July 8, 2025 • 31 mins
Episode 91: Embracing the Present: Overcoming the Past and Shaping a Positive Future
In this episode of Conversations with Kimen, host Kimen Petersen explores the concepts of time, focusing on the past, present, and future. He discusses how the only real moment we have is the present, with the past as a subjective shadow and the future as a canvas of possibilities. Kimen shares insights on dealing with past traumas, overcoming fear and anxiety about the future, and the importance of anchoring good moments. He emphasizes the practice of engaging one's inner advocate to create a hopeful and extraordinary life. Listeners are encouraged to embrace life's impermanence, setting aside limiting beliefs to foster a more fulfilling existence.
00:00 Introduction to Conversations with Kimen
00:31 Understanding the Concept of Time
02:17 Living in the Present Moment
05:24 Dealing with Challenges and Change
06:40 The Power of Anchoring Positive Moments
08:33 Overcoming Negative Patterns
20:58 Creating a Positive Future
29:27 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
conversations with Kimen is aboutinspiration, life lessons, and wisdom.
(00:04):
Your host, Kimen Petersen shareshis stories to inspire you to live
a more soulful and illuminated life.
The topics covered in this podcastare as personal opinions inspired by
life, experience, and conversationsshared with amazing people.
Kimen hopes to encourage you tobe guided by life in the flow.
So the whole journey is moremanageable and joyful and fulfilling.
(00:31):
Today I want to talk about the past,
the present, and the future, and someof the misconceptions around time
and like, first off, I mean, the mostimportant thing to say about this is the,
(00:51):
the only thing that reallyexists is the present.
There's nothing else.
All we have is right now,
if you look, if you looking back, you say,well, there is a past and there is a past.
But the truth is the past is kindof, it's an echo or a shadow of what
(01:16):
happened, and it's highly influencedby our perception of that and what
we were focused on at the time.
And it's gone.
The past is gone.
And then we think about the future.
I mean, the future is definitely apossibility, but inside a possibilities,
(01:38):
anything, it's like a blank page.
It so often we, we start writingon that page before it gets here
and.
I think it's okay to have goalsand plans and things you wanna move
towards, but you don't wanna limityourself when you're doing that.
(02:07):
You know, there's thisinteresting thought.
I told this to an athlete onetime, and, uh, she'd actually
had a really bad accident.
Um.
Cycling in Norway, and she was, shewas in intensive care for a few weeks,
and what I'd said to her before shegoed, she, she went for this race,
(02:31):
was in this moment, in this presentmoment, if you really think of it.
This is in this moment,we're whole complete.
We're whole and complete.
We have everything we need.
We're not locking, lackinganything in the present moment.
The only place lack, fear and worry existsis either in the past or in the future,
(03:00):
like that's where they're derived from.
I mean, you may feel fear of fear ofsomething happening again or something
that may happen in the future whenyou're sitting in a present moment.
But the truth is thatfear doesn't exist there.
It's given to you by like what you thwhat happened in the past and putting
(03:21):
that into the future, or it's happeningby you being afraid of something
that could happen in the future.
So if you're going through a toughtime right now in this present moment.
You gotta consider, one of my favoritethings I, I love to say all the time, is
(03:43):
if you think back to every single problemyou ever had, that's now in the past.
They all have one thing in common, or atleast one thing, maybe multiple things,
but just the fact that they're now inthe past means there was a solution.
Because if it's in the past nowand it's no longer a problem.
(04:05):
Then you found a way to solve it.
And if you get really honest aboutthat solution, you probably find that
the solution, the way it worked out,
was so much better than how you thoughtit was gonna work out when you were
sitting in the problem in that momentor in that length of time, that you
(04:25):
are sitting afraid of that moment.
So if you're sitting in a problemright now, you simply ask yourself
one question, and this is.
I'm gonna talk aboutthis a lot in the future.
Um, the inner advocate, the positivevoice, the positive vice voice is
going to give like challenge thenegative voice, the inner critic.
(04:48):
So if you are considering that everyproblem that you've ever had in your life
that's now in the past, had a solution,and the solution was better than you
thought, if you're sitting in a problemright now, just ask, use your advocate.
To ask yourself one very importantquestion, how is this problem different
than any other, every single other problemI've ever been through in my entire life?
(05:10):
And what you'll find isthat it's not no different.
That there will be a solution, and thatsolution will be better than you think.
It's going to work out right nowwhen you're sitting in the problem.
Another thing, when you're sittingin a present moment worried
about the way things are going.
Like maybe you're up against a challenge,which doesn't seem to be coming through,
(05:33):
even though in the past you were a lotbetter at something or you were more
proficient or maybe more fit or whatever.
You gotta understand the truth of life.
There's one like incredibletruth of life and that is change.
(05:54):
This too will pass.
If you're going through a really hardtime, this can be incredibly comforting.
If you really like engage yourinner advocate and said, Hey,
you know this, this will change.
Like just gotta hangon for a little while.
This is gonna change because thetruth is the bad times do change.
(06:16):
The problems get solved.
See, the only thingI've, I've found can be.
Kind of a roadblock or a stumblingpoint when you think about this two
will pass would be what if you'resitting at a really good time,
like a really, really great time?
And what if you're just sitting theregoing, oh no, this is gonna end too.
(06:40):
So one of the things you really needto do when you're in a really good
time is you really need to anchor it.
