Exploring the Depths of Cervical Orgasms with Nicola Parish

Episode Transcript
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it was unthinkable, unthinkable, but it's actually brought the whole family, my whole work, my whole relationship to another level that I didn't think it could go to.

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So if anyone is listening, there is another option.
.001If you're just stuck with those two options, there is another option to explore your own body.
And as soon as I'd learned the work and had this experience with the cervical orgasm, I was like, I need to teach this. 5 00:00:37,953.4 --> 00:00:39,593.4 Welcome to Wendy Goes Deep. 6 00:00:39,963.4 --> 00:00:52,593.399 I am Wendy and today I have got Nicola Parish on with me and I am really excited to talk to her about today's topic, which is not going to come as a surprise to some of you who know me. 7 00:00:52,953.4 --> 00:00:55,283.4 We're going to be talking about cervical orgasms. 8 00:00:55,343.399 --> 00:00:57,333.399 So definitely one of my favorite topics. 9 00:00:57,893.399 --> 00:01:05,763.399 And if you don't know who Nicola is, she is an embodied female pleasure and wild woman circle. 10 00:01:06,183.4 --> 00:01:25,828.3 Facilitator based in Cheshire, UK, and she, after having spent nearly a decade studying energy healing, Nicola has established herself as a specialist in facilitating the awakening and enhancing of more pleasure for women, magical humans, and vulva owners, 35 plus. 11 00:01:26,318.4 --> 00:01:32,348.4 She is now known for putting the spark back in the bedroom in established marriages and long term relationships. 12 00:01:32,848.4 --> 00:01:46,608.4 Everything she has learned and practiced over that time has been weaved with the roadmap training in embodied female pleasure so that they can experience pleasure, intimacy, orgasms, and sex, and have confidence in themselves and their body at any age. 13 00:01:47,208.4 --> 00:01:51,248.4 These teachings have been a lifeline during Nicola's perimenopause journey. 14 00:01:51,298.4 --> 00:01:56,713.4 And she believes everyone should have access to their body's wisdom and the magical experiences it can bring. 15 00:01:57,133.4 --> 00:02:06,143.4 She is also married to her husband for 20 years and two teenage daughters and loves the outdoors, walking her dog, Ralph, and connecting to her Celtic roots and healing. 16 00:02:06,463.4 --> 00:02:09,973.399 Her favorite food is homemade pizza and loves to travel to the sun. 17 00:02:12,343.4 --> 00:02:17,63.4 Welcome Nicola thank you so much for having me, inviting me on. 18 00:02:17,353.4 --> 00:02:19,793.399 Really, really excited to talk about this. 19 00:02:20,113.4 --> 00:02:20,583.4 Really excited. 20 00:02:22,203.4 --> 00:02:22,763.4 Me too. 21 00:02:23,283.4 --> 00:02:41,873.399 So, I mean, sometimes I kind of talk about like the background, but I'm thinking I kind of want to just dive in and start talking about cervical orgasms because especially as a sex educator, I don't know if you come across this too. 22 00:02:42,153.4 --> 00:02:49,493.4 I hear a lot of people talk about how cervical orgasms aren't really a thing and that it's really just all the clitoris. 23 00:02:49,903.4 --> 00:02:59,538.4 And so I would love to hear Your perspective when you hear people say, no, it's just clitoral orgasms that we're having. 24 00:02:59,548.4 --> 00:03:10,218.4 Like, how did you discover cervical orgasms? And how do you know if you're having a cervical orgasm versus like a clitoral orgasm? I want to hear from you. 25 00:03:11,213.399 --> 00:03:11,753.4 I love it. 26 00:03:11,793.399 --> 00:03:18,143.4 I love how we're diving straight in as well, because I always tell my clients, like, we don't start with a cervical orgasm. 27 00:03:18,683.399 --> 00:03:20,863.4 It's like, we warm up to that conversation. 28 00:03:20,873.4 --> 00:03:23,53.4 You know, we warm up to, to get in there. 29 00:03:23,53.4 --> 00:03:30,3.4 It's not the goal, but yeah, there's definitely been, from my experience, a very marked difference between. 30 00:03:30,333.4 --> 00:03:35,963.4 The energy around a clitoris orgasm and a cervical orgasm. 31 00:03:36,333.4 --> 00:03:49,83.399 And it was actually me having my very first solo cervical orgasm during me establishing I was in perimenopause that was really profound, really spiritual. 32 00:03:49,103.399 --> 00:03:52,613.399 I felt really lit up, felt connected to everything. 33 00:03:53,33.399 --> 00:03:54,613.399 This is where we switch. 34 00:03:54,653.399 --> 00:03:59,393.399 It's like, this is where we switch the light and it just filled me up. 35 00:03:59,493.399 --> 00:04:21,523.399 There was this sense of being full, full and like this energy of overflowing and giving, you know, when people say share from an overflowing cup and I'm like, yeah, I would, if I knew what that felt like, you know, so first solo cervical orgasm, I was like, ah, this is that surplus energy that's there to give. 36 00:04:22,133.399 --> 00:04:24,93.399 And, uh, just was. 37 00:04:25,18.399 --> 00:04:34,668.399 So for those that say they haven't, that they don't exist, um, you know, all the work is about feeling your own body, getting to know your own body. 38 00:04:34,748.399 --> 00:04:39,278.399 There's a lot of things women have been told in the past about their own body. 39 00:04:39,948.399 --> 00:04:51,858.399 So this is really, um, and my experience to a cervical orgasm, I feel is going to be different to anybody else's who, you know, I can describe what it feels for me. 40 00:04:52,303.399 --> 00:05:01,313.399 But I couldn't describe what it feels for you or one of my clients and, and there, there, there is always, sometimes I'll even go to myself. 41 00:05:01,323.398 --> 00:05:10,543.399 Was that one? Was that one? I'm not sure if that was one, you know, because the, um, a clitoris orgasm is, can be very fast and the energy is there and there's this peak. 42 00:05:11,458.399 --> 00:05:17,998.399 So then you've got the peak and the energy goes out and then afterwards you can, you know, you want to go, maybe you want to go again. 43 00:05:17,998.399 --> 00:05:28,36.79883333 There's just this energy, to me, it's like the energy goes out, whereas the cervical is like keeping it in, letting it flow through, through the whole of the body. 44 00:05:28,36.79883333 --> 00:05:39,883.399 Um, so yeah, does that answer a little bit of the question? So I'm excited to hear you describe your cervical orgasm because of understanding the biology. 45 00:05:39,883.399 --> 00:05:45,633.398 And I love that you mentioned women have been told a lot of things that are incorrect about their bodies. 46 00:05:46,233.399 --> 00:05:49,938.399 And One of those is very much tied to the cervix. 47 00:05:50,598.399 --> 00:06:08,513.299 So no shade on masters and Johnson who did so much benefit to, uh, understanding sex, sex, sex process and sex health and sex pleasure and all of that, uh, their work in their sixties, but they. 48 00:06:08,843.399 --> 00:06:11,553.399 The way part of how they did that, they interviewed a whole bunch of people. 49 00:06:11,583.399 --> 00:06:12,783.399 So this was really taboo. 50 00:06:12,783.399 --> 00:06:14,133.399 So it was really cutting edge. 51 00:06:14,253.399 --> 00:06:35,188.398 And as I said, like absolutely very thankful that they've done this work because they completely helped progress, you know, sex education as we know it, you know, now, however, there's An aspect to some of the research that they did that has done some, um, kind of long lasting harm and, you know, because of it. 52 00:06:35,428.399 --> 00:06:37,688.399 And 1 of it is about the cervix. 53 00:06:38,108.399 --> 00:06:50,718.399 So, when they interviewed the women that, and by the way, these were all mostly young women, um, all college age, for the most part, and, you know, for the people listening who are older. 54 00:06:51,453.399 --> 00:07:01,633.399 Uh, we can probably all agree that you as a younger person, you as an older person, there's a big difference in how you connect to yourself and connect to your body. 55 00:07:01,633.399 --> 00:07:16,103.399 So unless you grew up with caregivers, you know, family, or in a situation where you learn how to be embodied from a young age, most people in their twenties are so disconnected from their body. 56 00:07:16,643.399 --> 00:07:22,453.399 And part of this survey was, About whether or not they could feel on their cervix. 57 00:07:23,53.399 --> 00:07:23,593.399 And so. 58 00:07:24,258.399 --> 00:07:33,198.399 The, the end result was that the cervix was numb and this information got put into textbooks in OBGYN books. 59 00:07:33,538.399 --> 00:07:41,8.398 And even to this day, many women, when they go to talk to their doctor about different procedures with the cervix, they'll be like, Oh, it's no big deal. 60 00:07:41,268.398 --> 00:07:47,848.399 This because they have this belief that the cervix is numb when in fact the cervix has three pairs of nerves. 61 00:07:48,288.399 --> 00:07:51,568.398 It's actually one of the most highly innervated organs in the body. 62 00:07:52,158.399 --> 00:08:12,858.399 And so this has to do with like the work you do and the work that I do And it is about kind of dispelling this myth that the cervix is not a source of pleasure because it is truly a source of pleasure, just like the clitoris has nerves on it, the cervix has nerves on it too. 63 00:08:13,168.399 --> 00:08:21,633.299 And so this kind of breaking this myth about like where orgasms occur, I think is part of it. 64 00:08:22,173.399 --> 00:08:39,113.398 You know, stems from this, like, long belief that only this, the clitoris is the source of orgasms when in, which is ironic to me also, because a lot of these sex educators will also talk about nipple orgasms and so they believe that you can have a nipple orgasm. 65 00:08:39,678.399 --> 00:08:43,878.399 But only a clitoral orgasm and they're completely ignoring the rest of the biology. 66 00:08:43,918.399 --> 00:08:49,288.399 And when in fact, orgasms start and end in the nervous system and their nervous system function. 67 00:08:49,548.399 --> 00:08:52,208.398 So anywhere there's a nerve cluster, you can actually have an orgasm. 68 00:08:53,778.399 --> 00:08:59,258.399 It's really interesting that they found out about the numbness around the cervix because that is often the case. 69 00:08:59,678.399 --> 00:09:00,798.399 And that was my own experience. 70 00:09:01,348.399 --> 00:09:03,948.399 You know, this is where we say we don't go. 71 00:09:04,568.398 --> 00:09:08,488.4 I follow like a roadmap with the process. 72 00:09:08,838.399 --> 00:09:13,428.399 And we start off with like being in your body, feeling safe in your body. 73 00:09:13,943.399 --> 00:09:17,83.399 exploring what your body's like, exploring pleasure as a whole. 74 00:09:17,123.399 --> 00:09:19,113.399 It's a, it takes its time. 75 00:09:19,113.399 --> 00:09:20,333.399 It takes as long as it takes. 76 00:09:20,333.399 --> 00:09:22,493.399 Some people can get there quite easily. 77 00:09:22,843.399 --> 00:09:25,283.399 Some people have some stuff or some numbness. 78 00:09:25,323.398 --> 00:09:28,563.399 We call it the thawing out process, like the thawing out stage. 79 00:09:29,93.398 --> 00:09:41,628.399 And so When I went into, like, explore my cervix, I was like, go steady, and go slow, and take your time, and I often shame, good old Nicola fashion way, we went straight in. 80 00:09:42,688.399 --> 00:09:45,848.398 You know, I was like, I've not got the patience to wait for that, which. 