May 17, 2024 • 13 mins
How did Graham get to this place of beginning the Understanding the Science of You Podcast?
In this introductory episode, Graham reflects on his journey, which began with a 21-year corporate career, and culminated in recognizing he had "checked all his success boxes" only to find he was inherently unhappy.
Leaving corporate, he began a walkabout journey that gave him a deep trust and belief in the universe, with a drive to help individuals find themselves and their purpose.
He speaks about his understanding of accommodations: the tools, technologies, philosophies and perspectives that take us from our current state to our most productive state. He acknowledges how these accommodations, often taken for granted, become glaringly essential when absent.
He dives into his personal journey leaving that executive role, which he likens to a bitter divorce. He opens up on the struggle, frustration, and cry for help he experienced during this period, now appreciating this period as an essential step in his journey towards self-discovery, fulfillment, and authenticity. He further encourages listeners to be more open and vulnerable to receive the offered help.
On his exploration of healing modalities, he notes the common essence that resonates with everyone, asserting that there's something to learn from everyone and everything. Closing, Graham discusses his Podcast motivations: sharing insights on self-discovery and personal intricacies, hoping to spark thought-provoking comments and reflections from the listeners.
His ultimate goal is to demonstrate different ways of living and inspire others to embrace vulnerability, understand their needs, and ultimately, cultivate a more genuinely happy and productive life.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Oh, boy, what are accommodations to me? So this is definitely one of those things.
Again, if you'd asked this question six months ago, six weeks,
six years ago, you got very, very different answers.
Today, I would tell you to me, accommodations are whatever I need to take me
from my current state to my most productive state.
So that's going to be tools, technology.
(00:21):
Philosophies, perspectives, spirituality, supporters.
Take your pick. It doesn't, And the point is, it's all of those things,
right? Because it isn't just one little thing.
And I, you know, went through my whole life and living in, you know,
one world and not and frankly, ignorance, blissfully ignorant regarding all
the accommodations that I have that allowed myself to go around, right?
(00:43):
It was only after I left, you know, everything that I knew that all of a sudden
I tried to plug into the rest of the world without my accommodations that I
realized, holy shit, I don't fit in anywhere.
I don't really don't understand things, right? Like I went from,
you know, in a place of going, okay, I get that I'm a little bit different,
right? Or I process things differently.
But, you know, still four out of 10 people kind of get me.
(01:04):
Well, afterwards, I looked at it and I was like, nah, it's more like zero or one out of 10, right?
And so I really understood the value of accommodations in being able to allow me to do things, right?
Like I can't tell you how maddening I found it to be able to tackle and enjoy
solving these complex problems.
Problems, but I couldn't get anybody to, to pay me for, to, to compensate me
(01:28):
for that knowledge because I couldn't concisely put it together on a PowerPoint.
So literally the inability to properly use PowerPoint, you know,
was a huge stumbling block for me.
And so, you know, there are so many things that people would be like,
well, that seems simple. Well, it might be simple to you,
you know what solving this complex problem might not seem simple to you it seems
simple to me right the point is we all need different accommodations to make
(01:52):
us what we to get us where we need to be and so the the accommodations have
had such a negative word and such a negative
connotation to it right that i have a great desire to strip that away and acknowledge that,
and first of all i'm going to say that the first thing that i see every anybody
who gets any sort of money do is create accommodations for themselves okay whether
it be through the quality of the food that they eat, access to doctors and healthcare,
(02:14):
private jets so they don't have to deal with everybody and all the other, the stresses, right?
Believe me, everybody has a set of accommodations.
So the question becomes, let me take that back. Everybody needs accommodations.
So the question becomes, why doesn't everybody receive their appropriate accommodations?
Why is it that when I was an executive, it was all of my accommodations,
(02:34):
well, look at the amount of revenue they generate.
People would be happy to make excuses for me.
But all of a sudden, once I became unemployed and I wasn't, you know,
and I didn't represent a billion dollar marketing budget and these other things,
all of a sudden, yeah, that same desire to be as accommodating,
to take the time to understand, to hear me out, to make sure that they understood, right?
