September 6, 2024 • 47 mins
Welcome to the very first episode of the UnDateable Me podcast! Join your host, Jimmy Lee Lard, affectionately known as the Sock Snob, and his co-host, DaBeamer, as they dive deep into the struggles of relationships and dating.
In this inaugural episode, Jimmy and Holly explore the journey of finding solutions to common dating problems in an entertaining and vulnerable way. With candid conversations and a lot of humor, they discuss topics such as unrealistic expectations, self-esteem issues, and the importance of mental health in relationships.
Highlights include:
- Jimmy's personal dating experiences and the challenges of being single.
- The five crucial questions to ask yourself if you're struggling with dating or relationships.
- The significance of self-worth and overcoming insecurities.
- Candid thoughts on the work needed to maintain a long-term relationship.
Whether you're single, in a relationship, or somewhere in between, this episode offers valuable insights and practical advice to help you navigate the complexities of modern dating with a fun, entertaining, and conversational approach.
Subscribe now and join us every week for more honest discussions and dating dilemmas on the UnDateable Me podcast!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Ass clap. Hey, hey.
Hello and welcome to the Undateable Me podcast.
I am your host, the undateable Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sox Knob.
And this is our very first episode of our weekly show that deals with the struggles
of relationships and dating.
(00:21):
But we're not just talking about the problems. This is a journey to find solutions.
And we're going to do it in a very entertaining way because I cuss a lot.
And then it's also going to be very vulnerable as well.
So this very first episode, my co-host and I are going to talk about...
Music.
(01:42):
Hello and welcome back. So before we begin, I need to introduce my co-host.
She is here with me. I have with me Holly the Beamer.
She is the mother, the wife, the actress, the model. And like I said, she is the Beamer.
Holly, if you followed us for a while, any of the Socksnob film stuff,
(02:06):
Holly starred in our Raven's Cry short film that we did for a film festival
a couple years ago. Was that? Yeah. Yeah.
And you were also in the Letter series as well that we did, our film series,
both of which you can find on YouTube if you search Socksnob Films.
But in the Letter, you were getting your ass whooped by your boyfriend,
(02:28):
from your character, boy.
Your character was getting her ass whooped. How are they like,
I ain't taking no ass whooping. Because I give the ass whooping. Oh, okay. I see. I see.
But you can find her pretty face and her big old booty on Instagram.
TheRealBeamer, D-A underscore real underscore B-E-A-M-E-R.
(02:50):
Okay? So let me tell you a little. So welcome to you and thank you for coming.
So, I'll tell you a little bit about me, and then I'll get into why Holly is
here as well, okay? So, my name is Jimmy Lillard.
I go by the Sox Knob because I used to have a blog years ago called the Sox
(03:11):
Knob. It was all about travel style and culture.
And the name just stuck over the years.
I am, Lord, I hate to say it out loud, but I am 47 years old.
Years young. Yeah, 47 years young.
I'm Black, for those of you who are tuning in, listening only.
(03:32):
So special shout out to all the folks who are tuning in via iHeartRadio,
Spotify, and of course those on YouTube, podcasts, and all the other networks
out there. I am a father of one child. I am a grandfather.
And I'm gay. Lord have mercy. Big ups. Big ups.
(03:52):
I came out real late in life, though.
So I think that might have contributed to some of my dating struggles. But I still...
The reason we're here is because I still don't understand or didn't understand
why I was having so much trouble getting into a good relationship that's going
(04:15):
to be, you know, your forever person.
Right. Right? So, because I thought I was a good catch. You are a good catch.
Oh, I think you're just saying that because you're sitting here. No, no, you are.
Oh. It's them. Okay, it's them. Good, good.
So I thought I was a good catch and I'm fairly accomplished.
So started out, had a music career. And throughout these episodes,
(04:37):
you hear some of the songs.
In fact, the intro, that was one of the songs from my group,
The Connection. That's me, myself, and another guy named, I almost said another
guy named Jimmy Lee, another guy named G.
And from music, we moved into film, film and television.
Television so i worked on a few shows empire
(04:58):
chicago mid fire all of that no
i won't do that anyway so a
few productions i and this you know again just telling you more about why i
thought i'd be cool you know i have a decent house decent car nice house i got
a six figure had six figure income so i'm thinking well you know i don't need
(05:20):
nobody for their money i got my own or whatever,
And I'm a nice guy. What'd you say I'm a nice guy?
Lovely. Okay, very good. So I just didn't understand why I was still struggling
to find that right connection.
So I wanted to explore that a little bit further. And I wanted to do that with you all as well.
(05:41):
And that's why Holly is here. The reason Holly is here, aside from being just
a beautiful person, a great wife, She has a beautiful family All of that But Holly knows he.
Holly is a little bit nosy, right? I am the least nosy person you are ever going to meet.
(06:02):
And because of that, I don't always ask a lot of questions because,
you know, hey, like, look, if people say blue, I don't need to know why.
I'm like, OK, bitch want blue.
Right. So Holly, on the other hand, is going to get to the bottom of it.
Holly is going to ask some questions. Holly is going to get down to it.
(06:23):
So that is why I asked her here.
And aside from that, I love this girl.
Thank you. You know, she's always supporting anything that we're doing.
So if you are, in fact, struggling with dating and relationships like I am,
so if you can't find a good man, if you're tired of the one you got.
(06:45):
If you feel like there's no good ones out there, or you're just wondering how
are these other hoes out here winning?
And, you know, you see them, you're like, how she could have met?
He's putting up with a lot of shit. Oh, well, maybe that's it.
Not all of them. Okay, cool.
Or if you're wondering if you're too old, too big, too accomplished,
too picky, too nice, whatever it is, we have some questions we need to ask.
(07:12):
So there are five questions that you need to ask if you are struggling with
dating or relationships. And so the very first question is,
you need to ask is, are my expectations too high?
And I think a lot of people suffer from this. We have these unrealistic-ass
(07:33):
expectations of what we want our person to be.
Girl, he got to be tall and light-skinned, but he got to have dark-skinned energy, though.
He got to have a big thang, like everybody walking around here with 12-inch.
Why would you even want that?
I'm sorry, but, okay, maybe I'll— It ain't for me. Okay, very good.
(07:54):
You know who on the average side, you know what I'm saying? Thank you.
Because this shit, this pussy got to last.
Like, you know, I feel like we dogging my shit every time.
Right. So, I agree with that 1,000%. But anyway, but, you know,
like I said, the expectations are unrealistic.
You know, I want him to be saved and sanctified, but at the same time, he got to be a thug.
(08:17):
Like, what the shit? He don't exist, you know?
You know, I want him to have a PhD, but he got to have street smarts, too.
You know, he got to be able to, you know, know how to cut up dope and flip it.
Like, you know, the same thing with a PhD, right?
You know, I want him to be kind, but I want him to be aggressive.
(08:38):
You know, so and on top of that, then with ourselves, we'll say stuff.
You know, I'm independent, but I want a strong man. And it's like,
you know, sometimes those things conflict Fuck that, I want to spend Ria's money.
Right So.
Are our expectations to do you think people have like these unrealistic expectations
(09:02):
or is it just me and that's just something I'm seeing?
No, I think that's a question that everybody's been asking a lot about expectations
and what you allow, what you don't allow.
And I think that everybody expectations is different depending on where you
at in your journey or where you at in your life.
Because what you what your expectations was 10 years ago was not the same of
(09:24):
what you have now. You know, back then when we was growing up,
we was out here in these streets.
We was just like, oh, this nigga got a car. We finna be in his car.
We finna get some Amsterdam. Car booty. Yeah. You know, now it's like, bitch, I need a pension.
What's your 401k look like? Like, are we going on a trip?
How many? Like, so I think it's different for everybody that's in a certain phase in their life.
(09:48):
Yeah. And I think, too, you have to realize when it comes down to expectations,
you have to understand nobody's perfect.
Right. And nobody is going to check off every box on your list that's not,
you know, living in reality, really.
So, you know, you've heard that 80-20 rule.
If they are at least 80% of what you want, you can deal with that other 20%. Exactly.
(10:11):
Because you want that, that don't necessarily mean that you actually need that.
Right, right. Because then you might get it and be like, oh,
damn, this wasn't even for me. It was just something that I thought I wanted
because society told me what this was in right now. You know what I mean? Yeah.
So that's that. Well, like I said, so are my expectations too high is the very first question.
(10:34):
The next question I think we need to ask is, do I not think enough of myself?
You know what I mean? So for those of us that, you know, that's for those of us who settle down.
