'But where does it stop?!'

BE WARNED: It's LuAnna, and this podcast contains honest, upfront opinions, rants, bants and general explicit content. But you know you love it.

On this week’s LuAnna: The Podcast: It's December! We've opened door number 1 on our advent calendars, the nativity parts are in, Lu rides for England, Anna meets Ross Kemp, and we're chatting a forgotten bullet & finance dynamics.

Plus, a cuckhold in a wardrobe, a big chat on fine-free school absences, the Danes are the latest to join the list of countries banning social media for teens, and sh*tting in a lunchbox.

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Episode Transcript

(00:02):
This is a global playeroriginal podcast.
Be warned, it's Luanna.
And this podcast containshonest upfront opinions, ran spans
and general explicit content.
But you know you love it.
And guys, it is officiallyHappy Advent.
It's Christmas.
I mean, I feel like Christmashas been going on for 14 months already.

(00:25):
Really?
I mean, is it.
I mean, I've done nothing crazy.
No, but as in Bonfire Nighthappened and then that was it.
12 days.
I'm flying to the moldy.
You got the sunshine, babes.
We know and we are delighted.
And you are romping for thatsunshine, my girl.
Oh my gosh, sunshine.
I'm romping full speed ahead.
Still got a sore throat, guys.
Yeah, she's been feelingpoorly, but it is Christmas officially

(00:48):
now.
Well, it's Advent anyway, sowelcome to one of the podcast, guys.
You have an adult Adventcalendar and imo.
Yes, I have.
Oh, actually, okay.
Yes.
And you know why, guys?
Because I have gone on anAdvent calendar.
Scrooge this Christmas, right?
We have a family adventcalendar which was 4.99 and it was

(01:09):
a 1980s paper one.
Because I am teaching mychildren now that I'm sick of the.
The constant.
I want.
I am sick.
It sounds like I'm going onthe run.
I'm thinking of doing a Yulu.
I'm sick of the Christmas boxes.
I'm sick of all the guts.
I'm sick of a 60 pound adventcalendar with a Lego character in.
My kids are so gifted out andover stimulated by Christmas because

(01:33):
they get every day in the leadup to Christmas, it has stopped.
I think it has killed the joyof Christmas Day because my kids,
every day it's this dopaminefix of what am I got?
They've got a chocolate.
My mum buys them once they'vegot a chocolate one over there.
They've got the one.
So.
So no, we have an Advent.
I mean, I'll be honest withyou, I'll see how long it lasts.

(01:53):
But.
But I have attended.
It's only the first day.
I have attempted to rein itback with a family of.
And it's a nativity scene.
And I.
They were like, what did weget in that?
I went, you get a picture of ashepherd and.
And you will enjoy that picture.
I just got the lint chocolate one.
I'd say that's quite conservative.

(02:14):
That's fair.
Just go.
So I don't have one for me'sgot one.
I got her a little Lego one.
I'd quite like a Jo Maloneone, actually.
I'm not gonna lie.
I'd Quite like the Liberties.
Yeah, the Liberty.
The Liberties one was really nice.
I might, I might.
Now they're going to be onsale, to be fair, so I can do a cheap
skate and I can.
Might, May swan in for like a.
You know.

(02:34):
But I think I've taught themthe lesson.
When I was 18, yeah, when I.
Was 18, my mum got me one ofthose, a picture one.
And I was a.
Made a laughing stock becausemy mum gave me a picture one and
everyone else's mums got sentchocolate one.
And.
Then I nearly left it in Costaand I had to go back and get it.

(02:56):
What else happened when yourmom was 18?
So this is actually so upsetting.
And this brings us on,actually to Luana, the big party.
Have you got your tickets?
We're pretty much sold outnow, guys.
There's a couple of handfulsleft, but I think we're gonna have
to use the big party next yearas a pseudo emo's 18th because.
What happened?

(03:16):
Oh, just not many peopleshowed up.
How many people?
I can't remember.
Emma had an 18th birthday.
I invited lots and lots andlots of people.
Stop it.
Maybe 3, 5% came, 5%.
I don't know.
What was the party like?
I mean, my best friend came,so that was nice.
What was it?
Had you hired a venue?

(03:37):
Yeah, my dad had hired like a.
Because I was like 18, me andPaul had hired like one of those
little like night clubbyplaces to have like a proper boogie.
And because we were 18 andstuff like that, then I felt really
guilty because he'd spent allthis money and then not many people

(03:58):
showed up and I was very sad.
Oh, and that was the same yearyou got the picture Advent?
Yeah.
Terrible year for you.
Yeah.
I turned 18 and then I went touni and my mom got me a picture advent
calendar.
And then.
And then they made fun of mebecause I had a picture of.
And then I nearly left inCosta and then had to go back and
get it from Costa and then Ifelt embarrassed.

(04:20):
Look, Bex is sitting herelooking like she wants to cry.
So I think, guys, we are allnow going to rally at the big party.
At the big party.
And this is going to be.
Can you please bring IMO an18th birthday present?
Yes, please.
And we'll play Happy Birthday.
We'll do a little bit of a.
Pretend that you're 18 again.
Yeah.
What would you have liked foryour 18th that you didn't get?

(04:41):
Like, what can people bring?
We'll have a gift table forIMO's gift.
Any gift?
Yeah, any.
She would have really liked aGucci bag.
Oh, You know.
Oh, or maybe what we could do.
You know how we tried to doIMO Scabies fund at the Palladium

(05:02):
and then we weren't allowedbecause of rules around bucketing.
But it's our show and our gig.
So maybe we do a bucketcollection again and people can truck
in 20p's pounds, tenners andwe then do a combined Lufanian 18th
birthday present.
We could do a bucketcollection for you.
We should get everyone to do aJaeger bomb for Emma's birthday at

(05:24):
that.
Party, those people who didn'tturn up, you're gonna have 3, 000
people turning up for you.
Yeah.
So listen, if you haven't gotyour tickets, guys, there's only
a handful left.
Please go to everything.
Luana.com there's the matinee,there's the evening party which is
on October 3rd.
It's a Saturday, 2026.
We have been blown away withthe fact that we practically sold

(05:45):
out in the first few days.
So yeah, if you make a great.
Christmas presentation, it will.
Yeah.
But there really are only a few.
We're not just saying that andwe're not doing any more.
So please, please hurry up.
Okay, so.
Oh, news.
I didn't talk about this, butI did do a insta on this and I'm
thinking about it because soonwe're doing our New Year's resolutions

(06:06):
and stuff and we always setour achievements and two years ago
I said I wanted to go to theEuropeans and.
And then I've just been again.
So, Lou, I was going to say.
You got a silver medal.
Well done.
So, yeah, you have been awayfor a whole week in France.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah, so.
So how was it, Fry?
It was really good.
How many in your team?
Best team vibe?
I think there was about maybe25, 30 of us in the whole team.

(06:30):
Yeah, it's quite a lot of usfor Team England.
Yeah.
And you all had to be selectedand qualified to make it into it.
And what were you, what wasyour bit?
Like, what was your.
Well, I ride up.
It won't get too technical.
Although I know we've got some.
So my level for like idiotpeople like me.
Well, like in dressage youhave different levels.
Think about like in football,like you have your league one to

(06:52):
your championship.
Yep.
So we have riders.
Yeah, we had riders in alldifferent classes.
I was like middle as, likeadvanced, medium.
Nice and then.
But yeah, so we had riders inall of that and we brought home team
silver.
It was amazing.
Great vibe.
And so.
And how many teams were involved?
Five.
Amazing.

(07:12):
Who came?
Gold, Dutch.
But I feel like they cheated.
I'm not going to lie.
Well, they recruited, like,German riders because the Germans
didn't have their own team.
There you go.
But they had seven Germanriders on the Dutch team.
And was everyone in TeamEngland from England?
Well, yeah.
So.
Well, there you go.
I'd say then that the Germansjust kept winning for the Dutch.

(07:32):
So then the Dutch got gold andI like, actually was like, you know,
next year, Germany need to cum themselves.
And even though they wereriding for Dutchland, whatever, when
they won, like on the podium,they still had the German flag and
the German national anthem,not the Dutch, which I thought was
very rude because they're onthe Dutch team.
Rude and naughty.
So therefore they should havehad their national anthem.

