37 The Comparison Trap

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Episode Transcript

Kevin Tejada: If you see someone in real life and think, damn, that's a cool ass beard, (00:28):
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Kevin Tejada: or damn, their head is really shaped nicely, and you feel bad about yourself (00:33):
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Kevin Tejada: because you don't look as cool, (00:38):
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Kevin Tejada: then you're falling for the comparison trap, which is the topic for now. And right now. (00:40):
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Speaker3: It is the worst it's ever been, (00:46):
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Kevin Tejada: Because as you can imagine, the comparison and trap is when you have a habit (00:48):
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Kevin Tejada: of comparing your self-worth, your self-esteem, basically yourself to others. (00:54):
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Kevin Tejada: And then you feel bad about it. (01:01):
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Kevin Tejada: Everywhere you look, there are tons of opportunities to feel bad about yourself. (01:02):
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Kevin Tejada: Whether we're talking about online, social media, in the movies, (01:07):
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Kevin Tejada: TV, just the average person. (01:12):
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Kevin Tejada: Well, not the average person. The average person kind of sucks. So not that. (01:15):
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Kevin Tejada: But let's say on platforms like Instagram. (01:21):
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Speaker3: TikTok, YouTube, blah, blah, blah. (01:25):
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Kevin Tejada: The way the algorithm works, they're going to be showing you the most popular, best looking things. (01:29):
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Kevin Tejada: So you're going to see the fittest people possible, steroids or not, (01:35):
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Kevin Tejada: the most attractive people possible, filters or not. (01:40):
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Kevin Tejada: And the more you see them, the more they're going to be fed to you. (01:43):
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Kevin Tejada: And you're going to be thinking. (01:46):
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Speaker3: Wow, this is normal. And if I don't look like this, I am a piece of shit. But the (01:48):
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Kevin Tejada: Of reality. Yeah, there are some people who are pretty fit, pretty attractive in real life. (01:57):
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Kevin Tejada: Most people are not. I mean, they're fine. (02:03):
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Kevin Tejada: But what you're seeing on social media, what's being fed to you is pretty much (02:06):
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Kevin Tejada: the best possible image of a human being. All the time. (02:11):
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Kevin Tejada: And yeah, a lot of people have different opinions of what the best human being (02:18):
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Kevin Tejada: would look like. But that's the thing about social media. (02:21):
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Kevin Tejada: Whatever you think it is, it'll feed you more of that. (02:25):
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Kevin Tejada: So it's going to make you feel bad specifically. (02:29):
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Kevin Tejada: Even outside of social media in real life, let's say you go to the gym, (02:33):
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Kevin Tejada: you know, at least half the people there are probably fitter than you, (02:38):
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Kevin Tejada: thinner than you, maybe better looking than you too. (02:41):
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Kevin Tejada: You got to remember, that's also a. (02:45):
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Kevin Tejada: People who care about their fitness, appearance, whatever it is. (03:04):
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Kevin Tejada: So because of this, you're seeing a different breed of person compared to the average person. (03:08):
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Kevin Tejada: And if you don't believe me, try this. (03:13):
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Kevin Tejada: Go to a gym, look around, see who's there. Look at the average person there. (03:16):
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Kevin Tejada: Then immediately after you're done with the gym, go to a supermarket, (03:22):
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Kevin Tejada: look around, see the average person there. (03:26):
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Kevin Tejada: A world of difference. (03:29):
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Kevin Tejada: The average person's pretty fucking fat and not in good shape. (03:31):
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Speaker3: So don't think the entire (03:38):
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Kevin Tejada: World is like what you see online or what you see at the gym. (03:39):
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Kevin Tejada: The average person is very different. (03:43):
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Kevin Tejada: Not to say you want to be like them necessarily, but what I'm saying is in terms (03:46):
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Kevin Tejada: of comparison, don't be silly with it. (03:50):
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Kevin Tejada: Don't choose the top 1% of humans to compare yourself to. (03:54):
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Kevin Tejada: In reality, you should really only compare yourself to your past self, but that's up to you. (03:58):
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Speaker2: Most people who suffer from the comparison trap are young people because they don't know (04:04):
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Kevin Tejada: And I'm not saying like those weirdos who are over 40, they say, (04:11):
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Kevin Tejada: oh man, wait till you're over 40. (04:15):
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Kevin Tejada: You're going to get fat like everyone else. no they're fucking (04:16):
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Kevin Tejada: wrong and lazy and stupid it's not (04:19):
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Kevin Tejada: what i'm saying saying young people literally have not (04:23):
