September 6, 2024 • 36 mins
In this episode of the UnDateable Me podcast, your host, Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sock Snob and his co-host, DaBeamer, delve into the complexities and experiences of interracial dating. They share personal anecdotes, discuss societal pressures, and address cultural differences and biases. Tune in for an engaging and candid conversation about love that transcends racial boundaries.
Don't miss out on their witty banter and thought-provoking insights. Remember to subscribe and join the UnDateable Me community for more hilarious, but insightful discussions on relationships and dating challenges.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Baby, make that ass clap. Hey, hey.
It's the booty me.
Welcome back to another episode of the Undateable Me podcast.
I am your host, the undateable Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sox Knob.
And this is our weekly show that deals with the struggles of relationships and dating.
(00:25):
But not just the problems. Remember, we are on a journey to find solutions,
and we want to do it in a very entertaining way because I cuss a lot,
Holly cuss a lot, whatever, you know.
But we're being vulnerable. I'm letting people all in my business.
So, you know, week after week, I'm putting it out there for y'all.
I'm busting it open for y'all. So I want y'all to make sure that y'all are supporting us.
(00:51):
So don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to subscribe.
All right. I am back with Holly DaBeamer and in today's episode we are talking.
Music.
(02:09):
Us they not like us so we
are talking about dating outside your
race now holly you're a city girl from chicago the girl from the hood you know
what i'm saying have you have you ever dated outside your race or have you ever
(02:30):
wanted to or i've never i've never intentionally Unfortunately,
I did it outside of my race. Oh, what the hell does that mean?
So, I've never fucked anybody outside
of my race. Okay. But I let people outside of my race buy me things.
You've had sponsors from other nationalities, I see. Yes, but say,
(02:54):
Marce, how am I supposed to know you like me if you don't give me money? Oh, my.
But you know what? Because it comes from how I grew up. My grandfather was,
like, super, super racist.
I'm just going to say it like that. He was born in 1920.
A sharecropper from Arkansas, Little Rock, Arkansas, to be exact.
(03:14):
And he did not play that shit.
And he always felt like the black community should stay with the black community.
Mexicans should stay with Mexicans. Europeans, white people should stay with
white people. So on and so on. Okay.
So I am biased. Like, I can't say like, but I'm biased, but here I am,
(03:36):
black and Cuban, or whatever the fuck you want to call it.
Hey. But love is love, so. Love is love. Ain't love love. Love is loving.
Yes, I love it. Mm-hmm. So.
So I'm good with that. But you said, just to clarify, you said you've never
dated outside the race or never went so far as to have relations with.
(04:02):
That is so funny.
But you said, but there was something then if somebody, it sounds like somebody liked you and was.
Yeah okay and you know i and i
think that i'm open to it
but i don't think that we would have the same cultural stance i
don't think that we would have the same point of view gotcha like when
the whole joyce floyd thing went on i always wondered like people in oreo relationships
(04:28):
or what did you call it say the swirl the swirl you said oreo relationship but
go ahead yes oh that was the wrong term no i mean hey you say what you say and
i'm okay people could correct Correct me in the comments.
That's fine. I'm not ignorant. I am open to, you know, correcting me.
But I just feel like you wouldn't understand my point of view of my race if
(04:50):
you are not like me. They're not like us.
They're not like us. They're not like us. They're not like us. They're not like us.
Now, as far as I am concerned, have I ever dated outside? First of all, so sort of.
I was talking to somebody that it just never developed into anything.
(05:16):
And by the way, I've never truly dated outside of my race.
I really haven't. But I've never been opposed to it either. So I don't have that hang up on it.
But I will say that, like I said, there have been just one, maybe two,
if you want to call it that, instances where I was seriously entertaining the idea.
(05:42):
And with that being said.
I think a lot of things impact interracial dating, right?
Your environment, for one thing. Exactly. So when I was in Chicago,
there was no shortage of gay black men where I lived, right? Yeah.
I then move away from that. And it ain't that, first of all,
(06:06):
it's not that many black folks in my area anyway at all, right? Right.
And then to further qualify that black and gay.
Right. So the dating pool is very small then.
Right. So that that I think will sometimes force you to look at other options.
(06:31):
Right. So I think that in itself.
So but again, it has never been anything that bothered me about doing it. I just had not.
And what you were saying about different cultures, for me, it's not a race thing.
I am more so, you know, when it comes to culture and them understand that other
(06:56):
person understanding my experience. I think, first of all, all humans,
our experiences are pretty similar.
We just don't understand that a lot of people's experiences are similar because
we're maybe only exposed to our community or whatever.
So you don't realize the same crap that you're going through,
they're going through over here. Just in a different way.
And the same things you want out of life, these folks want out of life over here, right?
(07:19):
So that's one thing. For me, it may be more of a socioeconomic thing where...
I just want you to have an understanding of life where I'm from because I rock in.
You know, you've been to parties I've had where, look, I could have doctors,
(07:43):
lawyers, politicians, and then drug dealers and, you know, restaurant workers. Right.
Right. And I need somebody who can flow in all of those environments.
Right. So we can dress your ass up and we can go to a nice event or a gala or whatever.
(08:04):
Or, you know, I can take you to the hood and you'd be good, you know.
So that's more important to me than, you know, what color you are.
So because if you're black and you can't flow in all those modes,
that's going to be a problem. Right.
So for me, that's more of a thing than anything.