Now anchoring is pretty simple.
You just really experience it.
You feel, you burn it intoyour memory, how great it is.
Maybe the sun's out, maybewith incredible friends.
You feel completely connected.
And how do I feel in my body andwhat's like, what's the smells in
(07:02):
the air and what's like the warmthon my face, the wind, the sounds,
and you burn that into your memory.
And anchoring can be really helpful.
'cause if you're ever goingthrough a really bad time, you
can actually shift yourself backinto that moment that you anchor.
That was great.
Now, like I was saying, the, the pitfallabout, uh, understanding impermanence
(07:24):
or, or the truth of life has change isthat in a really good moment, you could
sit there in fear that this is gonna end.
And so you really miss that moment.
What would life be if you're on onehand when it's a bad moment and you're
just hanging on, hoping and knowingthat it's gonna end, and then when
(07:48):
you get into a good moment, sittingand being afraid that it will end.
So when you're in a really goodmoment, you need to enjoy it.
Just enjoy it.
Like squeeze the marrow auto life, man.
Enjoy every moment.
Like really, really embraceit and really feel good.
You know, if you're, if you're withreally close friends, you could
(08:10):
really anchor that in your memory.
You can make that a pointedmoment and tell your people
who you, they are for you.
Like, how often do you hear that?
How often do you get to have a momentto experience that with somebody?
Like, I love you, man.
The present moment is the only real thing.
(08:33):
I mean, one of the problems thoughwe have, it's like the past can
be a real stumbling block, right?
Because if things aren't going wellor you get a history of something
going bad periodically and maybe alittle bit too common for your liking
that we start.
(08:54):
Worrying and taking thatpass that's happened and we,
we throw it in the future.
So when you're putting the likereally tough moments, it's like,
what if this goes on forever?
What if I never have a chance?
Like, I heard a, a runner said,what if I never have a day that
I feel that good running again?
I,
and that's concerning.
'cause like now, now you're takinga really awesome moment in life
(09:19):
and you're throwing it into thefuture and making fear out of it.
You know what you focus on expands
and then they, they do say that yourpresent moment is given, not, not always
(09:40):
given by what you're doing in thatmoment, like how that moment's going.
But for the most part, your presentmoment, the feeling in the present moment
is given by the future you're living into.
And how I explain that isthink about it's Friday.
(10:02):
Say you work nine to five, fiveo'clock done work, you are flying to
Acapulco to sit on a beach for a week.
Imagine that future sounds pretty good.
You're probably pretty stokedabout that future, right?
But then you shift it to it's Sundayafternoon and in the evening you fly
(10:29):
back and Monday you go back to work.
What kind of future is that?
So the, the thought process is like.
It's not exactly what you'regoing through in the moment.
If you're not really present, if you'renot really being in the moment, then the
future is affecting your present moment,
(10:52):
you know?
So the present is really affected,can be really affected by the future.
One of my favorite sayingsaround the past is Bury the Dead.
They stink up the place.
You gotta let go ofWhat happened yesterday?
(11:16):
I always say there's only one pathto success, and it's One more time.
Fall down.
Get up.
One more time.
Fail.
Try again.
One more time.
One more time.
'cause the truth is.
Eventually that one more time will be thelast one more time and you'll succeed.
(11:38):
But the truth is, once yousucceed, you need to raise a bar
and move on to the next level.
The tr uh, one of the troubles with thepast is if you glaze over it, if you
minimize it, if you distract yourselffrom it, it's still sitting there.
(11:59):
I'm still sitting there in the background,
and when it's sitting there inthe background, when you haven't
completed the past, what happens alot of times is your past will end up
being filed in the future
because you never completedthat thing in the past.
(12:20):
So how, how in the world then can wedeal with the past when it's gone?
And the only way I can imagine thatwould work, like overall, because you
know, we're intellectual beings and we,we can, we have the cognitive ability
to work through a lot, but if the thingthat's in the past was in your childhood,
(12:43):
well children feel, they don't think,they don't rationalize, they feel,
but so do we, but maybenot at the right level.
Sometimes we avoid feeling the feeling.
Right.
So I think one of the best ways to putthings in the past is the first thing
you have to do is you have to feelwhat you feel when you're feeling it.
(13:04):
You know, when somebody show up in myspace, shows up in my space and they're
breaking down crying, and they'resaying, I'm sorry, I'm not a crier.
I just like, I don't know whyit's, it's like, I mean, it's okay.
Like, thank you for trusting me.
Like with your emotion, like.
This validates my whole life.
Everything I've been through,the compassion and the empathy
(13:24):
that's been created through allmy struggles in this moment.
I'm sitting here caring about youand this shows me that everything
I've been through is worth it.
And I always say, you gotta feelwhat you feel when you're feeling it.
And you gotta, this is the safest place.
So just like as much as you feelcomfortable, let it out here.
Just keep on letting it out.
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Keep on letting out.
'cause the truth is the only way through.
It's through.
That's, that's it.
That's all you got.
You can't avoid it.
You can't go around it.
You can't bypass it.
You can't think your way through it.
You have to feel your way throughit, and you have to feel your way
through it, right to the very end.
And that's where liberation is.
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So once you've felt your way all theway through it, then you can let it go
because the past is the past.
And all we have is amemory and echo, you know,
and it was really, really tough moment.