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Kevin Tejada: been alive long enough to really understand the full breadth (04:25):
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Kevin Tejada: of the human experience they don't know how people are you (04:28):
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Kevin Tejada: see shit that's online or in the (04:32):
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Kevin Tejada: movies or whatever so they just see a very curated (04:35):
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Kevin Tejada: view of the world they're seeing (04:38):
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Kevin Tejada: people on the big screen who take steroids to look (04:41):
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Kevin Tejada: like literal superheroes and they're seeing people online use (04:44):
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Kevin Tejada: filters and also steroids and you (04:47):
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Kevin Tejada: know sucking in their stomach with great lighting shit like that again not (04:51):
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Kevin Tejada: saying there are people who look awesome in real life i'm saying is most of (04:54):
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Kevin Tejada: the stuff you see is selective and optimal for cameras let's say another group (05:00):
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Kevin Tejada: that's a huge victim to the Comparison trap is. (05:09):
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Kevin Tejada: Every time I see a woman Who's in Hollywood or Anywhere really and they're like (05:14):
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Kevin Tejada: 60 years old They're wearing a shit ton of makeup I'm like what the fuck is this, (05:19):
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Kevin Tejada: personal responsibility enters into it big time they don't (05:25):
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Kevin Tejada: have to keep up all this shit right but it (05:28):
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Kevin Tejada: is unfortunate that society as a whole has kind of you (05:31):
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Kevin Tejada: know pushed women to basically be afraid (05:34):
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Kevin Tejada: of aging if you're not thin have a perfect face and a fat ass at 50 you're a (05:37):
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Kevin Tejada: piece of shit woman and should kill yourself that is the message that society (05:44):
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Kevin Tejada: puts out there if you think about it and it's unfortunate their beauties their (05:47):
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Kevin Tejada: beauty standards are odd especially when you talk about fitness because. (05:53):
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Speaker3: Women in the fitness space (05:57):
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Kevin Tejada: There there need to be more of them but in a good way as in there need to be (05:59):
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Kevin Tejada: women who are not afraid to become stronger become healthier do a fucking pull-up (06:04):
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Kevin Tejada: but the majority of what women see online are these women who is focused on their butt (06:09):
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Kevin Tejada: do that stupid fucking pose so their cheeks are popping in the pictures use (06:15):
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Kevin Tejada: the filters all that shit just focus on one half of their body only sometimes (06:21):
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Kevin Tejada: even worse some of these these influential, (06:27):
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Kevin Tejada: quote-unquote women they lie about what they're doing they say yeah man i just (06:31):
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Kevin Tejada: do the the booty blasting glute fucking shit not telling people hey actually (06:36):
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Kevin Tejada: i'm i'm squatting heavy with a barbell, (06:40):
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Kevin Tejada: But I know most women are scared of that So I'm not going to say that So yeah (06:43):
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Kevin Tejada: women, just girls, just do that booty shit Which fucks up, (06:46):
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Kevin Tejada: not Eating properly and working out properly And you're fucking scared to put (07:01):
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Kevin Tejada: on any amount of muscle Even though that is literally what will get you To look (07:06):
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Kevin Tejada: the way you want to get But anyway. (07:10):
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Speaker3: Next one. (07:12):
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Kevin Tejada: Beginners suffer a lot from the comparison trap because they're starting at level zero, level one. (07:14):
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Kevin Tejada: They step into the gym. Like I said, those people are top one, maybe top 5% of people. (07:19):
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Kevin Tejada: And these beginners come in and I see, wow, these people are fitter than me. I'm a piece of shit. (07:26):
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Kevin Tejada: And they just feel bad thinking oh my god it's been two (07:33):
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Kevin Tejada: months and i don't look like these people and man (07:35):
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Kevin Tejada: i'm making a bad comparison and all this is exacerbated by social media because (07:39):
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Kevin Tejada: again everything is curated to show people the absolute one percent point zero (07:45):
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Kevin Tejada: zero one percent of people then you add filters and steroids on top of that (07:52):
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Kevin Tejada: and it's just a fucking minefield for a shit-ass self-esteem, (07:55):
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Kevin Tejada: Even myself, who's been exercising for over 15 years, I have a pretty fucking (08:00):
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Kevin Tejada: good idea of what I'm doing. (08:05):
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Speaker3: I'm aware that I (08:07):
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Kevin Tejada: Should only be comparing myself to my past self. And in that regard, (08:09):
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Kevin Tejada: I'm doing way better than I ever have. (08:12):
