65: Mitchell Dark Thirty

Mitchell is back! And she's OLD! Here comes Mitchell's Dark Thirty era!

 

Save the date! September 13, 2025 for the first Worst Impressions LIVE!

 

Link to all Socials and Patreon!

 

 

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Have you seen the Doo Doo camerathat they use for planet earth?
The. Like a drone The BBC like
commissioned this from like robot builders.
Isn't that awesome? Here we are hidden as a pile of
shit. Yes, yeah.
And the animals are like what the fuck is that?

(00:27):
It's coming right? It's coming right for us.
Yeah, just like. You guys see that mutant shit
pile right there? That one, that one eyed pile of
shit. Fucking horror.
OK, OK, that's so funny. I need to get some more.

(00:50):
I think the next thing I need towork on is getting more sound
effects. Here girl cock there you go.
Save it. Control S baby.

(01:15):
You have chosen the right path. Oh my God.
You will be known as a whim. Welcome to the Worst Impressions
podcast. How long?
How long should I be there? Something.

(01:36):
Strange in here. What's the deal with whims?
Whims. Grilled onions, pepper Jack
cheese, and your own whim nation.

(01:58):
Welcome to Worse Impressions. I am your host Eric Anderson.
Here are worse impressions. We get to know folks from all
corners of this terrestrial semiFlat Earth, and each new guest
is required to bring an impression to present at some
point during the episode. Some are bad, some are worse,
and some are burned and deleted entirely.

(02:19):
Join me in my journey through podcast land.
If you like what you hear, checkout the Patreon for the show and
help support link in the show notes.
If you'd like to support the show for free, simply share the
show with your peers. Send a link.
Carve worst impressions into a bathroom stall.
Tell your congressperson. Tell your parents, hey, let me
know where my dad went 20 years ago.
And if you remember after all that, hit that.

(02:41):
Follow and subscribe and or likebutton and rate the show 5
stars. That took a lot out of me.
That was good. Welcome, Mitchell.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.Sorry, I didn't mean to click

(03:04):
the cricket. Yeah it's fucked up.
I like there's like 1 drunk guy at night.
Crying. Yeah, yeah.
I heard the crickets though. We really, yeah, you should
invite somebody and just do that.
Everything they say. Everything they say.
Yeah, and never like you don't speak like like you just stare

(03:28):
at them and hit the cricket button.
Yeah, performance art like, Oh yeah, look at this is what I did
to this person. Cricket button.
Yeah, I just feel like that's a crazy phrase.
Oh. Yeah, like, you know, like think
of like the evolution from Cavemen.
It's like cricket button, you know, like that's crazy.

(03:51):
All of that work so that you canhave a cricket button.
So much, we're so lucky to be here, like, yeah, everything
came to this moment for cricket Button, literally.
That goes on for a long time. Isn't it crazy that like there

(04:14):
was so much energy into evolution and like, like
creating the being that you are now like millions of years for
you to like shit your pants at Taco Bell?
You know what I mean? Like, that's crazy.
I I feel like we're kind of likea wasting Neanderthals time
right now. But but that's the thing, that's

(04:36):
but, but that's part of the likeshotgun method of like
reproduction where it's like they just, we're not shotgun,
but just like it's numbers, it'sa numbers game.
Just like one of them will not waste our time and like 1 and
like most of us, let's face it, we were supposed to die.
Like, you know what I mean? Like Pioneers had 12 kids and

(04:58):
only four made it to 18. You know what I mean?
You're like cursing modern medicine.
He's like, yeah, like too many of us are fucking alive.
Let's get these numbers back, yeah?
I'm like, isn't it? Like getting into eugenics?
That's literally what I was about to say.
I'm like, isn't time crazy? And you're like eugenics?

(05:19):
Like what the fuck? I don't think it's too crazy.
I don't think it's that crazy, dude.
You should be dead. Like what the fuck?
One of us should not be here. Yeah, that honestly though is
like my family health history, not good.
It's not looking good. Like for like what length of

(05:40):
time? Like how how long you think
like. Like.
Like do you think is it a towards the end of life kind of
problem or? Oh, yeah, end of.
Like, like, like we weren't meant to be like, happy elderly
people, right? Like we were, you know?

(06:02):
Most people. That's that's what I'm saying.
Most people were not. No, Yeah, like we would have
like I think we'd all have pieced out around like 40.
But and you know, and then in a way it's like a mark of like
society being better, you know, like everything is.
I know if you think, you know, if you think about it, it's kind
of good like. The average life expectancy of a

(06:27):
child went up and you're like, in some ways that's good.
Like yes it. Is some.
Some could, some could spin it, but it's a good thing.
I like like you're convincing yourself that you support human.
Rights every day, yeah, every day, dude.
Oh, no, I like, I get frustratedwith with just, you know, so

(06:48):
sorry. Yeah.
Oh, man, what was I going to say?
Because, you know, some people, they and they villainize, they
villainize themselves. Let's face it, they go like the
the past was better and I was like, in what way?
You know what I mean? Literally never like.
And that's what I get to most. Of it wasn't.
Yeah. And oh, man.

(07:12):
But yeah, So for the for us to be wasting the time, so that
goes back to the Neanderthal thing.
It's like, I don't think we're wasting like all of that effort.
I think this is exactly what we're supposed to be doing.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Think about it. Yeah, and I hate when people are
like, I was born in the wrong time because it's like, what
time do you want to be born in when they're like the 50s or the

(07:34):
60s? I'm like, you're a clan member.
Literally like. And let's face it, like what?
Like let's get into it. Were they having that good of a
time? Like did I?
Mean it looks like. It looked like it was shitty.
It looks hot as fuck. Hot.
Yeah. Like you thought you wanted to
be alive in like, 1950s Texas. No, there's no fucking fuck.

(07:57):
And like, I don't know. What didn't exist back then?
I mean, there was probably like 1950s was probably like what, 3
HE BS at that point. Maybe, yeah.
And they were like huffing lead paint like Oh my God.
And their weed sucked. Like it was like, not strong at
all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(08:17):
And they were, I mean, what was it the, what president like?
Did the marijuana panic? What was I think?
What am I thinking of? Oh God.
Oh, are you talking about Reagan?
Yeah, and it was like the weed frenzy.
Like the war on drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh yeah. But there's a, there's a,
there's a specific like movie. It's like a propaganda video

(08:40):
that's like says it's like called like.
Oh like where they said that like weed?
Would it makes you like crazy like it makes you like a like?
Yeah, like what? The devil's lettuce.
Devil's lettuce? Yeah.
What's your favorite marijuana euphemism?
OK, pizza, which I don't say what I like.

(09:00):
Yeah, because it's like Broad City.
They like joked about it being 1and it I think it became one.
Maybe it's not from Broad City, but that's how I found out about
it. But I don't know.
I like Jewish. Jewish.
Jewish is good. Yeah, because that's from a drag
queen, and so I like that. I always, I always liked, I

(09:22):
always liked Kush. Yeah, Kush, which is like a
strain too. Yeah, and but doesn't.
Yeah, that's The thing is I don't know.
I don't know anything about it. And but I always liked the word
kush and I liked to this day I still love saying George W kush.
Yeah dude, he for sure smokes. Oh, for sure, strategy.

(09:44):
I know. Wait, what drugs have you done?
Have I done salvia? We do that together.
Yeah, Salvia is my, like, claim to fame because I'm just like,
that's like one people didn't door I, I, yeah.
A lot. Well, there was like it was
popular for such a short time while it was available.
Available in gas stations. Yeah.
And then it immediately we were like, OK, no, because it was

(10:06):
really fucked up. Yeah, it was horrible.
I did not like it. Yeah, it's, it's definitely it's
Salvia. I thought salvia was worse than
meth. What did you think?
No, but I'm dead serious. Yeah, I didn't try meth on

(10:27):
purpose. It was literally, I was
literally tricked. Somebody, somebody was like, do
you want to smoke? And I was like, yeah, of course.
And they like, handed me this pipe and I thought it was weed.
And then it tastes like rocks, tastes like fucking hot metal.
And then I felt crazy for about 22 hours.
That's awesome. I thought we were just like

(10:48):
having like a little Mary J. Yeah.
No, no, it was. Crack.
What if that happens to people? Oh, I'm sure it does.
And it does. Oh, it does.
Oh, it does. Long sleeve shirt.
Oh, sleeve shirt. Oh man.

