September 27, 2025 • 30 mins
Episode 114: The Truth About Hard Decisions: My Story of Risk, Resilience, and Growth
In this episode of "Your Inner Advocate," Kimen Petersen explores the courage and process behind making hard decisions. Drawing from his personal journey with dyslexia, career changes, and overcoming self-doubt, Kimen shares how pivotal choices shaped his life. He discusses the emotional challenges of leaving unfulfilling jobs, returning to school later in life, and finding purpose through risk and resilience. The episode offers practical advice on preparing for big decisions, aligning choices with core values, seeking support, and trusting intuition. Kimen encourages listeners to embrace uncertainty, take action, and remember that every choice is a step toward growth and fulfillment.
=
- 00:00 – Introduction to the podcast and its purpose.
- 00:40 – The challenge of facing hard decisions and the fear of closing doors.
- 01:25 – Kimen’s struggles in school with reading and spelling; discovering his gift for mathematics.
- 02:25 – Realization of being dyslexic, not “stupid,” and reframing self-perception.
- 03:18 – Early career experiences, job dissatisfaction, and the search for meaningful work.
- 07:30 – Achieving a high-level job, but finding it unfulfilling and stressful.
- 08:50 – Health crisis leads to a turning point; decision to leave a toxic job.
- 09:50 – Synchronicity and the decision to return to school despite fears and risks.
- 11:30 – The importance of aligning decisions with values and future self.
- 13:00 – Practical steps: preparation, gathering information, and weighing pros and cons.
- 15:00 – Overcoming perfectionism and analysis paralysis; setting deadlines for decisions.
- 17:00 – Seeking support, listening to intuition, and the power of “gut feeling.”
- 19:00 – Visualization and “feeling the wish fulfilled” as a tool for clarity.
- 21:00 – Taking action, facing imposter syndrome, and the liberating power of choice.
- 23:00 – Accepting outcomes, learning from decisions, and building decision-making “muscles.”
- 24:30 – Closing thoughts: You’re always free to choose again, and every choice leads you forward.
- 30:16 – Outro and encouragement to share the episode and keep building your inner advocate.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Welcome to Your Inner Advocate,a podcast by Kimen Petersen,
formerly Conversations with Kimen.
This podcast is a space forinspiration, soulful insights,
and meaningful life lessons.
Your host, Kimen Petersen drawsfrom personal stories and powerful
conversations with remarkablepeople to help illuminate your path.
These episodes reflect his livedexperiences and thoughtful perspectives,
(00:25):
all aimed at encouraging you to live lifewith greater authenticity, joy, and ease.
Your inner advocate is here tohelp you tune in, trust your inner
wisdom, and move through life withmore clarity, flow, and fulfillment.
Have you ever stood at a crossroads inyour life staring at two different paths
(00:50):
and wondering which one should I take?
Making hard decisions can feel terrifyingbecause the truth is when it comes to the
time for you to choose the one, and you'veactually chosen one of the two paths.
It probably means you're closingthe door on the other path,
(01:16):
but here's something we often forget.
You're never truly stuck.
Even if you walk down one road, you arealways free to change the direction to
begin again, to carve out your own way.
(01:37):
Today we're gonna talk about the,the courage it takes to make hard
decisions, why they matter, how tomake them, and how they can lead
you to a life you're meant to live.
So I wanna start out bysharing a very personal story
(01:58):
and this.
I mean, you gotta go back a little bit.
We're gonna start with from thevery beginning and move, move our
way all the way through my story.
You see, when I was in school, Ihad a lot of trouble, um, especially
with reading and spelling.
It was incredibly slow readerand had a lot of difficulty
(02:22):
comprehending what I was reading.
But not only that, myspelling was just atrocious.
Uh, more than once in my life, theteachers would point out that, you
know, you spelt it right, you crossedit out, and you spelt it wrong.
Don't change it.
(02:42):
And the funny thing is, I wasincredibly gifted with, uh,
mathematics, especially algebra.
In fact, in, in grade 11 when theyswitched, uh, schools to algebra honors.
I walked in the first day andback in the day we're talking,
(03:04):
uh, early to mid eighties, and Iwas what we would call a rocker.
So back then a rocker would, uh, typicallywear like ripped up jeans, high talk top
sneakers, but they weren't laced properly.
Uh, a rock t-shirt and either a kindof a, a loggers, Mackinac jacket.
(03:27):
Or a leather jacket or both.
And my hair was pretty long in the back.
It was kind of like businessin the back part or business
in the front party in the back.
They used to call it a mullet.
So I walked in, walked into this algebrahonors class, and sat down at the back
of the room and the teacher looked upat me and said, Hey, you excuse me.
(03:51):
Come here.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah.
I said, I think you're in the wrong class.
And I. Said, Nope, that's myname right there on your list.
And he said, you sit up at the front.
It's funny how you getprofiled the first day, right?
So, um, at the beginning of the class,the, the, the teacher decided to put, um,
(04:13):
algebra or it was like, I think it wasa calculus problem on the board, like a
university level calculus program problem.
And he goes to the class.
Can they anybody solve that?
And I, like, I put up my headI can and nobody else did.
Right?
Everybody's like, uh, uh.
I said, okay, come on.
(04:34):
And I walked up.
We were using chalk back in the day.
I walk up and I, I just wrote the answerto the problem on the board and I went
to sit down and he said, excuse me.
