92: Professor Pendark | Magician & More

Welcome Professor Pendark to WIMP Nation! Professor Pendark is a magician, storyteller, motivational speaker and much more. Together we explore some tales and tricks of the extreme!

 

Check out more from Professor Pendark: https://www.pendarkproductions.com/

 

More from me: https://linktr.ee/ErikAnderson_WorstImpressions?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=6c1afedd-dd81-4814-a411-8439de44b5a2

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Professor Pendark, what is your worst impression?
That would be Keanu Reeves showing up at the Rock as Sean
Connery stands on the roof. So it would be like this.
Welcome to the Rock. Your ass is mine, bitch.

(00:28):
That's that's pretty much it. That's awesome.
Is that all of them? Oh, I've got I've got a Patrick
Stewart that's mostly about the face.
You know, let her RIP, let her RIP.
T Earl Grey hot make it so #1. You want to do another one?

(00:53):
Oh, that's pretty much got. It that's good, that's good.
I see. You chosen the right path.
Henceforth you will be known as a whim.
Welcome to the Worst Impressionspodcast.

(01:14):
There's something strange in here.
What's the deal with whims? Whims grilled onions, pepper
Jack cheese and your own. Whim Nation.

(01:36):
Welcome to Worse Impressions, everybody.
I am your host, Eric Anderson, and we got a real magical
episode for you tonight, today, whenever you're listening to
this podcast. Welcome to Worse Impressions,
Professor Pendark. Howdy, how are you?

(01:58):
They're not done. They're not.
We'll do it. Another.
No, I'm just going to. OK, Professor.
Well, that's the most applause I've gotten in years sometimes.
Yeah, we, I know. It's, it's more.
Yeah, I I sit in here and alone in the dark and just play this
button all night long. It fixes me sometimes.

(02:20):
You know I can. There's, there's something about
your studio. Just something about the whole
setup and the fact that there are exactly a dozen lights in
your entire frigging neighborhood.
Oh, right. I kind of get this whole, but
you know what I'm just saying? That I was going to, that I was

(02:42):
going to abduct you. Yeah, there's like, you know.
I've collected my magician. You know, I was afraid I was
going to show up and there's a glass case in the corner, you
know, whips hanging on the wallsand shit, you know?
Dude, I I wish, oh man, I I got to get some more gear.
Where do you have a gear? Do you have a gear guy give a?

(03:03):
Where do you get all that stuff you use?
I I do, but I tend to not advertise them because.
They are. Yeah, it's a little over the.
Yeah, it's a little over the top.
Let's let's just say what the. Hell, do you mean it's over the
top? Well, OK, let's just say it's
the last one of its kind in the downtown area of I-35.

(03:30):
Everyone will know which one I'mtalking about.
Interesting. Oh, with that?
Description everyone will know what I'm talking about, but they
are the Seriously, you've you'veseen my escapes and stuff.
I have the the the ropes that I use where they all come from.
Really. Yeah, I'm going to come.
Wow, that's pretty interesting. OK, all right, we got to learn.

(03:53):
We got to introduce you to Wimp Nation.
Wimp. Oh, first of all, amazing
impressions, by the way, You kind of came in and just kind of
knocked him like, yeah, I was like, I was like, oh, shit.
I was like, it's pretty good. I've actually been, I've
actually been toying with him for a while.
Hell, yeah. Especially the Keanu.
Holy shit. I know Kung Fu, you know.

(04:15):
You're a you're a natural performer.
OK, So I'll tell, I'm going to tell everybody how I know you.
I was, I was randomly selected, recruited to do a variety magic
show, kind of open up with the with some, some comedy.
And they said there's there's going to be a magician there.

(04:35):
I was like, OK, OK. And I get to go there and I meet
you and I was blown away. I was like, it's like, look at
this guy and he's like, what thehell.
And we do like a, you know, family friendly show at the
beginning. And I was like, you kind of do
the stuff. Which was actually the bigger
pain in the ass for me doing thefamily friendly stuff.

(04:56):
Like if you've ever seen me at all, you know, like the family
friendly stuff is like there's this filter over my face that's
like I'm behind the filter. You can almost hear me whisper
every 5 minutes just to get it out, you know?
But. So yeah, so we do, we go through
that. We're both like painfully trying

(05:17):
to get through this. Like, you know, family friendly
show, like holding back, you know all of our we.
Pulled it off though. We actually pulled.
We did. Pull it off.
I agree. I agree, but then I thought like
then we're I'm backstage and you're just like time to get
ready for the adults and I just like see you fully transform and
do and like pull out all of these gizmos and gadgets and I

(05:39):
was like, holy shit, it's. Like, oh, it's like 2 different,
it's like 2 different individuals.
Like, you know, it, it it's liketaking I I don't know, let's
say, oh, this is a dated reference on both hands.
Please. This is like taking Howdy Doody
and putting him in, putting him in the same room as Krusty the

(06:01):
Clown. It's like 2 different guys.
You watched, you watched it happen, right?
Like I, I, yeah, I changed my vest and I was like.
Yeah, look at this. I'm on swords.
Oh whoops, better zip that up. Oh my God.
OK, All right. So what is your origin story,
Professor Penndark? OK, professor is an honorary

(06:24):
title. I'll get to that in a minute.
I'm not actually a professor of anything except smart assery,
but penndark comes from a time in my life.
I was 22, I was 22 and I was at a point in my life I, I had
already been through what was technically my first divorce,

(06:44):
OK? Because at 19, there's only one
fucking reason to get married, right?
We all know that it's to it's tohang on to your first piece.
We all know what I'm saying, OK?And I did and it was a bad
mistake and. Was that your introduction to
bond to bondage? No, that came later.

(07:05):
That came on the rebound. I'll tell you that story too, if
you want to know. But but I was at the end of my
end of my first marriage. She had left me, You know, I, I
didn't, didn't have any damn clue where I was.
Let's bring her in. We've got her in the other room.
Yeah, nobody wants to see that. Trust me.

(07:29):
I'm, I'm, I'm at the lowest in my life at that point.
At that point, what's the lowestin my life?
Yeah, good. And.
That it's not your lowest point now?
No. Yeah.
Good. We're good.
I'm 54, there have been many. Thank God you know if you if you
can't. Have some of this shit going on
by the time you're 50, you know,it's like, yes, all right.

(07:50):
So anyway, I had finished it, finished this divorce with this
girl. And then I was like, at the
point where for some fucking reason I got I got in a fight
with this dude that was like supposedly Mexican mafia or
something. I don't know.
I was getting in fights. I was like, you know, I was that
guy. I was like evil, mean, rotten.

(08:12):
I used to run with the the Mexican mafia.
Really. Continue.
Really. Because you might know the guy
I'm. Not going to speak on it.
Well, you might. You might.
You might In that case. Well, no.
If you hadn't, if you weren't around Utah, you wouldn't have
known the guy. But there was a guy supposedly

(08:33):
Mexican Mafia. It kept threatening, Sure.
So whatever, You know, we kept trying to get in these, in
these. I wasn't even in a gang and
somehow I was getting in fuckinggang fights.
I don't know how to damn. My mom was.
Yeah, my mom was pulling me aside.
And like, no, you can't. You can't live like this.
Right. Yeah, good.
So this lady comes along and I was to the point where I was

(08:53):
just sick of life and I was like, I'll, I'll just say it,
you know, going to the temple, Iwas ready for it.
Holy shit. And this lady comes along and
her name was Sydney and she ran a haunted house in Utah and it
was called Rocky Point Haunted House.
And she gave me an opportunity to become a character actor and

(09:18):
to learn special effects makeup.OK, OK.
And it and it kind of pulled me out of that zone where I started
to, you know, hey, OK, I can learn how to do shit.
I can actually, right. Kind of pulled me out of that
zone. Well, I had been in and out of
magic up to that point because the guy told you that story.

(09:40):
So I can tell you this one, the guy that actually taught me
magic was a guy by the name of Philip the Great.
He came and did. He was a member of our church.
I was in Utah. So you know which church?
Nice. And he was a member of our
church. And you can tell me that story
later. I used to run with that mafia
too. Oh, believe me.

(10:03):
Oh, there I have stories that someday, OK, but he came in and
I was a fat stammering. Was, I say, a fat stammering kid
at the age of, I think I was 1312 or 13.
And he came in, did a magic showfor the church.
And you know, you wouldn't think, but he did.

(10:23):
He came in and entertained and Iwas just like awestruck.
I was like, this is so cool. OK.
How do you do that stuff? How do you do that?
And he's like, you really want to learn?
I said, yeah, well, so because he was a member of the same
church, he calls my parents up aweek later and says he wants to
learn how to do this. Is it OK if I teach him some
stuff? And they said yeah.

