March 25, 2024 • 33 mins
In this episode, Gia welcomes Kristen Hartnagel, a personal branding expert and speaker. Kristen shares her inspiring journey of overcoming loss and grief, and how it shaped her into the successful entrepreneur she is today. Discover the alchemy of joy and how it can transform your body chemistry, along with practical tips for breaking through fear and reinventing yourself. Learn the key elements of personal branding that differentiate successful entrepreneurs and how storytelling can deeply resonate with your audience.
Tune in for a transformative conversation that will inspire you to step into your next chapter with authentic confidence.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to Your Future Starts Now, the go-to podcast for
extraordinary women who are ready to step into their next chapter with
authentic confidence. I'm your host, Gia Lacqua, empowerment coach,
motivational speaker, children's book author, and girl mom. Whether
you're a corporate powerhouse or an entrepreneur, this show is
designed for you. Your Future Starts Now is more than
(00:20):
just a podcast. It's a movement, a movement towards rewriting
the rules of success for high-achieving women. Are you ready
to get unstuck and step into your next chapter? If
so, you're exactly where you need to be. Your future starts
now. Welcome to Your Future Starts Now.
I'm your host, Gia Lacqua. Thanks for joining us today. I am
(00:43):
so excited to introduce you to Kristen Hartnagel. Kristen
is a magnetic speaker and personal branding expert at
the globally renowned Brand Builders Group, one of the fastest
growing private companies in America. As a founding member of
Brand Builders Group, Kristen has delivered over 4,000 hours of
strategy work and helps to build personal brands for New York Times
(01:04):
bestselling authors, and highly sought after keynote speakers.
She works with six, seven, and eight figure entrepreneurs, top coaches,
and consultants, and is the content licensing relationship
manager for the company. Understanding that even peak performers endure
a crisis of confidence from time to time, Kristen founded
her own coaching platform, Evolve Now, where she empowers
(01:28):
high achieving business owners to break through barriers and,
I'm gonna do that part again, Kristen founded her own coaching platform,
Evolve Now, where she empowers high achieving business owners to break
through belief barriers for exponential growth. You
sound very busy. Kristen, welcome to the show. Thanks for being here.
Thank you, Gia. I am so excited to spend some time with
(01:50):
you. And man, that introduction was pretty powerful. Thank
I mean, you got quite a lot going on there. It's incredible.
Tell us a little bit about your background and your journey and
Well, I have been working with the founders, the co-founders of
Brand Builders Group for over a decade, probably like
(02:14):
12 years. So just to know that where
they come from is how do we best serve our
people. That's really how Brand Builders Group even became
a company. So it's been so cool to be in
it from the ground floor. Just what
can this company be and how can we serve people who are trying
(02:35):
to carve out a way to gain exposure to
That's so exciting, and it must be so much fun to work with such diverse
It sure has been. It's been a wild ride and so
many success points all along the way. So really
(02:58):
Amazing. So Kristen, on a personal level, I
know that you have experienced an extraordinary amount
of loss and grief. And I'm wondering if
you would be willing to share a little bit about that and how that's
Yeah, and I really appreciate that question because so much
(03:19):
of showing up is being authentic to
your journey because it is what makes you, you. So
I had a very close relationship
with my sister and my mom and my dad. And
in 2012, my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
(03:39):
And it was as if both our parents were like, Oh,
hell no, there's no way a child is going to go before us.
So they both died. But the beautiful thing was
that my sister stayed alive long enough so that we
could be with our mom together as she made
her transition. We were with our dad as he
(04:01):
made his, and I was with her as she made hers. And
there's just nothing more sacred than helping
people get ready for whatever is next. And
so it was really a beautiful thing. The grief and
the loss doesn't compare to
the joy of the experience of
(04:23):
being with them as they were kind of readying themselves
Such a moving story. Incredible how that
happened. I'm curious as to what I mean, obviously,
there was I'm sure you encountered a lot of difficulty and challenges along
the way. What did you find was the hardest part of
(04:48):
Well, I would say knowing that I
would be here as the sole survivor of
my nuclear family without the people who continually
poured into me. I had a very rare upbringing.
I could talk to my mom about anything. And
(05:08):
I could talk to my dad about anything. And I
talked to my sister every day. So to figure
out what does life look like without those people who
were my biggest cheerleaders and those
three people who guided my decision making. But
luckily, The way I was raised empowered
(05:32):
me to be able to do that well. And I'll give you an example of that. My
mom, at a very early age, gave me
the gift of telling me Challenge
what you're thinking. Challenge what people are telling you.
Just because somebody who you hold in high esteem is
giving you advice, don't believe everything they
(05:54):
say just because they're in that, in your mind, an
elevated space. Then she went on to say, don't
believe everything your father and I say, because we're only
coming to it from our limited view. And
then don't believe everything you think, because just because you
think it doesn't mean it's true. And so just having
(06:16):
this tendency to really challenge what
I believe has helped me
be so open minded that I get to say yes
to a lot of things and be open to
being able to shift my perspective and my thinking in ways that
serve me and serve everybody that I come into contact with.
(06:37):
That's incredible. I mean, it's the testament to,
you know, the background and the foundation of your
family of origin and having that solid foundation to build on
and really give you strength throughout the course of your life. And I love that they
challenged you in that way to challenge your thinking.
And I think so many of the women I work with, high
(06:59):
achieving women, we are, you know, married, having
children in our 40s and are just now starting
to challenge our ways of thinking and
realizing that, wait, maybe everything we taught isn't
the absolute truth. And that can be really, really
hard, right? When you've lived your life a certain way.