And I said, yeah, that's the answer.
And he's like, yeah, I know.
It's the answer now.
Show your work.
So it took the otherboard to show my work.
(04:55):
So it's incredible that I was inso gifted in algebra, but like
I couldn't read fast or spell,
and because of this Ithought I was stupid.
You know, it's funny that if.
If one of one of my instructors would'vebeen like really wide awake, I believe
(05:18):
they might have figured out that I hada problem because in algebra, every
single problem on every single exam, Iwould get absolutely a hundred percent
right except for the word problems, andI get a hundred percent of those wrong.
So I squeaked by, um, school and.
(05:41):
Went into the workforce, and I think itwas about when I was 26, I had a friend
who was a special ed teacher, and I,I wrote her a happy birthday card and
she said like, Kim, and do you noticehow half your letters are backwards?
I'm like, uh, what do you mean?
Said, well take a look.
And I'm like, okay, wellwhat does that mean?
(06:03):
He said, are you dyslexic?
And I said, DYS, what?
Anyway, we did some testsand turns out that I was, I
wasn't stupid, I was dyslexic.
I was basically neurodivergenton the spectrum basically.
And here, this whole time I was thinkingthat I was just, I just wasn't smart.
I wasn't, I was stupid.
(06:24):
I wasn't intelligent.
But the truth is, it was just mybrain that saw things different.
So let's move forward into the future.
Um, I got into the workforce.
I got into a job, realizedthat wasn't for me.
(06:44):
Looked around.
People were really upset.
I see.
I knew my whole life that I wanted todo something that made a difference.
I,
but I kept on getting into this cycleof job after job after job that was just
not, not really making a difference.
So I left this job.
I went to Europe, traveled for sixmonths, came back, got back into job
(07:07):
after job and slowly I built my way up.
I moved to Vancouver, ended up workingon a pretty, pretty high level job.
Got my power engineering certificate,which would make it so I could be a
building operator and like big buildingswith chiller systems and boiler systems.
(07:30):
And then was hit headhunted forthis massively impressive job.
And the interesting thing about thetime when I went through the interview
process, I was so nervous because inthe background I knew I probably wasn't
a hundred percent ready for this job,
but I just wanted to move forward.
(07:52):
And I really thought that, you know,working in a high profile building
as a building operations manager.
That would finally bring me joy.
But spoiler alert, thatdoesn't bring you joy.
Your position doesn't bring you joy.
A high level job, um, even money.
(08:13):
It doesn't really bring you joy.
So I took this incredibly difficultjob and, uh, typically the, like
the people I were working withdid nothing to make it easier.
In fact, they made it harder.
And the stress was incredible, and Ifelt I was backed into this corner.
(08:35):
I felt like I needed to leavethat job, but like I was not
even a year into this job.
And if I leave at this point,I burned all my bridges and,
and what was I gonna do next?
So I struggled through it until thestress got to the point of one day.
(08:56):
I ended up in the emergency roomthinking I'm having a heart attack,
and the thought process was,Hey, so this is where it ends.
I, but I, in my head, I said to,if there's anybody listening,
(09:17):
help me get through this andI promise I'll find what I'm
supposed to be doing in this world.
And so one of the hardest decisions I madewith, I've never really quit a job without
(09:38):
knowing what I was doing next, but thisjob was literally killing me, so I quit.
And then.
One little bit of synchronicity afteranother drove me to another decision.
I found something that I could gofor so that I go to something that
(10:02):
fulfilled the idea of every dayand my work being something that
makes a difference in the world.
But the problem with that was inorder to do that, I had to go back
to school and I had to confront.
My belief in self that I'm stupid.
(10:23):
I'm not smart enough to be in school.
And it was over 20 yearssince I'd been in school,
let alone the money and the timeoff of working and, and everything.
And that was another reallyhard decision because.
(10:48):
I was taking great risk.
'cause if I fail at this,there's nowhere to go.
Now it was in a sense, I'm, I'm notgonna lie, that it was, it was easier
for me than it can be for, maybe foryou and some of the big decisions
you need to make in your life.
Because I'd already been knockedon my, my back and I, I was
(11:09):
already up against a wall.
So any choice I made was a choice.
Moving up.
But it doesn't mean there wasn'ta lack of fear in that choice.
So I agonized, but I went back to school
(11:29):
and if you fast forward to now, itwas, it was literally the second
best decision I've ever made.
I'm gonna say that my best decisionwas marrying my wife, uh, but she
was the one, she helped me through.
Um, an incredible amount of dedicationon my part, and then I moved into work
(11:50):
that, you know, I honestly don't believeI deserve to have such a great job.
Uh, it's like some kind of grace.
It has me like, like it's, it's, Idon't even know how to put it in words.
It's,
yeah, it's some kind of gracethat has me have this life.
(12:13):
Where I get to help peopleevery day, where my life has
purpose every single day.
And the truth is, the only way I got herewas by making a really hard decision.
And it was, it was, there was noguarantees that this was gonna work out.
In fact, the, the odds wereagainst me, but I worked hard.
(12:40):
You know, it's, and the truthis, sometimes the hardest choices
are the ones that set us free.
You know, why?
Why hard, hard decisions matter.
Why do the hard decisions matter?
And like, why are thebig decisions so hard?
And it comes down to verysimple, like, look at me.