(10:43):
And I ended up learning all of the basics of magic from him by
the time I was 14. Wow.
And I enjoyed it, and I was kindof slipping in and out of it
because I couldn't find more than like, you know, school
assembly where everybody's an asshole and laughs at you
anyway. Sure, you know.

(11:04):
Oh yeah. Couldn't find more than that.
Right. So I was kind of in, in and out
of it for a while. And that was some of the
depression was with the marriage.
She kind of took some of that away from me.
Oh, and there's another story there.
I had the original vinyl of PinkFloyd's The Wall.
Whoa. And that bitch, I'm just going

(11:26):
to say it, that bitch broke my vinyl record in half because she
was pissed at me one day, so I kicked her whole fucking record
player across the street. Anyway, that tells you how
fucking low it was, right? That tells you how low, sure,
that period was in my life. So Sydney comes along and she

(11:46):
gives me this opportunity to become this character actor.
And that's kind of where Penndark comes from.
OK, so I became this character. I was the very first character I
played for her because I've always had kind of this mildly
hairy medium build, right? And I was prematurely going bald
by the time I was 25. But anyway, I've always had this

(12:07):
this kind of general physique and look.
And so the very first character she had me play was the torture
master in the dungeon of her haunted house.
And I got into it and there was there was this persona that came
over me and she saw it. And she's like, you know, that's

(12:29):
who you are, right? And I said, I said, what do you
mean? She said that leather vest,
those boots and that whip in your hand, that's who you are.
Yeah. Oh, I had the whole character.
I had the whole persona. Now, at one time she got some
complaints, so we replaced the whip with a chainsaw.
That shit was fun. That shit was fun.

(12:52):
You come into my dungeon and I'mlike Neil, All right?
Anyway. The whip is a lot.
I'm going to, I'm going to. We're going to replace them.
With a chainsaw. Oh yeah, That was a fun year.
I'll tell you what, the whip is a lot.
And then I think my favorite one, I think my favorite one of
that character was we did the you remember the, the you

(13:14):
remember the old Batman, the 80sBatman.
Yeah, OK, sure. The neon punks.
We did the neon punks. And my favorite one was I was
neon faced sitting on a, a motorcycle and they had it
rigged up so that when they camein the room, there was a, a
sensor, right? So they came in the room and
this motorcycle Revs, right? And I climb off this motorcycle

(13:37):
and pull out this whip. Hell yeah, dude.
And I cannot tell you. I cannot tell you because I've
forgotten how many girls pissed the floor because I came
climbing off that motorcycle with a whip.
That's a terrifying dude. OK.
And so at that point, that's really when Pendark was born,

(14:01):
OK. So if you think of Pendark like
Pendragon, like Arthur was Pendragon, which translates in
the old language of the dragon. OK, OK, so Pendark was of the
dark. He was my dark passenger to use
to use the Dexter, right? He was my dark passenger and I

(14:22):
would become him whenever I needed to express.
OK. OK.
And I still do, although now he's a little more mature and
he's got a couple more filters than he used to have, right?
OK. OK, so I still become him when I
need to express. Penndark is my artistic
expression. That's awesome.

(14:43):
OK, so that's where he comes from.
Now the professor was when I wasone of my first gigs coming to
Texas. I came to Texas in O one and one
of my first gigs coming to Texas, I was working at Dime
Museum. Everybody knows the name of it.
It's the Museum of the Weird on 6th St.

(15:04):
Oh, OK. Is it Madam?
No. No, it's it's, it's the Museum
of the Weird. And it's it was attached to a
little novelty shop called the Lucky Lizard.
OK, OK, it's. Been, and I don't know, and it's
been a while since I've been there because it was one of my
first gigs coming here, but I was performing what I call a

(15:27):
pseudo psychic routine. OK, so Pendark was doing the
dark wizard bit, right? So, so I would purposely affect
the voice, right? So I'd be talking to people and
I'd be, I'd be turning over cards gypsy style, right?
And I was like, what is it? You know, what is it you want to

(15:50):
find out, right? And I had this one, this one
lady come in from one of the bars up the street and she's
obviously standing with a guy she just met, right.
You can tell their whole body language, right.
Anybody who's ever been involvedat all with stage reading, like
reading your audience, Yeah. Yeah.

(16:10):
You can automatically see. You can tell, right.
So they come in and they're likebarely touching each other, but
doing the, the little, I call itfiddle fingers.
You know what I'm talking about.Yeah.
Fingering. It's like.
They're, they're doing, they're doing the little fiddle fingers
on each other like, you know, you can tell they just met
anyway and she's got D cups. Yeah, right.

(16:30):
Big naturals, right? She's got D cups and they're
covered in fucking glitter. So naturally, what's my first
move? I look at him and I look at him,
right? I look at him and I go, would
you like me to tell her fortune?And he goes, oh, hell yeah.
And he automatically whips out a$20 bill and sticks in my tin.

(16:52):
I'm like, you got it. And I turned to her and I said,
and she's obviously like, half crocked at this point, right?
She's tipsy. They just came from the bar.
And I turn to her and I go, you really enjoy being the center of
attention, don't you? And she's like, yeah, I'm like,
oh, shit. And I looked at her and I said,

(17:15):
I looked at her. And I said, you just met him,
didn't you? She goes, yeah.
And I said, you plan to blow himlater, don't you?
I, I, I couldn't help it. I could I, it came out and she

(17:36):
looks at me and she goes, I was going to, but thanks for telling
my whole fucking life, professor.
And she slams her fist on the table.
And she slams her fist on the table.
Thanks for telling my whole fucking life, professor.
And I went professor. I think I'll keep that.
Oh, that just came out it. Came out of her and I'm like,

(17:59):
well shit, if they're going to call me that I might as well
keep it. Hell yeah, dude.
So it's awesome. Professor Pendark as of two
2000. And God, I'm trying to remember
that was like 2000. Five in this plane of existence,
2005, but in the greater planes of.

(18:20):
I was already. Always there, You've always been
there. It's always been there so.
The origins of Professor Pendock.
So all of that to come around to, I'm going to show you a
couple things real quick, OK, when you're ready.
Here we go, all right. Let me bring this over here with
me. Lay it on me.

(18:41):
All right, so right here in thisbox, I have a symbol, a message
that I'm going to project to youas we speak, all right?
And right here, going to show these to you and to the camera
right here. What I've got are some cards

(19:05):
that are used to tell fortunes into tests.
Psychic ability. All right, And we are going to
do a little bit of that right now.
OK, now you can see what the symbols are.
There's an hourglass, there's a tree, there's an eyeball,
there's a key, there's a heart, and there's some money.
OK, So what I'm going to do is I'm going to hold these out here

(19:27):
so everybody can see, as an old English friend of mine who was
also a magician used to say. So you can see there's no
jiggery pokery. All right, all right, I'm going
to hold them out here so everybody can see them.
All right, so all I want you to do is name, or there's 123456.

(19:49):
I want you to name four of the six.
Cash. OK.
Heart. OK.
We'll go hourglass. OK.

(20:12):
We'll do tree. OK, now you've done something
very interesting. As I fully expected, you have
actually taken the message that I've been sending.
OK. I bet you, yeah, OK.
And you've left yourself with two choices.

(20:36):
Now this is where it's going to get kind of interesting.
I'm not even going to show you the two choices anymore, OK?
OK. I think if you knew what all the
cards were at the beginning, youprobably know what the two
choices are. But but given that I know you
have a short term memory issue, we're going to we're going to
assume that you don't remember. OK, OK.

(20:59):
And we're going to take these two, and I'm very simply going
to hold one to my left and one to my right.
And all I want you to do is choose one like before.
I just want to. I just need to choose one.
Choose one my right or my left. Oh, choosing left or right?
Right. OK, just like before, we're
going to set down one that you chose.

(21:19):
Now we're going to see if you have been catching the message
I've been sending. OK, at the same time as I flip
this over for everybody to see, I want you to open up and show
them what's in that box. Ready count of 3123.
No fucking way, dude. All right now.

(21:42):
OK, for those listening at home,they were.
The card was the key and there was a key in the box.
OK holy shit that is one of my that is one of my all time
favourites. All right now, anybody that
knows magic and mentalism at allprobably knows how that's done.
OK. I'm not going to tell you it's

(22:04):
not OK, but it is based. It is based on an old principle.
It is based on an old principle that has been used by magicians
for years, OK. And the stuff this goes back to
the original story, the origin story, the stuff that I was
using with her goes back to a similar set of principles, stuff

(22:25):
that they've used for years, OK.And what's fun about it is I
incorporate a lot of stuff together that most magicians
think I'm an asshole for incorporating together.
I do the escapes, I do the mind reading, I do the close up
magic, I do the cards. Right, right.