81 00:09:46,293.399 --> 00:10:08,723.399 Um, we really did find numbness, pain, and the energy of being, um, impacted by an ex boyfriend that was, I'd never told anybody, it was like quite, um, abusive, it was, and that was all, that energy was held on the cervix, so that's why when I went into explore, it was numb. 82 00:10:09,708.399 --> 00:10:50,398.399 So what you're saying, they've probably done the interview and that could be the case for many women because we store a lot of our trauma a lot of you know a lot of what's going on for us a lot of our stories in our pelvis and our hips and Because I come from this energy kind of world So it's like well, of course, you know if that's still hanging around there since there was like 27, what the hell, you know? that's um And especially with being, I've been together for 20 years now with my husband and it was like, I could, you know, project the blame onto him when actually it's my own body that needed like love and attention and, and this release. 83 00:10:50,408.399 --> 00:10:52,988.399 So yeah, it can feel numb in the beginning. 84 00:10:53,108.398 --> 00:11:05,498.299 Um, but with some love and patience and internal massage, not going in for the goal, you know, Getting to know your body and vulva gazing and there's lots of different practices I do now. 85 00:11:05,498.399 --> 00:11:14,798.398 And because I've been through that of like going straight in, I really stress to anybody, if you're exploring, go really, really slow. 86 00:11:14,858.398 --> 00:11:20,408.399 Because I literally cried for three days and had to have some energetic support to. 87 00:11:20,808.399 --> 00:11:23,278.399 You know, now I can talk about the story and it's gone. 88 00:11:23,808.399 --> 00:11:26,398.399 And I'd never told anybody what happened. 89 00:11:26,418.399 --> 00:11:32,8.398 So it's really interesting to me that that's what they found. 90 00:11:32,88.399 --> 00:11:35,138.398 That of course they would find that in the beginning, but it feels. 91 00:11:35,758.398 --> 00:11:42,378.398 So the, the cervix and the throat are connected through, uh, it's called the deep fascial line. 92 00:11:42,758.397 --> 00:11:49,738.398 And from the time that you're, you're born, there's an indentation that becomes later becomes the genitals. 93 00:11:50,58.398 --> 00:11:53,828.398 And there's an indentation that becomes the mouth and that line still connects. 94 00:11:54,178.398 --> 00:11:54,818.398 And so. 95 00:11:55,98.398 --> 00:12:04,338.398 They're literally anytime you feel like you can't speak up and there's like energy flowing up through your body and you want to voice it. 96 00:12:05,148.398 --> 00:12:23,658.398 Whether that's through tears, whether that's through anger, whether it's speaking your mind, like anytime that energy is coming up and it gets to your throat where you feel like it needs to be released and you clamp it down, that energy travels through the deep fascial line and gets stored into the cervix. 97 00:12:24,138.398 --> 00:12:27,578.398 If you are a male, it gets stored in the prostate. 98 00:12:28,383.398 --> 00:12:33,923.398 And so it's the same analogous, uh, yeah, like body part. 99 00:12:35,923.398 --> 00:12:54,343.398 Um, so if, you know, it's not surprising that this, that people are so numb, because now if you think about what happens when you are in pain, your body goes, Hey, there's a pain signal, whether it's mental, physical, emotional is, it doesn't actually matter. 100 00:12:54,343.398 --> 00:12:58,423.398 It gets to process in the same part of the brain, which is the period aqueductal gray. 101 00:12:59,43.398 --> 00:13:09,183.398 Um, But if you ignore it, your body will stop sending pain signals and you will become numb because you're not addressing the pain. 102 00:13:09,723.398 --> 00:13:18,903.398 And so that's why the cervix is numb for most women because they haven't addressed the pain of whatever caused that energy to be stuck there. 103 00:13:20,828.398 --> 00:13:24,848.398 I mean, when you explain it like that, I love that you know the science. 104 00:13:24,858.398 --> 00:13:45,798.398 I mean, I, I am in perimenopause and I'd forget those names straight away, but the, the, the way women have had to not speak and not express their feelings, it's no wonder that this area of our body has been so ignored and left to feel numb. 105 00:13:45,908.398 --> 00:13:49,408.398 It's that's when the rage kind of comes. 106 00:13:50,48.398 --> 00:14:07,658.398 You can feel the rage coming, coming through because, you know, turning 50 last year, being from that generation where we were, you know, my mum didn't speak about anything like, I mean, even now when I think of my mum, I kind of shut down on, on talking. 107 00:14:08,198.398 --> 00:14:11,683.398 We called it that department and would point to that department. 108 00:14:11,683.498 --> 00:14:19,403.398 And so, and her moments, definitely it was never anything that was, um, in my family, in my history. 109 00:14:19,423.398 --> 00:14:27,693.398 So no wonder it's been pushed down because to speak, to speak their truth and speak what they desire. 110 00:14:27,723.398 --> 00:14:38,23.397 Even now, I, I'm, whenever I ask a client or ask friends or, you know, ask my community, what is it you desire? It gets stuck here. 111 00:14:38,23.497 --> 00:14:46,983.398 It's, They don't even know what it is they desire or what, you know, what they want, what they want even. 112 00:14:47,93.398 --> 00:14:51,313.397 And so that's like the place to start speaking what you want. 113 00:14:53,313.497 --> 00:14:55,133.497 Yes, and I love that you... 114 00:14:56,598.348 --> 00:14:58,178.348 when you were talking about this was about creating safety. 115 00:14:58,198.348 --> 00:15:05,253.398 So I am orgasm coach and a neuro-pleasure coach and 80% of my work is teaching people how to feel safe in their body. 116 00:15:06,403.398 --> 00:15:08,733.398 That's that, that, that's it. 117 00:15:09,123.398 --> 00:15:13,893.398 Because you, when you don't feel safe, just neurobiologically. 118 00:15:14,343.398 --> 00:15:15,978.398 If you don't feel safe, you are tense. 119 00:15:17,28.398 --> 00:15:21,8.398 And you will keep holding that energy in.. 120 00:15:21,338.398 --> 00:15:23,938.398 And, you know, you use the term energy. 121 00:15:24,98.398 --> 00:15:28,748.398 I use the term energy and that is, you know, the term that we use. 122 00:15:28,748.398 --> 00:15:43,258.398 And I know it becomes very elusive, but if you think about what happens when you get stressed, like we, we feel like, you know, our face gets a little warm, our breathing picks up, you know, there's all these different biological functions that happen. 123 00:15:44,473.398 --> 00:15:55,853.397 That's chemistry, right? And when there's a chemical reaction, there is a, you know, you put different things together, there's going to be the stuff that's used and then there's going to be. 124 00:15:57,158.398 --> 00:16:02,168.398 The waste, right? From the experiment, right? Or from the, for the combination. 125 00:16:02,518.398 --> 00:16:11,528.398 That waste that's the energy that also travels through our body and it gets stuck in the fascia and the fascia covers every single organ, every single structure in your body. 126 00:16:11,568.398 --> 00:16:14,748.398 And it's this interconnected web that keeps our body. 127 00:16:15,238.398 --> 00:16:25,578.397 Together, basically, and your cervix is covered in fascia, and your throat is covered in fascia, and it gets, travels through there and gets stuck and lodged. 128 00:16:25,868.398 --> 00:16:28,388.398 That energy doesn't go, doesn't just disappear. 129 00:16:28,688.398 --> 00:16:29,28.398 Right. 130 00:16:29,88.398 --> 00:16:29,618.398 We know that. 131 00:16:29,788.398 --> 00:16:35,498.398 I think everyone, most people watching this or listening to this knows that energy cannot be created or destroyed. 132 00:16:35,798.398 --> 00:16:36,958.398 It can only be transferred. 133 00:16:37,338.398 --> 00:16:43,738.398 And so if you're not transferring that energy, it's stuck in your body. 134 00:16:44,68.398 --> 00:16:46,578.398 And a lot of people also don't realize this. 135 00:16:46,598.398 --> 00:16:58,238.398 If you think about like when you eat and you've taken calories, that's like, we know it's energy, right? How are we actually releasing it? Most people are not aware it's through our breath. 136 00:16:58,668.398 --> 00:16:59,358.398 It's through our. 137 00:16:59,943.398 --> 00:17:01,623.398 Voice it's through our mouth. 138 00:17:01,753.398 --> 00:17:09,673.397 It is through this, this, uh, circular organ that we, you know, we have. 139 00:17:09,683.398 --> 00:17:15,693.397 And when we cannot express the energy through the, the throat. 140 00:17:16,493.398 --> 00:17:18,573.398 It travels back down and gets stuck in our body. 141 00:17:21,23.398 --> 00:17:29,103.398 And this is why I think for myself, um, I was 47, I think, when I came across this work. 142 00:17:29,513.397 --> 00:17:34,173.398 Um, It was, you know, perimenopause now, we name it as that. 143 00:17:34,623.398 --> 00:17:38,3.398 And, um, I was very anxious. 144 00:17:38,773.398 --> 00:17:40,573.398 I was very stressed. 145 00:17:41,323.398 --> 00:17:45,843.398 Um, very worried about the future, you know, two teenage daughters. 146 00:17:46,733.398 --> 00:17:48,373.397 Worrying about my relationship. 147 00:17:48,723.398 --> 00:18:02,323.398 You know, I sat on the stairs thinking, how can I do my work that means so much to me and bring up children and have a husband? It was just like, I just sat on the stairs. 148 00:18:02,323.398 --> 00:18:16,663.397 Like I thought the only options I had was, do I stay and be unhappy or leave? And it just consumes me all the time. 149 00:18:17,363.397 --> 00:18:18,613.398 And I'd be crying. 150 00:18:18,833.398 --> 00:18:25,433.398 I could feel it in the morning coming up, this feeling of like, Oh my gosh, getting my feet out of bed and putting two feet on the ground. 151 00:18:25,893.398 --> 00:18:29,683.398 And for those that know me, I mean, you know, that is not me. 152 00:18:30,88.398 --> 00:18:31,528.398 Um, I love life. 153 00:18:31,578.398 --> 00:18:35,598.398 I love living and I put everything into everything. 154 00:18:35,638.398 --> 00:18:43,588.398 So it was really like, I know it was in COVID and I know it was really different times, but I usually can rise to whatever. 155 00:18:44,688.397 --> 00:18:53,878.398 And I just so grateful that this third option come in of where I could look at myself, look at how to please my own body. 156 00:18:54,743.398 --> 00:19:21,643.398 Cause if I didn't know how to please my own body, how am I expecting my husband to? Or whoever your partner, your partner is like, it was such a revelation to feel safe in my body, come back to my body, come back to really feeling the emotions was there, you know, not strangling the relationship, like this has to work or, you know, living in this fear that I've got to leave. 157 00:19:22,298.398 --> 00:19:48,258.398 Just to create some space around it and create some space for like, you know, leave the dishes, leave the washing up and just go and spend two hours with yourself, which, I mean, you know, just was, it was unthinkable, unthinkable, but it's actually brought the whole family, my whole work, my whole relationship to another level that I didn't think it could go to. 158 00:19:48,648.398 --> 00:19:52,948.398 So the, you know, if anyone is listening, there is another option. 