(14:28):
Then it's, it's that shadow issh is cha changed by how we were
feeling, or how we were thinking orwhat we made that mean, and that's
what gave us what we have today.
And like I was saying, if feel if,like if you don't find your way, if
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you don't feel your way through it,
the concern is you'll take the,take that thing that happened in the
past or the thing that happened abunch of times and you put it in the
future and then it'll happen again.
Then it'll be in the past.
You'll take that pass andyou'll put it back in the future
and you'll start this cycle.
(15:15):
And as you start that cycle, you'llbe sitting in the presence with fear
in the present with fear, worry, andanxiety like it's gonna happen again.
So it's almost like aself-fulfilling prophecy.
And then you'll get the pointwhere you think, yeah, this is
the way it's always gonna go.
(15:40):
It's always gonna, like I'm,every time I'm close to my
dream, it's gonna fall apart.
And this is when you need toreally, really start training and
engaging your internal advocate.
And you have to advocate for yourself.
'cause literally it's only youand you in these situations.
(16:06):
So when you're really sittingin, in a cycle of things going
wrong, what you can do is kindof like counting your blessings.
You start looking back and look atall the times that things worked out.
'cause we really have this incredible wayof like focusing on all the negatives.
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And I, I don't know if it's the waythe brain works or it seems like it's
the way the society and news work.
But the truth is we seem to spenda lot of focus on the negative.
So what you have to do is retrainyour brain and it's like counting your
blessings, but counting your successing.
Maybe, I dunno, maybe I'llcoin something new like that.
(16:51):
And as you're counting all these things,you start building evidence as well.
You build evidence forwhen you were afraid,
like.
Say you're afraid to get back out inthere and race because it's been going
really bad, or you've, you've had a couplefalls during races and you gotta dig down
deep and look at all the times that yougot up and you got on that line and you
(17:16):
made it to the end without a problem.
And you gotta see how many more timesyou made it through than you didn't.
Because typically what you're gonnafind is the thing you're afraid of
doesn't happen as often as you think.
It's just our mind seems to focuson the negatives for some reason.
(17:39):
You also need to remember everysingle time you were afraid,
but it worked out anyway.
Yeah.
It's okay to be afraid.
It is okay to feel the fear.
Just don't let it control you.
And understand that this, thisthought process, this whole idea,
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this is a practice, you know,they say that yoga's a practice.
Do you think anybody ever wins yoga?
I don't think so, because there'salways another depth to go.
And do you think the first timesomebody goes to yoga, they can get
super deep into all the posturesand balance and everything?
No.
No.
I'd be surprised.
(18:20):
Maybe some athletic or a dancer orsomething may maybe a little better
than the average, but you're not gonnaperfect something the first time out.
It's just like if you're an athlete,you know that there was a time
when you started out, when youwere a beginner, where you did
not do great at what you're doing.
But over the years, practice fail.
Try again.
Try again.
(18:41):
Keep on working, keep on building, andeventually you're starting to get it.
So building your own inner advocatearound the past, present, and future
is a practice, and it's okay to failand it's okay to get stuck in negative,
and it's okay to hit the line afraid.
That's okay, but just take those things.
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As a learning opportunity, as a, asa practice, as a, a workout, a mental
workout that you can strengthen theinner advocate and say, Hey, you
know what, like 99% of the time Ihit that line and I crush it even
if I'm afraid and it works out.
(19:26):
So the majority of the days aregood days, so I'm going for it.
But never forget that the,the past is just a shadow.
It's not the truth.
The past is what you remember, but memoryis really, really connected to what
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you are focusing on at the same time.
Because, I mean, even when in the presentmoment, the brain can only pay attention
to so much at any one given time.
You know, well, I guess youcould say it a different way
that makes a little more sense.
There is incredible amounts of informationcoming into the eyes, the ears, the nose,
(20:14):
the sense all the senses at every moment.
But there's only so much wecan consciously be aware of.
And that conscious awareness is really,really affected by our beliefs, by our
fears, by our worries, by our concerns, bywhat we think is possible, by our limits.
(20:35):
So you can imagine that it's likewhatever you remember in the past is
very much shaded by who you were inthe moment when you went through that.
So if you are an ultra positiveperson, you might have really
good memories about that moment.
And if you're an ultra not sopositive person, well yeah.
Might be something else.
(20:58):
So let's move into the future.
So, so the past and the futurehave something very much in common.
They don't exist, not as a truth.
So the past is more of a shadowand echo of what actually happened.
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The future is even more unrealor non-realistic because the
truth is it doesn't exist.
It only exists as a possibility,and possibility is pretty wide open.
You can think of the, the future asthis completely blank canvas, right?
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And anything could happen in the future.
All the things could happen in the future.
But what happens is, like I saidbefore, sometimes we start taking things
from the past and we start puttingthem on the canvas, like, you know.
Let's say for instance, you, there's thistime you wanna break and you've never
(22:07):
been able to break it, and you always getclose, or you fall before you get there.
And then it happens a few timesand you start getting used to it.
So you start throwing that into the futureand saying, well, I don't, I, I, I don't
think I'm ever gonna break that time.
So then you write thatinto the future, right?
(22:28):
And then you start throwing in.
Other things, right?
Like, oh my God, it's like theeconomy's so poor, I don't know if
I'll ever be able to buy a house.
