September 2, 2025 • 30 mins
Episode 107: The Greatest Reframe: Why Your Struggles Are Your Superpowers
In this episode of "Your Inner Advocate," host Kimen Petersen explores the transformative power of reframing your personal story. Drawing from his own experiences with self-image, dyslexia, and overcoming adversity, Kimen shares how shifting perspective can turn pain into compassion and purpose. The episode offers practical insights and encouragement for anyone facing challenges, emphasizing that every struggle can become a source of strength and empathy.
Show Notes & Timeline:
- 00:00 — Introduction to "Your Inner Advocate" and host Kimen Petersen
- 00:40 — Topic Introduction: The Power of Reframing
- 01:15 — Why Our Minds Focus on the Negative
- 01:42 — Evolutionary Threat Detection and Modern Challenges
- 02:35 — Personal Story: Childhood Self-Image and Dyslexia
- 03:38 — Discovering Dyslexia and Harsh Inner Dialogue
- 04:10 — Realizing Strength Through Surviving Hardships
- 05:06 — Working with Athletes: Courage and Action in the Face of Fear
- 05:50 — Compassion Forged Through Hardship
- 06:30 — Flipping the Frame: Finding Purpose in Suffering
- 07:00 — Personal Journey: Lies About Self and Overcoming Them
- 08:00 — The First Major Reframe: Surviving Negative Self-Talk
- 09:00 — Pain Creates Compassion: Addressing Childhood Trauma
- 10:00 — The Greatest Reframe: Adversity Builds Empathy
- 11:00 — The Ultimate Reframe: What Is This Trying to Teach Me?
- 12:00 — Lessons Repeat Until Learned; Free Will and Life’s Lessons
- 13:00 — Talking to Your Body: Learning from Pain and Injury
- 14:00 — Victim vs. Victor Mindset: Changing the Meaning of Experiences
- 15:00 — Embracing the Gifts of Survival and Compassion
- 16:00 — Teaching Students: Would You Erase Your Past?
- 17:00 — Reframing as a Lifelong Practice
- 18:00 — Choosing the Meaning of Experiences: Power and Opportunity
- 19:00 — Reflection: What Have You Learned from Challenges?
- 19:40 — Closing Thoughts and Encouragement
- 19:50 — Outro: How to Connect and Support the Podcast
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to Your Inner Advocate,a podcast by Kimen Petersen,
formerly Conversations with Kimen.
This podcast is a space forinspiration, soulful insights,
and meaningful life lessons.
Your host, Kimen Petersen drawsfrom personal stories and powerful
conversations with remarkablepeople to help illuminate your path.
These episodes reflect his livedexperiences and thoughtful perspectives,
(00:25):
all aimed at encouraging you to live lifewith greater authenticity, joy, and ease.
Your inner advocate is here tohelp you tune in, trust your inner
wisdom, and move through life withmore clarity, flow, and fulfillment.
Welcome back today I'm gonnatalk about the power of reframing,
(00:48):
specifically transforming your story.
Reframing is the art of takingsomething negative in your life, whether
it's a current situation, a painfulmemory, or an ongoing struggle, and
shifting your perspective about it.
Think of it like changingthe frame around a picture.
(01:09):
The same image can look completelydifferent with a new frame around it.
And let me be clear, reframingisn't about avoiding the feelings
or pretending pain doesn't exist.
It's about understanding howour minds naturally work and
choosing a different path.
So let's get clear on one of thethings about the mind, like why do
(01:32):
our minds focus on the negative?
If you consider the fact that humanbeings survives as a dominant species
on this planet for two reasons.
First off, we're incredibly adaptableto different environments, but we also
have a built-in threat detection system.
(01:52):
And this is a part of our nervous system,and it's constantly scanning for danger.
It's looking for danger.
And if you ever heard me say thequote, what you focus on expands.
So if your brain is looking fornegative danger and problems,
that's what it's gonna see.
And, and this really serve us well when weface physical threats like wild animals.
(02:14):
But in today's, in today's worldwhere most of the threats are
psychological rather than physical.
This same system can work againstus and turning in like simply
manageable situations into anoverwhelming crisis in our mind.
(02:34):
I think Victor Venkel saidit one of the best ways.
He said, when we cannotchange our situation, we are
challenged to change ourselves.
So I kind of, I've learned about thisthrough trial and error through my life
(02:59):
and as a child I definitely battleda hugely negative self image.
I was, I was a little fat kid.
I remember the first time I realized myphysical image and I'm like, oh my God.
I had challenges with dyslexia thatI never understood until years later.
(03:23):
You see, I couldn't, I couldn'tspell very well at all, and I
couldn't read very fast, and it mademe think I was, I was just dumb.
I was stupid.
You know, when I was 26,I actually found out.
That I was dyslexic through.
A friend of mine who was involvedin special education, she put
(03:44):
me through some tests and she'slike, oh my God, you're dyslexic.
I'm like, wow, that answers a lot.