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Kevin Tejada: But even still, sometimes it can, you know, it can still happen that I compare myself to others. (08:15):
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Kevin Tejada: Either online or in person. I think, wow, look at that guy's fucking shoulders. That's crazy. (08:20):
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Kevin Tejada: Wow, that guy's looking thick. (08:26):
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Kevin Tejada: I don't know if you know this, but if you get really heavy into fitness, (08:30):
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Kevin Tejada: you become kind of gay, but that's not helpful for the comparison either. (08:33):
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Speaker3: So, yeah, it's, you know, it can affect everyone. You just got to remember, (08:38):
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Speaker3: hey, you got to compare yourself to the right things (08:42):
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Kevin Tejada: Helpful. Like the example I just gave you, comparing yourself to your past self (08:49):
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Kevin Tejada: can be great. You can see how far you've come. You can do some progress. (08:54):
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Kevin Tejada: Photos. You can look with the objective evidence of. (08:59):
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Speaker3: Where you were, (09:04):
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Kevin Tejada: Where you've come from. And hopefully that inspires you to progress even more. (09:05):
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Kevin Tejada: And if you have a buddy who you want to compare yourself to at the gym, (09:12):
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Kevin Tejada: the competition can be pretty helpful. (09:16):
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Kevin Tejada: You can think, oh man, that guy is beating me. I'm going to do better. It can be helpful. (09:18):
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Kevin Tejada: This whole comparison In general, not so much though Let me give you some numbers, (09:23):
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Kevin Tejada: In 2023, there's a study that found image-based social media platforms Which (09:31):
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Kevin Tejada: is basically everything, (09:36):
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Kevin Tejada: significantly increased body dysmorphia in teenagers specifically 16 to 18 and (09:39):
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Kevin Tejada: if you don't know body dysmorphia is basically where you. (09:46):
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Kevin Tejada: You see in the mirror and you don't feel you don't feel like them you want like (09:52):
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Kevin Tejada: you feel like you should be someone else and you you hate what you see in the (09:57):
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Kevin Tejada: mirror it's not good 25 of fit inspiration followers. (10:00):
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Kevin Tejada: I'm assuming that's people who follow a lot of fitness accounts online. (10:07):
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Kevin Tejada: About a quarter of them report dissatisfaction when comparing themselves to (10:12):
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Kevin Tejada: the influencers that they do follow. (10:16):
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Kevin Tejada: So they're trying to get inspiration for their fitness, but a big amount of (10:19):
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Kevin Tejada: them are actually feeling worse. So that's cool. (10:23):
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Kevin Tejada: Spending less time on social media reduced body dysmorphia by about 50% in a (10:27):
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Kevin Tejada: study conducted by American psychology or psychological association yeah i mean (10:32):
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Kevin Tejada: they should say how much less time in the study but, (10:39):
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Kevin Tejada: yeah 50 that's that makes sense when you're (10:42):
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Kevin Tejada: not being bombarded with all this imagery of perfect people you don't feel shitty (10:46):
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Kevin Tejada: i don't think that's a huge surprise here now there like i mentioned before (10:50):
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Kevin Tejada: there can be some positives to comparison for example people who exercise alongside (10:58):
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Kevin Tejada: people who they view as quote unquote better, (11:03):
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Kevin Tejada: they work up to 200% harder. (11:06):
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Kevin Tejada: That can be cool. But the downside is that they risk burnout. (11:08):
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Kevin Tejada: They try to push beyond their limits. (11:12):
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Kevin Tejada: They do shit that they're not ready for and they can hurt themselves and then (11:15):
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Kevin Tejada: give up because they feel bad because they're injured now. (11:19):
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Kevin Tejada: And this can even apply to some of those fitness apps like Strava. (11:22):
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Kevin Tejada: I've never used that, but people use it to compare their running. (11:26):
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Kevin Tejada: I'm assuming resistance training as well. (11:29):
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Kevin Tejada: You know, it's sharing in an online community the fitness progress you're making (11:32):
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Kevin Tejada: which is kind of cool but... (11:36):
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Speaker3: With the comparison stuff, (11:40):
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Kevin Tejada: You may be thinking, oh, man, he got this score on this run. (11:41):
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Kevin Tejada: I'm going to try to beat this. (11:44):
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Kevin Tejada: And then again, burnout, higher stress, you know, not great. (11:46):
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Kevin Tejada: If you have a shit ton of exposure to this fitness inspiration content, (11:51):
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Kevin Tejada: that can be associated with negative mood changes, appearance anxiety, (11:55):
