January 9, 2025 • 46 mins
On this episode of Wild Tails, comedian Taylor Williamson—best known for his hilarious performances on America’s Got Talent—shares the story of his beloved dog, Betty, and how she became part of his life. From heartwarming moments to laugh-out-loud anecdotes, this episode is packed with humor, dog lover vibes, and Taylor’s signature wit.
Taylor also talks about his new persona of trying to be a "bad guy", dragging host Mike down with him. Hopefully we both don't get cancelled. If you love comedy, dogs, or both, this is an episode you don’t want to miss!
PS: This episode was recorded on Dec 26, hence any reference to Hanukkah.
Listen now on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform.
Follow Taylor Williamson on Instagram: @Taylorcomedy
Follow Betty the Puppy Dog: @Bettythepuppydoggy
Watch: Taylor Williamson - Live At The Comedy Store | Full Special
Follow Wild Tails podcast in Instagram @Wildtailspod
Follow Wild Tails Podcast on Bluesky
Email the show at wildtailspod@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:18):
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hello and welcome to the Wild Tales Podcast, the podcast that was just awarded
number one new podcast by Podcast Weekly Magazine, an award and a publication
that I just made up.
But come on, I think if it was real, this podcast should get it, right?
Or maybe that's just me.
I'm your host, Mike Bona.
Thank you for tuning in.
(00:38):
I'm very excited about today's guest.
I got a very funny comedian and a good friend of mine, Taylor Williamson.
Taylor has been doing stand-up comedy since the age of 17.
He was runner-up on America's Got Talent on season eight, and he is also a
very passionate lover of all animals.
He supports my wildlife conservation fundraisers.
(01:01):
He's performed at my Last for Giraffes comedy show.
He is a great guy.
And he also is the proud puppy dad of a cute little chihuahua pup named Betty.
You can follow Betty on Instagram at Betty the Puppy Doggy.
And I guess if you want to follow Taylor too, you can follow him at Taylor
(01:22):
Comedy.
I'm not sure if Taylor really understood the premise of the podcast.
We went on several tangents.
I tried to keep him on track of telling the story about how he acquired Betty,
how Betty entered his life, but instead he tried to use his time here to try
to get you canceled, which actually is pretty funny.
If you think some of the things that we say here is bad, you should hear
(01:43):
the stuff that I edited out.
So enough with the chit-chat.
Let me get to my chat with the very funny Taylor Williamson.
I would never blame myself.
It's always your fault.
Oh, hey, buddy.
How you doing?
Like in any marriage, it's always your fault.
(02:04):
Are we married?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
How long is this?
Three hours?
Well, this is the special 11th episode spectacular, so it'll be, I think, 15
hours we're going.
I'm so honored.
Wow.
To be the 11th guest.
That's high honor.
(02:25):
Thank you, pal.
I'm surprised this lasted this long, so we'll see.
Hopefully you'll enjoy it.
I probably will.
So what?
You have a week off from touring?
Is that the deal?
Kind of.
I mean, I'm working in town and then I go to Calgary, Alberta, Canada on New
Year's Eve.
(02:49):
Yeah, dude, I have a viral video now.
I don't get a lot of those, but I talk about it.
Last time I was there was negative 40 degrees.
And for whatever reason, because everyone hates themselves and the social media
algorithms are controlled by entities that want to destroy us.
(03:09):
So the video is just me in Calgary.
It was negative 40 degrees Celsius in Fahrenheit to become the same when it
gets that cold.
I didn't know that.
I'm sure you know that because you're smarter than me.
And so I'm on stage.
I'm on I'm on stage being like with in all my winter clothes.
And I'm just like, why are you why do you live here?
This is freezing.
What's wrong with you people?
I'm being silly.
I love performing in Calgary.
(03:31):
But like people are all like 50 Shades of Grey, like everyone wants to be like
abused and roasted and all this stuff.
And like and someone told me, like, wow, your video blew up on TikTok.
You should you should go to every city and roast them and post it.
I'm like, is that going to be my thing?
I go to I go to Cleveland and I'm like, well, I thought this place rocks.
I guess Drew Carey shows.
(03:52):
I don't I like I like Cleveland.
I don't know.
I don't want to be that guy.
Why?
Why?
We're all slaves to this algorithm.
This is things that zookeepers don't have to worry about.
We go and talk trash about other zoos.
Actually, I was just at the San Francisco Zoo yesterday.
Wow.
Wow.
They're supposed to be getting pandas.
I don't I don't know if it's going to happen, but I was like the big
news this past year.
(04:13):
The San Francisco Zoo is supposed to get pandas.
That's great.
So, I mean, yeah, but it's pandas.
I don't know.
They're cool.
But you have to like you have to pay.
You hate pandas?
You have to pay the Chinese government like a million dollars per animal to
house them like a rental fee.
It's I don't know if they're worth it.
(04:34):
I wanted you know what?
That always sounded like a scam to me.
But now that I have a dog and people are like, I'll watch your dog and
they tell me 40 bucks a night and I'm like, that's what you're paying me
because my dog is cute like a panda bear.
You should pay me to take care of my dog like a panda.
(04:55):
It's a privilege.
I mean, Betty's famous.
You're like living with a celebrity.
You know her name.
Everyone knows her name.
I think she has more followers than you do.
Careful.
I saw Betty on the news recently.
She was she did great.
Thank you.
Yummy.
Correct.
She she met her birth mom a few days ago.
(05:15):
Exclusive to what's your show called?
Wild Wild Weenies.
Wild Tales.
Thank you.
Thank you for appearing on my podcast.
Betty eats wild weenies.
Did you know that?
What's a wild weenie?
It's some it's like high quality food from the dog food store called Wild
(05:38):
Weenies.
But Betty met her birth mother.
This is exclusive to you.
This has not been posted on the Internet.
Oh my goodness.
She met her her birth mom.
She's beautiful.
Which one?
Her mom.
They both are.
I know, but I got the sexier one, let's just be honest.
But they messaged me on Twitter like in February and and then they're like this
(06:03):
guy's like, did you get your dog at the shelter?
And I was like, I tell people I bought her because I'm trying to lean into
being a like a bad person, you know, but I really thank you.
I want people I want to be like a heel.
You know, you're making fun of cities.
You're buying dogs.
You're like the worst.
I buy all the dogs.
(06:23):
I don't like even take care of them.
I just buy them.
No, I got her at the shelter and then this guy's like, did you get this
dog at the shelter?
He sent me a picture of his dog and I was like, oh my God, that's
Betty's.
I knew it was Betty's mom because I had pictures of them together and like and
then he's been trying to meet up with me.
But like I'm only available weekdays and he's only available weekends.
And we we finally did it.
(06:45):
Also, I was like worried about getting murdered, you know, like some strangers
like let's meet up.