My inner dialogue was pretty harsh.
It was labeling me a loser, aweakling, so I traveled through life.
(04:10):
In that kind of context and frame,
and I began to realize that simplysurviving these tough moments
demonstrated an incredible strength.
It's like the thought of, it's notthe m for the mountain we overcome.
(04:31):
It's actually ourselves.
Y you know, I work with a lot ofincredible athletes and it's so inspiring
to see them push through their fears,anxieties in order to perform well.
I eventually refrain myperception of myself as well.
(04:53):
If my mind, own mind is my adversary.
Yet I show up every day than I am strong.
'cause courage isn't the absence of fear.
It's the taking actionin the face of fear.
I've come to see that compassionateindividuals were forged
(05:15):
through their own hardships.
They,
they understand whatit feels like to hurt,
and they take that on and theybuild empathy and compassion.
And then they take that empathy andcompassion to help the people around them
(05:41):
see if you're going throughreally tough things.
You can look at it a few ways.
You can look at it like, why me?
Why am I hard done by, or, I deservethis, or, I'm not good enough.
But if you could flip the frame just alittle bit for a moment and understand
that the possibility is that the reasonyou're going through tough things is
(06:04):
because you're here for big things.
You flip the frame and you seethat everything you overcame is
exactly what built your strength
and all the really tough moments.
The soul crushing thesadness to your bones.
Creative familiarity withwhat it feels like to hurt,
(06:28):
and that's what taught youempathy and compassion.
So now when you see somebodyhurting, you need to step up.
I definitely believe that one.
My, my overall purpose in life,my why is I'm here to help people.
(06:53):
And I believe part of that is to supportother people through their suffering.
And every time somebody feelscomfortable enough to share their
pain with me, it affirms my purpose.
So here's some of my jour, mypersonal journey with reframing,
(07:16):
like I've actually used this.
Um, my entire life to some degree,
and I was learning from multiple teachers,quotes, books, seminars, and experiences.
As a child, I went through somepretty difficult times that left me
(07:39):
devastated, like with this devastatedself image, like, I'm not strong enough.
And I felt like I had nothingworthwhile to say, so I couldn't
speak in front of people.
I, I wouldn't meet new people.
I couldn't even form relationshipsbecause I believed in three
(08:01):
fundamental lies about myself.
One, I wasn't smart.
Down the line, I realized,I found out I was dyslexic.
I wasn't strong, which manifestsas a fear, disguises, anger.
I had no value
(08:22):
leading me to question anytimesomebody would took any interest in me.
I,
when I was at the depth, ifsomebody took interest in me.
It was some strange thoughtin the back of my mind.
It's like, what is wrong with them?
Don't they see who I am?
(08:44):
For years, I lived with a cruelinternal dialogue, consist that
consistently told me I was weak.
I was worthless.
I was a loser.
It was like, you loser,loser, loser, loser.
You, you're such an idiot.
You're like that.
And that was my internal dialogue.
And, and it followed me everywhere.
(09:06):
My wake, all my waking hours.
I woke up with it and Iwent to sleep with it.
My first major reframe came whenI realized something profound.
The just surviving that negative internalvoice actually proved that I was strong.
(09:28):
Think about it.
If your mind is fighting you every singleday, yet you keep on showing up, keep
working, keep trying to prove that'snot weakness, that's extraordinary
strength as, and the saying goes,courage is not the absence of fear.
It's taking action in the face of fear.
This was this realizing change everything.
(09:53):
It was, it was.
The genesis of change in my life.
So when I started feeling scaredor weak, I reminded myself.
I keep on showing up everyday despite these feelings.
That makes me strong, not weak.
If you're in a place where all youcan do is, hold on, that is okay.
(10:15):
Just make it through today.
Don't worry about nextmonth, focus on today.
Then when you get to throughtoday, focus on tomorrow.
And on that day and day byday, it gradually gets better.
So my next major breakthrough came inthe fact that pain creates compassion.
(10:40):
I,
and this came when I finallyfound the courage and the tools.
To address the trauma I I,I'd experienced as a child,
and I used to believe that I wascursed destined for a horrible life
(11:08):
because of all these thingsthat had happened to me and
continued to happen to me.
And then I discovered this truth.
One of the greatest reframes of my life,Cana, compassionate people are not born.
They're forged throughadversary adversity.
Compassionate people understandwhat it feels like to be
(11:32):
through soul crushing pain,
and rather than turning bitter or angry,
they take that knowledge.
And when someone in their, in theirpresence is feeling that pain, they have
the ability to understand, to hold space,
(11:54):
and they care not in spiteof what happened to them.
They care because ofwhat happened to them.
They just don't want to seeanother human being go through
what they've gone through.
Or at least not go through it alone.
(12:17):
You show me an amazing person.
I'll show you someone who's beenthrough hell and back, and mostly alone.
Going through pain createsa deep understanding of what
it feels like to be hurt.
