Not Not Rachel McAdams Doppleganger on Breast Cancer Month

This is NOT Rachel McAdams, but it is a conversation with the podcast's bestie, Jillian Brocki, about breast cancer. October is breast cancer awareness month. And with that in mind, please self-screen for any abnormalities, not just on the chest, and remember all of your check-ups!

Stay with us for "exactly" one hour, while we discuss this, play a classic gayme (about the ideal vacations and staycations). And, of course, the iconic segments from everyone's favorite southern mom and pop! Linda LaFaye and Dad!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello and welcome back to the podcast. This is you've got an hour with Adam Griffin,

(00:03):
unless you thought it was a different show in which case, sure, it's that show. Just keep listening.
Whatever show you think it is, just keep listening and you're listening and you're loving it.
Lemmy, lemmy eat that podcast right up. I have a friend who had some of those lemmy gummies and they
said that they had terrible, terrible side effects. Anyway, not trying to drag the Kardashians. And also,

(00:27):
not trying to bring Rachel McAdams into the episode because this is not Rachel McAdams on this episode.
As the title indicates, this is my friend, Jillian Brocky, but she looks honestly just like
Rachel McAdams. So this is my little plug for her to play Rachel's sister in something.
Today, we're going to be talking about something that the podcast takes very seriously and that's

(00:51):
October, not only for Halloween, but also for breast cancer awareness month.
Stand up to date with your health and with that said, let's dial her in and play a game.
G-A-Y-A-Me.
Jillian!
My love, I haven't seen you in so long. This is like so wild that it's been so many years.
At the last time I physically saw you, we were in New York at the same time.

(01:13):
Which I'm coming up on living in New York for nine years, which doesn't make any sense.
You're carrying the baton for us all.
Nah, I guess in a way. I mean, now we've got another, I think we have a few more friends up here, but uh...
Oh, we definitely do, but you're carrying it for me at least.
Oh yeah.
First of all, first of all, what year did you come up here? 2014?

(01:35):
Yeah, 2014. Well, I lived there for a summer between sophomore and junior year just to see if I was
even going to like it.
See, that's smart.
No, it was really bold.
Well, funny story. When I lived there, I lived in a story and I loved, loved living in Queens,
because you could see the city view every day and like when I was upset, I'd go on the roof.
Costco.
Yeah, Costco? So what you said?

(01:57):
Yeah.
There's a beautiful Costco outdoors that I was just at in Long Island City and uh...
Just seeing all of Manhattan and there was a goose and a lot of pigeons.
Yeah, there are a lot of pigeons. I was thinking more of like the Rockaways vibe, but yeah, love that too.
But there was literally the person that I lived with didn't scare me off from living there,

(02:18):
but maybe questions and things, because there were five of us in the apartment. It was a one-bedroom.
Yeah, there was literally a moment where her manager, her property manager came up and like knocked
on the door and did like a wellness check or whatever, because they were like, you're not allowed to have
this many people in the apartment. So like two of them got kicked out. I got to stay somehow. She like

(02:41):
lied and said I was her cousin, but she was so scared to upset the manager again that there was
a pilot light that went out on her oven and we were being like gas chambered out of the apartment.
And I was like she really just wants this money and for us to bounce. Like...
Oh my god.
So that was interesting. That was a really interesting time. But you know, lived there after...

(03:02):
But that didn't scare me off. You came back?
It didn't scare me off and it does explain sort of what was wrong with my brain these days.
So there we go with that.
Right. Exactly.
You said yeah, no, been waiting for that hook.
Now we know.
You know, it's like the people who like the shit town podcast, you know, the guy who was
Mercury poisoning himself. He didn't realize it because he would work on old

(03:24):
clocks.
Wait, is that bad? Because that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm doing right now is I sell clocks.
No.
I can't keep time to save my life. Speaking of, I guess we'll get to the game here.
So I thought today's topic is a little heavier or it could be heavy. So I want to start off with like,
let's think about vacation packages. Let's like go prices right level and have something fun to do.

(03:48):
So if you were to win a vacation outright right now, all expenses paid. I want to start with that
and then we'll get into the specifics of it a little bit more. But like if you could win a vacation
anywhere where it what's calling to you right now.
Yeah, see I am always torn about this because more often than not you want to probably like

(04:09):
beat it up. But there's also so much of the world that I have never experienced that I'd still,
you know, some like European excursion also sounds cool.
Well, where have you been? Where have you been outside of the US?
I went to Costa Rica.
Oh, zip lining.
Well, yes, but that was that was the last day. But of course we were there as a mission trip and

(04:34):
okay, yes, all right. Okay, all right. Yeah, lovely orphans wonderful orphans.
Shout out. Son of son will come out tomorrow. Red flag, not appropriate Adam.
In a hand basket real quick over here. Okay, I'm dragging everyone with me.
And then we and then in college, the infamous group of gals from our myzner class.

(05:01):
Myzner class is a type of training in which two humans repeat back and forth with each other
what they've said and sort of discern what emotional capability they're witnessing before them.
And it causes you to escalate. It's sort of what neurodivergence call hell, hell on earth.

(05:22):
And that would be why I was so fucking good at it.
Top of my class clearly anyway, that was a joke if you can't read my cadence.
This is just my tone and I know that it can be difficult to read because I am a fucking robot.
Anyway, we're going to be talking about people from a time that is called college.

(05:44):
That's where Jillian and I know each other from spoiler alert.
But anyone that we reference that isn't in the room with us, their name will be redacted by using
the word beep instead or maybe two beeps.
Beep. That was two beeps if you can count.
Just just for shits and giggles.
So try to keep up with the story if you can and if you can't, maybe you need to go to myzner class

(06:09):
and to learn how to read. I was going to say read behavior, but just learn how to read because
beep is pretty easy to understand by me basic robot that I am.
Here's the story.
Myzner class went to England with the little art teacher and Jeffy costume designer.
That sounded like such an epic trip.

(06:31):
We quote "study double".
I honestly, I'm sad I missed out on that because it was like some of my favorite.
Perfect combination to that freaking group of people.
You would have done it.
Because it sounded like it kind of was like two different separate groups who kind of mingle during it.
But like I would hope I would like to think I would have bridged the gap,
but I also probably would have been a loner if we're being really honest.

(06:53):
I think you would have honestly bridged a lot.
You would have been the person in like the spa pool when redacted was making redacted
pry.
Oh my.
And then you would have been the person in the spa pool like British accent just making fun of them
and like making it all so much better.

(07:15):
Oh thanks.
Now when you did the redacted you covered your mouth and I thought you were redacting COVID as if
like COVID never happened and I loved that journey for me but you meant an actual human was doing
something to honest.
Yeah.
So I didn't say either of the names.
No, that was smart.
That was smart.
I would have probably bleeped it out but knowing me it's good that you did it anyway.

(07:36):
Right.
Because the mercury in the clocks.
Okay, so I actually might have to introduce you not as Rachel McAdams.
And I have to introduce you as what's the what's the father's name and beauty in the beast.
Crazy old Maurice.
Maurice.
Crazy old Maurice.
I love that man.

(07:58):
Okay, so now you don't have to go on a trip with them but like where are you going on a vacation?
Where are you feeling?
Yeah.
I think at the end of the day especially given the last five years that you know I have gone through
something freaking tropical and warm and just free as hell sounds really good.