And I'm like, I don't know, you know, I don't like seeing my friend.
I don't know.
I'm not even kidding.
I'm not even kidding, dude.
I don't want to hang out my friends.
I'm not going to hang out with some stranger.
I really just wanted to meet the dog.
I really just wanted to kidnap his dog.
I get it.
(07:06):
I literally I couldn't have two dogs.
I'm a single guy living by myself.
I couldn't have two dogs.
But if someone's like, do you want Betty's mom?
I'd be like, yeah, I have two dogs now.
And anyways, they met.
It wasn't that.
They I did you I mean, spoiler alert, I guess, but did you think do you
think that they would have known each other and like been like it's been four
(07:29):
years, do you think they would have been like, oh, my God, I miss you or
they probably could care less about who each other are to each other than they
might.
They were bonded before.
Yeah.
They were like four years.
I don't think they really.
But they were there.
If they were wild dogs back in her ancestry, you know, back when little
Chihuahua Betty was a fierce canine wolf warrior, right?
(07:53):
It would be like, you know, they would leave the pack.
They would leave mom after a certain amount of time to join other packs and
herds.
And what's what's a group of wolves called as a pack?
I don't know.
I should know that I'm an animal guy, but it's called a wolf gang.
Well, oh, Mozart, is it not called a wolf gang?
(08:15):
Oh, I'm going to go with it.
I want to say yes.
It should be, don't you think?
Look, look, the guest is always right on this show.
A gang of wolves is a wolf gang.
That was ferocious.
I mean, I mean, that's what it should be.
But they didn't.
Yeah, they didn't care about each other.
Just kind of like.
I said to my cousin that she was kind of like when she saw her mom,
(08:39):
it wasn't like leave me alone, but it was just kind of like it was kind
of like when I saw my strange father for the first time in 20 years, just
kind of like, you know, hey.
Yeah, I know you.
Yeah.
How are you?
OK.
It was like that, but.
That's how it was between Betty and Betty Mom.
(09:02):
Yeah, Betty was like, hello, Rita.
Yeah, Rita.
That's her mom's name is Rita.
I like that.
Hello.
I like how they have like human names.
Yeah, it's funny how that worked out.
She came with the name Cookie Crumbles and I was like, I can't do this now.
So you named her after the incomparable Betty White.
Is that that's fair?
I mean, she wasn't named after anyone, but I met a mom like real people.
(09:26):
And she said she took a month a month to name one of her kids, which
is kind of crazy, I think, honestly.
But I was like, well, I can take a month to name my dog.
So I took a month and I was like I was calling her baby and buddy.
She's a very tiny lady, you know, like three point three point eight pounds or
something or less than that, actually.
(09:48):
And then I'm like, baby, baby, buddy, you know, and then like Betty is in there
somewhere, you know, and I was like, there we go.
Baby, Betty, Betty, Betty, boo boo.
But yeah, boo boo was a possibility, I suppose.
So what was more impressive to Betty meeting her mom or meeting John Travolta?
(10:10):
She I mean, that's a fair question.
I don't she wasn't too impressed by John Travolta either, honestly.
He I mean, he was impressed.
Obviously, I brought I brought Betty to the comedy store, the comedy club.
And and then.
I brought I'm in the back area where people hang out and I've been going there
(10:33):
for over 20 years, I've never had a night where anyone super cool like that
hangs around and I've been there, sir.
But you weren't hanging around, you're in and out.
You're like, thanks for the free tickets.
I'm out of here.
You know, fair enough.
This guy was like, I'm not sure I'm not here to I'm not I'm not the
(10:54):
most guy, buddy, I'm a fan of you.
I'm a fan of you and giraffes and pangolins.
I name drop you to my other pangolin zookeeper friends.
You're a zookeeper groupie.
I like that.
I know I got a West Coast zookeeper and an East Coast zookeeper.
That's it.
I don't want more.
I had a guy in maybe Syracuse, maybe who introduced me to a sloth once and
(11:15):
I was like, all right, we did it, you know, but I'm more of a giraffe
keeper guy than a sloth keeper guy.
But but then anyways, but back in the back area, John Travolta and Tommy Lee
came in and they saw my puppy and then they were just like in love with
my puppy.
And then I talked to John Travolta for like an hour and a half and he
was the nicest, sweetest guy.
(11:37):
And it was like all because of my dog.
Everything good in my life is because of my dog.
I think everyone should get a dog except for the person whose dog ate their
face after they died.
But he was dead, though.
Did you hear about this?
No.
Wait, so the guy died in his home, I'm assuming, and the dog ate his face.
I could probably put the pieces together.
What were the pieces?
(11:57):
You think he like he was he died because he smothered his face in Turkey and
he suffocated and then his dog Thanksgiving death.
So listen, I haven't fact checked this, but my my buddy listened to this
podcast and he was and he's a nice person.
This isn't some crazy guys like he's like a smart, thoughtful guy.
But he was telling me that he listened to some podcasts and it was talking
(12:21):
about how this man had German Shepherd and he died in the German Shepherd ate
his face after 45 minutes.
And in the whole conversation, the story was about how I'm misquoting.
And it's just a telephone game or whatever.
And I haven't listened to myself, but I believe this guy like I believe he
heard this on a podcast.
(12:42):
And I'm sure I'm saying it slightly wrong.
But he was saying how dogs, at least when they're like, hey, buddy, what's up
to their owner or whatever, they like they might lick you.
They might nudge you, whatever.
And then after that, after lick doesn't work and they nudge you, then they
might give you like a cute bite, you know, and then and then they might do
a little bit more, you know.
But then at some point, they never had to go that far before.
(13:04):
Like they're just like they've already always they've always gotten the
attention at some point, you know, but when you're dead, they're like, what's
their brain gets confused, you know, so then they bite harder than they bite
harder and then meat comes out of it.
And then they're like, oh, I love me.
And then his brain couldn't get confused and just ate the whole thing.
(13:25):
How do you feel about this?
I feel disturbed.
I don't like this is this type of podcast.
We don't tell dark, disturbing stories like this.
I don't know if it's the guy was passed away already.
I think we're talking about animal nature.
It's true.
It is animal nature.
And maybe it was time has passed and the dog didn't get his dinner.
It's 45 minutes.
(13:46):
You have a dog, are they hungry all the time?
Is she's not.
I don't know.
I haven't.
I get worried because my dog's four point six pounds at Betty, the puppy doggie
DOG's UI on Instagram.
That's the reason we're here.
But she I feel like I feel like if I gave her like actual chicken meat,
(14:07):
like chicken chicken, she would eat for the rest of her life.
And I haven't tested that because she's so tiny.
But do dogs will dogs eat forever?
No, no.
Some dogs have self-control.
Some will eat forever.
It's individually based.