And when you encounter someoneelse who's suffering, your instinct
(12:37):
becomes help alleviate their pain.
Or at least make surethey're not alone in it.
This reframe was the greatest lifechanging reframe that I've ever had.
I realized that everything in mylife, every painful experience
brought me to where I am right now.
It shaped my purpose to supportothers and ease softening.
(12:59):
The pain did not destroy me.
The pain created me.
And I feel like my ultimatereframe, the one that
I try to teach everyoneand I learn myself,
(13:22):
is very simple.
And it was, it was present recentlywhen I was working with an athlete who
was going through a tough time and.
Yeah, they're really open.
They were like, I just keep on wonderingwhy me, why does this keep on going wrong?
Why doesn't every, everythingwork, anything ever work out?
How long is this gonna go on for?
(13:44):
And they were like, do youever feel that way, Kimon?
And I'm like, yeah, I used to live that.
I used to like, why can't I get a break?
Like,
you know.
I mean, I had an answer for that,
(14:06):
but why me?
What, why, why am I so wrong?
What?
Why am I not good enough?
Why am I not smart enough?
So in the end, theultimate reframe came up.
(14:27):
Everything's teaching us.
This is a powerful reframe for you andeveryone, and if I could really teach
this to everyone, that would be amazing.
Everything we go through inlife is teaching us something.
Like I was saying that thatperson I was working with was,
(14:50):
their question was like, why me?
All that kind of.
And she said, what do you askyourself when something goes wrong?
And all?
My only question now is, whatis this trying to teach me?
Because the truth is, if you look back inyour life, there's certain lessons that
kept on cycling over and over and overand over and over, and they would've kept
(15:16):
on going until you actually learned it.
The lesson will repeatitself until it's learned.
And my frame for life now is what isthis time to teach me so I can learn
it as bloody well fast as I can soI don't have to cycle through that
(15:44):
'cause I'm tired ofcycling through things.
You know, I, I like to say somethinginteresting, you know, have you ever
heard the, the thought process of,oh, um, the question of free will, and
I feel like a lot of people believethat free will means we are free to do
whatever the hell we want at any time.
(16:10):
And I guess on, on a day-to-daybasis, that's kind of true.
But for the bigger things.
For the really big things, forthe lessons that we need to
learn, that we're here to learn.
I believe there's a purposeand a path and a plan,
and we do have free will,but it's not what we think.
We have the free will to gowillingly or unwillingly.
(16:32):
But we're going, and I've been draggedthrough to a lesson, through a lesson
kicking and screaming in my life, andI just don't want to do that anymore.
And that is why my biggest refrainis when something goes wrong, I'm
like, what is this trying to teach me?
Because I just wanna learn,
(16:56):
you know, maybe.
And, and the truth is, I will say that.
And then maybe I won't get ananswer right away, and that's okay.
'cause I'll keep on asking thequestion, keep on asking the
question, keep on asking the question.
And when you're in crisismode, this is difficult,
(17:19):
but once you move through it, you can findyour way to the answers to the lesson.
I remember I, a long time ago, Isaw I was working with a traditional
Chinese medical doctor, and they'rean interesting blend and they have a
different way of looking at body andlife and the connection, and I'm not
like a big woo woo spiritual person.
(17:40):
I do believe in there's somethingmore, but I don't believe that I
have any special gift around thator any gift around energy or that
I can, I'm not that arrogant.
But maybe all that exists, but it'snot under my conscious control.
(18:05):
But back, uh, back when I was workingwith this person and I had some
issues in my body, she taught mesomething interesting 'cause I was
in pain all the time in my low back.
And she said, why don't youtry talking to your body?
I'm like, talking to my body.
What?
Like, what do you, whatdo you mean by that?
(18:25):
She's like, no, seriously, you can justask yourself a simple question when
you're, when you're experiencing pain.
I said, okay, well, I'm open-minded.
I'll try anything.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna believeit, but I, I, I'll try it.
And she said, like, so whenyou're in the pain, you ask your
body, is there something you'retrying to teach me or tell me?
(18:46):
And you wait and you be patientand if nothing comes up,
ask again.
Is there something you're tryingto tell me and wait, be patient.
That may be a few minutes, hours, days.
And maybe, maybe there issomething, maybe you'll think of.
(19:09):
Something maybe you'll think of.
Like recently when I injuredmyself and I'm trying to get back.
To running.
I tore my hamstring.
Um, and like, you know, whatis this trying to teach me?
What is this trying to teach me?
What is this trying to teach me?
And I have this context, this othercontext, this other reframe, which I
(19:29):
find is amazing for me as well, becausesome of the most incredible encounters
I've had in my life have had, havecome from something that went wrong.
So I think if, if you've ever heardof the book, the Celestine prophecies
it, it says something to the effect ofwhen, when you miss a bus or a plane or
(19:51):
something, often we get really frustrated.
But they said these are the perfectopportunities for synchronicity.
So when something like that happens, yougotta open your eyes and look around.