(08:19):
Do you want to do like a staycation where it's all inclusive or is it like a like a bounce around
trip? I don't want to say a cruise but like it could be a cruise vibe.
No judgment.
Yeah, not a cruise but I'm also very bad at traveling.
You know, I'm not used to it.
So I'm just I think that I would need to be led a bit.
So either I'm going to go with someone who's going to know the ropes and know how to set that up

(08:43):
or I'm going to get like a package to like a resort or something because at least I'm contained
because I can get lost like that.
Because I'm not like contained to something that I I won't be able to survive.
Now why are you bad at traveling?
Is it like do you get overwhelmed or do you need more alone time or like what's the what's the

(09:04):
factor here that's making you a bad traveler?
Well, I think literally just like not having a compass like internally like I don't I wouldn't
know where to go like even when I look on like a map or I have a globe.
You see my globe?
You literally are sitting in front of a globe so you're throwing me for a loop here.
Well, that's new.
Brand new.
I've been wanting that for years and it's just really make you got to get in touch with your map

(09:28):
giving.
You're like I got to get a globe.
This is where I was wrong.
Right.
Oh yeah totally totally.
I'm like hold on let me find that.
Oh, I did not know you know.
Oh, this is a whole continent.
I don't know.
No, like that.
Not even me.
Oh, the world is round.
I did it now.
This is just as Jillian my flat-erther friend.
I know.
I will say okay listen.
I will say the only thing I'm going to say and then I'll move on.

(09:50):
Again, from having a globe when the Sarah Palin thing happened all these years ago.
Oh my gosh.
From my house and I was like yeah, what an idiot.
Like that's stupid.
And then I got a globe and I was like oh my god, they really are.
We're really close together.
Like I didn't realize that like Alaska and Russia are that close together.

(10:11):
We didn't learn anything in grade school.
I have to this is really a tangent.
And speaking of globes and not being a flat earth, you know how the moon comes separately
from the sun and they're not revolving around us.
Okay, basics.
Great.
So the other day was a super moon right and whatever the fuck that means is great.
But I don't understand it because literally it said the peak time for the super moon was

(10:33):
11.26 a.m.
I'm sorry.
Moon is nighttime.
Sun is daytime.
When did that change?
Is that different now?
I'm really confused.
Yeah, none of the colors made up, I think.
Like what the whole the moon isn't real.
We are really.
We're really from a certain way.
Oh no, no, no, I'm pushing you that way and I love it.

(10:53):
Do you go down this trajectory?
Please.
No, but does that make any sense to you?
Because that blew my mind.
I was like 11.26 a.m.
Peak for the moon.
Yeah.
White.
Anything.
No, I don't understand it.
Okay, I love the tropical idea.
I honestly, here's where I'm at with this because I'm going to tell you my two cents on this
because I actually do think we should travel.
Sometimes I think we would have a blast.

(11:14):
Oh, she scrunched up her whole face.
She's not excited.
Oh, yeah.
That's like, yeah.
Oh, that's like a yes.
Oh, all right.
I was like humble me real quick.
You're like, I don't want to be around you for that long.
So I've never done one of those stacations where it's all inclusive and I would really
like to try that.
Like low budget, like want to be white lotus for us.

(11:36):
That could be fun.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, honestly, I'm down for the actual white lotus too.
So I mean, if it's paid for, I of course would love that.
I'd like to be like rubbing elbows with the rich people and sort of like pissing them off
a little here and there.
Like a little little jabby jabby and a little humbly humbly.
That's how I feel like that.
That's how I feel like my day job, which is like a fine dining restaurant.

(11:56):
So all these rich, schnaub people and some celebrity ask people to come on through.
Cindy Williams was there two days ago.
Oh, how is she?
How does she look right now?
I didn't see her, but I was told by my servant friend and apparently she's, but it's like
a boy that she tipped down.
So you know, I mean, well, she wasn't doing super well the past year or three.

(12:20):
I mean, you know, she had like what was considered alcoholic induced dementia.
So I hope that she's, I'm glad to hear that she's out of that center because in the documentary
this year, she was still in the center.
So yeah, so that's some hot, that's some hot spillage there.
I, I hope she's okay.
I love Wendy.
Yeah.
Can we talk?
I love her.

(12:41):
So now we'll take a tangent here because that sounds like an ideal vacation and I'm, I
have you ever done a cruise?
Well, the England trip that we did coming back one, me and Mary.
And then I took my aunt's place on a cruise that was supposed to be for her birthday, but
she fell.
Oh, they threw me my cousins and my mom.

(13:04):
So then I had to go on this cruise with like my 40 year old cousins and my mother and it
was like, fat shit insane.
And then I tried to manage keeping up with my mother to teenage boys and I threw up on the
Lido deck and I had to be wheeled out on a wheelchair to my room.
Okay.
Well, that isn't at all.

(13:24):
When you said she conveniently got injured beforehand, I was like, this is giving understudy
vibes like you really wanted the trip, but now given all of these circumstances, no, you
didn't.
I did not.
No.
Okay.
All right, then no black swan for you on that trip.
Yeah, that's not great.
What was that like a carnival or what was that?
Yeah.
Carnival's not the vibe.

(13:44):
I don't know.
I know it's like cheap, but it's cheap for a reason.
Yeah.
I mean, carnival's literally the one that remember when like, it, there was like that stalled
out boat that the shit was coming down the wall.
We had a friend that we went to school with that worked on that shit.
Do you know that?
Be.
Grace McBeat worked on it.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She was on it during that.

(14:05):
Yeah.
And she was like, they were passing out bag lunches as like crew members because they couldn't
do the show.
They would have to pass out bag lunches to all the shit storm.
Oh my god.
Driven rooms and I'm like, when I watch Triangle of Sadness now, I use that as my frame of reference
because I'm a broke triangle.
I'm not that like Bermuda triangle vibes.
So I also there was no Bermuda triangle on that movie.

(14:28):
So that's wrong too.
I will bring a brand of Bahamas for like a total of one hour because my cousins had already
like done the cruise.
So I was like, who on in the Bahamas?
This is new for me.
They're for an hour.
What?
Why?
We do a scene your frogs and then got back on the boat.
Please be serious.
You have to go back.

(14:49):
The Bahamas are amazing.
I will never know.
I'll go back, I guess.
Yeah.
And I highly recommend if you do go to that area, you got to also go to Jamaica.
Jamaica in general is like one of my favorite places I've ever been.
Oh.
There's a place called Hell.
Hell is located in the Cayman Islands.
We double checked on Gillian's Globe.
It's not in Jamaica as my non-diagnosed ADHD sort of alluded to.

(15:12):
And it's these like really interesting rock formations.
They explain it to you when you're there and I'm not a tour guide.
So I've no fucking clue what it was.
But it was like all these like sharp things.
It looks like in like a cartoon movie if you fell on something you know those bike things.
It's like that to a tee.
But you take pictures in front of it and they've made it like really kitschy.
Where it's like you take a picture.

(15:32):
You know the face and the whole thing that you do at State Fairs.
It's like that but with the Devils face and like my family's very religious but they loved
it.
They were like this is so funny and like we got shirts and like shot glasses that were like
I don't know.
I tell.
Yeah.
I was like no.
I love that I like the whole town is like we're pushing this up.