159 00:19:52,948.398 --> 00:19:54,118.398 It doesn't have to be though. 160 00:19:54,208.397 --> 00:20:02,848.398 If you're just stuck with those two options, there is another option to explore your own body and, you know, And then bring that and then bring that. 161 00:20:02,888.398 --> 00:20:12,428.398 And as soon as I'd learned the work and in orgasmic confidence and had this experience with the cervical orgasm, I was like, I need to teach this. 162 00:20:12,758.398 --> 00:20:23,198.3646667 Like, I was like walking around and everyone's like, how are you doing? And I was like, Oh, well, what have you been doing while in lockdown? And I was like, Oh, cervical orgasms. 163 00:20:23,198.3646667 --> 00:20:29,148.398 And I'd be having these amazing conversations on the corners with like women from all ages. 164 00:20:29,493.498 --> 00:20:35,203.398 Even in the 70s, this one woman, she was a retired air stewardess. 165 00:20:36,368.398 --> 00:20:42,688.398 I was like, have you heard about the cervical orgasms or in the supermarket going, have you heard of them? And everyone's going, no, no. 166 00:20:42,688.498 --> 00:20:47,348.398 And I was like, you know, and I was like, you look really well. 167 00:20:47,348.498 --> 00:20:50,518.398 I said, I know I'm feeling it. 168 00:20:50,538.398 --> 00:20:58,278.398 And it was the anxiety, when the stress, when I'm with a better mom to show up, I was sharing. 169 00:20:58,478.398 --> 00:21:02,398.398 I was like, I'm not getting, you're not, you won't need to get to 47 to have all this. 170 00:21:02,923.398 --> 00:21:04,123.398 It's gorgeous information. 171 00:21:04,123.398 --> 00:21:13,453.397 I've got, you can have it now and there, but you know, it changed the way I communicate with my daughters on how I speak about it. 172 00:21:13,453.398 --> 00:21:17,313.398 So yeah, um, I get, I got to talk about it all day. 173 00:21:17,353.398 --> 00:21:18,123.398 I get really. 174 00:21:18,853.398 --> 00:21:28,33.397 Excited, but just that even for perimenopause or as your body changes, you know, and you said, like, what, what do I desire now? It just takes a little bit longer. 175 00:21:28,313.398 --> 00:21:38,493.397 It is a little bit slower, but it's so much more deeper, you know, it doesn't have to be more, you know, sometimes people are just want more sex, more sex. 176 00:21:38,633.397 --> 00:21:42,678.398 Well, what about if it was, more meaningful and deeper and more connected. 177 00:21:42,898.398 --> 00:21:44,998.398 It doesn't have to be more of something. 178 00:21:45,78.398 --> 00:21:48,298.398 It can just be a different experience. 179 00:21:48,298.498 --> 00:21:51,13.398 And yeah, Yeah. 180 00:21:51,823.398 --> 00:22:05,413.397 know one of the things that like, one of the reasons why I'm such a big proponent of Yoni dearmoring and learning about cervical orgasms and, you know, really doing this work to. 181 00:22:06,213.398 --> 00:22:17,483.398 Show up for yourself is honestly like the best thing for your health and you, you hinted at it, right? That you were things were easier. 182 00:22:17,543.398 --> 00:22:35,813.398 Obviously we know stress is like the number one killer of everybody, right? It's because your body's not safe and when you're not safe, you're not able to Give the energetic resources to digestion and repairing and all the different things that your, your body needs to be healthy. 183 00:22:36,653.398 --> 00:22:40,983.398 And while clitoral orgasms are amazing, they're fun. 184 00:22:41,448.397 --> 00:22:41,748.397 yeah. 185 00:22:42,193.398 --> 00:22:44,893.3975 Um, they are surface level. 186 00:22:44,893.3975 --> 00:22:46,613.398 And I do not mean that in a bad way. 187 00:22:46,643.397 --> 00:22:51,223.398 I mean that in a biological way, they are part of the nerve. 188 00:22:51,353.398 --> 00:22:52,653.398 It's the pedendal nerve. 189 00:22:53,3.398 --> 00:22:58,498.398 Uh, this is the same as, um, That the same nerve that connects a penis to. 190 00:22:58,498.398 --> 00:22:59,8.398 So just. 191 00:22:59,523.398 --> 00:23:04,863.398 You know, for people to be aware of that and it is, it's a surface level. 192 00:23:04,893.398 --> 00:23:07,283.398 It has to deal with the extremities. 193 00:23:07,303.398 --> 00:23:16,303.398 And that's why sometimes people will feel like a tingling in their toes, even with a really, you know, intense cervical orgasm, I mean, cervical clitoral orgasm. 194 00:23:16,733.398 --> 00:23:21,33.398 Whereas the cervical orgasm is attached to the vagus nerve. 195 00:23:21,373.398 --> 00:23:25,543.398 And most people in wellness, they I've probably heard of the vagus nerve. 196 00:23:25,853.398 --> 00:23:30,273.398 It is the nerve that connects our entire body together. 197 00:23:30,313.398 --> 00:23:35,443.397 It's like our breathing, our heart rate, all our digestive system is connected to the vagus. 198 00:23:35,473.398 --> 00:23:49,373.398 Basically everything that is essential for wellbeing is connected to the vagus nerve and people do things like breath work, cold plunges, all these different modalities to tone the vagus nerve. 199 00:23:50,723.398 --> 00:23:51,603.398 Cervical orgasms. 200 00:23:52,153.398 --> 00:23:52,613.398 Do that. 201 00:23:56,13.398 --> 00:24:03,863.397 I don't know about you, but I really liked that way of toning my vagus nerve. 202 00:24:03,863.497 --> 00:24:07,403.398 Um, and that was it. 203 00:24:07,513.398 --> 00:24:19,493.398 I was doing all the things like so many things and this, whether it be a spiritual journey, unraveling, I was just doing, it felt like I was doing everything. 204 00:24:19,493.398 --> 00:24:20,753.398 I'm sure it wasn't everything. 205 00:24:20,783.398 --> 00:24:34,333.398 Cause there's so much more out there now, but even, um, you know, like Kundalini yoga, and now I've had the felt experience of it, like it was bringing all the energy up and out. 206 00:24:34,573.398 --> 00:24:42,413.398 And I was still feeling frazzled and still feeling my nervous system was like, we want to bring the energy down. 207 00:24:42,413.398 --> 00:24:52,693.398 We want to bring the energy back down, down here so we can go into like a more relaxed and flow mode, but be able to go into go. 208 00:24:52,803.398 --> 00:24:54,3.398 So it was like, so I did. 209 00:24:54,608.398 --> 00:24:55,638.398 Then you get grounded. 210 00:24:55,638.398 --> 00:24:57,868.398 I got really grounded to where I didn't do anything. 211 00:24:58,958.398 --> 00:25:05,358.3975 So this, this for me has just been where I can show up as myself. 212 00:25:05,358.3975 --> 00:25:06,588.398 I feel more like myself. 213 00:25:07,148.398 --> 00:25:08,358.398 I stopped overthinking. 214 00:25:08,808.398 --> 00:25:10,388.398 I stopped beating myself. 215 00:25:10,448.397 --> 00:25:13,768.397 I mean, I was a classic, you know, beat myself up. 216 00:25:14,128.397 --> 00:25:17,18.398 People would tell me, stop beating yourself up, Nicholas. 217 00:25:18,408.398 --> 00:25:19,488.398 I was like, yeah, it's great. 218 00:25:19,488.398 --> 00:25:20,318.398 You're telling me that. 219 00:25:20,938.398 --> 00:25:24,238.398 And then, you know, cervical orgasms. 220 00:25:24,238.398 --> 00:25:33,463.298 I was like, I don't beat myself up anymore, you know, and to me, that is like, been the, one of the biggest gifts. 221 00:25:33,973.398 --> 00:25:42,723.398 To my mental, my, my, my mental wellbeing, you know, um, yeah, and it's lovely to reflect. 222 00:25:43,13.398 --> 00:25:48,233.398 It's lovely to reflect and share I like to that. 223 00:25:49,223.397 --> 00:25:50,783.397 jump in with a little science there again. 224 00:25:52,213.398 --> 00:26:00,223.398 I think this is why we've, we've connected because I have the felt sense and this is like the felt sense of the experience to explain it. 225 00:26:00,283.398 --> 00:26:04,253.398 And then you like filling in all the, uh, the science of it, which is great. 226 00:26:04,808.398 --> 00:26:05,378.398 Exactly. 227 00:26:05,388.398 --> 00:26:05,628.398 Yeah. 228 00:26:05,658.398 --> 00:26:06,98.398 I know. 229 00:26:06,98.398 --> 00:26:08,528.398 I realize a lot in my conversations. 230 00:26:09,28.398 --> 00:26:21,118.398 I understand the science so well, but even though I have physical experience, it's really hard for me not to explain it biologically because it's just such a part of, of my ethos. 231 00:26:21,178.398 --> 00:26:21,578.398 Right. 232 00:26:22,138.397 --> 00:26:31,298.398 Um, and so, uh, one of the things that you brought up though, is how you were doing the breath work and the Kundalini and how bringing the energy up. 233 00:26:31,358.398 --> 00:26:37,883.398 And while that is a great experience and I, I'm a huge proponent of breathwork. 234 00:26:38,193.398 --> 00:26:42,383.398 I'm actually, uh, it depends on when this airs. 235 00:26:42,413.398 --> 00:26:45,873.398 Most, most likely is right around my, my certification. 236 00:26:45,873.398 --> 00:26:48,463.398 I'm getting certified in holotropic breathwork. 237 00:26:48,863.398 --> 00:26:50,23.398 So I'm a huge proponent of it. 238 00:26:50,53.398 --> 00:26:55,253.399 So like what I'm about to say right now, you know, it's not like I'm poo pooing on breathwork. 239 00:26:55,643.397 --> 00:27:01,153.398 However, people do not know how to breathe all the way through their diaphragm. 240 00:27:01,808.398 --> 00:27:11,8.398 And to their pelvic floor and a lot of the breathwork training teaches these techniques on, you know, the actual like moving of the breath. 241 00:27:11,368.398 --> 00:27:14,518.397 But if you are not bringing your breath into your pelvic floor. 242 00:27:14,958.398 --> 00:27:17,828.398 Because you're numb, you forgot sensation there. 243 00:27:17,828.398 --> 00:27:18,948.398 You're not aware of it. 244 00:27:18,948.398 --> 00:27:19,628.398 You're disconnected. 245 00:27:19,638.398 --> 00:27:42,783.398 You don't even know you're disconnected from your pelvic floor because if you're, you know, having a clitoral orgasm, you don't think you're disconnected because, well, look, I can have an orgasm, right? Except for, You're on the surface, you're not into the, the deeper part of the organs, the deeper sensations that only occur, like in the cervix, the a spot, the u-spot. 246 00:27:42,963.398 --> 00:27:52,423.398 You need those, those deeper areas within, um, to get that sense, you know, if you're not able to feel those, that means you're disconnected and. 247 00:27:52,828.398 --> 00:28:01,878.398 When you do the breath work and you don't go all the way to the pelvic floor, you're staying within the more sympathetic range of your breath. 248 00:28:01,918.398 --> 00:28:05,468.398 Even if you're doing the long exhales, you got all the technique right. 249 00:28:05,978.398 --> 00:28:18,393.398 If you're not pulling your breath into the pelvic floor, that energy can only go up and it doesn't have that full experience of the vagal toning that people are actually looking for. 250 00:28:18,613.398 --> 00:28:27,973.398 Now, some people figure out how to do it through the breath work and that's why they, they finally get this relief relief because they're finally being connected to their pelvic floor. 251 00:28:28,263.398 --> 00:28:28,643.398 Right. 