For those of us who have big backs like myself, I got to unbig this back. Me too, shit.
Oh, no, you cute. You cute. You got your titties shone and all of that. It's them shots.
(10:56):
Shout out to the, I don't know how to say it, Luda, whatever.
That's funny. Oh, Ozempic? Yeah. The cheap one, the black market one. Okay, cool.
All right. But, you know, when we are bringing things into the relationship,
like, you know, people who have kids. I was actually looking at something the
(11:17):
other day and there was a lady who had seven kids and now she's ready to date again.
And they were like, girl, it's not impossible.
But, you know, it's not. Yeah.
And so those are things, you know, that will have you doubting your ability to get somebody. Right.
I think it's people getting a hit. Yes. Oh, absolutely.
(11:38):
Oh, I do, too. Because it's one of those things where when you,
at least for me, and I don't know if I've been seeing a lot about Virgo since
it's Virgo season and I am a Virgo.
You know, you want to put your best self out there. Right.
And maybe you think that you don't have all your ducks in a row yet.
(12:01):
So you want to maybe take care of the, oh, well, you know what?
I'm not ready for dating. Let me first get a house, you know.
I want to be established.
Oh, well, you know what? Let me, I need to upgrade my car. And the problem with
that is that you will never stop.
You will never be ready. Right. Because you will keep, it will always be one more thing or whatever.
Yeah, because bitches get out here all the time and love a nigga with no car, no job. Oh, my God.
(12:24):
All the time for shit. Yeah. So, who was to say that you have to have all of these things?
Right. You know, if that person is vibing with you or love you or get to just
know you personally, then that stuff will come later in time.
Yeah. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have your shit together,
but, you know, I mean, who really does?
Right. Yes. And the whole do I not.
But I think that's comes down to that idea of getting in your own head.
(12:48):
So you just have to, I think, clear, like I said, all those insecurities,
unrealistic things out of the way, because not only is that other person not
going to be perfect, but you're not going to be perfect either.
Right. So you have room to grow.
Hell, get your broke asses together and grow together, I guess.
I don't know but you know you don't have to let those
(13:09):
things hold you back from love and life right
and I think too that is the the mental capability of the person because you
could get with somebody and see the potential in them but if they're not putting
their actions you know behind that potential then it's just like a waste then
you know like oh I'm not I can't fuck with this person like that right because
they we're not getting anywhere both of us can't be on on the bus.
(13:32):
So I got to be like, look, we're going to do this. We're going to do this.
And then, cause, cause that's how people grow together.
All right. Well, yeah. The other thing I think when it comes down to do I not
think enough of myself, sometimes I think we're just lonely, too.
Yeah. Loneliness will get you into some trouble. Let me tell you.
(13:52):
Let me tell you about myself. You know, you will find yourself dipping back to an old ex.
You will find yourself in some one-night situations that you did not want to
be in or whatever, you know, because loneliness or whatever.
You know, just being in a big, quiet house will have you sitting around here looking crazy, right?
(14:14):
Yeah. And doing stuff that you probably would not normally do.
So I think that is a big thing, being lonely. And then also,
you know, we don't always consider like childhood trauma when you say,
do I think enough of myself?
You know, are there things you're bringing into a relationship from,
you know, how you've seen relationships with your parents or things like that?
(14:40):
You know, because people have some interest in childhoods and you just never
know what somebody has gone through. Yeah.
And that's why I think it goes back to like how you were raised. Yeah.
Because back in the olden days, you know, like they would marry you off to,
you know, somebody who had, what do they call it?
Like, oh, you want to, you know, marry into the family.
(15:01):
They had to be like a lord or they had to have some type of standards.
Like with the arranged marriages. Yeah, with the arranged marriages.
And sometimes I don't think that's a bad thing because you want the best for
your child to be able to have that inheritance to keep your name going.
You know what I'm saying?
So, and it just comes from a mental standpoint of marriage.
What do I see in myself that I see in somebody else?
(15:23):
You know, what attributes do I play off of with that other person that's making
me feel insecure or what makes me feel good even?
Yeah. And your ass. I heard your ass say, if you're going to marry a lord or
something, your ass been watching Game of Thrones. Yeah.
So, I can't say shit because I just finished re-watching Game of Thrones just recently.
(15:47):
Hell, I just finished yesterday. but anyway question number
three am i afraid to
make the first move am i
afraid to make the first move do you think that's an issue with
people probably back then because then you
know it was i think it's different for men and
women because i think when women make the first move you come off like as
(16:08):
a hoe you know what i mean or you come off
as well now you know thirsty or
whatever like that but then you get people to be like oh if you
if you see what you like you go get it and and that's how i
am if i want it i'm gonna go get it because i ain't gonna never and also but
see what what happens though that's in
heterosexual relationships hell in homosexual relationships we two guys or two
(16:31):
girls or whatever so i i think it's just a sort of personality thing you know
there's some people who are kind of go-getters and they will jump in and do
it you know just do it And then there are other people who are like,
no, I'm going to wait till somebody say something to me.
I'm not going to be the first person to say anything.
And I'm mostly like that as well. You don't make the first move?
(16:56):
Girl, no. Why not? I don't know. I'm just because dating is scary.
What do they all do? Well, also, too, the other thing that a lot of people,
a lot of you straight folks don't get with the gay side is there's a lot of
qualifications you got to do first. right?
A lot of qualifying you have to do first. So for one thing.
(17:17):
You have to figure out, is that person even gay first, right?
Because you don't want to be approaching some straight dude.
And by the way, if I know you're straight, that's a complete turnoff for me
right there. So it's like a light switch went off. You could be the finest person on the planet.
Your ass just turned nothing to me.
I mean, not nothing to me, but I'm just not interested, right?
Okay. I don't want nobody that don't want me.
(17:39):
I know that's right. So anyway, so the first hurdle is figuring out if they're
gay or straight, right? Right.
The second hurdle that you got to get through is the whole top bottom side and
everything else thing. So that really matters?
That does. Well, you know, you think about you getting involved with somebody
and you like each other and then you find out y'all not compatible sexually.
(18:05):
Y'all both tops because he's saying you ain't finna get in my booty.
And the other like, well, you ain't getting in my booty. So we just wasted time.
So, you know what I mean? So those are things that you have to qualify first
before you even get through the other stuff.
So when you meet somebody, be like, you gay? Right. You know what I'm saying?
(18:25):
And, you know, and most straight dudes, well, so many homophobes out here, too.
But but even in general, you know, it's uncomfortable for a dude,
for somebody to walk up. Hey, I got a question for you, you know, whatever.
And by the way, let me tell you something about that real fast.
I remember, like, years ago, back in, like, high school, you see all the little
(18:46):
thugs on the corners or whatever, right?
And they be with they guys, and, you know, they talking all,
you know, whatever, they hardest thing, whatever.
Catch one of them motherfuckers by they self. Or, like, I remember I would be
coming home from school or whatever, and, you know, there was one guy,
I would see him with his little group of guys on the corner on 16th Street in Chicago.
Anyway. Shout out K-Town. K-Town. so one day i'm coming i'm getting off the
(19:11):
bus coming from school and it was just him like like none of the guys were out
there so you know i'm used to he just wanted a little drug boys on the corner
whatever so i'm walking by and then he was like hey hey hey can i holler at you for a minute,
like fuck fuck you want to talk to me about you know it's like um hey um you
(19:33):
gay or whatever and And I was like, oh, Lord. He's going to want to do more of my life.
But I would brush, you know, stuff like that off. You didn't see it as a challenge?
A challenge for what? I'm going to fuck you and get your little corner money.
Oh, my God. Nope. I wasn't interested. Nope.
Not interested at all. Now, not being the one to make the first movie,
(19:54):
you can miss some. Oh, let me have a story for you.
Now, see, this is when I tell y'all, y'all get an opportunity to get all up in my business.
I'm telling it all. Yes, tell it. So let me tell you, this was last year.
No, Lord, last year. This was this year.
I was at the garden center at Walmart. So I went to the garden center.
(20:16):
And I'm inside and I'm looking at different plants and stuff.
And I had noticed there was this employee watering the plants that roll behind me or whatever.
So I didn't think nothing of it. Now, I did notice the guy.
Now, again, we don't want to approach nobody because, like I said,
I'm not that type of person anyway.
He was a very attractive guy. He was like Middle Eastern.