You put that onto the canvas and like,you know, how am I even gonna make it
through, you know, school or, yeah.
And you just keep on loading up thisfuture canvas with all this stuff, right?
(22:51):
And none of this is really truth.
It's just like.
It's what you're focusing on.
So you've got all these focuseson things from the past and
fears and like all these beliefs.
And like I said, the brain, the brain, thebody, the senses take in like incredible
amounts of information all the time,but you can only be consciously aware
(23:14):
of a certain amount of it, and that'shighly affected by what you believe in
and what you think's gonna happen andwhat you're afraid of and all that.
'cause like.
Like really, really stating outloud your fears as an affirmative
is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's gonna help draw that towards you.
It's like if you got really meticulouswith your language, you would find
(23:38):
a way to never speak anything outloud that you didn't want to happen.
And if you happen to do that, because Ido it sometimes too, you'd immediately
correct and say, that's not true.
This is what I want.
So, like I said, if you're goingthrough a life and things aren't going
(24:01):
really well and they're consistentlynot going well over a long period of
time, you start believing that that'show it's gonna go in the future.
So now you've just driven, you'vejust drawn this picture of maybe.
Gray skies and rain, like, oh,it always rains in Vancouver.
(24:22):
And then you just literally, you justnotice all the times it rains and
you miss all the beautiful stuff.
See your perception of lifetaints how your life goes, or
it improves how your life goes.
It's up to you.
See.
(24:43):
There's some really interestingpeople who are, I feel are really
smart, and they create thesethings called vision boards, right?
It's almost like you start with thisblank canvas and rather than filling
up your life with all the negativeand fears and stuff that you normally
would fill it up with some, someincredible human beings decide, well,
you know, I think I'm gonna, I'm gonnaput some awesome things on my canvas.
(25:09):
I honestly think that one thing, ifyou're going to create a, a vision board,
you should put on the top of it thisor better because anything you know to
be true about yourself or your life oryour future limits you to that truth.
So you should always live space.
Leave some space for somethingto go better than you think, or
(25:30):
more incredible than you think, oryou know, bigger than you think.
I also say that one of the ways yourfuture is also created is through like,
like I said, through your beliefs.
(25:50):
So anything you know to be a fact aboutyourself or you believe to be a fact
about yourself limits you to that fact.
Okay.
And mainly because, like I said,the brain is really incredible.
It, it can all, like, we can onlyconsciously be aware of so much and
whereas everything is probably happening,all these good things are happening.
(26:12):
We're just focusing on the bad things.
Have you ever met somebody like that?
Like lots of good stuff is happeningin their life, but they're always
talking about all these terriblethings that are happening.
And it is not like goodthings aren't happening.
It's just we're way so focused on thebad that we, we fail to see the good.
(26:34):
But even, even like focusing on goodand positive things can be a trap
because that can also limit you tothat being the max of your life.
Like why would you wannaput a glass ceiling?
Like I said, there's, there's a few thingsthat I do to try and ensure that I don't
(26:57):
limit myself negatively or positively.
And one of them is, of course, thisor better this or better is a great
way I would love this is what, uh, I'mcreating my, my in my life or better.
Or when I wrote write, when I writea goal, I'll write on or before.
(27:17):
Because I don't wanna limitit to happening that date.
I want it to happen on thatdate or before that date.
And the other thing is, so I don'tlimit myself as a human being.
I've given up knowinganything really about myself.
See, I took on this idea that I,
(27:39):
I don't know who I am.
I don't have this solidknowing of who I am.
Because I know that knowing anythingthat's going to, that's gonna change
your future, like, and that's gonnalimit you to knowing to that, right?
And especially when it's negative,but even when it's positive.
(28:00):
So I've created what I believe isa, is a powerful answer to that.
My, my internal advocate is like,I have a strong suspicion that I
really care about human beings.
And I really want to help them,but I have no idea how deep that
goes or how much I can help.
And that way I'm left open
(28:24):
for a future to be way morethan I believe it can be.
So if you think of it in the presentmoment, you could create that.
I really say if you're a runner, Ireally love running and I'm really
good at, I'm, I'm skilled, I'm gifted.
Uh, I work really hard.
I have really powerfulbeliefs around this.
(28:46):
So I have a strong suspicionthat I'm really amazing
runner and I'm really gifted.
But I don't know how gifted I am.
I don't know how far I could go.
'cause you know what?
There's a future episode comingout and it's called, I don't know,
is a very powerful place to be.
(29:06):
If you don't know, thenyou, you can't do something.
Then you like, sorry, if youdon't know you can do something,
then you also don't know.
You can't.
So, I don't know, is areally powerful place to be.
You could spend a littlemore time that there.
That might be great.
(29:27):
So just to recap, I.Past, present, future.
All we got is now.
It's all we got and we're holdingcomplete and we have everything
we need in the present moment.
The past is a shadow highly influencedby your beliefs and and your how
(29:53):
optimistic or pessimistic you were.
We're at the time what youwere focusing on the time.
So it's very shaded and thechallenges that we don't take
the past and put in the future.
'cause the only truth inlife is impermanence change.
This too will pass.
(30:14):
The future is also, it doesn't exist.
It really doesn't.
Not right now, it doesn't exist.
It's a possibility of something.
And if you fill up the future withtoo many things you know, and too many
things from the past that you're afraidof, then how will you ever have the
(30:37):
extraordinary life you're looking for?