And some of the most incrediblepeople I've met in my life is 'cause
I missed some form of transportation.
And I looked around and wow,that's an incredible person.
(20:17):
So I digress a bit.
As I was saying, you're askingyour body, is there something
you're trying to tell me?
And you ask it two or three,maybe four, maybe five times.
And if nothing comes up.
Then you say this, if there'snothing you're trying to tell
me, can you please let this go?
(20:38):
But gently and imagine we could evendo that with situations in our life.
'cause right now going throughthis, I don't completely see
the reason I tore my hamstring.
Like I haven't had a significant eventor meeting that happened because I'm not
able to do what I love to do right now.
(20:59):
Although, on the other hand,
I'm learning really well how torehab a hamstring, which will
probably help me in my practice.
And I went back for an initialwalk run and I overdid it, which is
something I tell everybody not todo, and I don't listen to myself.
So I'm also learned that I need to listento my own wisdom, trust my own wisdom.
(21:24):
I need to be patient and I needto start off slow and easy.
So those are incredible, reallypositive lessons in this.
So maybe, maybe that's what it is.
Another powerful reframe isshifting yourself from a victim
(21:46):
of what happened to a victor.
Yes.
Things happen to methat I couldn't control.
But if you're staying in the victimmind mindset, it leaves you powerless.
See, the truth is in life,things happen to you,
(22:11):
and that's what's so,
and for me, things happened to me and thenI created a story about what that means.
And the frame I put it in is, was I weak?
I was weak.
I couldn't fight back.
I wasn't strong enough.
(22:33):
And then I lived that story for 30 years,
and that's, that's the victim.
Like this is what it created.
See.
I can't change what happened to me, but Ican change how I look at the experiences
(23:00):
and I look at the experiences,like I understand what it feels
to hurt to be traumatized,
and that taught me and knowing ofwhat it feels like to be in pain.
So when I see somebody inpain, my heart goes out to
them, and that's just who I am.
(23:20):
I love that part of me.
See, I'm not gonna say I love whathappened to me, but I'm gonna say I
love the beautiful thing it created
and that I can change the way I processed.
And that's what I did.
I changed it.
I changed what that means for 30 years.
(23:43):
It meant this, and then I changedit, and now it means this.
And just like I said, we can changethe meaning I've assigned to what
happened and why it happened.
And we can look at not what it tookaway from us, but what it gave gave us.
(24:03):
We can look at the gifts
because I did survive really hard thingsand because of that, not in spite of
that, I know I'm strong and capable'cause I made it through the trauma.
The trauma created a deep compassion andempathy for others who are suffering.
(24:23):
And when I see someone in pain,
I just have to show upand that's who I am.
You know, it's interesting.
Um, I used to teach and I realized
at some point.
(24:45):
In my life that when everything, when Ireframed everything and I moved, moved
away from this victim mindset to this,this, all these things, it, I'd made
this mean to this other mindset andI'd unwound a whole bunch of things and
I found my way to the career I'm in.
(25:06):
I used to tell my my students that,yeah, I've been through some pretty,
pretty really tough things in my life.
And you know, if somebody said, oh, we cango back and take those away, I wouldn't.
Because if you took away everymistake, you made every tough thing,
(25:29):
that's that it's happened in yourlife, you would erase yourself.
And when you find your way throughall these things, what happens is you
become the self you're here to be.
And I, I said to my students, and I'mgonna say this to you right now, if I
had a chance to go back and start over,
(25:54):
as long as I knew for certain, Iget back to where I am right now
to this person who works 12 and ahalf hours a day helping people.
I'm an in-between, between.
I create this, this Your Inner Advocatepodcast to help people in another way.
If I knew for certain I was coming, Iwould go through it 10 times harder.
(26:15):
I would crawl over broken glass toget here because my life has purpose.
It has meaning.
I have an incredibly powerfulwhy, and as long as I know I'm
coming back to this space I'm in,
just so you know.
(26:38):
For all of us.
Reframing is not easy.
Okay.
It's not.
It's a practice.
It's like, think about yoga as a practice.
They always call it a practice'cause you're never gonna win yoga.
You know?
It's a practice.
Life is a practice, reframing is apractice, and there's still times when
(27:01):
I feel misunderstood or undervalued
or even hurt.
And I get hang angry,then hurt, then confused.
But I always come back to eventually thatI'm not a victim and I have the power
to choose how I interpret experience.
(27:21):
And this is the biggest reframebecause nothing inherently means
anything until we place meaning on it.
So we have a choice.
A reframe can be, we can put.
A, like a negative meaning thattakes away our power and makes
us smaller and makes life harder.
(27:42):
Or we can put a powerful positivemeaning on that that like, wow, I'm
so strong 'cause I overcame that.
Or like, I don't care howmany times it, it takes.
I'm gonna get back up one more time.
I have the power and you have the power.