(20:39):
So he had you a foreigner. He was a foreigner. but he
had a like a ponytail like a little man bun
something grab on built real nice and all this stuff right but i just noticed
him and i moved on because again in my head i assumed he was straight so it
was like that light switch went back off right away so didn't think nothing
of it go to the next aisle and there he is and he now has come over to the next aisle.
(21:05):
Watering still didn't think nothing of it and it was like that the whole time i was shopping he was
kind of you know just moving around anyway finish
up my shopping i'm getting ready to leave and he
was standing by the exit just propped up against a post there and he was like
now see i could never be this bold he was like you are fine as hell and what
(21:28):
you do i froze first shut up holly He on here talking about undateable me.
That's what makes me undateable. He's throwing motherfuckers at you and all
types of shit in the garden center.
And you just like, God, like, I ain't going to be sitting in too long.
It's scary out here in these streets. So, you know, you got to make sure that
(21:50):
you own your shit before you go, you know, letting somebody.
Anyway, so he's like, you know, you fine as hell.
And at first I didn't know.
A, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure that he actually said that.
And I was like, huh? Like, whatever.
(22:11):
And quit looking at me like that. And so then he said it again.
He was like, you are so fine.
He was like, I just had to tell you that. So you know you heard it right that.
Time. Yes. So that time I knew I heard it right, right?
This story has a horrible fucking end to it. Oh, my God.
So i so the only thing i could muster
up enough courage and sense to say was thank you
(22:33):
and i went to my car so listen
so i come home i tell my son my son has been
so supportive of my gay ass over the years since i came out
because of the person that you are you are a great person that means
nothing oh thank you so i'm telling
my son about it and he was like so you it
was like why didn't you react to it
(22:55):
like why didn't you whatever so I was like all right well this is what I'm gonna
do I'm gonna go back to that Walmart I forgot something at Walmart right right
so I go back the next day I was because it's like 30 minutes away and I was
like shit well you know what I do have to go into the office tomorrow so just
swing by so I get there he ain't in the damn garden center,
(23:15):
So I was like, well, Jimmy, go the extra step. Go inside the store.
Because you're going to look for your man. Right. Because I'm going to find
my Middle Eastern Saudi Arabian prince. Exactly.
So, that work at Walmart.
So, anyway. We likes the Walmart discount. Yes, yes.
So, tell me why in no time I see him.
(23:40):
I just happened to come around a corner And I see him going through the damn
Employee doors that go You know those damn big rubber doors Whatever,
Tell me why he was going through it I was like ain't this a bitch I went back
there like well hum dooly lie So I got my plan all set I was like he went back
there the motherfucker gotta come back Right He gotta come back right So I,
(24:04):
got my little story all ready I got my shopping cart ready I'm like posting
up at the end of this aisle.
I'm going to pop out at just the right time, right?
As he comes out. And be like, oh, wait, weren't you in that garden?
You know, I was going to do one of those. What you doing over here in produce?
(24:24):
Holly, when I tell you, this man came out. And I was like, is he limping?
He had disability. And I kind of backed up because I was on my way out with
my car. I kind of backed up, right?
And I looked, and so he was walking away.
He had on his shit to go. Because when he went in, he had on a vest.
(24:45):
Came out here in his regular clothes. He's still fine, whatever.
But this limp, I'm not talking about a regular limp. I'm talking about a serious limp.
And I looked, and one of his legs was shorter than the other one.
So he had that weird side-by-side walk.
(25:06):
Expectations. what do we say about expectations oh my god i first of all i felt
like the biggest asshole because i just wait so you you back oh my god i was
like okay i wasn't expecting that.
So jimmy look i i pulled my car back in there cause i mean i didn't even that's
(25:37):
why he was leaning on that motherfucking dough like i feel,
terrible you should feel i felt like shit that
day but so anyway my nose is running so i was just like i feel like the biggest
asshole ever for telling this story right now Wait So you didn't say anything
to him I didn't say nothing Oh my god It did I was like I'm never coming to this Walmart again,
(26:02):
Y'all I haven't been back since Joe was at the beginning of the season What?
Now what if he was a good person? He probably was He
might get disability check Like I said He just I don't want his
disability check You gonna get handicap stick Like I said You gonna like Holly
This shit you can get You gonna get in front of all of them You know what It
(26:24):
wasn't That he had a disability It just Threw me off guard I wasn't expecting
Because I didn't notice it at all,
You know when The day before He was watering Whatever He was in the row behind
me And when I was leaving This motherfucker He was leaning against a post And
that's why And now we know why He was leaning against a post Alright so,
(26:47):
Anyway So that's that You don't think you'll double back Can't do it You don't
think you can double back,
Nah, I'm over it or whatever.
And also, too, am I just doing it just because he was a cute guy or whatever?
That's still sort of shallow.
But you don't know yet because what if he is a good person? What if he has some good qualities?
You're going to have to test and let me know. I may never know.
(27:10):
So another question we have to ask, like, do we glorify dating?
Because dating can be hard, right? But, you know, are we dating just to date?
Are we are we committed to doing all the things that we need to do in a relationship,
you know, rather than just jumping from bed to bed or we get disillusioned by,
(27:33):
you know, what we see on television? As a matter of fact.
Recently, you may have heard about Judge Mathis, and he's separating or getting
divorced from his wife of many, many years. I don't even know how many, but decades.
27 years or? I don't know, but it's been a while. A long ass time.
(27:55):
And when you think about that situation, there was something that he said about
it, you know, because people don't understand about the work,
the commitment to somebody else's time and whatever. Whatever.
It's more than just going out on the dinner and taking the Instagram photos and all of that.
There's work that you have to put into it as well. So I'm just going to play
(28:16):
a quick clip here of what Judge Mathis said about their separation.
I'm not good, brother. It's the worst days of my life. How about that?
I'm sorry to hear that. I want to ask, you know, with news of the separation, how are you holding up?
Not holding up very well, I would say to other men, maybe I'll be an example
(28:38):
for other men, cautionary tale, don't neglect your wife.
And I think that's a good point. You know, you have to put in that time and
energy into a relationship.
So it's not just about, like I said, the cutesy dinners and all of that,
you know. I love that he was honest.
(28:58):
I love that he was very honest. I see was very vulnerable and she probably looking
at that like cuz you know cuz because people go through shit Yeah,
and when people go through shit is it's like especially when you're not the
one in the wrong When the other person is the one in the wrong you want to play
out their reaction Like oh what they gonna do cuz what do you say at the end?
I'm working to get my wife back, right? I want her back. Yeah,
(29:19):
you better y'all. Oh shit.
Yeah, that's true. I mean and and and I think,
One of the things that as that interview went on or whatever,
he mentioned that he was basically putting work first.
He was always traveling on the road to, because, you know, they lived in one
area, but they recorded in Chicago originally.
And then the show moved to L.A. So now he recorded to L.A. and he's back to that again.
(29:44):
So there's a lot of work that goes into a relationship.
And that's something you just have to be.
Prepare for. Yeah. But nobody can prepare you for that. Right.
And that leads us into question number five, am I ready to date?
Here's the thing, particularly for somebody like me who has been single for
(30:09):
a very long time or on and off relationships here and there,
but for the most part, I'm comfortable being single.
There are some people who can't be alone or whatever. They go from one man to
the next, one woman to the next or whatever.
Is that true, Holly? It might be me. It might be you. Okay.
So, and then there are other people who are comfortable with themselves and whatever.
(30:35):
And when you think about that, there are times where I have to sort of check myself.
Like, Jimmy, if you were to enter into a relationship right now,
is your physical setup, your environment even ready to receive somebody else, right? Right.
You know, you got extra room in your closet or are you taking all the room with all your stuff?
(30:59):
Do you have, you know, space in your life for somebody else?
Your activities are so centered around you.
And now you would have to include another person in that.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And people think of that as small because I thought
of that as like a small thing because I've been in relationships after relationships.
Relationships but when people really do the self-work and they
(31:20):
go up on their journey to you know just
kind of be by their self and figure out what
they truly want and like you say just be comfortable of who they are and they've
created this environment around their self where like you said everything surrounds
them so to let another person in like that small tedious thing can like piss
them off and they be like i don't want to be around right look bitch i can do bad by myself.
(31:44):
I've been paying this mortgage alone for a long time. And the only thing the
motherfucker asked for was a droid.
Right. And she knows who I'm talking about because I know somebody who's going
through that same situation.
Yeah. And you know what? That actually reminds me of another thing that I find.
I've had, you know, I'm one of those people, single or not, a lot of people
(32:04):
will call me for advice or just to be an ear for their situations.