She doesn't with other food.
But with me, I'm always like skeptical.
(14:27):
Well, let's talk about how did Betty enter your life, Mike, during covid time,
my quarantine, like the people I chose to, you know, everyone remembers that
you like choose to be around these people instead of people that make you
happy, you know, and during covid, you know, and and then my cousin's family
(14:48):
and they have and they have little kids and whatever.
And like they have a dog who was my best friend, this guy, Chase.
And then so for a year, I was like, oh, I'm going to have a dog,
I'm going to have a dog.
And then after a year, they would give me their dog to go home with because
I'm a lonely single man living by myself.
And like I go to their house, my family, like little kids, but I would I
would take the dog home with me every day and then I go visit being a
(15:10):
dog.
But it's my I basically had their dog for a year.
Then after a year, these like selfish kids are like, we want our dog back.
And they're crying.
And I'm like.
I'm 40, I need the dog.
You're six, you don't need anything.
I love this guy.
Take him on bike rides.
I took him to the beach.
What do you do?
(15:30):
You don't do anything, you know?
And then we went to court and then the mom said that the quarter mom said,
listen, if you get your own dog, we'll watch it.
Wouldn't you travel?
Because that was a concern of mine is like, what do I do when I travel?
I'm a comedian or whatever.
And then so I went to shelters and like it was really hard to get a
(15:52):
dog.
I drink over it.
But like the shelters, they like they people say adopt, don't shop and all this
stuff.
And then when you try to adopt the shelters, you're like, we hate you.
You are not the kind of person we want to adopt an animal because our animals
are special and you're not and you suck and we hate you.
And like I'm all about adopting animals.
And then they like they don't want you.
I have a buddy who is like he goes he was walking his dog, his girlfriend's
(16:17):
dog.
And then and then I went to L.A. They go, oh, is that a rescue?
That's the first thing they ask.
Is that a rescue?
It's so judgey, by the way.
I get I'm all I'm all about it.
But like people are like intense.
And then he he's like I he has to give a whole speech because he gave
to say no to people.
He'd be dirty looks like you're a monster, you know.
And but he's like.
(16:38):
My girlfriend was rejected from rescuing dogs because she lives in an apartment
and people are like, you can't have a dog.
So she had to buy it if she wanted love in her life.
I'm a hairy thing.
She would either have to move to Italy or get a dog, you know, the Italian
dogs.
Anyways, I was trying to think it was a race.
(16:59):
I'm not going to get canceled for for saying the hairy.
I was like, I could say Jewish.
I'm Jewish, but it's Hanukkah.
I don't want to.
But, you know, listen, let's focus here.
So I'm not good at roasting.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
You know, I don't want, you know, but so I'm not I'm not Calgary.
You can just roast away.
You won't offend me.
I don't want to hurt your feelings.
(17:20):
You take care of giraffes and pangolins.
So I think you asked me a yes or no question and I've just gone off
on a I don't remember what I asked.
Who rescued who was that?
So the point is that these so so then this one shelter was like you have
(17:41):
to live in South L.A. to get a dog from us.
I'm like, how about I live in a different part of L.A. and then I'll
come get the dog and I'll come give it a great life.
Like, what's wrong with you anyway?
So and this is one shelter I went to.
And then they're like, you can pick three.
I mean, you have to if you want a puppy, you have to meet it.
You can't meet it.
You just have to pick it and then come get it.
(18:03):
I'm like, I thought the dog picks you that whole thing, you know, like and
they're like, no, when I was a puppy, that doesn't work like that.
But then they're like, you can find you can meet three dogs.
They're over six months old.
You can meet them.
So she's like, you can pick three to me or you can volunteer and snuggle all
the dogs and do like a volunteer snuggle session.
(18:23):
I'm like, what?
I I can meet three.
I could snuggle a bunch of dogs.
I'm going to snuggle all of them.
You mean the first option, like let's make a deal like you meet a dog and
they say you can meet you keep this dog or take what's behind door number two.
That's a great question.
I mean, honestly, it probably is like that because their whole thing is if
(18:43):
you're not holding the dog, someone else can get the dog.
That's like their thing.
So it is like that.
So I volunteer to snuggle all the dogs.
And it was really cute for a minute, really like seven minutes.
It was cute.
Then they start peeing everywhere and they smell bad.
And I'm like, I don't know about this, but all the dogs are like, pick me,
pick me.
I'll love you forever.
And like, it's cute.
(19:04):
And I'm like, maybe I'll take like these not cute dogs.
You know, there's not cute dogs.
They're like, I love you.
And I'm like, I can love you.
You know, it's not just about looks, you know, and like and then and then.
But then they're like, oh, here's the one dog you wanted to meet.
And then they give me they gave me Betty, formerly known as Cookie Crumbles.
And like I held her and she was like.
(19:29):
Like indifferent and like that was very attractive to me because I didn't have
good parents, you know, so like the like girls were like.
Don't care.
I'm like, oh, I want her, you know, and I tell your mom listens to this
podcast.
Listen, it's good for her to know.
I love her.
Happy Hanukkah, mom.
But, you know, you know, she did the best she could with what she was given,
(19:50):
you know.
And and then I so it's so funny.
My mom's like the biggest fan of your show.
I she should be.
She's she should take it.
She used to take me to the San Diego Zoo and the wild animal park, not
the safari park, the wild animal park.
I was a member.
You're old school.
(20:11):
I'm all right.
I go to I go to Jack Murphy Stadium and I go to the Del Mar
Fair and I go to the San Diego Zoo and the wild animal park.
Thank you.
And you support the San Diego Chargers.
This is very good, sir.
And the San Diego Clippers as well.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I forgot about that one.
(20:32):
Yeah, that was that was that was after I was born.
And the San Diego Clippers, I was like 40, I think, when that happened.
But anyways, you know, it's sad for me, by the way.
So then I got that dog.
But what's sad for me also is I tell jokes about being 40 and I used
to tell jokes about being 40.
And that was like funny because I was like 23.
But now I'm like almost 40.
(20:52):
So there's no humor in it anymore.
You have to up it.
You get to make jokes about being 60.
I don't know.
I was at Thanksgiving with this.
Don't go to other people's families for Thanksgiving.
So I did that kind of.
And then, like I said, to my family.
But then afterwards, I'm with this other family.
And then this little 14 year old girl was like really smart and funny.
And I was like, you know, I'm like 56.
(21:12):
I can't do these things anymore.
And she's just like continuing the conversation.
And I stopped and I was like, did you think I was 56?
She was like.
No, but I, I, I, I thought I thought you look younger, but I didn't.
I didn't want to be rude.
I'm like, what?
I was like, how do you think I am?
She's like 32.
And I'm like, I don't believe anything you're saying.
(21:34):
You thought I was 56.