So rather than knowing things, createstrong suspicions about who you are
and what's possible in your life.
And let go of limitations and movetowards an extraordinary life.
(31:03):
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of Conversations with Kimen.
Please remember to follow andlike this podcast on Instagram,
Spotify, apple Podcast, Pod Beanor wherever you find this episode.
Please share this podcast withanyone you feel would be inspired
and benefit from this content.
conversations with Kimen is aboutinspiration, life lessons, and wisdom.
(00:04):
Your host, Kimen Petersen shareshis stories to inspire you to live
a more soulful and illuminated life.
The topics covered in this podcastare as personal opinions inspired by
life, experience, and conversationsshared with amazing people.
Kimen hopes to encourage you tobe guided by life in the flow.
So the whole journey is moremanageable and joyful and fulfilling.
(00:31):
Today I want to talk about the past,
the present, and the future, and someof the misconceptions around time
and like, first off, I mean, the mostimportant thing to say about this is the,
(00:51):
the only thing that reallyexists is the present.
There's nothing else.
All we have is right now,
if you look, if you looking back, you say,well, there is a past and there is a past.
But the truth is the past is kindof, it's an echo or a shadow of what
(01:16):
happened, and it's highly influencedby our perception of that and what
we were focused on at the time.
And it's gone.
The past is gone.
And then we think about the future.
I mean, the future is definitely apossibility, but inside a possibilities,
(01:38):
anything, it's like a blank page.
It so often we, we start writingon that page before it gets here
and.
I think it's okay to have goalsand plans and things you wanna move
towards, but you don't wanna limityourself when you're doing that.
(02:07):
You know, there's thisinteresting thought.
I told this to an athlete onetime, and, uh, she'd actually
had a really bad accident.
Um.
Cycling in Norway, and she was, shewas in intensive care for a few weeks,
and what I'd said to her before shegoed, she, she went for this race,
(02:31):
was in this moment, in this presentmoment, if you really think of it.
This is in this moment,we're whole complete.
We're whole and complete.
We have everything we need.
We're not locking, lackinganything in the present moment.
The only place lack, fear and worry existsis either in the past or in the future,
(03:00):
like that's where they're derived from.
I mean, you may feel fear of fear ofsomething happening again or something
that may happen in the future whenyou're sitting in a present moment.
But the truth is thatfear doesn't exist there.
It's given to you by like what you thwhat happened in the past and putting
(03:21):
that into the future, or it's happeningby you being afraid of something
that could happen in the future.
So if you're going through a toughtime right now in this present moment.
You gotta consider, one of my favoritethings I, I love to say all the time, is
(03:43):
if you think back to every single problemyou ever had, that's now in the past.
They all have one thing in common, or atleast one thing, maybe multiple things,
but just the fact that they're now inthe past means there was a solution.
Because if it's in the past nowand it's no longer a problem.
(04:05):
Then you found a way to solve it.
And if you get really honest aboutthat solution, you probably find that
the solution, the way it worked out,
was so much better than how you thoughtit was gonna work out when you were
sitting in the problem in that momentor in that length of time, that you
(04:25):
are sitting afraid of that moment.
So if you're sitting in a problemright now, you simply ask yourself
one question, and this is.
I'm gonna talk aboutthis a lot in the future.
Um, the inner advocate, the positivevoice, the positive vice voice is
going to give like challenge thenegative voice, the inner critic.
(04:48):
So if you are considering that everyproblem that you've ever had in your life
that's now in the past, had a solution,and the solution was better than you
thought, if you're sitting in a problemright now, just ask, use your advocate.
To ask yourself one very importantquestion, how is this problem different
than any other, every single other problemI've ever been through in my entire life?
(05:10):
And what you'll find isthat it's not no different.
That there will be a solution, and thatsolution will be better than you think.
It's going to work out right nowwhen you're sitting in the problem.
Another thing, when you're sittingin a present moment worried
about the way things are going.
Like maybe you're up against a challenge,which doesn't seem to be coming through,
(05:33):
even though in the past you were a lotbetter at something or you were more
proficient or maybe more fit or whatever.
You gotta understand the truth of life.
There's one like incredibletruth of life and that is change.
(05:54):
This too will pass.
If you're going through a really hardtime, this can be incredibly comforting.
If you really like engage yourinner advocate and said, Hey,
you know this, this will change.
Like just gotta hangon for a little while.
This is gonna change because thetruth is the bad times do change.
(06:16):
The problems get solved.
See, the only thingI've, I've found can be.
Kind of a roadblock or a stumblingpoint when you think about this two
will pass would be what if you'resitting at a really good time,
like a really, really great time?
And what if you're just sitting theregoing, oh no, this is gonna end too.
(06:40):
So one of the things you really needto do when you're in a really good
time is you really need to anchor it.
Now anchoring is pretty simple.
You just really experience it.
You feel, you burn it intoyour memory, how great it is.
Maybe the sun's out, maybewith incredible friends.
You feel completely connected.
And how do I feel in my body andwhat's like, what's the smells in
(07:02):
the air and what's like the warmthon my face, the wind, the sounds,
and you burn that into your memory.
And anchoring can be really helpful.
'cause if you're ever goingthrough a really bad time, you
can actually shift yourself backinto that moment that you anchor.