And you know what I find a lot of times with what what people are kind of going through.
A lot of them are not true relationship issues. They're roommate issues.
You tripping because a motherfucker left his pants on the floor.
He didn't, you know, he left his drawers in the bathroom.
(32:26):
Because they don't really like that person. Right. That's what the fuck it is.
That's what it is. They really don't like that person.
Because when you love somebody, you put up with a lot of shit.
And not, no, like cheating and
shit. I'm not like that. I'm talking about small shit like you just said.
And also, too, and maybe it's just the type of person you are.
I don't mind stuff like that.
First of all, I'm the type of person, if I see something on the ground,
(32:48):
I'm just going to pick it up.
Yeah it ain't no big deal about oh he left his
drawers in the bathroom oh he think
i'm not made oh i'm gonna say something don't
get it fucked up i'm gonna say something but i'm like that don't
bother me though you know what i mean y'all you don't you don't mind that does
not bother me at all and i think those are roommate issues not even relationship
(33:09):
issues so other things you know you know when we were talking before about waiting
to accomplish certain things so when When you say, am I ready to date?
Well, are you once again being held up by, well, you know, once I get my job
right, my career right, or once I open this business or once I,
(33:30):
you know, like I said, it will never end.
Now at this point, is it an excuse?
Oh, absolutely. You know, I think that when you're being held back by something
small, you know, maybe you're not ready. Yeah, because it excuses the fear.
Yeah, and it's actually just a simple change in the way you think about it.
(33:54):
Like, you know, you can't be expected to be perfect, right? Yeah.
But people strive for that. People strive for that because I used to try to
fad myself doing that in a relationship.
Because, like you said, the past trauma of, oh, if I get fad,
a motherfucker might leave me. Or a motherfucker might cheat.
Or a motherfucker might do this. Or a motherfucker do that.
And vice versa. I'm going to tell you right now.
(34:17):
If you like me, you're going to have to like me fat. Period.
You're going to have to like some man titties because this is what I got.
And what I got is what I'm bringing to the table. So, you know,
you can't be somebody else.
You know, a lot of people, I think, you run into this situation where you fake.
Because I see this with, like, online profiles. You know, you see them.
(34:39):
They're just as nice and slim. You know, they know how to take that picture
from that perfect angle up to the left and all of that stuff.
But and 57 layers of filters on that bitch. Right. But here's the thing.
I'm going to meet you in person.
Exactly. So bring that filter with you. Right.
(35:01):
So unless you got some filter glasses for me to wear when I sit at this table.
And by the way, I know. Wait, let me get right up.
Let me get in the camera i know somebody who does that
and cannot figure out why
she is having struggles
because or figure out
(35:24):
why her dates never go past the first date and that's bitch because you presented
them with a brand new person you just catfished the hell out these people what
chris what uh chris tucker say you said Then you look like Chet and Jackson.
Right, bitch. Right, right.
(35:44):
So, you know, so that's one of those things where, you know, you can't, I'm sorry,
but you can't present yourself in one way and then show up as yourself and wonder
why folks, you know, ain't really feeling you.
So that's why her stuff is not going past the first, and I mean first date.
But see, that goes back to the insecurities, too, and other people's expectations
(36:08):
of you. Maybe she feel like she needs to do that because of people's expectations
of how women should look, how women should perceive they self.
And she might be a great ass person.
But because she has these insecurities and she's doing those things,
it's it's taken away from who she truly is because she ain't get a chance to display it.
Because now they so thrown off about bitch, just not even what the fuck you look like.
(36:31):
Right. They can't even see you a good ass person. So.
Then that goes right back to the question of, am I ready to date?
Those are some insecurities and self-esteem and all of that stuff.
Maybe those are things you need to take care of first.
And, you know, a lot of, particularly in our community, the black community,
now we're getting there.
(36:53):
You see more people embracing therapy and stuff like that.
But maybe you have to take care of some of those things, those insecurities first.
First you know the mental plays a big part
of the relationship and you can't expect that you
know a lot of people come into relationships expecting
(37:14):
the other person to help them through
their self-esteem issues or their
self-care and all of that but i am
not dr field no even more important you know
what the what self-esteem is it's esteem
of yourself talk about it that ain't
got nothing to do with me yeah i'm not here like you
(37:35):
said i'm not here to be your dr phil necessarily now that
doesn't mean i'm not gonna help you through yeah situations
and things like that but maybe those are things that you have to take care of
first and another question that stems from the am i ready to date and the self-esteem
and all that is do i even like myself you know oh that Just like our song at the beginning.
(38:01):
Actually, that's the theme song for our show. I kind of like myself.
Do you even like yourself?
Because if you don't like yourself, I don't know how you expect anybody else to like.
That has to be the foundation. You got to quote the great RuPaul.
If you don't like yourself, how in the hell are you going to like anybody else?
Hello. You know what they say.
(38:22):
But that's very true. Yeah. But some people don't want to put the work in.
And I'm one of those people that did not put the work in. And I was doing whatever.
I just so happened to, God was just like, here you go. And I was like,
oh, thank you. Oh, okay. Because you lucked out. You got you a good one.
You got you a good one. You're like, he all right.
He all right. But no, you got you a good one. He did my nursing times. Yeah.
But I wouldn't change it. Yeah. Right? You're not expecting him to be perfect or whatever.
(38:46):
But you have somebody that's supportive and loving and kind.
Because like I said, you could end up with, I've seen, I've been on this planet
for almost five decades.
I've seen some folks get knocked upside the head and all sorts of stuff you
know that was me at one point yeah well we not doing that no more right at all
(39:06):
so you ain't taking the ass whooping so so.
That whole idea of, am I ready? Like I said, do I even like myself?
You have to ask yourself that and then begin to take care of those things. Right.
So anything else you have to add about any of these weird things?
(39:30):
I'm glad mental health is becoming like a talked about thing,
a popular thing, because it was just so, I want to say, like swept under the
rug with the black community.
Right. Yes. It was just like, oh, it goes on and that household stays in that household.
Like, no, because you're fucking me up. And that was carrying over into my relationship
and making that household.
It's making that household that I'm trying to build fucked up. Right. Yep.
(39:53):
Because you will carry that into your family as you go forward or whatever, if it's unresolved.
So you kind of have to address it.
And I'm, of course, even older than you. So I remember a time where,
you know, you were definitely looked down upon if you were going to see a psychiatrist. Oh, he crazy.
(40:13):
He, you know, he must be crazy. He got to go. You heard about Jimmy, didn't you?
Yeah, girl, he going to see a doctor.
And it's like, what are y'all doing? But that childhood trauma will carry over
into your life, not just relationships, but your career, your, yeah.
(40:35):
And it's dangerous. So, yeah. So getting your mental health together,
a healthy relationship is always going to start with a healthy you.
Right. So you can't come into something broken and then expect that,
you know, all of a sudden this new relationship is going to fix everything.
You really need to take care of yourself first.
(40:57):
Because it's what we see. It's what we surround ourselves with.
It's what we aspire to be.
I feel like a lot of people aspire to be great people. Yeah.
You know, whether it's a good husband, a good wife, a good child, a good friend.
But if you don't have those examples and you don't have those people around
you supporting those type of things.
Right. And that's why I felt like the Judge Mathis clip was so good for him
(41:21):
saying like, oh, I want to get my wife back. I want to do this.
I want to do that. Instead of saying, fuck that bitch.
Right. You know, fuck off. I'm going to be with a new hoe and all this other
shit. Like, but you're really crying on his head. Right. Yeah.
Agreed. So, yeah. So that was good to hear.
So, well, I think that covers everything that we could possibly cover on this.
(41:43):
So again, in today's episode of the Undateable Me podcast, we talked about the
five questions you need to ask yourself if you are...
Having issues with relationships or dating, which ended up leading to more questions,
including the one, do I even like myself?
So, again, cannot emphasize enough the importance of, you know,
(42:07):
taking care of yourself first because a healthy relationship does,
in fact, begin with a healthy you.
So I want to thank you all for joining us.
But before I go, Holly, I have a little gift for you for coming to join me on
the very first episode, if that's all right. Y'all see how Jimmy do things?
(42:28):
See how it's real big over here? You so silly.
Oh, if I can get the bag over there. Wait, wait. Let me just say this.
Is it? What? Did you use it? So, y'all see this, right?
So, in my house, I might have a bag, but I might put something different in it.
So is this bag with this gift? Oh, no, no. It's from there. You so silly.
(42:52):
Oh, my gosh. So I want to thank you. Thank Holly for being here.