And I, uh, anyways, I called the police.
You are my favorite.
You're my favorite person who's a comedian.
Do what?
That means you're like, I'm a big Bill Cosby fan, but I don't like him as
a person.
Oh, he's have you heard his albums?
He's so funny.
(21:56):
Mike, wow.
You're like, I, I've been like how you are.
We're like, I'm trying to start cursing more on stage.
And like, I'm trying, cause I was always cute and I was America's got talent
guy.
But now I'm trying to like, be a real man, you know, at 56 years old,
it's time to step up and be a real man.
But I feel like you're going through the same thing where it's like, you're
(22:19):
like, I'm a giraffe keeper and people know I'm the nice guy at the zoo.
But then you're like, now you're like, no, I gotta start saying racist things
and be myself.
And I really, I really respect that.
So you got Betty from the shelter, but I like your story, how they don't want
to give you any, any dogs.
And it's like, you're at the shelter.
It's like, we'd rather kill this dog than give it to you to take.
(22:44):
Do.
Oh, I mean, I don't, I haven't been in the kill, the kill shelter, sir.
But, uh, they're, they do exist.
I hear that it's really sad and terrible out there.
Honestly, everyone's sick.
Where's Betty now?
You've talked about this, the famous celebrity dog with more followers than you
and she's not even like in your arms right now.
No, she's doing her own thing.
(23:06):
She knows you, right?
Your, your wife was very supportive and helpful.
When I first got her, she went through a lot of separation anxiety.
It was very sad and scary for me.
And for her.
Yeah.
She knows what she's doing.
Unlike me, but that's why I connected you with her.
She's she knows so grateful for real.
(23:28):
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean, she lived with her mom.
She lived in a hoarding situation with 20 dogs and her mom for six months, at
least.
So like, she was like too attached to her mom.
Usually like it's like three months or two or six weeks or I don't know.
You know, dogs aren't usually with their mom for that long.
And so they were absurdly bonded.
(23:50):
And, uh, but it took a long time for Betty to my dog to get bonded
to her new mom.
This guy.
Yeah.
You did my, one of my last four giraffes shows and you brought Betty with you.
Remember that one in way out in Monrovia, you're giving me a hard time making
you drive all out there.
(24:10):
Oh yeah.
I brought Betty with that to that one.
Right.
Yeah.
You let me hold Betty and she just melted in my arms.
And you said that was a big deal.
She doesn't react that way to most people.
I remember this clearly.
She still doesn't like, there's not many people that will, she'll allow to one,
hold her and just be chill.
I first meeting, but also even people, she's known a long time to, to be held
(24:34):
on her back like a baby, but, but draft keeper, Mike has the special energy
with the animals.
There's a reason I work with animals.
I do have certain vibe.
They, they're relaxed around me most of the time, not always, but Betty was,
she's very sweet.
That's amazing.
(24:54):
Do you, do you think you could be friends with any animal?
No.
I think, I, I think I can't, but in reality, no, I can't.
What about like a hippo?
A hippo?
I've been friends with a hippo before.
Hippos?
Yeah.
We used to have hippos.
I used to take care of them a little bit and they, I mean, there's a
(25:15):
protective barrier.
I wouldn't like walk in to an exhibit with a hippo, but I can like give
them food, like through a fence or over a wall and I can pat them on
the nose and, and pat them and give them some food.
Don't they eat people?
They do, but that's out in the wild.
So you don't feed them people?
(25:36):
Most of the time.
No, mostly it was just vegetables.
Wow.
And are they upset?
Cause they want to eat people?
They don't want to eat people.
They don't actually eat people for the most part.
They protect their territory in the wild because mostly they're herbivores.
They eat plants.
Really?
They protect their, their area in the wild.
They have like a territory.
(25:56):
And if you walk into that territory, especially at night, because they're
nocturnal and they'll come out of the water to eat like plants and vegetations
in the ground and they are surprisingly fast and agile for their size.
So if they think you're a threat and you're in their area, they're going to
attack and kill you.
And then just, just leave you there.
They're not going to eat you.
(26:16):
They don't eat people.
They're not like dogs.
They're not going to eat your face.
Wait, then why did the Lord give them that chomper?
To fight with other, other males, other hippos.
Oh, to fight with hippos?
Yeah.
They, well, they defend their territory against other hippos.
(26:37):
They have to defend themselves against lions and other predators.
And, but do they eat hippos?
No, they don't eat hippos.
They just fight them.
They might try to, you know, injure them and hurt them.
And I don't think, I don't think they're usually deadly, but who'd want to
fight a hippo or a lion or a bear or an alligator or a mongoose?
(27:04):
I think a hippo would really?
Yeah.
Oh, you don't want to mess with a hippo.
Or what about mongooses though?
Mongooses are small against a hippo, but all of them would fight against you if
that's.
Mike, I don't know where this attitude comes from, but this is not the Hanukkah
(27:24):
spirit that I was promised.
I'm sorry.
I did say you is how I'm personal, but I meant against any people in general,
even myself included.
Against the Jewish people.
Is that what you're saying?
You're really trying to get me canceled.
I love the Jewish people.
I love all people.
Okay.
(27:45):
All right.
Are we good?
Can I, can I keep my podcast?
Can I keep my job?
What are your favorite things about the Jewish people?
Uh, top five quick.
No, there's no, there's no good answer.
I'll, I'll protect you.
Cause you're my friend.
Oh, they're, they're, they have a great sense of humor.
I love how they run Hollywood.
They're doing a great job.
(28:06):
Mike, Mike, I'm trying to stay classy.
Cause I don't know what kind of vibe you're going for here, Mike, but you just
got canceled for the fifth time just now.
Oh no.
I don't know why I think you'd somehow bring this out of me.
You're a bad person.
Listen to my, can I tell you, I don't know how this is, how the animal
welfare business goes.
Is that the business?
You're an animal welfare.
I know.
(28:26):
Well, sure.
Yeah.
And, and, uh, but in entertainment business, here's how it works.
Don't get canceled unless you get canceled and then you have tens of millions
of fans and views and followers, then you're back in.
So honestly, I think the coolest thing you could do for your career.
(28:48):
Is just go hard, say the most terrible, offensive, hateful stuff.
And then get all the attention is like, who's Mike?
Oh, he's that draft keeper who just, you know, it just says all the terrible
things, but then you get so big.
And then you're like, you're your own, like, like, uh, you have your own, like
you're doing that, you have your podcast, like, then you just like people and
(29:08):
you get so notorious that people like want to give you their lions to take care
of and stuff, you know?
I don't want lions to take care of.
I have enough animals as it is.
I'm just trying to help your career, buddy.
All right.
So become untouchable by being the worst person possible.
That's all the people I know who are famous right now.
They're all just monsters who just got canceled and got so famous that the
(29:31):
industry is like, I guess, I don't know.