(22:45):
Because you have you have some who specialize in one or the
other. Pure, right, They pure like
there's we only do one of those right, OK.
You have your purest, right? Sure.
And then the thing, I keep bumping the microphone.
No worries. Yeah.
You can. You can pull it backwards if you
like. There you go.
There. How's that?
Yeah, yeah, a little better. OK, so you have your purists

(23:10):
that do one or the other. They, they don't like to mix the
stuff, particularly not the mentalism and the magic.
Because you have the ones that, and I'm going to say it, I'm
going to say it out loud. You have the ones that claim to
be psychic, right? The ones that claim to have
supernatural powers. What the hell?

(23:31):
No big. Revelation.
Right holy. Shit, they get pissy when you
add the magic tricks to that, particularly if you do card
tricks and then you turn around and you do a mentalism with
cards. That's like, what the fuck you
doing, you know? But then I turn around and throw
in a Houdini chain escape. Yeah, right, you sure do like if

(23:53):
those for those that haven't seen his act like holy shit.
And then on the extreme end, I'll pull out the sideshow
stuff. And the reason is to me, OK, I'm
going to give you my reasoning that most magicians won't
accept. OK, my reasoning is it's all
related. There is no part of what I do

(24:17):
that's not somehow related, right?
OK, You can take for instance, your your wushu masters who do
the, you know, the, the, the bending of the spear or the the
breaking of the bricks or the you take that stuff.
Every bit of that, and I know this because I was also a

(24:40):
martial artist for a short time.Every bit of that has a secret.
Every bit of that has a way thatit's done.
OK, now I just pissed off a whole bunch of martial artists
and I'm going to be have to watch my back.
But particularly like when you see them breakthrough 10 or 12
boards at the same time, that kind of stuff.

(25:01):
There's a there's a way to make that happen.
OK, right. It doesn't make it less
impressive. That's my opinion.
It doesn't make it less impressive that there's a
method. Right.
Yeah. No, it doesn't.
No, it's yeah. OK, so to me, to me, you come
across to the eastern bed of nails, which I also do.

(25:22):
You haven't had a chance to see that yet, but I also do that.
So you come across to the the eastern bed of nails and then
you take that principle and you add to it the snapping the mouse
traps on your flesh, and you addto it The Walking on glass or
the one that you did see me do The Walking on swords.

(25:43):
Yeah, yeah, right. OK, sure.
That stuff all has a secret. It all has a way that is done,
and it's not far different than the secrets of a magician.
That makes sense. Yeah.
Now, having said that, I just pissed a bunch of people off.
But. You're pissing everybody off,

(26:03):
dude. The fact is tough shit, because
the fact that I know that all ofthis stuff has methods, all of
this stuff has secrets to me when I'm on stage it in that
that Penndark persona when I suddenly put on that.
The aura. When I put on the aura and I and
I suddenly become Penndark, all of that stuff becomes

(26:27):
interrelated because Penndark does all of it.
That makes sense. So to me it doesn't make sense
to get pissed off. I mean, prime example, I, I, I
don't care for him mostly because he has the fucking hair.
But Criss Angel, OK. OK, that's all.

(26:53):
That's like my one of my next questions is just like, do you
like Criss Angel mind freak? OK Oh, I was reading your mind.
Yeah, I was like, I was like, what the fuck?
First the key, now this. Holy.
So I I appreciate what he does and I like what he does on the
level of to me, what he does is sideshow.

(27:17):
It's not magic. OK.
Am I making sense? Yeah, that makes sense to me.
OK. But I'm, you know, I'm an
outsider, right? You know.
He does the the mentalism, the mind reading, the, you know, the
ghost stuff yes and to me, there's there's nothing wrong
with that. It's great.
It all has it To me, it's the same kind of performance.

(27:38):
I just his manner his his his his being annoys the shit out of
me. I can't.
Yeah, I'm a mind freak, right? The whole it's, it's like the
difference and, and, and OK, this relates to me being 54
years old. OK, it's like the difference
between say, kiss and guar. We all, we all know what I'm

(28:05):
saying, right? Guar is like the they're really
intense. Guar is like the we are pushing
so hard to show this image or the other one in my opinion.
I know there's a lot of people who love them.
My opinion? Insane Clown Posse.
ICP, yes. They bugged the shit out of me.

(28:27):
OK, I'm just going to say it. You mean you're not a Juggalo?
Oh, I am not hold. On No I am not.
You read some Fago 2 leaders after this brother.
I'm telling you now, the reason the reason they bugged me is
because they know God damn good and well Kiss came first.

(28:50):
They know damn well they're doing the same thing.
Sure, sure. All right.
It's like, OK, I'm going to I'm dropping all these names.
I'm probably going to get sued. I'm sorry.
It's. Fine.
It's like as a performer, the difference, and again, this is
this has to do with being 54 years of age, the difference
between Alice Cooper and Lady Gaga.

(29:12):
She's doing the exact same kind of stage show, sure, with the
blood and the gore and the right.
The meat suit. The meat suit, the guillotine,
it's the exact same kind of stage show.
Yeah. And I'm not going to lie, she's
got a voice. Yeah, that I don't hate.
Yeah, no, it's like lady. OK, she's got a voice, lady.

(29:35):
Gaga. That's incredible.
But I look at her act, right, what she has built around the
music, right? And it's the exact same act as
Alex. Alice Cooper.
The very first time I ever saw Alice Cooper, he was.
He did the whole thing and I will tell you, I know how it's
done, but I'm not going to tell you how it's done.

(29:57):
He did the whole thing where he he had his head cut off with a
guillotine and they took his head over and set it on a table
and then and then it started singing on the table.
He did this whole this whole thing.
It was just, it was like one of the most amazing shows I've ever
seen. But but I was high, so sure,
sure, it might have sucked and Idon't know.
Yeah, who knows? But to me, that kind of

(30:21):
performance, that that level of performance is Pendark, right?
OK, I prefer that dark, weird, yeah, crazy shit to the whole.
And again, I shouldn't diss on Chrissy.
I really shouldn't, because he'sgoing to.
He's probably going to sue me. I am.

(30:43):
He doesn't even know who the fuck I am, Sorry.
He he listens to the pod, I promise.
Yeah, I've reached him. You know, but to me, it's like
he's got this whole whole arrogance in this whole.
Yeah, he's just trying to be like, he's trying to be sexy.
Like he's just like, I'm so sexy.

(31:04):
You know. Do this magic.
And, and, and you know it, there's a place for that in some
audiences. But I think for me, the audience
is, I don't want to say interchangeable.
That's not what I mean. It's the audience can be in an

(31:28):
open air market one week and then on a stage in a theater the
next. Yeah.
For me, I can adapt from one place to the other.
Whereas you get a Criss Angel. The stuff that he does is good.
It's great. Like the very first thing I ever

(31:48):
saw him do was the thing where supposedly out in the middle of
a park he cuts the lady in half and her two halves crawl away
from each other. Some weird shit like that.
Yeah. Yeah, anybody that's ever seen
him has has probably seen that clip.
Yeah. Well, obviously I know how
that's done. OK, OK.
All right, all right. But fair enough.

(32:09):
Rather than tell you how that's done, I'm going to tell you that
he takes that shit to the look how fucking awesome I am.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. As opposed to you've seen you've
seen how I how I prefer to perform, right?
Yeah. Oh yeah.
I prefer to be the humble, dark introspective, right.

(32:33):
Because to me that is, that's where the professor side comes
in, right? Like I'm able to get out there
and show them a Houdini escape and say, instead of hiding in a
box, let me let you watch this, right?
And, and to me, that's, to me, it's more important to be able
to have that close interaction, that, that one-on-one kind of

(32:57):
thing, then to have my shit so open and guarded on a stage that
nobody can approach me, right? And I feel like a lot of
performers are that way, even your, your, your mentalist or
your close up magicians now, theones you see on AGT or whatever,

(33:19):
right? It's a lot of stuff that if it
wasn't for that stage, they might not have the presence.
Am I making sense? No, Yeah, that makes sense.
That makes sense. Like, I guess what you're
saying. Yeah.
The, the there's, you know, there's different because with
every with every magician or, orwith every performer,
everybody's going to have, whether they like it or not, a

(33:41):
shtick. Like something, you know,
there's going to have a shtick whether they try.
Some people try so hard. Oh, I have no shtick.
You have one. Doesn't matter.
Everybody just you naturally will have something.
And yeah, Criss Angels is pretty, pretty lame.
And but I will say to his defense, like getting it on TV

(34:09):
to where a kid like me could seeit right?
That definitely like because my introduction to magic in general
was definitely like that late night masked magician that would
like debunk. I don't know who you know, who
that ended up being, or if it was multiple performers.
There were there were a couple different guys behind it.