(07:21):
And so I think that's such a powerful way to
raise children and, you know, not necessarily teaching them
what to learn, but how to learn. And to your point,
being open-minded and having that growth mindset is
Yeah, I appreciate that. And to me, it's like, it's
(07:43):
a spiritual journey, because I believe there's like
this evolution in our consciousness that is being
depicted, it is playing out with this hybrid working
situation with people in their lifetime going,
wait a minute, I thought I would be happier. I've
done all the things I thought I should do. I checked all
(08:05):
the boxes people told me I needed to check. And here
I am with this underlying ache of
dissatisfaction or unfulfillment. It's
just almost like a disillusionment. I thought, like,
I know it looks good on paper, but my heart is hurting. And how
do I do something about that? And so that's
(08:27):
one of the reasons that people look to personal branding is how
do I bring out that authenticity in
a way that isn't just like sharing what I had
for breakfast, but is helping people feel, oh,
you're my person. You're who I want to work with. Mm
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, there's such power
(08:49):
to your point in the authenticity. And there's
something that people feel really drawn to, right,
when you are able to show the vulnerability and
share your experiences. And so, you know, we
talked a little bit about you know, the pain
and the challenge of moving through your loss and
(09:09):
the grief. And I'm curious for you, what was what
kept you going? What was sort of, you know, the the
light at the end of the tunnel for you that kept you, you
I would say it is a practice that
(09:29):
I was able to grow up with, knowing that
my mom and my sister and my dad all understood the
idea of positive thinking. I
mean, even back to the books like, you know, Think and Grow
Rich and the idea that your thoughts become things,
(09:50):
that awareness helped me navigate
emotions, because emotions are really thoughts. And
so I wanted to be present with the emotions
of grief as they came to knock on my door. And
I wanted to invite them into tea. But I didn't want
them to unpack their bags and move in. And so just
(10:13):
the ability to say, OK, this is what I'm feeling.
I'm going to honor what I'm feeling. But I also want to be
the witness to those thoughts and those feelings and
say, Is this going to be 10 minutes? Is this going to
be 10 hours? Is this going to be 10 days? Is this going
to be a matter of months? Because this doesn't feel good.
(10:33):
And you have the choice how long it's the truth.
There's nobody that can deny you have every right to
feel the way you feel. It's just how long do you want to feel
that way? And that's a that comes back to having a
Yeah, that's such a powerful lesson to recognize that we
(10:54):
have more power in the moment than we typically believe
what we do. Right. And taking that pause and stepping back and saying, I
have a choice or I have the ability to reframe my thoughts because
our thoughts do drive our emotions and our emotions drive our behaviors and
our actions, which ultimately drive our outcomes. So I think starting
there is the most important thing we can do. And to your point, accepting
(11:18):
what it is we're feeling. Right. And I think so many of us
ended up, you know, learning to either suppress or
dismiss some of the feelings we didn't like. Right.
That that came up, you know, and they don't go
away. And so to your point, the only way
(11:38):
Absolutely. I would say that there was a little bit of
a bounce back from the truth
that you create your reality and that you should
monitor your thinking and you could choose good thoughts, choose
better feeling thoughts. They jumped to the extreme,
a lot of people, that, oh my gosh, I'm thinking something negative.
(12:00):
I'm just going to stop that and I'm going to replace it with a positive thought. But
just shifting without
moving through is not going to serve you. It's
really another word for suppression. And so we
can honor it, but we do have to make a decision about
it. So feel all the feels. But Jen, how
(12:23):
long do I want to be there? And what are some tools that I can use to
Definitely. Definitely, that makes so much sense. Kristen,
one of the topics that you talk about in the work that you do is the alchemy
of joy. And it's such an intriguing title. I
would love to learn more about that. And talk to me about how
(12:48):
Hmm, that is such a great question. So there's a lot
of data and research out there that stress literally
has a negative impact on our body chemistry. We
know that when we're in a state of stress, it
releases the kinds of chemicals in our
brain that actually cause the breakdown of
(13:10):
our body. So if we do believe that that is true,
it should not be too big of a chasm to
cross that the opposite is doing the opposite.
So if I can practice moments of joy, imagine
the endorphins that I am activating. Imagine
(13:31):
the kinds of chemicals in my brain that are actually fostering
a healthy relationship with all of my organs and
my heart. my head. I want to be in
coherence between my heart and my head. And there
are things that you can do that really impact that. So
to me, the alchemy of joy is it's not this Pollyanna
(13:53):
pie in the sky. Can I just pretend that I'm joyful? It's
actually doing exercises to recall joy, to
project joy, to spend time in imagination. Because
anytime I am feeling something I don't want to
feel, It is a
signal to me that I could do something about
(14:16):
that. We tend to think that we are the
thoughts that we think instead of realizing that most of our
thoughts are patterns of thought from conditioning and
programming and the way we grew up. Imagine
seeing everything that you feel as a signal
that you could respond to instead of react to.
(14:39):
And that ability to create the space to respond
helps you to choose the way you'd like to see things
instead of the way you're triggered to experience things.
Yeah. And I think that's where the neuroplasticity comes in, right? That
our brains are wired based on our past experiences, based on
our thoughts and our beliefs, but it's how do we break that
(15:02):
cycle, right? How do we create a new track
for our brain? So we're not stuck in that same cycle
of, of thinking when, you know, oftentimes it's negative. Sometimes
it can be toxic. But we stay there because it's comfortable and
we know it. Right. And so and we don't know how to get unstuck. Any
advice for people who are, you know, stuck
(15:29):
Absolutely. So, I mean, just to share a little bit
of an experience with a client, this person,
every February, he got into a funk. It was just
He just didn't understand, but he was like, it just was
hard to get himself into a good state of mind. And
so I asked him what happened in a February, just think
(15:51):
back and it hit him. Oh, you know, this is when my wife actually
sat me down and said, I had an affair with
your best friend seven years ago. and it rocked
their world, but they were still married. Like
they were celebrating their 30th anniversary and
they worked through it. So his brain just hadn't
(16:12):
caught up to reality. What was happening is something triggered,
oh, it's February. And his brain started thinking the thoughts that he always
thought, where was that traumatic experience? And
so I helped him understand that it's like his brain was
playing a movie, but he pulled up the chair to watch it. You
could just say to your brain, ah, I know what you're doing. You've
(16:35):
been triggered. You're wanting to go down this well-worn path. But
I know how the movie ends. We're still together. I refuse to
watch that movie anymore. And that's putting you as the
boss of your brain and really helping it to think
things in a different way. It's not always easy. It really
does take witnessing your thoughts. What is
(16:55):
happening? What is this that's going on? And do I want to do something
Yeah, it's such great advice. And the you know, going back to the
stress part of it, I think for a long time, we,
you know, generally speaking, tried to
ignore signs of physical stress, right?