Like all of a sudden it was literally like, I couldn't understand why I couldn't get anybody.
(02:59):
I couldn't understand why, well, first of all, it took me forever to recognize
the fact that I struggled because I didn't have the accommodations.
Then I had to, then, then that led me down the path of understanding the science
of you, which was, okay, I had these accommodations and I got along one way in life.
I don't have those accommodations and I'm getting along another way and it ain't nearly as fun.
So, and I also don't have, I don't have the money that I did.
(03:22):
I don't have a company to, you know, to help me provide all these accommodations for myself.
So what am I going to do? Well, I better understand the science of myself to
figure out what I need and why, you know, because anything besides feeling as
good as I can, being as happy as I can be isn't an option.
When I left Quicken Loans after 21 years, I never thought I'd leave the place.
(03:42):
I don't think anybody thought I would leave for that matter either.
You know it was very it very much felt like a bitter divorce you know somebody
who was very very close to me you know was the one who you know we him and i
had these tough conversations about hey this isn't working for me this isn't working for you right we.
And afterwards then somebody that i you know like i had i definitely had a lot
(04:05):
of i had anger I had resentment.
I had extremely critical and judgmental, very frustrated, very disheartened,
very broken, quite frankly.
Everything I thought I believed in came tumbling down upon me in my mind,
right? In the way that I understood things.
And so now I look back and I met with, I had lunch with the same person and
(04:31):
I said, and I actually, and I then got to a spot where I thanked him and I'm glad it was him, right?
Look, there was no, in order for me to go on to my journey and the way that
I need to do what I need to do in my next chapter of life, it didn't involve
me staying in that life anymore.
And I wasn't willing to, up to that point in time, to do the tough things that
I needed to do to, to fulfill on my purpose.
(04:52):
And so the universe definitely provided the, provided that movement for me.
And so I thanked, and so I thanked my friend for being the one who did it because
then I know at least, look, a crappy thing had to get done, but,
but at least I could have it done in a good situation with a person that I trusted,
but it still took me years to be able to unwind a lot of those emotions, right?
(05:12):
And then I also wanted to make sure in talking with that person that they understood
that I didn't have any ill will towards them and I didn't want them to harbor
any sort of guilt over anything either, right?
I wanted to make sure they were released of that, right?
And so now when I look back, I look at it from being very angry and all.
(05:33):
My will came tumbling down to really understanding how that's what was needed
to be able to open the door for me to be able to do the stuff that I'm really meant to do.
One piece of advice that I would go back and give myself would have been to
be more open and vulnerable with some of my thoughts or questions.
Not with everybody, obviously, but with just finding different people.
Because as I've been open about more of my curiosities, awkward curiosities,
(06:00):
the more that I found commonality with people, I thought I would have been the outsider.
All of these things I was afraid to bring up because I would have felt like
it would have put me, it would have ostracized me.
Instead, it was what endeared me with people. And, and so life's,
(06:21):
and so I guess what I'm saying is life's tough enough.
And I sure as heck didn't make it any easier on myself by not accepting all
the different helping hands that people offer me along the way.
And so if there's anything that I can do that, you know, doesn't take away from
anybody's learning, but helps them, but helps prevent a lump or two along the
way, then I, you know, hey, then I think we're going to call it a victory.
(06:43):
What I trust is that the universe will support me when I am operating being
true and authentic to myself,
both being true and authentic to myself in terms of to myself,
but also to what I want to accomplish while I'm here.
(07:06):
And so in that respect, what I trust is that if I stay out of the way,
a lot better stuff happens for me.
When I stay out of the way and I do and accept responsibility,
what I can be in control of, which is my health, physical health,
mental health, spiritual health, emotional health,
then I open myself to my sense of purpose.
(07:30):
So if I act on my sense of purpose and I allow myself to be open to hearing
things through different people, right?
Through guides, whatever you want to call it, that I will be supported on my journey, right?
And admit it, right? This is something that's a very new thing to me.
This is not something I've led my whole life by, right?