And we will catch you on the next episode.
Wait, I want the haters to see my gift. You're so silly. It'll steal a show.
Go ahead. Open your gift, baby.
Oh, wait. Let me open the card. So make sure you guys subscribe.
(43:14):
Make sure you guys subscribe to the podcast and
again thank you holly i love you
so much oh you're so silly don't tell them about that part all right join us
every week for the unable me podcast i am your host jimmy lee live the socks
knob and we will catch you on the next episode we appreciate you holly thank you.
(43:39):
Music.
Ass clap. Hey, hey.
Hello and welcome to the Undateable Me podcast.
I am your host, the undateable Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sox Knob.
And this is our very first episode of our weekly show that deals with the struggles
of relationships and dating.
(00:21):
But we're not just talking about the problems. This is a journey to find solutions.
And we're going to do it in a very entertaining way because I cuss a lot.
And then it's also going to be very vulnerable as well.
So this very first episode, my co-host and I are going to talk about...
Music.
(01:42):
Hello and welcome back. So before we begin, I need to introduce my co-host.
She is here with me. I have with me Holly the Beamer.
She is the mother, the wife, the actress, the model. And like I said, she is the Beamer.
Holly, if you followed us for a while, any of the Socksnob film stuff,
(02:06):
Holly starred in our Raven's Cry short film that we did for a film festival
a couple years ago. Was that? Yeah. Yeah.
And you were also in the Letter series as well that we did, our film series,
both of which you can find on YouTube if you search Socksnob Films.
But in the Letter, you were getting your ass whooped by your boyfriend,
(02:28):
from your character, boy.
Your character was getting her ass whooped. How are they like,
I ain't taking no ass whooping. Because I give the ass whooping. Oh, okay. I see. I see.
But you can find her pretty face and her big old booty on Instagram.
TheRealBeamer, D-A underscore real underscore B-E-A-M-E-R.
(02:50):
Okay? So let me tell you a little. So welcome to you and thank you for coming.
So, I'll tell you a little bit about me, and then I'll get into why Holly is
here as well, okay? So, my name is Jimmy Lillard.
I go by the Sox Knob because I used to have a blog years ago called the Sox
(03:11):
Knob. It was all about travel style and culture.
And the name just stuck over the years.
I am, Lord, I hate to say it out loud, but I am 47 years old.
Years young. Yeah, 47 years young.
I'm Black, for those of you who are tuning in, listening only.
(03:32):
So special shout out to all the folks who are tuning in via iHeartRadio,
Spotify, and of course those on YouTube, podcasts, and all the other networks
out there. I am a father of one child. I am a grandfather.
And I'm gay. Lord have mercy. Big ups. Big ups.
(03:52):
I came out real late in life, though.
So I think that might have contributed to some of my dating struggles. But I still...
The reason we're here is because I still don't understand or didn't understand
why I was having so much trouble getting into a good relationship that's going
(04:15):
to be, you know, your forever person.
Right. Right? So, because I thought I was a good catch. You are a good catch.
Oh, I think you're just saying that because you're sitting here. No, no, you are.
Oh. It's them. Okay, it's them. Good, good.
So I thought I was a good catch and I'm fairly accomplished.
So started out, had a music career. And throughout these episodes,
(04:37):
you hear some of the songs.
In fact, the intro, that was one of the songs from my group,
The Connection. That's me, myself, and another guy named, I almost said another
guy named Jimmy Lee, another guy named G.
And from music, we moved into film, film and television.
Television so i worked on a few shows empire
(04:58):
chicago mid fire all of that no
i won't do that anyway so a
few productions i and this you know again just telling you more about why i
thought i'd be cool you know i have a decent house decent car nice house i got
a six figure had six figure income so i'm thinking well you know i don't need
(05:20):
nobody for their money i got my own or whatever,
And I'm a nice guy. What'd you say I'm a nice guy?
Lovely. Okay, very good. So I just didn't understand why I was still struggling
to find that right connection.
So I wanted to explore that a little bit further. And I wanted to do that with you all as well.
(05:41):
And that's why Holly is here. The reason Holly is here, aside from being just
a beautiful person, a great wife, She has a beautiful family All of that But Holly knows he.
Holly is a little bit nosy, right? I am the least nosy person you are ever going to meet.
(06:02):
And because of that, I don't always ask a lot of questions because,
you know, hey, like, look, if people say blue, I don't need to know why.
I'm like, OK, bitch want blue.
Right. So Holly, on the other hand, is going to get to the bottom of it.
Holly is going to ask some questions. Holly is going to get down to it.
(06:23):
So that is why I asked her here.
And aside from that, I love this girl.
Thank you. You know, she's always supporting anything that we're doing.
So if you are, in fact, struggling with dating and relationships like I am,
so if you can't find a good man, if you're tired of the one you got.
(06:45):
If you feel like there's no good ones out there, or you're just wondering how
are these other hoes out here winning?
And, you know, you see them, you're like, how she could have met?
He's putting up with a lot of shit. Oh, well, maybe that's it.
Not all of them. Okay, cool.
Or if you're wondering if you're too old, too big, too accomplished,
too picky, too nice, whatever it is, we have some questions we need to ask.
(07:12):
So there are five questions that you need to ask if you are struggling with
dating or relationships. And so the very first question is,
you need to ask is, are my expectations too high?
And I think a lot of people suffer from this. We have these unrealistic-ass
(07:33):
expectations of what we want our person to be.
Girl, he got to be tall and light-skinned, but he got to have dark-skinned energy, though.
He got to have a big thang, like everybody walking around here with 12-inch.
Why would you even want that?
I'm sorry, but, okay, maybe I'll— It ain't for me. Okay, very good.
(07:54):
You know who on the average side, you know what I'm saying? Thank you.
Because this shit, this pussy got to last.
Like, you know, I feel like we dogging my shit every time.
Right. So, I agree with that 1,000%. But anyway, but, you know,
like I said, the expectations are unrealistic.
You know, I want him to be saved and sanctified, but at the same time, he got to be a thug.
(08:17):
Like, what the shit? He don't exist, you know?
You know, I want him to have a PhD, but he got to have street smarts, too.
You know, he got to be able to, you know, know how to cut up dope and flip it.
Like, you know, the same thing with a PhD, right?
You know, I want him to be kind, but I want him to be aggressive.
(08:38):
You know, so and on top of that, then with ourselves, we'll say stuff.
You know, I'm independent, but I want a strong man. And it's like,
you know, sometimes those things conflict Fuck that, I want to spend Ria's money.
Right So.
Are our expectations to do you think people have like these unrealistic expectations
(09:02):
or is it just me and that's just something I'm seeing?
No, I think that's a question that everybody's been asking a lot about expectations
and what you allow, what you don't allow.
And I think that everybody expectations is different depending on where you
at in your journey or where you at in your life.
Because what you what your expectations was 10 years ago was not the same of
(09:24):
what you have now. You know, back then when we was growing up,
we was out here in these streets.
We was just like, oh, this nigga got a car. We finna be in his car.
We finna get some Amsterdam. Car booty. Yeah. You know, now it's like, bitch, I need a pension.
What's your 401k look like? Like, are we going on a trip?
How many? Like, so I think it's different for everybody that's in a certain phase in their life.
(09:48):
Yeah. And I think, too, you have to realize when it comes down to expectations,
you have to understand nobody's perfect.
Right. And nobody is going to check off every box on your list that's not,
you know, living in reality, really.
So, you know, you've heard that 80-20 rule.
If they are at least 80% of what you want, you can deal with that other 20%. Exactly.
(10:11):
Because you want that, that don't necessarily mean that you actually need that.
Right, right. Because then you might get it and be like, oh,
damn, this wasn't even for me. It was just something that I thought I wanted
because society told me what this was in right now. You know what I mean? Yeah.
So that's that. Well, like I said, so are my expectations too high is the very first question.
(10:34):
The next question I think we need to ask is, do I not think enough of myself?
You know what I mean? So for those of us that, you know, that's for those of us who settle down.
For those of us who have big backs like myself, I got to unbig this back. Me too, shit.
Oh, no, you cute. You cute. You got your titties shone and all of that. It's them shots.
(10:56):
Shout out to the, I don't know how to say it, Luda, whatever.
That's funny. Oh, Ozempic? Yeah. The cheap one, the black market one. Okay, cool.
All right. But, you know, when we are bringing things into the relationship,
like, you know, people who have kids. I was actually looking at something the
(11:17):
other day and there was a lady who had seven kids and now she's ready to date again.