(17:16):
Or deny, oh, it's just a headache. Oh, I just have a stomachache or,
you know, not recognizing that they are real physical manifestations of
stress that our body is holding. And
so recognizing that my body connection is
so strong and recognizing that there is another
way, right? And it may not be what we were taught growing up. It
(17:38):
may be finding new methods and new ways, right,
of being, but that can be so incredibly powerful. I'm
curious, how does all of this fit into the
Oh my gosh. Well, I would say that so many of
our clients who are really excited about the
(18:00):
way they're going to serve the people that is on their heart
to serve, they go through the same kind of
self-doubt and imposter syndrome. As soon as
they get clear on their message, they start to second guess, is
this really unique? Is everybody else doing the same thing? And
so My background of being able to help people
(18:20):
through those mental gymnastics is
to empower them to believe in themselves so much. And
one of the ways is to help them identify the
fact that typically playing small is when we
are thinking about ourselves instead of thinking about the
people we're being called to serve. So if we can get out of our
(18:42):
own way, and we can think about the person who is
on our heart to go serve, it's less about me than
it is about the person that I'm serving. And so that can go a long way
Yeah, I can tell you from personal experience that my
self-doubt around even starting this podcast, right, I think
(19:03):
what helped me get through it is realizing that It's not
about me. It is about the listeners. It is about this
audience. It's about building a community that feels
heard, right, and feels supported. And
that was more important to me than anything. So I
think that's an incredibly powerful message. You and I
(19:24):
do share a passion for reinvention. We
talk a lot about reinvention on this podcast. So
I'm curious, you know, for listeners who may be sort of
feeling stuck or feeling like maybe there's more or curious, but
not sure what to do. You know, a lot of times, as you know, the fear to
your point gets in the way the fear of judgment, you know, the
(19:45):
fear of disappointing other people, whatever it might be. I'm
curious what advice you have for people who may
be interested in reinventing themselves, but
Oh, you know, I honestly feel like if you are getting
that little subtle tap on your shoulder that you could
(20:09):
be doing something different, start listening then,
because you are being nudged into what
you are here on this planet to do. And
so often we're just like doing the thing that we thought we should be doing.
It's almost like a gift from the universe. Hey, you were meant for this. And
you're like, hey, sorry, you don't have time for that because I'm too busy on the hamster wheel doing
(20:31):
all these things. So I'm suggesting notice
the nudges and then ask, like, what does
this look like? We don't have to have everything figured out. We
just have to be open to be shown. If
I notice the nudges, I can quiet my mind,
whether you believe in meditation, just quiet time.
(20:53):
What we need to do is Stop the outward
momentum because as soon as we wake up, bam,
energy in every single direction outbound. So if there was
any guidance, any kind of hints from the other side, it's
not like it's efforting to reach us, but we've kind of
blocked it out because of this outbound energy. So just creating space
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for stillness to notice the nudges, to
really think about what would that look like to ask the
questions and trust that you will get the answers. What
am I being called to do? Why is there this discontent? Why
am I feeling unfulfilled? If you're feeling discontent
or unfulfilled, it is for a reason. And
(21:37):
I truly believe that every single person on this planet has a
blueprint for their soul and they're
being called toward that, but they can live and die
without ever really discovering what that is. And
that is what leads to this little bit of a tug on
your heart. If you've got that tug, it means it's time to
(21:59):
Yeah, absolutely. And from personal experience, I
can attest to that. And I think as high achieving women,
I talk about this a lot, but we learn to neglect our
intuition, we sort of learn to suppress our inner voice,
and the external volume becomes so much louder. And
so, you know, for me, it was how do I tune into that? How do
(22:20):
I tap into it? How do I reconnect with the inner voice that's telling
me I need to take a different path. And for
me, it was really realizing that my passion is really in
helping other people to develop and to thrive and
to go through those life transitions. And so the first step
for me was getting my coaching certification. And
(22:42):
if I hadn't listened to that voice, right, I may still
be where I was four or five years ago. And so I
think it is important to listen to that inner voice. And I think the other point you touched
upon that's really powerful is the exploration. You don't
have to have all the answers, but I think as high achieving women, and oftentimes
we like control, you know, not knowing and
(23:04):
not having all the answers and not having a solid plan can be
really, really scary. And so just
being open to explore the options and
recognize it's not going to be an overnight shift, right? But maybe
it is small steps and things you can do to learn
and explore and find the right resources and support along
(23:26):
And if I could give a three-step process
that people could easily follow when that fear starts
rearing its ugly head, it's like, you could stay comfortable,
certainly. No one's gonna tell you
that you shouldn't stay comfortable, but you're the one who
knows whether that's okay or not. Typically, when we
(23:48):
choose the safe path, we are not honoring that
part in us that is trying to come out. And so, but
that is not going to go without fear. When you're open to
exploring, when you're open to asking the question, what does this
look like? What could this be? This little nudge on my shoulder, tug
on my heart. I would say when a fear pops into
(24:10):
your head, first of all, understand that you are not your
thoughts. that your thoughts are that well-worn pathway trying
to keep you safe. So think of your thoughts as
an innocent baby. It's just trying to do its job. But
there's this three-step process. The first is to detach with
amusement. witness the thought. And
(24:32):
the amusement is so important. It's to just say, there,
there, little brain, I know what you're trying to do. You're just trying to keep me
safe. And so you're not those thoughts. You're just recognizing
that you have a thought that's trying to get you to go down this
pathway. Step two then is to reduce to
the ridiculous. If you are on this point in
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time and there's an infinite number of ways the future could unfold that
are negative, and there's an infinite number of ways the future could
unfold that are positive, you've chosen one that's over here in
the negative. And so reducing to the ridiculous is
to pull it all the way as far negative as it could go.