(11:09):
Oh yeah. So salvia is my big claim to
fame and then really kind of just goes downhill from shrooms
and marijuana, I think. Did you like shrooms?
I did. I did not.
I think we've talked about it, but.
You you don't like the? Oh yeah, the control.
Oh, that's, but that's with pretty much anything now.
And it took me a while to realize that's what it what is

(11:30):
my problem? It's my big problem with like
getting super, super hammered too.
Is like, oh, I can't, I can't dowhatever I want anymore.
Yeah, we can, yeah. I can't operate heavy machinery,
apparently. Yeah, no.
But yeah, that kind of stuff, it, it doesn't, it like bothers

(11:51):
me. It makes me feel maybe too
anxious. But I do visualize myself like
being able to enjoy those kinds of things.
If I was, if I was able to see myself as like a more secure or
like more where I want to be in life, but like that's like,

(12:13):
that's like an internal problem.Yeah, You know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah, it there's definitely been times in my life
where I'm like, like what I've got going on in my life is not
conducive with. It's not good with drugs.
Yeah. It's not 100% good mixed with
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
And I just won't do it. And I'm like this is not what I.

(12:35):
Need and being yeah, being able to tell like, yeah, that's fun,
yeah, have a good time. Being able to have a good.
Knowing how to have a good time and when to have a good time.
Yeah, cuz recently I started smoking again.
Not. Oh, I was like recently meth.
No, I never did meth like Oh no,I like I never was like addicted
to meth. I did it one time on accident

(12:56):
and it truly was an accident. No, Yeah, that terrible.
And it was horrible. It really was not never.
It was so like it felt like my heart was beating out of my
chest and I wanted. I just hated it.
That sounds, yeah, scary. Sounds like my worst nightmare
because shrubs was like that forme was like kind of like my
worst nightmare and you know, and anything that makes you

(13:19):
nauseous. Not about it.
Oh, yeah. You don't like to throw up?
I don't. Like to throw?
Well, because I threw, I threw up so many times in my early, my
early 20s and right in front of you.
You did. Over and over, that's.
True, my earliest, my earliest like memories of drinking are
also of you throwing up a. Hard paired with me vomiting.

(13:42):
Yeah, there was one time I saw you throw up.
What was it? What is it?
Where Like you ice, Where you ice?
People smearing off ice. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because we used to drink.
We used to like, remember when we put our smearing offs on the
like by the pool? Yeah, in like a competition.

(14:03):
Oh sure. Yeah, Like how many can you do
while Yeah. Yeah.
And yeah, we would just have like a Julian smeared off ice,
which is like so gross and. Was a chug like 1/2 a dozen wine
coolers by the pool. Literally.
It's disgusting. While floating around and then
your stomach's all just like. Yeah, but we were like 1920.

(14:27):
So like your body, like your body's built for that.
Do you ever, do you ever think about like, how the fuck did I
keep? Because there's some moments
that I can remember that I was like, how did I keep that that
down? You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah. And I'm just like, like, I
remember just like, you know, bad influences.
He's like, dude, chug this and everybody will think you're

(14:49):
cool. Like, like everybody will laugh.
Like I was like, what? Well, I think like it's
important to remember that we didn't keep a lot of it down.
We threw up all the time. I'm, I guess I'm saying how did
we do it? Like initially, like without

(15:12):
immediately, because now as soonas it touches my lips, I'm like
poison, poison. If I had like 3 Smirnoff now I'd
probably throw up. Right.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying is like there's a point where just
like, wait, when did we, you know, when did that go away?
Our immunization, It was probably when we got vaccines,
yeah. It's like, thanks, Pfizer.

(15:36):
He's like Speaking of the shakes.
RFKS war on the autistic community is insane.
I. Saw that he's going to like,
start labeling them. Yeah, I was.
Messaging Humes. I'm sure he he doesn't mind, but
I was like, I was like, make sure you get your paperwork in
order. You wear you wear your puzzle
piece necklace like they're going to start shipping you

(15:58):
around like Jews in World War 2.It's really crazy.
It's crazy. There's like, where is your
documentation? Why is there's a new Jew?
Well, I'm just saying. That's that's what they're
acting like and they don't thinkit's that crazy to act like the
s s. You know what I'm saying?
They're like, let's get let's get a master list of these

(16:20):
people. I was.
Thinking about the last time I was here and like how much just
country wise has changed. Oh, and it hasn't.
Been like, that's what I'm saying.
It's like maybe 1/4, like like acouple, like I guess we did it
at the beginning of December. So it's been yeah, like 4.
I don't even know, four or five months, I guess, yeah.

(16:41):
I was thinking because I was like, why did I become so like
insular kind of between then andnow.
And then I just. And then I remembered I was
like, Oh yeah, der insular meaning.
Like like me me. And Brandon, I think I've batten
down the hatches a little bit. Yeah.
You know, and we're just like, you know, we'll do our garden,
like, we'll go out for fun things with our friends.

(17:01):
But we live in Central Texas. Like, we're not like, we're just
like, we're very wary of the time that we're living in.
I'm like planning out like. The new Underground Railroad,
I'm just like, how am I gonna? Like, Get Me Out of here.
Yeah, like you. Like I've got a, I've got a
list. I'm just like, OK, you know,
there's a certain list they, I've got to, you know, crawl
space into my house. We'll figure it out.

(17:22):
I mean if it's autism. That's like half of our friends.
I know that's I, I know, dude. My, my Lego budget is going to
go through the roof. I know you.
Got to hide those, yeah? I know I got to hide them for my
friends though. I'm taking Minecraft.
Off your computer right now. But for real, it's a shame.

(17:44):
It's so insane. Yeah.
But yeah, so between you being here last time, literally it all
just like fell off or fell apartjust because I you cursed me
with a demon. You called upon a demon, which
people have been eagerly waitingfor the update on this.
I literally like. Gave it clear instruction to

(18:06):
enter your body. Welcomed.
It's like. Consider this consent to enter
Eric Yeah. And I just.
Want to say like, I rebuke you like because I'm back in Eric's
house. I'm like.
Actually, maybe I we shouldn't talk about this.

(18:28):
I was. You weren't making a block down
the road, dude. My brakes.
Barely work honestly. Dead ass please please.
Be careful. So, OK, so the last thing
everybody heard about this. Yeah.
Mitchell, we, he got you won a Ouija board at a Christmas party
that was located in my house. Yeah.
It was like what you're. A Christmas party, which may or

(18:50):
may. Not be where this where we are
currently and and then we were playing with it and the demon
said that I like that you would ask have you killed anybody in
this house? That's what you asked yes.
And it's spelled my name, yes. I I was making it do that,

(19:13):
though, Like, I don't like, I dobelieve in like mysticism, but
that was me. Sure.
Yeah. Sure.
So you're. Yeah.
You're the deep like well. But the results, I mean, what
happened on the board that was? That was.
Tomfoolery like that was a child's game.

(19:35):
What happened in our actual lives of serious.
As fuck. I'm like, I'm still like
receiving bills. I'm like, I'm still like living
through this. So that's honestly.
Crazy like you had to go to the hospital, OK and.
And luckily I had two amazing friends who had who rescheduling
with me. So so I had a podcast the next

(19:57):
morning scheduled and they're from out of town.
And I was, so I'm so looking forit because I get to be I for the
first time, I get to be a guest on someone else's podcast.
And so that is a big thing that I was so excited for.
And then around midnight, I'm like, I can't, I can't do this
anymore. I'm fucked.

