March 10, 2024 • 40 mins
In this episode, Gia dives deep into the topic of mental health with highly experienced clinical therapist Kristen Radke.
Kristen shares her insights on anxiety, belief systems, and the power of neuroplasticity in transforming our lives. Discover how aligning with your values can lead to inner peace and success.
Join Gia and Kristen as they explore the journey of healing and empowerment, offering valuable advice on seeking help and creating new neural pathways for a brighter future. Tune in to gain valuable insights and tools to navigate the challenges of high-functioning anxiety and redefine success on your own terms.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to Your Future Starts Now, the go-to podcast for
extraordinary women who are ready to step into their next chapter with
authentic confidence. I'm your host, Shia Laqua, empowerment coach,
motivational speaker, children's book author, and girl mom. Whether
you're a corporate powerhouse or an entrepreneur, this show is
designed for you. Your Future Starts Now is more than
(00:20):
just a podcast. It's a movement, a movement towards rewriting
the rules of success for high-achieving women. Are you ready
to get unstuck and step into your next chapter? If
so, you are exactly where you need to be. Your future starts
now. Welcome to Your Future Starts Now. I'm
your host, Gia Lacqua. Thanks for tuning in today. I am thrilled to welcome
(00:43):
Kristen Radke to the show. Kristen is a highly experienced and
respected clinical therapist based in Arizona. With extensive experience
providing counseling to individuals, couples, and families, Kristen uses modern
therapeutic techniques combined with biblical wisdom to
help clients heal from anxiety, depression, relationship conflicts,
and shame. Prior to her private practice, Kristen worked in
(01:04):
a variety of social work and mental health roles for over a decade. She
served as a behavioral therapist for children with developmental and behavioral
disorders, as a social worker for children in foster care, and
as a victim's advocate in the police department. She's licensed as
a clinical social worker in the state of Arizona, where she lives with her husband and
daughter. Kristen, thanks for being with us today. Welcome to the show. Thank
(01:28):
Great. So today we are talking about mental health.
And, you know, before we jump into that, Kristen, maybe you could just tell our listeners a
little bit about your personal backstory and how to, how you got to
Yeah, absolutely. So, um, I have
a master's from, uh, Case Western Reserve University
in Ohio. And I actually grew
(01:51):
up in California. So after my master's went back to California, jumped
in, ended up working with in-home behavioral
treatment for kids who were at risk of a higher level of care.
So go in there, create some behavioral goals, work with parents, work
with the kids. to make sure that they could stay where they were. And then
from there went into working in foster care as
(02:14):
a child protective services social worker. So worked alongside the
court and families, foster children, foster parents, all of that.
And from there, I got
married. My husband and I, we moved to Arizona and started
working as a victim advocate in the police department. Had
some great experiences there. Jumped into community mental health.
(02:37):
then to a group practice. And then after I had my
daughter, I jumped into the private practice world and started that
Wow. That's incredible. Amazing work that you've
done and that you are doing. Your bio is
so interesting. Talk to us a little bit about how you
integrate modern therapeutic approaches with biblical
(02:59):
wisdom in your counseling practice. And also talk to us
a little bit about what benefits you've observed from this integration.
Yeah, I look at people holistically. So
I see the perspective of we're
not just one-dimensional. So we have spiritual lives, right? And
I'm a Christian therapist. I believe in Jesus. So I
(03:22):
see just even bringing in the
Holy Spirit or even just me just asking the Lord during a
session like, you know, what wisdom do we need to Do
I need to give this person? What do I need to talk about? Even
talking to them about their faith, where they're at, and
integrating that with some of the more modern techniques like cognitive behavioral
(03:45):
therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, emotionally focused therapy. I
find that when you integrate the two, it addresses the
whole of the person. And so instead of just saying, hey, you
need to work on these coping skills and this is going to help you heal. We're
looking at, hey, let's bring Jesus into these places that
have been hurt. Let's help you heal in a more holistic way.
(04:10):
And I feel like people have actually experienced more
complete healing and more long term healing by
So fascinating, because when you think about wellness and well being,
there's the mind body aspect, and then there's a spiritual
aspect, right? And so I'm
(04:31):
curious in your practice, do you find that
the clients you work with are sort of disconnected from
the spiritual piece or they feel really solid
Most of them have some sort of background spiritually. They
grew up in it or they used to go and then they've
(04:52):
just kind of lost touch with that side and they haven't
gone to church in a while, or they don't have a community, or they had a bad experience in
the church. Or they just weren't
taught, like, how do you sit in relationship with God? I
think a lot of people grew up in kind of a legalistic way, and so it
almost produces anxiety for them. And when
(05:14):
we help them have relationship with God,
it creates more of a peace. And
so instead of having to pursue and do
more and be more and be better, and they're
learning how to be still, and
they're learning contemplative prayer, and they're learning how
(05:36):
to just bring their anxieties before God, right?
So there's scripture that talks about cast your anxiety before Him.
And a lot of people don't know how to do that because they think that they have to do
more and be more. And so we work a lot on
Mm hmm. Yeah, that is so beautiful.
(05:59):
I love what you said about this feeling of having to do and be more. But
it's not about that, right? Right. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
That's incredible. So, you know, a lot of high
achieving women and listeners, I think, struggle with anxiety.
As we know, it's very prevalent, especially in this day and age. And
specifically, while it's not a clinical diagnosis,
(06:23):
I think a lot of women struggle with high functioning anxiety.
So I'm curious if you could talk a little bit about that concept and
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I see this when
someone comes in. Right. And they're they're doing all of the things they're
actually functioning pretty well or what they think is pretty well in their
(06:46):
life. Right. They've got the job. They may be running their own business, they've
got kids, they've got a husband, they're doing all the things, they're checking off all
the tasks. But at the same time, they
have this, almost this feeling of restlessness, this
kind of restless, anxious feeling that drives
them to keep doing more. And so it's this cycle of
(07:07):
like, well, I have this restless feeling, I need to do more, and then I do
more, and then I still have this restless feeling, so I need to do even more.
And so it's this anxiety that
continues to push them to perform, which
oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes comes from a place of
(07:27):
perfectionism, comes from a place of not
knowing how to slow down, how to rest, how to unhurry, if you
Yes. So relatable. And you just described my
life for many years in the corporate world.
Yeah. And it wasn't until 2018 that I was diagnosed with
(07:47):
anxiety, but it had been lifelong for me, but it wasn't until I
burned out and I was having heart palpitations and thought I was having a heart attack
and really just ran myself into the ground until I received a
diagnosis. And so I think it's a great point
that it sort of becomes part of us
in the sense of like driving our success in
(08:10):
some twisted way. And so there's
a big part of anxiety, and I know this is, you talk
a lot about this in the work that you do, and I want to get into this in a minute, but there's
a lot of it that's wrapped up in our identity. So it's kind of like, if
this is part of who I am, who am I without it? Right,
right. And that can be really scary. And also if you
(08:30):
think about, well, this hustle culture or
this drive to constantly do and constantly go,
if that in my mind has attributed to
my success in some way, You know, I was petrified to
let that go. Mm hmm. Right. Who
am I if if I let that go? Right. So
(08:52):
I think that's a really hard shift and transformation for
people to go through. But talk to us a
little bit about kind of your view of anxiety and how
Yeah, I mean, I, so
one of the things that I talk to my clients about often is that a
diagnosis is not your identity. And so, and
(09:16):
that goes for anxiety, anxiety is not your identity. If you are struggling with anxiety,
it's a collection of symptoms. And it's telling your body something.