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Kevin Tejada: and basically internalizing damn near impossible, (12:00):
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Kevin Tejada: body ideals. (12:06):
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Kevin Tejada: Really unsurprising if you're following a lot of bodybuilders for example and (12:08):
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Kevin Tejada: you see them at fucking competition level you're gonna be thinking oh man i (12:11):
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Kevin Tejada: don't look like that i'm a piece of shit, (12:15):
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Kevin Tejada: not remembering that not only do bodybuilders have to get into very low, (12:18):
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Kevin Tejada: borderline dangerous body fat levels they only do it temporarily and they use (12:24):
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Kevin Tejada: bronzer to accentuate what muscles they have. (12:32):
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Kevin Tejada: So you're seeing literally peak human musculature when you see that. So to compare yourself. (12:36):
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Kevin Tejada: Facebook a fuck ton. I don't know if that's true, but probably less than the average teenager. (13:04):
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Kevin Tejada: But if older adults use social media as often as the teenagers these days do, (13:10):
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Kevin Tejada: they probably feel just as shitty. (13:15):
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Kevin Tejada: That's helpful in terms of this whole comparison trap realize that it is fucking (13:19):
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Kevin Tejada: useless yes maybe it is helpful for you to compare yourself to someone who's (13:24):
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Kevin Tejada: stronger better than you to get a bit closer to their level but what if you (13:29):
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Kevin Tejada: reach that level will there be someone else who's better of course there. (13:34):
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Speaker3: Will always always be (13:38):
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Kevin Tejada: Someone who is better stronger bigger more attractive. (13:40):
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Speaker3: Taller, leaner. (13:46):
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Kevin Tejada: There's literally always going to be someone better in some way. (13:49):
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Kevin Tejada: So if you chase this comparison, you will literally, quite literally never be satisfied. (13:52):
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Kevin Tejada: So just remember that. You're thinking, oh man, I see this guy online or in (13:58):
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Kevin Tejada: person. He's so much better than me. Okay. (14:01):
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Kevin Tejada: Maybe that's true, but guess what? There's a shit ton of people better than him too. (14:05):
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Kevin Tejada: So don't waste your time worrying and comparing. You will never be number one. (14:10):
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Kevin Tejada: There's a bit of freedom to that. You will never be the best. (14:17):
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Kevin Tejada: No one will. There's always going to be someone better than someone else in some way. (14:20):
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Kevin Tejada: So fuck that shit. Just compare yourself to your past self or someone super (14:24):
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Kevin Tejada: close to you, maybe, who's a bit better than you can, you know, (14:29):
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Kevin Tejada: have a friendly competition if you want to. (14:32):
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Kevin Tejada: But just compare yourself to your past self and use your progress as inspiration for yourself. (14:35):
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Kevin Tejada: That is the number one way to stop with this shit. Just remember, (14:41):
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Kevin Tejada: the person you think is way better than you, that person is thinking someone (14:44):
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Kevin Tejada: else is way better than them. (14:48):
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Kevin Tejada: And it's just a constant ladder. So don't climb it. (14:49):
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Speaker3: Fuck that shit. (14:53):
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Kevin Tejada: And another thing you can do to help you out with this comparison trap is to (14:54):
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Kevin Tejada: limit social media exposure. (14:57):
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Kevin Tejada: I recommend for everyone, no matter what you're using, YouTube, Instagram, Instagram, (14:59):
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Kevin Tejada: based stuff twitter threads blue sky that's (15:05):
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Kevin Tejada: still around like just anything put a (15:08):
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Kevin Tejada: fucking timer on your usage (15:12):
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Kevin Tejada: basically every modern phone can do this (15:15):
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Kevin Tejada: natively on ios i think it's called screen time on android's digital well-being (15:17):
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Kevin Tejada: if not you can you know android gives you options so you can download any number (15:25):
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Kevin Tejada: of app blocking applications or app limiting things put timers on your social media. (15:29):
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Kevin Tejada: Do it in your computer as well. You can get extensions for pretty much any browser (15:35):
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Kevin Tejada: to limit. I recommend stay focused. (15:39):
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Kevin Tejada: No E at the end because they're cool. (15:42):
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Kevin Tejada: And you put timers. If you're a noob, as in you spend like six hours a day on (15:46):
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Kevin Tejada: social media, put the timer started at two hours. (15:53):
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Kevin Tejada: That should be fine. And if you run out of time, you should be thinking not, oh man, I need more time. (15:56):