(08:24):
Thing there are a lot of celebrity
couples that seem to work right so we've
had john legend kanye west tina
turner michael jordan now wait tina
trying to fuck somebody else outside of ike tina was maybe
tina been divorced from ike since 1970 something
but and then she married the guy the record
(08:47):
label executive they've been married for
they were married for 400 years before she that
so not the 400 right michael jordan
so you know he he let go of
juanita and picked up whatever that girl name is something
like page or something right serena williams is
another one what where is he from the guy from reddit i think who owns reddit
(09:10):
or whatever he owns one of those things yeah so then that brings to a topic
of like why are our successful african-americans going to the other side when we have like...
But is that really the case? I know that people say things like that. Yeah.
Because she is probably dating in the arena. Like when I was talking about environment.
(09:36):
Mm-hmm. Of what she's around. If you run in circles with money,
you're probably, you know, going to be coming across other people with money. And that's that circle.
And I think the black or white is just...
A coincidence, right? A successful person is probably going to be drawn to another
successful person, you know? Yeah.
(09:56):
And that's why I'm not opposed to it. It goes both ways, right?
Because we got Meghan Markle.
Put some respect on her name. Princess Meghan Markle.
You know, so would the prince—I can never remember which one. Harry or whatever.
Whichever one she's married to, right? the redhead
(10:18):
gangster you know would
you look at him as dayton down because you
it's not like there's a big swath of
royalty out there to choose from you know as far as black folks you know so
but yeah so a lot of eddie murphy was another i mean the list goes on and on
of interracial couples that seem to be successful and happy so why can't it
(10:44):
work and but like you said i think I think that we get that criticism,
particularly I notice it, and I'm not saying this is exclusive,
obviously, to black women, but I think black women a lot of times will be like,
so he get a little money, he got to go and whatever.
Why do y'all do that? Like, first of all, he probably, it's probably not somebody
(11:09):
you would fool with anyway. But let me make that choice.
I mean, you still could have. I mean, maybe you... Yeah, but I mean, Kanye said it best.
When you get on, he leave your ass for a white girl. Oh, well.
You know? And I think that plays more into a mental thing because now we go into...
Are you dating outside of your race because of what they allow?
(11:32):
Or are you dating outside of your race because of your own insecurities?
My thing is this. So it's so many things. With the exception of those people
who say things, and I think this is no good, don't get me wrong.
But with those people who say things like, oh, I don't date black girls.
Now, that's a whole other category. I hate those bitches.
(11:53):
Than somebody who is dating a white person, just happens to be dating somebody.
Like i said could be environment proximity if i i work with you we together
all the time we start you know discussing things we figure out oh we like have.
Some of the same things in common next thing you know you slip on a mop bucket fall on his penis.
(12:18):
Right so you know so sometimes just the fact that you're around somebody or
whatever so environment Environment, I think, makes a huge difference, right?
Or, like I said, when your dating pool is a certain thing.
Well, I mean, you can't. So look at it this way.
You drop a white person. We'll take black and white out of it.
(12:39):
We're going to say a purple person. You drop a purple person in a room full of, we both got on, pink.
In a room full of pink, and this is the only choice you have.
Have, well, you can't say, well, why didn't you date your old or whatever?
You know what I mean? Because that's all that's there, right?
Exactly. So I think that's going to always play a big role in sort of what you
(13:05):
end up with. Like I said, environment and just what's available to you is going
to make a huge difference.
Yeah. And you know, and like I said, it's also how you was brought up too,
because I was brought up to your own race, just to get your own race.
But here I am a mixed kid myself and then like I say love be loving so you can't
(13:27):
stop who you love because like you said the environment who you work with I
got a cousin who I love and she her husband is white.
Sweetest kindest guy ever they get along you know people would consider what
they doing in their life is a great accomplishment so like who was I to say
like if things didn't work out for her or things didn't work out for him what they own what they do.
(13:50):
Different races who am i to say like y'all love
is wrong and who's to say that things
didn't work out with their race or what you know what i
mean so like that right i just happen to be dating this person of this nationality
or ethnicity or whatever and and that's it yeah and and but listen for one thing
(14:13):
what you're not gonna do is tell me what i can and can't do because now i do
it on purpose no not even that but you just can't tell
me what i'm gonna do right you know ain't i
don't know a person out here that got that type of power over me
that's gonna be like i told you you couldn't date the whites and
then i'm like okay yes like you know but the
(14:33):
other thing with that is when we
say you know you love who you love whatever the circumstance
or the environment or whatever that brought you
to that person or put you in that person together gather
sometimes love is just unexpected sometimes you just
fall for who you fall for right so i
don't understand how we can argue or get in it and the other thing is just not
(14:58):
your business exactly when they you know that old term what you eat don't make
me shit why do i care why do i care what you and that person are doing over
there because it has no No effect on my life whatsoever.
Look, my mortgage don't go up and down based on the color of the penis you suck.
(15:21):
I just got a glimpse of Jordan's face when I said that.
Poor heterosexual okay so you know
but but my life don't change that much or at
all based on what you do
so i think it's more the outside noise that kind of
(15:41):
like affect that couple or that maybe affect because
i i know what it would be for me because like i said i'm not biased i'm
gonna i'm gonna say like how i
would feel if it was me if it was me i'm not gonna
say i would worry about how other people feel but i will worry about like our
connection like if i bring you to the hood could you
if i say okay i want you to go over here give me some loose squares
(16:02):
would you be scared to go over here give me some loose squares or yeah
you know and here's the thing now and it doesn't mean that you have to have
been brought up there you have to know what you just have to be understanding
of where i'm from you know what i mean no different than you when you go over
there You just have to know that potato salad ain't going to be good.
(16:26):
I'm joking. That was terrible, y'all. That was so bad. They might have it on
some things. The casserole might be casserole-ing.
No, they can casserole their ass off. And I'm not going to take that from you.
Right, yeah. But don't go over here thinking you're going to get in these greens.