That was great.
Now, like I was saying, the, the pitfallabout, uh, understanding impermanence
(07:24):
or, or the truth of life has change isthat in a really good moment, you could
sit there in fear that this is gonna end.
And so you really miss that moment.
What would life be if you're on onehand when it's a bad moment and you're
just hanging on, hoping and knowingthat it's gonna end, and then when
(07:48):
you get into a good moment, sittingand being afraid that it will end.
So when you're in a really goodmoment, you need to enjoy it.
Just enjoy it.
Like squeeze the marrow auto life, man.
Enjoy every moment.
Like really, really embraceit and really feel good.
You know, if you're, if you're withreally close friends, you could
(08:10):
really anchor that in your memory.
You can make that a pointedmoment and tell your people
who you, they are for you.
Like, how often do you hear that?
How often do you get to have a momentto experience that with somebody?
Like, I love you, man.
The present moment is the only real thing.
(08:33):
I mean, one of the problems thoughwe have, it's like the past can
be a real stumbling block, right?
Because if things aren't going wellor you get a history of something
going bad periodically and maybe alittle bit too common for your liking
that we start.
(08:54):
Worrying and taking thatpass that's happened and we,
we throw it in the future.
So when you're putting the likereally tough moments, it's like,
what if this goes on forever?
What if I never have a chance?
Like, I heard a, a runner said,what if I never have a day that
I feel that good running again?
I,
and that's concerning.
'cause like now, now you're takinga really awesome moment in life
(09:19):
and you're throwing it into thefuture and making fear out of it.
You know what you focus on expands
and then they, they do say that yourpresent moment is given, not, not always
(09:40):
given by what you're doing in thatmoment, like how that moment's going.
But for the most part, your presentmoment, the feeling in the present moment
is given by the future you're living into.
And how I explain that isthink about it's Friday.
(10:02):
Say you work nine to five, fiveo'clock done work, you are flying to
Acapulco to sit on a beach for a week.
Imagine that future sounds pretty good.
You're probably pretty stokedabout that future, right?
But then you shift it to it's Sundayafternoon and in the evening you fly
(10:29):
back and Monday you go back to work.
What kind of future is that?
So the, the thought process is like.
It's not exactly what you'regoing through in the moment.
If you're not really present, if you'renot really being in the moment, then the
future is affecting your present moment,
(10:52):
you know?
So the present is really affected,can be really affected by the future.
One of my favorite sayingsaround the past is Bury the Dead.
They stink up the place.
You gotta let go ofWhat happened yesterday?
(11:16):
I always say there's only one pathto success, and it's One more time.
Fall down.
Get up.
One more time.
Fail.
Try again.
One more time.
One more time.
'cause the truth is.
Eventually that one more time will be thelast one more time and you'll succeed.
(11:38):
But the truth is, once yousucceed, you need to raise a bar
and move on to the next level.
The tr uh, one of the troubles with thepast is if you glaze over it, if you
minimize it, if you distract yourselffrom it, it's still sitting there.
(11:59):
I'm still sitting there in the background,
and when it's sitting there inthe background, when you haven't
completed the past, what happens alot of times is your past will end up
being filed in the future
because you never completedthat thing in the past.
(12:20):
So how, how in the world then can wedeal with the past when it's gone?
And the only way I can imagine thatwould work, like overall, because you
know, we're intellectual beings and we,we can, we have the cognitive ability
to work through a lot, but if the thingthat's in the past was in your childhood,
(12:43):
well children feel, they don't think,they don't rationalize, they feel,
but so do we, but maybenot at the right level.
Sometimes we avoid feeling the feeling.
Right.
So I think one of the best ways to putthings in the past is the first thing
you have to do is you have to feelwhat you feel when you're feeling it.
(13:04):
You know, when somebody show up in myspace, shows up in my space and they're
breaking down crying, and they'resaying, I'm sorry, I'm not a crier.
I just like, I don't know whyit's, it's like, I mean, it's okay.
Like, thank you for trusting me.
Like with your emotion, like.
This validates my whole life.
Everything I've been through,the compassion and the empathy
(13:24):
that's been created through allmy struggles in this moment.
I'm sitting here caring about youand this shows me that everything
I've been through is worth it.
And I always say, you gotta feelwhat you feel when you're feeling it.
And you gotta, this is the safest place.
So just like as much as you feelcomfortable, let it out here.
Just keep on letting it out.
(13:45):
Keep on letting out.
'cause the truth is the only way through.
It's through.
That's, that's it.
That's all you got.
You can't avoid it.
You can't go around it.
You can't bypass it.
You can't think your way through it.
You have to feel your way throughit, and you have to feel your way
through it, right to the very end.
And that's where liberation is.
(14:08):
So once you've felt your way all theway through it, then you can let it go
because the past is the past.
And all we have is amemory and echo, you know,
and it was really, really tough moment.
(14:28):
Then it's, it's that shadow issh is cha changed by how we were
feeling, or how we were thinking orwhat we made that mean, and that's
what gave us what we have today.
And like I was saying, if feel if,like if you don't find your way, if
(14:49):
you don't feel your way through it,
the concern is you'll take the,take that thing that happened in the
past or the thing that happened abunch of times and you put it in the
future and then it'll happen again.
Then it'll be in the past.
You'll take that pass andyou'll put it back in the future
and you'll start this cycle.