(07:51):
But what I can tell you is once I've started to lead my life this way more,
it's become a lot more enjoyable. It's become a lot easier.
I've enjoyed a lot more synchronicities. Thank you.
You know, I remember just falling to my knees in my living room and just, and just crying.
I couldn't understand why it was so difficult to try to get somebody to help me my way.
(08:13):
Just let me listen to me for a second, right? And then I just,
look, why has this got to be so tough?
Just, did I pray? Please let me just, help me bring some good into this world.
What is going, like, why is this so hard?
And then I just felt like something kind of go pop in my head. I kid you not.
And and from that moment on you
know it was like some of the layers of
(08:33):
myself the mask that i've been wearing started just started to
peel away and i started to become more and more comfortable
i'm similar i started to become more and more familiar with who i was underneath
all these masks i chose to accumulate all these other things right i'm definitely
not blaming anybody right it's what i chose to do to fit in i just never realized
the true toll that it took on me right only in hindsight is i able to gain to
gain that wisdom and so and so again so that's what i'm talking to myself,
(08:57):
you know, kind of talking to myself through is, Hey,
you got to go through these journeys to navigate life.
There is no, there, there is no good to go directly past, go collect $200 in life.
If you want to learn, it's going to be experiential.
But I, you know, wouldn't mind doing it with a few less lumps.
During my walkabout, you know, I'm exploring all kinds of healing modalities, right?
(09:20):
And I'm open to everything, right? Something works for everybody.
That's why it exists. If it didn't work for anyone, it would go away.
And so I started doing this chakra exercise. I guess it's focused on grounding, right?
And, you know, as I opened up the workbook and I started going through it,
I went, you got to be kidding me.
So I went through these same questions in therapy. I went through these same
(09:42):
questions with a Tony Robbins teacher.
I went through these same questions with an executive coach.
I'm like, everyone's peddling the same stuff, just packaged differently.
I said, I'm driving myself nuts trying to figure out whose healing modality
I should be following or who I should be listening to.
I need to be spending my time and saying, okay, they're all saying the same
thing. So what is it they're saying?
What is the essence of it, right? That is what resonates with everybody.
(10:05):
And that's what I need to pull from it. and then you know whatever i
take what i need and i discard the rest right so there's in that respect there's
something to be learned from everyone and everything and yeah oh
my goodness gracious how is the way that i've changed talk talk
to myself and just talked in general thought in general change you know it was
i went from a very raw emotional say what unfiltered you know in a lot of four
(10:29):
letters were my favorite adjectives right and instead you know it became much
more understanding words matter.
And if I want to take the perspective of law of attraction and words matter,
if I want to think about it from manifesting things, if I want to think about
it from the sense of would I allow somebody else to talk to me that way?
Any which way that I talked, that I read about stuff and thought about stuff,
(10:53):
I said, yeah, there's a lot of value to the power of thoughts.
And then as I started to allow myself to focus on thoughts of gratitude, Right.
Then I noticed how, you know, more gratitude manifests itself in my life.
I just happen to same experiences. I just happen to now appreciate them differently.
(11:13):
And so it was very easy to adopt those perspectives that make you feel better.
What's the, yeah, the relevant aspect of my journey that kind of led me to this
podcast was just understanding just how all the intricacies of myself and how
it takes all these little pieces moving together to make,
(11:34):
to have it kind of feeling right for lack of a better description.
And, you know, and so that led me down the path of saying, hey,
I didn't have anybody kind of teaching me and helping me to understand these things.
And so I'm simply sharing some of the things that if I was talking to me,
what would I want to say? And I'm kind of taking that perspective and that approach.
(11:54):
So one thing I'd love to have people say is, would people be saying about this
or myself would be saying, huh, I never thought about that.
Makes sense when you put it that way. Huh, that's a pretty good idea.
I like that. Huh, right? Like that's what I'm I'm hoping to get.
And then from the listener and then from, all right, understand the science of view.
The last thing I'm trying to do is tell people this, what you go to go out and
(12:16):
need to do, right. That this is the answer. The only answer is figuring it out for yourself. Right.