Because that's not going to happen.
So you're saying that you're not going to let Becky make the greens for the
(16:48):
family for Thanksgiving?
Not Becky with the good hair. She better be fucking a black nigga.
I cannot with you. Because let me tell you, they will ask.
So is it betraying the culture, if you will, when you date outside your race?
Because that is another hold up.
(17:09):
Like people, and I hate that we have so many dividing lines.
First of all, we have dividing lines within our own community.
Exactly. So we already have, you know, one race against another.
But let me tell you, even within our community, we have light skin, dark skin.
We have college educated, not college educated.
(17:31):
We got South Side, West Side. We got, you know, we have it all started,
by the way, with house nigger, field nigger.
Exactly. But we always find these ways to just divide, divide,
divide, divide. And if I'm being honest, I think we're playing right into,
as they say, the hand of the enemy when we do things like that.
(17:53):
Like nobody, we're not a homogenous people, right?
So we all think differently. We all bring something different to the table.
You can't paint us all with the same brush.
Wait, Jimmy, tell the folks out there what homogenous mean. The same.
Okay. I'm helping y'all. I know what it means.
Yes. I'm educated. Katie, I just want to tell y'all. Okay, yes.
(18:17):
So, but again, you know, we're all different. So within this...
Sitting sitting right now you know what you bring
to the table would be different from what i bring to the table as
far as what we know what makes it so great hello yes so
then why do we then throw these bars up
(18:37):
when it comes down to interracial dating so that because
the experience you know like you
say that person might be able to experience something let me not make it a black
or white issue let's just say an italian person and a person from i don't know
give me another other country yeah anywhere other than italy paris yeah you
(18:59):
know but but we'll say you know.
Italian and asian or something okay something like that
you know european dating an asian person okay yeah but to experience the the
different cultures the different backgrounds that you guys have like wouldn't
that make the relationship much better wouldn't it be able to because i would
love to come and see what you do how you cook or how you guys celebrate different
(19:22):
things like different holidays.
And I want to be able to pull you into that culture for me as well.
So that's another aspect of what the person that's dating another Black person
don't have, or a person that's both of European descent.
They don't have that. I just thought of something when you said that.
I remember when I was in high school with my good friends, there was this restaurant
(19:47):
by his house, a Chinese restaurant, and it was called Leroy's Chop Suey.
And I was like This motherfucker The wedding marriage Of an Asian lady Opened
a restaurant Lee Boyd And got him Some of this Ling Ling He got fried rice With
mild sauce I'm joking That might be good.
(20:07):
Right Them Chinese people Chicken wings Do be like It be like Four chicken wings
For like 87 cents Or some shit like that But unfortunately I think that Particularly
I think it's getting better But particularly The older generation Oh my god
You know You have to consider the age that my parents came up in,
(20:27):
their outlook on race would be very different.
Like what you were talking about with your grandfather, right?
Based on what they experienced with race, right?
And then the further you get away from those bad events, I'm not saying that
racism is gone or anything like that, but we're not getting hosed down in the
streets. said, you know, we have a different set of problems or whatever.
(20:51):
So, you know, I remember, and then sometimes it's just stupid and Lord,
I'm really about to get in trouble for this. Get in trouble.
My aunt, when I was, I must have been like 10 and I had a smart ass mouth sometimes,
got me in so much trouble.
And my aunt, we were at like some little store or something and we were buying
(21:16):
cupcakes and my sister bought a chocolate, you know, these are like the hostess
cupcakes with the two in it.
So she bought the chocolate one and, you know, they have the orange ones too, right?
Is it the snowballs? No, no, no, no. No, these are actual cupcakes.
I actually had some, but I ate the last one yesterday.
Anyway, so, shut up, Jordan. So, fuck you, Jordan, because you're still snickering.
(21:40):
So, anyway, he said, I know it's fat-ass beanie cupcakes.
Crazy. Bust all in your mouth. What?
So, anyway, so my aunt and I and my sister in the store.
So, my sister grabbed the chocolate one. I grabbed the
orange ones and they're actually orange flavored
(22:02):
right not vanilla whatever they're actually orange so it's those you don't know
what I'm talking about the cupcakes with the icing with the three swirl things
on the floor yes right so we get to the register and my aunt looks at me and
she was like now I've never been big on chocolate so she was like oh so you
were supposed to get the chocolate chocolate is for the black folks you getting
(22:25):
the white folks one And I was like, the fuck are you talking about?
I was... Well, I didn't say that, but I was thinking, like, what are you talking
about, right? That's just Michael. And she was like...
You know, chocolate is for the, that's for the black folks. Look what you got.
And I'm thinking to myself, bitch, it's orange.
(22:45):
Not even thinking about it. You know, ain't no orange people out here.
I mean, who cares, right?
And I said, so, so who, so I said, so who eats the orange ones? Orange people?
And she popped me dead in my mouth. But I was, look, I take it.
She's always popped me in my mouth. But I took it that day because I was like,
(23:07):
this is dumb as hell, right?
And I still bought my orange cupcake because that's what I always bought.
I always bought the orange cupcake.
But anyway, but again, that generation, there was a, you know,
the things they experienced might then inform sort of their decisions about
race and how they feel about it and all that.
(23:29):
Because you don't want to take anything from it because you didn't experience it.
Right. But because that's not our time. It's kind of I'm not going to say it's
hard to relate because we do still have things that's going on in this world
that's racially motivated.
But it is it I guess it was just stronger then.
Right. And I was listening to an old interview with Dr.
(23:52):
Umar Johnson. You know who I'm talking about? Dr. Umar Johnson.
I so personally, I will say I've never been a fan for a number of weeks.
