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August 23, 2024 17 mins

🎙️Are you an educator, who feels the pain of saying goodbye to your students every year? Do you find yourself becoming overly emotionally attached, making the end of the school year an emotional rollercoaster? You’re not alone. In this emotionally charged episode of *Lazy Learning Land*, we're tackling the heart-wrenching reality of separation anxiety that many teachers face and exploring a fresh perspective to help you manage it.

🔥Join me, S.Dot, as we dive deep into the world of foster parenting and uncover powerful lessons on building meaningful bonds without losing yourself in the process.  Discover how foster parents master the art of loving fiercely while keeping their hearts intact. Learn how you, too, can foster a healthy balance of connection and boundaries, helping your students grow into resilient, independent individuals without becoming overly reliant on you.

🎧This episode is packed with eye-opening insights and actionable strategies designed to transform your teaching experience. If you’ve ever struggled with the overwhelming emotions that come with being a teacher, this is an episode you can’t afford to miss.

💡Don’t miss this chance to learn how to create a more balanced, fulfilling teaching experience. Hit play to discover how you can thrive in your career, keep your heart intact, and continue making a profound impact on your students' lives.

 

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Full Transcript

https://virtuallyimpossible.net/i-gotta-pee-in-your-class-daily-limiting-restroom-passes/

 

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
You are now tuned into Virtually Impossible Presents Lazy Learning Land Podcast,
where we teach teachers how to be lazier, yet more effective to increase student
performance, but decrease teacher burnout and stress.
I'm S.Dot, your hostess that always gives you the mostest while doing the least,

(00:25):
also known as the queen of working and not working.
With over 15 years experience in the hood schools, and I absolutely love it,
I am here to share with you all the tricks of the trade I have developed that
will make your life as a teacher much easier and even help you to fall back
in love with the profession.

(00:46):
Today's episode is sponsored by Lazy Learning Land on TikTok,
where we skip all the fluff and give you the real deal stuff.
You can watch teacher tips, shorts, comedic shorts, and even watch me interact
with my real students during class periods, all while implementing tips that I share with you.
So go follow Lazy Learning Land on TikTok and enhance your experience.

(01:12):
And now for today's episode. All right, all right, all right.
Welcome everyone to another episode of the Lazy Learning Land podcast.
I am your hostess, S.Dot, and we got a great show in store for you all today.
You know, normally I'm on my comedic, sarcastic tip,
but today I'm tapping into my emotional side and

(01:33):
we're really going to hone in on how to deal with that separation anxiety when
it comes to the end of the year and you're having to say goodbye to your students
and that heartbreak that you feel knowing how much you've poured into those
students and now having to watch them walk out your classroom door for the last time.
And I'm gonna be real with y'all. I never had a clue that this was a real thing.

(01:55):
Like true story, I was scrolling through TikTok on my Lazy Learning Land teacher
account and I came across a post on my For You page or my FYP page.
And it was of a teacher who had just finished up her third year in the profession.
And she had stated that it would also be her last year teaching and she was

(02:16):
not going to be returning. So naturally I was intrigued.
And the reason she mentioned for her not returning was because of the emotional
trauma and strain she endures at the end of the school year.
She was mentioning that the time when she has to say goodbye to her students,
that she literally has grown to love as if they were her own.

(02:38):
Those times she just couldn't take that emotional toll anymore and I was baffled I was intrigued I.
And then I started going into the comic section for this particular post.
Y'all, I saw hundreds of teachers co-signing, responding with similar feelings.

(02:58):
Some saying things like they are still
teaching, but they experienced the separation trauma year after year.
And then others chiming in saying that they're no longer teachers,
either they are retired or they've left the profession, but they don't miss
having that feeling. And y'all, I was real deal, holy feel shocked.

(03:19):
I mean, literally, because I truly did not know that this separation anxiety
and trauma was really a thing.
See, I've never experienced it before and I've been teaching 15 plus years.
And okay, it may mostly be tied to the fact that I have an anxious attachment

(03:40):
style, meaning when I was growing up, emotional connection and emotional support
was kind of unpredictable in my life.
So that probably ultimately aided in me naturally building close,
but yet still far enough away relationships with my students to where I never
had to actually experience it.
But me being the nerd I am, I was like, okay, let me kind of look into this.