252 00:28:28,953.398 --> 00:29:01,723.398 But some people really are so disconnected that it doesn't And they don't know it, but they struggle getting to the pelvic floor or they need those like hours long sessions to really connect in, you know, or doing like hot yoga or these different modalities that really, you know, turn kind of turn off their brain and get them embodied because of that disconnection, right? This is why like cervical orgasms and like this process of the slow awakening because it teaches you how to connect. 253 00:29:02,313.398 --> 00:29:07,313.398 To the pelvic floor and then all these other modalities work so much better. 254 00:29:07,313.498 --> 00:29:09,423.298 Yeah. 255 00:29:09,678.348 --> 00:29:21,873.398 And it's really important, you know, especially as we age to connect to our pelvic floor and be aware of how it works and how we can support it as we move through into the next stage. 256 00:29:21,883.398 --> 00:29:32,123.398 You know, everything that we're doing now and looking after ourselves in our, you know, in your 40s, your 50s, we're looking after ourselves in our 50s, 60s and beyond. 257 00:29:32,588.398 --> 00:29:46,758.397 You know, keeping your awareness around your pelvic floor is super, it's been super powerful and to be connected to it and where all the creativity and juice and uh, and the alive, like your life force energy. 258 00:29:47,288.397 --> 00:29:49,318.297 My throat is crackling now here. 259 00:29:49,598.397 --> 00:29:53,718.398 It's like come and spend some time with my own pelvic floor. 260 00:29:54,238.398 --> 00:29:55,588.398 Yeah, it's really important. 261 00:29:55,588.398 --> 00:29:59,434.611 I've been doing quite a bit of work with them and different clients. 262 00:30:00,463.398 --> 00:30:01,843.398 I mean, I, I love it. 263 00:30:01,863.398 --> 00:30:08,353.398 So I love that you are helping guide people, you know, through this process of learning their bodies. 264 00:30:08,443.397 --> 00:30:10,363.398 I mean, it's, it's your body. 265 00:30:11,333.498 --> 00:30:15,673.398 I think there's so much information out there now. 266 00:30:15,713.398 --> 00:30:26,173.398 This like you're saying these books on how to have an orgasm or all this just, or even what we fed on Instagram or Facebook or whatever your social media is. 267 00:30:26,953.398 --> 00:30:34,23.398 There's so much of how you should feel or what it's like to be spiritual or what it's like to be a woman or full grown or... 268 00:30:34,193.398 --> 00:30:35,638.298 There's so many imprints out there. 269 00:30:35,908.398 --> 00:30:58,278.397 out there that really finding, you know, well, how do you feel? How do you feel? And that kind of remember that you can, you've probably got through some tough times in the past and your body does know the way, you know, I think I was getting a little bit reliant on all these things. 270 00:30:59,198.398 --> 00:31:06,448.398 Whereas it's not really empowering, where now I know I can listen to, I can really listen to the signals. 271 00:31:06,448.398 --> 00:31:07,498.398 I still ignore them. 272 00:31:07,738.398 --> 00:31:17,8.398 You know, it's like sometimes it's good to ignore them, you know? Like this morning it got me out of, I was like, I could go back to sleep, but I need to go and work out at seven. 273 00:31:17,13.398 --> 00:31:22,148.398 So I was really grateful that I ignored it and got up and got the energy going. 274 00:31:22,808.398 --> 00:31:25,928.398 But like before our call, I was like, I feel really tired. 275 00:31:26,588.398 --> 00:31:33,548.398 Like there was this tiredness that come over me so I can take myself off to an embodied practice and check in. 276 00:31:33,548.398 --> 00:31:36,448.398 And I was like, no, it's not actually tiredness I was feeling. 277 00:31:37,18.397 --> 00:31:42,218.298 It was that kind of little bit of excitement for a new call and talking about this and. 278 00:31:42,858.398 --> 00:31:49,38.398 And like I said, I was able to move through whatever was showing up for me before our call. 279 00:31:49,38.398 --> 00:31:53,558.398 And it's like knowing your own emotions and knowing how your own body feels. 280 00:31:55,128.398 --> 00:32:01,618.397 No one can tell you how you should feel or, or yeah, or your emotions or yeah. 281 00:32:01,618.497 --> 00:32:15,368.398 And I think that's been really powerful for myself and that what I see for clients, especially, um, clients that, you know, if they've, Some horrific, but women come to me with some horrific birth stories. 282 00:32:15,368.398 --> 00:32:17,558.398 We've done some, I've done some deep work with women. 283 00:32:18,268.398 --> 00:32:21,398.398 Um, so no wonder they're feeling numb. 284 00:32:21,418.397 --> 00:32:21,878.397 Yeah. 285 00:32:22,28.398 --> 00:32:26,108.398 I mean, some medical stories on how they've been left. 286 00:32:26,108.498 --> 00:32:30,68.398 And, um, we spend a lot of time going really slow. 287 00:32:30,258.399 --> 00:32:31,258.397 It's interesting. 288 00:32:31,288.397 --> 00:32:36,528.398 Cause I did myself have a, um, you know, but our body can, can release the trauma. 289 00:32:36,538.398 --> 00:32:38,28.398 It doesn't have to hold onto it. 290 00:32:38,28.498 --> 00:32:38,528.298 It doesn't have to. 291 00:32:38,738.398 --> 00:32:39,508.398 Stay that way. 292 00:32:40,458.398 --> 00:32:44,8.398 I'm sure by you keep sharing your message and me coming out. 293 00:32:44,38.398 --> 00:32:53,378.398 I mean, if you'd have said to me, you're going to be talking about cervical orgasms in podcasts or in your, I was like, no way. 294 00:32:53,388.398 --> 00:32:59,813.298 It took me a good 12 months, 18 months to really like, yeah, I can talk about this. 295 00:32:59,813.498 --> 00:33:06,753.398 But without the shame, all the, all the stuff coming down on me now. 296 00:33:08,313.398 --> 00:33:14,283.398 Yeah, you know, it's interesting that you said that right now, I'm thinking a little bit about my journey. 297 00:33:14,283.398 --> 00:33:22,883.398 So when I got started, I was purely focused on having different kinds of orgasms. 298 00:33:22,903.397 --> 00:33:28,303.398 I was not in this connected cervical orgasm, yoni dearmouring part at all. 299 00:33:28,853.398 --> 00:33:35,363.398 And, um, I still, as I was learning about and talking to people, I still would kind of like giggle. 300 00:33:35,383.398 --> 00:33:50,523.398 I mean, I, I laugh all the time anyway, but I would kind of get when I say vagina or peanut, I would be like kind of talking about it cause there was still so much shame around, you know, just having these conversations about body parts. 301 00:33:51,173.398 --> 00:33:53,13.398 Um, now I just. 302 00:33:53,523.398 --> 00:33:59,363.398 I, I find it ridiculous because if I can talk about my elbow, why can't I talk about another body part? Right. 303 00:34:00,53.398 --> 00:34:01,73.398 You can talk about your throat. 304 00:34:01,263.398 --> 00:34:02,673.398 People talk about, Oh, I have a tense jaw. 305 00:34:02,843.398 --> 00:34:06,253.397 Oh, do you have a tense pelvic floor? And all of a sudden the conversation changes. 306 00:34:07,753.398 --> 00:34:08,793.398 It's a body part. 307 00:34:08,813.397 --> 00:34:09,823.398 Like, come on. 308 00:34:11,213.398 --> 00:34:11,683.398 Right. 309 00:34:12,363.397 --> 00:34:14,483.398 Why is it that those are the only. 310 00:34:15,53.398 --> 00:34:22,783.398 Body parts that, you know, that's a whole thing, right? it's a whole, I hold wild women's circles as well online. 311 00:34:22,923.398 --> 00:34:24,683.397 I do, um, facilitate. 312 00:34:25,148.398 --> 00:34:35,418.397 That where we do some embodiment, um, we do a wild woman, like embodied a deeper in embodiment practice, play with flavors, and then we do a ritual. 313 00:34:36,88.398 --> 00:34:45,98.397 And I've had friends reach out and say, it's not the sex stuff, is it? It's like, I'm like, it's not it. 314 00:34:45,368.398 --> 00:34:49,758.397 I have to say it's not, even though it's the beginning of it. 315 00:34:50,983.398 --> 00:34:54,553.398 It's the big, you know, all the practices layer on each other. 316 00:34:54,563.398 --> 00:34:57,403.398 We just don't talk about the anatomy and the wilder in circles. 317 00:34:57,423.398 --> 00:35:05,683.397 It's embodiment and feeling safe in your body and exploring like the range of emotions you can feel. 318 00:35:06,583.398 --> 00:35:12,153.398 But it's really interesting that that keeps coming up, like, just don't talk to me about, about that. 319 00:35:12,923.398 --> 00:35:19,803.398 And, um, yeah, I'm like, ooh, ooh, this is, this is where the juice is. 320 00:35:19,833.397 --> 00:35:26,703.298 This is why, um, you're all, you're feeling overwhelmed and anxious and all the things going on. 321 00:35:26,703.398 --> 00:35:43,208.398 It's like, when you push what's going on in your sex life out of your health, You know, I don't think I've ever been to the doctors and they've said, So how's your sex life? You know, that, that's never come up, but it's so related. 322 00:35:43,628.398 --> 00:35:48,818.398 It's more like, like, it's more connected than, than we know. 323 00:35:48,918.397 --> 00:35:50,248.398 So, yeah. 324 00:35:50,248.498 --> 00:35:53,3.398 Yeah. 325 00:35:53,283.398 --> 00:35:53,903.398 medicine. 326 00:35:54,193.398 --> 00:36:01,473.298 It is actually, is it TCM or Ayurveda? Might be both, but I can't remember now off the top of my head. 327 00:36:01,473.398 --> 00:36:01,773.398 Okay. 328 00:36:01,833.398 --> 00:36:06,253.397 So, you know, like now that I want to talk about it, it just, the facts just left my head. 329 00:36:06,543.397 --> 00:36:14,763.397 However, it's one of the, like the main pillars, like libido is one of the main pillars of understanding someone's health. 330 00:36:15,213.397 --> 00:36:22,513.397 But if you think about it biologically, if people are struggling with libido, I don't have to know anything else. 331 00:36:22,573.396 --> 00:36:26,313.395 Just by them saying that I'm like, I know a whole bunch of things about their system. 332 00:36:26,693.395 --> 00:36:32,3.395 Because when you are feeling safe in your body, you are less stressed. 333 00:36:32,113.395 --> 00:36:35,843.395 When you are less stressed, all the other functions, happen. 334 00:36:35,973.395 --> 00:36:38,993.395 When your body is in a state of wellness. 335 00:36:39,233.394 --> 00:36:44,963.395 You have high libido, not excessive libido, but high libido. 336 00:36:44,993.394 --> 00:36:46,213.395 There's a difference between the two. 337 00:36:46,223.395 --> 00:36:48,813.395 Excessive libido is actually another issue. 338 00:36:48,843.395 --> 00:36:49,93.395 It's. 339 00:36:49,438.395 --> 00:36:57,398.395 Not balanced, right? But the average healthy person will want to have sex because that is the way we are biologically designed. 340 00:36:57,898.395 --> 00:37:06,978.395 Orgasms, in particular cervical orgasms, are one of the most beneficial things you can do to optimize your health and wellbeing. 341 00:37:07,448.395 --> 00:37:07,888.395 And. 342 00:37:08,288.395 --> 00:37:21,378.395 When you are in the process of getting healthy, your body's going to want to keep doing the things that actually make you healthy and that is having connection with people, having the energetic release, all the things. 343 00:37:21,418.395 --> 00:37:26,328.395 I mean, there's so many, there's so many things to why orgasms are so important for people. 344 00:37:26,888.395 --> 00:37:32,138.395 Even clitoral orgasms are great there too, but in particular, cervical orgasms. 345 00:37:33,68.395 --> 00:37:37,578.395 Like, you know, I'm not saying they're better, but they have a different purpose. 