We I'll say this because I'm really not a fan of anybody.
We just don't agree on certain things. It's not that I don't care for them or I don't whatever.
We just don't agree on certain things.
(24:14):
But I wanted to play something he sort of said about interracial dating,
which is a topic that he is always, you know, in the news for or,
you know, being questioned about. So let's take a quick listen here. OK.
Can you be pro black and you date white? Right. Absolutely not.
Because when you marry a white woman, you're marrying into her community.
(24:37):
You don't just marry a woman. You marry the family and you marry the community.
So how can you be for African people marrying into the group that has historically
and systemically oppressed your people?
That doesn't make any sense. I play for this team, but I'm over here practicing with this team.
(24:59):
Thoughts holly i kind of agree but i don't agree.
I completely see where he coming from yes i do but okay when did you play for this team right,
did you play for this team back then or are you playing for this team now because
i i think that what gets me with the whole preaching thing which is not a bad
(25:21):
thing i i prefer to have more teaching than Them preaching.
Hello. And, oh, man.
It's a love-hate relationship with him because I feel like he started off so
great, and then it just becomes this whole thing.
My thing is I think that those types of statements continue to make this divide
(25:44):
that we are so different from them.
It's still that us-them thing that's going on with that, right?
And I think we just perpetuate that over and over and over again.
Because are they doing the same thing? no yeah yeah
because it's like why are we like if we don't
want to be different like why we study you know of course
(26:06):
not saying that there aren't you know
families who go oh my god did you hear becky's dating a black guy or whatever
you know so that that could happen yes but i i think we just sometimes take
this shit too far yeah because at this point yeah i like i said i think that
you You just love who you love.
(26:27):
Now, as long as it's not, remember, we had an episode when we were talking about
the fetish thing with the black, that master-slave thing,
the white power dynamic in fetish relationships or thug love.
You know, whatever the hell that is.
But anyway, so as long as it's not that, because I should say this, people are grown.
(26:53):
And if Jordan wants to hook
up With some lady Who wants
to put him in chains And make him pick cotton in
her backyard Or whatever Then more power to Jordan I want you to do that So
you know about Jordan Being with some lady That wants him to pick cotton And
nobody want to tell me So you with some bitch For the record by the way Holly
(27:16):
is married to Jordan So we know that Jordan is not doing this But nonetheless
You know I'm just giving an example You know You know,
if a person is consenting to something, they ain't got nothing to do with me.
Because, again, what you eat don't make me shit. Right.
But as for me in my house, I'll whoop your ass. I wish you would.
(27:38):
Call me master. I'll whoop your ass.
Right. So that would not work for me. But if you are two consenting adults and
you want to enter into that type of dynamic, more power to you. Enjoy.
You know, I want y'all, I want you to whip him until he bleeds.
(28:03):
Because that's not my business. Yeah. But you know what I think a lot of people
are scared of too, especially people with that mentality, not saying it's wrong,
not saying it's right. Because you are...
You are rightful to have your own opinion and
and what i tell people all the time when you come into a
conversation with somebody who's already had their mind up made up
(28:24):
like oh god yeah yeah it's it's no point of even saying what you have to say
because that person is not open minded but yeah yeah i think people like that
not saying it's wrong it's just a lot i wonder if you You know,
if I was to study this,
(28:45):
you know, sometimes there may be a psychological element to it, right?
So maybe having a person outside of your race, we'll say a black guy dating a white lady,
maybe that's something as a child that they saw in their head as,
oh, you made it if you got a white wife or a white girlfriend or something.
(29:08):
Because that stereotype that we put off on them.
Yeah. Because what do we say? oh he with a fat white bitch and he's using her
for her money you just go ahead and say it I mean but because that's what we
see like that's what we you know what I mean listen.
I know exactly what you mean a black girl with a white man we think automatically
oh he got some good credit she finna live off him and that might not be the
(29:31):
case yep he could be the scrub,
you know we don't know what Gary Owens
and his wife had going on Gary could have been in a scrub you
know and i love me some gary all right yes and then like i said there could
be other psychological elements to it as well but you know sometimes we just
(29:51):
gotta stop being messy and in other people's business and just let people live
their lives again if you prefer
the peen of a person from
europe who am
i to stop who am i to tell you to take it out your mouth what's the
(30:12):
peen jimmy the peen the european peen the caucasian peen
they call it the caucasian peen if that is what you prefer who am i to tell
you to put it down our black people they all spit A bit white in the end.
Shut up. Oh, my God, they do.
(30:38):
Oh, my goodness. But no, you know, like I said, look, love is love.
No sense in belaboring this point. We know that every now and then there are
going to be folks who prefer one thing or another.
And in other instances where people just don't.
Fall in love people meet and they get
(30:59):
to talking and they realize that there's something that this person has that
i like and we or we have this common ground so they you know build a relationship
from that everything ain't well you know i don't fuck with black girls so what like,
sometimes it's more than that yeah i think that's different yeah when you intentionally
(31:23):
Intentionally put an emphasis on who you don't fuck with.
Yes. Thank you for not fucking with us. She broke ass.
Say you, you wouldn't eat no bread. Darn ass.
All right. So I want to thank you all. So today we talked about interracial
dating and everything that it entails.
Of course, we have with us none other than Holly DeBeamer, who joined us again today.
(31:49):
Always. We appreciate you. Don't forget to subscribe to our weekly podcast.
Also, I have to tell you that coming very soon, we have the Undateable Me community
where you're going to be able to join in on the conversation,
what we call the sock mob, okay?
So can't wait, and I'll have more information for you on that as well.
(32:15):
Don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to subscribe. and want to thank you. Oh, we should leave.