And they were like, girl, it's not impossible.
But, you know, it's not. Yeah.
And so those are things, you know, that will have you doubting your ability to get somebody. Right.
I think it's people getting a hit. Yes. Oh, absolutely.
(11:38):
Oh, I do, too. Because it's one of those things where when you,
at least for me, and I don't know if I've been seeing a lot about Virgo since
it's Virgo season and I am a Virgo.
You know, you want to put your best self out there. Right.
And maybe you think that you don't have all your ducks in a row yet.
(12:01):
So you want to maybe take care of the, oh, well, you know what?
I'm not ready for dating. Let me first get a house, you know.
I want to be established.
Oh, well, you know what? Let me, I need to upgrade my car. And the problem with
that is that you will never stop.
You will never be ready. Right. Because you will keep, it will always be one more thing or whatever.
Yeah, because bitches get out here all the time and love a nigga with no car, no job. Oh, my God.
(12:24):
All the time for shit. Yeah. So, who was to say that you have to have all of these things?
Right. You know, if that person is vibing with you or love you or get to just
know you personally, then that stuff will come later in time.
Yeah. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have your shit together,
but, you know, I mean, who really does?
Right. Yes. And the whole do I not.
But I think that's comes down to that idea of getting in your own head.
(12:48):
So you just have to, I think, clear, like I said, all those insecurities,
unrealistic things out of the way, because not only is that other person not
going to be perfect, but you're not going to be perfect either.
Right. So you have room to grow.
Hell, get your broke asses together and grow together, I guess.
I don't know but you know you don't have to let those
(13:09):
things hold you back from love and life right
and I think too that is the the mental capability of the person because you
could get with somebody and see the potential in them but if they're not putting
their actions you know behind that potential then it's just like a waste then
you know like oh I'm not I can't fuck with this person like that right because
they we're not getting anywhere both of us can't be on on the bus.
(13:32):
So I got to be like, look, we're going to do this. We're going to do this.
And then, cause, cause that's how people grow together.
All right. Well, yeah. The other thing I think when it comes down to do I not
think enough of myself, sometimes I think we're just lonely, too.
Yeah. Loneliness will get you into some trouble. Let me tell you.
(13:52):
Let me tell you about myself. You know, you will find yourself dipping back to an old ex.
You will find yourself in some one-night situations that you did not want to
be in or whatever, you know, because loneliness or whatever.
You know, just being in a big, quiet house will have you sitting around here looking crazy, right?
(14:14):
Yeah. And doing stuff that you probably would not normally do.
So I think that is a big thing, being lonely. And then also,
you know, we don't always consider like childhood trauma when you say,
do I think enough of myself?
You know, are there things you're bringing into a relationship from,
you know, how you've seen relationships with your parents or things like that?
(14:40):
You know, because people have some interest in childhoods and you just never
know what somebody has gone through. Yeah.
And that's why I think it goes back to like how you were raised. Yeah.
Because back in the olden days, you know, like they would marry you off to,
you know, somebody who had, what do they call it?
Like, oh, you want to, you know, marry into the family.
(15:01):
They had to be like a lord or they had to have some type of standards.
Like with the arranged marriages. Yeah, with the arranged marriages.
And sometimes I don't think that's a bad thing because you want the best for
your child to be able to have that inheritance to keep your name going.
You know what I'm saying?
So, and it just comes from a mental standpoint of marriage.
What do I see in myself that I see in somebody else?
(15:23):
You know, what attributes do I play off of with that other person that's making
me feel insecure or what makes me feel good even?
Yeah. And your ass. I heard your ass say, if you're going to marry a lord or
something, your ass been watching Game of Thrones. Yeah.
So, I can't say shit because I just finished re-watching Game of Thrones just recently.
(15:47):
Hell, I just finished yesterday. but anyway question number
three am i afraid to
make the first move am i
afraid to make the first move do you think that's an issue with
people probably back then because then you
know it was i think it's different for men and
women because i think when women make the first move you come off like as
(16:08):
a hoe you know what i mean or you come off
as well now you know thirsty or
whatever like that but then you get people to be like oh if you
if you see what you like you go get it and and that's how i
am if i want it i'm gonna go get it because i ain't gonna never and also but
see what what happens though that's in
heterosexual relationships hell in homosexual relationships we two guys or two
(16:31):
girls or whatever so i i think it's just a sort of personality thing you know
there's some people who are kind of go-getters and they will jump in and do
it you know just do it And then there are other people who are like,
no, I'm going to wait till somebody say something to me.
I'm not going to be the first person to say anything.
And I'm mostly like that as well. You don't make the first move?
(16:56):
Girl, no. Why not? I don't know. I'm just because dating is scary.
What do they all do? Well, also, too, the other thing that a lot of people,
a lot of you straight folks don't get with the gay side is there's a lot of
qualifications you got to do first. right?
A lot of qualifying you have to do first. So for one thing.
(17:17):
You have to figure out, is that person even gay first, right?
Because you don't want to be approaching some straight dude.
And by the way, if I know you're straight, that's a complete turnoff for me
right there. So it's like a light switch went off. You could be the finest person on the planet.
Your ass just turned nothing to me.
I mean, not nothing to me, but I'm just not interested, right?
Okay. I don't want nobody that don't want me.
(17:39):
I know that's right. So anyway, so the first hurdle is figuring out if they're
gay or straight, right? Right.
The second hurdle that you got to get through is the whole top bottom side and
everything else thing. So that really matters?
That does. Well, you know, you think about you getting involved with somebody
and you like each other and then you find out y'all not compatible sexually.
(18:05):
Y'all both tops because he's saying you ain't finna get in my booty.
And the other like, well, you ain't getting in my booty. So we just wasted time.
So, you know what I mean? So those are things that you have to qualify first
before you even get through the other stuff.
So when you meet somebody, be like, you gay? Right. You know what I'm saying?
(18:25):
And, you know, and most straight dudes, well, so many homophobes out here, too.
But but even in general, you know, it's uncomfortable for a dude,
for somebody to walk up. Hey, I got a question for you, you know, whatever.
And by the way, let me tell you something about that real fast.
I remember, like, years ago, back in, like, high school, you see all the little
(18:46):
thugs on the corners or whatever, right?
And they be with they guys, and, you know, they talking all,
you know, whatever, they hardest thing, whatever.
Catch one of them motherfuckers by they self. Or, like, I remember I would be
coming home from school or whatever, and, you know, there was one guy,
I would see him with his little group of guys on the corner on 16th Street in Chicago.
Anyway. Shout out K-Town. K-Town. so one day i'm coming i'm getting off the
(19:11):
bus coming from school and it was just him like like none of the guys were out
there so you know i'm used to he just wanted a little drug boys on the corner
whatever so i'm walking by and then he was like hey hey hey can i holler at you for a minute,
like fuck fuck you want to talk to me about you know it's like um hey um you
(19:33):
gay or whatever and And I was like, oh, Lord. He's going to want to do more of my life.
But I would brush, you know, stuff like that off. You didn't see it as a challenge?
A challenge for what? I'm going to fuck you and get your little corner money.
Oh, my God. Nope. I wasn't interested. Nope.
Not interested at all. Now, not being the one to make the first movie,
(19:54):
you can miss some. Oh, let me have a story for you.
Now, see, this is when I tell y'all, y'all get an opportunity to get all up in my business.
I'm telling it all. Yes, tell it. So let me tell you, this was last year.
No, Lord, last year. This was this year.
I was at the garden center at Walmart. So I went to the garden center.
(20:16):
And I'm inside and I'm looking at different plants and stuff.
And I had noticed there was this employee watering the plants that roll behind me or whatever.
So I didn't think nothing of it. Now, I did notice the guy.
Now, again, we don't want to approach nobody because, like I said,
I'm not that type of person anyway.
He was a very attractive guy. He was like Middle Eastern.
(20:39):
So he had you a foreigner. He was a foreigner. but he
had a like a ponytail like a little man bun
something grab on built real nice and all this stuff right but i just noticed
him and i moved on because again in my head i assumed he was straight so it
was like that light switch went back off right away so didn't think nothing
of it go to the next aisle and there he is and he now has come over to the next aisle.
(21:05):
Watering still didn't think nothing of it and it was like that the whole time i was shopping he was
kind of you know just moving around anyway finish
up my shopping i'm getting ready to leave and he
was standing by the exit just propped up against a post there and he was like
now see i could never be this bold he was like you are fine as hell and what
(21:28):
you do i froze first shut up holly He on here talking about undateable me.