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Kevin Tejada: You should be thinking, hmm, why don't I feel satisfied? Did I do what I was going to do? No? (16:01):
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Kevin Tejada: Well, change that. I would get it down to an hour eventually. (16:07):
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Kevin Tejada: Let me check mine right now. I actually have two separate timers, (16:14):
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Kevin Tejada: one on my phone for certain things at about 35 minutes and then on my computer (16:18):
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Kevin Tejada: for the same things about 15 minutes. (16:24):
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Kevin Tejada: So in total, 50, five, zero minutes per day that I can possibly waste on some shit. (16:26):
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Kevin Tejada: It doesn't have to be wasteful. Of course, it can be productive or helpful in some kind of way. (16:33):
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Kevin Tejada: But a lot of this stuff, it's kind of, you know, it throws you down the rabbit hole of depression. (16:38):
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Kevin Tejada: So instead of spending about three hours comparing yourself to all these people, put a timer on there. (16:44):
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Speaker2: When it runs out, (16:50):
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Kevin Tejada: If you're like, no, wait, I need to compare myself to more people, (16:51):
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Kevin Tejada: then just use that moment to reflect on what the fuck you just said. (16:53):
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Speaker3: Older, what you can do to also (16:58):
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Kevin Tejada: Help with this is shift your priorities. Yeah, when you're 20, (17:00):
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Kevin Tejada: you probably have getting abs as your number one priority. (17:03):
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Kevin Tejada: They're not that big of a deal, honestly. (17:07):
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Kevin Tejada: What's more important is that you're able to move properly and not just in terms (17:10):
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Kevin Tejada: of mobility and flexibility, but just, you know, making sure if you open a door, (17:14):
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Kevin Tejada: it's not fucking hard or it hurts or something. (17:19):
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Kevin Tejada: You know, I would advise everyone to just, instead of focusing purely anesthetics, (17:23):
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Kevin Tejada: if you, if you work out properly, you will just look better in general, by default, right, (17:28):
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Kevin Tejada: instead of working out, oh, my God, I'm working on my calves and my fucking (17:35):
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Kevin Tejada: forearm muscles, yeah, baby, just, you know, focus on actual movements, (17:38):
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Kevin Tejada: because that's what's going to matter later on, you can have abs, (17:43):
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Kevin Tejada: but if you need a walker, it's not, you know, It's not cool. (17:47):
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Kevin Tejada: And one of the biggest pieces of recommendation, pieces of advice I can give (17:52):
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Kevin Tejada: you as a recommendation is to just remember most of social media is fucking fake. (17:56):
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Kevin Tejada: And I'm not saying, again, I'm not saying that there aren't people who are fit, (18:01):
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Kevin Tejada: attractive, whatever on social media. (18:05):
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Kevin Tejada: I'm saying is a lot of it is very, very carefully edited and. (18:07):
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Kevin Tejada: You know, just, just remember, just remember that not to discount people's hard work. (18:16):
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Kevin Tejada: I'm just saying a lot of what these platforms feed you is just shit to make (18:23):
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Kevin Tejada: you either depressed and quote unquote aspire to something and just keep you scrolling. (18:28):
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Kevin Tejada: If you feel bad in the process. (18:34):
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Speaker3: Fuck you. (18:37):
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Kevin Tejada: That'll just make you scroll for things that'll make you feel less depressed. (18:39):
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Kevin Tejada: So they win either way. so don't play that game just, (18:43):
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Kevin Tejada: bad you really want to do a comparison go to the fucking (18:49):
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Kevin Tejada: supermarket look around and realize you're doing (18:52):
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Kevin Tejada: pretty decently leave a comment tell me (18:55):
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Kevin Tejada: who's the most famous person you've wanted to compare yourself (18:58):
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Kevin Tejada: to i think for me it's probably jason statham maybe (19:01):
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Kevin Tejada: i think he's the only guy in the world who (19:04):
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Kevin Tejada: looks good with his balding it's like (19:07):
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Kevin Tejada: receding hairline his stubble i don't know it looks good i wish my head were (19:12):
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Kevin Tejada: quite that that cool see i'm falling for the comparison trap right now my head (19:16):
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Kevin Tejada: is pretty cool i can't do anything about it but i don't think i would look that (19:21):
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Kevin Tejada: cool if i had if i let my hair grow out you saw that fucking vegeta hairline that shit would. (19:25):
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Speaker3: Be wild so anyway (19:29):
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Kevin Tejada: Just gonna focus on me let me know have you compared yourself to the rock Are (19:32):
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Kevin Tejada: you stupid? Anyway, see you next time. (19:36):
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