(04:05):
You know, I want to get into the real nitty gritty.
I'm going to get off the, you know, this therapy couch, I'm right here telling
y'all stuff I need to be talking to with my therapist about my anxious attachment style and stuff.
But yo, I literally thought, how come teachers don't act more like foster parents?
Like my ADD, ADHD, my brain is very solution oriented.
So when I came across this problem, I'm like, well, the answer is easy.

(04:27):
Just act, you know, act like the foster parents act like, because at the end
of the day, foster parents still got to get those kids back at the end of the term.
And I was really wondering why teachers don't utilize the same strategies as foster parents.
And that's when I began to research. And now I present to you today's episode

(04:49):
of Real Bonds and Boundaries, What Teachers Can Learn from Foster Parents.
What teachers can learn from foster parents, you see, this is where we can learn
valuable lessons from them.
These people are actual experts, like in the field, okay?

(05:09):
In the heat of things, creating and nurturing connections while at the same
time maintaining the boundaries necessary for both the child and their own well-being.
You see, foster parents know exactly what teachers are going through.
Now, a lot of other people walking the face of this earth don't,
but when it comes to creating emotional bonds and then being forced to abruptly

(05:32):
detach after a certain amount of time, foster parents understand.
And when it's time to return the children to their biological families,
teachers really could learn a thing or two from foster parents.
So let's get into these tips, y'all, because I had to do some research like
this. This one took took me some time.

(05:52):
All right. Cause I wanted to make sure I was coming from a knowledgeable,
but yet organic place for you.
You see, the first thing is to understand the role of being a temporary guardian.
Y'all foster parents do a great job of embracing the concept that their role is temporary.
They know that they are going to provide stability, care, and support all during

(06:17):
your child's critical time in life.
And to parallel it, as teachers, it is critical for us to remember that our
footprint in our students' lives is permanent.
Our footprint is permanent, but our role is still temporary.
So here's a pro tip. Remind yourself regularly that your goal is to foster independence,

(06:39):
to equip your students with the skills and knowledge they need to succeed beyond
beyond your classroom, and beyond your reach.
Remember to regularly reflect on your long-term goals as a teacher.
What do you want your students to take away from their time in your classroom?
Now, let's move along to number two. Number two, set clear boundaries.

(07:03):
Foster parents are often advised to set clear, healthy boundaries with the children in their care.
And this not only protects the emotional well-being of the child,
but it also helps the foster parent to manage their own emotions.
You see, in a similar manner, we as teachers can benefit from establishing these
boundaries that define the teacher-student relationship.

(07:26):
And this may include setting specific times when a student can and cannot contact you.
It may also include being mindful of the amount of personal information and
the amount of your personal experiences you share with a student or with your students.
And here's a pro tip.

(07:46):
Clearly communicate your boundaries to your students in a kind but firm manner and stick to them.
Have boundaries, but you have to stick to those boundaries because we know kids,
they going to test us. They going to try us.
They really going to see if we be meaning what we say we be meaning.

(08:06):
So set your boundaries, make them clear, but also stick to them.
All right. So moving right along, we've got number three.
Three encourage self-reliance you
see one of the key goals of foster care is to
empower children and to develop resilience and
independence foster parents often focus

(08:28):
on teaching life skills and encouraging children to solve problems on their
own and while at the same time while they're doing this they are still providing
those children or that child with guidance and support so they're still there
for the kids, but they're not overly there for the kids.
And as teachers, we can adopt a very similar approach.

(08:50):
You can encourage your students to think critically, to solve problems independently,
and to take responsibility for the parts of their life that they can control,
such as their learning and the way they respond to adverse situations.
This is going to help them to build confidence and reduce the likelihood of
them becoming over-reliant on you.

(09:14):
And for my elementary and primary teachers, bless your heart, bless your heart now.
But encouraging independence anger students helps to prevent them from becoming
overly needy and overly clingy,
ultimately creating a balanced teacher-student relationship while while at the
same time helping to reduce the risk of emotional distress on both your part

(09:37):
and on the student's part when it's time to move on to the next grade level.
Here's your pro tip. Incorporate problem-solving activities into your lessons
that encourages students to work through their challenges either on their own
or within their peer groups.
Offer support and guidance when a student is struggling,

(09:59):
but be sure to resist the urge to overly coddle or to resist the urge to give
the answers or to hover too much, so on and so forth.
If I give those kids the opportunities to problem solve, kind of work through
it themselves, make some mistakes, so on and so forth.
All right. Now, number four, number four, practice empathy without over identification.