What is the worst that could happen? What is this fear really trying
(25:14):
to tell me? And then give equal playing time
to, well, what is the best that could possibly happen? And just
in giving that time, you're kind of moving the needle towards
a more positive outcome. Is it going to be the best? No. But is
it ever the worst? No. So you're just doing your job to
kind of spin that dial a little bit more towards the positive. And
(25:35):
the third step is to invest wisely. Understand that
your thoughts are like coins and you are depositing
into something. What do you want more of? I
think the top performers in the world, they don't
spend time, as much time as the
general public tends to do, worrying. They understand whether
(25:56):
they could verbalize this or not. They understand that there is
power in thinking positively, in thinking forward,
in thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead instead
of worrying about the worst way things could go. So
it's detach with amusement, reduce to
(26:18):
I love that. Such a great framework. Such great advice.
Thanks for sharing that, Kristen. You know, in the in the work that you do with
various entrepreneurs, what would you say? What
do you see in terms of the personal brands is
really what differentiates the really successful ones?
(26:38):
So talk to us a little bit about, you know, what makes them unique,
what helps them break through the noise out there and,
I would say most people building their
own business aren't doing the heavy
mental lifting. It's like the soul-searching questioning
(27:02):
of what problem do I solve? I solve a
lot of problems. But how could I distill that into something
that I could articulate? Because when I give words to
the way it feels to have the problem, people say, Oh my
gosh, she understands what I'm going through. And if
they think that I understand what they're going through, they're
(27:22):
also going to jump to the conclusion that I know how to solve it.
And so when you give words to the way it feels to have the problem, they're going
to assume you have the solution and that helps them see you.
as their go-to person to fix that. But one
of the biggest things that I think is a game changer for
people who are building their personal brand is the fact that
(27:44):
we do really hard work of developing your intellectual
property. You do what you do. You teach what you teach.
But can we crunch the way you say it so
that it is unique to you? So we're not
telling you what to say, but we're pulling out of you what
it is you are sharing. And then we put it through formulas to
(28:05):
figure out, is there an original, pithy, catchy way
that you can say that same thing so that you're memorable and
repeatable. And other people will go out into the world and say, oh,
my gosh, did you hear Gia's thing? Kind of like
that framework I just walked through. We want to help you develop your
frameworks. We want to help you develop your pillar points and
(28:26):
the things that are going to change people's behaviors. And that's hard work,
Yeah. So distilling down your core messages,
crystallizing what it is you bring to the world, you
know, and the personal branding piece is really like your identity. How
will people see you? How will they recognize you? Right. What do you represent? What
(28:49):
do you stand for? Can be so powerful.
And I think it is what connects clients, right,
to businesses. So such important pieces
of information. The identity
piece, I think, you know, you also touched upon the messages.
(29:10):
I think another piece of it for me is the storytelling. When
I do my keynotes, the thing
that resonates with the audience that
moves them to tears are the stories, right?
And it's the willingness to be vulnerable, to show up authentically, to
share my personal experiences. And even if theirs aren't
(29:33):
identical, there's usually something they can relate to. And
I, you know, the ones that have been so impactful and
rewarding for me are the ones where people reach out
and just say thank you for your authenticity and your vulnerability. And
it's not about the thank you. It's about knowing that it
(29:55):
Yeah, that's what we're all trying to do is change the
lives of the people that we work with. And what we
know at Brand Builders Group is the fastest way to
change somebody's life is to get them to think
in a new way and then get them to do something differently
as a result of knowing that thing. And there's a formula for
(30:17):
it. It's tell a story, make a point, teach
a framework and inspire a behavior. And
so many people are like, well, why is storytelling important?
I could just tell them what they need to know. Well, Storytelling
bypasses the thinking mind. When you're telling me what you
think I need to know, I'm in assessment mode. I'm thinking, do I
(30:38):
agree with that? Is that true for me? But when you share a story, I
am moved emotionally. And then you drop in
the point of that story and you just taught me something
after you've moved me emotionally. So I'm going to
It's so powerful and it works for sure. It
does. It does. Amazing. So Kristen,
(31:01):
just before we wrap up, I would love to know how do you
define success? What does success mean to you? What does it
look like? What does it feel like? And how has that definition evolved for you over
I truly believe that success equates to
self love. I can love myself
enough then what other people think won't
(31:24):
get in my way, won't slow me down. Loving myself
enough helps me believe that what I have to share
is meant for somebody. It's not meant for everybody because
nobody can help everybody. But to love
myself enough to believe that there are people out there who
need what only I can share. So how
(31:46):
can I get out of my own way to go serve those people?
And that really starts with believing in myself, self-love.
Yeah. And the acceptance piece, right? The
self-worth, the self-love and the acceptance. I love that. Kristin,
where can our listeners learn more about you and the work that you
Well, I would love to just hop on a Zoom call with anybody
(32:09):
who is wanting to explore either, you know, where
I kind of come from in my background with coaching through Evolve Now,
or really more importantly for your listeners would be if they're
curious about building a personal brand. So we can hop on
a call together if they want to go to FreeBrandCall.com forward
slash KH, which stands for Kristen Hartnagel. So
(32:32):
that's FreeBrandCall.com forward slash KH.
Awesome. And of course, you can visit my website at gialacqua.com. Reach
out to me on Instagram at gialacqua. On the homepage of my website, you can
download your complimentary copy of From Chaos to Clarity, a
30-day journal for self-discovery and healing. Kristen,
thanks so much for joining us today and sharing your stories. This
(32:55):
is Gia signing off with gratitude for your time and energy. Our mic
drops, but the movement continues. Until next time, your
next chapter is waiting. That concludes another empowering episode
of Your Future Starts Now. Before we wrap up, I want to thank this
incredible community of high-achieving women. Your energy, resilience,
and commitment to growth are the driving force behind what we do.