(07:55):
So what you're saying.
And when they were singing andthen when they did have to sing the
Dutch national anthem, theydidn't even know it.
Well, I. I think then processof elimination, I'd say you won.
So congratulations for winningthe European Championships on horseback.
I'm very proud of you.
Thank very, very proud of you.
Also, speaking of pride, teampride, I. Oh, no, I can't actually

(08:20):
tell you what the outcome was.
Yeah.
I had a very excitingsituation last week where I was asked
to take part in the BBC Onegame show Celebrity Bridge of Lies
to represent the King's Trust.
I don't know game show s. I'm.
Gonna be honest with you.
Neither did I until I thenwent on the old tube of you.
You've got to watch before youdo these shots.

(08:41):
Don't want to be a total idiotsince Tipping Point and I didn't
know a Kardashian question.
I'm like, go uber prepared.
I nearly did.
I didn't do too badly in that.
So I was like, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna represent King's Trust.
Well, what the big draw reallywas for me.
Yeah.
Was that the host of it isRoss Kemp Grant from Extenders and
I'm a big fan.

(09:02):
I'm a big fan.
I like his gang shows.
Love his gang shows.
Exactly.
His documentaries.
So.
And I thought, nice to, youknow, I haven't done much charity
stuff recently.
So I was like, you know what?
I will go, well, it's up in Glasgow.
They film BBC Scotland.
Oh, it's a bit far.
Oh, Lou.
It gave me a night off fromthe kids.
It was a flu.

(09:22):
Well, again, I'll beCompletely honest with you.
Because I'll always be realwith you guys.
Private jet, BBC.
I'd have loved that.
Yeah.
BBC.
Yeah.
No, they, for sustainabilitywould have preferred their guests
to have got the train.
I was like, hours.
Yeah, but it.
Well, you say that, imogen.
I live 15 minutes fromStansted airport.
It was a Sunday.

(09:43):
I'm like, this is versus meleaving my children at midday.
Yeah.
Or trotting down the road witha little domestic carry on bag.
Now Stansted, so much easier.
Actually, I did, I did say I'mhappy to actually pay my only 70
quid on EasyJet.
I said, I'm actually happy.
They went, no, it's fine.
So.
So I. I did go to.
To Glasgow on Sunday night.
I did then take part in step two.

(10:05):
Bridge of Lies.
It is.
What is it then?
So you get on a big bridge andyou're in a. I was in a team, so
I've been put in a team with.
Which was.
Again, maybe take this as a compliment.
I was putting a team of comedians.
Oh, I know.
So I was with Miles Jup.
So a lot of these ones are onMock the Week and stuff like that.
And Phil Wang, who I actuallydid know, I like Phil Wang.

(10:27):
Phil Wang's amazing.
Any of these people.
I've.
I've done a few things withhim in class.
And then from Derry Girls,Jamie Lee o', Donnell, who was feisty.
Love her.
She is, she's feisty.
So you basically go one at atime and then you get a category.
Yeah.
So let's say the cat.

(10:47):
Can you say.
Yeah, you can say your category.
I'll say it anyway.
It was films.
So you just get told.
But you get told like, soyou're in a waiting room together.
Well, so you're all in likethe little thing thing outside, like
the green room bit.
Ross is on the big br.
Like, guys.
So who's up next?
The category is.
And then you have todeliberate who's going to take that

(11:09):
category.
Right.
Well, Jamie Lee had alreadybag first it was pop music and she
was like, oh, I know this.
I know I'm really good at pop.
I'm really good at pop.
So I was like, well, I think Icould be quite good at pop.
But you know what, you'rereally keen.
I'll look a dick if I thenlouse it up.
So she did it well.
So then the next.
She did well, yeah.
So then, then it was the nextcategory and it was film and I.

(11:30):
Was like, oh, I would be useless.
Well, yeah, but then I'mthinking, what if they bring out
sport?
Well, yeah, or science oranything that's got a remaining brain
cell.
Like, this is not going towork for me.
So I was like, oh, I don't.
Really think I'm good at anyone category.
You're a general knowledgekind of girl.
I think I'm better at generalknowledge, Terry, to be honest.
I just don't really know anything.
So then I did.

(11:50):
But then I did.
So I was like, I'll do it.
So I went up on the bread.
Well, let me tell you now,they intimidate us.
Yeah.
So you get up and the set is huge.
It's like, in this, like,hangar in BBC Scotland.
It's Glasgow.
This is it.
It's cheap up there.
Well, there you go.
And you've got Ross Kemp onthe bridge.
And so let me tell you now,there is nothing more.
I mean, I. I can't wait to seethis edit because I must have looked

(12:11):
like an absolute tit.
Probably wear bright red inthe face, because Ross is an actor,
obviously, as we know as well,but he's very intense, how he looks
at you.
And so he did.
And I have to do this.
So have my category film.
And then you get like a subcategory.
And I was like, christ, that'sactually really hard.
Everyone said it was hard, bythe way.
And then he starts and it'slike, true or false?
You stand on a square and thenit brings up statements and you have

(12:33):
to then say if that's a truestatement or a false statement.
Right?
Yeah.
A truth or a lie.
If it's true, you stand on it,it goes green.
You then get to move to thenext thing.
If you.
If you stand on three lies,you've been buzzed out, right?
So then you go through to theend game, basically.
But as I stood on the step andhe was like, you know, a bit of small
talk.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
And he was like, who are youplaying for?
The King's Trust, you know.

(12:53):
Lovely.
And he looks at you dead inthe eyes.
He goes, fanny flutter.
Well, a little bit.
And then I stood on my thingand he.
Anna, is that this isliterally how long this goes on for.
Is that a truth?
Wait for it.
Staring, bearing into your eyes.
I'm then getting giddy, going, red.
That's so old.

(13:14):
Yeah, exactly.
Then he's like, or is it a lie?
Right?
Like, talk about.
Builds up the.
You know, builds up the drama.
Well, he does that for everybloody answer.
So I'm like looking at him inthe face like this.
Idiot.
But I won't tell you how I didbecause they did ask me not to.
It's on the telly in the new year.

(13:34):
Well, we're gonna watch.
Let's.
All I'm gonna say is I thought.
I thought I'd shagged it.
And then let's just say yourgirl always brings home the bacon.
Okay, well, basically, don'ttell anyone how it went.
That's all I'm gonna say.
It's all I'm gonna say.
So it was very fun.
I met Ross Kemp and then itwas all very exciting.
And that was so.
That's.
That's the exciting part.

(13:54):
And also just final, final thoughts.
Yeah.
In our notes, we've got.
Elle's Advent part is in.
Oh, the Nativity.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What is it?
Big part, guys.
Okay.
She is waiting for Mary.
No.
Angel Gabriel.
Nope.
Joseph.
Jesus.
No.
But I wish she was Jesus.
The donkey.

(14:15):
No.
A tree.
Nope.
A table.
No.
I'm quite.
I was disappointed at first,but now I'm quite pleased because
I'm making it her own.
A door.
No.
She is the North Star.
She's the star.
Not bad, right?
Initially I was like, that's.
And then I didn't say to herwhen she came home, she was like,

(14:41):
mummy.
I said to my teacher that Ididn't want a speaking part.
The fact she never shuts up.
Wonder where she gets that from.
I was like, whatever.
And she went, so I've asked ifI can be the star.
Well, guys, I think I'm quidsin on this one.
Okay.
Cause she's come home with a sheet.
She only gets a ruddy singing solo.
No.

(15:01):
Yeah, she gets solo verse,then ensemble chorus, solo verse.
And then she went, Mrs.
So and so said that if I needa bit of confidence, I can ask a
year two to sing it with me.
And I was like, oh, we don'tneed that.
So we're going for it, girls.
She was standing there in thebath last night, bathroom last night,
butt naked, giving us all aperformance of the star shines so

(15:24):
brightly and I guide theshepherds or whatever.
Wow.
So.
So we're in.
Girls, we're in.
Singing star, here we come.
I don't know.
I don't think finding parts,but you.
Lose it in year two at my school.
Well, I'm on the last year in.
Year three and year three andfour do a joint.
And because it's year four'slike final year in that part of the

(15:45):
school, year four get the leadparts and year three are just like.
Yeah.
I'm not sure what Indy's doing.
Enzo's in Year four.
They do a carol concert.
Oh, yeah, A few bangers inthere, you know.
Came home yesterday and he wassinging Carol of the Bells and then
the angel Gabriel from heaven came.
Catholic school in it.