346 00:37:38,18.395 --> 00:37:38,448.395 Right. 347 00:37:38,988.395 --> 00:37:43,128.395 So it's like saying, you know, is your mouth better than your feet? You know? No. 348 00:37:43,138.395 --> 00:37:44,928.395 Like they have a different purpose. 349 00:37:44,968.395 --> 00:37:45,448.395 Right. 350 00:37:45,878.395 --> 00:37:53,433.395 You know? you know, one of the questions I get asked a lot is like, how do you find the time with teenagers life... 351 00:37:54,53.395 --> 00:38:03,673.395 To, to even connect with your husband? You know, how do you find the time? I was like, because I prioritize it because this is how I fill myself up. 352 00:38:04,103.394 --> 00:38:08,983.395 You know, it's great just going to the gym or working out or, you know, doing any, what you do. 353 00:38:09,23.395 --> 00:38:09,53.395 But. 354 00:38:10,23.395 --> 00:38:13,13.395 This has to become as important as those things. 355 00:38:13,13.395 --> 00:38:14,773.395 Sometimes it is a cervical orgasm. 356 00:38:15,343.394 --> 00:38:18,573.394 Not that we go in like that, but he knows that I need more time. 357 00:38:18,783.394 --> 00:38:20,3.395 It's more time for me. 358 00:38:21,228.395 --> 00:38:22,388.395 More time, maybe for him. 359 00:38:22,388.395 --> 00:38:39,278.395 Sometimes we've not got the time for both of us at the same time, you know, life is busy or how long before anyone comes back home, you know, what? Or then, we've got all afternoon, shall we spend some time? And, and then that's when, ooh, yeah, I really need that. 360 00:38:39,308.395 --> 00:38:45,88.395 So, you get to, by knowing your own body, for me, I get to gauge when and what I need. 361 00:38:45,338.394 --> 00:38:48,8.395 And sometimes it can be a blend of them all. 362 00:38:48,68.395 --> 00:38:53,678.295 It doesn't have to be, um, oh, we're gonna, you know, have a cervical orgasm. 363 00:38:53,678.395 --> 00:38:56,78.395 It can be a blend of all the different spots. 364 00:38:56,548.395 --> 00:38:59,948.395 And that can feel quite magical as well. 365 00:38:59,978.395 --> 00:39:02,808.395 And, um, enlivening. 366 00:39:02,808.395 --> 00:39:10,848.395 It's that kind of, there's a, there's a sense of peace that comes within the whole home as well. 367 00:39:10,848.395 --> 00:39:12,548.395 It's, it's like, there's a sense of peace. 368 00:39:12,598.395 --> 00:39:17,198.395 There's a sense of, um, peace that is infectious. 369 00:39:17,698.395 --> 00:39:39,3.395 It is, yeah, it is, which I'd love to, I'm smiling because I'd love to be there more often and then the next morning it's like, right, have you got this? Have you got this? And running around and doing, doing everything, but it just, it like brings the whole energy of the house to a level that's nice and relaxed. 370 00:39:39,3.395 --> 00:39:44,503.395 Which, um, as women, we have got that power to create that. 371 00:39:44,975.895 --> 00:39:49,680.895 Which we've never been taught that, have we? right. 372 00:39:50,10.895 --> 00:40:02,870.895 So one of the things that, as I, you know, as I mentioned, I think it's the traditional Chinese medicine where they use libido, but Yoni dearmoring is a really ancient practice, like a yoga, yoga practice. 373 00:40:03,375.895 --> 00:40:05,75.895 Thousands and thousands of years. 374 00:40:06,285.895 --> 00:40:19,785.895 And you know, there's, you know, Kama Sutra and different things where people kind of think it is, or they hear Tantra and they, they think it's a certain thing, right? Because that's the Western sexualized view of stuff. 375 00:40:20,115.895 --> 00:40:30,455.895 But when you go into the deep teachings of it, all of these different parts of the yoga traditions, they're all meant to work together for optimal health. 376 00:40:30,850.895 --> 00:40:31,300.895 Right. 377 00:40:31,730.895 --> 00:40:39,950.895 It's not that you should only do yoni dearmoring and not do all the other stuff, right? Or it's not that you should only do this and that. 378 00:40:40,550.895 --> 00:40:46,300.895 Not the other stuff, right? It's about, it's a practice that it's an integrated practice for health and wellbeing. 379 00:40:46,830.895 --> 00:40:58,300.895 And the, the Yoni dearmoring is basically, uh, you know, slowly massaging out the cervix and the Yoni is the word for the womb. 380 00:40:58,390.894 --> 00:41:03,60.894 It's an ancient practice for health and wellbeing for females. 381 00:41:03,420.894 --> 00:41:15,605.893 And it got lost, right? Now there, there were other traditions, not just the, the yoga one, but all the Western ones were basically, you know, shut down. 382 00:41:15,885.894 --> 00:41:21,975.894 So there used to be priestess temples where they would teach these practices to the women of the village. 383 00:41:22,45.894 --> 00:41:35,555.894 So they would learn how to keep their health and wellbeing, but, you know, that was a few few couple thousand years ago when they decided that the priestess temples were, uh, too distracting from the. 384 00:41:35,635.994 --> 00:41:38,555.894 The monotheistic viewpoint. 385 00:41:38,795.894 --> 00:41:42,285.894 And so that's when they started being targeted. 386 00:41:42,965.894 --> 00:41:56,975.894 Uh, but this was a part of, you know, of pretty much every ancient tradition was the understanding that the internal organs of the woman are important and essential and a place for. 387 00:41:57,360.894 --> 00:42:02,950.894 You know, deep spiritual connection to the self and, you know, to the other realm. 388 00:42:03,540.894 --> 00:42:04,170.894 It's interesting. 389 00:42:04,170.894 --> 00:42:11,260.894 If you think about it, like what the cervix is, the cervix is the pathway from, you know, the internal world to the external world. 390 00:42:12,70.893 --> 00:42:21,500.894 And one of the things that I found really interesting when I started going in to the energetic kind of connections to the different organs. 391 00:42:21,510.894 --> 00:42:23,810.894 So I learned about all different ones. 392 00:42:24,300.894 --> 00:42:26,990.894 One of the things about the cervix, cause we know it's the root. 393 00:42:27,380.894 --> 00:42:36,740.894 And like yoga, you hear the root, grounding, right? But it's also your place in society is really tied to the cervix or the prostate. 394 00:42:37,370.894 --> 00:42:43,980.893 And think about all the times women's place in society, their voice had to be shut down. 395 00:42:44,350.894 --> 00:42:45,640.894 It's no surprise. 396 00:42:45,920.894 --> 00:42:50,0.894 We have like a population full of numb cervixes. 397 00:42:50,780.894 --> 00:42:54,580.894 Yeah, yeah, we have work to do. 398 00:42:54,580.994 --> 00:42:55,890.894 We have work to do. 399 00:42:56,260.894 --> 00:43:03,560.894 And it's what I love about the work that I do, or the work, is that it meets women where they're at. 400 00:43:04,950.894 --> 00:43:10,260.894 And for anyone listening, and we're talking about, All these things. 401 00:43:10,300.894 --> 00:43:19,360.894 This has been a process for us to get here, you know, this is a process to get here and it's my mind that's gone blank now. 402 00:43:19,360.894 --> 00:43:19,990.894 That's so funny. 403 00:43:20,480.894 --> 00:43:24,700.8935 My perimenopause kicks in, but it is it's meet yourself where you're at. 404 00:43:24,700.8935 --> 00:43:26,670.893 I think that was my train of thought. 405 00:43:27,640.894 --> 00:43:33,990.894 I came in not through the yogic kind of tantric tradition. 406 00:43:34,780.894 --> 00:43:37,500.893 It's led me to find a teacher. 407 00:43:37,820.894 --> 00:43:41,230.894 I've worked with Michaela Bowen now, who's passing down the Celtic roots. 408 00:43:41,320.894 --> 00:43:49,560.994 I've worked with her, which, I've had a very safe journey into this work, um, which has always met me where I'm at. 409 00:43:49,760.994 --> 00:43:57,665.994 So I've always been able to explore for myself without any or imprints or anything, so that's been really good. 410 00:43:57,665.994 --> 00:44:11,725.994 I've really appreciated being safe with, with teachers, cause I know there's a lot of misinformation that can come through and a lot of abuse that's happened in some of the traditions that have come through in those. 411 00:44:12,445.994 --> 00:44:24,585.995 So you don't have to come through from there to feel safety in your body, you know, you can, it can be for every woman to, to, to arrive here. 412 00:44:25,145.995 --> 00:44:29,675.994 And I think the more these conversations happen... 413 00:44:30,105.994 --> 00:44:38,735.994 Cause I think even like, we, we joined together and then you go and check people's pages that, you know, go and I was like, Oh, I don't know enough. 414 00:44:38,835.994 --> 00:44:39,635.994 Oh, I don't know. 415 00:44:39,636.094 --> 00:44:46,15.994 And I was like, how to have this, this, this voice that comes in now that it's like, really, sure. 416 00:44:46,265.994 --> 00:44:55,829.3606667 Are you sure? You know, you, you know what, what your clients experience, you know, What your body's experienced, and that is enough to share. 417 00:44:55,829.3606667 --> 00:45:19,335.994 And so, just keep gathering all the information, and feeling what feels right for you, and learning from there, and taking it from there, and not to be I think one of the biggest things is, the myth is what sexual confidence looks like, you know? And It's a flavor to get dressed up in different ways. 418 00:45:19,755.994 --> 00:45:20,345.994 That's great. 419 00:45:20,585.994 --> 00:45:25,58.544 But you can also be very sexually confident in your tracksuit. 420 00:45:25,58.544 --> 00:45:33,605.994 You know, I was like, really? It's like, it comes from within these different areas to play with. 421 00:45:34,265.993 --> 00:45:40,715.994 But you feeling sexual confidence is something that only you can feel for yourself. 422 00:45:40,715.994 --> 00:45:42,275.994 It's not an outward image. 423 00:45:42,315.994 --> 00:45:43,100.894 It's not an outward thing. 424 00:45:44,180.994 --> 00:45:54,220.994 Yes, you can go and play, but that kind of inner feel, you know, that in a, in a confidence and I often get the lovely ice cream lady. 425 00:45:54,230.993 --> 00:45:57,690.993 It's like, I just saw you walking down the street and you was just glowing. 426 00:45:57,730.993 --> 00:46:01,0.994 I mean, and sometimes I don't feel like that. 427 00:46:01,885.994 --> 00:46:14,735.994 It's always interesting when I get those comments or you look really good as like, yeah It's usually when I give myself that time to explore pleasure Yes. 428 00:46:15,555.994 --> 00:46:20,305.994 I love that you brought up that it doesn't have to be through the yoga and tantric.. 429 00:46:20,565.994 --> 00:46:22,715.994 That's actually not where I learned it. 430 00:46:23,415.994 --> 00:46:29,585.994 I learned it from a biological biological standpoint because I didn't feel connected to it. 431 00:46:29,615.994 --> 00:46:31,785.993 It wasn't my, my roots. 432 00:46:32,5.993 --> 00:46:35,405.994 I felt a little bit like, eh, I don't know. 433 00:46:35,405.994 --> 00:46:38,265.994 I just wasn't called like that's, that's not my mind. 434 00:46:38,265.994 --> 00:46:43,235.994 My mind's very, I'm a sci fi junkie neuroscience. 435 00:46:43,850.994 --> 00:46:45,960.994 Like give me a research paper. 436 00:46:46,300.994 --> 00:46:48,640.994 That's the kind of girl that I am. 437 00:46:49,200.994 --> 00:46:54,710.993 Telling me just to tell me to do something without explaining why does not work well for me. 438 00:46:54,900.993 --> 00:47:03,360.994 I know it does for some other people, but it's never been my, I'm not good at following directions just because you say I should do something. 