(28:04):
To choose how youinterpret your experience
and your painful experiences don'tdefine you in a negative way,
but how you choose to frame them doesEvery challenge is an opportunity
to discover your hidden strength,develop deeper compassion, and
(28:28):
clarify your purpose and your why.
The same experience that you onceconsidered or seemed to look like,
your greatest weaknesses can become thesource of your greatest strength, and
that's the power of reframing and thatpower's always, always in your reach.
(29:00):
I really encourage you to take amoment to reflect on your own life.
What are the one or two thingsyou've learned from major
challenges in your life?
And remember, if, if you're inthe middle of a challenge right
(29:21):
now, remember this tool will pass.
Lean into your support system.
Embrace the good moments wholeheartedly,and question your negative thoughts and
ask yourself, what can I learn from this?
(29:43):
Thank you for spending this time with me.
Have a great day.
Thank you for listening to this episodeof Your Inner Advocate, a podcast by
Kimen Petersen, formerly Conversationswith Kimen if you found value in
today's episode, please follow likeand share the podcast with someone
(30:04):
who you think may benefit from it.
You can listen on Apple Podcast.
Spotify, Podbean, and connect onInstagram @ your inner advocate.
Until next time, keep listening toand developing your inner advocate.
Welcome to Your Inner Advocate,a podcast by Kimen Petersen,
formerly Conversations with Kimen.
This podcast is a space forinspiration, soulful insights,
and meaningful life lessons.
Your host, Kimen Petersen drawsfrom personal stories and powerful
conversations with remarkablepeople to help illuminate your path.
These episodes reflect his livedexperiences and thoughtful perspectives,
(00:25):
all aimed at encouraging you to live lifewith greater authenticity, joy, and ease.
Your inner advocate is here tohelp you tune in, trust your inner
wisdom, and move through life withmore clarity, flow, and fulfillment.
Welcome back today I'm gonnatalk about the power of reframing,
(00:48):
specifically transforming your story.
Reframing is the art of takingsomething negative in your life, whether
it's a current situation, a painfulmemory, or an ongoing struggle, and
shifting your perspective about it.
Think of it like changingthe frame around a picture.
(01:09):
The same image can look completelydifferent with a new frame around it.
And let me be clear, reframingisn't about avoiding the feelings
or pretending pain doesn't exist.
It's about understanding howour minds naturally work and
choosing a different path.
So let's get clear on one of thethings about the mind, like why do
(01:32):
our minds focus on the negative?
If you consider the fact that humanbeings survives as a dominant species
on this planet for two reasons.
First off, we're incredibly adaptableto different environments, but we also
have a built-in threat detection system.
(01:52):
And this is a part of our nervous system,and it's constantly scanning for danger.
It's looking for danger.
And if you ever heard me say thequote, what you focus on expands.
So if your brain is looking fornegative danger and problems,
that's what it's gonna see.
And, and this really serve us well when weface physical threats like wild animals.
(02:14):
But in today's, in today's worldwhere most of the threats are
psychological rather than physical.
This same system can work againstus and turning in like simply
manageable situations into anoverwhelming crisis in our mind.
(02:34):
I think Victor Venkel saidit one of the best ways.
He said, when we cannotchange our situation, we are
challenged to change ourselves.
So I kind of, I've learned about thisthrough trial and error through my life
(02:59):
and as a child I definitely battleda hugely negative self image.
I was, I was a little fat kid.
I remember the first time I realized myphysical image and I'm like, oh my God.
I had challenges with dyslexia thatI never understood until years later.
(03:23):
You see, I couldn't, I couldn'tspell very well at all, and I
couldn't read very fast, and it mademe think I was, I was just dumb.
I was stupid.
You know, when I was 26,I actually found out.
That I was dyslexic through.
A friend of mine who was involvedin special education, she put
(03:44):
me through some tests and she'slike, oh my God, you're dyslexic.
I'm like, wow, that answers a lot.
My inner dialogue was pretty harsh.
It was labeling me a loser, aweakling, so I traveled through life.
(04:10):
In that kind of context and frame,
and I began to realize that simplysurviving these tough moments
demonstrated an incredible strength.
It's like the thought of, it's notthe m for the mountain we overcome.
(04:31):
It's actually ourselves.
Y you know, I work with a lot ofincredible athletes and it's so inspiring
to see them push through their fears,anxieties in order to perform well.
I eventually refrain myperception of myself as well.
(04:53):
If my mind, own mind is my adversary.
Yet I show up every day than I am strong.
'cause courage isn't the absence of fear.
It's the taking actionin the face of fear.
I've come to see that compassionateindividuals were forged
(05:15):
through their own hardships.
They,
they understand whatit feels like to hurt,
and they take that on and theybuild empathy and compassion.
And then they take that empathy andcompassion to help the people around them
(05:41):
see if you're going throughreally tough things.
You can look at it a few ways.
You can look at it like, why me?
Why am I hard done by, or, I deservethis, or, I'm not good enough.
But if you could flip the frame just alittle bit for a moment and understand
that the possibility is that the reasonyou're going through tough things is
(06:04):
because you're here for big things.