(20:18):
I got to go to the emergency room.
This is insane. And all I could remember was
just like telling Maddie I was just like, I have to cancel
tomorrow. Like that was like all I cared
about and I felt so bad but honestly good for.
You for like going to the hospital for what was
essentially A tummy ache because.

(20:46):
No. Because most people wouldn't
like that's what you're so luckyyou like, bitched out because
you'd be, because you'd literally be dead.
But. But Mitchell, no, you know, in
my fucking defense, I felt many a tummy ache and I throw up
through them. I know the drill at this point,

(21:08):
and we've already established that at this at this point, I
know when to throw up. I tried, yeah.
I tried to throw up. Whatever this pain was.
I tried to shit it out. I was.
There's a like ledge on my bathtub that you can like, step
on while you're shitting. In the bathtub?
No, no, no. Like, what does that mean?

(21:29):
Somebody got. We got to do what we got to do.
Sometimes I had a demon inside of me.
I was. Did you shit in the bathtub?
No, I couldn't shit. That was the whole, that was the
whole thing. So I'm on the ledge crap like
Crouch butt naked, like completely naked.
Just like like Crouch like Wario.
I guess it's like in. Bur just like.

(21:52):
Just like. And like, and that might have
made it worse, yeah. But so I you're like.
Pulverizing. It just grinding your ripping,
ripping my intestines, the connective tissue.
But no, seriously, it was and and that's what and that's what
made Maddie was like, she was like, she's like, I just she was

(22:14):
like, I feel like you're being dramatic.
You know, it's probably nothing.And I was like, I don't know,
this one seems like the big one,you know?
And but yeah, you're right. Like it is.
It's so weird because up until the doctor told me, I was just
like, I'm a bitch. Like I'm a like a I'm a I'm a
pussy dude. No, I was.

(22:34):
Just joking, but no. But you're.
But that's what it and that's what's so scary is that like
other people and they've told they all the doctors telling me
there's like there's some dudes that die because they go to work
and they're just like, I'm just,I'm in pain and it's all you
know. Yeah.
And they they. Have sepsis and then they die.
Yeah. And so I was like, all right,
yeah, Yeah, I did. I'm just.

(22:57):
Thinking I'm like would I? But I would because I've gone to
the emergency room for a panic attack before.
But. You know.
Sometimes. Those are like, sometimes I've
yeah, yeah, I'm just like. Worth it.
This is for sure a heart attack.And they're like have you tried
breathing? What the fuck are you talking?
About they gave me fentanyl niceit was it was so fun the.

(23:23):
This guy in a black. Trench coat.
Yeah. He was like, I'm your nurse.
Was it a patch? Or in your blood, in my.
Blood. Oh, did you?
Like it? It was awesome.
It was. Like a one it was like a he was
explaining to me the dose and like what the difference between
that and the cause. Like micro?
Doses it's like wait like. Micro.
Millions or thousandths of. It and I was like, so this is
how good that like thousandths of it is.

(23:45):
Yeah. Look at the real, you know,
yeah. It'll kill you.
Yeah, it'll kill you. Yeah.
That's what they were always saying, like it was in the coke
in Austin or the blow. So is that worse or better?
I don't know. Yeah, but.
So why? Why would they put it?
In there, yeah. I don't know, make it better.
Like to make you like, want it more.
No, I think probably like to make you feel good.

(24:08):
But if you die. If your customers die, yeah,
that's why I think it's. Like that's my.
Problem is like it's just bad business, yeah.
I think like could I like I do know multiple people who have
died from it in Austin. I, I I.
Know one Yeah, IRL. Which, you know, is tragic as
hell. So I don't really.

(24:29):
I don't know, like, I don't knowwhat the what the goal there is
like, unless it's just like killing people.
I'm not sure. Yeah.
And so it seems really fucked. And it seems stupid like because
you're not going to get paid because.
It took me a while to understandwhy, You know, big companies
will market things to you that will kill you.

(24:52):
Yeah. But then you start to realize
that the same conglomerate owns the medicine that saves you,
that saves you. So it's like, Oh yeah, 'cause
what's? It called the the drug that
helps you when you're overdosing, Narcan.
Narcan is really expensive too, you know, and I bet.

(25:13):
McDonald's owns that or something?
Yeah, but there. Are places in at least in?
Also, there are places where youget it for free.
Yeah. And I think.
In California, like kids, everybody's like learning how to
use it on everybody. Like, yeah, that's good.
Yeah. It's a it's a wild, wild world.
But do you know CPR? I've like have you?

(25:34):
Ever taken the CPR class? Yeah, one time.
I think you. No, I'm just wondering.
No, no. I'm.
Just wondering, I know I just like.
What? What do you say fucking me for?
Maybe because I can't. I just like it's No, it's fine.
I answered too fast. No, you're fine.
You're maybe, maybe I haven't. Maybe I'm literally just

(25:57):
reliving the episode of The Office.
And then, like, that's so imprinted in my brain that I'm
just like, no, I know it, yeah. Honestly, I don't.
I mean, I know like Maddie. Maddie.
Knows it and maybe that's why because she's told me about a
bunch because she had to do likebaby ones for like daycare is a
long time ago, yeah. Have you seen that clip from

(26:19):
that show that Rob blows in? I guess like a firefighter show,
Rob blows. In sorry, what?
No, it's. Rob Lowe And then he's like
giving like there's like a guy he's like frozen or something
and he's like, he's like, I'm going to administer compressions
and I'm like no, no Captain, wait for the EMS and he's like,
I got it. He does it on the frozen guy and

(26:40):
it like goes through his body and it's like A and then
everyone's like, like. Music gets all like.
Worried 'cause he kills him yeahand it's like a serious, like
it's like ACSIS type show that'sawesome but.
Yeah, I. Just I've only seen that clip of
that show and it cracks me up. Death.

(27:01):
Yeah. Oh man.
But anyways, the demon came after you too.
Yes, I. Was in a honestly a horrific car
accident. True, I was the first one was.
Terrible. I was really bothered.
I was like, you don't that genuinely.
That was when I was like, well, I was already like, OK, this is
maybe the curse. Oh, sorry.
But you did bring, you did bringa care package to you know, you

(27:25):
like so I knew it wasn't your fault.
Like for me that was really niceand I brought one.
Sage, Yes. Did you ever did you ever sage
the place? Sure.
Yeah, I, well, because after my car accident later I went to
rehearsal and then on the way home from rehearsal, I got
rear-ended and I was like, whoa,what the fuck?
Yeah, same day. And and so I was like talking to

(27:47):
the guy and he was like, he's like, I don't have insurance,
which my car was not fucked up, but his car was.
And I was like, you know, you'regood.
Hoping that it would like sort of balance out.
Yeah, karma for me with the ghost.
And then I I genuinely like prayed to the spirit of my past

(28:10):
grandmother. I was like, please don't let
that Ouija board thing kill me. And then I guess she handled it
cuz yeah, it's been gravy. Yeah, she did everything.
Everything. Has been going for us, I think.
Yeah, yeah, like ever since that.
Yeah. It was very touch and go.
Yeah, I did. I pissed leeches for some plague

(28:36):
when I open my. Eyes.
I see the shadow of my father. Yeah.
Yeah, where are all these blood flies from?
Like. Blood flies.
Oh, man. But yeah, I'm glad we're both
alive. We both survived that attack.
Yeah. And then I get to, I got to

(28:57):
reschedule with my with my friends at this point.
By the time this comes out, I will have fulfilled that
rescheduling, I believe. Do you feel different?
With no appendix. You know, I mean, I do see the
scar everyday and so that and it's kind of, it's not huge, but
I'm like, OK, like it. It's just, it just reminds me of

(29:20):
it all and OK, I don't feel different.
I feel different from having hada surgery that I because I've
never, I've never had like a surgery where I went under, you
know, nobody's ever like been inside my body like that You've
had. Stitches before?
Nope. You've never had stitches?