439 00:47:04,555.994 --> 00:47:16,800.994 No, I and I appreciate that I think that's why we it's nice to to meet and get to know as well to understand Yeah, I really appreciate it Listening to some of your other podcasts. 440 00:47:16,880.994 --> 00:47:17,590.994 I've appreciated that. 441 00:47:19,800.994 --> 00:47:20,170.994 Yeah. 442 00:47:20,200.994 --> 00:47:21,340.994 I mean, I love the car. 443 00:47:21,420.994 --> 00:47:27,20.994 I love these conversations because You do explain what I am experiencing. 444 00:47:28,330.994 --> 00:47:28,730.994 Yeah. 445 00:47:28,731.094 --> 00:47:33,60.994 And know how to explain it scientifically. 446 00:47:35,210.994 --> 00:47:38,740.994 which I think is, is just such a wonderful, juicy conversation. 447 00:47:38,790.994 --> 00:47:49,100.994 Cause I can only explain it from as a busy frazzled mom with two teenagers in perimenopause, wanting to bring her relationship to life. 448 00:47:49,580.994 --> 00:47:53,100.994 I didn't even know that that was what was going on. 449 00:47:53,100.994 --> 00:47:57,650.994 Cause, um, when I joined the program, orgasmic confidence. 450 00:47:58,90.994 --> 00:48:03,750.994 And I didn't, I just wanted more confidence because I couldn't be more visible on social media. 451 00:48:03,750.994 --> 00:48:07,300.994 And I couldn't get my, you know, that story. 452 00:48:07,740.993 --> 00:48:09,930.994 I was like, Oh, we'll just go in and I need a bit more confidence. 453 00:48:10,0.994 --> 00:48:13,200.994 I need to speak, be able to speak more because it feels very cut off. 454 00:48:13,500.994 --> 00:48:16,340.994 Like I see a lot of people sharing what I know. 455 00:48:16,390.994 --> 00:48:20,510.994 Why can't I do so? We'll just join this for some confidence. 456 00:48:20,511.094 --> 00:48:25,570.994 And then I was like, what, why have we not been taught? You know. 457 00:48:25,880.994 --> 00:48:30,610.994 Then there was like all this rage and then, um, it was great home play. 458 00:48:30,730.994 --> 00:48:32,260.994 I think it was one of the courses my. 459 00:48:32,905.994 --> 00:48:36,525.994 My husband was like, um, yeah, yeah. 460 00:48:38,465.994 --> 00:48:42,495.994 One of his favorite quotes is like, we've got pussy coming out the printer now. 461 00:48:42,545.994 --> 00:48:51,175.995 Cause every time I print something off, it was more, um, you know, this joint printer in the office, which was quite amusing. 462 00:48:51,265.993 --> 00:49:05,950.994 So it become where, you know, I mean, so even go and say, Oh, To tell him, I bought a cervical wand from, you know, a cervical glass Oh yeah. 463 00:49:06,630.994 --> 00:49:11,890.994 And I was like, how am I going to share this with him? Cause I'd explored it with myself. 464 00:49:11,990.994 --> 00:49:12,940.994 I'd had this amazing experience. 465 00:49:13,516.094 --> 00:49:19,285.994 How the hell, you know, and I did, it was messy. 466 00:49:19,345.994 --> 00:49:23,165.994 It was not, you know, it's not how I wanted it to be. 467 00:49:23,195.994 --> 00:49:27,785.994 And, but now it's just part of our, um, our connection together. 468 00:49:28,265.994 --> 00:49:32,885.994 And so it, and it always reminds me when I, when I think I can. 469 00:49:33,610.994 --> 00:49:35,630.994 voice something or share something. 470 00:49:35,940.994 --> 00:49:41,740.993 Well, you voiced that you wanted to use the glass wand so you can voice anything you want, Nicola. 471 00:49:41,740.994 --> 00:49:47,840.994 You know, it's like, do you remember how you felt in that moment? Like, Oh, I'll have to hide that from him. 472 00:49:47,840.994 --> 00:49:50,400.993 And I don't know, you don't want to hide things. 473 00:49:50,410.993 --> 00:49:55,280.993 So I do have another one that's specially for me, but that's another story. 474 00:49:57,640.994 --> 00:49:59,690.993 Uh, we all get to keep our little secrets. 475 00:49:59,750.993 --> 00:49:59,980.993 Yeah. 476 00:50:01,760.994 --> 00:50:15,735.993 Um, I love that there, that you're out there, that I'm out there, that there's More and more women that are out there talking because you know, not everyone's going to want to work with me and not everyone's going to want to work with you and, or the next person. 477 00:50:16,55.994 --> 00:50:20,645.994 We need more and more voices, more and more people out there sharing their experiences. 478 00:50:21,85.994 --> 00:50:25,345.994 So that way the people that really do connect with them can find them and work with them. 479 00:50:25,345.994 --> 00:50:28,455.994 Like I, you know, I do work with couples. 480 00:50:28,515.994 --> 00:50:34,500.994 Mostly I work with couples who are looking to, you know, There's actually two parts to it. 481 00:50:35,80.994 --> 00:50:47,420.994 I have, I work with men who often have some form of either like porn addiction or kink or fetish that maybe doesn't serve them well, like there's no, to me, there's no shame in it. 482 00:50:47,420.994 --> 00:50:47,710.994 Right. 483 00:50:47,960.994 --> 00:50:52,800.993 But you know, sometimes we have habits that maybe aren't so useful for us. 484 00:50:52,890.993 --> 00:50:53,140.993 Right. 485 00:50:53,490.993 --> 00:51:00,375.894 And so I work with them to help them develop, you know, a different way that they feel, you know, comfortable. 486 00:51:00,995.994 --> 00:51:04,215.994 Is more aligned with who they are or whether their position is. 487 00:51:04,265.994 --> 00:51:07,865.994 So sometimes the men will have something that that's going on. 488 00:51:07,865.994 --> 00:51:08,195.994 Right. 489 00:51:08,445.994 --> 00:51:12,55.994 Uh, most of the couples that I work with are heteronormative. 490 00:51:12,75.994 --> 00:51:16,345.993 Not all of them, but that's, you know, a big, that is a big portion of them. 491 00:51:16,565.994 --> 00:51:16,925.994 Right. 492 00:51:16,985.994 --> 00:51:24,315.994 Or that they're opening up their relationship and they're exploring things and still working on the communication aspect. 493 00:51:25,45.994 --> 00:51:30,620.994 And then the vast majority of the other clients I have are women that are not partnered. 494 00:51:31,110.994 --> 00:51:40,590.993 And so much of the work that, you know, I see a lot of people out there like in the relationships and they teach this work from a perspective of being partnered. 495 00:51:40,870.994 --> 00:51:53,20.994 And it leaves out so many women who aren't partnered, you know, are like, well, how do I, how do I do this on my own? Do I have to wait to experience pleasure and have Right. 496 00:51:53,300.994 --> 00:51:54,960.994 Connection until I'm in a partner. 497 00:51:54,970.994 --> 00:52:02,110.9935 And so nothing wrong with it because like people who are partnered, you're going to have a different perspective than people who are single. 498 00:52:02,110.9935 --> 00:52:04,330.994 And I just, I think it's so important. 499 00:52:04,630.994 --> 00:52:08,300.994 It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, what your circumstances are. 500 00:52:08,300.994 --> 00:52:12,360.994 There's going to be someone that you can find to work with. 501 00:52:12,370.994 --> 00:52:16,860.994 That's gonna help you, you know, create this connection for yourself. 502 00:52:17,655.994 --> 00:52:22,245.994 And I think, I think some of that comes down to who's your niche as well. 503 00:52:22,305.994 --> 00:52:28,865.994 You know, I do work with women that are single and the single in their later in fifties, you know, they're single in later life. 504 00:52:29,765.993 --> 00:52:43,170.994 And, um, and whoever comes to work, which I'm sure you say the same, whoever comes to work with me, we always start with you and the self anyway, before we go into the, you know, the That comes later. 505 00:52:43,610.994 --> 00:53:05,340.994 It's like, it's, the thing I guess to look out for to working with someone is do you feel safe? Do you, do you feel safe with them? Do you feel you can trust them? you know, does your body trust being with that person? Cause you're going to, as you, I love the name, Wendy goes deep because, um, you're going to go deep with this work. 506 00:53:05,950.994 --> 00:53:08,750.993 It is, it is confronting that is resistance. 507 00:53:08,751.093 --> 00:53:11,710.933 You know, my goodness, there is resistance to doing it. 508 00:53:11,710.933 --> 00:53:15,820.993 Um, and that's why we fill ourselves up being busy with time. 509 00:53:15,850.993 --> 00:53:22,860.993 We've not got time for pleasure because it's easier to not have time for pleasure than go deep and look at some of the root causes. 510 00:53:24,655.994 --> 00:53:26,265.994 that block us from our pleasure. 511 00:53:26,775.994 --> 00:53:47,795.994 And then when you add this kind of conversation into it as well it's um and sometimes it's this myth that the USA is further on than the UK and you know I'm beginning to like Not tell myself that, and that the UK is quite open. 512 00:53:47,795.994 --> 00:53:51,315.994 I put like the British up a stiffer lip kind of thing. 513 00:53:51,315.994 --> 00:53:52,365.994 We don't talk about those things. 514 00:53:52,366.094 --> 00:53:57,755.894 Yeah, yeah. 515 00:53:58,500.994 --> 00:54:04,450.994 There's plenty of people who are super uncomfortable when I introduce myself as an orgasm and neuro pleasure coach. 516 00:54:04,450.994 --> 00:54:07,310.993 And they're like, I'm going to go over there. 517 00:54:08,130.993 --> 00:54:16,135.994 And then the other people are like, really? You I'll share a quick, very quick story. 518 00:54:16,355.994 --> 00:54:19,465.994 I was invited into a co working event. 519 00:54:19,915.994 --> 00:54:21,705.994 So this was post COVID. 520 00:54:21,875.994 --> 00:54:24,545.994 Hadn't been out of the house, you know, been through all this. 521 00:54:27,210.994 --> 00:54:29,890.994 Just not been in a working environment for this long. 522 00:54:29,960.994 --> 00:54:33,970.994 So I go in and I was like, yeah, I'll do the lightning talk. 523 00:54:33,980.994 --> 00:54:36,980.994 I'll talk about, you know, cervical orgasms. 524 00:54:37,60.994 --> 00:54:39,360.993 And this woman was like, yeah, come, come. 525 00:54:39,880.993 --> 00:54:42,550.994 And when I got there, there was men there. 526 00:54:43,25.994 --> 00:54:51,655.994 And I was, I was like, talk about jumping off the diving board in the, you know, jumping in at the deep end. 527 00:54:51,725.994 --> 00:54:57,385.994 I was like, I could have warmed up to, you know, I'm not a great public speaker or on stage. 528 00:54:57,385.994 --> 00:55:04,575.894 That's one of my fears that hopefully can overcome, you know, small groups or one to one I'm good at. 529 00:55:05,765.994 --> 00:55:06,105.994 No. 530 00:55:06,135.994 --> 00:55:27,735.994 So I was like, Oh, I'm just going to run for the door and then I did the lightning talk, um, come back into my, but went to the toilets, come back into my body and did all the things that I needed to do and then went out and everyone was just like, And it was the men that came up to speak to me after. 531 00:55:27,735.994 --> 00:55:28,895.994 Thank you for sharing. 