And so, yeah. And, and part of my work is, is, you know, creating is,
is creating a movement, but that is not by talking to people.
That's simply by demonstrating that there's, that, that there are different ways.
And, and if hurt people, hurt people, heal people, heal people.
Right so if if we're all understanding the science
(12:39):
of ourselves that helps us to feel comfortable in our own skin and we are more
and we are just more authentically genuine happier and more productive people
nothing else needs to be done others will look and say yeah there's something
going on over there right and there's nothing that's more powerful than that.
Oh, boy, what are accommodations to me? So this is definitely one of those things.
Again, if you'd asked this question six months ago, six weeks,
six years ago, you got very, very different answers.
Today, I would tell you to me, accommodations are whatever I need to take me
from my current state to my most productive state.
So that's going to be tools, technology.
(00:21):
Philosophies, perspectives, spirituality, supporters.
Take your pick. It doesn't, And the point is, it's all of those things,
right? Because it isn't just one little thing.
And I, you know, went through my whole life and living in, you know,
one world and not and frankly, ignorance, blissfully ignorant regarding all
the accommodations that I have that allowed myself to go around, right?
(00:43):
It was only after I left, you know, everything that I knew that all of a sudden
I tried to plug into the rest of the world without my accommodations that I
realized, holy shit, I don't fit in anywhere.
I don't really don't understand things, right? Like I went from,
you know, in a place of going, okay, I get that I'm a little bit different,
right? Or I process things differently.
But, you know, still four out of 10 people kind of get me.
(01:04):
Well, afterwards, I looked at it and I was like, nah, it's more like zero or one out of 10, right?
And so I really understood the value of accommodations in being able to allow me to do things, right?
Like I can't tell you how maddening I found it to be able to tackle and enjoy
solving these complex problems.
Problems, but I couldn't get anybody to, to pay me for, to, to compensate me
(01:28):
for that knowledge because I couldn't concisely put it together on a PowerPoint.
So literally the inability to properly use PowerPoint, you know,
was a huge stumbling block for me.
And so, you know, there are so many things that people would be like,
well, that seems simple. Well, it might be simple to you,
you know what solving this complex problem might not seem simple to you it seems
simple to me right the point is we all need different accommodations to make
(01:52):
us what we to get us where we need to be and so the the accommodations have
had such a negative word and such a negative
connotation to it right that i have a great desire to strip that away and acknowledge that,
and first of all i'm going to say that the first thing that i see every anybody
who gets any sort of money do is create accommodations for themselves okay whether
it be through the quality of the food that they eat, access to doctors and healthcare,
(02:14):
private jets so they don't have to deal with everybody and all the other, the stresses, right?
Believe me, everybody has a set of accommodations.
So the question becomes, let me take that back. Everybody needs accommodations.
So the question becomes, why doesn't everybody receive their appropriate accommodations?
Why is it that when I was an executive, it was all of my accommodations,
(02:34):
well, look at the amount of revenue they generate.
People would be happy to make excuses for me.
But all of a sudden, once I became unemployed and I wasn't, you know,
and I didn't represent a billion dollar marketing budget and these other things,
all of a sudden, yeah, that same desire to be as accommodating,
to take the time to understand, to hear me out, to make sure that they understood, right?
Like all of a sudden it was literally like, I couldn't understand why I couldn't get anybody.
(02:59):
I couldn't understand why, well, first of all, it took me forever to recognize
the fact that I struggled because I didn't have the accommodations.
Then I had to, then, then that led me down the path of understanding the science
of you, which was, okay, I had these accommodations and I got along one way in life.
I don't have those accommodations and I'm getting along another way and it ain't nearly as fun.
So, and I also don't have, I don't have the money that I did.
(03:22):
I don't have a company to, you know, to help me provide all these accommodations for myself.
So what am I going to do? Well, I better understand the science of myself to
figure out what I need and why, you know, because anything besides feeling as
good as I can, being as happy as I can be isn't an option.