(34:30):
Sure, sure. I I, I figured, but like that
mind freak. And then Penn and Teller was
basically, you know, my introduction, just my
generation. I I could see that on TV and
absorb it and appreciate magic. And then right, and, and, and

(34:50):
that's where a lot of the audience is for me now is, and
that's why I don't mind doing the, hey, here's how I think
Houdini did this, right? Because to me, you've already
seen, and I'm just going to say it, OK, He kind of pissed me
off. The masked magician asshole.
You've already seen, you've already seen this guy, right?
And, and what's funny is some ofthe stuff that he debunked in

(35:13):
his series, I still performed tothis day.
And I'll tell you why, because there are a lot of adults that
look at that and go, I know how that's done, but wow, you did
that pretty cool, right? And young families.
And this is where we talk about the G rated show, right?

(35:33):
The G rated show comes in when Iget the opportunity, like at the
open air markets or something toperform one of the I call them
the Kitty classics like the the ancient, like the coloring book
or the magic wand that changes colors.
Or you know, the the disappearing handkerchief,
right? Everybody fucking knows how it's

(35:53):
done. But everybody loves it.
Everybody loves it and they loveit more when they are two young
parents with a toddler and that toddler is watching what I do
with this, this just completely fascinated look on their face.
And when I can do like the sponge balls.
Everybody knows at this point inhistory, everybody knows what

(36:16):
the fucking French drop is. Everybody knows how that vanish
works, right? OK, it's a base, It's a basic.
Everybody does it right? It's the first vanish you ever
learned. But we still love seeing.
Right, but you but you love seeing somebody that knows how
to do it. And when I get when I get down
on my knees at a kids level and their parents are watching me

(36:37):
from above and I know damn well my ankles suck because the
parents are above me, right? And I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm
right here in front of the kid and I'm doing the French drug,
right. And I turn around and I point
and the kids eyes go right thereand the parents start to giggle
because they know, they know thekids eyes go right there.
And I go, did you see it go right.

(36:58):
And as soon as I do that part and you see this toddler just
light up right? And the parents, 100% of the
time, whether they saw it happen, whether they know how it
happened or not, 100% of the time those parents will play
along because they are vicariously experiencing the joy
of that child. Hell yeah, dude, it's awesome.

(37:20):
And that to me is where it's at,right?
I would rather perform for an audience of one toddler to get
that reaction than 100 people, 1000 people in a stadium.
Yeah, right. And get that little bit of.
Where, yeah, they're just like, oh.
Yeah, yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah, Magician.
OK, you are you aren't touching on a thing that and we don't we

(37:43):
don't have to go down it, but it's like the I don't know,
pessimism of just like modern audiences.
I don't like I'm, I don't know, you know, what your experience
is with the with that and everybody wanted, you know,
being on their phones while you're performing.
I don't know. That happens.
That happens especially in like an open air market like you

(38:04):
can't, you can't avoid. You keep saying open air market,
so to for those that are listening you where, where can
they they see you perform? The place they can see me every
month and it and it varies so you'll have to go out to their
website to see it. Skellington curiosities.
I have been with them for holy six years now.

(38:24):
That's for for our Waco listeners, their skeleton
curiosities. It's like, how would you
describe it? It's like they got oddities.
And yeah, it's like, it's like every kind of, it's like every
kind of oddity they have, like everything from the the the wet
jars that you'd see in a sideshow on down to like, you
know, they have Ouija boards, tarot cards.

(38:45):
OK, ignore that if you ignore that if you hate it, but.
Lingerie. But they.
Oh they have, they have. She makes some of the most
amazing shit I have ever seen inmy life.
It's not, it's. Pretty nice and at the and at
the age of 54, I am just like looking at the mannequin like I
really should not be staring at this.
Why am I but, but they do that and they also print their own

(39:09):
T-shirts and they do all kinds of cool stuff.
They are they are again, an opportunity that I picked up
from a friend that had worked with me over at the Museum of
the Weird. And she saw me kind of take a
dip, right? Like I wasn't getting gigs and I
was kind of depressed and I was kind of losing my, you know,

(39:30):
losing my rhythm, sure, losing my shit.
And she came along and said, Hey, these people are opening up
this this shop over in Waco. You should go talk to them.
That's awesome. And so I went over, I went over
and talked to him and first, first couple of years we were
kind of growing with it, trying to figure out exactly what was
going to happen with it. And we had a bunch of weird

(39:53):
shit, just like he started off with like this whole circus tent
set up. And in the summertime, there was
nobody walking in that circus tent 'cause it was 95° in there.
There was just no way they were going to stand there for 10
minutes and watch me do magic, right, Right.
And that was that was kind of a growing a growing place.

(40:14):
And now we're at their new location and go to
skellingtoncuriosities.com and look them up.
Yeah, believe it's on Hewitt Drive.
Yes, Hewitt drive and we'll. We'll throw some links in the
show notes for where you can find Professor Pendark.
I am there. I am there at their, they call
it their Skellington Curiositiesmonthly market and Sideshow.

(40:36):
Now I have performed with other performers there in the
sideshow, but for the most part,here comes the ego.
For the most part, I am sideshowyou are I am the sideshow all
right, because I'm the one that's been consistent like
every month, always there, right, right.
And that's awesome. I'll turn around and MC for

(40:58):
whoever wants to show up and do do spots with me.
And and I've had like all kinds of different local performers
had musicians. I've had other magician I've
had, I can't even remember his name at this point.
I've had kind of a clown guy show up and do his thing.
I've had. And then whenever they have like
December, y'all need to look this one up.

(41:19):
In December they're going to do 1.
They're actually going to have both Santa and Krumpus there.
Oh wow, Santa and Krampus. Yeah, so they're both, they're
both going to be there hanging out with me.
You know, they're they're both going to be there hanging out
with me and taking pictures and stuff.
So that'll be cool. That's that's awesome.
I'm going to have fun at that one because December around here

(41:41):
is actually the first actual cold weather month, right that
we that we get here in Texas. Just like bake, bake these
markets just like, like sleep, right?
But I guess that sweat helps youget in and out of those.
Well, I'm not going to lie if you ever see me do if you ever
see me do the big chain escapes and I'm doing in the in the
middle of summertime. Oh, the sweat helps.

(42:03):
I'm not going to lie you just the sweat help.
I'm like. I'm buttered up brother.
I'm slipping all through this thing.
Do you mind if I ask you sexual questions?
Sure, why not? I mean, I'm, you know, I, I
haven't you. Know here we go.
I saw your package in your show package, meaning your penis

(42:24):
outline. Quite accidentally.
Well, yes, because you, you get tied up by your by your audience
and Jesus Christ, brother, that's.
That's. A.
That's a. OK.
That's not a little Houdini. That's a fucking all.
Right. OK, hold on.

(42:45):
Let me say it this way. I have never considered myself
like endowed. I'm not fucking John Holmes or
anything. But you get you get a set of
ropes or a set of chains and they are wrapped directly under

(43:06):
lefty and righty. And there's this, there's this
whole anime node thing that happened.
It's like. Everybody, everybody on this was
whoa, holy God, you know? And I was like, I'm, I'm just
going, I'm looking at the lady that you saw her come up from
the audience and she starts, shestarts rapping it.

(43:28):
And I had to, I actually had to like adjust because she was
pinching shit. I had to add like.
Pinching pin and teller down there.
You know, I've got, you know, you, you, you need to be, you
need to be careful with the, thestuff going on there.
But I I've had a few situations.OK, yeah, you got to let me

(43:49):
know. OK, tell me about a time because
you because in your act, and I don't want to spill your whole
act, but like you asked for volunteers to tie you up,
restrain you and all this stuff.What do you got?
OK, well, the weirdest one I ever did was a Bachelorette
party, OK. OK.

(44:11):
First there was a Bachelorette party.
What could you be? What could you be doing there?
Well. She brings me this box of stuff
an hour before the show. Box of stuff.
Yeah, she says. Do you have anything that you
can produce these from? And alright, I'm just going to

(44:36):
say it. They were dildos anyway.
You. Wanted you to shoot them out of
your ass. No, no.
She's like, you have anywhere you can produce these from and I
do. I have.
I have this, it's a very old piece of magic and it's called
the square and circle. And what it is is a box, right?
It's this tall box. Oh, you were going to make these
things appear? So there's this, there's this

(44:58):
tall box and you can see throughit and when you lift it up and
show the audience, it's empty, right?
And then inside that box is a can, right?
And you take that can out and you show that it's empty, right?
And you set it down in there. So you have this box and this
can and you, you know, you do the whole magical mystical WAVY
thing, right? And I start pulling out Dicks

(45:25):
and. A box of rubber cocks.
And what I didn't stick around for was the end result.
I am still imagining what the end result must have been, but
each of those had a ribbon on itwas someone's name.
They were the party favors for her fucking Bachelorette party.
Everybody gets to go home with everybody.