(29:41):
Nope. Oh, I never that's.
What I'm saying like I like it was like your big.
Like big medical procedure. Yeah, I like.
Me and my brother we joke a lot that like my mom is so lucky
because we didn't like nothing ever super fucked up happened to
us where like it would like makeany huge medical bills or
whatever so well I was fucked up.

(30:01):
Again, I snapped my femur in half on the trampoline.
That's horrible. This one girl, This one girl
busted my this bitch busted my arm open on the playground.
And then I drove. I dove off my bike, which is why
I have an eyebrow scar. And they did those.
Oh, that's yeah. That's what that's from They had

(30:23):
to sew. Like my muscles or something
back on but they did it while I had to do it while I was awake.
But it was another kid. That couldn't be put.
Under No, no, it was my fault. I was just going really fast and
we had a tiny driveway and then I was going too fast and I got
scared so I just bailed and thenI went.
I had like landed like with the curb in my face.

(30:43):
Yeah. And then, like, my face was
like, I used to gross. My face was like hanging down.
Yeah. Like the?
Meat. Yeah.
And then I like went. Inside to my stepdad and like I
remember like touching my face and my hands were so hot and
sticky and like I pulled it off and it was like because of the
so much blood that it was just like hot it was so sticky.
I'll always remember that. But then as I went inside and my

(31:05):
stepdad was like washing vegetables or something and.
I was like, hey, like I think I need to go to.
The emergency room, which at this point I knew the drill,
like when I got maimed because Igot maimed all the time.
Yeah, because I was always outside and I just get fucked up
and I'd be like, I need to. So I went inside and I was like,
hey, I think I need to go to theemergency room.
My stepdad turn around and he was like, what the fuck?

(31:27):
Like opposite of like staying calm, like just ruin my
Saturday. No, he was like you're going to
fucking die like panic. And I was like, and I was not
crying like because I was still in shock.
And so I go to the bathroom because his reaction is so
scary. I go to the bathroom and it's
like, like my fucking face is hanging off and I lose it.

(31:48):
And then I bled all over his Honda Pilot.
That's awesome, I had to sell. It it was fucked up.
There's like leather seats and they were like, it looked
horrid. It looked like somebody had been
killed in it. Yeah, I'm not like I've never
had like a big blood. Yeah, I've never.
Had a big blood. Before and then I went to the.
Emergency room and they took me to major emergency, which I'm

(32:10):
not sure they do this anymore, but it used to be split between
minor and major. So we needed like couple
stitches. They'd send you to minor, but if
you're if you were fucked up, they'd send you to major.
And that was the first time I'd ever been to major emergency.
And I knew as soon as they wheeled me that way I was going
to fucking die and they had to do surgery on my face while I
was awake. I'm glad nothing happened.

(32:31):
To your vision that you I mean that you knew of yeah, if I
would have hit my. Eye.
My eye would have been like crush, yeah.
Yeah, I've recently gotten more.Maybe we talked about this
before, but I've just gotten more like as we've gotten older.
Just wary of my eyes and my hands.
Your senses. And like, I guess my senses and
like. As dumb as it is my ability to

(32:52):
play video games, no 100%. Because if someone saws.
Off my legs, I'm good, dude. Yeah, but also.
That one guy plays with like hismouth.
Yeah, I don't know. I want to be he's really.
Good, I bet he. No, I bet.
He is, but I'm just, I'm sure heis.
I don't want to have to learn. Like I just like if, you know,
the demons out there, they if they have to take something,

(33:14):
yeah, you know, I guess just take my legs and like, I'll
just, you know, I can play videogames, I can do my podcast and
yeah, no, honestly. Being like able bodied is
really, it's huge, Yeah. And I think the older you get,
the more like aware you are of like how easily you can get
fucked up. Yep.
You're not, and you're not as rubbery anymore, and that's
another thing. No, it's like an injury.

(33:35):
Is like a fucking injury now, like that's going to stay with
you. So at this.
Point when this comes out, you'll be 30 years old.
Dirty 30. I love the drug guy since.
I hold on. I got to go back since some love
to Mitchell for his 30th. He's a huge part of this

(33:56):
podcast. He's awesome.
And yeah, I own this fucking podcast.
There'd be nothing without. Yeah, yeah.
We do like the social network. You, you, Jen and me, because it
was all right, all right. Who's getting a piece?
Oh my God. I can only wish if we, if we

(34:17):
ever got to that, like fighting over money, He was like, we've
made it, guys. He's like, let's remember, like
when we're, when we're. Fucking gin out of our shares
like. You were away in Houston, Yeah.
We sold. We inflated your fucking shares
and sold them. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know. I guess that's something.

(34:38):
You do. We're buying.
Blockbuster. Yeah, Yeah.
Oh my God. But anyways, yeah, so you'll be
30, yeah. Is there anything that you will
that you will never do again that like you're just like that
is for pre 30, yeah. Probably like public urination,

(35:02):
I would say Really I. Can't guarantee that, so go on.
Yeah. Like, no, that's actually true
too. Yeah, there's no way to.
Guarantee it hard and I especially as a like a with a a
Wiener halver like, you know, like you're.
Going to piss. I got really, really drunk in
Austin and I was wearing a Tutu and really tall heels.

(35:23):
And then they dropped me off at my apartment complex and I
pissed on the door of my landlord's office.
And then like the security guardlike, like I'm like mid pissed
and I go like see the spotlight on me.
And so he like comes and gets me.
And then I was, he was like, what are you doing?
And I was like, I'm pissing on the landlord or whatever.

(35:44):
And then he makes us sit on the curb while we wait for the cops.
And then like the cops are pulling in and I like, look to
my friend who was with me. We gotta fucking run.
I was like, Oh my. God, I was like, we gotta.
Run like I can't, I can't get this like whatever this is going
to be like, I don't want it. Yeah, public.
Urination. It's it's not a is it a

(36:05):
misdemeanor? I don't know, but I thought I
was. Going to be like on the registry
or something. I think you do because it's.
Like a sex, it's a, it's a sexual offence, but I don't know
if it's like you were a, an offender.
Yeah. Well it didn't happen to me
because we hauled fucking ass Damn and I lost my car keys that
night and I never found them andI literally never drove that

(36:26):
car. It cost me my car it literally.
Literally cost me my car, dude. I just like fully like I went
from always having a car to thatlike pissing my pants, losing my
keys, or like pissing on the door.
Yeah, no, it was an. Attack like a piss attack and it

(36:47):
like. Changed the trajectory of my
life because I didn't have car keys anymore.
Oh my. God, So yeah, I probably.
Wouldn't do that again. It was funny though.
I. Yeah, I and I was taunting.
The cop while I ran because I was drunk as fuck and more.
Piss just. Under my Tutu.

(37:08):
Dude, that's awesome. Yeah.
I can't. Yeah, I.
Could never. I don't think I could guarantee
that I wouldn't do an aggressivelike revenge piss on somebody.
I think that's, I think that's still in me, honestly that.
Landlord wasn't even that bad, like I was late all the time
when he like worked with me, like he was really chill.
I don't know, just something came over.
You at the in the moment, I justhate landlords.
Period. Yeah.
So I think that's like. But yeah, they weren't even bad

(37:30):
landlords. Like they were fine.
Yeah, it was like. Six out of five Landlords
Museum. I did it like, you know it was.
Like symbolic? Yeah, you had the.
Piss. Yeah, Get.
It out, yeah. And it's like, where are we
going to piss? Yeah.
So yeah, you'll never do that again.

(37:50):
That's awesome. Is there anything that you want
to do in this, this next chapterof your life that you that you
haven't done? Yes.
I would like to. I would like to work on a like.