And it's usually telling your body, you need to slow down and you need to
deal with what's going on right now. Because
it's symptoms are communication. And
(09:36):
so it's telling your body, hey, something's going on. And we
need to figure out what it is. But it's
not saying that you have this
thing called anxiety. and you're going
to have to deal with this for the rest of your life. Buckle up." That's not
what it's saying. That's one
of the things that I talk about in my sessions with clients is, hey,
(09:59):
when you're even talking about it, don't say my anxiety.
It's not yours. It doesn't belong to you. It's something that can go
away, but it requires you to
pay attention. It requires you to be intentional. It requires
you to slow down. to also sit in discomfort and
learn to be able to sit with that for a minute. Because
(10:24):
obviously in therapy, it's not one size fits all.
So part of the therapeutic process is also figuring
out where is this coming from? Because a collection
of symptoms like anxiety could also be the
result of trauma, it could be something that you haven't
dealt with, right? It could be also actually
(10:44):
right now I feel like of an influx of clients that their
anxieties actually as a result of learning that they were not allowed to
share or process or express emotion. So
it's more of like a lot of stuffed emotions, right? So we're
working on helping them to process and
have what I call emotional release. So we're trying to normalize
(11:08):
that process, right? So anxiety can
also be the result of a very strict
upbringing where performance was really pushed, like, you
know, get the good grades, get into the good college, do the good job, make sure you
do your chores, make sure you're not doing A, B, and C, don't do drugs, like all
the different things, whatever it was. It can
(11:29):
be as a result of, you know, kind of growing up in a legalistic home.
Like there's so many roots to this and possibilities that part
of the process is learning where is this coming from first. And
then once you figure out, okay, where this is coming from, then then
you can start to do some of the work, right? And one of
the things that you said that was really interesting to me was when you
(11:52):
shared your story is that you didn't even know
what it was and you were having heart palpitations. And a
lot of people that have come to me, that's actually their story too. They
start out by going to the ER and thinking they're
having a heart attack and then they keep going to the ER and
the ER keeps telling them, you're fine. We did an EKG. We've done all these tests.
(12:13):
They send you a cardiologist, like they've done all these things. And then
eventually they go, Hey, this is actually It's
presenting physiologically, but it's actually mental because
there's a connection, right? That mind-body connection. And
then they show up and they see me and they're like, hey, so I have heart
palpitations and this is what's going on. And it's amazing because
(12:36):
when they start to process and deal with what's going on internally, the
heart palpitations slowly go away. They're like, I
didn't actually believe it. I thought that that was just insulting when they
Yes, it's so true. It's a great point.
And it is the physiological manifestations of
(12:58):
unmanaged chronic stress and anxiety. And I think oftentimes
we ignore the initial warning signs. And we
tell ourselves it's nothing, not a big deal, take an Advil, right? But
the reality is it's probably something much greater that's
going on. And I love what you said about symptoms are a form of communication, just like
our feelings and our emotions, even when they're hard or difficult. They're
(13:20):
a form of communication and we can choose to listen to them
and tap into them or not. And
I think that's a great point as well. And so now I
think it is becoming, I think the awareness is greater. I think companies
are trying to do more to prevent and address burnout
and more of a focus on holistic wellness, I think we still have a
(13:41):
long ways to go. Yes. But,
you know, I do think it's important. And also, you
know, you mentioned people feeling dismissed. I remember going to the
cardiologist, I did my stress test and wear the monitor and all of that thinking, oh
my gosh, there's something wrong with my heart. And before this cardiologist,
very smart doctor had any of my test results, you
(14:03):
know, and he's hearing me ramble on about my symptoms, my experience, and he looks
at me and he goes, you're going to be fine. You're fine. Your heart
is fine. It's almost like he didn't even need the test to
tell him what was going on. Because again, I think he's seen
it so many times. Yeah. Right. And so it is
so fascinating. I would love to know, based on your experience, how
(14:24):
for those people who might be struggling in those moments, how do
we slow down? Right. As you said, how do we
learn this discomfort? What is a good first
Yeah. I mean, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? And obviously, I
think this can be different from person to person, depending
on the situation. But as a general rule, How
(14:47):
do we slow down? I mean, one
of the things that I would say with that is
that we need to be aware of our yes. We
need to be aware of – if you could sit down and you
could write down like what are the – all the
things that you're doing, all the yeses in your life. And
(15:10):
write it all down. And then maybe write another column of
all the things that you value. And I'm not talking about goals.
I'm talking about like, I value my family, I
value community, I value health, I
value... And I want you to look and compare the
list. And I want you to see, is what
(15:31):
I'm doing in alignment with what I value? Because
I may say that I value community, and yet I
spend all of my time hustling, if you will, and
kind of continuing to promote this hustle culture. And if
those things do not align, and you are experiencing anxiety, it's
(15:52):
time to say no to a couple things. That's easier
said than done, but it's time to step away from
a couple of things. It's time to look at your schedule. There's a
couple of books I could recommend for the listeners. One
of them is The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by
John Mark Comer, and another one is called To Hell with the Hustle. I
(16:14):
would start with The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. It's a great book. And
one of the things he talks about is that God created us for rhythm. And
when we get out of rhythm and when we're a part of this kind of hustle culture, These
things do happen. We do have anxiety. We end up with depression. We end
up feeling like there's more, and we need to do more. We need to be more. But
(16:35):
I've done it, and now I'm here, and I still feel like this. We
end up scrolling more, and we end up binging more, whether that's
food or Netflix. All of these things are symptoms of
feeling this anxious restlessness that
we can't seem to put our finger on. One
of the rhythms that he talks about is taking a weekly Sabbath,
(16:58):
and maybe even if you don't believe and you don't have
faith, that might even look like you taking
a digital rest day. It means no computers, no
phones, no TV, get outside, do some things that fill your
cup, but take out all of the
digital things in your life. Turn them all off. You don't need
(17:19):
to do it. It's amazing how many people would tell
me, I can't do that. Well, what if someone needs to contact me? What if this? What
if that? Start telling your people, hey, On
this day of this week, of every week, I
will be taking a complete day to absolutely do
nothing digitally. I'm going to turn my phone off. If something
(17:39):
is needed, you can tell me tomorrow or you can tell me the day before, but
I am not doing it on that day because we
need it. We need that rhythm. We need to be able to step away and not feel like
anything has to be done and to really take an entire
day with our families. hand make
some pizza, like, do some puzzles, play a game, take
(18:00):
a walk, like, there's so many things that you can do. Yeah. So
Those are powerful, powerful tools, or even setting the
auto response on your text messages. Now, right, you have that
ability that, yeah. I'm driving or I'm not available today or
whatever. So great advice. I love what you said about creating
(18:20):
a list of your yeses, right? The things that you're focusing your
energy on, what you're doing, and then seeing how they line up
to your core values and what's important to you, right? And I think you'll very
clearly see, are you living in alignment? And
to your point, maybe there's even a third column of what am I saying no to?
And I know for me, years ago, that list would
(18:41):
have been very short. And when
you look at that, you realize, okay, maybe there are some more things
that need to go on this third list under the no category.