(33:17):
If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate it, leave a review, and don't forget
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(33:40):
GiaLacqua. I encourage you to carry the energy of this conversation
into your day and keep on supporting the incredible women around you.
Welcome to Your Future Starts Now, the go-to podcast for
extraordinary women who are ready to step into their next chapter with
authentic confidence. I'm your host, Gia Lacqua, empowerment coach,
motivational speaker, children's book author, and girl mom. Whether
you're a corporate powerhouse or an entrepreneur, this show is
designed for you. Your Future Starts Now is more than
(00:20):
just a podcast. It's a movement, a movement towards rewriting
the rules of success for high-achieving women. Are you ready
to get unstuck and step into your next chapter? If
so, you're exactly where you need to be. Your future starts
now. Welcome to Your Future Starts Now.
I'm your host, Gia Lacqua. Thanks for joining us today. I am
(00:43):
so excited to introduce you to Kristen Hartnagel. Kristen
is a magnetic speaker and personal branding expert at
the globally renowned Brand Builders Group, one of the fastest
growing private companies in America. As a founding member of
Brand Builders Group, Kristen has delivered over 4,000 hours of
strategy work and helps to build personal brands for New York Times
(01:04):
bestselling authors, and highly sought after keynote speakers.
She works with six, seven, and eight figure entrepreneurs, top coaches,
and consultants, and is the content licensing relationship
manager for the company. Understanding that even peak performers endure
a crisis of confidence from time to time, Kristen founded
her own coaching platform, Evolve Now, where she empowers
(01:28):
high achieving business owners to break through barriers and,
I'm gonna do that part again, Kristen founded her own coaching platform,
Evolve Now, where she empowers high achieving business owners to break
through belief barriers for exponential growth. You
sound very busy. Kristen, welcome to the show. Thanks for being here.
Thank you, Gia. I am so excited to spend some time with
(01:50):
you. And man, that introduction was pretty powerful. Thank
I mean, you got quite a lot going on there. It's incredible.
Tell us a little bit about your background and your journey and
Well, I have been working with the founders, the co-founders of
Brand Builders Group for over a decade, probably like
(02:14):
12 years. So just to know that where
they come from is how do we best serve our
people. That's really how Brand Builders Group even became
a company. So it's been so cool to be in
it from the ground floor. Just what
can this company be and how can we serve people who are trying
(02:35):
to carve out a way to gain exposure to
That's so exciting, and it must be so much fun to work with such diverse
It sure has been. It's been a wild ride and so
many success points all along the way. So really
(02:58):
Amazing. So Kristen, on a personal level, I
know that you have experienced an extraordinary amount
of loss and grief. And I'm wondering if
you would be willing to share a little bit about that and how that's
Yeah, and I really appreciate that question because so much
(03:19):
of showing up is being authentic to
your journey because it is what makes you, you. So
I had a very close relationship
with my sister and my mom and my dad. And
in 2012, my sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
(03:39):
And it was as if both our parents were like, Oh,
hell no, there's no way a child is going to go before us.
So they both died. But the beautiful thing was
that my sister stayed alive long enough so that we
could be with our mom together as she made
her transition. We were with our dad as he
(04:01):
made his, and I was with her as she made hers. And
there's just nothing more sacred than helping
people get ready for whatever is next. And
so it was really a beautiful thing. The grief and
the loss doesn't compare to
the joy of the experience of
(04:23):
being with them as they were kind of readying themselves
Such a moving story. Incredible how that
happened. I'm curious as to what I mean, obviously,
there was I'm sure you encountered a lot of difficulty and challenges along
the way. What did you find was the hardest part of
(04:48):
Well, I would say knowing that I
would be here as the sole survivor of
my nuclear family without the people who continually
poured into me. I had a very rare upbringing.
I could talk to my mom about anything. And
(05:08):
I could talk to my dad about anything. And I
talked to my sister every day. So to figure
out what does life look like without those people who
were my biggest cheerleaders and those
three people who guided my decision making. But
luckily, The way I was raised empowered
(05:32):
me to be able to do that well. And I'll give you an example of that. My
mom, at a very early age, gave me
the gift of telling me Challenge
what you're thinking. Challenge what people are telling you.
Just because somebody who you hold in high esteem is
giving you advice, don't believe everything they
(05:54):
say just because they're in that, in your mind, an
elevated space. Then she went on to say, don't
believe everything your father and I say, because we're only
coming to it from our limited view. And
then don't believe everything you think, because just because you
think it doesn't mean it's true. And so just having
(06:16):
this tendency to really challenge what
I believe has helped me
be so open minded that I get to say yes
to a lot of things and be open to
being able to shift my perspective and my thinking in ways that
serve me and serve everybody that I come into contact with.
(06:37):
That's incredible. I mean, it's the testament to,
you know, the background and the foundation of your
family of origin and having that solid foundation to build on
and really give you strength throughout the course of your life. And I love that they
challenged you in that way to challenge your thinking.
And I think so many of the women I work with, high
(06:59):
achieving women, we are, you know, married, having
children in our 40s and are just now starting
to challenge our ways of thinking and
realizing that, wait, maybe everything we taught isn't
the absolute truth. And that can be really, really
hard, right? When you've lived your life a certain way.