When I left Quicken Loans after 21 years, I never thought I'd leave the place.
(03:42):
I don't think anybody thought I would leave for that matter either.
You know it was very it very much felt like a bitter divorce you know somebody
who was very very close to me you know was the one who you know we him and i
had these tough conversations about hey this isn't working for me this isn't working for you right we.
And afterwards then somebody that i you know like i had i definitely had a lot
(04:05):
of i had anger I had resentment.
I had extremely critical and judgmental, very frustrated, very disheartened,
very broken, quite frankly.
Everything I thought I believed in came tumbling down upon me in my mind,
right? In the way that I understood things.
And so now I look back and I met with, I had lunch with the same person and
(04:31):
I said, and I actually, and I then got to a spot where I thanked him and I'm glad it was him, right?
Look, there was no, in order for me to go on to my journey and the way that
I need to do what I need to do in my next chapter of life, it didn't involve
me staying in that life anymore.
And I wasn't willing to, up to that point in time, to do the tough things that
I needed to do to, to fulfill on my purpose.
(04:52):
And so the universe definitely provided the, provided that movement for me.
And so I thanked, and so I thanked my friend for being the one who did it because
then I know at least, look, a crappy thing had to get done, but,
but at least I could have it done in a good situation with a person that I trusted,
but it still took me years to be able to unwind a lot of those emotions, right?
(05:12):
And then I also wanted to make sure in talking with that person that they understood
that I didn't have any ill will towards them and I didn't want them to harbor
any sort of guilt over anything either, right?
I wanted to make sure they were released of that, right?
And so now when I look back, I look at it from being very angry and all.
(05:33):
My will came tumbling down to really understanding how that's what was needed
to be able to open the door for me to be able to do the stuff that I'm really meant to do.
One piece of advice that I would go back and give myself would have been to
be more open and vulnerable with some of my thoughts or questions.
Not with everybody, obviously, but with just finding different people.
Because as I've been open about more of my curiosities, awkward curiosities,
(06:00):
the more that I found commonality with people, I thought I would have been the outsider.
All of these things I was afraid to bring up because I would have felt like
it would have put me, it would have ostracized me.
Instead, it was what endeared me with people. And, and so life's,
(06:21):
and so I guess what I'm saying is life's tough enough.
And I sure as heck didn't make it any easier on myself by not accepting all
the different helping hands that people offer me along the way.
And so if there's anything that I can do that, you know, doesn't take away from
anybody's learning, but helps them, but helps prevent a lump or two along the
way, then I, you know, hey, then I think we're going to call it a victory.
(06:43):
What I trust is that the universe will support me when I am operating being
true and authentic to myself,
both being true and authentic to myself in terms of to myself,
but also to what I want to accomplish while I'm here.
(07:06):
And so in that respect, what I trust is that if I stay out of the way,
a lot better stuff happens for me.
When I stay out of the way and I do and accept responsibility,
what I can be in control of, which is my health, physical health,
mental health, spiritual health, emotional health,
then I open myself to my sense of purpose.
(07:30):
So if I act on my sense of purpose and I allow myself to be open to hearing
things through different people, right?
Through guides, whatever you want to call it, that I will be supported on my journey, right?
And admit it, right? This is something that's a very new thing to me.
This is not something I've led my whole life by, right?
(07:51):
But what I can tell you is once I've started to lead my life this way more,
it's become a lot more enjoyable. It's become a lot easier.
I've enjoyed a lot more synchronicities. Thank you.
You know, I remember just falling to my knees in my living room and just, and just crying.
I couldn't understand why it was so difficult to try to get somebody to help me my way.
(08:13):
Just let me listen to me for a second, right? And then I just,
look, why has this got to be so tough?
Just, did I pray? Please let me just, help me bring some good into this world.
What is going, like, why is this so hard?
And then I just felt like something kind of go pop in my head. I kid you not.
