Whatever Works Podcast

In a postmodern world, we may find it difficult to identify and hold on to strong moral values. This can be especially true for atheists, who often struggle to find meaning and grapple with nihilism. Without values and principles to anchor us, the world can look excessively chaotic. Adopting some rules can help tip the scales in the other direction, fashioning order from the chaos.

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is a guide for men, encouraging them to get in touch with themselves and live in alignment with their true nature. David Deida’s approach can help men in a range of relationships, in finding their sense of purpose, and in leveling up their presence with women.

Nonmonogamy is based on the idea that it’s possible to love and have relations with more than one person and that when we acknowledge this, we open ourselves up to new ways of living. It is not the same as cheating on your spouse or partner because in ethical nonmonogamy, every participant is aware of the situation and participates with full, informed consent.

If you can give advice generously and accept that others will do as they see fit, you can rest easy knowing that you have offered guidance, whether or not they choose to act on it. This protects your relationship and also leaves the door open for them to choose whether and when to apply your counsel.

Mega Threads—long threads of online communication—can help you process your thoughts slower. With this technique, there’s almost no limit to the depth of your response to a particular issue, so you have quite a lot of room to express yourself fully and to be heard.

When you find yourself in an environment where people are frequently interrupting each other, using a talking stick can help to eliminate interruptions, increasing the quality and depth of the conversation.

Life is about more than what we create, and some of the most important elements of being human can’t be measured and optimized. By taking an occasional break from the pressure to produce, you can open up space to nurture relationships with yourself and others and feel more complete and rounded.

Complaining doesn't resolve anything. Taking action, or otherwise initiating a solution, can both fix the problem at hand and alleviate negative emotions, as well as inspire others to be proactive about tackling problems they see.

When working alone, it can often be hard to stay on task and stick to a desired schedule or commitment. One way to boost your determination is to connect with an accountability partner with whom you share your goals and progress. Knowing that you will report your achievements to someone else provides a motivation boost to do your best.

Creating a decision log allows you to record and reflect on both the decisions you make as well as their consequences, enabling you to make better decisions in the future. By tracking what you choose to do and the outcomes of your choices, you set yourself up to learn valuable lessons and make future decisions from a more informed place.

Decisions can be hard to make, often because we do not have enough information on hand. We may need to do research or get input from other people before we feel comfortable making a decision. Alternatively, sometimes the information we need simply doesn’t exist yet or is not yet concrete (for example, next week’s weather). In these instances, it might be best to put off the decision for as long as possible.

Sometimes, we go back and forth on making a decision without reaching a definite conclusion because we are unsure about how to resolve our conflicting wants and needs into a cohesive course of action. We’re afraid of making the wrong choice, so instead of settling on a decision, we get stuck in limbo, failing to choose at all. At times like this, it can be useful to proactively shift our point of view.

You can find coaches who specialize in almost anything. When you want to improve an aspect of your life, a coach may be a more appropriate choice than a therapist. Rather than exploring your emotional responses, a coach will concentrate on improving your skills and mindset and supporting you to become the person you want to be.

We all have surface conversations with certain people. We may feel comfortable discussing relatively inconsequential topics, such as the weather, sports, or work, but we fail to take the interaction into deeper, more meaningful territory. If we continue to relate only on this level, we will never acquire a true understanding of these people or forge a closer relationship. Instead, talk about what's happening now.

Create a personal operating manual with the details of people you care about deeply. Whenever you learn something new about them, noting it serves as a reminder of what they like and don’t like, enabling you to retain this information and behave accordingly.

The Wheel of Consent, a concept originally created by Betty Martin, is a tool to support this process within appropriate boundaries and structure. It highlights the four roles we can take on in relationships and, by bringing them to conscious awareness, invites us to experiment with them.

One reason you may struggle to lose weight is the timing of your meals. There is promising evidence that fasting, especially at certain times of the day, is healthy and assists the body in burning fat, whereas eating at the wrong times can encourage the body to retain fat. You may find that restricting the hours during which you eat can boost your metabolism and help you lose weight more easily.

During the day, especially right after we awaken, many of us feel sluggish and sleepy. This effect can be compounded by poor sleep, injuries, and general stiffness or soreness. It’s tempting to reach for a mug of coffee to provide a quick hit of energy, but stretching can also be an effective method of energizing ourselves whenever we start to sag.

When you choose to start a new habit, such as exercising or practicing a skill that you wish to develop, it’s easy to lose motivation and quit before you truly establish it as part of your routine. If you’re committed to making your new habit work, however, try the techniques popularized by Atomic Habits author James Clear. They are designed specifically to make it as easy as possible to positively alter your habits.