September 6, 2024 • 67 mins
Welcome to the UnDateable Me podcast, hosted by Jimmy Lee Lard, also known as the Sock Snob. In this week's episode, Jimmy and his co-host, DaBeamer, dive deep into the controversial topic of ghosting in the dating world. What is ghosting? Is it hurtful or kind? Disrespectful or necessary? Jimmy shares personal stories, discuss the psychology behind ghosting, and explore whether it's a healthy way to end a relationship...even brief ones.
From experiences with fetish-focused dates to awkward online encounters, the hosts provide an entertaining and vulnerable look at the complexities of ghosting. They also reflect on whether ghosting can sometimes be an act of kindness and how to handle being ghosted. Tune in for a thought-provoking and candid conversation that you won't want to miss.
Join us every week for more episodes as we navigate the struggles and solutions in relationships and dating.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello, and welcome to the Undateable Me podcast. I am your host,
the undateable Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sox Knob, and we have another episode of
our weekly show that deals with the struggles of relationships and dating,
but not just the problems.
Listen, we're on a journey to find solutions, and we're going to do it in a
very entertaining and vulnerable way.
(00:21):
I am back once again with my girl, Holly the Beamer.
Yes, yes, yes. So in today's episode,
I am telling a lot of my business y'all. If y'all came to be nosy.
Music.
(01:36):
All right, we are all set and ready to go. Like I said, today we are talking
about ghosting. What is ghosting?
Ghosting, according to AI and Google and all the other people,
is the act of suddenly ending communication with someone without explanation.
(01:57):
So today we want to know, A, is it healthy?
Is it hurtful? Is it disrespectful? Or is it kind? And, you know,
sometimes people are like, hey, you know, I don't want to know about myself type thing.
So we're going to be talking about all of those things.
So couldn't that bitch off? Holly.
(02:18):
Oh, I should mention that I am back with Holly once again. Did I say that already?
I'm getting old, y'all. Anyway, so welcome back, Holly.
And my first question to you is, have you ever been ghosted?
I haven't been ghosted, but I've ghosted somebody. That was going to be my next
question. Have you ghosted somebody?
All right. Tell us about who's your ghost.
(02:41):
Jordan, close your ears out there in engineering land. Right.
I think it's different from men and women. I think more women ghost men than men ghost women.
Unless they just want to fucking get on. Like the one night stands.
Maybe that's considered more ghost than for men. Like one night stands.
Yeah. But what did it say? I think Google says it's the fear of confrontation.
(03:04):
Ooh, the fear. Yeah, I could see that, too. Yeah.
And I think people ghost in certain areas of their life.
Like, say you break up with somebody,
and you think it's going to be long-term, but it's not long-term.
And you just hop over to the next person, and then when you and your ex get
back cool, then you're like, oh, I got to cut this motherfucker off.
And then you just, that motherfucker don't hear from you no more.
(03:25):
That's like a hard ghost.
Yes, I feel you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So...
Ask me if I've ever been ghosted. Have you ever been ghosted?
Oh, my God, yes. A lot of times. Why?
Ask me if I've ghosted people.
Hell yes. I already know you ghosted people. I ain't even worried about that.
You don't know that. I want to know why people ghosting you.
(03:49):
It's mostly ghosting me. I only know one thing in particular because most of the time, obviously,
when you get it goes to you never get the opportunity to find out why right
now i did ask one guy one time,
and he said i was intimidating
i can see that damn you're
(04:12):
supposed to say not you
jimmy or whatever he was intimidated by your
stature he was intimidated by your presence by your financial
means of how you carry yourself specifically said so
this was we were on a dayton app or
whatever so he did what in our
i think it's our next one of our
(04:34):
other episodes we're going to be talking about how
i research people online well he
did the same thing so he he found my
first of all from my dayton profile the photos
that were there and then he found my facebook and instagram
okay and so he was saying that he
as he went through he was like the very first thing he saw was my title which
(04:58):
where's my oh that must be like the profile i think it just says about me no
no it had my job what i do for a living okay so he was like first of all you
were director he was like i worked at at a restaurant. He was like, I want dishes.
And I was like, I wasn't coming for you for your damn money.
Right. You know what I mean?
(05:19):
The other thing he was like, as I'm scrolling through your Facebook albums and
stuff, he was like, I see trips to Rome and Paris and stuff like that.
He was like, what did he say?
He said something like the farthest he's ever been was Vegas or something like that.
So, you know. Should have talked to daddy. Daddy could have, you know.
(05:42):
Listen, dumbass. Motherfucker could have. Oh, sorry. He could have came up, honestly.
But anyway. way no like if you get that
genuine connection with somebody like you upgrade their
lifestyle and my thing i have never closed the door to folks who in a certain
field right yeah because again i'm not out here for somebody's money right i
(06:03):
make my own right i'm not trying to because it's a lot of folks that's trying
to move in with people but i'm not trying to move in with nobody because i I got my own home, right?
And I don't need a ride. I got a car or whatever the case may be.
So the other person's finances has never been a consideration really for me.
(06:24):
Do you put that in your little bio for online dating?
I put stuff in there like, just be you. I'm the least judgmental person you
ever want to meet, blah, blah, blah, whatever, stuff like that.
But I don't specifically say anything.
I don't even mention like house cars. Because you don't want to attract scrubs,
(06:44):
too. Right. That, too, right?
So that was the only person that I actually got feedback from as far as why
they ghosted me. And what did you do after that?
I thanked them, you know, because like I said, it had been a while.
And by the way, by the time I circled back around to him and asked him that,
he was actually now dating somebody.
(07:05):
Because it had been a while. I just happened to come across his profile again.
I was like, you know what?
I'm going to ask him, like, you know what I mean? Because you get tired of it, like, over and over.
But he said the main thing was I was intimidating.
He said it looked like he couldn't sort of keep up with the life,
that our lifestyles didn't match up in that way. Did he start dating another dishwasher?
(07:28):
Right. I just want to know.
Who knows? Yeah. No shade. Listen, Mo Power, wherever you are,
brother, Mo Power to you. I wish you well. And I thank you for the feedback.
Yeah, because it's needed. Because you want to know what you're doing wrong. It's just like school.
Not really. So let me tell you this. For me...
(07:51):
You know how I've had so many friends who, and it's not even a woman thing,
but this has mostly been with my female friends,
like when they have broken up with somebody or been ghosted or whatever,
like they want to know why.
Well, I want to get to the bottom of it. My thing is like, look,
(08:11):
if this shit is over, I'm good.
What else we got to talk about? You know what I mean? I don't have to get down
to the bottom of why, what went wrong, what could I do better.
I mean, you know, it just didn't work between us. So I'm good.
I don't need that why. That's a good man, Savannah.
(08:34):
What is that from? Wait to exhale when a mama was like, that's a good man,
Savannah. I can't with you.
So, yeah, so that was the only time I got feedback.
Back and and like i said i've ghosted people
too mostly online has been the majority
of them because it's easier yes it's
(08:55):
easier online than it is in person oh yeah you know i think that's added a whole
new element to dating now obviously because a you do get to from a distance
it's almost like you're choosing some shit out of catalog right exactly but
you also if it's not Not going the direction you want it to go.
Now, I'm not so harsh as to just end it abruptly online without saying anything.
(09:18):
I will actually say, like, you know what? I think I'm going a different direction.
Oh, you do that? I will, yeah. If we're actually communicating or whatever.
Now, there are some things where when it starts to go left, I'm out there. I'm out of there.
You know, I'm not sticking around for that. And I'll tell you about some of those things.
(09:41):
But you know, in our first episode, we talked about,
People who present themselves one way and then when you show up as a whole other person,
you know, they took that camera, got that camera angle just right where they
big ass look like they're a size two or whatever. Because I've mastered it.
(10:05):
But you cute. You got your booty. You got your titties out.
If I had gotten a memo, I'd have pulled mine out too.
Episode two, we got to come strong, Jimmy. right so that
said you know sometimes you get there
and this person is a whole different person from who you yeah you know clicked
(10:28):
you know match to or whatever like or you swiped right to right yeah and then
you show up and you like oh what i have a friend this isn't a dating situation
but But, damn, I should not say this.
You got to throw names out there. I'm not going to do the name.
Yeah, I'm going to throw the name. No, I'm definitely not going to say the name.
Okay. But I'll just say I have a social media friend.
(10:52):
I won't say whether it's Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or whatever.
But this person who was a former student of mine, who I've seen for years and
I know what she looks like. Like, she is, like, a darker skinned person.
Like, not quite as dark as this shirt. But, Holly, baby, every picture you see
(11:16):
of her, she's your color. Why?
First of all, there's probably, this is why I didn't want to do this,
there's probably a little bit of self-hate going on there.
But every single one of her pictures, you would think she's light-skinned.
I don't know why. I love a dark-skinned female. Like, I don't eat no carpet
or nothing, but my skin is just so nice.
(11:38):
Look, get me on vacation. I will be every shade.
When they called us colored back in the day, they was talking about my black ass.
Because I can be four different shades in one day.
I'd be light-skinned in the morning, goddammit, and calm or chocolate in the evening.
I'd just be burnt. I'd be trying. I'm going to put the bronze on,
(11:58):
though. You like my mama. Y'all clear. Yeah. I think my mama lighter than you. I'm quiet.
So, you know, when you present yourself in one way and then somebody you they're
expecting what they saw online and then in person, it's a completely other,
you know, different thing than what they expect.
Then, hey, you know, you should expect folks to disappear on you,
(12:22):
ghost you, not call you back.
Because I think I mentioned in that episode, I have a friend who sort of suffers
from that where she can't figure out why she never gets past the first date.
And that's because when they show up, they see the real you.
All of the real you. All of the real you. Shade.
(12:44):
I'm just saying, you know. Yeah. I mean, but that's understandable because if
you were on the other end of that, you'd be like, hold on.
Is it left or right? I don't know.
Do you swipe right or left? Swipe left if you don't want them.
And then swipe right if you didn't. Listen, just to make sure,
because there's usually also like an X or something you can do.
(13:05):
Because i'm always afraid i'm gonna forget and swipe the wrong direction which
i have done by accident before now i got some 70 year old hey i see you like
me i was like oh fuck no i didn't,
shut dusty ass off who the fuck said you could get in my shit what the fuck
bad am i giving off that you up in my shit right so i've i sent you the one
(13:29):
picture that you see the type of crazy Crazy stuff I get. But anyway.
And then another thing, by the way, for ghosting, sometimes it might be for
safety issues. Or I'll say for cause.
You know what I mean? Right. Like, yeah, this don't seem like the safest situation.
Let me get out this jam. Yeah, and that could be in person or whatever.
Like, you do that. Hey, I'm going to run to the bathroom.
(13:52):
You've done that? But not for that. I did it because the person was an asshole.
And something else. I'll tell you about that. Oh, my God. I thought that was like only in movies.
No, I did it. Now, one thing I did do is I paid before I left,
though, because I didn't want to hear no shit about, you know,
I left him with the bill or whatever.
(14:15):
I was like, fuck, I ain't going to see this motherfucking no more.
No way. Oh, well, chop it up. Yeah.
So I'll tell you the very first time I got ghosted.
Was, no, I'm saying I got ghosted. I'm sorry.
The very first time that I ghosted somebody, this was before online dating. This was a long time ago.
So I was at a party, it was a charity event.
(14:35):
And I got in my company to donate.
During that time, I was in the
airline industry. So I got in my company to donate some airline tickets,
like a travel package for the silent auction for that
event right and so at
the event they think i just started remembering stuff
(14:57):
about this so so at the event they thanked me
like uh over the thing you know for the i almost said the name of the airline
i'm not gonna do that either them hoes so i'm just joking i had a wonderful
time in my 27 years in the airline industry so anyway so they thanked me so
afterwards there was this This guy, I say his name, his name was Frank.
(15:19):
Oh, now you're putting it out there. Right. I didn't say his last name. So his name was Frank.
And like I said, this is years ago, long before online dating and all that.
So Frank makes his way over to me and he introduced himself.
Hey, so you work in the airline industry and blah, blah, blah,
all this stuff. So we started talking, right?
(15:40):
And we exchanged phone numbers. So there was this lady, I almost said her name
too. I won't say her. She's a friend.