(16:05):
Brilliant.
Right, shall we move on?
Have we got any morerecommendations in for our new segment
which you're all loving?
The Reco Seco.
We did an appeal for jingles.
Now, have we topped Rachel'sfrom the dairy farm?
We'll see.
If not, she gets a secondcrack at the whip.
This is Tilly.

(16:26):
One sec.
Hi, girls.
I hope you're well.
I was just listening toMonday's pod with the Reco Seco and
did think of a theme tune.
Wasn't sure whether to voicenote in or not, but I did think it.
I.
My name's Tilly.

(16:46):
Ottilie.
May ring a bell.
If it doesn't, that's a bit awkward.
We have Louisa and Anna.
I was nearly.
I guess.
Is that the right word to use?
I don't know, nearly nanny foryou and Anna.
We didn't end up being able towork together even if we both wanted

(17:09):
to, just from life circumstances.
But anyway, didn't know if itwas a bit weird to message into the.
Pod when we've kind of spoken elsewhere.
But anyway, couldn't help itbecause don't know if it would be
copywriting.
It would not be allowedthrough copywriting.

(17:30):
But I think the Chucklevisionneeds to be.
Oh, she's on to something.
I just think it really fits.
But anyway, nice to.
To reach out, I guess.
All of you are welcome.
She shoots and she scores.

(17:51):
That's it.
Wrecker.
Circa Circa.
Yeah, you should have done.
Yeah, it's the rekace.
The rekace.
No, it just goes Wreck a circle.
Circle A record circle.
That's it.
Okay, fine.
And there's one more.
Oh.
From Rosie, who's doneproduction and.

(18:15):
Oh.
Oh, yes, right.
This is it.
It's the Wreck of Circle.
Oh, she wins.
She wins, she wins.
That is a solid 10 out of 10.
Yeah, but I don't know ifwe'll be able to use that because
of the music.
You know What I mean?
15 seconds.

(18:36):
Yeah, I know, I know, but still.
Whereas if we.
Well, if we just sang itwithout the music, then maybe.
Oh, can we hear it one more time?
Yeah, go on.
Here we go.
Let's do it for this.
Can we find out if we can use.
Yeah, that's really good.
It's less than.

(19:01):
I mean, for me it's anabsolute hands down.
Or has she made that up?
That's Do It Like a Lady, that one.
Yeah.
Loves Dudley.
Like a Lady.
I say not to do it.
Misheard lyrics.
What?
Do it like, dude looks like a lady.
Oh, I thought it was Do ItLike a Lady.

(19:23):
Oh, I've got that game for us.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, there's so much going on.
Anyway, it is the record, right?
Okay.
Okay.
I'll make mine quick.
So it actually leads into megoing up to Scotland on the plane.
It is not being a tight ass.
And actually paying the sevenpounds for a Stansted airport fast
track.
Always.

(19:43):
Every goddamn time.
I always do it.
I forgot because someone elsebooked my flight for me.
I then took 50 minutes on aSunday night.
Well, I got stuck in, didn'tI, Lo?
I thought it was going quick.
And it wasn't 50 minutes ofguff to get through that.
I was waiting for my littleglass of champagne for one.
Didn't have time.
Had to go straight through.
So for my reco sec of theweek, don't be tight like me and

(20:05):
pay £7 to fast track yourselfthrough anything you possibly can
fast track through life.
Yeah, go on.
Mine is a crisp.
Yes, Girl, we're moving intoChristmas time.
People are socialized.
You're hosting what you wantto do.
Twiglets.
My mouth is watering.

(20:25):
You need to get yourself downto co op firstly.
Then you need to walk yourselfto the crisp aisle.
Yeah.
Then you need to pick up theCo op.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
They're called, like, irresistibly.
Blah, blah, blah.
Are you dribbling?
Yeah.
Why didn't you bring these first?
Yeah, come on.
Salt and Chardonnay vinegar.
Chardonnay wine vinegar crisps.

(20:47):
If you like, like proper,like, if you don't like proper salt
and vinegar.
Like, they're sharp.
Like they would.
Like they're on the verge ofhurting your mouth.
Yes, that's a bit.
They're so good.
You must.
You just simply must.
I'm gonna.
But also don't because got onedown the road.
If we sell them out, I'll be livid.
Fuming.
Okay.

(21:08):
Because they did go missing.
I can't stop.
You are salivating.
Because they.
For a while you couldn't findthem anywhere because everyone was
buying them and it was.
I'll be honest.
Why?
You've talked about them on here.
Everyone.
When I was after this.
Yeah.
Festive Crisps.
Okay, Lou.
Right.
Mine is program.
Oh, good.
Netflix.

(21:28):
Yeah.
Now everyone know, like, we'reall big traitors.
Fans, aren't we, we like likea little game show type thing.
Squid games.
The challenge.
Is it a new one?
Yeah.
Did you watch the first one?
And the kids love it.
We get into my bed.
Yeah.
And I say to right, you canwatch squid games.
So they're all bath and solove in their PJs.

(21:49):
6:30 and we all get in my bedand then we watch an episode of squid
games before bed.
Love that.
And it's.
Oh, it's so good.
Thanks for that.
Actually, I have to stopmyself watching it without the kids
because Indy gets very angry.
It's their thing.
Angry ginge.
Yeah.
But no, great.
Again, great to watch with thekids and really like snuggle, snuggle
and huggle down on a cold night.

(22:10):
But it's so good.
Good reco.
I just.
I just love those challengey.
I prefer that style of show tosomething like I'm a celeb or.
Strictly because you like asort of strategy game.
Yeah.
And it's brilliant.
So it's on Netflix.
There are two seasons out.
I'm gonna heed that.
I didn't know there was a new one.
Enzo loves it.
So.
Thank you, Lou.
I think we've all taken thaton board.

(22:30):
Thanks guys.
That was the.
We do it one more.
Oh, bless your little boy.
Little squeaky.
Right, do you want to win 250 grand?
And I'll tell you how I will.
Now this is very exciting andI'll do it in a far more excitable
way than looted.
She's just got a sore throat.
So who fancies winning 250000 pounds?

(22:53):
Of course you do.
Now, of course, the Christmascountdown has begun.
Officially today, first December.
You could be celebrating earlywith Christmas cash.
Cool.
Now, on Friday 5th December.
Now check this out.
A celebrity could be callingyou with a present you'll never forget.
Now this guys, is 250000 pounds.
Quarter mil.

(23:13):
Quarter mil.
It's gone up.
It's gone up.
The last one we did was 200.
This is.
Well, exactly.
This is an absolute Bobbydazzler on another 50.
This is it.
Do we know who the last celeb was?
We need to find out.
So a huge 250000 pounds couldbe in your bank account straight
away.
Here is how you can get yournumber in the draw.
Come on, guys.

(23:33):
For your chance to win amassive 250000 pounds, text the word
Luana to 8 double 2 double 0.
That's L U A N N A to 8 double2 double 0 Text.
Cost 250 plus your standardnetwork rate.
Or you can enter online viaGlobal Player.
Lines close at 5pm Friday 5thDecember, and that's when you'll
need to be by your phone incase it rings.
You've got to be 18 or over.

(23:53):
Get the rules online and freeentry details for this global network
[e-mail] forward/win.
Right, let's muff hunt intomessages, shall we?
First up, a message from Anonymous.
So will my finger do?
I really like that one.

(24:15):
Greetings, girls.
I wanted to put this on theFacebook page, but I couldn't face
having my name on something sohorrifically embarrassing.
Guys, we're all friends over there.
Seriously, go on our Facebookpage, guys, as well, everything.
No, it's not Luana official.
This only happened thismorning, so it's still pretty raw.
I'm disabled in a wheelchair,so I require two carers who come
in each morning to help mewith my washing, dressing and getting

(24:37):
me into my wheelchair.
Anyway, last night I wasfeeling in the mood, so I grabbed
my trusty bullet.
Can't believe I went nearlyall my life without one until six
months ago.
And I had a play, an amazing orgasm.
Go on, girl.
I put it back in my bag and Iwent to sleep.
Also, I thought.
Turns out I left my bulletwhere it was resting on my.
So the carer undid my pad.

