until then, we are unapologetically yours.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!