(15:15):
And as you start that cycle, you'llbe sitting in the presence with fear
in the present with fear, worry, andanxiety like it's gonna happen again.
So it's almost like aself-fulfilling prophecy.
And then you'll get the pointwhere you think, yeah, this is
the way it's always gonna go.
(15:40):
It's always gonna, like I'm,every time I'm close to my
dream, it's gonna fall apart.
And this is when you need toreally, really start training and
engaging your internal advocate.
And you have to advocate for yourself.
'cause literally it's only youand you in these situations.
(16:06):
So when you're really sittingin, in a cycle of things going
wrong, what you can do is kindof like counting your blessings.
You start looking back and look atall the times that things worked out.
'cause we really have this incredible wayof like focusing on all the negatives.
(16:27):
And I, I don't know if it's the waythe brain works or it seems like it's
the way the society and news work.
But the truth is we seem to spenda lot of focus on the negative.
So what you have to do is retrainyour brain and it's like counting your
blessings, but counting your successing.
Maybe, I dunno, maybe I'llcoin something new like that.
(16:51):
And as you're counting all these things,you start building evidence as well.
You build evidence forwhen you were afraid,
like.
Say you're afraid to get back out inthere and race because it's been going
really bad, or you've, you've had a couplefalls during races and you gotta dig down
deep and look at all the times that yougot up and you got on that line and you
(17:16):
made it to the end without a problem.
And you gotta see how many more timesyou made it through than you didn't.
Because typically what you're gonnafind is the thing you're afraid of
doesn't happen as often as you think.
It's just our mind seems to focuson the negatives for some reason.
(17:39):
You also need to remember everysingle time you were afraid,
but it worked out anyway.
Yeah.
It's okay to be afraid.
It is okay to feel the fear.
Just don't let it control you.
And understand that this, thisthought process, this whole idea,
(18:00):
this is a practice, you know,they say that yoga's a practice.
Do you think anybody ever wins yoga?
I don't think so, because there'salways another depth to go.
And do you think the first timesomebody goes to yoga, they can get
super deep into all the posturesand balance and everything?
No.
No.
I'd be surprised.
(18:20):
Maybe some athletic or a dancer orsomething may maybe a little better
than the average, but you're not gonnaperfect something the first time out.
It's just like if you're an athlete,you know that there was a time
when you started out, when youwere a beginner, where you did
not do great at what you're doing.
But over the years, practice fail.
Try again.
Try again.
(18:41):
Keep on working, keep on building, andeventually you're starting to get it.
So building your own inner advocatearound the past, present, and future
is a practice, and it's okay to failand it's okay to get stuck in negative,
and it's okay to hit the line afraid.
That's okay, but just take those things.
(19:05):
As a learning opportunity, as a, asa practice, as a, a workout, a mental
workout that you can strengthen theinner advocate and say, Hey, you
know what, like 99% of the time Ihit that line and I crush it even
if I'm afraid and it works out.
(19:26):
So the majority of the days aregood days, so I'm going for it.
But never forget that the,the past is just a shadow.
It's not the truth.
The past is what you remember, but memoryis really, really connected to what
(19:48):
you are focusing on at the same time.
Because, I mean, even when in the presentmoment, the brain can only pay attention
to so much at any one given time.
You know, well, I guess youcould say it a different way
that makes a little more sense.
There is incredible amounts of informationcoming into the eyes, the ears, the nose,
(20:14):
the sense all the senses at every moment.
But there's only so much wecan consciously be aware of.
And that conscious awareness is really,really affected by our beliefs, by our
fears, by our worries, by our concerns, bywhat we think is possible, by our limits.
(20:35):
So you can imagine that it's likewhatever you remember in the past is
very much shaded by who you were inthe moment when you went through that.
So if you are an ultra positiveperson, you might have really
good memories about that moment.
And if you're an ultra not sopositive person, well yeah.
Might be something else.
(20:58):
So let's move into the future.
So, so the past and the futurehave something very much in common.
They don't exist, not as a truth.
So the past is more of a shadowand echo of what actually happened.
(21:21):
The future is even more unrealor non-realistic because the
truth is it doesn't exist.
It only exists as a possibility,and possibility is pretty wide open.
You can think of the, the future asthis completely blank canvas, right?
(21:46):
And anything could happen in the future.
All the things could happen in the future.
But what happens is, like I saidbefore, sometimes we start taking things
from the past and we start puttingthem on the canvas, like, you know.
Let's say for instance, you, there's thistime you wanna break and you've never
(22:07):
been able to break it, and you always getclose, or you fall before you get there.
And then it happens a few timesand you start getting used to it.
So you start throwing that into the futureand saying, well, I don't, I, I, I don't
think I'm ever gonna break that time.
So then you write thatinto the future, right?
(22:28):
And then you start throwing in.
Other things, right?
Like, oh my God, it's like theeconomy's so poor, I don't know if
I'll ever be able to buy a house.
You put that onto the canvas and like,you know, how am I even gonna make it
through, you know, school or, yeah.
And you just keep on loading up thisfuture canvas with all this stuff, right?
(22:51):
And none of this is really truth.
It's just like.
It's what you're focusing on.
So you've got all these focuseson things from the past and
fears and like all these beliefs.