(07:21):
And so I think that's such a powerful way to
raise children and, you know, not necessarily teaching them
what to learn, but how to learn. And to your point,
being open-minded and having that growth mindset is
Yeah, I appreciate that. And to me, it's like, it's
(07:43):
a spiritual journey, because I believe there's like
this evolution in our consciousness that is being
depicted, it is playing out with this hybrid working
situation with people in their lifetime going,
wait a minute, I thought I would be happier. I've
done all the things I thought I should do. I checked all
(08:05):
the boxes people told me I needed to check. And here
I am with this underlying ache of
dissatisfaction or unfulfillment. It's
just almost like a disillusionment. I thought, like,
I know it looks good on paper, but my heart is hurting. And how
do I do something about that? And so that's
(08:27):
one of the reasons that people look to personal branding is how
do I bring out that authenticity in
a way that isn't just like sharing what I had
for breakfast, but is helping people feel, oh,
you're my person. You're who I want to work with. Mm
Yeah, absolutely. And I think, you know, there's such power
(08:49):
to your point in the authenticity. And there's
something that people feel really drawn to, right,
when you are able to show the vulnerability and
share your experiences. And so, you know, we
talked a little bit about you know, the pain
and the challenge of moving through your loss and
(09:09):
the grief. And I'm curious for you, what was what
kept you going? What was sort of, you know, the the
light at the end of the tunnel for you that kept you, you
I would say it is a practice that
(09:29):
I was able to grow up with, knowing that
my mom and my sister and my dad all understood the
idea of positive thinking. I
mean, even back to the books like, you know, Think and Grow
Rich and the idea that your thoughts become things,
(09:50):
that awareness helped me navigate
emotions, because emotions are really thoughts. And
so I wanted to be present with the emotions
of grief as they came to knock on my door. And
I wanted to invite them into tea. But I didn't want
them to unpack their bags and move in. And so just
(10:13):
the ability to say, OK, this is what I'm feeling.
I'm going to honor what I'm feeling. But I also want to be
the witness to those thoughts and those feelings and
say, Is this going to be 10 minutes? Is this going to
be 10 hours? Is this going to be 10 days? Is this going
to be a matter of months? Because this doesn't feel good.
(10:33):
And you have the choice how long it's the truth.
There's nobody that can deny you have every right to
feel the way you feel. It's just how long do you want to feel
that way? And that's a that comes back to having a
Yeah, that's such a powerful lesson to recognize that we
(10:54):
have more power in the moment than we typically believe
what we do. Right. And taking that pause and stepping back and saying, I
have a choice or I have the ability to reframe my thoughts because
our thoughts do drive our emotions and our emotions drive our behaviors and
our actions, which ultimately drive our outcomes. So I think starting
there is the most important thing we can do. And to your point, accepting
(11:18):
what it is we're feeling. Right. And I think so many of us
ended up, you know, learning to either suppress or
dismiss some of the feelings we didn't like. Right.
That that came up, you know, and they don't go
away. And so to your point, the only way
(11:38):
Absolutely. I would say that there was a little bit of
a bounce back from the truth
that you create your reality and that you should
monitor your thinking and you could choose good thoughts, choose
better feeling thoughts. They jumped to the extreme,
a lot of people, that, oh my gosh, I'm thinking something negative.
(12:00):
I'm just going to stop that and I'm going to replace it with a positive thought. But
just shifting without
moving through is not going to serve you. It's
really another word for suppression. And so we
can honor it, but we do have to make a decision about
it. So feel all the feels. But Jen, how
(12:23):
long do I want to be there? And what are some tools that I can use to
Definitely. Definitely, that makes so much sense. Kristen,
one of the topics that you talk about in the work that you do is the alchemy
of joy. And it's such an intriguing title. I
would love to learn more about that. And talk to me about how
(12:48):
Hmm, that is such a great question. So there's a lot
of data and research out there that stress literally
has a negative impact on our body chemistry. We
know that when we're in a state of stress, it
releases the kinds of chemicals in our
brain that actually cause the breakdown of
(13:10):
our body. So if we do believe that that is true,
it should not be too big of a chasm to
cross that the opposite is doing the opposite.
So if I can practice moments of joy, imagine
the endorphins that I am activating. Imagine
(13:31):
the kinds of chemicals in my brain that are actually fostering
a healthy relationship with all of my organs and
my heart. my head. I want to be in
coherence between my heart and my head. And there
are things that you can do that really impact that. So
to me, the alchemy of joy is it's not this Pollyanna
(13:53):
pie in the sky. Can I just pretend that I'm joyful? It's
actually doing exercises to recall joy, to
project joy, to spend time in imagination. Because
anytime I am feeling something I don't want to
feel, It is a
signal to me that I could do something about
(14:16):
that. We tend to think that we are the
thoughts that we think instead of realizing that most of our
thoughts are patterns of thought from conditioning and
programming and the way we grew up. Imagine
seeing everything that you feel as a signal
that you could respond to instead of react to.
(14:39):
And that ability to create the space to respond
helps you to choose the way you'd like to see things
instead of the way you're triggered to experience things.
Yeah. And I think that's where the neuroplasticity comes in, right? That
our brains are wired based on our past experiences, based on
our thoughts and our beliefs, but it's how do we break that
(15:02):
cycle, right? How do we create a new track
for our brain? So we're not stuck in that same cycle
of, of thinking when, you know, oftentimes it's negative. Sometimes
it can be toxic. But we stay there because it's comfortable and
we know it. Right. And so and we don't know how to get unstuck. Any
advice for people who are, you know, stuck
(15:29):
Absolutely. So, I mean, just to share a little bit
of an experience with a client, this person,
every February, he got into a funk. It was just
He just didn't understand, but he was like, it just was
hard to get himself into a good state of mind. And
so I asked him what happened in a February, just think
(15:51):
back and it hit him. Oh, you know, this is when my wife actually
sat me down and said, I had an affair with
your best friend seven years ago. and it rocked
their world, but they were still married. Like
they were celebrating their 30th anniversary and
they worked through it. So his brain just hadn't
(16:12):
caught up to reality. What was happening is something triggered,
oh, it's February. And his brain started thinking the thoughts that he always
thought, where was that traumatic experience? And
so I helped him understand that it's like his brain was
playing a movie, but he pulled up the chair to watch it. You
could just say to your brain, ah, I know what you're doing. You've
(16:35):
been triggered. You're wanting to go down this well-worn path. But
I know how the movie ends. We're still together. I refuse to
watch that movie anymore. And that's putting you as the
boss of your brain and really helping it to think
things in a different way. It's not always easy. It really
does take witnessing your thoughts. What is
(16:55):
happening? What is this that's going on? And do I want to do something
Yeah, it's such great advice. And the you know, going back to the
stress part of it, I think for a long time, we,
you know, generally speaking, tried to
ignore signs of physical stress, right?