She's actually, hello, she's a Facebook friend, actually, still.
So she was like, she was like, Frank is an asshole.
She was like, Frank just uses people.
She gave you the leg up. Yeah, she was like, he will use you until he get what
(16:02):
he want, and then he will just toss you to the side, right?
So I had that in the back of my head, but I didn't want to just judge him off what somebody said.
You know, I'm trying to be fair to Frank, right?
Fuck Frank. Anyway, but I was trying to be fair to Frank. So we started talking on the phone.
(16:24):
And I swear, it started off with him. He's like, yeah, so you get buddy passes, right?
And I'm like, yeah, you know, whatever. All right, so let's get back to it.
Wait, did he work for the airline too? No, no, no, no, no, he didn't.
Okay, so he was just like a guest there.
He was trying to benefit from my benefits, right?
(16:46):
So, you know, we're trying to get to know each other, whatever.
We didn't even went on our first date, nothing yet. So I met him at the party.
He came out the door, actually, with his hand. And I'm talking about,
we just, a few minutes into the conversation, so that's where it goes.
I'm like, okay, whatever.
Next time I talk to him, because we're trying to set up, you know,
when we're going to meet and all of this stuff.
He go right back to, yeah, so, with the flight thing, do you have to be with me every time?
(17:15):
No, that was another time after that. But he was asking, do I have to be with
him when he travels and all this stuff. Bitch, who said I was going to give
it to you? Right, you know.
So once I started seeing that it was going down that road that,
ooh, I almost said her name, that the lady told me about, then I was like, yeah, you know what?
(17:37):
I remember, no, because then I don't even know if blocking numbers was a thing.
I just, I remember he would call. I just would not answer, would not answer, would not answer.
Yeah, I don't think back then we had a real easy way to block.
Like we do now. Didn't we have to call the phone company or something like that?
I don't know. Because people start calling private.
(17:57):
Cause people start calling private because you went and said a number.
Right. Right. Well, well he just, like I said, he kept calling and just kept
calling. I just faded out. Like, yeah, no, you're not going to sit here and use me.
One thing I'm not is a tool.
And then bitch, you're not even being discreet. Right. Right.
I'm talking about, we can be talking about roses and that shit would turn right back to.
(18:20):
So can you use it to go to Europe? Thank you.
You know what? How good that mouth is. That's what I... Bitch, you suck a good dick.
You gotta suck a lot of dick to get to Europe, bitch. Okay. You gotta get them
air miles. Oh, you're right.
So, that was, you know, my very first experience with Frank.
(18:43):
And actually, if I'm being honest, that sort of cued me into something. You put me on to the Dr.
Cheyenne Bryant and Nick Cannon situation.
So much to unpack there. Yeah, there is a lot to unpack there.
And I will say, I was with Nick.
Then I wasn't with Nick. Like, nah, Nick, you can't say that.
(19:05):
Then I'm with Nick again. Like, yeah, yeah.
Then he'll say something else. I'm like, fuck, Nick. Why are you opening your mouth right now?
Because you really won't. You want to support his stuff. So bad.
But you know it's fucked up. And let me not call the man dumb.
He's a good, I really do like him.
Now, let me say this too, before I go any further.
(19:25):
Remember when they were doing a Wild N Out tour or whatever?
So we went and so in Chicago, they had two shows that night.
So we were at the first show.
So me and my girl, we were there.
I had gone to, because we were there early for the VIP reception and all of that stuff, right?
Taking the pictures and stuff like that. So I left and went out to the concession stand.
(19:51):
So I'm, you know, getting our drinks, nachos and all the stuff they got. Right.
Tell me why I come back in because I heard the show starting.
I was like, damn, you know, and, you know, the worst thing you can do at a comedy
show is be coming down the damn aisle in the middle of a show.
Right. So here I am coming down the aisle and I had on a suit jacket. it. I was dressed...
(20:19):
Like business casual almost, you know, like out for a nice evening.
But that's our signature look. That is me normally, right?
So jacket, slacks, whatever.
So I'm coming. I got the two trays. Oops, sorry. I got two trays of food.
I got drinks and all of this stuff.
And it was Nick Cannon and what is his name? I can't think of the other guy's
(20:40):
name. DC Fly. No, not him. DC Young Fly.
But he's with him on that 87. The bald guy.
No, I don't think he's bald. Carlos Miller. Carlos Miller. That's who it was.
So I'm coming down the aisle with all this shit in my hand or whatever.
And Carlos was like, look at him coming down the aisle. Look, look, look.
And I look up and I was like, oh, fuck. They talking about me, right?
(21:04):
So he was like, man, shut up. That's somebody pastor.
He was like, man, shut up. Now, mind you, we had just been laughing with him
before the show and all this stuff. He was like, man, shut up.
That's somebody pastor.
And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck? He was like, man,
that's Bishop T.D. Jakes.
(21:26):
I was like, what the hell? First of all. You should have got him to get out
of here. Right. Because bitch don't play with me. I'm from K-Town.
So I'm still coming. Because obviously, I mean, what am I going to do?
I'm still coming. And we right up front, too.
So that's the even worse, right? So I'm coming up. And he was like,
look at all that shit. Oh, he got money.
Oh, he got money. I was like, oh, hell no, right?
(21:46):
And do. So that was the end of that little situation, right?
I'm thinking that's the end of that, right? So we move on with life.
Tell me why I get home. My son went to the later show.
Yeah, so my son went to the later show. Afterwards, when he comes back,
he gets a call from one of his friends from grade school.
And he was like, hey, your pops was at the Wild N' Out show.
(22:12):
They was going in on him. But it was funny, though. And I was like,
Lord, it is like you never know who looking, shit.
I was like, but anyway. So, but in either case, back to Nick Cannon and the Dr.
Cheyenne Bryant situation. So I'm just going to play this. This reminded me
of Frank, fuckboy Frank. Fuckboy Frank.
(22:35):
And this is what makes it difficult sometimes for women and men to trust folks, right?
And you wonder why Mariah left. But go ahead. You know, Nick didn't leave. No. Okay, anyway.
Have I been manipulative and prey on certain things? Yes, because I'm a man.
Right. But not all men do that. We don't want to blink at all men.
(22:56):
All men do not pray. and manipulate, not all men. First of all,
all humans pray and manipulate, but in a man and a relationship.
Not in a praying way. Not in a praying way. If I see that I can say,
okay, I feel like I need this and this person has this, I'm going to do and
say whatever I need to do to get this. But, Nick.
(23:17):
Now, listen. First of all, A, this idea.
That's that thing that people do when they project what they do on everybody else.
Like like the the guy who cheats thinks everybody cheats
i remember somebody saying that i think we were at work he was like well everybody
cheats no the fuck we don't what no that's you and the ones that's always like
(23:40):
i said accusing the girlfriend or the boyfriend of cheating when they're the
biggest cheater in the world right so i think we project and when he said that you know.
We i'm a man and we manipulate
like that's just the nature of a man it
was it was a bragging kind of you know what it it made me angry and it made
(24:03):
me angry because it made me angry because for one it was like the lifestyle
that he's trying to put to tray or let me use my word portray because i don't
want nobody getting on me in the comments share a comment make sure y'all get it right.
Bitch katie say bitch right
i've been drinking
(24:24):
but what he
would give me what people what i don't care
who nobody fucking or nothing like that but when you ask people opinions you
know then i have to give my opinion and you know a lot of people with the poly
relationships or and like he does he is making broken families you know what
(24:44):
i'm saying like no matter how you You try to glorify it or what you try to say,
because I have a childhood friend that's like that.
You know, he he has multiple girlfriends.
And the thing that they try to project onto you is, oh, it's not just about sex.
It's about and it could be, you know, like that's not my lifestyle. That's not what I do.
And for me, it's not even that. So the entirety of that interview.
(25:09):
Yes. You sort of see that I I was really just picking apart that one thing where
he says that, you know, when a man sees something that he wants,
then he gonna say whatever and do whatever to get it.
No, the fuck people don't. You know, and that leads to that whole idea of like
Frank, who, oh, he gonna tell me everything he think I want to hear in order
(25:31):
to get them down flight benefits.
Like, brother, if you don't take the Greyhound, bitch. Right.
Because that's all you're gonna be. Did I ever tell you I want to take the Greyhound
one day? I've never been on a Greyhound, but...
I want to do a Greyhound. That's like literally on my bucket list of things to do. It's dirty.
I haven't always heard of it. I want it to be the worst experience ever.
(25:52):
I want that shit to be like Spirit Airlines.
I want a motherfucker on there listening to music with no headphones.
I want the bathroom to stink. Baby's crying. I want it to be.
Yes, I want baby's crying.
I want it to go by on release day at the prison.
(26:12):
I want a motherfucker getting on with their shoelaces in their hand.
I want the full experience. Stereotypic experience. Yes, I want all of that.
But anyway, how did we get sidetracked on that?
But anyway, but, you know, when it comes down to that whole Nick Cannon thing,
I just don't understand how you feel like it's okay to manipulate people and
(26:35):
then try to accredit that as a trait of men.
Like, that's just something. And that's what, going back to,
like, it felt like he took off his mask for a really, she got him out of his,
and that's what I'm saying.
Like, they try to make it seem like it's about family, it's about being in a
community, but she fucking caught him.
He peeked behind that mask and he really said what the fuck he felt.
(26:58):
Oh, I like to manipulate. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to do this,
I'm going to do that, I'm going to fly you out.
Like, okay, and guess what? At the end of the day, it comes from your insecurities
because you know these bitches only with you because you got money,
because of what you can do.
If you ain't got shit bitch She not gonna be with you She not a Claire Huxtable
Although I did see a picture That thang thang One time of his You saw that too
You saw it We put it in the group chat,
(27:20):
Anyway We didn't put it in the group chat Moving on We gonna get right back
First of all I want y'all to know That Holly's husband Is engineering this session
So What he's probably hearing Back there He probably rolling his ass Like what
the fuck So Anyway Back to.
Ghosting Mm Yeah,
So I mentioned before that there was an instance in a restaurant where I walked out. Right.
(27:43):
So there was a dent this this guy, he was a dentist and there were a couple of things that got me.
So this we started out online and then from there we started talking on the
phone and then we decided to go to a restaurant.
And it's a nice restaurant. It's a French restaurant in Chicago.
It's kind of pricey called Babette's if anybody wants to go. Anyway, so.
(28:09):
Wait, what'd you order? I actually ended up not ordering anything.
Damn. Because I ended up leaving. But I did pay.
I left enough money where if he did order. I left $200. Play a shit.
So just in case. But in either case. So let me tell you why, though. So we get there.
We find. So this is our first time meeting in person. First of all, he was an asshole.
(28:35):
Just looking down his nose. Not to me. but looking down his nose to everybody.
White, black, Hispanic, black. Black, okay.
So I was like, I remember saying almost to me, like, this dude is an asshole,
you know? And I hate people.
One thing when I'm dating somebody, now I have this thing where you don't give
(28:56):
somebody a test without letting them know they're being tested.
However, because they'll fail every time. However, one thing I will do when
I'm dealing with somebody new, I will watch the way they treat service staff,
like waitresses and stuff like that.
And I will watch how they drive. Let me tell you about driving.
(29:19):
When you watch how somebody drives will tell you everything you need to know about that person.
That person that is aggressively getting in front of people,
honking their horn and not letting people pass them.
That is a person who gets shitted on in their life.
I'm telling you, that is a person who gets shitted on in life.
(29:39):
And the only place they have a little bit of control is behind the wheel of a car.
So how dare you try to get. You ever been on the expressway and person is going 65 in a 70.
So, you know what? Let me just go around this person. Now, all of a sudden,
they speeding up and won't let you. You don't want, you know.
(30:05):
Oh, all of a sudden, you got somewhere to go now, huh? Right.
But again, the only place when they're aggressive like that,
only place they have a little control is there.
So when you got that person that has a husband or a wife that shits on them
all day, got a boss that talk to them like they shit. All day going to shit. Right.
(30:26):
That's that person that's driving like that. Looking at it like,
bitch, you finna turn your shit up. Right.
So those two things. So in this case, I almost said his name,
the dentist was, I'm trying to protect these hoes.
Fuck him. Fuck Frank. Bring him out.