(24:59):
Oh, no.
And said, oh, what's thisbright purple thing?
I am a huge prude.
So I wanted the ground toswallow me whole.
Still do.
I'm cringing writing this, butvery grateful to have a safe space
to share it.
Keep me non.
Call me Wilma Finger do.
Oh my God, that is so.
You would just die, wouldn't you?
So embarrass.
Also, you can't think on thespot enough to like get your embarrassment.

(25:22):
It's also, there's no other,like, explanation.
Other than I'm sure she's seenit before.
She hasn't.
She needs to.
Right, We've got anothermessage from anon.
So, Eileen, you look.
I can't take account for it.
People keep sending me videosof like, you know, the Peloton.

(25:45):
Yeah, the peloton instructions.
People like write stupid nameson that and they send me like compilations.
Yeah.
And Eileen, you look like onStarbucks with the names.
Love that.
Right?
Hi, Luana.
Mo.
Been a huge fan for years nowand I'm hoping to be able to make
it to your upcoming show.
Yes, guys, if you haven't gottickets, do so now.
I think there's A tiny handful left.

(26:06):
Check them outeverythingluana.com and grab yours
for our big party next year.
Right?
This isn't the usual kind ofdilemma you receive, but I'm hoping
with Anna's relationshipexpertise combined with Lou's brutal
honesty, it will help me out.
I'm emailing him for someadvice on how to navigate financial
disagreements with my partner.

(26:28):
Our relationship is almostperfect apart from one thing.
Money to set the scene.
We've been together for aroundsix years and I have two children
from a previous relationship.
I earn a decent salary but mypartner earns significantly more
than me, around four times as much.
Because of his success, weupsized our home last year and now

(26:48):
live somewhere I could onlyever dream of before I met him.
He's constantly taking us onnights away dates and he books holidays
for all of us which again Icouldn't afford regularly on my own.
My issue is I'm skint when itcomes to my personal finances.
He pays around 65% of thebills and I pay the other 35%, but
as he works away a lot I tendto pay for all of the food, shops,

(27:10):
petrol and other expenses.
I also pay for the car whichwe share since he hasn't had his
own for the last six months.
On top of this I pay for allof my kids costs such as clothes,
school dinners, trips as theirfather only pays £40 maintenance
per month.
I can no longer receive childbenefit due to my partner being a
high earner, but I still payfor all of their things on my own.

(27:31):
The way things fall, Iactually end up paying well over
half of our family expensesand he does pay 100% of all recreational
extras due to how expensiveour house is.
I end up with about 60 to 80pounds left over every month for
anything extra, whereas wehave whereas he has thousands of
surplus each month.
I brought this up to himrecently in an argument and he called

(27:52):
me ungrateful because hegenuinely does spend a lot of money
on trips and nice things andhe did even pay off my debt which
I met which mounted up beforeI knew him.
But it just doesn't seem fairthat I'm scraping the barrel every
month.
From the outside looking in weappear wealthy and collectively we
are, but I've never felt sopoor when it comes to my own bank
account.
I can't remember the last timeI was able to go shopping and buy

(28:14):
myself a new outfit, whereashe will order himself 300 pound pair
of trainers without even asecond thought.
Just yesterday he was talkingabout booking a new Year's holiday
to Dubai, which he will payfor as usual.
But I can't even afford to getmy roots done for said holiday.
So I feel like saying no as Ijust feel like an imposter in this
life.
Whenever I mention I'mstruggling and worrying about money,

(28:36):
he always says oh, don'tworry, we'll sort it.
But he rarely follows throughon that and I still end up struggling.
I've genuinely consideredleaving and moving back into a small
three bed place with my kidswhere I would actually probably be
better off.
I spoke to a friend about thisand she said it's financial abuse.
So I can't call it that whenhe is constantly treating me and
the kids to nice trips andmeals out.

(28:57):
And he is a kind and gentle man.
I'll probably get a bunch ofexpensive gifts for Christmas when
in reality I just want to havemore than 10 pounds left in my bank
account.
When I search how to split thebills fairly online, everything says
it should be proportionate toeach partner's income.
If this was the case, I wouldbe so much better off.
How do I approach thisconversation without sounding ungrateful

(29:17):
for everything he gives me andmy kids?
Or am I just being totallyselfish and should appreciate what
I have?
Gosh, this is such a gooddilemma and I really feel for you
and the, the, the, thechallenge with this is firstly, financial
challenges in a relationshipis the number one cause of relationship
breakdown.
Okay.
So I think we all need torecognize how big a deal that actually

(29:38):
can be in a lot ofrelationships is financial imbalance.
And you also, he also, yourfriend mentioned about financial
abuse.
So the thing here is there isactually no legal definition of what
is right in a relationshipwhen it comes to apportioning the
costs.
Now the only time now you'renot married now if, even if you were

(29:59):
married though, the only timethat finances get to my knowledge,
by the way, which is fairlyextensive around this, is if you
were to legally split and thena court would start at a 50, 50 approach.
Yeah.
And then with regards to allmarriage classes, you'll know Lou,
you, you, you've.
You've been divorced, right?
And ultimately it comes downto what works for individual couples.

(30:20):
Now the typical approach isjoint account individual accounts.
So that typically is amajority setup of what people tend
to do.
But there really is no onesize fits all I think.
And, and it really is down toyou to have figure this out.
I don't know what you girls think.
I, for me, it doesn't soundlike it's Financial abuse.
Because it sounds as thoughyour husband.

(30:40):
Sorry, your partner isprobably a bit blind to it and you
might need to be more.
I know that you said, you'vementioned it, this is it.
I don't think mentioning,yeah, mentioning isn't actually having
a real.
It means.
And perhaps say to him, look,this Christmas I'd actually love
it when you buy me thesebeautiful gifts, but to be honest,
I could really do withbuilding up my own personal savings

(31:02):
because I am struggling andactually sit him down or use something
like chat gbt, Put in hissalary, put in your salary and what
you've basically said here andask that for a fair split because
actually that will go.
I know it sounds ridiculousasking like an AI robot, but it can
be.
Really effective, it can bereally helpful.
And it could really help youlike outline and then, and also guide

(31:26):
you as to like, what to say to him.
Just to say, look, I've kindof worked out that like proportionately
could like this could be more.
Or say to him something like,you know, I'm gonna have to change
a car because I can't affordthe car anymore.
And you might find that hethen says, oh God, no, well, I'll,
I'll help you with the car payment.
You know, so I think youprobably need to be a bit clearer

(31:47):
in your communication and, andbecause you don't want to feel ungrateful,
you're probably holding backand having that conversation because
you don't want to seem ungrateful.
Yeah.
But really it's lovely havingall those nice things and the holidays
and the meals out, butactually day to day living is the
number one thing.
And I think that, that youreally do need to tackle that.
Yeah.
And I can hear the resentment,you know, the resentment around,

(32:09):
say you can't even get yourroots done, but then, you know, liberally
kind of buy 300, you know,pound pair of shoes.
But then, you know, to balancethis, I suppose that if he feels
like he is, you know, payingfor, you know, what feels appropriate
within the dynamic of therelationship, you know, he's not
being tight, he's not sayingI'm not paying for anything.
You know, he is paying for stuff.
So he's probably in his headthinking, well, I earn this money,

(32:29):
you know, so I'm gonna buymyself a 300 pound pair of shoes
because it's what I earn.
To lose point, there's notbeen clear communication and in my
experience, relationshiptherapist, it is communication that
everything up.
Assumption over actual clarity.
And I think you need.
This sounds really Boring.
And I know Lou's gonna rollher eyes at this, but this is a really
effective strategy to domarriage meetings, like finance meetings,
and especially if a couple arehaving this type of hardship where

(32:51):
there is an imbalance aroundcontrol roles, gender roles and everything
else with it.
Sit down and literally go,look, these are the outgoings, these
are the incomes.
Is your pot that my pot?
The joint pot?
Here's how I'm feeling about it.
Is there a compromise we can make?
Do you think that's fair?
Ask the open questions to each.
I have this.
I feel like I'm really shortchanged.
What do you think?
Do you think I'm being fair ordo you not?