And it is hard. It is hard when you're used to saying yes to everything
and being the go-to person. And you are that over-functioner, the
high achiever who takes everything on more than your fair share, more
(19:05):
And something to do, you could even make another list,
fourth list, if you will. What is it costing you? Yes. So
you may be saying yes to some things and no to others, and that may be a
short list. But technically, you're saying no to
some things that you want to be saying yes to, like
more time with your family, or time alone for yourself, or
(19:29):
you know, time for your marriage or time with each one of your kids, whatever
it is. And so what are
your yeses costing you? And if they're not worth it, that
I love that. Love that. What is it bringing you? And what is
it costing you is a great sort of formula to
work with. Yeah, great framework. And you you
(19:51):
talked earlier about, you know, people sort of getting to the source,
right of what is creating that angst
and the restlessness and that drive. And, you
know, it's one of the reasons I became a trauma informed coach is because not
only through my own personal healing journey, but as
I work with more and more high-achieving women, I realize that there's a huge percentage
(20:13):
of them who are dealing with unresolved
trauma, capital T or lowercase T, right? Things
that they may not have acknowledged or they've acknowledged
but have not yet healed. And
so often once they have that moment of, oh,
(20:33):
this is related, Right. It is
just eye opening. It is just that aha moment
for them. And so, you know, identifying the source is a
really good point because we can identify a lot of us can identify with the
symptoms of perfectionism and people pleasing and
overachieving and external validation. Right.
And some of that is conditioning, societal conditioning. You
(20:57):
know, some of it maybe is generational. To your point, a lot of your clients,
right, are dealing with processing emotions that they've never
processed or suppressed. I think a lot of us have that experience, right?
Of like, we weren't allowed to feel certain things or we were told certain feelings were
bad. Right. Right. And so what did we do? We suppressed them
(21:18):
They're not acceptable. They're not acceptable. And so
what does that say about yourselves? And
what are the stories we tell ourselves about who
we are when we're having those feelings? It's such
great advice to really tap into that and get to the source.
And obviously working with a therapist or coach with
(21:41):
the right expertise and qualifications can be really
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and to
your point, it's being able to
process through that, you might find that some of those things are trauma responses, right?
They're conditioned trauma responses that says, this
(22:03):
is how I grew up, and this is how I had to cope through that situation in
order to feel safer, to feel okay. And
then I took all of those coping skills and I brought them into my adulthood. And
now I'm really successful, successful, right? And so that's
going to make everything okay. And then people find,
oh, it's not going to make everything okay. I still have to go back and process through
(22:31):
No, it's so hard. It's so hard because I think some people come into therapy and
they're like, okay, here I am, fix me. And I'm like, that's not
my job. Um, uh,
and so we talk about like, what is my job? Well, my job is
to help guide and help ask questions and help you process and
maybe do a little bit of education here and there and offer
(22:52):
some, you know, suggestions for the work to do in between now and
next session and all of that. But it's, I
think when people realize, oh, I actually have to do this work. I have to
lean into this. I have to allow emotions to come up that are uncomfortable. I
have to let myself cry sometimes. I have to journal through
some things. I have to, it's hard work. It is not easy.
(23:15):
And so I tell people that all the time, just to encourage them, like you're doing
hard work. And you know, I think that anyone
that goes into therapy or is working on themselves with a
coach or whatever it is, like, I think they should be really proud of themselves for
Yeah, and challenging yourself in new ways, right? I mean, it's
(23:35):
hard and it's hard to acknowledge that this
is an opportunity for growth when you've been successful in
all these other areas. And you're like, wait, but this is hard, right?
Like everything else is easy and natural. Yeah, that can
even be a deterrent. Yeah. So
it's it's a really good point leaning into the discomfort and
(23:57):
realizing that it is a process. Yeah. For
Which I think is why you have to normalize it because especially if you're working
with someone who's a high achiever, right? And you basically just said this is
everything else has come easier because they worked. They kind of
found a formula that works for them. Yeah. And in therapy, there
is no formula. Yeah. I mean, there is on my
(24:20):
end, but there's no formula for them to get through this any quicker. And there
isn't a one size fits all. And I can't tell you how long you'll be in therapy. I
mean, I can give you an estimation, but it may or may not be right. And
so I think just helping people normalizing the fact that this is going
to be hard, this is going to be uncomfortable. And if they can expect that,
then they're more likely to stick with it because they're like, oh, she told me this would be hard. Yeah.
(24:44):
So this is exactly where I should be. But I think that's really difficult
for high achievers because they're like, OK, this is stupid. I'm
done. This isn't coming easy to me. Yeah. And
so just even encouraging like, hey, stick with the process. And
with people that I work with that are, you know, on that recovering
perfectionist, if I would say, I often have to tell them like
(25:05):
your new mantra is progress, not perfection. And if you see
yourself making emotional progress, you're exactly where
Yeah, it's great advice. And being patient with
yourself, right? Because it's not instantaneous. It's
not like bringing your car to the mechanic, right, and getting it back the next day. And
it's like, oh, great, it's working now. No, it doesn't. So to
(25:26):
your point, it's being patient, learning. For me, I always say there's
a learning curve in terms of learning new tools, new skills,
new processes and mechanisms. But for, I
think, a lot of women, it's also unlearning. It's unlearning the
harmful, toxic behaviors and
the coping mechanisms that at one point did serve us, right?
(25:49):
They did help to protect us in some way.
And so they were beneficial at one time, but now they
are causing us, right? It's that question that you asked, what is it costing you,
right? And how is it impacting your life
and to be able to step back and reflect and say, okay, this is something I need to unlearn.
I need to shift my thinking. I need to reframe this sort
(26:11):
of knee-jerk reaction I have when an uncomfortable feeling comes
Yeah. And that means that certain sessions, people
are going to walk in and it's going to be one of those sessions where they feel
crappy when they come in and they feel crappy when they leave. And we talk about
that because it isn't like the mechanic. It's basically, it's
an overhaul of belief systems. And
(26:35):
like you said, kind of maladaptive coping skills, right? Ones
that serve them to survive in a certain situation, usually
throughout childhood and kind of adolescence. And then once
they get to adulthood, it's wreaking havoc on their bodies.
And so it's like, okay, now's the time to really
overhaul a lot of this, but it is very, it can be, not
(27:01):
Yeah. And that's the only way to get past the pain is through it, right?
Yeah. Yeah. You have to, you have to feel the heal, right? Absolutely.
There's so much truth in that. So Kristen, tell us
a little bit about, you know, talk to us about belief systems. I think so
often, you know, through our conditioning societal or,
you know, our family of origin, we have these voices telling
(27:23):
us that there are certain things we have to do, we should do, we must do. Talk to us
a little bit about the belief systems and how we can sort of bring more awareness
Yeah, I think, you know, one of the things that we
want to ask ourselves is where did we get this belief, right?
So to the point of, you know, asking
for help as weakness or I'm not good enough or
(27:48):
what I'm doing isn't good enough, right, for the high achievers. The
question is where did you get that belief because you didn't just create
that yourself. You got it from someone. You heard it from someone or
maybe subconsciously heard it from someone through a series of
things that they told you or did. And
so you want to ask yourself that question because you also want
(28:08):
to ask yourself, is this person a healthy source? Right?