Should we do a different song going out? Yeah, let's do a different song going out.
All right, everybody. It was great to have you.
Here is another song from The Connection.
Music.
(34:29):
Outro Music.
(34:49):
Music.
Baby, make that ass clap. Hey, hey.
It's the booty me.
Welcome back to another episode of the Undateable Me podcast.
I am your host, the undateable Jimmy Lee Lard, the Sox Knob.
And this is our weekly show that deals with the struggles of relationships and dating.
(00:25):
But not just the problems. Remember, we are on a journey to find solutions,
and we want to do it in a very entertaining way because I cuss a lot,
Holly cuss a lot, whatever, you know.
But we're being vulnerable. I'm letting people all in my business.
So, you know, week after week, I'm putting it out there for y'all.
I'm busting it open for y'all. So I want y'all to make sure that y'all are supporting us.
(00:51):
So don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to subscribe.
All right. I am back with Holly DaBeamer and in today's episode we are talking.
Music.
(02:09):
Us they not like us so we
are talking about dating outside your
race now holly you're a city girl from chicago the girl from the hood you know
what i'm saying have you have you ever dated outside your race or have you ever
(02:30):
wanted to or i've never i've never intentionally Unfortunately,
I did it outside of my race. Oh, what the hell does that mean?
So, I've never fucked anybody outside
of my race. Okay. But I let people outside of my race buy me things.
You've had sponsors from other nationalities, I see. Yes, but say,
(02:54):
Marce, how am I supposed to know you like me if you don't give me money? Oh, my.
But you know what? Because it comes from how I grew up. My grandfather was,
like, super, super racist.
I'm just going to say it like that. He was born in 1920.
A sharecropper from Arkansas, Little Rock, Arkansas, to be exact.
(03:14):
And he did not play that shit.
And he always felt like the black community should stay with the black community.
Mexicans should stay with Mexicans. Europeans, white people should stay with
white people. So on and so on. Okay.
So I am biased. Like, I can't say like, but I'm biased, but here I am,
(03:36):
black and Cuban, or whatever the fuck you want to call it.
Hey. But love is love, so. Love is love. Ain't love love. Love is loving.
Yes, I love it. Mm-hmm. So.
So I'm good with that. But you said, just to clarify, you said you've never
dated outside the race or never went so far as to have relations with.
(04:02):
That is so funny.
But you said, but there was something then if somebody, it sounds like somebody liked you and was.
Yeah okay and you know i and i
think that i'm open to it
but i don't think that we would have the same cultural stance i
don't think that we would have the same point of view gotcha like when
the whole joyce floyd thing went on i always wondered like people in oreo relationships
(04:28):
or what did you call it say the swirl the swirl you said oreo relationship but
go ahead yes oh that was the wrong term no i mean hey you say what you say and
i'm okay people could correct Correct me in the comments.
That's fine. I'm not ignorant. I am open to, you know, correcting me.
But I just feel like you wouldn't understand my point of view of my race if
(04:50):
you are not like me. They're not like us.
They're not like us. They're not like us. They're not like us. They're not like us.
Now, as far as I am concerned, have I ever dated outside? First of all, so sort of.
I was talking to somebody that it just never developed into anything.
(05:16):
And by the way, I've never truly dated outside of my race.
I really haven't. But I've never been opposed to it either. So I don't have that hang up on it.
But I will say that, like I said, there have been just one, maybe two,
if you want to call it that, instances where I was seriously entertaining the idea.
(05:42):
And with that being said.
I think a lot of things impact interracial dating, right?
Your environment, for one thing. Exactly. So when I was in Chicago,
there was no shortage of gay black men where I lived, right? Yeah.
I then move away from that. And it ain't that, first of all,
(06:06):
it's not that many black folks in my area anyway at all, right? Right.
And then to further qualify that black and gay.
Right. So the dating pool is very small then.
Right. So that that I think will sometimes force you to look at other options.
(06:31):
Right. So I think that in itself.
So but again, it has never been anything that bothered me about doing it. I just had not.
And what you were saying about different cultures, for me, it's not a race thing.
I am more so, you know, when it comes to culture and them understand that other
(06:56):
person understanding my experience. I think, first of all, all humans,
our experiences are pretty similar.
We just don't understand that a lot of people's experiences are similar because
we're maybe only exposed to our community or whatever.
So you don't realize the same crap that you're going through,
they're going through over here. Just in a different way.
And the same things you want out of life, these folks want out of life over here, right?
(07:19):
So that's one thing. For me, it may be more of a socioeconomic thing where...
I just want you to have an understanding of life where I'm from because I rock in.
You know, you've been to parties I've had where, look, I could have doctors,
(07:43):
lawyers, politicians, and then drug dealers and, you know, restaurant workers. Right.
Right. And I need somebody who can flow in all of those environments.
Right. So we can dress your ass up and we can go to a nice event or a gala or whatever.
(08:04):
Or, you know, I can take you to the hood and you'd be good, you know.
So that's more important to me than, you know, what color you are.
So because if you're black and you can't flow in all those modes,
that's going to be a problem. Right.
So for me, that's more of a thing than anything.
(08:24):
Thing there are a lot of celebrity
couples that seem to work right so we've
had john legend kanye west tina
turner michael jordan now wait tina
trying to fuck somebody else outside of ike tina was maybe
tina been divorced from ike since 1970 something
but and then she married the guy the record
(08:47):
label executive they've been married for
they were married for 400 years before she that
so not the 400 right michael jordan
so you know he he let go of
juanita and picked up whatever that girl name is something
like page or something right serena williams is
another one what where is he from the guy from reddit i think who owns reddit
(09:10):
or whatever he owns one of those things yeah so then that brings to a topic
of like why are our successful african-americans going to the other side when we have like...