(17:16):
Or deny, oh, it's just a headache. Oh, I just have a stomachache or,
you know, not recognizing that they are real physical manifestations of
stress that our body is holding. And
so recognizing that my body connection is
so strong and recognizing that there is another
way, right? And it may not be what we were taught growing up. It
(17:38):
may be finding new methods and new ways, right,
of being, but that can be so incredibly powerful. I'm
curious, how does all of this fit into the
Oh my gosh. Well, I would say that so many of
our clients who are really excited about the
(18:00):
way they're going to serve the people that is on their heart
to serve, they go through the same kind of
self-doubt and imposter syndrome. As soon as
they get clear on their message, they start to second guess, is
this really unique? Is everybody else doing the same thing? And
so My background of being able to help people
(18:20):
through those mental gymnastics is
to empower them to believe in themselves so much. And
one of the ways is to help them identify the
fact that typically playing small is when we
are thinking about ourselves instead of thinking about the
people we're being called to serve. So if we can get out of our
(18:42):
own way, and we can think about the person who is
on our heart to go serve, it's less about me than
it is about the person that I'm serving. And so that can go a long way
Yeah, I can tell you from personal experience that my
self-doubt around even starting this podcast, right, I think
(19:03):
what helped me get through it is realizing that It's not
about me. It is about the listeners. It is about this
audience. It's about building a community that feels
heard, right, and feels supported. And
that was more important to me than anything. So I
think that's an incredibly powerful message. You and I
(19:24):
do share a passion for reinvention. We
talk a lot about reinvention on this podcast. So
I'm curious, you know, for listeners who may be sort of
feeling stuck or feeling like maybe there's more or curious, but
not sure what to do. You know, a lot of times, as you know, the fear to
your point gets in the way the fear of judgment, you know, the
(19:45):
fear of disappointing other people, whatever it might be. I'm
curious what advice you have for people who may
be interested in reinventing themselves, but
Oh, you know, I honestly feel like if you are getting
that little subtle tap on your shoulder that you could
(20:09):
be doing something different, start listening then,
because you are being nudged into what
you are here on this planet to do. And
so often we're just like doing the thing that we thought we should be doing.
It's almost like a gift from the universe. Hey, you were meant for this. And
you're like, hey, sorry, you don't have time for that because I'm too busy on the hamster wheel doing
(20:31):
all these things. So I'm suggesting notice
the nudges and then ask, like, what does
this look like? We don't have to have everything figured out. We
just have to be open to be shown. If
I notice the nudges, I can quiet my mind,
whether you believe in meditation, just quiet time.
(20:53):
What we need to do is Stop the outward
momentum because as soon as we wake up, bam,
energy in every single direction outbound. So if there was
any guidance, any kind of hints from the other side, it's
not like it's efforting to reach us, but we've kind of
blocked it out because of this outbound energy. So just creating space
(21:16):
for stillness to notice the nudges, to
really think about what would that look like to ask the
questions and trust that you will get the answers. What
am I being called to do? Why is there this discontent? Why
am I feeling unfulfilled? If you're feeling discontent
or unfulfilled, it is for a reason. And
(21:37):
I truly believe that every single person on this planet has a
blueprint for their soul and they're
being called toward that, but they can live and die
without ever really discovering what that is. And
that is what leads to this little bit of a tug on
your heart. If you've got that tug, it means it's time to
(21:59):
Yeah, absolutely. And from personal experience, I
can attest to that. And I think as high achieving women,
I talk about this a lot, but we learn to neglect our
intuition, we sort of learn to suppress our inner voice,
and the external volume becomes so much louder. And
so, you know, for me, it was how do I tune into that? How do
(22:20):
I tap into it? How do I reconnect with the inner voice that's telling
me I need to take a different path. And for
me, it was really realizing that my passion is really in
helping other people to develop and to thrive and
to go through those life transitions. And so the first step
for me was getting my coaching certification. And
(22:42):
if I hadn't listened to that voice, right, I may still
be where I was four or five years ago. And so I
think it is important to listen to that inner voice. And I think the other point you touched
upon that's really powerful is the exploration. You don't
have to have all the answers, but I think as high achieving women, and oftentimes
we like control, you know, not knowing and
(23:04):
not having all the answers and not having a solid plan can be
really, really scary. And so just
being open to explore the options and
recognize it's not going to be an overnight shift, right? But maybe
it is small steps and things you can do to learn
and explore and find the right resources and support along
(23:26):
And if I could give a three-step process
that people could easily follow when that fear starts
rearing its ugly head, it's like, you could stay comfortable,
certainly. No one's gonna tell you
that you shouldn't stay comfortable, but you're the one who
knows whether that's okay or not. Typically, when we
(23:48):
choose the safe path, we are not honoring that
part in us that is trying to come out. And so, but
that is not going to go without fear. When you're open to
exploring, when you're open to asking the question, what does this
look like? What could this be? This little nudge on my shoulder, tug
on my heart. I would say when a fear pops into
(24:10):
your head, first of all, understand that you are not your
thoughts. that your thoughts are that well-worn pathway trying
to keep you safe. So think of your thoughts as
an innocent baby. It's just trying to do its job. But
there's this three-step process. The first is to detach with
amusement. witness the thought. And
(24:32):
the amusement is so important. It's to just say, there,
there, little brain, I know what you're trying to do. You're just trying to keep me
safe. And so you're not those thoughts. You're just recognizing
that you have a thought that's trying to get you to go down this
pathway. Step two then is to reduce to
the ridiculous. If you are on this point in
(24:53):
time and there's an infinite number of ways the future could unfold that
are negative, and there's an infinite number of ways the future could
unfold that are positive, you've chosen one that's over here in
the negative. And so reducing to the ridiculous is
to pull it all the way as far negative as it could go.