Like if they made me believe that it's weakness to ask for help,
why would they do that? Because most people that do that
are dealing with things that they don't want to deal with. They
don't want to uncover and so they don't want you to uncover it either
(28:29):
because they want this system and this dysfunction to
continue as it is, right? And so I
think asking yourself not only where did I get this, but is
this a healthy person? Do I need to be listening to this message that
It's really key. You know, it's so interesting you say that
because I reflect on obviously it's something I talk about in the work
(28:52):
that I do is understanding where those messages have come from
and if they're still valid. Right. But
you brought up another good point, which is going to the next level of, well, why did this
person have that belief? Right. Did I I don't know that I've ever stopped a
question. Well, where did that person's belief come from? And to your point, sometimes it
is the dysfunction and their own stuff that they carry forward. And
(29:13):
obviously you want to see that for what it is. Sometimes it's just
because they don't know any better, right? They didn't know any different or that's the way
they were raised. And so it's a great point
is to question not only where that message came from,
but what is the source, right? And really understanding where,
where the origin lies. Kristen, another
(29:34):
topic that comes up frequently on a
lot of the episodes that I do is the concept of
neuroplasticity. And you and I are both kind
of neuroscience, self-proclaimed neuroscience nerds. So
talk a little bit about neuroplasticity and why
(29:56):
Well, I think it's important because it's the
key to recovery. So to define kind
of what that is, is that your brain has the ability to shift and to change
and to do things differently all the way up until you
leave this earth. And that's the beauty of the way that God created our
brains, is that you can think
(30:18):
one way for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Then
you can go and start working on these belief systems, these thoughts of
this is never enough and I need to keep doing more and what
if I'm not performing well or whatever the anxious
thoughts are. We would consider that kind
of your pathway that you've been taking for a long time. In
(30:41):
neurobiology, we call it your neural pathway, right? While
doing the work, what you end up doing is you end up shifting
and creating an entirely new neural pathway. And
so as a result of that, over time, over repetition, you're
able to change the way you think. and it becomes the
default of the way you think. So you no longer even go,
(31:04):
oh no, I have to think a different way. You now think this new way,
this healthier way that feels better,
that feels more peaceful, that helps you create important shifts
in your life. So that's the beauty of neuroplasticity is that your brain
can shift, your brain can change, you can teach your brain new things, you can
think differently, And in therapy, what I love to
(31:25):
see is people being able to make those shifts and creating new neural
pathways so that they all of a sudden come into therapy
Yeah. Yeah. So it's creating that new thought
track in your brain through the habits, through
the behaviors, right? Through the actions until it
(31:46):
becomes ingrained because it takes time, right?
Yeah. It's repetition. It takes quite a bit of time, which is why
it's such a process, but it's also something that I've seen happen again
Yeah. Yeah. And the analogy I like to use is the
route that you take every day, whether it's to work or to drop your
kids off at school. It's a route you take every day. You know it. You could do
(32:09):
it in your sleep. But one day it's jammed,
right? There's construction, there's an accident, and you look
at your phone and it tells you you're going to be there for an hour. So you
can either accept it and be pissed off that you're going to have to sit there for an hour or
you can get off the next exit or take the next left and find
a new way. Right. So it's like rerouting. Yeah. Right. Your
(32:31):
neural pathways to get to your destination. And I think it's
incredibly powerful. So thank you for explaining that concept. We
talk a lot about redefining success on this podcast. I
would love to know, how do you define success for yourself and
Yeah, I would say for me success is very
(32:53):
much like I was talking about earlier, like am I living in
alignment with my values? So, you know, I value
faith and family and I value time with
my daughter and my husband. I want to make sure that my My
people in my life know how much they mean to
me, know how loved they are, and then everything comes
(33:14):
after that, right? So it really is kind of looking at my priorities
and my values and making sure that I am living in alignment with
those. And if I'm not, then, you know, I go through
the same process that I take other people through. Yeah. And I
would say that success for me probably used to look very similar to
a lot of other people. Like, OK, I need to graduate with
(33:34):
the degree and I need to go get my master's and now I need to go get the
job and now I need to, you know, get married and
buy a house and do all. And it was very kind of culturally defined,
I feel like, and maybe even,
you know, defined by my own history with perfectionism,
like how can I create this perfect life? But
(33:56):
now I feel like it's just a lot more peaceful.
It's a peaceful definition of success. I don't have
this pressure to perform, but I do look
at myself and go, am I living in alignment with the things that I
(34:18):
I love that. So living in alignment and that sense of inner peace
and joy. Yeah. So powerful. Yeah. What's
one thing that you want our listeners to take away from our conversation today?
What's one thing you want them to consider doing differently or changing after
Yeah, I would say, you know, if you're someone
(34:40):
who is kind of on that high functioning performance
type of anxiety, I would
just want to remind you that you don't have to, you
don't have to live with that. You don't have to live with that
forever. That is something that really takes some time.
Take a couple hours even, or if you don't have a couple hours, take 30 minutes
(35:03):
and really assess what are you
experiencing? What are the symptoms that you're feeling? How
is this impacting your life? What is this costing you?
And if you've come to the place where you're like, I'm sick of
living like this, then maybe
seek out help. It's not a sign of weakness. It's
(35:24):
not a sign of not being good enough. It's actually a
sign of strength, of being able to say, you know what? I
recognize that someone else can help me uncover
some things that are going to help me create a life that
I love. I
think really taking some time to think about,
(35:46):
are you living in alignment with what you value? And if you're not,
find someone that can help you create that quality of life that
you're looking for. Because anxiety, it's not an
identity, it's not a badge. you know, it's definitely
something that I don't think people need to be living
with, but they are. So I would
(36:07):
just encourage you to do some assessment, do some assessment, get
some help, reach out, you know, because
I love that. It's so powerful. And, and recognizing that you're
not, you don't have to live there, right. For the rest of your life and realizing you
have a choice, because I feel like sometimes we get stuck in that mode
(36:30):
thinking we don't have a choice. Like this is what I signed up for. This is the way it
is. This is life. This is the way, you know, things have to
be, and it doesn't, it doesn't, you have the power to choose and
to shift. Is it hard? Yeah. Do
you need support along the way? Absolutely. Right. And,
and to your point, you also mentioned. It's hard to ask for help
(36:51):
because so many of us were conditioned to believe that asking for help is a sign of
weakness, right? And so once you realize
that nothing could be farther from the truth, that it's actually, to
your point, a source of strength, it's a powerful shift, right?
And I think it's also important to recognize you're not alone, right?
You feel alone. You might feel like you're the only person who's going
(37:12):
through this, but you're not. Millions of people have gone through it before you. And
hopefully not after you because we want to shift that dynamic. But you
know, you're not the only person who's currently in that situation. And to
be able to either tap into the experiences of other women or
tap into the expertise of coaches or therapists or
other professionals who do this work is
(37:37):
Yeah, and really also just make sure that it's
a good fit. I would say call multiple therapists or coaches, whoever
it is you're going to go to, and interview them.
And so I would ask them the tough questions. I would ask them,
how can they help with anxiety? What does that look like? What do
sessions look like? Make sure that you know
(38:00):
who it is that you're going to be working with. Because I think some of the deterrent too, is
that people have had bad experiences in therapy. And so that's turned them off
to the entire therapeutic process. And not every therapist is
the same and not every therapist is, you know, great,
unfortunately. So you kind of have to find one that is
Such great advice. So important. Where can
(38:23):
Yeah, I would love that. So they can find me on
my website. It is my name kristenradke.com. So
that's k r i s t e n r a d k e.com. And
that's where they can find me they can find out more about the services that I offer, as
well as scheduling. I see clients right now in Arizona. Perfect.
Amazing. Kristen, thank you so much for being here for sharing your insights
(38:46):
and your expertise. Love the work that you're doing. And
of course, you can visit my website at gialacqua.com. Reach out on Instagram at
gialacqua. On the homepage of my website, you can download your complimentary copy
of From Chaos to Clarity, a 30-day journal for self-discovery and
healing. This is Gia signing off with gratitude for your time and energy. Our
mic drops, but the movement continues. Until next time, your next
(39:08):
chapter is waiting. Take care. That concludes another empowering episode
of Your Future Starts Now. Before we wrap up, I want to thank this
incredible community of high-achieving women. Your energy, resilience,
and commitment to growth are the driving force behind what we do.
If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate it, leave a review, and don't forget
to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Your feedback fuels our
(39:29):
mission to empower high-achieving women just like you. And of
course, share Your Future Starts Now with the extraordinary women in
your life who are also on a journey of healing and empowerment. Connect
with us on social media, share your thoughts, let us know what topics you'd like to
explore in future episodes. Stay connected on Instagram at
GiaLacqua. I encourage you to carry the energy of this conversation
(39:50):
into your day and keep on supporting the incredible women around you.