(15:53):
This is our thing.
We're leaning in and like you know whoever decided to make it that they've just run with
it.
You know you could just be like hey it's interesting rock formations.
It doesn't have to be hell.
Like somebody went there and that joke just keeps giving.
Right.
I love that.
Yeah.
There needs to be a sitcom sat there.
Like would that be a great sitcom?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Let's think of a let's just think real quickly like okay I'm having this circumstance.

(16:18):
Now I'm going to offset it with this vacation for a breakup.
Where are you going?
Somewhere where I can look hot.
Yes.
Oh I love that.
I was thinking somewhere I could cry so that's much more that's better.
I like that more.
Who are you going with?
Girls trip cancun.
Girls trip cancun.
Yes.
Oh that's fine.
Okay.
Yeah.

(16:38):
I'll do girls trip port of Iarta.
I'll do that.
Okay.
Where's that?
We both pick Mexico.
Okay.
See.
Not a look at my globe.
Hold on.
Okay.
So if you had you just lost a job where are you going on vacation?
I'm going to the Rockaways because I ain't got no money.
Smart.
Okay.

(16:59):
Yeah.
We're doing a day beach trip.
Yeah.
Recentering.
Yeah.
No.
We're definitely crying at that one.
That's for sure.
Okay.
You got a new job in your celebrating.
Okay.
So I'm confident in myself.
You know.
Let's see.
Ooh.
I would go to like I haven't been to San Francisco.
I would like to do like a cross country.
I would go this.
Oh good.
I'll meet you there.

(17:20):
I'll come see me.
There we go.
Oh, that would be so fun.
And what the job will be and we're manifesting this is that you're playing Rachel McAdams sister.
There we go.
In something.
There we go.
When I cry.
That's when I look the most like her just so you know.
The rest of the interview is just me trying now to make her cry so I can see Rachel McAdams.
Kidding.
This is a podcast.
You can only hear us not see us.

(17:41):
See how I'm learning.
I know the difference between sight and hearing.
Tell my optometrist.
They still think I have glaucoma.
Okay, back to it.
You know what?
I was going to say that.
They'd send the back of my mind, but I didn't want you to think that I think about you crying.
Right.
That's not really positive.
So now you're in a new relationship.
Where are you going on vacation?
Definitely.
Like, okay.
See, it's because I'm poor that I don't even have imaginations of rich of like ranger.

(18:05):
Okay.
You're dating someone rich and you're on vacation.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Yes.
Thank you.
Okay.
That I'm definitely thinking like some Spain stuff.
Oh, yes.
Give me some romance.
I need to have some pasta.
I need to have really good bread.
Oh, yes.
Mm-hmm.
I don't like to eat when I'm in a relationship.
I like to wither away.

(18:26):
So I'm what I'd like to do is I'd like to go to Don Quixote spaces and just blow away with
the windmills.
So that's we're both in Europe, though, or in Europe.
So for a bachelorette.
Now, these can go great or not so great with a bachelorette.
But if you could pick a bachelorette, where would you go?
See, I'm not like a big drinker and I'm way more--

(18:48):
Love you for that.
Group fun.
Like I want to have group fun.
I don't want to have some-- I don't want to have to take care of my friend who's drunk at
like a-- like let's save my best, what you know what I mean?
So I'm like, no, no to the big biggest thing.
Like that wouldn't be my jam.
So Reno, Jersey City.
Right.
We're out on the boardwalk.
I would think more like Lake House thing when she got married.

(19:12):
Oh.
When she got married, her bachelorette was at like a beach house.
And that was just like perfect vibes for me.
Maybe a--
That's real, a little bit more like town life.
That way you could go like to a bar and still go back to the Lake House.
But yeah, like town like Lake House vibe for me.
I love that.
I think the older I get, the more I don't want to batch the rut.

(19:34):
Yeah.
I've been hearing a lot more people lately do it and like not have one and not even have
like a wedding party essentially.
And for me, I have to feel like I have friends personally.
Like for me, I have to feel like I have humans in my life that are supporting me.
Look, I totally appreciate that.

(19:55):
You know, love that honesty.
Yeah.
And now I'm going to personally be offended if I'm not invited to the spaxter rut in the middle.
That's what I also love is that these days I just feel like they've really become like,
um, yeah, I don't give a crap if it's not like all girls.
Like I'm having my like, my people who are my friends.
Like probably be on my bachelor or something.
Oh, yeah.

(20:15):
What is he?
Where is he now?
Is he in Scotland still?
I think Ireland.
Yeah, he's Irish.
Where are those different countries?
No, I'm just kidding.
Get your globe out.
I'm so pleased because let me tell you, I don't really understand the UK.
Oh, I don't think anyone does unless you live there.
And then I think it's still confusing because it's like, you know, is Ireland succeeding?
Are they not half of it?
Is it's own thing?

(20:36):
But then the other half's not.
And it's like, but they're both still Ireland and it's like what?
Yes.
No, no idea.
But yeah, I think he's over there.
He actually might be maybe more mainland.
Again, I don't fully understand where he's at.
But yeah, he's over there.
He's like a full blown citizen, right?
I think he's got dual.
Yeah, I think so.
Dual, dual, dual citizen.

(20:56):
You know, dual is a weird word because it's like,
"dulla."
Well, both about birth things.
So that's interesting.
Yeah.
You know, you got dual for a literal birth and then dual for like, birth, right?
Right.
Interesting.
Discovery.
Okay, well, that was fun.
All right, let's keep going.
And of course, we get a warning that my cheap ass zoom is going to break off on us.

(21:17):
It's going to break up.
So now we're going to need to go on that vacation to the Rockaways.
Okay.
So now we've got circumstances on your trip.
Let's think about on your trip that you're on, how are you going to combat the factor
before you?
Like, okay, it's raining.
What are you going to do on the trip while it's raining?
I hate when you go to like a theme park and it rains and everybody's hiding.

(21:40):
Good question.
If you want to be a like, you did obviously.
Oh, well, that too.
Yeah, I wasn't thinking of it for a practical standpoint.
Thank you for humbling me.
I was thinking like, "Hey, it's a free water ride."
Like, yay, me.
Oh, yeah.
No, I think it's the day in your aspect for a water park.
Well, that's okay.
Maybe.
Yeah, that's true.
That's true.

(22:01):
And the urine.
Yeah.
So what would you do in the middle of like this whole rain storm situation?
How do you like still have a good vacay off of it?
I would honestly piss and moan for a bit for sure.
I would be annoyed.
Okay.
Healthy.
Healthy.
Get it out, release it.
Really good out.
I'd be like, "I want to refund F this.
I want to do this all over again."
But yeah, and then after that, oh, that's hard to say.
Oh, I guess in theory, you'd have to just, it depends on who you're with.

(22:25):
Am I with my hot lover in a bungalow over the, you know, water and Fiji?
I guess we're going to hang out together.
Yeah, I mean.
Yeah, that actually sounds like a win-win there.
That sounds fine.
Yeah.
And then, you know, if I'm with the gals at the lake, we're inside, we're drinking, we're

(22:47):
making fucking chips and dip and having a lingerie fashion show, I guess, you know what I mean?
Oh, fine.
Okay.
I'm lame.
I was like, "Oh, okay.
We're going to watch miscongeniality."
Oh, no, but that's pit-fitted.
That would be on in the background for sure, for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, definitely on always.
Because that one in a million, I'm in the wrong people when they're in that statual liberty.