You flip the frame and you seethat everything you overcame is
exactly what built your strength
and all the really tough moments.
The soul crushing thesadness to your bones.
Creative familiarity withwhat it feels like to hurt,
(06:28):
and that's what taught youempathy and compassion.
So now when you see somebodyhurting, you need to step up.
I definitely believe that one.
My, my overall purpose in life,my why is I'm here to help people.
(06:53):
And I believe part of that is to supportother people through their suffering.
And every time somebody feelscomfortable enough to share their
pain with me, it affirms my purpose.
So here's some of my jour, mypersonal journey with reframing,
(07:16):
like I've actually used this.
Um, my entire life to some degree,
and I was learning from multiple teachers,quotes, books, seminars, and experiences.
As a child, I went through somepretty difficult times that left me
(07:39):
devastated, like with this devastatedself image, like, I'm not strong enough.
And I felt like I had nothingworthwhile to say, so I couldn't
speak in front of people.
I, I wouldn't meet new people.
I couldn't even form relationshipsbecause I believed in three
(08:01):
fundamental lies about myself.
One, I wasn't smart.
Down the line, I realized,I found out I was dyslexic.
I wasn't strong, which manifestsas a fear, disguises, anger.
I had no value
(08:22):
leading me to question anytimesomebody would took any interest in me.
I,
when I was at the depth, ifsomebody took interest in me.
It was some strange thoughtin the back of my mind.
It's like, what is wrong with them?
Don't they see who I am?
(08:44):
For years, I lived with a cruelinternal dialogue, consist that
consistently told me I was weak.
I was worthless.
I was a loser.
It was like, you loser,loser, loser, loser.
You, you're such an idiot.
You're like that.
And that was my internal dialogue.
And, and it followed me everywhere.
(09:06):
My wake, all my waking hours.
I woke up with it and Iwent to sleep with it.
My first major reframe came whenI realized something profound.
The just surviving that negative internalvoice actually proved that I was strong.
(09:28):
Think about it.
If your mind is fighting you every singleday, yet you keep on showing up, keep
working, keep trying to prove that'snot weakness, that's extraordinary
strength as, and the saying goes,courage is not the absence of fear.
It's taking action in the face of fear.
This was this realizing change everything.
(09:53):
It was, it was.
The genesis of change in my life.
So when I started feeling scaredor weak, I reminded myself.
I keep on showing up everyday despite these feelings.
That makes me strong, not weak.
If you're in a place where all youcan do is, hold on, that is okay.
(10:15):
Just make it through today.
Don't worry about nextmonth, focus on today.
Then when you get to throughtoday, focus on tomorrow.
And on that day and day byday, it gradually gets better.
So my next major breakthrough came inthe fact that pain creates compassion.
(10:40):
I,
and this came when I finallyfound the courage and the tools.
To address the trauma I I,I'd experienced as a child,
and I used to believe that I wascursed destined for a horrible life
(11:08):
because of all these thingsthat had happened to me and
continued to happen to me.
And then I discovered this truth.
One of the greatest reframes of my life,Cana, compassionate people are not born.
They're forged throughadversary adversity.
Compassionate people understandwhat it feels like to be
(11:32):
through soul crushing pain,
and rather than turning bitter or angry,
they take that knowledge.
And when someone in their, in theirpresence is feeling that pain, they have
the ability to understand, to hold space,
(11:54):
and they care not in spiteof what happened to them.
They care because ofwhat happened to them.
They just don't want to seeanother human being go through
what they've gone through.
Or at least not go through it alone.
(12:17):
You show me an amazing person.
I'll show you someone who's beenthrough hell and back, and mostly alone.
Going through pain createsa deep understanding of what
it feels like to be hurt.
And when you encounter someoneelse who's suffering, your instinct
(12:37):
becomes help alleviate their pain.
Or at least make surethey're not alone in it.
This reframe was the greatest lifechanging reframe that I've ever had.
I realized that everything in mylife, every painful experience
brought me to where I am right now.
It shaped my purpose to supportothers and ease softening.
(12:59):
The pain did not destroy me.
The pain created me.
And I feel like my ultimatereframe, the one that
I try to teach everyoneand I learn myself,
(13:22):
is very simple.
And it was, it was present recentlywhen I was working with an athlete who
was going through a tough time and.
Yeah, they're really open.
They were like, I just keep on wonderingwhy me, why does this keep on going wrong?
Why doesn't every, everythingwork, anything ever work out?
How long is this gonna go on for?
(13:44):
And they were like, do youever feel that way, Kimon?
And I'm like, yeah, I used to live that.
I used to like, why can't I get a break?
Like,
you know.
I mean, I had an answer for that,
(14:06):
but why me?
What, why, why am I so wrong?
What?
Why am I not good enough?
Why am I not smart enough?
So in the end, theultimate reframe came up.
(14:27):
Everything's teaching us.