(33:14):
Can we find a solution?
Can we find a compromise tolose point?
I'd rather not have, you know,expensive prezzies, but I would really
appreciate £300, you know,going into my account.
Do you think that's fair?
This needs to be openquestions and open conversations
to state how you feel, whatyou would ideally want, and then
have a right to reply.
And then you need to draw up ablueprint on a plan.
You know, this is the plan.

(33:34):
Let's have a.
Nothing's concrete.
Can we try this for threemonths, see how it works, see if
it feels fair.
At the end of the threemonths, he thinks he's been stitched
up.
Readdress it or you.
That's where you need to comeout from this.
Because at the moment, there'sa complete imbalance and it's always
money that does it.
Yeah.
To me, it feels like she feelsshe should pay more because it's
her kids as well.
There's ego in here andthere's insecurity.

(33:57):
But if you're going to be afamily moving forward, you'd hope
that he'd be accepting, thathe would take on some of that.
That cost, I guess.
Yeah.
They've been together for sixyears as well, I think.
Did you ever.
Do you mind me asking, but didyou ever have the conversation with
Andrew about.
About.
He's a very generous man.
I would assume he would juststep up anyway.

(34:17):
But, like, to this woman'spoint, you know, the dad of her kids
is paying.
I mean, it's.
It's actually insulting.
£40Amonth.
And I feel for her becauseshe's in a position where she's like,
I'm sort of holding it all.
And I can see why she looks ather partner going, he's bougie.
And like, why is he offeringme loads of money?
But I can sort of see from hispoint of view, he's probably thinking,
well, I give loads anyway, like.
But yeah.
Did you ever have that with Andrew?

(34:38):
Not really.
I think so.
Dixie's dad's never given memoney either, but I've always been
the breadwinner, even without Andrew.
So before we met.
So I've always earned more,and then Andrew has always paid Dixie
school fees, and I would havebeen more than happy to pay Dixie

(35:00):
school fees.
And actually, I did CelebrityBig Brother to put her through school
until she was 18.
Wow.
And that's why I did it,because the amount I got would have
paid school fees.
No, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Which is why I did it, becauseI was never really a Big Brother
fan.
When you get offered thattasty fee and as you say.
And you had a little baby.
He's a single mom.
Yeah.

(35:20):
And so we never really, like,had a hard conversation.
I mean, Andrew's so generous.
Yeah.
But obviously, even now, ifyou look at our finances, his will
be exponentially, like.
Yeah.
Huge compared to mine.
And that's not to say that Idon't have huge amount of savings,
and I really do, becauseactually, everything that I earn,
Andrew's always like, don'tspend it.
And have you ever had.
I'm curious about all ourdifferent relationships.

(35:42):
And again, it is personal, sono one has to answer this.
But.
But, yeah.
Have you and Andrew ever hador felt you haven't needed to have
a conversation about who putsin what to the.
We don't.
I honestly, I just put nothing in.
Yeah.
But it's.
But it's never been.
But.
But if that clearly works foryou, as in, it's not been a conversation.
Had me not like, not work and.
Or work.
Like, I. I work because Ichoose to work, not because he want.

(36:06):
And so he's always just reallydone, like, the lion's share.
And so.
But I think it comes down thing.
I earn, I don't spend, I saveand invest.
And obviously that's just gotbigger and bigger over the years.
So my personal, like, wealthas such in my own name is decent
because I haven't ever had to spend.

(36:26):
You know, if I want something,I'll buy it.
Like, I bought quite anexpensive horse for myself, but I'll
buy things like that.
And the kids, I buy.
Yeah.
I'll buy things with my card.
I'll put things on his card.
I don't tend to buy, like,expensive handbags and stuff.
Ever.
No.
Like, on.
No.
Recently, I bought two saddlesfor the horses, which were.
Let's say you.

(36:47):
That's your version of a handbag.
Yeah.
Which were like five figures, but.
But I think as well, I buy.
Them myself because I then,but then if I'm like, oh, I've just
spent this, he's like, whydidn't you tell me I'd get that for
you.
Yes.
Hey, dog.
There it is.
But then I just, I think, Ithink what often comes into the finance
question though, is also, youknow, a lot of other value within

(37:07):
a relationship.
Obviously that isn't financial.
You know, the support systemsat home, you know, when you're raising
children, is.
The breadwinner over you?
How do you.
Yeah.
So nay earns a lot more than I do.
And do you have a proportionbased thing with your bills?
Because that's what Alex and I do.
She will put in more than I dobecause she earns a lot more than
I do.
And there was a point where itwas like slightly more even, but

(37:32):
obviously.
I came off way, way worse.
Way worse.
Because.
Yeah, you don't have as much.
I was putting in a much largerpercentage of my take home.
Right.
And we've.
And I sometimes feel likeguilty about that.
But then we, we have quitedecent communication about it and
she's like, well, I'm notpaying for.

(37:52):
I'm investing in ourrelationship and our life together.
Yeah.
It's not that you're taking mymoney, it's.
I'm paying it for, like.
Yeah, yeah.
So we tend to do things like that.
And I, I can completely getyou that.
Like there were times whereI'm like, oh, Jesus, you're getting
like an Amazon parcel turningup every two seconds and I'm like

(38:14):
considering whether I canafford like the next rush.
Yeah.
And that is really difficult.
But you have to have thoseconversations and you'd, you'd hope
that, that your partner caresfor you.
This is it.
To realign, to realign with that.
And also you want to lookafter your partner.
Yeah.

(38:35):
Financially or in a home sale.
Exactly, absolutely.
Looking after them withregards to helping them out, putting
their laundry away or cooking dinner.
And that is, and that is acurrency and it's an.
Alex and I are the same.
We have individual accountsand we have a joint account and we
proportionately feed the joint account.
But it's.
And he's really respectful andI'm really.
And I think again, it comesdown to that communication of no

(38:58):
one takes the piss.
And you know, with us, I mean,yeah, there is a slight disparity
around earning, but at thesame time it's not an issue because
there is earning going on onboth sides which we then.
And, and it's never RC it'sjust there is say we've been married
10 years and there is anappreciation that no one's taking
the piss.
Yeah.
It's not everyone's exactly.

(39:18):
But also as well it's in.
So there is.
And when we.
And actually do we doconstantly reevaluate it.
But also it's the unspoken stuff.
Like you know, for me, forexample, oh my gosh, you know, the
fact that I have a presentparent around, you know, when I'm
not around, you know, and that.
And that is a currency, youknow, that is him taking time out
of his work to make sure ourkids have a dad that takes them to
football.

(39:38):
I'll be paying them.
Yeah.
And then there's the cost on,on the children's well being, you
know, and that.
But that is something hehappily says no, that's fine.
I'll finish work at 2pm todaybecause you're not here and I'll
be with the kids.
But that's four hours of workhe has then lost out on.
So.
And I think that's why it's aconstant compromise and it's a.
And it's.
But if without having theseregular conversations, oh, there's
been times Alex and I've gotRC with each other felt that one

(40:00):
of us is doing more on.
He feels a bit like hell.
Hello, I'm trying to run abusiness and I'm doing.
And I'm supporting you.
And now ultimately though, Ido think.
That in a relationship wherethe person who is the higher earner
like you do have to prioritizetheir work because.
And it's like Andrew and Ilook if I had something on and it

(40:20):
clashed with him and it waslike they can know the kids had no
one.
I would have to stop what I'mdoing because.
Because I'm not the breadwinner.
I don't bring in that money.
And it's similar with you and Alex.
And that's what happens with us.
He's the default parent.
Yeah.
One of you has to be becauseit won't work otherwise.
And that just logic prevailsin that sense.
Like you can't prioritize the,the not the lesser but you know,

(40:45):
the, the lesser earner.
But also you can't have an egowith that.
Yeah, yeah.
You need the breadwinner.
Exactly.
To live the life that you liveand you'll do when you have a baby.
That's what you'll experience too.
And it doesn't make you alesser person because actually the
whole family as a unitwouldn't run without exactly the
person that was willing totake take.
So true.