(23:09):
Actually, that stresses are honestly gorgeous.
I love the design for that movie.
Slee, major slay.
I don't know where they recorded it and I'm so glad they got William Shatter's Republican
ass in there doing some stuff with these queer icons.
That was so, that was so the scene.
I love that.
I love the one for that.
Okay.
Well, I was going to do the same thing with like, what would you do during snowstorm or

(23:29):
major storm, but all of those are the same freaking thing.
So.
So, I have a question for you.
When you're on a vacation, how do you fix the whole friends are fighting thing?
We kind of touched on that for a second.
I think that's a great way to kind of end out this sort of segment.
Yeah.
It's honestly funny, because I definitely look back on trips like that and I think I have

(23:49):
such fresh eyes about that stuff now and honestly considering where I've been in
the last few years in terms of just like my emotional life.
Part of me is just like, sure.
Like, let them have it out, but at the end of the day, like we're getting over this and
we're going to have fun.
So like, especially because just like my view of the world has changed so much, I don't

(24:11):
have time for you guys to be squabbling on our vacation.
We need to get over it.
If we need to go have fun, talk it out, have the conversation and like, let's go.
That's what I want to say I would potentially be doing, but I would also probably be like,
oh my god, are you serious?
No, she did.
Oh my god, yeah, no, but.
I'm getting right in the middle of it, get beat so much.
Oh my god, no, no, yeah, no, that's what I heard of the other day.

(24:34):
You know, like I'm bad a little.
I can't help it.
I mean, it is like dinner in a show, you know, you're on vacation.
It's like, hey, I mean, if you guys are fighting and it doesn't involve me, I want to know
at all of this.
Right.
I want to know the ins and outs.
So long as I'm not fueling it.
Yeah, exactly.
And I don't think I fuel things.
I'm pretty, I'm, I'm very good at towing the line, which can also be something that I

(24:56):
feel like makes me look like I'm like too faced, which is not the intention, but I definitely
just try to hear out a lot of, even at my job right now.
There's, yeah, mediating.
I'm like, I'm just trying to hear you both out and like, I don't actually give a shit.
I, you know, at least in cases of my job, but like one barista versus the other, I'm like,
yeah, I'll have to figure this out.
I'm, what are you doing?

(25:17):
Yeah, I'm too old for this.
Well, other than that, yeah, I feel like I just try to hear out.
No, I know that you're good at that.
I know you're a good mediator like that.
I don't see you as as hyping people up in the wrong way.
Now, have I ever been accused of that probably?
Probably.
I'm like, if I'm closer with one of the people, I'm a little stubborn in the way that like,

(25:41):
I can't see the wrong in my friend, you know?
I'm like, I'll bullhorn all the way through for that person.
I'm like, let's take them down.
And it's like, no, you have to really bring that down a notch because like the other person
could be right.
Sometimes you're also wrong.
Plot twist, Adam, plot twist.
Right, I know, I know, and that's true.

(26:01):
And that's still a good quality to have too.
I feel like it's all in moderation.
So level headed, Miss Jillian.
I love it.
Yes.
Okay, so we're going to take a break here.
I'm going to download this and then we're going to get the upload on everything that
has been going on with you and telling people to screen themselves, which is really important.
For breast, breast, I just said breast const.

(26:24):
Excuse me, breast, breast.
Can you tell my gay is coming out?
I'm like, how do you say what is breast followed with?
Breast, what?
Breast screening and breast cancer awareness month.
Okay, we'll be right back.
I think that's about as good a stopping point as we're going to get to.
Here in the interim, let's hear a few words from my mother.
Hey everybody, this is Linda Lafay and I've got something to say.

(26:46):
Ooh, I have a good idea for you today.
My husband and I used to play a game where we come up with an idea day.
So we were trying to, you know.
Be rich.
Now, me and you know, you don't like to sweep and I probably that's why the air blower thing
was invented for the lawn and the garage and wherever else you all want to use that thing

(27:06):
because you don't want to sweep.
In my garage, my husband uses it and bless him.
I'm happy that he will.
But you better have the door shut and not playing to go outside because when he is out there
that stuff, that dirt, that dust that leaves that everything that's in the garage, dog food,
little pieces, whatever's out there.
It is stirred up all the way to the windows and to the door and I'm thinking, baby, if you

(27:32):
just swept the floor, it would stay down low.
What you have done is stirred it up and do you think he is going to dust the wall or the
door, clean the door?
No.
But am I going to say anything?
I never have and here I am saying it.
So, baby, if you're listening to this, I'm sorry and I do think you and please don't stop
helping me.
But this has made me think of my idea.

(27:55):
I was drying my hair the other day, you know, and I was turning my head upside down because
it didn't feel like I had the vertigos and when I flipped back up, I was thinking, hey,
what I noticed was that hair dryer was blowing some of that hair that had fallen out of
my head.
It had blown it across the floor in the bathroom.
So I'm thinking, hey, you know, I thought, oh, you mean you think you got something on us,

(28:21):
but you know, we got the power of the hair dryer and we can hit that bathroom.
Yeah.
So next time when you're down there and you turn your head upside down and you're looking
at your floor and you're saying to yourself, self, there is some hair down there.
You just take that hair dryer and you blow it to a corner and don't forget to go get
the broom and the dust pain and get that up and you'll be feeling so good about your

(28:43):
floor.
Now I must admit it doesn't work on the mats, at least it didn't in my little bathroom,
but hey, it was better than it was.
So a little bit of clean and all along the way, make sure self have a happier home.
You're welcome.
That was my mom and here's my dad.

(29:05):
What your mom said, I haven't heard it yet, but great job Linda.
I'm sure it was great.
Yay, we love a family affair. Now back to the podcast.
You think I'd learn the buttons quicker than this, but nope, I don't.
I don't.
Okay, so before we do the topic, I always have this reoccurring segment that I do with
everyone where I ask, what is the noise that you hear if you're backing out of a situation,

(29:30):
if you're in an awkward conversation and you wish it would end?
What's the noise?
I think I'm just hearing like a...
I loved it because it was a literal backing up noise, but it sounded like rise from monster
scene.
I think it's pretty, pretty literal.
No, that was good, because I just kept hearing like Mike was asking.

(29:53):
You know, I just like...
I do that.
I do do that for this.
Do you...
Let me hear it.
Well, that was key.
One.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Oh, you said let me get the water.
Let me refresh.
Your paper work.
Paper work.
Wait, I have a weird request.
Can you say Miranda in that voice?

(30:13):
I'd like to hear you say Miranda.
Miranda.
Miranda.
Oh my god, it sounds like Steve a little bit from Sex in the City.
I don't know if you've ever seen it.
Oh, it's a land.
I can't handle it.
It's too good.
All right, and now we're getting super serious.
Hey, before we launch in, we're talking about medical stuff.
I don't want anyone coming to this with the impression that we're going to be giving medical

(30:37):
advice.
We're not.
This is totally Jillian's personal journey.
Just as much as anyone person's journey goes, she can only advocate and speak on her behalf.
And it's an interesting story.
We will let it unravel in real time and breaking down, you know, how she picked a surgeon.
And those things are very important for anyone that's considering things medically.