Oh, fuck Frank. I don't care about Frank. but anyway
so we get there he was so
(30:49):
rude to the waitress like rude rude
and and all what do you think he was doing did
he think he was bigging his up up in your man like you know i don't
know you don't know i could tell that this was just him energy you give off
such a loving and like good spirited energy like he should have felt like embarrassment
for the way he's acting well they do say opposites attract some i don't know
(31:11):
if maybe that's what it was but he was the opposite of anything I would do.
I would not have done anything that, I'm gonna say this damn name again.
I would not have done, we're just gonna call his ass the dentist.
But like I said, he was so rude, just ordering drinks and telling the waitress,
well, you don't know the menu and all this stuff.
(31:31):
Now, you know, the knights of the restaurant, baby, they know that menu.
Yeah. Because they're looking for them tips, which can be pretty big at some
of those restaurants, right? Right.
And then the really, really good ones, they don't even write it down.
They just be, you know, like memorizing that shit. Oh, yeah.
So, A, he was rude to the host when we got there. He was rude to the waitress.
(31:54):
I was like, this motherfucker is just rude. That's just all to it, right?
Then another thing that I know, and then just his conversation,
everything was down here. I was like, this dude is a fucking loser.
Like he think he, that, you know, the sun rises and sets across his ass and it don't.
(32:14):
But the other thing, he's a dentist.
Dentist that motherfucker was talking and he smiled and
his teeth was so jacked up and i
was like how my thing is this how
are you a dentist and you got messed up teeth how are
you a beautician and your hair fucked up that's why how are you a real estate
(32:37):
agent and you don't own a house i can't believe in you bitch right right look
at me sliding my tongue across my side tooth dismissing i don't trust you you
couldn't work in my mouth with your mouth His mouth looking like that.
His teeth were crossed like they were mad at each other.
So, you know. So that was another thing.
But when the waitress came back to take our order...
(33:03):
He was 10 times ruder than he was before. And I was like, oh, no, no.
So after she left, and actually all she was doing, and it had been a while,
we were talking a little bit.
She came back, hey, have you done, just, you know, like what they always do.
And he went off on her like, you trying to rush us and blah, blah, blah.
(33:24):
And all of a sudden, I said, oh, wow.
So she's like, okay, I'll be back or whatever. So after she walked away,
I was like, hey, you know what? Let me run to the bathroom.
She was white or she was something? The waitress was white.
After we left, I mean, after that, I was like, hey, I got to use the bathroom.
And I was like, damn, I hope the bathroom is at the front.
(33:46):
And I had been there before and I could not remember.
I was like, but I'm going to hit this door.
I'm gone. I'm done. So I talked to the host at the front and I was like,
look, I came here with a complete
asshole tonight I was like I do want to make
sure that you know I whether he was so he's
like oh uh yeah he looked at what tape because we had reservations uh
(34:08):
whatever and he was like okay I got it
whatever so he called the waitress over and he was like you know this is for
whatever he explained and I was I just told her I was like I am so sorry I was
like the waitress the waitress yeah I was like this is my first time ever meeting
him you know I don't know him but I'm uh I have I have to apologize on his behalf.
(34:29):
So whatever. I was like, so I hope this will cover, you know, whatever he orders.
And then, you know, whatever's left is a tip for you or whatever, you know.
Check the money bag in the comments for Jimmy because. And then I left.
That was just so, like, stand upish of you. Because I would have told the waitress,
here go this money, bitch. Go ahead and pocket that.
And then charge him for whatever the fuck because I'm out of here.
(34:52):
Well, you know. And, hey, I was out the door so she could have done that.
And, of course, we came in separate cars, so I blocked him on the Dayton site.
I blocked his number and all that stuff. I never heard from his ass again.
But, you know, it happened.
So since we're on D's, since I moved here, there was a detective,
(35:13):
but he actually ghosted me.
You know, I am the very nice, demure, that word keeps coming up over and over these days.
But I, you know, have never been really into the whole, like,
one-night-stand thing.
(35:34):
Not loose, not out here in these streets, you know. Not homey.
Look, right, this coochie got to last me forever. Well, I say,
I think she get the last. That's right.
No, actually, first, let me, nothing. We won't even get into that.
It ain't happening. Whatever you got in mind for this coochie or whatever you
want to call it. What they call it? A bussy. What is that?
(35:56):
Anyway. So. Not the bussy.
So. Oh, my God. So, finally.
I'm talking to this dude on the dating site. We're going back and forth.
And finally, I say, you know what, Jimmy? me you never just let let go and just
(36:17):
do your thing i was like you know what i'm gonna go ahead and be a hoe because
it was true that he was very no you said it's gonna be a hoe for it.
Right so because he had said you know like he wasn't interested in whatever,
so i um said you know what i'm gonna do it
(36:38):
so he was like all right i'm gonna text you the address or whatever
so i was like okay i'm ready i was
like i'm you know what let's do this right yeah
motherfucking never text me the address right so i'm like okay so time goes
by text him like hey didn't get the address radio silence like now you got me
(37:00):
hot and bothered i don't finally decided I said,
if this ain't God telling me you ain't built to be a hoe.
Shut up, God. I'm trying to be Annie Streets, bitch. Nope.
God stepped in. God cut off his cell phone or something. I don't know.
He probably was creeping.
That's probably what the fuck it was. He was creeping. Well, I done ran into that.
(37:22):
Yeah. You know, these married dudes or whatever. And let me tell you something
about the married dudes. What?
That's sneaking around. They ain't never the top. They always the bottom.
They always getting drilled. And these.
What did Janet say? Oh, so you doing the bending? Oh, wow. Oh,
(37:43):
so you doing the bending? Right. Oh, yeah.
The Tyler Perry movie, right? Yes. I can't believe. First of all,
Michael Early, how the fuck did you throw them kids out the window?
I'm just so upset. I used to love you in a barbershop. Lord have mercy.
Okay. We back on top. That was a character. Not. No. Okay. Anyway.
So, in that case, I got ghosted. Another time. Well, you really can't call it ghosted.
(38:04):
Well, he never responded again. He never, he cut off all communication.
So, when we look at that definition, he cut off all communication.
Okay, yeah. He didn't have an explanation.
I just never heard from him again, even when I, the couple. Because,
first of all, don't get it twisted.
This fat bitch over here ain't going to ever be sweating nobody.
(38:25):
Right? At all, right? At all. So, you know, but I'm just reasonably concerned
or whatever, trying to figure out what happened.
But then after like that second, I'm like, well, hey, it wasn't meant to be. Did it say delivered?
Oh, I don't remember. That I don't remember. But, you know, hey, it is what it is.
Like I said, that was the good God above telling me that you ain't got no business.
(38:50):
The good God above telling me that ho ain't in your future. So that was that.
There was the fetish guy this
mother i mean excuse me let me stop cursing y'all i gotta
behave my no i don't so the fetish guy
was wait are you wait
(39:11):
okay are you open to fetishes let me
say this we have a whole episode on
fetishes coming up so i'll make sure y'all basically he's super skinny he has
this thing where he wants to feed me he.
(39:37):
I don't know i look at i like food i like type of cheese i love a meal bitch
we can go to a restaurant but when it comes to like when you feel like Like, object or whatever.
Wait, what? He want to, like, fork feed you? Oh, yes. He wants to feed me. He wants to rub my belly.
(40:00):
Oh, no, that's too far. Yes. And while having sex, he wants me to be eaten and all this. I'm like...
Oh my God, no. You are lying. I am not lying. Wait, so, okay.
We have to back up. Oh, I almost said it. We have to back up.
Because with stuff like this, right? Mm-hmm.
I want to know, like, okay, everybody has their kinks.
(40:24):
Yes. I like dirty talk. Yes. You know, when you with somebody,
like, you have those conversations because you want to be able to,
you know, fulfill that person's thing.
But when you're dating somebody or you're just meeting somebody,
do you come off the back and be like, yeah, I'd like for you to eat while I
fuck you. So here's the thing. I'm going to rub your stomach while I put those down your throat.
There are a lot of fetish-focused sites out there.
(40:50):
And the way I see it, if that is something you're into, you either,
like you said, maybe put that on your profile.
Right. Or that should be earlier in the conversation.
This month you know it was one of those things
it was almost like frank ass where he just
kept sliding it in there slide right what
(41:10):
was frank this motherfucking frank spanish
was was travel goddamn right so frank
wanted to be a suitcase bitch so but but and oh shit oh shit oh shit not i didn't
mean to say his name right so um oh my god anyway right so but the other guy.
(41:38):
Like i said you i i should have known about that before you know we start talking
because i was like okay and i'm talking about we talking every day or whatever
you know and it kept leading back to food and i noticed that like we'll be talking
and then he'd be like so i can rub your belly.
(41:58):
Of course you can Of course you can rub my belly if you want to And that's how
it started And he's like You want me to feed you?
What do you mean? Like, take me out? Like, I don't know what...
Did you keep a straight face out of it at home, like, reading that shit?
Listen, first, it was one of those, like, where you kind of stop and go, fuck is he? Huh?
(42:21):
What? You know, so I was like, okay, well, maybe I'm just misinterpreting this,
you know. So I ask clarifying questions.
Like, are you talking about going out to a restaurant? No. Why we do it?
I want to feed you. The fuck? I want to...
Do fellatio on you i'm trying to be calm for
(42:41):
the heterosexual engineer here i want to
feed you while i'm doing fellatio on
you and i'm like first of all i'm thinking the logistics of that the logistics
so you doing that and you got a fork up here in my mouth how does it work jim
(43:02):
you are so sophisticated because you followed up with questions to
clarify yes i would have been screenshotting putting that shit in the group
chat with my bitches with britney kira and all of them like look at this that's
your whole click that whole would have been in the group chat so quick like
what i'm supposed to say y'all,
because you know like but you don't want to judge people at the same time but
(43:22):
it's like you said the logistics of that is what i think there was one person
i told about that oh Oh, my God.
I don't know if I told her or not. But anyway. What did you say to him?
Oh, that was a person I ghosted. So eventually I ended up cutting off all communication.
And I, unfortunately, because of how we started, he had my phone number and my messenger.
(43:49):
So he had blocked them both. He just kept, I mean, kept sending messages, kept sending.
And I didn't want to just block him or whatever. First of all,
I needed time to figure out what I was going to do.
But then when this motherfucker kept talking about sandwiches,
I was like, you know what?
I was like, yeah, we good. I'm going to hit you up when I'm hungry.
And I just exited stage left. I blocked him on everything. What did he do for a living?
(44:12):
No, I won't say that because it will. He was in construction type stuff.
I'll say that. What was his nationality?
What was his what? Nationality. Oh, he was white.
That was here. Do you think, like, because sometimes, you know,
you kind of want to have an open mind to stuff.
I do have an open mind, but we'll talk about that in the fetish episode. Okay.
(44:34):
Oh, my God. This is getting so juicy.
So, you don't want to know another fetish, and we'll talk about that in that episode, too.
Another fetish, since I've moved here, that is another thing that will cause
me to ghost you is the black fetish.
Like, these people—it's one thing to say, you know, I'm white and I'm open to
(44:55):
a relationship with a black person.
You know, love is love if you find somebody, whatever, right?
But it's altogether different when it's that whole, I'm looking for a thug and—,
Then you have some folks just the opposite of that. And we'll talk about that
in the fetish episode who have that white power fetish where they,
(45:16):
you know, they're white, you're black.
They want you to call them master and all, you know, whatever.
So that type of thing. But, but that black thug thing is more common than you would think.
The minute I start Seeing the messages
I want your big black cock in me And I was like You know what Let me get Let
(45:38):
me exit stage left now Wait Those who know Jimmy You said what Wait Those who
know Jimmy Know Jimmy Jimmy I want you to give me Your impression Of the big
black gangster cock What,
No Your impression Of what you think They were looking for What What.
(45:58):
They wanted you to be like yeah yo
yo motherfucker you're right
and i'm like oh my god like no right that's not me i'm not me at all so but
you know what was so surprisingly like all jokes are sad that just does not
show up in the i want to say like bedroom or the fetish world that shows.