(10:27):
Practice empathy without over identification. Now, you see, foster parents are
trained on how to show empathy without over identifying with the children in their current care.
They are able to understand the importance of being compassionate and understanding,
yet they're able to still maintain a professional distance.

(10:49):
And I know you're like, but how is it professional if it's more of that,
you know, parental child relationship?
Well, they incorporate both of them. And I think as teachers.
Practicing empathy means for us to
listen to our students, validate their feelings, and offer them support.
But also doing our very, very best to not take on their emotional burdens as your own.

(11:16):
Okay, well, let me say it like this. Try not to take on too many of their emotional
burdens as your own because it is in our nature. we're in a service profession.
So it's in our nature to be overly caring and whatnot,
but we do need to be cognizant of when we're just making every child's problems

(11:38):
our own or every time these, you know, specific children have an issue that
we take on every single issue that particular child has,
you know, I know some of us can't help, but do it, but let's try to do it in moderation.
And I think you'll start to see a difference when it's time to separate if you
can moderate or, you know, if you can make those modifications to how often you do that.

(12:05):
And the pro tip, when a student shares a personal problem with you,
do practice active listening, do offer support, but also encourage them to seek
additional help outside of you.
Meaning, do help them to connect with a counselor or with the program that fits

(12:26):
their needs or the needs of their family so that those people can kind of pull
more of that emotional load.
You can still So be there to listen and to support and encourage and double
check behind them and ask them, hey, are you doing this? Are you doing that?
You know, hold them accountable, but you still want to make sure that you're

(12:47):
not overstepping your professional boundaries too much by becoming too emotionally
involved in a student's issues.
Don't hesitate to reach out for help if you are feeling overly attached to a
student or their life situation because sometimes simply talking through your

(13:09):
feelings with someone and y'all this can be a co-worker, a family member,
a counselor of your own, a mentor but just find somebody that can provide enough
clarity to help you re-establish your boundaries with that that particular student or students, again,
ultimately to help avoid that separation trauma at the end of the year.

(13:33):
Y'all, this may be one of my shortest episodes ever, but it's short, sweet, and deep.
Okay, but we are now to the conclusion of this. So we're going to sum this thing
all the way, all right, as each school year starts.
Similarly, you should know that each school year must come to an end.

(13:53):
And it is natural to feel a deep sense of loss, knowing that the students that
you have nurtured, that you have guided and cared for, will soon move on.
And this pain is a true testament to the powerful connections you have built,
and it is also a reflection of your passion as an educator and as a teacher.

(14:18):
Just as foster parents must say goodbye to the children they have cared for, so must you.
And both foster parents and teachers alike have to trust that they have provided
them with the tools they need to thrive.
They have to trust that their influence will continue to resonate with each

(14:38):
of those children long after they have left your side.
By embracing your role as a temporary guide, as a temporary guardian,
setting clear boundaries, fostering self-reliance, practicing empathy without over-identifying,

(14:59):
and seeking support when you need it, You can find the healthy balance that
allows you to be the compassionate,
effective teacher your students need without losing yourself in the process.
So remember, the end of a school year is not the end of your influence.

(15:20):
It's the beginning of your students next chapter, shaped in part by the love
and guidance you have given to them.
So embrace the bittersweet farewells, knowing that you have made a major difference
and trust that by maintaining a healthy balance of connection and boundaries,

(15:41):
you will be ready to do it again with the next group of young minds that enters your classroom.
Thanks for tuning into today's episode of Virtually Impossible Presents Lazy Learning Land Podcast.
Comment below your thoughts on real bonds and boundaries, what teachers can

(16:04):
learn from foster parents.
What are some super awesome things you do to build relationships with your students?
And which of these strategies will you be more intentional about implementing
in order to protect your emotional well-being?
Since there is strength in lazy, be sure to like, follow and subscribe to this podcast.

(16:26):
My blog on virtuallyimpossible.net, no apostrophe, and our social media platforms.
You can find us on TikTok under Lazy Learning Land,
on Pinterest under Virtually ImPossible, no apostrophe, and Instagram under
Virtually_Im_Possible.

(16:49):
So you can feel at home among other lazy learners.
This is your girl S.Dot signing off. And until next episode,
remember to live long in lazy and never, ever work too hard.
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