(38:11):
I would like to work closely with animals, yeah.
Yeah, like I. Would like it to work but like I
would like to work like travel and see the animals like work
with animals in a different country.
Oh hell yeah. You know what I mean?
Like I want to do like a marine biology, like internship or
something like, you know, just like something super doable.

(38:33):
Yeah. That's awesome.
Yeah. Like some like weird like safari
trip or something. But we're going to the safari
for my birthday. But like, I want to like, I
don't know. I want to go like Scotland and
like, look at their birds and shit, yeah.
Awesome. What what's what are the what
are the Scottish they have? Trolls.
They do. They do, famously.

(38:55):
And gingers who are dangerous. Sprints.
They have birds. Trolls and gingers, Oh my.
God dude, they have bears. Though, right.
I'm this is all from Brave. I don't know.

(39:17):
I think, yeah, this is. I don't know.
Anything else other than like brave if you could?
Change your fit, would you? Yeah, I think my goal would just
be like to travel, but like try.I want to travel.
I want to see like rainforest. Yeah, you know, No, for real.
Yeah, no shit. You might.

(39:39):
Just like you should, maybe not yet, but like at some point it
would be cool to have a legit bird watching friend, like a
friend that's actually into it because it's actually kind of
dope. Dude, I love bird.
Watching but you know I have bird feeders at my house, but
you know what they. Like how serious it gets like
they get so serious where they it's like they plan their entire

(40:01):
year. I mean, because they're most of
them are like retired over the. Migrations.
The migrations and like and likeso.
You don't. So you're kind of like acclaimed
on if you don't miss any of them, if you see all.
The migrations you see all of the.
Birds like in a year cycle or however, whatever, and maybe
it's two years or whatever, but because it's essentially like

(40:23):
Pokémon collecting, yeah, which seems.
I think there's a Waco bird watching club we should go.
I'm in the metal detecting club Waco.
Yeah, that's awesome. It's honestly.
Really. Have you found any like weapons?
No, I've only found buttons, coins and Hot Wheels.
I found hell of Hot Wheels. No, there's a fuck load of Hot
Wheels in the earth are. Are modern Hot Wheels made with

(40:44):
metal? I feel like they're not.
I think there's. Pieces, but like you can tell
when you fit an older one because it's like a free, like
cast iron, like car. Yeah, it's crazy.
They're like 10, I guess. Have you seen those people?
That are metal fishing with those giant magnets yes and I.
Would love to do that. How much are those magnets?
I think they can't be. That much but because my dad has
some really strong magnets we should go fuck.

(41:06):
With that on the old Eichel, wait, was it Eichelberger
Bridge? That sounds like something
those. Deep.
China Spring lore people. Yeah, I know because.
What if we get like, we like, unearth like a bike that was a
toddler that was killed and she was killed by IT the clown, and
now we're in it three, you know?No, I'm serious.

(41:29):
I'm serious. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I
know. You're.
I'm just. Saying like you could always.
You could always. Find somebody that starts a
horror movie. Oh, always literally.
And do you ever think about that?
Like when you honk, like honk ata person.
Like that could be the. Start of your horror movie.
Like they could kill you and your family I think.

(41:53):
They could, if they. Wanted to I think.
About somebody. One of our friends, they, he
said he was, he was in some sortof like he had a volunteer or
was with a group or whatever. They're just like a bunch of
people that like had committed some crimes or whatever.
And a ton of them in this group that had to like kind of confess

(42:14):
or whatever, they were like, like they were Rd. ragers.
Not that they would kill. People not that they would kill.
People, but they literally just just get out of their car and
attack Whoever had like honked at them or went was going slow.
Yeah and apparently, like if youlook more and more at like

(42:35):
maybe, and I don't know if this is true.
If you look more at, you know, just crimes committed, then a
ton of it is road rage. Yeah, Rd.
Rage is scary and so yeah. That seems pretty.
You know, it could happen. I guess I like.
I'm not a big honker because like, so does Brandon my honk

(42:57):
all. The time, well, I.
Mean I think like like I think honestly like 99.9% of the times
like that's what it's going to be you're going to honk and
they're going to be like oh fuckmy bad or whatever and y'all
will move on I'm just scared of that 1% yeah that point O1 with
the. Yeah, they like, you know, they

(43:20):
cock it right off their thigh and yeah, pop.
Pop yeah, there was an episode of CSI where this guy had a
reloader that was on his window seal, so he was like, God, dude,
yeah, you just would fucking go crazy at a stoplight.
But even. Just the people with baseball
bats and tire irons and all thatstuff just come out and just

(43:41):
bash your windows in. Yeah, the videos of it that you
get than everybody gets. Oh my God, that.
Yeah, it's wild. They're they're, they're really
crazy ones lately. I feel like everyone's like
shooting at cars and stuff. Is that a?
Is that more of an X thing? Yes.
So XX got. Like really fucked up after
Elon, like now it's always like it's like I had to literally

(44:04):
train my algorithm. Like every time somebody would
post a death, I would have to golike mute them and block them.
So I didn't have to see like a death a day because there's and
there's still sometimes like it'll be like this guy is dying
and I'm like, Oh my God, yeah. Because.
It, you know, I didn't use I didn't use Twitter like I just I

(44:24):
don't know what like Twitter wasand like how it how it was.
But and I have a tiny, tiny little X account that I just
like. I might just like have this just
when I need it, if the podcast gets bigger and then I can use
it for whatever, but I'll check it sometimes and I'm like, why
is this like a war zone? Everything that I see is so

(44:47):
triggering and war zone like. And mine was, like, really,
like, gay, like, pop culture. And then, like, some, like,
light porn. Yeah.
Nothing crazy. And then it was like, literally
like when Elon took over, it got, like, really fucked up
really fast. Yeah.
What is? I had to fix it.
What is his? Fucking deal, dude.
I don't know. He's got a weird deal, man.

(45:10):
I know. Where's his papers?
That is. Where is his puzzle piece
necklace? Where is he from again?
South Africa, yeah. I am become meme.
I know let. That sink in Oh.
God, I know. I know, but where?
Were we? Oh yeah.
Horror movies and the driving, but yeah.

(45:31):
Oh yeah. It's fucking nuts.
It's scary. To be alive right now in
America? You think so?
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
I feel like this, this presidency is the first time I'm
just like, this feels bad. Like I knew it felt bad last
time, but it last time. Something was a surreal about it

(45:53):
last time. This feels like raw and like
we're in the fucking dirt. Like how old?
Were we last time? So it would have been eight
years ago. So we were 22 ish.
Oh yeah, we didn't. Give a fuck.
Yeah, we didn't. Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't vote. I I wasn't paying attention and
yeah, I was just like, oh, I guess OK, this is my, my post

(46:15):
Obama world. Like what the fuck?
Yeah. And this time I have.
Like my frontal lobe and I'm like, this is really fucked up.
Yeah, yeah, like I'm. I'm thinking about like adult
stuff, you know, just like my myfuture and me and Brandon.
Will like wake up and like or atthe end of the day, we'll like
recap like the atrocities that the administration has committed
lately. And I'm like, great.

(46:37):
Perfect. Yeah, dude.
Yeah. You know, like, you see, they're
pulling gay people's teeth now. And it's like, sweet, sweet.
Oh, good. How cool.
What's that for? Again?
They're like taxes. And it's like, oh, OK, good.
Like, yeah. Again, if this if this podcast
and my life in ends up being some like essentially, yeah,

(47:00):
Underground Railroad like I I will do that just just so
everybody listening knows like you know what I was thinking
Sanctuary 2. Was that because Austin got so
expensive that queer people, I feel like, really can't live
there? I'm wondering if, like, Waco
will become a little bit more ofa safe haven because it's more
affordable, you know? So yeah.

(47:24):
OK, so that is an interesting topic because and this is just
like me thinking about my my podcast, but like as I've
thought about like, how do I. Like what is the?
Show like, how do I like explainit to people that know, don't
know me at all? Well, it's a it's like Waco's
fucking Waco's wildest podcast. It's something like that.