(13:01):
It was like this decision touchedon my identity, my identity of
someone who wasn't smart enough,who wasn't good enough, who never
went to secondary education.
I did trade education.
These big decisions, they force usto let go of the familiar, the safe.
The comfortable they get in theface of our sense of identity,
(13:24):
of our inner critic, of our ego.
They make us become more thanwe're we believe we're supposed
to be, or the ego or the identity.
And these are the decisionsthat shape us the most.
(13:45):
You know, every time you choose,you're not just deciding a path.
Y you're declaring who you areand who you want to become.
It's not as easy as picking a trail.
When you make that choice, you'resaying, I can do this, or I will
(14:09):
do whatever it takes to succeed.
Albert Einstein said in the middle of.
Every difficulty lies opportunity.
So when you feel struck, stuck,remember indecision keeps you frozen.
(14:30):
A choice, even an imperfectone moves you forward.
So then how do we preparefor this decision?
And I remember how agonizingit was and how long it took.
Like I said, I was incredibly fortunate'cause I was pushed up against the wall.
I really had no other choice.
(14:51):
I could either let what I was doing,kill me or leave and find something new.
So typically, uh, when you'refaced with a hard decision,
the first step is preparation
and.
Although leaving my job, therewasn't a lot of preparation
(15:14):
there, which is unlike me.
When I found out about the massage therapyprogram, there was a lot of preparation.
I took a look at, okay, what courseis what it's gonna look like?
Talked to the admissions people, tooka prerequisite course to see, is this
something I can see myself doing?
(15:39):
I, I applied for student loansto see if I could get some help.
I sat with my wife.
I, I studied how the brain works, howmemory works, like how can I prepare, how
can I study, how can I make this work?
So literally the first stepis to gather the information.
(15:59):
You don't rush blindly typically.
You gather the facts, you ask thequestions, and you understand the options.
Then of course, you could makea list of the pros and the cons,
and for me it was pretty easy.
Like the pros was, I'm not going tokill myself in a job that I hate.
(16:23):
And the pros was, I'm not going back tothe same work that was destroying me.
And the pros was, I actually havea path to a job where I can make
a difference every day in my life.
If you put this all down on paper,it's gonna make it more tangible.
(16:46):
You can be more objective.
'cause if it's just swimming aroundyour head, it's really difficult.
But don't stop there.
Ask yourself.
What are my core values?
Like who am I?
Who do I wanna be in this world?
What difference do Iwanna make in this world?
And what truly matters to me?
(17:07):
Because the best decisions arethe ones that align with your
values and, and your future self.
And.
That was it like me going back to dothis, win, lose, or draw, succeed or fail.
At least I was moving in the directionof who I wanted to be in this world.
At least I was taking a shot.
(17:28):
You know, there's no guarantee Iwas gonna succeed, but at least
I was putting it out there.
You gotta remember, if thisdecision doesn't honor your health.
Your integrity, your peace,it's probably not the right one.
So during the decision making process,this is where most people get stuck.
(17:55):
They want a perfect decision.
They want it a hundred percent.
They want to guarantee, butperfection does not exist.
It doesn't.
Instead, you could set a deadlinefor yourself, give yourself.
Give your mind a container so you don'thave to get lost in analysis paralysis.
(18:18):
So I have X amount oftime to make the decision.
A lot of times, depending on what's up,like some people will have a deadline
where they have to make a decisionby this, which is pretty helpful.
But if it's, if you're the onethat's making the deadline, or
if there is no deadline, you justhave to eventually make a decision.
(18:39):
You need to like.
Put a little pressure on yourself.
Just keep remembering that you'renot looking for a perfect choice.
You're looking for the bestchoice under the circumstances.
And zoom out.
Think long term and ask which optionwill matter the most in five years.
(19:05):
Like five years from now, I'mlooking back which one of these
things, if I chose these two paths,which one would be more aligned?
Because, you know, sometimes whatfeels uncomfortable today is exactly
what will set you up for joy tomorrow.
And yeah, for me, being a, a manin his forties, going back to
(19:28):
school for the first time in over20 years, that was uncomfortable.
But going back to jobs where Inever really made a difference
in the world was unbearable.
(19:48):
The next thing you gotta do, reallygotta do is seek support and guidance.
Like big decisions are heavy.
But you don't have to carry them alone.
Like even if you just sharethem with somebody just so
you hear yourself, speak them.
Like you can go to a friend and say, Hey,listen, I, I'm not looking for advice.
(20:10):
I just need somebody hear me out.
Or maybe you are, maybe you're goingto somebody for specific advice.
I am stuck in this.
I need to have an outside.
Can you give me some advice?
Talk to a, you know, trustedmentors, friends, or loved ones.
Maybe ask them for their perspective.
(20:34):
I remember my dad said,I'm so proud of you,
and sometimes they won't give you theanswer, but their reflections will help
you hear your own heart more clearly.
So never underestimate the wisdom ofyour gut, which is like intuition.
(20:59):
You know how when your brain isgoing, no, no, no, but something
deeper down is saying yes.
Go like, like your brain is going.
You can't, you're not smartenough and blah, blah, blah.
And something in your heartor your gut is saying, go.
When your gut says leap, you gotta leap.
There's a usually a quietwhisper down inside.
(21:22):
It knows well before your brain does.