(45:46):
Got to go home with a Dick that I handed them.
So that was probably, that was probably the weirdest one I've
ever you. Were delivering pleasure.
Oh. My God that was probably the
weirdest one I've ever done. Now aside from that, I think the
weirdest one I ever did was a kids show and it was weird on a

(46:08):
different level because. Hard turn.
Well, I'm going to tell. You, you got to do both.
Absolutely. OK, Absolutely.
I got to redeem. Myself a little bit 100% sure
OK, they dressed me up as fucking Barney, man what I was
as I was dressed up as Barney and I'm doing the really I

(46:28):
didn't I don't even do Barney's voice.
Oh true, but I was doing I was doing the laugh right.
OK, bunch of nine year olds. It was one of the first, first,
no, one of the last gigs I did in Utah before coming to Texas.
And it was a bunch of nine year olds and 9 year olds suck to
begin with. But anyway, there's, there's a
whole thing with 9 year olds andmagicians.
It's like there's bad history, all right, but really.

(46:50):
Oh yeah, it's like an unlucky age.
Oh. There's something that happens
to a kids brain at nine years old.
I know how you did that. Shut.
The. Fuck up.
And I'm just like, what I wantedto say was I don't give a fuck.
Shut up and sit down. That's what I wanted to say, but
I didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did the Barney and I went, right.

(47:13):
So I'm making fucking balloon animals and doing basic magic
tricks in these fucking Barney gloves that don't even allow for
fingers, right? Because Barney had no fingers.
Yeah, it's just like a pad. It's like, it's like this mitts,
right? So I'm wearing these fucking
oven mitts trying to do magic tricks.
Good Lord that was a shittiest show I've ever done in my life.

(47:36):
But the mom at the end of that show turns around and says I
shit you not. She turns around, hands me a $50
tip and goes thanks for putting up with my little asshole.
She said I know exactly what I've.
Got I know exactly what he I know what he was doing to you
the whole time. He sucks, Yeah.

(47:57):
Hope he grows out of it. He sucks right now.
It's like the, it's like the Marge Simpson.
She goes and Bart, we love. Bart gives me a $50 tip, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Dude, that's crazy. Dude, and those, those are the
two weirdest shows I've ever done in my life.
OK, that's interesting. Is that those are the weird.
I mean, The Bachelorette 1 is isfor sure weird.
Barney is a wild turn. But like I'm I'm genuinely

(48:22):
surprised because in in one of my questions, I was like, you
know, how weird would you go? Like like do you like Because I
mean, let's some of your act, some what you could call it
BDSM, you know, like, yeah, would you go?
Would you? Perform for us now there's
actually. Like the, you know, like.

(48:42):
There's actually, there's actually a tie in there, OK,
Some of what I did in my late 20s and early 30's, the
transition that I think Pendark actually kind of evolved out of
and I say evolved out of becauseI had to I.
Had to. I have done live BDSM demos,

(49:06):
really like I can the the stuff that I do in the escapes.
Yeah, I can actually teach bondage techniques that allow
you to get out in an emergency. Oh hell yeah.
So that is some of what's in theback of my head.
If anybody ever said, hey, do you know how to yes, yes I do.
I've got. I've got you covered.

(49:26):
Saving you kink at a time. And it's and it's, I've done
little stuff like and oh God, I'm revealing a lot about my
past. That's how that's what this, but
that's how the bug game works and.
I have let's let's just put it this way.
I have been on both sides of a flogger OK in a demo situation.

(49:47):
Flog is like the. That's that's the one with the
many tails and it OK, I've been on both ends of that in live
demonstration and I've actually developped, I'm going to be
debuting it robably January. I've actually developped a new
set of routines about that, where I'm going to have somebody

(50:10):
actually take a flogger to me onstage in order to turn around
and show my bloody back and reveal the name of a playing
card. Yeah, what the hell?
I'm working on some shit, yeah. That's a crazy.
That's like a closer that sounds.
That sounds that's going to be like the like the end of a show.
OK. Yeah, hold.
The big climax, so to speak. Yeah, I I will be climaxing way

(50:34):
for the close. I'm I'm going to be doing some
of that kind of stuff, but that's going to be for the more
adult. I would you sure I'm not going
to bring those out. Don't worry.
That's not going to be the open air market stuff.
All right. For the open air market, though,
I'm working on some new mentalism.
That was actually well, for me, it's new.

(50:54):
It was actually created. It was actually created by a guy
named and you may have seen him on TV back in the day.
Max Maven. He was he was he was the one he
always kind of came off as a vampire type character.
He had this he had this really long widow speak because he had
this horrible hairline. I mean, he was a great guy.

(51:18):
Never met him in person, but I met people that met him and they
always said he was this awesome individual.
But he had this, he had like this vampire widow speak thing
going on and the, and the goateemustache, right?
And and he would dark character and he's, he's actually some of
where I drew Penndark's persona from because he would, he's got

(51:41):
some in an I I finally bought itwas $120.00 book that I, I
finally said, you know what, fuck it, let's get it.
All right, so I got this $120.00book of, of his old secrets and
I'm going through there and there are some things in there

(52:01):
that I really want to play around with and, and have some
fun with, even at the open air markets.
Like one of them is a tarot cardbit where they can actually take
take the knife and lay it acrosscertain tarot cards.
And the numbers on the top of the tarot cards actually predict
the card that they're going to end up on when they cut the
deck. Yeah, it's, it's there's all

(52:22):
kinds of real cool stuff like that that that just kind of
gives you the that's a little teaser, some stuff that I'm
working that's really cool and Iwant to get because I've reached
an age. I told you that story so I could
tell you this one. I have reached an age.
I am 54 now. You look great by the way.
Oh, thank you. Like I mean.
You go pretty much like you takeup a lot of clothes.

(52:45):
You, you look great, like you. You know, you got your, you know
you're. Pretty, you know, I, I try, I
try not to advertise it. Oh, I don't Celsius, please
sponsor the podcast for the loveof God, Please God.
Oh, OK, we're done. We're done.
We're in that case if we get Celsius and Diet Coke, here we
go. I'm bumping the mic again,

(53:06):
sorry. Oh, no worries.
You're doing great, by the way. This is this is fantastic.
I'm learning so much. So I want to go into a new place
because I'm 54 now and I've reached a place.
There is a thing that happens toyour body starting about the

(53:27):
age. Well, for me it was about the
age of 49 is when it started andit's gotten progressively.
Like I've had to start doing Taichi and stretch bands and shit
because your body just starts going oh fuck.
Right, yeah, yeah, right. 49 yousaid racing pass.
I'm not. OK, Look, I'm not even going to

(53:48):
get into. I'm not not trying to insult you
man, but I'm just saying. I got to get my shit together.
Tai Chi and Stretch Bens, by theway, they they've been
advertising these new Tai chi programs where you actually go
out and you just like pay for the app one time and you have
the like this daily program for Tai Chi.
Oh, nice. I'm doing one of those.
I'm also except for the fact that I'm so fucking lazy.

(54:09):
I'm also trying to do both guitar and piano and add that to
what I do. Oh, wow, Good Lord.
Yeah, you kind of do a lot of stuff.
Dude. You're just a big.
Performance. Well, I am trying.
I I have, I have decided that what I really want to be, I want
Professor Pendark to be the ultimate Renaissance man.
Like I'm also doing what I call my cartoons and my cartoons on

(54:33):
canvas. OK, they are these, these little
mini mini paintings and little cartoon based mini paintings
that I do that I use as incentives, as tips for my show.
Oh, that's so nice. So I'm trying to become the guy
and this is what this is what pisses some magicians off about

(54:54):
me, right? Is I'm trying to become the guy
that can do a little of everything, right?
Because I'm with you. I totally want to be that
fucking guy. I want to be the guy that does a
little of everything. And I don't give a shit whether
you like this thing I did. Hold on.
It'll be 5 minutes. I'll be doing another thing.
Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. And I can throughout an entire

(55:14):
show. I can do the magic, the
mentalism, do the escapes, do the sideshow stuff, maybe pull
out the keyboard and play a couple songs.
That's really cool. Right.
I want to be that guy. And the reason is I have hit a
place which is the exact opposite of where I was in my
20s. OK, I've come to realize that

(55:43):
when you stop, serenity comes from you stop being angry about
what you're not, and you start being grateful for what you are.
Fuck. Right.
Yeah, no, I, I know. And the more that you can add to
what you are, the more you have to be grateful, right?

(56:08):
That's some deep shit right there.
That's pretty. That's pretty deep.
It hits me pretty because I mean, you know, I mean, you
know, yeah. Like I'm trying to perform,
trying to do, you know, make a pie.
Like I, I know what you're talking about, you know?
Right. And that's, and that's where I'm
at now. See, in my 20s, I was angry and
bitter at everything I wasn't. The whole time I bet.