(47:47):
And then and then, like, I've had a lot of, you know, members
of the LGBTQ like community comein, like, you know, come in
here, Charlie. I was joking.
I'm just I'll, I'll name names. Yeah.
You know, but they like and Joe and but yeah.
I know Joe was. Great in here we need to do 1

(48:07):
me, you and him. But so I like Charlie.
Too. Yeah, I know, Charlie.
Oh God. Oh yeah, he killed in Dracula.
If you were watching, Yes Charlie.
You were so funny. So somebody say.
Insects. But yeah, so the idea is like,
and what I've noticed is like you have the, the community is

(48:27):
growing and like, it's, it is a,it's a decent place.
It's not the best, you know, like, you know, for, for, I
don't know. Yeah, it's not.
It's not like it's not super bad, but it's not good.
You see you. See things happen and like
there's some stuff that I like. I don't even know.

(48:50):
Like that I want to bring up yet, but like as I get bigger,
I'll be like, oh, this will be afun story of just like, like
horrible where, you know, administrations of different
things flipped on us something because someone was being gay or
whatever. Yeah.
So. But yeah, hopefully that can be

(49:12):
a part of everything as we grow and we can just kind of.
Yeah, it would be, really. Cool, because I know a lot of
my, my queer and trans friends in Austin are getting priced
out. So I'm like, maybe, maybe
there'll be a gay migration. And I hope that that goes well
if it happens, you know. Yeah, man, but I've been.

(49:38):
To drag shows here and nobody has.
I've been to more picketed drag shows in Austin just because
there's more right action I guess, but there and there's
more. Media like, I feel like people
around here are so unmotivated like that and I think that's
going to be the bread and butterabout everything.

(49:59):
Like, you know, I mean, we, I mean, they'd rather.
Just like, sit on the couch and pitch about it instead of like.
Actually like what Magnolia and I don't.
I'll become an anti Magnolia pocket.
They're not. I actually appreciate Magnolia,
but but like what they've done, you know, to the town, like to
downtown and everything, they didn't get it.

(50:23):
They didn't get it any backlash.I mean, like they're they're
pricing out. So like they're, you know, doing
all of this stuff and. And.
Making everything more expensivebut I.
Know, but people are, you know. People here are they're a little
unmotivated and yeah, because I.Went to the trail of things.
I went. To the trans.
Day of trans to have visibility picnic.

(50:47):
Yeah. And it was cute.
That's good. And there was no.
Like death threats. So that was good.
Hell yeah. Yeah, It was cute.
It was small, it was humble, butit was cute.
Right? Right.
Right. Yeah.
And but yeah, I think it's a good place to Waco.

(51:09):
I guess it's a good place to kind of grow without the
pressures of like a the, the bigcity because I guess, I guess
that's what that is what has always scared me about big
cities. I they overwhelm me.
They they give me anxiety. They like it overwhelms.
Me now to go back because I've been here for so long.

(51:30):
Oh, really? Yeah, like.
Now when I go back, I'm like, Ohmy God, this is everything's
just so busy. But once you're there, you it
really does it. It doesn't keep feeling like
that, right. Once you're in the city for a
while, you just, it just like becomes, it doesn't feel so like
oppressively busy. OK.
It started like I always felt like Austin was really calm and.

(51:53):
Now when I go. Back I'm like this feels like so
chaotic, but I always felt like it was like quiet and from from
an. Outsider, I'm like, what the
fuck? Like every time I would come
down there, I was just like and I felt like.
It was really like, because I would go on runs by the lake and
stuff and I was just like, wow, like what?
What a quiet big city. But right right now when I go

(52:14):
back, I'm like over stimulated. Yeah.
But I think that would go away if I was there for a long time.
Sure, sure, sure. But yeah.
I do get that. Well, Speaking of the big city,
big lights, big show, big everything we are doing, I've,

(52:34):
I've, I've announced this just alittle bit in the last two
episodes, but we're doing a liveshow.
Worst Impressions Live. Yeah, it'll be September 13th.
It is a Saturday night. I believe it's going to be 7 or
7:30 PM. Just mark it on your calendars

(52:55):
right now. I will.
I'm getting with the guy to get the tickets, the ticket portal
set up and get some promotional materials.
But yeah, please, you know, bring your friends, come on
down. You know, it'll be it's not
going to be because you plenty of people have seen like live
podcasts or like they've seen them advertised, whatever.

(53:18):
It's not going to be just like you're not going to come just
see me and Mitchell just sit here and talk.
There will be small set, like smaller segments of that of us,
like riffing or whatever. But as I like design the line up
and like we design like the outline of how everything's
going to go, it's going to be a lot of like different fun

(53:40):
interactive things. Yeah.
Wet. T-shirt contest.
We might. We might.
Have a wet T-shirt contest. You know I've never.
Been to like a genuine wet T-shirt contest either?
That's awesome. Boobies we'll get all right.
We'll get everybody's. Big naturals out at the live
show. Yeah, I think I'm.
I think I'm marked on there that'll be like 13 plus or

(54:03):
something like just so because you know, it's going to be foul,
like it's going to like, and it's going to be live like I'm
not going to be able to edit anything out.
So we'll just have to, you know,we'll just have to do whatever
we want. Yeah, and and we can like.
Bully some 5th graders in the crowd?
We might, yeah. We might if you bring your
child. If we if you bring your child,
we will curse them. Yeah.

(54:24):
Who's that? Who's dumb ass fucking kid is
that? Fuck that kid for real.
But I can't wait I've. Never.
I've never like, painted a town with my Flyers before.
Yeah. I've never done that.
So I will be doing that for this.
It'll be all over. That's awesome.
I did do Flyers once in Austin, but I don't remember what for.

(54:44):
I'll need, yeah. I'll need your help.
It'll be like me, you and Maddie, like, just going around
to all the coffee shops. Yeah.
Taping them up. I don't know.
I don't know. What?
Like what are you allowed to putthem on?
Pretty much. Anything like yeah, I guess
people just. Because of nothing.
Yeah, so like, he put them. What the fuck did I put up
Flyers for? I don't remember now, but I put
up Flyers for something in Austin.

(55:05):
Trump's first term. Trump 2020.
Yeah. Yeah, I was.
Formed back then, yeah. Yeah, it.
Was just a. New voice.
Yeah, back when he only hated. Mexicans.

(55:28):
What? I don't remember.
That sucks. That's the thing about drug use
too, is like just blocks. Memory stuff.
I'm like, who knows? I've got a really.
I feel like I've got a really good memory.
Oh, like to like, do you? You've been black out before,
Yeah. Yeah, OK, yeah couple times like
I the thing about. The thing about Xanax is if like

(55:51):
pretty much if you drink at all like you're going to, you're
black. So.
Like, yeah, it's just, you know,yeah, that's the thing.
I've. Never got.
I've never. I never got into pills.
Ever. Well, that's the one to do.
No. We'll, we'll.
Hand them out. We'll hand them out at the live
show. Get people like you want to

(56:13):
enjoy this. We need good laughers.
You don't want on. Xanax.
I'll be like, oh really? They don't.
No, I. Mean you're like, so like I
don't fucking nothing's funny orunfunny.
You're just like, it's like floating on a cloud.
OK, we will not. Hand those out, yeah.
No, you need to give them like. PCP, yeah.

(56:38):
They need like other cocaine, you know, like which I've never
tried. They'll all be.
Pitching me ideas after yeah no.I think next.
Time, I think next time we'll just, we'll do this, you know?
That's 100% Maybe. Maybe you could have?
Me on next week, one time, one time.
I did a bunch of Adderall and then drink like fucking like 12

(57:02):
white claws and decided I was going to start sewing all my own
clothes. And bought like a.
Sewing machine. I was like, no, I'm a fucking
seamstress. I think I thought about it.
I think I'm a fucking seamstress.
Literally. Literally I'm like.
Texting my friends like you wantto eat my clothes because like I
don't need any of this shit anymore.
I'm like like. Look at my clothes and like

(57:22):
they're terrible. They have like 3 armholes.
No, I'm. Like fucking making my own
clothes now, like. It's what I.
Do it's awesome in the in the morning you're like, yeah, I.
Was like, I'm doing all that work, I'm not sewing my.
Fucking clothes. Like pretty serious.