Walking in, walking in theforest, meditation, prayer.
If that's your gig,
it can bring that to the surface.
You know, when I was trying to decidewhat I really wanted to do, 'cause I
(21:44):
was sitting in this place of freedom.
Where there's a good chance I wouldgo back to the thing that brought
me no joy, or I had this momentwhere I had a blank canvas in front
of me and I understood that for me.
Okay, so for me, visualizationis very limiting, right?
(22:05):
If you visualize exactly what you want.
You couldn't miss out on a lot of stuffbecause you can only visualize what you
have a context for what you understand.
And I'd watched this show called TheSecret a long time ago and they tar
talked about like the law of attraction.
(22:27):
And I, you know, I'm not really bigon energy and law of attraction,
all this energy stuff 'cause I'mnot arrogant enough to think that
I would have any control over that.
But this really resonated with me'cause I'm not a visual person.
And it basically told me that
you could sit in quiet place and justfeel how it would feel to have that life.
(22:54):
And they taught, called it feeling,the feeling of the wish fulfilled.
So what I did was I sat downin the chair in the dark before
I went to bed every night.
And I would feel and.
I, if you want to take thison, this is really cool.
It really worked for me, andI don't know if it'll work for
you, but hey, nothing ventured.
Nothing came.
(23:15):
So I would sit in the chair in thedark and I'm like, how do I want to
feel when I wake up in the morning?
I was like, oh man, I'm alive.
I'm excited.
I am going to make adifference in the world.
I am actually going to domore than just take up space
more than displace air today.
Who I am, what I do will help.
(23:36):
And I'd just get really excited andeverything would vibrate and the hairs
would stand and just like allow it tocome up in me, like well, up in me.
So deep and then like, how doI want feel during the day?
I'm like, oh my God, I actually have thedraw the dream job, the job I, I'm just
so excited and I'm almost at tears andhow do I wanna feel at the end of the day?
(24:00):
I'm like, I am so jacked.
I'm so just flying.
I made a difference today.
I, you know, it's gonna take me a fewhours to calm down so I could sleep,
and I would sit night after night,after night, just welling it up, till
like tears were rolling down my cheektill every bit of me was buzzing.
(24:21):
And that's when synchronicitystarted happening.
And step after step after step, Igot closer until I had to make the
decision to get into the job I'm in.
So taking action, there comes amoment when preparation, reflection
(24:44):
have to give away to action, whereyou have to make a decision, right?
The hardest part of adecision is not the decision.
The harder part is everythingthat leads up to that moment.
The decision itself is ina moment and it's final.
You gotta trust your choice when you makeit and you gotta step forward and commit.
(25:08):
Will it feel perfect?
No, probably not.
Our decisions rarely do.
Oh my God, it was so hard the firstweek of school, the, the first term,
I mean, the whole process was hard.
Okay.
And because I was sitting withthis imposter syndrome, you
know, I, I, I worked so hard.
(25:30):
I set up my life to work so hard.
I had it like four and a halfhours of studying every night,
19 hours on the weekend.
I was getting straight A's, andyet I was hiding as like keeping
my head down all the time.
Afraid that somebody would figure outthat I don't belong there and kick me out.
That's imposter syndrome.
(25:51):
It's also why I worked so hard.
So, you know, everything'sa double-edged sword.
On one side it cuts andone on one side, it heals.
Action's gonna create clarity.
Once you take the step, the pathunfolds underneath your feet.
(26:15):
And here's the most liberating part.
If later you realize thepath isn't yours, look at me.
You're always free to turn,adjust, and begin again.
And not only that, every single thingI've done in my entire life, all added
up, all lined up to create me to bethe perfect person to do the work I do.
(26:40):
Like it was all on purpose.
You're never locked in.
Life is not a one way street.
There's many off roads, like it'snot a highway that you can't escape.
There's off ramps.
Always.
Just don't be afraid.
If you need to change, change
(27:04):
next.
Accept, review, and learn.
And once you've made yourchoice, give yourself grace.
I have made my co choice.
I'm all in.
Accept the outcome.
Don't torture yourself with what ifs.
Instead, focus on what isand how you can grow from it.
(27:27):
Later, look back and review.
What did you learn?
How did this decision shape you?
Every choice builds yourdecision making muscles.
Literally, decision making is.
Is is a practice and it's youbuilt strength around decisions
(27:48):
and with each one you becomestronger, wiser, and more confident.
Here's a quote I love.
You are always one decision awayfrom a totally different life.
So in closing, here's thetruth about hard decisions.
(28:09):
They may hurt, they may scare you.
And they may feelimpossible in the moment,
but remember, fear, although it may bea mile wide, it's only an inch deep.
And when you step into that fear andyou will see how shallow it truly is,
(28:36):
making a choice is an act of courage.
It is an act of confidence in self.
It's a way to reclaim your power,and it's how you move forward
even when the way isn't clear
and you're never stuck, you're never toolate, and you're never trapped forever
(28:59):
on a path that doesn't feel like yours.
Look at me in my forties.
Went back to school, found the job.
I love the career.
I love.
And you're always free to choose again,
and whatever choice you make, it'salways the right choice because
(29:22):
it's either exactly where you needto be, or it's another step in the
positive and the right direction thatwill lead you to where you wanna be.
Thank you for spending this time with me.
(29:42):
If you feel like this episode encouragedyou, please share it with someone
facing hard decision right now.