I guess we go with it.
You know, that's, I'm not sure if that's what I want.
I don't know if it's what I want either, but it's been recommended to me by,
although I'm pretty big, you know, this podcast is listened by literally dozens
of people.
Good.
That's great.
When do you bring out the animals for us to meet?
Oh, that's, that's not what this is about.
(29:52):
It's an audio podcast.
I can pretend I have an animal.
And that's really funny.
That's what you should do.
(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hello and welcome to the Wild Tales Podcast, the podcast that was just awarded
number one new podcast by Podcast Weekly Magazine, an award and a publication
that I just made up.
But come on, I think if it was real, this podcast should get it, right?
Or maybe that's just me.
I'm your host, Mike Bona.
Thank you for tuning in.
(00:38):
I'm very excited about today's guest.
I got a very funny comedian and a good friend of mine, Taylor Williamson.
Taylor has been doing stand-up comedy since the age of 17.
He was runner-up on America's Got Talent on season eight, and he is also a
very passionate lover of all animals.
He supports my wildlife conservation fundraisers.
(01:01):
He's performed at my Last for Giraffes comedy show.
He is a great guy.
And he also is the proud puppy dad of a cute little chihuahua pup named Betty.
You can follow Betty on Instagram at Betty the Puppy Doggy.
And I guess if you want to follow Taylor too, you can follow him at Taylor
(01:22):
Comedy.
I'm not sure if Taylor really understood the premise of the podcast.
We went on several tangents.
I tried to keep him on track of telling the story about how he acquired Betty,
how Betty entered his life, but instead he tried to use his time here to try
to get you canceled, which actually is pretty funny.
If you think some of the things that we say here is bad, you should hear
(01:43):
the stuff that I edited out.
So enough with the chit-chat.
Let me get to my chat with the very funny Taylor Williamson.
I would never blame myself.
It's always your fault.
Oh, hey, buddy.
How you doing?
Like in any marriage, it's always your fault.
(02:04):
Are we married?
Yeah.
Oh, cool.
How long is this?
Three hours?
Well, this is the special 11th episode spectacular, so it'll be, I think, 15
hours we're going.
I'm so honored.
Wow.
To be the 11th guest.
That's high honor.
(02:25):
Thank you, pal.
I'm surprised this lasted this long, so we'll see.
Hopefully you'll enjoy it.
I probably will.
So what?
You have a week off from touring?
Is that the deal?
Kind of.
I mean, I'm working in town and then I go to Calgary, Alberta, Canada on New
Year's Eve.
(02:49):
Yeah, dude, I have a viral video now.
I don't get a lot of those, but I talk about it.
Last time I was there was negative 40 degrees.
And for whatever reason, because everyone hates themselves and the social media
algorithms are controlled by entities that want to destroy us.
(03:09):
So the video is just me in Calgary.
It was negative 40 degrees Celsius in Fahrenheit to become the same when it
gets that cold.
I didn't know that.
I'm sure you know that because you're smarter than me.
And so I'm on stage.
I'm on I'm on stage being like with in all my winter clothes.
And I'm just like, why are you why do you live here?
This is freezing.
What's wrong with you people?
I'm being silly.
I love performing in Calgary.
(03:31):
But like people are all like 50 Shades of Grey, like everyone wants to be like
abused and roasted and all this stuff.
And like and someone told me, like, wow, your video blew up on TikTok.
You should you should go to every city and roast them and post it.
I'm like, is that going to be my thing?
I go to I go to Cleveland and I'm like, well, I thought this place rocks.
I guess Drew Carey shows.
(03:52):
I don't I like I like Cleveland.
I don't know.
I don't want to be that guy.
Why?
Why?
We're all slaves to this algorithm.
This is things that zookeepers don't have to worry about.
We go and talk trash about other zoos.
Actually, I was just at the San Francisco Zoo yesterday.
Wow.
Wow.
They're supposed to be getting pandas.
I don't I don't know if it's going to happen, but I was like the big
news this past year.
(04:13):
The San Francisco Zoo is supposed to get pandas.
That's great.
So, I mean, yeah, but it's pandas.
I don't know.
They're cool.
But you have to like you have to pay.
You hate pandas?
You have to pay the Chinese government like a million dollars per animal to
house them like a rental fee.
It's I don't know if they're worth it.
(04:34):
I wanted you know what?
That always sounded like a scam to me.
But now that I have a dog and people are like, I'll watch your dog and
they tell me 40 bucks a night and I'm like, that's what you're paying me
because my dog is cute like a panda bear.
You should pay me to take care of my dog like a panda.
(04:55):
It's a privilege.
I mean, Betty's famous.
You're like living with a celebrity.
You know her name.
Everyone knows her name.
I think she has more followers than you do.
Careful.
I saw Betty on the news recently.
She was she did great.
Thank you.
Yummy.
Correct.
She she met her birth mom a few days ago.
(05:15):
Exclusive to what's your show called?
Wild Wild Weenies.
Wild Tales.
Thank you.
Thank you for appearing on my podcast.
Betty eats wild weenies.
Did you know that?
What's a wild weenie?
It's some it's like high quality food from the dog food store called Wild
(05:38):
Weenies.
But Betty met her birth mother.
This is exclusive to you.
This has not been posted on the Internet.
Oh my goodness.
She met her her birth mom.
She's beautiful.
Which one?
Her mom.
They both are.
I know, but I got the sexier one, let's just be honest.
But they messaged me on Twitter like in February and and then they're like this
(06:03):
guy's like, did you get your dog at the shelter?
And I was like, I tell people I bought her because I'm trying to lean into
being a like a bad person, you know, but I really thank you.
I want people I want to be like a heel.
You know, you're making fun of cities.
You're buying dogs.
You're like the worst.
I buy all the dogs.
(06:23):
I don't like even take care of them.
I just buy them.
No, I got her at the shelter and then this guy's like, did you get this
dog at the shelter?
He sent me a picture of his dog and I was like, oh my God, that's
Betty's.
I knew it was Betty's mom because I had pictures of them together and like and
then he's been trying to meet up with me.
But like I'm only available weekdays and he's only available weekends.
And we we finally did it.
(06:45):
Also, I was like worried about getting murdered, you know, like some strangers
like let's meet up.
And I'm like, I don't know, you know, I don't like seeing my friend.
I don't know.
I'm not even kidding.
I'm not even kidding, dude.
I don't want to hang out my friends.
I'm not going to hang out with some stranger.
I really just wanted to meet the dog.
I really just wanted to kidnap his dog.
I get it.
(07:06):
I literally I couldn't have two dogs.
I'm a single guy living by myself.
I couldn't have two dogs.
But if someone's like, do you want Betty's mom?
I'd be like, yeah, I have two dogs now.