532 00:55:28,955.994 --> 00:55:31,25.994 That will be really helpful to know. 533 00:55:31,26.094 --> 00:55:37,405.993 And, and, and it was like, yeah, this conversation, it just needs to be the norm. 534 00:55:37,715.994 --> 00:55:39,425.994 You know, I think that's what we're trying to say. 535 00:55:39,425.994 --> 00:55:53,790.994 Isn't it? know, there's something about that, what you said right now that I have to get this message again, I will say it a gazillion times, you know, how we keep talking about it starts with safety with yourself. 536 00:55:54,190.994 --> 00:56:03,750.994 And one of the, when I work with men or partners or partners of females, one thing that we start with is safety. 537 00:56:04,165.994 --> 00:56:29,995.994 Kind of helping them and guiding them on how to have that help their partner feel safe if you start there if you learn Nothing else except for how to have your partner feel safe your partner's body will know what to do and and it's not that you know, Especially when you're when you start talking about this With people like, Oh, I feel safe with my partner. 538 00:56:29,995.994 --> 00:56:32,45.994 You know, Oh, there's, I'm not scared of my partner. 539 00:56:32,285.994 --> 00:56:33,345.994 It's not about that. 540 00:56:33,685.994 --> 00:56:42,235.994 It is the, the wiring and the messages throughout the, the female's life that they're not safe is still there. 541 00:56:42,245.993 --> 00:56:56,700.994 It hasn't, it has nothing to do with the kindness or the gentleness or the, you know, whatever of the partner that they're with, it's about helping that female's body to rewire towards safety. 542 00:56:57,60.994 --> 00:57:13,220.994 And then once you're safe, then you can move towards pleasure and it requires that safety first before you move towards pleasure, because if you're not safe, you're on alert and it doesn't matter what you say, what you do, how safe you actually are as the partner. 543 00:57:13,650.993 --> 00:57:20,990.994 If the, if your partner doesn't feel safe, they're not going to experience those, those deeper orgasms. 544 00:57:21,180.994 --> 00:57:24,730.894 It, you know, No, my, my, my, my part. 545 00:57:27,330.994 --> 00:57:29,320.994 I don't know what more else I can do. 546 00:57:29,770.994 --> 00:57:33,480.994 You know, it was like, have a good relationship. 547 00:57:33,570.994 --> 00:57:35,740.994 I have a good man and he's like, I don't know what. 548 00:57:37,65.994 --> 00:57:58,215.994 It was just baffled, like, and like you say, it can be a history, you know, I was in the, you know, I had quite a party girl name and liked dancing and, you know, Ibiza and I've had my own stories that I've carried, but also that imprint and lineage that is run through us. 549 00:57:58,685.994 --> 00:58:07,725.994 You know, the epigenetics that, the history of the fear of men running through our bodies can, that fear can still be present. 550 00:58:07,755.993 --> 00:58:13,615.994 So it might not even be ours, you know, it might not even be ours, the story that's running through us. 551 00:58:14,715.993 --> 00:58:20,805.993 So healing your lineage and healing way, way, way back is going to take time. 552 00:58:21,795.994 --> 00:58:46,545.994 So, yeah, it's a great, great that you're sharing that with men, because it's not them in the room, it wasn't the men in the room, it was, it was the history of what, you know, the stories that I've been told, like, you don't talk about this in front of men even, kind of thing, so, yeah, there's a reason for me sharing that story, because it could just, like, come through at the end, so, yeah. 553 00:58:48,360.994 --> 00:58:49,90.994 Exactly. 554 00:58:49,440.994 --> 00:58:59,480.994 Um, yeah, it's, it, it, it's interesting because as you know, in general, the process is actually quite simple. 555 00:58:59,810.994 --> 00:59:00,920.994 What needs to happen. 556 00:59:01,460.994 --> 00:59:01,990.994 Yeah. 557 00:59:02,35.994 --> 00:59:18,644.805 And it feels, I, I, I remember when I started learning about these different things and going, eh, but really, is that really going to make a difference? Because like, do you know how screwed up I actually am? Right. 558 00:59:18,644.805 --> 00:59:26,245.994 How can like this little simple practice really work? Like there's some major trauma that needs to be unraveled here. 559 00:59:26,245.994 --> 00:59:30,175.994 Like there's no way this simple practice can have that big of an impact. 560 00:59:30,745.994 --> 00:59:34,580.994 And Oh my God, is it life changing? It is. 561 00:59:35,80.994 --> 00:59:35,550.994 It is. 562 00:59:36,35.994 --> 00:59:54,715.994 Yeah, I mean, I'm sure because I get, you know, after that event, I was like, why did I put myself through that? Do you know why the sweats and the, but you know, why do we keep finding a way to share this message when it's uncomfortable? It's confronting, um, at times. 563 00:59:55,210.994 --> 01:00:03,50.994 You know, for me, at times, it really, it really has been and what it brings up for other people, for other women. 564 01:00:03,690.993 --> 01:00:12,470.994 Um, I've had to go, that's been a barrier to go through and we just know how important it is to keep sharing it and demystifying. 565 01:00:13,310.993 --> 01:00:14,310.994 Oh, she's a pleasure. 566 01:00:14,440.994 --> 01:00:19,84.3606667 Oh, you know, you know, she's an orgasm. 567 01:00:19,84.3606667 --> 01:00:21,840.994 And it's like, can we just like. 568 01:00:22,250.994 --> 01:00:28,750.994 Look at it from another perspective and they, and I, I often hear like, Oh, I'm okay. 569 01:00:28,750.994 --> 01:00:29,270.994 I'm good. 570 01:00:29,620.994 --> 01:00:33,30.9935 I'm like, which, you know, no judgment here on any of it. 571 01:00:33,30.9935 --> 01:00:37,510.993 Cause I've been there and then it's, we've never been shed, but there's more. 572 01:00:37,900.994 --> 01:00:45,520.993 There is always more to female pleasure or women's men's, you know, there's always more. 573 01:00:46,235.994 --> 01:00:47,795.994 Always more for the men as well. 574 01:00:47,795.994 --> 01:00:52,445.994 It's not just, you know, it's just, we've been squashed down so much. 575 01:00:52,445.994 --> 01:01:05,765.894 It's like, it feels like revolutionary kind of thing, but it isn't by me being more connected to my pleasure, the effect that it's had or the ripple effects that it has. 576 01:01:06,405.994 --> 01:01:10,525.994 Um, in different relationships, like, because it's very hard. 577 01:01:10,535.994 --> 01:01:15,395.994 So a lot of my works, how we start with the heart, you know, a lot of heart centered love. 578 01:01:15,395.994 --> 01:01:22,545.994 And yeah, there's a lot of time there for people and just. 579 01:01:22,960.994 --> 01:01:27,20.994 How it can, I've had great conversations with my mum now about it. 580 01:01:27,310.994 --> 01:01:54,800.994 Ooh, she could be on stage talking about it, but ooh, and then don't tell me anymore, you know, it was like, don't, don't talk about it anymore, but, um, yeah, be curious to see how more women connected to different levels of pleasure, it's always more how, what, what changed for that, for the whole of the world, but for the whole of our societies, how. 581 01:01:54,956.094 --> 01:02:00,115.994 I want to turn it the other way around from the direction it's been going in. 582 01:02:00,435.994 --> 01:02:06,865.994 It's like, what, what would that be for the You know, I'm going to bring in biology again. 583 01:02:12,545.994 --> 01:02:17,265.993 I always say the best gift you can give the world is to learn how to regulate your nervous system. 584 01:02:18,135.993 --> 01:02:20,695.995 We know this instinctively as parents. 585 01:02:21,915.994 --> 01:02:25,945.994 When you are in a calm state, your kids are in a calm state. 586 01:02:26,440.994 --> 01:02:27,900.994 We know this with everybody. 587 01:02:28,30.994 --> 01:02:32,310.994 If someone's freaking out around you, if you can stay calm, they're going to be less freaked out. 588 01:02:32,320.994 --> 01:02:35,320.994 If you react, they're going to be more freaked out. 589 01:02:36,230.993 --> 01:02:39,380.994 And this is how humans work. 590 01:02:39,410.994 --> 01:02:40,850.994 This is actually not just humans. 591 01:02:40,860.994 --> 01:02:41,940.994 This is how mammals work. 592 01:02:41,940.994 --> 01:02:43,630.993 It's called a social engagement system. 593 01:02:43,630.993 --> 01:02:46,600.994 And we connect with the other mammals around us. 594 01:02:47,140.994 --> 01:02:57,280.994 And the practice Of the cervical orgasm, of the yoni dearmouring, of the, the, the self massage of the slowing down, creating safety. 595 01:02:58,130.994 --> 01:03:02,350.994 We are teaching ourselves how to regulate our nervous system. 596 01:03:02,870.994 --> 01:03:11,460.994 And when you have a regulated nervous system, you show up differently in the world, not just in the bedroom in the world. 597 01:03:11,800.994 --> 01:03:16,20.994 It is honestly the best gift you can give the world. 598 01:03:16,30.994 --> 01:03:28,570.994 Like if you're feel, if someone's listening to this or watching this and you're going, should I do this? Can I not, you know, like, is this really the right thing for me to do? It is a gift for the world. 599 01:03:28,900.994 --> 01:03:35,340.993 If you learn how to regulate your nervous system, how to connect with your body and stay present in your body. 600 01:03:35,900.994 --> 01:03:37,450.994 That is one of the best gifts. 601 01:03:38,880.994 --> 01:03:39,360.994 It is. 602 01:03:39,720.993 --> 01:03:44,820.994 It is because it just feels like we don't want to all be just learning these tools to stay regulated. 603 01:03:45,540.994 --> 01:03:50,310.994 There's more chaos out there, you know, so it does need to grow. 604 01:03:50,670.994 --> 01:03:54,760.994 It does need to grow so we can all be in that different space. 605 01:03:54,770.994 --> 01:03:59,460.994 So, yeah, but that's I have to really bring it back to the self because it blows my mind. 606 01:04:00,870.994 --> 01:04:01,700.994 When I'm. 607 01:04:01,955.994 --> 01:04:06,75.994 That, that journey of worrying about everyone and everything all the time. 608 01:04:06,195.994 --> 01:04:15,745.994 Um, yeah, I've, I've just journeyed through that, but it's, it's, it's how, how important it is. 609 01:04:16,405.993 --> 01:04:17,295.994 It's how important. 610 01:04:18,880.994 --> 01:04:25,940.994 I mean, think about some of the things that you have said here today about what it was like before you were really hard on yourself. 611 01:04:26,240.994 --> 01:04:27,140.994 You were stressed. 612 01:04:27,250.994 --> 01:04:32,650.994 You were wondering if you can even, how you're going to even stay in your relationship. 613 01:04:32,650.994 --> 01:04:52,85.993 Maybe sitting, you said it's sitting on the steps, you know, like how can I handle life, like just being frazzled and all of those things that, you know, are not pleasurable, And having really like, I think it was like, well, what else do you want? You know, you've got a lovely home. 614 01:04:52,85.993 --> 01:04:56,855.993 You've got, you, you've got everything, everything at hand. 615 01:04:57,285.993 --> 01:04:59,565.993 You've got all the means to do things and. 616 01:05:00,425.994 --> 01:05:08,815.994 You know, what is going on, especially with what was going on in the world and, and you're still not, that was another layer of guilt on myself. 617 01:05:10,30.994 --> 01:05:18,215.994 And then that the cervical orgasm has taken that feeling away. 618 01:05:19,70.994 --> 01:05:21,470.994 it's a regulated nervous system. 619 01:05:22,320.994 --> 01:05:22,610.994 That's. 620 01:05:23,630.994 --> 01:05:33,790.993 It is an, an, unlike say, you know, a breath work session where you're, you know, do a group breath work session. 