Let them know they're not alone,and thank you for joining me.
And remember your spark,your peace, your purpose.
They're always waiting for you.
(30:04):
Just on the other side of a choice.
Keep building your inner advocate.
Thank you for listening to this episodeof Your Inner Advocate, a podcast by
Kimen Petersen, formerly Conversationswith Kimen if you found value in
(30:25):
today's episode, please follow likeand share the podcast with someone
who you think may benefit from it.
You can listen on Apple Podcast.
Spotify, Podbean, and connect onInstagram @ your inner advocate.
Until next time, keep listening toand developing your inner advocate.
Welcome to Your Inner Advocate,a podcast by Kimen Petersen,
formerly Conversations with Kimen.
This podcast is a space forinspiration, soulful insights,
and meaningful life lessons.
Your host, Kimen Petersen drawsfrom personal stories and powerful
conversations with remarkablepeople to help illuminate your path.
These episodes reflect his livedexperiences and thoughtful perspectives,
(00:25):
all aimed at encouraging you to live lifewith greater authenticity, joy, and ease.
Your inner advocate is here tohelp you tune in, trust your inner
wisdom, and move through life withmore clarity, flow, and fulfillment.
Have you ever stood at a crossroads inyour life staring at two different paths
(00:50):
and wondering which one should I take?
Making hard decisions can feel terrifyingbecause the truth is when it comes to the
time for you to choose the one, and you'veactually chosen one of the two paths.
It probably means you're closingthe door on the other path,
(01:16):
but here's something we often forget.
You're never truly stuck.
Even if you walk down one road, you arealways free to change the direction to
begin again, to carve out your own way.
(01:37):
Today we're gonna talk about the,the courage it takes to make hard
decisions, why they matter, how tomake them, and how they can lead
you to a life you're meant to live.
So I wanna start out bysharing a very personal story
(01:58):
and this.
I mean, you gotta go back a little bit.
We're gonna start with from thevery beginning and move, move our
way all the way through my story.
You see, when I was in school, Ihad a lot of trouble, um, especially
with reading and spelling.
It was incredibly slow readerand had a lot of difficulty
(02:22):
comprehending what I was reading.
But not only that, myspelling was just atrocious.
Uh, more than once in my life, theteachers would point out that, you
know, you spelt it right, you crossedit out, and you spelt it wrong.
Don't change it.
(02:42):
And the funny thing is, I wasincredibly gifted with, uh,
mathematics, especially algebra.
In fact, in, in grade 11 when theyswitched, uh, schools to algebra honors.
I walked in the first day andback in the day we're talking,
(03:04):
uh, early to mid eighties, and Iwas what we would call a rocker.
So back then a rocker would, uh, typicallywear like ripped up jeans, high talk top
sneakers, but they weren't laced properly.
Uh, a rock t-shirt and either a kindof a, a loggers, Mackinac jacket.
(03:27):
Or a leather jacket or both.
And my hair was pretty long in the back.
It was kind of like businessin the back part or business
in the front party in the back.
They used to call it a mullet.
So I walked in, walked into this algebrahonors class, and sat down at the back
of the room and the teacher looked upat me and said, Hey, you excuse me.
(03:51):
Come here.
And I'm like, yeah, yeah.
I said, I think you're in the wrong class.
And I. Said, Nope, that's myname right there on your list.
And he said, you sit up at the front.
It's funny how you getprofiled the first day, right?
So, um, at the beginning of the class,the, the, the teacher decided to put, um,
(04:13):
algebra or it was like, I think it wasa calculus problem on the board, like a
university level calculus program problem.
And he goes to the class.
Can they anybody solve that?
And I, like, I put up my headI can and nobody else did.
Right?
Everybody's like, uh, uh.
I said, okay, come on.
(04:34):
And I walked up.
We were using chalk back in the day.
I walk up and I, I just wrote the answerto the problem on the board and I went
to sit down and he said, excuse me.
And I said, yeah, that's the answer.
And he's like, yeah, I know.
It's the answer now.
Show your work.
So it took the otherboard to show my work.
(04:55):
So it's incredible that I was inso gifted in algebra, but like
I couldn't read fast or spell,
and because of this Ithought I was stupid.
You know, it's funny that if.
If one of one of my instructors would'vebeen like really wide awake, I believe
(05:18):
they might have figured out that I hada problem because in algebra, every
single problem on every single exam, Iwould get absolutely a hundred percent
right except for the word problems, andI get a hundred percent of those wrong.
So I squeaked by, um, school and.
(05:41):
Went into the workforce, and I think itwas about when I was 26, I had a friend
who was a special ed teacher, and I,I wrote her a happy birthday card and
she said like, Kim, and do you noticehow half your letters are backwards?
I'm like, uh, what do you mean?
Said, well take a look.
And I'm like, okay, wellwhat does that mean?
(06:03):
He said, are you dyslexic?
And I said, DYS, what?
Anyway, we did some testsand turns out that I was, I
wasn't stupid, I was dyslexic.
I was basically neurodivergenton the spectrum basically.
And here, this whole time I was thinkingthat I was just, I just wasn't smart.
I wasn't, I was stupid.
(06:24):
I wasn't intelligent.
But the truth is, it was just mybrain that saw things different.
So let's move forward into the future.
Um, I got into the workforce.