(56:28):
So I just escaped my 20s like a year ago.
So yeah, yeah, they're 100% the same thing, yeah.
Right, so you, so you get it. You, you're, you let the critics
dictate how you feel about yourself when you're in your
20s. And that's why you have so many
bitter, angry fucking 20 year olds, 25 up to 30 year olds out

(56:53):
there on the Internet trolling and fighting each other over
race, creed, color, religion, politics, sexuality.
They're all fighting over this bullshit that doesn't really
matter because when a tornado hits, I have.
OK, this is another thing. I used to told you that story so
I can tell you this one. Sure, sure.
I used to volunteer for a youth organization called the Young

(57:15):
Marines here in Texas. Oh, wow.
OK. And if you think of it as Boy
Scouts with marching and push ups, OK, That's basically what
they were. OK.
OK, it was a little more than that, but I'm I'm simplifying,
but that's that's basically ROTCtype.
Sure. Organization.
OK. I volunteered for them and one

(57:36):
of our projects that we did was when the big tornadoes hit down
on the coast, we went down and did clean up projects.
OK, we volunteered to go down there and do clean up projects.
And I will tell you one thing that pisses me off, watching
people on TikTok, watching people on Facebook, these videos
where they're arguing back and forth and your politics sucks

(57:57):
and your sexuality is stupid, Your, your religion doesn't
exist, whatever the fuck, right?I'm watching these people and
I'm remembering doing my volunteering for the young
Marines. And I was, I was essentially,
they gave me the honorary title of chaplain because I was the
one that would, you know, lead the evening prayer for the kids

(58:17):
that needed it. I was the one that would and it
was an honorary title. I never went to school for it.
Sure, sure. Sure, but but we went down to
the coast to do clean up and I watched hundreds of people come
together from various walks of life and do this clean up
project. And not one fucking time did I

(58:42):
ever hear anybody ask, are you Catholic?
Oh, well then fuck you clean your own yard.
You know, I never heard anybody say, I never heard anyone say,
are you gay? Oh, well then you can't have any
of this food, right? I never heard anybody say, oh,
you're a Mormon. You can't be here.
Never once. What we what did we do?

(59:05):
We all got together and we were pulling stumps and cleaning
people's yards, which by the wayis the, I remember to this day,
that's where I screwed the disk up in my back, pulling stumps
out, pulling stumps out in the during that stuff anyway.
So I'm looking at that stuff andI'm going, OK, why is that not

(59:28):
the prevailing attitude? Why is it not that when shit
happens, we come together like, OK, I'm just going to, I'm going
to do the pitch and some people are going to hate it and fuck
you, I don't care 911. Yeah, that's the, that's the one
that ever. That's the one that comes to
mind every time. Every time. 9/11 What did we do?

(59:50):
We didn't start this bullshit attacking each other over race,
creed, color, religion, politics, sexuality, all of
that. We did.
Some of it existed, but we didn't do it as a practice.
What we did instead is we came together.
To, in whatever way we do it, pray for and support a nation,

(01:00:13):
right? And it was the same thing during
those storms. I watched Mormons, Catholics,
Baptists, you name it, stand together in a prayer circle for
the victims of that storm. That's awesome.
And that's what I'm talking about is I look at the shit now

(01:00:34):
and I'm like, how is it that like your default is to get on
and start screaming your head off at somebody about who they
voted for, who they sleep with? What the how is that your
default? I don't get that, you know, So
I'm in. I'm in that opposite place
because in my 20s, that's why. That's where you are.

(01:00:55):
I was the asshole, OK? I I hung out with the goth kids,
right? Oh.
Really. Yeah, go figure, right?
I wouldn't have guessed. Big surprise, I hung out.
I'm still bumping this thing. Let me move this around here.
How's that better? Yeah, that's good.
That's good. I.
Just want to quit hitting him with my ear.
I know, I'm sorry. More support.

(01:01:17):
We can set up the studio better please.
Donations in the lake tree, Right.
So in my 20s, I was that guy. I was pissed off.
I was angry at everything. I was not.
So automatically everyone was mybad guy.

(01:01:37):
Does that make sense? Yeah, everyone was
automatically. If you're not this, then fuck
you, right? I'm with you.
I was that guy, right? I was that guy.
And I look at that now, and I look at that now.
I'm, you know, 54, about to be 55 in July.
I look at that now and I go, God, you were an asshole.

(01:02:01):
Yeah. Right.
And it and I am seeing these people on the Internet now and
I'm going, how do you not know you're an asshole?
Right, right, yeah, I so right. I, I, I'm with you because like
definitely have had a similar journeys, especially with the,

(01:02:22):
the, the, if you're not this, then fuck you kind of a thing
with, with me and trying to be funny and comedy or whatever.
I really just try to set like, I, I try to satirize all of it,
like both sides, all of it. And then and then obviously from
running a podcast and talking a bunch, my views are going to

(01:02:47):
spill out. But there's sometimes when I'm
joking that people will be like,well, wait, what do you because
like I'm satirizing all of it. I'm trying to just do it.
Just everybody's fair game. But I know what you mean.
There's there's a lot of things at work and you know that that
could be 3 that could be an entire podcast with a new title

(01:03:10):
all on its own. Us, me and you diving into how
you know everything got so divided the the.
Oh, I'll tell you what. The news cycles pushing
everybody apart, yadda, yadda. But alas, your your act in your
current state as I've seen it isawesome.

(01:03:31):
You're an incredible performer. The fact that you came in here,
you did it. You know, you had a trick for me
like it's amazing. You had an amazing impressions
like I don't know, it's cool to know you dude.
Well, and it's cool to know you and you know I that's where I am
now is like when I do this particularly like with the

(01:03:53):
skeleton gig, I there is nobody that I can't get along with.
Does that make sense? Sure, like I have either
performed alongside of four or whatever every possible
description of human being. Yeah.

(01:04:13):
OK, from the little kid to I. Here you go.
Here's another story of my past.You ready?
All right, I'm ready. Might as well.
What the hell, We've outed everything else, might as well
do this. Are we?
Are we doing good on time? Oh, we're good.
Yeah, we're good on time. We're good.
OK, good. I got, I got another hour where

(01:04:34):
we can record material. Oh wow, holy.
Shit, I'm good. So one of the gigs that I did,
one of the first gigs that I did, I was 19 years old back in
Utah and of all places, Utah, there was this.

(01:05:00):
I'm just going to say it as I mean it and not care who, who,
right here we go. There was this incredibly
beautiful transgendered share impersonator.
Like she knocked me the fuck? Oh yeah, Hell yeah.

(01:05:21):
OK, I'm 19 years old and I'm doing the haunted house thing.
And she comes through as a guestof the haunted house and she
looks at me and she goes, that torture matches things, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said you're and I looked
at her because I'd seen, I'd seen her, her advertisement

(01:05:43):
before. And I said, I'm not going to
tell you her last name, but I said you're Lady Jasmine.
And she said I am. And I'm using, I'm using the she
because it's yeah, sure, appropriate too.
Absolutely the character. I said you're Lady Jasmine and

(01:06:04):
she said yes, I and I said you're pairing up at I can't
even remember the name. It was like Confetti's or
something like that. It was a a Golf Club.
And she said, yes, I am. And I said I'd like to come see
you because at that time, that was the beginning of my overly

(01:06:28):
open minded phase of life. We all know what I'm saying,
right? I won't tell you all the
experiences that came from that phase of my life, but that was
the beginning of my overly open minded phase of life.
Hell yeah. And I said I'd like to come see
you. And she said I'll do you one
better, but I like your look. I said OK, what?

(01:06:53):
She said I need a backup singer.I said what?
I don't, I don't sing. She said you don't have to sing.
I sing, you dance. I said I don't dance.
She looks at me and she goes. He goes.
You will. Oh damn, oh damn, I'm like,

(01:07:16):
guess you're dancing. Yes, ma'am.
All right. So anyway, I'm 19.
Like, I'm like flabbergasted by this individual, right?
And she goes show up 8:00 AM tomorrow.
We have a rehearsal. I said OK, and it's my other

(01:07:37):
impression that I've been savingfor you.
You ready? Oh shit, here we go.
I am in long leather boots. OK, this gives you the idea
right? I'm in long leather boots,
chinos and nothing but a leathervest right on top.
And I'm standing there as the beginnings of my man hair coming

(01:07:57):
out right. I was poking out this this
leather vest and she goes perfect.
You stand on my left. I'm like, all righty.
Then I stood, I stood over thereand she says now all you have to
do is follow my lead. You won't have a microphone.
All you have to do is follow my lead, shake that tambourine and

(01:08:20):
shake your shit. That's exactly how she put it.
Shake your shit. She said shake your shit and
shake that tambourine, That's all you got to do.
So I'm standing behind her and here it comes.
Ready. Let me back the microphone up a
bit. OK, here it comes.
So I'm standing behind her and after the rehearsal, I had this
down perfect. Well, I was born in the wagon of

(01:08:41):
a traveling show. Mama used to dance for the money
they'd throw, right? And I'm singing behind this
spectacularly gorgeous. I mean, you know what I'm
saying? Sure there's there's a
difference like. I know, I know.
And I'm just going to say this out loud too.