(31:01):
But you're your own advocate.
You've got to do your story your own way.
I will be up front and give you the detailing that she did have a double mastectomy.
We will talk about that later, but I want to spell it up front in case that helps someone
that is trying to decide between a lumpectomy or a mastectomy or a double mastectomy, you
know, this is where her journey goes.

(31:21):
And it doesn't mean that yours is right or wrong.
Hers is right or wrong.
It's what works for her.
And that's always the right decision.
So we'll get into why she chose that and that's enough of a teaser for where we're headed
with the conversation.
But I wanted to just give a quick breakdown in case anyone's coming here for maybe support
in that sector from our own community here, right?

(31:43):
Okay, cool.
Let's launch into the conversation completely unedited right from the jump of where we start.
But I would like to celebrate the fact that you've been in remission for quite a while
now.
Can you tell us how long you've been in remission?
Well, I am.
I don't even know if people use that term until they're five years out.

(32:04):
Oh, okay.
All right.
Well, thank you for correcting me.
I don't know.
I don't know very much in terms of the wording of a lot of things myself.
So it's a whole different world.
But I know that in November, I'll say, because when I, in November is when I had my actual
surgery, so from the day that they removed all of my stuff, that's kind of the day I count

(32:27):
as like from that point in time.
So in that point, it'll be five years, which by the, yeah, crazy, right?
This, this November.
But by that point is when you're like technically in DE, in ED.
You're in DE, the Delaware caucus, right?
Hold on.
All right.

(32:47):
There we go.
So after five.
At the five year mark is when you're technically labeled in ED, which is no evidence of disease.
So that I think is when people start using the phrase like, I'm in remission because I've
gone five years and I'm still in ED, which is crazy because I'm like, well, yeah.

(33:11):
So these last five years, what am I calling that?
I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
And also, I don't, I'm, I'm being really honest.
I don't love the term in ED because I'm thinking like you are in a rectal dysfunction.
So that's an interesting, gotta flip the switch on that.
All right.
Interesting.
I'm dead.
I'm dead.
But yeah, that's huge.
That's a major celebration.
I'm so excited.

(33:32):
So walk us back.
You know, you're very young.
How did you find out?
Walk me through that process.
I was 27.
This was in 2019.

(33:54):
We're together for four years at this point.
That's your daily life.
And he said that he felt something there and he was like, whoa, whoa, what was that?
I was like, what?
And so he was honestly the one and he loves to say that, you know, he saved my life because
he was the one to push me to like find out what that was.

(34:14):
His mother had breast cancer when he was a child.
So he has a lot more kind of understanding about a lot of that stuff.
And even at his school, I will say that when he was a kid, they actually had like a day
where they passed around this like ball thing that it was like feel like a tumor, you know,
and then I'm like, I never did that.
Never did that in my childhood.

(34:35):
No.
So good for them.
Florida.
Florida education back then, you know.
I was like, I'm just saying back then, but yeah, back then.
But yeah, so a few, you know, I'm sure enough time went by where I finally was like, well,
I do need to go to the gynecologist anyway, type of thing.
So while I was there, I got just like a topical, you know, breast exam.

(34:56):
They didn't think anything of it.
But they still gave me a referral to go then get an ultrasound, which is kind of like the
next step in the process.
If you were to feel something, especially being my age because they're definitely we're
not going to give me a mammogram just so you know like that.
And that's a red flag with a lot of, you know, just the way we're dealing with breast cancer

(35:19):
in America and like in the health care system, like you cannot get a mammogram until you're
40.
Like they will not like let you essentially unless you are like, here is a problem.
So you know, all of these young cancer cases that are popping up, it's like we should probably
push that age down for like yearly recommended mammograms and stuff.

(35:41):
But anyway, so I got the ultrasound.
They were still like fishy.
That's weird.
Came back and I got a biopsy and they took the little bit of cells or whatever out of the
thing.
And then then I went and saw Joker with my boyfriend in the theaters.
And I was like, when you were in Joker, were you feeling weird?

(36:04):
Like you had a premonition or you were feeling sick?
I think I just associate Joker now with like the night of my life changing forever.
And so I'm like, I will.
You know what I mean?
Like because I honestly think I thought the movie was fine.
But I think now I look back on like, yeah, but no, it's not Joker's fault.

(36:27):
I really.
You were having that feeling though.
And then did they call after the movie or the next day or when did that phone call?
No, after the movie to paint a picture, we were in Williamsburg.
We had just eaten at Martha's like country, you know, bakery or whatever.
Wait, like Martha Stewart.
No, no, no.
There's like a branded like bakery shop.
Oh, okay.

(36:48):
All right.
I forget that you're not necessarily like a Brooklyn guy.
No, I never ever got into Brooklyn.
I would tap my foot in and tap it right on out.
I didn't feel cool enough.
But okay.
So to paint a picture for anyone else who might be knowing the Brooklyn layout, I was in
like on Bedford.
And my apartment is all the way in Bushwick, Bedstuy, which is essentially a 15 minute walk

(37:14):
and then like six train stops away.
And when I got the call on Bedford, I was running on such a gentleman that we walked
that whole way home instead of like getting a car or like taking the train, six stops.
And I am not a walker like that.

(37:35):
I am not someone who walks for that long at a time, but I literally couldn't stop walking.
So that is a lesson on anxiety and adrenaline because I was, I definitely never felt anything
like that before.
Luckily, I had my boyfriend with me and like he totally got it.
Like we would, I was standing on the corner in Bedstuy and Brooklyn crying and then we'd

(37:59):
hug and we'd both be in shock and we'd both be like, I don't know.
And then we would just walk and then it would happen again.
And then we just kept walking.
And so then we eventually just walked home.
I had to go to work the next morning.
You didn't call out.
I didn't call out because I had originally called out to get the biopsy and stuff like

(38:20):
that.
So like I was just feeling like bad.
Fred, the next day I went to work and I was a mess and luckily for me, I had literally
gotten like an email, a phone call from the breast surgeon who they had set me up with that
day being like, we've got an opening.
Can you come in today?
And I was like, yeah.

(38:42):
So I did leave my job and they did understand it.
And they were very understanding and very supportive.
And I think that I owe that to being young because I don't think that that would have happened
for me if I were 40 or something.
I think the fact that they saw on my file this girl's 27 get her in.
Like the thing about it all is that when you do have it at a young age, like everyone around

(39:04):
you in the medical care business is like, oh, little flower.
And it makes you feel very comforted but also very aware that like, oh, it's because I'm
young because the moment I'm going to age out of this, y'all are really not going to
care as much because it's going to be more normal or whatever.
I don't know.
Maybe that's my didn't know with it or not.
But my opsy is when they actually took a little bit of the like cells and they sent that

(39:27):
away.
And I guess that's for them, that was when for sure they could see that I had inductive
carcinoma.
Sometimes I wonder about my like breast cancer ambassador, you know what I mean?
Like, how good I am at being one because I don't know basic things.
But that's part of me trying to like live a normal life and not care about like what the name

(39:51):
of my breast cancer is, you know what I mean?
So yeah, but as your friend, I don't think you need to have the pressure of being an ambassador.
You're just talking about your story.
That's true.
And you sharing your story makes you the best ambassador you can be.
You don't have to know all the things.
I think cancer is like life.
It's very messy.
So, you know, and there's trauma and there's other things going on surrounding it.