(41:05):
Imagine if Alex was still inthe corporate world and I'm off swanning
off to Ibiza for 10 days forcelebs go dating and the kids have
got all the kids.
Do you have to.
And then they get ill. Yeahbut, but, but then I wouldn't want
that because if the kids getunwell that this and that's the thing.
But there is a.
There is that.
So I always say there isabsolutely a currency and the cost
of that because I can then goand do my work.
And it's always it within our relationship.

(41:26):
Mommy, mommy has these bigshows to do.
He will then take thatresponsibility on which for me is
priceless I think because Icould pay.
We're really lucky that we'reboth and both of our partners are
self employed.
Yes.
So you do get that flexibility.
True.
You know whereas you and Nate aren't.
You both work for hugecorporates and that will be a big

(41:47):
struggle when you have a child.
And it's actually why Alexwent back to freelance.
Yeah, well big part of itbecause it suddenly it weren't working.
It's really hard him.
Anyway, listen, encouraging anopen conversation with your partner
and you know he has been withyou for six years and in that effect
he has taken your kids on andhe knew what he was getting himself
into.
And I really think you justneed to bite the bullet.

(42:08):
Have the chat.
So buy me a handbag.
Proportionally work out.
If he earns 250 more than youthen you need to recalibrate.
Yeah.
Calibrate use chat GBT for that.
We've got a message from Jay N.
Next you can read male listener.
He says thank you, Jay.
Currently listening to thepodcast with my now girlfriend going
to a dirty weekend away.

(42:30):
They're listening to us to rub themselves.
My God, that'll turn them off.
My girlfriend has told me tosend in my one night stand story.
Sorry for the graphic ending.
Oh I love that she'sencouraged this.
I was 21 and recently splitfrom an ex girlfriend.
Very depressed from beingcheating on my friend said Saturday
night we were going to goingout to take my mind off it roll around

(42:51):
Saturday night in the club getyou know, him getting a drink and
a woman who was 38 at the barsay to me cheer up.
I tell her about my excheating and I'm not in the mood
and she says I'm outcelebrating her divorce and has just
come through it.
Cut to the end of the nightand I see the same woman and me cheered
up knowing from around 10 jarthere's always a Jaeger vom in it.
Guys.
It's the drink of trauma.

(43:12):
The happy, the PTSD drink, theyou drink.
We get chatting again and Iask how I night went.
Anyway, I end up going back toher as in a taxi.
And we're kissing and we're teasing.
We get to hers and we start onthe kissing on the settee and she
stops and says all good cometo those.
All good comes to those whowait and walks upstairs.
I hear her walking aboutupstairs and she comes back down,

(43:33):
black lingerie, stockings anda thong and says that this was for
her husband.
But now it's for me to cheerme up.
Go on girl.
We head upstairs, have mindblowing foreplay with handcuffs and
rough sex.
I get close to finishing andshe says finish on me boobs tell
me tits.
So I'm happy to oblige.
I finish all over her.
Then I hear some.

(43:55):
Then I hear someone sneeze.
I look at her thinking, well,anyone's in the house, right?
I say, did you hear that?
I heard someone sneeze.
Yeah, it's the neighbors.
She says the walls are thinuntil it happened again.
Then the wardrobe door fliesopen to a man with his boxes around
his ankles and falls on the floor.

(44:15):
It turns out what the actualthis is that kink.
It turns out she didn't get a divorce.
It was a lie she told so shecould bring men back for her to enjoy.
While her husband watches fromthe wardrobe.
In there having a tommy toe.
He's having a little watchingher get by some random she was in
a.
Hot wife situation courtesy.

(44:37):
Can I just say the biggest ickHaving a sneeze in the watch.
What made me even more shockedwas that he wanders over to his wife,
starts kissing her and says,you were so good then my love.
And then starts to kiss down her.
Starts to kiss down her boobswhere I had just shot my load more.

(45:01):
Oh, I was standing there likea rabbit in the headlights.
Then she turns to me and says,said, you can let yourself out.
Just used him.
I left in a taxi and wonderedwhat the f just went on.
It's my girlfriend who thinksit's hilarious for the podcast.
I'm Jay from the Midlands.
I love the POD and all that.
Jeez.
Oh my God, that's so good.
What a little kinky kinky poo.
She Obviously brings him home,starts kicking on the surface.

(45:23):
I'm coming in.
Puts the lingerie on.
They have a little.
Then he gets in the cupboard.
Get in the cupboard.
He's saying, like, door a crack.
I find this kid quite hot, actually.
Do you?
Little cuck.
Well, I wouldn't do it.
Cuckold.
Is that what it's.
Yeah, Cuckold.

(45:44):
Remember, I'm thinking about it.
We've got Mr. Bean.
She gets her cake and she eats it.
She's got Mr. Bean.
Face the mister.
Oh, I've got a really bigwardrobe in the rental.
Just thinking, just shove Alin there.
Take Grant.

(46:09):
Love it.
Remember, if you want to getin touch, you can email us luana.com
you can also drop us aWhatsApp on 0745266947.
Right, newsy bits.
Now, the Government.
I saw this has been a wash.Yeah, it's.
It's something that keepscoming about again and.

(46:31):
But the Government hasrejected a fine free school absences
bid.
Now, this was hot news.
Lots of people talking about it.
It all affects us,particularly Lou and me, as mothers
of kids who are at school.
Now, the Government, though,has said they will not allow pupils
to miss 10 days of schoolwithout good reason.
A minister has said this inresponse to a mother's petition to

(46:51):
remove school absence fines.
Now, MPS debated a petitionlaunched by Natalie Elliot from Ripley
and Derbyshire calling forparents to be allowed up to 10 days.
Days fine free.
It's.
They should be allowed.
Well, this is.
It's more than 180000 signatures.
Yeah.
And promptly led to a debatewhich some MPS did start to challenge
the current policy.

(47:11):
School Standards MinisterGeorgia Gould said the UK was still
facing an absence epidemic.
Which is.
Which is correct.
Which.
It is correct.
Exactly.
It is.
But I also feel for the otherside too.
So Ms. Elliott said that thecurrent policy was not fit for purpose
and the system had madeparents scared to call schools when
not attend for legitimate reasons.

(47:32):
The former Conservativegovernment announced plans to increase
the fines for parents lastFeb. We often talk about this as
part of the drive to boostattendance since the COVID pandemic.
Under current rules, parentswho children miss school without
good reason are initiallygiven a fixed penalty notice of £80,
which rises to £160 if it'snot paid within 21 days.
Now, if that is not then paidwithin 28 days or a child is off
school three or more timeswithin three years, the matter can

(47:55):
be taken to a magistrates court.
Parents can be found fined upto two And a half grand handed a
community or parenting orderor given a prison sentence in most.
Come on.
Our prisons are bursting.
I mean has that ever happened?
Like has that ever happened?
Have a look.
Can we have a look?
Has a parent ever beenactually jailed.
For taking their kid toDisneyland or something?
It's ridiculous.
But so.
So Ms. Elliott said I thinkthere needs to be a clear appeals

(48:16):
process.
As it stands, families are notallowed to appeal a fixed penalty
notice.
Now this is what I was seeingthat happened for the Conservative
MP Robbie Moore said thatprice jumps in travel meant that
many families could not affordhologies during the school we and
we all talk about the massive.
For since the dawn of timethere's been travel hikes in the
school breaks.
Right.
Which penalizes teachers as well.
Actually one parent fromKeeley, this is what he said in my

(48:40):
constituency told me she wasquoted over 1000 pounds more per
person for a February halfterm holiday compared to the following
week.
Meaning an identical familyholiday would cost thousands more
simply for taking it duringschool holidays.
He added that family holidaywas one of the key opportunities
for families of children withspecial educational needs sent to
de stress with the holidayperiod being too much for many sense

(49:01):
children to handle.
I mean interesting pointactually during the debate the chairwoman
of the Education SelectCommittee, Helen Hayes, she called
in the government to do moreto work with the travel industry
to have to stop unfair price hikes.
And I do think that possiblythat is the solution.
But then I feel like how muchcan you govern privately owned businesses?