And anyways, they met.
It wasn't that.
They I did you I mean, spoiler alert, I guess, but did you think do you
think that they would have known each other and like been like it's been four
(07:29):
years, do you think they would have been like, oh, my God, I miss you or
they probably could care less about who each other are to each other than they
might.
They were bonded before.
Yeah.
They were like four years.
I don't think they really.
But they were there.
If they were wild dogs back in her ancestry, you know, back when little
Chihuahua Betty was a fierce canine wolf warrior, right?
(07:53):
It would be like, you know, they would leave the pack.
They would leave mom after a certain amount of time to join other packs and
herds.
And what's what's a group of wolves called as a pack?
I don't know.
I should know that I'm an animal guy, but it's called a wolf gang.
Well, oh, Mozart, is it not called a wolf gang?
(08:15):
Oh, I'm going to go with it.
I want to say yes.
It should be, don't you think?
Look, look, the guest is always right on this show.
A gang of wolves is a wolf gang.
That was ferocious.
I mean, I mean, that's what it should be.
But they didn't.
Yeah, they didn't care about each other.
Just kind of like.
I said to my cousin that she was kind of like when she saw her mom,
(08:39):
it wasn't like leave me alone, but it was just kind of like it was kind
of like when I saw my strange father for the first time in 20 years, just
kind of like, you know, hey.
Yeah, I know you.
Yeah.
How are you?
OK.
It was like that, but.
That's how it was between Betty and Betty Mom.
(09:02):
Yeah, Betty was like, hello, Rita.
Yeah, Rita.
That's her mom's name is Rita.
I like that.
Hello.
I like how they have like human names.
Yeah, it's funny how that worked out.
She came with the name Cookie Crumbles and I was like, I can't do this now.
So you named her after the incomparable Betty White.
Is that that's fair?
I mean, she wasn't named after anyone, but I met a mom like real people.
(09:26):
And she said she took a month a month to name one of her kids, which
is kind of crazy, I think, honestly.
But I was like, well, I can take a month to name my dog.
So I took a month and I was like I was calling her baby and buddy.
She's a very tiny lady, you know, like three point three point eight pounds or
something or less than that, actually.
(09:48):
And then I'm like, baby, baby, buddy, you know, and then like Betty is in there
somewhere, you know, and I was like, there we go.
Baby, Betty, Betty, Betty, boo boo.
But yeah, boo boo was a possibility, I suppose.
So what was more impressive to Betty meeting her mom or meeting John Travolta?
(10:10):
She I mean, that's a fair question.
I don't she wasn't too impressed by John Travolta either, honestly.
He I mean, he was impressed.
Obviously, I brought I brought Betty to the comedy store, the comedy club.
And and then.
I brought I'm in the back area where people hang out and I've been going there
(10:33):
for over 20 years, I've never had a night where anyone super cool like that
hangs around and I've been there, sir.
But you weren't hanging around, you're in and out.
You're like, thanks for the free tickets.
I'm out of here.
You know, fair enough.
This guy was like, I'm not sure I'm not here to I'm not I'm not the
(10:54):
most guy, buddy, I'm a fan of you.
I'm a fan of you and giraffes and pangolins.
I name drop you to my other pangolin zookeeper friends.
You're a zookeeper groupie.
I like that.
I know I got a West Coast zookeeper and an East Coast zookeeper.
That's it.
I don't want more.
I had a guy in maybe Syracuse, maybe who introduced me to a sloth once and
(11:15):
I was like, all right, we did it, you know, but I'm more of a giraffe
keeper guy than a sloth keeper guy.
But but then anyways, but back in the back area, John Travolta and Tommy Lee
came in and they saw my puppy and then they were just like in love with
my puppy.
And then I talked to John Travolta for like an hour and a half and he
was the nicest, sweetest guy.
(11:37):
And it was like all because of my dog.
Everything good in my life is because of my dog.
I think everyone should get a dog except for the person whose dog ate their
face after they died.
But he was dead, though.
Did you hear about this?
No.
Wait, so the guy died in his home, I'm assuming, and the dog ate his face.
I could probably put the pieces together.
What were the pieces?
(11:57):
You think he like he was he died because he smothered his face in Turkey and
he suffocated and then his dog Thanksgiving death.
So listen, I haven't fact checked this, but my my buddy listened to this
podcast and he was and he's a nice person.
This isn't some crazy guys like he's like a smart, thoughtful guy.
But he was telling me that he listened to some podcasts and it was talking
(12:21):
about how this man had German Shepherd and he died in the German Shepherd ate
his face after 45 minutes.
And in the whole conversation, the story was about how I'm misquoting.
And it's just a telephone game or whatever.
And I haven't listened to myself, but I believe this guy like I believe he
heard this on a podcast.
(12:42):
And I'm sure I'm saying it slightly wrong.
But he was saying how dogs, at least when they're like, hey, buddy, what's up
to their owner or whatever, they like they might lick you.
They might nudge you, whatever.
And then after that, after lick doesn't work and they nudge you, then they
might give you like a cute bite, you know, and then and then they might do
a little bit more, you know.
But then at some point, they never had to go that far before.
(13:04):
Like they're just like they've already always they've always gotten the
attention at some point, you know, but when you're dead, they're like, what's
their brain gets confused, you know, so then they bite harder than they bite
harder and then meat comes out of it.
And then they're like, oh, I love me.
And then his brain couldn't get confused and just ate the whole thing.
(13:25):
How do you feel about this?
I feel disturbed.
I don't like this is this type of podcast.
We don't tell dark, disturbing stories like this.
I don't know if it's the guy was passed away already.
I think we're talking about animal nature.
It's true.
It is animal nature.
And maybe it was time has passed and the dog didn't get his dinner.
It's 45 minutes.
(13:46):
You have a dog, are they hungry all the time?
Is she's not.
I don't know.
I haven't.
I get worried because my dog's four point six pounds at Betty, the puppy doggie
DOG's UI on Instagram.
That's the reason we're here.
But she I feel like I feel like if I gave her like actual chicken meat,
(14:07):
like chicken chicken, she would eat for the rest of her life.
And I haven't tested that because she's so tiny.
But do dogs will dogs eat forever?
No, no.
Some dogs have self-control.
Some will eat forever.
It's individually based.
She doesn't with other food.
But with me, I'm always like skeptical.
(14:27):
Well, let's talk about how did Betty enter your life, Mike, during covid time,
my quarantine, like the people I chose to, you know, everyone remembers that
you like choose to be around these people instead of people that make you
happy, you know, and during covid, you know, and and then my cousin's family
(14:48):
and they have and they have little kids and whatever.
And like they have a dog who was my best friend, this guy, Chase.
And then so for a year, I was like, oh, I'm going to have a dog,
I'm going to have a dog.