(46:22):
Up like in the corporate world too because I am
one of three black people that work for my
company like like national wide like
three it's three of us and whenever
something racial happens it's so funny to
me because I had a co-worker and I
guess like somebody you know a customer or whatever
(46:45):
or a client requested that they
only they made it very clear they only wanted to
market to the whites they
did not want to market to the black community or the
mexican community and they did not specifically say black or
mexican they they said well no
they said that but they said spics and i
(47:07):
don't want to uh yeah they went back so there's
no way i have to be like a little old or whatever but and
it was like yeah i want the picture of only whites
we do not blah blah and by her.
Being white now she could have been in the most sincere person ever
but she came to me and because i'm one of the
black people there she wanted to make it a point to
(47:28):
prove to me like do you know what this
client just said this client just said blah blah
blah and to me it's just i'm just
like oh what really okay so i
it just don't just doesn't happen sexually it happens
professionally remember i've been in corporate america for a very very long
(47:48):
time and i've had so many of those conversations even school college i still
remember when on my campus there were not that many black people so like i remember
people would come up with just the oddest comments like, hey.
I heard Stevie Wonder yesterday.
Oh, my God, he's awesome. Hey, bitch, what?
(48:11):
The fuck are you talking about? Yes. Did you know he's blind,
but he can play the piano?
Bitch, you've been doing it since the 60s. God. You know?
It just be like anything black that they can connect to.
But, you know, I understand that, you know, a lot of times people don't have
exposure to a certain community, I mean, especially with college where you have
(48:33):
people coming in from all over and now they're in the big city and they see this big old black man.
Let me tell him about the last black thing I saw.
But I just used to crack up. Yes, that is so uncomfortable. Yeah,
but I mean, you know, it is what it is. And a lot of times it was innocent, but still.
But I want to talk about the psychology of ghosting. Like, you know, is it healthy?
(48:57):
You know, because it can be a relief, right? Right.
For the person who's doing the ghosting that is like, yeah, I'm not dealing with that. Right.
But it could also make you feel guilty as well. And then also,
you know, you have to also consider that when a person gets ghosted,
(49:17):
you know, they that could be hurtful to them.
They could feel disrespected or whatever. But then even from their perspective,
it might be kind if they can't deal with it. So what we're going to do is we're
going to take a quick song break.
And since I was talking about my ghost, I feel like such an asshole for ghosting.
So I'm going to play a song called I'm a Jerk. Y'all listen to this.
(49:38):
And this is how I felt after this little song.
Music.
(51:25):
Outro Music.
Music.
(52:52):
I'm a jerk. All righty. Welcome back.
All right. So we are getting back to it. So that was a song,
I'm a Jerk, again, available on iTunes.
Go get that. Go get it. So we want to get back into it.
(53:14):
So again, I want to talk about sort of the psychology behind ghosting.
You know, first of all, is it disrespectful to the other person?
You know, you know, do we owe them an explanation when we have decided this is not for us?
Shows lack of immaturity in communication. Lack of immaturity or a lack of maturity.
(53:38):
That's what I wrote down in my notes.
No, because I had. No, yeah. I really had time to sit down and think about it.
But that's from my point of view. Yeah.
When I ghost people Like I said It comes from a point of like I just don't want.
To confront it Because I'm back With whoever I'm back with Yeah You know what
I mean But that's immature of me Because I should have sat down And even I had
(53:59):
to sit down But I should have had The conversation of Look This was fun You
know what I'm saying I was in between Whatever whatever,
But that makes the other person Feel bad And I'm a shitty person for that Gotcha Gotcha Gotcha,
Reflecting No,
But I feel you though Because for me, like I said, in some cases,
(54:22):
like I said, if it's for cause,
then I don't owe you shit. You don't. Right.
If it was another situation where I was just like, okay, what is this? What is this? Right.
And I'm like, let me back away from this because this ain't for me.
If that person was to somehow...
(54:42):
Somehow get back in touch with me i wouldn't i
would tell them you know why if they asked but because that's the scary part
because when you see this person again it's it's more of how do you react are
you with somebody or are you by yourself when you see this person and what if
this person is bold enough to come up to you to be like oh yeah so you would
(55:02):
walk the bam right here They don't want to do that with me.
That K-Town's going to come out to me. Look, don't let this gay shit fool you.
Don't let this sophisticated shit fool you. I will beat your ass. Beat your ass.
So, but no, that I wouldn't be too concerned.
Like I said, I think sometimes an explanation might be due.
(55:25):
But in most cases, like, look, it's part of the game, too.
You know, everything ain't going to work out for everybody.
But why is it a game? because then we complain about the
game but then we play it right right well
i will just say with dating there is
the possibility that that could happen that somebody ain't interested in you
and that doesn't mean that they're going to take the time to tell you why and
(55:49):
all of that so that's that now when we ask the question is it hurtful to the
person that's being ghosted of of course.
And then obviously, yeah, it could be.
But let me tell you, for one thing, in a lot of those instances that it happened
to me, I've taken it, first of all, my approach in life, period,
(56:10):
is everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to happen, right?
I don't believe in accidents, mistakes, luck, and all of that.
Things happen the way they are supposed to happen. And if you just disappeared
out of my life or whatever without
explanation, I'm good with it because maybe I just dodged a bullet.
(56:32):
Maybe that was God stepping in and said, yeah, this ain't for you,
dog. You don't want this in your life.
What if it was good, though? What if the sex was good? I ain't never got that
far. First of all, you fuck with me on that level.
You ain't leaving. I'm going to leave you.
I'm just saying. I'm just going to put it out there. So, what? Shit.
(56:56):
If we done got that far off, I had you looking for me with a flashlight in the
middle of the desert in daytime. Shit.
So, now the only time that I was bothered by being ghosted is if it was somebody
I thought there was a future with or whatever. You know what I mean? The possibility.
(57:17):
Yeah. So, you're like, wait, I thought we were...
You know a good match but other than that i'm good
like i'll take it as real you know i'll
i'll just consider it like i said it just wasn't
meant to be i mean i still do that with those other ones but
but when it comes down to saying you
(57:37):
know hey i saw a future with this person or
i could see what hey but i think that's why people yeah
but i think that's why people have people on the back burner so it's
not necessarily ghosting it's ghosting them for that time being
because like that's your plan b now i have a good friend who always encourages
me to date multiple people right so that like you said there's options or whatever
(58:03):
i don't have that type of well i have focus and,
And but I don't know. I can't sit around juggling people.
So I'm a one at a time type of guy. It's the error, I think.
Or not the error. She's been telling me this for about 15 years.
But anyway, I just can't juggle it like that.
(58:25):
I say juggling right as you're adjusting your titties.
Maybe the whole phase in you. And you know what? I've never had a whole phase.
But see, this is what I want people to separate whole phases.
I think when I say whole phases, let me make this very clear.
When I say whole phases, I mean just a phase in dating.
You know what I mean? You don't necessarily have to have sex with that person.
(58:48):
If you want to, you want to. But it don't necessarily have to mean sex.
You know what I'm saying? But the whole phase that I'm talking about,
maybe you wasn't in your whole phase yet when you was like, okay,
this person is for this, this person is for that. But maybe you need to see
that because it all comes about how we was groomed, too, today.
Right, right. In the last episode, we talked about, you know,
(59:10):
am I enough and, you know, things like that.
Like, how were we groomed or what was we raised to believe in?
Because it was just more of, it was just more of, I'm a little tipsy, but. Drunk ass.
No. But no, I feel you. I feel you. Did we start dating at a younger age?
(59:34):
Did who start dating at a younger age? Just in general.
Did I start dating at a young age? I started working at a young age. My little ass.
Anyway, maybe that was a problem. I got it in early and then,
no, but no. Do you think that makes like a difference?
(59:55):
It made, the difference it made for me was when everybody else was thirsty and
whatever. I'm like, yeah, been there, done that, whatever.
Right. So I wrote the book. I had a girl. Oh, let me, should I tell this?
Tell it i'm here i'm i'm gonna get
the tea for y'all come on i had a girl back you
know you know everybody got a past everybody got
(01:00:17):
a past there was a time when them vagina i
don't know why them vaginas disgust me so much now but
back in the day i was good with them and uh there was this song i remember this
girl she asked me to come over her house after school damn i'm probably this
was high school i'm not gonna say her name shit anyway she had asked asked me
(01:00:37):
to come over her house after And I remember this song was on. I remember that.
And if I ever fall in love. Boyz II Men?
No, it was Shy. Shy was the name of the groove. Okay. And, you know,
at the end, it has these high notes.
Something you would never be my friend. My friend. Yeah. You know, that.
(01:00:57):
So she was like, you think you could hit those notes? I was like,
this whole album. I was like, this whole, you're trying to get some, whatever.
Whatever. So I was like, yeah, she was like, you can hit the high one.
Then I'll give you some. Thanks.
Okay.
You did that, motherfucker. Did. And did. And did. And did, right? Comment below, and did.
(01:01:24):
Anyway, that was a long time ago. High school was a long time ago, people.
So anyway, but moving on. But, you know, how did we get on that?
I don't even know. I don't know either.
But anyway, when it comes to ghosting, the last sort of question,
I think, is can it be a kindness
(01:01:44):
that you're offering that other person because like
i said some people can't take rejection some people
can't take what they you know
what areas they didn't fulfill now other people like look at it as constructive
and want to know okay well i know to do better or present myself in a different
way all of that but and also too it might be a way to safeguard somebody's mental health, you know?
(01:02:11):
Because then you think if you would have went back to the table.
It's because your pussy stank.
I hate fucking you, bitch. They might take it hard.
Yeah, but I bet you she watched that motherfucker the next time. Maybe.
She gonna watch the next time. She gonna do what she's supposed to do for the next person.
(01:02:34):
But do you think if you would have went back to the table and told the guy like, look,
and and and remember what my note said my
note what did i say lack of maturity and confrontation i don't think it's maturity
i think it's just confrontation yeah because well not for me though really i
i've never had a problem with confident you know there's some people who are
(01:02:55):
non-confrontational right i don't have a problem with it like,
First of all, I'm not going to sit up and argue with nobody or anything like that ever.
So, you know, if you say A and I say B, then what are we fighting over?
You believe one thing, I believe something else. Which I'm okay with.
So I've never had that issue.
I also have never had the issue of, you know, confronting somebody about something
(01:03:20):
like, hey, it is what it is. You ain't going to whoop my ass.
Say it again, Jimmy. That's my motto. Not ever going to whoop this ass. Oh, okay.
Ever. Ever, right? Ever, ever? Listen, you might be the baddest person out there.
Look, I might be able to whoop your ass. You might be able to whoop my ass.
But I'm telling you, we'll be out here all day trying to find out.
(01:03:42):
Because I'm not just going to stand up and take no ass whooping. I know that.
But anyway, I think bottom line when it comes to being ghost.
People are, I mentioned this in our first episode. So people are responsible
for their own mental health, right?
Self-esteem is a steam of your damn self, right?
(01:04:08):
So you do have to make sure that you have all the mental guards in place and
all that. Now, don't get me wrong.
That doesn't mean that I want to, you know, I'm still very kind in the way I treat people.
And that's just, in general, I don't ever want the thing that I said or did
to be the last straw that caused you to jump off a bridge or whatever.
(01:04:31):
Don't put that on me. And mess up somebody's car when you land.
Stop it. Stop it.
So I don't want to be responsible for somebody doing some unaliving themselves.
Let's say that. All right. So I don't need that on my conscience.
So I would never say anything hurtful to anybody.
(01:04:54):
But again, you have to be responsible for your own mental health.
Because you don't know what people are dealing with. Right. Exactly.
All right. Well...
When I think about the sum of this, so I think about all the times I've ghosted
people and the different reasons why.
(01:05:14):
I have to ask myself then, am I an asshole?
So I will say no. I think I've been, I think I've only, the biggest reason is
when somebody has been an asshole.
And as far as I'm concerned, at that point, it's far game.
I mean, fair game. It is. And the other thing is that I've definitely been ghosted
(01:05:36):
more times than I've actually ghosted people, right?
And mostly online stuff, which, I mean, if it's at the phase where we ain't even met in person.
That don't even count. Who cares, right? Yeah. So I want to thank you all for joining us.
So today we talked about ghosting and I shared some of my experiences with ghosting
and being ghosted, right?
(01:05:58):
But, hey, it is what it is. I'd like to thank you, and if you can still stand
me, I want you to join us every week for another episode, because the next one is going to be juicy.