Welcome to Your Future Starts Now, the go-to podcast for
extraordinary women who are ready to step into their next chapter with
authentic confidence. I'm your host, Shia Laqua, empowerment coach,
motivational speaker, children's book author, and girl mom. Whether
you're a corporate powerhouse or an entrepreneur, this show is
designed for you. Your Future Starts Now is more than
(00:20):
just a podcast. It's a movement, a movement towards rewriting
the rules of success for high-achieving women. Are you ready
to get unstuck and step into your next chapter? If
so, you are exactly where you need to be. Your future starts
now. Welcome to Your Future Starts Now. I'm
your host, Gia Lacqua. Thanks for tuning in today. I am thrilled to welcome
(00:43):
Kristen Radke to the show. Kristen is a highly experienced and
respected clinical therapist based in Arizona. With extensive experience
providing counseling to individuals, couples, and families, Kristen uses modern
therapeutic techniques combined with biblical wisdom to
help clients heal from anxiety, depression, relationship conflicts,
and shame. Prior to her private practice, Kristen worked in
(01:04):
a variety of social work and mental health roles for over a decade. She
served as a behavioral therapist for children with developmental and behavioral
disorders, as a social worker for children in foster care, and
as a victim's advocate in the police department. She's licensed as
a clinical social worker in the state of Arizona, where she lives with her husband and
daughter. Kristen, thanks for being with us today. Welcome to the show. Thank
(01:28):
Great. So today we are talking about mental health.
And, you know, before we jump into that, Kristen, maybe you could just tell our listeners a
little bit about your personal backstory and how to, how you got to
Yeah, absolutely. So, um, I have
a master's from, uh, Case Western Reserve University
in Ohio. And I actually grew
(01:51):
up in California. So after my master's went back to California, jumped
in, ended up working with in-home behavioral
treatment for kids who were at risk of a higher level of care.
So go in there, create some behavioral goals, work with parents, work
with the kids. to make sure that they could stay where they were. And then
from there went into working in foster care as
(02:14):
a child protective services social worker. So worked alongside the
court and families, foster children, foster parents, all of that.
And from there, I got
married. My husband and I, we moved to Arizona and started
working as a victim advocate in the police department. Had
some great experiences there. Jumped into community mental health.
(02:37):
then to a group practice. And then after I had my
daughter, I jumped into the private practice world and started that
Wow. That's incredible. Amazing work that you've
done and that you are doing. Your bio is
so interesting. Talk to us a little bit about how you
integrate modern therapeutic approaches with biblical
(02:59):
wisdom in your counseling practice. And also talk to us
a little bit about what benefits you've observed from this integration.
Yeah, I look at people holistically. So
I see the perspective of we're
not just one-dimensional. So we have spiritual lives, right? And
I'm a Christian therapist. I believe in Jesus. So I
(03:22):
see just even bringing in the
Holy Spirit or even just me just asking the Lord during a
session like, you know, what wisdom do we need to Do
I need to give this person? What do I need to talk about? Even
talking to them about their faith, where they're at, and
integrating that with some of the more modern techniques like cognitive behavioral
(03:45):
therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, emotionally focused therapy. I
find that when you integrate the two, it addresses the
whole of the person. And so instead of just saying, hey, you
need to work on these coping skills and this is going to help you heal. We're
looking at, hey, let's bring Jesus into these places that
have been hurt. Let's help you heal in a more holistic way.
(04:10):
And I feel like people have actually experienced more
complete healing and more long term healing by
So fascinating, because when you think about wellness and well being,
there's the mind body aspect, and then there's a spiritual
aspect, right? And so I'm
(04:31):
curious in your practice, do you find that
the clients you work with are sort of disconnected from
the spiritual piece or they feel really solid
Most of them have some sort of background spiritually. They
grew up in it or they used to go and then they've
(04:52):
just kind of lost touch with that side and they haven't
gone to church in a while, or they don't have a community, or they had a bad experience in
the church. Or they just weren't
taught, like, how do you sit in relationship with God? I
think a lot of people grew up in kind of a legalistic way, and so it
almost produces anxiety for them. And when
(05:14):
we help them have relationship with God,
it creates more of a peace. And
so instead of having to pursue and do
more and be more and be better, and they're
learning how to be still, and
they're learning contemplative prayer, and they're learning how
(05:36):
to just bring their anxieties before God, right?
So there's scripture that talks about cast your anxiety before Him.
And a lot of people don't know how to do that because they think that they have to do
more and be more. And so we work a lot on
Mm hmm. Yeah, that is so beautiful.
(05:59):
I love what you said about this feeling of having to do and be more. But
it's not about that, right? Right. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
That's incredible. So, you know, a lot of high
achieving women and listeners, I think, struggle with anxiety.
As we know, it's very prevalent, especially in this day and age. And
specifically, while it's not a clinical diagnosis,
(06:23):
I think a lot of women struggle with high functioning anxiety.
So I'm curious if you could talk a little bit about that concept and
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I see this when
someone comes in. Right. And they're they're doing all of the things they're
actually functioning pretty well or what they think is pretty well in their
(06:46):
life. Right. They've got the job. They may be running their own business, they've
got kids, they've got a husband, they're doing all the things, they're checking off all
the tasks. But at the same time, they
have this, almost this feeling of restlessness, this
kind of restless, anxious feeling that drives
them to keep doing more. And so it's this cycle of
(07:07):
like, well, I have this restless feeling, I need to do more, and then I do
more, and then I still have this restless feeling, so I need to do even more.
And so it's this anxiety that
continues to push them to perform, which
oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes comes from a place of
(07:27):
perfectionism, comes from a place of not
knowing how to slow down, how to rest, how to unhurry, if you
Yes. So relatable. And you just described my
life for many years in the corporate world.
Yeah. And it wasn't until 2018 that I was diagnosed with
(07:47):
anxiety, but it had been lifelong for me, but it wasn't until I
burned out and I was having heart palpitations and thought I was having a heart attack
and really just ran myself into the ground until I received a
diagnosis. And so I think it's a great point
that it sort of becomes part of us
in the sense of like driving our success in
(08:10):
some twisted way. And so there's
a big part of anxiety, and I know this is, you talk
a lot about this in the work that you do, and I want to get into this in a minute, but there's
a lot of it that's wrapped up in our identity. So it's kind of like, if
this is part of who I am, who am I without it? Right,
right. And that can be really scary. And also if you
(08:30):
think about, well, this hustle culture or
this drive to constantly do and constantly go,
if that in my mind has attributed to
my success in some way, You know, I was petrified to
let that go. Mm hmm. Right. Who
am I if if I let that go? Right. So
(08:52):
I think that's a really hard shift and transformation for
people to go through. But talk to us a
little bit about kind of your view of anxiety and how
Yeah, I mean, I, so
one of the things that I talk to my clients about often is that a
diagnosis is not your identity. And so, and
(09:16):
that goes for anxiety, anxiety is not your identity. If you are struggling with anxiety,
it's a collection of symptoms. And it's telling your body something.
And it's usually telling your body, you need to slow down and you need to
deal with what's going on right now. Because
it's symptoms are communication. And
(09:36):
so it's telling your body, hey, something's going on. And we
need to figure out what it is. But it's
not saying that you have this
thing called anxiety. and you're going
to have to deal with this for the rest of your life. Buckle up." That's not
what it's saying. That's one
of the things that I talk about in my sessions with clients is, hey,
(09:59):
when you're even talking about it, don't say my anxiety.