621 01:05:33,790.994 --> 01:05:51,850.994 Remember once again, getting trained, not talking bad about breath work, right? You know, you're in a group breath work session and you're, you know, you're regulating, you're feeling in your body and you're releasing and you're making all of the, doing all of the things to help regulate your nervous system. 622 01:05:51,850.994 --> 01:05:51,920.994 Okay. 623 01:05:52,205.994 --> 01:05:57,775.994 And it's amazing because it's such an amazing tool and modality to be able to do that. 624 01:05:58,295.994 --> 01:06:01,15.994 However, it's not always accessible to everybody. 625 01:06:01,575.994 --> 01:06:12,65.995 Not everyone can go to these like retreats or go set aside a 90 minute breathwork session, you know, with an individual or group or, you know, the drive time and you're a busy mom. 626 01:06:13,265.995 --> 01:06:30,925.995 If you can have this practice that you can incorporate into your life, it has the same kind of benefits except for the added benefit of truly creating safety within yourself, learning the different nuances of how your body works. 627 01:06:30,985.994 --> 01:06:40,565.995 So you're not having to depend on the breath work session or depend on going to the gym or to the retreat or to the, you know, the meditation class. 628 01:06:41,485.995 --> 01:06:53,890.995 Bringing those, those little those little habits and positioning of your body and learning, you know, there's little things that you just learn about yourself. 629 01:06:53,910.995 --> 01:07:04,280.995 Like, oh, it feels better when I bring my shoulders back to here and not all the way to here or, you know, or I like it when I go slow over here. 630 01:07:04,750.995 --> 01:07:23,640.994 And then when you're able, if you are partnered and you're able to bring that practice in with your partner, you know, two hours with your partner where you're both getting a regulated nervous system versus, you know, you having to go there and them going to go there and maybe still not regulated together. 631 01:07:24,190.994 --> 01:07:32,870.994 I don't call me crazy, but I think regulating your nervous system together is a really good thing to help keep a marriage together. 632 01:07:33,625.995 --> 01:07:46,315.995 Yeah, and it's, it's, it was never a third option out there, you know, it's not, it was never something that I even could consider, you know, like relationship therapy. 633 01:07:46,975.994 --> 01:07:49,855.995 I don't know even if that was something we needed. 634 01:07:50,930.995 --> 01:07:51,500.995 Clearly not. 635 01:07:51,520.995 --> 01:08:05,330.995 Cause I always say we're work in progress, even after 20 years, you know, but I'm glad you've mentioned like the going on retreats and going on workshops and going, cause I think I would go to those days. 636 01:08:07,190.995 --> 01:08:15,750.995 And then come back and like want everything to change and like, it was like taking you to like a peak and then coming back down. 637 01:08:15,790.995 --> 01:08:21,160.995 And so this is like these really simple practices and, you know, five minutes a day. 638 01:08:21,190.995 --> 01:08:30,510.995 I mean, I do one of my, if I've not had time while the conditioners in my hair in the shower, I can do an embodiment practice and just while the conditioners on. 639 01:08:30,860.995 --> 01:08:35,60.995 So it's not like I've got to get myself to like, say a studio and a workout. 640 01:08:35,130.995 --> 01:08:35,150.995 Yeah. 641 01:08:35,935.995 --> 01:09:04,515.995 That, that having to do something for something, this is, it's like finding a practice, I think with anything that you do, finding a practice that you love and enjoy, can show up for, and you can do, and it's the, the practice my teacher Steve always says with me, to us, is it's the practice that you do every day, not the one hour session every week, or the retreats you go, and it's those little things that you do in between. 642 01:09:05,325.995 --> 01:09:07,725.995 And yeah, that's, Yeah. 643 01:09:07,725.995 --> 01:09:18,15.994 If you just, if you just add it up, if you start, so like part of what I, I work with people, so I have ADHD. 644 01:09:18,885.995 --> 01:09:23,445.995 I was, even though I'm talking fast now, believe it or not, I used to talk even faster. 645 01:09:23,485.995 --> 01:09:31,945.995 I was just, I could not even focus necessarily to have really good deep conversations because I was always thinking about what I was going to say next. 646 01:09:32,795.995 --> 01:09:41,815.995 And these little practices That you, I started bringing in, you know, to my existence and they're out there. 647 01:09:41,815.995 --> 01:09:47,125.995 Like, it's not like I have like the magic bullet that, you know, magic, wait, magic bullet. 648 01:09:48,345.995 --> 01:09:48,995.995 That's a different topic. 649 01:09:48,996.095 --> 01:09:55,325.995 Uh, but all of these little. 650 01:09:55,540.995 --> 01:10:11,860.994 Kind of pieces that while you're in the shower, while you're getting ready into the shower, while you're in the bathroom by yourself, while you're driving, while you're making your coffee, right? Learning how to bring pleasure, pleasure, not necessarily sex, but just pleasure into your life. 651 01:10:11,920.995 --> 01:10:25,690.995 Moments of noticing you start cultivating a practice, a genuine practice of pleasure that accumulates to way more than spending two hours in meditation. 652 01:10:26,970.995 --> 01:10:27,320.995 Throughout the day. 653 01:10:27,365.994 --> 01:10:29,235.994 And it closes that gap. 654 01:10:29,235.995 --> 01:10:37,985.995 So then when for myself or like clients that are in couples, if that gap's closer, you've got more access. 655 01:10:38,541.095 --> 01:10:53,210.995 It doesn't take as long, because I think sometimes it's like, you know, sex with a partner becomes a chore, because it takes too long to relax into it, and they've not got time for that. 656 01:10:53,470.994 --> 01:11:02,810.994 But if you're doing the practice during the day and noticing what your body feels, you know, when you said about the shoulders, one of my first things was chopping carrots. 657 01:11:03,51.095 --> 01:11:04,620.995 at home cooking. 658 01:11:04,621.095 --> 01:11:13,590.994 I was like, why, why am I chopping carrots? Like someone's going to come and run in with a gun and like, you know, or come and just attack me. 659 01:11:15,590.995 --> 01:11:18,100.995 And so I've been holding my shoulders like that. 660 01:11:19,280.994 --> 01:11:28,180.995 So you begin to notice the practice, you begin to notice in everyday life, you know, you begin to, to notice like, why, why I wouldn't have noticed that. 661 01:11:29,330.995 --> 01:11:32,800.995 And then wondering why this is all tense and crutched up. 662 01:11:33,110.995 --> 01:11:39,110.995 Whereas now it's um, you know, I thought it was just chopping, just chopping carrots. 663 01:11:40,330.995 --> 01:11:43,845.995 So, yeah, it's It's those little practices. 664 01:11:44,965.995 --> 01:11:45,335.995 Yep. 665 01:11:45,525.995 --> 01:11:58,55.995 And then when you get to combine them with the, you know, the wild women retreats or the breath work or the, the different things that you do to like bring more health and wellness, it just. 666 01:11:58,980.995 --> 01:12:07,200.995 Those simple practices just create a better foundation to for wellness, right? Like the, it's all of it put together. 667 01:12:07,200.995 --> 01:12:16,630.994 Like there's not, it's not one thing, right? We need to look at all these aspects of ourself and you know, the cervix is a body part. 668 01:12:17,390.995 --> 01:12:20,610.995 You wouldn't ignore, you know, your elbow. 669 01:12:20,660.995 --> 01:12:27,140.995 I mean, maybe we, we do ignore elbows, you know, but, um, but we noticed them and we're You can, scared to talk about them. 670 01:12:27,150.995 --> 01:12:30,304.795 We're not, you know, like, Exactly. 671 01:12:30,304.795 --> 01:12:31,343.495 Yeah. 672 01:12:31,345.995 --> 01:12:34,355.995 just exploring your elbow with touch. 673 01:12:34,995.995 --> 01:12:40,209.658 That could be the first place and spending some time with the touch and self regulation. 674 01:12:40,209.658 --> 01:12:40,840.549 Me too. 675 01:12:40,840.549 --> 01:12:41,890.995 No, we Yep. 676 01:12:42,250.995 --> 01:12:48,530.995 Um, well, I, I don't know about you, but I've very much enjoyed this conversation today. 677 01:12:53,285.995 --> 01:12:55,405.995 it's been really, um, gorgeous. 678 01:12:55,945.995 --> 01:12:57,615.995 connection and combination. 679 01:12:57,625.995 --> 01:13:21,245.994 I hope anyone listening gets as much out, gets as much enjoyment out of listening as we have, as I am, um, sharing, sharing my, my very, we, our very personal stories, you know, that, um, it is a bit easier to share one to one, which will reach many people, but it's easier than standing on the stage for now. 680 01:13:22,80.995 --> 01:13:22,270.995 Yes. 681 01:13:23,380.995 --> 01:13:27,930.994 If people want to learn more about you, follow you, all that good stuff. 682 01:13:27,940.995 --> 01:13:36,775.995 How do they find you? So yeah, on social media, I'm on Instagram, Nicola Parish, Pleasure Coach or Facebook just as Nicola Parish. 683 01:13:37,45.995 --> 01:13:50,535.995 And then I have got a freebie of a, you know, from Frazzle to Freedom meditation for any of your listeners, if they wanted to listen to that so they can connect and stay connected on there. 684 01:13:50,605.995 --> 01:13:56,995.995 But yeah, or drop me a message in any of the socials and let me know, let me know how, how it's going. 685 01:13:56,995.995 --> 01:13:57,945.995 That'd be great. 686 01:13:58,255.995 --> 01:13:58,625.995 Yeah. 687 01:13:59,470.994 --> 01:13:59,960.994 Awesome. 688 01:13:59,980.995 --> 01:14:11,70.995 Well, thank you so much for coming on and keep spreading the good word and work and doing what you're doing, girl, because the world needs it. 689 01:14:11,216.095 --> 01:14:11,255.895 much. 690 01:14:11,255.995 --> 01:14:12,115.995 Thanks for having me. 691 01:14:12,115.995 --> 01:14:21,725.994 I'm sure hopefully, you know, we get to go deeper on, on what's next and I'm sure we could talk about this all day. 692 01:14:22,875.995 --> 01:14:24,875.995 Thank you for joining for today's episode. 693 01:14:25,235.995 --> 01:14:29,825.995 I hope you found the conversation interesting, maybe even a little inspiring. 694 01:14:30,115.995 --> 01:14:36,285.995 And if you're curious about how to work with our guest today, check out the show notes, because I'll have all the links and resources there. 695 01:14:36,605.995 --> 01:14:41,825.995 And if you're curious about how to work with me or what I offer, you can check out my website, wendygoesdeep.Com 696 01:14:41,975.994 --> 01:14:44,365.994 to learn more about what it is that I do. 697 01:14:44,955.994 --> 01:14:50,295.994 And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask you for a little favor, growing this community. 698 01:14:50,455.995 --> 01:14:53,495.995 is only possible with support from people like you. 699 01:14:53,735.995 --> 01:14:59,185.995 If you could take a moment to like, subscribe, or maybe even share it with a friend, it helps more than you know. 700 01:14:59,655.995 --> 01:15:03,425.995 And until we can go deep again, stay curious and keep exploring.

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