I want to thank Holly, as usual. Thank you.
Music.
Hello, and welcome to the Undateable Me podcast. I am your host,
the undateable Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sox Knob, and we have another episode of
our weekly show that deals with the struggles of relationships and dating,
but not just the problems.
Listen, we're on a journey to find solutions, and we're going to do it in a
very entertaining and vulnerable way.
(00:21):
I am back once again with my girl, Holly the Beamer.
Yes, yes, yes. So in today's episode,
I am telling a lot of my business y'all. If y'all came to be nosy.
Music.
(01:36):
All right, we are all set and ready to go. Like I said, today we are talking
about ghosting. What is ghosting?
Ghosting, according to AI and Google and all the other people,
is the act of suddenly ending communication with someone without explanation.
(01:57):
So today we want to know, A, is it healthy?
Is it hurtful? Is it disrespectful? Or is it kind? And, you know,
sometimes people are like, hey, you know, I don't want to know about myself type thing.
So we're going to be talking about all of those things.
So couldn't that bitch off? Holly.
(02:18):
Oh, I should mention that I am back with Holly once again. Did I say that already?
I'm getting old, y'all. Anyway, so welcome back, Holly.
And my first question to you is, have you ever been ghosted?
I haven't been ghosted, but I've ghosted somebody. That was going to be my next
question. Have you ghosted somebody?
All right. Tell us about who's your ghost.
(02:41):
Jordan, close your ears out there in engineering land. Right.
I think it's different from men and women. I think more women ghost men than men ghost women.
Unless they just want to fucking get on. Like the one night stands.
Maybe that's considered more ghost than for men. Like one night stands.
Yeah. But what did it say? I think Google says it's the fear of confrontation.
(03:04):
Ooh, the fear. Yeah, I could see that, too. Yeah.
And I think people ghost in certain areas of their life.
Like, say you break up with somebody,
and you think it's going to be long-term, but it's not long-term.
And you just hop over to the next person, and then when you and your ex get
back cool, then you're like, oh, I got to cut this motherfucker off.
And then you just, that motherfucker don't hear from you no more.
(03:25):
That's like a hard ghost.
Yes, I feel you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So...
Ask me if I've ever been ghosted. Have you ever been ghosted?
Oh, my God, yes. A lot of times. Why?
Ask me if I've ghosted people.
Hell yes. I already know you ghosted people. I ain't even worried about that.
You don't know that. I want to know why people ghosting you.
(03:49):
It's mostly ghosting me. I only know one thing in particular because most of the time, obviously,
when you get it goes to you never get the opportunity to find out why right
now i did ask one guy one time,
and he said i was intimidating
i can see that damn you're
(04:12):
supposed to say not you
jimmy or whatever he was intimidated by your
stature he was intimidated by your presence by your financial
means of how you carry yourself specifically said so
this was we were on a dayton app or
whatever so he did what in our
i think it's our next one of our
(04:34):
other episodes we're going to be talking about how
i research people online well he
did the same thing so he he found my
first of all from my dayton profile the photos
that were there and then he found my facebook and instagram
okay and so he was saying that he
as he went through he was like the very first thing he saw was my title which
(04:58):
where's my oh that must be like the profile i think it just says about me no
no it had my job what i do for a living okay so he was like first of all you
were director he was like i worked at at a restaurant. He was like, I want dishes.
And I was like, I wasn't coming for you for your damn money.
Right. You know what I mean?
(05:19):
The other thing he was like, as I'm scrolling through your Facebook albums and
stuff, he was like, I see trips to Rome and Paris and stuff like that.
He was like, what did he say?
He said something like the farthest he's ever been was Vegas or something like that.
So, you know. Should have talked to daddy. Daddy could have, you know.
(05:42):
Listen, dumbass. Motherfucker could have. Oh, sorry. He could have came up, honestly.
But anyway. way no like if you get that
genuine connection with somebody like you upgrade their
lifestyle and my thing i have never closed the door to folks who in a certain
field right yeah because again i'm not out here for somebody's money right i
(06:03):
make my own right i'm not trying to because it's a lot of folks that's trying
to move in with people but i'm not trying to move in with nobody because i I got my own home, right?
And I don't need a ride. I got a car or whatever the case may be.
So the other person's finances has never been a consideration really for me.
(06:24):
Do you put that in your little bio for online dating?
I put stuff in there like, just be you. I'm the least judgmental person you
ever want to meet, blah, blah, blah, whatever, stuff like that.
But I don't specifically say anything.
I don't even mention like house cars. Because you don't want to attract scrubs,
(06:44):
too. Right. That, too, right?
So that was the only person that I actually got feedback from as far as why
they ghosted me. And what did you do after that?
I thanked them, you know, because like I said, it had been a while.
And by the way, by the time I circled back around to him and asked him that,
he was actually now dating somebody.
(07:05):
Because it had been a while. I just happened to come across his profile again.
I was like, you know what?
I'm going to ask him, like, you know what I mean? Because you get tired of it, like, over and over.
But he said the main thing was I was intimidating.
He said it looked like he couldn't sort of keep up with the life,
that our lifestyles didn't match up in that way. Did he start dating another dishwasher?
(07:28):
Right. I just want to know.
Who knows? Yeah. No shade. Listen, Mo Power, wherever you are,
brother, Mo Power to you. I wish you well. And I thank you for the feedback.
Yeah, because it's needed. Because you want to know what you're doing wrong. It's just like school.
Not really. So let me tell you this. For me...
(07:51):
You know how I've had so many friends who, and it's not even a woman thing,
but this has mostly been with my female friends,
like when they have broken up with somebody or been ghosted or whatever,
like they want to know why.
Well, I want to get to the bottom of it. My thing is like, look,
(08:11):
if this shit is over, I'm good.
What else we got to talk about? You know what I mean? I don't have to get down
to the bottom of why, what went wrong, what could I do better.
I mean, you know, it just didn't work between us. So I'm good.
I don't need that why. That's a good man, Savannah.
(08:34):
What is that from? Wait to exhale when a mama was like, that's a good man,
Savannah. I can't with you.
So, yeah, so that was the only time I got feedback.
Back and and like i said i've ghosted people
too mostly online has been the majority
of them because it's easier yes it's
(08:55):
easier online than it is in person oh yeah you know i think that's added a whole
new element to dating now obviously because a you do get to from a distance
it's almost like you're choosing some shit out of catalog right exactly but
you also if it's not Not going the direction you want it to go.
Now, I'm not so harsh as to just end it abruptly online without saying anything.
(09:18):
I will actually say, like, you know what? I think I'm going a different direction.
Oh, you do that? I will, yeah. If we're actually communicating or whatever.
Now, there are some things where when it starts to go left, I'm out there. I'm out of there.
You know, I'm not sticking around for that. And I'll tell you about some of those things.
(09:41):
But you know, in our first episode, we talked about,
People who present themselves one way and then when you show up as a whole other person,
you know, they took that camera, got that camera angle just right where they
big ass look like they're a size two or whatever. Because I've mastered it.
(10:05):
But you cute. You got your booty. You got your titties out.
If I had gotten a memo, I'd have pulled mine out too.
Episode two, we got to come strong, Jimmy. right so that
said you know sometimes you get there
and this person is a whole different person from who you yeah you know clicked
(10:28):
you know match to or whatever like or you swiped right to right yeah and then
you show up and you like oh what i have a friend this isn't a dating situation
but But, damn, I should not say this.
You got to throw names out there. I'm not going to do the name.
Yeah, I'm going to throw the name. No, I'm definitely not going to say the name.
Okay. But I'll just say I have a social media friend.
(10:52):
I won't say whether it's Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or whatever.
But this person who was a former student of mine, who I've seen for years and
I know what she looks like. Like, she is, like, a darker skinned person.
Like, not quite as dark as this shirt. But, Holly, baby, every picture you see
(11:16):
of her, she's your color. Why?
First of all, there's probably, this is why I didn't want to do this,
there's probably a little bit of self-hate going on there.
But every single one of her pictures, you would think she's light-skinned.
I don't know why. I love a dark-skinned female. Like, I don't eat no carpet
or nothing, but my skin is just so nice.
(11:38):
Look, get me on vacation. I will be every shade.
When they called us colored back in the day, they was talking about my black ass.
Because I can be four different shades in one day.
I'd be light-skinned in the morning, goddammit, and calm or chocolate in the evening.
I'd just be burnt. I'd be trying. I'm going to put the bronze on,
(11:58):
though. You like my mama. Y'all clear. Yeah. I think my mama lighter than you. I'm quiet.
So, you know, when you present yourself in one way and then somebody you they're
expecting what they saw online and then in person, it's a completely other,
you know, different thing than what they expect.
Then, hey, you know, you should expect folks to disappear on you,
(12:22):
ghost you, not call you back.
Because I think I mentioned in that episode, I have a friend who sort of suffers
from that where she can't figure out why she never gets past the first date.
And that's because when they show up, they see the real you.
All of the real you. All of the real you. Shade.
(12:44):
I'm just saying, you know. Yeah. I mean, but that's understandable because if
you were on the other end of that, you'd be like, hold on.
Is it left or right? I don't know.
Do you swipe right or left? Swipe left if you don't want them.
And then swipe right if you didn't. Listen, just to make sure,
because there's usually also like an X or something you can do.
(13:05):
Because i'm always afraid i'm gonna forget and swipe the wrong direction which
i have done by accident before now i got some 70 year old hey i see you like
me i was like oh fuck no i didn't,
shut dusty ass off who the fuck said you could get in my shit what the fuck
bad am i giving off that you up in my shit right so i've i sent you the one
(13:29):
picture that you see the type of crazy Crazy stuff I get. But anyway.
And then another thing, by the way, for ghosting, sometimes it might be for
safety issues. Or I'll say for cause.
You know what I mean? Right. Like, yeah, this don't seem like the safest situation.
Let me get out this jam. Yeah, and that could be in person or whatever.
Like, you do that. Hey, I'm going to run to the bathroom.
(13:52):
You've done that? But not for that. I did it because the person was an asshole.
And something else. I'll tell you about that. Oh, my God. I thought that was like only in movies.
No, I did it. Now, one thing I did do is I paid before I left,
though, because I didn't want to hear no shit about, you know,
I left him with the bill or whatever.
(14:15):
I was like, fuck, I ain't going to see this motherfucking no more.
No way. Oh, well, chop it up. Yeah.
So I'll tell you the very first time I got ghosted.
Was, no, I'm saying I got ghosted. I'm sorry.
The very first time that I ghosted somebody, this was before online dating. This was a long time ago.
So I was at a party, it was a charity event.
(14:35):
And I got in my company to donate.
During that time, I was in the
airline industry. So I got in my company to donate some airline tickets,
like a travel package for the silent auction for that
event right and so at
the event they think i just started remembering stuff
(14:57):
about this so so at the event they thanked me
like uh over the thing you know for the i almost said the name of the airline
i'm not gonna do that either them hoes so i'm just joking i had a wonderful
time in my 27 years in the airline industry so anyway so they thanked me so
afterwards there was this This guy, I say his name, his name was Frank.
(15:19):
Oh, now you're putting it out there. Right. I didn't say his last name. So his name was Frank.
And like I said, this is years ago, long before online dating and all that.
So Frank makes his way over to me and he introduced himself.
Hey, so you work in the airline industry and blah, blah, blah,
all this stuff. So we started talking, right?
(15:40):
And we exchanged phone numbers. So there was this lady, I almost said her name
too. I won't say her. She's a friend.
She's actually, hello, she's a Facebook friend, actually, still.
So she was like, she was like, Frank is an asshole.
She was like, Frank just uses people.
She gave you the leg up. Yeah, she was like, he will use you until he get what
(16:02):
he want, and then he will just toss you to the side, right?
So I had that in the back of my head, but I didn't want to just judge him off what somebody said.
You know, I'm trying to be fair to Frank, right?
Fuck Frank. Anyway, but I was trying to be fair to Frank. So we started talking on the phone.
(16:24):
And I swear, it started off with him. He's like, yeah, so you get buddy passes, right?
And I'm like, yeah, you know, whatever. All right, so let's get back to it.
Wait, did he work for the airline too? No, no, no, no, no, he didn't.
Okay, so he was just like a guest there.
He was trying to benefit from my benefits, right?