It's not yours. It doesn't belong to you. It's something that can go
away, but it requires you to
pay attention. It requires you to be intentional. It requires
you to slow down. to also sit in discomfort and
learn to be able to sit with that for a minute. Because
(10:24):
obviously in therapy, it's not one size fits all.
So part of the therapeutic process is also figuring
out where is this coming from? Because a collection
of symptoms like anxiety could also be the
result of trauma, it could be something that you haven't
dealt with, right? It could be also actually
(10:44):
right now I feel like of an influx of clients that their
anxieties actually as a result of learning that they were not allowed to
share or process or express emotion. So
it's more of like a lot of stuffed emotions, right? So we're
working on helping them to process and
have what I call emotional release. So we're trying to normalize
(11:08):
that process, right? So anxiety can
also be the result of a very strict
upbringing where performance was really pushed, like, you
know, get the good grades, get into the good college, do the good job, make sure you
do your chores, make sure you're not doing A, B, and C, don't do drugs, like all
the different things, whatever it was. It can
(11:29):
be as a result of, you know, kind of growing up in a legalistic home.
Like there's so many roots to this and possibilities that part
of the process is learning where is this coming from first. And
then once you figure out, okay, where this is coming from, then then
you can start to do some of the work, right? And one of
the things that you said that was really interesting to me was when you
(11:52):
shared your story is that you didn't even know
what it was and you were having heart palpitations. And a
lot of people that have come to me, that's actually their story too. They
start out by going to the ER and thinking they're
having a heart attack and then they keep going to the ER and
the ER keeps telling them, you're fine. We did an EKG. We've done all these tests.
(12:13):
They send you a cardiologist, like they've done all these things. And then
eventually they go, Hey, this is actually It's
presenting physiologically, but it's actually mental because
there's a connection, right? That mind-body connection. And
then they show up and they see me and they're like, hey, so I have heart
palpitations and this is what's going on. And it's amazing because
(12:36):
when they start to process and deal with what's going on internally, the
heart palpitations slowly go away. They're like, I
didn't actually believe it. I thought that that was just insulting when they
Yes, it's so true. It's a great point.
And it is the physiological manifestations of
(12:58):
unmanaged chronic stress and anxiety. And I think oftentimes
we ignore the initial warning signs. And we
tell ourselves it's nothing, not a big deal, take an Advil, right? But
the reality is it's probably something much greater that's
going on. And I love what you said about symptoms are a form of communication, just like
our feelings and our emotions, even when they're hard or difficult. They're
(13:20):
a form of communication and we can choose to listen to them
and tap into them or not. And
I think that's a great point as well. And so now I
think it is becoming, I think the awareness is greater. I think companies
are trying to do more to prevent and address burnout
and more of a focus on holistic wellness, I think we still have a
(13:41):
long ways to go. Yes. But,
you know, I do think it's important. And also, you
know, you mentioned people feeling dismissed. I remember going to the
cardiologist, I did my stress test and wear the monitor and all of that thinking, oh
my gosh, there's something wrong with my heart. And before this cardiologist,
very smart doctor had any of my test results, you
(14:03):
know, and he's hearing me ramble on about my symptoms, my experience, and he looks
at me and he goes, you're going to be fine. You're fine. Your heart
is fine. It's almost like he didn't even need the test to
tell him what was going on. Because again, I think he's seen
it so many times. Yeah. Right. And so it is
so fascinating. I would love to know, based on your experience, how
(14:24):
for those people who might be struggling in those moments, how do
we slow down? Right. As you said, how do we
learn this discomfort? What is a good first
Yeah. I mean, that's the million dollar question, isn't it? And obviously, I
think this can be different from person to person, depending
on the situation. But as a general rule, How
(14:47):
do we slow down? I mean, one
of the things that I would say with that is
that we need to be aware of our yes. We
need to be aware of – if you could sit down and you
could write down like what are the – all the
things that you're doing, all the yeses in your life. And
(15:10):
write it all down. And then maybe write another column of
all the things that you value. And I'm not talking about goals.
I'm talking about like, I value my family, I
value community, I value health, I
value... And I want you to look and compare the
list. And I want you to see, is what
(15:31):
I'm doing in alignment with what I value? Because
I may say that I value community, and yet I
spend all of my time hustling, if you will, and
kind of continuing to promote this hustle culture. And if
those things do not align, and you are experiencing anxiety, it's
(15:52):
time to say no to a couple things. That's easier
said than done, but it's time to step away from
a couple of things. It's time to look at your schedule. There's a
couple of books I could recommend for the listeners. One
of them is The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by
John Mark Comer, and another one is called To Hell with the Hustle. I
(16:14):
would start with The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. It's a great book. And
one of the things he talks about is that God created us for rhythm. And
when we get out of rhythm and when we're a part of this kind of hustle culture, These
things do happen. We do have anxiety. We end up with depression. We end
up feeling like there's more, and we need to do more. We need to be more. But
(16:35):
I've done it, and now I'm here, and I still feel like this. We
end up scrolling more, and we end up binging more, whether that's
food or Netflix. All of these things are symptoms of
feeling this anxious restlessness that
we can't seem to put our finger on. One
of the rhythms that he talks about is taking a weekly Sabbath,
(16:58):
and maybe even if you don't believe and you don't have
faith, that might even look like you taking
a digital rest day. It means no computers, no
phones, no TV, get outside, do some things that fill your
cup, but take out all of the
digital things in your life. Turn them all off. You don't need
(17:19):
to do it. It's amazing how many people would tell
me, I can't do that. Well, what if someone needs to contact me? What if this? What
if that? Start telling your people, hey, On
this day of this week, of every week, I
will be taking a complete day to absolutely do
nothing digitally. I'm going to turn my phone off. If something
(17:39):
is needed, you can tell me tomorrow or you can tell me the day before, but
I am not doing it on that day because we
need it. We need that rhythm. We need to be able to step away and not feel like
anything has to be done and to really take an entire
day with our families. hand make
some pizza, like, do some puzzles, play a game, take
(18:00):
a walk, like, there's so many things that you can do. Yeah. So
Those are powerful, powerful tools, or even setting the
auto response on your text messages. Now, right, you have that
ability that, yeah. I'm driving or I'm not available today or
whatever. So great advice. I love what you said about creating
(18:20):
a list of your yeses, right? The things that you're focusing your
energy on, what you're doing, and then seeing how they line up
to your core values and what's important to you, right? And I think you'll very
clearly see, are you living in alignment? And
to your point, maybe there's even a third column of what am I saying no to?
And I know for me, years ago, that list would
(18:41):
have been very short. And when
you look at that, you realize, okay, maybe there are some more things
that need to go on this third list under the no category.
And it is hard. It is hard when you're used to saying yes to everything
and being the go-to person. And you are that over-functioner, the
high achiever who takes everything on more than your fair share, more
(19:05):
And something to do, you could even make another list,
fourth list, if you will. What is it costing you? Yes. So
you may be saying yes to some things and no to others, and that may be a
short list. But technically, you're saying no to
some things that you want to be saying yes to, like
more time with your family, or time alone for yourself, or
(19:29):
you know, time for your marriage or time with each one of your kids, whatever
it is. And so what are
your yeses costing you? And if they're not worth it, that
I love that. Love that. What is it bringing you? And what is
it costing you is a great sort of formula to
work with. Yeah, great framework. And you you
(19:51):
talked earlier about, you know, people sort of getting to the source,
right of what is creating that angst
and the restlessness and that drive. And, you
know, it's one of the reasons I became a trauma informed coach is because not
only through my own personal healing journey, but as
I work with more and more high-achieving women, I realize that there's a huge percentage
(20:13):
of them who are dealing with unresolved
trauma, capital T or lowercase T, right? Things
that they may not have acknowledged or they've acknowledged
but have not yet healed. And
so often once they have that moment of, oh,
(20:33):
this is related, Right. It is
just eye opening. It is just that aha moment
for them. And so, you know, identifying the source is a
really good point because we can identify a lot of us can identify with the
symptoms of perfectionism and people pleasing and
overachieving and external validation. Right.