That's what makes me undateable. He's throwing motherfuckers at you and all
types of shit in the garden center.
And you just like, God, like, I ain't going to be sitting in too long.
It's scary out here in these streets. So, you know, you got to make sure that
(21:50):
you own your shit before you go, you know, letting somebody.
Anyway, so he's like, you know, you fine as hell.
And at first I didn't know.
A, I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure that he actually said that.
And I was like, huh? Like, whatever.
(22:11):
And quit looking at me like that. And so then he said it again.
He was like, you are so fine.
He was like, I just had to tell you that. So you know you heard it right that.
Time. Yes. So that time I knew I heard it right, right?
This story has a horrible fucking end to it. Oh, my God.
So i so the only thing i could muster
up enough courage and sense to say was thank you
(22:33):
and i went to my car so listen
so i come home i tell my son my son has been
so supportive of my gay ass over the years since i came out
because of the person that you are you are a great person that means
nothing oh thank you so i'm telling
my son about it and he was like so you it
was like why didn't you react to it
(22:55):
like why didn't you whatever so I was like all right well this is what I'm gonna
do I'm gonna go back to that Walmart I forgot something at Walmart right right
so I go back the next day I was because it's like 30 minutes away and I was
like shit well you know what I do have to go into the office tomorrow so just
swing by so I get there he ain't in the damn garden center,
(23:15):
So I was like, well, Jimmy, go the extra step. Go inside the store.
Because you're going to look for your man. Right. Because I'm going to find
my Middle Eastern Saudi Arabian prince. Exactly.
So, that work at Walmart.
So, anyway. We likes the Walmart discount. Yes, yes.
So, tell me why in no time I see him.
(23:40):
I just happened to come around a corner And I see him going through the damn
Employee doors that go You know those damn big rubber doors Whatever,
Tell me why he was going through it I was like ain't this a bitch I went back
there like well hum dooly lie So I got my plan all set I was like he went back
there the motherfucker gotta come back Right He gotta come back right So I,
(24:04):
got my little story all ready I got my shopping cart ready I'm like posting
up at the end of this aisle.
I'm going to pop out at just the right time, right?
As he comes out. And be like, oh, wait, weren't you in that garden?
You know, I was going to do one of those. What you doing over here in produce?
(24:24):
Holly, when I tell you, this man came out. And I was like, is he limping?
He had disability. And I kind of backed up because I was on my way out with
my car. I kind of backed up, right?
And I looked, and so he was walking away.
He had on his shit to go. Because when he went in, he had on a vest.
(24:45):
Came out here in his regular clothes. He's still fine, whatever.
But this limp, I'm not talking about a regular limp. I'm talking about a serious limp.
And I looked, and one of his legs was shorter than the other one.
So he had that weird side-by-side walk.
(25:06):
Expectations. what do we say about expectations oh my god i first of all i felt
like the biggest asshole because i just wait so you you back oh my god i was
like okay i wasn't expecting that.
So jimmy look i i pulled my car back in there cause i mean i didn't even that's
(25:37):
why he was leaning on that motherfucking dough like i feel,
terrible you should feel i felt like shit that
day but so anyway my nose is running so i was just like i feel like the biggest
asshole ever for telling this story right now Wait So you didn't say anything
to him I didn't say nothing Oh my god It did I was like I'm never coming to this Walmart again,
(26:02):
Y'all I haven't been back since Joe was at the beginning of the season What?
Now what if he was a good person? He probably was He
might get disability check Like I said He just I don't want his
disability check You gonna get handicap stick Like I said You gonna like Holly
This shit you can get You gonna get in front of all of them You know what It
(26:24):
wasn't That he had a disability It just Threw me off guard I wasn't expecting
Because I didn't notice it at all,
You know when The day before He was watering Whatever He was in the row behind
me And when I was leaving This motherfucker He was leaning against a post And
that's why And now we know why He was leaning against a post Alright so,
(26:47):
Anyway So that's that You don't think you'll double back Can't do it You don't
think you can double back,
Nah, I'm over it or whatever.
And also, too, am I just doing it just because he was a cute guy or whatever?
That's still sort of shallow.
But you don't know yet because what if he is a good person? What if he has some good qualities?
You're going to have to test and let me know. I may never know.
(27:10):
So another question we have to ask, like, do we glorify dating?
Because dating can be hard, right? But, you know, are we dating just to date?
Are we are we committed to doing all the things that we need to do in a relationship,
you know, rather than just jumping from bed to bed or we get disillusioned by,
(27:33):
you know, what we see on television? As a matter of fact.
Recently, you may have heard about Judge Mathis, and he's separating or getting
divorced from his wife of many, many years. I don't even know how many, but decades.
27 years or? I don't know, but it's been a while. A long ass time.
(27:55):
And when you think about that situation, there was something that he said about
it, you know, because people don't understand about the work,
the commitment to somebody else's time and whatever. Whatever.
It's more than just going out on the dinner and taking the Instagram photos and all of that.
There's work that you have to put into it as well. So I'm just going to play
(28:16):
a quick clip here of what Judge Mathis said about their separation.
I'm not good, brother. It's the worst days of my life. How about that?
I'm sorry to hear that. I want to ask, you know, with news of the separation, how are you holding up?
Not holding up very well, I would say to other men, maybe I'll be an example
(28:38):
for other men, cautionary tale, don't neglect your wife.
And I think that's a good point. You know, you have to put in that time and
energy into a relationship.
So it's not just about, like I said, the cutesy dinners and all of that,
you know. I love that he was honest.
(28:58):
I love that he was very honest. I see was very vulnerable and she probably looking
at that like cuz you know cuz because people go through shit Yeah,
and when people go through shit is it's like especially when you're not the
one in the wrong When the other person is the one in the wrong you want to play
out their reaction Like oh what they gonna do cuz what do you say at the end?
I'm working to get my wife back, right? I want her back. Yeah,
(29:19):
you better y'all. Oh shit.
Yeah, that's true. I mean and and and I think,
One of the things that as that interview went on or whatever,
he mentioned that he was basically putting work first.
He was always traveling on the road to, because, you know, they lived in one
area, but they recorded in Chicago originally.
And then the show moved to L.A. So now he recorded to L.A. and he's back to that again.
(29:44):
So there's a lot of work that goes into a relationship.
And that's something you just have to be.
Prepare for. Yeah. But nobody can prepare you for that. Right.
And that leads us into question number five, am I ready to date?
Here's the thing, particularly for somebody like me who has been single for
(30:09):
a very long time or on and off relationships here and there,
but for the most part, I'm comfortable being single.
There are some people who can't be alone or whatever. They go from one man to
the next, one woman to the next or whatever.
Is that true, Holly? It might be me. It might be you. Okay.
So, and then there are other people who are comfortable with themselves and whatever.
(30:35):
And when you think about that, there are times where I have to sort of check myself.
Like, Jimmy, if you were to enter into a relationship right now,
is your physical setup, your environment even ready to receive somebody else, right? Right.
You know, you got extra room in your closet or are you taking all the room with all your stuff?
(30:59):
Do you have, you know, space in your life for somebody else?
Your activities are so centered around you.
And now you would have to include another person in that.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And people think of that as small because I thought
of that as like a small thing because I've been in relationships after relationships.
Relationships but when people really do the self-work and they
(31:20):
go up on their journey to you know just
kind of be by their self and figure out what
they truly want and like you say just be comfortable of who they are and they've
created this environment around their self where like you said everything surrounds
them so to let another person in like that small tedious thing can like piss
them off and they be like i don't want to be around right look bitch i can do bad by myself.
(31:44):
I've been paying this mortgage alone for a long time. And the only thing the
motherfucker asked for was a droid.
Right. And she knows who I'm talking about because I know somebody who's going
through that same situation.
Yeah. And you know what? That actually reminds me of another thing that I find.
I've had, you know, I'm one of those people, single or not, a lot of people
(32:04):
will call me for advice or just to be an ear for their situations.
And you know what I find a lot of times with what what people are kind of going through.
A lot of them are not true relationship issues. They're roommate issues.
You tripping because a motherfucker left his pants on the floor.
He didn't, you know, he left his drawers in the bathroom.
(32:26):
Because they don't really like that person. Right. That's what the fuck it is.
That's what it is. They really don't like that person.
Because when you love somebody, you put up with a lot of shit.
And not, no, like cheating and
shit. I'm not like that. I'm talking about small shit like you just said.
And also, too, and maybe it's just the type of person you are.
I don't mind stuff like that.