This is a powerful reframe for you andeveryone, and if I could really teach
this to everyone, that would be amazing.
Everything we go through inlife is teaching us something.
Like I was saying that thatperson I was working with was,
(14:50):
their question was like, why me?
All that kind of.
And she said, what do you askyourself when something goes wrong?
And all?
My only question now is, whatis this trying to teach me?
Because the truth is, if you look back inyour life, there's certain lessons that
kept on cycling over and over and overand over and over, and they would've kept
(15:16):
on going until you actually learned it.
The lesson will repeatitself until it's learned.
And my frame for life now is what isthis time to teach me so I can learn
it as bloody well fast as I can soI don't have to cycle through that
(15:44):
'cause I'm tired ofcycling through things.
You know, I, I like to say somethinginteresting, you know, have you ever
heard the, the thought process of,oh, um, the question of free will, and
I feel like a lot of people believethat free will means we are free to do
whatever the hell we want at any time.
(16:10):
And I guess on, on a day-to-daybasis, that's kind of true.
But for the bigger things.
For the really big things, forthe lessons that we need to
learn, that we're here to learn.
I believe there's a purposeand a path and a plan,
and we do have free will,but it's not what we think.
We have the free will to gowillingly or unwillingly.
(16:32):
But we're going, and I've been draggedthrough to a lesson, through a lesson
kicking and screaming in my life, andI just don't want to do that anymore.
And that is why my biggest refrainis when something goes wrong, I'm
like, what is this trying to teach me?
Because I just wanna learn,
(16:56):
you know, maybe.
And, and the truth is, I will say that.
And then maybe I won't get ananswer right away, and that's okay.
'cause I'll keep on asking thequestion, keep on asking the
question, keep on asking the question.
And when you're in crisismode, this is difficult,
(17:19):
but once you move through it, you can findyour way to the answers to the lesson.
I remember I, a long time ago, Isaw I was working with a traditional
Chinese medical doctor, and they'rean interesting blend and they have a
different way of looking at body andlife and the connection, and I'm not
like a big woo woo spiritual person.
(17:40):
I do believe in there's somethingmore, but I don't believe that I
have any special gift around thator any gift around energy or that
I can, I'm not that arrogant.
But maybe all that exists, but it'snot under my conscious control.
(18:05):
But back, uh, back when I was workingwith this person and I had some
issues in my body, she taught mesomething interesting 'cause I was
in pain all the time in my low back.
And she said, why don't youtry talking to your body?
I'm like, talking to my body.
What?
Like, what do you, whatdo you mean by that?
(18:25):
She's like, no, seriously, you can justask yourself a simple question when
you're, when you're experiencing pain.
I said, okay, well, I'm open-minded.
I'll try anything.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna believeit, but I, I, I'll try it.
And she said, like, so whenyou're in the pain, you ask your
body, is there something you'retrying to teach me or tell me?
(18:46):
And you wait and you be patientand if nothing comes up,
ask again.
Is there something you're tryingto tell me and wait, be patient.
That may be a few minutes, hours, days.
And maybe, maybe there issomething, maybe you'll think of.
(19:09):
Something maybe you'll think of.
Like recently when I injuredmyself and I'm trying to get back.
To running.
I tore my hamstring.
Um, and like, you know, whatis this trying to teach me?
What is this trying to teach me?
What is this trying to teach me?
And I have this context, this othercontext, this other reframe, which I
(19:29):
find is amazing for me as well, becausesome of the most incredible encounters
I've had in my life have had, havecome from something that went wrong.
So I think if, if you've ever heardof the book, the Celestine prophecies
it, it says something to the effect ofwhen, when you miss a bus or a plane or
(19:51):
something, often we get really frustrated.
But they said these are the perfectopportunities for synchronicity.
So when something like that happens, yougotta open your eyes and look around.
And some of the most incrediblepeople I've met in my life is 'cause
I missed some form of transportation.
And I looked around and wow,that's an incredible person.
(20:17):
So I digress a bit.
As I was saying, you're askingyour body, is there something
you're trying to tell me?
And you ask it two or three,maybe four, maybe five times.
And if nothing comes up.
Then you say this, if there'snothing you're trying to tell
me, can you please let this go?
(20:38):
But gently and imagine we could evendo that with situations in our life.
'cause right now going throughthis, I don't completely see
the reason I tore my hamstring.
Like I haven't had a significant eventor meeting that happened because I'm not
able to do what I love to do right now.
(20:59):
Although, on the other hand,
I'm learning really well how torehab a hamstring, which will
probably help me in my practice.
And I went back for an initialwalk run and I overdid it, which is
something I tell everybody not todo, and I don't listen to myself.
So I'm also learned that I need to listento my own wisdom, trust my own wisdom.
(21:24):
I need to be patient and I needto start off slow and easy.
So those are incredible, reallypositive lessons in this.
So maybe, maybe that's what it is.
Another powerful reframe isshifting yourself from a victim
(21:46):
of what happened to a victor.