But is that really the case? I know that people say things like that. Yeah.
Because she is probably dating in the arena. Like when I was talking about environment.
(09:36):
Mm-hmm. Of what she's around. If you run in circles with money,
you're probably, you know, going to be coming across other people with money. And that's that circle.
And I think the black or white is just...
A coincidence, right? A successful person is probably going to be drawn to another
successful person, you know? Yeah.
(09:56):
And that's why I'm not opposed to it. It goes both ways, right?
Because we got Meghan Markle.
Put some respect on her name. Princess Meghan Markle.
You know, so would the prince—I can never remember which one. Harry or whatever.
Whichever one she's married to, right? the redhead
(10:18):
gangster you know would
you look at him as dayton down because you
it's not like there's a big swath of
royalty out there to choose from you know as far as black folks you know so
but yeah so a lot of eddie murphy was another i mean the list goes on and on
of interracial couples that seem to be successful and happy so why can't it
(10:44):
work and but like you said i think I think that we get that criticism,
particularly I notice it, and I'm not saying this is exclusive,
obviously, to black women, but I think black women a lot of times will be like,
so he get a little money, he got to go and whatever.
Why do y'all do that? Like, first of all, he probably, it's probably not somebody
(11:09):
you would fool with anyway. But let me make that choice.
I mean, you still could have. I mean, maybe you... Yeah, but I mean, Kanye said it best.
When you get on, he leave your ass for a white girl. Oh, well.
You know? And I think that plays more into a mental thing because now we go into...
Are you dating outside of your race because of what they allow?
(11:32):
Or are you dating outside of your race because of your own insecurities?
My thing is this. So it's so many things. With the exception of those people
who say things, and I think this is no good, don't get me wrong.
But with those people who say things like, oh, I don't date black girls.
Now, that's a whole other category. I hate those bitches.
(11:53):
Than somebody who is dating a white person, just happens to be dating somebody.
Like i said could be environment proximity if i i work with you we together
all the time we start you know discussing things we figure out oh we like have.
Some of the same things in common next thing you know you slip on a mop bucket fall on his penis.
(12:18):
Right so you know so sometimes just the fact that you're around somebody or
whatever so environment Environment, I think, makes a huge difference, right?
Or, like I said, when your dating pool is a certain thing.
Well, I mean, you can't. So look at it this way.
You drop a white person. We'll take black and white out of it.
(12:39):
We're going to say a purple person. You drop a purple person in a room full of, we both got on, pink.
In a room full of pink, and this is the only choice you have.
Have, well, you can't say, well, why didn't you date your old or whatever?
You know what I mean? Because that's all that's there, right?
Exactly. So I think that's going to always play a big role in sort of what you
(13:05):
end up with. Like I said, environment and just what's available to you is going
to make a huge difference.
Yeah. And you know, and like I said, it's also how you was brought up too,
because I was brought up to your own race, just to get your own race.
But here I am a mixed kid myself and then like I say love be loving so you can't
(13:27):
stop who you love because like you said the environment who you work with I
got a cousin who I love and she her husband is white.
Sweetest kindest guy ever they get along you know people would consider what
they doing in their life is a great accomplishment so like who was I to say
like if things didn't work out for her or things didn't work out for him what they own what they do.
(13:50):
Different races who am i to say like y'all love
is wrong and who's to say that things
didn't work out with their race or what you know what i
mean so like that right i just happen to be dating this person of this nationality
or ethnicity or whatever and and that's it yeah and and but listen for one thing
(14:13):
what you're not gonna do is tell me what i can and can't do because now i do
it on purpose no not even that but you just can't tell
me what i'm gonna do right you know ain't i
don't know a person out here that got that type of power over me
that's gonna be like i told you you couldn't date the whites and
then i'm like okay yes like you know but the
(14:33):
other thing with that is when we
say you know you love who you love whatever the circumstance
or the environment or whatever that brought you
to that person or put you in that person together gather
sometimes love is just unexpected sometimes you just
fall for who you fall for right so i
don't understand how we can argue or get in it and the other thing is just not
(14:58):
your business exactly when they you know that old term what you eat don't make
me shit why do i care why do i care what you and that person are doing over
there because it has no No effect on my life whatsoever.
Look, my mortgage don't go up and down based on the color of the penis you suck.
(15:21):
I just got a glimpse of Jordan's face when I said that.
Poor heterosexual okay so you know
but but my life don't change that much or at
all based on what you do
so i think it's more the outside noise that kind of
(15:41):
like affect that couple or that maybe affect because
i i know what it would be for me because like i said i'm not biased i'm
gonna i'm gonna say like how i
would feel if it was me if it was me i'm not gonna
say i would worry about how other people feel but i will worry about like our
connection like if i bring you to the hood could you
if i say okay i want you to go over here give me some loose squares
(16:02):
would you be scared to go over here give me some loose squares or yeah
you know and here's the thing now and it doesn't mean that you have to have
been brought up there you have to know what you just have to be understanding
of where i'm from you know what i mean no different than you when you go over
there You just have to know that potato salad ain't going to be good.
(16:26):
I'm joking. That was terrible, y'all. That was so bad. They might have it on
some things. The casserole might be casserole-ing.
No, they can casserole their ass off. And I'm not going to take that from you.
Right, yeah. But don't go over here thinking you're going to get in these greens.
Because that's not going to happen.
So you're saying that you're not going to let Becky make the greens for the
(16:48):
family for Thanksgiving?
Not Becky with the good hair. She better be fucking a black nigga.