And then after a year, they would give me their dog to go home with because
I'm a lonely single man living by myself.
And like I go to their house, my family, like little kids, but I would I
would take the dog home with me every day and then I go visit being a
(15:10):
dog.
But it's my I basically had their dog for a year.
Then after a year, these like selfish kids are like, we want our dog back.
And they're crying.
And I'm like.
I'm 40, I need the dog.
You're six, you don't need anything.
I love this guy.
Take him on bike rides.
I took him to the beach.
What do you do?
(15:30):
You don't do anything, you know?
And then we went to court and then the mom said that the quarter mom said,
listen, if you get your own dog, we'll watch it.
Wouldn't you travel?
Because that was a concern of mine is like, what do I do when I travel?
I'm a comedian or whatever.
And then so I went to shelters and like it was really hard to get a
(15:52):
dog.
I drink over it.
But like the shelters, they like they people say adopt, don't shop and all this
stuff.
And then when you try to adopt the shelters, you're like, we hate you.
You are not the kind of person we want to adopt an animal because our animals
are special and you're not and you suck and we hate you.
And like I'm all about adopting animals.
And then they like they don't want you.
I have a buddy who is like he goes he was walking his dog, his girlfriend's
(16:17):
dog.
And then and then I went to L.A. They go, oh, is that a rescue?
That's the first thing they ask.
Is that a rescue?
It's so judgey, by the way.
I get I'm all I'm all about it.
But like people are like intense.
And then he he's like I he has to give a whole speech because he gave
to say no to people.
He'd be dirty looks like you're a monster, you know.
And but he's like.
(16:38):
My girlfriend was rejected from rescuing dogs because she lives in an apartment
and people are like, you can't have a dog.
So she had to buy it if she wanted love in her life.
I'm a hairy thing.
She would either have to move to Italy or get a dog, you know, the Italian
dogs.
Anyways, I was trying to think it was a race.
(16:59):
I'm not going to get canceled for for saying the hairy.
I was like, I could say Jewish.
I'm Jewish, but it's Hanukkah.
I don't want to.
But, you know, listen, let's focus here.
So I'm not good at roasting.
I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
You know, I don't want, you know, but so I'm not I'm not Calgary.
You can just roast away.
You won't offend me.
I don't want to hurt your feelings.
(17:20):
You take care of giraffes and pangolins.
So I think you asked me a yes or no question and I've just gone off
on a I don't remember what I asked.
Who rescued who was that?
So the point is that these so so then this one shelter was like you have
(17:41):
to live in South L.A. to get a dog from us.
I'm like, how about I live in a different part of L.A. and then I'll
come get the dog and I'll come give it a great life.
Like, what's wrong with you anyway?
So and this is one shelter I went to.
And then they're like, you can pick three.
I mean, you have to if you want a puppy, you have to meet it.
You can't meet it.
You just have to pick it and then come get it.
(18:03):
I'm like, I thought the dog picks you that whole thing, you know, like and
they're like, no, when I was a puppy, that doesn't work like that.
But then they're like, you can find you can meet three dogs.
They're over six months old.
You can meet them.
So she's like, you can pick three to me or you can volunteer and snuggle all
the dogs and do like a volunteer snuggle session.
(18:23):
I'm like, what?
I I can meet three.
I could snuggle a bunch of dogs.
I'm going to snuggle all of them.
You mean the first option, like let's make a deal like you meet a dog and
they say you can meet you keep this dog or take what's behind door number two.
That's a great question.
I mean, honestly, it probably is like that because their whole thing is if
(18:43):
you're not holding the dog, someone else can get the dog.
That's like their thing.
So it is like that.
So I volunteer to snuggle all the dogs.
And it was really cute for a minute, really like seven minutes.
It was cute.
Then they start peeing everywhere and they smell bad.
And I'm like, I don't know about this, but all the dogs are like, pick me,
pick me.
I'll love you forever.
And like, it's cute.
(19:04):
And I'm like, maybe I'll take like these not cute dogs.
You know, there's not cute dogs.
They're like, I love you.
And I'm like, I can love you.
You know, it's not just about looks, you know, and like and then and then.
But then they're like, oh, here's the one dog you wanted to meet.
And then they give me they gave me Betty, formerly known as Cookie Crumbles.
And like I held her and she was like.
(19:29):
Like indifferent and like that was very attractive to me because I didn't have
good parents, you know, so like the like girls were like.
Don't care.
I'm like, oh, I want her, you know, and I tell your mom listens to this
podcast.
Listen, it's good for her to know.
I love her.
Happy Hanukkah, mom.
But, you know, you know, she did the best she could with what she was given,
(19:50):
you know.
And and then I so it's so funny.
My mom's like the biggest fan of your show.
I she should be.
She's she should take it.
She used to take me to the San Diego Zoo and the wild animal park, not
the safari park, the wild animal park.
I was a member.
You're old school.
(20:11):
I'm all right.
I go to I go to Jack Murphy Stadium and I go to the Del Mar
Fair and I go to the San Diego Zoo and the wild animal park.
Thank you.
And you support the San Diego Chargers.
This is very good, sir.
And the San Diego Clippers as well.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I forgot about that one.
(20:32):
Yeah, that was that was that was after I was born.
And the San Diego Clippers, I was like 40, I think, when that happened.
But anyways, you know, it's sad for me, by the way.
So then I got that dog.
But what's sad for me also is I tell jokes about being 40 and I used
to tell jokes about being 40.
And that was like funny because I was like 23.
But now I'm like almost 40.
(20:52):
So there's no humor in it anymore.
You have to up it.
You get to make jokes about being 60.
I don't know.
I was at Thanksgiving with this.
Don't go to other people's families for Thanksgiving.
So I did that kind of.
And then, like I said, to my family.
But then afterwards, I'm with this other family.
And then this little 14 year old girl was like really smart and funny.
And I was like, you know, I'm like 56.
(21:12):
I can't do these things anymore.
And she's just like continuing the conversation.
And I stopped and I was like, did you think I was 56?
She was like.
No, but I, I, I, I thought I thought you look younger, but I didn't.
I didn't want to be rude.
I'm like, what?
I was like, how do you think I am?
She's like 32.
And I'm like, I don't believe anything you're saying.
(21:34):
You thought I was 56.
And I, uh, anyways, I called the police.
You are my favorite.
You're my favorite person who's a comedian.
Do what?
That means you're like, I'm a big Bill Cosby fan, but I don't like him as
a person.
Oh, he's have you heard his albums?
He's so funny.
(21:56):
Mike, wow.
You're like, I, I've been like how you are.
We're like, I'm trying to start cursing more on stage.
And like, I'm trying, cause I was always cute and I was America's got talent
guy.
But now I'm trying to like, be a real man, you know, at 56 years old,
it's time to step up and be a real man.