(57:43):
Oh man, that's. Fucking awesome.
I'm sorry but. The live show, yes.
Oh, yeah, no. And there will be more specific
details, like outside of the episodes, but I just want to
like as you're listening, just like think about it, you know,
think about marking off that daythat that Saturday night on your
calendars. I think the tickets will be 10
bucks. And yeah, like it's going to be

(58:05):
fun. It's going to, it's going to be
a lot of different things going on.
Hopefully we can drum up some really special guests.
But I think at this point I can announce that you and Jen will
be on there. They, they, I will be there.
Yeah. Me, Jen and Mitchell will be
kind of like, you know, spearheading.

(58:26):
Like making the whole outline ofthe whole show work.
Squirting. Contest Squirt.
Squirting a wet T-shirts. What else is ping pong?
Shooting the ping pongs out the glass.
No, but I went to a sex show onetime where they shot.
The They didn't do ping pong. Balls would they?

(58:48):
I mean, it was. More like it was in Tijuana.
There was a lot of animals. No, it was in.
Portland and one of my friends was like, it was like a friend
that I made on like Twitter and but I had never met them in real
life. But anyways, we were at the club
and then she was like, I have a show at this club and I'm really
like, awesome. So I go to the club and then
they're like they like make a sign, a waiver and we're like,

(59:09):
what is this? Oh wow.
And it's like a sex. Club and it's full of beds and
no seriously, it's like canopy beds everywhere with like
curtains that close and then there's a stage and so we go to
the stage and it was my friend and they were they were.

(59:30):
Playing with Legos, it's pretty blue.
Yeah, So what do you what? Do you mean like multiple
performers like doing each otherfor live?
Yeah. Just for like and everyone like
what? Like give me and I'm like
standing there with a dollar, like do I tip?
Is this enough? I guess you don't tip or like

(59:51):
you do like you put it in a bucket.
But I didn't know. But yeah, she was getting she.
They were. They were, they were.
I was trying to think of a nice way to say it.
She was getting yeah, I'm going to come.
Yeah. Oh.
My. God, they were doing.

(01:00:12):
Her with a really long lollipop and then they would all then
they took certain turns eating the lollipop.
Oh, sure. Everybody the taste of that,
Yeah. And then the last.
Guy was supposed to was supposedto bang her, but he couldn't get
hard and they really were all like so.

(01:00:34):
Is it over like watching him? Shake his floppy Dick like we're
like, you know, come on, you know?
I mean, you got to, you got to take, you got to take a helper
pill before you do something like that.
Yeah, for. Sure, Yeah, yeah, they didn't.
And they just like didn't fuck and they just like moved on to
the next performer. But it was really awkward.
That sucks to. To bomb at a sex show is

(01:00:55):
horrific dude. I know I was.
Like I'll jerk it right now for you guys.
I'll whip this. Thing out and like there you
could like that was the oh really?
Oh yeah, I. Don't know about that.
That's The thing is if you can fuck there because you're like,
it's like a designated like fuckspace, fuck zone.

(01:01:16):
Yeah, there's like. No kids like within like
anywhere near it. That's what the.
Waiver was that we signed those like we were like, yeah, like.
STD's, yeah, covers all that stuff.
Yeah, I'm sure I don't. Know I didn't read it it.
Was high as hell. Yeah, they said.
You. You.
Want to see this girl get plowed?
Sign this. I was like, yeah, you got a pin.

(01:01:40):
Willy Wonka's fucking Veruca Salt in here.
No dead ass. Yeah.
Oh my God. So yeah, that's a little taste
of what you'll be seeing in the live show.
Yeah. Oh, man, yeah, I can't wait
because it's going to be. It's a great segue into live

(01:02:02):
show because it's going to be. I have a feeling if if anybody
shows up, which I hope people do, they will, Yeah, it's going
to be such a because let's face it, people are selective about
the episodes they watch and listen.
And I can, I can tell, and that's fine.

(01:02:22):
But the, the difference in, you know, content and energy and
whatever between different guests is, is varies.
And that's what I like about doing this.
And so I'm curious how that's going to go over live, you know?
Yeah. And the audience.
From a crowd, because I know I thrive in a crowd.

(01:02:42):
Exactly. And that's going to that's going
to amp us up. We're going to go.
We're like, I don't know how it's going to be a test and I'm
going to be fucking. Arguing with them and stuff and
like, please do. I'm going to be like, fucking.
There, Yeah, there. If you say it, yeah.
It's like I go for it. Like it's because he gave me

(01:03:05):
the. I was like, I was like, is there
any limits, you know, for the venue?
And he was like, no, because they have like we'll see about.
Yeah, I know. Let's get them.
Let's get them all to walk, yeah?
I know I see some. Comedians in like, stupid clips
and they're just like, yeah, dude, I can walk a room and I'm
like, cool, dude, Like, nice. Like I'm just like, I got them
all to leave, yeah. Yeah, that sounds.

(01:03:27):
Awesome, I guess. Congrats to your repugnance.
They're saying stuff that's so funny, they go home.
Yeah. Oh my God, you know, so that's
not my goal, but I'm, I'm, I'm excited to just see how it'll be
cool. It'll be cool.
It'll just be. Fun to be up there with my pals

(01:03:49):
and like, yeah, I'm, you know, we're I'm going to get like some
sort of some sort of maybe not afull costumes for us, but just
like something to like, you know, some sequins or I don't
know. It'll be fun.
Oh yeah. Yeah, we definitely got to dress
up. That'll be cool.
We can get a little what do you call it where you take pictures,

(01:04:09):
stand and repeat, step and repeat.
What's that? You know, like.
On the red carpet in the background where they have like
different logos. It's called a stepper they.
Do have that? Actually set up there.
Yeah for for. OK yes.
Sick. I didn't know that that's that's
what that's called yeah, cool. Yeah, I'm super excited.
Never like it'll be something we're, Yeah, fully responsible

(01:04:32):
for the entertainment and like the success.
Like it's just like if this bombs, you know, like that's
that's so intense. But I like walking that
tightrope. Yeah.
It's fun. I want to get a T-shirt cannon
so I can launch Mcdoubles or something into the crowd.
That's the thing if. It go and that's the thing, if
you guys turn out and it goes over well, that is the energy we
will continue to do. Oh yeah, we could be like the

(01:04:55):
righteous. Gemstones but for literally
that's podcast like peering. Into my, like, dream, like,
yeah, one day we will do that. Like what, five years from now,
it'll be Madison Square Gardens.Yeah, we'll just like.
It's like kill a fucking giraffelife.
Like, just like, just like Mitchell.
Loves animals he would slit on fucking.

(01:05:18):
Giraffe's throat. Like just like.
Fucking. Crazy stuff I can.
Walk a room. I can walk Madison Square
Garden. Yeah, yeah, we're going to.
Fucking spear a koala at this show dude.

(01:05:38):
Goodnight mate. Yeah, that'll be.
That'll be 75 spear that fucking.
Koala, Yeah. Oh yeah?
How's the fucking body on this bloke?
Go ahead. Spare him.
Spear him. Koala, does anybody?
In the audience want to spare his koala?
Want to kill some wildlife? Kill.