I got into a job, realizedthat wasn't for me.
(06:44):
Looked around.
People were really upset.
I see.
I knew my whole life that I wanted todo something that made a difference.
I,
but I kept on getting into this cycleof job after job after job that was just
not, not really making a difference.
So I left this job.
I went to Europe, traveled for sixmonths, came back, got back into job
(07:07):
after job and slowly I built my way up.
I moved to Vancouver, ended up workingon a pretty, pretty high level job.
Got my power engineering certificate,which would make it so I could be a
building operator and like big buildingswith chiller systems and boiler systems.
(07:30):
And then was hit headhunted forthis massively impressive job.
And the interesting thing about thetime when I went through the interview
process, I was so nervous because inthe background I knew I probably wasn't
a hundred percent ready for this job,
but I just wanted to move forward.
(07:52):
And I really thought that, you know,working in a high profile building
as a building operations manager.
That would finally bring me joy.
But spoiler alert, thatdoesn't bring you joy.
Your position doesn't bring you joy.
A high level job, um, even money.
(08:13):
It doesn't really bring you joy.
So I took this incredibly difficultjob and, uh, typically the, like
the people I were working withdid nothing to make it easier.
In fact, they made it harder.
And the stress was incredible, and Ifelt I was backed into this corner.
(08:35):
I felt like I needed to leavethat job, but like I was not
even a year into this job.
And if I leave at this point,I burned all my bridges and,
and what was I gonna do next?
So I struggled through it until thestress got to the point of one day.
(08:56):
I ended up in the emergency roomthinking I'm having a heart attack,
and the thought process was,Hey, so this is where it ends.
I, but I, in my head, I said to,if there's anybody listening,
(09:17):
help me get through this andI promise I'll find what I'm
supposed to be doing in this world.
And so one of the hardest decisions I madewith, I've never really quit a job without
(09:38):
knowing what I was doing next, but thisjob was literally killing me, so I quit.
And then.
One little bit of synchronicity afteranother drove me to another decision.
I found something that I could gofor so that I go to something that
(10:02):
fulfilled the idea of every dayand my work being something that
makes a difference in the world.
But the problem with that was inorder to do that, I had to go back
to school and I had to confront.
My belief in self that I'm stupid.
(10:23):
I'm not smart enough to be in school.
And it was over 20 yearssince I'd been in school,
let alone the money and the timeoff of working and, and everything.
And that was another reallyhard decision because.
(10:48):
I was taking great risk.
'cause if I fail at this,there's nowhere to go.
Now it was in a sense, I'm, I'm notgonna lie, that it was, it was easier
for me than it can be for, maybe foryou and some of the big decisions
you need to make in your life.
Because I'd already been knockedon my, my back and I, I was
(11:09):
already up against a wall.
So any choice I made was a choice.
Moving up.
But it doesn't mean there wasn'ta lack of fear in that choice.
So I agonized, but I went back to school
(11:29):
and if you fast forward to now, itwas, it was literally the second
best decision I've ever made.
I'm gonna say that my best decisionwas marrying my wife, uh, but she
was the one, she helped me through.
Um, an incredible amount of dedicationon my part, and then I moved into work
(11:50):
that, you know, I honestly don't believeI deserve to have such a great job.
Uh, it's like some kind of grace.
It has me like, like it's, it's, Idon't even know how to put it in words.
It's,
yeah, it's some kind of gracethat has me have this life.
(12:13):
Where I get to help peopleevery day, where my life has
purpose every single day.
And the truth is, the only way I got herewas by making a really hard decision.
And it was, it was, there was noguarantees that this was gonna work out.
In fact, the, the odds wereagainst me, but I worked hard.
(12:40):
You know, it's, and the truthis, sometimes the hardest choices
are the ones that set us free.
You know, why?
Why hard, hard decisions matter.
Why do the hard decisions matter?
And like, why are thebig decisions so hard?
And it comes down to verysimple, like, look at me.
(13:01):
It was like this decision touchedon my identity, my identity of
someone who wasn't smart enough,who wasn't good enough, who never
went to secondary education.
I did trade education.
These big decisions, they force usto let go of the familiar, the safe.
The comfortable they get in theface of our sense of identity,
(13:24):
of our inner critic, of our ego.
They make us become more thanwe're we believe we're supposed
to be, or the ego or the identity.
And these are the decisionsthat shape us the most.
(13:45):
You know, every time you choose,you're not just deciding a path.
Y you're declaring who you areand who you want to become.
It's not as easy as picking a trail.
When you make that choice, you'resaying, I can do this, or I will
(14:09):
do whatever it takes to succeed.
Albert Einstein said in the middle of.
Every difficulty lies opportunity.
So when you feel struck, stuck,remember indecision keeps you frozen.
(14:30):
A choice, even an imperfectone moves you forward.
So then how do we preparefor this decision?
And I remember how agonizingit was and how long it took.
Like I said, I was incredibly fortunate'cause I was pushed up against the wall.
I really had no other choice.
(14:51):
I could either let what I was doing,kill me or leave and find something new.
So typically, uh, when you'refaced with a hard decision,
the first step is preparation
and.
Although leaving my job, therewasn't a lot of preparation
(15:14):
there, which is unlike me.
When I found out about the massage therapyprogram, there was a lot of preparation.
I took a look at, okay, what courseis what it's gonna look like?