And some of that is conditioning, societal conditioning. You
(20:57):
know, some of it maybe is generational. To your point, a lot of your clients,
right, are dealing with processing emotions that they've never
processed or suppressed. I think a lot of us have that experience, right?
Of like, we weren't allowed to feel certain things or we were told certain feelings were
bad. Right. Right. And so what did we do? We suppressed them
(21:18):
They're not acceptable. They're not acceptable. And so
what does that say about yourselves? And
what are the stories we tell ourselves about who
we are when we're having those feelings? It's such
great advice to really tap into that and get to the source.
And obviously working with a therapist or coach with
(21:41):
the right expertise and qualifications can be really
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and to
your point, it's being able to
process through that, you might find that some of those things are trauma responses, right?
They're conditioned trauma responses that says, this
(22:03):
is how I grew up, and this is how I had to cope through that situation in
order to feel safer, to feel okay. And
then I took all of those coping skills and I brought them into my adulthood. And
now I'm really successful, successful, right? And so that's
going to make everything okay. And then people find,
oh, it's not going to make everything okay. I still have to go back and process through
(22:31):
No, it's so hard. It's so hard because I think some people come into therapy and
they're like, okay, here I am, fix me. And I'm like, that's not
my job. Um, uh,
and so we talk about like, what is my job? Well, my job is
to help guide and help ask questions and help you process and
maybe do a little bit of education here and there and offer
(22:52):
some, you know, suggestions for the work to do in between now and
next session and all of that. But it's, I
think when people realize, oh, I actually have to do this work. I have to
lean into this. I have to allow emotions to come up that are uncomfortable. I
have to let myself cry sometimes. I have to journal through
some things. I have to, it's hard work. It is not easy.
(23:15):
And so I tell people that all the time, just to encourage them, like you're doing
hard work. And you know, I think that anyone
that goes into therapy or is working on themselves with a
coach or whatever it is, like, I think they should be really proud of themselves for
Yeah, and challenging yourself in new ways, right? I mean, it's
(23:35):
hard and it's hard to acknowledge that this
is an opportunity for growth when you've been successful in
all these other areas. And you're like, wait, but this is hard, right?
Like everything else is easy and natural. Yeah, that can
even be a deterrent. Yeah. So
it's it's a really good point leaning into the discomfort and
(23:57):
realizing that it is a process. Yeah. For
Which I think is why you have to normalize it because especially if you're working
with someone who's a high achiever, right? And you basically just said this is
everything else has come easier because they worked. They kind of
found a formula that works for them. Yeah. And in therapy, there
is no formula. Yeah. I mean, there is on my
(24:20):
end, but there's no formula for them to get through this any quicker. And there
isn't a one size fits all. And I can't tell you how long you'll be in therapy. I
mean, I can give you an estimation, but it may or may not be right. And
so I think just helping people normalizing the fact that this is going
to be hard, this is going to be uncomfortable. And if they can expect that,
then they're more likely to stick with it because they're like, oh, she told me this would be hard. Yeah.
(24:44):
So this is exactly where I should be. But I think that's really difficult
for high achievers because they're like, OK, this is stupid. I'm
done. This isn't coming easy to me. Yeah. And
so just even encouraging like, hey, stick with the process. And
with people that I work with that are, you know, on that recovering
perfectionist, if I would say, I often have to tell them like
(25:05):
your new mantra is progress, not perfection. And if you see
yourself making emotional progress, you're exactly where
Yeah, it's great advice. And being patient with
yourself, right? Because it's not instantaneous. It's
not like bringing your car to the mechanic, right, and getting it back the next day. And
it's like, oh, great, it's working now. No, it doesn't. So to
(25:26):
your point, it's being patient, learning. For me, I always say there's
a learning curve in terms of learning new tools, new skills,
new processes and mechanisms. But for, I
think, a lot of women, it's also unlearning. It's unlearning the
harmful, toxic behaviors and
the coping mechanisms that at one point did serve us, right?
(25:49):
They did help to protect us in some way.
And so they were beneficial at one time, but now they
are causing us, right? It's that question that you asked, what is it costing you,
right? And how is it impacting your life
and to be able to step back and reflect and say, okay, this is something I need to unlearn.
I need to shift my thinking. I need to reframe this sort
(26:11):
of knee-jerk reaction I have when an uncomfortable feeling comes
Yeah. And that means that certain sessions, people
are going to walk in and it's going to be one of those sessions where they feel
crappy when they come in and they feel crappy when they leave. And we talk about
that because it isn't like the mechanic. It's basically, it's
an overhaul of belief systems. And
(26:35):
like you said, kind of maladaptive coping skills, right? Ones
that serve them to survive in a certain situation, usually
throughout childhood and kind of adolescence. And then once
they get to adulthood, it's wreaking havoc on their bodies.
And so it's like, okay, now's the time to really
overhaul a lot of this, but it is very, it can be, not
(27:01):
Yeah. And that's the only way to get past the pain is through it, right?
Yeah. Yeah. You have to, you have to feel the heal, right? Absolutely.
There's so much truth in that. So Kristen, tell us
a little bit about, you know, talk to us about belief systems. I think so
often, you know, through our conditioning societal or,
you know, our family of origin, we have these voices telling
(27:23):
us that there are certain things we have to do, we should do, we must do. Talk to us
a little bit about the belief systems and how we can sort of bring more awareness
Yeah, I think, you know, one of the things that we
want to ask ourselves is where did we get this belief, right?
So to the point of, you know, asking
for help as weakness or I'm not good enough or
(27:48):
what I'm doing isn't good enough, right, for the high achievers. The
question is where did you get that belief because you didn't just create
that yourself. You got it from someone. You heard it from someone or
maybe subconsciously heard it from someone through a series of
things that they told you or did. And
so you want to ask yourself that question because you also want
(28:08):
to ask yourself, is this person a healthy source? Right?