(01:09:02):
All right go for it the ones on TikTok got nothing on her.
You know what I'm saying you know what I'm saying right?
I don't even have to finish thatyou know what I'm saying like
the one like she like this this whole and I swear to God she was

(01:09:25):
6 foot 8 if she was an inch she was like huge like.
Oh yeah, there's something about.
There's something like a big woman like I'm, I'm, you know,
and she had that. She had the whole frame.
And it was it was the Cher frame, but taller, if that gives
you the idea. Yeah.
OK. So I'm standing behind this.
I'm standing behind this singer looking like a total submissive

(01:09:45):
gun. I was born in.
Oh my God. And that was so.
That was like one of my very first introductions to that kind
of performance, right? Where all of a sudden my mind
opened up to this place where I don't have to hide, right?

(01:10:07):
I don't have to be inside myself.
I don't I can I can be weird. I can be flamboyant, I can be
extra as they say now, right or as they said 10 years ago, I'm
not caught up on what they say now, but you know, I can be
extra yeah, yeah, 6-7 and and ifyou've.

(01:10:29):
I don't fucking know what that means.
I don't either. Yeah, me neither.
OK, and my regular night job. OK, my my overnight job, which
I'm going to after we're done here, my overnight job, I work
in a children's home. I won't say which one because
they don't want this tied to that.
Sure, sure, absolutely. But I work in a children's home

(01:10:49):
overnight, which freaks people out to fucking begin with.
They're like, yeah, how is this guy?
You know, I'm like, yeah, it's agovernment, you know, it's, it's
it's a government funded. We're an emergency shelter.
It's a thing. That's amazing, you know, And I
found that job because I was again, at a low point.
It was the beginning of my current divorce phase.

(01:11:10):
OK, I was again at a low point. I was struggling to find work.
And part of the reason for the divorce was I was struggling,
struggling to find work. I couldn't get a job beyond like
working in a retail right? Yeah, OK.
And so I was applying at different places and I had done
a short stint in corrections foryouth.

(01:11:32):
I had done that volunteering forthe young Marines, and I went to
this place. And this lady, I will tell you
this about them. She is one of the most gracious
individuals on the planet. She is a former kid from the
system, so she knows how the system works.
And I'm not going to say the name of the place because I'm
not sure they want me to. Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely

(01:11:52):
not. But just incredible.
She turned around and she said she said your past doesn't
matter. She said your experience, what
you can do for me and the job you do for me is what we're
going to focus on. So she gives me this overnight

(01:12:15):
job, which ends up being perfectfor the stage stuff because I
work 11:00 PM to 9:00 AM four nights a week, first half of the
week, which gives me my Friday, Saturday, Sunday, except for
this week because I picked up extra shifts.
You're welcome, boss. I picked up extra shifts this

(01:12:37):
week. But normally it's the that first
4-4 days of the week, Sunday night through Wednesday night
that's really. And that gives me my weekends
for the show for. The gigs.
And she purposely did that right.
That's awesome. And then she turns around and
with with all of the new fundingthat we received and all of that
stuff, my salary shot up. Hell yeah.
OK, so not only now do I have this job that I enjoy, I can do

(01:13:02):
my shows on the side and I make enough money that if the shows
totally suck, I'm still going toeat.
There you go, dude. Right, That's the dream.
Now that's OK. Now, for a lot of people, the
dream is I want to be just a stage performer.
I want to be just right, the theater right.
I want to just be an artist. Well, I'm here to tell you
that's not fucking realistic. It's not in today's.

(01:13:25):
Incredibly rare and also it onlyis getting harder with right
everything being more expensive right?
I mean, I'm not even. Yeah, I know.
Politics, Politics. I I understand.
Right, But I have hit a place now where I'm like, I have I, I

(01:13:45):
am doing the TikTok thing. I have my regular page where I I
sit and just talk to the camera.Yeah, right.
Yeah, I have my Penndark TikTok page where I announce the shows
and I do all that stuff. And then I have another one that
I call the Mind and Madness. And the mind and Madness is my

(01:14:10):
daily thoughts. So I'm putting out thoughts like
I just gave you earlier about, you know, serenity comes from no
longer being angry about what you're not.
Yeah, yeah, right. It's those daily thoughts and

(01:14:31):
I'm putting, I'm putting those out there.
People need to hear that. And they do.
And. And that's something that I've
decided to do because I encounter more people every day
that need that than don't. Yeah, that makes sense. 100% You

(01:14:53):
know, there's a there's a lot ofthings with that, especially
with younger people or even, youknow, people in their 30s or
even in their 20s. We're just, we're also just not
talking as much like we're. Yeah.
We're really not. We're not talking to each other
enough. And, and that was one thing I
discovered when I started this podcast almost two years ago now

(01:15:15):
that it really, it forced me to have, I mean, we, let's face it,
we would have never had this long of a conversation like
unless I was just like, Hey, come do this, you know what I'm
saying? Not in person at least, you
know, like we're both busy, whatever.
But we were able to carve out oftime and do this.
And and like you said, putting out your thoughts like that,

(01:15:38):
people do need to hear it, even if we're not going to be able to
sit and talk or whatever, because there's so much,
everybody's so busy now. Everything's so, you know, micro
whatever, right that people still need to hear things that
are positive and. And and that's something that
I've kind of started getting into.
I didn't think I was going to get into the whole the whole
TikTok thing, but I started discovering like there's a

(01:16:00):
couple of them out there. OK, I'm going to say this.
I absolutely fucking despise ASMR.
It hurts my ears. OK, I can't do it.
I can't do it. OK, let the people.
OK, You know what? I'm let me let me sell you
something on. Don't.
This shit drives me crazy. I'm telling you right now, if

(01:16:22):
you were in full pin dark and like the leather vest, you know,
and and and you were like like had a mic up to you know, and
you're like rubbing a knife on your like leather whips, like
with the mic up close. I mean maybe.
I mean we might need to do this.You know, we could, we'll, we'll

(01:16:43):
try a couple and see what happens.
Even if you hate it just like your the visual and the sound
just like. Well, I do know.
Let me show. Let me show you this.
This is something this is something I learned how to do.
And I'm not going to talk about the setting where I learned how
to do this. There's, there's, there's.
Leaving out the good parts, what's your?
Story. Oh, OK.
Well, all right. So in my early 30s there was

(01:17:10):
some experimentation. When When I want to know the age
range where you weren't experimenting.
OK, I have been experimenting with something since I was 19.
It's just. Something new every time.
And I'm probably not going to bedone experimenting with new shit
until I'm like, you know, I think I am going to pull the

(01:17:32):
ultimate joke. And I am not going to retire
until exactly 69. Hell yeah.
Hell. Yeah, I think I've.
Decided that that's awesome. Please don't.
I'm 54 right now. That gives me 15 more years.
Oh yeah, right. 15 more years todo my shit.
Now I will tell you I've reacheda place in my life where I'll go

(01:17:53):
back to the other story in a minute.
I'm not I. Haven't forgotten, you know that
that made you think of 69, so I can only imagine.
I haven't forgotten. I haven't forgotten.
I'll go back to that. Got it.
But I've reached a place in my life where your body starts
doing this thing going back to that, right?
Your body starts doing this thing.
You like how this ADD shit works?
Your body starts doing this thing where just middle of the

(01:18:17):
night, one night you're trying to sleep and your body goes, hey
dude, you go what? We should have a second puberty.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you sure that's a good idea?
And my body goes, yeah, it'll befun.

(01:18:38):
You remember what it was like, right?
I'm like, yeah, I do, which is why I don't want to do it again.
Yeah. Please, please God no.
And I will say this, when you're12 even, you know, sometimes
18/19/22 and you're standing in a grocery store and you spring a

(01:18:58):
spontaneous boner in a grocery store.
There's always those, those stopped for, for, for some
people, right? OK, now there's always at least
one chick that goes oh what the fuck, that's cute, right?
Oh you poor thing, that's so cute, right?

(01:19:21):
Right. Now, at the age of 52, that is
not the case. At the age of 52, you stand in a
grocery store and you spring a spontaneous boner and all of a
sudden you're suspect of every possible crime that ever
happened anywhere in the city around you.
You got to, you got to get the fuck out of there.
You're. Like.
You got to wear you got to wear a a paper sack over your head.

(01:19:43):
Like get the. Hell, I cannot.
I will tell you now. I will tell you now.
Oh. My God, that the.
I will tell you now that the theQT store.
Yeah, quick trips. Yeah, in, in, in the heart of
Dallas. OK, I'm kicked out and never
allowed to go back. What the fuck?