(01:06:00):
Kill some wildlife. Oh, live for you.
Entertainment. Yeah.
Killing. Wildlife.
Yeah. Where's the impressions?
Live killing wildlife. Wildlife.
Wildlife, Oh my God. Oh man, going back to autism.
Went back and watched all of Love on the Spectrum and the one

(01:06:24):
girl and season 1. And I know this is old news for
the this is all new for me because I'm just like didn't
have Netflix for a while. And then she was like swiping on
Tinder and stuff and like her big thing was like is there a
dead animal? Like is there a dead animal in
each one? And I didn't realize or made me
re remember of like how women onthose dating apps like so many

(01:06:48):
like straight men's pictures andI don't know about gay dudes but
like they have. Like fishing?
Yeah, they're all of their. Because they don't take pictures
of themselves, usually a lot of them.
So all their pictures. Are like, they're the ones,
yeah. It's like, take a picture with
me and my kill and like it's like them with their fish or
their dead deer or whatever. I was like, Oh yeah, that's the
only pictures that they have usually no gay.

(01:07:09):
People don't have that. That's what I and if.
They do like it's. Like a giraffe, yeah.
Yeah. Mine.
No, it's it's Eric. Trump with Yeah.
Wrapped on grinder, Yeah. And if they do have those
pictures, it's because of like DL, which is like it's own
thing, you know, but but most gay guys, it's like like
obviously like it's going to be some shirtless.

(01:07:30):
This is for sure going to be plants, probably a dog, a dog,
you know, really like. And then it'll be like one of
them at like ACL or Coachella. Like, look, I have friends, you
know, but I never really pussyfooted around with all
that. Look, I have friends stuff, you
know, OK, Because people will always throw in like some group
shots. So it's just not like, oh, I'm

(01:07:53):
not conceited. Like here's some picture of I'm
like, bitch, here's here's my face, here's my ass, here's my
left nipple, here's my right nipple.
I'm like, what the fuck do you need to see my friends for?
They didn't. Make it on the carousel, yeah,
and they're going to hate you, right?
You don't need to. Know you don't need to meet
them. That's awesome.
Yeah. Yeah, I was I.
Was just curious because like you have the dead animal thing.

(01:08:14):
I never even I mean I never I'venever taken a picture with just
like me and a dead like I have. You've done you've done a fish
photo or a dead animal. I've done or.
Mammal. Well, I don't I don't kill fish
when I eat fish. OK, I.
Feel you just you just jam a giant metal through the roof of
their mouth and then send them back, yes.

(01:08:35):
And then I throw them right backbecause it's scary.
They're scary. They're like going to hurt me.
They're giant bugs. I guess, yeah, but.
No, I don't think we ever took fishing pictures, but I did have
a picture where we had hog hunting, no.
Dude, they're horrible. I know.
It's like good for the environment, right?
I know. It's good to murder all the

(01:08:57):
piglets and all this stuff they're not like.
Regular Pickles. They're like, I know they're
like beasts. I know they're.
Wild. I know, I know.
Yeah, but the babies are. Cute.
Exactly. And.
That's my, that's my problem. But the adults?
Are really fucked up and like they do ruin.
They do ruin things. They kill like they they.
Spread invasive species. They kill native species, right?

(01:09:18):
I guess I just get weird when they're in the helicopters doing
doing that, you know who does that?
My dad. He does.
He does. Me my.
Sister were just talking about it because really he'd like
missed her birthday every year for a helicopter.
Because he would go. Because he would go do that,
yeah, when she would have Alinasplaying like flight.
Of the Valkyrie and just like. Yeah, literally just hanging out

(01:09:42):
of a helicopter shooting the fuck out of page.
I was like, I don't know why anybody would want to ban this,
Yeah. Yeah, but no, I don't have.
That's my only dead animal picture because then I went deer
hunting and I killed a deer and I cried for like 2 weeks.
Dude, yeah. And so I.
Never went hunt. I haven't been hunting since.
And what's interesting is I am like, I'm I'm pro the one of the

(01:10:08):
game wardens, like how the wholelike a game warden sphere is so
cool to me. And then I like there's actually
somebody that I know and I don'tknow if he knows me anymore, but
he's a game warden now. And I saw him like out in the
wild and I was like, oh dude, what?
I need to talk to him. Game wardens are like.
Nature cops, which is really cool yeah.
And so the. Idea is that there's limits on
everything that you kill and everything that you do and all

(01:10:30):
that stuff and when you can kill.
It and how you can kill it in order to.
Preserve everything. That's awesome.
Yeah. And I love Spotlight.
A deer. OK, well, you can't like.
Hold it because it won't move because they're just go.
Fuck yeah, that's. Illegal.
I got you because you could justlike spotlight a whole group of
them and kill them all and they would like not do anything.
Yeah, my. Problem is that there's people
that do that. They're just like oh sweet.

(01:10:53):
The only thing I. Don't like fish.
Like I said earlier, I don't give a fuck about fish.
I really don't. Give a fuck about a fish The
yeah, I don't. I really don't give a fuck about
a fish. I I would not freshwater.
Fish anyways, for sure. Yeah, I mean.
Even saltwater but like. The I went fishing recently, but
it was like a a bass fed pond that they had like put bass in

(01:11:19):
like to to catch them, sure, butstill it's like it is fun, but
it's the same reason like I don't know, there's still
something fucked up about it. I get.
Yeah, I guess so, you know. Yeah, but fishing to me.
Is better than hunting. OK, like.

(01:11:40):
Especially hunting now I think doing either to like eat it
you're OK. Agreed.
Yeah, agreed. Yeah, but.
But like hunting like for sport and for trophy is just like,
sucks. When but my dad doesn't do.
That my dad eats everything thathe hunts when he's good, when
the. Word exotic comes in do any of

(01:12:02):
any play I'm like. Yeah, like you just want to
like, take down like a Bengal tiger.
Yeah, just kill. Just kill a deer like your wife
or something. There's something normal, I
said. I.
Said at the beginning of this, there's too many of us, Yeah,
yeah. It's like my God, kill your.
Wife so. Fucked up Sir.

(01:12:26):
You need to add that from. You said loser.
Yeah. What is that from Rick and?
Morty Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the wind.
Yeah. Oh.
Man, that's so funny. Oh, man.
Is there anything that we did? We talk about everything.
I think so. You're turning 30 live show.
Yep, yeah, update on the demon. I think we hit it.

(01:12:52):
I think we hit everything. Yeah, dude, it's it's always
awesome having you on here. I'm so I was so fucking pumped
about the the live show. Me too.
It's. Great to be back too.
I feel like the show is getting it's better and better,
honestly. Thank you.
Yeah. I loved.
Joe's. I watched a little bit of
Charlie's, but I didn't finish it because we started because we

(01:13:13):
literally started playing video games.
No, Yeah. No, Yeah, Marvel Rivals go,
dude, it's such a such a good place.
I do have, I do have Fortnite downloaded again so we can play
that. We don't have to play it.
Until May, OK. When they do that.
OK. I might log in and get the
turtle bus or whatever, yeah. You might like the pickle.
There's a pickle guy this seasontoo, and he's really funny.

(01:13:34):
Oh shit, his name's something Dill and he's like Doctor Dildo.
No, he's like a. Gangster Pickle.
Oh fuck yeah. He's got like a sheisty and
like, like chains and stuff. Is is.
Sheisty. What is the difference between a
sheisty and a balaclava or Bach?They're the same thing.

(01:13:56):
They're the same thing. Yeah, but a sheisty.
Is like the like toboggan flan like the toboggan material ones
OK? Yeah.
Cool. Cool, yeah.
I think that's AAB though, so maybe I shouldn't have.
Sorry, what does that mean? African American vernacular?
Oh oh. Yeah, English or.

(01:14:16):
Something I don't know. I don't even know what that
means. Yeah, let us know.
Let us know. Yeah, I.
Got a piss? Oh yeah, we can wrap.
This up. Thank you so much for being
here, Mitchell. Yeah, everybody don't worry to
like subscribe, spay new to yourpets and good night.
I see. You have chosen the right path.

(01:14:38):
Henceforth you will be known as a wind.
Welcome to the worst impressions.
Something strange in here. What's the deal with?