And and from that moment on you
know it was like some of the layers of
(08:33):
myself the mask that i've been wearing started just started to
peel away and i started to become more and more comfortable
i'm similar i started to become more and more familiar with who i was underneath
all these masks i chose to accumulate all these other things right i'm definitely
not blaming anybody right it's what i chose to do to fit in i just never realized
the true toll that it took on me right only in hindsight is i able to gain to
gain that wisdom and so and so again so that's what i'm talking to myself,
(08:57):
you know, kind of talking to myself through is, Hey,
you got to go through these journeys to navigate life.
There is no, there, there is no good to go directly past, go collect $200 in life.
If you want to learn, it's going to be experiential.
But I, you know, wouldn't mind doing it with a few less lumps.
During my walkabout, you know, I'm exploring all kinds of healing modalities, right?
(09:20):
And I'm open to everything, right? Something works for everybody.
That's why it exists. If it didn't work for anyone, it would go away.
And so I started doing this chakra exercise. I guess it's focused on grounding, right?
And, you know, as I opened up the workbook and I started going through it,
I went, you got to be kidding me.
So I went through these same questions in therapy. I went through these same
(09:42):
questions with a Tony Robbins teacher.
I went through these same questions with an executive coach.
I'm like, everyone's peddling the same stuff, just packaged differently.
I said, I'm driving myself nuts trying to figure out whose healing modality
I should be following or who I should be listening to.
I need to be spending my time and saying, okay, they're all saying the same
thing. So what is it they're saying?
What is the essence of it, right? That is what resonates with everybody.
(10:05):
And that's what I need to pull from it. and then you know whatever i
take what i need and i discard the rest right so there's in that respect there's
something to be learned from everyone and everything and yeah oh
my goodness gracious how is the way that i've changed talk talk
to myself and just talked in general thought in general change you know it was
i went from a very raw emotional say what unfiltered you know in a lot of four
(10:29):
letters were my favorite adjectives right and instead you know it became much
more understanding words matter.
And if I want to take the perspective of law of attraction and words matter,
if I want to think about it from manifesting things, if I want to think about
it from the sense of would I allow somebody else to talk to me that way?
Any which way that I talked, that I read about stuff and thought about stuff,
(10:53):
I said, yeah, there's a lot of value to the power of thoughts.
And then as I started to allow myself to focus on thoughts of gratitude, Right.
Then I noticed how, you know, more gratitude manifests itself in my life.
I just happen to same experiences. I just happen to now appreciate them differently.
(11:13):
And so it was very easy to adopt those perspectives that make you feel better.
What's the, yeah, the relevant aspect of my journey that kind of led me to this
podcast was just understanding just how all the intricacies of myself and how
it takes all these little pieces moving together to make,
(11:34):
to have it kind of feeling right for lack of a better description.
And, you know, and so that led me down the path of saying, hey,
I didn't have anybody kind of teaching me and helping me to understand these things.
And so I'm simply sharing some of the things that if I was talking to me,
what would I want to say? And I'm kind of taking that perspective and that approach.
(11:54):
So one thing I'd love to have people say is, would people be saying about this
or myself would be saying, huh, I never thought about that.
Makes sense when you put it that way. Huh, that's a pretty good idea.
I like that. Huh, right? Like that's what I'm I'm hoping to get.
And then from the listener and then from, all right, understand the science of view.
The last thing I'm trying to do is tell people this, what you go to go out and
(12:16):
need to do, right. That this is the answer. The only answer is figuring it out for yourself. Right.
And so, yeah. And, and part of my work is, is, you know, creating is,
is creating a movement, but that is not by talking to people.
That's simply by demonstrating that there's, that, that there are different ways.
And, and if hurt people, hurt people, heal people, heal people.
Right so if if we're all understanding the science
(12:39):
of ourselves that helps us to feel comfortable in our own skin and we are more
and we are just more authentically genuine happier and more productive people
nothing else needs to be done others will look and say yeah there's something
going on over there right and there's nothing that's more powerful than that.
Popular Podcasts
1. Stuff You Missed in History Class
Join Holly and Tracy as they bring you the greatest and strangest Stuff You Missed In History Class in this podcast by iHeartRadio.
2. Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
3. Crime Junkie
If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people.