(49:21):
This is it.
How much of a big brotherstate do you think?
I was going to say it feels.
So nice dictating how as a.
How a business.
Right.
I mean a business is there tomake money when we also knew they're
going to try and capitalizewhen they can.
And also the travel industrywere hit badly by the pandemic as
well.
This is it.
Still trying to recoup it, I think.

(49:41):
I think so.
We're committed to tacklingthis problem because we heard from
many absence is one of thebiggest barriers to opportunity,
damaging learning, health andwell being, future earnings and employment
and each day of lost learningcan do serious harm.
This is.
This is the counter argumentto why they rejected it and that
is why we won't allow pupilsto miss 10 days of school without
good reason.

(50:03):
She just hoped that travelcompanies were watching the debate
and listening to the.
I don't think hope is enough.
They're not gonna.
You're right, Lou.
Hope.
Hope can sail off with.
With the wind.
No There is, like, you learnso much on a family holiday.
I mean, I remember we werereally lucky during that, what, second
or third lockdown in Covid,and we just went to Dubai for three
months and Indy was four.

(50:24):
She was in reception.
We were so lucky.
Our kids weren't in formal education.
And then I remember being oneof the top 10 schools in England,
India, even at that young age,they were like, you need to log on.
And they were like showingthem youtubes about turtles.
And I was like, dude, I'm in Dubai.
I've taken her to a turtlesanctuary this morning.
Like, my kid doesn't need tolog on.

(50:45):
She's literally been feeding turtles.
And yes, I'm sorry that otherkids are in a lockdown in England
and can't do that.
But why would I log my kid onto watch a YouTube when I can go
and take her to see the turtles?
I can take her to the.
I was taking her to a sciencemuseum and it was a bit of a.
Like a battle with the school.
But I think that, you know,you learn so much on a family holiday,

(51:06):
and it's not even just about education.
It's about learning, like, howto be part of a family and that family
bonding.
And we hand over so muchresponsibility to schools.
And we're always saying ourparents need to parent more.
And then you do want to parentmore, and then.
And then you can't.
I think.
I think when it comes down to.
I think a lot of people thatare very proud this, you know, not.
Not being fined is becauseessentially our.

(51:29):
Our parenting is.
Is being governed by a government.
You know, it's the governmentwho are telling us what we should
and shouldn't be doing withour children.
And I'm with you, Lou.
I think children learn so muchfrom being with their parents, their
siblings, experiencing theworld, experiencing different cultures.
I think it's really important.
I suppose the problem withwhat is being suggested, which on
one hand I would be massivelyin favor of.
I'm a freelancer, so are you.

(51:50):
I can.
I can go on all day whenever Ibloody well like, you know, so, you
know, it would be really goodfor me as well.
But I suppose it's likeeverything, isn't it?
When you put these things in,where does it stop?
Because if it is, then 10 daysblanket, where is the.
And you hope most parentswould be reasonable about not taking
their kids out if they'reabout to do something.
But then you obviously, if itis, if there is no caveat to that,

(52:14):
it does become a very Open ended.
Probably being a teacher witha class.
Exactly.
And you've got, and every likebloody day you got a different one
for 10 days and then you'vetrying to catch up with work and
you're trying to teach themall at the same rate.
And that one's missed that andthat one's missed that and that one's
missed half of that and thatone's missed 20 of that.
That's a very difficultsituation to manage.

(52:36):
So it does make sense not todo it.
I actually do think so as muchas I, I really have empathy for it.
I think it's a great idea.
But in practice I thinkactually it's more problematic because
as we do know do, schoolattendance is, is getting worse and
also there's a lot of childrenwho, yeah, you know, school attendance.
We've recently had a roundrobin email through from our council,

(52:58):
you know, local council andthe schools saying, you know, of
reminding us the importance ofattendance with the statistics around,
you know, if your children aremissing days.
I mean, I'll be honest, I'vedone it once or twice.
You know, there's been a few,you know, things that have happened
and I'm.
Lucky because mine go toprivate school and they get longer
holidays but I've had like for.
Mine will be on holiday whenother schools aren't.
So you don't tend to get, I.

(53:19):
Mean I, I mean I'll be totallyhonest here and because I was very
honest with the school aboutit because I've learned there's no
point in lying either becausethen you don't actually enjoy the
thing you're doing becauseyour kids, you can't tell your kids
to lie either.
I did a couple of years ago,maybe it was last year, took the
kids out of school on a Fridayafternoon for Lapland uk.
Oh, there she is.
A little as a PTA member.

(53:41):
But actually I was just reallyhonest and I said to, I messaged
the head and I said, and Igave it as a statement, not a question
either.
I was taking my kids out and Ijust said, look, this opportunity
has come up which is a lastminute opportunity and invitation.
It's wonderful for us as a family.
The magic of Christmas.
My children are still in theage of believing.
I would like to take thechildren out from school tomorrow,

(54:02):
you know, at 12 o' clock at lunchtime.
I hope you can understand onthis occasion, occasion and quite
rightly, which I know a lot ofschools do and don't do, they just
didn't acknowledge the emailbecause they can't be complicit in
saying yes.
They just ignored it.
We took India out and herlittle mate the other week at 2 o'
clock taking to see BensonBoone at the O2.
Oh nice.
We do loads of stuff early acouple of weeks before but you start

(54:26):
to skegness.
Oh skaggy.
Yeah, but.
But to be fair.
But you're not taking them outfor two weeks to go to Thailand.
No.
Do you know what I mean?
And I think there is a difference.
I think there is it.
Do you want some stuff?
Yes, please.
Yeah.
So one thing is absence in England.
2023-2024.
487,000 penalty notices were issued.

(54:50):
That's a lot.
Which is.
And it's up 22% from last year.
That's a lot on.
I know people do it all the.
Time, prosecutions and stuff.
I guess it.
There's a degree of liketruancy and letting your kids go
to school or not, whatever but.
Nearly 12000 parents wereprosecuted last year for failing
to send their children to school.

(55:10):
Just over 9000 were foundguilty under UK truancy laws.
And whilst two thirds of Thosereceived a fine, 25 were given jail
sentences.
25 were sent to jail.
And that was on in 2011.
Those true C. Okay.
Numbers about a while ago.
Yeah.
So a while ago.
So it has probably gone up.
Yeah.
Big figures anyway.
But then I would.

(55:30):
I would.
Would question thosestatistics on the ones of truancy
on a children going to schoolas are.
Because a lot of children andsend children just will not go to
school.
So is it.
Is it that children that won'tgo to school and you can't bloody
force.
You can't force a horse todrink water.
Right.
Or is it just lazy parenting?
Do you know what I mean?
Like that's what I'm curiousto know because I also have a lot
of.
And I know you'll be listeningas well lots of send parents who

(55:52):
are like desperately trying toget their kid to school and their
kid is autistic or whateverand will not go to school.
So that's a different.
It is hard.
It's very high amount to justsay they're all send.
I mean we can't.
It actually undermines parentsof genuine send children.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
And I don't know if it agrees.
Of like send but I think thatthat's actually surprisingly high.

(56:14):
But so actually I don't blamethem for.
For not letting it throughbecause also we live in a society
now where our exam results areLower than ever.
We're having to have childrenreset and reset to get the basic
pass in maths and English.
Our unemploy employment inthis country like 30 odd percent
of people don't have a jobwhich is a massive strain on the

(56:36):
government financially.
That's why we're in such direstrays because we're actually trying
to prop up you know, 2/3 ofthe, of the working population.
Sorry, 30 of the people thatcan work in this country don't work.
Yeah.
Which leaves it to the other2/3 which are paying for that third
that don't work.
And why don't they work?

(56:56):
Because they don't want towork in low paid jobs.
But why can they only get lowpaid jobs?
Because educationally they'restrong enough to get a better paid
job.
So and then it all does goback to that seven year old in year
two and three being at school.
Being all the time.
Yeah.
So and then thinking actuallyis it is a trip to you know, you
know, you know actually worth it.

(57:18):
So actually the government dotry and look at this whole picture.
Why is our unemployment at thehighest rate ever and trying to tackle
it, you know we keep goingback, do you go got to fix things
from the source.
And they are trying toprobably fix things from the source
and keep children in education.
I'm going to be honest, sothat I, I, I think probably I am
in favor.