(16:46):
So, you know, we're trying to get to know each other, whatever.
We didn't even went on our first date, nothing yet. So I met him at the party.
He came out the door, actually, with his hand. And I'm talking about,
we just, a few minutes into the conversation, so that's where it goes.
I'm like, okay, whatever.
Next time I talk to him, because we're trying to set up, you know,
when we're going to meet and all of this stuff.
He go right back to, yeah, so, with the flight thing, do you have to be with me every time?
(17:15):
No, that was another time after that. But he was asking, do I have to be with
him when he travels and all this stuff. Bitch, who said I was going to give
it to you? Right, you know.
So once I started seeing that it was going down that road that,
ooh, I almost said her name, that the lady told me about, then I was like, yeah, you know what?
(17:37):
I remember, no, because then I don't even know if blocking numbers was a thing.
I just, I remember he would call. I just would not answer, would not answer, would not answer.
Yeah, I don't think back then we had a real easy way to block.
Like we do now. Didn't we have to call the phone company or something like that?
I don't know. Because people start calling private.
(17:57):
Cause people start calling private because you went and said a number.
Right. Right. Well, well he just, like I said, he kept calling and just kept
calling. I just faded out. Like, yeah, no, you're not going to sit here and use me.
One thing I'm not is a tool.
And then bitch, you're not even being discreet. Right. Right.
I'm talking about, we can be talking about roses and that shit would turn right back to.
(18:20):
So can you use it to go to Europe? Thank you.
You know what? How good that mouth is. That's what I... Bitch, you suck a good dick.
You gotta suck a lot of dick to get to Europe, bitch. Okay. You gotta get them
air miles. Oh, you're right.
So, that was, you know, my very first experience with Frank.
(18:43):
And actually, if I'm being honest, that sort of cued me into something. You put me on to the Dr.
Cheyenne Bryant and Nick Cannon situation.
So much to unpack there. Yeah, there is a lot to unpack there.
And I will say, I was with Nick.
Then I wasn't with Nick. Like, nah, Nick, you can't say that.
(19:05):
Then I'm with Nick again. Like, yeah, yeah.
Then he'll say something else. I'm like, fuck, Nick. Why are you opening your mouth right now?
Because you really won't. You want to support his stuff. So bad.
But you know it's fucked up. And let me not call the man dumb.
He's a good, I really do like him.
Now, let me say this too, before I go any further.
(19:25):
Remember when they were doing a Wild N Out tour or whatever?
So we went and so in Chicago, they had two shows that night.
So we were at the first show.
So me and my girl, we were there.
I had gone to, because we were there early for the VIP reception and all of that stuff, right?
Taking the pictures and stuff like that. So I left and went out to the concession stand.
(19:51):
So I'm, you know, getting our drinks, nachos and all the stuff they got. Right.
Tell me why I come back in because I heard the show starting.
I was like, damn, you know, and, you know, the worst thing you can do at a comedy
show is be coming down the damn aisle in the middle of a show.
Right. So here I am coming down the aisle and I had on a suit jacket. it. I was dressed...
(20:19):
Like business casual almost, you know, like out for a nice evening.
But that's our signature look. That is me normally, right?
So jacket, slacks, whatever.
So I'm coming. I got the two trays. Oops, sorry. I got two trays of food.
I got drinks and all of this stuff.
And it was Nick Cannon and what is his name? I can't think of the other guy's
(20:40):
name. DC Fly. No, not him. DC Young Fly.
But he's with him on that 87. The bald guy.
No, I don't think he's bald. Carlos Miller. Carlos Miller. That's who it was.
So I'm coming down the aisle with all this shit in my hand or whatever.
And Carlos was like, look at him coming down the aisle. Look, look, look.
And I look up and I was like, oh, fuck. They talking about me, right?
(21:04):
So he was like, man, shut up. That's somebody pastor.
He was like, man, shut up. Now, mind you, we had just been laughing with him
before the show and all this stuff. He was like, man, shut up.
That's somebody pastor.
And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck? He was like, man,
that's Bishop T.D. Jakes.
(21:26):
I was like, what the hell? First of all. You should have got him to get out
of here. Right. Because bitch don't play with me. I'm from K-Town.
So I'm still coming. Because obviously, I mean, what am I going to do?
I'm still coming. And we right up front, too.
So that's the even worse, right? So I'm coming up. And he was like,
look at all that shit. Oh, he got money.
Oh, he got money. I was like, oh, hell no, right?
(21:46):
And do. So that was the end of that little situation, right?
I'm thinking that's the end of that, right? So we move on with life.
Tell me why I get home. My son went to the later show.
Yeah, so my son went to the later show. Afterwards, when he comes back,
he gets a call from one of his friends from grade school.
And he was like, hey, your pops was at the Wild N' Out show.
(22:12):
They was going in on him. But it was funny, though. And I was like,
Lord, it is like you never know who looking, shit.
I was like, but anyway. So, but in either case, back to Nick Cannon and the Dr.
Cheyenne Bryant situation. So I'm just going to play this. This reminded me
of Frank, fuckboy Frank. Fuckboy Frank.
(22:35):
And this is what makes it difficult sometimes for women and men to trust folks, right?
And you wonder why Mariah left. But go ahead. You know, Nick didn't leave. No. Okay, anyway.
Have I been manipulative and prey on certain things? Yes, because I'm a man.
Right. But not all men do that. We don't want to blink at all men.
(22:56):
All men do not pray. and manipulate, not all men. First of all,
all humans pray and manipulate, but in a man and a relationship.
Not in a praying way. Not in a praying way. If I see that I can say,
okay, I feel like I need this and this person has this, I'm going to do and
say whatever I need to do to get this. But, Nick.
(23:17):
Now, listen. First of all, A, this idea.
That's that thing that people do when they project what they do on everybody else.
Like like the the guy who cheats thinks everybody cheats
i remember somebody saying that i think we were at work he was like well everybody
cheats no the fuck we don't what no that's you and the ones that's always like
(23:40):
i said accusing the girlfriend or the boyfriend of cheating when they're the
biggest cheater in the world right so i think we project and when he said that you know.
We i'm a man and we manipulate
like that's just the nature of a man it
was it was a bragging kind of you know what it it made me angry and it made
(24:03):
me angry because it made me angry because for one it was like the lifestyle
that he's trying to put to tray or let me use my word portray because i don't
want nobody getting on me in the comments share a comment make sure y'all get it right.
Bitch katie say bitch right
i've been drinking
(24:24):
but what he
would give me what people what i don't care
who nobody fucking or nothing like that but when you ask people opinions you
know then i have to give my opinion and you know a lot of people with the poly
relationships or and like he does he is making broken families you know what
(24:44):
i'm saying like no matter how you You try to glorify it or what you try to say,
because I have a childhood friend that's like that.
You know, he he has multiple girlfriends.
And the thing that they try to project onto you is, oh, it's not just about sex.
It's about and it could be, you know, like that's not my lifestyle. That's not what I do.
And for me, it's not even that. So the entirety of that interview.
(25:09):
Yes. You sort of see that I I was really just picking apart that one thing where
he says that, you know, when a man sees something that he wants,
then he gonna say whatever and do whatever to get it.
No, the fuck people don't. You know, and that leads to that whole idea of like
Frank, who, oh, he gonna tell me everything he think I want to hear in order
(25:31):
to get them down flight benefits.
Like, brother, if you don't take the Greyhound, bitch. Right.
Because that's all you're gonna be. Did I ever tell you I want to take the Greyhound
one day? I've never been on a Greyhound, but...
I want to do a Greyhound. That's like literally on my bucket list of things to do. It's dirty.
I haven't always heard of it. I want it to be the worst experience ever.
(25:52):
I want that shit to be like Spirit Airlines.
I want a motherfucker on there listening to music with no headphones.
I want the bathroom to stink. Baby's crying. I want it to be.
Yes, I want baby's crying.
I want it to go by on release day at the prison.
(26:12):
I want a motherfucker getting on with their shoelaces in their hand.
I want the full experience. Stereotypic experience. Yes, I want all of that.
But anyway, how did we get sidetracked on that?
But anyway, but, you know, when it comes down to that whole Nick Cannon thing,
I just don't understand how you feel like it's okay to manipulate people and
(26:35):
then try to accredit that as a trait of men.
Like, that's just something. And that's what, going back to,
like, it felt like he took off his mask for a really, she got him out of his,
and that's what I'm saying.
Like, they try to make it seem like it's about family, it's about being in a
community, but she fucking caught him.
He peeked behind that mask and he really said what the fuck he felt.
(26:58):
Oh, I like to manipulate. I'm going to tell you, I'm going to do this,
I'm going to do that, I'm going to fly you out.
Like, okay, and guess what? At the end of the day, it comes from your insecurities
because you know these bitches only with you because you got money,
because of what you can do.
If you ain't got shit bitch She not gonna be with you She not a Claire Huxtable
Although I did see a picture That thang thang One time of his You saw that too
You saw it We put it in the group chat,
(27:20):
Anyway We didn't put it in the group chat Moving on We gonna get right back
First of all I want y'all to know That Holly's husband Is engineering this session
So What he's probably hearing Back there He probably rolling his ass Like what
the fuck So Anyway Back to.
Ghosting Mm Yeah,
So I mentioned before that there was an instance in a restaurant where I walked out. Right.
(27:43):
So there was a dent this this guy, he was a dentist and there were a couple of things that got me.
So this we started out online and then from there we started talking on the
phone and then we decided to go to a restaurant.
And it's a nice restaurant. It's a French restaurant in Chicago.
It's kind of pricey called Babette's if anybody wants to go. Anyway, so.
(28:09):
Wait, what'd you order? I actually ended up not ordering anything.
Damn. Because I ended up leaving. But I did pay.
I left enough money where if he did order. I left $200. Play a shit.
So just in case. But in either case. So let me tell you why, though. So we get there.
We find. So this is our first time meeting in person. First of all, he was an asshole.
(28:35):
Just looking down his nose. Not to me. but looking down his nose to everybody.
White, black, Hispanic, black. Black, okay.
So I was like, I remember saying almost to me, like, this dude is an asshole,
you know? And I hate people.
One thing when I'm dating somebody, now I have this thing where you don't give
(28:56):
somebody a test without letting them know they're being tested.
However, because they'll fail every time. However, one thing I will do when
I'm dealing with somebody new, I will watch the way they treat service staff,
like waitresses and stuff like that.
And I will watch how they drive. Let me tell you about driving.
(29:19):
When you watch how somebody drives will tell you everything you need to know about that person.
That person that is aggressively getting in front of people,
honking their horn and not letting people pass them.
That is a person who gets shitted on in their life.
I'm telling you, that is a person who gets shitted on in life.
(29:39):
And the only place they have a little bit of control is behind the wheel of a car.
So how dare you try to get. You ever been on the expressway and person is going 65 in a 70.
So, you know what? Let me just go around this person. Now, all of a sudden,
they speeding up and won't let you. You don't want, you know.
(30:05):
Oh, all of a sudden, you got somewhere to go now, huh? Right.
But again, the only place when they're aggressive like that,
only place they have a little control is there.
So when you got that person that has a husband or a wife that shits on them
all day, got a boss that talk to them like they shit. All day going to shit. Right.
(30:26):
That's that person that's driving like that. Looking at it like,
bitch, you finna turn your shit up. Right.
So those two things. So in this case, I almost said his name,
the dentist was, I'm trying to protect these hoes.
Fuck him. Fuck Frank. Bring him out.
Oh, fuck Frank. I don't care about Frank. but anyway
so we get there he was so
(30:49):
rude to the waitress like rude rude
and and all what do you think he was doing did
he think he was bigging his up up in your man like you know i don't
know you don't know i could tell that this was just him energy you give off
such a loving and like good spirited energy like he should have felt like embarrassment
for the way he's acting well they do say opposites attract some i don't know
(31:11):
if maybe that's what it was but he was the opposite of anything I would do.
I would not have done anything that, I'm gonna say this damn name again.
I would not have done, we're just gonna call his ass the dentist.
But like I said, he was so rude, just ordering drinks and telling the waitress,
well, you don't know the menu and all this stuff.
(31:31):
Now, you know, the knights of the restaurant, baby, they know that menu.