Talked to the admissions people, tooka prerequisite course to see, is this
something I can see myself doing?
(15:39):
I, I applied for student loansto see if I could get some help.
I sat with my wife.
I, I studied how the brain works, howmemory works, like how can I prepare, how
can I study, how can I make this work?
So literally the first stepis to gather the information.
(15:59):
You don't rush blindly typically.
You gather the facts, you ask thequestions, and you understand the options.
Then of course, you could makea list of the pros and the cons,
and for me it was pretty easy.
Like the pros was, I'm not going tokill myself in a job that I hate.
(16:23):
And the pros was, I'm not going back tothe same work that was destroying me.
And the pros was, I actually havea path to a job where I can make
a difference every day in my life.
If you put this all down on paper,it's gonna make it more tangible.
(16:46):
You can be more objective.
'cause if it's just swimming aroundyour head, it's really difficult.
But don't stop there.
Ask yourself.
What are my core values?
Like who am I?
Who do I wanna be in this world?
What difference do Iwanna make in this world?
And what truly matters to me?
(17:07):
Because the best decisions arethe ones that align with your
values and, and your future self.
And.
That was it like me going back to dothis, win, lose, or draw, succeed or fail.
At least I was moving in the directionof who I wanted to be in this world.
At least I was taking a shot.
(17:28):
You know, there's no guarantee Iwas gonna succeed, but at least
I was putting it out there.
You gotta remember, if thisdecision doesn't honor your health.
Your integrity, your peace,it's probably not the right one.
So during the decision making process,this is where most people get stuck.
(17:55):
They want a perfect decision.
They want it a hundred percent.
They want to guarantee, butperfection does not exist.
It doesn't.
Instead, you could set a deadlinefor yourself, give yourself.
Give your mind a container so you don'thave to get lost in analysis paralysis.
(18:18):
So I have X amount oftime to make the decision.
A lot of times, depending on what's up,like some people will have a deadline
where they have to make a decisionby this, which is pretty helpful.
But if it's, if you're the onethat's making the deadline, or
if there is no deadline, you justhave to eventually make a decision.
(18:39):
You need to like.
Put a little pressure on yourself.
Just keep remembering that you'renot looking for a perfect choice.
You're looking for the bestchoice under the circumstances.
And zoom out.
Think long term and ask which optionwill matter the most in five years.
(19:05):
Like five years from now, I'mlooking back which one of these
things, if I chose these two paths,which one would be more aligned?
Because, you know, sometimes whatfeels uncomfortable today is exactly
what will set you up for joy tomorrow.
And yeah, for me, being a, a manin his forties, going back to
(19:28):
school for the first time in over20 years, that was uncomfortable.
But going back to jobs where Inever really made a difference
in the world was unbearable.
(19:48):
The next thing you gotta do, reallygotta do is seek support and guidance.
Like big decisions are heavy.
But you don't have to carry them alone.
Like even if you just sharethem with somebody just so
you hear yourself, speak them.
Like you can go to a friend and say, Hey,listen, I, I'm not looking for advice.
(20:10):
I just need somebody hear me out.
Or maybe you are, maybe you're goingto somebody for specific advice.
I am stuck in this.
I need to have an outside.
Can you give me some advice?
Talk to a, you know, trustedmentors, friends, or loved ones.
Maybe ask them for their perspective.
(20:34):
I remember my dad said,I'm so proud of you,
and sometimes they won't give you theanswer, but their reflections will help
you hear your own heart more clearly.
So never underestimate the wisdom ofyour gut, which is like intuition.
(20:59):
You know how when your brain isgoing, no, no, no, but something
deeper down is saying yes.
Go like, like your brain is going.
You can't, you're not smartenough and blah, blah, blah.
And something in your heartor your gut is saying, go.
When your gut says leap, you gotta leap.
There's a usually a quietwhisper down inside.
(21:22):
It knows well before your brain does.
Walking in, walking in theforest, meditation, prayer.
If that's your gig,
it can bring that to the surface.
You know, when I was trying to decidewhat I really wanted to do, 'cause I
(21:44):
was sitting in this place of freedom.
Where there's a good chance I wouldgo back to the thing that brought
me no joy, or I had this momentwhere I had a blank canvas in front
of me and I understood that for me.
Okay, so for me, visualizationis very limiting, right?
(22:05):
If you visualize exactly what you want.
You couldn't miss out on a lot of stuffbecause you can only visualize what you
have a context for what you understand.
And I'd watched this show called TheSecret a long time ago and they tar
talked about like the law of attraction.
(22:27):
And I, you know, I'm not really bigon energy and law of attraction,
all this energy stuff 'cause I'mnot arrogant enough to think that
I would have any control over that.
But this really resonated with me'cause I'm not a visual person.
And it basically told me that
you could sit in quiet place and justfeel how it would feel to have that life.
(22:54):
And they taught, called it feeling,the feeling of the wish fulfilled.
So what I did was I sat downin the chair in the dark before
I went to bed every night.
And I would feel and.
I, if you want to take thison, this is really cool.
It really worked for me, andI don't know if it'll work for
you, but hey, nothing ventured.
Nothing came.
(23:15):
So I would sit in the chair in thedark and I'm like, how do I want to
feel when I wake up in the morning?
I was like, oh man, I'm alive.
I'm excited.
I am going to make adifference in the world.