(40:14):
You don't have to know all the facts in order to be an advocate for getting screened or anything
like that.
Like you even just saying, hey, like earlier than 40, you can't get a mammogram and that's
a problem is enough advocacy, I think, on your end.
So from a logistics standpoint, though, do you know what stage you had?
Yes, so yeah, I did have stage one, but that was actually something that was still not

(40:39):
able to be found out like in that point.
I think right away, like technically they weren't going to know that until they took it out.
So everyone was kind of like softly saying I was stage one simply because of the size and
the fact that it was like in whatever like the inductive, I know I'm saying the wrong
word, but my bad.

(41:00):
The car Sonoma, like the style that it was, like they knew at least from that that it was
like probably stage one as a technicality, I guess.
They don't really know until they come in and do the surgery.
So I guess in theory, like we could have all assumed it was probably stage one and then
they would have gotten it out.
And for some reason, it'd be like, oh, this is a rare stage two and a half or something.

(41:21):
So luckily that's not what happened.
Yeah, that's so interesting because you don't think about them deciding that or determining
that until after.
That's really interesting.
So they moved really fast.
It sounds like you got the phone call and then the next day you were in surgery.
So that's what I thought was going to happen.
Okay.
That's not how things work because I literally didn't even tell my parents right away.

(41:43):
I literally went to that doctor's appointment and I was like sitting in the waiting room
like, you know what?
I'm just going to wait to tell my parents.
They're probably just going to like take it, take it out.
And I was, I didn't know about mastectomy.
I didn't know about them back to me.
I didn't even know.
I had no idea that that's what I was about that be facing.

(42:03):
No clue.
I was like, it's just funny to me in a, you know, existential way to realize that I had no
concept of what I was about to be looking at.
I was going to be like, hey mom and dad.
And they found some cancer.
They're about taken out.
I'll let you know what that's what I thought was going to happen.
Silly.

(42:23):
That very first day was like literally five doctor's appointments shrunk into one.
I met my breast surgeon that day.
I met the plastic surgeon.
I met my oncologist who was up at like 96th street.
My phone was dead.
I had to go run into a wall green to buy a charger.
I didn't have any money.
Like it was like the worst day ever.

(42:44):
It was so stressful.
It was like, I mean, like I was definitely in the middle of New York City, like running around
like on a subway platform like crumbled.
Like the best like sad little like a solo movie.
You could imagine.
But like at the end of it all, you know, obviously everything worked out.

(43:05):
But it was just such a dramatic few first day.
So they're sending you to all these different doctors on what really already is a shock, you
know.
And you're going to all these different locations the day after you receive this information
Gillian.
That's so overwhelming.
I know.
And my boyfriend at the time was a bartender.
So he was asleep.
Like this was all in the morning.

(43:26):
And there was like no way of like I was not going to reach until way later on the day.
So like I was so just in my own world.
Like it was it was insane.
And I probably honestly should have or could have called someone else.
Like I know my brother was probably around or something.
I think that for some reason I was just running on this crap.

(43:48):
And I was just like, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
And I just didn't even stop to think about anything until it was all done.
Yeah, that's the day.
Also got a mammogram.
I also didn't MRI.
That was fun.
Yeah, all the stuff right away.
Everyone was like, well, you're too young for this.
Like this is insane.
Like that's how the doctors speak to you.
It's like cool.

(44:08):
All right.
Well, we're here.
But yeah, you know, it makes you feel a little bit like everybody's like really amped up to
do it.
Because your age, like, yeah, like I, my doctors are like ready to like beat this thing up
because they, you know, they're just so empowered by the fact that I'm so young, which is kind
of, I don't know, it's just interesting.

(44:30):
That would be such a mind trip because it's like, thank you for being in my corner, but
also I'm not some like, then it makes you feel a little bit like a freak show or like,
I, you know, there's a lot to unpack there that would make me feel sort of this otherness
and also like, oh, yeah, you're like really excited to do my surgery, removing parts and
part of my breasts, you know, like that is so personal.

(44:52):
To me and my identity like that just doesn't sound, that just sounds awful.
So at what point did you tell your family?
At what point did you tell anyone other than your boyfriend?
I mean, I think within after that day, I knew I had to, because I think my mom knew about
the biopsy.
I think I'm pretty sure I'd given her that heads up or something along the line.

(45:13):
So I'm sure she was waiting for an answer, type of thing.
And then yeah, I think I just like ended up sending a very, I, you know, I didn't,
because my parents are divorced.
And so, you know, like we don't have a group chat or anything like that with like both of
the parental's, but I knew that this was going to stress me out too much.
And I, for the first time in my life, I was very much like, I have to handle this the way

(45:36):
I have to handle this, whether or not that's good enough for my parents, but that's going
to like not, you know, like whether or not I'm giving you enough information, whether
or not I'm responding the way you think I should better not like that's, I have to do
it, I have to do for me.
So I knew that it was going to stress me out if I individually spoke to them and if I had

(45:57):
to spell it all out, both talking, you know, so I chose, and even being on the phone, I
knew that that was going to stress me out.
So I chose to like text them in a group chat text together.
And I was pretty explicitly like, this is what I know.
I don't have it in me to talk right now about this on the phone.
Please respect that.
Mom.

(46:18):
I mean like mostly mom, but she did, but yeah, there was definitely a lot of that coming into
me like right away of just like, if I'm going to do anything about any of this, it's going
to have to be like, what's going to make me feel the most stable because right now I'm
like losing my mind, you know, like, yeah.
And as somebody who is a little bit of a people pleaser, if I can speak on it for you,

(46:41):
you know, I think that I think that was a really healthy boundary to set immediately.
And I'm proud of you for checking in with yourself in the middle of one of hopefully the worst
moments of your life.
Like I don't want anything to be worse than this obviously, but like for you to take that
time and say, no, this is, I'm recentering and this is what I need pretty early on.
Like what a tour to force.

(47:03):
All right, miss thing.
I know I had it in me.
Yeah, I think there she goes.
Yeah.
So how long until you did the surgery and what is, what does that process kind of look
like?
I think again, because of my age, they were all about doing it as quickly as possible.
And also the fact that just how big it was all this stuff, this is when they're starting

(47:23):
to find out, okay, there isn't a gene.
I don't have raka.
I don't have, you know, any predisposition.
I don't.
It's not a family gene thing.
No genetics did the genetic testing.
I'm estrogen positive and progesterone progesterone positive.
Again, PR and ER positive.

(47:43):
That's what they call that.
And then I was her too negative, which was a big deal to know.
So that was the first thing that was good to know like what kind of cancer it was in terms
of it being an estrogen, like feeding off of estrogen type of cancer.
So probably, you know, like point blank, like I was going to have to have some estrogen blocking

(48:06):
medication or what have you in order to like keep the estrogen a bay.
The fact that I'm her too negative was also like a big deal in terms of knowing which path
to take.
It probably meant that I am less likely for recurrence.
It probably meant that I wouldn't have to do chemo.
But again, chemo wasn't something we were going to know until after my surgery.