Yeah. Because they're looking for them tips, which can be pretty big at some
of those restaurants, right? Right.
And then the really, really good ones, they don't even write it down.
They just be, you know, like memorizing that shit. Oh, yeah.
So, A, he was rude to the host when we got there. He was rude to the waitress.
(31:54):
I was like, this motherfucker is just rude. That's just all to it, right?
Then another thing that I know, and then just his conversation,
everything was down here. I was like, this dude is a fucking loser.
Like he think he, that, you know, the sun rises and sets across his ass and it don't.
(32:14):
But the other thing, he's a dentist.
Dentist that motherfucker was talking and he smiled and
his teeth was so jacked up and i
was like how my thing is this how
are you a dentist and you got messed up teeth how are
you a beautician and your hair fucked up that's why how are you a real estate
(32:37):
agent and you don't own a house i can't believe in you bitch right right look
at me sliding my tongue across my side tooth dismissing i don't trust you you
couldn't work in my mouth with your mouth His mouth looking like that.
His teeth were crossed like they were mad at each other.
So, you know. So that was another thing.
But when the waitress came back to take our order...
(33:03):
He was 10 times ruder than he was before. And I was like, oh, no, no.
So after she left, and actually all she was doing, and it had been a while,
we were talking a little bit.
She came back, hey, have you done, just, you know, like what they always do.
And he went off on her like, you trying to rush us and blah, blah, blah.
(33:24):
And all of a sudden, I said, oh, wow.
So she's like, okay, I'll be back or whatever. So after she walked away,
I was like, hey, you know what? Let me run to the bathroom.
She was white or she was something? The waitress was white.
After we left, I mean, after that, I was like, hey, I got to use the bathroom.
And I was like, damn, I hope the bathroom is at the front.
(33:46):
And I had been there before and I could not remember.
I was like, but I'm going to hit this door.
I'm gone. I'm done. So I talked to the host at the front and I was like,
look, I came here with a complete
asshole tonight I was like I do want to make
sure that you know I whether he was so he's
like oh uh yeah he looked at what tape because we had reservations uh
(34:08):
whatever and he was like okay I got it
whatever so he called the waitress over and he was like you know this is for
whatever he explained and I was I just told her I was like I am so sorry I was
like the waitress the waitress yeah I was like this is my first time ever meeting
him you know I don't know him but I'm uh I have I have to apologize on his behalf.
(34:29):
So whatever. I was like, so I hope this will cover, you know, whatever he orders.
And then, you know, whatever's left is a tip for you or whatever, you know.
Check the money bag in the comments for Jimmy because. And then I left.
That was just so, like, stand upish of you. Because I would have told the waitress,
here go this money, bitch. Go ahead and pocket that.
And then charge him for whatever the fuck because I'm out of here.
(34:52):
Well, you know. And, hey, I was out the door so she could have done that.
And, of course, we came in separate cars, so I blocked him on the Dayton site.
I blocked his number and all that stuff. I never heard from his ass again.
But, you know, it happened.
So since we're on D's, since I moved here, there was a detective,
(35:13):
but he actually ghosted me.
You know, I am the very nice, demure, that word keeps coming up over and over these days.
But I, you know, have never been really into the whole, like,
one-night-stand thing.
(35:34):
Not loose, not out here in these streets, you know. Not homey.
Look, right, this coochie got to last me forever. Well, I say,
I think she get the last. That's right.
No, actually, first, let me, nothing. We won't even get into that.
It ain't happening. Whatever you got in mind for this coochie or whatever you
want to call it. What they call it? A bussy. What is that?
(35:56):
Anyway. So. Not the bussy.
So. Oh, my God. So, finally.
I'm talking to this dude on the dating site. We're going back and forth.
And finally, I say, you know what, Jimmy? me you never just let let go and just
(36:17):
do your thing i was like you know what i'm gonna go ahead and be a hoe because
it was true that he was very no you said it's gonna be a hoe for it.
Right so because he had said you know like he wasn't interested in whatever,
so i um said you know what i'm gonna do it
(36:38):
so he was like all right i'm gonna text you the address or whatever
so i was like okay i'm ready i was
like i'm you know what let's do this right yeah
motherfucking never text me the address right so i'm like okay so time goes
by text him like hey didn't get the address radio silence like now you got me
(37:00):
hot and bothered i don't finally decided I said,
if this ain't God telling me you ain't built to be a hoe.
Shut up, God. I'm trying to be Annie Streets, bitch. Nope.
God stepped in. God cut off his cell phone or something. I don't know.
He probably was creeping.
That's probably what the fuck it was. He was creeping. Well, I done ran into that.
(37:22):
Yeah. You know, these married dudes or whatever. And let me tell you something
about the married dudes. What?
That's sneaking around. They ain't never the top. They always the bottom.
They always getting drilled. And these.
What did Janet say? Oh, so you doing the bending? Oh, wow. Oh,
(37:43):
so you doing the bending? Right. Oh, yeah.
The Tyler Perry movie, right? Yes. I can't believe. First of all,
Michael Early, how the fuck did you throw them kids out the window?
I'm just so upset. I used to love you in a barbershop. Lord have mercy.
Okay. We back on top. That was a character. Not. No. Okay. Anyway.
So, in that case, I got ghosted. Another time. Well, you really can't call it ghosted.
(38:04):
Well, he never responded again. He never, he cut off all communication.
So, when we look at that definition, he cut off all communication.
Okay, yeah. He didn't have an explanation.
I just never heard from him again, even when I, the couple. Because,
first of all, don't get it twisted.
This fat bitch over here ain't going to ever be sweating nobody.
(38:25):
Right? At all, right? At all. So, you know, but I'm just reasonably concerned
or whatever, trying to figure out what happened.
But then after like that second, I'm like, well, hey, it wasn't meant to be. Did it say delivered?
Oh, I don't remember. That I don't remember. But, you know, hey, it is what it is.
Like I said, that was the good God above telling me that you ain't got no business.
(38:50):
The good God above telling me that ho ain't in your future. So that was that.
There was the fetish guy this
mother i mean excuse me let me stop cursing y'all i gotta
behave my no i don't so the fetish guy
was wait are you wait
(39:11):
okay are you open to fetishes let me
say this we have a whole episode on
fetishes coming up so i'll make sure y'all basically he's super skinny he has
this thing where he wants to feed me he.
(39:37):
I don't know i look at i like food i like type of cheese i love a meal bitch
we can go to a restaurant but when it comes to like when you feel like Like, object or whatever.
Wait, what? He want to, like, fork feed you? Oh, yes. He wants to feed me. He wants to rub my belly.
(40:00):
Oh, no, that's too far. Yes. And while having sex, he wants me to be eaten and all this. I'm like...
Oh my God, no. You are lying. I am not lying. Wait, so, okay.
We have to back up. Oh, I almost said it. We have to back up.
Because with stuff like this, right? Mm-hmm.
I want to know, like, okay, everybody has their kinks.
(40:24):
Yes. I like dirty talk. Yes. You know, when you with somebody,
like, you have those conversations because you want to be able to,
you know, fulfill that person's thing.
But when you're dating somebody or you're just meeting somebody,
do you come off the back and be like, yeah, I'd like for you to eat while I
fuck you. So here's the thing. I'm going to rub your stomach while I put those down your throat.
There are a lot of fetish-focused sites out there.
(40:50):
And the way I see it, if that is something you're into, you either,
like you said, maybe put that on your profile.
Right. Or that should be earlier in the conversation.
This month you know it was one of those things
it was almost like frank ass where he just
kept sliding it in there slide right what
(41:10):
was frank this motherfucking frank spanish
was was travel goddamn right so frank
wanted to be a suitcase bitch so but but and oh shit oh shit oh shit not i didn't
mean to say his name right so um oh my god anyway right so but the other guy.
(41:38):
Like i said you i i should have known about that before you know we start talking
because i was like okay and i'm talking about we talking every day or whatever
you know and it kept leading back to food and i noticed that like we'll be talking
and then he'd be like so i can rub your belly.
(41:58):
Of course you can Of course you can rub my belly if you want to And that's how
it started And he's like You want me to feed you?
What do you mean? Like, take me out? Like, I don't know what...
Did you keep a straight face out of it at home, like, reading that shit?
Listen, first, it was one of those, like, where you kind of stop and go, fuck is he? Huh?
(42:21):
What? You know, so I was like, okay, well, maybe I'm just misinterpreting this,
you know. So I ask clarifying questions.
Like, are you talking about going out to a restaurant? No. Why we do it?
I want to feed you. The fuck? I want to...
Do fellatio on you i'm trying to be calm for
(42:41):
the heterosexual engineer here i want to
feed you while i'm doing fellatio on
you and i'm like first of all i'm thinking the logistics of that the logistics
so you doing that and you got a fork up here in my mouth how does it work jim
(43:02):
you are so sophisticated because you followed up with questions to
clarify yes i would have been screenshotting putting that shit in the group
chat with my bitches with britney kira and all of them like look at this that's
your whole click that whole would have been in the group chat so quick like
what i'm supposed to say y'all,
because you know like but you don't want to judge people at the same time but
(43:22):
it's like you said the logistics of that is what i think there was one person
i told about that oh Oh, my God.
I don't know if I told her or not. But anyway. What did you say to him?
Oh, that was a person I ghosted. So eventually I ended up cutting off all communication.
And I, unfortunately, because of how we started, he had my phone number and my messenger.
(43:49):
So he had blocked them both. He just kept, I mean, kept sending messages, kept sending.
And I didn't want to just block him or whatever. First of all,
I needed time to figure out what I was going to do.
But then when this motherfucker kept talking about sandwiches,
I was like, you know what?
I was like, yeah, we good. I'm going to hit you up when I'm hungry.
And I just exited stage left. I blocked him on everything. What did he do for a living?
(44:12):
No, I won't say that because it will. He was in construction type stuff.
I'll say that. What was his nationality?
What was his what? Nationality. Oh, he was white.
That was here. Do you think, like, because sometimes, you know,
you kind of want to have an open mind to stuff.
I do have an open mind, but we'll talk about that in the fetish episode. Okay.
(44:34):
Oh, my God. This is getting so juicy.
So, you don't want to know another fetish, and we'll talk about that in that episode, too.
Another fetish, since I've moved here, that is another thing that will cause
me to ghost you is the black fetish.
Like, these people—it's one thing to say, you know, I'm white and I'm open to
(44:55):
a relationship with a black person.
You know, love is love if you find somebody, whatever, right?
But it's altogether different when it's that whole, I'm looking for a thug and—,
Then you have some folks just the opposite of that. And we'll talk about that
in the fetish episode who have that white power fetish where they,
(45:16):
you know, they're white, you're black.
They want you to call them master and all, you know, whatever.
So that type of thing. But, but that black thug thing is more common than you would think.
The minute I start Seeing the messages
I want your big black cock in me And I was like You know what Let me get Let
(45:38):
me exit stage left now Wait Those who know Jimmy You said what Wait Those who
know Jimmy Know Jimmy Jimmy I want you to give me Your impression Of the big
black gangster cock What,
No Your impression Of what you think They were looking for What What.
(45:58):
They wanted you to be like yeah yo
yo motherfucker you're right
and i'm like oh my god like no right that's not me i'm not me at all so but
you know what was so surprisingly like all jokes are sad that just does not
show up in the i want to say like bedroom or the fetish world that shows.
(46:22):
Up like in the corporate world too because I am
one of three black people that work for my
company like like national wide like
three it's three of us and whenever
something racial happens it's so funny to
me because I had a co-worker and I
guess like somebody you know a customer or whatever
(46:45):
or a client requested that they
only they made it very clear they only wanted to
market to the whites they
did not want to market to the black community or the
mexican community and they did not specifically say black or
mexican they they said well no
they said that but they said spics and i
(47:07):
don't want to uh yeah they went back so there's
no way i have to be like a little old or whatever but and
it was like yeah i want the picture of only whites
we do not blah blah and by her.
Being white now she could have been in the most sincere person ever
but she came to me and because i'm one of the
black people there she wanted to make it a point to
(47:28):
prove to me like do you know what this
client just said this client just said blah blah
blah and to me it's just i'm just
like oh what really okay so i
it just don't just doesn't happen sexually it happens
professionally remember i've been in corporate america for a very very long
(47:48):
time and i've had so many of those conversations even school college i still
remember when on my campus there were not that many black people so like i remember
people would come up with just the oddest comments like, hey.