Yes.
Things happen to methat I couldn't control.
But if you're staying in the victimmind mindset, it leaves you powerless.
See, the truth is in life,things happen to you,
(22:11):
and that's what's so,
and for me, things happened to me and thenI created a story about what that means.
And the frame I put it in is, was I weak?
I was weak.
I couldn't fight back.
I wasn't strong enough.
(22:33):
And then I lived that story for 30 years,
and that's, that's the victim.
Like this is what it created.
See.
I can't change what happened to me, but Ican change how I look at the experiences
(23:00):
and I look at the experiences,like I understand what it feels
to hurt to be traumatized,
and that taught me and knowing ofwhat it feels like to be in pain.
So when I see somebody inpain, my heart goes out to
them, and that's just who I am.
(23:20):
I love that part of me.
See, I'm not gonna say I love whathappened to me, but I'm gonna say I
love the beautiful thing it created
and that I can change the way I processed.
And that's what I did.
I changed it.
I changed what that means for 30 years.
(23:43):
It meant this, and then I changedit, and now it means this.
And just like I said, we can changethe meaning I've assigned to what
happened and why it happened.
And we can look at not what it tookaway from us, but what it gave gave us.
(24:03):
We can look at the gifts
because I did survive really hard thingsand because of that, not in spite of
that, I know I'm strong and capable'cause I made it through the trauma.
The trauma created a deep compassion andempathy for others who are suffering.
(24:23):
And when I see someone in pain,
I just have to show upand that's who I am.
You know, it's interesting.
Um, I used to teach and I realized
at some point.
(24:45):
In my life that when everything, when Ireframed everything and I moved, moved
away from this victim mindset to this,this, all these things, it, I'd made
this mean to this other mindset andI'd unwound a whole bunch of things and
I found my way to the career I'm in.
(25:06):
I used to tell my my students that,yeah, I've been through some pretty,
pretty really tough things in my life.
And you know, if somebody said, oh, we cango back and take those away, I wouldn't.
Because if you took away everymistake, you made every tough thing,
(25:29):
that's that it's happened in yourlife, you would erase yourself.
And when you find your way throughall these things, what happens is you
become the self you're here to be.
And I, I said to my students, and I'mgonna say this to you right now, if I
had a chance to go back and start over,
(25:54):
as long as I knew for certain, Iget back to where I am right now
to this person who works 12 and ahalf hours a day helping people.
I'm an in-between, between.
I create this, this Your Inner Advocatepodcast to help people in another way.
If I knew for certain I was coming, Iwould go through it 10 times harder.
(26:15):
I would crawl over broken glass toget here because my life has purpose.
It has meaning.
I have an incredibly powerfulwhy, and as long as I know I'm
coming back to this space I'm in,
just so you know.
(26:38):
For all of us.
Reframing is not easy.
Okay.
It's not.
It's a practice.
It's like, think about yoga as a practice.
They always call it a practice'cause you're never gonna win yoga.
You know?
It's a practice.
Life is a practice, reframing is apractice, and there's still times when
(27:01):
I feel misunderstood or undervalued
or even hurt.
And I get hang angry,then hurt, then confused.
But I always come back to eventually thatI'm not a victim and I have the power
to choose how I interpret experience.
(27:21):
And this is the biggest reframebecause nothing inherently means
anything until we place meaning on it.
So we have a choice.
A reframe can be, we can put.
A, like a negative meaning thattakes away our power and makes
us smaller and makes life harder.
(27:42):
Or we can put a powerful positivemeaning on that that like, wow, I'm
so strong 'cause I overcame that.
Or like, I don't care howmany times it, it takes.
I'm gonna get back up one more time.
I have the power and you have the power.
(28:04):
To choose how youinterpret your experience
and your painful experiences don'tdefine you in a negative way,
but how you choose to frame them doesEvery challenge is an opportunity
to discover your hidden strength,develop deeper compassion, and
(28:28):
clarify your purpose and your why.
The same experience that you onceconsidered or seemed to look like,
your greatest weaknesses can become thesource of your greatest strength, and
that's the power of reframing and thatpower's always, always in your reach.
(29:00):
I really encourage you to take amoment to reflect on your own life.
What are the one or two thingsyou've learned from major
challenges in your life?
And remember, if, if you're inthe middle of a challenge right
(29:21):
now, remember this tool will pass.
Lean into your support system.
Embrace the good moments wholeheartedly,and question your negative thoughts and
ask yourself, what can I learn from this?
(29:43):
Thank you for spending this time with me.
Have a great day.
Thank you for listening to this episodeof Your Inner Advocate, a podcast by
Kimen Petersen, formerly Conversationswith Kimen if you found value in
today's episode, please follow likeand share the podcast with someone
(30:04):
who you think may benefit from it.
You can listen on Apple Podcast.
Spotify, Podbean, and connect onInstagram @ your inner advocate.
Until next time, keep listening toand developing your inner advocate.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.