(48:30):
So that's another thing I was holding over my head.
I didn't know if I was going to have to have a chemo yet.
Big freaking question mark.
This was when I was supposed to decide whether or not I wanted to have a double mastectomy.
Even though the cancer was only in one breast, this is when I had to know if I wanted to have
just a lumpectomy, which would then require me to have to have radiation.

(48:52):
So yeah, like if you don't want to have radiation, you got to get a mastectomy.
If you want to keep the breasts, you know, there as much as you can, that's a lumpectomy,
but you're going to have to have radiation to make sure you get everything.
If you want to be safe and just say cyanara, that's a double mastectomy.
You know what I mean?
Like these are the things that are being asked of me to find out between October 24th and

(49:19):
the day of my surgery, which was November 18th.
Less than a month.
A week and a half into that, they had found another thing that they wanted to biopsy.
So then I had a nut and a biopsy, I had a mammogram, another MRI.
That one came up negative, benign, that was nothing.
But yeah, still in this time, even then finding a second thing, and I'm supposed to decide

(49:41):
if I want to have a mastectomy or double mastectomy or just a lumpectomy, and they're finding
a second thing already.
I'm like, "Okay, I think I know me enough that I'm just going to go for the full double
mastectomy."
Because like if you're already finding something else now a week into this, that's going to be
the rest of my life.
You saying, "Up, we found something else.

(50:02):
We found something else."
So for me, my, you know, I know a lot of, I, one of our schoolmates, her mother had
breast cancer and I actually, she gave me her email and I was able to talk to her a little
and-
Wow, that was so nice.
That was really nice of her and, you know, she had had a lumpectomy.
So again, like, and it's the thing that everyone says, that like only you can make this choice,

(50:23):
you have to decide what's best for you.
Like, no one's going to judge you for it.
No one's going to, and I did have a lot of pulling from my doctors.
My surgeon was all about the double mastectomy, which is kind of funny.
It's like, she's just saying that because she's a surgeon.
She wants to get rid of it all, you know what I mean?
Who knows, right?
But like, I think the oncologist department wanted me to definitely just do the lumpectomy,

(50:46):
leave everything alone.
And it's like, well, that's because you want me to come back for radiation all the time,
you know what I mean?
So it's like, who actually, that was what, the fact that they didn't even have a shared
opinion was enough for me to be like, ah, correct.
Like, I just want someone to tell me which thing to do, honestly, at this point.
Yeah, it's hard to make that decision in such a quick amount of time for a permanent

(51:08):
stance.
And for you to get conflicting opinions medically is so crazy.
How did you even pick a doctor for that, you know?
And I'm assuming it is a different surgeon than it is for the plastic surgeon.
Am I right?
Like those are two separate.
So how did you pick?
Granted, only a year before that is crazy to think that I was only just then kicked off
my parents insurance for the first time, you know?

(51:29):
So I know 27's the worst year for this because you're just off of it.
Did you have insurance even?
I had like state Medicaid, like I, and I'm so, I mean, for some reason in New York also, if
you have cancer, if you have breast cancer, everything's free.
Like in New York, if you have breast cancer, their take can care of everything no matter
what, essentially.

(51:50):
So that is a big deal.
Well, that's how it should be everywhere.
That's insane that it's not, but that is so wonderful that New York does that at least.
I wouldn't have known which way is up had I not already just had all that built in.
So I'm very lucky.
Again, it was just so like over my head in general that like, yeah, like I didn't choose my doctors.
The doctor I saw for my like initial gynecological exam and just the topical breast exam was a gynecologist

(52:17):
I'd seen before and they were the ones when they called to say I'd cancer.
They were the ones to be like, also by the way, we have a referral for you to see this doctor
and this doctor and this doctor.
Cool.
Okay.
And I was like, I guess I'm going to go see that doctor.
And for me, then by that point that doctor was like, okay, well, so I recommend you go to

(52:37):
this oncologist and I recommend you go to this plastic surgeon.
Now this plastic surgeon is not in your insurance.
So, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Like, it's like, oh, he's going to do it anyway.
What?
And he's like, oh, cool.
He's beautiful and he is so nice to me.
And yeah, I've been seeing him for five years.
I'm about to see him for my next romantic.
Romantically?

(52:58):
Unfortunately, no.
Unfortunately, no.
But I do love him a bit.
So you underwent the surgery.
You've got a great support system around you that is at least just supporting you through
this.
And the day of your surgery is November.
18.
There's a lot of questions I could ask.
But you know, you undergo the double mastectomy.

(53:18):
What is that like for you the day of the surgery?
Emotionally, mentally, what was that like?
I mean, in a weird way, I think I was tapping into this strong persona.
My mom had come into town.
My brother and my boyfriend were all at the hospital with me.
And so for part of me, I was like putting on this strength, just kind of tapping into this

(53:42):
like, this is what I have to do.
This is it.
You know, there is no other like wonderment.
This is what I have to do.
So I'm doing it.
And so for some reason that kind of took away a lot of panic at the time at least.
You know, because the whole thing is just so bizarre.
In the morning of, I had to do this thing that they have to essentially die the inside

(54:05):
of your lymph nodes.
My parting gift to my natural breasts, I had to have this syringe directly put into my
nipple in like a dungeon basement level, like by myself room the morning of my, you know,
surgery, like bearing with this with the most like, solemn acceptance in a way.

(54:29):
And I don't know if that was, you know, I look back on that now.
I'm like, was that strength or was that delusion?
I don't really know.
But, you know, I just, I got through it the way I got through it.
And that's just how I got through it.
But, I don't think.
I mean, often when we're in sort of a survival situation, that will kick into overdrive.

(54:50):
And I'm glad to see that you got through it the best way you could.
And having that strength, it's such a testament to you as a human.
Thank you.
And I mean, I'm proud of you regardless.
But that's, it's just, wow, what a tour to force.
So you underwent the plastic surgery that how soon after the surgery?

(55:10):
And the surgery happened and they put in these, um, expanders, which are, these kind of like
balloon animals that are like resting dormant underneath your skin.
And so the very first few, probably the first month of me healing and being having nothing
in there except for the expanders.

(55:33):
And, you know, finally getting my, my drain tubes removed and stuff like that.
So I can't feel anything up top.
He, my plastic surgeon, the beautiful one, he would take this tube and kind of like, like
a, like an air pump thing, you know, like a bike pump thing.
And he would stick it into my, you can, like, you, there's a way to find the expander down

(55:54):
in there and stick, you know, air hole in there and you pump them up.
And so my, my breasts would grow every couple of weeks at my, my follow up appointment until
we got to the size that we thought was right.
And so once we finally got to the, the size I was happy with, um, it was March, like six

(56:15):
or seven of 2020.
Ha, that I got my, um, reconstruction surgery and then the world shut down.
So, yay.
So you got your new tits and then you got to, you know, celebrate alone.
You're on my ass.
Yeah.
You got to put on my ass for months after that.