I heard Stevie Wonder yesterday.
Oh, my God, he's awesome. Hey, bitch, what?
(48:11):
The fuck are you talking about? Yes. Did you know he's blind,
but he can play the piano?
Bitch, you've been doing it since the 60s. God. You know?
It just be like anything black that they can connect to.
But, you know, I understand that, you know, a lot of times people don't have
exposure to a certain community, I mean, especially with college where you have
(48:33):
people coming in from all over and now they're in the big city and they see this big old black man.
Let me tell him about the last black thing I saw.
But I just used to crack up. Yes, that is so uncomfortable. Yeah,
but I mean, you know, it is what it is. And a lot of times it was innocent, but still.
But I want to talk about the psychology of ghosting. Like, you know, is it healthy?
(48:57):
You know, because it can be a relief, right? Right.
For the person who's doing the ghosting that is like, yeah, I'm not dealing with that. Right.
But it could also make you feel guilty as well. And then also,
you know, you have to also consider that when a person gets ghosted,
(49:17):
you know, they that could be hurtful to them.
They could feel disrespected or whatever. But then even from their perspective,
it might be kind if they can't deal with it. So what we're going to do is we're
going to take a quick song break.
And since I was talking about my ghost, I feel like such an asshole for ghosting.
So I'm going to play a song called I'm a Jerk. Y'all listen to this.
(49:38):
And this is how I felt after this little song.
Music.
(51:25):
Outro Music.
Music.
(52:52):
I'm a jerk. All righty. Welcome back.
All right. So we are getting back to it. So that was a song,
I'm a Jerk, again, available on iTunes.
Go get that. Go get it. So we want to get back into it.
(53:14):
So again, I want to talk about sort of the psychology behind ghosting.
You know, first of all, is it disrespectful to the other person?
You know, you know, do we owe them an explanation when we have decided this is not for us?
Shows lack of immaturity in communication. Lack of immaturity or a lack of maturity.
(53:38):
That's what I wrote down in my notes.
No, because I had. No, yeah. I really had time to sit down and think about it.
But that's from my point of view. Yeah.
When I ghost people Like I said It comes from a point of like I just don't want.
To confront it Because I'm back With whoever I'm back with Yeah You know what
I mean But that's immature of me Because I should have sat down And even I had
(53:59):
to sit down But I should have had The conversation of Look This was fun You
know what I'm saying I was in between Whatever whatever,
But that makes the other person Feel bad And I'm a shitty person for that Gotcha Gotcha Gotcha,
Reflecting No,
But I feel you though Because for me, like I said, in some cases,
(54:22):
like I said, if it's for cause,
then I don't owe you shit. You don't. Right.
If it was another situation where I was just like, okay, what is this? What is this? Right.
And I'm like, let me back away from this because this ain't for me.
If that person was to somehow...
(54:42):
Somehow get back in touch with me i wouldn't i
would tell them you know why if they asked but because that's the scary part
because when you see this person again it's it's more of how do you react are
you with somebody or are you by yourself when you see this person and what if
this person is bold enough to come up to you to be like oh yeah so you would
(55:02):
walk the bam right here They don't want to do that with me.
That K-Town's going to come out to me. Look, don't let this gay shit fool you.
Don't let this sophisticated shit fool you. I will beat your ass. Beat your ass.
So, but no, that I wouldn't be too concerned.
Like I said, I think sometimes an explanation might be due.
(55:25):
But in most cases, like, look, it's part of the game, too.
You know, everything ain't going to work out for everybody.
But why is it a game? because then we complain about the
game but then we play it right right well
i will just say with dating there is
the possibility that that could happen that somebody ain't interested in you
and that doesn't mean that they're going to take the time to tell you why and
(55:49):
all of that so that's that now when we ask the question is it hurtful to the
person that's being ghosted of of course.
And then obviously, yeah, it could be.
But let me tell you, for one thing, in a lot of those instances that it happened
to me, I've taken it, first of all, my approach in life, period,
(56:10):
is everything happens exactly the way it's supposed to happen, right?
I don't believe in accidents, mistakes, luck, and all of that.
Things happen the way they are supposed to happen. And if you just disappeared
out of my life or whatever without
explanation, I'm good with it because maybe I just dodged a bullet.
(56:32):
Maybe that was God stepping in and said, yeah, this ain't for you,
dog. You don't want this in your life.
What if it was good, though? What if the sex was good? I ain't never got that
far. First of all, you fuck with me on that level.
You ain't leaving. I'm going to leave you.
I'm just saying. I'm just going to put it out there. So, what? Shit.
(56:56):
If we done got that far off, I had you looking for me with a flashlight in the
middle of the desert in daytime. Shit.
So, now the only time that I was bothered by being ghosted is if it was somebody
I thought there was a future with or whatever. You know what I mean? The possibility.
(57:17):
Yeah. So, you're like, wait, I thought we were...
You know a good match but other than that i'm good
like i'll take it as real you know i'll
i'll just consider it like i said it just wasn't
meant to be i mean i still do that with those other ones but
but when it comes down to saying you
(57:37):
know hey i saw a future with this person or
i could see what hey but i think that's why people yeah
but i think that's why people have people on the back burner so it's
not necessarily ghosting it's ghosting them for that time being
because like that's your plan b now i have a good friend who always encourages
me to date multiple people right so that like you said there's options or whatever
(58:03):
i don't have that type of well i have focus and,
And but I don't know. I can't sit around juggling people.
So I'm a one at a time type of guy. It's the error, I think.
Or not the error. She's been telling me this for about 15 years.
But anyway, I just can't juggle it like that.
(58:25):
I say juggling right as you're adjusting your titties.
Maybe the whole phase in you. And you know what? I've never had a whole phase.
But see, this is what I want people to separate whole phases.
I think when I say whole phases, let me make this very clear.
When I say whole phases, I mean just a phase in dating.
You know what I mean? You don't necessarily have to have sex with that person.
(58:48):
If you want to, you want to. But it don't necessarily have to mean sex.
You know what I'm saying? But the whole phase that I'm talking about,
maybe you wasn't in your whole phase yet when you was like, okay,
this person is for this, this person is for that. But maybe you need to see
that because it all comes about how we was groomed, too, today.
Right, right. In the last episode, we talked about, you know,
(59:10):
am I enough and, you know, things like that.
Like, how were we groomed or what was we raised to believe in?
Because it was just more of, it was just more of, I'm a little tipsy, but. Drunk ass.
No. But no, I feel you. I feel you. Did we start dating at a younger age?
(59:34):
Did who start dating at a younger age? Just in general.
Did I start dating at a young age? I started working at a young age. My little ass.
Anyway, maybe that was a problem. I got it in early and then,
no, but no. Do you think that makes like a difference?
(59:55):
It made, the difference it made for me was when everybody else was thirsty and
whatever. I'm like, yeah, been there, done that, whatever.
Right. So I wrote the book. I had a girl. Oh, let me, should I tell this?
Tell it i'm here i'm i'm gonna get
the tea for y'all come on i had a girl back you
know you know everybody got a past everybody got
(01:00:17):
a past there was a time when them vagina i
don't know why them vaginas disgust me so much now but
back in the day i was good with them and uh there was this song i remember this
girl she asked me to come over her house after school damn i'm probably this
was high school i'm not gonna say her name shit anyway she had asked asked me
(01:00:37):
to come over her house after And I remember this song was on. I remember that.
And if I ever fall in love. Boyz II Men?
No, it was Shy. Shy was the name of the groove. Okay. And, you know,
at the end, it has these high notes.
Something you would never be my friend. My friend. Yeah. You know, that.
(01:00:57):
So she was like, you think you could hit those notes? I was like,
this whole album. I was like, this whole, you're trying to get some, whatever.
Whatever. So I was like, yeah, she was like, you can hit the high one.
Then I'll give you some. Thanks.
Okay.
You did that, motherfucker. Did. And did. And did. And did, right? Comment below, and did.
(01:01:24):
Anyway, that was a long time ago. High school was a long time ago, people.
So anyway, but moving on. But, you know, how did we get on that?
I don't even know. I don't know either.
But anyway, when it comes to ghosting, the last sort of question,
I think, is can it be a kindness
(01:01:44):
that you're offering that other person because like
i said some people can't take rejection some people
can't take what they you know
what areas they didn't fulfill now other people like look at it as constructive
and want to know okay well i know to do better or present myself in a different
way all of that but and also too it might be a way to safeguard somebody's mental health, you know?
(01:02:11):
Because then you think if you would have went back to the table.
It's because your pussy stank.
I hate fucking you, bitch. They might take it hard.
Yeah, but I bet you she watched that motherfucker the next time. Maybe.
She gonna watch the next time. She gonna do what she's supposed to do for the next person.
(01:02:34):
But do you think if you would have went back to the table and told the guy like, look,
and and and remember what my note said my
note what did i say lack of maturity and confrontation i don't think it's maturity
i think it's just confrontation yeah because well not for me though really i
i've never had a problem with confident you know there's some people who are
(01:02:55):
non-confrontational right i don't have a problem with it like,
First of all, I'm not going to sit up and argue with nobody or anything like that ever.
So, you know, if you say A and I say B, then what are we fighting over?
You believe one thing, I believe something else. Which I'm okay with.
So I've never had that issue.
I also have never had the issue of, you know, confronting somebody about something
(01:03:20):
like, hey, it is what it is. You ain't going to whoop my ass.
Say it again, Jimmy. That's my motto. Not ever going to whoop this ass. Oh, okay.
Ever. Ever, right? Ever, ever? Listen, you might be the baddest person out there.
Look, I might be able to whoop your ass. You might be able to whoop my ass.
But I'm telling you, we'll be out here all day trying to find out.
(01:03:42):
Because I'm not just going to stand up and take no ass whooping. I know that.
But anyway, I think bottom line when it comes to being ghost.
People are, I mentioned this in our first episode. So people are responsible
for their own mental health, right?
Self-esteem is a steam of your damn self, right?
(01:04:08):
So you do have to make sure that you have all the mental guards in place and
all that. Now, don't get me wrong.
That doesn't mean that I want to, you know, I'm still very kind in the way I treat people.
And that's just, in general, I don't ever want the thing that I said or did
to be the last straw that caused you to jump off a bridge or whatever.
(01:04:31):
Don't put that on me. And mess up somebody's car when you land.
Stop it. Stop it.
So I don't want to be responsible for somebody doing some unaliving themselves.
Let's say that. All right. So I don't need that on my conscience.
So I would never say anything hurtful to anybody.
(01:04:54):
But again, you have to be responsible for your own mental health.
Because you don't know what people are dealing with. Right. Exactly.
All right. Well...
When I think about the sum of this, so I think about all the times I've ghosted
people and the different reasons why.
(01:05:14):
I have to ask myself then, am I an asshole?
So I will say no. I think I've been, I think I've only, the biggest reason is
when somebody has been an asshole.
And as far as I'm concerned, at that point, it's far game.
I mean, fair game. It is. And the other thing is that I've definitely been ghosted
(01:05:36):
more times than I've actually ghosted people, right?
And mostly online stuff, which, I mean, if it's at the phase where we ain't even met in person.
That don't even count. Who cares, right? Yeah. So I want to thank you all for joining us.
So today we talked about ghosting and I shared some of my experiences with ghosting
and being ghosted, right?
(01:05:58):
But, hey, it is what it is. I'd like to thank you, and if you can still stand
me, I want you to join us every week for another episode, because the next one is going to be juicy.
I want to thank Holly, as usual. Thank you.
Music.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
New Heights with Jason & Travis Kelce
Football’s funniest family duo — Jason Kelce of the Philadelphia Eagles and Travis Kelce of the Kansas City Chiefs — team up to provide next-level access to life in the league as it unfolds. The two brothers and Super Bowl champions drop weekly insights about the weekly slate of games and share their INSIDE perspectives on trending NFL news and sports headlines. They also endlessly rag on each other as brothers do, chat the latest in pop culture and welcome some very popular and well-known friends to chat with them. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. Follow New Heights on the Wondery App, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free, and get exclusive content on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts or Spotify. And join our new membership for a unique fan experience by going to the New Heights YouTube channel now!