I cannot with you. Because let me tell you, they will ask.
So is it betraying the culture, if you will, when you date outside your race?
Because that is another hold up.
(17:09):
Like people, and I hate that we have so many dividing lines.
First of all, we have dividing lines within our own community.
Exactly. So we already have, you know, one race against another.
But let me tell you, even within our community, we have light skin, dark skin.
We have college educated, not college educated.
(17:31):
We got South Side, West Side. We got, you know, we have it all started,
by the way, with house nigger, field nigger.
Exactly. But we always find these ways to just divide, divide,
divide, divide. And if I'm being honest, I think we're playing right into,
as they say, the hand of the enemy when we do things like that.
(17:53):
Like nobody, we're not a homogenous people, right?
So we all think differently. We all bring something different to the table.
You can't paint us all with the same brush.
Wait, Jimmy, tell the folks out there what homogenous mean. The same.
Okay. I'm helping y'all. I know what it means.
Yes. I'm educated. Katie, I just want to tell y'all. Okay, yes.
(18:17):
So, but again, you know, we're all different. So within this...
Sitting sitting right now you know what you bring
to the table would be different from what i bring to the table as
far as what we know what makes it so great hello yes so
then why do we then throw these bars up
(18:37):
when it comes down to interracial dating so that because
the experience you know like you
say that person might be able to experience something let me not make it a black
or white issue let's just say an italian person and a person from i don't know
give me another other country yeah anywhere other than italy paris yeah you
(18:59):
know but but we'll say you know.
Italian and asian or something okay something like that
you know european dating an asian person okay yeah but to experience the the
different cultures the different backgrounds that you guys have like wouldn't
that make the relationship much better wouldn't it be able to because i would
love to come and see what you do how you cook or how you guys celebrate different
(19:22):
things like different holidays.
And I want to be able to pull you into that culture for me as well.
So that's another aspect of what the person that's dating another Black person
don't have, or a person that's both of European descent.
They don't have that. I just thought of something when you said that.
I remember when I was in high school with my good friends, there was this restaurant
(19:47):
by his house, a Chinese restaurant, and it was called Leroy's Chop Suey.
And I was like This motherfucker The wedding marriage Of an Asian lady Opened
a restaurant Lee Boyd And got him Some of this Ling Ling He got fried rice With
mild sauce I'm joking That might be good.
(20:07):
Right Them Chinese people Chicken wings Do be like It be like Four chicken wings
For like 87 cents Or some shit like that But unfortunately I think that Particularly
I think it's getting better But particularly The older generation Oh my god
You know You have to consider the age that my parents came up in,
(20:27):
their outlook on race would be very different.
Like what you were talking about with your grandfather, right?
Based on what they experienced with race, right?
And then the further you get away from those bad events, I'm not saying that
racism is gone or anything like that, but we're not getting hosed down in the
streets. said, you know, we have a different set of problems or whatever.
(20:51):
So, you know, I remember, and then sometimes it's just stupid and Lord,
I'm really about to get in trouble for this. Get in trouble.
My aunt, when I was, I must have been like 10 and I had a smart ass mouth sometimes,
got me in so much trouble.
And my aunt, we were at like some little store or something and we were buying
(21:16):
cupcakes and my sister bought a chocolate, you know, these are like the hostess
cupcakes with the two in it.
So she bought the chocolate one and, you know, they have the orange ones too, right?
Is it the snowballs? No, no, no, no. No, these are actual cupcakes.
I actually had some, but I ate the last one yesterday.
Anyway, so, shut up, Jordan. So, fuck you, Jordan, because you're still snickering.
(21:40):
So, anyway, he said, I know it's fat-ass beanie cupcakes.
Crazy. Bust all in your mouth. What?
So, anyway, so my aunt and I and my sister in the store.
So, my sister grabbed the chocolate one. I grabbed the
orange ones and they're actually orange flavored
(22:02):
right not vanilla whatever they're actually orange so it's those you don't know
what I'm talking about the cupcakes with the icing with the three swirl things
on the floor yes right so we get to the register and my aunt looks at me and
she was like now I've never been big on chocolate so she was like oh so you
were supposed to get the chocolate chocolate is for the black folks you getting
(22:25):
the white folks one And I was like, the fuck are you talking about?
I was... Well, I didn't say that, but I was thinking, like, what are you talking
about, right? That's just Michael. And she was like...
You know, chocolate is for the, that's for the black folks. Look what you got.
And I'm thinking to myself, bitch, it's orange.
(22:45):
Not even thinking about it. You know, ain't no orange people out here.
I mean, who cares, right?
And I said, so, so who, so I said, so who eats the orange ones? Orange people?
And she popped me dead in my mouth. But I was, look, I take it.
She's always popped me in my mouth. But I took it that day because I was like,
(23:07):
this is dumb as hell, right?
And I still bought my orange cupcake because that's what I always bought.
I always bought the orange cupcake.
But anyway, but again, that generation, there was a, you know,
the things they experienced might then inform sort of their decisions about
race and how they feel about it and all that.
(23:29):
Because you don't want to take anything from it because you didn't experience it.
Right. But because that's not our time. It's kind of I'm not going to say it's
hard to relate because we do still have things that's going on in this world
that's racially motivated.
But it is it I guess it was just stronger then.
Right. And I was listening to an old interview with Dr.
(23:52):
Umar Johnson. You know who I'm talking about? Dr. Umar Johnson.
I so personally, I will say I've never been a fan for a number of weeks.
We I'll say this because I'm really not a fan of anybody.
We just don't agree on certain things. It's not that I don't care for them or I don't whatever.
We just don't agree on certain things.