First of all, I'm the type of person, if I see something on the ground,
(32:48):
I'm just going to pick it up.
Yeah it ain't no big deal about oh he left his
drawers in the bathroom oh he think
i'm not made oh i'm gonna say something don't
get it fucked up i'm gonna say something but i'm like that don't
bother me though you know what i mean y'all you don't you don't mind that does
not bother me at all and i think those are roommate issues not even relationship
(33:09):
issues so other things you know you know when we were talking before about waiting
to accomplish certain things so when When you say, am I ready to date?
Well, are you once again being held up by, well, you know, once I get my job
right, my career right, or once I open this business or once I,
(33:30):
you know, like I said, it will never end.
Now at this point, is it an excuse?
Oh, absolutely. You know, I think that when you're being held back by something
small, you know, maybe you're not ready. Yeah, because it excuses the fear.
Yeah, and it's actually just a simple change in the way you think about it.
(33:54):
Like, you know, you can't be expected to be perfect, right? Yeah.
But people strive for that. People strive for that because I used to try to
fad myself doing that in a relationship.
Because, like you said, the past trauma of, oh, if I get fad,
a motherfucker might leave me. Or a motherfucker might cheat.
Or a motherfucker might do this. Or a motherfucker do that.
And vice versa. I'm going to tell you right now.
(34:17):
If you like me, you're going to have to like me fat. Period.
You're going to have to like some man titties because this is what I got.
And what I got is what I'm bringing to the table. So, you know,
you can't be somebody else.
You know, a lot of people, I think, you run into this situation where you fake.
Because I see this with, like, online profiles. You know, you see them.
(34:39):
They're just as nice and slim. You know, they know how to take that picture
from that perfect angle up to the left and all of that stuff.
But and 57 layers of filters on that bitch. Right. But here's the thing.
I'm going to meet you in person.
Exactly. So bring that filter with you. Right.
(35:01):
So unless you got some filter glasses for me to wear when I sit at this table.
And by the way, I know. Wait, let me get right up.
Let me get in the camera i know somebody who does that
and cannot figure out why
she is having struggles
because or figure out
(35:24):
why her dates never go past the first date and that's bitch because you presented
them with a brand new person you just catfished the hell out these people what
chris what uh chris tucker say you said Then you look like Chet and Jackson.
Right, bitch. Right, right.
(35:44):
So, you know, so that's one of those things where, you know, you can't, I'm sorry,
but you can't present yourself in one way and then show up as yourself and wonder
why folks, you know, ain't really feeling you.
So that's why her stuff is not going past the first, and I mean first date.
But see, that goes back to the insecurities, too, and other people's expectations
(36:08):
of you. Maybe she feel like she needs to do that because of people's expectations
of how women should look, how women should perceive they self.
And she might be a great ass person.
But because she has these insecurities and she's doing those things,
it's it's taken away from who she truly is because she ain't get a chance to display it.
Because now they so thrown off about bitch, just not even what the fuck you look like.
(36:31):
Right. They can't even see you a good ass person. So.
Then that goes right back to the question of, am I ready to date?
Those are some insecurities and self-esteem and all of that stuff.
Maybe those are things you need to take care of first.
And, you know, a lot of, particularly in our community, the black community,
now we're getting there.
(36:53):
You see more people embracing therapy and stuff like that.
But maybe you have to take care of some of those things, those insecurities first.
First you know the mental plays a big part
of the relationship and you can't expect that you
know a lot of people come into relationships expecting
(37:14):
the other person to help them through
their self-esteem issues or their
self-care and all of that but i am
not dr field no even more important you know
what the what self-esteem is it's esteem
of yourself talk about it that ain't
got nothing to do with me yeah i'm not here like you
(37:35):
said i'm not here to be your dr phil necessarily now that
doesn't mean i'm not gonna help you through yeah situations
and things like that but maybe those are things that you have to take care of
first and another question that stems from the am i ready to date and the self-esteem
and all that is do i even like myself you know oh that Just like our song at the beginning.
(38:01):
Actually, that's the theme song for our show. I kind of like myself.
Do you even like yourself?
Because if you don't like yourself, I don't know how you expect anybody else to like.
That has to be the foundation. You got to quote the great RuPaul.
If you don't like yourself, how in the hell are you going to like anybody else?
Hello. You know what they say.
(38:22):
But that's very true. Yeah. But some people don't want to put the work in.
And I'm one of those people that did not put the work in. And I was doing whatever.
I just so happened to, God was just like, here you go. And I was like,
oh, thank you. Oh, okay. Because you lucked out. You got you a good one.
You got you a good one. You're like, he all right.
He all right. But no, you got you a good one. He did my nursing times. Yeah.
But I wouldn't change it. Yeah. Right? You're not expecting him to be perfect or whatever.
(38:46):
But you have somebody that's supportive and loving and kind.
Because like I said, you could end up with, I've seen, I've been on this planet
for almost five decades.
I've seen some folks get knocked upside the head and all sorts of stuff you
know that was me at one point yeah well we not doing that no more right at all
(39:06):
so you ain't taking the ass whooping so so.
That whole idea of, am I ready? Like I said, do I even like myself?
You have to ask yourself that and then begin to take care of those things. Right.
So anything else you have to add about any of these weird things?
(39:30):
I'm glad mental health is becoming like a talked about thing,
a popular thing, because it was just so, I want to say, like swept under the
rug with the black community.
Right. Yes. It was just like, oh, it goes on and that household stays in that household.
Like, no, because you're fucking me up. And that was carrying over into my relationship
and making that household.
It's making that household that I'm trying to build fucked up. Right. Yep.
(39:53):
Because you will carry that into your family as you go forward or whatever, if it's unresolved.
So you kind of have to address it.
And I'm, of course, even older than you. So I remember a time where,
you know, you were definitely looked down upon if you were going to see a psychiatrist. Oh, he crazy.
(40:13):
He, you know, he must be crazy. He got to go. You heard about Jimmy, didn't you?
Yeah, girl, he going to see a doctor.
And it's like, what are y'all doing? But that childhood trauma will carry over
into your life, not just relationships, but your career, your, yeah.
(40:35):
And it's dangerous. So, yeah. So getting your mental health together,
a healthy relationship is always going to start with a healthy you.
Right. So you can't come into something broken and then expect that,
you know, all of a sudden this new relationship is going to fix everything.
You really need to take care of yourself first.
(40:57):
Because it's what we see. It's what we surround ourselves with.
It's what we aspire to be.
I feel like a lot of people aspire to be great people. Yeah.
You know, whether it's a good husband, a good wife, a good child, a good friend.
But if you don't have those examples and you don't have those people around
you supporting those type of things.
Right. And that's why I felt like the Judge Mathis clip was so good for him
(41:21):
saying like, oh, I want to get my wife back. I want to do this.
I want to do that. Instead of saying, fuck that bitch.
Right. You know, fuck off. I'm going to be with a new hoe and all this other
shit. Like, but you're really crying on his head. Right. Yeah.
Agreed. So, yeah. So that was good to hear.
So, well, I think that covers everything that we could possibly cover on this.
(41:43):
So again, in today's episode of the Undateable Me podcast, we talked about the
five questions you need to ask yourself if you are...
Having issues with relationships or dating, which ended up leading to more questions,
including the one, do I even like myself?
So, again, cannot emphasize enough the importance of, you know,
(42:07):
taking care of yourself first because a healthy relationship does,
in fact, begin with a healthy you.
So I want to thank you all for joining us.
But before I go, Holly, I have a little gift for you for coming to join me on
the very first episode, if that's all right. Y'all see how Jimmy do things?
(42:28):
See how it's real big over here? You so silly.
Oh, if I can get the bag over there. Wait, wait. Let me just say this.
Is it? What? Did you use it? So, y'all see this, right?
So, in my house, I might have a bag, but I might put something different in it.
So is this bag with this gift? Oh, no, no. It's from there. You so silly.
(42:52):
Oh, my gosh. So I want to thank you. Thank Holly for being here.
And we will catch you on the next episode.
Wait, I want the haters to see my gift. You're so silly. It'll steal a show.
Go ahead. Open your gift, baby.
Oh, wait. Let me open the card. So make sure you guys subscribe.
(43:14):
Make sure you guys subscribe to the podcast and
again thank you holly i love you
so much oh you're so silly don't tell them about that part all right join us
every week for the unable me podcast i am your host jimmy lee live the socks
knob and we will catch you on the next episode we appreciate you holly thank you.
(43:39):
Music.
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