Like if they made me believe that it's weakness to ask for help,
why would they do that? Because most people that do that
are dealing with things that they don't want to deal with. They
don't want to uncover and so they don't want you to uncover it either
(28:29):
because they want this system and this dysfunction to
continue as it is, right? And so I
think asking yourself not only where did I get this, but is
this a healthy person? Do I need to be listening to this message that
It's really key. You know, it's so interesting you say that
because I reflect on obviously it's something I talk about in the work
(28:52):
that I do is understanding where those messages have come from
and if they're still valid. Right. But
you brought up another good point, which is going to the next level of, well, why did this
person have that belief? Right. Did I I don't know that I've ever stopped a
question. Well, where did that person's belief come from? And to your point, sometimes it
is the dysfunction and their own stuff that they carry forward. And
(29:13):
obviously you want to see that for what it is. Sometimes it's just
because they don't know any better, right? They didn't know any different or that's the way
they were raised. And so it's a great point
is to question not only where that message came from,
but what is the source, right? And really understanding where,
where the origin lies. Kristen, another
(29:34):
topic that comes up frequently on a
lot of the episodes that I do is the concept of
neuroplasticity. And you and I are both kind
of neuroscience, self-proclaimed neuroscience nerds. So
talk a little bit about neuroplasticity and why
(29:56):
Well, I think it's important because it's the
key to recovery. So to define kind
of what that is, is that your brain has the ability to shift and to change
and to do things differently all the way up until you
leave this earth. And that's the beauty of the way that God created our
brains, is that you can think
(30:18):
one way for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. Then
you can go and start working on these belief systems, these thoughts of
this is never enough and I need to keep doing more and what
if I'm not performing well or whatever the anxious
thoughts are. We would consider that kind
of your pathway that you've been taking for a long time. In
(30:41):
neurobiology, we call it your neural pathway, right? While
doing the work, what you end up doing is you end up shifting
and creating an entirely new neural pathway. And
so as a result of that, over time, over repetition, you're
able to change the way you think. and it becomes the
default of the way you think. So you no longer even go,
(31:04):
oh no, I have to think a different way. You now think this new way,
this healthier way that feels better,
that feels more peaceful, that helps you create important shifts
in your life. So that's the beauty of neuroplasticity is that your brain
can shift, your brain can change, you can teach your brain new things, you can
think differently, And in therapy, what I love to
(31:25):
see is people being able to make those shifts and creating new neural
pathways so that they all of a sudden come into therapy
Yeah. Yeah. So it's creating that new thought
track in your brain through the habits, through
the behaviors, right? Through the actions until it
(31:46):
becomes ingrained because it takes time, right?
Yeah. It's repetition. It takes quite a bit of time, which is why
it's such a process, but it's also something that I've seen happen again
Yeah. Yeah. And the analogy I like to use is the
route that you take every day, whether it's to work or to drop your
kids off at school. It's a route you take every day. You know it. You could do
(32:09):
it in your sleep. But one day it's jammed,
right? There's construction, there's an accident, and you look
at your phone and it tells you you're going to be there for an hour. So you
can either accept it and be pissed off that you're going to have to sit there for an hour or
you can get off the next exit or take the next left and find
a new way. Right. So it's like rerouting. Yeah. Right. Your
(32:31):
neural pathways to get to your destination. And I think it's
incredibly powerful. So thank you for explaining that concept. We
talk a lot about redefining success on this podcast. I
would love to know, how do you define success for yourself and
Yeah, I would say for me success is very
(32:53):
much like I was talking about earlier, like am I living in
alignment with my values? So, you know, I value
faith and family and I value time with
my daughter and my husband. I want to make sure that my My
people in my life know how much they mean to
me, know how loved they are, and then everything comes
(33:14):
after that, right? So it really is kind of looking at my priorities
and my values and making sure that I am living in alignment with
those. And if I'm not, then, you know, I go through
the same process that I take other people through. Yeah. And I
would say that success for me probably used to look very similar to
a lot of other people. Like, OK, I need to graduate with
(33:34):
the degree and I need to go get my master's and now I need to go get the
job and now I need to, you know, get married and
buy a house and do all. And it was very kind of culturally defined,
I feel like, and maybe even,
you know, defined by my own history with perfectionism,
like how can I create this perfect life? But
(33:56):
now I feel like it's just a lot more peaceful.
It's a peaceful definition of success. I don't have
this pressure to perform, but I do look
at myself and go, am I living in alignment with the things that I
(34:18):
I love that. So living in alignment and that sense of inner peace
and joy. Yeah. So powerful. Yeah. What's
one thing that you want our listeners to take away from our conversation today?
What's one thing you want them to consider doing differently or changing after
Yeah, I would say, you know, if you're someone
(34:40):
who is kind of on that high functioning performance
type of anxiety, I would
just want to remind you that you don't have to, you
don't have to live with that. You don't have to live with that
forever. That is something that really takes some time.
Take a couple hours even, or if you don't have a couple hours, take 30 minutes
(35:03):
and really assess what are you
experiencing? What are the symptoms that you're feeling? How
is this impacting your life? What is this costing you?
And if you've come to the place where you're like, I'm sick of
living like this, then maybe
seek out help. It's not a sign of weakness. It's
(35:24):
not a sign of not being good enough. It's actually a
sign of strength, of being able to say, you know what? I
recognize that someone else can help me uncover
some things that are going to help me create a life that
I love. I
think really taking some time to think about,
(35:46):
are you living in alignment with what you value? And if you're not,
find someone that can help you create that quality of life that
you're looking for. Because anxiety, it's not an
identity, it's not a badge. you know, it's definitely
something that I don't think people need to be living
with, but they are. So I would
(36:07):
just encourage you to do some assessment, do some assessment, get
some help, reach out, you know, because
I love that. It's so powerful. And, and recognizing that you're
not, you don't have to live there, right. For the rest of your life and realizing you
have a choice, because I feel like sometimes we get stuck in that mode
(36:30):
thinking we don't have a choice. Like this is what I signed up for. This is the way it
is. This is life. This is the way, you know, things have to
be, and it doesn't, it doesn't, you have the power to choose and
to shift. Is it hard? Yeah. Do
you need support along the way? Absolutely. Right. And,
and to your point, you also mentioned. It's hard to ask for help
(36:51):
because so many of us were conditioned to believe that asking for help is a sign of
weakness, right? And so once you realize
that nothing could be farther from the truth, that it's actually, to
your point, a source of strength, it's a powerful shift, right?
And I think it's also important to recognize you're not alone, right?
You feel alone. You might feel like you're the only person who's going
(37:12):
through this, but you're not. Millions of people have gone through it before you. And
hopefully not after you because we want to shift that dynamic. But you
know, you're not the only person who's currently in that situation. And to
be able to either tap into the experiences of other women or
tap into the expertise of coaches or therapists or
other professionals who do this work is
(37:37):
Yeah, and really also just make sure that it's
a good fit. I would say call multiple therapists or coaches, whoever
it is you're going to go to, and interview them.
And so I would ask them the tough questions. I would ask them,
how can they help with anxiety? What does that look like? What do
sessions look like? Make sure that you know
(38:00):
who it is that you're going to be working with. Because I think some of the deterrent too, is
that people have had bad experiences in therapy. And so that's turned them off
to the entire therapeutic process. And not every therapist is
the same and not every therapist is, you know, great,
unfortunately. So you kind of have to find one that is
Such great advice. So important. Where can
(38:23):
Yeah, I would love that. So they can find me on
my website. It is my name kristenradke.com. So
that's k r i s t e n r a d k e.com. And
that's where they can find me they can find out more about the services that I offer, as
well as scheduling. I see clients right now in Arizona. Perfect.
Amazing. Kristen, thank you so much for being here for sharing your insights
(38:46):
and your expertise. Love the work that you're doing. And
of course, you can visit my website at gialacqua.com. Reach out on Instagram at
gialacqua. On the homepage of my website, you can download your complimentary copy
of From Chaos to Clarity, a 30-day journal for self-discovery and
healing. This is Gia signing off with gratitude for your time and energy. Our
mic drops, but the movement continues. Until next time, your next
(39:08):
chapter is waiting. Take care. That concludes another empowering episode
of Your Future Starts Now. Before we wrap up, I want to thank this
incredible community of high-achieving women. Your energy, resilience,
and commitment to growth are the driving force behind what we do.
If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate it, leave a review, and don't forget
to subscribe so you never miss an episode. Your feedback fuels our
(39:29):
mission to empower high-achieving women just like you. And of
course, share Your Future Starts Now with the extraordinary women in
your life who are also on a journey of healing and empowerment. Connect
with us on social media, share your thoughts, let us know what topics you'd like to
explore in future episodes. Stay connected on Instagram at
GiaLacqua. I encourage you to carry the energy of this conversation
(39:50):
into your day and keep on supporting the incredible women around you.
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