I am actually going to domore than just take up space
more than displace air today.
Who I am, what I do will help.
(23:36):
And I'd just get really excited andeverything would vibrate and the hairs
would stand and just like allow it tocome up in me, like well, up in me.
So deep and then like, how doI want feel during the day?
I'm like, oh my God, I actually have thedraw the dream job, the job I, I'm just
so excited and I'm almost at tears andhow do I wanna feel at the end of the day?
(24:00):
I'm like, I am so jacked.
I'm so just flying.
I made a difference today.
I, you know, it's gonna take me a fewhours to calm down so I could sleep,
and I would sit night after night,after night, just welling it up, till
like tears were rolling down my cheektill every bit of me was buzzing.
(24:21):
And that's when synchronicitystarted happening.
And step after step after step, Igot closer until I had to make the
decision to get into the job I'm in.
So taking action, there comes amoment when preparation, reflection
(24:44):
have to give away to action, whereyou have to make a decision, right?
The hardest part of adecision is not the decision.
The harder part is everythingthat leads up to that moment.
The decision itself is ina moment and it's final.
You gotta trust your choice when you makeit and you gotta step forward and commit.
(25:08):
Will it feel perfect?
No, probably not.
Our decisions rarely do.
Oh my God, it was so hard the firstweek of school, the, the first term,
I mean, the whole process was hard.
Okay.
And because I was sitting withthis imposter syndrome, you
know, I, I, I worked so hard.
(25:30):
I set up my life to work so hard.
I had it like four and a halfhours of studying every night,
19 hours on the weekend.
I was getting straight A's, andyet I was hiding as like keeping
my head down all the time.
Afraid that somebody would figure outthat I don't belong there and kick me out.
That's imposter syndrome.
(25:51):
It's also why I worked so hard.
So, you know, everything'sa double-edged sword.
On one side it cuts andone on one side, it heals.
Action's gonna create clarity.
Once you take the step, the pathunfolds underneath your feet.
(26:15):
And here's the most liberating part.
If later you realize thepath isn't yours, look at me.
You're always free to turn,adjust, and begin again.
And not only that, every single thingI've done in my entire life, all added
up, all lined up to create me to bethe perfect person to do the work I do.
(26:40):
Like it was all on purpose.
You're never locked in.
Life is not a one way street.
There's many off roads, like it'snot a highway that you can't escape.
There's off ramps.
Always.
Just don't be afraid.
If you need to change, change
(27:04):
next.
Accept, review, and learn.
And once you've made yourchoice, give yourself grace.
I have made my co choice.
I'm all in.
Accept the outcome.
Don't torture yourself with what ifs.
Instead, focus on what isand how you can grow from it.
(27:27):
Later, look back and review.
What did you learn?
How did this decision shape you?
Every choice builds yourdecision making muscles.
Literally, decision making is.
Is is a practice and it's youbuilt strength around decisions
(27:48):
and with each one you becomestronger, wiser, and more confident.
Here's a quote I love.
You are always one decision awayfrom a totally different life.
So in closing, here's thetruth about hard decisions.
(28:09):
They may hurt, they may scare you.
And they may feelimpossible in the moment,
but remember, fear, although it may bea mile wide, it's only an inch deep.
And when you step into that fear andyou will see how shallow it truly is,
(28:36):
making a choice is an act of courage.
It is an act of confidence in self.
It's a way to reclaim your power,and it's how you move forward
even when the way isn't clear
and you're never stuck, you're never toolate, and you're never trapped forever
(28:59):
on a path that doesn't feel like yours.
Look at me in my forties.
Went back to school, found the job.
I love the career.
I love.
And you're always free to choose again,
and whatever choice you make, it'salways the right choice because
(29:22):
it's either exactly where you needto be, or it's another step in the
positive and the right direction thatwill lead you to where you wanna be.
Thank you for spending this time with me.
(29:42):
If you feel like this episode encouragedyou, please share it with someone
facing hard decision right now.
Let them know they're not alone,and thank you for joining me.
And remember your spark,your peace, your purpose.
They're always waiting for you.
(30:04):
Just on the other side of a choice.
Keep building your inner advocate.
Thank you for listening to this episodeof Your Inner Advocate, a podcast by
Kimen Petersen, formerly Conversationswith Kimen if you found value in
(30:25):
today's episode, please follow likeand share the podcast with someone
who you think may benefit from it.
You can listen on Apple Podcast.
Spotify, Podbean, and connect onInstagram @ your inner advocate.
Until next time, keep listening toand developing your inner advocate.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Cardiac Cowboys
The heart was always off-limits to surgeons. Cutting into it spelled instant death for the patient. That is, until a ragtag group of doctors scattered across the Midwest and Texas decided to throw out the rule book. Working in makeshift laboratories and home garages, using medical devices made from scavenged machine parts and beer tubes, these men and women invented the field of open heart surgery. Odds are, someone you know is alive because of them. So why has history left them behind? Presented by Chris Pine, CARDIAC COWBOYS tells the gripping true story behind the birth of heart surgery, and the young, Greatest Generation doctors who made it happen. For years, they competed and feuded, racing to be the first, the best, and the most prolific. Some appeared on the cover of Time Magazine, operated on kings and advised presidents. Others ended up disgraced, penniless, and convicted of felonies. Together, they ignited a revolution in medicine, and changed the world.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.