(24:14):
But I wanted to play something he sort of said about interracial dating,
which is a topic that he is always, you know, in the news for or,
you know, being questioned about. So let's take a quick listen here. OK.
Can you be pro black and you date white? Right. Absolutely not.
Because when you marry a white woman, you're marrying into her community.
(24:37):
You don't just marry a woman. You marry the family and you marry the community.
So how can you be for African people marrying into the group that has historically
and systemically oppressed your people?
That doesn't make any sense. I play for this team, but I'm over here practicing with this team.
(24:59):
Thoughts holly i kind of agree but i don't agree.
I completely see where he coming from yes i do but okay when did you play for this team right,
did you play for this team back then or are you playing for this team now because
i i think that what gets me with the whole preaching thing which is not a bad
(25:21):
thing i i prefer to have more teaching than Them preaching.
Hello. And, oh, man.
It's a love-hate relationship with him because I feel like he started off so
great, and then it just becomes this whole thing.
My thing is I think that those types of statements continue to make this divide
(25:44):
that we are so different from them.
It's still that us-them thing that's going on with that, right?
And I think we just perpetuate that over and over and over again.
Because are they doing the same thing? no yeah yeah
because it's like why are we like if we don't
want to be different like why we study you know of course
(26:06):
not saying that there aren't you know
families who go oh my god did you hear becky's dating a black guy or whatever
you know so that that could happen yes but i i think we just sometimes take
this shit too far yeah because at this point yeah i like i said i think that
you You just love who you love.
(26:27):
Now, as long as it's not, remember, we had an episode when we were talking about
the fetish thing with the black, that master-slave thing,
the white power dynamic in fetish relationships or thug love.
You know, whatever the hell that is.
But anyway, so as long as it's not that, because I should say this, people are grown.
(26:53):
And if Jordan wants to hook
up With some lady Who wants
to put him in chains And make him pick cotton in
her backyard Or whatever Then more power to Jordan I want you to do that So
you know about Jordan Being with some lady That wants him to pick cotton And
nobody want to tell me So you with some bitch For the record by the way Holly
(27:16):
is married to Jordan So we know that Jordan is not doing this But nonetheless
You know I'm just giving an example You know You know,
if a person is consenting to something, they ain't got nothing to do with me.
Because, again, what you eat don't make me shit. Right.
But as for me in my house, I'll whoop your ass. I wish you would.
(27:38):
Call me master. I'll whoop your ass.
Right. So that would not work for me. But if you are two consenting adults and
you want to enter into that type of dynamic, more power to you. Enjoy.
You know, I want y'all, I want you to whip him until he bleeds.
(28:03):
Because that's not my business. Yeah. But you know what I think a lot of people
are scared of too, especially people with that mentality, not saying it's wrong,
not saying it's right. Because you are...
You are rightful to have your own opinion and
and what i tell people all the time when you come into a
conversation with somebody who's already had their mind up made up
(28:24):
like oh god yeah yeah it's it's no point of even saying what you have to say
because that person is not open minded but yeah yeah i think people like that
not saying it's wrong it's just a lot i wonder if you You know,
if I was to study this,
(28:45):
you know, sometimes there may be a psychological element to it, right?
So maybe having a person outside of your race, we'll say a black guy dating a white lady,
maybe that's something as a child that they saw in their head as,
oh, you made it if you got a white wife or a white girlfriend or something.
(29:08):
Because that stereotype that we put off on them.
Yeah. Because what do we say? oh he with a fat white bitch and he's using her
for her money you just go ahead and say it I mean but because that's what we
see like that's what we you know what I mean listen.
I know exactly what you mean a black girl with a white man we think automatically
oh he got some good credit she finna live off him and that might not be the
(29:31):
case yep he could be the scrub,
you know we don't know what Gary Owens
and his wife had going on Gary could have been in a scrub you
know and i love me some gary all right yes and then like i said there could
be other psychological elements to it as well but you know sometimes we just
(29:51):
gotta stop being messy and in other people's business and just let people live
their lives again if you prefer
the peen of a person from
europe who am
i to stop who am i to tell you to take it out your mouth what's the
(30:12):
peen jimmy the peen the european peen the caucasian peen
they call it the caucasian peen if that is what you prefer who am i to tell
you to put it down our black people they all spit A bit white in the end.
Shut up. Oh, my God, they do.
(30:38):
Oh, my goodness. But no, you know, like I said, look, love is love.
No sense in belaboring this point. We know that every now and then there are
going to be folks who prefer one thing or another.
And in other instances where people just don't.
Fall in love people meet and they get
(30:59):
to talking and they realize that there's something that this person has that
i like and we or we have this common ground so they you know build a relationship
from that everything ain't well you know i don't fuck with black girls so what like,
sometimes it's more than that yeah i think that's different yeah when you intentionally
(31:23):
Intentionally put an emphasis on who you don't fuck with.
Yes. Thank you for not fucking with us. She broke ass.
Say you, you wouldn't eat no bread. Darn ass.
All right. So I want to thank you all. So today we talked about interracial
dating and everything that it entails.
Of course, we have with us none other than Holly DeBeamer, who joined us again today.
(31:49):
Always. We appreciate you. Don't forget to subscribe to our weekly podcast.
Also, I have to tell you that coming very soon, we have the Undateable Me community
where you're going to be able to join in on the conversation,
what we call the sock mob, okay?
So can't wait, and I'll have more information for you on that as well.
(32:15):
Don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to subscribe. and want to thank you. Oh, we should leave.
Should we do a different song going out? Yeah, let's do a different song going out.
All right, everybody. It was great to have you.
Here is another song from The Connection.
Music.
(34:29):
Outro Music.
(34:49):
Music.
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