But I feel like you're going through the same thing where it's like, you're
(22:19):
like, I'm a giraffe keeper and people know I'm the nice guy at the zoo.
But then you're like, now you're like, no, I gotta start saying racist things
and be myself.
And I really, I really respect that.
So you got Betty from the shelter, but I like your story, how they don't want
to give you any, any dogs.
And it's like, you're at the shelter.
It's like, we'd rather kill this dog than give it to you to take.
(22:44):
Do.
Oh, I mean, I don't, I haven't been in the kill, the kill shelter, sir.
But, uh, they're, they do exist.
I hear that it's really sad and terrible out there.
Honestly, everyone's sick.
Where's Betty now?
You've talked about this, the famous celebrity dog with more followers than you
and she's not even like in your arms right now.
No, she's doing her own thing.
(23:06):
She knows you, right?
Your, your wife was very supportive and helpful.
When I first got her, she went through a lot of separation anxiety.
It was very sad and scary for me.
And for her.
Yeah.
She knows what she's doing.
Unlike me, but that's why I connected you with her.
She's she knows so grateful for real.
(23:28):
Yeah.
But yeah, I mean, she lived with her mom.
She lived in a hoarding situation with 20 dogs and her mom for six months, at
least.
So like, she was like too attached to her mom.
Usually like it's like three months or two or six weeks or I don't know.
You know, dogs aren't usually with their mom for that long.
And so they were absurdly bonded.
(23:50):
And, uh, but it took a long time for Betty to my dog to get bonded
to her new mom.
This guy.
Yeah.
You did my, one of my last four giraffes shows and you brought Betty with you.
Remember that one in way out in Monrovia, you're giving me a hard time making
you drive all out there.
(24:10):
Oh yeah.
I brought Betty with that to that one.
Right.
Yeah.
You let me hold Betty and she just melted in my arms.
And you said that was a big deal.
She doesn't react that way to most people.
I remember this clearly.
She still doesn't like, there's not many people that will, she'll allow to one,
hold her and just be chill.
I first meeting, but also even people, she's known a long time to, to be held
(24:34):
on her back like a baby, but, but draft keeper, Mike has the special energy
with the animals.
There's a reason I work with animals.
I do have certain vibe.
They, they're relaxed around me most of the time, not always, but Betty was,
she's very sweet.
That's amazing.
(24:54):
Do you, do you think you could be friends with any animal?
No.
I think, I, I think I can't, but in reality, no, I can't.
What about like a hippo?
A hippo?
I've been friends with a hippo before.
Hippos?
Yeah.
We used to have hippos.
I used to take care of them a little bit and they, I mean, there's a
(25:15):
protective barrier.
I wouldn't like walk in to an exhibit with a hippo, but I can like give
them food, like through a fence or over a wall and I can pat them on
the nose and, and pat them and give them some food.
Don't they eat people?
They do, but that's out in the wild.
So you don't feed them people?
(25:36):
Most of the time.
No, mostly it was just vegetables.
Wow.
And are they upset?
Cause they want to eat people?
They don't want to eat people.
They don't actually eat people for the most part.
They protect their territory in the wild because mostly they're herbivores.
They eat plants.
Really?
They protect their, their area in the wild.
They have like a territory.
(25:56):
And if you walk into that territory, especially at night, because they're
nocturnal and they'll come out of the water to eat like plants and vegetations
in the ground and they are surprisingly fast and agile for their size.
So if they think you're a threat and you're in their area, they're going to
attack and kill you.
And then just, just leave you there.
They're not going to eat you.
(26:16):
They don't eat people.
They're not like dogs.
They're not going to eat your face.
Wait, then why did the Lord give them that chomper?
To fight with other, other males, other hippos.
Oh, to fight with hippos?
Yeah.
They, well, they defend their territory against other hippos.
(26:37):
They have to defend themselves against lions and other predators.
And, but do they eat hippos?
No, they don't eat hippos.
They just fight them.
They might try to, you know, injure them and hurt them.
And I don't think, I don't think they're usually deadly, but who'd want to
fight a hippo or a lion or a bear or an alligator or a mongoose?
(27:04):
I think a hippo would really?
Yeah.
Oh, you don't want to mess with a hippo.
Or what about mongooses though?
Mongooses are small against a hippo, but all of them would fight against you if
that's.
Mike, I don't know where this attitude comes from, but this is not the Hanukkah
(27:24):
spirit that I was promised.
I'm sorry.
I did say you is how I'm personal, but I meant against any people in general,
even myself included.
Against the Jewish people.
Is that what you're saying?
You're really trying to get me canceled.
I love the Jewish people.
I love all people.
Okay.
(27:45):
All right.
Are we good?
Can I, can I keep my podcast?
Can I keep my job?
What are your favorite things about the Jewish people?
Uh, top five quick.
No, there's no, there's no good answer.
I'll, I'll protect you.
Cause you're my friend.
Oh, they're, they're, they have a great sense of humor.
I love how they run Hollywood.
They're doing a great job.
(28:06):
Mike, Mike, I'm trying to stay classy.
Cause I don't know what kind of vibe you're going for here, Mike, but you just
got canceled for the fifth time just now.
Oh no.
I don't know why I think you'd somehow bring this out of me.
You're a bad person.
Listen to my, can I tell you, I don't know how this is, how the animal
welfare business goes.
Is that the business?
You're an animal welfare.
I know.
(28:26):
Well, sure.
Yeah.
And, and, uh, but in entertainment business, here's how it works.
Don't get canceled unless you get canceled and then you have tens of millions
of fans and views and followers, then you're back in.
So honestly, I think the coolest thing you could do for your career.
(28:48):
Is just go hard, say the most terrible, offensive, hateful stuff.
And then get all the attention is like, who's Mike?
Oh, he's that draft keeper who just, you know, it just says all the terrible
things, but then you get so big.
And then you're like, you're your own, like, like, uh, you have your own, like
you're doing that, you have your podcast, like, then you just like people and
(29:08):
you get so notorious that people like want to give you their lions to take care
of and stuff, you know?
I don't want lions to take care of.
I have enough animals as it is.
I'm just trying to help your career, buddy.
All right.
So become untouchable by being the worst person possible.
That's all the people I know who are famous right now.
They're all just monsters who just got canceled and got so famous that the
(29:31):
industry is like, I guess, I don't know.
I guess we go with it.
You know, that's, I'm not sure if that's what I want.
I don't know if it's what I want either, but it's been recommended to me by,
although I'm pretty big, you know, this podcast is listened by literally dozens
of people.
Good.
That's great.
When do you bring out the animals for us to meet?
Oh, that's, that's not what this is about.
(29:52):
It's an audio podcast.
I can pretend I have an animal.
And that's really funny.
That's what you should do.
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