And like I said, the brain, the brain, thebody, the senses take in like incredible
amounts of information all the time,but you can only be consciously aware
(23:14):
of a certain amount of it, and that'shighly affected by what you believe in
and what you think's gonna happen andwhat you're afraid of and all that.
'cause like.
Like really, really stating outloud your fears as an affirmative
is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's gonna help draw that towards you.
It's like if you got really meticulouswith your language, you would find
(23:38):
a way to never speak anything outloud that you didn't want to happen.
And if you happen to do that, because Ido it sometimes too, you'd immediately
correct and say, that's not true.
This is what I want.
So, like I said, if you're goingthrough a life and things aren't going
(24:01):
really well and they're consistentlynot going well over a long period of
time, you start believing that that'show it's gonna go in the future.
So now you've just driven, you'vejust drawn this picture of maybe.
Gray skies and rain, like, oh,it always rains in Vancouver.
(24:22):
And then you just literally, you justnotice all the times it rains and
you miss all the beautiful stuff.
See your perception of lifetaints how your life goes, or
it improves how your life goes.
It's up to you.
See.
(24:43):
There's some really interestingpeople who are, I feel are really
smart, and they create thesethings called vision boards, right?
It's almost like you start with thisblank canvas and rather than filling
up your life with all the negativeand fears and stuff that you normally
would fill it up with some, someincredible human beings decide, well,
you know, I think I'm gonna, I'm gonnaput some awesome things on my canvas.
(25:09):
I honestly think that one thing, ifyou're going to create a, a vision board,
you should put on the top of it thisor better because anything you know to
be true about yourself or your life oryour future limits you to that truth.
So you should always live space.
Leave some space for somethingto go better than you think, or
(25:30):
more incredible than you think, oryou know, bigger than you think.
I also say that one of the ways yourfuture is also created is through like,
like I said, through your beliefs.
(25:50):
So anything you know to be a fact aboutyourself or you believe to be a fact
about yourself limits you to that fact.
Okay.
And mainly because, like I said,the brain is really incredible.
It, it can all, like, we can onlyconsciously be aware of so much and
whereas everything is probably happening,all these good things are happening.
(26:12):
We're just focusing on the bad things.
Have you ever met somebody like that?
Like lots of good stuff is happeningin their life, but they're always
talking about all these terriblethings that are happening.
And it is not like goodthings aren't happening.
It's just we're way so focused on thebad that we, we fail to see the good.
(26:34):
But even, even like focusing on goodand positive things can be a trap
because that can also limit you tothat being the max of your life.
Like why would you wannaput a glass ceiling?
Like I said, there's, there's a few thingsthat I do to try and ensure that I don't
(26:57):
limit myself negatively or positively.
And one of them is, of course, thisor better this or better is a great
way I would love this is what, uh, I'mcreating my, my in my life or better.
Or when I wrote write, when I writea goal, I'll write on or before.
(27:17):
Because I don't wanna limitit to happening that date.
I want it to happen on thatdate or before that date.
And the other thing is, so I don'tlimit myself as a human being.
I've given up knowinganything really about myself.
See, I took on this idea that I,
(27:39):
I don't know who I am.
I don't have this solidknowing of who I am.
Because I know that knowing anythingthat's going to, that's gonna change
your future, like, and that's gonnalimit you to knowing to that, right?
And especially when it's negative,but even when it's positive.
(28:00):
So I've created what I believe isa, is a powerful answer to that.
My, my internal advocate is like,I have a strong suspicion that I
really care about human beings.
And I really want to help them,but I have no idea how deep that
goes or how much I can help.
And that way I'm left open
(28:24):
for a future to be way morethan I believe it can be.
So if you think of it in the presentmoment, you could create that.
I really say if you're a runner, Ireally love running and I'm really
good at, I'm, I'm skilled, I'm gifted.
Uh, I work really hard.
I have really powerfulbeliefs around this.
(28:46):
So I have a strong suspicionthat I'm really amazing
runner and I'm really gifted.
But I don't know how gifted I am.
I don't know how far I could go.
'cause you know what?
There's a future episode comingout and it's called, I don't know,
is a very powerful place to be.
(29:06):
If you don't know, thenyou, you can't do something.
Then you like, sorry, if youdon't know you can do something,
then you also don't know.
You can't.
So, I don't know, is areally powerful place to be.
You could spend a littlemore time that there.
That might be great.
(29:27):
So just to recap, I.Past, present, future.
All we got is now.
It's all we got and we're holdingcomplete and we have everything
we need in the present moment.
The past is a shadow highly influencedby your beliefs and and your how
(29:53):
optimistic or pessimistic you were.
We're at the time what youwere focusing on the time.
So it's very shaded and thechallenges that we don't take
the past and put in the future.
'cause the only truth inlife is impermanence change.
This too will pass.
(30:14):
The future is also, it doesn't exist.
It really doesn't.
Not right now, it doesn't exist.
It's a possibility of something.
And if you fill up the future withtoo many things you know, and too many
things from the past that you're afraidof, then how will you ever have the
(30:37):
extraordinary life you're looking for?
So rather than knowing things, createstrong suspicions about who you are
and what's possible in your life.
And let go of limitations and movetowards an extraordinary life.
(31:03):
Thank you for listening to thisepisode of Conversations with Kimen.
Please remember to follow andlike this podcast on Instagram,
Spotify, apple Podcast, Pod Beanor wherever you find this episode.
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