(57:39):
I would have rejected it toobecause I think kids.
And also are we being a bit, Idon't know, I'm just throwing, are
we being too entitled thinkingthat we should all be able to go
on holiday every half term holiday?
Yeah, you know, you know whenI was younger we just went once a.
Year in the summer, oneholiday to Cornwall in the summer
for a week.
Yeah.
That was it.
Why don't you stop the holidaycompanies hiking their prices in

(57:59):
the summer?
Because you can't, you, youcan't be such a nanny state.
You know what, what's theincentive for anyone to run a business
if the government are puttingcaps on it?
It's a bit like because it'slower without term time because people
like the majority of like wecan't travel in, in the term time.
So I would imagine the holidaydemand is really low.

(58:19):
So they obviously wait forthose times to actually make their
money back which I know ispenalizing us.
But then you go in, into thisthing like well let's just let the
government own everything.
Yeah, let's let the governmentown the holiday companies so that
they can control the pricing.
But where's the incentive forthe motivation for a business that,
you know, the ultimate thingof running a business is profit and

(58:40):
to make money.
And people don't like to thinkof this.
I agree with you.
Because they don't like tothink of the head honcho being absolutely
loaded.
But the result of that headhoncho being absolutely loaded coded
is there's a whole ecosystempyramid and an ecosystem underneath
them of providing jobs to people.
And without that head honchoproviding jobs and that business

(59:01):
making enough money to providethe jobs, then you get even less
people employed and then thecompany folds and then, and then,
and then you have a whole tonof people see, the government can't
start dictating how businessesshould make money and putting a cap
on, on.
Oh, oh, you've been toosuccessful now because that's half
the problem at the minute with tax.

(59:21):
It is, yeah.
That's, that's crushing entrepreneurship.
Well, yeah, that's the problemthat, that's why people are leaving
in their drones.
There's no incentive in thiscountry to make money anymore because
it's just taken from.
So you can't, you know, theyalready control so much.
You know, even private gas,electricity, phone companies, there's

(59:42):
caps that they put on thatwhich and regulators and you just,
you know.
And then what are you going to do?
Start getting regulation forholiday companies.
And it's very tricky going down.
Interesting.
Because like obviously lastweek we were talking about the thing
on ticket prices and that'ssomeone's business.
Yeah.
And they're capitalizing on demand.
Like their holiday companiesare capitalizing on demand for summer.

(01:00:05):
Yeah.
So then it's like, why shouldthe government do one thing and not.
Well, let's, let's move this on.
But it is the conversationthat we'll keep giving, moving.
We'll just wow.
Through this.
Denmark.
Oh, it's another one that'sjumped on board.
Australia has been paving the way.
I think we will be hopefullycoming at this at some point.
Well, who knows?
We live and hope, Lou.
Denmark is to ban social mediafor anyone under 15 years old.

(01:00:29):
Is announced a landmarkagreement to prohibit social media
access for kids under the ageof 15.
A move designed to intensifypressure on major tech platforms
amid escalating globalconcerns over the influence of harmful
content and commercialexploitation targeting youngsters.
Now, whilst this newlegislation would permit parents,
following a specificassessment, to grant their 13 and
14 year olds access,significant questions remain regarding

(01:00:51):
the practical enforcement ofsuch a sweeping ban.
Now, many tech companiesalready impose age restrictions on
their platforms.
Yet officials and expertswidely acknowledge these measures
are frequently circumnavigated by.
I mean them imposing.
My Enzo has hacked every single.
It's not even.
He doesn't even have to hack it.
It's ridiculous.
Tiffany Box.
But anyway, so Denmark again,leading the way here.

(01:01:13):
And just.
They're saying that the ban isnot going to take effect immediately,
but it will be something thatthey're going to do and they are
going to do it in a hurry butnot too quickly because they want
to make sure that it's rightand there's no loopholes for the
tech giants to go through.
This is such a simple thing todo, though.
When you have a social mediaaccount, everyone should be made
to upload photographicdocuments like a driving license

(01:01:37):
or a passport.
There's the technology thatcan then verify that we do it with
banking.
Well, I was doing.
Did I mention this last timewe talked about this?
But I've been doing some workwith Instagram with Better or Meta
actually to do with teen accounts.
And actually I've been reallyimpressed with Instagram because
they.
That's.
They now have AI predictivetechnology that essentially shut
ultimately that can track theusage of a child.

(01:02:00):
And if they get one whiff thatthis is a kid, they.
They shut it straight down.
They move you into a teenaccount and you have to prove with
your age, with.
With identification that youare old enough.
So I do think it is startingand I think we can only be applauding
anyone that is getting agripper, a tighter grip on all of
this because it helps us parents.
Exactly.
Us parents.
It's hard.

(01:02:20):
If it's a blanket band, I'mhere for that.
Yeah, it'll be much easier.
Maybe we want the governmentfor that, but not the travel.
And there'll be much fewer,fewer people signing up because it'll
be harder.
Like with the blind porn.
Yeah.
I've never watched porn.
Again.
I can give you my.
I've only been on.
But again, I've only been on acouple of times.
Keep forgetting my bloody password.
By the time I've gone in to goand sort it out, I've given up.

(01:02:43):
Right, it's now time for it's the.
Widow of the Week.
Right.
Anonymous.
So Fula Flatbacks.
Flat bags.
Flatbacks.
Brilliant.
I'd like to nominate myselffor Weed of the Week.
My commute to work is an hourand 20 with only passing one toilet
10 minutes from my workplace.
If the edge comes on me badly,which it does regularly, and I have
no shop to Pull into.

(01:03:04):
I have an emergency lunchboxin my car.
I in.
Great.
I've done this a few times andit's a great job.
Me and my sister are huge fansof the pod and she'll know this story
is new.
She has the shit box in her car.
She shits in a.
Brilliant.
Right, let's see if Olivia closed.
Clothes off.
Your clothes off.
Let's see if she's weirder.

(01:03:24):
Hello, lovely ladies.
I think I might have word ofthe week.
So once a week on my day offand when the children are at school,
I have a lovely, quiet,peaceful poo to myself.
Absolute bliss.
And when I do this, I tear offone square of toilet roll.
I lay that flat on my knee,usually my right knee.
Nice.
I pick mine up nose and coverthat little square with as many boogers

(01:03:49):
as I can.
I then fold it in half andhalf again so it's a small booger
filled square.
I pinch and roll each cornerof the small square.
And then finally I poke andswirl each corner in my nose so that
each nostril gets two goes each.
Then I carefully fold thatinto the toilet roll.
I wipe my bum with.

(01:04:10):
I feel refreshed and ready formy day.
And it's become a little dayoff ritual over the years.
But I'm not sure this.
This is normal.
Well, I think neither of themare normal.
I think you're my person.
I think that's like OCD bogey picking.
It's quite a routine.
Quite a routine.
Very impressive.
I think you're both bloodyweird, but we love it.
Thank you, guys.
I think joint weirdness wins this.

(01:04:32):
Joint weirdos.
Hallejujah, Minj.
I think that a poo lunchbox issignificantly weirder than picking
your nose on the toilet.
Yeah, you're right.
Doing a in a Tupperwareanywhere actually.
Is side of a road.
Yeah, yeah, fair.
All right.
The Tupperware you win.
Right, it's that time of theweek when we see if this balls is
pissed off.
My voice is still sore.

(01:04:53):
Rant about your voice.
That's sore.
My voice is sorry and it'spissing me off and I can't run.
That's fair enough.
Do we have a pseudo round?
Is there anything that'spissed you off?
Emo pissed me off.
Emma never gets angry.
You're like Mrs. Chill.
But I actually do get quite aquite angry quite a lot.
Yeah, I just suppress it and.
Yeah, yeah.

(01:05:13):
Internalize it.
You're like me.
I do that.
Yeah.
And then I get really angry inthe car.
That is it.
For this week's Luanna the Podcast.
Don't worry, we will be hereevery Monday.
But of course you don't haveto wait until then because on Thursday
we do have Luana totally extra.
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Please do send your emails into Luana and everything to run a

(01:05:34):
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(01:05:56):
And we'll see you Thursday.
Bye bye bye.