(56:36):
Look, and hindsight, that timing is good though, at least.
I know.
And, you know, it was weird to have this idea that I thought I was going to go back out into
society, like after cancer and then that didn't really happen.
Like everybody was put inside society and then, and then we all came out at the end when,
you know, kind of COVID was started, which actually honestly ended up being better for me

(56:57):
because it ended up being more just like, who were all back and I, I appreciate that
more than it being all of like the attention on me.
And granted, I ended up getting my boobs bigger.
I went in for another revision and I got them bigger because I was having a dolly moment.
Love it.
And then a year went by, I was like, I'm done with that.
That's too much.
That hurts.

(57:17):
My back is killing me and they're too big.
My arms, they're getting in the way of everything.
Can't do anything.
So I went down and I've been in this size for two years and now September 4th, I'm supposed
to have hopefully one more revision because I, I missed my, my ballet, my battle arena
chest.
It's hard to be a dancer, I will say, in the world of having fake boobs because they just,

(57:41):
they stand up right on there, you know, it's all about the lines for me as a dance.
Yes.
Right lines.
So I've really been struggling with the, with their size right now.
So yeah, I think I'm, I'm really excited to finally get a little bit back to this image
of who I think I am and who I feel like I've become.
Oh, yeah.

(58:02):
And it's so, it's so quintessential for your identity and everything.
I'm excited for you and I'm, I'm excited.
We're talking to you right before you launch into actually having your, hopefully final
revision.
I mean, five years.
Five years.
Five years.
Here we go.
So I, I love your journey and I'm so thankful for your honesty throughout it and I wish that

(58:23):
we had, you know, exponentially more time to talk about it in terms of you as a creative,
how has this affected your creativity?
You know, it definitely has opened up a lot of chambers of, you know, just like fear and
anxiety and like all these things that as a creative person, you know, it's built into
us.

(58:44):
I think, you know, our fears of rejection and, you know, how, how can I put my art out
there without feeling like I'm, I don't know, a phony or, or just not actually really tapping
into like what is unique, et cetera.
It's not even like it's stream like I'm still, you know, pretty wimpy when it comes to a lot
of artistic things that I feel like I could be braver about, but it definitely has like

(59:07):
any little amount of like just fucking energy and like you beat cancer energy, you know, like
really plays into like how I view my art surrendering, you know, to your art.
That's kind of for me where where it's led me.
So, you know, there's a lot of creative like things floating around in my head still that I

(59:28):
kind of want to somehow put onto some medium, I don't know yet about, you know, this experience,
but even aside from that, there's just other things that are bubbling up that I'm really
excited about.
I'm creatively that I feel like I've been gifted this, you know, laissez faire or que j'en
assic-wa, attitude about it, you know, and I can just rest a little easier and I don't have

(59:55):
to push myself as hard in terms of this idea of, oh, I gotta get, I gotta do my art and
I gotta get well known and famous and I gotta make money and, you know, I still want to do
those things and it still stresses me out to an extent, but at the same time I also want
to have a happy life that's not obsessed with the stress of making it or, you know, putting

(01:00:16):
all this pressure on my art and stuff and a little bit of awesome.
Good.
Yeah, but you're still being creative too, which is a good thing to still have motivated
within you.
It didn't pressure you into this unhealthy obsession with it.
You're sort of relaxed in it, which is so impressive, so wonderful.
That's the right place.
That's when creativity can really thrive, isn't that relaxed space?

(01:00:39):
So, I hope today is not only an advocate for you, but in your creativity and to propel
you to continue to work on that, because I think, you know, your voice is important and what
you want to make and do is very important and we're lucky to witness it.
So thank you for being on here and for the final bit of this, I would love to know how
often do you have to get screened from here on out?

(01:01:00):
What's that trajectory look like and what's something that you would like to leave anyone
that is thinking about getting a screen or like what's your advocacy for that?
I just want to hit it again at the end here.
Yeah.
Well, so for me, I will be done with my hormonal, like, repression medication in January,

(01:01:21):
Okonwood, hopefully.
For some reason, they may or may not decide, "Well, we'll leave you on that longer," in
which case, I'm not going to be thrilled.
But, um, so hopefully in January, I will be off of this and my body will start coming
back to normal.
And then from there, I will probably not see my surgeons more than like a year at a
time.

(01:01:42):
And then my oncologist might still be at every six months, but it might also be pushed
a little after that.
I'm honestly not fully sure after the five-year mark.
I feel like there's going to be a lot of information coming at me about that.
But, you know, aside from that, just knowing your body, that's the biggest thing that I
could be an advocate of.
Even before this, I didn't do a lot of self-exams.

(01:02:05):
Like, I didn't really sit in the mirror once a month and get to know my body and stuff
like that.
It's not weird, but it is the thing that can completely save you because the early detection
is like the best way that you can say it yourself.
Once a month, do a self-check, get your moles checked, get your, just know what your skin
looks like, know what your skin feels like.

(01:02:26):
And if something is off, you have to advocate for yourself.
So be annoying if you have to and really push to get seen.
Period.
I love you, Jillian.
Thanks for coming on.
Thank you.
My cheap Zoom's about to kick us off.
Of course it's going to kick us off.
I love you.
It was so good to see you today.
Sue, I know.
I'm obsessed with you as always.

(01:02:47):
So...
[Gunshot]
Jillian, thank you so much for your advocacy today.
Thank you for your open dialogue and story.
And we hope that this inspires people at home to continue to advocate for their own health
and to do screenings as they should.
Because guess what?
Help us well, girl.
And if anyone has a moment, you should go look her up.
She looks the fuck just like Rachel McAdams.

(01:03:10):
So me naming this that is a great title.
And I just want props for that.
Now I want to circle back to a point that she brought up, which is my favorite moment of
this.
And I immediately called her after we finished the podcast and was like, "Girl, what?
The fact that she has a crush on her plastic surgeon?"
You know, like a cutesy one.
I'm not saying like it's over the top by any means.

(01:03:30):
Is so indicative of why we're friends.
I mean, I literally have a crush on my GI, my gastroenterologist.
I have to go and do colonoscopies every so often, speaking of screenings.
If you haven't done one, you should do one at some point soon.
Yeah.
So the guy that does my colonoscopies, and that's not very sexy of a career or really sexy

(01:03:50):
to have done, he's been up in there and I definitely have a crush on him not for it, but because
of this action that he does right after.
He takes this very, very, unsexy activity and he makes it like the Bachelorette.
He literally gives you a rose after he looks at your rosebud.
I think that is just so interesting, don't you?
He probably does it for everyone, but I'm only looking at myself.

(01:04:12):
The hindsight is 2020 and narrow visioned.
So thank you, Dr. You.
We love you.
You were for me.
Thank you so much.
He also sits like Spider-Man anytime he comes to do the, like I'm blushing.
But anytime he does the interview or talks to me, he always sits in like a Spider-Man pose

(01:04:32):
and we love a flexible man.
So if you are single, Dr. You, I'm ready.
I know you've got a great checkbook because hello, I'm paying you Helicoin for these colonoscopies.
Alright, everyone stay safe out there.
Help us wealth.
And until next time, ciao.
I have an Italian book here beside me.
I'm like just lowkey trying to learn it and that's the only word that I have developed.

(01:04:56):
Very delicious.
Delicious.
This is me.
I'm Mario.
You're paperwork.