(01:20:04):
It was a it was a total accident, OK.
That's a corn dog. Right, that's a corn dog.
This is a. Taquito.
They're like. What are you smuggling?
I'm like nothing a liar anyway. They think they.
Think that you're stealing something?
It's happened once. Oh my God.
That's how big his cock is going.

(01:20:25):
No, OK. No, no.
See, that's a lie. See, it's not so much that OK as
OK, I'm just going to tell you what what a friend of mine
called me. OK, OK, I'm I'm a grower, not a
shower dude, OK? Seriously, to the choir like.
Right, OK. So goes from like 0 to.

(01:20:47):
When it does, yes, I'm like, I'min public anyway, right?
And when you're when you're 52, it's not the same as when you
were 12, but your body still goes.
Wasn't that cool? No, no, put that.
Thing in a straight jacket. Dude, you got the hardware.

(01:21:08):
Or the other thing is, I can't not believe I've just spent 10
minutes talking about my Dick anyway.
It's fine. That's exactly what this podcast
is. Or there's another thing that
occurs right along with that, There's another thing that
occurs. I have not, since the age of 40,

(01:21:32):
been able to pee without farting.
I just, I miss being able to do that, I mean.
That was not I was like, what? Oh my God.
Sorry, was that a little? No, that's so funny.
Surprise there. That's so funny.
That is one thing I do miss frommy 20s is being able to pee

(01:21:55):
without farting. That's.
So funny dude. I'll be standing.
I'll be standing there and thinking I'm being all
nonchalant and everything, you know, I'm looking around behind
me and shit. Like, you know, make sure the
guy that walked in doesn't go. Or you know, the other one

(01:22:17):
that's really annoying is when you're done after the age of 45.
Well, for me, after the age of about 4548, you can stand there
for it does not matter how vigorously or for how long you
shake that son of a bitching thing, there's going to be 1

(01:22:40):
fucking drop and it always hits the front of your drawer.
Oh my God. The minute you.
Is and if you're wearing khakis,you're you're screwed.
Totally screwed. That's and you know, it's those
are the things that come with being older that I look at and

(01:23:00):
go, OK, I will you know it. It's like the Professor X thing,
right? I'll trade my spine and I'll
trade my hair for cosmic phenomenal brain power, Right.
So I have reached the point where, fuck yeah, I'm going to

(01:23:23):
build all these talents. I'm going to do all this stuff.
Hell yeah. You know, I'll trade getting
laid three times a week, and I'll trade, you know, being able
to pee without farting. You know, I'll try.
I'll trade all that for being probably the most talented guy I
know. That you, that you are.
Right. Like that, it's I'll trade that.
That's really cool. And that's, and that's where I'm

(01:23:44):
at. Is, is, is in life.
Like I said, serenity comes whenyou start appreciating what you
are instead of being pissed off at what you're not, right.
So that's where I'm at. I'm going to appreciate
everything I am and I'm going tokeep continuing to try and grow
everything that I am. I'm even, I've got a manuscript

(01:24:04):
for a book that I've just finished.
You wrote a book. I wrote a book.
Hell yeah, dude. It may end up being two books
because it's really fucking long, but it's the the 1st, I'll
say it, I'll say this way. The first half is called The
Darkness Within. And it's poems and short stories

(01:24:25):
that come from that dark, angry place where I was in my head.
OK. And it's, there's some, there's
some twisted stuff in there. If you think Edgar Allan Poe
asked kind of stuff. It's some of that kind of stuff.
But on a modern level, right? And then the the other half is

(01:24:50):
my advice on how not to let the darkness win, how to grow beyond
the darkness, Right. Yeah, I haven't decided on the
title for that half. Yet, yeah, don't share it here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to keep it before and
but, you know, until you, yeah, you know, get it.
All I haven't, I haven't decidedon the title for that half yet,

(01:25:12):
but it's going to be two halves of the same story.
And I may even publish one with a black cover and one with a
white cover or one with, you know, like shadow and mist and
one with sunlight. You know, I may, I may do that
whole contrast thing so that youcan see visually the transition
between what's in the first one and what's in the second one.
That's incredible, dude. That's yeah, that's nice.

(01:25:34):
Yeah. Professor Pendark, the man, the
the mystical man of many talents.
You like you. You were so much more than, you
know, the the magician that I met.
And like there's seems like an endless amount of things that
you could tell me like like you seem like you got to and I don't

(01:25:57):
know, we we can cut this out, but I think you want you were
considering starting a podcast maybe possibly because it seems
you have a great voice. I have.
I have considered it. In fact, if you know somebody
that produces one, hey, yeah, I have considered it.

(01:26:18):
And I think it would be along the lines of that.
It would be, you know what, whatthe hell?
I'll give a title for it. It would be from the darkness to
the light. Hell yeah.
OK, it would be the little the little life's lessons that I've
learned along the way. From that dark, angry, pissed

(01:26:42):
off 24 year old to this weird crazy, eccentric full of stories
54 year old that in between there's stuff I haven't even
touched on yet you can imagine. I know I I can tell like as as
deep as we've gotten, we're just, we're just at the surface
of professor. Right.

(01:27:03):
And you know, I think I think itwould be fun to do that.
I think it I think it would be fun to to actually do a podcast.
So if you want to, if you want to think about it.
No, I, I, yeah, I think like we definitely need to talk about
it. Is there anything before I wrap
this up, Is there anything that you want to do Cher?
I got one more for you. You got one more to send us out,
all right. Got one more to send you out
with Now this I told you a little bit about the the Houdini

(01:27:26):
thing and he's, he's one of my inspirations, right?
This right here is actually a story about Harry Houdini.
OK, this is one of my all time favorite pieces of magic and I
have adapted it to being a storyabout Harry Houdini.
Now, Harry Houdini was called the King of cards and the king

(01:27:46):
of escapes. OK.
So what we're going to do right here is an escape trick using
cards. OK.
All right, We're going to take care of.
We're going to place him right there.
I want you to put your hand on him again, to use that phrase so
you know, there's no jiggery pokery.
I don't change him. I don't move him, right?
We're going to put him right there.
And I'm going to tell you what what we're doing right here is
we're simulating the time he waslocked in a cage in the streets

(01:28:08):
of London in nothing but his boxer shorts and a bunch of
chains and shackles, OK? And I'm going to tell you how I
think he got out of that. And I think his wife, Bess, is
actually the one that helped himget out of there.
OK, we're going to say that's Bess right there.
And a lot of people don't know that Harry Houdini, before he
became a magician, he was a locksmith.
And I believe that he developed a very special skeleton key

(01:28:29):
based on the locks of the day and that that's what he would
use to get out. And Bess would carry that key in
her cheek because every time yousaw Houdini locked up like that,
Bess would walk over and she'd plant a kiss on Harry.
And I think she was passing him that key and that's what he
would later use to get. Out with a kiss.

(01:28:50):
Right. And I think that's what she
would later use to get out. Now, I'm going to tell you, we
don't know for sure that that's how it was done.
Go ahead and open the cage. All right?
We don't know for sure how that that that's how it was done.
Because Harry's kind of a joker.He did not leave us all of his
secrets. What the fuck?
OK. But I do know.
Show the camera. Yeah.
Go ahead and show the camera. This is a joker now.

(01:29:15):
All right, now I do know though that anytime, anytime Harry was
locked up and Bess would walk over and plant that guess, I do
know that Harry would end up standing right back behind the
behind the crowd. Damn.
Right next to his wife Bess, where they started.

(01:29:38):
What the fuck, dude? So that's that's one of my all
time favorite pieces of magic. I thought I thought I'd leave
you with that. Professor Pindar, ladies and
gentlemen, you've been an all time guest.
This has been so fun for me. Thank you so much for sharing
these. And overly educational for the

(01:30:00):
younger one. It has been so fun.
It was so awesome getting to open for you as a performer.
That's like a huge like mark on my you.
Know, yeah, we need to, we need,we need to contact the Waco
Performing Arts Community Centerand tell them we want to do that
again. Oh yeah.

(01:30:20):
OK. I've been told there is possible
opportunities for that, so we need to contact them and let
them know we want to do it again.
OK, OK, Me, you and I. Let's do that.
Let's do it again. Come and see us hit those links
in the show notes for a Professor Penndark and come see
him at the the Skellington Open Air Markets and.
Oh yeah, if you actually, if youactually do give a shit to know

(01:30:42):
any of any of what I do, just goout to penndarkproductions.com
and that links to all my socials.
OK, perfect. Yeah, that will be in the
description of it, where wherever you're listening to the
podcast, it'll be there. Click it, see what's going on,
you know, follow him on everything and thank you again
so much for coming here absolutely and sharing with us.

(01:31:03):
It was awesome. Don't forget to spay and new to
your pets. Good night.
I see you have chosen the right path.
Henceforth you will be known as a wind.
Welcome to the Worst Impressionspodcast.