What is the worst that could happen? What is this fear really trying
(25:14):
to tell me? And then give equal playing time
to, well, what is the best that could possibly happen? And just
in giving that time, you're kind of moving the needle towards
a more positive outcome. Is it going to be the best? No. But is
it ever the worst? No. So you're just doing your job to
kind of spin that dial a little bit more towards the positive. And
(25:35):
the third step is to invest wisely. Understand that
your thoughts are like coins and you are depositing
into something. What do you want more of? I
think the top performers in the world, they don't
spend time, as much time as the
general public tends to do, worrying. They understand whether
(25:56):
they could verbalize this or not. They understand that there is
power in thinking positively, in thinking forward,
in thinking about the possibilities that lie ahead instead
of worrying about the worst way things could go. So
it's detach with amusement, reduce to
(26:18):
I love that. Such a great framework. Such great advice.
Thanks for sharing that, Kristen. You know, in the in the work that you do with
various entrepreneurs, what would you say? What
do you see in terms of the personal brands is
really what differentiates the really successful ones?
(26:38):
So talk to us a little bit about, you know, what makes them unique,
what helps them break through the noise out there and,
I would say most people building their
own business aren't doing the heavy
mental lifting. It's like the soul-searching questioning
(27:02):
of what problem do I solve? I solve a
lot of problems. But how could I distill that into something
that I could articulate? Because when I give words to
the way it feels to have the problem, people say, Oh my
gosh, she understands what I'm going through. And if
they think that I understand what they're going through, they're
(27:22):
also going to jump to the conclusion that I know how to solve it.
And so when you give words to the way it feels to have the problem, they're going
to assume you have the solution and that helps them see you.
as their go-to person to fix that. But one
of the biggest things that I think is a game changer for
people who are building their personal brand is the fact that
(27:44):
we do really hard work of developing your intellectual
property. You do what you do. You teach what you teach.
But can we crunch the way you say it so
that it is unique to you? So we're not
telling you what to say, but we're pulling out of you what
it is you are sharing. And then we put it through formulas to
(28:05):
figure out, is there an original, pithy, catchy way
that you can say that same thing so that you're memorable and
repeatable. And other people will go out into the world and say, oh,
my gosh, did you hear Gia's thing? Kind of like
that framework I just walked through. We want to help you develop your
frameworks. We want to help you develop your pillar points and
(28:26):
the things that are going to change people's behaviors. And that's hard work,
Yeah. So distilling down your core messages,
crystallizing what it is you bring to the world, you
know, and the personal branding piece is really like your identity. How
will people see you? How will they recognize you? Right. What do you represent? What
(28:49):
do you stand for? Can be so powerful.
And I think it is what connects clients, right,
to businesses. So such important pieces
of information. The identity
piece, I think, you know, you also touched upon the messages.
(29:10):
I think another piece of it for me is the storytelling. When
I do my keynotes, the thing
that resonates with the audience that
moves them to tears are the stories, right?
And it's the willingness to be vulnerable, to show up authentically, to
share my personal experiences. And even if theirs aren't
(29:33):
identical, there's usually something they can relate to. And
I, you know, the ones that have been so impactful and
rewarding for me are the ones where people reach out
and just say thank you for your authenticity and your vulnerability. And
it's not about the thank you. It's about knowing that it
(29:55):
Yeah, that's what we're all trying to do is change the
lives of the people that we work with. And what we
know at Brand Builders Group is the fastest way to
change somebody's life is to get them to think
in a new way and then get them to do something differently
as a result of knowing that thing. And there's a formula for
(30:17):
it. It's tell a story, make a point, teach
a framework and inspire a behavior. And
so many people are like, well, why is storytelling important?
I could just tell them what they need to know. Well, Storytelling
bypasses the thinking mind. When you're telling me what you
think I need to know, I'm in assessment mode. I'm thinking, do I
(30:38):
agree with that? Is that true for me? But when you share a story, I
am moved emotionally. And then you drop in
the point of that story and you just taught me something
after you've moved me emotionally. So I'm going to
It's so powerful and it works for sure. It
does. It does. Amazing. So Kristen,
(31:01):
just before we wrap up, I would love to know how do you
define success? What does success mean to you? What does it
look like? What does it feel like? And how has that definition evolved for you over
I truly believe that success equates to
self love. I can love myself
enough then what other people think won't
(31:24):
get in my way, won't slow me down. Loving myself
enough helps me believe that what I have to share
is meant for somebody. It's not meant for everybody because
nobody can help everybody. But to love
myself enough to believe that there are people out there who
need what only I can share. So how
(31:46):
can I get out of my own way to go serve those people?
And that really starts with believing in myself, self-love.
Yeah. And the acceptance piece, right? The
self-worth, the self-love and the acceptance. I love that. Kristin,
where can our listeners learn more about you and the work that you
Well, I would love to just hop on a Zoom call with anybody
(32:09):
who is wanting to explore either, you know, where
I kind of come from in my background with coaching through Evolve Now,
or really more importantly for your listeners would be if they're
curious about building a personal brand. So we can hop on
a call together if they want to go to FreeBrandCall.com forward
slash KH, which stands for Kristen Hartnagel. So
(32:32):
that's FreeBrandCall.com forward slash KH.
Awesome. And of course, you can visit my website at gialacqua.com. Reach
out to me on Instagram at gialacqua. On the homepage of my website, you can
download your complimentary copy of From Chaos to Clarity, a
30-day journal for self-discovery and healing. Kristen,
thanks so much for joining us today and sharing your stories. This
(32:55):
is Gia signing off with gratitude for your time and energy. Our mic
drops, but the movement continues. Until next time, your
next chapter is waiting. That concludes another empowering episode
of Your Future Starts Now. Before we wrap up, I want to thank this
incredible community of high-achieving women. Your energy, resilience,
and commitment to growth are the driving force behind what we do.
(33:17):
If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate it, leave a review, and don't forget
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course, share Your Future Starts Now with the extraordinary women in
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(33:40):
GiaLacqua. I encourage you to carry the energy of this conversation
into your day and keep on supporting the incredible women around you.
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